EVERYONE: Lance's Childhood

[Chilon]

Lance wakes up, cold sweat running down his cheeks. His red hair is just dripping. Now it was less than a week, not a day, not an hour, not a minute, until he became a Pokemon trainer. He was 10 now. Thousands of thoughts flowed through him like a wild swarm of Goldeen pursued by a Gyarados. Quickly got up and shuffled into the bathroom. In his dream he had seen the Kanto region with all his Pokemon. With Juros being the Ice Top Four member and his secret crush, Mister Flint the Elite Fighting Trainer and Sebastian the strongest Flight Trainer there is and Lusacio the Talented Psycho Trainer with his Slowbro. A pidgey pecking at his windowpane snapped him out of his dreams. Oh no! What if he comes late. That's it for him then. He slid down the banister in a flash and with every inch he left behind, he distanced himself from his childhood and his earliest memories, which were wrapped in rosy cotton wool, so fragile, so fine. But Lance would never forget how he played with the many Pokemon in the park as a child. Never.

 

[Chilon]

His mother wasn't there. As always. She was a professor at a Pokemon college. No, he didn't live alone, his big brother Ludwig still lived here. Suddenly the pidgey fluttered through an open window. Oh no it wanted to attack Lance! "Help" he called desperately. Suddenly the door was flung open and his brother came in "Go Raichu, now Thunderbolt!" Lightning ripped across the kitchen, hitting Pidgey head-on. The dove flapped backwards away, however, not before knocking over some vases. "Please Lance don't bother! You have to go." Lance grabbed his backpack. "Where have you been?" asked Lance. Ludwig put the panes aside: "The mailbox, I've cleared it out." He pressed a light letter into Lance's hand. "And now get on with it!" Lance, whose curiosity was very high right now and not just because of the letter, ran off. His hair was blowing in the wind and he didn't look back once, not that he wouldn't miss it, but he knew that if he turned around again, it would tear him apart. He was now a Trainer. So damn many questions tickled his whole body. He could have screamed! But it wasn't bad. It was just like he was really grown up now. "Look here! I'm the great Delia Ketchum and I'm going to be Pokemon Master!" "Don't feel strong just because your father brought you a Mime Jr. from Sinnoh." They were the two neighborhood kids. Bob and Delia. If the If they wanted to be something then they should try hard. Professor Oak's laboratory lay raised in front of him and the wind turbines danced merrily in the wind. A breeze made the entrance sign wobble, which said Laboratory in bold red letters. The young man Samuel Oak was a student Professor Oak and at the same time his nephew watered the flowers that marked the entrance in the square tubs. "Ah, it's you Lance. Professor Oak is already waiting behind the house." Lance crept around the lab trying not to disturb anything. old Oak was very aggressive when it came to his art: poetry. Lance turned around Delia had followed him and of course Bob too! Lance shook his head then summed up all his courage and stepped around the corner of the house.

 

[Chilon]

Chapter 3 Time seemed to slow down and a single step felt like a hike for Lance. A garden full of machines and overgrown Pokemon statues opened up in front of him. Lianas of white ivy blocked the view and it stank of burnt rubber and old Tauros musk. Time suddenly went back to normal and it felt surprisingly good to be in the middle of the garden. Samuel staggered after him, followed closely by Delia and Bob. The professor sat down behind a slightly etched table and looked at the pokeballs. "I want to choose one first!!" "No. Wait!" the professor stood up excitedly. "We're going to do a...well...an aptitude test: Samuel?" Groaning, Samuel scrambled to his feet and seemed to have just been knocked over by Bob. "Sorry!" Bob yelled before lining up next to Delia, "What are the rules going to be like!" Bob asked, panting like a Growlithe. "Shut up!" Exasperated, trying to keep calm, Proffesor Oak declared, “Each of you will fight Samuel with these three starters. But when you end your Pokemon, Samuel has to switch it too. I'll see which one you get on with best." Slightly trembling, he sat back down on the chair and looked expectantly at Samuel, who was already sorting his Pokeballs. Delia picked up the three starters and put them in her jacket pocket like a small child just got $1 from his grandma Delia cheekily called out shortly after Samuel positioned himself at the spot where he was supposed to be on the battlefield, "Squirtel...time to...no...come on...?" The little red wobbly mass just popped out of the ball and turned into a little turquoise round thing with a cute round snout. "Aha, let's see it then: Nidorino!" Samuel shouted more determinedly than Delia. Stuttering, Delia ordered Squirtel: "Squirtel... used the...the..." "Not so hesitant young lady: Nidorino Horn Attack.!" Nidorion's horn began to spin frantically and at the same time it rushed towards Squirtel like a turpedo. Delia squeaked only as Squirtel was blown out by the strong centrifugal force arising from Horn Attack! "We're not done yet...wait Charmander !" The fire lizard shot out of his ball on its own, but Samuel wasn't bad either, according to the rules he had to exchange his Pokemon: "Okey, off to the next fight: Exeggcute." Lance took a close look at the egg Pokemon. It was bursting just so full of power and it had to develop further soon otherwise it could also burn with energy. Safer Delia took a step forward: "Here comes your ember yeah!" "Nice, Exeggcute leech seed." Skillfully, the Pokemon egg threw the green, glowing seed past the weak embers so that they hit Charmander. But what happened now! The same green roots surrounded Charmander's stomach and suffocated him so that his embers suffocated Energy was drained from Charmander, which Lance could see from the fact that the little lizard's tail was no longer sparkling so luxuriantly. "Brave man, come back first" The red beam of the Pokeball hit Charmander on his flushed stomach and left the Pokemon in the same position again wobbly red mass back tiles. Oak first chose: “Showtime! Zenidon!" Zenidon turned out to be a Dragonair that wildly slapped the ground with its tail. A little disturbed, Delia dug her last Pokeball out of her pocket. Mime, her father's, sat trembling on the bench and visibly fevered with Delia. "Bulbasaur, I choose you!" Popping like bursting out of an egg, Bulbasaur came out of his ball. "Bulbasaur you can do this: Growl" Bulbasaur suddenly started to growl and it didn't seem to do any harm to Zenidon, but something else happened: A small purple sparkle suddenly surrounded him but it did didn't seem to bode well for Zenidon he shook. Hmm weird. "Fine, that's what I call a fight. However, you're still pretty much inferior to Zenidon even if you lower his attack stat. Go Breaking Swipe to the little one's legs Bulbasaur." Zenidon slithered toward Bulbasaur, but before the impact of the glowing yellow rod, Delia ordered, "Block with Vine whip." Successfully, the tendrils emerging from Bulbasaur's bud encircled Zenidon's tail. Samuel only smiled briefly, and then Bulbasaur snapped under the intense force together the Zenidon was laying there in his tail and Breaking Swipe smashed Bulbasaur halfway across the garden.

 

[Chilon]

I hope the Gramar will be all right and my Transolator make it well

 

[Chilon]

Chapter 4 Lance was still excited from the fight just now. All of Samuel's Pokemon were very strong. Delia snuggled up to Mime Jr. "Very good, Delia Ketchum next please." And before Lance's lips could even move, who knew it, Bob called out, "Me me!" Willingly but a little depressed, Professor Oak squeezed the starter pokeball in his hand, which he had just quickly brought to full life with a newfangled poke heal kit. Hopping, Bob romped to the battlefield. He struck a winning pose, then squirteled his first ball. "Go Squirtel." "Exeggutor I need you!" Bob quickly gave the order: "Skull Bash on Exeggutor!" Squirtel leaned forward at an angle and then zoomed towards the Egg Pokemon. "Just wait!" Samuel ordered his Pokemon quickly, his face changed and he called: "Exeggutor counter" The command came just before the impact and a glittering soap bubble-like shell surrounded Exeggutor's body Squirtel was still hanging in the air, but then a gigantic pressure wave developed behind him and it was thrown back painfully. It wasn't defeated just yet. But it wouldn't go well for much longer. What? Bob took out his Pokeball and switched to Charmander came fluttering out of the ball."Aha, that means I have to change too. Please take a look: Zenidon" the dragon came onto the pitch with a roar. "Charmander you can do that...wait a minute...I've got it! Embers" "Zenidon, counter it with Ice Beam" The silvery blue beam of the winter-like Lance sped with tremendous rapid beauty onto the small diffused embers which, as expected, pierced through leaving only a small spark or two. Charmander just hit it without deviating from his speed and shoved it right in front of Bob's feet. "Come back Charmander. And Squirtel, it's your turn!" While Charmander disappeared into the ball, Squirtel stepped forward. Samuel grabbed his Pokeball. "One more time, Exeggutor!" The egg Pokemon rolled to a halt and looked at the dirt-smeared Squirtel with its narrow eyes. "Squirtel Skull Bash" Bob called with a strange trembling voice. "Well you know..." A little amused he brushed some dust off his smock and then looked at Squirtel. "Brake off." ordered Bob and Squirtel came to a standstill and whirled up some dust. Samuel stuttered, collecting saliva to plan his attack but too late: "Squirtel Water Gun" Exeggutor was actually caught by the wet force. Everyone looked at Bob in astonishment. "Wow. Anyway, we'll fix the Leech Seed." Oh Lance was familiar with that attack and like Delia, it also hit and wrapped Squirtel which tipped over with such an effective attack. "Beautiful," Bob summed it up briefly, then called out his Bulbasaur, "Go." Young Oak revealed his choice "Nidorino go!" "Quick vine whip!" Bob said "Ah ah", Samuel shook his finger, "Horn Attack" The spinning horn of Nidorino was perfect for coiling the vines like spaghetti. Then it stopped spinning and just spun the Bulbasaur through the Air until the tendrils detached on their own and it was thrown away. "Oh no! Come back friendly Bulbasaur."

 

[Chilon]

Sorry that the battles are so long

 

[Welkamo]

Hello there, and I would like to introduce you to the Bulbagarden Writer’s Workshop! I don’t have much time for reviewing at the current moment, so I’ll just be reviewing the first chapter. Once I get back home, I should be able to review the rest of the fic.

I really like the premise of this fic! I always love fics about Pokémon human character’s backstories, and Lance is certainly an interesting character to write about! It takes a certain type of person to use a Hyper Beam on a dude, let’s just say. I also notice that you’re going for shorter, flash-fiction type storytelling. That kind of storytelling can be really accessible and also provide a great challenge—telling as much as you can in limited words.

On a more critical note, I think there are moments where the narrative can be a little too sparse.

With Juros being the Ice Top Four member and his secret crush, Mister Flint the Elite Fighting Trainer and Sebastian the strongest Flight Trainer there is and Lusacio the Talented Psycho Trainer with his Slowbro.

he distanced himself from his childhood and his earliest memories, which were wrapped in rosy cotton wool, so fragile, so fine. But Lance would never forget how he played with the many Pokemon in the park as a child.

Moments like this left me wanting more of an explanation. What are these Elite Four trainers like, for example? Lance’s crush implies he has some sort of admiration for Juros at least, but what about the others? Is Lance’s crush based on looks, or does he think Juros is the ideal Trainer (and, by extension, spouse material)? Why is Lance trying to distance himself from his past and yet feels nostalgia for them?

I also noticed a few grammatical things, but the biggest thing that stands out to me is the lack of paragraph spacing. It makes the whole chapter seem like one giant paragraph, and it makes it a bit hard to parse out a few things.

Now it was less than a week, not a day, not an hour, not a minute, until he became a Pokemon trainer.

The wording of this is a bit odd. I think what’s tripping me up is the “not a day…” part. I think you could just leave it as “Now it was less than a week until he became a Pokémon trainer.”

What if he comes late.

Period should be a question mark.

Also, should be “Lance’s childhood”. Or “Lance’s Childhood”. I know some people who don’t capitalize everything or anything as a stylistic choice.

I’m interested in seeing where this fic goes. As for recommendations:


If you’re looking for more Johto fic, The Long Walk is a journeyfic about two young adults going on a journey through Johto. I need to get to reading it this century but Beth is a great writer trust me

Salvation is a medieval-sequence epic featuring the Kanto and Johto cast. Josh is a really talented writer and super nice person. He also has Journey, which I haven’t read, but I’ve read some of his other stuff, and he’s one of the few fanfic writers who maybe made me almost cry.

I do a lot of the “canon character’s backstory” thing. They vary in ratings, ranging from the lighthearted story of Tate and Liza “The Twins” to the heavier “But How Will It Be” and “Hell Eternal”. If you ever wanna talk about canon character headcanons or backstories, hit me up.

It’s not a Bulbagarden forums, but I think Dragon’s Dance would be right up your alley. It’s on FFN, and it’s another interpretation of Lance’s childhood.

 

[Chilon]

Thanks for the reply. I trie to make it better. That with the crush is true i trie to explain it then in the meanwhile and as fuel for Lance to grow biger.