canisaries
still occasionally here
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- #101
Off to an unexpected start with the mental health clinic locale. I went back and checked for an indication that this was due, and I don't think it was forecasted at all. Might've been a good thing to have on Red's mind in the previous chapter, or at least have it explicitly be the destination Abe has in mind.
It does kind of stretch the reader's memory. The destination and time are given at the start of the first chapter during Red's chat with Abe, and Red forgets them until the very end of chapter 2 for this "aw shit" moment. It shouldn't be too hard to add a more specific reminder to that point, so I think I'll try to do that.
Something else I thought was odd is that Red talks about this being a "innocent until proven guilty" country, which feels very American. I guess Red's world doesn't give a strong cultural vibe just yet but I know that conviction rates are astonishingly high in Japan, and with a name like Akai I haven't been sure if a Japanese vibe was the right one to pick up on.
My Kanto is... strange. I have/want to write what I know, which results in the region having influences of Nordic and English-speaking countries, myself being from Finland and consuming a lot of American/British media, but I've also wanted Kanto to be ethnically Japanese to mirror the region's actual inspiration.
As things are now, I've kind of written myself into corner, but I'm trying my best to have Kanto as kind of a fantasy region that started off resembling Japan but was heavily influenced by Unova(/Galar?) not too late into their history. Why they would adopt so many things into their culture and leave parts of their own without a full-on conquering doesn't really make sense, but it's still my best way of explaining why the amount of non-Japanese (or in this context, non-Tohjoan) people is so high and why they are so commonplace compared to the very homogenous real life Japan, why Western names are used and why a non-Japanese language is spoken. That last fact doesn't show up here, I think, but in other works taking place in this universe, certain Japanese terms are referred to as "Native". This is meant to imply the language being the original one of the region, but mostly having fallen out of use due to speakers of English-but-not-really just outperforming them, which is the fate of many indigenous languages. (Also yes, this does mean that Red is aware of what his last name means. Going to address this in the sequel when he goes hunting for his real first name.)
However, I still intend on having the majority religion be that Shinto-esque one I talked about in my Religion in Pokémon thread. It would mostly be habitual in this very modern society where many of the natural disasters attributed to gods have been explained by science, but it could still show. It's just that there aren't many spots in which to showcase it in this particular story so I don't know how I'd weave that in. I suppose there's room in there for one or two mentions of a nearby shrine, though. Actually, there was also a part in the first version of HH that mentioned an old couple not wanting people flying with zapdos given they believe they cause storms.
As for "innocent until proven guilty", I'm not super sure why it strikes you as American especially (save for the FREEDOM aspect) when it strikes me as general Western democracy in the same way that a tripartisan system does. The law system is definitely not supposed to be Japanese here, given I barely understand even the Finnish or American ones and so shouldn't try to tread on that territory. There's also the theme of having society be much more fair and understanding that Red's delusional mind thinks. That's where the Nordic health care system instead of the less-than-stellar one of the US comes in as well.
In any case, though, the major takeaway here is that I'm kind of just shit at worldbuilding.
I'm also confused by the "merge" - it's been mentioned before, I think, but I'm still not sure what the mechanics of it are. It seems not to be a delusion but a shift in the universe. Is this something generally accepted, and relevant in this conversation only because it might have been traumatic? It just seems like too big a deal to gloss over.
That would be the intention - which is what I imagine a phenomenon like that would become, kind of like a recently ended war would, though even more prevalent as it had effects as strange as adding new family members. People know lots of lives got really shuffled in a unique way, not to mention this broke some people's entire world views as they didn't believe shifts like this actually existed (since they happen so rarely, proof of earlier events is scarce and scientific study is highly speculative). It feels like something relevant to ask to see if the person has trauma related to that they might have gone through.
This is kind of another one of those "just has to be there" things that annoy people (including myself) about this story universe. It needs to be there to justify Abe's presence which is a bit too deep rooted by now to just remove. I will say, though, that I've managed to come up with a better origin for the hidden room. I just haven't finished the oneshot that introduces this retcon yet so I haven't edited it in.
It's a weird thought to realise that this is a monstrous guy who can't be reformed or redeemed, but he's basically an adolescent idiot who can't use a phone and can barely do chores. Big pathos.
Ding ding ding! The biggest mistake one can make when reading this story is assuming Red is some kind of badass. He's a complete loser once you look at the facts, just one that got access to some very powerful spells.
This chapter was a little unfocused but I did like the increasing anxiety Red develops about his ghost problem and the additional insight into his sad psyche. His turnaround discovery of a possible solution is somewhat abrupt, but as I'm anticipating it to go horribly wrong, I don't mind so much. Looking forward to getting further into this! See you next chapter.
It's definitely true that this chapter's unfocused, and that's due to it actually being two old ones merged together. I do think it's better off as one merge, though, as I've gotten critique of the start of the story being slow. I'd remove some events if I could, but all of them are actually relevant for setting up future events.
Anyway, thanks for the read and review! You're approaching the better part of the story.