EVERYONE: How to Round Up Enchanted Objects (Without Getting in Trouble) (A Wizards of Once inspired One-Shot) (Summer 2020 Oneshot Competition)

[TRNatalie]

Hello! This is my entry for the summer one shot competition and for once, I'm not writing about Team Rocket or even Pokemon! This is a oneshot inspired by a book series called The Wizards of Once that follows the children of two feuding groups trying to come together to defeat a great, ancient evil. In this story, an Assistant Bodyguard tries his best to keep a Warrior Princess out of trouble. And as you can see, this should be pretty appropriate for everyone although do be warned there will be some horror elements towards the end.

Author's note: This takes place in the space between book 1 and 2 and as of the time I was writing this, I have only read those two so if you've read 3 (and somehow 4), please no spoilers and I apologize if I’ve disrupted the timeline and made Bodkin’s development happen too fast. For those of you who aren't familiar with this series though, I think you should be able to grasp what's going on pretty quickly. I will warn you though this will spoil events in the first book.

I hope you enjoy

 

[TRNatalie]

How to Round Up Enchanted Objects (Without Getting in Trouble)

​

It wasn’t that Bodkin was incompetent per se, he was just the worst person picked for this particular job. Even among his fellow Warriors (of which he stood out like a lamb among wolves), there were things he was good at. For example, rule following. If there were ever to be a competition in following the Warrior rules, no doubt Bodkin would win. If you needed someone to slip sleeping draught or poison in an adversary’s food, you could rely on him. And when it came to studies and school, he was like no other. Not only had Bodkin aced his tests, he’d gotten the highest scores anyone of the Iron Fort had ever seen!

Unfortunately while those were the sort of skills that would’ve gotten him by if he were living the quiet Peaceable life beyond the dark woods, here was a different story. Here you were expected to be something tougher. And acing those tests meant he was now a bodyguard. An Assistant Bodyguard. An Assistant Bodyguard to a Warrior Princess.

You see, while Bodkin may have been gifted in the quieter aspects of Warrior life, he was lacking in every other. For one, Warriors were expected to be strong, muscular, as intimidating as an angry bull, quick and light on their feet under a full suit of body armor and weaponry. Bodkin was more of a string bean with a sword too big for him, struggling underneath two layers of armor. For another, most Warriors enjoyed fighting and hunting Magical creatures and other such violent activities. Bodkin didn’t. Just being in a dangerous situation caused his condition to act up and make him fall asleep.

And yet, here he was, Assistant Bodyguard to the daughter of the frightening Warrior Queen Sychorax herself. For those reasons, you would think Bodkin would’ve been happy to be back in the schoolroom for a while, his element! Yet he found himself restless, constantly scanning the room, looking over his shoulder, watching for the slightest change in the atmosphere. In fact, it was almost a relief when class was finally dismissed. So much, it was the first time Bodkin could remember not being the last to leave the schoolroom.

"And remember to practice your swordwork," Madam Obrana called as the room came alive. Bodkin stumbled and fell out of his seat from the weight of the armor with a harsh clang.

And so our story begins.

Bodkin's plan wasn't very complicated; just find the princess before she got herself in trouble (as she tended to do) or at least while she could still get out of it. What he didn't expect was to find her standing in the center of the corridor as if she'd been waiting for him.

"Bodkin," she said cheerfully. "I was starting to think they'd never let you go. How was it? Did you pass your Defense Exam?”

Sputtering, Bodkin hurriedly guided her out of the corridor away from prying eyes. “Princess, what are you doing here? You were supposed to wait in one of your rooms!"

If there were ever someone more unWarriorlike than Bodkin, it was the princess Wish. She was even smaller than Bodkin and looked upon everyone with the most kind, curious, most unWarrior-like eyes, even with the eyepatch. Her blonde hair was wild and flew everywhere as if a bunch of squirrels had decided to dance in it.

Except it wasn’t squirrels that Wish had (which were already against the rules as the Iron Fort didn’t allow pets). It was a spoon she had. A living spoon. A Magic spoon.

“Something happened,” said Wish with an excited smile Bodkin didn’t like the look of.

“Oh dear.”

“Come on, this way.”

Wish led him through the maze that was the Warrior Fort, limping along with her most unbefitting-of-a-Warrior-Princess gait. Bodkin heaved as she led the way up endless stairs until at last they were at her room. The two layers of armor weren't helping him much either.

Just by looking at it, you never would have guessed this was the room for a princess. It was more of a small and plain guest room, especially in comparison to Wish's older sisters. The only remarkable thing about it was the reddish brown rust on the door, so out of place compared to the rest of the gray fort.

"So what's happened to make you come fetch me, Princess?" Bodkin's heart seized as an awful thought occurred. "Oh no, don't tell me it's-"

"Oh no, don't worry! It isn't anything scary. Quite the opposite actually."

Bodkin relaxed slightly but was still rather tense. Wish looked back at him with a smile and pushed open the door to her room.

Oh great holly and mistletoe, Bodkin had been preparing for the worst but this was nothing he could’ve predicted! The room was chaos! Thread and yarn and fabric floated freely in the air. Pins and needles zigzagged in between. Paper and quills and ink pints whirled. Books and combs flew. Shirts and pants and skirts and helmets and a shoe all buzzed around the room. Atop of Wish’s head, the spoon bobbed it’s head as if it were conducting an orchestra.

“BY THE GREAT GREEN GODS?!” screamed Bodkin. He felt his heart clench in his chest. He fumbled to clutch at his chest but his fingers padded uselessly at the plates of armor he was wearing so he ended up lifting his helmet and pulling at his hair instead. “Wish, how did this happen?!”

“I don’t exactly know,” said Wish. “It’s been happening a lot lately, I’ll be doing something like reading or practicing my spelling and the paper will move away from me or the quill will buzz in my hand or a book will flip to a certain page. Then about a week ago, I wished Madam Dreadlock wouldn’t be so harsh on me and her quill suddenly behaved very erratically and spilled ink all over the parchment. And I was awfully bored and lonely while waiting for you and I was having trouble coming up with something for Mother’s birthday when a basket containing all these artistry materials fell from that high shelf. Isn’t this incredible!”

“No! Princess, we already have enough problems with one living object! What are we supposed to do about a hundred?!”

“Is it really a hundred,” asked Wish innocently. “I’m not the best with arithmetic as you know but I was pretty sure there was a lot less than that.”

“I don’t care how many there are! You know perfectly well Princess that Magic stuff is forbidden! Including enchanted objects!” Bodkin began hyperventilating at the thought of all the broken rules and all the trouble they’d be in and how the queen would react when she found out-

“Oh Bodkin, it’s not so bad. Watch this.” Wish tried to whistle but her attempt fell short. The spoon however rapped against a table, attracting the attention of it’s enchanted object brethren which all gathered in front of Wish admiringly.

“Could you continue to embroider this for me please?” she asked a needle and thread. She picked up a piece of paper with a poorly drawn picture of Wish and the queen that read “Hapy Burthday Mudher”.

The enchanted objects all squeaked with delight. As a piece of tapestry floated in the air, the needle directed some pins into their place within the canvas. A spool of red thread unraveled and threaded itself through the needle’s eye. With much dignity, the needle threw itself into the fabric, weaving itself up and down as it created a “H A P”.

Wish turned back to Bodkin beaming. “See? Isn’t this amazing!”

“I thought you said you were going to be a normal Warrior girl. I thought you were done with Magic,” Bodkin groaned. “And didn’t Caliburn say to keep it concealed? This is the exact opposite!”

“Well I’ve been trying to keep everything within my room. It’s just sometimes a quill flies out of my hand or my helmet starts moving on its own.”

Bodkin held his hands to his face. This was such a headache inducing job. “What are we going to dooo?” he moaned.

“No one’s noticed yet. I’m certain everything will be okay. And, think of it this way, my spoon’s not so lonely anymore. It didn’t fit in with the other spoons before, but now it can have enchanted object friends.” The spoon was certainly glowing as it bobbed it’s head to the almost rhythmic swish zip thwip swish zip thwip of the enchanted objects.

“Wish,” said Bodkin sternly. “I’ve been tolerating the spoon, I’ve made an allowance for the Spelling Book, but this is where I draw the line. You are not keeping all these Magic objects! We need to find a way to get rid of them and we need to figure out a way to control your Magic because this is getting out of hand!”

Bodkin sighed as he remembered something else. “But I’m afraid that’s going to have to wait. You have a spelling exam with Madam Dreadlock in a few minutes.”

“Oh right. That’s today.” Wish’s face fell. “I don’t know if I’m ready.” The spoon jumped down to her shoulder and began nuzzling her.

Bodkin felt himself soften. “I’m sure you’ll do better than you think. You’ve been studying so hard.”

Wish looked at him like a trapped deer. “I’d rather stay here with the enchanted objects. A lot of them have just come alive and they probably don’t know what to do to stay hidden. And they won’t hit me with a stick if my b’s are more of a d.”

“Wish,” said Bodkin, “you know just as well that I do that Madam Dreadlock and your mother won’t accept it if you don’t show up.”

Wish drooped and Bodkin patted her awkwardly on the shoulder.

“Besides you’ve faced Witches and a Wizard and his magical menagerie, I’m certain you can handle a little spelling exam.”

Wish smiled a little. “Yeah, you’re right. I can do this.”

“That’s the Princess I know.” Bodkin said, smiling at her. “But you’ll have to leave the spoon here.”

“I guess so,” said Wish reluctantly, “But do you think you could keep an eye on them? At least, while I’m in the exam?”

“Wish no, I am not getting myself involved with any more Magic stuff than I have to.”

The spoon squeaked and slid off Wish’s shoulder, jumping up and down in excitement as if it were a kid that knew the answer to a question.

“What’s that? Do you want to be in charge while we’re gone? Alright,” cooed Wish as if she were talking to an excited puppy. The spoon nodded and looked at all the enchanted objects with the most stern face it could make (an expression that looked remarkably like Bodkin).

“Be good,” instructed Bodkin and with that, he shut the door behind them as they headed off to the schoolroom. As they walked, Bodkin called out words while Wish tried spelling them out loud.

“Ah, you’ve made it Princess.” Madam Dreadlock said the word as if it were a revolting slug, cutting off their game.

“Good morning Madam Dreadlock,” said Wish politely. “How are you today?”

“That depends; are you going to be better than our last session? Or are you going to continue being a ‘fule’?” Wish flinched.

“Madam,” interjected Bodkin. He sweated as the tutor’s gaze turned on him. “I’ll-I’ll have you know that the princess has been working hard to prepare for this.”

“That’s right,” said Wish.

“Well then, this should be no problem for her highness at all. Princess, you shall come with me. As for you,” said Madam Dreadlock, glancing at Bodkin with displeasure, “you can do whatever you’d like. Just stay out of the schoolroom until the princess is done.”

“Yes Madam,” said Bodkin with a polite bow. “Good luck, Princess.”

Wish began to enter the room apprehensively. “Remember, you can do it!” Bodkin called after her. Madam Dreadlock shut the door behind her with a creak, giving him a suspicious glance. And with that Bodkin was alone.

—-​

“Keep your sword level to your chest... point it out in front of you, both hands on the handle… remember your footwork… block, parry, push your sword at your opponent, slash across… block, lower your blade and thrust!”

Bodkin stabbed his blade at the empty air and stepped back and to the side. “Hope I’m doing this right. It’s hard to know without a proper opponent.”

Bodkin stepped out of his fighting stance, breathing heavily. It was probably not the best thing to practice your swordwork in the hallway of the queen’s stronghold but Bodkin didn’t exactly have many other options. He had no friends (except possibly Wish), the rest of the bodyguards and his classmates all disliked him, his father was busy with Household Defender duties on the other side of the Iron Fort, and he wasn’t about to go out into the open where invisible talons could descend on him at any possible moment when he didn’t really have any reason to.

He sighed tiredly as he lifted up the visor of his helmet and wiped the sweat off his forehead. “One more time. Bring your sword level to your chest, point it out in front of you, both hands on the handle… remember your footwork, be ready for any underhanded tactics…”

And as he thought of all the dirty tricks an opponent could try; a nasty curse, a spell, a good old fashioned kick at your lower half, he thought he saw the slightest movement across the floor. He blinked, staring at the spot, and rubbed his eyes. Still, still, no something definitely moved!

Bodkin felt his heart race. Was it-

Then another slight movement and there was a sparkle along the floor. That’s when Bodkin finally recognized it; a pin. A moving pin. Three to be exact, hopping up and down.

Bodkin jumped across the hallway and grabbed the three pins.

“What’re you doing here?” he whispered ferociously. The captured pins shook, trying to escape his grasp. Paying no more attention to them, Bodkin clenched them tight and rushed down to Wish’s room. When he got there, the door was cracked open. Bodkin threw the door open the rest of the way.

Oh great goblins and Rogresbreath, somehow the room was even worse than when they’d left! The pants and skirts were currently at war, paper was strewn all over the floor, ink had spilled everywhere, the spoon had been tied up by a malicious ball of yarn and was dangling above the ground, and the needle was having a duel with a rival needle over who was in charge of the sewing materials.

“Stop! STOPP!!!” yelled Bodkin. It was a miracle no other Warrior heard him but it worked. The entire room fell silent and every single enchanted object froze. Many pairs of enchanted eyes turned to him.

“WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING?! DO YOU WANT TO GET CAUGHT?! DO YOU WANT WISH TO GET CAUGHT?! DO YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU BREAK THE RULES HERE?!” Bodkin yelled.

“Do you know,” he heaved, “what happens? To Magic beings that get caught within Warrior territory?”

He pointed to a notice on his side of the door.

The Enchanted Objects all shuddered in horror.

“Now you better get your act together and clean up this mess right now before we all get in trouble!”

To Bodkin’s surprise, the enchanted objects complied to him without much trouble. A few of the shirts and pants crossed their arms stubbornly and the rival needle stuck it’s (metaphorical) nose up in the air but a prodding from the needle got them sweeping the room with the others and making amends and freeing the spoon. The spoon shook its head dazedly and rushed to Bodkin, jumping up and down urgently. Bodkin however wasn’t paying attention. He placed down the three pins he’d found and rubbed his forehead.

“There’s enchanted pins now roaming the fort completely unsupervised for any Warrior to see! The moment they get spotted, we’re doomed! We’re done for!”

“Now now, what are the chances they’ll connect it to Wish! The Iron Fort’s vast enough and they hardly even look at her anyway. Most likely they’ll think it’s a Wizard trick. That would take care of our problem as a matter of fact.”

“But it’s not just other Warriors we have to worry about. There’s other things that could want Wish’s Magic. Things that do want her Magic.” Bodkin felt faint at the awful thought. “Witches.”

He felt an urgent tapping against his ankle and looked down at the spoon. The spoon jumped in excitement. It hopped out of the room, looked back at him jumping earnestly, then hopped away. Bodkin rushed to the door frame after it. He sighed.

The Enchanted Needle was staring up at him. It turned back to the rival needle and moved in a sort of signal. The rival needle nodded and the Enchanted Needle leapt to Bodkin’s shoulder. Bodkin jumped at the feeling.

“How many objects ran away?” he asked, feeling silly.

The needle shook one, two, fifteen times.
“Fifteen huh? I already got three of them so there’s- Oh...” Taking the needle into his hand, Bodkin trudged after the spoon as fast as he could, trying to be as inconspicuous as someone with a living needle and two layers of clanging armor could be.

---​

You had to hand it to the Enchanted Spoon, it was good at tracking down Magic things. Between finding the sprite dust in Queen Sychorax’s dungeon to the enchanted pins, it was proving to have a real talent for it. They had already found one pin and now the spoon was bouncing up and down at the doorway of the Great Kitchen.

“Do you really think we have to go in there?” Bodkin asked miserably, peering inside at the woman mulling over tonight’s supper of wild radish and mushroom soup. The spoon nodded.

“Well I suppose this won’t be too hard. I've done burgling drills in class before, I can do this."

But... stealing? From another Warrior? From an important one at that?

"It's not really stealing, it's just... searching for something while undercover."

"But those things are forbidden Magic objects! That might be even worse!"

"But I have to do this. For Wish's sake."

Quietly and carefully, the needle and the spoon wedged open a crack in the door and pushed with all their might. If a human had tried to open the door, the door would've creaked loudly and they would've been caught. When enchanted objects did it however, the action was quiet.

Holding his breath, Bodkin slipped through the narrow opening and crawled across the floor behind the spoon. The spoon made a straight line to the Iron cauldron above the fireplace. Bodkin raised an eyebrow skeptically but as he looked over the rim, he could see the silver outline of three pins.

The needle went to grab them but Bodkin stopped it, shaking a finger warningly. With his help, the spoon carefully began to stir the soup, Bodkin wincing as he watched.

"Don't be so ridiculous! It's an object; it can't feel pain!"

They had cornered the pins near the rim and were just beginning to drag them out when-
"HEY!"

Bodkin bonked his head on the fireplace from surprise, accidentally dropping the spoon. He staggered back (thankfully away from the fireplace, otherwise this would become a very different story) and collapsed onto the floor. The cook shrieked and rushed to make sure the thirteen year old was alright.

"What? Whazzot? Ohh, my head," he moaned as her prodding awoke him.

"Oh good, you're alive," said the chef.

As this was going on, the spoon managed to haul the pins out of the cauldron and dropped to the floor.

"I'm sorry about that, Madam. I tend to fall asleep when I get scared... What exactly was I doing?"

"Why don't you tell me? It looked like you were trying to steal tonight's supper!" the cook said accusingly (Madam Cleve, her name was).

"Steal? I would never steal, Madam." Then Bodkin noticed the spoon sliding across the floor with three Magic pins and remembered.

"Oh spare me! I've heard it all before! You Advanced Defenders always come in here and try to make off with food or try to switch the supper with something else! I swear you Advanced Defenders think you can get away with anything! I really oughta tell Madam Obrana to keep you ruffians in line-”

“It’s not for me!” Bodkin blurted. “Uh, I mean I was just uh… trying to get some soup for the Princess. Y-you see, she uh she has a tutoring session with Madam Dreadlock today and-and they always bring her down- be-because Madam is very harsh with her so I thought I’d bring her some of her favorite uh wild radish and mushroom soup to uh, cheer her up!”

“Really,” said the cook in astonishment, for no one had ever said they liked her soup before, let alone it was their favorite.

“Uh yes,” said Bodkin, “she-she loves it and since she had a spelling exam today I figured…bu-but I-uh, didn’t want to disturb you while you were working so I-” Madam Cleve stopped him with a raise of her hand.

“Say no more. There’s no way I could give you the whole cauldron but I guess I could prepare a special bowl for the princess. How’s that?”

“That would be great, thank you,” said Bodkin.

As Madam Cleve walked off, Bodkin threw his head in his hands as he burned with guilt and shame, wanting to run up the chimney and hide there forever. “I can’t believe I just LIED to a grown-up! To protect MAGIC objects! Oh I’m going to be in so much trouble for this! Father would be so disappointed!”

The Enchanted Needle (which had hidden within his collar in the commotion) took notice of his state and rubbed its head against him as if to comfort him. The spoon meanwhile slid over with the pins. The Magic objects quickly hid behind Bodkin when Madam Cleve returned.

“Here you are. And next time, just ask,” said Madam Cleve.

“Thank you,” Bodkin said as regularly as he could. Ever so meticulously, he picked up the spoon and took the bowl in both hands, wincing as he felt the pins pricking his palm. He turned around and carefully dropped the Magic items into the bowl.

"And um, Madam Cleve."

"Yes?"

"I'll make sure Madam Obrana knows of what's been going on with my classmates."

That joyful smile made Bodkin feel not so bad as he walked out of the kitchen and to the dining hall. As soon as he was out of sight, he stopped to release breaths he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. As he rested, he looked down at the bowl. The pins seemed to have taken a liking to this new arrangement, lounging around, making sounds of content. Sounds that sounded remarkably like purring.

“Okay, that’s seven of them. Eight more and we can all go back to our regular lives. Spoon?”

The spoon shot up within the soup bowl.

“Do you think you can find any signs of where the other pins went?” asked Bodkin, once again feeling very silly.

The spoon nodded and leapt out of the bowl, scouring across the rugged floor like a hound on a scent and out into the main corridor from whence they came. Bodkin followed behind apprehensively.

—-
​

If there was anywhere in the dark woods more defended than the Iron Fort, Bodkin couldn’t think of it. Outside of the very Iron the fort was made of, outside of the wall and seven ditches surrounding the fort were all the watchtowers with many Warrior guards, each trained with great precision should an enemy Wizard be daft enough to try to attack. Then on the inside, you had the special sets for her most important areas in the stronghold; the dungeon, her bedchambers, and the throneroom.

Which was where they were now with the spoon being deadset on the magic pins being behind those doors.

“They must’ve snuck in at some point while the doors were opened but why in the dark woods would they want to go in there,” Bodkin said to himself.

“Maybe we’ll be lucky and she’s not in there,” he thought hopefully.

The throneroom was notorious for being the hardest job in the entire Warrior Empire. Every pair of guards managed to displease the queen in some way and none had lasted more than a couple months. The guards this time were two near-adults he knew well from his Advanced Defense classes, Ransear and Sarissa.

"Maybe since I know them, I can convince them to let me in."

"That would require they like me though, especially since they'd risk their jobs and time in Queen Sychorax's dungeon."

Still, what else could he do? Queen Sychorax was the worst possible person in the fort to find about the Magic pins. He had to do this.

Gulping, he tried to walk as inconspicuously as possible. "Remember to stay absolutely still," he mouthed to the Magic objects inside the bowl. The spoon nodded and laid as still and lifeless as possible. The needle and pins followed suit.

“Bodkin,” growled Sarissa, “What are you doing here? I thought you had a princess to follow around.”

"That's exactly why I'm here," said Bodkin as casually as he could. "The princess left something in here and she sent me to fetch it for her while she is in her spelling exam today."

Ransear sighed with annoyance. "I swear that princess would forget her own head if it wasn't screwed onto her already! You ought to do a better job of teaching her proper behavior and responsibility!"

"I know," sighed Bodkin, "but you know how stubborn Warrior Princesses can be. Have you seen Tantrum? She's at her third Assistant Bodyguard."

“Oh, but aren’t you supposed to be some sort of prodigy, Bodkin,” sneered Sarissa, her eyes gleaming maliciously.

Ransear grinned too. “Yeah, if you’re so great and top of the class, you should be able to handle a weird little Warrior girl. Otherwise, maybe you’re not so good at your job after all.”

Bodkin flinched, not from the hostility but from the truth. “If Wish had a proper Assistant Bodyguard, the spoon would’ve been brought to the Stone-That-Removes-Magic instantly. The princess would’ve never stepped outside the Iron Fort, she never would’ve entered the Badwoods, she never would’ve been able to adopt this spoon for a pet, she never would’ve gotten involved with Xar and all this terrible Magic business,” Bodkin felt his heart seize. “And Wish would’ve never gotten targeted by Witches. It really is my fault they’re after her.”

“I said you are permitted to enter the throneroom,” said Sarissa impatiently. "And remember to tell Her Majesty that you convinced us for the little princess."

“Uh yes. Thank you.” Bodkin swiftly entered the throneroom.

Bodkin has never been in here before without being by Wish’s side. It was already intimidating, watching Wish try to confront her terrifying tyrant of a mother, but alone, well this was a completely different experience. The Giant heads mounted along the hall looked even more grisly than usual and the stifling whites and blacks of the throneroom were serving their purpose well. Even the Enchanted Needle shuddered away from this terrible place, sinking deeper into the soup.

The pins weren't too hard to find this time. On Sychorax's great throne was garnish of a velvety color where six silver pins stood out like stars.

"Oh Witches’ whiskers and murmuring mistletoe! Enchanted objects in her royal throneroom. On her royal throne," thought Bodkin miserably.

“Hey get down from there,” he hissed. With help from the needle, he plucked one, two, three...

Bodkin heard a light ‘click click click’ as someone approached. Panic welled inside him.

“Don’t move,” he whispered quickly as he whirled to stare at six feet of hair and muscle of white terrifying tyrant. She was SO tall and scary. He could feel himself growing faint.

“You’re my weird little daughter’s weird little bodyguard,” Queen Sychorax said in a voice as pretty yet deadly as an icicle.

Bodkin passed out but for only a moment or two as the queen pulled him back to his feet. Clearly it was something that happened often in her throneroom.

“How dare you fall asleep in the presence of the queen? What are you doing here in my throneroom and why aren’t you with my daughter?”

“She’s in with Madam Dreadlock, your Majesty!” Bodkin said hurriedly. Sychorax gave him a cold hard stare. “Bu-but-but she left something here. Uh-uh, she-she’s been working on a present for you, y-your Majesty and the princess left some of the materials here.” He held up the pins (which were helpfully playing dead) he’d gathered hopefully.

Something in Queen Sychorax’s gaze shifted. It did seem something a lot like Wish would do. At the same time, “A present?”

“For your birthday,” Bodkin answered quickly.

And for the first time in any Warrior’s life, Queen Sychorax looked away from someone in her throneroom. On the one hand, her clumsy disappointment of a daughter couldn’t hide things to save her life, including what should’ve been a surprise for her. On the other,.. Wish cared to do something for her birthday? Their relationship was strained at best and Sychorax had hardly been the nicest to her strange little daughter. She didn’t know what to think of this.

Bodkin watched as the impenetrable, untouchable Queen Sychorax stared at the empty space above him. He wouldn’t have believed it if it hadn't happened in front of him. “Maybe Wish is right and there is a heart in her somewhere.”

The Queen went to sit down in her throne, just as the needle was working the last pin free.

“She admires you a lot, you know your Majesty,” said Bodkin blurted. Sychorax stopped and turned her gaze back to him. He gulped.

“She-she thinks you’re the most wonderful, splendid, fairest, magnificent, most beautiful person in the world and the bestest Queen and mother.”

Bodkin could tell they were thinking the same thing. “Even if you really don’t deserve it.”

“And she tells me all the time how she wishes she could find a way to make you proud, your Majesty.”

“So do I,” sighed Sychorax in a voice filled with disappointment and regret. She rubbed her forehead with her elegant fingers. “She’s just so clumsy and unorganized and a disgrace in practically every way, she doesn’t do anything she’s supposed to. I’m certain you’ve noticed, being her bodyguard and all.”

“Yes.” Bodkin looked away, thinking of all their conversations about the Queen, of Wish’s oh so desperate desire to appeal to her mother, of her great sadness at her failure to do so, of him being unable to do much to comfort her.

“She is not like me at all.”

Silence. The needle had worked the pin free and they were making their escape.

“She’s very brave, your Majesty.” The Queen looked up at him again. “She’s determined and headstrong...”

Bodkin thought back to the night they slipped out of the Iron Fort, how she’d made him come with her to search for her spoon in the dark and dangerous Badwoods, how she kept her head up when they’d been captured by the Wizard boy Xar and his many Magic companions, how she insisted on the queen not being so bad despite countless evidence otherwise, their frequent arguments for that matter.

“And she’s very cunning and resourceful, great under pressure…”

Bodkin thought of how even under the worst circumstances Wish could come up with a plan on a whim, often saving them and even Xar and his companions.

He thought of how friendly she was, how she treated everyone so kindly and as an equal, regardless of their position in society, even bonding with their Magic enemies, but realized Sychorax may not care about that sort of stuff.

“And she’s courageous and steadfast and loyal, more than you know your Majesty.”

He thought of how fearless she was of the Magical world, how Wish braved her Mother’s dungeon, how she fought against (and even killed!) the dreadful Witches they’d encountered.

“She’s the stuff Warrior heroes are made of, like the ones in the stories I read," Bodkin realized. “Maybe not on the outside but, on the inside.” In his mind, he could see Wish smiling at him, one eye bright with the thrill of adventure, the other hidden beneath her eyepatch.

“And what does that make me? The pathetic fool that holds her back? A liability she always has to look out for? An embarrassment to her name? I don’t think I protect her from as much danger than she gets me out of. She really does deserve a better Assistant Bodyguard than me.”

Bodkin fought to keep from looking ashamed in front of the queen.

“But I’m the one she’s stuck with so I’ve got to be the best Assistant Bodyguard I can be for her.”

“Maybe-,” Bodkin paused, trying to think of the right words. He’d been thinking something like “Maybe if you spent more time with her” or “Maybe if you tried to get to know her more” but those didn’t seem like the best things to say under the circumstances.

“Speak bodyguard,” said Queen Sychorax. She was staring at him, gazing intently. Perhaps it was Bodkin’s foolishness but it seemed less icy than usual.

“Maybe… if you tried to look more at what ways you are similar than different… then maybe… you’d get to understand her a little more.”

Silence.

He felt a tugging on his pant leg as the pins and needle latched on and Bodkin realized he might’ve overstepped his boundaries. “I should get back to the princess. She’s expecting this and you’re clearly busy Your Majesty, and I don’t want this soup to get cold. Have a good day, Your Highness. Deepest apologies for disturbing you, Your Majesty!”

Bodkin shuffled out of the throneroom as quickly but regularly as he could, feeling Sychorax's eyes on him every step of the way.

"Wow, I can't believe it. I thought guards were going to be called to carry you out of there and we were all going to go to the dungeon," commented Sarissa.

"Yeah," said Bodkin quietly. He knelt down and pulled the pins and needle from his pant leg.

"Thank you both so much. I owe you big. There's no way I could've done this without you,” he told the two throneroom guards.

"Is that what the princess left behind?!" gaped Ransear. “Just… get out of here.”

“Don’t worry, thanks again!”

---
​

It was incredible to think but somehow finding the remaining two pins had been even harder than retrieving them from under Queen Sychorax. Bodkin could hardly believe it when the Enchanted Spoon began jumping up and down in excitement, staring out into the courtyard. Bodkin had been hoping they wouldn't have to go out outside of the stronghold.

"Where it's wide and vast and easy for pins to hide, not to mention Witches to lurk."

The spoon led him to the stable where the pins were standing, staring at all the huge things around them. Bodkin carefully placed the soup bowl behind a stable wall and began sneaking up inconspicuously behind them. When the fort was all tied up with their work, he pounced. The two pins scattered.

"Spoon, needle, go after that one! I'll try to catch this one!"

Bodkin scrambled after his pin, catching it atop a pile of hay. The spoon and needle however weren't so lucky. The pin darted this way and that towards the end of the stable. The spoon and needle tried to surround the pin but the endless zigzagging kept the pin dodging their every move. The needle stopped as they began to exit the stable.

Oh no!

Bodkin raced towards them.

Oh no oh no!

But just before he could reach them, the pin tumbled into the ditch.

"Oh no oh no oh no!”

Bodkin ducked behind another stable wall, holding the needle and the pin he'd captured, and watched in horror as Wish's spoon reacted in alarm and flipped to the end of the drawbridge.

Outside of the Iron Fort! With Rogresbreaths and werewolves and all sorts of terrible things! But worst of all; Witches.

Bodkin shuddered, remembering the terrible screams of giants and Wizards and who knew what else that came from over the wall in the night. Surely he couldn’t go out there. There didn't even need to be rules put in place to tell him what a bad idea that was!

"Besides, this could be my chance. My chance for Wish and I to go back to a normal, quiet Warrior life; no Magic, no enchanted objects, no Witches after us."

Bodkin was ready to turn away, ready to turn his back on that horrible place but something stopped him. As he picked up the bowl with the remaining pins, a small memory from that fateful night in that fateful wood looked back at him.

“You and this spoon are my only two friends. If I lose the spoon, that just leaves you.”
“Well, technically speaking, I can’t be your friend either because you are a princess and I am a servant and those are the rules,” Bodkin had said.
“In which case, if I let the spoon go, I will be losing my only friend,” Wish had said.

Didn't Wish deserve to have one friend? And he had to admit, he had come to like the spoon, it's quiet, caring nature, it's polite manner and resourcefulness, how it was always willing to help. There was no way he would've gotten as far as he had without the spoon's help. And even the needle-

“But Wish shouldn’t even have that spoon in the first place,” Bodkin chided himself. “If I’d been the proper Warrior and bodyguard I should’ve, we never would’ve gone into that horrible place, we wouldn’t be in this mess, and Wish wouldn’t be being hunted down by Witches!”

"Besides they're Iron. No Magic things can hurt them as long as they're Iron."

"But they're Iron objects enchanted by her Magic. The Witches will smell it and come looking. What would happen if they engulfed even the smallest amount of that power, could they use it to get past our defenses? And after that, they'd definitely come looking for Wish."

And, if Bodkin was being completely honest with himself, as hard as he tried, he couldn't leave the spoon or even the troublesome enchanted pin to the cruel talons of the Witches.

Reluctantly he turned back to the drawbridge and, one foot after the other, snuck to the other side and into the forbidden wood.

---​

If Bodkin had been hoping the Badwoods would be less scary during the day, he was sadly mistaken. These were still the dark woods after all, more darker and twisted than a Witch’s heart. Said threat looming over him certainly wasn’t helping.

Bodkin shook like a leaf, holding his sword out in front of him and a shield hoisted above his shoulder towards the trees. The snow crunched under his feet. His armor rattled noisily. If the presence of a small helpless Warrior boy and the scent of Magic-That-Works-On-Iron didn’t bring anything after him, the sound certainly would.

“How in the dark wood am I supposed to find the spoon?”

"We did it once before. Think, what would Wish do?"

"Spoon," he called.

"This is a bad idea, this is a really bad idea."

"Spoon," he called again.

This time he heard a jingle. His heart leapt higher than he ever thought possible while in the forbidden wood.

"Spoon!" he cheered.

The jingling grew louder and there was a rustling sound as the spoon came out from the brush. It's eyes popped with joy as it spotted him. The spoon raced to Bodkin and jumped into his arms. Even Bodkin couldn't help embracing the small object.

The spoon turned and pointed it's head down towards the brush. Bodkin lowered the spoon down and the spoon led him to the brush where a tiny enchanted pin trembled.

"Hey," said Bodkin gently, "it's okay. We're here to rescue you." He reached out towards the pin but the pin drew back from him.

Then Bodkin remembered... and thought of what Wish had said once.

"It's okay. I'm not going to tell anyone... and I'm not going to do anything to get rid of you or your Magic."

The pin's eyes brightened and slowly, slowly, it eased into his hand. With great care, Bodkin grasped the pin and got out from under the brush.

As he rose, Bodkin was assaulted by a stench more putrid than a skunk’s dead body surrounded by corpse flowers and rotten eggs. It was noticeably colder too. Bodkin had been feeling warm all day, what with all the running around under two layers of armor and the soup, but now he felt significantly cooler. He’d been here before so it certainly wasn’t something to do with the Badwoods.

A Witch.

Trembling, he rose his sword and looked up around him. If he remembered right from their last encounter, while Witches could turn themselves invisible, you could still see their talons before they descended on you. Or was it that they only became visible while attacking?

Bodkin felt his heart pound, felt sick. If the crunching snow or clanging armor or the Magic radiating enchanted objects hadn’t attracted a Witch, it felt like the loud frantic heartbeat would, like a wolf to a helpless rabbit.

As a lightheaded feeling started to overtake him, he stepped protectively over the Enchanted Spoon (who itself was trying to be brave for the pins). The last thing he remembered before he passed out was a sickening SC-CRI-EEE-EACH as yellow-green talons descended upon him.

+++​

The next thing Bodkin knew, he was lying in a black empty space. A dark indescribable shape sat before him, quietly observing him like a spider about to pounce.

“Ha, ti dekrow,” it scritched.

Then it began to move. Before his eyes, the shape shimmered, changing in color and form, growing into something more... humanlike. It wasn’t a perfect transformation, what with the nose still being long and sharp and beak like and the fingers and feet curved like long claws. And of course, the eyes. The eyes like the pits of a deep, black well. The eyes that contrasted so heavily to the pale skin around it, a white so dry and pale, like bones bleached by the desert suns Bodkin had read about.

"There. Now we can properly communicate." The Witch gave Bodkin an unpleasant, jagged toothed smile.

Despite the cold around him, Bodkin felt hot and clammy. Shaking, he pushed himself to his feet. With both hands, he held his sword out in front of him trembling. “I-I know what you are! Y-you Witches won’t-”

The Witch chuckled harshly. “Now now young Warrior, there’s no need for violence. We live in a civilized age. I’m certain we can work things out like... civilized beings.”

“Y-you’re a Witch! I’ve seen you Witches in action! You’re dangerous and evil! The kind of evil that rips wings from butterflies and kills for pleasure! You’re the kind of Magic we’re warned about!” Bodkin gasped.

“That’s unfair, isn’t it? I admit my brethren can be brutish,” said the Witch with a wave of his talons, “but I hardly consider a sophisticated individual like myself to be the monster the stories make us out to be. After all, if I were,” his eyes narrowed darkly, “you’d be dead, even with your precious Iron protecting you.”

The Witch muttered a spell in Witchish and a lark suddenly appeared, flapping around confused and discombobulated. The Witch forked the poor little bird on his long finger and ate it delicately. Bodkin looked away shuddering.

“Besides,” he continued, “I don’t see why us Witches have to be singled out as pure bad. There’s plenty of other Magic stuff that’s bad out here; the werewolves looking to tear you apart… the Rogresbreaths looking for their blood, the BarBeards seeking to drown you… not even the Wizards are safe from them… the sprites that kill and make off with newborns…” The Witch trailed off, letting years of Warrior conditioning do it’s work.

“And cursing, cursing you in many horrific ways… flesh eating giants… it’s all dangerous, chaos, disorder… and so against all the Warrior rules…”

“But I know this! Why are you telling me this?!”

“Because you seem to have forgotten. Why are you protecting this enchanted piece of dishware? Risking your life for something Magic? That’s not how I remember Warriors being in the Great Witch Wars.”

Bodkin’s eyes widened as he desperately tried to think of an answer.

“These living objects you protect are part of a rare powerful Magic that even your Iron can’t protect you from.”

“The Magic-That-Works-on-Iron,” Bodkin whispered hoarsely.

The Witch smiled unpleasantly. “Ah, so you know of it! We Witches know there’s a source for this Magic. A small strange source inside your precious Warrior Fort.”

“Wish.”

“Forbidden, prohibited Magic. Inside your Iron Warrior Fort. The little objects you protect are proof of it. We Witches want that Magic, we need it but we can’t get inside the Fort and these little tidbits aren’t nearly enough. You are a sensible Warrior boy that has no desire for Magic, all the rules it breaks, all the agony it causes. It’s for that reason I’ve decided to bargain with you. Give me the Enchanted Spoon. Bring me the source of this Magic. In return, you get to live past today… and you get to go back to living your regular, quiet, rule abiding life.”

The Witch had the grin of someone who was used to winning his arguments and was expecting to win another. “So, do we have a deal.”

But the Witch had assumed Bodkin was like any other Warrior guard, one that had led a regular servant life, following the Warrior Queen’s commands, never questioning anything and never venturing far beyond the Warrior territory aside from the occasional hunting expedition and skirmish. He couldn’t have imagined that Bodkin, just like Wish, had been on an adventure beyond the Iron Fort. He had started to question.

And so, as Bodkin thought of all the dangers and treachery of the Magic folk the Warriors had been made to believe, little bits and pieces of his last encounter stared back at him.

As he thought of monsters and beasts and flesh eating giants, he remembered Xar’s giant Crusher. He thought of the slow and peaceful creature, how gentle he’d been with the pony and with Wish, how it turned out they never ate flesh at all, how he’d turned out to be not so dangerous after all.

He thought of Xar, the cheating arrogant trickster of a Wizard. So rude and impudent with even less regard for rules than Wish and none of the niceties… but also a boy their age who longed for his father’s approval just like them, a boy that cared for his companions, a passionate boy that stood for what he’d believed in. A boy who protected.

He thought of the Spelling Book, how it supposedly had six million pages, of how he longed to curl up and look through it and all of its contents. “You shouldn’t be interested in these things. Magic is bad… Magic is dangerous…You shouldn’t have anything to do with any of it, even if it’s a book. You shouldn’t want it.” But he couldn’t shake the memories of looking over Wish’s shoulder as she went through it. He couldn’t shake the yearning of wanting to hold it in his hands, despite the Magic, despite it being the Princess’s, never for a Warrior servant boy.

He thought of Squeezjoos, Xar’s young sprite that had taken a liking to them. He thought of how it had nearly died protecting Wish, an enemy Warrior girl he'd just met. “That sprite didn’t even know Wish and he was a better Bodyguard than me.”

But most of all, he thought of Wish. The way her face lit up at the magical world. How happy the spoon made her. How much she lit up his life. How she was Magic! If there was one thing in this good green earth that could convince him Magic wasn’t all bad, it was her.

Nothing could ever make him give up on her.

"No." The Witch's face fell. “You must think I’m an idiot if you think I would ever trust your word, Witch! If I give you the Magic-that-Works-On-Iron, I’d be giving you the power to destroy us! I may not like Magic but I will not let you hurt the princess or any of our friends! As her Assistant Bodyguard, I will protect her with my life if necessary and that includes from you Witches!”

“If that is how you wish it to be,” said the Witch.

And just like that, the Witch began to change shape again. It’s talons sprang out of it’s misshapen hands and feet, the robes turned back to black wings and feathers, and the jaws extended with long dripping jagged teeth, the human face tearing away as the Witch writhed, the pale skin peeling back as it turned into a serpentine-like shape, as if it were turning itself inside out. Bodkin stepped back in horror. He felt as if he was going to pass out.

“But I can’t fall asleep here; this has to be within my own head!”

And so with his heart pounding, eyes wide, with trembling arms he drew back the sword, tip pointed at the Witch. He remembered his lessons.

“Stay balanced, don’t lean too far, remember your footwork… be ready for underhanded tricks... be swift, lower your blade…”

As the Witch sprang at him, jaws dripping, talons outstretched, mouth unhinged, Bodkin took one last breath and, closing his eyes tight, thrust the sword forward with a most unWarriorlike yell—-

+++​

Bodkin coughed and sputtered as he was submerged into cold water. He struggled but whatever had him in a tight grip that was impossible to break out of. As water filled his lungs, he was yanked back up. He had only a few seconds to cough and breathe before he was pushed under again. As he was tugged up and down like a doll, he saw streaks of green flow away from him.

“This is a strange way for a Witch to kill me,” he thought.

At last, the thing dropped him and he clawed and kicked sputtering to the surface. He latched onto the snowy riverbank, heaving as he struggled to catch his breath. He felt tempted to lie there but as memories emerged of Wish and what had happened, he knew he couldn't; this was a rule that most certainly couldn't be broken.

As if summoned by the thought, he felt something rapping him on the nose. As he forced open his eyes, he caught blurry things amongst the snowy woods around him. The first was the Enchanted Spoon, looking at him worriedly.

The second was a sword, tip drenched in a milky green substance and moving as if it had a life of its own. The Enchanted Needle stood atop of it as if commandeering a legion of Warriors. As Bodkin's vision grew clearer, he took notice of the small shapes of several pins hopping along underneath, carrying the sword atop their tiny heads. It didn't seem possible but they carried the sword through the snow and down into the river.

And the third Bodkin would never have noticed if he hadn't seen what he'd perceived to be gray stones lift into the air. In actuality, they were claws belonging to a great furry paw which itself belonged to-

"Oh great mistletoe," he thought for his mouth wouldn't form the words.

It was a snowcat. He'd thought the ones Xar had as companions were fierce. This beast made them look like kittens, not just from it's sheer size but the great teeth along the corners of its mouth. Two canines of equal length, each the size of his forearm. It's eyes were a deep mesmerizing green and it's pelt was a clean white with spirals of charcoal gray like smoke blowing through a winter wood.

Such a creature should be able to rip his head off effortlessly. It would've been so easy to do so, it was a wild animal after all and there was all the bad history between the Warriors and the Magic creatures. Yet there was no other conclusion; it had decided to save him.

At last, the snowcat turned it's back on him, not making the slightest sound in the snow. "Th-thank you," he called after it breathlessly. It was hard to know if it heard Bodkin, his voice tired and caught in his throat. The snowcat didn't stop either or even twitch an ear as it disappeared back into the wild woods it lived. Bodkin stayed there in silence, watching.

"Wish would've loved seeing this. I wish she could've seen this."

But Bodkin remembered the horrific encounter they'd had and forced himself to get out of the water. Unsurprisingly he was drenched from his unexpected dip in the river. What was a surprise however was the state of his armor. His helmet was gone, he’d lost his bows and shield, the neck piece was missing, the padded armor on his shoulders had been shredded off, he was missing an entire chest piece with claw marks left on the other, and had some nasty scratches on his dominant arm.

"It's for the best the princess wasn't here with us. The Witch would've gone for her and I don't know if I would've been able to protect her."

"I have to get back to her before anything else happens."

Stumbling, he drew his freshly clean sword out of the water and collected the pins, the needle, the spoon. Then he began running, feeling far lighter than when he came, the Enchanted Needle pointing him the way to go. He only stopped for one brief moment, at the spot where the Witch had attacked. There was no Witch in sight but there were large black feathers and several puddles and droplets of a milky green substance sizzling the grass, stinking with the stench of Witch. Broken sticks and pieces of Iron lied all around.

“Oh great goblins and beards of ogres, did I really…” Bodkin didn’t stick around to find out. If it was alive, it would be coming with reinforcements. If it was dead, it’s screeches would bring other Witches to see what had happened.

That thought kept him running, faster than he’d ever known he was capable of. Even as his sides screamed for him to stop, he couldn’t bring himself to. He didn’t even stop to think of how to re-enter the fort without anyone noticing, something he would’ve taken into precaution only some minutes ago.

“Halt! Who goes there?” said a guard.

“The Princess’ Assistant Bodyguard. Bodkin,” he heaved.

“Bodkin? I never would’ve taken you the type to leave the fort,” said a second guard.

“What happened?” asked the first, taking in his disheveled appearance.

“Witches,” Bodkin said breathlessly. “Witches are in the area!”

The two guards looked at each other… and laughed. “Oh that’s a good one!” said the second guard hysterically, “I didn’t think you had it in ya!”

“Kid, everyone knows that Witches are extinct,” said the first guard, wiping tears from his eyes.

“I don’t think they ever even existed,” said the second, “If you ask me, they’re an old fairy tale we’re told to get us to behave.”

Bodkin looked at the two older guards helplessly. It was what he deserved, after all his lies today. He wouldn’t have believed it himself if he hadn’t left the fort with Wish all those nights ago. But…

“All of us are in grave danger and the whole fort doesn’t know it; the princess is in danger and they don’t know it... But I do.”

“But clearly you Bodkin, had an awful fright out there. You better get back in the fort! And back to your princess,” said the first guard, not unkindly.

“Yes.” Bodkin stepped into the stable before turning around. “Oh and um, while it may not have been a Witch… whatever it was was very dangerous, with a long beak and talons and feathery wings… and great stealth too. And whatever it was, it’s after the princess.”

The change that overtook the guards was instantaneous! “MAGIC ATTACK! THERE’S BEEN A MAGIC ATTACK NEAR THE THIRD QUARTER! SOMETHING WITH WINGS AND TALONS! THEY’RE AFTER THE PRINCESS! GATHER YOUR WEAPONS! READY THE BOWS AND CATAPULTS! MAGIC ATTACK!”

As pandemonium broke out all around them, Bodkin dashed back to the queen’s stronghold. When he finally reached the stairs, he nearly ran into Wish. She did a double take as she saw them. Bodkin noticed she was holding the Spelling Book in one hand, her tiny sword in the other and it looked like she’d been crying.

“Bodkin,” she said shakily.

“Don’t worry!” he blurted. “I’ve got all of them.” He held out his cupped hands where twelve Magic pins perched, staring back at Wish. On one shoulder sat the Enchanted Needle, watching the enchanted pins with the gaze of a sentinel. On the other, the Enchanted Spoon leapt off it and into Wish’s arms. Wish dropped both items and hugged it, letting two big tears fall.

Wish lowered the spoon and looked tearfully at Bodkin. “And no one saw them, I made sure of i-”

Bodkin was cut off as Wish threw her arms around him. Bodkin didn’t know how to respond.

“I was so worried. When Madam dismissed me from the schoolroom, you weren’t there and when I went to my room… and then the guards started screaming and it sounded like Witches and I-I-”

"It's okay. I'll explain when we're back in your room. Just know next time, I’ll watch over the Magic objects while you’re busy. If I so much as protest, you do what you must to make me do it. I know I’m not the best Assistant Bodyguard but this time I really messed up and-"

“Bodkin,” Wish cut him off. “It’s okay. You're my friend and I'm just glad you're alright. Besides, anyone else in this fort would've let my spoon and all these other Magic objects get in trouble. But you didn't and you were willing to do whatever you needed to keep them safe. I think that makes you a great bodyguard, don't you?"

Some small part of Bodkin was thinking how against the rules this was, another small part was saying he didn't deserve this but mostly, Bodkin felt himself smile. After all he'd been through today, the two (er and more of them) alive and safe and happy, it was worth it.

"Maybe there really are some rules worth breaking."

“Don't worry about it, Princess. Just don’t Magic any more objects.”

Wish gave a smile that Bodkin didn’t like the look of. “About that…”

It was then Bodkin noticed his surroundings were a little different than before. He looked around and fought back a frightened scream as he realized the rug underneath them was floating an entire foot off the floor! And in the loudest whisper there had ever been since Warriors first stepped foot in the dark woods..

“WISH, STOP BRINGING THINGS TO LIFE!!”

 

[System Error]

I saw this last night before you posted it, and now that you finally did, I read.

- It's per se, per se, not per say.
- Peaceable in caps?
- You'd think these tests would include field things if they were like this.
- So he's Xena's assistant bodyguard?
- One hell of a dangerous condition to have to fall asleep in the middle of a dangerous situation.
- Wish? Sounds like we have something with crazy names.
- Well, reddish brown rust does tend to be reddish brown, I suppose.
- Using ?! at his all caps exclamation makes me think he had funny pronounciation
- the spoon bobbed it’s head <- It's an even bigger mess than I could've imagined, it also has the wrong its. Other instances too.
- Well this has all the makings of a comedy. I like it. Not too many of these in this contest so far.
- This is going full Cinderella with all the alive objects, just not as anthromorphized or anything.
- An affectionate spoon? That actually does have a face?
- If the talons had no reason to descend, why would they do it?
- Well the whole Magic/Warrior feud is something that's very unclear as to the purpose here. Just that it's a bizarre tradition, the queen is going a chopping if you disobey, even to her own daughter (?), and wow that's the first instance of using an image effectivelyish in a fic I've seen
- Bit confused at the italicized text. Is there an abrupt shift to say what the enchanted objects are saying? Or is he talking back and forth at himself in his head
- An excess of capitalized key words, I notice. Like Mushroom or Wild Radish
- Oh is his thoughts in italics
- Just thirteen? This sound anime as hell even if it isn't, so, not completely surprised.
- Why isn't Wild Radish and Mushroom capitalized here? Or was the previous one a mistake?
- What'd he do to the bowl, anyway?
- Some tense switching.
- I associate click click click with guns, and didn't know if this was gun friendly.
- On the other,.. <- A stray comma
- Well somebody is going to be caught in their web of lies very soon.
- Bestest is an excellent word.
- BadWoods? Is that canon or just a mistake?
- Various missing paragraph spaces around this part. And others, but mentioning those here.
- Noticing this guy does a lot of internal monologuing. Not necessarily a good thing, but not necessarily bad either.
- Oh, the soup was with him the whole time. I have a funny mental image of him just holding it the whole time, but it raises the question of how he didn't spill it when he passed out.
- So did the guards actually see the enchanted objects were alive? Or did they just see him insanely talking to what looks like unsentient ones?
- Literal needles in haystacks, I love it.
- I never thought I would see so much sentiment over a spoon in any writing. Granted it's a living one, but still.
- The Badwoods, the bad woods, the BadWoods, the dark woods, the forbidden woods...how many ways to say it are there?
- Very nice description of the smell.
- And the soup is still with him. Somehow unspilled and not cold yet.
- Ahh, so that explains the talon things from earlier.
- Major formatting mistake with a ton of the text being italicized?
- It's a bit weird to say "I say more humanlike" because that implies the narrator is an actual character telling the story, when nothing of the sort was implied before.
- I had a funny feeling given how there seemed to be no good reason for the Warriors hating Magic that there was something else more going on, and that they probably weren't really evil. And in fact didn't rule out that it was the other way around.
- I'm afraid? Who's afraid? The narrator that suddenly is a character? And why are they afraid of the Witch eating a lark using her finger as a fork?
- Did you mean to describe the Witch as a he at one point? I guess so, given you do so later, but might've been better if you described it as male like before. You also alternate and "it's" a lot.
- I'm assuming Magic-That-Works-On-Iron is an in-universe thing. It sounds so cheesy, but can't exactly ding you for it if it's in-universe.
- I'm guessing maybe the italicization isn't a mistake, but there's some thoughts of Bodkin that are in italics when they probably shouldn't be - given they were italicized in the main non perma italics before.
- Okay maybe Witches are evil after all.
- His thoughts are remarkably calm given the situation he is in.
- How's he swimming in such heavy armor?
- What was drowning him, anyway? The Witch? Did he kill it, or did the Enchanted Objects? And now, suddnely, monsters! That might've also helped, and just peaces out.
- Oh, I see it now. The snowcat was trying to wake him up or something? A healing spring, maybe? Though probably not.
- You'd think veteran guards would have seen their share of shit, but I guess these ones haven't.
- Yup, there's the comedy. Maybe the guards are all just incompetent.
- Awww, more worried about him than the objects. :3
- Welp, and the goofy twist ending.

I liked this one! A straight man type character who is clearly unprepared for his world (and possibly is wrong genre in universe) being thrown into a comedy plot. Gotta say, that in itself was a breath of fresh air, heh. No knowledge whatsoever about the Wizards of Once, but aside from a few confusing things (some of which I was able to infer anyway), that didn't really dampen anything about it. There was plenty of technical stuff to clean up though, but I was engrossed enough to care not to stop to mention them all the time. So I leave that to someone else, but it is the main issue with the fic. That and possibly not seeing all the lies explode, but, wordcounts and themes, I guess.

Don't have much else to say about this one, my (somewhat out of it, little sleep today) comments should be sufficient, I think. Good luck in the contest.

 

[Daren]

*Danger induced narcolepsy is not the best thing for a warrior to get cursed with.
*Poor Bodkin; Wish may have Princess Protection Privledges but he doesn't.
*"invisible talons could descend on him at any possible moment"--one of those "full of supernatural threat" fantasy worlds as opposed to th "full o of wonders and delights" I guess.
*Getting a bit of a Fantasia vibe here.
*Cleve seems nice enough.
*Naturally, the missing objects find the worst place to go!
*And Bodkin's classmates manage to dig up some old wounds.
*Ah, and even in the worst place for the pins to go they found the worse part of that place to go.
*Well, the Queen seems at least self aware, judging by Bodkin's note that they're both thinking she does not deserve Wish's adoration.
*"Rogresbreaths and werewolves"--yep, definitely a deathtrap fantasy world.
*So iron repels magic, it seems. Very folkloric.
*The gate guards do not seem too bad and at least react to his warning even if they dismiss witches as extinct or fairy tales.
*And naturally even more enchanted objects!

I'm not familiar with Wizards of Once, but I found the story easy to follow despite that. Bodkin is clearly a very "lawful" character that finds himself having to deceive and lie to help protect his charge's interest, providing the main conflict. A fun short story. Per above there were some oddities like the sudden use of nearly full italics during meeting with the witch and the narrator tone seeming to switch a few times, but nothing I would call serious.

Good luck in the contest!

 

[TRNatalie]

@ System Error, @ Daren, welcome to the world of Wizards of Once where Warriors fued with Magic beings, Witches lurk, and you get sentimentally attached to spoons. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing and I’m glad you liked it. I’m so sorry it took me so long to reply, college work is in full force over here.

- Wish? Sounds like we have something with crazy names.

Ironically I consider Wish to be one of the more normal names in this series.

Well, reddish brown rust does tend to be reddish brown, I suppose.

Whoops, I think the line that I decided to go with to describe the door (that the reddish brown rust was the only thing unique about the door) got merged with the original line I used to describe it. Thank you, fixing!

- An affectionate spoon? That actually does have a face?

Yep!

Spoiler

Using ?! at his all caps exclamation makes me think he had funny pronounciation

Knowing Bodkin, he most likely did.

I’ve been told before that using ?! isn’t recommended but I’ve found that certain characters’ panic or anger or fear in a situation doesn’t come off as strong without it.

- An excess of capitalized key words, I notice. Like Mushroom or Wild Radish

- Why isn't Wild Radish and Mushroom capitalized here? Or was the previous one a mistake?

Whoops, I thought I’d lowercased the soup name. Fixing.

But yeah, lots and lots of capitalized key words in this series, it’s pretty much one of the series’ trademarks. Assistant Bodyguard, Warrior, Magic, Witch, Wizard, Enchanted *Insert object here*, they’re typically always capitalized.

- I associate click click click with guns, and didn't know if this was gun friendly.

Oh wow, I didn’t even think of that. I was thinking of heels clicking against a hard floor (although now that you’ve brought it up, if the series were to take place a couple centuries later, Sychorax would definitely be the kind to wield a gun)

- Noticing this guy does a lot of internal monologuing. Not necessarily a good thing, but not necessarily bad either.

Yeah. Something I noticed while rereading the first book for this fic is that most of the writing for several of the characters is pretty surface level but you can also tell there’s more going on underneath. Bodkin’s the most guilty of this; you get a basic idea of what he’s feeling and it’s rare you actually get to see his thought processes but you can tell there’s so much conflict going on inside of him that mostly comes from the way his dialogue is written.

Spoiler: To give you an example of what I mean

“Oh Bodkin, THANK YOU!” said Wish in delight.

“Don’t thank me,” said Bodkin gloomily. “My father would be very disappointed in me. I just felt sorry for that poor little Squeezjoos, but I should be able to overcome mere personal weakness and do the right thing...”

Since he’s mostly acting on his own here (or at least with things that can’t talk) and I enjoy writing what’s going on in a character’s head, I tried to compromise with writing his conflicts as back and forth in his own head. I’m not sure if it worked out though.

- So did the guards actually see the enchanted objects were alive? Or did they just see him insanely talking to what looks like unsentient ones?

Whoops, he was supposed to be talking to the guards there while handling what looks to be unsentient objects. Fixing that so it’s more clear!

BadWoods

Oh dear, that was meant to be Badwoods. Looking through and fixing.

And yeah, Badwoods is the name of the particular part of the forest just outside of the drawbridge. It’s the area where Warrior territory and the Magical half of the world overlaps the most.

And regarding the dark woods description, something I realized while rereading the first book for this competition is that this place doesn’t really have a name. The closest we get to is “British isles before they knew they were the British Isles”, the rest of the time the narrator and characters refer to it as the dark forest, the dark woods, the wildwoods (although that’s more on the Wizard side) so yeah.

- It's a bit weird to say "I say more humanlike" because that implies the narrator is an actual character telling the story, when nothing of the sort was implied before.

- I'm afraid? Who's afraid? The narrator that suddenly is a character? And why are they afraid of the Witch eating a lark using her finger as a fork?

So one of my favorite things about the author’s writing style is that she’ll often acknowledge the reader throughout the story in ways such as “I’m sorry Dear Reader but it is true” or “I bet you think you know what such and such looks like” while establishing things or trying to describe something. The Wizards of Once takes it to a whole new level with the narrator actually being a character in the story and there’s a whole mystery just for the reader to try and figure out who it is. While I was writing this, I wanted to try to stick as close as I could to the writing style of the books and this was something I certainly had in mind (for example

And so our story begins.

) while writing and reading through it. Although now I can see where you come from with these two instances with the Witch and I can cut them out if they’re too distracting.

As for the forking the lark... well, this thing that you’ve been told is the most dangerous, evil creature you could ever encounter, a creature that you’ve had bad experiences with before, doing this to a pretty innocent creature that it could easily also do to you at any moment...
It’s honestly another tribute to the author. There’s a scene from her previous series where something very similar happens.

- I'm assuming Magic-That-Works-On-Iron is an in-universe thing. It sounds so cheesy, but can't exactly ding you for it if it's in-universe.

Very much in-universe, yes.

- His thoughts are remarkably calm given the situation he is in.

I see what you mean. It was supposed to tie into him practicing towards the beginning but yeah, given his character, he really shouldn’t be that calm and focused. Cutting.

Good luck in the contest.

Good luck in the contest!

Thank you and you too!

 

[kintsugi]

hi! Sorry that this is so late, but I came here from the contest!

---

Overall I thought this was a really sweet story, and the bits of humor and kindness that show through are genuinely really cute. Wish wanting to be accepted by her mother, the little Hapy Burthday Mudher gift, Bodkin's general Doneness with the events as they stand--I think your early character establishment was really sweet here, and you do a great job of setting up a distinct and enjoyable cast. I also really liked the whimsical nature you infused into the opening bits. It's a silly story about tracking down some runaway needles, but there's a really sweet character arc, especially for Bodkin. I thought it was pretty clever how you tied together Bodkin explaining why the queen should respect Wish to why he admires Wish; there's certainly something really genuine about needing to explain something to others in order to understand it yourself.

Worldbuilding-wise, I'm not entirely familiar with this fandom, but I did like the details with different types of magic, iron, witches--all quite fun! I imagine the main series goes into that in a lot more detail, but the glimpse that you did provide here was enough to answer my questions.

Plot-wise, I did feel like this was edging right up against the word count, and I wonder if some restructuring might've helped you fit all the things you wanted in it. I think the beginning was a little slow and the ending felt a little fast--things like the snowcat appearing to save the day at the very last minute fits in with the whimsy, but I wasn't quite sure if I'd been missing anything since its appearance felt so sudden (and it leaves equally quickly as well). I also wonder if the Witch subplot has a proper resolution, or if you meant this to feed back into the mainline canon (genuinely I do not know/am unfamiliar with it)--as it stands, it seems like they've won the fight today but that doesn't necessarily mean they've won the war? I do wish there was a bit more sense of stakes/grounding for what this overarching drama with the Witches + their quest for stealing Wish/Wish's special magic was, since Bodkin's decision to protect her does end up focusing a lot on that.

But speaking of Bodkin, I think he makes for a really good narrator here. He doesn't have a whole lot of agency out on his own, so he does have to spend most of the narrative getting bossed around and that's in a way that feels realistic and I think it mostly works while still letting you push him around the plot a bit. I liked the lessons that he gets to learn, and how his swordfighting comes full circle when he's able to stand up to the Witch at the end.

On the one hand, her clumsy disappointment of a daughter couldn’t hide things to save her life, including what should’ve been a surprise for her. On the other,.. Wish cared to do something for her birthday? Their relationship was strained at best and Sychorax had hardly been the nicest to her strange little daughter. She didn’t know what to think of this.

There are a few times where you slip out of his POV though, and I'm not sure if I found them effective--head-hopping is a little strange in a story that spends 98% of its time focusing around Bodkin, and I think it'd be a little more consistent if it stayed with him the entire time.

Prose-wise I found this a touch bumpy in some places--your sentences get a little long and the description feels like it's running away from you a bit.

A few of the shirts and pants crossed their arms stubbornly and the rival needle stuck it’s (metaphorical) nose up in the air but a prodding from the needle got them sweeping the room with the others and making amends and freeing the spoon.

For instance, the sentence above--it's describing the reactions of the shirts and pants; it's describing the opposing needle; it's describing how the first needle prods them into action; it describes how the opposing needle then goes around the room talking to others; it's describing the spoon being freed. That's a lot of action in a single sentence, and I think you'd really benefit from breaking these up a little and letting your descriptions breathe a bit more. (Although, that being said, this intro section might have benefitted from having some sequences cut altogether! That would be fine too; you just don't want to stand in this middle ground of having to summarize a lot of stuff happening with very little space).

Compare with a sequence like this:

The Witch muttered a spell in Witchish and a lark suddenly appeared, flapping around confused and discombobulated. The Witch forked the poor little bird on his long finger and ate it delicately. Bodkin looked away shuddering.

The description is a bit more broken up--three sentences, each of which only really have one or two actions (1. Witch mutters a spell; confused bird appears. 2. Witch spears bird; eats it. 3. Bodkin is horrified), and as a result you get a really horrifying sequence that also introduces Witches as these casually cruel characters--I loved this description a lot more, simply because of how clear it was.

Some quick notes on grammar!

“Ah, you’ve made it Princess.”

When you're addressing someone, you want to have a comma before (or after, depending) you address them--it's the difference between "let's eat Grandma" (cannibalism) and "let's eat, Grandma" (inviting grandma for a meal). So in this case, you'd want to write this as:
-> "Ah, you've made it, Princess."

The needle shook one, two, fifteen times.
“Fifteen huh? I already got three of them so there’s-

They had cornered the pins near the rim and were just beginning to drag them out when-
"HEY!"

You dropped a paragraph break on these, and I think in a few other places--didn't seem intentional?

“That depends; are you going to be better than our last session? Or are you going to continue being a ‘fule’?” Wish flinched.

Similar one here, although this one messes up the meaning a little--usually you want to start a new paragraph when a new speaker or action happens, so you'd want "Wish flinched" on a new paragraph, since it's unrelated to the dialogue

“Oh, but aren’t you supposed to be some sort of prodigy, Bodkin,” sneered Sarissa, her eyes gleaming maliciously.

“So, do we have a deal.”

Dialogue that ends in a question should also have a question mark. So, these should be:
-> "Oh, but aren't you supposed to be some sort of prodigy, Bodkin?" sneered Sarissa, her eyes gleaming maliciously.
-> "So, do we have a deal?"

On the other,.. Wish cared to do something for her birthday?

Looks like your ellipsis got a bit smudged here!

It’s talons sprang out of it’s misshapen hands and feet

"It's" is the contraction (meaning "it is"), but you want the possessive pronoun "its" (meaning "belonging to it"). This happens in a few other places as well.

And with that Bodkin was alone.

This one is a bit esoteric/comma rules are tricky, but this sentence would read more smoothly as:
-> And with that, Bodkin was alone.

You had to hand it to the Enchanted Spoon, it was good at tracking down Magic things.

And you sort of run into the reverse here--commas can't connect everything! In this case, you can't connect two independent sentences with a comma (if you want to read more about that, it's called a comma splice). Instead, you'd probably want a colon or an em dash here:
-> You had to hand it to the Enchanted Spoon: it was good at tracking down Magic things.
-> You had to hand it to the Enchanged Spoon—it was good at tracking down Magic things.
* This particular rule and the one above it are particularly niche, so I'm happy to explain in more detail if you're interested but I also didn't want to take up too much of your time here.

Overall, I thought this had some really broad fun ideas, especially at a high-level, and I think the arcs landed where you'd want them to for a slightly-absurdist kids' story! Great stuff; thanks for sharing!