TEEN: Land of the Roses [abandoned]

[Beth Pavell]

I need to get it over with and just admit that I can't explain injury properly.

Actually, now that I think about it, see if you can get hold of a copy of Body Trauma, David W. Page. The book doesn't really fulfil it's stated purpose as an injury guide for writers, but I think it may be of some use

 

[Misfit Angel]

Can't promise I'll get my hands on it, but I'll see if the local library has a copy, or at least something similar.

 

[Misfit Angel]

Land of the Roses
Chapter 19: A Day To Myself

"So... a day to myself... I haven't had one of these in a long time," Kimberly mused to herself. "Do I even remember how to do things by myself?"

The door of the Pokécenter whooshed closed behind her and she felt a sense of severity come over her. She had merely pondered at the possibility of seriously hunting for an Eevee, but she didn't realize that she would actually do so. As excited as she was, she was a little bit apprehensive about it all. She knew that she wasn't experienced as a trainer; on the off chance that she did find an Eevee, capturing it by herself would be a whole different issue. On top of that, lingering worries about her safety clawed at her from the back of her mind.

"Why am I doing this?" she wondered. "This forest... As beautiful as it might be, that experience a few nights ago... Is it truly safe to wander the roads?"

She buried her doubts with memories from her previous visit to the forest nearly a year ago; She recalled the time that she and her previous travel partner, Nicole, sung old sea shanties from Visalia in the glimmering light of a campfire. Memories of her friend's excessive swearing after tumbling into a muddy riverbank were fresh enough to feel like they had happened the previous week. Lastly, she recalled the encounter she had with an Eevee, the very Pokémon that she was hoping to see yet again, and the frantic attempts she and Nicole made to capture it before the elusive creature escaped. To her, these memories were what truly defined the Spritewood for her, not some creepy monster.

As she walked down the street, she noticed that she was the center of one particular man's attention. He stared at her intensely as she walked towards him, brow furled. In response, she did little more than greet the man with a warm smile and a nod of the head.

"Wha're you so happy for? Nothin' 'round here to be happy about in this miserable place." he barked as she walked past.

The man's brusque and bizarre nature caught her off guard. She turned around and offered, "It's a beautiful day, is it not?"

The man looked skyward and shook his head. "It's cloudy, threa'nin' with rain. You call that beau'iful?"

"Sorry I suggested it," she answered back. Without a further word, she turned around and continued on her way. "That was strange... most country folk are the friendly sort, in my experience..."

Her assumptions appeared to be incorrect when it came to the village of Doranshire. Along the way she met a ruthless pair of children who followed her for some time, weaponizing her short stature against her. When they had finally left her in peace, a middle-aged woman chastised her from a cluttered porch step, commenting on her 'ridiculously tacky' dress. A young man about the same age as her, who appeared to be in a distracted hurry, nearly knocked her over and didn't look back, instead offering a rude rebuke as he ran by.

She wondered why the folk of Doranshire seemed so irritable. She remembered her previous visit to the village very well, specifically for how friendly and hospitable the people were. What had changed in the past eight months, she wondered? She was very out of the loop when it came to the current events of the kingdom, especially regarding the lesser-known villages, and she felt bad about it. Perhaps they had legitimate grievances, she thought, but at the same time, nothing excused such bitter rudeness. She tried to put it out of mind as she continued on her way; the further from the village center she got, the better she felt.

As she rounded a corner, she noticed a little black figure in the corner of her eye. She couldn't immediately identify it, so she stopped in her tracks to get a closer look. Closer inspection revealed it was a Skitty, not unlike her own Telandra, digging through a discarded plastic box. However, this one was covered from head to tail with a thick coat of short, silky, coal-black fur. Its orange eyes peered up at her as it turned to investigate her presence.

She gasped. "Aren't you beautiful?"

The Skitty dropped the fish bones it carried in its mouth and scurried across the street with lightning speed. As she marveled at the Skitty, it dawned on her what had just happened: a black cat had crossed her path, an omen of bad luck.

"Oh flip..." she muttered. "As if I needed bad luck today..."

That simple event caused her to reconsider the day's plans. She was venturing out into the wilderness on her own for the first time in her life, in an area that she was unfamiliar with. That alone would be enough to sway her cautious side, but several other factors were at play as well. Between the strange creature that had attacked her two nights ago, her uncertainty with being alone, the bad mood the villagers had put her in, the reports she'd heard about that had been plaguing the village and now the black Skitty crossing her path, she told herself, "It's not worth it..."

Yet at the same time, she felt like she had to prove herself. During her youth, her parents always looked after her when they could. When they couldn't, their vast wealth bought an army of servants and attendants to fill the void. Everything was done for her so that she never had to lift a finger; homework, tidying up, tending to the gardens, all done for her. She had never been given the opportunity to do things on her own, an opportunity which she always felt she deserved. Now could be a good time to seize that opportunity, she thought, even if there was some risk involved.

With some hesitation and a quick, deep breath for reassurance, she continued along the road that led to the forest. Within the span of just a few dozen feet, she found herself surrounded by a thicket of white birch trees. The welcoming sight of the peaceful village disappeared among the trunks, as well as any confidence she had gathered.

She reached down for the ribbon wrapped around her hips and grabbed her gem studded Master Ball. With a toss into the air, the Master Ball burst into a cascade of bubbles. Juliano's presence brought her comfort, leading her to conclude that the day ahead was going to be a rapidly-changing roller coaster of relief and anxiety.

"What do you think, Juliano? Do you think this is a bad idea?" she asked.

Juliano examined his new surroundings closely. With an audible grunt, he shook his head. He felt that whatever doubts she had, they were unfounded.

"It's just like me. To worry too much, I mean. Nicole always used to point that out."

He nodded.

With her search of the forest afoot, she quickly realized something: she knew absolutely nothing about tracking an Eevee. From her travels in the previous year, she understood the importance of knowing how to properly track a specific species when trying to capture it. She remembered the lengths Nicole went to in order to capture her most prized Pokémon, Hydreigon: they had to find the right habitat, search during the proper weather conditions, wait for the right time of day, and on top of all of that, hope that the nearby roads were sparsely populated by other travellers. The two spent nearly two weeks in the eastern highlands until the conditions were just right for an encounter, the ultimate test of a dedicated Pokémon trainer. Or, in her eyes, the ultimate test of a young coordinator's patience and a complete waste of time.

She wasn't sure what conditions would need to be met to find an Eevee, but she did know that encountering one in the wild was mostly just plain, dumb luck. Eevees were elusive and shy creatures, often running at the first sign of trouble and using their small stature and nimble nature to their advantage. The forest was thick with shrubs, bushes and waist-high grass, giving an Eevee the perfect conditions to hide from a trainer, especially an inexperienced one.

"The more I think about it, the more I realize that this is a waste of our time," she lamented.

Juliano gently rested his massive, clawed hand on her shoulder and gave her a tiny push, as if to urge her forward.

"You're right. We could be working on a new routine... but I shouldn't give up an opportunity like this simply because I'm scared and uncertain of myself."

To ease her fears, she surrounded herself in the mysterious beauty of the forest around her. She took the time to really notice the details; nearly a quarter of the larger trees were choked with thorny vines, themselves covered in delicate red and gold flowers. More flowers, no larger than a fingernail, carpeted the forest floor on either side of the path. The sweet scent of lilac and gooseberries wafted around her with every breeze, and the sound of buzzing insects quietly echoed from the leaves above. She wondered how she missed such details over the previous two days.

As she immersed herself in her surroundings, she found a promising clue; a tuft of matted white fur flittered in the wind, stuck to the trunk of one of the trees. While most Eevees were commonly brown in color, she knew from previous experience that they can also have a wide range of fur colorations, including white. However, she wasn't certain if the fur was indeed from an Eevee. She realized it could have been left by something else, possibly the much sought after Ashenfur Stantler. She grabbed the fur and handed it to Juliano. "What do you think? Has an Eevee been through here recently?"

Juliano took one look at the fur and threw it aside. With a bellowing noise, he shook his head.

"Are you certain?"

Once again, he shook his head.

"If only Nicole had taught me a little bit more about tracking Pokémon... Or maybe I should have taught myself." she said, crestfallen.

Despite her plans of not straying far from the village, she found herself drawn deeper into the forest. The forest seemed peaceful that day, as if the concept of danger were merely a myth. Most alluring was the sound of a nearby stream, hidden somewhere just off the trail. Against her better judgement, she waded through the waist-high grass toward the enchanting sound. Her journey took her down a small, slippery stone embankment, almost sending her tumbling down into a patch of cattail reeds, but Juliano was able to catch her in time.

She knelt down beside the water and studied it as it went by. The water was crystal clear and cool to the touch, and every so often, a fallen flower petal would sail by. "I almost regret doing my daily meditation earlier... This spot would be perfect..."

As she admired the rushing water in front of her, she noticed soft indentations in the mucky clay beside the stream. At first, she was ready to dismiss them, but a closer look revealed that they were mammalian footprints. The pad in the center was about an inch in diameter, and three smaller toes radiated outward from it. What exactly the footprints were made by eluded her knowledge.

"I can't tell what these footprints are... I wish that I didn't leave my Pokédex back at home. This would be so much easier if I had it!"

Juliano put his massive hand to the ground, covering one of the tracks. He lifted it back up and took note of the size difference, then motioned for Kimberly to follow.

"Do you know what made these tracks?"

Without looking back at his master, he shook his head.

"But you think it's worth investigating."

He nodded.

"Very well. Lead the way."

The trail of tracks led for quite some distance along the bank of the stream until it eventually stopped cold with little indication of where the creature that made them could have gone. Just as she was about to turn around, Juliano tapped on her shoulder and pointed across the stream. It took her a moment, but she finally spotted what he pointed out: more white fur stuck to the base of a tree. She thought about crossing the stream, but stopped at the edge; it was too deep, too wide and appeared to have a fairly strong current. Juliano, on the other hand, took the initiative and rushed into the water.

"Hold on a moment!" she called out. "Would you be a dear? Wouldn't want to get this 'tacky' dress wet..."

Juliano returned to the bank of the stream and extended his arms outward. She wrapped her arms around his neck and lifted herself up into his hands. With astonishing grace, he swirled her around his cannons and placed her on the top of his shell. She grabbed each cannon for support and tapped on his shell with the heel of her shoe. "Ready."

He waded into the stream, nearly sinking entirely at its deepest. She held on tightly as he battled against the deceptively strong current, but he managed to get her across without a drop of water on her. She hopped off of his shell and studied her surroundings carefully; just a few feet from the white fur were more tracks in the soft clay, continuing in the same direction as before. She motioned for Juliano to take the lead once more.

The sound of movement in the forest caught their attention and they took cover behind a pair of trees to investigate. Worry began to creep over both of them, as it was a sound similar to the one that preceded the monster attack two nights ago; rustling leaves, snapping twigs and an odd humming sound. Much to their relief, however, it was merely a small group of Stantlers. Covered from head to hoof in drab, brown hair, she realized that these Stantlers weren't the ones that had been leaving the white fur throughout the forest.

"Wait here," Kimberly whispered before stepping away from her tree. She cautiously approached the herd of peacefully grazing Stantlers and stopped when she was about twenty paces away from them. With her hand outstretched, she called out softly, "Come here, I won't hurt you!"

The eldest Stantler raised its head and looked at her briefly before it returned to its grazing.

"No? None of you?"

One of the younger Stantlers started to approach, but stopped in its tracks. As if they were part of a hive mind, all five of the Stantlers raised their heads at the same time and fixed their attention on a specific bush behind them, a bush that wiggled with movement. They quickly scattered in all directions as the bush began to shake more violently. Juliano rushed to his master's side as a precaution.

Before long, a small, four-legged creature emerged from the bush, covered head to toe in soft, white fur. Two long and floppy ears sprouted from its head, but the left one had a peculiar bite mark taken out of it. Three thick stripes of black fur ran along its back, coming to a point at the base of its puffy, cloud-like tail. Kimberly immediately recognized the creature: Eevee. Despite the run in with the black Skitty earlier, it would appear that luck was on her side after all.

The fur patterns and, more specifically, the bite mmark on its left ear, stood out to her. "Is that..." she quietly whispered to herself. "It is! Juliano! This is the very same Eevee we encountered last year!"

He huffed at the thought.

"Look at the ear... Do you remember when Nicole called on her Herdier to battle it?"

He placed his hand to his chin, but couldn't recall anything specific about their previous encounter with an Eevee.

"We can't let it get away this time. Imagine the look on her face when I bring it back to Visalia..." She reached into her purse and grabbed a white Pokéball that was decorated with blue stars and red stripes. "I need you to distract it. Perhaps trap it with an ice patch so that it can't escape?"

Juliano slowly and quietly stepped towards the Eevee, which was captivated by a dangling bundle of berries on the bush that it had emerged from. The cannons within his shell slowly moved up and down in a spinning motion as they calibrated themselves for an attack. A thin, wispy fog formed at the tip of each of them before a chilling blast of air erupted from them. Thick frost formed on the ground around the Eevee as well as the bush that it was studying, grabbing its attention.

The Eevee's attention quickly snapped away from the ice forming at its feet and towards him as it turned around. With exposed, tiny fangs, the Eevee let out an intimidating growl that he easily disregarded. When the growl didn't work, it attempted to kick up a cloud of obscuring dust with its large, fluffy tail, but the thin coating of ice on the ground prevented it from doing so. Already out of options, the Eevee attempted to scurry away, but it lost its footing on the ice and slipped around.

"Good, good. Now, what next..." Kimberly murmured to herself. "Now that it's trapped, we need to weaken it, correct?"

He nodded.

"Knock it off its feet, give it everything you have!"

As the Eevee fumbled around on the slippery ice, Juliano's cannons recalibrated themselves for a different attack. He lowered to all fours and took aim at the Eevee, and with a monstrous bellowing roar, a torrent of pressurized water surged from his cannons. The attack was effective at knocking the Eevee off of its feet, but it also washed away the ice trap that he had created.

Kimberly tensed up from seeing the mistake. "Uh oh... I need more ice, Juliano!"

In the time it took for Juliano to ready his cannons for another icy assault, the Eevee regained its footing. Now that it wasn't surrounded by a patch of ice, it reapplied its earlier strategy and scattered the loose dirt around it with a whirling swipe of its tail. It attempted to escape using the cloud of dust as cover, but Juliano was ready for it just in time; a well aimed volley of ice swept under the fleeing Eevee's feet, yet again sending it tumbling to the ground.

"Now, uhh... before it gets up again... no, no... that'll take too much time..." she muttered quietly as she thought of her next move. As she debated with herself, she saw the Eevee rise to its feet, only for it to stumble yet again. "Can you lock it down with more ice? Another water attack will take too much time."

Chunks of fog-shrouded ice rained down around the Eevee as it struggled to maintain its footing. It was clearly spooked by the relentless force being directed at it, a fact clearly displayed by the desperation in its movements as it tried to escape. The constant flailing was the opposite of what Kimberly wanted; a small target was hard enough to hit, but one that was bouncing around would only be more difficult.

"This is such a mess... I'm glad that nobody is around to see this..." she lamented. She gripped the Pokéball tightly between her hands and raised it up to her chest. After a brief second of visualizing her target, she charged up a shot and let loose. The ball soared through the air in the direction of the Eevee... but missed its mark by a wide margin, instead skipping off of Juliano's head like a rock on a pond. She raised her hands to her face and gasped in shock. "Oh! I'm so sorry, Juliano!"

Juliano shrugged it off as if it didn't happen and maintained his icy bombardment.

She immediately reached into her purse for another Pokéball to have another try, but by the time she had grabbed one, the Eevee was back on its feet. It wasted no time in making its escape and scurried across the patch of ice with determination, then flopped into the safety of the underbrush. She rushed forward and frantically scanned for any signs of movement, but there were none. "Where did it go?!"

Juliano blitzed across the clearing towards the bushes, nearly losing his footing on the patch of ice in the process. He rummaged through the bushes that the Eevee disappeared into, but found no signs of it. He turned around with a look of disappointment on his face; the Eevee had escaped.

"I can not apologize enough, Juliano..." she whimpered. "I need to work on my aiming somehow, this happens far too often."

He rubbed the top of his head gently, as if to gesture that he agreed.

She sighed and retrieved the missed Pokéball, then shook her head. "I don't think we're going to find it now that we've frightened it... Should we head back to town and see how Andrea is doing?"

After a few seconds of searching some more, he nodded.

As they made their way back to the main trail, she studied the Pokéball in her hand. A reflection of her face glistened on it, a face filled with disappointment. Seeing herself in it only deepened the fresh wound of failure, prompting her to place it back in her purse. "How do professional trainers do it?" she wondered aloud.

He peered over at her with a look of confusion on his face.

"Aiming a Pokéball, I mean. I just don't understand it. Is there something wrong with how I stand? The way I grip the ball? Do I need to focus on something other than my intended target? I have so many questions..."

He shrugged; he was even more clueless about it than her.

"One would think with how often I've been throwing those blasted things over the past year, I might hit something at least once..."

He cleared his throat, then tapped on the top of his head again.

She laughed. "Besides you, of course! I seem to that skill locked down..."

He rested his massive hand on her back in an effort to soothe her.

"Whatever the case, I simply can not continue as a coordinator if I can't catch new Pokémon to work with. Once we return to Visalia, I'll see if Nicole has the time to help me figure it out."

 

[Misfit Angel]

Author's note: To those of you with no interest in fashion, I sincerely apologize for this chapter.

Land of the Roses
Chapter 20: She's Got The Look

"Well, here we are..." Andrea said. "Whetstone Lane, under the willow tree."

The two were looking at a crumbled ruin of a house; while the largest part of it was still standing, it looked as if it would collapse with the slightest breeze. A smaller section of the house had already fallen to the ravages of time and nothing but a pile of broken timber, rubble and flecks of green painted stone remained. Nearly every window on the house was shattered or cracked. Vines from the unkempt thicket of tall grass surrounding the house had overtaken half of it. Even under the shade of such a large and monolithic tree, not a single light was on inside the home.

"Mr. Holdt was right, this place is a wreck."

Kimberly tilted her head with disbelief. "Someone lives inside of that disaster?"

"According to Mr. Holdt, that crazy old lady lives here. Unfortunately, I have to talk to her."

"How? How can people live like this? This house looks like it'll fall over any moment now."

"You should see some of the old ruined houses in my hometown... Though I guess nobody is living in those."

The two approached the front door, trying to maintain their footing on the crooked, root infested cobblestone path. The closer they got, the worse the house looked to them and the more uneasy they felt. Something about that house wasn't right, and they could feel it; by extension, something wasn't right with whatever poor soul lived inside. It became too much for Kimberly and she stopped in her tracks to linger behind.

The floorboards of the decaying porch creaked under Andrea's weight as she stepped forward to knock on the door. The sound of soothing piano music snuck through the shattered windows, accompanied by the singing of a woman. She grabbed the knocker on the door to use it, but found that it had rusted solid and wouldn't budge, so she used her hand. "Hello? Mrs. Miggins?" she called out.

"Who's'at?!" a shrill voice called from within.

"Sorry to bother you, ma'am! Do you have a moment? I'm here to ask a few questions."

"You the chimneysweep?" the voice shouted.

"What? No, I'm here to ask about an event that took place here a few weeks ago. Something about an attempted break-in."

The piano music stopped and heavy footsteps along a bare, wooden floor could be heard inside the house. A peculiar scratching sound came from the other side of the door, accompanied by the jingling of chains, a sound Andrea quickly identified as a large collection of locking mechanisms on the door. The door swung open and an elderly woman with the face of a raisin glared at her from the darkened interior.

"I take it all those locks are a response to the attempted break-in."

The old woman did little more than grumble.

She pointed to the broken window beside her. "Maybe it's not my business to pry, but... Those locks aren't going to do anything about this broken window. Someone could slip in pretty easily, maybe you should get--"

"Be quiet!" the old woman barked impatiently. "What's with that black lipstick? That... that..." she started, then lowered her head to think for a moment. After the gears had finally twisted in her head, she studied Andrea's clothing more closely. "Wait... that... Oh! Oh gods! Back to finish the deed?!" The woman slammed the door hard enough to buckle the frame, then barricaded herself behind the intricate set of locks. "By the gods! Get away! Witch! Witch! You're not welcome here!"

Andrea could do little more than stare at the door in shock at the woman's reaction. "...W-what?" she whimpered quietly. She knocked on the door once again, speaking louder this time, "What do you mean?"

"I knew those crazy witches were out to get me, Mr. Buttercup!" the woman's voice shouted. It sounded as if the old woman were rapidly rushing though different rooms of the house.

"What are you talking about?" she called out one final time.

The old woman had stopped speaking in coherent sentences; her words had devolved into inarticulate ravings and bridgeless non sequiturs.

She took a few steps back, paused for a moment to think about what to do, then turned around and shook her head. "Wow. Mr. Holdt wasn't lying, she is batshit crazy..."

A terrible cacophony erupted from the house behind her; the sound of heavy furniture scraping across the floor, things crashing to the floor, shattering porcelain and the woman's continued yelling, seasoned with the name 'Mr. Buttercup', blasted through the windows with ease, loud enough to be heard from the street.

Kimberly raised her hands in confusion as Andrea approached. "What happened? She doesn't sound happy."

"Couldn't tell ya."

"Did she say anything?"

"Not really. I tried asking her about the break-in that happened here a few weeks ago, but she interrupted me before I could. She pointed out my lipstick, of all things, then started eyeing me up and down like some sort of pervert. After that, she started screaming about witches and Mr. Buttercup, whoever that is."

"Did she? Curious..." Kimberly put her hand to her chin in thought, then took a few cursory glances at her friend's attire. Starting with a nod, she remarked, "Don't take this the wrong way, but... you probably do look quite... scary? Intimidating? At least to an older person."

She looked down at her clothes, then back up at Kimberly. "What are you suggesting?"

"You might have better luck if you dressed a bit more... bubbly!"

"Bubbly?"

"You know! Bright colors! Thin, airy fabrics! A little bit of skin shown off!"

She shot the suggestion down immediately. "I don't do bright colors. I don't show off skin." She rolled up the sleeve of her dress and displayed her sickly, pallid-looking skin. It glowed in the sunlight and was nearly as bright as freshly fallen snow. "You think anyone wants to see that? Besides, I didn't bring a spare set of clothes with me."

"Perhaps we could go shopping then!"

"Shopping. You want to go... shopping?"

"Well... After we were done here, I did plan on picking up some supplies for the road to Rustlode Bluffs... It wouldn't hurt to look around, would it?"

"Even if I wanted to, I wouldn't be able to afford anything. My bank account is stretched pretty thin."

"I can pay for it, I don't mind."

"Is this some sort of roundabout way of saying you don't like the way--"

Kimberly could sense the next few words coming from a mile away and rested her finger on Andrea's lips to stop her. "Of course not. I helped to design that dress, remember, and I think it looks fantastic on you. All I'm saying is that if you want to get some information from this woman, it's worth a try."

"Is it? I don't think so. A woman this crazy probably isn't going to have anything useful to say." she said. She waited for an answer but didn't get one. Instead, she received a devious look from Kimberly. "You're not going to take no for an answer, are you?"

"As I said, we'll be in the shop anyways."

She grumbled in defeat. "Fiiiine. But it's your money to waste. She's going to recognize me the moment we get back no matter what tacky clothing you put me in."

With a giggle, she wrapped her arm around Andrea's shoulders and led her back towards the center of the village.

- - - - -​

"Can't believe how much of a hard-ass she's being about this..." Andrea grumbled to herself as she halfheartedly browsed through a rack of clothing. "She just has to have everything her way, doesn't she? Guess that's to be expected from a rich, spoiled brat..." Every now and then she would pry apart two articles of clothing on the rack to make it seem like she was looking at something, but the truth of the matter was that she just didn't care. The twenty second loop of new age disco music that blared from the shop's speaker system did little to help hold her interest.

Kimberly returned from the next aisle over with a pastel pink off-the-shoulder layered tanktop that was splashed at random with darker circles and stripes. "Well? What do you think?"

Her eyes nearly popped out of her head at the thought of seeing herself in it. "Absolutely not." she adamantly stated.

Kimberly took another look at it. "Why not? It's adorable! It's chic! It personifies the upcoming summer season perfectly!"

"Way too much pink."

"Is there something wrong with that?"

"I don't like it as a color. It doesn't fit me at all."

"What about that... what was it? That R-Kit? That thing was pink."

She shook her head. "What wasn't my choice. My co-worker forced it on me without asking."

Kimberly returned to her original aisle and placed the rejected top back onto the rack. "Whether it was your choice or not, I think it looked quite fetching on you, in my opinion. It contrasted quite nicely with your black attire, but... very well, you're the boss! I can tell you're very passionate about color coordination!"

"I'm passionate about black, nothing else," she sternly answered. She worried about the tone in which she answered and tried to be a little more diplomatic. "Let's see what else they have. Something different, though. That thing showed off way too much. Did you see the neckline on it, I may as well just run around completely topless!"

Kimberly giggled at the thought. "It was worth a try. I'll find something a little more modest."

The search continued, at least for one of them; Andrea continued her vague, uninterested poking about, while Kimberly was absolutely intent on finding something they could both agree on. Her eyes darted up and down the rack as she took style, fabric, color and other design features into consideration. She knew that Andrea would be picky about anything she suggested, so whatever she chose had to be perfect. Dark colors would work for Andrea, but potentially not for Mrs. Miggins, so she settled on something bright and neutral: a simple white polo shirt, decorated with lavender diamonds along the shoulders and lines along the chest.

"How about this?" she called out as she held up the shirt.

Andrea was surprised; Something had actually caught her attention. She joined Kimberly's aisle to get a closer look at it. "Huh... not bad. The sleeves are a little shorter than I'd like... but I probably won't be wearing this thing for long."

"So you like it?"

"Well..." she said, running her eyes up and down both sides of the aisle. "It's the least square thing here, let me put it that way."

"Now to find a matching bottom!"

She groaned. "Right. The search begins again..."

The two moved a few aisles over, this time browsing together. "Pick your poison. Skirt or trousers?"

"I'll go with a skirt, I guess. I haven't worn pants in forever."

Kimberly placed her hand to her mouth in a playful manner. "Oh my! That's a bit of a personal thing to reveal!"

She laughed. "Shut up! Despite the fact that I've lived in this country for most of my life, I'm a dirty foreigner through and through. I say pants!"

The two walked down the skirt aisle and were bombarded with all sorts of colors and designs; Andrea found most of them to be gaudy eyesores, but Kimberly had already been lost in bliss as she looked around. Andrea constantly tugged her away from the rack whenever she strayed too far behind.

"Maybe this will be a bit quicker if you tell me if you have a specific style or color in mind."

She shrugged. "Something knee length or longer, and probably tan in color. Tan goes with white, right?"

"See, you are a fashionista deep down!"

"Pfft." It didn't take long for Andrea to find what she was looking for, or at least something close. They found the color that they were looking for, but the length was just a smidgen too short. "Fuck it, this'll do. I won't be wearing it for long, anyways."

"Language!"

She sighed. "Right. You don't like it when I swear."

"Right, now onto shoes!"

"The boots are non-negotiable," she demanded. "That old lady isn't going to look at my shoews, and I'd rather not lug an extra pair around with me everywhere I go."

"Fair enough, I suppose." As they emerged from the aisle, Kimberly pulled her aside towards the opposite side of the store. "Let's go get those travel supplies I mentioned."

"Finally..."

The two wandered all the way to the far side of the store and found themselves surrounded by all sorts of outdoor and camping supplies. Tents, bedrolls, Wellington boots, various Pokémon callers, backpacks, hiking gear and bags of trail mix took up much of the space, but Kimberly's interest was elsewhere; within the span of a few minutes, she picked out a HyperLiteEX lamp, an old fashioned tinder kit for starting campfires, a collapsible pair of binoculars, a new first aid kit and a field manual for treating a wide spectrum of outdoor injuries. She explained her rather expensive choices as simply erring on the side of caution.

As they waited for their items to be processed by the clerk, Kimberly said, "Don't get mad, but there's something else we have to do before we return to Mrs. Miggins."

"Oh god, now what?"

"Just a few finishing touches I'd like to make, nothing major! Mrs. Miggins won't recognize you at all when I'm done."

"I dread to ask what that means."

"You'll like it, I'm sure of it."

- - - - -​

"I look ridiculous."

Andrea was seated at the vanity in their home away from home, the Holdt residence, staring at herself in the mirror. The past twenty minutes had been spent removing her usual gothic makeup, only to be replaced with something else; coral lipstick, red winged eye shadow, and the slightest tint of rosy blush on her cheeks. The look was alien to her. It was too normal, she thought; too unlike her.

Kimberly took a step back and looked at her friend with a critical eye. "Something is still missing, yes... Do you mind if I did something with your hair?"

"You're clearly not going to take no for an answer, so go ahead."

"Heh. I just want this to work. This lady is going to think you're an entirely new person."

Andrea leaned her head back and allowed Kimberly to work her magic. "Why do you care so much about my work, by the way?"

"I would be terribly bored if I didn't involve myself. In case you haven't noticed, there is absolutely nothing to do in this village."

"Fair point, but you don't have to stay, you know. You could be well on your way to Rustlode by now."

"Truth be told, I'm a little afraid of travelling alone after what we went through."

"You took off into the forest by yourself yesterday. I don't know what happened out there, but you survived."

"I did, but it was nerve wracking. I don't know that I'd do it again."

"You'll have to find someone else when I'm done here, then, because I doubt Dr. Reiland will send me to Rustlode after this."

The thought had crossed her mind, yet she hadn't planned on it. She wasn't certain of what to do; she didn't want to retrace her steps through the Spritewood and return to the safety of Aughrim. She could search the village for someone who'd be willing to accompany her. She also had a few friends she could call who would be willing to escort her to Rustlode Bluffs. Both of the latter options could leave her stranded for at least a week, and all of those options meant tearing up her planned schedule, completely invalidating the need to visit the Rustlode Bluffs in the first place.

"What are you doing, by the way? Feels like you're ripping my hair out."

"Oh! Sorry. It's just... I used to practice my braiding on Nicole all the time, she never complained."

"Maybe your friend enjoys pain. I don't."

"I'll be a bit more gentle. Anyways, I figured a fancy Kalosian braid might set you even further apart from your standard appearance."

"Fancy." Andrea huffed. "I can't believe I'm letting you do this to me."

"I know, I know! You don't do fancy! Now stop your whining and let me do my work!" she playfully responded. "You're going to look gorgeous."

"I don't have to look gorgeous to talk to a crazy old lady."

She paused to think. "A fair point, but I'm almost done. Hold still!" She unclipped the silver flower brooch that rested in her own hair and gently tucked it between the braids atop Andrea's head. She swiveled the chair around, took a step back and examined her work. "Yes... Yes! This will do!"

Andrea gently ran her fingers across the thick braid that snaked its way across her head as she studied herself in the mirror. "Much as I hate to admit it... you're going to have to teach me how to do this someday, I usually never do anything special with my hair..."

"Nothing special? I can tell that you bleach it."

Andrea turned around again and looked up at her with a raised eyebrow. "Can you?"

"Your roots are starting to show."

"It has been a few weeks, hasn't it..." She stood up and gave herself one last look in the mirror. "Who is that staring back at me?"

"Someone who will have better luck than you did in regards to Mrs. Miggins."

"I don't suppose I need a new name, too? Hmm, how about... Nicole?"

"No, of course not!" she giggled as she gently tugged on Andrea's arm. "Lets see if this works."

- - - - -​

Andrea stared up at the imposing house as she fidgeted with the buttons on her polo shirt. She was cautious about approaching again, but realized that she had already come so far. What would another attempt to speak with Mrs. Miggins really hurt?

"I want you to come with me this time. I'm not sure I have it in me to speak with her alone."

"Okay, I will."

She gently scratched at the braid atop her head as the two approached the ruined house, wondering if the disguise would in fact work. Just as before, soothing piano music could be heard through the broken windows, as well as the youthful voice of an opera singer. When she reached the front door, she took a deep breath, then knocked on it. The soothing piano music stopped and a shrill voice called out from within, "Hello? You the chimneysweep?"

She rested her face in the palm of her hand and shook her head. "No! There are no chimneysweeps, your house doesn't even have a chimney!"

"Then who are you?"

"I'm here to ask about a break-in two weeks ago. I read about it in the paper and I'm trying to get to the bottom of it."

"About time someone came to listen to this poor old lady! Nobody takes me seriously!"

The two stared at each other in bewilderment as the locking mechanisms on the door screeched open one by one. Facial expressions alone were enough to convey what they both thought about this woman; between her bizarre fascination with chimneysweeps to already forgetting that someone had just come to discuss the same matter with her, it was agreed between the both of them: she was certifiably insane.

"Hope this is worth it..." she grumbled.

The door creaked open and Mrs. Miggins' leather face appeared from the darkness. "What do you want?" she barked.

"The break-in. I want to ask about it."

"Ah, yes, yes. Come inside, dear." She disappeared back into the darkness and the door creaked open a little more.

She looked at Kimberly with a look of surprise on her face. "Well, it's progress at least."

The two ventured into the house cautiously. The inside was a complete and utter disaster, appearing as if a tornado had blown through it. Shattered porcelain shards littered the floor, broken furniture was strewn about haphazardly and the inside walls were pocked with massive holes and long cracks. A thick layer of dust covered most of everything except for a ragged old chair; even the floor was covered in dust, with a very clear path that Mrs. Miggins appeared to stick to on a daily basis. A horde of small insects was evenly scattered throughout the room.

"Holy shit..." the two muttered in unison.

"Whassat?" Mrs. Miggins asked.

"Nothing! Umm, when you were talking to the police, you said that some demons had tried to break in to your house. Can you show us specifically where?"

"Yes, yes, follow me. Watch out for Mr. Buttercup, though, he has a habit of tripping people!"

The two followed Mrs. Miggins into the kitchen area, a room that was an even worse disaster than the lounge. They kept their attention as far away from the foul smelling sink as possible, instead focusing on just about anything else in the room.

She led the two to a door on the far side of the kitchen. "Here."

Andrea inspected the door closely. The door was well worn with age and neglect and the white paint that once covered it had long fallen off. She took note of the locks on the door; all but one of them looked brand new, but poorly installed as if Mrs. Miggins had done so herself somehow. At a glance, nothing seemed out of the ordinary with the door. "Do you mind if I had a look at the other side?"

Without a word, Mrs. Miggins began the tedious process of jiggling open the locks one by one. When they were all finally undone, she opened the door. The door opened into the back yard, an untamed jungle of tall, thick weeds.

Andrea took a step forward and studied the other side of the door closely. Her attention shifted from the frame to the handle to the cracked glass in the window, but nothing in particular stuck out to her as an indication that anyone or anything had tried to break in recently. "What am I looking at?"

"The door."

"Mrs. Miggins, please, I need to know what to look for. You said these... demons... they tried breaking in through this door, but I don't see any evidence of that."

"Are you blind, girl?" she said as she pointed to a nondescript section of the door.

"I must be. I don't see any damage to the door, any marks... You said they were demons, did these demons have big claws?"

Mrs. Miggins' eyes widened. "No. Human, like us, that's what they looked like. But they had pale grey skin, and, and, and, glowing red eyes! They wore black robes, pointy hats! Big, red fangs, too!"

"Uh huh... You sure it wasn't just a prank by some of the village kids?"

"No. Demons. No doubt about it. Sent by the witches, I'm sure of it."

"Witches?"

"Yes! Women as old as time itself! But they look..." Mrs. Miggins paused and tilted her head, then leaned in uncomfortably close. As quickly as she leaned in, she had retreated back to her normal distance. "Look just like you. Young, beautiful. But hearts full of evil. Minds full of malice."

"Where can I find these witches?"

"NO!" Mrs. Miggins roared. "DON'T! They're dangerous! They're evil! They'll kill you and feast on your flesh! The demons will rape your skulls!" Her breathing became erratic as she looked around in a panic. "They're coming back, I know it!"

She looked at Kimberly and motioned for her to step back. She leaned in closer and spoke quietly. "I think she's about to lose it. Step outside, just in case."

"You sure?"

"I can handle myself if she does, but I don't want you getting hurt." She reached out for Mrs. Miggins in an attempt to sooth her. "Settle down, Mrs. Miggins. There are no--"

Mrs. Miggins swatted her hand away. "Get your hands off of me! I'll get my husband! He'll crumple you like paper!"

She held her hands up cautiously. "Okay, fine! I won't touch you. I have one more question and then I'll leave you alone."

Mrs. Miggins grumbled and motioned for her to ask it.

She debated between asking the question or just leaving it, but figured it would help her form a final opinion about the crazy old woman. "When was the last time that you were visited by one of these witches? Earlier today, maybe?"

"A witch, earlier today?" Mrs. Miggins shook her head and let out a hearty laugh. "Oh, no! I would remember such a thing!"

"That's all I needed to hear, thank you for your time."

Mrs. Miggins reached up with her bony hand and clamped down onto Andrea's arm with surprising force. "Please! Avoid the witches, but find the demons! Track them down, end my torment! They'll come back soon, I know it!"

"I'll do what I can."

"Thank you. It's good to see that the young still care for their elders." Without further discussion, she quickly shooed her out of the house, slammed the door and began to redo the locks. Shortly after, the calming piano music returned.

Kimberly approached with a look of worry on her face. "So... did you get anything useful out of that... odd display?"

"The only important thing I learned is that, yes, Mr. Holdt was right about her. She's lost her marbles. She doesn't even remember me showing up less than an hour earlier, even though it sent her into a blind panic."

"Pardon the joke, but I'd say I did a good job of making you over, then."

"Heh," she chuckled, then sighed. "What a waste... I don't think I'll bother taking any of her ravings into account, they won't be of any use to Dr. Reiland."

"Are you certain?"

"Take a step back and look at it as if you were in the doctor's shoes. Would you take any of that seriously?"

"I suppose not."

 

[Beth Pavell]

Technical Accuracy/Style
I could tell these chapters were marathoned. They didn't come out bad, but not quite as polished as perhaps they ought to be. I actually spotted typos, for once.

I felt the beginning of Nineteen was a bit inelegant, very much on the "telling" side of the spectrum. I suspect your usual point of view might be to blame for this, since we don't usually spend that much time actually in your character's heads.

Setting
I thought the Spritewood's reappearance was reasonable. It seems to be a persistent blind spot in fanfiction authors that they never seem to know what a forest looks like. It's not often I find myself reading a woodland scene without being reminded of that, so I felt it was worth mentioning here.

Story/Characters
Looks like Kimberly's shaping up to be more deuteragonist than supporting sidekick, which I appreciate. I suppose I have a soft spot for characters who are a bit sugary but fundamentally decent people. It's kind of refreshing when the received wisdom is that characters should be sarcastic and sour to be interesting. I think her chapter in Nineteen perhaps meandered a bit, but then as I think I said a few chapters ago, reading serially changes your perception of these things.

Andrea's turning out to be rather Daria-esque in her attitude, which like Daria, leads to a mixed bag. She's not an outright jerk, but you can definitely see this kind of counter-culture myopia in her where she's quick to stereotype in really quite ignoble ways.

I do feel that the Mrs Miggins bits (And I hope that's a Blackadder reference, but if it is she ought to own a pie shop) missed a trick in essentially playing it up for comedic value. I think there needed to be something in the prose that reminds the reader that Miggins is living in a very sad situation - at is stands it feels like her madness and poverty are there to make the protagonists feel uncomfortable, and I feel it would be appropriate for Kimberly at least to have some empathy with it.

Final Thoughts
That "dress the reluctant friend" segment leads me to suspect Kimberly and Eve would get on well

 

[Misfit Angel]

Technical Accuracy/Style
I could tell these chapters were marathoned. They didn't come out bad, but not quite as polished as perhaps they ought to be. I actually spotted typos, for once.

Huh, I actually managed to get these two chapters beta'd in addition to my own proofreading. I can see myself missing some of those things, since I was horribly sleep deprived at the time, but it looks like I need a word with the guy who sacrificed his time and effort for me. They might have been more polished if I wasn't rushing to get them out the door in time for the awards.

I felt the beginning of Nineteen was a bit inelegant, very much on the "telling" side of the spectrum. I suspect your usual point of view might be to blame for this, since we don't usually spend that much time actually in your character's heads.

Unfortunately, I'm not really sure of how to show rather than tell when it comes to memories from before the story's beginning, other than breaking into a flashback.

I think her chapter in Nineteen perhaps meandered a bit, but then as I think I said a few chapters ago, reading serially changes your perception of these things.

Meandered how? I felt I was quite focused, at least once I got her out into the forest.

I do feel that the Mrs Miggins bits missed a trick in essentially playing it up for comedic value. I think there needed to be something in the prose that reminds the reader that Miggins is living in a very sad situation - at is stands it feels like her madness and poverty are there to make the protagonists feel uncomfortable, and I feel it would be appropriate for Kimberly at least to have some empathy with it.

Comedy and creep factor was the intent, but I do see your point. How this woman lives like this, I don't know. Why nobody in the village has stepped in to help her or put her back on the wagon, I don't know. Why the village council allows that ruined wreck to stand, don't know. There's definitely a story to be told when it comes to Mrs. Miggins, but one I can't focus on.

As far as Kimberly is concerned, she's simply a spoiled princess. There's a lot of horror to chop through in places such as those before she can start to empathize with someone. We saw how averse she was to the crappy motel room that Andrea stayed in while at the Oak of Ages, imagine the shock when you find yourself in a crumbling house covered in bugs, dust and god knows what else. I experienced it a lot when I was working in home renovation, heading into disastrous wrecks and being completely blown away by how terribly a lot of people live. In hindsight, I feel bad for them; at the time, I just wanted to get out of these primitive savages' disgusting homes and go on with my life.

(And I hope that's a Blackadder reference, but if it is she ought to own a pie shop)

Miggins is just a quaint sounding name that I picked out of the air, unfortunately.

That "dress the reluctant friend" segment leads me to suspect Kimberly and Eve would get on well

I get that feeling as well!

 

[Beth Pavell]

Picking up a few points:

As far as Kimberly is concerned, she's simply a spoiled princess.

I don't get that impression coming through in the text. Kimberly comes across as naive, certainly, with a very shaky grasp on the value of a dollar and with no understanding as to why her casual gift-giving might make other people feel uncomfortable. But not spoiled - her snobbishness, such as it is, seems to come from not understanding her own status rather than from a contempt for working-class (Or, well, lower-class I suppose) culture.

The problem is, that when you go for comedy in a scene like this (And given that your point of view is fairly loose), it looks like the narrative is making Miggins the butt of a joke rather than the characters. Whether comedy is an appropriate choice I suppose is debatable. I don't know where this arc is going, so my opinions have to be speculative, but I think treating Miggins' madness seriously would be appropriate is this is supposed to be a serious assignment.

I get that feeling as well!

I'm pretty sure Gabriella would prefer Eve to be partnered up with Kimberly, come to think of it. She's the right sort

 

[Misfit Angel]

Land of the Roses
Chapter 21: Loch Fiodhbòcan

"You're spoiling me, Mr. Holdt!" Andrea said as she eyed the generous second helping of eggs and bacon that was placed onto the table in front of her.

Mr. Holdt smiled and nodded. "Spoiling? Nooooo, only making sure that you're well fed!"

"Well fed? Honey, look at her, she's already quite pudgy. If there's anyone you should be spoiling, it's that skin-and-bones friend of hers." his wife commented.

Mr. Holdt dropped his hand onto the table hard enough for the silverware to rattle. "Nadine!"

The words stung a little, but Andrea laughed regardless. "It's okay. A lot of people point it out to me, I'm used to it."

"Still rude," he said, glaring at his wife.

"I don't take offense to the truth," she said, trying to lighten the mood a bit. When she realized the mood hadn't changed at all, she pivoted to a new topic. "Mr. Holdt, do you happen to know where the village gets its water?"

"I do, why?"

"As part of my investigation into the strange sightings throughout the town, my boss suggested the possibility of something being in the water, something that might make people a little... A little..."

"Crazy?"

She paused for a moment before nodding. "Yes."

"I doubt there's something in the water. Nadine and I have been using the town's water supply extensively for the past few months." He looked over at his wife. "I'm not crazy, am I, Nadine?"

Mrs. Holdt hesitated to answer and looked away before smiling.

"Sixty years together and she's still got that snappy wit that I fell in love with," he said with a laugh. "Back to your suggestion... I don't think it's worth your time. But since you're here to investigate things, leave no stone unturned, eh? Your visit to Mrs. Miggins yesterday shows how dedicated you are."

"I'm so sorry you had to suffer her presence, dear," Mrs. Holdt added.

"You'll find the village water supply to the southwest, deep in the forest. It's a large reservoir, you'll find it pretty easily."

"Deep in the forest... Great..." she sighed.

"If you're worried about getting lost, don't be. It's a well established, fenced off road. It's even paved!"

"No, I'm not particularly worried about getting lost," she said in a cautious manner as she rubbed at the still-sore wound on her leg. "I just hoped I wouldn't have to walk very far. But..." she looked up and locked eyes with Mrs. Holdt. "Maybe I'll be a little less pudgy afterward."

Mrs. Holdt looked to her husband and smiled as she pointed her bony finger across the table at Andrea. "See, I told you! She does have a sense of humor."

"Hmmph," he quipped. "Expect to be on the road for a couple hours, it's several miles away."

"I can live with that. Anything else I should know before I get started?"

He looked towards his wife for any input before shaking his head. "You be careful out there."

"Thanks, I will."

- - - - -​

The scent of fresh mountain air wafted about. A strong but refreshing breeze whipped through the area. Kimberly opened her eyes to see an endless blue sky above her, marked with thin, feather-like clouds. A pink petal gently drifted down from above and entered her field of view.

She stood up and observed her surroundings; she was on an untouched mountain plateau, high above a golden valley of rolling hills. Far below, she saw the wondrous, ancient stone structure known as the Dragonspine Wall, snaking its way through the foothills and into an eternal distance. Just behind her was a solitary cherry tree in full bloom. She knew this place: the western peaks of the far away country of Shinikara.

She took in a deep breath of the fresh mountain air and let it out with a long, happy sigh. As she took in the serenity around her, she felt something strange, as if something was crawling up her leg. She looked down to see that something indeed was: a horde of tiny little insects. With a panicked shake of her leg, everything changed in an instant; she was no longer atop that serene peak, surrounded by the peaceful presence of nature. Instead, she found herself in the back garden of the Holdt residence, laying down in the dewy grass.

She looked down at her leg to see that there was nothing there, but the feeling of a thousand little feet marching their way up her still lingered and it sent a wave of chills throughout her body. After a deep breath to calm herself, she pushed herself off of the grass and returned to her usual meditation posture. She closed her eyes again and once more focused on her heartbeat in an effort to clear her mind.

It wasn't long before her focus was broken again.

"Witch! Get out!" a shrill voice screamed.

She opened her eyes and looked around, but nothing was amiss. No one was around.

"You the chimneysweep?!" the same voice shouted.

"Mrs. Miggins?" she quietly asked without opening her eyes. She was very confused, but tried to regain her focus.

The door leading into the house opened and Andrea stepped outside. There was a moment of hesitation before she cautiously, quietly and slowly approached. She assumed that Kimberly would be deep within a trance, but she evidently wasn't; as soon as she was just a few steps away, Kimberly opened her eyes and looked upward.

"I didn't interrupt anything, did I?" she asked.

Kimberly shook her head.

"Have you reached enlightenment yet?" she jokingly asked.

Kimberly looked off to the side and furled her brow as if she were annoyed. "Enlightenment? You have much to learn about my faith..." she said, followed by a sigh. "No. I'm making progress, but I'm also having a very difficult time focusing on my meditation today."

"What's bothering you?"

"That lady we met yesterday, Mrs. Miggins. She's in pain. She needs help."

"Don't we all?"

"I don't mean it as a joke. It's sad that the people of this village have just... abandoned her like that! Scared, alone, in a crumbling, bug-infested ruin... How could they?"

"Maybe she doesn't want help. It certainly seemed that way to me."

"I get the feeling that there's more to it than that. The people in this village... Have you noticed how rude most of them are? Country folk are supposed to be friendly!"

She laughed. "Country folk? Friendly? You have much to to learn... about us country bumpkins."

"But have you noticed?"

"I have. I don't think much of it, though. That's how people were in Goldwheat as I grew up, I can't imagine it's all that different here, just up the road."

"Maybe I do have a lot to learn... I still feel bad for her, though. Someone should help her."

"You're welcome to do so yourself. The question is, are you willing to set foot in that disgusting trash heap again? Are you willing to spend the time needed to cut through that foggy, angry mind of hers to try to reason with her?"

Kimberly bit her lower lip and looked off to the side.

"That's what I thought. It's easy to say that you care, it's harder to actually show it."

Feeling as if she was backed into a corner and vulnerable to attack, Kimberly tried to change the subject. "So, what is your plan for today? Will you need my help at all?"

"I think I will. I'll be investigating the village water supply, see if anyone might have poisoned it somehow. It's a res--"

"P-poisoned?" The tone of worry in her voice was quite clear. "But we've... been..."

"Yeah... I doubt that's the case though. Most of the people around here look perfectly healthy, and I feel perfectly healthy... but Dr. Reiland has suggested I check anyways." She lowered her voice to a mere mutter before adding, "Not sure how I will, considering my R-Kit is still broken and I don't have a water testing kit on hand..."

"What was that last bit?"

"Nothing, just thinking out loud. Anyways, the reservoir is just a few miles south of town. Since that'll take me out into the forest, I'd feel a lot more comfortable with you around."

"Very well! I'm ready to get started whenever you are!"

"Sure you won't pass out from fear this time?"

Kimberly sighed again. "Don't be difficult, or this will be a very long day."

"You should lighten up a bit. It was just a joke."

"Perhaps you need to work on your comedy, then. Jokes are funny, that was not."

"Sorry, you're right. Let's get started."

- - - - -​

The two had been walking along Reservoir Road for what seemed like hours. Along the way, they passed the time with aimless chatter, bouncing between a wide variety of topics. They talked about fashion, travel, books, movies, life experiences and their goals in life. The discussions were relatively civil, but they pointed out one thing: there was very little crossover when it came to the things they liked.

One subject of interest was Andrea's childhood. Kimberly kept pressing her for details about what it was like to grow up in a rural community, but she could do little more than repeat, ad nauseam, that it was simply boring beyond relief, and how grateful she was that she attended a university in an urban setting. Despite repetitive assurances otherwise, Kimberly was absolutely convinced that there was more to the rural lifestyle than sitting inside all day being bored out of one's skull.

"I'm serious, that's all I did when I grew up. I came home from school, finished my homework, then just... sat." Andrea said.

Kimberly just couldn't believe it. "That's it? You didn't read books? Play games? Visit friends unannounced? Borrow a cup of sugar from the neighbors and never pay it back?"

She shrugged. "Well... I guess I did some of that stuff sometimes. My parents just didn't want me to leave the house all that much, they thought the other kids would be bad influences. And they were right."

"Ooh!" Kimberly's face lit up. "Story time?"

"Heh. One of my best friends at the time, a kid named Larson, kept trying to convince me to explore some of the old ruined neighborhoods that had been abandoned after the Famine. We went to one of the old mansions and had a look around, and then it happened. The stairs gave way underneath him and I couldn't get him out myself."

"Goodness!"

"I had to get our parents involved... they were so mad at us. They probably spent an hour digging him out of the rubble and they made me watch in silence the entire time. After that, I was grounded for three months... Three. Whole. Months! But the kicker is, he didn't get grounded. He got a stern talking to, but not grounded. Lucky punk. After that my parents discouraged me from socializing with the other kids my age, most especially Larson."

"Larson... why does that name feel familiar? What is his surname, if I may ask?"

"Reiserben. Please tell me that you don't know him."

She combed the depths of her memory, but couldn't pin a face to the name. "I don't think I do. Yet it sounds familiar..."

"Maybe you heard his name on TV? He's one of those 'professional' competitive trainers, or at least he thinks he is. Last I heard, he was traveling in Kanto, trying to... do whatever it is those competitive trainers do."

"Oh, yes! That does make sense. I believe he was one of the trainers that made it to the semi-finals of the Indigo Plateau Conference? I can't say for certain, I didn't pay particular attention to the details when I saw it in a newspaper."

"Whatever the case, I honestly don't care what he's doing right now. He is such an asshole."

Kimberly gave her a stern look.

"Don't give me that look. If you ever met him, you'd quickly learn that he's the scum of the earth and just how justified I am in calling him that."

"I'd prefer not to judge a man before meeting him. Of course, maybe you could convince me with some more details..."

She laughed. "Another story for another time. I don't feel like getting lost in rage today."

"Is he that bad?"

She nodded. "Anyways, after that whole business with the mansion, I didn't really do much with my life before leaving to attend university in Aughrim. I just focused on my schoolwork and tried to be a good girl."

"So you resigned yourself to living a boring life?"

"I always had a boring life, regardless of what I did. Honestly, this romanticized image you have about country life? It's severely misplaced. It's not glamorous or enjoyable at all. Trust me."

"Perhaps the grass is greener..."

"Now that is one thing the countryside is better at, having greener grass."

As the two shared a laugh, the gentle rumble of thunder could be heard faintly in the far distance and a light shower of rain started shortly afterward. The sky had been cloudy for the past few days and looked as if it were threatening to rain the entire time, but both were caught off guard that it had actually happened. A frigid wind blew in with the rain.

Kimberly reached into her backpack and unfolded the wide brimmed sun hat that was kept within, then took shelter under it. Unfortunately, it barely provided any protection from the rain. "Ohhh dear... I don't like rain." she said as she huddled her arms together to combat the chilly winds.

Andrea, on the other hand, enjoyed the rainfall for what it was: a refreshing break from the norm and a chance to enjoy one of her favorite smells, the earthy scent of petrichor. Kimberly pointed out that the rain had ruined her carefully applied eyeliner, but she dismissed the notion and offered a rebuttal. To her, the rain hadn't ruined her appearance; if anything, the rain had actually enhanced it. She likened the streaks that ran down her face to tears of joy at the beauty of the rain.

"How very poetic of you!" Kimberly mused.

Another dismissal followed. "If that's poetic to you, you need to broaden your horizons a bit. I was only talking nonsense."

"No, really! You have an artistic gift and it's waiting to be tapped!"

"Nope."

It wasn't much longer before the forest started to thin a bit and the subtle signs of civilization returned. The gentle, ever-present hum of the reservoir's industrial-strength pumping systems began to echo through the forest. Lamps dotted the pathway, which had been kept clear of leaves and other debris, unlike the rest of the road behind them. Eventually, they found a sign that read:

ARDAIGH COUNTY WATER AUTHORITY
PUMPING STATION FOUR
Proudly serving the communities of:
Doranshire, Oak of Ages, Goldwheat Meadows, Rustlode Bluffs and Tradewind
Est. 1907 under a charter granted by Queen Stephanie III
Funded, constructed and maintained by the Eckhardt Steel Corporation
Drawing life-sustaining water from the placid shores of Loch Fiodhbòcan​

A large brick wall topped with decorative cast iron spikes surrounded the entirety of the reservoir, but didn't restrict access entirely; a very wide opening separated the two walls, allowing visitors and the Pokémon of the forest to come and go as they pleased. The metal gates that were originally built into the wall looked as if they hadn't moved in decades. As soon as they passed the wall, the gentle hum of the machinery shifted towards an oppressively loud mechanical droning that completely shattered the otherwise peaceful atmosphere.

Andrea shook her head in disappointment. "I think I'll be driven insane by that noise before I'm done here."

"What is your plan?"

She dropped her backpack to the ground and rummaged around for a pair of empty glass bottles. "Since I don't have my R-Kit with me, I'll have to do this the old fashioned way."

"How would that fancy watch of yours help anyways?"

"I guess you haven't seen it in action, have you? How do I explain it... It can determine the physical properties of a range of materials through a digital scanning mechanism. So far I've used it to uncover a dangerous fungal infestation at a farm, potentially discover an undocumented species of Pokémon, and... that's about it, actually. It's been on the fritz practically ever since I met you."

"I don't see how I could be causing such problems, but I sincerely hope that I'm not."

She laughed. "I doubt it. I still don't know what's wrong with it, and I hoped I'd have gotten an answer from Dr. Reiland this morning, but she's still trying to figure out what the problem is. So I'll have to make due without it."

"Will you need my assistance?"

She shook her head. "I think I can handle filling a couple bottles with water by myself."

"Very well. I'll try my meditation again if you don't need me."

"I think it might be a little difficult with all of this rain and noisy machinery around, but if you want to try, knock yourself out."

"I'll find somewhere quieter on the other side of the lake." Kimberly scanned the horizon and pointed towards a small but obvious rocky cove about a mile away. "That place looks good. I'll be over there if you need me."

"Just try to stay where I can see you, okay?"

"Of course!"

With a nod, the girls split from each other and went their separate ways. Andrea headed in the direction of the pumping station while Kimberly followed the meandering, mucky coastline of Loch Fiodhbòcan.

- - - - -​

Nearly twenty minutes had passed since Kimberly arrived at the rocky cove. She was seated atop the largest rock: a smooth, a flat-faced boulder that had been covered in years of hastily written, heavily layered and indecipherable graffiti. Her eyes were closed and her breathing was slow, regulated and purposeful. She was lost deep within herself, completely shut off from the outside world.

Telandra had been called out to enjoy the scenery as well, but she wasn't really into it. She found the wind to be bothersome and the rain to be annoying, so she spent most of her time perched under an overhanging rock, trying her best to shelter herself from the elements. She, too was in a trance as well; not a meditative trance, but one that involved watching the rippling waters of the reservoir as the rain fell onto the otherwise pristine and glass-like surface.

Telandra's trance was broken by a most curious arrival: in near silence, a large owl draped in golden feathers descended from the sky and perched upon a sunken log that poked out above the water. It watched the two in silent curiosity, its head rapidly tilting between a variety of angles. Telandra stood up and arched her back at the presence of the Noctowl. A hiss and a growl followed.

The noise that Telandra was making was enough to break Kimberly free from her trance and snap her back into reality. As she opened her eyes, the gilded figure of the owl was the first sight she saw and its silent presence shocked her. Her once-slow heartbeat immediately began racing and she stumbled backwards in fright. After a quick moment of study, she figured the Noctowl wasn't a threat, as it hadn't attacked by now. She regained her balance and stood up. "So beautiful..." she mumbled to herself.

The shimmering Noctowl didn't respond. Instead, it continued to stare at her. She took a single step forward, and that was all it took for the Noctowl to extend its radiant wings. She stopped in her tracks.

The surrounding ambience faded almost entirely, drowned out by a faint, angelic humming sound. The narrow pupils of the bird glowed with an intense lavender light, and an ethereal, almost otherworldly voice said, "ᚦᛊᚠᚠᛟᚱᛏᚦᛁᛜ ᚾᚹᚱᛊ ᛈᚹᚱᚨᚠᛏᛜ"

The strange voice echoed in her head; it came from nowhere, but it was everywhere. It overshadowed everything around her. The birds, the bugs, the gentle ebb and flow of the rippling water, all were hushed under the angelic sound, a sound that appeared to her as if it were visible within her mind's eye.

"ᚱᛗᚠ ᚨᚠᚠᛏ ᛗᚹᛟᚲᛉᚱᛏᚦ ᛖᛃᛒᛜ ᛖᛃᛒ ᚹᛊᚠ ᛃᚾ ᚱᛏᛟᚠᛊᚠsᛟᛜ"

Most people would be confused by what was happening, but not Kimberly; she had experienced this strange sensation a few times before in her previous travels and immediately recognized it as telepathy. Yet she couldn't piece together any meaning from the disjointed, nonsensical and brain-tingling sounds that echoed in her mind. She tilted her head to the side and simply uttered, "What?"

"ᚨᛃ ᛖᛃᛒ ᛁᛚᚠᚹᚢ ᛟᛉᚠ ᚠᛇᚨᚠᛊ ᛟᛃᛏᚦᛒᚠᛜ"

Once again, the strange jumble of words and syllables confused her. "I... I don't understand." she said.

The Noctowl's head twisted upside down. "You do not speak the Elder Tongue?"

"The elder tongue..?" she said, thinking about it. 'Elder tongue' meant little to her, yet it also intrigued her. Before she could think about it further, she felt a tingling sensation similar to pins and needles in the depths of her mind, travelling downward from the top of her head towards her neck. She gasped in shock and held her hands to her head in an effort to relieve the pain.

"You do not. That brings confusion. Uncertainty."

The Noctowl was right, confusion had been brought. She had no idea what to make of the situation before her. With the pain fading, she cautiously kept an eye on the Noctowl and patiently waited for its next words or its next move, whichever came first.

"I come with important wisdom." the Noctowl stated.

"Wisdom?" she asked.

"The crimson rose trembles in the moonlight, but not so alone."

She tilted her head inquisitively. "Crimson rose? Moonlight? What do you mean?"

"Beware the wolves which sleep amidst the trees."

"The what? Wolves?"

"Within the walls of moss and dripping stone, the heart of the star sleeps."

The riddle-wrapped words were starting to annoy her. "What are you talking about? Can you explain in a simple to understand manner, please?"

"Knowledge is power. Observe. Reflect. Think. The answers are clear, but the mind is not."

"You're right, the mind is not clear..."

The gentle, angelic humming noise that had rung within her mind ceased in an instant and the Noctowl spread its wings wide. With a powerful leap and a gust of strong wind, it took off into the air and flew straight upward, then disappeared behind the tree line. In the owl's absence, questions lingered.

Behind her, she heard the sound of heavy, quick footsteps. She turned around to see Andrea atop the rocky outcropping, ready to jump down into the cove.

"Kim! You okay?" Andrea called out.

"Yes, I'm fine!" she said with a nod. "Thank you for the concern."

"I was just coming back when I heard something that sounded like a giant bird taking off. I was worried that something might have happened."

"It was a giant bird that you heard, yes. A Noctowl, in fact."

"A Noctowl? Like that one that I saw a few days ago? Was it golden by any chance? Freakishly huge?"

"Yes, actually!"

"Uh oh... It's stalking us..." Andrea mumbled almost silently before she grabbed Kimberly by the wrist and pulled her away. "Okay, I'm done here. We need to go. Now, preferably."

She tried to wrestle herself out of Andrea's vice-like grip, but couldn't break free. "Hold on! What's the rush?"

"I don't trust giant birds that stalk people. With that big bird lurking about out there, I don't feel safe. I want to leave and you're coming with me."

"But my meditation--"

"I'm sorry, it'll have to wait."

She sighed. "Very well."

 

[Beth Pavell]

Making an attempt to get back to my established pattern:

Technical Accuracy/Style
Usually nothing to say here, but I quite liked the runic alphabet use. It reminds me of Umnian from Making Money, where the Enochian alphabet is used in ... well, precisely the same way. The prophecy was a bit - how to put this? - typical in the style of the wording, but I'm not really sure whether that ought to be a criticism or not.

Setting
The Holdts are lucky they run their establishment in a hinterland village, that's all I can say

Story
It's trundling along. The length of the chapters prevent me from getting bored, though I suspect that were they to be read consecutively the pacing might feel different. It feels, actually, rather like the sort of problems I ran into with Act III of The Long Walk, insofar as no individual chapter apparently had any extraneous fat to cut but the pace somehow ended up a little flat anyway.

It's nice to see that at least somebody noticed Mrs Miggins in a parlous state of affairs. It feels a little less like the story is making her the butt of a joke, or if it is, then it's a knowingly black one.

Characters
I see sweet Andy's beginning to learn how to make conversation with these crazy religious types. It would be amusing if Kimberly's mindset put her in a better position to deal with extremely odd phenomena. Like cryptic Noctowl. And apparently Roses!Larson is an arse. I'm thoroughly fine with that - Storm!Larson always struck me as a bit full of himself.

 

[Flaze]

I, honestly, don’t know why I can never stay up to date with this :/ I usually get up to date then when the next chapter comes out I put off reading it cause I’m busy doing something else and then I just forget and I have to read up again. This time you even started making the chapters longer, which I don’t necessarily approve of but you also slowed the amount of updates you do so I guess it cancels out.

I don’t normally do this, but in light of the Review League and wanting to earn point (I believe you deserve full honesty) and because I think your story deserves it after winning best character, I’ll do a chaptered review starting from where I left off, which was chapter 17

Chapter 17:

The chapter acted more as a way to get down from the fight against the strange creature, but I liked how you didn’t stop focusing on the creepy and unsettling aspect of traveling through a dark forest, which reminded me of my favorite arc in Storm Island. That coupled with Kimberly and Andrea’s strained friendship because of how differently the two deal with their fears added an extra layer of depth to both of them. Kimberly might be a bundle of sunshine, but she’s not below getting annoyed even if she won’t show it.

My only complain about this particular chapter is that it felt a bit slow. It was nice that you focused on Andrea and Kimberly’s feelings post-battle, but I think the chapter actually spent too much time on that and it slowed down the pacing a bit. It improved by the end when they arrived in Doranshire and the humor between Andrea and Kimberly helped shed light on the fact that they were still friends even with all the arguments they had on the road. You seem to have a thing for really small towns though

Chapter 18:

Another relatively slow chapter but this one was a bit more fun. The scene with the nurse was pretty amusing and I, in particular, liked how you focused on describing and showcasing the aspects of a Pokemon Center. We also got a some foreshadowing for future arcs (probably) and hints into Andrea’s past, which we know very little off at this point. I do have to admit that I both like and kind of aren’t looking forward to putting more focus on the original regions and Pokemon, not cause they’re bad but because my brain will have to work overtime in trying to imagine them all.

Your world building exceptional, but I would recommend working a bit more on the original Pokemon descriptions. Also, I understand that you were giving us important world details (or details that would be important later on) but Andrea’s talk with Dr. Reiland did feel a bit like too much exposition. I appreciate the fact you showed how pokeballs can carry items as well though, but I do wonder why they don’t just absorb them like they do Pokemon.

Chapter 19:

It was about time we got a chapter focused on Kimberly. Unfortunately, I kind of wish it was a bit more exciting. Maybe it’s cause I’ve already seen Kimberly in Storm Island and know the basis of her character well (and we had similar chapters to this in Storm Island too) but this one felt like it didn’t accomplish much. It was essentially just Kimmy going out to try and catch and Eevee and failing at it, we didn’t really learn anything that we hadn’t inferred from her character already either.

What I did like was Juliano. Kimberly’s exchange with Juliano in this chapter was perfect and I feel like I got an even bigger sense for him than I had in previous chapters (in fact have you ever nominated him?). I also liked all the hints in regards to why the townspeople seem so angry and defensive.

Chapter 20:

It’s funny that you put the disclaimer about all the fashion talk because I actually really enjoyed this chapter. The interactions with Mrs. Miggins, for the most part were pretty goofy and stood out, while Andrea and Kimberly in the clothing store made for a pretty amusing scene where we got to see their personalities clash again.

I also liked the somber and unsettling turn that the chapter took during the second visit to Mrs. Miggins and that she wasn’t just a crazy person, I have a feeling the reasons behind her insanity are more tragic than people think.

However, even if I did enjoy this chapter, I have to admit that the fashion scene, while fun, didn’t really add anything new. Sure it showed us the contrast between Andrea and Kimmy, but you had already done that already many times before. I get that it was also a way to show your version of the clothing departments that we see in the games but…you also didn’t’ go quite in depth with that. It’s not wrong to want to show your characters in different situations, but it can make chapters drawn out which makes it a slog when you’re playing catch up and also makes it seem as if no progress is being made when you’re following it weekly.

Chapter 21:

Well this chapter did get things moving a little more. While it was, again, focused around one event in particular, we did get to see that strange Noctowl again and even got a nice little riddle to boot. I’m liking the Holdts a lot and I thought that Kimberly’s speech about how they should help Mrs. Miggins was really nice, even if Andrea has a point that they don’t know how they’d even begin to help her out.

I really liked the description for the path leading up to the water plant as well as the scene with the Noctowl. You’re pretty good at getting into character’s heads. However, I still think that these last few chapters, while longer, have also brought on the slow pacing of the plot a lot more than previous ones.


I know it sounds like I’m dissing the new format a lot, I don’t mean to, but I also think I should speak honestly about how it’s changed the way in which the story comes off. What I’ve liked about your stories is that they have a nice flow and pacing that’s not too fast but not too slow, but these last set of chapters feel somewhat slowed and subdued compared to the last ones, I feel like there’s some great things coming in this arc but it seems like it’ll take a while before we get there.

Grammatically-wise, I did notice a couple of mistakes (that I forgot to note down) here and there during some of these chapters, they’re not too many, in fact I think it’s only two in two different chapters, but it’s something to keep in mind. Lastly I want to congratulate you on winning the award for Best Journey and Best Supporting Character. Kimberly is honestly one of my favorite characters I’ve read on and I really like her bubbly and outgoing personality even when everyone seems to think like it’s a liability. Granted, it’s also cause of that that I felt I needed to be harsher this time around.

But anyways! I’ll try to keep up to date (is what I always say) and I look forward to the next chapter, or, at least I hope I can.

 

[Misfit Angel]

The great wall of china ain't got nothin' on this text

The prophecy was a bit - how to put this? - typical in the style of the wording, but I'm not really sure whether that ought to be a criticism or not.

If I were reading, I probably wouldn't criticize something like the "prophecy" being the way it is. Not everything has to be revolutionary and groundbreaking in the way it's laid out. Since this is basically about as fantasy as fantasy gets, I figured putting it the way I did wouldn't really hurt.

It's trundling along. The length of the chapters prevent me from getting bored, though I suspect that were they to be read consecutively the pacing might feel different. It feels, actually, rather like the sort of problems I ran into with Act III of The Long Walk, insofar as no individual chapter apparently had any extraneous fat to cut but the pace somehow ended up a little flat anyway.

This is something I've been cautious about but I truly have no idea how to fix. I've been experimenting with writing out the very first scene of the next chapter as soon as I've finished the previous chapter, but I'm not sure that's been helping any. I think it's just a consequence of not being able to write within a consistant schedule. Sometimes I go hours without writing, sometimes I go weeks, and unfortunately it shows.

Flaze brought this up as well since he's marathoned the past several chapters and he's sort of pointing out the same thing. When I go back and read them myself, the pacing doesn't feel wrong, but that might be because I know the story so intimately. I've been having @Caitlin; read the chapters recently (three or four chapters at a time, marathon style) and she's noticed it a bit as well, but nobody seems to have any advice for how to fix these shortcomings. Not sure what to do.

It's nice to see that at least somebody noticed Mrs Miggins in a parlous state of affairs. It feels a little less like the story is making her the butt of a joke, or if it is, then it's a knowingly black one.

I admit, I only wrote up that little conversation after you'd pointed out how terribly I handled it, and how bad I felt poking fun at a situation that's tragic for most people. I've experienced dementia and insanity in my own family and how silly it all seems (especially when it affected members of my family I didn't particularly get along with), so I was probably desnsitized to it. Ball: dropped.

I see sweet Andy's beginning to learn how to make conversation with these crazy religious types.

She truly is a model for being unoffensive about it, isn't she?

And apparently Roses!Larson is an arse. I'm thoroughly fine with that - Storm!Larson always struck me as a bit full of himself.

I'm actually not sure yet if he'll be any different. If he even appears, that is. I still haven't decided if he'll have a cameo role at all. If he does appear, the place where I could put him in won't be for quite awhile so I've got time to think over how he'll contribute to the plot/characters.

And who's to say he's an ass, anyways? We're only getting one side of the story and we know that Andrea isn't exactly the most neutral, unbiased person there is!

I, honestly, don’t know why I can never stay up to date with this

Don't worry about it! The fact that you read at all, even if it's not entirely up to date, means a lot.

This time you even started making the chapters longer, which I don’t necessarily approve of but you also slowed the amount of updates you do so I guess it cancels out.

Just getting back to the lengths that Storm Island chapters tended to be

Chapter 17:

The chapter acted more as a way to get down from the fight against the strange creature, but I liked how you didn’t stop focusing on the creepy and unsettling aspect of traveling through a dark forest, which reminded me of my favorite arc in Storm Island. That coupled with Kimberly and Andrea’s strained friendship because of how differently the two deal with their fears added an extra layer of depth to both of them. Kimberly might be a bundle of sunshine, but she’s not below getting annoyed even if she won’t show it.

My only complain about this particular chapter is that it felt a bit slow. It was nice that you focused on Andrea and Kimberly’s feelings post-battle, but I think the chapter actually spent too much time on that and it slowed down the pacing a bit. It improved by the end when they arrived in Doranshire and the humor between Andrea and Kimberly helped shed light on the fact that they were still friends even with all the arguments they had on the road.

You noted that this is chapter 17, but this sounds more like 16 with a bit of 17 at the end. This entire arc with Doranshire is basically information dump after information dump so that takes up a lot of space and time. A lot is happening and I'm probably trying to cram too much into it, but if I didn't, it'd be even slower! I think it's just something that readers will have to live with, I'm not sure how to pace it all out without making it even slower and longer.

You seem to have a thing for really small towns though

Small towns, yes! I absolutely love them to death! I live in a reasonably large city and hate just about everything about it, escaping to a little village through my writing helps with that. That said, I'm very much looking forward to writing the upcoming chapters in which Andrea finds herself in the city of Steelport.

Chapter 18:

I do have to admit that I both like and kind of aren’t looking forward to putting more focus on the original regions and Pokemon, not cause they’re bad but because my brain will have to work overtime in trying to imagine them all.

Something I've been thinking of doing is adding a little visual of what each new original thing looks like, as well as work on an atlas for things like places. Should help a bit. Unfortunately, I'm not an artist so things like that would probably drastically add to production time or not get the point across.

Your world building exceptional, but I would recommend working a bit more on the original Pokemon descriptions. Also, I understand that you were giving us important world details (or details that would be important later on) but Andrea’s talk with Dr. Reiland did feel a bit like too much exposition.

True, and I think I know exactly what you're referring to: the creature's presence in three other locations that have, until now, been unmentioned (and then that little story about the merciless cannibal monk that Andrea talked about). I probably could have trimmed it a bit, but I'm trying to build the narrative that'll eventually be revealed by the end of the Doranshire arc. Everything there either served to build or directly foreshdaow something.

I appreciate the fact you showed how pokeballs can carry items as well though, but I do wonder why they don’t just absorb them like they do Pokemon.

Good question, actually. I originally devised the idea as a sort of limit. Why not just throw a Pokeball at a tree that's in the way, then send it to a lumber mill? Because that would be too easy. Limiting what Andrea can and can not send, even if those limits are bogus and nonsensical, forces me to think outside of the box instead of relying on the easy way out all the time.

Chapter 19:

It was about time we got a chapter focused on Kimberly. Unfortunately, I kind of wish it was a bit more exciting. Maybe it’s cause I’ve already seen Kimberly in Storm Island and know the basis of her character well (and we had similar chapters to this in Storm Island too) but this one felt like it didn’t accomplish much. It was essentially just Kimmy going out to try and catch and Eevee and failing at it, we didn’t really learn anything that we hadn’t inferred from her character already either.

It's not the most interesting chapter, I suppose. I mainly wanted to use it to set the stage that she's just a god awful trainer even if she does have some experience, something that has been hinted at but not shown yet.

What I did like was Juliano. Kimberly’s exchange with Juliano in this chapter was perfect and I feel like I got an even bigger sense for him than I had in previous chapters (in fact have you ever nominated him?).

I haven't nominated him (or any of my stories/characters, actually) because I'm not sure that there's enough there yet. I've certainly been getting better at giving Pokemon personalities and depth than I was with Storm Island, but to me they're still sideshows to the main attraction: the human characters.

I might think about/support nominating him in the future, but I don't think Juliano in his current form could ever measure up to the characters from other stories like Phantom Project and A Sine of Things to Come.

Chapter 20:

It’s funny that you put the disclaimer about all the fashion talk because I actually really enjoyed this chapter. while Andrea and Kimberly in the clothing store made for a pretty amusing scene where we got to see their personalities clash again.

I only put that disclaimer in there because I know the person who beta read that specific chapter doesn't really enjoy heart to heart girl talk in 'girly' situations. I figure he's not alone in that.

The interactions with Mrs. Miggins, for the most part were pretty goofy and stood out,

I also liked the somber and unsettling turn that the chapter took during the second visit to Mrs. Miggins and that she wasn’t just a crazy person, I have a feeling the reasons behind her insanity are more tragic than people think.

My original intent with Mrs. Miggins' bizarre behavior was comedy. Sort of a way to poke fun at dementia and insanity, something I've dealt with a lot in my own life. Maybe it came off as crass, especially the first meeting. Her second appearance, however, was definitely intended to show that something really isn't right with the situation Andrea and Kimberly found themselves in and it was deeper than just a crazy old woman. Something like that place just wouldn't exist under normal circumstances. The fact that the circumstances appear normal but aren't is a theme I'm trying to push with this whole arc.

However, even if I did enjoy this chapter, I have to admit that the fashion scene, while fun, didn’t really add anything new. Sure it showed us the contrast between Andrea and Kimmy, but you had already done that already many times before. I get that it was also a way to show your version of the clothing departments that we see in the games but…you also didn’t’ go quite in depth with that. It’s not wrong to want to show your characters in different situations, but it can make chapters drawn out which makes it a slog when you’re playing catch up and also makes it seem as if no progress is being made when you’re following it weekly.

I just love bouncing these two off of each other, even if it doesn't add much. The next few chapters probably won't have much of that, at least, or at least not between Andrea and Kimberly.

Chapter 21:

However, I still think that these last few chapters, while longer, have also brought on the slow pacing of the plot a lot more than previous ones.

I probably mentioned it in my above rambles, but the pace is definitely slow here to cover all of the ground that needs to be covered. One thing I did really poorly in Storm Island's Blackwood Forest arc was that I pushed things a long too quickly and solved the entire threat too easily. Maybe in my caution I'm drawing things out a little too much...

I know it sounds like I’m dissing the new format a lot, I don’t mean to, but I also think I should speak honestly about how it’s changed the way in which the story comes off. What I’ve liked about your stories is that they have a nice flow and pacing that’s not too fast but not too slow, but these last set of chapters feel somewhat slowed and subdued compared to the last ones, I feel like there’s some great things coming in this arc but it seems like it’ll take a while before we get there.

Yeah, I understand. Staying in Doranshire for so long is bound to give some readers cabin fever. Once the story moves onto the next location, things will probably pick up again, as I don't plan to plant the characters in one place for very long for quite some time. two to four chapters maximum will probably be the norm before the characters move on again.

Lastly I want to congratulate you on winning the award for Best Journey and Best Supporting Character. Kimberly is honestly one of my favorite characters I’ve read on and I really like her bubbly and outgoing personality even when everyone seems to think like it’s a liability. Granted, it’s also cause of that that I felt I needed to be harsher this time around.

I don't know why this keeps winning awards every time it's nominated, but the praise and accolades are very welcome!

 

[Misfit Angel]

Land of the Roses
Chapter 22: Heart to Heart
Special guest co-writer: @Caitlin;

"'The crimson rose trembles in the pale moonlight...' What could that possibly mean?" Kimberly pondered as she wrote in her diary. "And those other words... those riddles... What could they--"

"Whatcha writing about?" Andrea asked from behind. She was stood in the doorway, her hair soaking wet from the shower that she just took.

Kimberly closed her diary and placed the pencil on top of it. "Nothing."

"Nothing? You don't seem the type to write about nothing."

"You wouldn't take it seriously."

"Try me."

"May I be perfectly honest? I would rather not 'try' you. In these past few days that we have been together, you have been rudely dismissive of just about everything I do. My meditation, my faith, my larger than life outlook, my attempts to help you... I really do not want to have a conversation over something you clearly care little about, yet again."

The unexpectedly sharp criticism crashed into Andrea like a wave. She knew she'd been a little difficult over the past few days, but she honestly had no idea that her behavior was so bothersome; the words ate at her and made her uneasy. "Have I... have I really been that... bothersome?" she sheepishly asked.

"Is that a serious question?"

Her friend's sudden change in personality left her confused and all she could offer was a clueless look. She tried to think of the right thing to say, but struggled with choosing the proper words. Before she could, however, Kimberly grabbed her diary and her pencil, then stood up.

"I need some time to myself. Enjoy your dinner date with your friend." With that, Kimberly left the room in silence.

"Uhh, w-w... wait..." she whimpered. "I'm sorry!"

She'd hope that those two final words would bring her friend back, but they didn't. Lost at what she should do, she sulked over to the bed, collapsed onto it and replayed the events from earlier that day in her head. Two specific memories jumped out at her as an explanation for Kimberly's bad mood; when she questioned Kimberly's commitment and capabilities at the top of the morning, and how quickly she had dragged her away from Loch Fiodhbòcan. Kim was clearly upset both of those times, but she bulldozed straight ahead without even thinking about her friend's feelings or what she might have wanted. The worst of it came when she realized that this wasn't the first time in her life that she'd acted that way, that it was a pattern of behavior that she was already aware of.

"Shit... I've done it again, haven't I..."

It was especially bothersome that day. In just a short while, she was to meet with an old friend, Eliza McKenna. Eliza was someone that she nearly lost to similar carelessness. She was happy that she had been given a second chance, but there was a bitter feeling to it, the feeling that she somehow didn't deserve that second chance. She recalled the truly disgusting and awful things that she said to damage their friendship and wondered why would anyone would bother with her after that.

The thoughts were tiresome and enough to drive her insane; she rubbed her temples to fight away the stress, something she hadn't done in ages. The emotions were simply too much for her to deal with at the moment, so she once again buried herself in her work. "Maybe it'll sort itself out... Bad moods fade... right?" she thought as she grabbed her journal and her phone, then dialed one of the numbers in it. After a few rings, her call was answered.

"Hello? Is this Mr. McElroy? Headmaster of Wicker Heights Elementary?" she asked.

"That's me! What can I do for you?" a gruff, elderly voice answered.

"My name is Andrea Dennison and I'm a science analyst working with the Reiland Institute."

"Ah, yes! I heard you might be in the area, I was hoping you might reach out."

"This will probably sound crazy, but... I'm investigating some of the strange things that have been happening in this town. I read about an incident that happened at your elementary school a couple weeks ago... Something about... bleeding walls, was it?"

"You read correctly."

"So it did happen... sounds like something I should look at. I was wondering if I could get permission to do so?"

"Of course! How does tomorrow sound? The kids are off on holiday, so you'll be able to do what you need without interrupting anything."

"Sounds good to me. Will 9 AM work?" she asked.

"I think it will. I'll see you there."

"Thank you, sir."

"No, thank you. I had some people come look at the walls, but they said it was just a bunch of rusty pipes. I'm not so convinced... I'm glad that someone is finally taking this seriously."

"To be fair, I don't know if I'm taking it seriously yet. I've had a look around at some other things in town and I really don't know what to think about all of this."

He laughed. "You're not from around here, are you... no, of course not, you don't have the accent... I don't blame you for being a little skeptical. The town's divided about all of this, really. Maybe tomorrow will change your mind and your findings will change their minds."

"We'll see."

"Aye, we will. Tomorrow, 9 AM." With a click, the call ended.

Before she could even put her phone down, a peculiar, heavy mechanical sound bled in through the window. She turned around to have a look and saw a man and a woman pulling up to the house on a dirty motorcycle. With the motorcycle parked, the female driver hopped off and removed her helmet; red, waist-length hair spilled out of the helmet as she took it off. Andrea knew that hair, and who it was attached to: Eliza McKenna.

"I believe your guests have arrived, Ms. Dennison!" Mrs. Holdt's voice called from downstairs. Her voice trailed off as she continued her thought while wandering into another room, "On a motorcycle, even! I don't see those often anymore, I might have a goosey-gander!"

She smiled at Mrs. Holdt's child-like enthusiasm, then swiveled around to look at herself in the mirror. She lamented at the fact that the rain earlier in the day had indeed ruined her eye liner, so she hastily tried to recreate the look, something she felt was her look, once again. Time slipped away from her as she carefully reapplied it, making sure that every detail was exact.

"Ms. Dennison!" Mr. Holdt's voice called out from downstairs. "Did you hear my wife?"

"Yes, I'll be down in a moment!" she called out as she made her final finishing touches. Satisfied with what she saw in the mirror, she grabbed her journal, her pen and her phone, then rushed down the stairs.

Outside, the filthy, dust-covered motorcycle was the center of attention. Mrs. Holdt was like a kid in a candy store, totally gripped with awe by the bulky touring motorcycle. It brought her back to her rebellious youth, when motorcycles were all the rage for young folk to ride. She couldn't help but lick her finger and rub it against the paneling in an attempt to wipe away the thick layer of dirt.

"Nice bike," Andrea said as she stepped out the door.

"She is," Eliza answered. "Much more powerful than your dad's too. Getting that thing through the cave system just outside of town without throwing poor Travis off the back of it was not easy." She laughed. "Speaking of, this is my partner for the Dahl disappearance case, Travis Dobbs."

Travis still had his open helmet and sunglasses on as he offered a reserved nod. "'Sup."

She waited for him to say more, but he didn't. "That's all you're going to say?" She turned back to Andrea. "I couldn't get this guy to shut up while we were on the road!"

"Ehh," he grunted. "New people. I don't do them very well."

"But you and I just -- oh, forget it! Travis, this is my... 'little sister', Andrea Dennison."

He grabbed ahold of Andrea's extended hand and shook it. "Pleasure."

"I'm not really her sister," Andrea said.

"Kinda figured."

"So!" Eliza started. "Ready for dinner? I'm starving!"

"I could eat," Andrea nodded.

"Have any suggestions? I've never been to this village before."

"I have an idea." Travis sheepishly started. "As we were coming in, Boccino's Bistro on Mill Street caught my eye. Saw a brick oven in their window. Brick oven equals good."

She gasped at the thought and agreed eagerly. "Yes! It's been so long since I've had some good Romatti. That fine with you, Andrea?"

Andrea wasn't thrilled with the idea; she was never a fan of Romatti cuisine, often finding it to be too 'high brow' for her liking. However, the suggestion sounded good to her, but it wasn't the food that interested her; "Mill Street, huh... Maybe I can stake out that ghost..."

She tilted her head. "Ghost?"

"Uhh..." Andrea started, then dismissed the notion with a wave of her hand. "I'll explain over dinner. Boccino's sounds like a good idea."

"Is that friend of yours that you told me so much about coming with us?"

Andrea shook her head silently, but refused to explain further.

"Huh..." She turned to Mrs. Holdt and asked, "You don't mind if I park my bike here, do you ma'am?"

Mrs. Holdt's attention broke away from the bike, her fingers blackened by the dirt she'd been wiping off of it. "I'd mind if you didn't!" She turned back to the house and shrieked, "Len! Come out here and look at this!"

- - - - -​

"Bloody fokkin' 'ell this stuff is hot..." a waiter lamented as he carried three plates of food and a bowl of caesar salad through the lobby of Boccino's Bistro. He turned around and rested his back against the door, then pushed with all of his might to open the heavy, ornately carved oaken door, nearly losing his balance as it swung open. "Leas' it stopped rainin'." he said with a thick, nearly unintelligible heartland accent as he looked up at the gloomy, cloud-filled sky.

"Hey! Dinner's finally here!" Eliza cheered from her patio table.

"Aye, 's served! 's a bit hot, so do be careful." He handed a steaming plate of spaghetti across the table towards Eliza, followed by the bowl of salad. "One mountain o' spaghetti and some salad for our girl in green..."

"Thank you," Eliza said with a nod. "Looks good!"

"And some assor'ed raviolis for our boy in green," he said as he dropped a plate off in front of Travis. "Thank you two for keepin' us safe. Lo'a crims ou' there these days."

"Too many," Travis absent-mindedly commented as he closely inspected the raviolis. They met his strict standards.

The waiter dropped off the last plate in front of Andrea. "Last but not least, garlic pizza for the vampire queen..."

Andrea rolled her eyes at the comment.

"Believe tha's ev'rythin'," The waiter nodded.

"Yes, thank you," Eliza said.

"Enjoy," the waiter said before taking his leave.

Before the waiter could get far, however, Andrea asked, "Excuse me, umm... This is probably a dumb question, but... do you happen to know when the ghost of Mill Street is rumored to appear?"

"Ghost o' Mill Street?" the waiter asked as he rolled up his sleeve to check his watch. "Righ' abou' now, give or take a few minutes. Why? You expe'in' to see 'im?"

She looked out into the road briefly, then returned her attention to the waitress. "Hoping, more than expecting."

The waiter rolled her eyes. "Bloody fokkin' touris's..." he mumbled softly. "The ghost of Mill Street ain't real, ya know. 's a myth. 's made up. 100% pure bollocks."

"You sound so certain," she said.

The waiter leaned on the table and took a moment to peer at each of them individually before saying, "I been workin' this bloody shift for eight long years, ain't seen no bloomin' ghos's yet." He stood upright again and smiled in a disingenuous manner. "Now, you need anything, anything at all, you lemme know. Enjoy." With that said, the waiter excused herself from the table once again.

Eliza swatted at the air around her. The pungent aroma of garlic covered the table like a thick cloud. "Oof... I think they went a little heavy on the garlic there..."

Andrea shook her head. "Are you kidding? I can't get enough of this stuff!"

"Do you really like it, or are you just trying to show everyone that you're not actually a vampire?"

"Shut it!" she playfully shouted.

Eliza began to dig into her salad. "What's all of this ghost business is about, anyways? I understand that you and Ms. Dahl were sent here to... do something... I've forgotten the details already."

She grumbled as she struggled to lift the monstrous, floppy slice of pizza. "Just work related stuff. Apparently this village has been having a bit of a problem with the paranormal and Dr. Reiland wanted me and Tamara to investigate."

"Paranormal?" Eliza said with a laugh. "You don't actually believe that, do you?"

She dropped the slice of pizza back onto the plate and grabbed a knife and fork, then began the delicate process of cutting it into manageable pieces. "Witches, demons, wraiths... What do you make of it?"

Eliza shook her head. "As that waiter so eloquently put it, it's bollocks. There's only one scary thing in this world, and it's not a ghost. It's a crazed criminal with nothing to lose."

"I don't think your friend is so certain, Eliza," Travis observed as he studied the look on Andrea's face.

Eliza turned to look at her partner. "You sound certain. What makes you say that?"

"Don't see the doubt on her face?" he asked. "Considering how many interrogations you've done over the past few years, you of all people should be able to read a person's thoughts just by the expression on their face."

"He's right. I didn't believe it until I came to this village, but now I'm not certain of what's real and what's not anymore."

"Really... what made you change your mind?"

"It's the people of this village... there are too many people with too many different yet plausible stories for it to be just some joke."

"Mass hysteria is a thing, you know. Remember the UFO craze that swept through the northcountry a few years ago?"

"Superstitious folk up there," Travis added.

"I don't believe it's mass hysteria. These people don't seem crazy... except that one certifiably crazy lady I met the other day." She dropped her cutlery to the table and took on a somber, serious tone with her next words, "Besides, it's not just the people and their stories... I saw something that made me question some of my beliefs about how the world works."

"Oh yeah?" Eliza asked. "And what might that be?"

"Just west of here, in the forest... my friend and I encountered... some sort of monster. That's the only way I can describe it. A terrible, horrible monster."

"I'm not surprised! Pokémon roaming the wilds isn't some strange occurrence."

She shook her head. "No. This was a genuine monster. From a fairy tale. A freak of nature that shouldn't exist." she explained with grim determination. "It looked... almost human, but it wasn't. It was moaning and gurgling like it was suffering. Its skin was flaking off of its bones..."

Eliza and Travis looked at each other in confusion as she continued to describe the creature she encountered in full detail.

"In fact--" She reached for her notebook and opened to the page that documented the creature. "I'm not a good artist, but that's what we found."

Eliza took a moment to go over the notes. Of particular interest to her was the hastily drawn image of the creature, as well as a quick list of facts about it. "Bipedal... exposed bones... tendons that glow with a violet light... ranged attack..." She laughed before adding, "You still trying to write your monster novel? This would make a good villain." She handed the journal to Travis. "What do you think? Award winning?"

Travis handed the journal back to Andrea. "I'd rather not--"

She pounded her fist on the table. "It was real, damn it!" She stood up and cautiously looked around before rolling the hem of her dress up enough to expose the bandage that was wrapped around her leg. "That creature did this to me! Unless you're going to tell me that I'm imagining this, too."

Eliza's eyes widened at the bandage. "Oh my goodness! Are you okay?"

"I am, no thanks to that... that thing!" she loudly said as she pointed down at her journal.

"Careful, you're starting to do it again..." Eliza warned.

She readjusted her dress and sat back down. "Sorry..."

"There's no need to get angry, It's just... a little hard to believe, you know?"

"Tell me about it... I've got photos of it, too, but... Not here at the dinner table."

"I'm not here to question your beliefs, I'll take your word for it."

An aura of awkward silence swept across the table. Andrea could tell that Eliza wasn't taking her seriously, but she really wasn't up for another argument, so she dropped the topic. Eliza, on the other hand, was curious about how Andrea's life had been in the past few months, but she wasn't sure what to ask about first and spent quite a bit of time thinking it over. Travis had even less to talk about because he didn't know either of them very well, so he resigned himself to a quiet night of listening.

"Soooo..." Eliza started. "Why couldn't your friend make it? She busy with something? I was looking forward to meeting her."

"Uhh..." Andrea groaned, then hung her head low over her plate. "She's... having a bad day, and I think it's my fault."

"Uh oh. I've heard that before."

She nodded. "Yeah. Funny, isn't it? So little has changed since you and I last spoke... I still seem to be doing everything in my power to piss off my closest friends."

"Surely you're not doing it on purpose."

"I'm not. That's the scary thing. I passively do it without even thinking about it."

"Maybe you need to figure out why that keeps happening? You've been losing a lot of friends over the years... Tobias, Danielle, Larson--"

"Hey, Larson is an asshole," she interrupted. "He lost me."

"That's not the point! You could have chose to end your friendship with him quietly, but you made it into a public disaster for the world to see. You've done that with everyone, myself included."

She grumbled angrily at the statement, but she knew it was true.

"Hey! I understand why you did it. I don't agree with what you did, but I understand. You were in a dark place and nobody was helping."

She shook her head. "You tried, at least..."

"Of course I did! I care about you. You've been my best friend for years and years, it wouldn't have been right to ignore you in your time of need."

"Well, you kinda did..."

"Don't try to pin this on me. It was you who ignored someone. I tried reaching out to you for weeks, but you never answered."

She grumbled; more painful truth. "I didn't deserve your friendship after what I did."

"Hold on, hold on, I'm confused," Travis interrupted, pointing between the two of them rapidly. "Now, Eliza... On our way here, you told me that there was some sort of bad blood with your 'sister'..."

"I might have, yes."

He rubbed at his neck nervously. "Maybe it's none of my business, but... What exactly happened? I'm confused."

The two girls stared at each other for a brief moment before fixing their attention on him; Eliza chose the menacing glare of death while Andrea gave him a look of befuddlement.

"Whaaaaat," he asked. "I'm just curious, that's all! You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

"We really shouldn't be having this conversation in front of him," Eliza commented.

Andrea rested her chin on her hand as she looked off to the side. "Who knows, maybe it'd do me some good. I've got demons to face, I can't just hide from them forever."

"You don't have to face them here!"

"It's fine," she said with a deadpan tone, then let out a long, drawn out sigh. "It all started in December... Life was great. I'd just graduated and earned my biology degree, I was looking forward to my fifth year of studies, I had a decent job... I even had a lot of loyal friends! I had a great boyfriend, Tobias, and we were even talking about getting engaged! It was great, every bit of it. I worked so hard to build that all up... and then..." She brought her hands together loudly and abruptly, causing the other two to jump. "Bam! Just like that, it all fell apart. I crashed into a wall of misery."

Travis leaned forward, giving her his complete and undivided attention. "How, if I may ask?"

She kept quiet for a lengthy period of time, with the other two waiting for her response. Travis was genuinely curious. Eliza already knew the details; she was merely interested in whether they'd be revealed or not.

"How? I don't know if I'm ready to confront how it happened. Not yet. But, umm... Since it was late December, most of my friends, including my boyfriend, had gone to visit family to ring in the new year. I had no one to rely on when I needed them the most. It hit me so heavily that I just... kinda rolled over and died. There was only one thing that I thought could comfort me, and I turned to it... Alcohol."

He nodded as he followed her story.

"I spent the next month smashed out of my damn mind, trying to avoid facing what had happened, avoiding the responsibilities that were starting to pile up. What a mistake that was. My boyfriend came back early to try to help me put the pieces back together, but... for some reason, I didn't want his help. I didn't think he could help."

"He tried so hard," Eliza added.

She sighed. "He did. He poured his fucking heart and soul into making me feel better... I'll never forgive myself for chasing him away when all he was concerned about was my happiness. When he walked out on me, it felt like my future followed him. Within a month, I dropped out of college... lost my job... Most of my friends, too. I haven't spoken to him or any of them since. And the worst part? Now I know he's with someone else. Someone who makes him happier than I ever did."

"Don't say that!"

She shook her head. Her eyelids grew heavy as tears gathered in the corners of her eyes. "But it's true! I stalk him on FriendZone still... all those happy photos of him and his new girl..."

Travis shook his head. "Rough."

"That's putting it lightly..." she said, rubbing away the tears that threatened to roll down her cheek. She took a deep breath to calm herself a bit. "A-anyways, a few days later, Eliza showed up at my university for an unexpected visit. It had been awhile since I spoke to her, so she didn't know that any of this was going on."

"I found her passed out on the floor of her dorm room, surrounded by empty bottles," Eliza recalled. "I got her back on her feet and she completely lost it, ya know? What was it that you said to me?"

"I don't even remember, but I can bet that it was filled with swearing and anger."

"It was. I've heard sailors curse less than you did that day! You were convinced that I'd come to brag about my 'perfect life', and how resentful you were that I was even in your presence. I even remember dodging a few bottles, too."

"Oh my god, that didn't happen!" she protested, then thought about it. She had absolutely no memory of that day, so anything that Eliza said could possibly be true. "...did it?" she squeaked.

Eliza nodded. "Don't you remember sweeping up the broken glass?"

She sighed, shook her head and rubbed at her eyes. "I am so sorry..."

Eliza reached across the table and grabbed ahold of her hand. "You're past all of that now. Look at you! You've made a miraculous recovery since then!"

"No... No! I don't think it's fair to say that I've recovered yet! I still have... s-still have..." Her emotions had finally overwhelmed her. "I-I... I have to... to..." she struggled to say as she pushed her chair out and rushed into the restaurant.

"Uh oh..." Eliza said. "Maybe letting her poke a hornet's nest wasn't such a great idea. I should have changed the subject."

"You don't think she's going to hurt herself, do you?"

"That's what I'm worried about..." She stood up and rushed off as well. "Sit tight, I'm going to go find her!"

He was bewildered that the two had left him so abruptly. "Uhh! I hope you two aren't planning on dining and dashing! I can't pay for all of this!"

- - - - -​

"C-come on Andrea... Keep it together..." she said. She'd taken refuge from the outside world in the only place she felt she could, a stall in the women's restroom. Her breathing was erratic and labored, and her once pristine eyeliner was ruined yet again. She lightly rocked back and forth in an attempt to steady her shakiness. "She's r-right... You've come so far... A-all in the past..."

The door to the restroom swung open and heavy, slow footprints cautiously entered. She held her breath in an attempt to conceal the fact that she was hiding away.

"I know you're in here, Andrea," Eliza's voice called out. "I'm a police officer, don't forget. Hiding from me won't be easy."

She let out her breath, then lifted her leg and tapped the bottom of the stall door to push it open. "Yeah, I'm here."

"Y'ok?"

She shook her head silently and wiped a tear away from her cheek.

Eliza motioned for her to approach. "How about you c'mon out of there."

"No... I can't face the world like this."

"I don't know about you, but..." Eliza started as she looked all around the pristine room. "This bathroom looks pretty filthy to me... Do you really want to remember today this way? Hiding in a filthy bathroom?"

She looked up at Eliza.

Eliza offered her hand forward. "So your emotions got the better of you. It happens to everyone."

She grabbed ahold of Eliza's hand and pulled herself up to her feet.

Eliza led her out of the bathroom and back into the busy reception area of the restaurant. The scene was lively, busy and continuing as if nothing happened; nobody noticed Andrea's red eyes or her shaky breathing. The world was indifferent to her problems, and that's what Eliza was counting on. Andrea didn't have to face the world if the world didn't face her.

"I admit..." Eliza started cautiously. "It was probably a bad idea to let you dredge up all of those old memories. I shouldn't have."

"No... I'm kinda glad that you did. It reminded me of how many friends I've lost over the years. I didn't want to face the truth that I had blinded myself to. Tobias, Danielle, yourself and so many others..."

"Larson included?"

"Don't," she snapped.

Eliza put her hands up defensively as an apology.

"I'm afraid I might be adding Kim to that list soon. She wasn't very happy when I last saw her."

"What did you do to her?"

"I've just been stepping all over her since we got to this place. When we got to town, she wanted to make sure my wound was healing up, but I wouldn't let her have a look. I spent the next day in the Pokécenter with the nurse looking after me, but I kept trying to send her away. She tried to help me with my investigation a few times, but I stonewalled her at nearly every turn. And now she's convinced that I'm disrespecting her spiritual beliefs."

"Are you?" Eliza asked, head tilted.

She nodded. "I tore her away from her meditation earlier today because I wanted to get back to town. She wasn't happy about it."

"Meditation, huh... That other stuff you could easily apologize for. But disrespecting someone's spirituality is something that is very difficult to atone for."

"Are you speaking from personal experience?"

"Yes, I am."

"How'd you make it up to them?"

"I didn't. It was me who was having her beliefs stepped all over."

"Wait. You too? You sure kept that quiet..." she said, looking off to the side in disbelief.

"You wouldn't have known. It was something I picked it up after you left for university. Helped me to get through the stress of my first homicide investigation."

"Huh... always took you for someone more--" she started, then stopped. "I'll shut up before I say something stupid. Well? How'd they make it up to you?"

"It just took some time, that's all. I don't know if that's a luxury you have, but a simple apology isn't where it ends. If she's sensitive about her spirituality, you'll have to show her over the next few weeks that you genuinely respect her decision to believe."

She nodded. "I'll try. I don't know if I'll be seeing her all that much after I'm done here in Doranshire, but I'll try."

"Let me know how it works out. Remember, I'm always a phone call away. If you're having trouble with something, I am here to help you."

She grabbed Eliza and hugged her tightly. "You really haven't given up on me."

"Of course I haven't! Now, let's check in on Travis, he must be feeling pretty nervous out there by himself."

- - - - -​

Kimberly stepped through the rain-soaked grass, followed closely behind by Juliano. "Right here, I think." she said as she pointed to the ground in front of her.

Juliano stood in the position that was pointed out to him and stood firm.

She returned to the other side of the Holdt's garden. "Here I go!" With a running start, she dove forward and sprung off of her hands into the air. Before she landed, she twisted herself 180 degrees in the air; with her feet back on the ground, she pushed with all her might and started a back flip. She spun in the air once... twice... "Woah!" she shrieked as her arms started to flail uncontrollably. She face planted into the dirt as she narrowly missed the double back flip far from her intended location: into Juliano's awaiting arms.

He rushed to her aid and helped her to her feet, then wiped away the mud that stuck to the bottom of her dress.

"I'm fine, Juliano. It was only a little tumble. Perhaps a double back flip is too much for me at the moment."

He huffed in disagreement.

"I understand that you believe in me. I have done it before, but... I'm not in the right mind set to pull off those crazy moves."

He picked her up off of her feet and carried her over to the bench beside the flowers. With an audible thud, he dropped to the floor and sat in front of her, then let out a sequence of deep grumbling sounds.

Despite not speaking intelligible Glastonian, she had an idea of what he was trying to communicate. "Andrea, you mean?"

He nodded.

"The way she's been treating me is part of it... I shouldn't let her get me down. I should be used to being trampled by now, she really is just like Nicole."

He laughed.

"I don't know what I'm going to do when she's finished here. Hopefully she doesn't plan on visiting Rustlode..."

He shook his head and growled lowly, the crossed his arms.

"Precisely. She's starting to wear me a little thin, too. I can only hope that she doesn't expect me to follow her everywhere like some sort of personal escort that she can order around."

Juliano looked behind Kimberly's shoulder to see the door open and Andrea step out. He couldn't help but stare at her.

"What are you looking at?" she asked. She turned around to look and saw Andrea standing there.

"Hi..." Andrea quietly said. "Mrs. Holdt said I might find you here."

"Oh. Hello." she coldly said. "Did you enjoy dinner?"

Andrea sighed and shook her head. "Not really, no. The food was good, but, umm..." She nervously approached. "Seeing my friend after so long brought up some old demons that I never properly faced. It made me realize that I'm just... I'm a terrible human being."

"Oh, no, Andrea! I'm sure you're a lovely person deep down, but..."

"But?"

"It pains me to say it, but you are... kind of an arsehole. You've got problems that you need to sort out, but you're still a good person."

Andrea's eyes widened. "If you of all people say it like that, it's gotta be true... Look, I'm deeply sorry for what I've done."

"Are you really?"

"I understand that you're mad at me. That anger is perfectly justified. I've been a terrible friend."

"You're right. You have."

"Oh... okay, I uhh... didn't expect to hear that."

She crossed her arms and glared at Andrea. "You didn't expect what? For me to agree with you? Are you here to beg for sympathy, or are you here to actually apologize?"

"You're right. Sympathy is the last thing I deserve." She took a deep breath and nodded. "This has been a constant problem throughout my life. I get along with people, but then I slowly turn on them. I treat them like dirt, treat them like they're replaceable. Eventually it gets to the point where I'm saying dreadful things to them and wishing I'd never met them. I've already started to go down that road with you and I don't want it to go any further. From this point, that's going to change."

"Why the sudden change of heart?"

"Because I realized how important a true friend really is. I lost a lot of my closest friends over the past year because of how I've acted, and I only got one of them back because she was willing to give me a second chance."

"That's good to hear."

"Which brings me to you. We've only known each other for about a week, but already you've been a better friend to me than just about anyone I've ever met. I don't want to lose that. Even if it turns out that we won't be together after I'm done here in Doranshire, I still want to be able to call you a friend. Someone I can call on a slow day and just chat with."

"That does sound nice..."

"I don't know how, but I'm going to make it up to you. I'll find some way to pay you back for the way I've been acting, I promise."

"You don't have to. Recognizing your behavior and vowing to change it is all I need to hear right now."

"I'll leave you alone now. You still need your time alone, and I... I've had a rough night. I-I need to lie down..."

"Rest easy."

Andrea nodded and went back inside the house.

She turned to Juliano and smiled. "Well! Maybe she isn't just like Nicole. I'm still waiting for her to apologize for her behavior, and it's been over a year. That means it'll never happen."

Juliano huffed and shook his head.

"Yes, I know that it's easy for people to be disingenuous. I just hope that in Andrea's case, she isn't."

 

[Beth Pavell]

I needed something to read - continuing back with the usual pattern

Technical Accuracy/Style
I can't remember whether I looked at the sort-of phonetic accent before ... I have a vague memory of having seen some of the text in the General Writing Questions thread. I can't speak for how a non-Brit would find it - to my ear it seems like you're going for a northerly Yorkshire accent, but I think some southern Londoner has slipped in there as well. I wouldn't have gone for "fokking", that's the one that sticks out most. In a couple of places I think you overdo it just a little:

"Aye, 's served! 's a bit hot, so do be careful.

Lo'a

With two "s" sounds right next to one another, one would blend into the other. I tried replicating that out loud, and the best I could get was more "Aye, served!". "Lo'a" looks something like the northern glottal stop, I think it's called (I'm probably wrong) - I think you would have been best served leaving in the "tt".

crims

You have been mining the slang seams. I don't know if this matters to you, but "crims" is more police slang. At least, I've only ever heard plod use it.

Story/Characters
Perhaps I can illustrate these thought processes best by transcribing some of my notes:

Does this conversation make sense in front of Travis?

"We really shouldn't be having this conversation in front of him," Eliza commented.

Never mind

"Arsehole" ought to have more impact coming from Kim

Andrea's eyes widened. "If you of all people say it like that, it's gotta be true...

Never mind

I like Eliza's common sense attitude. Perhaps the influence of anime is too much to blame for this, but not enough characters in fanfiction are prepared to actually talk like adults to each other. You do come across people like Eliza in real life every now and again, who aren't so jealous of their own ego that they're prepared to give people another chance. It's themes like that which push a Mature story over to being actually Mature, as opposed to a teenage story with cursing.

You seem to be trying to actively subvert the usual deuteragonist role with Kimberly here. I've had my suspicions that she won't be hanging around after the end of this arc, and much as I like her in both her incarnations, I could see good reason for that being the case.

 

[Misfit Angel]

I can't speak for how a non-Brit would find it - to my ear it seems like you're going for a northerly Yorkshire accent, but I think some southern Londoner has slipped in there as well. In a couple of places I think you overdo it just a little:

Yeah, I'm aiming for Yorkshire and I'm probably overdoing it. I've actually based this off of a few comedy improv routines that I've found scattered around the internet, where three southern brits make a complete stereotypical mockery of how the northern folk speak. With that as my basis, it's going to be a little over-egged, but I feel like I've got some leeway as this isn't strictly England we're dealing with.

With two "s" sounds right next to one another, one would blend into the other. I tried replicating that out loud, and the best I could get was more "Aye, served!".

Naturally, yes, the two would blend together. When I was phonetically pronouncing out the waiter's dialogue for the "Aye, 's served" bit, I tried to take a bit of inspiration from the countryside dialect I hear here in western New York by making it sound rough and disjointed and not strictly accurate within the rules of the language. I felt like it'd highlight a difference between the born and raised country folk of this village with the people who aren't from it, the types of people who venerate the language and speak it pristinely.

"Lo'a" looks something like the northern glottal stop, I think it's called (I'm probably wrong) - I think you would have been best served leaving in the "tt".

Hmm, maybe I've been hearing it incorrectly. Every time I've heard words like "lotta" and "gotta" in this stereotypical accent, I always swore that the t sound was dropped, but it is a soft sound that can be lost easily. I'll keep it in mind for someone with a thinner accent, perhaps.

Does this conversation make sense in front of Travis?

"We really shouldn't be having this conversation in front of him," Eliza commented.

Never mind

Heh. @Caitlin; wrote a majority of the dinner scene and when I was going through and editing it, I had to ask that myself. When I realized that they shouldn't have been having that conversation, I found that to be the easiest way to explain it away. Likewise, your commentary about Kim calling Andrea an arsehole followed the same thought process.

You seem to be trying to actively subvert the usual deuteragonist role with Kimberly here.

Actually, I mostly needed a hook for the info dump on Andrea's troubled background, and I noticed a trend in how she's been treating Kim this whole time. It felt like a natural bridge that I just had to use. It's not indicative of a plan to drop her as a character, so don't read too much into it. I've been on the fence about separating them for the next arc, though, but I haven't made a concrete decision about that yet.

Speaking of Andrea's trouble background, I'm a little surprised/worried about your silence regarding the reveals this chapter. When I was editing the chapter for final release, I wondered if it all came on a little too fast/strong, but I stuck to my guts since this is the direction I've been wanting to guide Andrea towards for awhile.

You don't have to give a detailed analysis, but I'm curious if my worries have any solid basis or not.

 

[Beth Pavell]

Speaking of Andrea's trouble background, I'm a little surprised/worried about your silence regarding the reveals this chapter.

Well. It's difficult to say. On the one hand I am sceptical about how much Andrea would reveal in front of a stranger. But on the other I also personally know people like Travis who are capable of listening, with sincerity, to someone else's issues. It's amazing what people will tell a sympathetic stranger, though usually the situation's also accompanied by relative anonymity.

So as far as the logic of it is concerned I'm on the fence, and thus the conclusion is to suspend disbelief. Others might not feel the same way - that's why Christine Joy got cut from Chapter One of The Long Walk, as you may recall. Reality is Unrealistic can be a difficult trope to get around. Narratively speaking, I suppose that if this is going to come out at all, it might as well come out (More or less) all at once. I can't think of another way I'd do it, certainly, except perhaps by a series of vignettes in flashback, which would tell the reader much less about any of the characters.

 

[Misfit Angel]

Land of the Roses
Chapter 23: Unusual Findings

With a spring in his step, Patrick whistled a merry tune as he navigated the halls of the Reiland Institute. In his left hand was a blue folder labeled 'Loch Fiodhbòcan Water Purity Analysis', while his right hand carried a half empty mug of steaming hot coffee. His journey ended at room 237-B, Dr. Reiland's office. Just as he was about to grab the handle of the door, he heard muffled speech from within.

"Hmm. A little early for visitors." he mumbled. He grabbed the handle and jiggled it, finding it to be locked.

He knocked on the door and the muffled speech stopped. A few seconds later, the door opened and an elderly man with mess grey hair that went in every direction peered out.

"Ah, Dr. Venger! It's been awhile since I've seen you over this way."

"Mr. Adelaide," The man nodded politely. "My work usually keeps me terribly busy, that's why you never see me."

"I dropped by to check in on Dr. Reiland. I usually help her with opening her medication in the morning."

"I've already done that for her, I'm afraid." Dr. Venger said. He stepped aside and motioned for Patrick to enter. "Since you're here, we may as well fill you in on a most peculiar discovery that I made."

He stepped inside the office and greeted his boss. "Morning, Dr. Reiland."

"Good morning, Patrick," Dr. Reiland said with a smile as she gathered the myriad of medication bottles that were scattered about her desk and put them away.

He displayed the folder that he was carrying. "I've got the test results for the water sample that Andrea sent us yesterday."

"Another sample from Ms. Dennison? She's a busy girl!" Dr. Venger commented.

"She is," he said as he sat down. "But before I get to the results, I'll let you two go first."

"Do you remember that bone fragment that Ms. Dennison recovered?" Dr. Venger asked.

"Yeah, I do. What about it?"

Dr. Venger grabbed a paper off of Dr. Reiland's desk and offered it to him. "Here is my report on it."

He grabbed the paper and began to read from it. As his eyes scanned through the text, they began to widen. He looked up at Dr. Venger for clarification, only to receive a nod to continue reading. He could hardly believe the words that he was reading:

Bone Fragment Analysis, Reiland Institute Medical Wing
Report written by Dr. Venger
Lab work completed by Dr. Venger, Dr. Brink, Emily Winehaus, et al
May 20th, 9:07 PM

Two days ago, an unidentified bone fragment was brought to the medical wing for analysis. It was recovered by our newest field analyst, Andrea Dennison, from what she described as an 'undead skeletal creature' that had attacked her approximately 20 miles west of the village of Doranshire. Obviously a claim like this should be treated with utmost skepticism, but the photos she sent of this creature were indeed puzzling. I have never seen such a bizarre anatomical structure, so I was curious of what our field analyst actually found. I authorized a full battery of tests to determine what this creature was.

The first test we performed, a DNA test, led to the most interesting and puzzling result. The intent was to discover the species of Pokémon that this creature was in life, but we found that it wasn't a Pokémon at all. The fragment that Ms. Dennison recovered was in fact... human in origin! Thinking that a mistake had been made or that the initial sample we had taken was somehow contaminated, we extracted more bone marrow and tested again, only to receive the same results. Seven separate tests were performed just to be certain, all resulting in functionally identical genetic profiles.

There is no way for us here in the lab to determine the true identity of who this bone belonged to, but we did make a few determinations: Based on the genetic profile that we extracted, we've determined that the individual in question was a white female of Glastonian ancestry. We are unable to determine anything else about the individual: age, distinguishing features, where she might have lived. I have submitted the profile generated from our tests to the National Crime Lab; perhaps they will have a genetic profile to compare our Jane Doe to. It's likely that this individual has been reported missing at some point, and her family members should be notified of her passing.

Physically, we've determined that the bone fragment is the scapula of our Jane Doe, or at least part of it. A very clear fracture is present, indicating that the rest of it is still where the fragment was recovered from. I've spent considerable time going over the photos that Ms. Dennison sent to us to make sure that I wasn't overlooking something that would make sense of this mess, but alas, no sense was found.

I determined that the fragment that Ms. Dennison recovered was integrated into this creature's skeletal structure, attached via tendons and other connective tissue, as it was present in a photo that was taken before Ms. Dennison recovered the sample. Yet none of the other bones present in the photos appear to be human. Unfortunately, without further samples to work with, we can't determine what those other bones may have belonged to. I'll have a word with Ms. Dennison to determine where the discovery was made and send a team out to recover the remains for further examination.

The implications of these findings are troubling to say the least. None of this makes sense. Why would a human female's bones be present alongside the bones of Pokémon in a creature that logically shouldn't exist? What exactly was this creature that Ms. Dennison encountered? I understand that she was injured by this creature, something that lends credence to her claim that she was attacked. An attack indicates movement, but I can't determine how this creature can even move, since key muscle groups are either badly decomposed or completely absent. Telekinesis from a foreign source is an option, I suppose...

There is one thing that I can say for certain: the staff of the Reiland Institute has a lot of work ahead of it. We​

will determine what this creature was.​

He lowered the paper in silence as he thought about what he had just read.

"That was my reaction too, Patrick," Dr. Reiland said. "I've forwarded this report to Ms. Dahl's employer, Dr. Belmonte. I'll see what he thinks. He seems to know a bit more about this creature than we do, maybe he can make sense of this."

"This feels like some sort of big joke that I'm not a part of," he said.

"This is no joke," Dr. Venger commented.

"Of course not, I would never question your work, Dr. Venger, you are one of our absolute best."

Dr. Venger nodded at the compliment.

He placed the report back onto Dr. Reiland's desk. "There must be a logical explanation for all of this, something that nobody is seeing. The dead don't just rise and attack people willy nilly!"

"Evidently, the dead may be starting to do just that," Dr. Venger said. "If we take a step back and assume that is the case, it would readily explain a large part of what your new employee claims to have seen."

"You're not seriously suggesting--"

Dr. Venger raised his chin ever so slightly and raised his eyebrow as a challenge to Patrick.

He sighed. "Well. You're right. If that is the case, it would explain what she saw. But... It just... I don't... What does... How..." He stammered with his words as he tried to articulate his inner thoughts. None of it lined up with what he knew to be true.

"It's okay, Patrick, we all get stumped at some point in our careers," Dr. Reiland said. "When our beliefs are challenged so soundly, we find it difficult to process what we're examining. It's happened to me several times in the past and it will happen in the future. I'm sure it's already happened to you as well."

A buzzing sound radiated out of Dr. Venger's pocket; he grabbed his phone and took a brief look at it. "You'll have to excuse me, that's my friend at the National Crime Lab. He wants to speak with me. If he has anything interesting to say, I'll let you know. It was nice seeing you again, Rebecca!"

Dr. Reiland nodded. "Take care. And visit more often! It feels like I haven't seen you in weeks!"

"I'll try," Dr. Venger said before closing the door behind him.

"Really... The dead coming to life..." he said as he shook his head. "I'm sorry, I have an open mind, but... Any more open and my brain might fall onto the floor."

Dr. Reiland let out a chuckle. "I'd hate to say it, Patrick, but you don't understand what it truly means to be open minded."

He looked up into the air in thought. "I'll give you that one."

"But you're right, it does take some leaps of logic, and I actually agree with you. There must be some other explanation. I'm hoping that my correspondence with Dr. Belmonte leads to that explanation."

"Perhaps there's something that Andrea isn't telling us?" he suggested.

"Perhaps, perhaps not. It's also possible that she's just as clueless as we are and I'm willing to bet on that possibility. Time will tell." She pointed out the blue folder in his hands. "So, what do you have for me today?"

He opened the folder and grabbed the front page out of the sleeve within, then placed it onto her desk. "Water test results for the samples that Andrea gathered from Loch Fiodhbòcan. All tests came back negative for toxins, harmful bacteria and chemicals. I even looked for some things a standard test doesn't cover, such as those old Kanetska bio-weapons."

"Goodness! I don't think you needed to go that far."

"Testing for them was actually pretty easy and I just wanted to be certain. You never know when some sick bastard is going to test out his latest black market purchase."

"You've been watching too much television, I think. Well, at least we can rule out water contamination."

He dropped the folder onto the report. "We can. In fact, the water sourced from that reservoir is above average in terms of purity. Particulate counts are astonishingly low. I'm kinda jealous, you know? Our city water is filthy and it smells like sulfur sometimes."

"Thank you for getting this done so quickly. I'll let her know the results, it'll help her to formulate her next avenue of investigation."

"Are you going to tell her about Dr. Venger's report?"

"I am."

He paused for a moment before sheepishly offering, "Let me do that. If you don't mind, that is."

"Oh?"

"I think it would mean something to her if the person who rudely dismissed everything she said admitted that maybe he was wrong. Besides, she's my responsibility, I was the one who encouraged you to send her out there. I was the one who wanted to test her further. I'm not going to wash my hands of her just because I'm having a hard time agreeing with her findings."

She smiled. "That's very mature of you. I made the right choice when promoting you to a senior staff position." She picked up the phone on her desk and handed it over.

Patrick dialed Andrea's number and waited patiently for her to respond. "Gonna put her on speaker, if you want to talk to her, too."

"Hello?" Andrea's voice asked.

"Good morning, Andrea!" Patrick answered.

"Oh, hey Patrick! I figured it was Dr. Reiland calling, not you. What's up?

"I'm here!" Dr. Reiland added.

"Yeah, we've got you on speaker," Patrick explained. "We've got some news for you about your findings..."

"Anything I should be worried about?"

Patrick reached for the blue folder that sat on the doctor's desk and leafed through the papers. "Let's start with the good news first... Got your water analysis results back. Didn't find anything. No chemicals, no toxins, no harmful bacteria."

"That'll take a load off of my friend's mind. When I told her I was analyzing the water for you guys, she started getting all nervous and worried. She thought she'd been drinking poison for the past few days!"

He laughed. "Nope, nothing like that. You let your friend know that you're unlikely to find purer water anywhere in the country."

"Is there anything else I need to know?"

He paused momentarily as he looked to Dr. Reiland for approval, which she gave with a nod. "Yes, actually. It's about the bone fragment you recovered from that creature you encountered."

"Oh yeah? What about it?"

"Are you alone?"

"I am."

"Nobody around who might overhear?"

"Yes, yes! Tell me what this is about."

He grabbed Dr. Venger's report next and cautiously thought about how to approach the subject. "First, I should apologize for how I reacted when you came to me with your findings. That was very unprofessional of me."

"But expected," she said. "I understand."

"Now... how do I put this... That bone fragment you found, it was... It was human."

"Excuse me?" she loudly asked.

"Try to be a little quieter, I don't want to cause a panic. Anyways, one of our staff members, Dr. Venger, made that discovery. You haven't met him yet, but I want you to know that Dr. Venger is a very thorough and serious man. When he discovered that the bone fragment you found contained human DNA, he tested it over and over again just to be sure. In the years that I've worked here, I've learned to never question Dr. Venger's findings, because he is always right."

"That doesn't make sense... Why would that... How?"

"I share your confusion, trust me," he said. "We don't know any specifics. All we can determine currently is that the bone belonged to a woman of Glastonian ancestry. We don't know how old she was, where she might have lived, any of that. We don't even know how it got tangled into that monstrosity you discovered."

There was silence on the line.

"You still there, Andrea?"

"Yeah, I'm just thinking. Are you telling me that I was attacked by..." Her voice lowered to a near whisper. "Some dead lady?"

"As illogical as that sounds..." Dr. Reiland started. "It would be a simple way of explaining what happened, based on the information we currently have. But I can tell you for certain that whatever did attack you wasn't human. It just... had part of one embedded into it."

There was another long pause. "I don't get it. I-I-I just don't! First a -- Maybe it would help if I knew what you were suggesting, because I'm having a tough time with this."

"I'm curious, too," Patrick added.

"Well! I should preface this by saying that I'm not entirely certain about this theory. But it is the one theory that I currently have that answers the most questions. Not all of them, but the most."

"I'm listening," Andrea said.

"I looked over your notes about this creature and the photos you sent as well. I'm beginning to think that the creature that attacked you may have been constructed from both human and Pokémon remains and... somehow given life again. Like some sort of Frankenstein monster, only much, much worse."

"You lost me again."

"Do you recall how I said that the bone structure of this creature was unusual? Like a jigsaw puzzle, but the pieces were all out of order?"

"So what you're saying now is that this creature was a collection of... 'spare parts'?"

"In essence, yes. The piece you sent back appears to be a fragment of someone's scapula."

"Scapula..." Andrea repeated.

"Unfortunately, missing something like that... it paints a grim picture for the woman it belonged to."

"Oh my god..."

Patrick shrugged. "Can't rule out that she was an amputee."

"Amputees don't get their shoulders cut off!" Andrea answered.

"I'll have to do some more reading before I can start to say for certain what we're dealing with. I've also forwarded your findings to Dr. Belmonte. If he has anything interesting or relevant to say, you will be the first person to know."

Andrea didn't know what to say. "I find this... If I didn't respect you as much as I do, doctor--"

"I understand."

"W-what should I do next?" she asked, her voice shaking somewhat.

"Continue as you were. I'm starting to get the feeling that you will find something worth taking a much closer look at, Ms. Dennison, it's just a matter of time at this point."

"Understood."

"Oh! And when you get the chance, drop by the Pokécenter some time today, I have a gift for you."

"A gift?"

Dr. Reiland grabbed a small wooden box and opened it, pulling out a pink R-Kit as she said, "We got your R-Kit up and running again. Something fried the internal coding of it, it was astonishingly simple to repair."

"Oh! Good! That'll make things so much easier! But it might be awhile, before I make it to the Pokécenter, there's a freak storm battering the village at the moment."

"That's fine, take your time. Your safety is important!"

"As soon the weather clears up, you'll hear from me. Bye!"

Patrick ended the call and put the phone back onto the desk. He took a deep breath and sighed, then said, "Do you get the feeling that she's in over her head? After all, Dr. Belmonte sent an expert in the paranormal to investigate. Andrea's only a biologist, and not a particularly experienced one."

Dr. Reiland leaned back in her chair. "You did say you wanted to test her."

"But I also didn't expect it to turn into this. She was supposed to have someone help her, a real expert, but now she's got nothing except occasional input from us. And we're not experts when it comes to the paranormal, either!"

"I think she's been doing a good job so far."

"Maybe. But I'm just... Even our veteran field analysts would have trouble with the job we assigned her, and I'm starting to feel a little bit bad about throwing her into the deep end so soon. I should have kept her close by in town for a few days, then brought her back to Nettlefield to see what's going on in that swamp. At least that falls under the realm of her expertise, and I could have been there to see how she works."

"I understand what you're saying. If she doesn't pull through, we can always send someone else out there to pick up where she leaves off. But until then, I'll put a little faith in her."

- - - - -​

Spoiler

Updates and edits:

• Updated the beginning of the phone call between Patrick, Dr. Reiland and Andrea to reflect changes necessitated by the next chapter.
• Minor grammatical fixes

 

[Beth Pavell]

Well, since the rain has trapped me inside - again - I might as well go ahead and review.

Technical Accuracy/Style
Now, I'm not at all familiar with the style of scientific papers, so what follows is really guesswork. I like this little touch:

et al

since it reminded me of the kind of academic writing I am used to in the hippy-dippy humanities. I'm not so sure about this:

as in fact... human in origin!

It kind of strikes me as too colloquial for the context. I'm going on snippets of what I've read here and there of scientists dealing with concepts that they don't find professional and scientific (It's amazing how many euphemisms have apparently been invented by the science of sex). Maybe I'm off the mark here entirely, but that's what jumped off the page anyway.

Plot
I forget if you ever said what the specialties of this group are. As a very amateur naturalist that report makes me think of something like a hermit crab or a caddis fly - perhaps some sort of creature that likes to use bones as an ersatz body. That might be a good rationalisation for someone to use if this plot ends up going in a very distinctly supernatural direction.

Characters

"I'd hate to say it, Patrick, but you don't understand what it truly means to be open minded."

No indeed he doesn't. Anyway, a suggestion to bear in mind, if the cast of lab characters keeps expanding. The Institute is a very cordial sort of workplace, which might start looking unlikely if this ends up being universally true. I'd look at creating some cooler if not frosty relationships here and there. There's only so much you can do to portray the kind of politics atmosphere you get in even supposedly warm and friendly workplaces, true, since the story doesn't spend much time there. Just something to bear in mind in case Andrea does end up spending a chapter back there.

 

[Misfit Angel]

It kind of strikes me as too colloquial for the context.

I intended for this report to be just an internal report, not some broad paper meant for great peer review outside of a circle of friends and colleagues. It might have come across as too stuffy for that, yet not stuffy enough if it were something Dr. Venger was looking to be published. I might have a look at reworking it slightly.

I forget if you ever said what the specialties of this group are.

There's a lot of specialties at play at the Reiland Institute. Early on (I think chapter 2?), Patrick mentioned a medical wing staffed my professional doctors and medical researchers while he and Andrea explored the environmental research section. Not much has been mentioned yet since I haven't had a need to explore the facility, but I've practically got a detailed floor plan of the entire facility mapped out, with about a dozen different scientific disciplines all working together (but largely separately) under the same roof.

As a very amateur naturalist that report makes me think of something like a hermit crab or a caddis fly - perhaps some sort of creature that likes to use bones as an ersatz body. That might be a good rationalisation for someone to use if this plot ends up going in a very distinctly supernatural direction.

I'll look into that if it comes to further explanation of this creature, cheers.

Anyway, a suggestion to bear in mind, if the cast of lab characters keeps expanding. The Institute is a very cordial sort of workplace, which might start looking unlikely if this ends up being universally true. I'd look at creating some cooler if not frosty relationships here and there. There's only so much you can do to portray the kind of politics atmosphere you get in even supposedly warm and friendly workplaces, true, since the story doesn't spend much time there. Just something to bear in mind in case Andrea does end up spending a chapter back there.

I'm not sure if the staff of the lab will grow all that much from here on. I've only portrayed the senior staff so far (exception: brief appearance by a throw-away character in chapter 2), and they're meant to be friendly with each other, since they've worked together for years.

Though this does bring up a good point. If Andrea does return to the lab, which she probably will at some point, I'm sure there's going to be someone there who's jealous that she's been discovering things left and right, and her interactions with such a person could be an interesting look into how she deals with unconditional hatred that she can never fix.

This is why I love your feedback and I can't thank you enough for it. You're always throwing new details into the mix that I've either not thought about or were unsure of.

 

[Beth Pavell]

I can't thank you enough for it.

I wouldn't say no to a bottle of Old Ogden's Firewhisky Laphroaig Islay Single Malt - well, if you want to do something I'm always open to hearing your thoughts on The Long Walk. I know you don't think you're all that good at reviewing, but I'm pretty sure they'd be useful

 

[Misfit Angel]

I suppose I really should at this point. It's insulting that I haven't. Time to bite that lower lip.