TEEN: Invasion of the Executives! (a Hanna-Barbera story)

[Jared DiCarlo]

I’m a HUGE fan of the Hanna-Barbera cartoon studio. What I am not a big fan of, however, is the way their characters have been treated by their current overlords at Warner Brothers. Here is a story I wrote back in 2014-2015 making fun of this.

Note: This story has some mild cursing and demonic themes. Read at your own risk....


Invasion of the Executives

Chapter 1: Introduction

You are about to see a board meeting between the heads of Warner Bros. in Burbank, California. Their leader is one Nat A.S. Mephistopheles, the president of Warner’s film division.

Nat: Gentlemen, I have called you here today to discuss potential ideas for new feature films. My assistant, Second Banana, is trying to learn the ropes of the movie-making process, so I thought it would be best if I show him an actual board meeting.
SB: [snoring]
Nat: Second Banana, are you dozing off???
SB: No, sir, I...
Nat: How many times must I tell you? No dozing [Nat’s head briefly grows demonic] OFF!!!!!
SB: Y-y-y-yes sir...
Nat: Good. Now, as is customary at these meetings, we must first start with a look at our Book of Ruined Franchises.
SB: What’s that?
Nat: It contains all of the franchises that we own, and whether or not we’ve ruined them yet. Hmm...let’s see. We’ve already ruined The Flintstones, so that’s checked off. Yogi Bear’s already been ruined...twice...so we can check that off. Scooby-Doo...too many times to count, so, obviously, that deserves a check mark. Aha! Here’s one! Hey, J.L., have we ruined Huckleberry Hound yet?
J.L.: Ah...no.
Nat: Oh, goody! Second Banana, I’d like you to go visit Mr. Hound and tell him what’s in store for him.
SB: Will do, sir!

[At the Huckleberry household]

SB: This must be the place.
[doorbell rings to the tune of “Clementine”]
Huck: Well, now. I do believe I have a guest. [opens door] And a Huckleberry Hooouuuund-dog howdy! How can I help y’all today?
SB: I apologize if I’m interrupting anything, but I have some exciting news for you. The folks at Warner Bros. Pictures are very pleased to announce that you, yes, you, are getting your very own feature film!
Huck: Now how about that? Little ol’ me is going to be a big movie-type star?
SB: So you’ll do it???
Huck: I shore will!
SB: Splendid! Let’s go back to the studio and tell my boss the good news!
Huck: Hey, honey, I’m goin’ out for a while. Would you mind watching the kiddos for me?
[Huck’s wife, Desert Flower, pops her head out from the living room]
DF: No problem, dear. Just make sure you get home in time to make us dinner.
Huck: Don’t you worry none, little lady. I’ll make this as quick as possible.

[At the studio]

Nat: How did it go, Second Banana?
SB: I got the hound, just like you asked!
Nat: Well done, boy! You’ve done it again! Now, if you and the others could leave us for a few minutes, I’d like to speak with Mr. Hound in private.
SB: Whatever you say, boss.
[Second Banana and the other executives leave]
Nat: Now that we’re alone, allow me to introduce myself. My name is Sat...I mean, Nathaniel A.S. Mephistopheles, but you can call me Nat for short.
Huck: Mephistopheles, huh? Where have I heard that before??! Oh, well. I must be misrememberin’ things.
Nat: [nervous laughter] Yes, I’m very famous. Perhaps you’ve heard of my work. I’m the president of Warner Bros. Pictures. Under my leadership, we’ve produced such modern classics as Attack of the Killer Cauliflower, and Attack of the Killer Cauliflower 2.
Huck: Never heard of ‘em.
Nat: Oh, I guess that’s not important. Anyway, let’s get back to the point. Our genius scriptwriters are currently working on a Huckleberry Hound movie. We thought you’d like to get the lead role, because, after all, no one can do it better than you.
Huck: Would I? Of course I would! I’ve been in lots o’ TV shows and commercial-type things, but I ain’t never been in a film before.
Nat: Excellent!!! Looks like I won’t have to hire John Malkovich after all! Now, if you’d just sign this contract, we’ll be all set!
Huck: Okey-dokey! [he signs the contract while Nat grins evilly] Just one question, Mr. Nat, sir. What am I gonna be lookin’ like in this here film?
Nat: Oh, I was hoping you’d ask that!! Take a look!
[Nat pulls out some promotional art for the movie. It depicts a creepy, human-sized CGI version of Huck, awkwardly standing around.]
Nat: Well, what do you think???
Huck: Um, it’s nice and all, but I don’t think it’ll be good for my image. You might wanna change a few things around or else I’ll quit.
[The words “I’ll quit” echo in Nat’s head]
Nat: Quit.......[Nat goes into a sudden rage] QUIIIIIIITTTTT??!!??? LISTEN HERE, BUDDY! NOW THAT YOU’VE SIGNED THAT CONTRACT, YOU ARE FORBIDDEN FROM QUITTING!!!! GOT IT??!??
Huck: Yes....
Nat: [returns to normal] Good. You’ve got two weeks to prepare for filming. Don’t do anything stupid!!!
Huck: Y-yes, sir.


Later, at the Huckleberry household, Desert Flower passes out dinner to the family while she asks her husband how his meeting went...

DF: Well, how did it go, honey?
Huck Jr: Yeah, how did it go, Daddy? Are you gonna be a star?
Huck: Oh, I shore am, son. But...
DF: Something wrong, dear?
Huck: I dunno, you tell me!
[Huck shows them the picture that Nat showed him]
DF: Yikes! What is that supposed to be?!? It looks like Schwarzenegger with a dog’s head!
Huck: This is what I’m gonna look like in this here movie!! It’s hideous!!
DF: Well, what are you going to do about it?
Huck: There’s only one thang for me to do...I gots to find me some help!


Cast

Greg Berg: Huckleberry Hound, Huck Jr.
Jeff Bergman: Narrator, J.L.
Maurice LaMarche: Nat
Jim Cummings: Second Banana
B.J. Ward: Desert Flower

 

[Jared DiCarlo]

Chapter 2: Rejection and Transformation

Huckleberry decides to visit the house of his closest friend, and long time co-star...

Yogi: Hey, hey hey! Can I help you?
Huck: If it isn’t my ol’ buddy, Yogi Bear!
Yogi: If it isn’t my old buddy, Huckleberry Hound! Come on in, and talk for a while! Did you bring any pic-a-nic type goodies for me?
Huck: Sure did.
Boo-Boo: Enough for both of us?
Huck: I wouldn’t leave you out, Boo-Boo.
Yogi: So, what brings you to our humble house? Need any help, just give us a yelp!
Huck: Ya see, I’m supposed to start filmin’ for a movie-type picture in a couple weeks.
Boo-Boo: So, what’s wrong with that? Shouldn’t you be excited?
Huck: Yeah, but, they want me to look like this!
[Huck shows the bears the promotional picture for the movie]
Yogi: Uh, gee, we’d like to help you, Huck, but, uh, I just remembered, I have to attend a pic-a-nic basket convention in Pensacola tomorrow!
[zips out of frame]
Boo-Boo: And I’ve gotta help him, uh, find the convention! Bye!
[zips out of frame]
Huck: Shucks. They didn’t wanna help me. Guess I’ve gotta ask someone else.

For the next two weeks, Huck visits the houses of everyone he knows to ask for their assistance...

Huck: Surely I can count on you, Super Snooper and Blabber Mouse!
Snooper: Uh, I’ve got an important case to work on. Leave us get back to work on it, Blab!
Blabber: Sorry, Huck.
[door slam]
Huck: Quick Draw McGraw?
QD: No thank you!
[slam]
Huck: Scooby-Doo and the gang?
[The gang ignores him while they smoke some weed]
Huck: Snagglepuss?
Snag: Exit, stage off of my lawn!!
[slam]
Huck: Doggie Daddy?
DD: Git offa my properitty! Hachachacha!
[slam]
Huck: Mr. Jinks?
Jinks: Like, do I know you?
[slam]
Huck: Ruff and Reddy?
Reddy: Do we know you?
[slam]
Huck: Hokey Wolf?
[slam]
Huck: Secret Squir-
[slam]
Huck: Atom-
[slam]

This goes on for several more days until Huck finally gives up...

Huck: It looks like none o’ my pals want to help poor little ol’ me. That settles it, then. I guess I’d better suffer through this movie like a real man.

The big day arrives....

Huck: Bye, honey, I’ve gotta go to the studio today. See you later...as a different person.
[Huck walks out the door, towards his future]
Huck Jr: Will we ever see Daddy again?
DF: I have no idea, son. [starts tearing up] I have no idea....


Huck arrives at the studio, with Nat’s creepy face greeting him.

Nat: Aaaaarrreee yoooouuu reeeaaaaddddyyyyy???
Huck: [sighs] As ready as I’ll ever be.
Nat: Good....follow me.....

Nat walks Huck over to a giant contraption that looks like something from a Jonny Quest episode.

Huck: What’s this?
Nat: You like it? That’s the De-Toonifier! It will take all of your cartoony attributes away!
Huck: Is it safe?
Nat: Of course it’s safe! How else do you think these live-action cartoon movies keep getting made?!?
Huck: [gulp] Guess I have to get in that thang.
Nat: Where’s the fun in that? [turns demonic] I’m putting you in there myself!!!
[Nat forcibly straps Huck to the De-Toonifier. He presses a button, and Huck disappears inside the machine’s doors.]
Nat: This is going to be sweet....

[apologies to Pink Floyd]

Welcome, my son
Welcome...to the machine

Where have you been?
It’s alright, we know where you’ve been

You’ve been in the pipeline, filling in time
Provided with toys, and scouting for boys
You bought a guitar, to punish your ma
You didn’t like school, and you know you’re nobody’s fooooooooool

So welcome......to the machine....

[rest of lyrics not featured here due to copyright]

After about seven minutes, the machine stops buzzing and whirring.

Nat: He’s ready!!! [points to Second Banana] Open the De-Toonifier!
SB: Y-Yes, sir!

The machine opens up, and Huckleberry’s new form is revealed. He is now a CGI abomination from the deepest pits of hell, with realistic fur and beady glass eyes.

Huck: (speaking in Mike Judge’s voice) That was quite a ride, I tell ya hwat! Oh no, my voice!!! It’s been replaced by a bland celebrity!!! You never said nothin’ about changin’ my voice!
Nat: Well, deal with it! You’re under my control now, doggy! [turns to executives] He’s perfect in every way, isn’t he, gentlemen?
J.L.: Which one is he, again?
Nat: How about you, Second Banana?
SB: [clearly nervous] I think it’s f-f-fine, boss!
Nat: Good! Now that we’ve got this all sorted out, let the filming begin! I guarantee you this movie is going to be a HUGE success!!!


Several months later...

Nat: I can’t believe this film was a flop! We did everything our research suggested, we had a great actor, why did it fail???
Huck: It failed because it wasn’t what people wanted to see. Sure, all of y’all executives were countin’ on it to succeed, but the movie goin’ public knew that it was a steamin’ pile of dog crap! Well, now that this whole fiasco is over, can y’all please turn me back to normal?
Nat: [turns sinister] About that....You see, I’m afraid I can’t do that. Have you taken a good look at that contract I had you sign when you joined production? It clearly states that all changes forced-I mean provided upon you are to remain permanent! No exceptions!
Huck: But I can’t stay like this forever? What’ll my friends say?
Nat: Oh, your friends??? Let’s take a look at what they’re doing via my magical, mystical crystal ball.
[Nat’s crystal ball reveals a scene of Quick Draw, Yogi, Snagglepuss, and Hokey in a movie theater, laughing at Huck’s movie. This is obviously just an illusion created by Nat (complete with hilariously fake voices) to keep Huck on his side, but Huck is too shocked to notice this.]
Snag: This movie is hilarious, knee-slapping, even!
Hokey: I agree! Huckleberry Hound is a loser, so seeing him get hurt is funny!
Yogi: Once this showing is over, I wanna see it again and again!
QD: Doooon’t you forget it!
[Nat turns off the crystal ball, grinning when he sees Huck start breaking down in tears]
Nat: As you can see, Huck, your friends never really liked you!
Huck: But...but what about all those fun (and not so fun) adventures we went on together?
Nat: Isn’t it obvious? They only did that because they pitied you, not because they genuinely liked you! Now, go on home, buddy. Your work here is done.


Huck sighs, and returns home to wallow in his sadness. He has to wear a trench coat on his walk home, hoping nobody will recognize him from his failure of a movie. When he finally does arrive home, he sits down in his favorite couch, and turns on the TV.

Huck: Maybe they’re showing one of my cartoons on Boomerang today.
Boomerang announcer: Coming up next, it’s Be Cool, Scooby-Doo!, on Boomerang!
Huck: Dangit Bobby...um, I mean, Dangit Desert Flower! What the hell is this crap on my TV right now?!?

The TV proceeds to play a modern incarnation of Scooby-Doo where the characters are all rendered in a Family Guy-esque art style. Huck checks the channel listings, only to find that, apart from Tom and Jerry and Looney Tunes, all of the classic H-B shows that used to be on the channel (such as his own) have been replaced with modern garbage such as “Bunnicula”, “New Looney Tunes”, and, echhh, “Teen Titans Go!”.

Huck: NOOOO!!!!!!


Author’s note: Sorry that I didn’t write more about the movie’s filming process. Remember that I wrote this years ago when my writing skills were not as good.

Cast:

Greg Berg: Huckleberry Hound, Reddy, Huck Jr.
Mike Judge: Huck’s movie voice
Maurice LaMarche: Nat
Jeff Bergman: Narrator, Yogi Bear, Quick Draw McGraw, Doggie Daddy, Mr. Jinks, Hokey Wolf, J.L.
Tom Kenny: Boo-Boo, Snagglepuss
Jim Cummings: Second Banana
Rob Paulsen: Snooper, Blabber
B.J. Ward: Desert Flower
Some annoying kid: Boomerang announcer

 

[Jared DiCarlo]

Chapter 3: Revelation

Some time passes, and Huck’s friends are enjoying a lively walk in the park...

Snag: Hark! What a wonderful day in the park!
Yogi: Hey, rhyming is my shtick, Slick!
Snag: Oh, you wanna fight, do ya? I’ll give you a left, and a right, and a center, even!
Yogi: You call that an attack, Jack? You fight like a hom-
Hokey: Simmer down, fellas! We don’t want to kill each other, do we? [Yogi and Snag glare at him] Eh, perhaps I said too much.
Boo-Boo: Guys, can we please all stop fighting? There’s something important we should be doing right now!
Yogi: What’s the matter, my little bear-type buddy?
Boo-Boo: I haven’t seen or heard from Huck in months! You think he’s alright?
Yogi: Who?
Boo-Boo: You know, our friend?
Yogi: Oh, that guy. I thought you were talking about somebody else.
Hokey: You cannot be that stupid.
Boo-Boo: I think we should go and visit him.
QD: Hooold on thar! I’ll do the thinking around here, and dooooon’t you forget it!

So, after much convincing by Boo-Boo, the whole gang decides to go and visit their friend. When they arrive, they are taken aback by the state of his property. The grass does not appear to have been mowed in a long time, the siding is falling off, and a homeless man is sleeping in the bushes.

Boo-Boo: Hello, is Huck here?
DF: He’s in the living room. But, I must warn you...please watch your step.

The inside of the house is even worse than the outside. Garbage cans are full, dirty clothes and rotten food litter the floor, and there is a giant stack of VHS tapes and DVD boxes next to Huck’s couch. The unsanitary conditions are enough to make Snag vomit.

And then, they see Huck himself, and the horror is complete. He has gained quite a bit of weight since the last time they saw him. He hasn’t shaved, he’s wearing a wifebeater, and has numerous cans of beer in his lap. On the television, he is watching some mindless show called “Family Guy”, and laughing nervously at every bad joke...

Peter Griffin: This is just like that time I went to McDonald’s with Casey Kasem.
[scene cuts to Peter and Casey Kasem at McDonald’s]
Peter: What’ll you have, Casey?
Casey: I’m a vegetarian, Peter. I don’t eat meat!
Peter: Awkward.....[farts for no reason]

Huck: [nervous laughter]
Boo-Boo: Huck, are you okay in here?
Huck: Oh, it’s you people. If y’all came here to apologize to me, then you can just forget it!
Yogi: But that’s exactly why we’re here, buddy! We’re sorry for not helping you get out of that movie.
Huck: Oh, really? Well, it’s a bit too late for that. Just look at me! I’m hideous!!! I ain’t never gonna get my cartoony physique back. Worst of all, sometimes, I randomly start talking about [gains Hank Hill’s face] PROPANE. You did this to me, all because you were too chicken to help me out! But, it does make more sense to me now that I know y’all were never really my friends in the first place!
Hokey: What are you talking about?
Huck: Wouldn’t you like to know, Mr. “Huckleberry Hound is a loser”! You said it yourself!
Hokey: I don’t know the meaning of those words!
Huck: Don’t lie to me. Nat showed me a video of you guys at the movie, and you were laughing at my misfortune!
Boo-Boo: What are you saying, Huck? We never saw that movie!
Yogi: I wouldn’t go see that film even if you gave me a pic-a-nic basket!
QD: Why would we wanna go see a movie that done made a mockery of our buddy? That ain’t bein’ a good friend!
Boo-Boo: Besides, Huck, that movie producer isn’t who he says he is.
Huck: Who, Nat? Sure, he changed me into this hideous monstrosity, but he seems like a pretty normal guy.
Boo-Boo: Haven’t you realized what happens when you reverse his first name?
Huck: Um, could y’all give me a hint?
Boo-Boo: [facepalm] Do I have to spell it out for you?!? The man you’ve been working for is literally SATAN!!!!
Huck: Satan? As in, the Devil??? I tell you hwat, I knew that last name sounded familiar! What are we waitin’ for, let’s go stop him!!!
Yogi: Hey hey hey, that’s the Huck I know!
QD: I’ll call up some friends of ours! We’ll need all the help we can get!


Cast:

Mike Judge: Huck’s movie voice
B.J. Ward: Desert Flower
Jeff Bergman: Yogi, Hokey, Quick Draw, Casey Kasem, Narrator
Tom Kenny: Boo-Boo, Snagglepuss

And guest starring Peter Griffin as himself!!!