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TEEN: Land of the Free

*Dramatic Music*

New Member
Apr 30, 2014
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The Outskirt stand is gas station, deep in the desolate desert of Orre. Made from an abandoned locomotive, itself a relic of the time nearly a century ago that eastern rail barons attempted to branch into the region, it has been described in those few travel magazines that would recommend any place in the state as "A rustic diner that truly captures the authentic Orre experience". The station itself is seldom used to fill a tank of gasoline, but has in the past ten years, become a site of pilgrimage for the people of Orre. They know that this was a frequent stop on the journey of their most beloved hero, who removed the two criminal organizations plaguing the state from any position of power. This should have resulted in much increased traffic through the lonely stand, if it wasn't for another unfortunate aspect of the station's location. Presently, there is a wanna-be author interviewing a clean-shaven old man about his life in the region over the past ten years.

"We were betrayed, you know. Betrayed by the kid hero. He brought down Cipher, only put Snagem into power. What does the he do when Gonzap's men start knocking down the doors, asking for their protection money? What does he do when they skulk into the Pokemon Centers, taking fainted pokemon from their trainers? What does he do as our people, the lifeblood of our land, huddle in fear from the gang of Eclo Canyon? He turns his tail and runs. He runs all the way across the continent, all the way to the big city dreaming his dream of becoming a pokemon master. He leaves us to rot, while he battles in Unova tourneys and takes the Gym challenge" said the old man.

"You should be careful about what you say, old timer. Especially this close to Eclo. You never know what will get back to Gonzap's boys" said the shopkeep.

"Gonzap be damned! Wes wouldn't never left us like this. He would've fought to his last, and so should we!"

"But where was Wes five years ago? If he had been here then, would we be where we are now?" asked the interviewer, whose name was Erl. Orre was always noted for its unique names.

"Wes didn't abandon us, never would have done that. Killed. Killed by Cipher when they took the Libra. They loved their shadow pokemon - all would take would be a quick psychic or a poison powder or stun spore and the desert. If they hadn't gotten everything off that boat by then, then a knife in the back would do just fine" said the Old Man.

"I see" said Erl, jotting down some notes "Do you have any proof of this?"

"Don't need proof. Everyone in here knows it in their hearts, and so does everyone in Phenic, and Pyrite, and Agate, and Gateon. It makes sense. Wes would have never betrayed us."

"Well, Mister Bloomendale, you've been very helpful. Especially with regards to those wonderful anecdotes about the Krabby Club."

"Ohoho, yes, I had some fun."

"Yes, quite. I will never look at the ONBS magicians the same way again. Have a good rest of your afternoon, Mister Bloomendale."

Erl grabbed his notes and his bag, and left the smoke filled diner. As he walked out to the half buried wagon wheels near the gas pumps he stuffed his notes into the bag. He briefly wondered how long those wheels had been there, before removing a factory standard Silph CO. Pokeball from his bag and sending out a ponyta.

"Come on, old friend. We've got a long ride ahead of us if we're going to get to the hotel before sunset" Erl said to the ponyta, as he petted the back of its neck.

The ponyta itself was a fairly average example of its kind - the only thing that would set it apart in a herd was the saddle attached to its back, which Erl had fixed there a long time ago, and only bothered to remove and adjust every couple of days.

"Hey!" said a pink haired man with what would be considered to be, anywhere else, a cowboy-chic outfit. "That's a nice ponyta. You want to see how it does against my linoone?"

"Sorry!" said Erl "I've got to be somewhere. Maybe next time!", neglecting to mention that he did not battle, and did not intend to do so in the future.

Erl rode on to Pyrite town, hoping all the while that he could find someplace cheaper, someplace better.

* * *

Critique, comment, rip open with a hacksaw like a fountain of negative vibes, etc. Figured it had might as well be posted somewhere.
Good start! Erl seems like an interesting character, and I like how you express his personality through unique dialog. I do think you could use some more description though. Paint a picture of what's happening with your words.

Nice beginning point, though! Keep it up!
Please note: The thread is from 10 years ago.
Please take the age of this thread into consideration in writing your reply. Depending on what exactly you wanted to say, you may want to consider if it would be better to post a new thread instead.
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