COMPLETE: Keystone (EVERYONE)

[UselessBytes]

“Official Statem--- of Apolog-”

“I, --izo- Co-mo, am respon----- for the los- of the Odd Keystone dona--d… by the Oreb--gh Mine…”

The rest is too damaged to make out…

XXX​

Odd Keystone Report, Entry 1

“I must thank the Oreburgh Mine for providing me with such a unique item to study. The Odd Keystone they have donated appears to be a man made object, but it predates any known civilizations in the Sinnoh region. This, of course, raises several questions, the largest of which being, ‘Was there some form of civilization in Sinnoh that we have yet to discover?’

“However, that’s a mystery for another time. What’s important right now is analyzing the Odd Keystone. So far, I’ve found nothing conclusive, but it does seem to radiate some form of energy. Similar radiations seem to be given off by Pokémon like Gengar and Banette. Perhaps it has some relation to those Pokémon, like Latias and Latios and the fabled Soul Dew, or Arceus and its legendary plates. I’ll update my findings as I discover more.”

-Professor Raizoh Cozmo


Odd Keystone Report, Entry 2

“Further analysis of the Odd Keystone has raised even more questions. I followed through on my previous speculations by exposing the Odd Keystone to several ghost type Pokémon, but no reaction occurred, Likewise, the Pokémon exposed to the Odd Keystone showed no interest in it. It is a possibility that my initial conclusion was completely incorrect, but I have the strangest feeling that this energy radiating from the Odd Keystone is more significant than it seems. Perhaps I’ll expose the keystone to other types of Pokémon. What is this strange relic?”

-Professor Raizoh Cozmo


Odd Keystone Report, Entry 3

“I believe I have made a breakthrough. The energy radiating from the Odd Keystone seems to be similar to that of the so-called ‘Infinity Energy’ released by Mega Evolution, although a great deal more potent. Perhaps the Odd Keystone is an early form of the keystone trainers use to Mega Evolve their Pokémon, or even a type of Mega Stone for an undiscovered Pokémon! I’ll have to continue this path of research to be truly sure.

“On the other hand, ancient legends tell of a man named AZ who once harnessed this ‘Infinity Energy’ in the form of the Life Force of a great many Pokémon. It is a disturbing story, to say the least, but all options must be considered. Perhaps the Keystone is a container for such Life Force. Sadly, I’ve no way to pursue this idea, as there isn’t any way to extract this ‘Life Force’, if it even exists.”

-Professor Raizoh Cozmo


Odd Keystone Report, Entry 4

“Having further analyzed the Odd Keystone’s makeup, I’m afraid I’ll have to abandon my Mega Stone theory, as the keystone appears to be mostly granite, and holds no trace of the crystalline material that makes up Mega Stones, only what appears to be a small chunk of unidentified mineral at the center of the keystone. Therefore, I am back where I started, with no clue as to what the Odd Keystone is, or what it once might have been. I plan to run more exposure tests, this time with Pokémon types other than ghost. Perhaps I shall find some significance in those tests.

“It’s unfortunate, but if I can find no other leads to follow regarding the Odd Keystone, I may be forced to abandon the project.”

-Professor Raizoh Cozmo


Odd Keystone Report, Entry 5

“The Odd Keystone is gone. It was simply missing from its place on the examination table as I entered the lab this morning. I am writing this as I frantically search my lab for any trace of the keystone. I did not move or misplace it, and when I asked the lab aides, they all claimed to be innocent. I’ve no clue where it could have disappeared to, and all that I can think of is how furious the supervisors from Devon will be when they discover that I’ve lost such a valuable donation.”

-Professor Raizoh Cozmo


Odd Keystone Report, Entry 5

“The Odd Keystone has reappeared. I don’t know how or when, but I returned to the lab this morning and the keystone was once again in its place on the examination table, exactly where it had been before. It was gone for barely over a day, and I am most curious as to who had taken it. The important matter, however, is that it has been returned. I’ll have some explaining to do regarding the note I turned in to Captain Stern about it going missing, I suppose.

“Anyways, I have resumed testing on the Odd Keystone, only to find that the strange energy it is emitting is even more potent than before. Did something happen to it while it was missing from the lab? If so, I must find out and attempt to recreate this event. I shall update my findings further if I am successful.”

-Professor Raizoh Cozmo


Odd Keystone Report, Entry 6

“I’ve made a breakthrough! The energy radiating from the Odd Keystone has increased again, after I exposed it a sphere commonly found in the massive network of caverns located under Sinnoh. I understand that the caves are a popular destination for spelunkers, and that the spheres are used as some sort currency within the caves, but I do not understand the correlation between the spheres and the keystone.

“I’ve also most likely discovered the Odd Keystone’s thief. There is a researcher in another lab aboard the Sea Mauville that is studying these spheres. He, of course, denies my accusations, but I’m still suspicious.”

-Professor Raizoh Cozmo


Odd Keystone Report, Entry 7

“I’ve made a most curious discovery. The previously unidentified mineral at the keystone’s center appears to be similar to the mineral that comprises the spheres from Sinnoh. However, the spheres are natural occurrences at extreme depths, while the keystone was found in a rather shallow branch of the Oreburgh Mine. I’d say my suspicions that the Odd Keystone is man made are all but confirmed.

“On the other hand, the matter of the mysterious energy remains unsolved. I know that it is similar to Infinity Energy and is somehow related to the spheres, but that is all. It is a most frustrating predicament.”

-Professor Raizoh Cozmo


Odd Keystone Report, Entry 8

“The Odd Keystone disappeared again. This time, I was much less concerned, and found it where I suspected it would be: In the lab of the researcher looking into spheres. However, what did intrigue me is that the researcher looking into spheres has been on sick leave for two days now. Perhaps one of his lab aides is the culprit?

“No matter. There are more important matters at hand. Upon analyzing one of the spheres I had been keeping in close proximity for the Odd Keystone, I have discovered that the orb has started radiating the same energy as the Odd Keystone! Needless to say, I was fascinated by the occurrence, and immediately analyzed the Odd Keystone itself, only to find the level of energy it was outputting had lessened dramatically! I must conclude that these spheres serve as storage devices for this energy, and that the Odd Keystone held some significance. Perhaps the energy it was storing was important to whatever civilization created it.”

-Professor Raizoh Cozmo


Odd Keystone Report, Entry 9

“The Odd Keystone was missing once again this morning, and I found it in the exact same location as before. I must say, this is getting quite annoying, and if it happens again, I’ll be reporting it to Captain Stern.

“I analyzed the energy output of all the spheres the other researcher had been studying while I retrieved the Odd Keystone, and found that they were completely devoid of the energy coming from the Odd Keystone. Did the Odd Keystone absorb all of the energy from them?”

-Professor Raizoh Cozmo


Odd Keystone Report, Entry 10

“The Odd Keystone was missing once again this morning, but I could not find it anywhere in the lab with the spheres. This is most concerning. I shall continue to search for it, but perhaps it shall turn up on its own once again.

“On a related note, the sphere I had used to draw energy out of the Odd Keystone is now completely devoid of that same energy. Perhaps the Odd Keystone reclaimed the stolen energy.”

-Professor Raizoh Cozmo


Odd Keystone Report, Entry 11

“The keystone is still missing, and has been for several days. I haven’t slept much at all, partly out of worry, partly out of intrigue. I’ve scoured all of Sea Mauville and still discovered no trace of the Keystone, and the guards at the entrances tell me no one has taken it off site.

“In other news, I’ve started hearing unusual noises around the lab. It’s most likely the lack of sleep, but it’s still worth noting."

-Professor Raizoh Cozmo


Odd Keystone Report, Entry 12

“The Odd Keystone is still missing, but that is not why I am writing this entry. I managed to get a good night’s sleep last night, and woke up rather refreshed. However, the noises I’ve been hearing are still there, if not louder. I’ve asked some of the lab aides if they hear anything, but they claim not to. Is this perhaps a side effect of prolonged exposure to the energy emitted by the Odd Keystone? If so, perhaps it is a good thing it has disappeared before more serious symptoms emerged.”

-Professor Raizoh Cozmo


Odd Keystone Report, Entry 13

“The noises have only gotten louder, and frankly, I’m starting to worry. It’s been nearly two weeks since I was last exposed to the energy of the Odd Keystone, and the noises aren’t going away. Sometimes I swear they almost sound like words. Perhaps I should take some time off. Yes, that would be nice. It’s been some time since I’ve seen my son Takao.

-Professor Raizoh Cozmo


Odd Keystone Report, Entry 14

“They are words, I knew it! The strange noises have started to form words, albeit just a passing ‘are’ or ‘we’. Most of it is still unintelligible gibberish. Am I going insane, or did my extended exposure to the Odd Keystone open me up to something… more? Perhaps the energy was a key, a key to unlocking something… something new, and not of this world.”

-Professor Raizoh Cozmo


Odd Keystone Report, Entry 15

“The noises are starting to disturb me. They’re whispering in my ear, influencing me. I’m constantly overcome with emotions the likes of which I’ve never experienced before. Burning hatred, seething bitterness, a biting sense of cold rage. The lab aides say I’m in quite the funk, and I myself find that I only really manage to be at peace when I’m writing these reports in my lab.

“If I’m being honest, I’m starting to scare myself. I’ve no idea what I’ve truly brought about.”

-Professor Raizoh Cozmo


Odd Keystone Report, Entry 16

“I’ve come to a harrowing conclusion. In one of my earlier entries, I explained my theory about Life Force and Infinity Energy, and then dismissed it as implausible. I now return to that conclusion in light of a recent realization. It was a common belief among the ancient peoples of Sinnoh that malevolent spirits could be bound and imprisoned within sacred or significant objects, removing their ability to influence the outside world. Normally I would find such beliefs silly and naive, but in light of recent events, I have been forced to consider the possibility. Perhaps the Odd Keystone was one of such objects, and perhaps by providing it access to other sources of this Life Force, in the form of spheres, it was able to grow powerful enough to escape its bonds. If this is the case, then I must admit, I am very, very afraid.

-Professor Raizoh Cozmo


Odd Keystone Report, Entry 17

“The noises are no longer noises. Ever since I came to the conclusion that I released… something, the noises have become words, and since then sentences. I can hear them everywhere I go now, whether I’m on Sea Mauville or not. Every waking moment is plagued by a quiet, horrifying whisper in my ear. The emotions I was claiming to experience before are stronger than ever, and writing no longer quells them. I am afraid of what I might do should I be encouraged to act upon these foreign emotions.”

-Professor Raizoh Cozmo


Odd Keystone Report, Entry 18

“I hear them everywhere, the whispers. They never stop. I hear them as I work, I hear them as I dream, and they only say one thing, over and over.

“It’s come to my attention that my son feels neglected and alone, and that my wife is having an affair, but I don’t care. All I care about are the voices. Their constant companionship is both comforting and bone chillingly terrifying as they keep whispering their message over and over. They say only one thing, one thing I am not likely to ever forget, even if I’m freed of this curse.

“All they ever say and all they ever whisper is, ‘We are Spiritomb’.”

-Professor Raizoh Cozmo


Odd Keystone Report, Entry 19

“Captain Stern here. Just goin’ through and finalizing all of Raizoh’s research. Had to lay the poor fellow off the other day, he’s gone rather batty if I do say so myself. I hate to see the man go, he was brilliant, but a job’s a job and Raizoh just couldn’t seem to keep up with it. Maybe the stress is what drove ‘em mad. Maybe some time with his family will help patch him up.

-Sea Mauville Supervisor, Captain Stern

 

[Flaze]

Well this was an interesting way to expand upon the notes found in ORAS, we don't really get too much detail into what happened to Cosmo's dad back then, so this definetily is one way of exploring that, even if in the grand scheme of thing it's just a story on what's a slight tidbit in one of the games, though it was still one that broke my heart when I played it.

Regardless, the format you chose is fitting with what we go in the games, albeit a bit flawed. While it gives us a chance to see Raizoh's slow descent into madness at the hand of the Odd Keystone, another nice tidbit, it also makes it hard for us to really care for him. Letter/video format in stories with psychological and horror elements tend to be either a bit more extensive or just a side thing as part of a bigger story because it's hard to really feel attached to the char. Here the story mostly floats with the fact that we know who Raizoh is.

That's not to say you don't do things right though. Even though we know that the Odd Keystone is bad news, the build up to it is still pretty suspenseful, heck, I'd say that knowing where it's going to go actually helps build tension as we develop our own expectations for what's going to happen. Unfortunately, that's also a bit of an issue here as...nothing really happens, we know that Raizoh definitely suffered from Spiritomb's manipulation, but the story just kind of ends without a proper conclusion besides him just being taken away. I know this is kind of how your horror stories work (based on what I read from Real Fear), but it worked more in a story where we got to spend more time with the characters than a one-shot.

I also have to give you points for the way in which you had Raizho gradually rationalize the way the Odd Keystone works, originally tying it to normal Keystones, as well as Infinite Energy, was a good way of pointing out details from other games that at the time of this fic were still being looked on.

Overall I'd say it was an entertaining one-shot that manages to keep the reader expecting but it kind of has an anti-climatic end, I know you like to show that scary things don't always go away and sometimes we don't even get to see them properly, but it'll be wise to consider the format for the story as well as what you're building the reader for next time.

 

[Beth Pavell]

It's probably going to be easier to do a multi-quote review rather than the usual format.

I don't recall how much of this was in the games. Writing close to the canon is something of a double-edged sword, so it may be that I end up picking on something that's not so much your fault as Game Freak's.

Stylistically I think the main issue is that there's no clear sense of who this is written for, in-universe. This confusion is a standard trope of "apocalypse logs" in games, usually because the writers are more concerned with easily getting information across than the information making sense in context. Is this a personal diary? Informal notes written to reference later? A formal research record? Each answer implies a different cache of information that Cozmo might record. For example, this:

The emotions I was claiming to experience

wouldn't make sense if Cozmo never intended for anyone other than himself to read the notes. But if the entries were going to be read by anyone involved in the study, it's very unlikely he would include personal information.

There's something distinctly Lovecraftian about the style of the half-finished narrative that doesn't really go anywhere and hints more than explains. This reminds me of Lovecraft's favourite explanation of his "apocalypse log" stories - they're often supposed to be accounts written after the fact, so to speak, cautionary tales written by a man who knows full well what he's writing is (Literally) incredible.

In any case, I think some of the ideas in here need a bit of tightening up. I do still get the feeling that some of what is in there is there because you need it to be, rather than because Cozmo would write it, like so:

“In other news, I’ve started hearing unusual noises around the lab. It’s most likely the lack of sleep, but it’s still worth noting."

The language he uses fits the informal tone of a highly-educated man reasonably well, except for the one "Anyways" that crept in. It would benefit from some more sciency sounding technical language, even though it would necessarily need to be science babble. There are a couple of odd leaps of logic that I wouldn't expect from a scientist, such as his assertion that the Odd Keystone is almost certainly man-made. Well, if he can't even guess at who made it, any archaeologist would shoot that right down, especially since it wasn't found a few feet beneath the earth, but in a coal mine.

The other is that it's odd he doesn't consider pokémon more. Cozmo lives in a world where it's known that certain pokémon have mind altering powers. If he's considering the possibility that the Keystone is a man-made object, it's a small leap to wonder whether it's intended as an early type of Poké Ball.

 

[Persephone]

I haven't played ORAS beyond a few attempts to get to Rustboro followed by a sinking acknowledgment that I could just as easily be playing Emerald for the same experience. So that's the perspective I'm coming in with.

I tend to agree with Pavs that the biggest problem here, for me, is that the log didn't make sense. Who was it written to? If it's a personal diary I would've expected more references to the family or phone calls to them, crew interactions, etc. If it was a working lab journal I would've expected more notes on the details of things (weights, densities, how you know the composition, what tests were run, the units and intensity of the energy, etc.). So I spent almost the entire length of this confused what the actual story was supposed to be.

As for the ending... meh. Letting the audience just imagine what happened works if you already care about people so the horror is not knowing what happened to people you cared about but knowing it was probably bad. Here? I don't care about the guy at all, so if you want to really scare me with the ending you'll have to actually show me the horror of what the voices lead him to do.

The middle bits were good at slowly building tension. I was just expecting them to be middle bits, rather than the actual ending of the story. In general this felt like it needed to be more fleshed out, both in the beginning as to who the character was and what these logs are, and at the end in terms of what happened.

 

[diamondpearl876]

“Official Statem--- of Apolog-”

“I, --izo- Co-mo, am respon----- for the los- of the Odd Keystone dona--d… by the Oreb--gh Mine…”

The rest is too damaged to make out…

This opening is nice because it allows readers to view the actual entries in an entirely different light, although in the entries the opening never is introduced again. When did Cozmo send out an official statement, and how did it get damaged? I kinda wanted to know that by the end. ^^;

“I believe I have made a breakthrough. The energy radiating from the Odd Keystone seems to be similar to that of the so-called ‘Infinity Energy’ released by Mega Evolution, although a great deal more potent. Perhaps the Odd Keystone is an early form of the keystone trainers use to Mega Evolve their Pokémon, or even a type of Mega Stone for an undiscovered Pokémon! I’ll have to continue this path of research to be truly sure.

I like the connection between Spiritomb and mega evolution. I mean, the item for mega evolution being called a "keystone," too, begs for a connection between the two, right? I think you took advantage of the ideas well here and added a unique sense of worldbuilding as a result.

It is a disturbing story, to say the least, but all options must be considered.

This is a thought Cozmo goes back and forth on a lot, which I like. (I'm not a sadist, I swear.) History, even bloody and immoral history, must be remembered. A renowned researcher like Cozmo does well to know that.

I’ve no clue where it could have disappeared to, and all that I can think of is how furious the supervisors from Devon will be when they discover that I’ve lost such a valuable donation.”

I might've liked to see more info on the donator and/or the suspected thief of the odd keystone. Was the donator interviewed at all as to where the odd keystone came from or anything? Where did the name "odd keystone" even come from in your rendition of this?

“It’s come to my attention that my son feels neglected and alone, and that my wife is having an affair, but I don’t care. All I care about are the voices.

You know he's in too deep when he stops caring about things that were important in his life before. You do a good job showing just how affected he was by this whole ordeal.

“Captain Stern here. Just goin’ through and finalizing all of Raizoh’s research. Had to lay the poor fellow off the other day, he’s gone rather batty if I do say so myself. I hate to see the man go, he was brilliant, but a job’s a job and Raizoh just couldn’t seem to keep up with it. Maybe the stress is what drove ‘em mad. Maybe some time with his family will help patch him up.

-Sea Mauville Supervisor, Captain Stern

It's fitting that this would end with another POV to give a little glimpse of what Cozmo was going through. Overall, this was an interesting little experimental piece!

 

[UselessBytes]

This opening is nice because it allows readers to view the actual entries in an entirely different light, although in the entries the opening never is introduced again. When did Cozmo send out an official statement, and how did it get damaged? I kinda wanted to know that by the end. ^^;

Actually, that little opening is directly from the games. You find it in the Sea Mauville. And I did sort of reference it in Entry 5, saying "I’ll have some explaining to do regarding the note I turned in to Captain Stern about it going missing, I suppose."

 

[diamondpearl876]

Actually, that little opening is directly from the games. You find it in the Sea Mauville. And I did sort of reference it in Entry 5, saying "I’ll have some explaining to do regarding the note I turned in to Captain Stern about it going missing, I suppose."

This is what happens when I don’t play the main games as religiously as I used to

 

[Juliko]

Everybody else said their piece on this, so I don't know if any critique I can offer would be of much help. But I definitely liked your idea of expanding on Mr. Cozmo's research on the Odd Keystone and Spiritomb. I also like how you made Spiritomb kind of mischievous in that the Keystone keeps appearing, disappearing, and reappearing. It also adds to the slow build-up to the eventual reveal, and I feel said build-up is definitely the best part of your story. Good job!

 

[Misfit Angel]

Awards review!

First, I should preface this by saying that I don't know anything about this subject material other than the general idea behind Spiritomb. The last generation of Pokemon games I played was Gen 4, and the last generation I actively paid attention to was Gen 5. From my understanding, this all relates to ORAS, something I know very little about.

Plotwise, I'm sure there's more to it than what I'm seeing. I honestly couldn't find anything to really comment on in this category during my judging. But what little I did find is coherent.

I felt the setting is kinda weak. I don't remember a Sea Mauville in Gen 3, so I'm assuming is a new addition to ORAS. As an outsider, I didn't learn much about what Sea Mauville is, other than it has a lab for research and has guards posted around it. The wording makes it sound like it's either a ship or some sort of platform, I'm not sure which. I'm hedging by bets on ship, considering there's a "Captain Stern" at the end. Total pirate name, btw.

As an outsider to whoever this Cozmo guy is, I learned next to nothing about him other than he has a son named Takao and he's super dedicated to his research. Outside of that? Hmm... Drawing a blank.

Let's move onto style. First person usually isn't my jam. I find it odd to associate with in most cases because I always feel like it should be happening to me, but it's not. That said, this is super easy and enjoyable to read. Nothing too complex, but not simple enough to bore me into oblivion. It reaches a good middle ground and therein lies its strength of sticking with 1st person.

Grammar checks out, spelling checks out, nothing feels awkward or out of place. I can't find anything wrong with it in this regard.

It might feel like there's a lot of criticism, but there's nothing inherently wrong with what is written. This is just a short little writing which appears to be of little consequence, so we probably shouldn't expect masterful application of details that don't really matter. Above all, it was an easy and fun read, and that's the important bit.

It also might feel like there's not much that I'm picking up on, and that's true. I've read other peoples' thoughts on this project and reread it, but I don't see half of what people are pointing out. Obviously this is a problem on my end (which is worrying, this happens too much) and not the writer's fault. Not being in the know with ORAS probably hindered my ability to appreciate what's going on. :/