TEEN: Land of the Roses [abandoned]

[kintsugi]

Belated post-awards review + rushed because of tropical storm; sorry!

Plot

This ended up being an interesting mix of genres -- there's some slice of life, some contest stuff, and as of late a central thrust into some detective shenanigans. The pacing of the plot itself feels a little off: we get tons of motivations for our characters to do things surprisingly early on, but we don't really have any actions for them to do until much later.

That being said, getting this much character development over plot was refreshing, and I don't think that the slow-moving plot in favor of worldbuilding/characters was remotely a bad idea.

Setting

The setting felt rich and well-thought out, not just because of the physical setting -- which was great in itself. There's cool nods to culture, lots of feeling that there's a whole globe stretching on beyond what the characters show us, cool new fakemons, and so forth. What impressed me the most were how real the one-off side characters felt, and how much they were able to add to the story: the tea trolley lady on the train, for example, feels like a real and moving part of the setting rather than a device to serve tea.

Characters

Easily some of the best third-tier/supporting characters I've seen in a fic so far.

The interactions between Andrea and the second-tier cast are also great. Kimberly is interesting, Dr. Reiland has a surprising amount of depth, and overall everyone is pretty interesting. It's early on that there's nothing ground-shaking here, but given that the plot doesn't feel like the main focus most of the time, these are some pretty cool characters.

Style/Grammar

It's clean. It works. I like the descriptions and this is probably the first time I've been really happy to read series of contest appeals in a row and enjoyed it.

Grammar checks out. A few typos, but nothing that I can even remember at this point, so all good.

Overall

This was a delightful read, and I'm a little sad that I waited this long to sink my teeth into it. I do wish there was more of a central thrust to the story, but so far there's been a lush setting, tons of interesting characters, and overall a very well-written story.

 

[Silverwynde]

Yeah, this took a little longer than I thought. Sorry.

Plot
I love the fact that this isn't a typical "get starter and start collecting badges" story. The fact that the main character doesn't have a Pokemon to start with and has to rely on someone else is refreshing and really hooked me straight out. I wanted to see how Andrea was going to cope with her responsibilities without the help of a partner Pokemon. She has to fall back on human help which is a nice change of pace.

We also have Kimberly, who is trying to be a coordinator, which is a good twist. Most stories do have a tendency to focus on the training aspect and not so much on the contest aspect. It was nice to take a break from the training trope in the Pokemon world and focus on something different. It really made this fic memorable.

This had to be one of the more original stories I've read in a very long time and it was great. I can't wait to see how it all wraps up!

Setting
This region feels fleshed out and very, very real. I could easily see this as an actual in-game region in a future game. I love the fact that we have a mix of regular Pokemon and new, fan created regional Pokemon. This makes it feel as though we're in a living, breathing region like Sinnoh or Kalos. I just fell into this region and enjoyed it immensely.

Characters
Here's where the fic really shines: the characters. I can't say enough about them. It's easy to relate to Andrea; she's sarcastic but also vulnerable. It feels as though she's using those rejoinders to cover for her apprehension. She feels real and downright human; she isn't perfect, she isn't magically the "chosen one", she's just trying to land a job and do well at it. She's human, just an ordinary person in an extraordinary world and that is really cool. Then there's Kimberly.

Kimberly should be a princess but she isn't. She's down to earth and a very capable trainer. She's a great foil to Andrea's cynicism, with her positive outlook and her deep convictions. To say Kimberly's character surprised me would be an understatement; trust me when I say that this was a great thing.

Style/Grammar
The style is very good and it's wonderfully readable. The grammar is very good as well; there's the occasional typo but that's not a huge deal. (I see typos in professional blog posts so don't stress too much over that.)

Overall
This was a lot of fun and one of the most unique reads I've had in a long time. The region, the characters, the plot, the Pokemon, all were excellent. I can't wait to see how things end up; keep up the great work!

 

[Persephone]

And here comes the promised review.

To start with, I think that the start of this story is greatly improved over Storm Island. We meet Andrea, we almost immediately learn some basic things about her interests and personality, and those two things drive the early plot. The story gets some strong early momentum, although it kind of starts wobbling a bit later on. More on that later.

I know you were concerned about the contest, so let me just say quickly that I very much enjoyed it. This time was better since there was some actual narrative to it, Kimberly had been introduced in advance, and it wasn't so much about whether she won or lost so much as how well she did. Thus her one win still felt underwhelming and her loss was... bad.

I also quite liked the midnight attack chapter. Kept the tension up and, as someone who's been camping a lot, it felt like the kind of scary story that would actually have people checking their corners before going to sleep. So that was good.

If I have a criticism... it's that Andrea very much embodies and flouts the "special protagonist" rule. What I mean is that she's very much a human character. She has her flaws and strengths, and isn't particularly exceptional as a person. And her academic and research backgrounds, while strong, aren't phenomenal. You do well creating a protagonist who is just a small part of a vast world. And yet, she also discovers a new species on her second day on the job and maybe documents a new one on the second week. And they're big species at that.

It creates a strange dissonance, where a deliberately average protagonist still pulls off things that, given her in-universe qualifications, should really be out of her depth. I understand why this happens; most stories need something remarkable or else there's no point in telling them. But it just feels off given how Andrea seems to be established in-universe.

I know you asked me to touch on marine sci research. Beyond what I said in the PM, everything so far has been pretty much accurate. The "scanning water to get all data" test is currently a tad implausible, but I imagine that in a world with teleporters and space-compressing prisons for animals, it's definitely not out of place science.

I would talk about Kimberly but I honestly can't find much to talk about, for once. She's a character. Her actions and characterization fit with what's been established and are plausible. I like how she's simultaneously the better traveler and the incredibly naive party, in a lot of ways. It makes for a strange mix that fleshes her out more from the not-terribly-competent companion in Storm Island. And her motivations including a willingness to ditch the protagonist when she gets grating is also good at establishing that Kimberly is a more complex character than the generic sidekick, and that the world of Lord of the Rings (henceforth Lof theR or LOTR) doesn't center around its protagonist.

Overall, I like the world built up here, and I think you've done a better job crafting characters and their relationship to the setting.

 

[Misfit Angel]

Heh, bit of a late response. Been kinda busy!

To start with, I think that the start of this story is greatly improved over Storm Island. We meet Andrea, we almost immediately learn some basic things about her interests and personality, and those two things drive the early plot. The story gets some strong early momentum, although it kind of starts wobbling a bit later on. More on that later.

"Momentum" is something this story will struggle with because the main plot won't be the focus. In fact, the big, main plotline has barely been touched so far, but it's gotten quite a bit of foreshadowing and referencing so far.

When I first drafted the ideas for this story, the #1 thing on the list was that it was about the characters and the world rather than the main thread that ties everything together. Kind of a laid back slice of life story, but with action, adventure and horror elements. Maybe that's a bad idea to focus on the characters the most, but it's something I want to try.

I know you were concerned about the contest, so let me just say quickly that I very much enjoyed it. This time was better since there was some actual narrative to it, Kimberly had been introduced in advance, and it wasn't so much about whether she won or lost so much as how well she did. Thus her one win still felt underwhelming and her loss was... bad.

Phew, glad people are liking the new approach I took! I'm still nervous about the next one, but this helped to alieve that anxiety.

If I have a criticism... it's that Andrea very much embodies and flouts the "special protagonist" rule. What I mean is that she's very much a human character. She has her flaws and strengths, and isn't particularly exceptional as a person. And her academic and research backgrounds, while strong, aren't phenomenal. You do well creating a protagonist who is just a small part of a vast world.

I would like to point out that her academic background, at the very least, is phenomenal. The reason I brought her age up so much early on was to point that out: she went off to university two years earlier than normal, which signifies a level of higher intellect. The rest is pretty much on point, though.

And yet, she also discovers a new species on her second day on the job and maybe documents a new one on the second week. And they're big species at that.

Her discovery of the previously unknown species up in Nettlefield can be chalked up to pure luck. She didn't find it through hard work, months of meticulous study or any of that. She just happened to stumble upon it while expecting to find something else. Besides, there's a reason it's never been discovered until that point, even in its native habitat, a reason that'll be revealed soonish(?).

The second one has a bit more to it, especially regarding the information revealed in the latest chapter. I want to explain it away right now because it'll probably be months before I get to the chapter that closes that thread, but unfortunately it'd spoil stuff pretty big

It creates a strange dissonance, where a deliberately average protagonist still pulls off things that, given her in-universe qualifications, should really be out of her depth. I understand why this happens; most stories need something remarkable or else there's no point in telling them. But it just feels off given how Andrea seems to be established in-universe.

I do have a plan to touch on this within the story a bit. At some point I'll be having Andrea return to the lab for a bit to work on something she's discovered, and a bit of office politics will come into play. Someone's bound to be jealous that she's quickly becoming Dr. Reiland's favorite pet. That might help settle Beth Pavell's point about the workplace being too cozy, too.

I know you asked me to touch on marine sci research. Beyond what I said in the PM, everything so far has been pretty much accurate. The "scanning water to get all data" test is currently a tad implausible, but I imagine that in a world with teleporters and space-compressing prisons for animals, it's definitely not out of place science.

Yeah, the nitty gritty of the science of this story is probably going to be a bit on the hopeful "treknobabble" side, where things that are currently possible but difficult/tedious will just be easily handwaved away with "technology!". The water scan itself was based on the principles of liquid chromatography-mass spectrometry. Accurate? I don't know. Plausible? Most likely.

She's a character. Her actions and characterization fit with what's been established and are plausible. I like how she's simultaneously the better traveler and the incredibly naive party, in a lot of ways.

This has me a little bit worried. Andrea is supposed to be the source of naivety rather than Kimberly. So far I feel like I've done a good job of establishing that Kimberly is more experienced and more confident, and I'm not sure where I've displayed her as naive (with the exception of her being disconnected from the simple/lower class life). If that's what you're talking about, cool, but if not, I'd like a little help in identifying where she's been the naive one so that I can avoid it in the future.

 

[Persephone]

I don't usually respond, but you had specific Qs and misunderstood some things.

I see character development and exploration as plot. I also define momentum as the extent to which I want to continue reading the next chapter/wait for it to be published at the end of a chapter. There's a little patch at the start where that struggled, but for the most part you've kept momentum pretty well imo.

Andrea graduated early, sure, but I'm under the impression that research is everything in the field. If she hadn't done much of note (and her prior research isn't explained in enough depth to judge) graduating early with a Bach degree and no research of note is... good but not particularly exceptional. Which is what I said before.

I think addressing her luck in universe would be a good idea, yes.

I await further explanations of things, but am judging the text as it currently appears in the review.

So we have really nice probes and scanners that can give pH, temp, salinity, DO an a few other things very quickly in the field. And mass spectrometers can sort out some elements. But there isn't a reliable test for detecting every chemical and contaminant at once, like the R kit scanner apparently can. Especially viruses, which weigh very little and aren't easily filtered or seen. Or chlophyll, which has its own somewhat tedious testing process.

Once again, though, marine chemistry isn't my area of emphasis, I seldom get to work with the really cool stuff (I used a spectrometer once), and it doesn't feel out of place in universe.

Idk I don't think that there's anything big and plot critical Andrea hasn't known yet. Kimberly sometimes gets tripped up by real world things, and kind of has a slightly mystical and above it all vibe that sort of comes with naivety or extreme intelligence/knowledge, and she doesn't have the latter. Never really read Andrea as naive, though, so if that was your intent it didn't land for me.

 

[Misfit Angel]

Nothing substantial today, but I'm releasing a mostly-finished chapter and a barely-finished chapter that I'm cutting because they're not working. Kinda proud of the first one so I figured I'd release it as is, but it's not to be considered canon within the story: Google Docs link

Elements of this chapter may appear in the next one, but nothing substantial. Time to move on.

 

[Misfit Angel]

Author's note: I've tried to up my descriptive game a bit. Hopefully it's not too distracting, I'm definitely out of my comfort zone. There are also some minor retcons of the previous chapter. It has already been edited to reflect these changes.

Land of the Roses
Chapter 24: Dance of the Orbs

The weather was unusually violent that morning. The clouds were jostled back and forth like a raging sea by high winds as they let loose a heavy downpour on the quiet countryside. Massive forks of lightning arced across the turbulent sky as they danced between the clouds, rarely impacting the earth below. The storm displayed the power of mother nature as it lingered above the Spritewood, drenching the village of Doranshire as it turned its once quaint dirt roads into muddy traps.

Lightning struck fairly close to the Holdt residence, creating a cataclysmic crash of thunder that echoed across the village. The sound of the thunder was loud enough to wake Andrea from her deep sleep. She wasn't even aware that she had been woken by the thunder and tried her best to get back to sleep, but another rumble brought her back into the realm of consciousness. "Uuuugh... izzat... is that thunder?" she mumbled incoherently to herself as she stretched.

She tried to roll out of bed, but felt something holding her in place. A lift of the blanket showed that Kimberly's arm was wrapped snuggly around her. She felt oddly put off by it and was tempted to make a scene about it, but at the same time, she didn't want to push her luck considering the disagreement they had the previous night. Instead, she tried her best to gently lift her friend's arm so that she could get out of bed without waking her. Despite her best efforts at being subtle about it, the attempt failed; Kimberly stirred in her sleep and only tightened her grip.

"C'mon, let me go..." she muttered softly, barely audible, trying again to loosen her friend's grasp. "You're lucky that you're a girl, otherwise I'd rip that arm off..."

Kimberly's eyes cracked open slightly for a brief moment before they shot open widely. She realized where her hand had drifted and retracted her arm quickly. "Oh! Oh, I'm so sorry! I-I--"

Free from her friend's grip, she rolled out of bed and stretched. "Well! I haven't been felt up like that since my second year of uni!"

Kimberly giggled nervously. "I didn't mean to."

"Don't worry about it," she said as she sauntered up to the window and pulled back the curtain. On any other day, bright sunlight would have flooded into the room, but the light level barely changed with the receded curtains. Her vision of the outside world was heavily distorted by the thick layer of rain that drained down the window. "Hope the weather clears up... I don't fancy walking through that rain."

Kimberly wrapped herself in the fluffy blanket and rolled to face away from the window. "Going somewhere?" she mumbled, already half asleep again. A bright flash of lightning illuminated the room and a monstrous rumble of thunder rattled the window and shook the house. The sound jolted her awake again. "Oh! Goodness!"

"I'm surprised the thunder didn't wake you up earlier... Anyways, I was hoping to go somewhere, but I don't think that'll happen if this keeps up."

Kimberly enthusiastically jumped out of bed and rushed to the window to watch the storm. "What did you have planned?"

"I scheduled a tour of a local elementary school which is supposedly haunted. The school's headmaster said that if I were to find any evidence for my investigation into the strange sightings in this village, that's where I'd find it."

"Oh! Sounds interesting!"

"I just need the weather to clear up. The school is clear across town and I'm not--"

Lightning tore through the sky and impacted the tree across the alley from them. Smoke rose and sparking embers rained down from the tree as the hardest hit branch splintered away and dropped to the rain-soaked, muddy path below with a giant splash and an audible thud.

She clutched her chest in an effort to calm her racing heart. "Holy shhhh... Yeah, this isn't safe to walk around in."

"Agreed. Looks like I'll be staying here as well."

"Oh? Sounds like you have your own plans."

Kimberly cautiously looked up at her before returning her attention to the rolling storm outside. "Well... to be honest, I was... thinking about leaving town today..."

Hearing those words caused Andrea's stomach to drop. She knew she had been difficult over the past few days, but she had no idea that her friend had given the thought of abandoning her any serious consideration. She wasn't sure what to say. She offered a few disappointed grunts and groans, but couldn't formulate a proper thought.

Kimberly could sense the distress she caused and tried to remedy it. Rather than state the true reason she planned to leave Andrea behind, she quickly fabricated a believable excuse. "It seems like you'll be here for awhile. If I intend to reach Rustlode in time to stick to my schedule, I need to be getting on soon."

"That's fair enough, I guess..." she said with a tone of disappointment lingering over her words. "I mean... I'd have..." she shook her head as she lost her train of thought. "Nevermind."

"But," Kimberly added. "Like you, if the weather doesn't improve by noon, I'll probably be better off staying here. I hear that the road from here to Rustlode is difficult and seldom traveled, so I might not find lodgings very easily. I'd like to keep my stops in the wilderness to a minimum, considering what happened a few nights ago."

"Meaning?"

"If I haven't left by noon, maybe I could tag along for what you're doing, and then I'll worry about leaving tomorrow morning."

Despite the possibility, she felt uneasy. The roller coaster ride between not knowing if she was going to spend the next few days alone and the cautious hope that she wouldn't sent her head spinning. She thought she had salvaged their friendship with her heartfelt apology, but she worried that maybe she hadn't. The idea that Kimberly didn't believe that she was willing to change haunted her, as there would be no redeeming their friendship in that case. Her thoughts completely clouded her mind from the reality that Kimberly had her own life to live and her own schedule to work with, and she desperately thought of a way to convince her to stay.

"Well?" Kimberly asked.

She snapped away from her thoughts. "Huh? Well what?"

"Could I perhaps tag along if I'm still here?"

"Oh! Of course! I'd be happy to have you come along!"

"Wonderful! I've always been interested in seeing what a countryside school is like."

"Not any different from what you went to, I imagine,"

Kimberly laughed. "Very different. I went to a boarding school full of spoiled little brats."

"Somehow that doesn't surprise me." She immediately thought about what she had just said and felt compelled to apologize. "Sorry, I didn't mean that in a negative way!"

Kimberly looked up at her and raised her eyebrow. "We need to work on those social skills of yours."

She grumbled. "Tell me about it..."

Kimberly stood up and stretched. "What do you say we grab some breakfast? I'm hungry."

- - - - -​

Downstairs in the kitchen, Mr. and Mrs. Holdt were buzzing around like worker bees, making sure breakfast for their guests was as perfect as it could be. Garden greens, carrots, tomatoes, berries, peach slices and shredded almonds flew from Mrs. Holdt's cutting board and into a bowl, while Mr. Holdt juggled his attention between three separate pans of tuna, eggs and bacon at the stove. A local news report about the weather was blaring from the TV in the corner of the room.

"Ah, you're up earlier than usual!" Mr. Holdt commented as he saw Andrea and Kimberly walk into the kitchen from the corner of his eye.

"It's very loud out there," Andrea answered. "I couldn't sleep through all that thunder, especially with it shaking the whole house like that."

"Heh. Yes, it's pretty bad out there. It's a bit early in the year for a storm like this, too."

Andrea took a seat at the table. "Do you get weather like this often?"

"Not too often," he said, nodding towards the television set.

The meteorologist on the television was stood in front of a screen that showed the radar image of the storm overhead. It almost appeared as if someone had thrown a bucket of red paint against the screen behind him; the monstrous storm cell that covered much of the Spritewood slowly crawled its way to the south rather than the usual east, with a large trail of green, lighter rain following behind it.

"...sustained gale force winds reaching speeds of nearly sixty kilometers per hour, with gusts measured by our weather station clocking in at around ninety kilometers per hour. Coupled with the rain and lightning, it goes without saying: shelter in place and do not attempt to venture out..."

Mr. Holdt effortlessly flipped the scrambled eggs out of the pan and onto an awaiting plate beside him. "Seems like every few years, we get a big one that comes out of nowhere. But they're usually in the summer, not spring..."

"So you're not worried about this?" Andrea asked as she sat down, her words overpowered by another clash of thunder.

"Nah. Been through enough of them to know this house can take a beating." He removed the slabs of seared fish meat from the pan and placed them on another plate, then brought it over to the table.

Kimberly shivered in disgust and covered her nose as the plate of fish passed by her. "Ugh..."

He snickered as he watched her gag. "Don't like fish, do ya?"

She shook her head.

"Don't blame you, it's an acquired taste that I picked up a long time ago in Can Minh," he said as he grabbed a knife and fork and began to cut the fish into tiny pieces. "Yeah, just stay inside today. You're not going to get anywhere with the wind blowing like that, and god forbid a branch fall on you. That leg injury of yours was bad enough!"

"It really wasn't, according to the nurse... Maybe I should call ahead and let the guy I was supposed to meet know I'm probably not going to make it, then?"

"Wouldn't hurt. I'm sure he'll understand if he's been through one or two of these storms himself."

"I'll go call him now, if you don't mind. See if I can reschedule for later today or even tomorrow. I don't want him to get ready to leave if he doesn't have to."

Mr. Holdt popped a piece of fish into his mouth and nodded. "By all means!"

She pushed herself out of her chair and made her way back upstairs to the tiny bedroom that had been serving as her home for the past four days. With her phone in hand, she opened her notebook and found the phone number for the school's headmaster. She readied herself for his disappointment as she dialed the number and waited for him to answer.

"Hello?" the headmaster's haggard voice asked.

"Hello, Mr. McElroy! It's Andrea, the scientist who was supposed to visit the school today."

"Yes, of course! I was just about to call you!" he said with enthusiasm in his voice. "I'm afraid we'll have to cancel our meeting today. The weather is a little bit too disagreeable at the moment, I hope you don't mind. Lucky it struck when the kids had the day off!"

"Yeah, I don't feel safe walking around in weather like this," she said as she peeked through the blinds. "Would I be able to come later today if the weather clears up?"

"Unfortunately not. I have other obligations to take care of this afternoon. But tomorrow afternoon works for me, how does that sound?"

With a nod, she began to write down some information in her notepad. "I can make that work."

"Good. By then, most of the students and faculty should be gone. I'll try to see if I can get the first grade teacher to stay awhile so you can talk to her. She'll likely have more information than I do."

"Any specific time?"

"Tomorrow at... around 4 PM, maybe?"

"Four... PM..." she mumbled as she wrote down the time. "I'll be there."

"Good! Tomorrow it is."

"Yes. Thanks for being understanding." With that, she ended the call and put her phone back onto the table. Another flash of lightning illuminated the window and the crash of thunder soon shook the house. "Great... now I'm stuck inside with nothing to do."

She got up to return to the kitchen, but just as she made it to the top of the stairs, her phone began to ring again. Curious of who it could be, she rushed back to the phone and picked it up. Dr. Reiland's name appeared on the caller ID.

"Hello?" she asked.

Rather than get an answer from Dr. Reiland like she expected, Patrick's voice spoke instead. "Good morning, Andrea!"

"Oh, hey Patrick! I figured it was Dr. Reiland calling, not you. What's up?"

"I'm here!" Dr. Reiland's muffled voice called out.

"Yeah, we've got you on speaker. We've got some news for you about your findings..."

- - - - -​

The weather continued its assault on Doranshire for much of the day. Noon had come and gone, but the relentless storm persisted for at least another hour. With both of their plans for the day ruined, Andrea and Kimberly spent the day inside, bored out of their minds. Andrea tried to pass the time by continuing her work, but she had little else to add to her report about her time in the village. Kimberly thought of a few routines she could work into her next coordination appearance, but also had little to work with since she only had two Pokémon. The day was quiet, with relatively little chatter between the two. It was something that both of them found disheartening, but they were both afraid they'd drive a wedge further between them if they tried to speak to one another.

The afternoon came and went and the storm started to let up a bit. By dinner time, only light rain lingered in the area, with the occasional gust that would shake the frame of the old house. Andrea took the opportunity to visit the Pokécenter and pick up her repaired R-Kit. She was happy that it was firmly wrapped around her wrist once more, but disappointed that her old one was returned to her; she still couldn't get over the fact that Patrick had forced a pink one on her, but she wasn't about to complain about it.

When she returned to the Holdt residence, the television broadcast was tuned to the weather again. The local meteorologist, having been blind sided by the sudden emergence of the storm in the first place, could only offer cautious optimism about his forecast of sunny weather the following day. Even then, there was little confidence in his words. There may have been truth to his shaky prediction, however, as the rain had stopped entirely by sunset and twinkling stars appeared in the patchy night sky.

"Yeah... just like that..." Andrea said.

She was looking over Kimberly's shoulder, who was seated at the table with a pencil in her hand and her notebook open in front of her. A very detailed drawing of the skeletal creature they met in the Spritewood a few nights previously took up the center of the page, with several smaller drawings of the creature from various angles and in different poses filling the margins of the page. Beside the journal was Andrea's own hasty attempt at drawing the creature; the difference in skill and style was like night and day.

The two had spent the past hour working on the drawing in an effort to pass the time before bedtime; Kimberly's recollection of the creature was scant and foggy, as she didn't see much of it before she fainted from horror, so she relied on Andrea's memory and guidance to sketch the creature. Despite the lack of color, the detail was exactly as Andrea remembered it.

"This really is... not my usual subject... I'm more into trees and nature, not... this." Kimberly added. "Why does your boss want this, again?"

"She called earlier today and told me a few things about it. One of her staff members is working on a report about it and wants a better drawing than the one I did."

"What did she have to say about this hideous thing?"

Andrea paused for a moment to think over what she learned from Dr. Reiland and Patrick. Nearly every detail she learned about the creature painted a grim picture, especially the fact that a human bone was found within its skeletal structure. She tried to figure out a way of filtering the details somewhat, cautious of the fact that she might upset Kimberly too much with the honest truth. In the end, she couldn't formulate a filtered answer and decided to brush over it completely. "Not much, just... uh... could be a newly discovered species. She's still looking into it."

"Oh! Cool! And we found it!"

Her desire to downplay their 'achievement' rose to the surface. "Well... it might not be previously undiscovered, keep that in mind... Not like it's impressive anyways, new species are discovered more often than you think."

"Well I think it's impressive," Kimberly answered.

She tried to switch the subject entirely. "No. What's really impressive is your artistic skill, I wish I could do that." she said, marveling at the grotesque drawing.

"You really think so?" She paused for a moment to inspect her work, then felt the hair on the back of her neck stand up as she looked it over. Despite it being just a drawing, she could swear that she saw the lines moving slightly, the paper gurgling at her. She put the paper back down and covered as much of the drawing as she could with her hand. "I'm not as good as some of my friends, I don't think."

"Are you kidding me? People would straight up murder someone for that kind of talent. You could easily make a living by selling commissioned art."

Kimberly giggled at the thought. "I don't know if you've noticed, but I don't have to make a living doing anything. I could probably retire comfortably tomorrow if I really wanted."

"Oh. Right. Forgot you're richer than the royal family."

"Let's not go that far... I think you're mistaken anyways. It's not natural skill, it's practice. You can get to this point if you spend a few years working on it. That's what I did."

"People always tell me that, and it's usually the ones who are born with it that say it."

Kimberly giggled as she got started on refining the details of the creature's mangled arm. "Hmm... I won't lie to you, it's probably fair to say that at least some of my talent was something I was born with."

"Lucky you..." she said as she stood up and wandered around the cramped room.

"Don't feel too bad, you've got your own natural talent! You just have to find it... Now, what did this disgusting monster's arm look like, again? Didn't you say something about sharp blades?"

"Something like that," she said. Just as she was about to return to the table to guide Kimberly again, she noticed a faint light flitter across the curtains along the window. She drew the curtain to an enchanting sight: several glowing orbs of faded, colored light drifted through the village, weaving in and out of the branches as they continued on their path. She figured that they were the same mysterious lights she saw scattered throughout the Spritewood, but having little experience with them, she couldn't be certain. "Hey Kim, come look at this."

"Hmm?" Kimberly asked as she turned to look through the window. Her eyes lit up like a christmas tree as she watched the orbs dance through the trees. "Ooh! They're beautiful!"

"They are, aren't they?"

"I really wonder what they are..."

"Maybe I can find out..." she said as she turned on her R-Kit and activated the Accu-Scan app. She undid the locks on the window and slid it open, then cautiously dangled out as she tried to get a reading with her R-Kit. She felt a pair of hands place themselves on her hips and hold onto her. "Hey! What the hell are you doing?" she called out.

"Making sure you don't fall, silly!" Kimberly's voice said.

She shook her head and initiated the scan with her R-Kit. The beam of light that usually indicated it was scanning something flickered with red as it bolted around in a haphazard motion.

"Nothing detected within sensor range," the R-Kit's robotic voice buzzed.

"Damn..." she whispered. She pulled herself back into the room and shrugged. "I'm going to step outside for a second and see if I can find one that's closer to the ground. I'll be right back."

"Don't stray too far," Kimberly warned.

"And... Hands to yourself next time, please?"

Kimberly put her hands in a defenseive manner. "I'm only interested in your safety, but if that's what you want, that'll how it'll be."

She reached into her purse and grabbed her phone, slid it between the band of her stocking and her thigh, then grabbed her notebook and a pencil and started to head down the stairs. She saw that both Mr. and Mrs. Holdt were gathered around the window of the lounge, watching the lights as they drifted by. She explained her plan to them and received a few tips on how to get closer to the lights, then stepped outside into the chilly night.

She followed the path to the main road and raised her R-Kit to the sky, trying her best to aim at the floating orb that hovered nearly a dozen feet above her. To her joy, the blue beam of light on her R-Kit bridged the gap between her and the orb, but before the scan could complete, the orb moved out of range and the beam of light faded into red.

"No, no, no, no! Come back!" she called out. The light, if it was even capable of understanding her, ignored her request and continued to float away.

"Nothing detected within sensor range," the R-Kit once again advised as a string of garbage data appeared on the screen.

"Shut up, I know."

She tried again with the next few orbs that passed by, but none were in range, even as she balanced precariously on the jagged, moss-choked cobblestone wall that separated the Holdt's property from the main road. She abandoned her plan and reached for her notebook. She noted the faded colors of the orbs, the speed at which they travelled, and how they reacted with the environment around them. The fact that they moved around the trees and the roofs of the nearby houses before impacting them indicated at least a basic level of intelligence, leading her down a rabbit hole of potential explanations and theories.

"Non-corporeal life... Great, I barely know anything about those..." she muttered as she struggled against the darkness to see what she was writing. "Energy based, maybe?"

She reached down toward her stocking to grab her phone, then began to write a message intended for her colleague, Patrick:

Fr: Andrea Dennison, 10:07 PM

'hey! found a bunch of those glowing lights again, theyre floating around the village. i cant remember, did you ever find anything out about them?'
​

As she waited for a reply, she continued to observe the orbs patiently, hoping that one might stray in her direction. Much to her annoyance, the lights continued their silent journey across the sky, just out of reach of her R-Kit's scanner.

Fr: Patrick Adelaide, 10:10 PM

'Sorry, no. Been a little busy with your other findings to look for information about them. See if you can get a closer look?'
​

Fr: Andrea Dennison, 10:11 PM

'ill try. kinda scary out here at night. too quiet'
​

Fr: Patrick Adelaide, 10:11 PM

'I can imagine. Stay safe!'
​

She noticed that all of the dancing lights appeared to be moving in the same vague direction, north, before disappearing into the thick canopy of the Spritewood. She couldn't see from her vantage point, but a faint cloud of foggy light amidst the trees told her that it was possible that they had all gathered within a small area, just a short distance from her current location. She wanted to see for certain. Before taking off on her own, however, she returned to the bedroom.

"Any luck?" Kimberly asked.

"Nope, they're just a little too high off the ground for me to reach," she said as she reached for her purse. She grabbed her phone and put it back inside, then rested the purse over her shoulder. She grabbed her backpack next.

Kimberly didn't like what she was seeing. "Hold on, friend, where are you going?"

"Looks like they're heading for the northern end of the village. I figured I might see if they're going any further."

"And what if they are?"

"Then I'm going to follow them."

Kimberly shook her head and put her foot down. "Absolutely not. You're not going anywhere at this time of night. It could be dangerous out there and you have no way of defending yourself."

She was adamant on investigating the lights further. "I would if you and Juliano came along. C'mon, aren't you just a little bit curious to know what they are?"

"I am, but..." Kimberly started. She could see the determination in Andrea just by looking at her. "You're going to go regardless, aren't you?"

She nodded.

Kimberly's arm twitched at her friend's apparent recklessness. She wanted to explain the virtues of knowing when to let go of something, but she realized it'd fall on deaf ears. She sighed in defeat as she shook her head. "That's another thing you need to work on, listening to advice and taking it seriously."

"I've gotta get a look at these things!"

"I understand that... I'm not going to let you go out there alone. But we're only going as far as the village limits, and not a step further! I'll have Juliano drag you back kicking and screaming if I have to. Understood?"

She smiled. "Deal."

- - - - -​

By the time the two were back outside, the dance of the orbs had pretty much ended. Rather than the dozens that wafted through the air, only a few lingered and they seemed as if they were lost; they bounced around in aimless directions, bumping into trees and houses, something that Andrea took a mental note of.

Despite the light of the full moon beaming down on them, Kimberly led the way up the muddy road with a rustic looking yet obnoxiously bright lantern in her hand. Juliano followed closely behind, keeping his eyes peeled for any signs of trouble in the night. Andrea had trouble keeping up, stopping every few seconds to make her note taking just a little bit easier.

With her latest batch of notes finished, Andrea caught up with the two. Curiosity got the better of her as she watched Kimberly wave the lantern around. "Where'd you get that thing? It would have been useful when we tried getting close to the Oak of Ages." Andrea asked.

She was hesitant to answer, but eventually did. "I picked it up while you were at the restaurant with your friend."

"Jeeze. Sounds like you made up your mind about leaving me pretty quick."

"The problems that have been brewing between us aren't the only reason I intended to leave. It isn't always just about you, do remember that."

"Right, right... Sorry."

"And you don't need to apologize for everything!" she said in a reassuring manner, with a warm smile on her face. "I understand that you're feeling a little self conscious lately and you don't want to upset me, but you don't have to walk on egg shells either. Let's just... I don't know, be friends? No drama attached? That's all I want!"

"Sounds good. That's what I want, too."

Eventually, they came to the end of the muddy, leaf-covered road. Andrea's earlier guess was correct; far in the distance, congregating among the trees, was a swirling collection of lights, darting back, forth and all around each other. She took out her notebook again and observed the behavior of the lights, wishing she could get closer. Alas, a distant look would have to do.

With her notes finished, she turned to Kimberly, only to find that she was deep in concentration and completely motionless with her hand to her ear.

"The hell are you doing?" she asked.

"I'm listening... Do you hear that?" Kimberly asked.

"Hear what? I hear bugs and wind. That's about it."

"Listen closely... It sounds like... like glitter, you know?"

"Glitter? I don't even know what that would sound like." Andrea answered. She took a moment to listen carefully, but nothing stood out to her. All she could hear was the faint song of a Kricketune, nearly overpowered by the gentle breeze in the trees. "I don't hear it."

Without a word, Kimberly made a hand gesture towards Juliano and started to walk through the dense underbrush into the forest.

"Where are you going?" Andrea asked.

"It doesn't look that far, we can definitely get a closer look without getting lost."

"I thought you said we weren't going any further?"

"I don't know how to explain it, but it almost feels like those lights are calling out to us, inviting us to join them."

The sudden change of heart struck her as bizarre. "Juliano! She told us she wasn't going any further, aren't you going to step in and stop her?"

Juliano paused for a moment to turn around and glare at her, as if to tell her that he wasn't going to listen to her command, then returned to Kimberly's side.

As Kimberly made her way into the forest, Andrea shrugged and muttered to herself, "Strange girl... First she wants to leave me, then she doesn't. She doesn't want to go into the forest, now she does..." She shook her head and laughed. "Whatever, may as well take advantage of this opportunity."

- - - - -​

Updates and edits:

Spoiler

• Minor alterations to word choice, grammar.

 

[Charles Legend]

I must admit Emma that the detail you put in your world is very interesting, I mean you clearly are not limiting yourself to using only the official Pokémon, by the way congrats on becoming a moderatior.

Anyways it was kind of nice to see that while Andrea and Kimberly's friend ship is sort of rocky at the moment, they are at least trying to make it work. hum I think I know what these orbs are however the question is will Andrea ever catch a pokémon of her own? probably not considering she was never given a pokémon of her own to start with.

 

[Misfit Angel]

Will she? Stick around and find out

 

[Beth Pavell]

Right. So, um ... I think I'll start with the easier points. It has to be said - and I can't remember whether I've said it before - that your protagonists have consistently got better since Storm Island season 1. I think it would be fair to say that it's one of the key pillars of Land of the Roses. There is a kind of story arc in there, with Andrea and Kimberly fitfully learning how to properly get on with each other. It isn't an easy camaraderie, at at this point in the story it probably shouldn't be either.

One issue which I am sure you'll have to look at sometime (Assuming Kimberly is going to remain a deuteragonist, which indeed she may not) will be the question of what keeps two people together when they both have the option of leaving one another. Andrea has her issues with abandonment, which goes some way towards explaining that - but I think you are leaning on the telling side of this relationship to carry it. If there wasn't the point of Kimberly's own timetable to consider, I would have pointed to the orb scene as an opportunity to show the two of them enjoying each other's company. I don't think you necessarily need a scene where the pair of them are giggling in PJs and shovelling down ice-cream (After all, one of my protagonists, much like Andrea, has a grumpy disposition), but one where there's some mutual enjoyment, particularly if it shows Kimberly enjoying hanging around Andrea, wouldn't go amiss.

In terms of the description ... not your best work, though I appreciate that it is there. I remember the likes of the Shinikaran mountains (Whose name I forget) being among your better work. I think the storm description let it down. "Massive" crept in there one too many times. I would have personified the storm more ... a bit of a cheap trick, perhaps, but one you would probably get away with for the short duration it was "on screen".

I'm in two minds about the orbs. The more analytical tone to the narrative and the text interruptions are appropriate to Andrea's point of view, since she seems to be pretty resistant to romance. At the same time I wanted more of this peaceful, mysterious phenomenon.

P.S, for a fiery crossover put Eve and Andrea in the same chapter you can bet they'd wind each other up

 

[Misfit Angel]

It has to be said - and I can't remember whether I've said it before - that your protagonists have consistently got better since Storm Island season 1. I think it would be fair to say that it's one of the key pillars of Land of the Roses. There is a kind of story arc in there, with Andrea and Kimberly fitfully learning how to properly get on with each other. It isn't an easy camaraderie, at at this point in the story it probably shouldn't be either.

I would have pointed to the orb scene as an opportunity to show the two of them enjoying each other's company... ...but one where there's some mutual enjoyment, particularly if it shows Kimberly enjoying hanging around Andrea, wouldn't go amiss.

At the same time I wanted more of this peaceful, mysterious phenomenon.

Funny you say that, the next chapter will show a bit of both. (and that was before you suggested it, I swear!) If I wasn't so concerned about chapter length, I probably wouldn't have cut it here.

In terms of the description ... not your best work, though I appreciate that it is there.

Yeah, I was worried about that. Can't win 'em all, there's only one best and it's rare you reach it again. If I work at it some more, maybe I can.

since she seems to be pretty resistant to romance.

I'll assume you meant the wonder of things, viewing things in a romantic light rather than love romance. I wouldn't say she's totally uninterested in that, as evidenced by her recent breakdown when recalling the time she spent with her ex. But yes, she's very scientifically minded and doesn't care much about the majesty of things like this, or at least can't see the majesty in things until it's too late to really take it in.

P.S, for a fiery crossover put Eve and Andrea in the same chapter you can bet they'd wind each other up

Now that's an amusing idea, and one I kinda wanna see.

 

[Beth Pavell]

Now that's an amusing idea, and one I kinda wanna see.

My gut feeling is Eve's childish sense of humour would get on Andrea's nerves, and well, we already know about goth girl's way with words

 

[danh19]

I would love to see you turn your hand to something completely original to you

 

[Misfit Angel]

I've actually been tempted to retool this story away from Pokemon, to be honest, and it really wouldn't be that difficult at this point. However, I'm probably going to keep it as it is because it'd be a disservice to the current readers for what would probably be little benefit.

 

[danh19]

it depends on your passion for the writing I guess and whether you want to try and become professional

 

[canisaries]

Hi, am here to review chapter 24 as part of the Review Game. Don't have prior knowledge of this fic save from the description in the first post, but I don't expect it to be too much of a hindrance.

You mentioned you were trying to up your description game, and I'd say you did pretty well. The description of the storm in the beginning really paints a vivid picture of how strong the storm is. I also like the part with the tree falling down, as it has lots of elements described - the sparks, the ground, the noise, it seems to target the most prevalent elements of the scenario, like description should, since it reflects what the character(s) notice and react to.

Now on to the criticism: there are a few parts in the prose that I take issue with.

"That's fair enough, I guess..." she said with a tone of disappointment lingering over her words. "I mean... I'd have..." she shook her head as she lost her train of thought. "Nevermind."

Disappointment and inability to form proper thought was already mentioned just a paragraph ago, so this feels a bit repetitive. Not a big criticism, and probably would be voided by just using synonyms or so.

Despite the possibility, she felt uneasy. The roller coaster ride between not knowing if she was going to spend the next few days alone and the cautious hope that she wouldn't sent her head spinning. She thought she had salvaged their friendship with her heartfelt apology, but she worried that maybe she hadn't. The idea that Kimberly didn't believe that she was willing to change haunted her, as there would be no redeeming their friendship in that case. Her thoughts completely clouded her mind from the reality that Kimberly had her own life to live and her own schedule to work with, and she desperately thought of a way to convince her to stay.

Maybe it's because I don't read a lot of stories with omniscient narrators, but the sentence in bold comes from rather out of nowhere. It almost seems to blame Andrea in a way, something that an objective narrator wouldn't do. A subjective one would, but the narrator has no persona elsewhere.

"Not any different from what you went to, I imagine,"

Kimberly laughed. "Very different. I went to a boarding school full of spoiled little brats."

Simply a typo, but a rather off-throwing one.

The meteorologist on the television was stood in front of a screen that showed the radar image of the storm overhead.

Not much here, just think "On the television, a meteorologist was stood [...]" would flow better. Television has been previously established, meteorologist not quite as well.

Kimberly shook her head and put her foot down. "Absolutely not. You're not going anywhere at this time of night. It could be dangerous out there and you have no way of defending yourself."

She was adamant on investigating the lights further. "I would if you and Juliano came along. C'mon, aren't you just a little bit curious to know what they are?"

Rather than get an answer from Dr. Reiland like she expected, Patrick's voice spoke instead. "Good morning, Andrea!"

"Oh, hey Patrick! I figured it was Dr. Reiland calling, not you. What's up?"

The bolded parts in these are kind of redundant, already established by the context.

One additional issue in the text of this chapter is the usage of some cliche phrases , mainly "causing her stomach to drop", "buzzing around like worker bees" and "lit up like a christmas tree". When a metaphor becomes commonplace enough, its exotic value diminishes and it becomes almost as dull as its literal counterpart. A way to make your prose more unique, vivid and memorable is to construct your own metaphors or to contribute more to the original metaphor ("causing her stomach to drop a kilometer or two" - not a great one, but it has more personality). Also, the fact that this is Pokémon fanfiction gives the opportunity to construct poké-variants of phrases ("lit up like an inkay's spots", "buzzing around like combee"), referencing the cliche phrases but not without their own spin on them.

And then there's a complaint that's pretty nitpicky. The phrases "god forbid" and the aforementioned "lit up like a christmas tree" seem a bit strange, considering this is a Pokémon fic. Which god? What's Christmas? I mean, I understand that no one has the time to think through exactly what words and concepts could logically be used and referenced in a fictional world inhabited by fantastical monsters, and I expect no one to do so, but sometimes these things end up sticking out.

On a last note, this time positive again, I like the place names. They seem Pokémon-y, like straight out of Hoenn. Had I not been aware that this was an original region, I probably would have assumed this took place in there, since Hoenn is the region I have the least memory of.

That's it for my thoughts, hopefully they were of any value. Till next time.

 

[Persephone]

So you seem to want attention on your description this chapter, so I'll try and focus on that.

The lightning scene at the start was good, at first. It's surprisingly rare that we see terrifying storms in journey fics given how much of an actual pain they are when camping. But I tend to agree with Pavell. It quickly became clear that all you had to say about it were variations on "it was bright" and "it was loud." Adding in descriptions of wind, the sound of the rain, the exact patterns of the lightning, etc. might've improved it a bit.

I also agree that I didn't walk away from the orbs scene finding it particularly "beautiful" or anything like that. While artistic language is definitely not Andrea's thing, Kimberly was there and seems to at least occasionally get narration on her thoughts. As such the scene might've been better from her perspective, describing the aesthetics of it and showing through the narration just how it slowly hypnotizes her into following it. I.E. narration drifts from terrified to awed to fervently obsessed.

In the spirit of the month: Setting. The point of the arc is to clearly create an entire town that's haunted, like Murk Row or whatever the woodland village in SI was. I think you succeed at that task here far better than in SI. Very subtle or unprovable things like the thunderstorms, lights and "hauntings" that could very easily be dismissed add up to an atmosphere that feels like it has more horrors around the corner than simple cult-related jump scares. A little detail that I like thematically linking the town with death is the abundance of old people we've seen so far and the lack of any kids at all. That'll probably change next chapter in the school, but so far it's helped with the subtle impression that there's something off about the place. The lightning storm also fit, along with their regularity. Potentially mundane, potentially paranormal, potentially scientifically-explainable paranormal.

Kimberly's personal space issues are both adorable and something I would resent in real life. Also definitely amps up the shipping I'm doing between the two, because heterosexual protagonist romances are boring.

You told me in the review-response that Andrea was supposed to be naive. I didn't see it. This chapter sort of brought it to the surface a little more, between her lack of caution with the lights, centering of all of Kimberly's reactions around her and inability to take rejection, and her accidental bluntness. So good job on the little stuff there.

 

[Misfit Angel]

Author's note: This one's a doozy, about twice as long as the average. I didn't want to split it up as this is the climax of this arc. Enjoy.

Land of the Roses
Chapter 25: Candlefire

Despite what they initially thought, the journey into the forest took them longer than they expected; the welcoming lights and sounds of the village of Doranshire disappeared into the distance as Andrea, Kimberly and Juliano trekked through the rain-soaked forest towards the cloud of glowing light ahead of them. Eventually, they found themselves shrouded in darkness and silence. The silence was periodically interrupted by a yelp of pain; hooked briars were common along the forest floor, and the darkness did little to help when it came to avoiding them, tried as they might.

Andrea's once-pristine striped stockings slowly started to shred as they snagged into the thorns, a fact that she loudly and verbally lamented numerous times. Kimberly wasn't safe from the briars' wrath either, but tried her best to avoid vocalizing her pain. Instead, her pain was visible, with several scratches and cuts marking her usually-smooth legs. Regardless of the personal cost, they pressed on; their interest in finding and studying the orbs was oddly irresistible, like a siren's call.

They fought through the densely packed and overgrown forest until they they eventually came to a rocky clearing, largely devoid of plant life, deep within the woods. Most of the orbs had gathered within the clearing, while a few lingered near the trees and spun around them. The light of the orbs was bright enough to overpower their lantern, and the glittery sound they emitted overpowered the bugs and the wind.

"So... we found them. What now?" Kimberly asked.

"We see if we can get a closer look," Andrea answered, dropping her backpack and her purse on a particularly large boulder. She wandered along the clearing, studying the movements of the orbs yet again. Most were clearly out of reach of her R-Kit, but a few lingered closer to the ground and were possibly in range. She returned to the boulder and hopped on top of it, waiting for one of the low-hanging orbs to pass overhead.

One eventually did. As it drifted closer to her, she held out her R-Kit and tried to scan it, only to be met with the accursed red sweeping beam of failure. In a last ditch effort, she pushed herself to her tip toes, but it wasn't enough. She grumbled with anger and dropped back down to firm footing as it drifted away. "Ugh! Still out of reach!"

"I'm not sure that you'll be able to get one, friend. They seem intent on staying just far enough away."

She ignored the comment and tried to think of ways to get closer to the orbs. She studied the trunk of one of the nearby trees, only to abandon her plan of climbing it when she realized it was too wide and too jagged to climb safely. Another thought came to mind. "C'mere and give me a boost, would you?" she called out.

"A boost?" Kimberly questioned as if it weren't a serious suggestion.

"Yeah, lift me up. I have to be just a few feet too short reach them with my scanner."

"Didn't you just tell me to keep my hands to myself?"

"Now who's being the difficult one?" she joked. "C'mon, before these things decide to run away again."

A grimace of doubt appeared on Kimberly's face as she thought it over, but she eventually nodded in agreement. She wandered over to Andrea and knelt down, waiting to hear some sort of plan, but none came. Instead, Andrea simply stepped into her awaiting hands with her muddy, damp boots. She did what she could to lift Andrea, but she struggled to bring her up even just a few inches off of the ground.

"Friend..." she grunted. "I'm afraid you're a little too... too heavy for me..."

"Easy now," Andrea warned. An unexpected wobble quickly brought her back down to the ground.

"Nothing meant by it, just the honest truth. I'm not very strong." she explained as she looked up at the orb, spinning around the tree like a planet in orbit. To her, it definitely looked as if it were within reach if one of them managed to get off the ground. "Perhaps you could give me a lift?"

"What makes you think I'm any stronger than you?"

"This is just an observation and not meant to be a rude comment, but... I am quite a bit lighter than you."

Andrea laughed as she navigated to the Accu-Scan app. "I'll let that one slide, but only because you explained yourself before you said it."

"I am a trained gymnast, too, don't forget! I'd be better at balance as well."

"Okay, fine! I get it!"

"Is that thing difficult to use?" Kimberly asked as she watched Andrea effortlessly navigate the intricately layered list of options, menus and popup notifications.

"Not really. The hardest part is finding and configuring the sensor system, but I'm doing that for you. I'm setting up a broad spectrum scan, should take about a minute to complete." She unstrapped the R-Kit from her wrist, handed it over and explained further, "Try to keep your arm steady and in line with that orb, then hit the 'scan' button. It'll do the rest."

"Understood... half of that, at least."

"The important part, I hope. Let's get this circus act started..." She knelt down and placed her hands to the ground. "Now, why do I have to do this? Can't Juliano?"

Kimberly unwrapped the bindings that kept her heeled sandals wrapped around her feet, then gently tossed them onto the boulder. "He still needs to keep watch for any potential dangers. All it takes is that minute of distraction for things to turn ugly."

"Right... how difficult should I expect this to be?"

"Not very. I'll worry about balancing, you worry about keeping me up. Ready?"

Andrea counted down from three before lifting with all of her might. She struggled to maintain her balance as she held Kimberly aloft, having to rely on the tree beside her to do most of the work. Meanwhile, Kimberly almost effortlessly maintained her balance in Andrea's shaky hands as she pressed the button to start the scan. With her arm held out and following the gentle motions of the orb above her, the R-Kit gathered information about the mysterious light. After just over a minute, the R-Kit let out a satisfying confirmation beep, indicating a successful scan.

"I think that's done it!" Kimberly said as she took a brief look at the screen. None of the information displayed on it made any sense to her. "I think I'm ready to come down now."

"Good! Glad to hear it!" Andrea struggled to say as her arms quivered from the stress. With little warning, Kimberly's weight shifted dramatically to the right and she felt her grasp on her friend's left foot slip. "Shit shit shit shit!" she shouted in panic. She held out her arms in an attempt to keep her friend from falling, but was only mildly successful at preventing it; she took the brunt of the fall as Kimberly tumbled to the ground, crashing directly on top of her. The impact was enough to knock the wind out of her and her vision flashed white for a brief second.

"Oof! Nice catch!" Kimberly giggled as she pushed herself off of Andrea. She offered her hand out to help Andrea off of the damp, leaf-blanketed ground. "I should have remembered that balance on both accounts, not just mine, is key to doing something like that. My fault for not warning you!"

"Gah... Sorry about that," she wheezed as she was pulled to her feet. She clutched her chest and coughed lightly in an effort to regain her breath. "Least neither of us got hurt, right?"

"Yes, thankfully." Kimberly undid the strap on the R-Kit and handed it back to her. "I'll let you figure out this mess of lines, numbers and words."

She leaned up against the tree and started to pore over the data that the scan gathered. Like it was for Kimberly, much of it was lost on her; graphs full of detailed energy readings, charts detailing the tiny fluctuations in lumens that the orbs were emitting, thermal readings and other over-the-top information littered the screen. With her background being based in biology, she recognized very little, and what she did recognize made little sense. However, with her background knowledge, she knew that some of the readings pointed to the possibility that the orbs were some kind of non-corporeal lifeform, an earlier theory of hers.

She knew very little about non-corporeal life forms, as it was a subject that she was only just starting to touch upon when she decided to drop out of her studies. She tried to recall what little she learned and apply it to the information in front of her, but little stuck. All she could think was that some of the graphs related to energy output vaguely resembled some human brainwave patterns that she saw in a book once, yet distinct in their own way. The thermal readings caught her attention as well; the air around the orb was about two degrees warmer than the ambient temperature, while the core of the orb was significantly lower. An interesting observation, but it told her nothing concrete.

"Hmmm..." she hummed as she continued to scroll through the pages and pages of information presented to her. "I think I'm going to have to take some time tomorrow to look over these readings more carefully, I have no idea what to make of them."

With her heeled sandals safely back on her feet, Kimberly returned to the clearing beside them and stared up at the lingering orbs. "So, no answers for what they are?"

She slumped against the tree and began to copy the most interesting of the scan results down into her notebook, clueless as to whether they were relevant to discovering the nature of the orbs or not. "Not yet."

Kimberly buried her hand into her purse and retrieved her phone, then activated the camera. She wandered around the clearing with her eyes glued to the screen of her phone, in search of the angle needed to capture the perfect selfie of herself in the glowing presence of one of the orbs. Nothing quite satisfied her as she continued her aimless wandering. "Come now..." she whispered to herself.

Andrea watched from afar, confused by Kimberly's bizarre and chaotic movements. "What are you doing?"

"I'm trying to get a picture! An opportunity like this might not come around again."

"Not a bad idea... A picture sounds great." She picked herself up off of the ground and grabbed her own phone.

"I should be able to get us both in frame if we find just the right angle," Kimberly explained as she beckoned Andrea over to join her under the lights.

"Huh? Oh!" she said awkwardly. She intended on taking photos of the orbs themselves rather than getting involved in any selfies, but didn't see the harm in it. "Yeah, sure! Why not?"

The two joined up in the middle of the clearing, arms over each other's shoulders as they tried to find a good angle for their photo. Comments about how difficult it was to find the perfect angle preceded laughter. Eventually, the perfect picture presented itself: a dim purple halo of light surrounded Andrea's head, while a golden orb drifted beside Kimberly as if it were joining in on the moment. The bright flash of light from the camera appeared to startle the orbs and they vacated the area around the two in a haphazard and quick motion.

"Look at that," Kimberly said, looking the photo over again. "You're smiling!"

She huffed at the comment and started to record a video of the orbs' movements with her phone. "I am capable of smiling, yes. I just don't like to if I don't have to."

"Such a dour girl! You have a beautiful smile!"

"Liar," she thought, but refused to say it. "Andrea Dennison, visual report. Spritewood Forest, north of Doranshire, about 10:40 PM..." she began. "I don't know what these lights are, but they're fascinating. I've taken some readings with my R-Kit and I don't know what to make of them. I'll be including them alongside this video and my written notes so that someone more knowledgeable can go over them." She zoomed her camera in on one of the orbs. "Local legends said something about... uhh... what was it again, Kim?"

"An elderly lady told me that they were the spirits of the deceased."

"Right, spirits of the deceased. Not sure I'm ready to believe that, but hey. This is a crazy world, I've learned. The walking dead, rumors of demons prowling the village, who really knows? These lights could very well be ghosts." she said, still filming the increasingly erratic orbs as best as she could. "Anything you want to add, Kim? I'm sure you'll get an honorary mention in the report."

Kimberly thought about it, but she didn't feel it was her place to speculate. "No, I'm good."

"One of the villagers told me that someone who used to live here in Doranshire spent a lot of time studying these things. I can't remember his name specifically... it was something like William... William Selkirk, was it? Anyways, that guy left town a few years ago, so obviously I haven't been able to find him and ask him what he found out. It might be worth looking for him, he could have a lot of useful information. Unfortunately, before he left town, he said he was heading for Verdant Vale... He might not be alive anymore." She tried to think of anything else she wanted to say for her report, but couldn't. She rounded off her thoughts for whoever might view her report, then continued to document the orbs' movement in silence.

- - - - -​

Even though they both told themselves that they wouldn't spend the night in the wilderness, that is exactly what they did. Andrea and Kimberly sat around the campfire they had established in the center of the clearing under the gentle light of the orbs. The fire had a soothing affect on everyone; Kimberly's worries about the dangers of the forest had faded, Andrea's concern about upsetting her friend had subsided and the orbs had nearly stopped moving entirely, hanging from the trees like luminescent fruit. The only one who wasn't relaxed was Juliano, still dedicated to his mission of protecting his master from whatever danger may be lurking in the distant shadows.

The two spent the better part of an hour chitchatting about a whole host of subjects as they watched the starlight dance of the orbs. Andrea told anecdotes from her days at university while Kimberly reminisced about her attempts at starting a career as an artist. Both were engaged and listening intently to each other's stories. They had seemingly rediscovered the magic that they felt when they first met; it dawned on them that there truly could be more to their friendship than arguments and remaining guarded if they simply relaxed and lost themselves in the ambiance.

Despite the mild temperatures of the night and her close proximity to the campfire, a chill overcame Andrea and she began to shiver. "Oof!" she said as she huddled her arms together.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah... I just suddenly feel a little chilly, that's all..." She raised her wrist to look at her R-Kit; the temperature was a firm 16 degrees celsius, a fairly standard temperature for that time of year. "It's not even that cold... Wind must have hit me just right."

Kimberly could only shrug. "I don't feel it. I actually feel kind of hot, myself..."

"It's because you're practically sitting in that fire!"

Kimberly scooted about a foot backward. "Oh! I suppose I was."

"I don't get you sometimes," she answered with a laugh. "But I'm okay with that." She extended her hands out towards the fire, then pressed them back onto her arms in an attempt to warm up, but it did little to help. No matter the effort she made, her trembling continued.

"I wish I had a jacket for you."

"It's fine. Maybe it's a sign that we should get back to the village."

Kimberly nodded. "Mmm, yes. Mr. and Mrs. Holdt must be worried about us. We did wander off without telling them where we were going, we shouldn't have done that."

Just as they were finished packing up their makeshift camp, the glittery sound effect that had accompanied the orbs all night grew louder and more frantic. Their brightness waxed and waned in a chaotic and unpredictable fashion, their colors shifted at random among the rainbow spectrum and their movements became wild, erratic and frenzied. They cared not if they bumped into each other, into the trees or even the ground.

"Hold it," Andrea said, placing her arm out in front of Juliano as he readied his cannons to snuff out the campfire. "Something's happening. I might want to stay just a little while longer and observe."

Juliano huffed and turned his back to the fire, then resumed his dutiful patrol of the camp site's perimeter.

"Wonder what has them agitated. They've been so peaceful over the past hour..."

Kimberly shook her head. "I couldn't say. Are we even sure they're intelligent enough to understand emotions like happiness and agitation?"

"At this point, I still don't know if they even have the most basic levels of intelligence."

"True..." Kimberly yawned, covering her mouth politely as she did so. Both exhaustion and boredom were starting to set in, so she looked around in an effort to find something to occupy her mind as she waited. As she did so, she noticed something odd about the forest around her and spoke up. "Umm... Have I not been paying attention? Is it darker than it was an hour ago?"

"Darker?" The question seemed silly to Andrea until she too looked around; tree trunks that she could see when they first established camp had slipped into the shadows, while the orbs themselves seemed a touch brighter. "Huh, it is..." The only explanation was that the moon had been obscured by the clouds, so she wandered towards the far end of the camp and looked up in an effort to find it. She pointed toward the sky as she said, "Well! There's your answer!"

Kimberly rushed over and looked up. Once again, her hand met her mouth as she gasped at what she saw; the moon was completely shaded from north to south with a deep tinge of orange-crimson, with small bits hazed over by a thin layer of clouds. Against the bright disc in the sky, she saw the faint silhouettes of Zubats fluttering in the distance above them. "By the goddess... it's beautiful..."

Despite the sight being a marvelous thing to her, Andrea couldn't help but feel discomforted by it. She reckoned that it was only because of the circumstance; this had been the first lunar eclipse that she'd witnessed far away from the safety of her high rise apartment in Aughrim, or the cozy single story hovel in Goldwheat Meadows that she called home for much of her childhood. Once again, she was overtaken by a bout of shivering.

"Are you okay? You're white as a ghost!"

"I'm fine, I always look like this," she said, brushing off her friend's concern.

"No, not quite like that, friend. You look... dreadfully ill!"

She tried to change the subject away from her sickly pale skin. "Can't believe I forgot! I always keep track of when eclipses happen... Webster loves these things."

"Webster?"

"My room mate back in Aughrim. He's a big astronomy nerd." She raised her phone to the sky and began to take pictures again. "Guess I'm lucky I didn't miss it. I didn't even know about this one."

"Perhaps the moon is why these lights look like they're in a panic?"

"You think?"

"Well. The full moon has an effect on human behavior, does it not? Perhaps an eclipse might have the same effect?"

Andrea stifled a giggle. "No. There's no conclusive evidence of that, just a couple biased reports from cops in high crime areas. But... It is possible for something that isn't human to be spooked by an eclipse, I'll give you that. There's definitely evidence of that."

"Hmm... Are you almost ready to head back yet? It's getting very late."

"Just a minute, I'm trying to figure out if there's a pattern to this madness," she said as her attention returned to the whirling orbs, in even more of a frenzy than before.

"I'm not sure that a few more minutes will unlock the mystery, friend."

She grumbled, but realized it was true. They returned to their makeshift camp and began to gather their belongings. Kimberly ordered Juliano to put out the fire, but before he could so, Andrea hurriedly picked up the lantern and turned it on. The light of the campfire went out in an instant with a hiss, sending a giant plume of smoke and steam into the air.

"Okay, let's go," Andrea said, urging the Blastoise and his master forward.

"Not yet!" Kimberly quipped as she began to stir her finger around the ashes and coals of the campfire. "Safety first. I don't want to be responsible for a wildfire, especially one in such a beautiful forest."

She nodded in agreement and waited. While she did so, she noticed the orbs above them start to bunch up like ocean fish in a swirling school. Before she could grab her phone to take another picture, they shot off towards the northwest with considerable speed, some of them carelessly smashing into trees and shattering from existence along the way. "Okay, these stupid things are a complete mystery."

As they made their final preparations for leaving the camp, an odd noise began to sweep through the forest; to the east, the heavy, drifty noise of large, flapping wings was accompanied by a high pitched screech that echoed through the trees.

She turned around in a panic and shined the lantern in the vague direction that the noise came from. "The fuck was that?!"

Kimberly perked up at the sound of it. "It sounded like... like..." she said, trying to think of it. The sound was familiar, but she couldn't recall where she heard it. To her, the exact cause of the noise was unimportant, as she realized what it meant; she stamped down on the wet pile of ashes in an effort to snuff out any remaining embers. "We absolutely need to leave now, I've heard that sound before."

"Good idea..."

"Juliano, keep us safe, understand? Stay extra alert, something could easily pop out of the darkness."

As they made their way away from the clearing, the sound pierced the night sky again. This time it was much clearer, allowing Kimberly to recognize it.

"Crobat..." Her pace doubled unexpectedly, threatening to leave Andrea behind. "Come now! Quickly!"

"I don't want to doubt you, but... what makes you think it's a Crobat? They're not a common sight in the wild."

"It's a sound you never forget. Nicole and I encountered one while we were in Alderney last year... it was terrifying, that noise it makes..."

"Not to mention the whole laundry list of diseases and health problems a single bite causes..."

"All the more reason we should pick up our pace."

Seconds became minutes as they hurried through the forest. The sound of flapping drew closer and closer, the source of it likely attracted by the light of their lantern, until eventually they could hear leaves swaying and branches being struck in the darkness beside them. They grew increasingly worried that they wouldn't make it to the relative safety of the village before the creature in the darkness had reached them.

"Should have listened to you, this was a stupid and careless idea!" Andrea shouted.

In front of them, masked by the darkness, a shadowy figure dropped from the sky with a monstrous thud. Andrea expertly trained the lantern's light on it within a second of it landing; a grey creature about the size of a human with large, tattered wings and piercing red eyes stood in front of them for only a brief split-second before taking off again.

"Run!" she shouted.

Their pace quickened even more as they began sprinting. Juliano, usually slow and methodical in his movements, exhibited surprising agility as he matched their speed and even surpassed them at times. His dedication to the protection of his friends was clearly evident as he stayed focused on the shadow lurking about in the trees above them; his positioning relative to the girls matched that of the creature, ready to shield them in case it tried to attack. Luckily, the creature lacked ample opportunities to do so amongst the dense trees. Eventually, the sound of the creature's wings grew more distant until it was but a faint whisper in the wind.

Eventually, fatigue caught up with Andrea and slowed her down considerably. "I think... Think we lost it..." she wheezed in a desperate attempt to catch her breath.

"I would rather not stick around to find out. We need to keep moving."

"What the hell was that thing? That didn't look like any Crobat I've ever seen, and I've read about almost every subspecies!"

"I don't know. I've never seen anything like it either."

After a moment's rest, the two were off again, and just in time; once more, the hideous shriek of the monster echoed through the woodland. They narrowly avoided the trees that they could barely see as they sprinted through the forest, ignoring the stinging grasp of the nettle bushes that they had so cautiously evaded just an hour earlier.

Up ahead of them, a dim light flickered amongst the trunks. At first, they thought that it was the welcoming safety of the village, but they soon realized that it was too dim and too low to the ground to be one of the sodium lamps that lit Doranshire's nights. The light was also mobile, swinging back and forth in a haphazard fashion. Regardless of whatever it may be, a source of light was a source of hope.

Before long, they found the source: a hooded figure in ragged leather clothing carried an archaic-looking lantern constructed of glass and dull, grimy brass. A pungent candle that smelled of burning animal fat hissed away within. The hooded figure stopped in its tracks and put its hand out, urging them to stop. "Careful!" a soft, feminine voice said from within the hood.

"There's a Crobat out there, lady!" Andrea shouted. She took a moment to slow down and catch her breath again. "You gotta get out of here!"

"Aye, I've been hearing it. I've been hearing you, too. That is no Crobat, I'm afraid. Come! I can lead you to safety!"

"How far is the village? Where is the village? Kim and I have been running in circles it feels like."

"Your village is in the direction you've been coming from."

"Oh for fuck--"

The woman made a gesture for them to follow. "There is a cabin nearby that we can shelter in."

"Cabin?" she asked. She put two and two together: knowledge of the land, the rugged leather clothing, a forest cabin, it all added up and clicked in her head. "You some sort of hunter?"

The unearthly screech echoed through the forest again.

"You can ask questions later," the figure warned. "If you value your life, you will follow." The figure abruptly turned around and started to rush away.

"I don't like this... What should we do?" Kimberly asked.

"I don't know, but that cabin sounds like our best hope," Andrea said. She cupped her hands together and called out, "Hold up, lady! We should stick together!"

With fear in their minds and having no idea where they were, or even what direction they were traveling in, the three reluctantly agreed to follow the mysterious figure. While Juliano kept a watchful eye on the tree tops, the girls quietly exchanged questions with each other about their newfound acquaintance: who was she? What was she doing in the forest in the middle of the night? What did she mean when she said the creature flying in the darkness wasn't a Crobat?

- - - - -​

"Just over here," the hooded figure said, guiding the three through the thinning grove towards a clearing.

Andrea shined her lantern around. A moderately sized cabin constructed of crudely cut timber and brittle plaster sat in the middle of the small clearing, it's view of the sky largely obscured by the thick canopy around it. The land around the cabin was littered with all sorts of junk; old barrels, wooden boxes, a crumbling well, a rickety tool shed, some benches and a rust-covered anvil. The area looked oddly welcoming despite the circumstances and the rustic nature of it.

As they approached the cabin, both Andrea and Kimberly took note of the various fur pelts scattered around the area; some hung from ropes in the trees, while others were nailed to the trees themselves. Most seemed useless to a fur trader, being stained with blood, heavily tangled or caked in mud. Nearly every pelt was a deep black or grey in color and sported markings and patterns that allowed Andrea to quickly identify them: Mightyena.

"Yeah, this lady's gotta be a hunter..." Andrea commented quietly.

"Those poor things..." Kimberly added.

"Sometimes hunting is in the best interest in the ecosystem."

The hooded figure stopped at the front door of the cabin and struggled with the archaic handle before forcing the door open with her shoulder. The inside of the cabin was just as rustic as the outside, but much more welcoming; a large fire pit sat in the center of the room, with still-active embers sparking under a small cast iron pot filled to the brim with bubbling, heavenly smelling broth. Four hand-crafted wicker chairs surrounded the fire pit, with tables, shelves, crates and barrels hugging the walls. The thick stench of hickory incense hung heavily in the room.

The figure reached for the hood atop her head and pulled it back. The identity of the mysterious figure was a surprise to both of them: she was a young woman, likely no older than either Andrea or Kimberly, with a soft and friendly face that lacked any sort of imperfection or scarring, an oddity considering the rustic lifestyle she appeared to lead. Even in the harsh orange lighting from the fire pit, the blue of her eyes was easily apparent. Angelic-looking blonde hair hung over her eyes, draping over her leather clothing and reaching towards her hips.

"Wow," Kimberly instinctively whispered as she studied the woman's appearance.

"Please, have a seat," the woman said, gesturing towards the chairs beside the fire pit.

"Thanks for taking us in..." Andrea said as she sat down. "What the hell was that thing? You said it wasn't a Crobat... didn't look like a Crobat."

"It sounded like one, though," Kimberly added.

"Demons prowl these woods during the night of the blood moon," the woman said as she placed a roughly cut branch onto the dying fire.

Andrea perked up at the word. "Demons?"

She stirred the broth within the pot. "Monstrous beasts of the night. Winged terrors with horns, rippled grey skin. Unearthly, unholy creatures that prey on the weak and unaware."

Andrea combed the depths of her memories of her biology studies; the description the woman offered didn't match anything that she had read about. She knew of Pokémon with wings, Pokémon with horns and Pokémon with grey skin, but none that had all three. The closest example she could come up with was the long extinct prehistoric monster known as Aerodactyl, but the likelihood of them finding one in modern Lanark was next to none. "Hmm. Won't this... thing come for us here? What makes this cabin so safe? I could probably kick that door in and I'm not very strong."

"A ward of protection is in place."

"A ward?" Andrea asked.

"Like... magic?" Kimberly added.

Andrea shook her head. "Don't be silly."

She sampled a bit of the broth and nodded with approval before answering, "Forgotten methods of protection from centuries ago, developed by the Tracker's Guild. Did you notice the pelts among the trees? The herbs at the bases of the trunks?"

"I did," Andrea answered. "What are you? A hunter, fur trapper?" A look around the room showed an extensive collection of bundled herbs, dried herbs and herbs packaged in jars and boxes. "A botanist, even?"

"Hunter, mainly," she said. "The village council employs me to keep the local predator population in check. Experience and reading have taught me that these pelts serve as an excellent warning to the more... difficult creatures of the forest. The herbs serve a similar purpose for the others."

"Huh... I do remember reading about a 'Tracker's Guild' back when I studied history in school... Said something about how they were hired to take care of problems like Ursarings and Rhydons back in the medieval times. They used all sorts of methods to protect villages, farmsteads and merchant caravans, right?"

She nodded. "Over time, the threats have changed. Trackers aren't as common as they used to be, nor are our services as necessary as they used to be. But if you look closely, you can find us."

"Hmm. Interesting! I didn't know you guys were still around." Andrea said. "Sounds like you know a lot about this this subject. When would it be safe for us to return to the village?"

"Dawn," she answered.

Andrea grumbled at the thought and leaned back in her chair. "Ugh... Mr. and Mrs. Holdt are gonna be maaaaaad..."

"I'm sure they'll understand," Kimberly said.

"Are you two hungry?"

Andrea shook her head and accompanied it with a negative hand gesture, while Kimberly indicated that she was with a nod. "What kind of soup is that?"

"Wolfsbite stew."

"Wolfsbite? I'm not familiar with it."

The woman approached the pot and stirred it some more. She brought the spoon above the surface, bringing with it a cube of firm, crimson meat. "Diced Mightyena flanks, pepper, rosemary and potato in bone stock. No sense in letting my catches go to waste. Mightyena is quite the delicacy after you get used to it."

Kimberly grimaced at the mention of the ingredients. "Oh... that wouldn't work for me. I'm a vegetarian."

Her eyebrow raised with curiosity. "Hmm... Are you... I do have some vegetables lying around, we can make something for you." She turned to Andrea again. "Sure you're not hungry, miss?"

Once again, Andrea declined the offer.

She motioned for Kimberly to follow her. "Join me in the kitchen, we can go through my vegetables and see what you might like."

Kimberly and the woman disappeared into another room just beyond the fire pit, while Andrea took the time to inspect her surroundings some more. A look through the various crates and barrels scattered around the room offered a look into the woman's rustic lifestyle; more herbs, coils of twine, rusted scrap metal, glass vials filled with various colors of sand and powders, swatches of exquisite fur, first aid supplies and bundled leather were all neatly categorized throughout the containers.

A table in the corner of the room caught her attention next. Along the edges of the table was a large collection of melted candle stumps, blackened by soot from extensive use. Papers from a variety of little villages and hamlets from around the country spoke about hunting contracts and licenses, indicating that the Spritewood wasn't the woman's only hunting ground. A peculiar looking book with yellowed pages sat in the center of the table, open to a faded sketch of an owl clasping a key, flanked on both sides by roses. Pictograms that appeared to be from a foreign language were scrawled onto the page in burgundy ink.

She reached for her phone and took a photo of the page. "Such a beautiful drawing..."

Her attention drifted to a wine rack beside the table. Most of the bottle slots were empty with the exception of three. Curious, she pulled one of the bottles from the rack and inspected it. The bottle's label indicated that it was a craft wine by the name of Heart Attack, an apricot wine that Andrea had grown very fond of during her final year at university. The intoxicating aroma quickly overpowered her as she removed the cork from the nearly empty bottle.

"Mmm... Heart Attack! How I miss you..." she mumbled as she placed the bottle back onto the rack. "This girl's got some good taste."

Next to the wine rack was a window that offered a glimpse out into the darkened clearing. Looking outside brought the flying creature that had chased them back to the front of her mind. Even though she didn't see much when she shined her lantern on it, she couldn't shake the image from her head.

"What the hell was that thing... What the hell is anything?" she muttered to herself. "First that skeleton monster, and now... a 'demon'? There is something seriously weird about this forest... Starting to think that maybe Dr. Reiland was right, I really did need Tamara--"

The sound of metal hinges grinding against each other, followed by the loud sound of wood smashing into stone erupted from the other room, shattering the silent ambience of the cabin. A sharp scream and a cry for help came next.

"Ahh! Help! Get off o--" Kimberly's voice cried out before being muffled.

Adrenaline spiked within Andrea. She immediately dropped to the floor and grabbed Juliano's Master Ball, which rested next to the chair that Kimberly had been seated at, then rushed across the room towards the doorway. She stopped just short of entering the other room, taking a brief second to steady her nerves and her breathing. Without wasting too much time, she peaked her head around the door frame.

She was greeted by a horrific sight as she entered the room: rather than the charming young woman that they had spent the past half hour with, a withered old hag was in her place. She appeared to be centuries old, with rippled and ragged skin hanging off of her frail-looking figure. Her eyes were hollow and barely visible under the tangled mess of white, wiry hairs that sprouted from her brow, themselves hidden by the ratty and unkempt yellowish-gray hair that hung off of her spotty, partially bald head. Behind her, a door out into the forest was wide open.

"Don't worry about your friend..." the hideous woman rasped with an ancient-sounding, hoarse voice that echoed around her. "You'll be joining her soon enough!" She raised her decrepit hand and sparks of orange light began to arc between her bony fingers.

The strange sight spurred Andrea to action immediately. Thinking only of Kimberly's safety and with careless disregard for her own, she stood firm for a brief second, then charged as aggressively at the miserable wretch of a woman as she could; she lowered her head and rammed the full force of her shoulder into the woman, sending her flying across the kitchen and into a cabinet filled with herbs, gemstones and wooden dishes. She stepped over the battered old woman and rushed out of the open door.

"Kim!" she called out, her voice echoing through the silent forest. "Where are you?!"

"Get your hands off of me!" Kimberly's voice shouted in the distance. It was obvious that she was struggling against a kidnapper, but Andrea couldn't see anything.

"God damn it!" she angrily shouted. She gripped the Master Ball tightly and tossed it into the air.

With a burst of bubbles and bright flash of light that briefly lit up the forest, Juliano appeared in the sky and dropped to the ground with a graceful thud. He turned his back to her and hunched over a tiny bit, then let out a deep grunt.

"What are you waiting for? Someone took Kim, we've gotta find her!"

He lowered to all fours and grunted again, followed by an angry growl.

It dawned on her that he was trying to give her a ride. She jumped onto the hard and jagged shell of the Blastoise and wrapped her hands around his shoulder-mounted cannons for a bit of stability. Before she was ready for it, Juliano stood up and rushed into the forest as quickly as he could. "Woah!" she shouted as she tried to stay on top of him. "Kim, we're coming!"

"Heeeeelp!" Kimberly's voice called out again.

Juliano's heading changed to match the direction that Kim's voice came from. Nearly every aspect of the ride atop the Blastoise's back threatened to throw her off, from the sudden turns, the collisions with the trees and the jumps over fallen logs. Yet through it all, her white-knuckled grip on his steel cannons kept her on top of him.

"I don't know what to expect... but be ready for a fight." she warned. "That lady... what the hell was she?"

Kimberly's pleas for help grew closer and closer; her captor hadn't gotten very far with her. A source of light appeared in the distance, shrouded by the silhouette of two men struggling to carry a young woman away. Juliano's pace quickened even further as he pushed himself to his highest limits. Within a dozen seconds, he was on top of them.

He skidded to a stop and shook his shell violently, carelessly throwing Andrea off, then blitzed off to the side. He curved around for a flanking position, charging with the full force of his weight into the captor that was guiding the way with a lantern. The man was lifted off of the ground and slammed hard into a tree, a grisly crunching sound echoing through the forest as Juliano dropped the limp body to the ground.

The Blastoise immediately turned around and locked eyes with the remaining two kidnappers, who had dropped Kimberly to the forest floor in a hurry. Blastoise's weren't known for their emotional expressions, but the two could see it in his eyes: he was pissed.

One of the captors reached into his jacket and pulled out a long, curved knife, then fiercely charged at the Blastoise while shouting at the top of his lungs. As Juliano turned around to deflect the incoming attack, the man raised the knife high into the air, then brought it down as hard as he could. To his surprise, the knife simply bounced off of Juliano's shell with a faint burst of sparks.

Juliano used his momentum to his advantage to sweep the man off of his feet with his broad tail, then put his massive foot onto the man's throat. He fixed a cruel gaze onto the last of the captors and let out a monstrous, bellowing roar that shook the air around him. The final captor, having seen how easily the Blastoise had dealt with his comrades, saw the futility in fighting and ran off into the forest without delay.

Juliano reached down and wrapped his clawed fingers around the man's neck, lifting him off of the ground. The man struggled valiantly against Juliano's crushing grip, but he couldn't break free. All he could do was flail his legs wildly, tickling Juliano's chest with weak kicks until he finally got the bright idea to spit into his face. His patience was already thin and that last act shattered it. With a forceful overhead toss, the man was thrown into the darkness, colliding with the ground with an audible thud. Gurgling groans of agony came from the darkness.

Meanwhile, Andrea had managed to pull Kimberly aside to safety during the scuffle. "Kim? Kim! Are you okay?" she asked.

Kimberly couldn't offer a coherent answer; she didn't appear to even be aware that Juliano had intervened and taken care of the kidnappers. Her breathing was erratic, her mind was running wild and she could hardly contain herself from yelling for help.

"Listen to me!" Andrea shouted as she vigorously shook her friend. "We have to get out of here, NOW."

Unfortunately, the energetic shaking did little to bring Kimberly back to reality. She'd calmed down, but only ever so slightly; she still continued to quiver uncontrollably and gibber incoherent words, but at least the screaming had ceased.

"Juliano, come here," Andrea ordered. "This fucking forest, I've had it! We need to get back to town, and fast. Carry her if you have to."

He approached and knelt down in front of his master, gently patting her on the shoulder, but it did little to calm her nerves. He extended her arms outward and picked her up.

"Please, please... let this map work..." Andrea said as she navigated through her R-Kit. Much to her relief, the map showed that they weren't too far from the village. She knelt down and picked up the kidnapper's fallen lantern, then pointed to the southeast and urged Juliano to lead them back to the safety of Doranshire.

- - - - -​

"Set her down here..." Andrea said, guiding Juliano to a bench that sat in the center of the Doranshire's empty and silent commercial street. Not a soul lingered in the streets and the sky was empty of the orbs that had graced it just a few hours earlier. The only sign of life was the flickering, buzzing neon sign that advertised an ATM at the convenience store down the road.

Juliano set his panicked master down on the bench and sat on the ground in front of her. Her breathing finally seemed to steady as her eyes met with his, and she whispered his name repeatedly in an effort to comfort herself.

Andrea sat down next to her. "You okay?"

"Where..." she muttered as she looked around. Panic surged through her veins again. "Where are they!? Are they gone?"

"Yeah. Juliano made sure of that."

She looked around some more. The darkness obscured her vision, with only a single street lamp lighting the area around them in a harsh-yet-dim orange glow. "So we're..."

Andrea nodded. "Yeah, we're back in Doranshire."

The words of comfort were enough to break her already shaky nerves. She reached out and grabbed ahold of Andrea, wrapping her arms tightly around her, then proceeded to wail loudly and uncontrollably. "Oh thank the goddess... Thank you..." were the only words that she had the ability to form.

"Hey, shh shh shhhhh... It's going to be okay! I'm going to keep you safe, I promise..."

Juliano glared at Andrea. He knew those words were a lie.

"I can't thank you enough... I would have--"

Andrea placed her finger on her lips and interrupted her. "Hey! Don't even think of it like that. We got out of there alive and that's what matters."

"Thank you..."

As they embraced each other, Andrea saw some movement out of the corner of her eye; a portly and solid looking man, clad in the characteristic green and white uniform of the Lanark Police Force, was advancing in their direction. His big bushy mustache and round, ruddy cheeks painted the picture of a cheerful protector and put Andrea at ease.

"Evenin'!" his thick, burly voice called out in a friendly manner. "I could year you two wailin' from clear across town. What's the trouble?"

"Good... Let me do the talking, okay?" she quietly whispered.

Kimberly nodded as she tried to regain her composure.

The officer turned his flashlight on and shined it in their faces to get a good look at them. "What are you two doing up so late? Just get out of Black Hog? Need me to walk you home?"

"No, we're... we... we need help," she pleaded. "We were camping in the forest and..."

The officer patiently waited for her to finish her thought, but she never did. "And?"

She thought long and hard about what she was about to say, worried that it wouldn't be taken seriously. "Something attacked us, and I don't know what."

"Try your best. What would this 'thing' be? A Mightyena, maybe?"

"No, it was... I... I don't know how to explain it, but there's a fucking witch out in that forest! And a... a demon! A bat thing!"

The officer put his hands to his hips and shifted his weight onto his other leg, readying himself for yet another of the wild and fantastic stories he'd heard over the past few weeks. "Uh huh. Demons and witches."

"That's the only way I can describe her. We were out camping and... a giant bat thing swooped down, started chasing us. We got away from it and that's when we met her... She was so young and beautiful... She claimed she was a local hunter working for the village."

The officer continued to nod as he listened to her story. "Local hunter? Huh... don't know of any women who hunt on these lands... Tell me more about this lady. What makes you say she's a witch?"

"She offered to bring us to her cabin, to protect us from the bat. When we got there, she... she turned into this hideous monster. She looked like she was hundreds of years old! Almost like a corpse, but she was standing there, threatening me!"

"Right..." he muttered to himself.

"That's when the men barged in and took Kim away!"

The officer's posture straightened and the expression on his face changed from bemused to concerned. "Kim?" he asked.

"Her," she said as she rested her hand on Kimberly's shoulder.

In an instant, the officer's posture relaxed again. Once again, his interest in her wild story faded.

"Me and this Blastoise chased her kidnappers down before they got away. We scared one of them off, and the other two... I don't know, it all happened so fast. They didn't chase after us, but..." She picked up the lantern she had taken from the kidnappers. "This belonged to one of them."

The officer reached out and grabbed the lantern. He noted the cracked glass and the squishy candle within. "Looks pretty old and beat up... Never seen one with a candle in it before... Curious..." he mumbled. He eyed her suspiciously, once again shining the flashlight in her face. "You sure you're not drunk?"

"Absolutely. I've been sober for almost five months. I'll take whatever sobriety test you want."

He shook his head and let out a sigh. "I might regret this, but... Why don't you come down to the station? We'll get this whole thing straightened out, see if there's anything about this wild story of yours that makes sense."

"Do you believe any of it?"

"Well, uhh... Your witch story? No. Been getting a lot of reports about that lately, none of them have checked out. But those kidnappers you talked about... We have had a few girls your age go missing over the past couple of months, this is definitely something we're going to have to look at, even if your credibility is... W-we'll look at it, that's all I'm saying."

She leaned in towards Kimberly and spoke softly. "You hear that? We'll be at a police station, we'll definitely be safe there."

He motioned for the two to stand up and follow him. "Alright, let's go before you wake up the whole village! Station's just up the street. We'll need to get some official statements and some paperwork done." He took one look at Juliano and offered a polite nod. "Oh, and uh... recall this Blastoise, would you? Town ordinance, there's a curfew on Pokémon past 11 PM. I understand if you called him out for your protection, but I'll handle that from here."

 

[Beth Pavell]

Technical Accuracy/Style
I see "stinglebank" didn't make it into the final draft.

"Liar," she thought, but refused to say it. "Andrea Dennison, visual report

I think there's something missing in the text there. At first glance it looks like Andrea is monologuing to Kimberly.

Setting
There was definitely some space for a little bit more detail in the beginning there. Bramble vines are perfectly good forest fare - I personally know how stubborn the bastards can be, and they only become woodier, thornier, and denser with each passing year. I probably would have tried to find space to mention other species, if only in description, things like goosegrass (Also known as cleavers, stickyweed, catchweed, etc) or bracken. The sorts of things that leave you covered in burrs, seeds, and spores, in short.

I think - and I'll come back to this in part later - that would stand you in good stead for later. You could make more use of the unseen undergrowth snagging and pulling in the dark, casting weirdly dark shadows, that sort of thing.

Plot
A lot of this could conceivably go under Style, but there we are. I actually read this not long after posting, but held off because I couldn't really decide how to make my comments useful. See, I don't think I'm all that good at the scary side of writing. I tend to fall back on the visceral, the tactile, details painted as vividly as possible - and I'm not sure how much that works. So as a result I don't feel all that confident in offering critique in kind.

The best I can say is that the chapter reminded me a bit too much of Blackwood from Storm Island. I think you might have been better off making the "tracker's" cottage more modern and prosaic before turning the apparent safety upside down. I suspect you would have got more out of ambiguous and unknown dangers - was it a crobat or wasn't it, was the tracker human or wasn't she. It wasn't all bad, mind. I genuinely didn't know whether Juliano was going to crush those men underfoot or not. The story didn't lose anything from having their fate as violent but ambiguous, either.

Characters
I am quite sure I would have shown more of that chatting fuzzy moment. It's supported well enough by the preceding scene, but the "telling" paragraph stands out rather starkly. I'd have led in to the next scene with the tail end of a conversation - it wouldn't be out of place mood-wise and you could probably do it in as many words if not fewer.

The last conversation with the police officer struck me as a odd. Andrea tells Kim that she'll do the talking, but then goes ahead and gives an incoherent and fantastical account. I mean, sure, she's beginning to think in terms of the evidence that she sees, but it seems to me that she might have omitted the weirdest details and tried to portray it as a frightening but rational night - falling back to old habits in a stressful time, really.

 

[Persephone]

I am glad that I usually read fic in the daytime because this was fun.

Honestly wasn't expecting the hypnotic lights to have been relatively harmless. Or were they? I suppose they could've been the bait to get people out into the forest where they were attacked by ghost crobats and witches and men with knives. One of which is not like the others...

As for the lights scene, I think it could've been expanded. Their rebonding could have been a nice heartwarming moment that would've made the witch chapter more jarring. Honestly if I'd been writing this I would've expanded the dialogue and ended the chapter with an ear-piercing scream ripping through the forest and scaring the lights away. And then maybe post the next part on Halloween because timing promotions.

As for the witch... I agree with Pavs. Too much already felt off before things took a turn for the worse. Like, I knew things were going to go bad. Especially when they violated the #1 rule of horror story survival and split up. I think you could've gotten away with the oddly outdated setting or the inhumanly beautiful girl. The combination of both kind of tipped your hand hard.

Related to inhumanly beautiful girl: Andrea and Kimberly are lesbians confirmed. Kimbrea shipping is now my OTP.

Also this cop is going to kill them, calling it now. No self-respecting girl like us makes a story where the cops are good.