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TEEN: It's Electric: Cranking it to Eleven.

Hey there best newcomer! I'm a big music guy myself so I was really looking forward to reading this.

PLOT: Slice of life is a refreshing break from the usual high octane action or immense feels usually taken on by Pokemon fanfiction. That said, slice of life on its own isn't enough to carry a whole story. It took six chapters before it really came together where the story was going. I dunno, maybe I'm being too picky. The first gig just seemed kind of uneventful. I guess what I'm saying is that I agree with what some others have said that the pacing is a little off. Pacing can be tricky though, and this is a great job for a first fic.

Other than that, I love the idea of a music based story. I luurrrvvv music of all kinds and have played keys in a couple different bands in the past. Playing a gig is one of my favorite feelings in the whole world. You've done a great job of capturing the comradery of a band and the stereotypical band dynamic. I particularly liked the whole not having a band name until right before the first gig bit, that was hilariously relatable. I also like the way it's all incorporated with the Pokemon world. I found the fact that the traveling trainer was the eccentric-friend-archetype quite funny. It's all well thought out and well put together.

Once again, you've nailed some basic band member stereotypes. It's enough to be relatable, but not so much to be predictable. I know it's a little early in the story to be worrying about this, but the one thing I would suggest to keep in mind is development. Specifically Jackie's development. You've done a good job of making her an actual character more than just a Pokemon who plays the guitar so that you don't have to juggle more than three actual characters. Make sure it stays that way as you continue.

Now, since you're clearly planning on jumping around a bit in terms of POV characters, I have some more advice. When you switch POV characters, even in third person, it helps to change your voice. As it is, you could swap out the names in Chapter 7 and I wouldn't be able to tell the difference. Different people notice different things, so description will be different. Even the way you word your description should vary. This can get complicated (I have trouble with it too), so don't worry about it too much. Just something to keep in mind.

WRITING: On the technical side of things, I didn't notice anything jarring. Although you should probably fix this:

"Roooow" Leo responded, as Jacob whipped out a pokeball, enveloping Leo in a flash of red light, encasing him safely within it's confines. With that, Leo approached the Striaton gym.

It made the scene kind of confusing :p And while we're on the topic of these two sentences, "it's" is short for "it is." Use "its" for possessive. Yay English!

On the creative side... I'm going to be honest, I wasn't blown away. Your dialogue was decent. No real problems, but it didn't stand out a ton. As with the POV thing I mentioned, try to make sure each character has there own distinct voice. Again, this can be difficult and you do a fair job anyway yada yada. Your description was decent as well. You do a good job of balancing showing and telling. I'm a big fan of throwing in a quick paragraph of straight up description whenever there's a scene change and you pull that off perfectly. Your showing could use some work though. For example:

They had a very casual look about them, with medium length hair ...

What does medium length mean? Specificity is key when it comes to description. I'm not saying you have to list the exact length in centimeters of every band members hair. Say it in the way that you would notice it, like "shoulder length" or "hair down to the middle of their backs" or something of the sort. I'm not trying to be picky, as you do a good job of this elsewhere. Just try to do a good job of it everywhere!

It's too early to cast any real judgment on this, but I like what I've read so far. Unfortunately I don't Spotify so I'm missing out on an entire dimension of this fic. You'll have to forgive me for that. Keep it up!

Review Extravaganza 2/50
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