TEEN: Land of the Roses [abandoned]

[Misfit Angel]

The first impression is that you're trying too hard to make Lorenzo to be a trustworthy travel companion ...

Saint or Sinner, I'd do something to more definitely establish him soon.

We'll be seeing that in the next chapter. His actions will put a permanent (or at least lengthy) frost on their friendship. It is a bit of a gamble, but establishing him so well was intended and I'm hoping it pays off.

I thought a bit about this one, and I am officially fine with the ecology there. Fact is that oaks aren't all that picky as trees - not in the same way that silver birches are, but I see oaks and ashes cheek-by-jowl every day, growing in crappy soil. I could nitpick at the pines, but I'd probably be wrong.

I admit, I'm not quite as experienced when it comes to trees. At a glance, I can't really tell the difference between spruce, a fir, a pine or a larch. However, I base this off of something I see in my local parks: deciduous and coniferous trees growing seemingly at random, yet planted purposefully by park rangers and city managers. They thrive well in each others' presence even if they wouldn't naturally do so in quite the same numbers or manner. Maybe that's a detail I can revisit for upcoming nature scenes, as it's something I hadn't thought about.

I don't think this chapter is a strong one.

Fair enough. I definitely struggled to write it, which is probably evident both in the chapter and in the month-and-a-half hiatus between this and the previous one. I'm not sure where else to strengthen it... I'm not particularly bothered about it either, not every hit can be a home run, and I wouldn't classify this chapter as crucially important to either Kim or Loren's development. I'm just hoping the next one goes a bit easier.

It seems that at every point where there could be conflict, Lorenzo responds with a laid-back comment and a respectful deferral.

The best I can say right now is that we'll be seeing why he's like this soon. Probably not in the next couple of chapters that focus on Kimberly, but "soon".

If you want to grill me with questions about this, feel free. I might be able to explain myself better that way

If anything comes to mind, I know where to find ya

How'd he get to Doranshire? Wouldn't he have had to walk through the spritewoods?

Hmm, perhaps I should explain it a bit better that he's literally just passing through, whereas Kim spent a week and a solid week and a bit there. Though since he came in from Aughrim as well, that's still at least a day of travel through the forest, hmm...

She lives her scientist girlfriend for five hours and does centuries of damage to a national landmark.

I actually hadn't thought about it, is basalt really that fragile? I wouldn't think so, but I have no first hand experience with it.

I thought having two characters in almost as many paragraphs talk about the addiction risk was a little much.

Hmm, perhaps it is. Besides, this is Juliano's first time seeing her abuse her medication, perhaps he shouldn't worry quite as much as he does until he starts to notice a pattern. I'll put it on the List Of Things To Fix

How did Juliano get through these?

Shit. Another thing on The List. (readers with good memory might have noticed that I literally lifted that little scene out of chapter 47 of Storm Island. That explains why I completely forgot about Juliano in this case.)

Anywho, thanks for your continued patronage! Hopefully the kinks and struggles of this chapter will be gone soon. After chapter 29, we'll be focusing back on Andrea for a bit. She's definitely a lot easier for me to write, especially since she won't be interacting with a newly established character. Time to press on!

 

[Persephone]

Basalt isn't that fragile... but touching cave walls, however briefly, puts lint or oils or skin cells on them and disrupts the formation of speleothems. In a class on that sort of stuff now if you want to know more.

 

[Beth Pavell]

The best I can say right now is that we'll be seeing why he's like this soon. Probably not in the next couple of chapters that focus on Kimberly, but "soon".

Well, I'm prepared to wait a while on it.

Trees can be a tricky one. Deliberately planted trees are a world apart from trees in their natural environment. Many urban trees are not in fact doing as well as they might appear, because they live their lives on such longer timescales than we do. When a tree dies of an infection, death could take months or years. The difference is, you might say, the difference between a lion kept in a zoo and a wild lion on the Serengetti.

That being said, the ecology in this chapter is ok. I'm less inclined to pick away at the minor details since Google doesn't readily supply them - it's the sort of thing you really need a field guide for.

If anything comes to mind, I know where to find ya

yes, on the forum!

 

[Flaze]

Another chapter of Kimberly's awesome solo adventures and...well I gotta echo the other reviews in that I'm not quite sure where this is going so far. I don't want to make any assumptions with Loren, if only cause I'm not sure where the narrative wants to take him either. He seems like a pretty relaxed and down to earth guy that can be shortsighted and tends to let his mouth run up a bit. There's just something about him that sounds so...fake in a way and I couldn't help but feel like he was going to leave Kimberly stuck in the cave at the end or something.It seems like this is your intention but it still causes thing to fall a little flat.

This sense of expectation permeated the chapter for me and it made it a bit hard to really trust anything that happened between the two, even when we were introduced to his Pokemon it was hard to tell what to make of him, as his Pokemon have similarly strong yet somehow intimidating personalities. Needless to say I'm kind of worried about Kim (and not just cause of the few events that put my ship in jeopardy)

Aside from that there's not much to comment on with Kimberly aside from the sudden spike in drama once they reached the cave. On the one hand it's good that you're being consistent about Kim's fears as well as her trauma with what happened in Spritewood and how she's relying more on her meds. On the other hand it felt like a jarring clash of tones going from one to the other all of a sudden. However, I'll attribute it to your problem with inspiration, I understand that it's hard to really get down everything seamlessly when you're feeling pressured for getting a chapter out.

Regardless, just cause the chapter wasn't the best that doesn't mean that it was bad either and your description was still on point if you ask me. It's okay to take your time as long as you're able to do exactly what you want, and for my part I'm still eager to see what happens next.

 

[Misfit Angel]

Content Warnings
This chapter contains:
[ sexually suggestive content ]​

Land of the Roses
Chapter 29: Liquid Starlight

Click... Clack... Click... Clack...

The sound of her wedged sandals impacting the stone floor underneath her was slowly driving Kimberly insane. The fact that she had been left to navigate the darkness alone as she made her way towards Loren's position didn't help, either. Dragging her fingers across the wall beside her, only to run into the silky strands of a spider web, compounded her anxiety. In fact, just about everything about the situation was sending her into the deep end of madness.

"Loren! Come back here!" she pleaded as she continued to progress at a slow pace. Though the path ahead of her was simple and in just a single direction, she still couldn't shake the feeling that she would somehow get lost.

"Yeah, yeah, hold on," his voice echoed. It was close. Very close.

Much to her relief, Loren appeared from around a corner just in front of her. She was ready to bite his head for leaving her behind, but instead she was just thankful to be in his presence again. She rushed up to him and latched onto his arm in a parasitic manner. "There you are! Don't ever leave me again!"

He chuckled, then grabbed the lantern from Juliano. "My bad. Still, you gotta see this. It'll blow your mind!"

Their journey took them down a winding trail of manmade stairs and gentle slopes, and as they made their descent, a distinct roaring sound began to fill the tunnel. Kimberly kept pressing him for details of what he found, but he remained tight-lipped about it. It captivated her curiosity enough to distract her from the stress of the journey. Based on her prior travel experience, cave diving was always a miserable experience, and one that rarely paid off; what, in the depths of this mountain, could possibly be so interesting?

At the bottom of the spiraling tunnel, a soft glow of light bathed the stone walls with a frosted white coloration and the sound of the roaring grew much louder. He led her towards the end, then stopped her at a roped off cliff edge. Amidst the darkness around them was a peculiar sight: a three-tiered waterfall that sparkled with an eerie icy blue light. Bright specks of light cascaded over the cliffs, shattering into a fine mist of glitter as they collided with the rocks on their way down. The cavern was bathed in enough ambient light from the waterfall that they no longer needed the lantern to guide their way.

"Wow..." Kimberly said, completely captivated by the sight of the cascading, luminescent water. "It's beautiful..."

"It definitely is. Wonder why it's glowin' like that?"

"I couldn't say... I wonder, this must be Sonetta Falls! I've heard so much about them, but I've never actually seen what they look like..."

"Well now ya have!"

She cautiously followed the rope that marked the cliff edge until she found her way down to a stable platform below. All she could do was gawk at the sight. "Are you interested in a local folk tale, Mr. Parmali?"

"Sure, why not?" he enthusiastically asked.

She took a seat on the ground and beckoned for both him and Juliano to join her. "I don't know if I remember all of the details entirely... I heard it when I was in Doranshire last year. This isn't something that I personally believe in, but supposedly the Wild God of Fire used to reside in this mountain."

"Wild God of Fire, you say?"

"Mhmm! I believe his name was... Cuthach Lasrach? It's an old name from a different language... I may have pronounced it wrong, forgive me."

"I just heard it and I can't even pronounce that," he commented.

She giggled. "Anyways, this mountain was his home. The legends say that every century or so, he would emerge from the mountain and bring with him destructive wildfires that swept across the heartland from here to Caelshire. The ancient tribes of Lanark rebuilt every time, but eventually they grew tired of the Wild God's wrath. One of the tribes was led by a fearless warrior princess by the name of Brindace the Bold. She struck fear into heart of every man she met... I could spend an hour detailing the specific legend about her, but..."

"This chick sounds like a bad ass, but what's she gotta do with this Cuth... Curth... Wild God of Fire?"

"The lands that Brindace's tribe oversaw were usually the first to suffer the effects of the Wild God's return. Upon his return, Brindace climbed to the summit of the mountain, and with her gleaming sword in hand, she jumped from the top and slayed the Wild God in one strike!"

"Dayum!"

"Unfortunately, she was only human... the fall mortally injured her. They say that the blood she spilled in her act of courage is the source of these falls."

Loren nodded. "Interesting story, but it sounds pretty bogus. Sounds like she jumped into a volcano and it went dormant afterward."

"It does. But it is a fun story, and Brindace has been--"

"Shh, shh!" Loren said as he held a finger to his lips. "Do you hear that? It sounds like... singin'?"

"Singing?" Kimberly asked.

She listened closely, trying her best to block out the roar of the falls behind her. It was difficult to hear at first, but eventually it became clearer and clearer as her focus improved; angelic singing, almost like the all-girls choir she was a part of during her high school years. Something about the singing didn't sit right with her: the rhythm was odd and unlike anything she'd heard before, sounding completely disjointed and random without care for any form of structure.

"I hear it... it's odd, but it's beautiful," she continued.

"We're in the middle of a damn cave, what could it be?"

"I couldn't say."

"Ya wanna check it out? Sounds like it's comin' from over this cliff above us."

She took a step back and studied the cliff beside them. "I don't know... Can you see a way up?"

He turned the lantern back on and shined it around the dark spots that the light of the falls didn't reach. About a hundred feet ahead of them was a set of staggered, jagged plateaus that appeared to offer the only way up to the top of the cliff beside them; he pointed them out. "Right there. Doesn't look too bad, huh? C'mon!"

Though the enchanting sound that they were listening to tugged on her, she stood her ground and refused. "Why do I have the feeling that this is a bad idea?"

"It's simple, this cave's got ya paranoid. Now follow me, or I'mma leave ya right here until I get back."

She sighed and figured that maybe he was right, at least about the paranoia. She wasn't a fan of how determined he was, nor a fan of his plan to just abandon her to explore the darkness alone. She latched onto Juliano and the two followed Loren down the path, up the steppes, and across a narrow walkway; within just a few easy minutes, they had circled around the cavern and ended up about a dozen feet above where they started.

"See, that wasn't so bad," he gloated. "You should listen to ol' Loren more often! I got ya through this cave without a problem so far haven't I?"

She shook her head. "You may be right, but please don't say things like that. Frustration is the last thing I need."

"Frustration?" he asked. "What's there to be frustrated about? That some sorta personality problem you got?"

She nodded.

"Okay, fair enough. I'll, uhh... you just let me know when I'm buggin' you, okay?"

"I plan to."

"Now let's go find the source of this singin', eh?"

From where they stood, the singing was much clearer and louder, telling them that the source of the music was close by. It appeared to originate from a darkened passageway that had been carved into the bedrock of the cave; it took some effort, but Loren finally convinced Kimberly that it was worth investigating. They were both curious about what it could be and they tried their hand at guessing; Loren jokingly suggested it was the ghost of Brindace the Bold, but Kimberly didn't find it funny. Her own suggestion of it being a Junior Scout field expedition fell flat when she realized how silly it sounded, as the Junior Scouts rarely ventured far from cities.

The singing grew louder and clearer as they navigated towards the opposite end of the dark passageway, but they still had no idea what it could be. Eventually, they found themselves in another large and cavernous chamber similar to the Sonetta Falls, but this one lacked any sort of ambient lighting or water features. With the three taking just a few steps forward, the singing stopped abruptly and the sound of feet shuffling along the rocky floor could be heard from the darkness.

Kimberly's heart began to race as she cowered behind Juliano for protection. "What did I say about this being a bad idea?!"

"'ey, you agreed to it..." Loren shined the light around; the room appeared to be completely empty. "This is weird... Nothin' here."

But there was. As the light of the lantern swept across the room, it illuminated a large pile of rubble. Behind that rubble was a peculiar sight: pointed, pink ears, similar to a rabbit's. The ears were completely motionless, but eventually they twitched.

"I see you, there!" Loren called out. "What are you?"

The pointed-eared creature slowly stood up, and more and more of its rotund, pink balloon-like body became visible. Just about the only feature on the creature's smooth skin were its stubby, pointed arms and the curled tuft of fur that rested on its forehead. Its giant saucer-like eyes caught the light of the lantern just right and glowed an eerie golden green.

His hand instinctively burrowed into his pocket and retrieved one of his Pokéballs. "Ugh! What the hell is that thing?!"

Kimberly gasped. "Wigglytuff!"

"Wigglyfluff? The hell's a Wigglyfluff?"

"It's Wigglytuff. You've never seen one?"

"No." He took a cautious step back as the Wigglytuff abandoned its pile of rubble and approached gingerly. "This thing gonna hurt me?"

"That's unlikely. Wigglytuff is a peaceful Pokémon." She grabbed the lantern out of his hand and cautiously approached the Wigglytuff. "Hello there, friend!"

As she approached, she heard the same shuffling as before and shined the lantern around. All around her, different creatures with a somewhat similar appearance were descending from holes that had been carved into the stone walls; the only difference between these new creatures and the Wigglytuff were their shorter stature and smaller ears. Her first instinct upon seeing the large number of them was to back off, and she bumped into Juliano while doing so.

"H-Hello!" she squeaked.

One by one, the Jigglypuffs began to bellow deeply with individual notes until they became a full chorus. The noise they made sounded like a troupe of angels, helped further by the echoes of the cave. Once again, the disjoined and structureless music they heard earlier started; they had found the source!

"Their range and tone are incredible..." she marvelled. "Don't you agree?"

Loren shrugged. "I'm not one for singin', but I guess they sound pretty good."

"I wonder... One of them would make a marvellous addition to my coordination routines..."

"'ey, there's an idea! Let's beat one of these things up and capture it, then!"

"Hold on, I don't--"

He tossed one of his oddly-designed Pokéballs into the air and it exploded with a burst of light. Remus the Pangoro appeared, landing on the ground with a monstrous thud; the congregating Jigglypuffs and the lone Wigglytuff were startled by the sudden turn of events and started to swarm around him.

"Oh... uh oh..." he said as he watched Remus circle around, swatting at the Jigglypuffs as they drew closer. "How tough are these things?"

"Not very, I don't believe..." She motioned towards Juliano. "Our friend may need your help. Try your best not to hurt them, understood?"

Juliano stepped forward and roared. The horde of Jigglypuffs and their Wigglytuff companion were once again startled and scattered at the thought of fighting not just one large powerhouse of a Pokémon, but two. The sound of feet skittering against the stone floor echoed throughout the darkness; only one Jigglypuff remained within the light of the lantern and it didn't look happy. It took a few steps towards the two lumbering creatures, stood up on the tips of its rounded feet and started to screech loudly at them while flailing its arms angrily.

Kimberly reached down towards her dangling ribbon and pulled Telandra's Feline Ball off of it. "Do you mind? This could be excellent battle practice for my Skitty."

"Go ahead," Loren said. "I'll be honest, nothin' I own is on that thing's level. I'd feel a little bit bad... Remus!"

The Pangoro perked up and looked over towards his master.

"Work together with Juliano and keep an eye on the rest of these Jigglepuff things. Our lady friend here wants to prove herself."

"That's not what I want to do, but..." she started before unleashing Telandra with a bright flash of cartoonish stars and sparkles. She knelt down, rested her hand atop Telandra's head and pointed towards the Jigglypuff that was engaged in a shouting match with Juliano. "I haven't battled with you much, yet... but I think you're ready to try this one on your own. Do you think you can handle it?"

Telandra arched her back and her fur bristled in anticipation.

She gave Telandra a gentle push forward. "Go for it! It's distracted, use that to your advantage with, uhh... A takedown!"

Telandra lowered to the ground, then bolted forward as fast as she could. With a leaping start, she soared through the air and landed on top of the Jigglypuff, catching it completely off guard. The two tumbled into the darkness and the sound of a brief scuffle echoed across the cavern, prompting Kimberly to retrieve the lantern and follow the action. Before she could grab it, however, the Jigglypuff tumbled back into the embrace of the light with several scratch marks on its skin. Telandra reappeared within the light quickly afterward.

"Good work so far, Telandra!" Kimberly cheered. "Next I want you to try one of your special electrical attacks!"

"Electrical attacks? Outta that thing?" Loren asked.

"Yes."

"Huh. Lotta cool Pokémon in this part of the world!"

Telandra's fur flickered with electrical energy as sparks rained down around her. At the same time, the Jigglypuff had found its way to its feet; it started to suck in air like a greedy vacuum and substantially grew in size in preparation for a counter attack.

"Hit it with whatever you have, Telandra!" Kimberly advised. "I don't like the look of what that Jigglypuff is doing!"

Telandra followed the order and let loose a bolt of charged energy. With a flash of light and a loud crash, the Jigglypuff toppled over and quickly shrunk back down to normal size with the sound of a deflating balloon. It twitched violently as a consequence of the electrical attack and was unable to regain its footing.

"Oooh... That might have been too much..." Kimberly said with a look of concern on her face. She reached into her purse and dug around until she found a standard red Pokéball. With it in hand, she charged up her throw and let loose... only to watch it fly off to the side and into the darkness. A loud click echoed in the darkness as the Pokéball slammed into the stone wall, followed by what sounded like several pieces of plastic raining down onto the floor. "Oops..."

Loren tried his best to contain his laughter.

Another Pokéball was retrieved from her purse. She took a quick look at it and found that it was one of her designer models, the Princess Ball; the design featured a standard white bottom half, while the top was a swirl of glittering gold and shining pink. She remembered it was the only one she had and felt cautious of throwing it.

She turned to Loren and offered the Princess Ball to him. "Can you throw these things well?" she asked.

He took the ball and studied it closely. "Yeah, I'm pretty good at it, I think."

"As I'm sure you saw... I'm not very good at it. Can you capture this for me?"

He tossed the ball up and down as he thought about it. "You sure you wanna capture this thing? It's got an attitude but that thing barely put up a fight."

"I'm not looking to pick fights with it..."

"Still, it got its ass kicked by a kitten! Seems pretty useless to me."

She glared at him.

"Alright, alright! It's your call." He wrapped his fingers around the Princess Ball and turned to the side. With a windup, he lifted his leg before bringing it down and rocketing the ball across the cavern.

The Princess Ball collided with the twitching Jigglypuff and pinged off of it like a pinball, then opened and sucked the creature inside. As the two halves rejoined, the central button lit up like a spotlight and it dropped to the ground with a soft bounce. It wobbled... wobbled... and then finally let out a hum as the button dimmed and faded entirely. Capture successful!

"And that's how ya do it!" he triumphantly said.

Kimberly rushed over to pick up the Princess Ball and grabbed it. On her way back, she knelt down and congratulated her Skitty with a gentle pat and a few gibberish words of encouragement, then asked her to return to Loren's side with her. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!" she said as she crashed into him with a vice-like hug. "You won't believe how many times I've missed with a Pokéball like that... I can't throw one to save my life."

"Hey, no problem. I'll teach ya how to do it sometime if ya want."

"That'd be great..." she said, latching the Princess Ball onto the ribbon at her waist. "I can't thank you enough for encouraging me to pass through this cave as well... I was ready to turn around, but you told me that I had the courage to make it through."

"Ehh, weren't nothin'. I believed in you from the start."

"No! It does mean something! Not only does it look like I'll make my appointment in time, but I got to see these beautiful falls and make another addition to my team, too! I owe you one."

"Oh do you now? I'll keep that in mind!"

- - - - -​

In... Out... In... Out...

Kimberly's breath escaped and entered her in a steady rhythm as she sat in the pallid glow of the Sonetta Falls. Though the noise of the rushing water had been enough to overpower many of her earlier conversations, she could barely hear it now; she was completely absorbed in her meditation, almost cut off from the world around her. She had escaped the stresses of the day, and a picturesque scene had formed in her head.

It was a clear summer day and not a single cloud hung in the sky. She was knelt down in a garden, tending to a vine of succulent ruby red grapes. Rather than the brisk, misty winds of the cavern around her, she felt the warmth of the sun's rays instead.

The leaves in her hands. The smell of the grapes that had fallen, fermenting in the sweltering summer heat. The sound of the wind chimes that hung at the end of the garden. It all felt so real to her.

She heard footsteps behind her and turned around to see who was approaching: a woman in black, her features covered by her loose, long clothing, and her face obscured by windswept locks of wavy black hair. She wasn't sure who the woman was, but she felt that they were a close friend, the closest friend she had. She waved to the figure and called out, "Hello!"

"Mind if I sit here?" Loren's voice echoed.

"Hmm?" Her concentration broke and the scene quickly broke apart. She was disappointed, but she tried to remain positive. "Oh! Umm... By all means!"

He dropped to the floor and sat cross legged beside her. He barely gave her any elbow room. "You've been sittin' here like a stone, what's up?"

"I'm meditating."

"Oh? Interesting. You didn't strike me as that kinda girl. Alright, I'll try not to bug ya too much then."

"That would be much appreciated," she happily replied. "I don't know if meditation is your cup of tea, but you're welcome to try. If not, just sit by the falls and take in the beauty."

He shrugged. "Nah, I ain't into it that much. It's good for dealin' with stress, but I'm good on that for now."

She opened her eyes, let out a deep breath, readjusted her posture and closed them once again. "Hmm, yes. Destressing has certainly helped calm me down a lot. I may even get some sleep tonight!"

Minute after minute passed by as Loren gazed into the welcoming light of the Sonetta Falls. To a city man like himself who rarely got to experience the splendor of nature, staring at the cascading water as it splashed against the rocks and cliffs filled him with a level of comfort he seldom experienced. Feelings of warmth and fuzziness. Cloud-like comfort came next, and at times, he felt almost euphoric; though he was no stranger to this sensation, he felt that it was strange that it had overcome in in the middle of a dark cavern.

His eyes began to drift from the falls and soon found themselves glued to Kimberly, sat in serene silence next to him. In that moment, he found himself captivated by her appearance. "God damn, she's a bombshell..." he thought. For once, his attention was focused on the features of her face, rather than the rest of her body. Her smooth skin glowed like starlight in the embrace of the falls. Her perfectly manicured eyebrows twitched every now and then as her eyes darted back and forth underneath her painted eyelids. Her cute, button-like nose was ripe for poking, and her glittering, gloss-covered fairy pink lips begged for the embrace of his own.

"What I wouldn't give..."

It didn't take long for his eyes to drift further down. His focus hovered on her chest much longer than it did on her face; the position in which he sat next to her had been carefully calculated, allowing him to see down the neckline of her dress. He lamented the fact that her breasts were smaller than most girls, but he didn't allow that fact to prevent him from enjoying the view. He almost made a game of it: how long could he get away with staring before she opened her eyes and noticed? The game lost its appeal as she continued her meditation uninterrupted.

He hummed nonchalantly as he placed his weight on his arms and leaned backward. He was disappointed to see that her dress had been bunched up in a way that prevented him from seeing the contours of her rear end, but he wasn't too surprised; it was hardly the first time a dress ruined his perfectly good view. He sat upright again and eyed her up and down repeatedly, undressing her one article of clothing at a time as he made each pass. The feelings of warmth brought on by gazing at the falls increased until she was completely nude in his mind's eye.

"I been so good to her... Time to work the magic..."

He broke the silence. "Look at you... So beautiful..."

She opened her eyes to see him smiling at her. Though it hadn't been the first time she made eye contact with him, it certainly felt like it. She tried to downplay the comment with an innocent giggle. "Umm. Thank you."

"It's a wonder I didn't drop dead when I first met you..."

She raised her eyebrow and leaned back a bit. "Are you feeling okay?"

He nodded. "Bein' next to you, I've never felt better... What do you say we have some no-strings-attached fun tonight, huh?"

She was aghast at the suggestion. "I beg your pardon?!"

"I get it, you're all proper like... but nobody's around to see us get freaky... The secret will be safe with me..."

He leaned in for a kiss; she raised her hand to slap him, but he moved in too quickly for her to counter and got away with his prize. A kiss wasn't the only thing he got away with, as his own hand planted itself on her chest while she was distracted.

"C'mooon! You said you owe me!"

"Get off of me!" she shouted, finally managing to position herself properly to lay down the hardest slap of her life across his face. Her hand glowed red and stung with intense pain as he tumbled to the floor in agony.

The scuffle caught Juliano's attention and he rose to his feet. He charged in the direction of the cliff face that overlooked the falls, then skidded to a stop before picking Loren up off of the floor by the collar of his shirt. Loren's legs flailed hopelessly as he struggled against the Blastoise's iron grip, but no amount of resisting could free him.

Kimberly found her way back to her feet as well and put some distance between herself and the two. She shook her head. All of that trust and friendship that had been built up during their time in the cave had been shattered in an instant. She'd warned him already, but he clearly didn't take her words seriously. She needed a better way to reinforce her point, and luckily, she could rely on Juliano's brute strength and staunch loyalty for assistance.

"Vas-y, effraie-le," she ordered in fluent Kalosian. "Mais reste gentil."

Juliano's relentless grip tightened even further, damaging the fabric of his salmon pink shirt and popping the top button off. He took a few steps towards the edge of the cliff; a fall from it would plummet into the endless depths below: certain death. Juliano's eyes narrowed as he awaited his next order.

"Hey! E-easy there... big guy!" he rasped as he tried to pry Juliano's hand from his chest. "She said... said no, I get it. I ain't... ain't gonna touch her!" He took one look down into the darkness below and shivers radiated throughout his body. "C'mon, Kim! This isn't funny! Let me go!"

"Let you go? You should choose your words more carefully when dangling over a cliff." she chided. She continued to glare at him for a moment as he struggled in an effort to show that she meant business, then shook her head again. "That's enough. Set him down, Juliano."

Juliano did just that, but he was anything but gentle; he retreated to solid ground, then opened his massive hand and sent Loren crashing to the cold, hard stone floor. Loren gasped for air as he coughed and rolled away.

She glared down at him. "Don't act so surprised," she said sternly. "I already warned you about touching my breasts, but if you so much as touch me anywhere from now on, you will absolutely regret it. You can count on that."

After regaining his breath, he sputtered, "N-no need to threaten me, I--"

"Don't consider that a threat. I don't want to hurt you, but I will if I must. Do I make myself clear?"

He sat upright and threw his hands in the air. "Alright, alright... jeeze... Loud and clear! You're not interested, I get it."

"Certainly not with you, but that's not the point," she scolded harshly. "Do you pull that stunt on every woman you meet?"

"Not all of them."

"Just the attractive ones?" His silence was telling; she could feel that he was uncomfortable with what she assumed to be the truth. "I misjudged you."

"Likewise."

"That's right, you're the victim. I'm the heartless bitch. I've heard this story several times before." she thought to herself. She groaned. "Get out of my sight. You're not sharing my camp tonight."

He grumbled, but he wasn't about to fight it; he felt it was an argument that he had a chance of winning by appealing to her sense of empathy, but he didn't want to push his luck.

- - - - -​

Nearly an hour had passed since the scuffle. Kimberly was curled up in her sleeping bag, bathed in the bright glow of her makeshift campfire, her trusty HyperLiteEX lamp. In her hands was her notebook, the page she was turned to filled to the brim with notes or her upcoming coordination workshop in Rustlode Bluffs. Juliano was sat beside her, staring across the stone platform she had made her camp on; his eyes were locked on Loren, who had spent the previous hour sulking at the border of the darkness. The Blastoise trusted him even less than she did.

Kimberly took a quick glance at her phone to check the time: 7:28 PM. "Ugh... This cave wasn't as bad as I expected, but it's taken a toll on me... I'm starting to get a little sleepy..." She closed her notebook and returned it to her backpack, then positioned it under her head as she laid down. "I'd hate to ask this of you again, Juliano... it's been a stressful week for you, with many late nights... but I don't trust that man over there. Will you keep watch tonight?"

He enthusiastically nodded, keeping his vision locked on Loren.

"You're a good friend. I'll go easy on you tomorrow during the coordination workshop... though your performances lately tell me that you don't need much practice, anyways."

Once again, he confidently nodded.

"Telandra and my new Jigglypuff, on the other hand..." she added before politely covering a yawn. She dimmed the lantern a bit, then closed her eyes. "I'll need to find a name for her soon..."

Several minutes went by in relative silence as she tried to drift off to sleep, but that silence was interrupted by rustling coming from Loren's direction. She opened her eyes and peered over at him, only to see him adjusting himself on the cold, hard floor. Though she wasn't happy with him, she couldn't help but feel a little a little sorry over the situation he put himself in.

"Juliano, do you think I was too hard on him?"

He shook his head, grumbled and clenched his fist.

"That does make me feel a little bit better, I hate having to be stern like that... I can only hope he learned his lesson." Another yawn followed. "He has his charms, but he's certainly worse than Andrea ever behaved... Speaking of, I wonder what she's up to right now..."

- - - - -​

Author's note: The Kalosian phrase that Kimberly speaks, "Vas-y, effraie-le. Mais reste gentil," can be translated from French as "Go on. Scare him, but be gentle."

 

[Beth Pavell]

A new chapter of Land of the Roses, it's been a while.

Technical Accuracy/Style
I think there's a missing word here:

She was ready to bite his head for leaving her behind

Style-wise there are a couple of descriptive points I think I'd monkey around with. First is:

a frosted white coloration

I think I'd change to just "frosted white". In context I think it's clear that you're talking about colour anyway. I'd want to draw attention to the romantic words in there and snip away any that could get in the way of them. As for the other:

they had found the source!

I think I'd scrap that entirely, for a similar reason. In context that's the conclusion any reader who's been paying attention will come to.

But otherwise the Falls are an example of a typical strength of your stories. Whatever else you may think about them the setting always has plenty to offer. You never give us a cave vaguely described as damp rock and dark. If I were to nitpick at something I might change the guardrope to an old iron rail. A lot of the access in the cave appears to be old and not entirely fit for purpose - a rail that's had no maintenance for years would fit better with that.

Story
The big point to pick up on is the Jigglypuff capture, I think. I liked the lead-in to finding them in the first place. I did wonder whether this would be a siren song for a while, you being you. The method of separating them out ended up being a lot simpler than I expected based on what I saw in #writing. I mean, more straightforward is better anyway, given that your style of battle is usually more description-heavy anyway.

Amusing to see that it's not just Josh who can't throw worth a damn.

Characters
Here's a bit of my thought process reading the chapter:

"It's simple, this cave's got ya paranoid. Now follow me, or I'mma leave ya right here until I get back."

I really, really don't like him. He's got this habit of just going ahead and doing things, brushing off all objections with an "It's all good". If nothing else he obviously can't be relied on in the slightest.

I can't help but feel pleased that you agree with me on this. I have absolutely no clever narrative justification for this - I just don't like his attitude. But before I forget:

he tumbled to the floor in agony

You've overstated that a bit, I think. Kimberly's not really a big gal, so agony? I'd expect his face to sting, sure

 

[Misfit Angel]

I think there's a missing word here:

Whoops! Correct. Andrea's the vampire, not Kimberly

I think I'd change to just "frosted white"

Oh, damn. I thought I got rid of that word, I told myself to do so... Noted and fixed, thank you.

I think I'd scrap that entirely

Mmk, agreed on this one, too. I sat there agonizing over this line for a bit but decided to leave it in. Point taken, it's already obvious they found what they were looking for.

I did wonder whether this would be a siren song for a while, you being you.

It did come to mind, actually, when I first drafted up this chapter idea ages ago. But I figured that I don't want to torture Kim too much, otherwise I'll have to pull her out of the story; she's one more traumatic event from never leaving the safety of her bedroom ever again. So for now, expect things to be fairly easy going for her, at least in terms of terror and danger.

You've overstated that a bit, I think. Kimberly's not really a big gal, so agony? I'd expect his face to sting, sure

Have you ever been slapped in the face by a tiny, frail-looking person? They can pack quite a punch, especially when they're angry. It might just be that I'm fragile, but when I was on the receiving end of one from a girl half my size in high school, I was down for the count in one hit.

That said, I'll look at ways to describe it a bit better.

I really, really don't like him.

Good, we're not supposed to like him

However, here's where my concern currently sits... After the big reveal about how he treats women in this chapter, are you still hung up him as an overall character (being too friendly and accommodating), or was I successful in shattering that illusion as I'd hoped? Admittedly there's not too much there yet to show how he'll act from now on, but as a starter, is he at least a little bit better of a character now?

 

[Beth Pavell]

Have you ever been slapped in the face by a tiny, frail-looking person?

Well, I won't argue with that, per se. Reality is Unrealistic is a tricky trope.

After the big reveal about how he treats women in this chapter, are you still hung up him as an overall character (being too friendly and accommodating), or was I successful in shattering that illusion as I'd hoped?

In the context of this chapter it looks more like his idea of playing pick-up artist

 

[Misfit Angel]

Author's note: This chapter focuses on a character that readers who started reading this story back in 2016 might not be familiar with, as he was only added and referenced in chapter re-writes (primarily Interlude 2). Wondering who the hell Webster is? He's Andrea's longtime friend and room mate; though they've only known each other for a few years, he's probably one of the most important figures in her life. He will be returning from time to time as a supporting character.

Land of the Roses
Interlude 3: My Shining Light

"Ugh... Bad news, everyone..." A young blonde woman said. "Apparently trying to ship our materials back to the lab on the train raised a few alarm bells... We're going to be delayed for a bit."

In the lobby of the city of Aughrim's Camden Station stood six bright-eyed faces: the Reiland Institute field team that had been assigned to collect the remains of the skeletal creature spotted in the Spritewood. There was a collective groan from each of them; it threw a wrench into their plans, as they were eager to both get started on analyzing the creature as well as return home after a few days out in the field.

"Yeah... Who knew that packing up rotting remains and stuffing them on a train would cause problems, right?!" Emily joked in an effort to lower the disappointment of her fellow team members. "Anyways, we might not be home in time for dinner tonight... if we even get home tonight."

"How does this even happen?" one of the team members asked. "Didn't Dr. Reiland or Dr. Venger take care of this? Let Silverline know we'd be transporting this material?"

"Dr. Reiland said she would..." Emily answered. "Look, she's going through a lot with her health problems. Stuff like this slips her mind sometimes, it's just a fact of life that all of us should be used to by now. Anyways, it could be awhile before this mess is sorted... Anyone visited this city before and know a good hotel?"

The group quietly discussed the matter amongst themselves; outside of their initial visit on their way to the Spritewood, not a single one had visited the city of Aughrim before. Eventually, another voice spoke up and asked, "Hey, what about that girl in the black over there?"

Andrea, who had been loitering a few feet separate from the group with her attention buried in her phone, perked up. "Hmm? What about me?"

"Didn't you used to live here?" the man asked. "Surely you must know--"

"Geoff, she lived here! Why would she know which hotels are good and which are bad?" Emily interrupted. She started to laugh at the silliness of the question. "Geoff, I love you to death, but sometimes I wonder how you even get dressed in the morning!"

Geoff was a good sport about it. "With great difficulty and lots of trial and error."

Another round of laughter.

Andrea tried to answer the question anyways. "Umm... Well, there's the Bennett Hotel down by Harbor Town... I hear good things all the time about it, but I don't know if they're true. There's also the Vogel Resort and Hotel... but I don't think 60 golden roses for each of us is on the budget."

Emily giggled and shook her head. "It's not. I'll look into the Bennett, though. Now! Everyone! Since this could take awhile to sort out, I won't ask you guys to stay here at the train station. You're free to explore the city a bit, if you'd like! Just stay reasonably close in case this gets sorted quicker than I expect."

"Well this is annoying..." Andrea thought as she watched the field team disperse. "At the same time... It gives me an excuse to visit Webster at the apartment..."

- - - - -​

Andrea reached into her purse and grabbed a small plastic card, then slid it into the slot on the door in front of her. After a few seconds, the red light flashed green and a small digital message inched its way across the LCD screen above the lock.

WELCOME HOME!!!

"Well... the key still works at least," she said, placing it back into her purse. She pushed the door open and stepped inside.

The apartment was dark and silent. Usually, her room mate was visible from the door, seated at his computer adding yet another match of Defense of the Legends to his countless record. Usually, soft jazz music could be heard throughout the apartment. Usually, the living room was kept clean, but instead it was filled with clutter, computer equipment and spare parts. Most importantly, usually the lights were on.

"Hello? Webster?" she cautiously asked. "You home?"

A muffled voice came from one of the bedrooms. "Andrea? Is that you?"

"You are home! Yeah, it's me!"

The door to Webster's bedroom opened up and he poked his head outside. A dopey smile appeared on his face as his eyes met hers. "Woah! Long time no see!"

"It's only been, what, ten days? But I was in the neighborhood so I thought I'd drop by. Figured I'd make a surprise out of it, too!"

He stepped out of his room and wandered into the living room, nearly tripping on a computer case in the process. "You certainly did catch me by surprise... Pardon the mess."

She looked around at the clutter and laughed. "Just like the day I first moved in! I guess your computer repair business has picked up in recent weeks?"

"It has... And I haven't had you around to nag me into keeping it organized like usual."

"Oh, please! I didn't nag!" she objected in a playful manner. "I did it for my own sanity, and you can't say it didn't help you, either."

"Mmm."

She dropped her purse onto the coffee table and started walking towards her bedroom. "I might not be here long, I've got a train to catch today. Let me take care of some stuff first, and then we can chat, okay?"

"Oh. Okay."

- - - - -​

"Let's see... I don't know if it's a good idea to bring any of this with me yet..." she said as she lifted the lid of a delicately crafted cherry jewelry box. Inside was an extensive collection of steel and silver rings, necklaces and earrings, each decorated with designs of bats, ghosts and stars and set with lavender or black stones.

There was a knock at the door.

"Since when do you knock?" she asked.

"I just wanted to make sure you weren't getting changed or something."

She laughed quietly and shook her head. "Come on, get in here!"

The door opened and Webster stepped into the room. His face carried a sadness with it that she had rarely seen before.

"Oh!" she said with a smile. "You don't look too happy. What's up?"

In silence, he walked over to her bed and sat down on it. He started with a sigh, then asked, "So... what's the deal with us?"

"Uhh... What do you mean by that?"

"I see you packing up some of your stuff... Does this mean you have a place in Loch Alstan?"

She paused for a moment as she searched for an answer that wouldn't upset him, but nothing appropriate came to mind. "Not quite. But I'm looking."

His eyes sunk to the floor. "Oh. So you're definitely moving out, then..."

"Uhh..?" she mumbled, unsure. She continued to sort through her favorite jewelry and place some of it into a spare plastic bag. "Well, umm... It looks like I haven't disappointed Dr. Reiland enough for her to fire me, yet... In fact, she seems kinda happy to have me! So, yes, I'll eventually have to move out once I get settled over there."

He sighed. "Should have figured."

She closed her jewelry box and sat down on the bed next to him, then started to rub his back. "Hey, c'mon, big guy. Try to be happy! This means I'm finally getting back on my feet! You've been waiting for that for months."

"Not like this..." he said as he shook his head. "It's good that you're finally putting yourself back together, but... I'm gonna miss ya, ya know? The evenings weren't all that fun without you these past couple of weeks, but now that I know you're going for good... They're gonna feel even worse. They're going to be empty."

"Aww... Look at it this way, I won't be a burden on you anymore."

"You were never a burden on me! There were -- difficult points, yes... times when I questioned whether you actually wanted my help, but I patiently worked through them because I care about you, and I still do."

Her cheeks flushed with a rosy color. "Heh, that's... I didn't know you -- I mean, I did, but... Hmm, maybe you could think about moving out there with me, then?"

He hesitated for a bit before he shook his head. "I've got too much going on here in Aughrim to just uproot like that."

She tilted her head down and stared at him; she wasn't looking to display anger, but concern. She always worried that he sold himself too short and settled for mediocrity, and that worry returned yet again. "Is that so? You've got your volunteer work at the naval history museum and your part time job fixing up computers. I'm not trying to be a petulant bitch here, but that doesn't sound like much to me."

"Maybe to someone ambitious it doesn't..."

"If you're comfortable here, that's cool. I won't push it any further. But one last thing I'll say about that is... try applying to the Reiland Institute. There's no guarantee that you'll get it, but if you do, you'd finally put that computer sciences degree of yours to better use. I actually got to see their IT department briefly, it's pretty fucking impressive! You'd be doing something important rather than spending your time cleaning viruses off of elderly folk's computers."

"I do do a lot of that..." he chuckled. "I'll think about it. It would be nice to challenge myself... and stay by your side at the same time."

"It would, wouldn't it?" she asked. She leaned up against him and rested her head on his shoulder. "I'm not going to lie, I'm going to miss you, too. I owe you a lot. You pulled me out of the darkness when no one else could. When everyone gave up on me."

"Ehh..." he mumbled, trying to downplay her appreciation. "I just did what good people should."

Silence overtook them as they wallowed in the emotion of the moment. She didn't want to admit it and put on a strong face for him, but the idea of leaving Aughrim and one of her only friends behind hung more heavily on her heart than she expected. Her words carried truth; she did owe him a lot, more than he likely realized, and he meant more to her than she was ready to admit to him.

She wanted to voice her gratitude for all he'd done for her: he brought her in when she dropped out of university and had nowhere else to turn. He helped her to manage her depression and get her confidence back, even if it was shaky. He saw her through her destructive breakup with her fiancé. He clamped down hard on her alcohol dependence and put her on the road to recovery. He practically rebuilt her from the thousands of pieces she had shattered into just six months ago, all on his own. She had so much to thank him for, but the words couldn't pass her lips. Even if they did, she was certain she wasn't going to say it right. Instead, the best she felt she could do was rest her hand on his and grip tightly.

As much as she hated it for ruining the moment, she felt a tiny bit of relief when her phone began to rumble against her leg. She reached into her stocking and grabbed it.

Fr: Emily Winehaus, 2:31 PM

'Hey, good news! Dr. Reiland and I got us cleared for the train ride back to the lab. The next train leaves in 20 minutes, so get back to the station as soon as you can!'​

"Oh. That's my train, I've gotta go." She grumbled and sighed. "Sorry."

He grumbled as well. "Figures."

She slung her backpack over her shoulders, grabbed her bag of spare belongings and stood up. "It was nice seeing you again."

He rubbed the hand that she gripped just a moment earlier. "Yeah... Thanks for the visit. I might be sad we're parting ways, but I mean it."

She smiled. "Promise me you'll reconsider moving out to Loch Alstan, okay? Even if we don't end up living together anymore... it'll be nice for me to have a friend out there. And you already do."

 

[Beth Pavell]

Well, you weren't kidding when you said this would be a short one. It's sufficiently serviceable that I'm kinda left wondering what I can usefully say. It is a remarkably weighty chapter, given that almost all of this story is told, in retrospect. It's consistent with Andrea's emotional illiteracy. You just want to write in a friend to tell her to write him a letter or send a small gift, or something

 

[Misfit Angel]

Land of the Roses
Interlude 4: Rain Clouds

"More rain... Does the sun ever shine in this country? Sometimes I forget..."

Andrea was seated in the back corner of the train carriage. Outside of the window beside her was a picturesque view of the rain-soaked moors of the Northcountry, obscured by a heavy fog. Without even referring to a map, she knew roughly where she was: just outside of Redfern Crossing, likely in the Bramblemurk Marsh. She had slept through both of her previous train rides through it so she had never seen it before, but she was delighted to see that the marsh lived up to its reputation: dull, dreary, dark and depressing, even during the brightest hours of mid day. Despite the visual appeal of the marsh, she hoped that she would never have to set foot in it.

Her appreciation of the view was interrupted by a burst of laughter a few seats ahead of her; it came from the other employees of the Reiland Institute that she was riding with, seated around one of the carriage's tables as they enjoyed a round of Cards Against Humanity. She tried her best to not let it get to her, but it did. Not only did she consider herself a master of the game that would mop the floor with them, she was also sad that she wasn't invited to join them.

She never invited herself over, but figured it would have been pointless anyways; she made an honest effort to socialize with the other members of the field team when she met them earlier that morning, but they were distant with her. Aloof. Cold. Even critical. Though she knew it wasn't the case, she couldn't help but feel that the outburst of laughter had been manufactured in an effort to further exclude her from the group. The events of when she met them played over in her head again and again.

Upon catching up with the field team, she first introduced herself to Geoffrey, the lovable joker of the group. He was careless with his words and seemed uninterested in her safety on the night she encountered the skeletal creature that attacked her: "It's impressive that you didn't get yourself killed, look at the arms on this thing!" She resented the fact that he didn't at least express how thankful he was that she even made it out alive.

"Common decency must be a foreign concept to him," she reasoned quietly.

At least Geoffrey wasn't as rude as the other man of the team, Dedrick. From the moment she introduced herself, he was rude and jagged, and she couldn't understand why. "Aren't you a little old to be playing princess of darkness?" A brief smile appeared on her face as those words repeated themselves in her mind, but it wasn't a happy smile. It faded as she remembered another criticism of his, about how she had let Dr. Reiland down by not finishing her work in Doranshire. Perhaps that was a fair criticism of her performance, but he had no way of knowing what she was up against in that forest. What would have otherwise been an astute observation turned into a cruel and cutting attack on her character.

She recalled her interactions with Heidi Ashcroft next. She saw a bit of herself in Heidi; just like when she was asked to assist with the dead Miltank in Nettlefield, Heidi was absolutely uninterested in the work that she was assigned. She spent the entire time complaining about how gross the assignment was, gawking at how deadly the skeletal creature looked, or completely zoned out on her phone. When Andrea dared to call her out on it, she received a sharp glare and even sharper words, "I may not like this assignment, but at least I can actually do what I'm assigned."

It seemed that being pulled off of her assignment in Doranshire had painted her in a bad light with just about everyone, and she wondered if any of them knew the details of why. She recalled that Emily herself, the team leader, didn't know the details; her woes could have been fixed if someone had just communicated to the team about what happened, but she wasn't going to tell them herself. Not only would she be branded a failure, but a crackpot looking to cover those failures as well.

The last of the research team was a girl named Red. While the aptly named redhead wasn't rude, she was for the most part unresponsive. She was so focused on the job ahead of them that only one of Andrea's attempts to talk to her made it through, and her reply was a blathering, stuttering mess. The strangest part about Red's quiet personality is that she seemed to be the loudest one of the group as they continued with the card game.

"I hope they don't already hate me... I was the one that saw this creature, it's likely I'm going to be working with these people a lot..."

The door to the next carriage opened up with a blustery gust of wind and a splash of misty rainwater; Emily stepped in from outside, shook her damp hair back and forth like a dog and shivered violently. "Oof! Cold out there!"

"Emily is nice, at least..." she thought. "She's such an--"

As Emily passed through the aisle, she noticed Andrea seated alone, glaring out the window. "Hey! What are you doing all alone over here? Don't you want to join in on the card game the other guys are playing?"

She looked up and tried her best not to look miserable. "I'd like to, but... it didn't feel right. I've been trying to chat with them all day, but it hasn't been working."

Emily took a seat across from her. "How so? Is it just awkward, or have they been being mean?"

"Oh, no. Nobody was being mean. It's just awkward..." She paused for a moment. "...well Dedrick might have been a bit mean."

Emily laughed. "Don't take it personally. Dedrick is pure piss and vinegar, a classic boy of the north. I don't think he knows how to be nice. The rest of them just haven't warmed up to you, yet."

She shook her head. "I don't know about that. It seems they're disappointed in me for not finishing my work in Doranshire, which I find frustratingly unfair. They don't know what I had to deal with out there."

Emily raised her eyebrow and leaned forward a bit. "What did you deal with out there? As I noted earlier, Dr. Reiland didn't tell me much..."

"How about Patrick? And your medical guy... Dr. Venger, was it? They didn't say anything, either?"

Emily shook her head. "They've been tight lipped, too. All I know, and by extension all the rest of our field team knows, is that we've got a strange and unidentified creature packed up in these boxes, ready for analysis."

"I'm sure they had a reason for not explaining it, so maybe it's best I don't spill any beans..." She took a moment to think about her experiences in Doranshire and the surrounding Spritewood, then looked down at the ground. "But whatever's out there... it's bad. Really bad. And I worry that nobody is equipped to deal with what I saw out there."

"Oh come on! I get the feeling you're not lying, but maybe stretching the truth a bit. It can't be that bad, can it?"

She thought about it, but all she could do was shrug.

"Hmm. Well, if there is something truly horrible out there that Dr. Reiland knows about, I sincerely hope she doesn't sit on it for long. Inaction has led to tragedy too many times in this country's history. In any case, I'll try to smooth things over with the gang for you, okay? If they got a bad first impression of you, that's probably my fault and I'll fix that. You can count on that."

"Thank you."

"I'm going to go join them for their game now, you're welcome to come along!"

She smiled. "I think I'll pass. I need to look the part and brood in sadness some more, anyways."

Emily bellowed with laughter. "Pat warned me about sense of humor! You're going to fit in well at the Reiland Institute, it's just going to take a little bit of time."

- - - - -​

Another hour had passed and the Silverline train roared eastward through the jagged foothills of the Northcountry. Andrea was far less focused on the scenery this time, as the rainstorm above had obscured all but the nearest of visuals, which popped out of the fog like ghostly apparitions. Instead, she was taking the opportunity to clear our her e-mails and her text messages.

"Oh, shit..." she thought. "I promised Kim I'd get in touch with her when I got to the city, but I never did..." Her fingers went to work as she tried to think of what to say:

Fr: Andrea Dennison, 4:37 PM

'hey there! sorry im a little late with this message a lot of stuff lined up and kept me busy when i got to aughrim'
'im probably a couple hours away from loch alstan at this point so if you wanna chat youve got my attention! lol'
'hope you had luck finding someone you can trust to take you to your destination. it sounded pretty imp--'​

Her typing was interrupted by an incoming phone call; a quick check of the caller ID told her that it was from her father. "Hmm... Must be important, he's actually calling this time..." she quietly mused.

Through a lengthy series of texts, she'd been chatting back and forth with her father over the evenings about her experiences in Doranshire, specifically those about the attempted kidnapping and the strange woman who appeared to be in the center of it all. Her father found the story fascinating but understandably unbelievable; his focus was on the hard facts about the kidnappers, and he tried his best to keep her updated about the investigation. Unfortunately, despite his high rank within the Lanark Police Force, he hadn't learned much about what had happened, as if someone had been keeping a lid on the story; neither knew much about the aftermath of the kidnapping attempt, and outside of some lingering suspicions, she was unaware that two of the attackers had died that night.

The fact that he was actually calling her instead of resuming their text conversations told her that perhaps he had learned something substantial and was about to drop a bomb shell. Hungry for knowledge about the people who tried to hurt her, she eagerly answered the call. "Hey, dad! What's up?"

"Hey there, dear! Just wondering how my little princess of darkness has been handling herself these past couple of days."

"Sleeping has been difficult, as you can imagine... But now that I'm out of that town, away from those horrible people... I think I'll have an easier time of it. I just wish you got assigned to the investigation..."

"I wish I did, too. Whoever tried hurting my little girl is going to bloody pay... But Commissioner Shelby didn't want me anywhere near the case since you were nearly one of the victims. He said it would be a conflict of interest."

"Conflict of interest!?" she roared. "Th-th-that -- bullshit! If anything, you'd be extra motivated to get to the bottom of it all!"

"Too motivated, maybe. I can see where Commissioner Shelby is coming from... Don't forget what happened to Mr. Reiserben after his wife died."

Almost instinctively, her brow furrowed upon hearing the name. "I'd rather I did forget. I don't need a reminder that anyone in that family exists."

"Still bitter about Larson, huh? Now, this is me being a concerned father, nothing more... But I do think you need to let go of what happened between you two, he--"

She shook her head violently. "That asshole cheated on me! I'll never have sympathy for him again, even on his deathbed! I try not to hold his actions against his father, but Mr. Reiserben has his own issues... Hard to be sympathetic for him, too, after all that's happened."

"That's fair, I guess... I'm just saying, don't let your feelings poison you, okay? You have a very bad habit of doing that. Now that you're out and into the adult world on your own, you're going to need to learn to let that habit go."

She sighed. She knew he was right, but didn't want to admit it. Not after the things Larson had done to her, even if the worst of those things were almost two years old. "I'd rather just forget him, you know? That way I don't have to worry about it poisoning me."

"Alright, alright... I'll stop pokin' the hornet's nest... Anyways, I've got some news that'll turn this call around!"

She was surprised, and a smile crossed her face; whenever he said that, it was usually good news, but she playfully joked, "Uh oh, I don't like the sound of that!"

"Your mother has tied up all of the loose ends associated with her botany studies over in the jungles of Sakala. She's finally coming home!"

"Oh my god, really? I thought we'd never see her again!"

"Yeah, I worried about that, too... Hard to believe she left eight years ago and has barely been in our lives ever since... But she's back! And she's proud of you, too! I told her about the job you got working with Dr. Reiland, she said she's actually a little bit jealous."

Her face lit up with joy at the thought. "Ha, jealous of me? I never thought I'd hear that. I've always been living in her shadow and that hasn't changed just because I got a job."

"Don't worry about living in her shadow! She does have 18 years of time and experience on you, don't forget that. But give it enough time and you'll be casting a shadow right beside her."

"Someday, but that won't be for a long time."

"You're way too humble. But anyways, her flight is landing tomorrow... I'm heading to Aughrim to greet her!"

A pit dropped in her stomach at the timing of it all. "Tomorrow? Damn it! I just left Aughrim... Too bad I couldn't have stayed an extra day to be there beside you."

"Don't worry, there's always going to be time to visit, especially now that she's back for good. Besides, we wouldn't be staying long, we're hopping on a train to Redfern almost as soon as her flight lands."

"Redfern?" she asked, puzzled. "Why on earth would you ever go there? I hear it's pretty, but I also hear that there's not much to do..."

There was a pause on the line before he sighed. "Well, as part of her return, she'll be judging a horticultural show. She somehow roped me into being a judge, too. Apparently my caveman knowledge of flowers would be a useful asset as a judge. A different way of thinking."

"A horticultural show," she stated incredulously.

"Yes."

"You hate flowers," she followed up, matter-of-factly.

"I do. But I love your mother more than I hate her flowers, so I'm going to be there to support her."

She laughed. "You need to learn to say no to her for once in your life!"

"Ha! You've got that right... But saying yes to her got me one good thing, at least... you! In fact, I think I still remember that night, she was wear--"

"Eww, dad! Come on!"

He returned the laughter.

"Sooooo..." She tried to pivot the subject. "Have you learned anything new about these kidnapper guys? I know they're trying to keep a lid on the details..."

"They're doing an impressive job of keeping it quiet. Especially considering how often investigation details leak to the media... Whoever is keeping things quiet is very high up in the LPF... I'm going to poke around and see who's pulling that string, because I want to know what's going on just as much as you do."

She grumbled. "Look, be careful, okay? Your extensive career isn't worth my curiosity. At the end of the day, it really doesn't matter if I never learn anything just as long as those fuckers are put away for life."

"Mmm." There was a short pause on the line. "Ah, well... that's my break over, time to get back out there. It was lovely chatting with you again!"

"It was!"

"You're probably sick to death of hearing this by now, but I'm so proud of you! It's amazing how quickly you've put yourself back together in these past few months."

She smiled. "Well... I do have someone to thank... Webster put in more effort than I did."

"I'm gonna buy that kid a beer when I get to Aughrim. He's earned one."

"He doesn't drink, dad."

He laughed. "I know, it was just a joke. I'll figure something out. Alright, sweetie, I gotta go. I love you."

"You too..." With that, the call ended. She turned her phone off and slipped it back into her purse, then paused for a moment as the conversation she just had sank into her. "...a horticultural show..." she laughed and shook her head. "He's lost control of his life..."

 

[Beth Pavell]

The phone conversation didn't really need anything clever to make it pop in the end. I think some of the dialogue was too expositonal, so to speak. There were a couple of lines there which made me think they'd have been better off as inner monologue - it wouldn't be any more subtle but the dialogue could be more natural as a pay-off.

 

[Misfit Angel]

Land of the Roses
Chapter 30: Loch Alstan Blues Part I

"Alright! We're finally home! Good work today, everyone!" Emily announced.

A round of cheers erupted from the field team.

Geoffrey spoke up, "Anyone up for the pub? If we hurry, we can catch the beginning of the Glengary vs. Rustlode match!"

More raucous cheering followed.

"Football! Guinness! Fish and chips! Let's get fucked up!" Dedrick's voice called out with alarming enthusiasm.

Emily laughed. "Count me out, but you guys have fun!"

The field team broke apart; Emily lingered behind on the platform, Red wandered off on her own and the remaining trio of Geoffrey, Dedrick and Heidi departed together, belting out a football chant completely out of sync with each other. Andrea was tempted to follow them to be a part of something, but already knew it would be a waste of time; beer and football topped the list of her least favorite things. Instead, she approached Emily, who had started to gather up the research materials that they had brought with them.

"Hey there," she said.

"Oh! Hey Andrea, what's up? You didn't go off to join the guys at the pub?"

She shook her head. "Getting hammered isn't really my thing... I've had some bad experiences with it in the past."

"Fair enough. I don't know if you'll break into that little circle of friends if you don't at least try to hang out with them, but if you're uncomfortable around alcohol, it's best not to go."

"Yeah... Say, do you need any help with that stuff?" she asked.

Emily stacked the last box up and looked them over. "Mmm, I'll be fine, I'm only bringing these down to the lab. Shouldn't take me more than ten minutes. The real work begins tomorrow."

"Oh. Okay."

Emily could feel the disappointment in her words. "I get it, you want to be involved and helpful... But I'm just dropping these materials off and then I'm heading home. It'd be a waste of your time, and you'll get your chances to mingle with your co-workers tomorrow."

"Yeah, I understand. I figured it wouldn't hurt to ask."

"Sorry, I'm just tired and want to get home, that's all. Maybe we can do something together sometime."

"I'd like that... Well, I'd better get 'home', too, then..."

- - - - -​

"You're an idiot, Andrea. A god damn idiot." she berated herself. "You spent all that time out in Doranshire without even trying to find a place to live back here... And now you're stuck at a cheap motel again. Good going."

She opened the door to the reception office of the Stargazer Motel. Her decision to call it cheap was the correct one; the walls were filthy and looked as if they hadn't been scrubbed in decades, the wooden furniture was faded and covered in nicks and dents, and the main counter itself was so worn down that its smooth surface had long disappeared and been replaced with a rough texture covered in pen markings and scratches. As cheap as the rooms were advertised at the Stargazer, the condition of the office caught her by surprise.

"Not only is it cheap, it's run down... you're going to die here, idiot."

A man behind the counter perked up. "Oh! Hello!"

"Hi, I uhh... need a room tonight?"

"Just you?"

She sighed. "Unfortunately..."

"Goin' rate on a single night for a single lady is 30 silver roses."

She dropped her purse onto the counter and started to dig through it for some silver coins. "Not bad, I suppose... I can keep this up for a few weeks, at least..."

"Thaaaaank you!" the receptionist said. He handed over the guest list and a pen and motioned for her to sign it, then buried his attention in an archaic-looking computer and began typing away. "Alright, let's see... We've got a few rooms open..."

As she signed her name in the guest registry, she asked, "Do you happen to have today's newspaper, by any chance?"

"Sure, I'm done with it," the receptionist said. He grabbed the newspaper off of the desk behind him and started to gather all of the loose articles up. "What are you looking for? Sports, politics?"

"Classifieds," she stated.

"Ah! Looking for a job?" He grabbed the section she wanted and handed it over the counter. "You know, if you don't find anything, I could always use an assistant around here. You have no idea how often the septic system around here backs up."

A repulsive thought, but it didn't matter. "No, actually, I'm looking for a place to live. I'm... kinda between homes at the moment. I ended up taking a job here in town without really planning ahead. Don't have an apartment yet or any friends to live with."

"Oooh, that's scary."

"Tell me about it. Scary and stupid."

He turned around and started to walk down the row of room keys that hung from hooks on the back wall. "Don't beat yourself up over it. When I was your age, my father always told me, 'you're young, enjoy being an idiot while you can.'"

"I've learned it doesn't quite work that way..." she said, shaking her head. "My dumb choices have brought me nothing but sorrow and heartbreak, being homeless is not going to be any different."

The receptionist didn't know how to respond, so he did all he could and offered a key to her. "Well, here you are. Room 6. Checkout's at noon."

She accepted the key with a nod. "Thanks."

The receptionist nodded in agreement. "Enjoy your night and good luck with the search!"

A polite chuckle escaped her. "You do know that if I find a place, you're not getting any more of my money, right?"

"Hey, your money might be good, but being homeless isn't. I'm a businessman, not heartless. You take care."

She nodded, turned around and walked for the exit. As she put her hand on the door knob, she looked back and said, "Uhh, by the way, some advice... next time you talk to someone about needing a helping hand... don't tell them the shit pipes are broken until they show up for their first day. You might have better luck finding someone."

The receptionist smiled. "I'll have to remember that."

- - - - -​

As she sat on the bed in the surprisingly well-kept motel room, Andrea unfolded the newspaper and went through the listing of all of the rental properties within the town. Some were very obviously out of her league, such as the mini-mansions of the town's affluent Wine Row district. That page was instantly crumpled up and thrown aside. On the next page, lines of ink slashed through some of the more modest housing, until all that was left were the run-down, slum-like dwellings that Patrick had both suggested to her and warned her about over a week ago. Still, more ink flowed from the tip of her pen as she went through each apartment, looked at the price and compared it with her income and expected expenses.

She flipped the last page over and came to the realization that, just like before, she had crossed out every available option yet again.

"Come on... There's gotta be something..."

She double checked to make sure that she didn't miss anything, but every single apartment in the listing had a giant slash drawn through it. She tried to visualize her expenditures to see if there was any wiggle room in her finances, but there was precious little to cut on her already-thrifty budget, and even then, it wouldn't help her to afford the least expensive option. Frustration welled within her as she crumpled the newspaper up and threw it to the side. She rubbed at her temples in an effort to relieve the stress of knowing that she'd likely be homeless for the near future, spending her much needed finances on cheap motels.

"I'm not going to be able to keep this job if I can't afford to live out here... How is this fucking fair?" she growled. "I really fucking hope Webster reconsiders moving out here with me..."

She remembered running into similar problems with getting her apartment in Aughrim. Alone, she wasn't able to afford anything, and just when it looked like she was going to have to move back in with her parents, Webster swooped in and saved the day by offering to split the rent for his place. Even then, the two sometimes struggled to make ends meet. A shared apartment was the only thing that made sense to her, but the problem presented itself: outside of Patrick, Dr. Reiland and Emily, she didn't know anyone in town, and none of them were likely to drop their current living arrangements for her benefit. A headache started to develop in the back of her mind. The day had defeated her and she was ready for bed despite the sun still being up.

She undid the buckles on her boots and slid them off; she couldn't help but groan at the wave of physical relief that followed. Next to come off were her striped stockings, shredded during her encounter with the skeletal beast of the Spritewood, stained from her time in the Nettlemarsh and practically tattered from constantly walking in them. Those stockings had been with her for years, but she was afraid they'd finally been worn out. Though it was small, it was one more bitter drop in the chalice of despair.

She sighed as she snuggled herself under the bedcovers and grabbed the TV remote. She turned the TV on and started to flip through the channels, but nothing particularly interested her; only a few basic channels were available, so she eventually settled on the twenty four hour opinion channel, Crown News Network. At the very least, she had some mindless background noise to fall asleep to.

As she rested with her eyes closed, her focus naturally drifted to the voices on the television, and one sounded very familiar to her; it was a voice that she knew very well, and it brought back a rush of memories from her time at university. She initially discounted it as another bout of stress getting to her, but as she listened further, the voice continued to speak. She opened her eyes and sat up, and as she did so, her heart dropped: the news anchor was covering a story about an upcoming regulation change related to pesticide use in the agricultural industry, and the guest was none other than her former fiancé, Tobias Kedzierski. She paid much closer attention to the broadcast.

"...become an energetic leader in these matters, how do you plan to protest these new regulations?" the news anchor asked.

"Well, Charles," Tobias started. "We can't let Lady Plame off of the hook on this one. Working together with our partners and allies, we will blockade the Ministry in Aughrim, protest outside of Lady Plame's residence in Harbor Haven and disrupt the supply lines of these new harmful pesticides."

"Disrupting those supply lines will be a criminal act, you may wish to reconsider--"

"What is criminal is what the Ministry of Wildlife plans to do to our environment. I will not allow--"

"Come on, don't be an idiot, Toby..." Andrea commented quietly.

"--we see such enthusiasm. Regardless, this will be an uphill battle for your organization. Historically, protests of this nature have not been very successful at curbing changes in law and regulation."

"That's an unfortunate truth, and a challenge to us. Luckily, the newly elected MP for the city of Aughrim, Diana King, has issued a statement expressing her interest--"

Andrea's eyes narrowed at the name: Diana King.

The name repeated itself in her mind and her blood began to boil. Though she did not know Diana personally, she held a burning hatred for the woman, and it was all linked to the disastrous breakup between her and her former fiancé. Diana was the woman that Tobias had drifted to, and Diana was the one who made sure that their romance was at the front and center of everything that the two did together. She didn't know whether Diana did this all out of spite for her, but she didn't care. All she cared about was the fact that Tobias considered her the love of his life now, and to her that meant that Diana was the worst thing in existence.

"Ugh, that bitch!" she roared. "Stole my man away from me... and now she's doing everything for him that I couldn't..." She rushed to turn the TV off and then rocketed the remote across the room as her breathing grew erratic. "That's it... I'm never getting him back, am I... Can't catch a fucking break for once in my fucking life..."

Her hands trembled with the surge of emotions and her breathing continued to destabilize. The thing she resented most about Diana was the anger that bubbled to the surface at the mere mention of the name; she was disappointed in herself for allowing a woman she didn't know and had never met to have such power over her. Among all of her problems, that was the one that made the least amount of sense, and she desperately wanted to escape from it. If anything, she was determined to get her breathing back under control so that she could better focus on bottling her rage back up.

"Kim's breathing exercises... They must work for her... right?" she wondered. "What did she say... 'Empty your mind, but don't clear it'... Whatever the hell that means."

She laid back down in the bed and took in a deep breath. It was difficult, but she held onto it for a few seconds. She let it loose, but her breathing was still chaotic. She counted to four and took in another breath. After another four second wait, she let it go. As silly as it was to her, it was starting to work; her focus was no longer rooted in her fiery contempt for Diana, but the simple act of counting to four. As her thoughts faded and her breathing continued to steady, she kept at it.

"Well, her breathing exercises work... I wonder if there's anything to that goofy spirituality of hers..." she jokingly mused.

Though her breathing had returned to normal and she was no longer haunted by her thoughts, the counting continued. She counted all the way to 372 until he brain flicked off and she fell asleep.

- - - - -​

A cloud of steam billowed out of the shower as the glass door slid open. A soaked arm stretched out from behind the foggy glass, searching haphazardly until it found the towel rack. The towel disappeared into the shower, and a moment later, a fully covered Andrea stepped out. Her wavy blonde hair, with her natural brown roots growing longer by the day, was pulled away from her face, a look she rarely sported. She took a look in the mirror, but wasn't happy with what she saw.

"Come on, smile, you big lunk. It's your first proper day in the office." she demanded of her reflection. The reflection didn't listen and continued to maintain its dour visage; the emotional torment she went through the previous night had taken its toll on her.

She emerged from the bathroom with a new set of clothes; another black mini dress, but this one featured white and lavender rose designs starting at the waist, as well as lavender stripes of varying size along the long bell sleeves. Her hands were wrapped in revealing lace gloves, speckled with shining silver rhinestones. It was at times like this that she was grateful there was no formal dress code at the Reiland Institute, because nothing she owned would likely be acceptable.

She wandered over to the window and drew the curtains back to let some light in, only to be met with a peculiar sight that she wasn't expecting: heavy fog and snow falling from the sky. It wasn't cold enough for the snow to accumulate on the ground, but the fact that it was cold enough at all shocked her. "Snow? Are you kidding me?! June starts next week!" she shouted. She shook her head as she delicately folded her old clothes and stuck them into the smaller section of her backpack.

"Hope I don't freeze on my way to work... didn't bring a jacket again... so stupid." she muttered fretfully. She gathered her belongings up, took one last look at the room to make sure she had everything, then headed out the door.

It wasn't cold enough to freeze her, but it was certainly cold enough to make her quietly miserable. The weather was downright terrible, yet seasonably appropriate for Loch Alstan. Winter typically lingered into early May in the Northcountry, and some years, summer never truly arrived. Loch Alstan's proximity to the lake it takes its name from further extends the cold weather; cold mountain air blows across the lake from the neighboring nation of Glastonfell, causing the Northcountry's mid-May freezes. Of course, this was all lost on Andrea, who assumed that May meant warm temperatures and sleeveless spring days, as it typically did in Aughrim.

Her boots splashed along the soaked pavement as she made her way down Windyreed Road towards the imposing brick structure in the distance, the Reiland Institute. Snow accumulated on her as her still-wet hair began to frost over in the cold; another mistake she didn't account for, a simple error that made her question her own intelligence. Luckily, the journey between the hotel and the Reiland Institute was a short one and she arrived at the luxuriously heated building within a few minutes.

- - - - -​

Andrea took a deep breath, bringing in the aroma of the freshly brewed tea that sat in front of her.

"Mmm... come to mama..." As she lifted the mug to her mouth, she noticed Patrick out of the corner of her eye; she took a quick sip and lowered it again. "Morning!" she called out.

"There you are! You've really only been in the lounge twice and I see you already have your favorite spot picked out... saves me the trouble of tracking you down!" He sat down across the table from her.

"Hmm," she replied. "Quiet and out of the way. Where I belong."

"I don't know about that." He politely laughed. He studied her up and down before adding, "I've gotta say, I like your sense of fashion. Even if it is a little bizarre sometimes."

She looked up at him and smiled, then returned her gaze to the comforting warmth of her tea. "Thanks. Kinda regret it, though."

"Why's that?"

She pointed through the large window over his shoulder. "This weather. Why is it snowing when summer is just a couple weeks away?"

He looked over his shoulder, then back at her. "Oh! Welcome to Loch Alstan!"

"That's normal?"

"Ee-yup."

"...god damn mistake coming here..." she mumbled quietly.

"What was that?"

"Nothing, just... I had a bad night, ignore me. So, umm! What project am I working on today?"

He reached into his black leather courier bag and grabbed a blue folder, then handed it across the table. He watched in silence as she opened the folder, grabbed one of the papers inside and began to read from it. He was certain that she wasn't going to be too enthused about the assignment given to her, but held his tongue in anticipation of her response.

"Chemical analysis on microbial subjects..." Her eyebrow raised as she continued to read from the paper. "So... I'll be playing around with germs in petri dishes."

"In a way. Specifically, we're looking at a batch of potential new synthetic anti-venoms that'll hopefully be cheaper than current natural options. Should help lower the bar for new Pokémon trainers. Poison can be quite a tricky and stressful situation to deal with."

She nodded. "That's true... But isn't venom a toxin? Not a microbe? I don't get it."

"Smart! Yes, that's correct. But this new anti-venom we're testing is designed not only to attack and destroy the venom in the bloodstream, but also to rescue cells that are already under attack by the venom. Natural ones don't do that. We're starting with something simple for the tests, Weedle, Wurmple and Ekans venom. Your experiments will help to determine the effectiveness of the samples."

"Huh, expanded to the right species, such as Ariados, that could be a game changer..." She continued to read over the information on the page before cautiously starting, "Ehh... Don't take this as complaining, because it's not, but... wouldn't it make sense for me to assist Dr. Venger's team instead? If there's anyone who would know anything about that creature from the Spritewood, it would be me."

"It would, but Dr. Venger is very picky about who he works with. He does like you, but he's worried about bringing you onboard because you're so new. Don't get me wrong, your qualifications are pretty impressive for someone your age, but... his team is mostly doing high-level medical and DNA analysis right now."

"So I'd just be getting in the way."

"To put it bluntly, probably."

She sighed. "Right. Fair enough. This might be a little bit different than what I'm used to, but at least I have a bit of experience with microbiology."

"That's a plus, I did see that on your application when Dr. Reiland and I went over it." The disappointment was extremely clear on her face and he felt a little bit bad about it. "Andrea, I get it. It's not glamorous work. But it's the only ongoing project we have that you're experienced with, and the current team really could use another team member."

"It's not a problem, I understand. I probably just look more miserable than I am, that happens a lot. Last night took a lot out of me."

"That's the second time you mentioned it. You want to talk about it? We've got some time before we need to get started with our work."

She sighed as she thought it over. "No. I don't like talking about my problems, I just want to move on from them, you know? This day won't be fun if I keep thinking about them."

"That's the spirit!" He smiled. "I hope I don't sound too pushy, but... talking about problems can help. If you're up for a little chat, drop by my office at the end of the day. I may not look it, but I'm a good listener."

"I'll remember that." She finished off the last of her tea. "Right! Off too... where am I going, exactly?" She opened her folder and started to look through it again.

"Room 417-B, up in the biology wing. You'll be working with Xander Kurtzman and his team. I should warn you, he's a little bit of a prickle pear in the early mornings. Just follow his instructions and you'll be fine."

"Got it, thanks."

- - - - -​

Andrea was stood outside of Room 417-B, digging through the folder that Patrick had given her. She felt a bit lost, unsure if there was some sort of procedure she had to take care of first before getting started, but none of the documentation in the folder indicated it. Instead, she grabbed the keycard that rested in the folder and slid it into the door. With a loud click, the door unlocked.

"Right... Show time..."

She stepped inside and found a nondescript room with eight people inside, all seated around a central table. At the far end of the room were several shelves, each filled to capacity with small glass discs. On the opposite side of the room was a large and bulky incubation unit, to be used to encourage the growth of the bacteria samples she would be examining. As she made her entrance, one of the scientists inside looked up from his work and beckoned her over.

"Can I help you?"

She enthusiastically offered her hand out for a shake, which he declined. It took a moment to register in her head that he wasn't being a 'prickle pear', he was simply following protocol in a sterile environment. "I'm Andrea, the newest member of your chemical analysis team."

"Ah, yes. Dennison, I presume?" he asked.

"Mhmm!"

"Xander Kurtzman. I'm in charge of the ongoing tests for the medical lab's synthetic anti-venom test samples. Welcome."

On the other side of the table, a voice quietly said, "Oh look. It's Dr. Reiland's precious pet." The comment earned a laugh out of a couple of the other analysts.

She pushed it aside and asked, "So, how can I help?"

Xander finished applying the last of his toxin sample to the petri dish in front of him, then looked around. "Hmm, let's see... Well, we've more or less got things under control. We've got our samples lined up, we've got our dishes divided up... Now it's just a matter of finishing the application process and... waiting! Everyone's favorite part. I don't think there's really anything for you to do, honestly."

"Can I help with the application at all?"

"I think we're pretty much done with that... Looks like Stacey over there might have a few more to go through, but she can take care of it."

"Really? Patrick said you guys needed a hand."

He slipped his latex gloves off, then grabbed the folder out of her hands and started to look through it. "That sounds just like Patrick, he doesn't communicate with us very well sometimes. I tried telling him the other night that we didn't need anyone else, maybe he didn't read the e-mail in time." He handed the folder back to her. "Have a poke around, see if you can find something to do. Just don't touch anything without any gloves on, I'm not rushing you down to the infirmary. And try not to cause any trouble."

She took his advice and wandered through the room. As she did so, she wondered, "Not cause any trouble? Is my reputation around here already that bad? I haven't even been here!"

She took a seat at the desk in the corner of the room, slipped a pair of gloves on as a precaution, and had a look through the disorganized mess of papers on top of it. She started to sort through them in an effort to help the team somehow, and as she did so, she studied the contents of each sheet. Most were long lists of technical data related to the previous few days of tests, and she started to look through them more closely. Though her own knowledge and experience were for different applications of microbial analysis, she could tell that much of the data looked correct at a glance. However, several entries seemed to be obviously incorrect and each of them were listed to be the work of a man named David. She grabbed the papers in question and approached Xander.

"I didn't get introduced to anyone, which one of these is David?"

Without looking up, Xander quickly answered: "Red hair, frosted tips."

After a quick study of the people in the room, she found David and approached him.

"Yes?" he asked. The sound of his voice indicated that he was already annoyed by her presence as he concentrated on his work. His voice also told her that he was the source of the mean comment earlier.

"Uhh..." she stammered. She placed the paper on the table next to him and pointed out some of his data entries. "Are you sure this is correct? Some of these measurements don't look right..."

He nodded. "They're correct."

"You didn't even look at them."

He dropped his cotton swab and looked at her. "I don't need to. I know my measurements, and I know they're correct."

"Can you check them again?" She pointed towards one of the suspicious measurements. "Look at this one, it's way out of range compared to the other ones! This could be--"

He furrowed his brow. "And just what the hell would you know about this process? You've only been here twenty minutes, I don't need some newbie second guessing my work."

Xander looked up from his venom samples in an attempt to defuse the situation. "Dave, chill. Let's give her a chance."

"She needs to learn that she's not in charge before I'll do that."

"I'm not saying that I'm in charge," she said. "I'm just wondering why these ones are way out of the norm compared to the others, it doesn't make sense. Maybe the method he used was wrong? Or--"

"Look, lady, can you get off his back? Dave knows his stuff, and you're making it difficult for him to actually do his work effectively."

"Excuse me? I'm trying to make sure he--"

Xander grabbed her by the arm and pulled her aside. "Before you get any big ideas, listen closely. You may have been Dr. Reiland's little angel for the past week, but doesn't mean you're some sorta big shot. Don't go thinking that you're better than us at this because you got a few lucky breaks in life and made that big discovery out in Nettlefield. Some of us have been doing this chemical analysis work for over two decades and we know what we're doing. Harass anyone else and I'll report your behavior to management. Do you understand?"

Despite Patrick's warnings, his aggressive demeanor took her by surprise; she crumpled like paper and spoke softly and woefully, "I just wanted to help, that's all..."

"You can help without being a pain. In fact..." He paused for a moment to think. "We could use some more sample dishes from the supply room downstairs. How about you go fetch them?"

"I can do that..."

"Take your time. They're fragile."

- - - - -​

"Okay... sample dishes... sample dishes..." she murmured while she scanned shelf upon shelf for any sign of them. "Where are they..."

She spent nearly 15 minutes systematically going through each shelf of glassware, but her search came up empty. Convinced that she must have missed them, she returned to the entrance of the storage room and consulted the list of supplies that hung from the door. A detailed breakdown of available materials, how many of each item were in stock, numbers withdrawn by personnel and times of withdrawal could be found on the list, including the sample dishes that she was looking for. However, none remained in the store room, and a hefty withdrawal listed earlier that morning had already been made by none other than Xander Kurtzman.

That's when it dawned on her: He had sent her to the supply room not to pick up more materials, but to get her out of the way.

She pressed up against the wall and let out a deep breath. "Is that it... Is that it!" she shouted. "I get that I... I might have been annoying, but..." Her voice began to crack and she started to slide down until she dropped to the floor. The strong face that she had put on over the past few days finally faded and her eyes began to glisten with moisture. As she rested her forehead in her hand, she closed her eyes; a solitary tear slid down her left cheek. She had finally reached her limit.

 

[Beth Pavell]

Getting some of the more nitpicky bits out the way first:

Though it was small, it was one more bitter drop in the chalice of despair.

Having seen the context, I still think this is purpler than it needs to be.

"Disrupting those supply lines will be a criminal act, you may wish to reconsider--"

Might be a cultural difference here, but I wouldn't expect an interviewer to offer advice like that to an interviewee.

I think I see where these worries about torturing the characters are coming from. I don't think it has an easy answer. The plot really demands that you compress what in real life would be an accumulating series of work-related bullshit down into a day or so. Probably the place you go overboard would be in the motel. You have a penchant for comically bad accommodation, for one thing, so the impact of this one is lost by virtue of the fact that we never see Andrea in a merely mediocre room. You're almost giving the implication that it's a roach paradise or something bought with debutante money, with nothing in between. Putting that aside, I don't think it really adds much anyway. The point is that the job Andrea's been struggling towards for years has been getting steadily worse ever since she left Kimberly.

This all does raise more questions about the Reiland Institute. Nobody seems to know what to do with new staff. It's not impossible that the Institute might actually pay someone to do nothing (Our own dear NHS manages to do that), but it's not likely unless funding is never a major concern. And it does imply that communication and planning is really bad in this place.

 

[Misfit Angel]

I haven't forgotten ya

Having seen the context, I still think this is purpler than it needs to be.

This is actually something I wanted to pick up on after I did some reading of The Long Walk and saw the minor differences between the Josh and Eve chapters. I do want to be a little bit more melodramatic in tone with Andrea's chapters since that's her personality, while the prose in Kimberly's chapters will hopefully be written to be a bit more bubblier and optimistic. It might be purple, but I don't think it's too bad.

Might be a cultural difference here, but I wouldn't expect an interviewer to offer advice like that to an interviewee.

There probably is a cultural difference between American and English opinion-based media, and I might be egging it on too much. Turn on any 24 hour news broadcast in America and you'll see how disgustingly slanted it is towards its preferred ideology. Unfortunately I've been subject to a lot of it as I was growing up (some by choice, much of it not), but I don't recall anyone specifically giving advice in this manner. However, I do think someone who is interested in preserving peace and stability over a contentious issue would give advice like this, even if it's not done on camera for ethical reasons. Maybe I overdid it.

The plot really demands that you compress what in real life would be an accumulating series of work-related bullshit down into a day or so.

I've been thinking about this a lot lately, about spreading the timeline out. It's only been two weeks since the story started which is a bit silly considering all of the travel that goes on. I'm not sure how to go back and fix it since some key parts of the story and character development do depend on such a short amount of time passing... At least in the future, time skips are going to be more frequent.

Probably the place you go overboard would be in the motel. You have a penchant for comically bad accommodation, for one thing, so the impact of this one is lost by virtue of the fact that we never see Andrea in a merely mediocre room. You're almost giving the implication that it's a roach paradise or something bought with debutante money, with nothing in between. Putting that aside, I don't think it really adds much anyway.

Hmm, perhaps I need to revisit the room and describe it a bit, I did intend for it to be rather well kept despite its price. As far as it adding something, it does. It's meant to increase the cloud of her homelessness that'll motivate her to do what is necessary to fix that, something we'll see as early as the next chapter.

This all does raise more questions about the Reiland Institute. Nobody seems to know what to do with new staff. It's not impossible that the Institute might actually pay someone to do nothing (Our own dear NHS manages to do that), but it's not likely unless funding is never a major concern. And it does imply that communication and planning is really bad in this place.

I'm actually not sure where to go with this if I'm perfectly honest. When I first started writing this story, I had it in my head that this was an organization that just got it right with everything. Atmosphere, operations, keeping people happy, etc. but I've been trying to make it less of that.

The best I can say is that funding is definitely a concern considering some of the high level (and expensive) stuff they do, so Andrea definitely wouldn't be paid to simply do nothing for longer than a day or two.

 

[Beth Pavell]

Hmm, perhaps I need to revisit the room and describe it a bit, I did intend for it to be rather well kept despite its price.

I think so, because looking again you talk about the reception area and mention nothing about the room:

the walls were filthy and looked as if they hadn't been scrubbed in decades, the wooden furniture was faded and covered in nicks and dents, and the main counter itself was so worn down that its smooth surface had long disappeared and been replaced with a rough texture covered in pen markings and scratches.

How likely a B+B (Or similar) is to scrub up does partly depend upon the location, of course. But I'd say as a good rule a halfway competent owner will know that it never costs much to put a fresh coat of paint on the walls. A more competent owner would be smart to give reception furniture a quick sand and re-varnish. Cheap ways to give a better first impression, is the point. The carpet could be threadbare and about twenty years out of fashion, the showers arcane with bad pressure, the floorboards outside the room creaky and the walls thin (So you hear every staff member walking by at eleven o'clock, every argument and every amorous couple in the rooms next door, when all you need is sleep for work). Those are the sort of things that are more difficult and expensive for an owner to fix, which might not be worth the effort for the target market.

I'm actually not sure where to go with this if I'm perfectly honest.

It's really down to what impression you want to give of the Institute. Scientists don't necessarily make good managers, so it's not impossible that the Institute runs mostly on passion, despite itself rather than because of good organisation. My point is that this chapter implies that there never was a concrete plan for what Andrea would be doing, or who is going to oversee her work, or who is responsible if she's not given anything to do.

 

[diamondpearl876]

Here for Chapters 28, 29, Interlude 3 and Chapter 30... Seems I missed the Interlude 4 update somehow.

Loren's an odd one. He doesn't seem like terrible scum of the earth, but he's the type who'll turn that way if you so much as not give him what he thinks he's entitled to, it seems. He's also a little pushy, but, well, that seems to be a common trait among people, thinking they know what's best for others, or thinking they can comfort someone with words phrased as a demand or phrased dismissively. It's hard to get a good read on him, though. I'd suggest more body language to display his true intentions, whatever they might be, unless it's intentionally supposed to be a secret and confusing.

No complaints from me if that's the case, though, really. The scene where she kicks him out of camp says it all by itself, and really, even if he's kind in more ways than not, she doesn't need someone who doesn't respect her around.

And, of course, I like the hints of Kimberly missing Andrea. It fits with Kimberly's character that she'd not be too picky about Andrea's replacement... but still not view Loren as a replacement in her mind, IMO.

Outside of Loren and Kimberly, I really like the idea that it's illegal to catch a pangoro because they're endangered. Eevee, too. Doesn't that imply, though, that if Kimberly had caught an eevee, she'd have been breaking the law somehow? I also really liked the tale of Brindace. Kimberly's good at reciting stories, and it felt like a true storytelling scene with her and Loren bouncing off of each other without necessarily breaking the flow of Brindace's story itself, if that makes sense.

She received a shrug. "Hey, whatever makes you comfortable. It's a scary world out here."

"Yes it is..."

f-f-foreshadowing? maybe?

I remember Webster well enough to be happy about them meeting again before even reading interlude 3. For some reason, I thought he was her brother, but no matter. xD It means a lot more having him be a longtime friend and a roommate. Andrea's got so precious few friends in her life as it is and has trouble holding on to friendships, and even having one friend like that can mean everything. He clearly seems to miss her... She seems to miss him a little less so, and I'm not sure if that was intentional. She's understandably distracted by her new job and life, though, whereas he doesn't seem to go out much, and without Andrea around, there's probably constant reminders of her everywhere with the silence, not seeing her stuff, etc. I can still tell she cares a lot about him, and I hope Webster returning means he'll indeed move out with her near the Reiland Institute.

Chapter 30... I'm not seeing too much of the torment you talked about - at least, not going overboard with it. Yeah, emotional torment is a thing here, but Andrea's very clearly at her wits end. Her having a meltdown is a perfectly realistic for her to go through. I agree insofar that maybe it wasn't the best timed or in the best location for her to have said breakdown, but it's not something I think is too out of place that I'd suggest you avoid it in future chapters. Also, I think it's sweet that she thinks of Kimberly during this time.

The hotel businessman himself made the scene kinda unbelievable. If he's such a caring, upbeat kinda guy, why wouldn't he want to make his hotel a better place for visitors? Is he that dense or what? One rude motherfucker might've been enough to more believably set Andrea off, with the motel kinda emphasizing how badly low of a budget she has, although I'm not sure if she's as bad off money wise as she claims regardless.

Patrick's back! ...And as annoyingly scatterbrained as ever. Him and Andrea are gonna duke it out one day, I can tell, and he'll get what he deserves. Anyway, them discussing all the poison-type research to improve antidotes was extremely interesting. So was Xander and them giving Andrea a hard time. It does seem a little wishy washy, how you want to portray the Reiland Institute, but every workplace has their bad eggs, and the ones Andrea ran into seem particularly jealous of her being the "pet" for some reason. I don't think Andrea's gotten any special treatment for her discovery - in fact, she's still being treated with kid gloves - but that doesn't necessarily stop people from judging others unfairly.

Overall, a solid couple chapters (the ones I read, oops) with some kinks that have time to be worked out or wouldn't require too much tweaking, I don't think.

 

[Misfit Angel]

Land of the Roses
Chapter 31: Loch Alstan Blues Part II

Patrick was carrying a large box down the hallways of the Reiland Institute; the box was so large and unwieldy that he couldn't see where he was going, but the halls were so familiar to him that he didn't need to see to know what was in front of him. Every now and then, without missing a step, he would spin around to see if anyone else was in the hallway so that he could avoid them, and as he did so, he quietly sung some metal lyrics to himself:

"♫ In my hands, a dripping knife.
With it I ended another life.
The gods have forsaken me!
This is my sworn duty! ♫"

Balancing the bulky box on one arm, he chicken pecked away at the keypad on the storage room without even looking at it, then kicked the door open when he heard it unlock. He continued his tune.

"♫ Cities drowning in blood!
The world set aflame!
This isn't just -- ♫"

His singing stopped as he heard a peculiar sound: soft crying. "Eh?" Without a care in the world for the detailed categorization employed in the storage room, he tossed the box into a random spot and navigated through the winding rows of shelves and racks. Eventually, he found the source of the sound, crumpled up in the farthest corner: Andrea.

"Andrea? What's wrong?"

She was unresponsive. She knew that he was there, but she didn't care. She just wanted him to go away so that she could wallow in misery alone.

He grabbed her by the shoulder and gave her a gentle shake. "Andrea. Andrea! C'mon, what's up?"

She looked up and wiped her tears away, taking a large chunk of her smudged eyeliner with them. She took a deep breath and struggled to push out, "I... I... don't wanna... wan..." Her briefly held composure crumbled and she fell apart again.

"Don't want to what?"

"Don't want... want to talk..."

He shook his head. "I saw you just half an hour ago. You seemed a little shaky, but now look at ya... You might not want to, but I think talking is in your best interest."

She buried her head in her folded up forearms that rested on her knees. She waited patiently for him to disappear, but he didn't; instead, he knelt down beside her and rested his hand on her shoulder in an attempt to comfort her. She pushed his hand away with her shoulder, but refused to acknowledge his presence further. "Just go away, you asshole..." she thought.

"Look, whether you want to talk now or later is up to you, but... Do you still need some time to put yourself back together?"

She looked up for a brief moment and nodded, hoping it would send him away.

"C'mon, soldier, on your feet!" he said as he hooked his arms below hers and gently lifted her up. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and started to lead her away. "Let's find you somewhere quiet. You won't have to worry about anyone coming in and seeing you like this. Sound good?"

She fought her way out of his grip and leaned up against the shelf beside her. "No... I just... need a few minutes. Gotta get back..."

"Okay. I don't know what's wrong, but--"

She glared at him with her irritated eyes. "A lot, but I can't let that get in the way."

"That's a good mentality to have, but you look like you're in worse shape than you're ready to admit. You can't keep carrying on like this."

She gave him the silent treatment again.

"I know I already offered it, but... Please. Drop by my office at the end of the day, I want to figure out what's going on and to see if I can help you somehow."

"That's really not--"

"That's an order," he said. "Part of my responsibility as senior staff and as a supervisor -- your supervisor -- is to make sure our employees are happy and productive. I don't know if you like to talk about your problems with people, but for your benefit, I want to at least try. If there's things we can fix, we'll fix them."

She didn't want to argue it and grumbled. "Maybe talking would help..." she conceded. She recalled the day in Doranshire that she spoke with her longtime friend, Eliza: It was a painful day, and talking about her problems like that was something she typically didn't do, but that conversation was for the best. Another one with Patrick would likely be to her benefit, too, she thought.

He smiled. "Good to hear. You fine to get back to work?"

She took a deep breath, held it in for a few seconds, then let it out. "I think so."

He winked. "Good. Chin up, hold your head high. Go get 'em, tiger."

- - - - -​

The rest of her day was a struggle. Much of her day was spent in passive silence in the corner of the microbiology lab, seated at the desk and sorting through the paperwork that was already there or coming in from her fellow team members. When she wasn't sifting through countless papers, she was stood by the incubation chambers meticulously noting down the time and date that each sample was placed inside. She tried to engage in innocent small talk with her fellow team members; while she made some moderate success, she couldn't escape the crushing feeling that what she talked about was inconsequential at best and downright bothersome at worst. But she made it through, and she was happy that she managed to go the rest of the day without breaking down again.

That happiness didn't last long as she reclaimed her belongings from her locker in the employee lounge. She knew that her afternoon was filled with uncertainty: nowhere to go, nothing to do and nobody to spend her time with, a feeling she hadn't experienced in nearly six months. She wasn't ready for it, and she hoped an intervention from a co-worker who would just give her a chance was in her immediate future.

As she made her way to the main entrance of the Reiland Institute, she passed by Patrick's office and remembered the order he had given her; at the end of a mentally exhausting day that made her question why she was even still alive, the last thing on her mind was talking about her problems, yet she felt an odd pull towards the door. She pushed the door open, peeked her head inside and knocked on the door frame to grab Patrick's attention.

His focus broke away from the filing cabinet that he was looking through as he turned around. A smile appeared on his face. "Andrea! You did come!"

"Surprised?" she asked. "You did tell me I had to..."

"I actually am."

"Me too... I usually find a way to wiggle out of stuff like this..."

"Lucky for you, Patrick is good at handling wiggling worms." The expression on his face shifted from friendly joy to awkward nervousness as he gauged her reaction. "Umm. That came out wrong." He motioned for the cushioned bench beside the door. "Have a seat, I'll be with you in a minute."

She sat on the bench and waited for him to finish sorting through his files. The uncomfortable sensation of painful butterflies fluttered through her stomach and chest as she prepared herself for what was likely to be a lengthy, emotional discussion about where her life currently stood and where it was heading, a discussion she truthfully didn't want to have. She felt her throat close up, her eyelids grew heavy once again and her mind wandered to dark places, but she fought against all of it. Life was about these setbacks, she told herself, and that's all they were: setbacks, not the norm.

"So," Patrick started as he closed his filing cabinet. He approached the bench and sat down beside her, then looked into her eyes. "I don't know what's bugging you, so I don't know where to start. You mind?"

She tried to answer, but couldn't; most of her effort was being spent on keeping herself together. She took a few moments to compose herself in silence, then finally spoke. "I just want to apologize."

He perked up upon hearing her voice. "Apologize? For what?"

"For being such a disappointment."

"You're not a disappointment."

"I crumpled on my first lab assignment. Not even an hour in."

He paused and awkwardly looked towards the ceiling. "Okay, I'll give you that. As a relatively new employee, that's definitely a little worrying. But..." He reached his hand over and rested it on her knee in an effort to comfort her, but before he spoke further, he took a moment to gauge her reaction.

As she felt his hand brush against her knee, a lot came to mind. Right after she was hired, Dr. Reiland warned her that Patrick was perhaps a bit too physically friendly and that he had a habit of making his female co-workers uncomfortable; while physical contact alone wasn't enough to make her uncomfortable, she also remembered a brief and awkward exchange the two had over text messages when she was on her way through the Spritewood. She remembered at the time that he thought she was flirting with him, perhaps even hinting that she was looking to start a casual sexual relationship with him. Now she wondered if he was only interested in listening to her problems so that he could be the gallant hero who then makes his advance to take advantage of that possibility.

With it in mind, she grabbed his hand and pushed it away. One voice in her head told her that his attempt to get her to talk was a trap and to stand up and walk out, while another told her that he was an honest man who was genuinely interested in her welfare and to give him a chance to continue his thought. "But?" she asked.

He offered his heartfelt assessment of her. "Andrea... I understand if working here is scary or overwhelming to you. It was overwhelming to me when I first started, too. The Reiland Institute carries with it a certain degree of prestige. Reputation. Not just anyone gets the opportunity to be here, working in this building. You understand that, right?"

Her eyes dropped to the floor. "I do. I'm lucky. That's all this is, luck."

"I wouldn't go that far! A place like this can be daunting to work for, it's only natural that you'll stress yourself out thinking about it when you're the new employee. People break down when that happens, especially someone as young and as accomplished as you. There's a lot of pressure on you, weight on your shoulders. I understand."

"I don't think you do understand," she quipped. "All that is just -- I'm still a disappointment."

"Why do you keep saying that?"

She took a moment to steady her thoughts before letting out another deep breath. "It's about my time in Doranshire. I somehow convinced Dr. Reiland that I could figure out what was going on out there... but I didn't. I failed her. I failed those people. Something is seriously wrong out there, but I couldn't figure out what, and I couldn't fix it. People are in danger and I left with my tail between my legs, I let everyone down."

A friendly smile appeared on his face again. "Is that what this is about?"

"Partly..."

"Well, I can't speak entirely for Dr. Reiland, but when we were going over your performance out there yesterday, she generally had positive things to say. You went down there with the goal of finding something... 'normal' being wrong in town. You didn't find any of that, but according to your reports, you found something paranormal instead."

"Unbelievable, you mean."

"I'll reserve judgement. The point is, you stepped out of your comfort zone and documented this alleged paranormal activity. You came back with some interesting theories, mountains of data and physical samples that actually helped prove your claims, as bizarre as they sounded at first. You shaped our understanding of what's going on down there. Dr. Reiland is both surprised and impressed by what you achieved considering your lack of experience."

Though it was good news, she couldn't help but grumble at the idea that she actually did something useful. "I guess that's good to hear."

"Furthermore, you didn't fail anyone. Even if you didn't figure out what the hell is going on down there, a lot of eyes are on Doranshire right now. Police, news reporters, private investigators, thrill seekers, ghost hunters... Hell, there's even rumors that the royal family sent someone out to poke around. One of them is bound to figure it out. The police say there's a trafficking ring that's preying on people down there, but with so many people flocking to the village to figure out what's going on, the villagers should be safe."

Images of the witch in the woods flashed in her mind; the drooping face, her sparking fingers and the ghoulish, ethereal voice. She couldn't help but feel that her surprise rush attack against the strange woman was a lucky break, and that anyone else who found themselves in the same situation might not be as fortunate as she was. "I don't know about that, but... You're probably right."

"Now, speaking personally, I don't see a disappointment in front of me. I see someone who isn't confident in herself or in her work. I was by your side in Nettlefield, and while you were a little rough around the edges, you did a great job there. I gave you the reins and you handled them well. I was planning on being out there for a few days, but you brought that down to just a single day, and when push came to shove, you saved my sorry ass from my own stupid decisions. Now ask yourself, how could I be disappointed in that?"

Patrick's praise was good to hear, but it didn't solve her problems. "I probably wouldn't be disappointed if I were in your shoes..."

"And, leaving with your tail between your legs? Nonsense. You were nearly kidnapped, Andrea. God knows what those monsters would have done to you if they were successful. It's okay to call it quits after something like that."

"I guess... Still feel a little bit bad, though..."

He smiled. "On the bright side, your breathing has steadied. Does that mean you're feeling any better?"

"Barely. It's a breathing exercise I picked up a few days ago that's doing that... Anyways, it's good to know that you and Dr. Reiland aren't disappointed with me, I guess, but..."

"But?"

She hesitated to explain further as it would involve throwing her new co-workers under the bus, but she wanted a second opinion on the situation regardless. "Let me start by saying that I'm not complaining about my assignment--"

He laughed. "You already said that this morning, I didn't forget."

"It's Xander and his team that got to me. I went in there and they had nothing for me to do... so I started going through their notes and test results from the past few days. I saw what I thought was a mistake, so I brought it up... and they bit my fucking head off! Told me that I needed to learn my place, and that I wasn't anything special, just Dr. Reiland's prized pet."

Patrick was taken by surprise with what she said and he leaned backward with a raised eyebrow. "Xander? That doesn't sound like him... I mean, he's a little prickly, but he's not an asshole."

"He was good, honestly... kinda... maybe -- fuck it, I don't know. He tried giving me a chance when I first got there, but I blew it pretty quick. So he sent me to get some more materials from the store room... but then I realized that he just wanted me out of his hair."

"Huh... I'm going to have a word with him."

"No, don't, please. You'll just make things worse."

"Worse?"

"I'm having a hard time fitting in as it is, it's not going to get any easier if I get them in trouble over it."

He shrugged. "I disagree, but if you want some time to sort it out on your own, that's fine. If they're still giving you trouble after a few days, let me know. I will sort it out. That kind of behavior doesn't fly around here. Anyways, when you got back to work, how'd the rest of your day go?"

She sighed. "Slowly. Quietly, miserably. I didn't speak unless spoken to. I took orders, even ones that felt like bullshit. I wanted to mend bridges, but... I couldn't. I was just so worn down from being around people who already hate me."

"Oh come on, they don't hate--"

"They do! Everyone here hates me... Everyone but you and Dr. Reiland, I mean... and that Winehaus girl, I guess... That's another thing, I had the same problems yesterday with Dr. Venger's field team after I joined them."

"What, with not fitting in?"

"Yeah... After I showed them where to find the monster that attacked me, it was like I wasn't there anymore. I was no longer useful to them, so they kinda just tuned me out. They didn't want to hang out with me when we got back to Aughrim, they pushed me out of the group when we caught the train back to Loch Alstan and then they took off last night without even asking if I wanted to join them..."

"Is that what you meant when you said 'last night took a lot out of you'?"

She shook her head. "No, that was something else..." She couldn't help but laugh. "I sure do have a lot of issues, don't I..."

Her laughter encouraged him to try breaking the tension with a joke. "Enough to fill a news stand..."

She wanted to be angry about it, but his joke legitimately tickled her and she laughed again. "Ugh, shut up..." she said playfully.

"Want to talk about that, too?"

"It's a personal thing," she quietly said. She paused for a moment as she thought it over. She was cautious about discussing the situation about her ex-fiancé with him, as she was still concerned about the rumors regarding Patrick's reputation. If he really was a skirt-chaser, as she had been warned about, he could view her as an easy target if he knew that she was single and lonely, especially since it appeared as if he assumed that she was flirting with and coming onto him over the past week. Though she felt as if the situation about her ex-fiancé was the likely root of all her melancholy, she felt that talking about it with him was too risky. "And... I don't feel comfortable talking about it. I hope you understand."

"That's fine. Maybe someday!"

"Uhh... doubtful..."

"Now, this is just an observation, not a criticism--"

"Yeah, that's a nice way of dressing it up." she thought.

"-- but I think I'm starting to see why you are the way you are. Believe the things you believe. I can already tell, friendship and what others think about you is the most important thing in your life, and that need isn't being met."

She paused. The fact had crossed her mind numerous times in the past, especially recently, but she never wanted to admit the simple fact that she had always been a starving affection seeker. From childhood to her days at the University of Aughrim, the opinions of those around her were one of the most important things to her, and she felt that outside of a few specific people, she was rarely ever held in high regard by anyone. To hear someone else finally say it was the key that made it much easier to accept. "I guess I should just try to be happy with the friends I have, right?"

"You don't have to settle for just that, but don't forget the people who are important to you now. If I may ask, how many people would you consider a friend right now?"

She thought about it. Kimberly instantly came to mind, as did Webster. Eliza also came to mind, and as much as she hesitated to admit it at that point, she added Patrick himself to that list as well. "Not counting family, who have to put up with my shit?"

"If you'd like."

"Four."

"Is that close friends? Or just friends in general?"

"Friends in general. Two of them I'd consider close friends."

"Tell me a little bit about them," he said with a smile.

She hesitated for a moment, but his smile was indeed encouraging. "Uhh... Well, there's Webster, the guy I lived with for the past five and a half months. I'm not sure where things are going with him, him and I just -- well, we talked the other day about me taking this job, and how it would require me to move out here... I'm happy to, but... I don't know if I'm ever going to see him again, you know? It's hard to just lose a friend like that."

"You didn't lose him. You can still keep in touch with him, ya know. Phone calls, e-mails, video chats, you name it."

"Yeah, but it doesn't really compare to being able to see him in person. Especially since I owe him so much. After I lost my--" She stopped herself, almost spilling the beans about her situation with her ex-fiancé. "After I dropped out of university, he sacrificed so much to put me back together. His time, his energy, his savings, his sanity... He managed to sober me up, get my confidence back and show me that life is still worth living even after you lost everything... He's such a sweet guy and I really can't thank him enough for everything he's done. I tried yesterday when I said my good byes to him, but I blew it."

"Lost everything?" he asked.

"That's a long story. One I don't really want to talk about, if I'm honest."

"Is this that personal thing?"

She nodded.

"You don't have to, then." He smiled. "Anyways, sounds like a guy like your friend isn't going to just fade out of your life. This might be a strange way of thinking about it, but you're an investment to him."

It was indeed a strange way of thinking and she couldn't figure out the meaning of his words. "I don't understand?"

"You said that he put you back together and showed you that life is worth living. That tells me that you were at rock bottom at one point, and he was the one who picked you up off of the ground. It sounds like a lot of effort went into turning you around. Do you think he'll just let that effort slip away?"

"I do, honestly. I don't think he's interested in me in that way, so--"

"No, no, I don't mean it like that. I'm being presumptuous here since I don't know him or the circumstances, but... Maybe you're not an investment to him as a woman, but an investment to him as another human being. Someone he doesn't have to worry about scaring away by making a mistaken advance. No pressure, no lofty expectations, no bitterness that things didn't work out that way. If that makes any sense."

She nodded.

"Just keep in touch with him. You won't get to see him much, but you'll be able to count on his friendship when you need it. Likewise, he'll be able to count on yours, too."

She continued nodding. "Right. I guess that's really all I can do."

"What about your other close friend?"

"Hmm..." she mumbled. "The other friend I've got is that girl I met while on my way to Doranshire, Kimberly. I kinda didn't like her at first, but holy shit, she turned out to be one of the best friends I could ever hope to have!"

"Oh yeah? How so?"

"She's just... the best, you know? She's friendly. Happy. Full of life and wonder. She appreciates everything around her: people, places, the daily routine of life... It was kind of sickening at first, but the more I hung out with her, the more I realized how down and defeated everyone else is."

He agreed. "Yeah... in general, people are rude assholes, aren't they?"

"They are. They're so absorbed in their own lives and their own problems that they don't even think about a friendly hello or anything like that. I was surrounded by those people when I lived in Aughrim, and I guess it really set the tone for how I live... But she did a good job of changing that in me. I started to enjoy things alongside her. I was happy for the first time in months because her own bubbly nature rubbed off on me. I need someone like her in my life to keep pushing me along so that I'm looking at the future and the present, not stuck focusing on my past. I just feel so bad..."

"Why is that?"

"I treated her like shit! I was rude, I was dismissive, I tried to exclude her from my work where I could... the same problems I'm dealing with now. But she stuck with me. She fought back and told me what was wrong, but... she god damn stuck by my side. A friend like that is invaluable... But like Webster, I don't know if I'll get to see her again. I guess, just like him, the best I can do is keep in touch with her."

He smiled. "Now you're getting it!"

"Like I said, it just won't beat physical contact. And now that I think about how those two treated me like a princess... it sucks that I don't have anyone like that anymore when I need it the most."

"You will, with time!"

"Yeah..."

"Is there anything else on your mind?" he asked.

She rolled her lace bracer back and glanced at the time on her R-Kit. The two had been talking for nearly an hour, and she felt bad for taking his time up with her petty problems. "A couple things, I guess, but I understand if you've got things to do."

He shook his head. "Nope! My afternoon is all free!"

"No, that's okay. I'm starting to feel a little bit better and if I bring those up, I'm just going to kill my mood again."

"That's good to hear!"

She pushed herself off of the comforting embrace of the bench and stretched. "Thanks for listening."

"Any time, that's what friends are for. I may not be a therapist and I don't have the answers for you, but sometimes someone who just listens is the first step towards solving your problems."

"For once I'll agree with you." She approached the door and rested her hand on the door knob. "Well... I'm gonna go figure out what to do with my evening."

"Take care."

 

[Beth Pavell]

Hm. I'm not sure I'm really in the right mind to be clever right now, but here's a couple of thoughts that occurred anyway

I almost feel like this chapter is as much about Patrick than it is about Andrea. I work in the kind of workplace where you can find supervisors like that - or at least, supervisors who aspire to be like that. He's got enough emotional intelligence to know when to make some shrewd guesses, but not so much to know that flirting with your team is a bad way to lead.

 

[Misfit Angel]

Loren's an odd one. He doesn't seem like terrible scum of the earth, but he's the type who'll turn that way if you so much as not give him what he thinks he's entitled to, it seems. He's also a little pushy, but, well, that seems to be a common trait among people, thinking they know what's best for others, or thinking they can comfort someone with words phrased as a demand or phrased dismissively.

I feel like I need to go back into my notes and strengthen some of his traits a bit, but this is an accurate assessment for what I wanted to achieve with him.

It's hard to get a good read on him, though. I'd suggest more body language to display his true intentions, whatever they might be, unless it's intentionally supposed to be a secret and confusing.

The intention was to be a bit confusing with his motives. I wanted his unwanted advance on Kimberly to come as a bit of an unexpected shock, so I probably hammered his good nature in a little too hard. I do want to go back and rewrite it all, but I'm not sure how to go about it without rebuilding what I know/feel about this character from the ground up.

Combining both of your comments here (and the comments of Beth Pavell, Persephone and Flaze)... It feels so odd that I've dropped the ball with him despite writing from experience. I knew a guy who was pushy, manipulative and controlling, and felt like the world owed him everything because he put in the effort of screwing people over. I remember spending my time studying his behavior so I could help people escape his abusive bullshit, and now I'm realizing that I've not done Loren justice, unfortunately. I've got some thinking to do.

Outside of Loren and Kimberly, I really like the idea that it's illegal to catch a pangoro because they're endangered. Eevee, too. Doesn't that imply, though, that if Kimberly had caught an eevee, she'd have been breaking the law somehow?

I suppose it would/should be just as illegal. I didn't really think about it much. In fact, I didn't actually know the true nature about the giant panda's conservation status, which I attempted to base this little tidbit off of, until I looked it up just now! I always figured, with the buzz around panda births in zoos, that they were basically extinct in the wild but apparently they're just listed as vulnerable with a growing wild population.

Now, in the confines of the story, I think I can just come up with a quick excuse for not putting a lot of thought into it, since I doubt I'll ever return to this little detail: in Pangoro's native habitat of Shinikara (my China, they're no longer native to Kalos/France), they're fiercely protected by a heavy handed government. Eevee, on the other hand, while endangered in the wild, is also a popular subject for breeders; they're just not on the books as protected by the law. I dunno.

I also really liked the tale of Brindace. Kimberly's good at reciting stories, and it felt like a true storytelling scene with her and Loren bouncing off of each other without necessarily breaking the flow of Brindace's story itself, if that makes sense.

It does make sense, and I'm happy to hear it

f-f-foreshadowing? maybe?

Not specifically, but this does apply for the future.

He clearly seems to miss her... She seems to miss him a little less so, and I'm not sure if that was intentional.

Oops, it wasn't intentional. I think I might have shown it more in the two chapters that followed, but she's far more beaten up about leaving him than what's shown here.

whereas he doesn't seem to go out much, and without Andrea around, there's probably constant reminders of her everywhere with the silence, not seeing her stuff, etc.

Mhmm! I know you're not going to be keeping up with my Night with the Stars series, but this is the point I'll probably focus on the most when he gets his interview.

Chapter 30... I'm not seeing too much of the torment you talked about - at least, not going overboard with it. Yeah, emotional torment is a thing here, but Andrea's very clearly at her wits end. Her having a meltdown is a perfectly realistic for her to go through. I agree insofar that maybe it wasn't the best timed or in the best location for her to have said breakdown

Question here -- is it not the best timed/location in relation to the story/plot itself? Or in relation to what's happening to Andrea (surviving a potential kidnapping, growing social problems, being homeless) and where she physically is?

Also, I think it's sweet that she thinks of Kimberly during this time.

Bit of personal experience on this one. When I'm feeling down, I try to remember the person who helped me turn things around, and the effort they went through to do it.

The hotel businessman himself made the scene kinda unbelievable. If he's such a caring, upbeat kinda guy, why wouldn't he want to make his hotel a better place for visitors? Is he that dense or what?

Short answer: a lack of finances. Renovating a place is expensive.

One rude motherfucker might've been enough to more believably set Andrea off

...though this does make more sense, in a lot of ways. I'm hesitant to change it so I probably won't; very rarely do you see businessmen portrayed as anything other than greedy slimeballs who'd fuck someone over if there was just a single penny's profit in it for them. I wanted to defy that expectation. Also, it still feels like I tortured poor Andrea too much, adding this on wouldn't help that feeling

although I'm not sure if she's as bad off money wise as she claims regardless.

Hmm. I probably do need to explain some of this a bit better in the story. But for what it's worth, she really is in trouble financially, and I've already had her briefly touch on it while writing chapter 32. Perhaps that's where I can bring in a bit more explanation if I can figure out how to without interrupting the flow.

It does seem a little wishy washy, how you want to portray the Reiland Institute

This is a consequence of initially wanting to portray the Institute as a sort of paradise akin to Google's headquarters, where everyone is in jeans and a t-shirt and gets along. But I haven't received a single piece of positive feedback about the way the atmosphere works, so that's gonna have to change.

I almost feel like this chapter is as much about Patrick than it is about Andrea.

That would be correct. I always did want this story to be about the characters more than anything, but it never really was until chapter 22. Before then, they were a little hollow and bland, even in my notes, and I felt like something needed to change to fit the vision I always wanted. Every major and supporting character was given a detailed backstory before I sat down and wrote that chapter. Since then, Kimberly and Andrea have been the real focus of the story, and only now are we getting back to Patrick, who is finally getting his newly developed backstory into the spotlight. It's crucial that I define him properly, especially since he's going to be playing a larger role later on in the season.

He's got enough emotional intelligence to know when to make some shrewd guesses, but not so much to know that flirting with your team is a bad way to lead.

I'm glad you picked up on this. I may have written him a little too flirty, perhaps? Just like I tried with Loren, I want his motivations to be vague, both to Andrea and the reader. I hope I at least did better with masking them and made Patrick far less annoying than Loren.