TEEN: Land of the Roses [abandoned]

[diamondpearl876]

Question here -- is it not the best timed/location in relation to the story/plot itself? Or in relation to what's happening to Andrea (surviving a potential kidnapping, growing social problems, being homeless) and where she physically is?

Not the best timed after a very friendly conversation in which there's no indication Andrea seems stressed at all. That and the melodrama of the hotel description indeed. Her meltdown is warranted, like I said, and believable by itself.

 

[Misfit Angel]

Hmm, good point. The conversation didn't really add anything, so some of it can be cut and the rest modified, I think.

 

[Misfit Angel]

Land of the Roses
Chapter 32: The Offer

It was a peaceful afternoon in Loch Alstan. The weather had improved significantly over the course of the day; the morning chill had gone, the precipitation had ceased and evaporated and the sun was shining brightly in the clear sky. A gentle breeze had picked up over the day, kicking up a thin fog of fluttering pollen from the blooming trees. Despite the alluring weather, Andrea loitered in the lobby of the Reiland Institute. She had pulled up one of the chairs to the large glass window beside the main entrance and watched the world outside. Even with an evening that was shaping up to be a bad one that was filled with uncertainty and loneliness, she felt at peace as she observed the urban wildlife frolic on the extensive grass fields just outside of the door.

Nearly half an hour passed in silence as she gazed out that window, but that silence was eventually shattered by a familiar voice.

"Andrea? You're still here?" Patrick asked, approaching her from behind.

She turned to look up at him and offered a smile. "Yeah..."

"What's up? I figured you'd be gone by now, you seemed pretty anxious to leave."

She silently continued her watch. "Mmm."

"Oh! Do you need someone to walk you home? Must be pretty scary to be on your own after what happened to you and your friend."

He had a point. Despite viewing herself as an independent woman who could take care of herself in most situations, she was a little uneasy with walking the streets alone. But walking alone wasn't at the front of her mind. She hesitated for a moment before she shook her head and finally spoke up. "No, it's not that, it's... Ugh... Let's talk about this outside."

"Sure. Looks beautiful out there!"

She led him out through the main entrance and encouraged him to follow her down the pathway that led to the street. In silence, they crossed the trolley tracks that marked the unofficial border between the town's business district and the suburb district of Sable Shores; one by one, they passed by the post office, a brick and mortar liquor store, a Pokémon daycare and a lengthy row of housing.

As they started to pass in front of a grocery store, Patrick's curiosity got the better of him. "We've been walking for ten minutes, but you haven't said anything. You're acting real mysterious, what's up?"

She sighed for what felt like the millionth time that day. "So. It really hurts me to say it, but... I have nowhere to go tonight."

"Nowhere to go?" he asked. Her silence set the gears in his head in motion and he figured out what she meant in short order. "Wait... Are you telling me that you still don't have a place to live out here?"

She quietly and shakily answered, "Yep..."

"Man! Are you serious?"

A nod.

"What did you do last night? You at least rented a room at a motel, right? I can't imagine you survived on the streets with the snap freeze last night."

She laughed nervously. "I did, the Stargazer. The room was okay, but... The truth is, I can't afford to live out here. Not on my own at least. This town is crazy expensive! All of the apartments are too much, even in the ghetto down on the south side, and renting that motel every night is going to bleed me dry. I did the math while I was sitting inside of the lab... I've got about four days left and then I'm broke. My next pay day is... is..."

"Andrea..." he started. He stopped in his tracks, grabbed her by the shoulder and turned her around. His eyes met hers; they glistened in the sunlight as they struggled to stay open. He could see the same sadness welling up in them that he saw earlier that morning. "Is this one of those things you didn't want to talk about?"

"I didn't want to talk about anything, but... Yeah. This is one of the worst ones." She looked down at the ground, then back up at him. "I should have talked, because... I might have to quit, and I'll have to decide that in the next couple of days. Unless a miracle happens, there's just no way I can stay here. I at least want to be able to afford my train ticket out of here..."

"Your parents can't help at all?"

She shook her head. "Not really, no. My dad is still paying off the mortgage on my childhood home, and he's struggling to make ends meet himself despite being a decorated police officer. Can thank my mother for that."

His eyebrow raised, but he felt a vibe of bitterness in her words, so he didn't pry. "And you've got no friends in town, unfortunately..."

"You're starting to see the problem here. It's all adding up... and it's just about ready to crush me..."

"Hummm, well. I've got an idea, but you probably won't like it."

Her posture stiffened. "I don't like when suggestions begin this way. What is it?"

"Would you be willing to stay at my place for awhile? You know, until you get on your feet."

Her heart skipped a beat. Did she hear him correctly? Was his offer genuine? "Are you serious?" she demanded. "Like, serious serious?"

"I am."

She cracked a smile and her heart rate went up. She worked up the courage to reach out and hug him, and then the specter of doubt overtook her yet again. A quiet voice in the back of her mind warned her once again about the rumors circulating around the office about him; as had happened so many times before in similar situations, the voice told her not to celebrate, but to be cautious, even angry at his suggestion.

"He's just a predator looking to get in your pants. He's not really interested in your wellbeing. Don't do it." the voice warned.

She let him go and studied his expression. What the voice told her didn't match what she saw in him, but the warning felt very compelling and even carried with it a sense of urgency that she couldn't quite explain. She could tell that it wasn't her conscience speaking, or the wise words of her friends and family, but... something else. Something dark. Something destructive.

She hesitated to speak further and had trouble getting her words out properly. She was ready to tell him no before she reminded herself of the alternative: she would have to quit her dream job and either move back to Aughrim with Webster, which would involve similar struggles of barely being able to pay for the basics, or move back in with her parents in Goldwheat Meadows and live with the fact that she lost her shot at a decent life. Both alternatives made her uneasy, but what struck the nerve the most was the prospect of losing what she had worked so hard for over the past four years.

After a series of failed attempts filled with broken words, she finally said, "I don't know, this feels like... I-I-I don't think I'm comfortable --"

"Andrea, please, I'm being serious here. Look, I know of the rumors about me that are circulating around the office. They're fucking frustrating, but they're just rumors and I don't care about them right now. I promise you, on the lives of everyone I love, I'm not trying to take advantage of you if that's what you're worried about. You need help, that's far more important than my reputation."

She looked off to the side in silence.

"From the sound of things, your life is finally starting to turn for the better, but all of that progress is in danger. The Reiland Institute and the work you'll be doing here is exactly what you need to get that confidence of yours back. I'd hate to see you just fade away and have your life fall apart again because you lost this marvelous opportunity to work here. I'm offering my help because you're a gentle soul in desperate need of some stability, and I genuinely want to help."

She shook her head. "I figure that you just want to help me... But when I left for university, my mother warned me about trusting people too soon, and with your reputation... I'm just uncomfortable with the idea, you know?"

"I understand. I hope I wasn't --"

"No, you're right. I do have nowhere to go. Maybe... I can stay overnight, at least? See if this even works out?"

"I'll do what I can to make sure this is as comfortable as can be for you."

She opened her arms wide and fell into him for another hug. "Thank you..."

- - - - -​

Patrick's house was an unassuming story-and-a-half bungalow in the middle of the quiet neighborhood of Sable Shores. Grey and brown stone slabs made up the bulk of the construction, bounded by smooth, white pillars at every corner. A burgundy terracotta roof composed of intricately designed but weather-worn tiles sat atop the house. Large oak trees covered the house in shade for much of the day. Like much of the neighborhood, the entire property was walled in with a chest-high wall of golden sandy bricks.

She couldn't help but think it was cute. "It reminds me of... home. A lot of the houses in Goldwheat look like this. Mine didn't have the stone walls like that and was a little bigger, but... It's nice to see a place like this again. Aughrim's neighborhoods were a little too utilitarian for my liking."

"Does that make you feel any more comfortable?"

"It actually kinda does."

He nodded happily. "Good! Let's go inside, I'll show you around."

The inside of the house really sold the impression of a cozy home to her. The first thing she noticed upon stepping inside was the thick aroma of cinnamon that hung in the air. Floral patterned wallpaper was hidden under an assortment of handcrafted ornaments that were constructed of dried plant material, such as flowers, leaves, pine cones and twigs. Scattered amongst the windows of the living room were about a dozen bonsai trees, each tamed and delicately trimmed in their own unique way, and from where she stood, she could see more bonsais resting in the window of the neighboring dining room. There was a variety of entertainment at their finger tips, from books to board games to an extensive movie collection.

She was impressed by how much was packed into the living room, but was hesitant to say so out loud. "Just like Mama McKenna's place..." she recalled.

They moved onto the dining room. At the center of the table was more of Patrick's handiwork, a cornucopia of dried woven reeds, filled and surrounded by fresh fruit and an assortment of nuts. In a little alcove sat a cabinet, filled with intricately designed silverware and hand painted porcelain dishes. Feathers were arranged in patterns along the sides of the cabinet, feathers she could easily identify as belonging to two species: the Common Lanark Starly and the Northlands Taillow. On the side of the room opposite from the cabinet was a large glass terrarium that was decorated with plant material and a fallen log, and lit by a bright orange heat lamp.

Curious of what was kept inside, she was immediately drawn to the terrarium. After a quick search, she came up with nothing. "What do you have in here?"

"Burmy."

"Burmy, huh? I don't see --" she said, only to stop when a pair of yellow eyes emerged from a clump of leaves and twigs that hung from the log. "Oh! Fascinating! I've never actually seen a real one before."

"Yep, they're not from around here. He's one of my research projects that I picked up while I was visiting the Kingdom of Constantia a couple months ago. I wanted to see if the cooler climate affected his cloak in any way... but he didn't take well to the cold, unfortunately."

She tapped on the glass and smiled. "So now you've got him in a glass box and you're baking him with a lamp?"

"He loves it!"

"Hmm. Sounds like your experiment fell apart!"

"Yep!" He laughed.

As she looked around the room, she couldn't help but feel like it was too nice. "There's no way that Patrick lives alone in a house like this... He has to have a wife that he's not telling me about... Or, like, his sickly mother or something. This place is too clean for a single guy..."

She continued her exploration of the dining room some more; two doors sat on either side of the silverware cabinet and she cautiously opened the one closest to the living room. A staircase that disappeared into the darkness below awaited her.

"There's the basement. The bathroom and laundry room are down there. Utility stuff like the water heater and gas lines are down there, too. I don't suppose you want a tour of the basement, do you?"

"You don't have handcuffs on the walls down there, do you?" She instantly regretted her words. "Sorry. I shouldn't say shit like that. I-I... sorry."

He raised an eyebrow, but otherwise didn't respond. "And through here..." he said, resting his hand on the handle of the other door. With a twist of the handle, the door opened and revealed a staircase that climbed upward. "Up here is my bedroom. There's also another room up there, too, where I do all of my hobby work."

"Hobby work?" she asked, looking around the room. "Like, all of these decorations hanging on the walls? Do you make them yourself?"

He nodded.

"Oh! Neat!" she offered. "What a strange guy... Supposedly a metal head and a skirt chaser, but... bonsai trees? Handcrafts? How the hell am I supposed to make any assumptions about this guy?"

The next room was the kitchen, and it was fairly standard: a refrigerator, an electric stove, a microwave, a dishwasher, and a sink, all rounded off and complimented by a rich brown granite countertop. The refrigerator was understandably under stocked for someone who appeared to live by himself, but she was still worried about it; it barely looked as if there was enough to provide for a man, his Flareon and his Burmy, let alone a guest. The presence of three bottles of beer inside were worrying, too, but she believed she could be responsible about it and was capable of controlling herself around them.

"Welp. That's the tour, I guess."

"It's a nice place!" she said with cheer. "Thank you for having me over, I'll try not to be a burden."

"Don't worry about it, I'm just thinking of how nice it'll be to have someone around again. It's been awhile."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, one of our co-workers used to live here with me awhile back, before she got hired -- Uh! Long story, you probably don't want to hear it."

"Uhhh-hmmm... Maybe some day." she mumbled. It was a curious thought that brought a detail about the house to the front of her mind. "On a similar note, I can't help but notice that you don't have a spare room..."

"I kinda do upstairs, but it's filled with my craft-related junk."

She put her hands to her hips and raised an eyebrow at him. "...And how exactly is me staying over going to work? Because we are not sharing your bedroom. Don't take this personally, but I'd rather try my luck sleeping in a tree than in your bed, and I don't care how much you promise me that no funny business will happen."

He seemed genuinely hurt by her words, but he understood them and shrugged it off as he shook his head. "Don't worry about it, I wasn't even going to suggest that. Let's go back to the den." He led her back into the living room, then pointed out the angular sofa that stood in front of the TV. "It's not ideal, but it should at least be comfortable." He reached his fingers into a slit in the door frame that separated the living room and the dining room, then dragged a sliding door out of it.. "And for your privacy, a sliding door, it's even got a lock on it. I'll knock before I enter if it's closed."

She wandered over and sat on the sofa. He was right, it wasn't ideal; however, it would do for a makeshift bed. "I'm gonna miss my bed."

"Well, I'm hoping you'll be on your feet sooner rather than later, because I can tell you're uncomfortable with this whole situation."

She nodded, and agreed with the idea of her stay being a short one. "It'll take awhile for me to warm up to the idea... I'm hoping to be out before then."

"Hey, if push comes to shove and you're here for awhile, I'd be fine with it. I can clear out my craft room and we can set you up a proper bedroom."

"Mmm..."

He looked around cautiously, trying to think of what else to show her, but nothing came to mind. "Well. I guess that's everything... Let me know what kind of boundaries you want, too."

"Boundaries?"

"Yeah, like... how much do you want me to interact with you, if at all? Will we be doing dinner together in the dining room? That kinda stuff."

"Uhh... Whatever you feel comfortable with. I don't want things to be silent or impersonal between us, but... I don't know. This will take some adjusting. Just treat me like you would any other guest, and if that becomes a problem... we'll figure it out."

"Heh, well! I don't usually have guests, so I don't really know how to treat them, but... Yep! We will! Anyways, I'm gonna head up the road to Lucinda's Garden and Farm Market and pick up some stuff for dinner. You wanna tag along, or do you wanna stay here?"

"I'd like to stay here, if you don't mind. I need to get used to these surroundings."

He nodded. "Well then, got any requests for dinner?"

She smiled. "This farm market doesn't happen to do garlic pizza, does it?"

"'fraid not. We can do pizza tomorrow night, though!"

"I'd like that. But for tonight, pick up whatever you like. I'm not too picky."

"Right on. I'll be back in about an hour."

The house fell eerily silent as the door closed behind him; contrary to what she expected, she felt more uncomfortable now that she was alone in the house. She wanted to rush after him in an attempt to escape the distressing feelings, but she was cautious of giving him the wrong signals. Instead, she resolved to toughen up and push through the feelings.

She tried her best to make herself at home and flopped onto the couch. She turned on the TV and flipped through the channels for a few minutes. What she ended up with, she didn't care; she simply wanted some background noise to shatter the silence. She eventually came to a stop on a sports broadcast that was covering the Lord of the Links professional golf tournament, then reached for her phone.

She wanted to reach out to one of her friends about her situation in hopes that one of them might be able to comfort her. Webster entered her mind first; she felt bad that she didn't get to properly thank him for all that he'd done for her and wanted to fix that, but at the same time was simply too overwhelmed to gather the courage up to correspond with him. She knew that he'd be happy that she was off the street, but she also knew that he was likely to show a bit of jealousy as well. He always assured her that he knew he never had a reason to be, but it was still something he struggled with.

Her mind fell back on Kimberly. Kimberly had seen her through some tough spots already despite the two having only just recently met, and she felt comfortable around her, both physically and as a distant friend. Though she didn't know for certain, she felt that Kimberly would probably be the more approachable of the two with circumstances like these. There was an unspoken bond among women everywhere, either rich or poor, successful or hopeless, an understanding she knew she just couldn't count on with Webster. She typed up a message in hopes of striking up a conversation.

Fr: Andrea Dennison, 6:12 PM

'hi you around?'​

Fr: Kimberly Fairbrooke, 6:15 PM

'Hello, friend!'​

The response was warm and friendly, and it got a smile out of her. "She sure does love calling me that, doesn't she?"

Fr: Andrea Dennison, 6:15 PM

'hi there! am I interrupting anything?'​

Fr: Kimberly Fairbrooke, 6:17 PM

'I'm out for dinner with a friend I met in town, but what can I do for you?'​

Fr: Andrea Dennison, 6:17 PM

'just wanted some idol chit chat'​

Fr: Kimberly Fairbrooke, 6:18 PM

'Idol? haha'
'Thank you for holding me in such high regard! : P'​

Fr: Andrea Dennison, 6:18 PM

'dammit, idle* something youll want to learn about me is that i cant spell'
'anyways I wanted your opinion about something'​

Fr: Kimberly Fairbrooke, 6:21 PM

'Sure! Is something troubling you?'​

Fr: Andrea Dennison, 6:22 PM

'thats putting it lightly'
'uhh i dont have a place to live in this town yet (thats a long story) but my supervisor invited me to stay with him for a few days'
'does that sound fishy to you at all'​

Fr: Kimberly Fairbrooke, 6:23 PM

'Oh no! I hope your situation changes soon!"
'I would say that it's perhaps a little fishy, but I don't know your supervisor very well.'
'Are you worried that he might abuse his position and act inappropriately with you?'​

Fr: Andrea Dennison, 6:24 PM

'a little'
'im worried that hell start pressuring me for sex soon cause he doesnt seem to want anythin at all in return'
'i was stupid enough to let him wrap that finger around me now all he needs to do is squeeze'​

Fr: Kimberly Fairbrooke, 6:25 PM

'What makes you worry that much, if I may ask?'​

Fr: Andrea Dennison, 6:25 PM

'itll probably sound dumb'
'ive been warned that hes got a reputation for being a perv and making the other girls at my job uncomfortable'
'maybe im buying too much into those rumors cause i havent see that side of him yet but im still worried'​

Fr: Kimberly Fairbrooke, 6:26 PM

'Do you have no other alternatives? That sounds like such a risky situation!'​

Fr: Andrea Dennison, 6:27 PM

'got nothin'
'no friends no family no money'
'believe me i didnt want to do this but ill lose my job if i dont cuz i cant afford to live in this stupid town'​

Fr: Kimberly Fairbrooke, 6:29 PM

'Oh! Would you like me to cover your rent for awhile? I wouldn't mind.'​

She smiled. She wondered where this sudden outpouring of support had come from; her life would have been so much easier -- so much different -- if she had just received the same amount of support a mere six months ago. Like Patrick's offer, it gave her a boost of confidence that her life was going to be okay, but unlike his offer, there was a sense of warmth and happiness that accompanied it as well. Also unlike Patrick, she had a hard time justifying the idea of accepting her help. Money apparently grew on trees for Kimberly so it really was no concern for her, but something still felt wrong about it, especially since she had already taken advantage of her good nature at nearly every opportunity.

She made a joke to herself to smooth over the refusal she was about to make: "What, she looking to hook up with me, too?"

Fr: Andrea Dennison, 6:31 PM

'what like a benefactor or something? i appreciate the offer but i dont need one of those. ill have to pass'
'ive already told patrick im at least staying the night. maybe a couple days. dont wanna change my mind so quickly'
'and honestly ive taken advantage of your good will enough over the past couple of weeks and i dont want to walk all over you even if you want to help'
'feels like you have a hard time saying no when it comes to helping people'​

Fr: Kimberly Fairbrooke, 6:32 PM

'I was born and raised that way!'
'Are you absolutely sure? If you don't want my help, I understand. But I want you to understand as well, this would be no problem for me.'​

Fr: Andrea Dennison, 6:32 PM

'well the other big reason i want to try this out is that i want to know if i can trust him'
'him and i are going to be working together a lot while im here at the institute'
'i dont want a cloud hanging over me telling me to be worried about him all the time'
'if i get hurt doing this thats a valuable lesson that ill learn'
'at least it seems like he wants to do this right and is giving himself tons of boundaries and stuff'​

Fr: Kimberly Fairbrooke, 6:34 PM

'That's promising! But do keep your guard up.'
'Remember: You're a strong woman, Andrea. You don't owe him anything like that.'
'The second he makes an unwanted advance like that, I want you to walk out his door and never look back.'​

Fr: Andrea Dennison, 6:35 PM

'ill definately walk out but ill look back'
'remember i gotta work with this guy'
'thank you for the concern though! reminds me of how great a friend you really are!'
'hope well see each other soon cause i kinda miss you already lol'​

She awaited a response, but after a few minutes of not receiving one, she figured the conversation had either ended or she made Kimberly uncomfortable with such a confession. Whatever the case, she dropped her phone on the couch beside her and started to pay attention to the golf tournament that was on the TV. She realized the absurdity of it all.

"What the fuck am I doing with my life? I'm watching golf of all things?" she said as she shook her head. As she surfed the channels again, she thought about the situation and sighed. "I really do hope I'm buying into the rumors too much... I just hope Patrick doesn't turn this around on me and start expecting me to sleep with him... Awfully suspicious that he'll have me over for nothing in return, especially if he's willing to have me over for more than a couple days already... He seems like a nice guy, but... well, so did Larson, and I had trouble saying no to him... And he didn't even have any power over my future... My life is a fucking mess, hopefully that --" Her thoughts were interrupted as her phone buzzed again:

Fr: Kimberly Fairbrooke, 6:46 PM

'Aww, that's so sweet! I miss you, too! <3'
'You're a much better friend than this new person I'm stuck travelling with...'
'That's a long story though, and I can't get into it now... I've got something I have to take care of, so I'll speak to you later!'
'Looking forward to seeing you again soon! : )'​

She smiled. "Hopefully, Kim. Hopefully."

- - - - -​

Author's commentary: Don't mind the numerous spelling mistakes/improper words in the text conversation. In regards to Andrea at least, every single one of them is intended.

 

[Beth Pavell]

I'm going to focus on the big one this time round. It's funny how little the idea of trust comes up in Pokémon fanfiction (Usually, I suspect, because it's a narrative inconvenience). Probably the obvious reaction would be to analyse Andrea's thought processes and pass judgement on whether or not she's right to dis/trust Patrick or not. And in that sense the chapter goes to show that you can't figure that out based on a man's furniture. Certainly it's not the wisest thing for a supervisor to be essentially buddying up with the shopfloor - so to speak - in such a way, but it's not the worst thing in the world, either.

But it occurs to me that this chapter also highlights the catch-22s presented to a man. You can only prove trust if you're given a chance to be untrustworthy and don't take it ... but not everyone does that, because you haven't proven you're trustworthy. And it doesn't help that some men really do play a selfish little long game and treat pledges of honour as cheap promises. So what are you to do?

I suspect that your intent is to be ambiguous and signal nothing definite either way.

The ... irony isn't quite the word I want, but to Kimberly, paying for rent for a while is less of a favour than offering to share accommodation. Her own feelings about Andrea aside, she wouldn't really notice the money. Whatever else you intend for Kimberly's character, that's quite unusual for someone very wealthy, not least because plenty of wealthy people insist on holding onto money they wouldn't even notice was gone.

 

[Misfit Angel]

Updates and edits: Changed the title of the chapter from "A Long Time Coming" to "To Be Strong and Independent

Land of the Roses
Chapter 33: To Be Strong and Independent

It was an early yet busy morning for Andrea. She was hard at work in the kitchen, preparing herself and her gracious host a breakfast of cooked eggs, freshly cut orange slices and a side of buttered toast. Most of her attention wasn't on the stove, however, but on a small book beside her: A Trainer's Guide: Loch Alstan Wildlife.

"...the, the... Cwa -- Cwii -- Something Cliffs are characterized by hand carved stone stairs and fantastic views, but try not to be too distracted!" she quietly recited. "The guard rails in this area are in bad shape or completely broken, and drops of dozens of meters are common... Cwmytrhydgwyryddyn Cliffs? How the hell do you even pronounce that?"

Behind her, the sound of footfalls on the stairs in the dining room were faint and mostly drowned out by the sizzling of the eggs cooking on the stove; Patrick stumbled into the kitchen, still half asleep. A smile appeared on his face as his nose wiggled. "Oh! So that's what smells like my mom's cooking..." He let out a hearty yawn and stretched.

She laughed. "It's not going to taste like it, I can guarantee that." She grabbed the plate of already-prepared eggs and fruit slices and offered it across the kitchen island. "Here. It's the least I can do for you. For taking me in off the street, I mean."

"Ehh, weren't no thing. I do appreciate the breakfast, though! It's been a couple weeks since I've had something proper. Always so damn busy..."

"Well! It looks like you will be getting something in return, then. I happen to be a decent cook if I do say so myself."

He took a bite out of the scrambled eggs. "Mmm! Yeah! Not bad, better than I do at least. Make me a decent breakfast every morning and you're welcome to stay as long as you like!"

She laughed. She knew he wasn't serious, or at least she hoped he wasn't; not because of his excessive generosity, but because she didn't want to risk becoming complacent in her situation.

"Surprised to see you up so early, your day usually doesn't start for another two hours. Did you forget that we have the day off?"

"I didn't. I just had a little trouble sleeping, that's all. New surroundings, you know?"

"Fair enough." As he took another bite of his breakfast, his eyes drifted across the island and he noticed the book that was open on the other end. He reached over and turned it around to see what it was. "A Trainer's Guide: Loch Alstan Wildlife?" he asked. "Where'd you get this?"

"I found that in the lobby of the Stargazer a couple nights ago," she answered. She shut down the burner on the stove, grabbed another plate and added her sunny side up eggs to it, then joined Patrick at the island. "I've been thinking, ever since that... 'witch' attacked me and Kim... I was fatally unprepared for that situation. I'm lucky I'm alive."

"I'm still a little skeptical of that story, if I'm honest. I mean the witch part. I don't doubt that you ran into something out there, but of all the data you brought back... It didn't support that angle of the story. People casting magic spells... That's a hard pill to swallow."

"Yeah, yeah, I know. I doubt I'll be convincing anyone soon, and I'm okay with that. What I'm not okay with is how vulnerable I am. The bone monster I ran into, too... If Kimberly and her Blastoise weren't there to save my ass, I wouldn't be here right now. And then there's the simple fact..."

"All those young women that are disappearing, right?"

"Yep... I need to be able to defend myself somehow, so I've been thinking... It's time I finally get a Pokémon of my own."

Patrick gave her a smile. "I knew you'd come around at some point, but wow, I didn't think it'd happen so soon! I just wish it were different circumstances that inspired you."

"Yeah... Self defense aside, I'm also thinking that it'll be nice having something rely on me for a change. It'll inspire me to be a better person, I'm sick of always being the parasite."

"There is no better kick in the arse than something needing your attention to survive."

"Yeah..."

He clapped his hands together excitedly. "Well! I've got some good news for ya, this'll be easy! The Reiland Institute frequently deals with hundreds of Pokémon on a temporary basis, mainly as research subjects and as part of catch-and-release tagging programs. I could arrange for one to be officially transferred into your ownership, if you'd like. Shouldn't take more than a couple days to get all of the paperwork sorted."

She shook her head fiercely. "Absolutely not. Pokémon aren't dumb, Patrick. They don't like being poked and prodded in a laboratory, and they lash out at scientists on a regular basis, as I'm sure you're well aware of. I'm looking for something to protect me, not turn on me the first chance it gets."

He paused for a moment and looked off to the side. "We do have several minor injuries a month because of unruly research subjects..."

"Exactly. Not every research subject reacts violently, but enough do for me to be cautious. I want to do this properly, like all of those competitive trainers do. I want to catch one. I've always been told that earning a Pokémon's trust is much easier that way."

He nodded. "It is. You're going to need some help with that, though."

"Yeah, I was counting on yours. Would you be up for that?"

"Of course," he answered happily. "Got any ideas?"

"First, a question," she started. She grabbed the book from him and flipped to a previous page, then ran her finger down the margin until she found a note she had written down. "Have you ever been to the... Balmore Ponds Park?"

"I have, but it's been awhile. I used to visit a lot when I was a kid, and my sister got married there a couple years back."

"How far away is it? When I looked it up on the map, it looked like a... two hour walk?" she asked with a shrug.

"Yeah, that sounds about right." He finished the last of his breakfast and slouched comfortably in his chair. "Could be quicker if you ride on the handlebars of my bike, but --"

She shook her head and giggled. "I don't think so. I tried that once before with someone, nearly broke my neck."

"Heh, well, a walk isn't so bad."

"Is that something we can do today, do you think?"

He nodded. "It is. I didn't have any plans for today, other than stay in and work on my crafts for a bit. This'll be good, though, I'm running low on feathers... Maybe I can find a few while we're out there."

"Great!"

He wandered over to the coffee press and grabbed a mug from the shelf above it, then reflexively grabbed the empty pot and angled it over his mug. It took him a second to realize it was empty. "Oh! No coffee... Figured you got a start on that, too."

She sheepishly shook her head. "You should know by now that I don't like coffee, so I didn't think about it... Next time I make you breakfast, I'll remember it."

He started up the machine and placed an Instabrew container into the slot. "You really don't have to. You're welcome to do it if you'd like, but I'm not expecting breakfast every day. You're not my servant, you're a guest."

"I'm aware. It's just what I do."

"While I'm waiting on this to brew, I'm gonna grab a shower. After that, we can get started. It's a long walk to Balmore."

- - - - -​

"So..." Patrick said in a cautious manner. "I should have asked this earlier, but what exactly are you expecting to find here?"

"I've got a few things in mind, but I'm hoping for something reliable and powerful."

"Depends on how you define powerful. You're unlikely to find a true powerhouse in this park, we mostly just get the cuddly types around here. You want real power -- something that could keep you safe from just about anything -- you'll need to head into the countryside and spend a few days out there, and then you're going to have to spend months, maybe even years raising it. But before we even get to that, remember the key fact: you're not even a trainer. You're going to have trouble with anything but a simple start."

"I understand that."

"Good. I don't want to read in the papers next week about how you got yourself killed because you thought a Metapod could save you from a psychotic crack head."

She laughed. "Oh, come on! Have a little faith in me, would you? I'm not that inexperienced! I remember just two weeks ago you were praising my strategies when you couldn't figure out how to scare off that Donphan."

"That was good, but don't let that get to your head."

"I know. I won't."

"Good! Now let's go hunting!" he happily said. He pointed towards a large sign just a few dozen meters ahead of them. "There's a map of the park up there, let's figure out where we're going. I doubt we'll have the time to cover this whole place in one day, so we're going to need to figure out your priorities."

Andrea laid out her plans as she ran her finger along the map: first they would cross the flower-choked meadow in front of them as they made their way towards the largest pond in the park, Scáthán Mór. After that, they would follow the banks of the pond until they arrived at the forested section at the southern end of the park. She wanted to follow the trails until they reached the rocky cliffs, then loop around back into the forest and follow Balon's Creek back towards the ponds. The plan would give her four distinct environments in which to look for a wide variety of Pokémon; though at this point she realized she was a beggar, she still intended to choose her first catch.

They started their walk towards the flowery meadow, and they could already see their first Pokémon of the day: Butterfree. Nearly two dozen fluttered about in the breeze, wafting from flower to flower as they collected nectar and spread pollen around. They carelessly went about their business as Andrea and Patrick left the established trail and waded into the chest-high shrubs and flowers.

As they walked among the flowers, Patrick tried to ward off the silence. "Speaking of two weeks ago, I recall that you said you had a reason why you never got into training as a hobby... Which I still think is strange for a biologist. You also said you'd tell me that story some time."

"I will, but it won't be today," she answered. "I'm in a good mood, I'm focused on this. That story involves an ex-boyfriend of mine, and I don't want to remind myself of how much I despise that man. That'll just ruin my day."

"I understand. I wouldn't do that to you, I won't push it."

She stopped in her tracks and held her hand aloft, palm facing the sky. She stood like a statue as one of the Butterfree approached and landed on her fingertips. "Hey, Patrick!"

Patrick turned around. "Hey! Look at you, you're a fairytale princess!"

"Aporia crataegi rosameno," she said. "Lesser Lanark Butterfree, I believe... Characterized by its small size and the pink and red gradient hues along the base of its pointed, rather than rounded, wings."

"Uhh, I think so?" Patrick said, unsure if she was correct. "You're not thinking of capturing one of these, are you? There's no way this thing can reliably defend you, I could squish it between the palms of my hands if I wanted."

She watched as the Butterfree fluttered off into the wind, screeching in terror at the suggestion. "No... just trying to brush up on my taxonomy. It's been too long."

They visited Scáthán Mór next, a nearly mile-long winding scar cut into the land that was filled with murky water. Along the shores, the pond was choked with a thick growth of reeds and cattails, while colonies of lily pads had taken root throughout much of the rest. Every now and then the mirror-like surface would be disturbed by a bubble of gas or broken by the motions of a red fish. Andrea couldn't positively identify the species of the fish from its brief appearance, but theorized two likely candidates: Magikarp or Goldeen.

"Carassius auratus ryukin..." she recited quietly to herself. "I know what I should catch! A Magikarp!"

Patrick instantly picked up on her joke and laughed. "Well, that'd be nice and powerful for ya... if you don't mind waiting twenty years. In the meantime, you could clobber attackers with it!"

"Ha. Yeah."

Their journey along the pond's perimeter was rather uneventful. Most of the Pokémon listed in the brochure were out and about, but they scattered the moment anyone approached; Corphish skittered into the protection of the water, Bidoofs took shelter inside their dams, Woopers fled to the safety of the reeds and Poliwags returned to the depths of the pond. Usually she was grateful that most Pokémon out in the wild typically avoided human contact, contrary to the cautionary tales of trainers who struggle to move more than five meters before being assaulted by the hundredth Zubat, but in this case, it wasn't helpful.

"How difficult are capturing these things? Obviously I've never done it before."

"More difficult than you might imagine. First you have to find one that won't run at the sight of a human... Which makes some of the easier to train ones harder to initially capture. It's a catch-22. I hope it doesn't come down to it, but we might have to employ some age old hunting tactics to corner one."

"Hmm."

"So what do you think? Want to go around the pond one more time to see if any opportunities present themselves? Or are you ready to hit the forest?"

"The forest. I've got my eyes on something in there." She broke from the paved pathway and led him through an unofficial trail of trodden grass, created by visitors themselves over the years. "The trainer's guide said to look carefully for it in here, but also stressed that seeing one might not happen to everyone."

"Oh yeah? Whatcha looking for?"

"Something called Chikorita."

"Oh, yeah! I've seen one of them around here before, a couple years back! They're friendly little buggers, I think you'd like 'em if you find one."

"Here's hoping."

- - - - -​

The crunch of the previous Autumn's dried leaves under their feet echoed against the forest around them. It concerned Andrea: the trail they were on was poorly marked and even more poorly maintained, and the worry of getting lost was nagging at her in the back of her mind. She assured herself that it would be fine, however, as even if she couldn't physically see the trail ahead of her, they were at least accurately marked on her R-Kit's map. Still, if they got lost, it would be her fault, as she was the one in charge and she was frequently breaking from her map's trails to investigate the curiosities of the forest.

The Pokémon of the forest were just as weary of the intruding humans as those in the field and near the pond. The casual observer might assume that the woods were more or less lifeless that day; Andrea, however, was on the lookout for both visible movement in the forest and signs that Pokémon had been in the area recently. One such sign she pointed out was a bundle of oats that were carefully gathered up and tied to the end of a branch of an oak tree.

"Check that out. See those river oats hanging from that tree?"

Patrick strained to see what she was talking about until he eventually found the amber stalks dangling among the green leaves. "Yeah? I've noticed a couple before, what's up with that?"

"That's a sign that a Sentret has been in the area."

"Really?" he asked. He smiled. "Look at you! All this knowledge."

"While I was working on breakfast, I was reading up on all of this. I've been keeping my eye out for stuff like this, I bet you haven't."

"Nope. Hadn't even thought to."

"And I'm supposed to rely on you... I'm screwed!" she playfully joked. "Well, that little bundle of oats probably isn't going to help us actually find a Sentret, but I know they're in the area now."

"So, what is it? Just food storage for later?"

She nodded and explained further. It was a clever little trick that Sentrets had been using since the dawn of the species: they would gather up their food source from nearby rivers, bind the stems together with a complex twist of braids, then tie them to the ends of small branches. The cleverness of it was that this method warded off theft by other Sentrets, especially the more well-fed ones; the lighter ones would be able to reach these bundles later on, while the heavier ones would bend the branches and even break them during their attempted heists. This in turn discouraged the formation of an alpha hierarchy within a territory, as any male could earn the affection of a female with their safely stored food supply, which in turn explains why Sentret populations are consistently high even during periods of scarcity.

"And people want to claim that Pokémon are just dumb animals," she sneered. "Sometimes I think they're smarter than us in the ways that actually matter."

"You'll get no argument from me."

It didn't take long for them to actually find a Sentret in the area: one was perched upon a branch above the trail, watching them closely. Every now and then, it would dexterously raise up on its tail and make a chittering noise, then drop down onto its feet again and stare at them.

Patrick suggested it to her. "It might not be a Chikorita, but what do you think? Do Sentrets interest you at all?"

She shrugged as she stared up at the Sentret above them. "Ehh... a little, maybe? They're cute and friendly, but... I'm not really looking for that, you know? Maybe later down the road one would make a nice cuddly companion."

They waved goodbye to the Sentret and continued along their way, deeper into the forest. The tree cover quickly thickened, shrouding them in a chilly shade that was nearly 10°C lower than the fields and ponds of the park; the chill was further amplified as they came across small banks of snow that still lingered from the winter that ended nearly two months before. The trail rapidly deteriorated even further; the dead leaves that littered the trail behind them were buried under silty mud in some places and drowned in murky puddles elsewhere.

"These poor boots have been to the gates of hell and back again..." she lamented as she struggled to free her feet from the muck. "I should really be treating them better than this considering they're designer Misfit Angels..."

She initially led Patrick into the forest thinking that it would be no problem, but she carelessly disregarded the park's trail difficulty tiers on the map, specifically the 'challenging' difficulty ascribed to their current trail. The terrain was growing more and more rugged; the trails were narrowing, pushing up against rocky cliffs with sheer drops of up to 50 feet. The only saving grace was that the trails were primarily composed of stone steps, constructed in ancient times. Another bonus was that they had crossed into a good environment for finding another Pokémon that she was hoping to find: Aron. She was hesitant to explain her desire to find and catch one, however, as Patrick would certainly try to use her inexperience against her as a reason to turn around and look for something easier to raise.

The land was cut by long dried up stoney ravines and connected by old wooden bridges. Crossing them was a nerve wracking experience, as their collapse likely meant an agonizing and drawn out death, but they pushed forward. Life among the cliffs and gravel trails felt even more sparse than the quiet forest, but Andrea still saw the signs of Pokémon activity around her. Bite marks in the stone told her that Aron indeed lived in the area, while the presence of rugged twig nests scattered in the cliffs showed that Spearow and Fearow called the area home. Every now and then she'd spot a clump of coarse cotton among the trees, a sign that Swablu and Altaria also inhabited the area.

Despite the promising signs, they didn't find much other than a few Spearows perched upon the rocks that fled as they approached. Eventually, their time among the cliffs had come to a close as they started their descent through the hills and back into the shady embrace of the forest.

"Well, if you want to catch something today, we're going to have to start being less picky," Patrick warned. "Won't be long before we reach Balon's Creek and start to wind down our time here."

She growled. "I know. I doubt we're going to see that Chikorita I was looking for..."

"This is the reality of being a Pokémon trainer. You're not always going to get what you want unless you get lucky or dedicate a large amount of time to the hunt."

"Yeah, I know."

Before long, they came to the banks of Balon's Creek. Andrea intended to follow the trail back to the entrance of the park and catch something on the way, but Patrick stopped her before she reached the halfway point of the bridge.

"Before we go any further," he started, motioning towards the thick growth beside the stream. "I think we should explore up this way. You'll like what you see."

She raised her eyebrow at his suggestion. "Do you, now? What's up there?"

"I don't want to ruin the surprise!"

He took off without explaining further, prompting her to rush and follow him. She wondered what he could possibly want to show her. Mundane things entered her mind first: a particularly interesting tree, perhaps, or maybe an interesting cliff formation. Maybe an old abandoned cabin, ravaged by time yet still standing against the forces of nature. The more interesting yet unlikely probability is that further upriver was where he saw the Chikorita during his previous visit to Balmore. She debated whether to question him on it, but realized there wasn't much point; she knew him to be secretive about his 'surprises' and stubbornly dismissive when it came to her cautious nature.

"I wonder... Could this be a trust exercise? He knows I don't really trust him... and once we're far away enough from the trail, it'd be the perfect opportunity for him to make a move on me..."

She clenched her hand into a fist, ready to use it if she must.

"Ugh, these stupid rumors and warnings... I wish I never heard them! And if he wants to build trust, there's better ways to do it. This is the last time you'll follow him anywhere suspicious, Andrea! After this, you're going to have to start standing your ground!"

Just like the path into the forest, an impromptu one appeared to have been created beside the creek by explorers; the grass wasn't as tall and a narrow trail guided them along as they headed upstream. In short order, they found an expansive clearing amidst the cliffs, and the source of Balon's Creek: a twenty foot tall, two tiered waterfall that trickled over the stone walls into an expansive and deep pool. Beside the pool was a burnt out fire pit that was surrounded by several tree stumps, polished from years of use as makeshift chairs. Unfortunately, to their dismay, discarded trash was scattered about, tarnishing what could have been a picturesque view.

"So this is what you dragged me up here for?" Andrea said, feigning outrage. She grinned as a look of worry appeared on his face. "Thanks for bringing me up this way. It's a nice place for a rest, my legs are killing me..." She approached one of the stumps and sat down on it, taking in a view of the waterfall.

He joined her on his own stump. "So... having a better day than you were yesterday?"

She let out a contented sigh. "Yeah. Much better. What a mess I was. Well, I still am, actually, only one of my problems has really been solved..."

"You're not a mess, you're just facing the realities of life. Sounds like they pampered you in that university."

"They kinda did, but I also had a better grip on things back then... The winter break between my fourth and fifth year... it was rough."

"I must admit, I have been curious about that... You've been playing that card pretty close --"

"Shh, shh! Patrick, quiet!" she whispered. She pointed towards the tree that rose from the banks of Balon's Creek. "Look over there, you see it?"

Patrick turned around and scanned the tree, but couldn't see anything. "Where at?"

"About halfway up, more towards the left... It's a little black Sentret."

"Black Sentret?" he asked, finally spotting it perched upon its branch. "Huh... They're not supposed to have black fur... Could be a genetic mutation."

"Yeah... Brown, blonde and red, but black?" she added.

The Sentret sprung off of its tail and extended its stubby, parachute-like arms. With grace, it glided across the river and dropped to the ground just a few feet away from them. It 'roared' at them in an attempt at intimidation, but that roar was little more than a cute outburst that only furthered their curiosity.

The two were granted a closer look at the creature and quickly noticed its most prominent feature; whereas most Sentret have a simple ring of tan fur on their chest and belly, this one had a pattern that resembled a human skull, complete with cracks in the cranium and a missing fang. Its lengthy tail came to a point and was covered in grey stripes, similar to the ones on Andrea's battered stockings and the sleeves of today's dress. One final feature that differentiated this Sentret from others was that its left ear draped over its face, but it was impossible to tell if this was a defining feature or merely an injury.

She immediately saw herself in that Sentret. "Oh my god, look at the patterns in its fur! It's perfect for me!" she gushed. "I know I said that they were boring, but we have to try to catch this one!"

Patrick reached into his left pocket and grabbed three Pokéballs, then handed them to Andrea. "Hold onto these, you'll need them." He reached into his right pocket and retrieved a fourth Pokéball, then tossed it into the air. With a flash of roaring fire, the ball exploded and unleashed his faithful Flareon, Fang, into the clearing beside them. "Been a couple weeks since we've gotten some practice in, hasn't it, Fang?"

Fang dropped to the ground and growled as his eyes met the Sentret's.

"Get ready, Andrea. This'll be over quick. Fang! Flamethrower!"

Fang took in a deep breathe and readied himself for a gout of burning fire breath...

"No, you idiot!" Andrea shouted. "We're in a forest!"

...and exhaled softly on her command.

"Heh, good call! Last thing I need is a prison sentence for burning down Balmore. She's right, Fang, physical attacks only! Let's go, charge in for a body slam!"

Fang lowered himself and burst forward. As he closed in on the Sentret, it hopped up into the air and balanced on its tail. It raised its left paw as if it were getting ready to wind up a punch; dark, spiny tendrils stretched from the fingers on its paw, each shimmering with a purple shine as they caught the sunlight. With a quick swing, the Sentret brought the claws down with a trail of black smoke. Fang was quick enough to dodge a majority of the attack, by the very tips of the tendrils raked across his right shoulder. In dodging, he lost the full power behind his attack and instead opted to sweep the Sentret off of its tail.

"The fuck was that?!" Patrick shouted. "Be careful, Fang, this might be tougher than I thought."

"Wow..." Andrea marvelled. "Hell yes... we've just gotta capture this thing..."

"Fang! Blind it with smoke!" Patrick ordered.

Once again, he took in a deep breath, and as he did so, the inside of his mouth glowed with a bright orange light. With a deep exhale, thick black smoke billowed into the clearing and swirled around the Sentret. With his opponent blinded, he dashed into the smoke; a flash of orange ripped through the black cloud, followed by the hissing roar of blazing flames. The Sentret burst out of the cloud of smoke, smoldering as it limped along, in an attempt to make its escape.

Andrea's knuckles turned white as she grasped one of the Pokéballs tightly. Certain that the Sentret was trying to escape rather than put some distance between itself and Fang, she brought the ball to her chest and spread her feet. She followed the Sentret's movements closely, seizing the opportunity when it leapt into the air to glide away; with a wind up, she tossed the Pokéball. The ball narrowly missed the trunk of an oak tree as it curved through the air and impacted the Sentret on its left shoulder. A bright flash of light radiated across the clearing as the Sentret was sucked into the ball.

"Holy shit! What a throw!" Patrick cheered.

She was proud that she managed to land such a difficult throw, but her heart sank when she realized she couldn't see where the Pokéball had dropped to. "Help me find it!"

The two searched high and low for the Pokéball: under the grass, atop the rocks, in the mud and around the stream. Eventually they found it about a dozen meters downstream, snagged between some rocks.

She grabbed it and held it aloft. "Did... Did I catch it?"

"Sure did! Pokéballs typically shatter on a failed capture. I'm just surprised you hit it, I was honestly expecting you to miss, big time."

"What, were you hoping to get a laugh out of it?"

He shook his head. "No, no! It's just... everyone misses their first throw."

"Don't forget, I was the star pitcher for my high school's softball team. Got a scholarship out of it and everything."

"Right..."

She held the Pokéball up in front of her and studied it closely. She saw her smile in its reflection; a smile out of herself was something she rarely saw, and she couldn't remember the last time she did. She tossed the glittering Pokéball into the air and watched it burst open with a flash of violet electricity.

The Sentret dropped to the floor and looked around, then expelled a bit of black smoke with a light cough.

She dropped to one knee and greeted her new Sentret. "Hey there, little guy!" She stretched her arms out and motioned for him to step closer. "Come here!" The Sentret cautiously approached before climbing into her hands; she brought him closer to her chest and hugged him.

The Sentret looked up at his new master and gently extended his paw forward. He rested his fingers on her face and made a soft cooing sound.

"Sorry for scaring you like that, but you're in good hands now! I promise, I'll do everything I can to protect you if you do the same for me!"

Patrick smiled as he watched the two interact with each other. "Andrea... The way you're treating that thing... You look like a loving mother. I think you'd be a good one."

The joy on her face disappeared as she glared at him. "Don't say that, please."

"Well, it's true."

"Don't," she adamantly stated. "I appreciate the compliment, but I don't want to hear it."

"Hmm, yeah. I guess it is a little early for you to be thinking about that. I understand."

"Patrick!" she roared. "You don't understand. Don't even try to act like you do."

He felt blind sided by her cutting commentary. "Okay. Touchy subject, noted. I'll drop it."

"Thank you." She stood up and raised her Sentret above her head, then let him rest on her shoulders. "Well! I'd say that today was a success. What do you say we head home?"

"Time to celebrate! Pizza sound good?"

"It does!" She reached up and patted her new fuzzy friend. "Hope you like garlic, little guy!"

 

[Beth Pavell]

Getting some nitpicks - emphasis on the nitpicks - out of the way first:

It was an early yet busy morning for Andrea

I can't help but feel there ought to be a comma between early and yet.

weary

"Wary", I think.

cooked eggs

Seems somewhat redundant to refer to eggs as being cooked in this context.

Cwmytrhydgwyryddyn Cliffs? How the hell do you even pronounce that?

You were having fun with the Gaelic in this chapter, weren't you? Andrea, dear, replace every "y" with an "i", and that's a good start.

Aporia crataegi rosameno

It looks like you've decided to ignore the pedantry of Linnaean taxonomy and invent your own, which I can't say I blame you for. Not least since very few of your readers will do a small double-take at the grammar and trinomials.

an unofficial trail of trodden grass

Here's something from the logophile - in urban planning they're known as "desire lines".

Looking at the chapter as a whole, I'm not sure about the safari narrative. You move through a lot of environments quite quickly, and I didn't find they made much of an impact on me. Which is unusual, because typically I get the opposite impression. I think perhaps it's because you zip through them so quickly and end up at the forest anyway as the main setting. There's something to be said for narrating the relatively mundane business of not finding anything, I'm just not completely convinced it worked in this chapter.

The sentret was ridiculously appropriate for Andrea - a goth sentret, in fact. But you wouldn't be the first author to do that, and the story is largely very grounded anyway so I think you can afford that suspension of disbelief.

 

[diamondpearl876]

Here for the latest couple chapters, 32 and 33.

A lot of focus is on Andrea's character development within both the context of the workplace and with friendship. I can kinda see how Patrick has the reputation he does... and not just because of the physical touching, but because, well, he's kinda pushy. I don't know exactly how many times he encourages Andrea to talk, but it's a lot. And on one hand, not a lot of friends care to do that. But with a stranger, it can come off as a bit forceful, especially for someone who's not prone to talking about their problems easily like Andrea is. That's not a criticism, per se... I actually think you portray his overfriendliness rather well!

That said, I like the original spin of Andrea not actually feeling better after talking to Patrick. She's right in that talking to Patrick doesn't fix anything at all.... or I guess in this case it did fix her homelessness worry for the short-term... but yeah, Andrea seems most likely to appreciate being able to talk to someone she already has a connection with, like you can see with her and Kimberly's text convo.

"♫ Cities drowning in blood!
The world set aflame!
This isn't just -- ♫"

This is an interesting tune choice, Patrick... Don't people already suspect enough wild stuff about you? ;P

"I'll do what I can to make sure this is as comfortable as can be for you."

She opened her arms wide and fell into him for another hug. "Thank you..."

It did seem a tad weird to me that she'd go for a hug when worried about his reputation.

"You don't have handcuffs on the walls down there, do you?" She instantly regretted her words. "Sorry. I shouldn't say shit like that. I-I... sorry."

I might indicate more that this was a joke on her part. Because with her paranoia, it was kinda hard for me as a reader to tell, even with her apology.

She laughed. She knew he wasn't serious, or at least she hoped he wasn't; not because of his excessive generosity, but because she didn't want to risk becoming complacent in her situation.

Mm, this shows me how mature Andrea is, really. I love how she doesn't want to just settle, and she's got the perfect balance of accepting help from others and using her own initiative to earn what she wants.

"Yeah... Self defense aside, I'm also thinking that it'll be nice having something rely on me for a change. It'll inspire me to be a better person, I'm sick of always being the parasite."

Some people aren't really meant to take care of others or be the one relied on, Andrea. But I guess we'll see which one you are, eh?

There's still good self-awareness on her part, though, about her limits and how her actions + words affect others. And of course, I'm super happy it's a lil sentret she caught! even if she thought they were too cute for her at first I agree its color and design is totally her style, haha, and I see why you were lookin' for that goth sentret drawing now. I'm looking forward to seeing how they get along!

He paused for a moment and looked off to the side. "We do have several minor injuries a month because of unruly research subjects..."

That sounds like something the Reiland Institute might want to work on reducing/solving. xD

He nodded. "It is. You're going to need some help with that, though."

"Yeah, I was counting on yours. Would you be up for that?"

The transition from Andrea being suspicious of Patrick to admitting she expected his help a while back was a tad jarring for me here.

Patrick instantly picked up on her joke and laughed. "Well, that'd be nice and powerful for ya... if you don't mind waiting twenty years. In the meantime, you could clobber attackers with it!"

I like the idea that it takes years to train... Well, that probably means there's not a lot of fully evolved pokémon about, and I wouldn't expect mega strong wild pokémon to exist, either. All that's probably for the best.

"Patrick!" she roared. "You don't understand. Don't even try to act like you do."

He felt blind sided by her cutting commentary. "Okay. Touchy subject, noted. I'll drop it."

This did sting a lot more than Andrea's usual standard. I take it his comments strike deep because of his reputation or because of her ex-fiance? Or both? Hmm...

 

[Misfit Angel]

Whoops, somehow missed your feedback @Beth Pavell !

I can't help but feel there ought to be a comma between early and yet.

I might chalk this one up to a stylistic choice. I've seen it done both with and without the comma. Whether I remember to keep it consistent with this, we'll see.

"Wary", I think.

Correct. Added to The List™

You were having fun with the Gaelic in this chapter, weren't you?

I was! I must have spent half an hour browsing through all of the little villages and landmarks in west/central Wales for inspiration, and Andrea's confusion at pronouncing the stuff echoes my own.

It looks like you've decided to ignore the pedantry of Linnaean taxonomy and invent your own, which I can't say I blame you for.

I forget specifically the circumstances regarding the Butterfree's taxonomy. I believe I just took the scientific name of the black-veined white butterfly, aporia crataegi, and attached rosameno (lesser Lanark) onto it. I'm not very well up to date on how binomial nomenclature is meant to work, but I've seen genus-species-subspecies while browsing around. I guess it's trinomial nomenclature these days?

While I'm on the subject, I've been considering introducing the concept of "lesser" pokemon: the pokemon we all know and love, but smaller and much more lifelike, less powerful and possibly with less of the abilities present in their normal counterparts. It's the only way I'll ever be able to do some stuff, like the butterfly landing on her hand. Neat idea? I hope so!

Here's something from the logophile - in urban planning they're known as "desire lines".

Learn something new every day! I'll add this to the list of changes to make as well.

Looking at the chapter as a whole, I'm not sure about the safari narrative. You move through a lot of environments quite quickly, and I didn't find they made much of an impact on me. Which is unusual, because typically I get the opposite impression. I think perhaps it's because you zip through them so quickly and end up at the forest anyway as the main setting. There's something to be said for narrating the relatively mundane business of not finding anything, I'm just not completely convinced it worked in this chapter.

Yeah, I definitely understand it. I felt underwhelmed as I gave one last proofread to the final draft as well, but I wasn't sure what to do with it. The chapter was actually significantly longer (long enough to be split into another Part I and Part II), to spend more time in each of these areas, but still nothing interesting happened, so I trimmed it down. I'd rather not re-extend it for that reason, but I don't think I can cut the different environments out, either. They were meant to display Andrea's determination, especially in the ravine area where she was scared of going further. Something to think of when I get around to polishing this chapter next year, maybe.

The sentret was ridiculously appropriate for Andrea - a goth sentret, in fact. But you wouldn't be the first author to do that, and the story is largely very grounded anyway so I think you can afford that suspension of disbelief.

We saw a little bit of it already, but something's not quite right with this little thing. The question is, what's so special about him? But yes, perhaps too appropriate.

well, he's kinda pushy. I don't know exactly how many times he encourages Andrea to talk, but it's a lot. And on one hand, not a lot of friends care to do that. But with a stranger, it can come off as a bit forceful, especially for someone who's not prone to talking about their problems easily like Andrea is. That's not a criticism, per se... I actually think you portray his overfriendliness rather well!

From Patrick's perspective (and what I was trying to achieve), he's doing no wrong by trying to be a helpful hand and a dedicated listener. But from the perspective of an outsider, we do see that, yes, he's incredibly pushy and doesn't want to take no for an answer when she says she's not talking. It gets me thinking, as I tend to be a little pushy myself with it IRL... It's weird how I have the potential to learn lessons from my own writing and the feedback it receives, wtf is going on

But I'm glad I got this portrayal down right.

That said, I like the original spin of Andrea not actually feeling better after talking to Patrick.

Hell yes. This bugs me so much about a lot of professional writing and I'm glad I was able to build up to a situation where I could show that there's other ways of handling it.

This is an interesting tune choice, Patrick... Don't people already suspect enough wild stuff about you? ;P

Actually, this reflects a bit of a retcon I made towards Patrick's past while I was going through polishing and editing the first season. I haven't posted those changes yet so I can't expect anyone to pick up on that, but I wouldn't expect it of someone who's already read the story anyways.

People in the office just think that Patrick's a skirt chaser. They don't particularly care about his tastes in music and hobbies, as they don't define a man as harshly as being a creep does. In that vain, I don't think he would care if other people cared.

It did seem a tad weird to me that she'd go for a hug when worried about his reputation.

Hmm, maybe? In that moment, at least, she can clearly see that he isn't a threat and she did want to genuinely show her appreciation. But now that I think about it, I don't know if this would be a reasonable reaction. I would do it, were I in her position, but I'm a weirdo.

I might indicate more that this was a joke on her part. Because with her paranoia, it was kinda hard for me as a reader to tell, even with her apology.

Good point. Onto The List™ it goes! Hell, I might even cut the joke entirely, it does feel weird for her to say it.

That sounds like something the Reiland Institute might want to work on reducing/solving. xD

Oh shit, whoops. That was meant to be several a year, not a month... I remember writing it that way, maybe I didn't save the revision. Good eye/point!

The transition from Andrea being suspicious of Patrick to admitting she expected his help a while back was a tad jarring for me here.

Awhile back? In that case, she hoped for his assistance specifically with helping her capture her first pokemon. The way you're wording it suggests that my writing suggests that she was expecting him to help her out with her housing problem, which wasn't the intent here. Was my wording muddy, or am I completely misunderstanding?

I like the idea that it takes years to train... Well, that probably means there's not a lot of fully evolved pokémon about, and I wouldn't expect mega strong wild pokémon to exist, either. All that's probably for the best.

I kinda view evolved forms as simply age rather than a question of how well they're trained. But at the same time, it doesn't really make sense in the context of Kimberly's Blastoise, which went from Squirtle to Blastoise in about a year. I'm not sure, this is a weird detail I should probably figure out sooner rather than later.

This did sting a lot more than Andrea's usual standard. I take it his comments strike deep because of his reputation or because of her ex-fiance? Or both? Hmm...

There's another reason, actually. I don't know how long it'll be before she talks about it in the main story, but I do plan to have her spill the beans in her next Night with the Stars interview, which I might release midway through the next arc? I know you're not keeping up with those, so I can give you the summary once that's out.

 

[diamondpearl876]

Awhile back? In that case, she hoped for his assistance specifically with helping her capture her first pokemon. The way you're wording it suggests that my writing suggests that she was expecting him to help her out with her housing problem, which wasn't the intent here. Was my wording muddy, or am I completely misunderstanding?

Nah, I meant "a while back" as in just a few paragraphs or a scene ago. Sorry about that! And it's not unreasonable she'd hoped for help catching her first 'mon, but it seems a tad contradictory with her not wanting his help whenever possible and then outright admitting she wanted it here out of nowhere.

 

[Misfit Angel]

Land of the Roses
Memory: Back from the Brink​

Written with input and insight from @Caitlin​

He never loved you...

I awoke with a splitting headache. I couldn't tell which was spinning, myself or the room? My ears were ringing, and it was the loudest noise I'd ever heard. My eyes were burning, my blurred vision pulsing with every detestable heartbeat.

You were just his play thing, you stupid slut...

I pushed myself over onto my stomach and nearly emptied the contents of it all over the floor. As I looked around, I saw them. The empty bottles of beer that I retreated to for comfort. They were just like me... empty as my soul, and just as useless now.

He will not be the last to betray you...

I'd only just woken up and I was already out of energy. I flopped onto my back, ready to escape it all by falling asleep again. I could tell that it wasn't going to happen, though. The headache, the nausea, the burning pain in my eyes and ears, they all worked together to keep me awake, to keep me focused on the thoughts that tormented me.

You will never have what you most desire...

I reached around aimlessly, blindly, sending bottles rolling and spinning across the room as I frantically searched for my phone. I didn't know if I would find it, but if I was on the floor with the rest of the trash, like the trash that I was, surely that would be as well. Eventually I did find it, and I held it above me. I turned it on and strained my eyes to make out the blurred shapes on the screen: 5:13 PM.

You will never amount to anything...

What a depressing thought, waking up that late, in the shape that I did. Just a month ago, I was in university, ready to tackle the fifth year of my biology studies. Despite my losses, the destruction of my life and everything I held dear... I still carried on. I wished that I had that optimism back, even if it was ultimately foolish.

All of your hard work was meaningless...

I thought I could carry on with my life when I returned to university. I didn't know it, but I was still burning from my loss. I just put on a pretty face; that's what I'd been taught to do when life got me down. Just accept it, bad things happen to good people. Move on, because that's what the world does.

You are weak... worthless...

I tried it, but it didn't work. I couldn't keep it up despite my best efforts, and one day I just broke down. I still remember what triggered it... As part of my studies, I was observing the family structure of the Teddiursa line. Mother and father, brought together by the creation and care of a new life. They couldn't speak with us, and I was never any good at reading Pokémon communication, but... I could see the happiness in their eyes. The same happiness that I once had in mine.

Happiness is an illusion... a trick...

In the middle of the lab, with my fellow researchers around me, that's when it finally hit home: My fiancé... my new family... my job... my hopes, my dreams... They were gone. They were gone because of me. My actions and grief drove my fiancé away, and with him, the rest followed. I went to bed that afternoon with a heavy heart... and then practically never left it over the next few weeks.

You think you deserve happiness, but you do not...

That was the fire that was burning me up. I thought I had moved on, but I clearly didn't. I thought that I was ready to carry on with my life, but I clearly wasn't. Even now, I don't think I'm ready to move on.

Give in to your sorrow...

I raised my hand toward the ceiling, reaching out for the strength that I needed. I noticed a bandage wrapped around my palm and the base of my fingers, covered in faint blood stains around my knuckles. I don't quite remember, but I must have done it again... I'd developed a nasty habit over the past couple of weeks of letting out my frustration on my bedroom wall, beating my hands bloody without a care in the world for what damage I was doing. The fact that both of my hands were wrapped in bandages told me... someone cared, even when I'd given up.

"Andrea?" a voice called from behind my bedroom door. "Are you awake in there?"

That voice belonged to the only person in the world who was too stubborn to give up on me. A couple weeks ago, the day I had been expelled from university, he came to me with an offer and a promise. A promise he delivered so happily and selflessly, without question, without realizing how much of a burden I would become on him:

"Stay with me for awhile. I'll look after you, get you back on your feet."

Just thinking about those words brought more tears to my eyes. Over the past few weeks, only one thing in my life was a constant: the doubts that clawed at my mind, the whispers that told me nobody ever loved me and that I was destined to die alone. But they were wrong, someone really did care. Someone who had no family or romantic attachment to me. Just a good soul in a sea of darkness.

"Webster..." I weakly called out.

The door to my room slowly opened and he walked in. Just like the pair of Ursarings from my university studies, I saw the emotion in his eyes. It wasn't happiness, though, it was sorrow... Not like mine, no. His sorrow was that he had allowed me to give up on myself. Allowed me to fall even further. I couldn't stand to see it. I wanted to tell him not to blame himself for my condition, as it wasn't his fault. His best efforts were no match for my self-destructive behavior, my desire to fall into the abyss and let it claim me.

"How you feeling?"

Truthfully, I didn't know. I was torn between the routine of loathing myself, my situation and the world in general, and finally escaping this torment. I didn't have an answer for him, so I kept quiet.

"C'mon, let's get you dressed." He reached down and scooped his arm under my shoulders, then sat me upright. As he did so, it dawned on me why he said that: most of my clothes appeared to have fallen off when I blacked out last night... or this morning. I'm afraid to admit that I'm honestly not sure when I passed out.

I'd known Webster for years. He was the one who originally taught me about university life and he made sure that I wasn't lost when I moved to Aughrim. In the absence of my father's guidance, he filled in. That moment, when I was half naked and vulnerable, he easily could have taken advantage of that, but didn't... that was when I finally knew that I could trust him with anything. That was when I was ready to accept his help.

"I..." I sputtered as I sat down on my bed. He draped my blanket over my shoulders to cover me up. "I need help... I... I c-can't... keep... can't keep doing this..."

He pulled me in for a hug. In all the time that we'd known each other, it was the first time he ever did that, and it was the first time since December that I felt as if things were actually going to be okay. I'd made a big leap by asking for help, but there was still a long road ahead.

"You have no idea how happy I am to hear you say that."

I choked up. Someone cared.

"Feeling any better today, then?"

I really didn't, but I thought that if I said I did, I might finally escape this hell. I nodded. "A little..."

"Enough to wear your favorite dress today?"

I didn't see what difference it would make. Whether I wore my favorite dress, some of his own loose fitting clothes, continued with my blanket cloak or exposed myself entirely, it didn't matter to me. My physical state of being wasn't the important thing, it was my mind that I was more concerned with. It appeared that he made the decision for me, as he let me go and hopped off the bed, then opened my dresser.

I sighed as I grabbed the blanket and wrapped it tightly around me. "It's just not fair... I lost everything..."

"Not everything," he said as he cautiously searched through my clothes.

"Everything," I insisted. "And I still don't know why."

"You've been telling me that it's because you lashed out at Toby when he tried helping you. Don't think that's the case anymore?"

"No..." I whispered. "It's not that. I'm talking about what initially started it all."

"Oh..." he responded. I could sense it as he tightened up and his attention drifted away from my dresser. He didn't know. I didn't expect him to have an answer, but it was a question that I needed to ask. In fact... it was the first time I had acknowledged it.

A couple months ago, in December... just a week before the Day of Lovers' Remembrance, in fact... Things were actually looking up in my life. I was cruising through my university studies with good grades. I had a decent paying job, even if it wasn't the most glamorous, and I was able to balance it properly with my studies. I was in love with the most wonderful man in the world and engaged to be married to him. And the thing that bound us together the most, more than even our love for each other did... we were just a few months away from welcoming a child into the world together.

I couldn't figure out why, but I felt a little uneasy as the winter break kicked into full swing. I was given time off from my job to visit family back in Goldwheat. Toby boarded a flight to return home to Asperia to visit his own. One by one, friends went home for the holiday until I was practically the only one still at the University of Aughrim Student Housing Complex. It was so quiet, and I was so alone...

That's when the happiness faded from my life. In an instant, I knew why I felt so uneasy... Sharp, cutting pain in my abdominals, followed by a lot of blood; it had happened some time in the past few days without me realizing it, and by the time I did, it was too late to do anything... my child... it was gone. I miscarried.

To this day, I still don't know why.

"That's... that's just nature, isn't it?" he asked as he pulled my favorite dress from the top drawer. "It happens. It wasn't your fault."

"How do you know that?"

"I don't. But I do know you. You do well at taking care of yourself... Or at least you used to." He offered the dress to me and knelt down beside me. "I don't want to push you, but I do want to see you get back on the horse. You're a wonderful person full of potential, full of passion and full of energy who has worked so hard to get where she is. It'd be a terrible shame to throw all of that away. When you're ready, I'll be by your side to guide you."

Damn it, more tears were starting to form. He cares, and he believes...

I grabbed ahold of him and hugged him tightly. "Thank you so much for believing in me..." I whimpered. "It's been so long since I heard that from anybody... Toby included..."

"People need to tell you the truth more often, even if they think it's stupid to say it," he said softly.

"I'm ready... I want to get on with my life... I... I can do this."

No... don't listen... he lies...

"I will do this!"

That was the day that the light came back into my life. The day that sparked the fire inside me. The day that I no longer heard those horrible whispers taunt me.

The day that I had hope.

 

[Beth Pavell]

You will never have what you most desire...

Well, that tells us we're in Andrea's head, right there.

In some ways I'm not the best person to comment on a chapter like this. I think I've said once before that I have much less patience for a fictional character's brand of craziness than for real people.

Some things that did occur to me - Toby, not Larson? I know the Christmas special wasn't supposed to be canon (I'm not sure how non-canon non-canon is). I think I may be confusing whether there were hints that Andrea's fiancé was unfaithful in Land of the Roses proper.

In any case, the whole miscarriage thing rings true. It happens all the time, for all kinds of obscure reasons, and people invariably think it's something they did wrong.

 

[diamondpearl876]

OMG! A wild birthday review appeared! <3

So, you asked about first person, and for the most part, I think it works here. The sudden change from third person and the flashback-only content of it made me consider this more of a "bonus" chapter than an official one, and I'm not sure if that was your intent? But anyway, yeah, the first person felt genuine and natural, and for it being a moment of Andrea being at her lowest and admitting she needs help, you had more leeway in the emotions; it never veered into melodrama territory for me. My only suggestion might be to mix up the sentence structure more, so there's less sentences/paragraphs starting with "I".

The italics portraying Andrea's intrusive thoughts worked well, too, I think. The point of intrusive thoughts is that they're powerful, relentless, and they keep popping up when you least expect it or want them to. So them constantly showing up throughout the chapter was a nice, realistic touch, and they were well placed. It's also interesting how Andrea's thoughts basically speak in second person. I can't speak for everyone, but I do think a lot of people, when they're in a self-loathing/depressed mode, refer to themselves as "you" -- "you suck, and you're worthless," and so on. It kind of made me think that it's blatant proof of the brain trying to trick you -- why don't people tend to think "I suck" instead, if not? Anyway, basically what I'm trying to say is that it was thought provoking.

Overall, nicely done. Good luck with the next update!

 

[Misfit Angel]

Some things that did occur to me - Toby, not Larson? I think I may be confusing whether there were hints that Andrea's fiancé was unfaithful in Land of the Roses proper.

Hmm, I may have to adjust some things to further strengthen the sense of the timeline. The Christmas special was eighteen months before the story, while this one was six months before. A lot happened to Andrea in that year. She rose to her happiest and fell to her lowest; Larson was not in the picture at all over that year, despite how much she gripes about him still.

As far as her ex-fiancé ever being unfaithful, my current notes say no and I hope to stick to that. If I don't, you have full permission to bonk me on the head.

I know the Christmas special wasn't supposed to be canon (I'm not sure how non-canon non-canon is).

It's okay, I'm not sure either. There's parts of it that I wouldn't mind building from (specifically the dynamic between Andrea/Larson) but the appearances of other Workshop characters are probably where the canon part ends.

I think I've said once before that I have much less patience for a fictional character's brand of craziness than for real people.

I would think the opposite, personally. At least a crazy character isn't negatively impacting your quality of life like a crazy person would. But to each their own.

In any case, the whole miscarriage thing rings true. It happens all the time, for all kinds of obscure reasons, and people invariably think it's something they did wrong.

I was actually astonished by the numbers of how common it can be when Caitlin was running me through the details and her own experiences with it. As many as a quarter end this way across the world, even with modern medicine, which is a sobering thought. It's astonishing how fragile life can be at that early stage, basically every person alive right now has walked through a minefield of fatal complications.

I worry that this is one of those character details that someone will roll their eyes at and that may ultimately be the case at some point, but I feel like it wasn't the worst idea. I've got a newfound appreciation for life out of it.

The sudden change from third person and the flashback-only content of it made me consider this more of a "bonus" chapter than an official one, and I'm not sure if that was your intent?

Yep, a bonus chapter. I had a lot of fun and I'd love to do more of these for other characters, but I'm not sure who "deserves" one at the moment. I've got an idea in mind for Patrick, but it's too soon to work with him yet.

My only suggestion might be to mix up the sentence structure more, so there's less sentences/paragraphs starting with "I".

I'll see what I can do.

Well, that tells us we're in Andrea's head, right there.

The italics portraying Andrea's intrusive thoughts worked well, too, I think. The point of intrusive thoughts is that they're powerful, relentless, and they keep popping up when you least expect it or want them to. So them constantly showing up throughout the chapter was a nice, realistic touch, and they were well placed.

While we're in her mind, I actually hadn't thought about it this way. I was more angling towards a lingering presence from outside her mind that was capitalizing on her vulnerability to torment her, but perhaps that may be a bit far fetched even in the context of a world where blood witches exist. Why would this malevolent force target some random university student, and for what purpose? (well, I have some ideas for that but without knowing those ideas, this angle kinda falls flat I guess)

It's also interesting how Andrea's thoughts basically speak in second person. I can't speak for everyone, but I do think a lot of people, when they're in a self-loathing/depressed mode, refer to themselves as "you" -- "you suck, and you're worthless," and so on. It kind of made me think that it's blatant proof of the brain trying to trick you -- why don't people tend to think "I suck" instead, if not?

Hmm, interesting, I never really thought about it. It definitely happens a lot with me.

oh god I don't have a demon inside of me do I

Good luck with the next update!

Thanks, I feel like I need it with how slowly things are going

 

[Flaze]

Man, it’s been quite a few months hasn’t’ it? Well I’m finally caught back up with this story after so long and some things have changed…well somewhat at elast. I can see that the story now has a more individual focus, or at least I can say that based on the fact that we only had three chapters with Kimberly.

I just knew that Loren was a douche, the way he talked and how he acted just screamed that for me, though the way this reveals comes off does still come out pretty suddenly. Like, even after it was built up it still kind of comes out of left field with how the story suddenly shifts its focus. Though good on Kim for dispatching him pretty quickly.

After that we move into Andrea’s POV again which is very interesting. Since it’s been such a long time since she went off on her journey it was hard to remember that Andrea didn’t actually have a place to live for her job or that so little time’s passed since she actually got that job.

In general these last few chapters do a good enough attempt of reintroducing us to Andrea somewhat, we’d gotten info on her past during her travels with Kimberly, but these chapters allow us to go back to the basics of her character and put them together along with the new info that Season 1 provided for us, and it’s a nice way to apply focus to your protagonist after it had been a while since she was last the center of the story.

In particular the Interludes make an attempt to expand on Andrea’s relationships by introducing Webster and showing that she has a chain of support beyond Kimberly and Webster himself seems pretty nice. At the same time it clues us in on Andrea’s struggle at forming actual relationships with her coworkers, which is fair considering she A) Hasn’t really had time to be at her workplace and B) To most people it probably does seem like Andrea just ran away from her assignment after having unbelievable amounts of fate put on her.

I will have to echo Pavell’s judgement here however, in that Andrea’s workplace woes could’ve probably utilized a bit more development. I can tell what you wanted to get at here but right now it happens really quickly, which causes the whole scene with Andrea’s breakdown and then her talk with Patrick to lose some of that meaning behind the drama.

As far as Andrea’s relationship with Patrick goes…it’s strange. To be honest, having Patrick be a focus of the story again, coupled with Loren, I’ve realized that your male characters are kind of dull. As in, the focus is usually on your female characters and they tend to be the ones with more defined personalities. That’s not to say your male ones aren’t fleshed out, but they generally all tend to act the same but with a twist to it. That means that it’s a little hard to really get to like them when it seems like they all act the same and that personality isn’t very active so to speak.

I loved how you described Patrick’s house however, it was surprisingly detail and you really painted a vivid image of the house to me. In fact, I’d say Patrick’s house is quite big for someone living on his own, but I guess he does have a bigger salary than our protagonist here.

And lastly there’s SENTREDGE. You do have to tell me what exactly was going through your mind when you introduced a black Sentret that has an ear drooped over its eyes, like…that’s just begging for jokes. Though it is curious how it seems to have some kind of weird ability.

Overall, I’ve enjoyed these chapters with more of a focus on Andrea that also aim to expand her personality. That being said, it would be nice if her moments were a bit more spaced out, which is kind of ironic considering the fic’s pacing is pretty slow as is. I also wonder where the story will go now that we’ve fully acclimated ourselves to season 2, especially since you do have that main lpot dangling for all to see.

 

[Misfit Angel]

Hello! No new chapter today, and for that I apologize. Instead, I'm here with some news regarding the story. Don't worry, I'm not cancelling it (yet)!

Feedback I saw during the Winter 2017 awards taught me a valuable lesson: there are a lot of problems with this story. Perhaps the weakest link is one of my main characters, Kimberly Fairbrooke. She got a lot of (extremely justified) criticism about her role as a supporting character, her role as a main character and her development and growth in general. I went through and collected all of the problems that were mentioned for her so that I could go and fix them, then noticed that a lot of them are spread throughout the chapters. So, screw it, I say, let's go and fix the most glaring problems with them!

Chapters 1 through Interlude 2 have received a lot of polishing. Grammar was fixed, scenes were changed/taken away/added, some chapters got restructured a bit and they've had their length increased to match the overall length starting with chapter 18. The overall structure and plot of the story remains unchanged; there are many problems with the plot that can only be fixed by deleting a large chunk of the story, which is something I just can't do. I wanted to give this treatment to all of the chapters, admittedly, but I started doing this in February and I've only just gotten through the first twelve chapters here in October. Any more and I'm just damaging the long term health of the story.

Unfortunately, due to the way I structured my time for edits... I didn't actually touch much on my original target... so we've still got more to do! Watch this space next year for the remaining edits :V

I'd like to thank @diamondpearl876 for her extensive and extremely analytical de-construction of Kimberly during the Winter 2017 awards, which inspired me to do this in the first place. Thanks also go to Beth Pavell, Athena and Flaze for their continued support of this story as well as pointing out the parts of the story they felt didn't work or could be stronger. AceTrainer14 also gets a mention, as his feedback on the first pair of chapters inspired me to find ways to improve Andrea's characterization as well. And the rest of you who read, of course, whether you offer feedback or not!

Since I don't expect anyone to go back and reread the story with all of these changes, I'll just compile them into a neat list. Let's get to it!

Arc 1: The First Task​

Spoiler: Alterations to Chapters 1 and 2

• Change: Extensive rewriting, grammar and spelling fixes.
• Change: Significantly altered the structure of chapters 1 and 2, pushing the interview with Dr. Reiland back to the second chapter and bringing some scenes from the second chapter into the first.
• Added: Touched up on description of the town of Loch Alstan, as well as the Reiland Institute now that I actually have a firm idea of what it is and looks like.
• Added: Overall, Andrea is far more nervous and quiet in this version of the chapter.
• Change: Previously, Andrea stated that she worked at a Crimson Crawdaunt. This is no longer the case, to adjust to ongoing developments of her background details. This specific detail will probably show up later in season 2.
• Removed: Ongoing security measures at the Reiland Institute have been lessened and the security staff fired. No need for security if nothing bad ever happens, right? Mostly I just don't want people thinking I'm going to put a Team Rocket arc in this story.
• Removed: The scene where Andrea is assigned her locker didn't serve much purpose and was repurposed anyways.
• Added: Quotes from within the universe before the chapters. Hopefully one will appear before each going forward.
• Words and lines: +2385 words, +56 lines across both chapters

Spoiler: Alterations to Chapter 3

• Added and improved: Description of the wilderness outside of Loch Alstan.
• Change: Altered some of the dialogue between Andrea and Patrick in an attempt to improve their early chemistry.
• Change: Andrea displays her knowledge as a student of biology when her and Patrick are first confronted by the Donphan. Similarly, her knowledge shows more clearly during and after the confrontation.
• Added: Put in a small and vague seed about Andrea's past and why she's refused the call to being a trainer so far.
• Words and lines: +922 words, +20 lines

Spoiler: Alterations to Chapter 4

• Added: a few lines of dialogue here and there.
• Change: Italicized the R-Kit's dialogue to help differentiate it from the human characters.
• Change: Grammar touch ups.
• Words and lines: +657 words, +17 lines

Spoiler: Alterations to Chapter 5

• Changes: Minor alterations to description and dialogue throughout the chapter.
• Added: The first break to help indicate the passage of time.
• Words and lines: +389 words, +12 lines

Spoiler: Alterations to Interlude 1

• Changes: Minor alterations to description and dialogue throughout the chapter.
• Change: Andrea is no longer in the room while Patrick and Dr. Reiland discuss her performance in Nettlefield. That was a terrible decision on my part.
• Change: Similarly, I've altered Dr. Reiland's warning to Andrea about Patrick's behavior somewhat, to be more precise about how he behaves and generally less dismissive to the problem of sexual harassment in the workplace.
• Words and lines: +579 words, +24 lines

Arc 2: The Majesty of Aughrim​

Spoiler: Alterations to Chapter 6

• Changes: Minor alterations to description and dialogue throughout the chapter.
• Change: Minor alteration to strengthen Andrea's role as a biologist: she accurately identifies Telandra as a Skitty rather than second guessing herself.
• Detail: Switched the name of Telandra's breed from Asperian Forest to Kalosian Forest to help make things slightly more relatable for readers. She is still a Norwegian Forest cat.
• Words and lines: +661 words, +18 lines

Spoiler: Alterations to Chapter 7

• Changes: Minor alterations to description and dialogue throughout the chapter.
• Change: Kimberly now sticks by Andrea's side until the end of the chapter, despite being on a tight schedule herself. This is intended to better display her selfless nature, even when it comes to strangers.
• Change: Andrea now remembers that she still lives in the city and plans to return home instead of rent a hotel.
• Added: Various small scenes to help fill out the chapter; this was the shortest chapter by far before the edits took place, barely even a chapter.
• Words and lines: +1738 words, +51 lines

Spoiler: Alterations to Chapter 8

• Changes: Minor alterations to description and dialogue throughout the chapter.
• Change: The song that Andrea sings along to has been shortened to just a few verses instead of the whole thing. She joined halfway through, why sit through the whole lyrics? If anyone's curious, it's a poetry piece I wrote years ago, adapted from Richard Marx' Right Here Waiting.
• Added: To piggyback on changes introduced in the previous chapter, Andrea's room mate, Webster, is introduced with a lengthy text message conversation between the two. Webster will be a minor character who appears in the story from time to time.
• Words and lines: +1076 words, +34 lines

Spoiler: Alterations to Chapter 9

• Changed: Various grammar and spelling fixes.
• Changed: Updated the character backgrounds of Simone Reed, Senna Krostovj, Hoster Burnett and Samantha Ashwoode to make them more impressive as people. The other four contestants remain fairly unimpressive.
• Changed: When I originally wrote this chapter, I forgot to mention that Chrysanthemum's voice is masked with an auto-tuning device to conceal her identity. Added that.
• Added: Each contestant was given an exit reaction from the crowd to help define their characters a little bit further as well as lightly touch on some worldbuilding.
• Words and lines: +314 words, +11 lines

Spoiler: Alterations to Chapter 10

• Changes: Various grammar and spelling fixes.
• Change: Altered the coloration of Snowbelle's "petals" to fit the wintry theme.
• Change: Lightly altered a judge's reaction to and Kimberly's score for her first performance. The final score has been adjusted as well.
• Change: Cleaned up and differentiated some of the judges' commentary from each other.
• Change: Andrea's being a bit of a rude bitch again...
• Added: Translation listing at the bottom.
• Words and lines: + words, + lines

Spoiler: Alterations to Chapter 11

[*]Changes: Various grammar and spelling fixes.
[*]Change: Altered Kimberly's acrobatics routine to be more defined and less "she did everything".
[*]Change: Modified the description around the Sandslash's archery routine to be much more impressive and worthy of the original scores it received. Every score for this matchup remains the same as it was previously.
[*]Change: Boosted the emotional dialogue in the final scene a bit. It felt pretty flat beforehand.
[*]Words and lines: +662 words, +10 lines

Interlude 2 has undergone two extensive rewrites since I've published it. I don't remember if I ever announced the first rewrite in a meaningful way. I'll include the changes from both revisits:

Spoiler: Alterations to Interlude 2

October 17, 2017

• Significantly altered the opening of the chapter. Before this edit, she stayed in a hotel, but that doesn't make much sense since she lived in the city for the past four years.
• This has allowed me to introduce an upcoming minor character, Andrea's enigmatic and nerdy room mate known only as Webster, much earlier (and much more naturally).
• Major alteration: Before, Kimberly stated that she received her Squirtle/Blastoise from Dr. Reiland's lab a year previous. That has been removed as it didn't make sense for an already wealthy woman to receive a gift intended for less fortunate people.
• Some minor alterations to the breakfast conversation.
• Grammar/spelling fixes

June 17, 2018

• Changes: Various grammar and spelling fixes.
• Changes: Touched up some dialogue and description here and there.
• Change: Italicized the news broadcast to standardize how I've been doing it in later chapters.
• Added: Included a small argument between Andrea and her room mate to better personify her social problems.
• Fix: Tidied up the linebreaks around the text messages.
• Fix: Somehow one of Dr. Reiland's lines got split into two and I've only just noticed it. Fixed!
• Words and lines: +659 words, +14 lines

 

[Beth Pavell]

Who's your favourite reviewer? Looking again at the early chapters for edits, but first, response of a response:

It's okay, I'm not sure either. There's parts of it that I wouldn't mind building from (specifically the dynamic between Andrea/Larson) but the appearances of other Workshop characters are probably where the canon part ends.

It would be especially difficult to reconcile in the case of The Long Walk, since the Blackthorn area plus Misho is already my old Gaelic North, and I've placed Storm Island at the very west of the Mediterranean instead of most of the Iberian peninsula.

I worry that this is one of those character details that someone will roll their eyes at and that may ultimately be the case at some point, but I feel like it wasn't the worst idea. I've got a newfound appreciation for life out of it.

It comes down to the old Reality is Unrealistic trope again, which can be an especially thorny trope to get around. To a lesser extent I've had it in response to Josh's skillset in The Long Walk, though I maintain that people can and do know more than fictional characters are supposed to know. My feeling is that for sensitive and/or serious issues, it's better to stick to unrealistic reality and risk rolled eyes. The alternative is to bow to Hollywood reality, which is going to look like a cartoon and is liable to annoy those readers who are aware of the real situation.

rusted-yet-sturdy bridges ahead of it

I still would have avoided the mention of rust altogether, but if you're determined to keep it, it's not such a big deal. Other minor points would be I wouldn't bother describing the Kingdra sculptures as seahorse-like at all. Your readers will know what Kingdra are, and since Andrea does as well it's superfluous words. I don't remember much of the Reiland Institute from the first version - your mileage may vary on whether that's a good thing or not - but it does feel more like a workplace this time round, albeit one with the coolness factor ratcheted up. In light of future chapters I do see the point of that.

She nodded in silence.

The whole conversation there is more ... how to put it? Teenage than the one previously. I don't have a problem with that, all those slightly too-terse answers, etc, I just thought I'd point it out to see how much that was intentional.

"You're quite lucky, you know. I don't remember the last time Dr. Reiland had a face to face meeting with someone who doesn't work here, or isn't an investor."

Now that does need to be there. I'm not sure where I mentioned it previously, but the nature of the interview was a bit too friendly. I still think that it's odd how Dr Reiland personally interviews Andrea but has no idea what she wants her for. I'm sort of wondering whether this is the point, but it's a persistent niggle in the plot.

"I thought he wanted to warm me up..." she thought.

We all do, Andrea *flirtatious growl

"You do. They don't teach you street smarts in those lecture halls.

"Street smarts" here being putting up with a crappy room, eh Patrick. I'm really making fun of the character here, because he really is exaggerating the work ethic here.

250-member herd

Should that be "250-head herd"?

FUNGI PRESENT: Trace amounts detected.

Point of nitpick - in feed that old, there ought to be as much fungus as bacteria, possibly more, though I could be wrong on that. Since the next line points out it's ambiguous as to whether that's a problem, this would be an easy edit.

She pressed her ear to the door and listened carefully.

That's the way. Cheat your way to the top.

I haven't quite decided how to look at the edits in the Interlude. Patrick cancelling the booking for room #2 is a red flag alright, and I wonder whether it would be an idea to tack on some kind of reprimand from Reiland at the end of their (overheard) conversation.

 

[Beth Pavell]

Continuing from last time:

balanced the mug on a saucer

Shouldn't that be a cup? A nitpicky detail, conceivably - I've never seen someone use mug and a saucer.

Is Andrea spikier in this edit? I can't remember how long her original meeting was with Kimberly, but it seems as if the conversation has been extended.

I did try to think of reasons why Chapter Seven's expansion of the station was unwarranted, but I can't, really. At least, not in a story like this, with an original region like this, and it's not as if it serves no purpose. Anyway, I've seen stations like Camden before. Birmingham New Street isn't far from it if you pick the right time of day. There are overtones of busy airport in there as well, which makes a degree of sense since it seems rail travel is the primary transport network in Lanark. All that's missing is a place to buy a designer watch for no apparent reason.

Hell, they might even strip that fancy dress of yours off of you and disappear into the crowd before you realize what happened."

I can't help but think Andrea's getting a bit carried away here.

jollily

Possibly "gaily" would fit better here.

grabbed

You tend to use the word "grabbed" a lot - it's sometimes on the aggressive side for picking something up.

Ms. Dennison! You came!

This little fishy escaped the edit - Kimberly doesn't know Andrea's surname.

The Daily Crown, April 1st[/i]

Likewise, a bit of errant formatting there.

the HMS Purity during its lengthy patrol of the Ranaa Gulf. Let's give a hand for this brave woman!"

This one is a nitpick - that should be "HMS Purity". Italics optional, I suppose, but since HMS is an abbreviation for His/Her Majesty's Ship, "the" isn't needed there.

 

[Misfit Angel]

Who's your favourite reviewer? Looking again at the early chapters for edits

Oh you spoil me.

It would be especially difficult to reconcile in the case of The Long Walk, since the Blackthorn area plus Misho is already my old Gaelic North

Yeah, there's probably no realistic way for me to include Josh/Eve except as a fun crossover, since my interpretation of Kanto + others is squarely Japanese. The best I'd be able to do is retcon Josh being from the Northcountry of Lanark and Eve being a hip descendant from a once-noble family.

and I've placed Storm Island at the very west of the Mediterranean instead of most of the Iberian peninsula.

Hmm, curious place to put it. I always saw it as the equivalent and amalgamation of the Mariana Islands/Guam, and would sit in the Pacific Ocean (in fact, I think I named it Pacifica Ocean in one of the later chapters?). If I ever got far enough with it, I was going to have some sort of undersea arc where Andrea is asked to investigate the deepest trench and finds all sorts of cool stuff down there. Oh well!

Other minor points would be I wouldn't bother describing the Kingdra sculptures as seahorse-like at all. Your readers will know what Kingdra are, and since Andrea does as well it's superfluous words.

You're not the first person to tell me this and I'm starting to think it's probably a good idea. It's a tradition born out of the early days of Storm Island, when Caitlin and I (well, mostly her) were writing the story for someone who wasn't massively familiar with it. It's just habit at this point but I'm trying to break it.

The whole conversation there is more ... how to put it? Teenage than the one previously. I don't have a problem with that, all those slightly too-terse answers, etc, I just thought I'd point it out to see how much that was intentional.

Intentional? Yes. For a character that's supposed to have social problems and limited skills, she was very eloquent with her father the previous version and I didn't like that after having reread it a few times.

Now that does need to be there. I'm not sure where I mentioned it previously, but the nature of the interview was a bit too friendly. I still think that it's odd how Dr Reiland personally interviews Andrea but has no idea what she wants her for. I'm sort of wondering whether this is the point, but it's a persistent niggle in the plot.

I think you did mention it before, I remember reading this somewhere, and I remember me trying to justify it as "it's like google, everyone's friendly and happy" or something. Obviously with recent chapters we've seen it's not quite the case, so I tried to lessen that a bit. One little thing I was going to put into the rewrite of chapter 2 that could have helped was that Patrick was going to tell Andrea that she practically had the job before she even got there, and the only thing that would have screwed it up for her was if her personality was rotten. Maybe I can go back in and slide that in somewhere.

Dr. Reiland interviewing the people coming in... maybe it wouldn't work that way. I view it as, the Reiland Institute isn't taking on new people very often (as evidenced in the chapter) and she had an impressive background. If it were only one or the other, she might not bother doing the interview herself and let a department head take care of it. Why she continues to get involved afterward with the Doranshire stuff is a bit more flimsy with this, other than she's in charge and Tamara/Dr. Belmonte (the guy who wanted the investigation done in the first place) contacted her specifically about it. I dunno, it's tricky when you look at most large businesses/establishments and the owners being fairly hands off of the inner workings a lot of the time.

We all do, Andrea *flirtatious growl

I'll need to keep an eye on you!

"Street smarts" here being putting up with a crappy room, eh Patrick. I'm really making fun of the character here, because he really is exaggerating the work ethic here.

Thinking about it, at least one of them should have complained to the manager and demanded a room without mold growing in it. That would have been street smart.

Should that be "250-head herd"?

It probably should. I'll put it on The List but I'm not sure it'll be acted upon in the near or even distant future. Kinda sick of polishing these early chapters.

Point of nitpick - in feed that old, there ought to be as much fungus as bacteria, possibly more, though I could be wrong on that. Since the next line points out it's ambiguous as to whether that's a problem, this would be an easy edit.

Yeah, makes sense.

Patrick cancelling the booking for room #2 is a red flag alright, and I wonder whether it would be an idea to tack on some kind of reprimand from Reiland at the end of their (overheard) conversation.

This is a good point. Maybe a "we need to talk about something, but I want to talk to Andrea first so don't go far" kinda thing since she probably trusts him more than a rumor, a rumor that she understands the origins of and the truth about. However, that's a point for season 2 and I can't spoil it yet!

Shouldn't that be a cup? A nitpicky detail, conceivably - I've never seen someone use mug and a saucer.

You'll have to pardon me, my exposure to tea is via mass produced bottles. On the list of fixes!

Is Andrea spikier in this edit? I can't remember how long her original meeting was with Kimberly, but it seems as if the conversation has been extended.

She is. I wanted to set the stage of her being a rude asshole from the start, rather than have it come largely out of nowhere around Doranshire (and least that's how I've always perceived it). This was actually one of the first chapters I touched up way back in February so I don't recall the specifics, but no doubt I expanded on the length; Andrea being critical of the royals is definitely a new addition.

All that's missing is a place to buy a designer watch for no apparent reason.

Hmm, did I remove the reference to the tacky jewelry kiosk in this edit? In any case, I appreciate that you enjoyed my interpretation of a busy transit hub!

I can't help but think Andrea's getting a bit carried away here.

A bit, but you'd be surprised at how crafty the "professional" pick pocket can be, especially if they work in pairs.

Possibly "gaily" would fit better here.

You tend to use the word "grabbed" a lot - it's sometimes on the aggressive side for picking something up.

Good points

This little fishy escaped the edit - Kimberly doesn't know Andrea's surname.

She does, actually. It slipped in very much unceremoniously, while Andrea was calling Tamara's personal number. Andrea revealed her surname and phone number, which is how Kimberly learned her name, and knew the number to call the following morning. Creepy!

Likewise, a bit of errant formatting there.

Fixed!

This one is a nitpick - that should be "HMS Purity". Italics optional, I suppose, but since HMS is an abbreviation for His/Her Majesty's Ship, "the" isn't needed there.

Also fixed. I blame Star Trek and its USS designation for tripping me up on that one.

 

[Beth Pavell]

Yeah, there's probably no realistic way for me to include Josh/Eve except as a fun crossover, since my interpretation of Kanto + others is squarely Japanese. The best I'd be able to do is retcon Josh being from the Northcountry of Lanark and Eve being a hip descendant from a once-noble family.

Well you've already done it once. Why do I get the feeling that a Pygmalion plot - or a My Fair Lady plot, I suppose - would be creeping in there. Subversion: Kalosian-speaking, degree-owning Townie Josh can turn off his accent whenever he likes and doesn't need elocution lessons from anyone.

Hmm, curious place to put it. I always saw it as the equivalent and amalgamation of the Mariana Islands/Guam, and would sit in the Pacific Ocean (in fact, I think I named it Pacifica Ocean in one of the later chapters?).

Funny thing is, I'd already decided that Hoenn would sit down near 40th parallel - it would need to, in order to account for the climate and still fit with this modified Europe with Kanto-Johto in Northern Europe. But Storm Island's climate isn't dissimilar. Putting it further South would raise more questions about interactions with "Africa" than I would like. But since I never wanted to just create Poké!Versions of every country in Europe I felt I could get around it by pretty much removing the Iberian Peninsula and dropping Storm Island in its place. I don't know how big you intended Storm Island to be, but I would have to size it to something like Sicily, I think.

Anyway, before I forget, I ought to mention that it's inevitable I'm going to notice more things to comment on a second time round. I'm slightly surprised by how many chapters I didn't review first time round (Must have been in a review doldrums). It's kind of happened almost every time I ended up reading some rise by sin for the Awards. I think it happened when I re-read Storm Island for the Awards as well, come to that. I don't really expect you to do more than just make the obvious corrections at this point.

 

[Misfit Angel]

Land of the Roses
Interlude 5: Wiltstep​

For some reason or another, people consider roses beautiful. They are weeds to me. I will not rest until every last one is crushed under my heel.​

~ Lord Raeghan Doran​

- - - - -​

Somewhere outside the village limits of Redfern Crossing
May 24th

The snap of a hair tie echoed in the room as a young teenage girl divvied her wavy red hair up into a pair of high pig tails. Shining ruby red gloss was applied to her lips delicately and expertly. She draped a bright white silk blouse over her shoulders next, buttoning it up to the collar, then went through the painstaking process of tying a pink ribbon bow around her neck line. A pleated plaid skirt, decorated with hues of black, gold and white, went on after, as did a pair of white knee socks. Heeled black leather formal shoes finished off her appearance before she looked at herself in the mirror.

"Yes... yes... No! Nearly forgot!" she said. Lastly, she applied a green contact lens to each of her eyes, to cover up her naturally red irises. "How do I look, mother?"

An older woman, who had been reading from a newspaper on the other side of the room, looked up at her. "I'm not comfortable being called that, Glyllin. You're older than me."

"If this is going to work, Maphesia, you're going to need to be comfortable with it."

Maphesia grumbled angrily. "Very well, daughter. If you'd like my honest opinion, I think you look ridiculous. I don't see how the next step of the plan hinges on that appearance of yours. You very well could have signed up as a 25 year old woman rather than a 15 year old girl."

Glyllin smirked. "I could have, but I enjoy this appearance. I never got to experience what it's like to be a teenager of this century. You should try it, you'd enjoy it."

"Is that why you chose to be one last century as well? And the century before that?"

Glyllin sighed and walked over to the window. "Always so difficult, mother." she sadistically said as she grabbed a potted plant that looked as if it were dying. "You'll be interested to know something. Remember that girl you met a couple days ago? The one who sent you flying across your kitchen before she ran off to save your next sacrifice?"

Maphesia rolled her eyes upon being reminded of that embarrassing defeat. "Yes. I do. Andrea was her name, if I recall?"

She placed the potted plant into a small cardboard box and returned to the window for another one. "Yes, Andrea Dennison. Edgar informed me that her mother will be a judge of this horticultural show. Her father as well."

Maphesia's eyes widened and a crooked grin crept across her face. "Really? Well, that's fortuitous..."

"It'd be difficult for you to make a move on them without casting suspicion on us, but... They will be swept up in our plans anyways. Think of this as an opportunity for long term revenge, for that girl embarrassing you so easily."

"Mmm."

She clapped her hands together furiously. "However! None of this will unfold if we're late for the show! Help me pack my display up, please."

- - - - -​

"Ladies and gentlemen, it is my pleasure to announce the patron of this horticulture show! Please, give a round of applause for Lord Edgar Alben VIII!"

Applause echoed throughout the convention hall as an elderly man approached the podium at the center of the stage. His gait carried with it a vibe of regal grace that the people of the country had come to know him by. He was among the most powerful and wealthiest men to sit on Lanark's parliament, and certainly the most secretive; the people knew of him, but few knew about him, other than he rarely made public appearances and was typically locked away in closed door meetings when he attended his parliamentary duties.

He cleared his throat and nodded to the attendees. "Thank you. Thank you. Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for attending the 72nd annual Redfern Regal Horticulture and Garden Show! It is my great honor to welcome these young faces, bright minds and garden lovers to another year of competition. I see we have many returning veterans, but we also have many newcomers. Regardless of experience, I hope that all who compete today enjoy the time spent and the company of your fellow enthusiasts. Our judging panel will consist of five individuals, they are... ahh... ha ha, pardon my failing eyesight!"

He raised a paper to his eyes and squinted.

"Dr. Meredith Dennison, Officer Marvin Dennison, Sir Gavin Cummings, Sir William Hargrave and my good friend Rajid Awaz. If you are competing in the show, please keep an eye out for them so that this process can be done in a timely manner! With all of that said, enjoy the show!"

- - - - -​

The convention hall was packed with contestants ready to take the grand prize of the Redfern Regal; 33 had registered to compete and all had attended, filling the room with flowers, shrubs, trees and even well-groomed plant-based Pokémon. Enthusiasm was high, as the overall winner of the event would take home a generous total of 150 golden roses, a prize funded by the enigmatic Lord Alben himself. Before it had even begun, the event was a success: the hall was packed with guests and tourists from all over the world.

"I dunno about this, Mer... Lotta people out there..." Marvin said nervously as he adjusted his tie. "I feel like I need to switch into cop mode, keep an eye on the people more than the plants. This is the perfect opportunity --"

Meredith was touching up her own appearance with the aide of a pocket mirror. "Please don't. It's your rare day off, and you agreed to be a judge. Can you not focus on work for once?"

"Hey, not fair! I've been doing a lot of that since you've been gone!" he pleaded. "I'll try, but... I'm starting to think that volunteering to fill in for Mr. Barone wasn't the wisest idea. I'm the only one on this judging panel who has no experience with gardening."

"But it was your idea."

"Yeah, I know..."

She playfully bumped into him. "Just follow me, I'll guide you through this. I'll prompt you with questions and stuff so you know what to look for, sound good?"

He smiled. "I'd be lost without you."

She offered him a heartfelt smile. "That's how you started our wedding vows..."

He nodded with a happy grin on his face.

She lifted up the paper on her judging clipboard and started to mumble the words written on it. "Let's see... the first contestant we'll be judging is... Glyllin Williams! What a fun name to say!"

He raised his eyebrow. "Glyllin? The fuck? I'll never understand the weird names the people in this country give their kids..."

"Hey! How long have we lived here now? Close to eighteen years? This country is our home, for better or for worse. I'd have thought you would have stopped being snippy about the culture by now."

"I have!" he playfully protested. "Just... Glyllin... What an odd name."

She sighed and rolled her eyes. "Get it out before we approach her, then. She's just a child."

"I'm good. Lead the way."

They approached the table that hosted the young red haired Glyllin, no older than 15 years old by both of their estimations, her youthful-looking blonde mother and her horticultural display. The display caught them off guard; rather than rely heavily on a rose motif as most other tables around the room did, Glyllin's featured sickly looking flowers, a leafless shrub, several speckled mushrooms and clumps of moss.

"Hello!" Meredith energetically said as she stopped by the table. "What an... interesting display!"

Glyllin curtsied graciously. "Thank you, ma'am."

"Hey look, they're here already..." Maphesia whispered into Glyllin's ear. She greeted the two warmly, "Marvin and Meredith Dennison, I presume?"

"That's us!" Meredith nodded as she looked over her information sheet. "What's your name, by the way? You're not listed alongside your daughter here."

"Maphesia," the woman answered. "I've been looking forward to meeting you since I learned that you would be judging this event."

"Oh? Me? I should be honored, but--"

"My mother and I have been reading your magazine articles, ma'am," Glyllin added. "You've been a big inspiration for us, me especially. In fact, the inspiration is what brought me here, kind of!"

Meredith blushed. "Oh! Well, thank you! I never thought I'd be an inspiration to anybody! So, what can you tell me about your display, then? It's very unique when I compare it with the rest of them."

"I'd be interested to hear about it, too," Marvin added. "I'm new to this flower stuff, but I have to be honest... these look like they're dying."

"Yes, that is intentional, sir," Glyllin stated. "I wanted my display to show the overlooked part of the cycle of life: death. From mayflies -- which live for only a day -- to the Oak of Ages, every living thing eventually reaches this part of the cycle. Rich, poor, royal, noble or common... we all return to the earth, ready to be remade as the powers that be see fit."

"So smart! Most kids your age don't think of it that way." Meredith commented. "Judging that might seem difficult, but with that in mind..." she knelt down and inspected the largest of the wilted flowers, sickly violet in color, before poking her husband in the hip. "In this case, we're looking at execution of a theme."

"I don't think 'dead' is a theme we can fairly judge," Marvin said. "Isn't a dead flower the sign of a failed execution?"

"Take composition into mind as well. Moss, fungi, the dried shrub, itself showing signs of lichen growth. It's obvious she's going for a theme and she didn't accidentally kill the flowers."

He leaned in for a closer look, trying his hardest to look interested and studious. "Hmm. Good point."

Meredith began to pen some notes down. "Even then... This is a Grovewood Violet, which are notoriously difficult to keep alive in this country due to its extremely sensitive climate, sunlight, water and soil acidity needs. The fact that Glyllin was able to keep it alive long enough for it to grow to this size shows her skill with caring for plants. We can take that into account, too."

He whispered, "I told you I was lost, there's so much more to this than I realized..."

"It's fine! Just note your numbers down as we go along," she returned. Her attention shifted to the mushrooms next; they each were contained in an individual pot and were arranged in a circular pattern surrounding the dead shrub, gently shifting between their red and yellow hues in an orderly manner. "These are fly agaric, Marvin, a very commonly depicted form of mushroom."

"Yeah, I've seen 'em around. They grow in the back yard sometimes."

"They're flat like pancakes," she explained, "...indicative of their age. These are older specimens, and they look very healthy. Not only is Glyllin good with flowers, she's good with mushrooms, too. Very talented!"

Marvin listed some numbers down on his scoring sheet. "How about the moss? Anything special about that? I wanna say this is older stuff, too, it's got these little sticks coming out of it."

"Yes! Those stalks are the spore pods, and it looks as if most of them have already opened. In keeping with the theme, this specimen is also nearing the end of its life cycle."

Glyllin openly whispered to Maphesia, her voice masked by the dull roar of the convention hall, "This lady is very passionate about her plants..."

"She's Doctor Dennison. Guess she must be a botanist or something." Maphesia added. "Do you think she'll like the grand finale?"

"I doubt it." Glyllin grinned. "But let's do it."

"-- think that wraps it up, doesn't it Marv?" Meredith concluded.

He nodded sagely, noting down a few last numbers. "Yeah, I'd say so."

"Ah!" Glyllin chirped. "Before you give your final score, I need to show off the main attraction!"

Both watched as Glyllin buried her hand into her purse and dug around for a bit before retrieving a small leatherbound satchel. She pried the satchel open, accidentally spilling a small amount of ochre-colored powder onto the table. Pinching some between her fingers, she gently sprinkled it over the largest of the mushrooms on display. Soon after, the mushroom began to shudder lightly before the stem started to slowly grow taller.

Meredith raised her eyebrow. "Bulbasaur miracle pollen, right?"

"Yes," Maphesia said.

"Uhh... is that allowed in the rules?" Marvin asked, watching the mushroom grow larger and larger.

Meredith lifted her score sheet and quickly skimmed through the judging guidelines. "Uhh... I don't believe it's against the rules, but it probably should be..."

"Yeah, that's a pretty big -- and expensive -- advantage that you can buy if that's allowed in these kinds of competitions."

A look of worry crossed Glyllin's face as the mushroom continued to balloon in size. The flattened cap began to resemble a glass-like bubble before it popped loudly and suddenly, spraying a foul smelling brown goo in a wide arc; the goo went everywhere, coming to a rest on a nearby contestant's table, the carpeted floor and Meredith's face.

"Oh! Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry!" she burst out. "I-I must have used too much..."

Meredith poked at the goo on her face with her finger, then reached into her pocket for a handkerchief and began to wipe it away. "It's okay, it's not the end of the world."

"That's going to kill my score, isn't it..." she whimpered.

"Fortunately, assaulting the judges isn't part of the scoring criteria!" Meredith joked. "I won't count it against you, but I also can't count that as part of your display either, unfortunately."

"Oooh..." Maphesia groaned. "An expensive waste... But understandable."

"Yeah, sorry. Anyways, I must say, I'm very impressed! How much of this did you do on your own? Did your mother here help you at all?"

Glyllin curtsied graciously. "I did most of it on my own."

"The only part I played in this display was to help procure the Bulbasaur miracle pollen," Maphesia chimed in.

Meredith smiled. "Well, you're a very talented young lady, I say! I think, if you pushed hard at it, you could be an important name within the field of botany or mycology some day! Or maybe open a garden center and manage a greenhouse!"

Glyllin turned towards her 'mother' and gripped her tightly in a hug. "Did you hear that, mother? I could be important some day!"

There was a look of painful discomfort on Maphesia's face, but she tried to cover it with a smile. "But you already are! You've done great work today."

"Well, good luck in the show," Meredith said. "And please, Glyllin, keep working on this. It'd be a shame for such natural skill to be wasted."

"Thank you! I will!"

The pair left the table and moved towards the next contestant. As they did so, Meredith looked back at Glyllin and Maphesia with a smile on her face. "Did you see that? That's the type of relationship I miss having with our daughter. So much love and respect."

He grimaced and shook his head. "I don't mean to be a stick in the mud, but... Andrea's older now, and you two disagree on a lot. It's certainly possible, but it's going to hinge on her more than you. She's still hurt by your decision to move out of the country, even if she understands now why you did it."

She sighed. "Yes, I understand... But I also think that we can reconcile. You told me that her mood improved since she got that job at the Reiland Institute, right?"

He tilted his head slightly, nodding as he did so. "I'd say so, yeah."

"We should go visit her! Loch Alstan isn't far from here, is it?

"I'll have to put in another day off from work, but that sounds like an excellent idea!"

"It's settled, then."

He put his finger up in the air. "Not yet. We still have to decide if it's a surprise visit or not, and I don't think she'd be too happy with one. Hell, she hasn't even given me her new address yet."

"We'll call her, first, then. I want to do this right."