- Joined
- Jun 10, 2018
- Messages
- 213
- Reaction score
- 109
Chapter Fifty-Three: Take a Game (6,806 Words)
Setting (World, Characters, Ect)
-Although I have no love for Alaska’s enemies (and, yes, they could treat her better), Alaska is only getting worse as a character. She is a menace to society (as Daisy implied) and, in reality, would likely end up in jail when she steps too far out of line one day.
—At least she is a little less impulsive now, though still immensely stupid. It was refreshing that they all worked together in a crisis, which isn’t what typically happens with the (thankfully absent) reality stars
Story (Believability, Interest)
-Barred from Game Freak for no reason? They destroyed one of their R&D floors. Good reason.
-A flare wouldn’t blow up a car.
Small Details
-A lot more of your chapters have been very lengthy recently
-Your creativity is shining through in this chapter again
-Is Flareon named Evelyn or Dragonite? I think you got it backwards.
-IDWPDF (5)
Chapter Fifty-Four: Leaving the Earth Behind (4,557 Words)
Setting (World, Characters, Ect)
-I know I have been hard on Alaska recently, but it is more me than the character. She is obviously what the story needs and people like her, I just don’t relate well to her.
--I do like the Sandy-Alaska chapters more. Alaska seems more sane and grounded.
Story (Believability, Interest)
-Snorlax, just another in a nice line or memories you are evoking. Keep it up.
-The real world references bring an interesting dynamic to your story
Small Details
-Luminous, pink Band-Aids…classic.
-IDWPDF (7)
Chapter Fifty-Five: Life’s A Beach (5,581 Words)
Setting (World, Characters, Ect)
-I love that Sandy is practically a walking Pokédex since Alaska knows next to nothing about Pokémon
-Alaska is such a hypocrite
-You still have yet to write a character who isn’t an asshole (barring Sandy)
Story (Believability, Interest)
-Goldeen is orange…
-Alaska only has three Pokémon…
Small Details
-I love the change of perspective, you should have done this forever ago
-IDWPDF (7)
Chapter Fifty-Six: Something Fishy This Way Comes (5,757 Words)
Setting (World, Characters, Ect)
-Please don’t turn Sandy into Alaska. Anything but that.
Story (Believability, Interest)
-Nice incorporation of the Apricorn Balls
-Pichu never would have taken multiple Mud Shots
Small Details
-The constantly impending doom and death is annoying and (imo) unrealistic.
-IDWPDF (5)
Chapter Fifty-Seven: Washed Up (3,240 Words)
Setting (World, Characters, Ect)
-I am glad you added a character that has an emotion other than kill or screw you, even if it was a depressing Pokémon
-No matter how much I dislike every decision that Alaska makes, Chloe is still worse
Story (Believability, Interest)
-I have really enjoyed the Sandy point of view and I am really glad Alaska finally got told off. I just wish you had finished it and not interrupted it, like all of Alaska’s other chances to grow.
Small Details
-Your grammar and writing style has amazingly improved
-IDWPDF (3)
Chapter Fifty-Eight: A Dose of Reality (4,506 Words)
Setting (World, Characters, Ect)
-I love Sandy so much, I am glad she isn’t disillusioned about Alaska’s insanity (though the insanity seems to be improving)
Story (Believability, Interest)
-Would a reality show really be playing on tv as they film it? I don’t actually know, but I feel like they would finish filming everything before they aired it.
Small Details
-Excellent change of pace for the characters and the story. It had a couple of chances to go off the rails, but everyone controlled themselves and we got a nice, calm chapter. Try some more of these occasionally.
-IDWPDF (6)
Chapter Fifty-Nine: The Tale of Sandy Samson (4,698 Words)
Setting (World, Characters, Ect)
-Your depiction of Alaska and Sandy’s relationship is amazing and wildly accurate. Friends aren’t perfect, they make mistakes, but the best ones work through it. Well written.
Story (Believability, Interest)
-Pokémon are tough in the wild and once captured, it is a little strange that you write like they could die at the slightest mishap when they can take a Hyper Beam and sometimes walk it off.
-Does Alaska realize she is being hypocritical (again)? She is pissed that no one will tell her anything for her “protection,” but she does the same to Sandy?
-The other day, when Nitelite dropped us and that Snorlax began to wake up, I thought for certain it was going to kill us. I have never felt that way about Pokemon before.
—Try and be consistent with your story telling. This is not true. Alaska is constantly terrified that every wild Pokémon she see is going to kill (and potentially eat) her.
Small Details
-Your descriptions of the world continue to blow me away, make them more frequent.
-I also love your Pokémon metaphors
-Don’t be afraid to write more chapter like this. They really bring the characters out and are important to the development, even if the story is halted momentarily.
-IDWPDF (8)
Blog Eleven: The Paths Untaken (1,347 Words)
Setting (World, Characters, Ect)
-I wondered where this blog would go since the arc was primarily introspective. You did an excellent job with it. It covers what the blog normally does, but the way it is written also shows Alaska’s mood and her desire to change.
Story (Believability, Interest)
-Explosion-sober, I like it.
-Not that Amanda didn’t tell Buzz where Alaska is, but it was dumb of her to announce her location in the blog.
-Alaska must have one hell of a computer to have survived everything it has. And Kanto has amazing WiFi.
Small Details
-IDWPDF (8)
Interlude Eleven: Six Degrees of Madness (7,180 Words)
Setting (World, Characters, Ect)
-Ethan Hartley is Gold? That isn’t clear.
-Red and Blue were best friends? Interesting.
-I will be honest, I missed Gideon. He makes the story.
Story (Believability, Interest)
-Johto and Kanto have different Champions? Also not exactly clear, especially as Lance is involved with both.
-POKEMON DON’T DIE IN BATTLES, PLEASE STOP HINTING AT IT. ITS ANNOYING.
-Red’s idea of sending Leaf away is Fuchsia? Why not Johto or farther?
Small Details
-Did Kris fight Dragonite with Latias or Latios? The story says Latios, but it seems like it should be Latias.
-Completely off topic, but interesting nonetheless…these people clearly don’t understand fate. If Alaska is destined to fight in the final battle, she will fight in the final battle. Nothing will stop her from getting there. She doesn’t need protection because she can’t die until her destiny is fulfilled. If they truly wanted to help, they would help her get stronger so she is prepared for the day when she will, inevitably, fight that battle.
-That was maybe a bit much…
-IDWPDF (4)
Setting (World, Characters, Ect)
-Although I have no love for Alaska’s enemies (and, yes, they could treat her better), Alaska is only getting worse as a character. She is a menace to society (as Daisy implied) and, in reality, would likely end up in jail when she steps too far out of line one day.
—At least she is a little less impulsive now, though still immensely stupid. It was refreshing that they all worked together in a crisis, which isn’t what typically happens with the (thankfully absent) reality stars
Story (Believability, Interest)
-Barred from Game Freak for no reason? They destroyed one of their R&D floors. Good reason.
-A flare wouldn’t blow up a car.
Small Details
-A lot more of your chapters have been very lengthy recently
-Your creativity is shining through in this chapter again
-Is Flareon named Evelyn or Dragonite? I think you got it backwards.
-IDWPDF (5)
Chapter Fifty-Four: Leaving the Earth Behind (4,557 Words)
Setting (World, Characters, Ect)
-I know I have been hard on Alaska recently, but it is more me than the character. She is obviously what the story needs and people like her, I just don’t relate well to her.
--I do like the Sandy-Alaska chapters more. Alaska seems more sane and grounded.
Story (Believability, Interest)
-Snorlax, just another in a nice line or memories you are evoking. Keep it up.
-The real world references bring an interesting dynamic to your story
Small Details
-Luminous, pink Band-Aids…classic.
-IDWPDF (7)
Chapter Fifty-Five: Life’s A Beach (5,581 Words)
Setting (World, Characters, Ect)
-I love that Sandy is practically a walking Pokédex since Alaska knows next to nothing about Pokémon
-Alaska is such a hypocrite
-You still have yet to write a character who isn’t an asshole (barring Sandy)
Story (Believability, Interest)
-Goldeen is orange…
-Alaska only has three Pokémon…
Small Details
-I love the change of perspective, you should have done this forever ago
-IDWPDF (7)
Chapter Fifty-Six: Something Fishy This Way Comes (5,757 Words)
Setting (World, Characters, Ect)
-Please don’t turn Sandy into Alaska. Anything but that.
Story (Believability, Interest)
-Nice incorporation of the Apricorn Balls
-Pichu never would have taken multiple Mud Shots
Small Details
-The constantly impending doom and death is annoying and (imo) unrealistic.
-IDWPDF (5)
Chapter Fifty-Seven: Washed Up (3,240 Words)
Setting (World, Characters, Ect)
-I am glad you added a character that has an emotion other than kill or screw you, even if it was a depressing Pokémon
-No matter how much I dislike every decision that Alaska makes, Chloe is still worse
Story (Believability, Interest)
-I have really enjoyed the Sandy point of view and I am really glad Alaska finally got told off. I just wish you had finished it and not interrupted it, like all of Alaska’s other chances to grow.
Small Details
-Your grammar and writing style has amazingly improved
-IDWPDF (3)
Chapter Fifty-Eight: A Dose of Reality (4,506 Words)
Setting (World, Characters, Ect)
-I love Sandy so much, I am glad she isn’t disillusioned about Alaska’s insanity (though the insanity seems to be improving)
Story (Believability, Interest)
-Would a reality show really be playing on tv as they film it? I don’t actually know, but I feel like they would finish filming everything before they aired it.
Small Details
-Excellent change of pace for the characters and the story. It had a couple of chances to go off the rails, but everyone controlled themselves and we got a nice, calm chapter. Try some more of these occasionally.
-IDWPDF (6)
Chapter Fifty-Nine: The Tale of Sandy Samson (4,698 Words)
Setting (World, Characters, Ect)
-Your depiction of Alaska and Sandy’s relationship is amazing and wildly accurate. Friends aren’t perfect, they make mistakes, but the best ones work through it. Well written.
Story (Believability, Interest)
-Pokémon are tough in the wild and once captured, it is a little strange that you write like they could die at the slightest mishap when they can take a Hyper Beam and sometimes walk it off.
-Does Alaska realize she is being hypocritical (again)? She is pissed that no one will tell her anything for her “protection,” but she does the same to Sandy?
-The other day, when Nitelite dropped us and that Snorlax began to wake up, I thought for certain it was going to kill us. I have never felt that way about Pokemon before.
—Try and be consistent with your story telling. This is not true. Alaska is constantly terrified that every wild Pokémon she see is going to kill (and potentially eat) her.
Small Details
-Your descriptions of the world continue to blow me away, make them more frequent.
-I also love your Pokémon metaphors
-Don’t be afraid to write more chapter like this. They really bring the characters out and are important to the development, even if the story is halted momentarily.
-IDWPDF (8)
Blog Eleven: The Paths Untaken (1,347 Words)
Setting (World, Characters, Ect)
-I wondered where this blog would go since the arc was primarily introspective. You did an excellent job with it. It covers what the blog normally does, but the way it is written also shows Alaska’s mood and her desire to change.
Story (Believability, Interest)
-Explosion-sober, I like it.
-Not that Amanda didn’t tell Buzz where Alaska is, but it was dumb of her to announce her location in the blog.
-Alaska must have one hell of a computer to have survived everything it has. And Kanto has amazing WiFi.
Small Details
-IDWPDF (8)
Interlude Eleven: Six Degrees of Madness (7,180 Words)
Setting (World, Characters, Ect)
-Ethan Hartley is Gold? That isn’t clear.
-Red and Blue were best friends? Interesting.
-I will be honest, I missed Gideon. He makes the story.
Story (Believability, Interest)
-Johto and Kanto have different Champions? Also not exactly clear, especially as Lance is involved with both.
-POKEMON DON’T DIE IN BATTLES, PLEASE STOP HINTING AT IT. ITS ANNOYING.
-Red’s idea of sending Leaf away is Fuchsia? Why not Johto or farther?
Small Details
-Did Kris fight Dragonite with Latias or Latios? The story says Latios, but it seems like it should be Latias.
-Completely off topic, but interesting nonetheless…these people clearly don’t understand fate. If Alaska is destined to fight in the final battle, she will fight in the final battle. Nothing will stop her from getting there. She doesn’t need protection because she can’t die until her destiny is fulfilled. If they truly wanted to help, they would help her get stronger so she is prepared for the day when she will, inevitably, fight that battle.
-That was maybe a bit much…
-IDWPDF (4)
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