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TEEN: Land of the Roses [abandoned]

What a strange form of Halloween these two celebrate...
The best form of Halloween, the one that's celebrated year round!

Anyway, I have nothing against this plot point itself, but in the middle of what has seemed solely like a slice-of-life fic thus far, with fantastical overtones only with respect to the existence of Pokémon, it feels out of place and as if the story does not know what it wants to be or where it's going.
Has it really felt like that? I've been trying to build up the idea that there's something bad bubbling under the surface that the characters can't see yet. What's bubbling in the background is the B plot, which admittedly, I haven't handled as well as I'd planned.

I could've bought Tamara not being mentioned again or fleshed out as planned
And this is the prime example of that. I was tongue in cheek about it myself, with Patrick mentioning that "It's almost like nothing is happening with that, it's been so quiet." I recall mentioning it to you that I wanted to do a spin off story that focused on Tamara simply because I'd dropped the ball on getting it started within the main story itself, but that still hasn't happened, six months later :|

But now that the fic's switching back and forth more between slice-of-life and some borderline epic supernatural genre (I'm also taking into account the "final boss" you've mentioned in #writing), it does. ~40 decent-sized chapters in, I don't think that should be the case.
Unfortunately I'm just too deep into both to fix this. This chapter you're specifically commenting on was the one that cemented the supernatural aspect of the story in too far for it to be taken out. At least, going forward, the two plotlines (Andrea/Kimberly goofing around in their own lives and the supernatural stuff) will start to become more and more intertwined, so hopefully this worry should diminish. Though I'm happy to accept that this chapter definitely did feel out of place. It's the first proper chapter to shift the focus onto the antagonists when the rest have more or less been very laid back and comfy.

Anyways, at least I'm doing the slice-of-life stuff properly, right? It pains me to say it, but King of the Hill is pretty much the only slice-of-life media I've watched or read (outside of Seinfeld I guess), so I don't have a lot of experience with it.

Their dialogue is pretty good! I get the distinct impression of two very smug people who take pride in how "cunning" they are, and how superior to others they are, heh.
nod Good, I've captured these two well.

Surely a nurse who works with traveling trainers knows that not all traveling companions are particularly close to each other? That they kinda just bump into each other sometimes, like Kimberly and Loren, in fact, did? They might be traveling together, but that doesn't mean he should be trusted with that info. In fact, info about Kimberly's family/past... something Loren would probably already know, if they were close. So, I'd say the nurse's words feel really unrealistic here. And now that I'm caught up, I don't know if him knowing this info was really relevant in the end anyway other than Loren insisting on traveling with her. All that would be needed for that is the "people are going missing" info, I'd think?
Very good point. As far as it being relevant, it was my justification for him trying to stay beside her despite the fact that he struck out on his sole objective with her. I guess the ultimate relevance will come with deciding if I want to keep him as a character... been thinking about cutting him entirely and rewriting Kimberly's chapters in doing so. But that's a drastic decision that I'm not quite ready to make yet.

Kimberly's body image issues are portrayed pretty well.
thumbs up

I think the fic could do with more references to it throughout, because I don't remember there being any hints of these issues while she was with Andrea. People with body image issues are extremely likely to be more self-conscious in the presence of other people, after all, and the way they show self-consciousness is often observable by other people.
Agreed. There was a reference here and there, but nothing that'd indicate that this was an actual problem for her. One of my goals with the ongoing edits of my earlier chapters is to include more references to this.

I'm glad the coordination ideas are being brought back. I imagine a guitar would be a bit hard to carry around everywhere, haha, but it sounds neat, having coordinators be musicians, too.
All thanks to you, actually! :D The guitar bit is something I really want to do, but yes, it's a bit hard to picture that. Especially since she's already lugging around a giant suitcase with her clothes and belongings in it. But I think as far as telling an interesting story goes, I can safely set aside the unreasonableness of both.

I'll be interested to see this convo, assuming this means Petyr will show up in person down the line.
He will.

It's a strange but interesting contrast to her going off on Loren in the chapters afterward.
I dunno if I see it as strange, personally. She respects the person who got her to where she is, she doesn't respect the womanizer that very well could have raped her if Juliano wasn't there to stop him. Besides, about six months have passed and she's learning to be a bit more assertive since then. At least it's interesting :p

I love the worldbuilding here especially! I mean, you do well with non-Pokémon worldbuilding, but when the Pokémon worldbuilding does come up, it's an extra special treat. The thorough documentation of moves and what moves are related to what species is awesome to see.
Hmm! When I was looking back on this part, I felt like it was a little bit contrived. I guess it's just my growing uncomfortableness over capitalizing on the fact that this story is set in the pokemon universe. I'd rather it isn't, at this point. :p

My only gripe here is that... well, Andrea's already been blatantly told why her co-workers dislike her, didn't they? They said it was because she seemed like Dr. Reiland's little pet and that it was like she was getting special treatment?
Yeah, but this in top of that? She realizes she has so little going for her, so she's been looking to build every aspect of her life through the institute, but she can't do that if people write her off so quickly and heavily.

I think this might be more of a personal pet peeve, but Andrea seems surprisingly too enthusiastic here, to the point where she can't tone down her knowledgeable self. I'd believe the enthusiasm more if this was her specialty, but it's not.
Maybe. But you should see my passion for classic cars, despite knowing next to nothing apart from a vague list of make and model names, and knowing what that white stripe on older tires is called. I think it's very frequent these days for people to be heavily invested in something they know so little about, even if they don't realize it. just look at politics and my assumptions how people who are interested in politics

As far as using it as an opportunity for more worldbuilding, that's an idea. This chapter is already very short, but I did design it solely as a means of setting Andrea and Kim up together again.

Man, Patrick gives a lot of unsolicited advice.
He cares for this poor creature, now that he knows some of the stuff she went through. But yes, that's a key aspect of his character, pushiness.

Not gonna lie, I didn't see the relevance of all this info. It fits in more like random commentary to me.
I think this is one of those things that won't make sense at the start, but will when the story has finished. It's part random commentary/worldbuilding, part building up a long term set of characters and who they are as a family and as individuals. How the Eckhardts got to where they are, their personalities, how they view "the lesser folk", what they want, all of that will be important later on.

I think the museum was supposed to show how full of themselves the Ekhardts are.
Correct.

It is a long section to make that point, though, and I think you could have said it more succinctly (Even though the Ekhardts probably wouldn't). This is quite a lengthy chapter, and since you kind of make the point multiple times throughout, that section would be the one to trim.
Hmm. Perhaps it would be better served as a short interlude all on its own, and maybe slightly expanded.

These two bits are opposites of each other, and very close together. It was kinda jarring because it implies his R-Kit is more important to him than his Pokémon?
Whoops. I intended to Patrick to make use of his R-Kit during the meeting, but never actually did (outside of some minor activity in the lounge). Gonna go fix that in a future edit Soon(tm).

Here's another "you'll get it back" bit, not long after the others, if it helps. Mostly I just wanted to comment that I can't remember the necklace in past chapters... Hm. So I'm wondering what the significance is, too, haha. Maybe given to her by an ex?
That's because you wouldn't have seen it. This is one of those references that I snuck into a previously edited chapter, specifically chapter 13, and even then it was relatively minor. As far as the significance, I actually cover it extensively in the companion interview linked at the bottom of the chapter, but I think I recall you saying you'd be skipping those.

Kinda weird that this dude would be blatantly sexist, then show no reservations about Ainsley's position. I guess she is family, though...
pearl-chan's got a point about Ainsley. Chalk it up to how you have trouble writing sexism, but this is one arc where a heavily to the point of exclusively male cast really makes more sense.
Ah, but is he actually blatantly sexist? Sometimes the man does not live up to the reputation that he is given. I have two options going forward:
  1. The first option is to tone things down a bit, especially the part where he picked on Andrea. Or perhaps imply that he's suggesting she can't make the journey to the foundry because of her general lack of fitness rather than her gender.
  2. Double down on the sexism accusations leveled at Mr. Eckhardt and truly make him a pig despite that not being the intention I had for him. I actually had that planned for his son (who will feature heavily in this arc), and there to be some confusion/guilt by association when it comes to the old man.
I'm not sure which to go for atm. I suppose in the end, for me as the writer, it really doesn't matter who the character of Ainsley turns out to be, guy or girl. Might even afford me some ideas I hadn't quite thought about if I do make the switch.
 
Short: Afternoon At The Museum [skip friendly!]
Author's note: If you read Chapter 38 before this was published, not much is new here; this is simply the museum scene cut out of that chapter (in an effort to bring down its length) and brought into its own short. Additionally, a few edits have been made to Chapter 38 to fix some issues that have been brought up.

If you're uninterested in the history of Lanark or the Eckhardt family, this short is safely skippable.


Land of the Roses
Short: Afternoon At The Museum

"There it is," Andrea pointed out as they reached the bottom of the escalator. "'The Kingdom of Steel History Museum,' sponsored by the Eckhardt Foundation. It caught my attention as we were coming up. Wanna have a look?"

Patrick looked through the large doorway and could see a group of children congregating within. "Looks like a lot of kids in there..."

She chuckled. "Don't tell me you're afraid of kids! Must be a school field trip. C'mon, let's go learn with them!"

"I'm not afraid of kids!" he protested, before tailing her. "I just don't like them."

They took one step into the museum and quickly got the feeling that the learning experience would be tainted with the Eckhardts' self-aggrandizement; in the center of the room was a gleaming steel sculpture that depicted an ancestor of the family, Albert Eckhardt I. The statue depicted him almost like a biblical figure, complete with hands aflame and a flowing, kingly beard. At the base of the statue was a plaque that named the work: Albert I, Father of the Kingdom's Forge.

Without comment, they moved onto a scale model of 19th century Steelport, a city that was about a tenth of its current size in those days. A plaque beside the display read:

The city of Steelport is not just the most important city in the kingdom of Lanark, but perhaps the most important in the world. It is here where the world left behind the primitive shackles of our ancestors and forged a new path for mankind. Industry grew and developed a heartbeat of its own, one that was no longer dictated by the labor of men, but accelerated by the rhythm of machine.

"This is where the Industrial Revolution was born..." Andrea mused softly. "Pretty much everything we rely on today started in this city. Industry, internal combustion, the electronics revolution... Ugh, I'm getting goosebumps just thinking about it!"

"That kinda stuff is interesting to you, isn't it? On your resume, I think I recall seeing that you took a couple courses in mechanical engineering while at university, right?"

"Mhmm!" she happily hummed. "That was my backup plan in case my major in biology didn't work out for me. If I ever go back to university for my doctorate, I might pick it up again."

"Careful not to bite off too much, now," he warned.

"Trust me, I know."

The two moved from the model of the city towards a marble statue that depicted an unkempt and haggard man on his knees, hands clasped together, groveling at the feet of an immaculately beautiful woman in flowing robes. Beneath the statue was another plaque:

At the center of all of that was Eckhardt Steel. Finding its roots in the 1380s, Eckhardt Steel started with a single man and his forge in the village of Doranshire. It was there that our revered ancestor, John of Eckhardt Field, was sponsored by a local noblewoman to produce arms and armor for the brave men of the Trackers' Guild, as well as the knights who served under the Lords of Ardaigh. It is said that this woman is who taught him the art of creating 'dark iron' -- known today as steel -- and that the two worked together to build his reputation and hone his skills as a blacksmith. Unfortunately, despite searching through all manner of records, we have not been able to accurately determine the identity of the woman who helped build our foundation.

With time, the legend of John's quality dark iron blacksmithing grew. During Lanark's early territorial expansion in which it annexed the Thornwall Isles, brought the wealthy merchant city-state of Visalia under its protection, conquered the neighboring Kingdom of Constantia and and acquired Asperia as its vassal, the armies fielded by the Lords of Ardaigh were unmatched on the battlefield, and their reputations were as legendary as John's. Requests for his arms and armor flooded in from lands as far away as Kanetsk and Kalos, but he was just a simple blacksmith in a poor rural village. Encouraged by his benefactor, he took a gamble and moved his business to the growing trading hub known as Stàilinchala, which later came to be known as Steelport.


"Huh... wonder who this lady was," Andrea commented, gazing up at the statue. The face looked vaguely familiar to her, reminding her somewhat of the 'hunter' that she and Kimberly met in the forest north of Doranshire. "Whoever she was, she sounds pretty important."

Patrick shrugged. "I'm surprised. Outside of Queen Rosemary, women didn't... really have any impact on society in those days, right? Maybe that's why they don't know her name."

"Or these assholes decided to scrub her name from the books, because they can't allow women to be important, or role models."

The pair moved onto the next piece on display, a sculpture that romanticized the process of creating steel, in which a shirtless and physically toned worker could be seen pouring molten metal out of a large cauldron and onto a casting table.

Supplied by the bountiful iron mines of Rustlode, fueled by the forests of the now-treeless Heartland, and assisted by nearly a hundred laborers -- paid for in full by his benefactor -- John's business exploded in the final five years of his life. His son, Albert, took over the business with little difficulty, but the demand for dark iron continued to outpace his production capabilities.

Albert looked to his father's benefactor for an answer to his troubles, and she recommended he speak with another associate of hers, a friar who studied the composition and natural processes of the earth at the University of Aughrim. The friar -- also unnamed in our records -- encouraged Albert to seek his answers in the depths of the earth, where air becomes flame and stone becomes liquid. The exact methods for harnessing the power of the fiery depths is a closely guarded industry secret, but these new methods and sources of energy allowed Albert to quadruple production.

With such a large boost to production and the riches that came with it, Albert purchased land from one of the local lords -- widely regarded as the first purchase of land by a commoner in Lanark's history -- and expanded his business. Albert's reputation had surpassed that of his father, and so King Andagel I granted him a royal charter in 1405; Eckhardt Steel had been officially founded.


"That's... a little inaccurate," Andrea mentioned. "A friar at the University of Aughrim, before 1405? The university wasn't founded until the mid 1500s, I was told. Convenient that they don't have a name for this guy, since he probably didn't exist."

"Really? Makes you wonder what else on these displays is bullshit."

The two moved onto the next display, a scale model of the world's first ironclad naval vessel, the legendary HMS Purity.

With the City of Steel at its back, Lanark's ambitions for the world grew even bolder. From this cauldron of steel and sweat, a vision of prosperity emerged: a world influenced by the greatest kingdom the world has ever known, tamed and brought to heel by the great men and women of our country. At the center of it all was the steel provided by our ancestors, and the growing industrial heart of the country that relied on Eckhardt Steel to function. Starting in the 1600s and carrying through the 1800s, this country abandoned the moniker of the Kingdom of Lanark and settled for the Lanark Empire.

Colonies were established overseas on the continent of Atalacia, where our brave explorers and pioneers frequently clashed with the superstitious and barbaric natives. Expansive trade networks were established with the Far East in the continent of Yazhen, allowing Lanark to establish numerous spheres influence and bring the local populations into our fold. Saheldazi, a continent filled with eternally warring tribes of primitive savages, was ripe for exploitation of its riches, both material and cultural. But there was a limit to Lanark's power; focused on its lands in Atalacia and its holdings in Yazhen, Lanark's footprint in Saheldazi was relatively minor in comparison to our other imperial rivals. One critical exception was the South Horn and surrounding islands, which were key for protecting the merchant ships that sailed to the Far East.

At its height during the Great War, the sun never set on the Lanark Empire. Holding sway over nearly 427 million people in territory that covered roughly 44 million square kilometers -- 33% of the world's land -- the Lanark Empire was the largest the world had ever seen. Through its great power, Lanark is widely regarded as responsible for the relatively peaceful 19th century, often brokering deals between local rivals and ending conflicts with the mere threat of involving itself. Over time, however, the stresses of modernization of these new territories saw a decline in the empire's power, and not even the steel that won the world was enough to keep it together. In the decades following the Great War, Lanark began to grant independence to its territories, and the empire was no more.


"God damn, this one reads pretty badly," Patrick commented. "I've read wartime propaganda that was less openly racist than this."

"Yeah... It's pretty sickening how they characterize the natives of Saheldazi and Atalacia as savages and barbarians just because they had different ideas of how to live their lives," Andrea said. "But... As awful as it all was, there's no denying that the world is a better and more stable place despite Lanark's... questionable historical policies."

"Fair point... I just wonder if we could have gotten to this point with less of..." he paused, pointing at the plaque in front of them, specifically towards an image that depicted a mass execution by hanging in the Atalacian frontier. "You know. This."

"No doubt we could have, but who is to really say?"

"Hmm. All of a sudden I'm very uncomfortable with learning history from a place like this. A shame these kids are being fed this garbage."

"Agreed."

"Anything else you want to look at while we're here, or should we finally check in at the hotel?"

"I think we're done here."
 
Chapter 39: Reunited
And now, the proper Chapter 39!

Land of the Roses
Chapter 39: Reunited


A good friend is like a good book -- they're rare and precious, a prize beyond measure. And trust me: don't ask for a summary, you'll miss the best parts.
~ Jane Katz, A Librarian's Memoir

1Wyvakh.png

"Ooh, nice, cozy and all to myself... Finally, some space away from Patrick." Andrea commented as she stepped into her hotel room. It was small, but it would suit her purposes just fine: a single bed, a small table, a sofa, a wall mounted television set and a bathroom complete with a tub that she could actually fit in for once. Even the decor was relaxing, even if it wasn't her style; the room's pale grey walls were painted with a smattering of darker geometric shapes; themed paintings that referenced sea travel hung from them; an obviously-fake tropical shrub rested in a pot in the corner. What caught her attention the most was the view offered from her window, a view of a large and expansive local park, nestled between the high rises.

It wasn't all perfect, however. The bed's frame creaked loudly as she tossed her backpack onto it, and continued its annoying song as she jiggled it back and forth. The room was also quite chilly compared to the hallway, and upon further inspection, the thermostat appeared to be out of order. She checked to see if she could manually override the temperature settings on the heater itself and found that it didn't even have power running to it. The thought nagged at her, but the room was still comfortable despite the problems.

She returned to the bed, opened her backpack and began to pull her spare clothes out of it. In a flash of motion, her gaudy yellow dress made its way to the floor and her favorite black and lavender minidress replaced it. Her white knee socks were tossed aside carelessly as they were pulled off, and her tattered striped stockings covered her pale legs. She decided to keep her new Mary Janes on, finding them more comfortable for casual wear than her old, beat up boots. She completed the look with her new sunhat, but lamented that her blonde hair stood out a little too much with it on.

"Hmm... Rather than bleach it again, maybe I should go for black hair this time... Maybe even red? That could be wild." she commented to herself as she dropped her hat onto the bed and zipped her backpack up. "Wonder how soon I could get that done..."

She sat down on the bed and looked at her R-Kit: 5:49 PM. The evening was quickly upon her and she realized she had nothing substantive planned. She figured that, since they were in a new city, Patrick would encourage her to join him in his exploration, but she'd already had her fill of him that day; with some shopping in the morning, a seven and a half hour train ride together and a couple shared meals along the way, she worried he'd start to feel like she was his girlfriend if she spent any more time with him. She needed something else to occupy her mind, something that involved him as little as possible.

As she thought about how she'd spend her evening, she remembered: Kimberly! With all of the busy work that came with preparing for her meeting with Mr. Eckhardt and her upcoming assignment, it totally slipped her mind that she was meant to reach out and get in touch with her friend. She reached into her purse for her phone, and brought up her messenger app.

Fr: Andrea Dennison, 5:50 PM
'hiiiii!'
'super sorry for taking so long to let you know but im in the city'

Fr: Kimberly Fairbrooke, 5:51 PM
'Hooray! I was starting to worry that it had slipped your mind.'

Fr: Andrea Dennison, 5:51 PM
'partially true but mostly just been busy with work'
'but i think im done now so did you wanna meet up for dinner maybe?'

Fr: Kimberly Fairbrooke, 5:52 PM
'That'd be lovely! Did you have anything in mind?'

Fr: Andrea Dennison, 5:52 PM
'heh i actually spotted one of your dads restaurants at eckhardt tower but i dunno'
'i did some shopping this morning for work and unfortunately wiped out my savings'
'doubt i could afford anything there : /'

Fr: Kimberly Fairbrooke, 5:53 PM
'I could pay! I don't mind! : )'

Fr: Andrea Dennison, 5:53 PM
'dont feel like you need to i wanna be able to pay for my own meals for a change'
'but that means somewhere cheap'

Fr: Kimberly Fairbrooke, 5:55 PM
'Back when we met in Aughrim, didn't you mention... what was it called, The Lair?'
'I passed by one while I was exploring the city, and I'm curious to check it out if you don't mind?'

Fr: Andrea Dennison, 5:56 PM
'oh boy the lair'
'i dont really like the food there but seeing your reaction should be more than worth it'

Fr: Kimberly Fairbrooke, 5:57 PM
'hehe, it should be interesting!'
'It's at the north terminus of King's Canal in a gorgeous little neighborhood. Shall we meet there soon?'

Fr: Andrea Dennison, 5:57 PM
'sure see ya soon!'

She laughed. "The Lair... This should be good." While she was having her back and forth with Kimberly, another message came in, and unsurprisingly, it was Patrick:

Fr: Patrick Adelaide, 5:52 PM
'Hey, all settled into your room yet?'
'I was about to head out to dinner, you interested in joining me?'

She rolled her eyes at him suggesting they hang out -- exactly as she expected he would. Though she had no problems with him meeting Kimberly, she was still hesitant to bring him along and tried to wiggle her way out of it:

Fr: Andrea Dennison, 5:59 PM
'ohhhhh sorry! im already on my way to dinner with someone myself'
'and no boys allowed! girls night out with a friend whose in town'

Fr: Patrick Adelaide, 5:59 PM
'Ha, okay! I'll see ya tomorrow then, bright and early!'
'Remember, we're meeting Roy Eckhardt III at 8:30 AM.'

Fr: Andrea Dennison, 6:00 PM
'right right'

- - - - -​

In Andrea's mind, it couldn't have been a more perfect day in the King's Canal neighborhood; the air was cool, the skies were clear and the sun was shining through the thinning fog that had rolled in off the Caelton Sea. With every gust of wind, petals from the numerous and world-famous violet cherry blossoms drifted through the air, lightly tinting the area with a soft lavender light as the sun bounced off of them. It wasn't just the visuals that appealed to her, but the sounds as well: the enchanting songs of a flock of Wingull came from above, a Rapidash's hooves clattered against the brick road as it went by at medium trot, and the sound of violin music could be heard lilting across the promenade.

It appeared to her as if some sort of festival was taking place. Decorations of green and white cloth drowned the neighborhood, a heavy police presence patrolled the area, and various market stalls had been erected along the promenade. Merchants within peddled all sorts of wares from homemade jewelry to 'fresh' fruit that had no doubt been shipped in from halfway across the country -- at least, based on her knowledge that agriculture was very uncommon along the southern coast. She kept feeling herself pulled towards the market stalls, particularly those that sold jewelry, but resisted the allure.

At last, after having walked the promenade for what felt like half an hour, she finally found what she was looking for: Kimberly was leaning against a railing, with her attention focused on the various watercraft that clogged the canal below her. She sported a long and flowing pink sundress that showed off more skin than she typically did, which brought focus to her bony shoulders and gaunt-appearing upper chest.

The unexpected sight quickly grabbed Andrea's attention, and she quietly muttered to herself, "Whoa, what the fuck happened to her? I never really paid attention before, has... she always looked that unhealthy?" Rather than dwell on it, she raised her arm and waved as she called out her friend's name.

Kimberly turned around and her face lit up like a glastonfir tree. "Andrea!" She pushed herself off of the railing and bull rushed Andrea, colliding into her with enough force to nearly knock her over. "I'm so glad you're here!"

"Hey, hey, easy! I missed you too, but if you squeeze me any harder, you're going to put me in intensive care."

"Sorry, friend," Kimberly said, loosening her grip somewhat, but not letting go. "It's just... it's a been a stressful few days."

"You've got that right," she added, prying herself out of Kimberly's weakened grip. "Man, feels kinda surreal that we're seeing each other again, doesn't it?"

"Oh? You think so?"

"Yeah... we're just two goofballs who met by chance, and now we're taking time out of our lives to see each other? Most people I meet just... kinda fade away entirely, and I never see them again."

"That's the sad reality of life. But, here we are: just you and I, with an entire evening ahead of us."

She looked around, but couldn't find The Lair anywhere. "Speaking of, where's the restaurant? I'm dreading to think that I might actually be hungry enough to stomach their food."

A look of concern appeared on Kimberly's face as she turned her head away slightly. "It's not that bad, is it?"

"Ha, nah. I just remember never being too impressed by it, that's all."

"I see! The restaurant is just a few buildings up the road that way." Kimberly gently grabbed her by the wrist with both hands and tugged on her arm. "Shall we?"

"Sure, lead the way," she said. "So, what is all this? A festival of some sort?"

"Yes. I don't know much about it, but it's the second-to-last day of something called the Violet Blossom Festival."

"A festival, huh? Too bad I'm working tomorrow, this could be interesting to check out."

"That's a shame. I know I'll be coming back to see the sights myself!"

"Maybe I can join you... I doubt I'll be stuck working for ten to twelve hours, unless we somehow have mountains of data to sift through after our first day."

"If you get an opportunity to come along, please let me know! It'll be a lot more fun to see the sights together!"

- - - - -​

The inside of The Lair was a far different atmosphere from the idyllic scenery of King's Canal, and was split into two sections. The front half of the building was occupied by a dimly lit dance floor; excessively loud rave music echoed along the floor, and bright strobes of light flashed to the beat of the music. Laser patterns whirled around the room chaotically as the room vibrated with both the music and the energetic crowd of dancers. Kimberly felt a bit overwhelmed by the sights and the sounds, and grabbed onto Andrea for guidance; Andrea herself had seen it all countless times and quickly guided her friend towards the back half of the building, the restaurant.

The restaurant section was surprisingly quiet compared to the thunder of the adjacent rave floor, shielded by a thick wall and the kitchen facilities. The lighting, much brighter than on the rave floor, was still lackluster but entirely appropriate; the design and decorations that adorned the restaurant portion reminded the two of a late 19th century funeral parlor that was hosting a gathering -- a noisy gathering: punk rock music blasted from the speaker system, threatening to drown out the noisy patrons.

"So... This is..." Kimberly started, unsure of what to say. "It's... an interesting restaurant. Didn't you say you used to work here?"

"At the one in Aughrim, yeah," Andrea answered, ready to burst into laughter at a moment's notice. "What do you think? Wild, isn't it?"

"At least the music is quieter over here... But still noisy."

"Ha, you should hear this place after sunset! The rave floor really kicks off and it gets deafening sometimes, people lose their minds! Best part is, when I was working as a waitress, we got to interact with the customers on the dance floor when things started to slow down. So many good memories, met some of my best friends on that floor..."

"You sound like you don't miss that work."

"I admit, it was easier and less stressful. Much more fun, too. I could see myself going back full time if this gig at the Reiland Institute doesn't work out, but I'm going to make sure it does."

As they were chatting, Kimberly's face became more and more contorted by confusion as she browsed the menu. "What are these menu options?" she incredulously asked. "Demonic Ribs? Shadowgrass? Nightmare Stew?"

"I'm sure you've noticed that there's a theme going on at this place. Every menu item has a name inspired by witchcraft, demonic lore and general darkness, but they're also described normally underneath. I think it's fun and really gives this place character!"

She thought so as well, but it was hard to stop her brow from furrowing as she scanned the menu closely. "I should have asked this before we came, but are there vegetarian options available here?"

Andrea nodded. "Uh-huh! I didn't forget that you're a vegetarian, and I wouldn't have suggested it if they didn't have stuff for you."

"That's very thoughtful!"

"Now, whether it tastes any good... that's up for debate. I might suggest the Fruit of the Forbidden Garden as a safe bet, it's hard to screw up a fruit salad."

She flipped the page and found the Fruit of the Forbidden Garden: a fruit salad that combined numerous fruits such as apples, grapes and blueberries with an assortment of crunchy additions of banana chips and walnuts. She smiled, feeling that it was a great suggestion.

The suggestion was just in time; a waitress approached their table with a bright smile on her face. The waitress' most obvious feature was her gothic theme; black hair, black makeup and black clothing -- relatively little clothing. Wearing only a sparkling sequined miniskirt, an undersized bikini top and knee high combat boots, her extensive array of tattoos was on full display. As she opened her mouth to greet them, they noticed the prosthetic vampire fangs that she was wearing.

The waitress addressed Andrea first with a courteous bow. "Greetings, sister of the night!" She turned to Kimberly next. "And her lovely mortal companion. Welcome to The Lair! My name is Mandy, and I'll be your humble servant today. May we start this feast of feasts with some drinks?"

"Sure, glass of Spider Venom, hold the ice," Andrea answered quickly.

Kimberly seemed to be captivated by the waitress' skimpy clothing, and only snapped out of her trance upon seeing the waitress tilt her head and raise her eyebrow. "Oh! Umm..." she bumbled, retreating to the menu. "I'll have a small glass of... 'Sacrificial Offering'?"

"It's yours," the waitress said, taking note of their requests. "Are you ready to order, or do you need a moment to look over the menu?"

"I'm ready, are you?" Andrea asked. After a nod from Kimberly, she made her order, "I'll have the Spawn of Hellfire. No extra sides to go with it, I don't have a big appetite today."

The waitress made note of it. "How spicy?"

"Inferno."

"Oh! Brave girl! And how about you, miss?" the waitress continued, turning to Kimberly.

"Fruit of the Forbidden Garden, please," Kimberly answered.

"Would you like anything on that? Cranberry sauce, raspberry vinaigrette?"

"No thank you."

"Very well! I will return with your drinks in a short moment." With that, the waitress turned around and went about her business.

"She's not wearing a lot..." Kimberly mused as her eyes wandered around the room. "None of them are..."

Andrea nodded. "Yeah... I had to dress like that when I worked here. It was a little intimidating at first."

"I... It's awfully... nevermind, I should hold my tongue."

"Go on! If you're going to say something bad about it, you may as well. I don't mind. I'd like to get in that head of yours and understand you better."

Kimberly hesitated for a moment. "It's very exploitative, don't you think? It must be difficult to work in an environment where you're nothing but eye candy."

A sly smile appeared on Andrea's face. "Well, once I got used to it, I didn't... not enjoy it myself, for what it's worth. I never saw it as degrading or exploitative of me. Hell, with the tips I tended to get, the customers were the ones being exploited. I paid off four and a half years of biology textbooks in just a year, and all I had to do was show off a little skin and flirt with people I was likely to never see again."

"That's my point!" Kimberly took a sip of the freely provided water. "I don't know... Are you saying that so that you feel better about it, or do you actually believe that you weren't exploited?"

"I actually do believe that."

"I'm having trouble understanding it... but I admit, I do have numerous biases. I value self respect very highly and I just... don't see that in any of these girls."

"It's important not to judge a book by its cover. Back when I worked this job, I learned that a lot of people thought us Lair Girls were just dumb airheads who couldn't hold normal jobs because of our attitudes or our tattoos. I admit that I kind of assumed that too about some of my coworkers, but as I got to know them, I learned that pretty much everyone one of them had hopes and dreams just like anyone else. One wanted to be a surgeon -- ha, we used to call her Vampirella and joked that she only wanted that career so she could drink the blood of her patients. But no, she wanted to help others because her father died on the operating table. That's not an airhead to me, and for many -- myself included -- The Lair was simply a stepping stone to something greater."

"It's hard for me, I suppose. Try as I might to fight it, there's no denying that I was raised in an environment that taught me to look down my nose at others who make choices I disagree with... No, no, not necessarily disagree with, choices I've been told to disagree with."

"Hey, I totally understand those biases. They're ingrained into us from a young age, and probably very deeply in your case. Everyone warned me that I was throwing my life away when I took that job. 'You'll develop a drug habit!' or 'It'll look bad on your resume!' or 'You'll be found murdered in a ditch!'. Or that I was wasting the empowerment that my mother and grandmother fought for. Putting the fact that both were 'just boring housewives' aside, I believe what truly gives women empowerment is the choice to do what they want with their lives, and I chose without fear of judgment. If I piss people off with my choices, that's their problem."

In between the conversation, the waitress returned with a glass chalice of red wine and a plastic cup of blackberry soda; pleasantries were exchanged before the waitress quickly whisked away towards another table.

"Hmm. I hadn't considered that way of looking at it. If you were happy and comfortable, I suppose I really shouldn't judge."

"Precisely. And, ya know, look at me now! It didn't corrupt me like I was warned, I'm a professional fuckin' scientist!" She brought her hand to her mouth quickly. "Oop, forgot -- you don't like swearing."

Kimberly let out a calming laugh. "Maybe... you should have the choice to swear, too, if you like."

Another sly smile. "I choose not to, for your benefit."

"Under that 'scary' exterior, you really are a sweetheart, you know that?"

"Mmm," she hummed as she took a sip of her Spider Venom. "So! Now that we're seated and comfortable, how have you been since we last saw each other? I remember you said that you were under a lot of stress."

"I was, and I kind of still am. I had a bad travel partner on the road to Rustlode Bluffs, and that road itself involved travel through a cave system..." She huddled her arms together and rubbed away at them. "I still getting shivers thinking about it."

"Don't like caves, I take it?"

Kimberly shook her head. "They're dark, they're damp and they're claustrophobic, and my travel partner -- bless his stupid, stupid heart for trying -- did not make it any easier. When I finally did reach town, I was so stressed about what I'd just experienced and keeping to my schedule that I had a nervous breakdown."

"Aww. And then you missed your appointment anyways, I recall."

A nod. "I did, but it may have been for the best. I had a chat with my old coordination mentor and he told me to beware the man who was hosting the workshop I was meant to take part in. So now, I'm on my way home to meet with that old mentor and see if coordination really is right for me in the end."

"I still don't think you should let one failed contest destroy your dreams," Andrea encouraged.

Kimberly picked up her chalice and swirled it around as she stared into the bottom of it. "It's true, I did win my first one... But that wasn't without controversy. People think it was rigged in my favor, and I'm starting to think again that it was. We'll see, though! My old mentor believes that I have potential, and I trust his judgment."

"'atta girl!"

Once again, the waitress returned and cut into the conversation by delivering their meals. A fragrant bowl of diced fruit that rested on a bed of lettuce was placed down in front of Kimberly, while a steaming plate of cherry red popcorn shrimp was given to Andrea. The hellfire spice applied to them was incredibly potent, overpowering the smell of the fruit and covering the table in an invisible acrid cloud of discomfort. More pleasantries were exchanged with the waitress before they both tucked in.

"It's your turn, friend. What brings you to Steelport?"

"Hunting."

Kimberly raised her eyebrow. "Hunting? You don't mean..."

She laughed. "No, I don't. I've been contracted by a major corporation to search for a Pokémon that's been causing trouble down in the subterranean tunnel network below the city. I'm not really looking forward to it... but if all goes according to plan, it should solve the Reiland Institute's financial troubles for awhile. And who knows, I might get a nice slice of the profits and be able to afford my own place."

"I want you to know that my offer of paying for your rent is still on the table."

"I appreciate that, but I don't think I'll need it. I've been living with my supervisor for... what was it, five days now? It's probably early to be drawing conclusions, but he's been a gentleman so far -- a little annoying, but a gentleman nevertheless. I'm starting to feel like I can trust him, and... I don't think I mind spending a couple months with him if I really have to."

"Are you feeling less anxious about him, then?"

She nodded. "I've been asking around. Yeah, there's rumors that he's a skirt-chasing creep, but nobody seems to be able to provide any evidence that he is. Just vague implications. I spoke with his ex-girlfriend this morning, and she has nothing but high praise for him. So... I'm thinking I can give him a chance."

"A chance as... a romantic partner?"

"Huh? Oh, no! Nothing like that." she dismissively laughed. "It's just... I've been giving him a real hard time over what feels like a big load of nothing. It's hardly the treatment he should be getting for going out of his way to make sure I have a roof over my head and a chance to continue my career. But I'll have to tread carefully, I don't want to go too far in showing him my appreciation."

"How do you mean?"

"Well... I probably shouldn't say this at the dinner table, but, umm... I'm a little... frustrated, if you catch my drift. It's been awhile."

Kimberly's eyebrows shot up for a brief moment before returning to their normal spot. "Oh! I see. I suppose that's only natural, I've not been immune to those frustrations myself. The key is not acting on it if you don't think it's wise."

"Yeah. I don't want to give him the wrong message, nor give myself an opportunity to cut loose and make a mistake I'll regret... Whatever the case, him and I will be working closely over the next few days. It'll give me the practice I need to figure out my boundaries now that I'm ready to let my guard down a little. Seems he's already figured his own boundaries out."

"Good luck, friend! And if you do feel trouble brewing, please let me know. I'll be happy to set you up in a hotel for a few days while your passions subside."

She smiled widely and happily. "You really are a good friend. I'll keep that in mind."

Kimberly returned the smile as she pushed her half-full bowl of fruit salad forward a bit to signify that she was done. "So! What are you 'hunting'?"

"Umm. I'm not sure how much I can say. I signed an NDA earlier today, I'm supposed to be pretty tight lipped about the whole thing... In fact, I might have said too much already, about what I'm doing and where. Whoops."

"That's understandable! Well, hopefully you're up to the task, considering the last one didn't go so well."

"Ha! I think this one will be a little bit easier than ghostbusting. Besides, it's more in my area of expertise, and I've got reliable backup if things get out of hand. My supervisor's brought four Pokémon along for the assignment, and we've got one of the official Rose League gym leaders coming with us, too. Not to mention a team of security backup."

"Oh! If that's the case, you'll probably have very little trouble."

She raised her glass of Spider Venom. "Here's hoping. But if I get hurt again on this assignment, I might go ahead and request just lab work for the rest of my career."

"But then we wouldn't be able to team up anymore!"

The two shared a hearty laugh, and for the first time since sitting down, struggled to find a conversation that both were happy with. Kimberly discussed music and art, only to be put off by Andrea's tastes in both. Andrea tried talking about some of her experiences at university, but quickly ran into a brick wall with explaining some of the intricacies of her studies. As they talked, Andrea picked up on a certain detail: Kimberly had barely touched her dinner since she received it.

She motioned towards the bowl of fruit. "You done with that?"

"Oh! Yes, would you like it?"

"You sure you're done? You barely touched it." she pointed out.

Silence.

"I didn't wanna say it before, but I'm a little concerned."

"About what?"

"Well, you look a little... uhh... not healthy?" she sheepishly squeaked.

"Excuse me?"

"It's that dress of yours. You're showing off more than you usually do, and I noticed that... that, uhh..." she paused, studying the reaction on Kimberly's face. "...I get the feeling I shouldn't have brought it up. I'm sorry. I-I'm just -- sorry."

Kimberly leaned back in her chair, crossed her arms and glared at the floor. "It's a sensitive subject for me."

"Do you need any, like... help, or counseling?" Her eyes met Kimberly's and she could see the growing fire in them.

"I need a change in conversation." Kimberly sternly suggested.

"Okay, that's fair. I'll drop it."

"Thank you," Kimberly added, thinning the tension. "You might not understand, but it's something I need to figure out myself."

"Why do I get the feeling she's hiding something..." She shook her head ever so slightly, almost imperceptibly. "Well, if you'd like a different subject, how about we pay our bill and get out of here, then? I'm eager to show off my little buddy I caught a few days back!"

"That sounds like a good idea."

- - - - -​

"Oh! Sphaera obcentus!" Andrea said, squatting to get a closer look at it. "I've never actually seen a Jigglypuff up close before. Is he friendly?"

"She," Kimberly said. "Jiggles seems friendly enough, but she has an attitude problem."

She maintained her composure as Jiggles swaggered up to her with her best attempt at an intimidating face. "Ha, you call that a war face, Jiggles? You don't scare me, work on it."

Feeling as if she were just challenged, Jiggles stopped in her tracks and inhaled deeply. She rapidly inflated to about three times her normal size, then let all of that air out in a deafening, shrill screech that blew Andrea's hair like a gale. Knocked off balance by the aural assault, Andrea tumbled backward, nearly knocking her head hard against the brick walkway. The roaring screech caught the attention of nearly everyone within earshot, prompting Kimberly to quickly recall her.

"Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry!" Kimberly shouted as she ran over to help her friend off of the ground.

Andrea accepted her help and tried to laugh it off. "Jeeze, you weren't kidding! She does have an attitude!" She readjusted her hair and shook her head. "Phew, I'm gonna have a headache after that. Lesson learned, I'm not going to taunt her again."

"I have a feeling she'll be a handful..." Kimberly admitted as she latched Jiggles' gold and pink Princess Ball onto her waistline ribbon.

"First thing you'll want to do when training her is to stop her from attacking people."

Kimberly nodded. "Yes, agreed."

"Well, I guess it's my turn," she said. She reached into her purse and pulled a standard red Pokéball from it, then tossed it into the air. The ball burst with a rippling hiss of static, unleashing her black Sentret into the street. The first thing he did upon inspecting his busy surroundings was rush to Andrea's side and clutch onto her leg like a frightened child.

Kimberly gasped at the sight of it. "Oh my gosh, it's adorable! I've seen dozens of Sentrets during my travels, but I've never seen one like that!"

"Yeah. Isn't he perfect for me?"

"He is!" Kimberly knelt down to get closer to him and offered her hand out as a friendly gesture, but he ignored her. His eyes darted back and forth as he studied the nameless masses around him. "He's very shy. Does he have a name yet?"

"No. I'm pretty bad at names," she explained. "I thought about naming him something like 'Sable' or 'Skull'... but they sound pretty dumb."

A bit more comfortable with his surroundings, the Sentret broke his attention away from the crowds and instead focused on Kimberly; still, he refused to leave the security of his master's side.

"I like the sound of Sable..." Kimberly said. "How about something like... Ebony?"

"Ehhh, sounds like a girl's name. I don't think he'd like that."

Thoughts rolled in Kimberly's mind. "Shadow?" Dismissed for being too cliched. "Dusky?" Too much like Duskull, which Andrea had hoped to add to her team some day, even if the odds were next to impossible. "Soot?" A possibility, and added to the growing list of potential names. "Grimm?" Inexplicably and absolutely out of the question. "How about... Lurid?"

"Lurid... Interesting." She knelt down and picked up her Sentret, hugging him closely to her chest. "What do you think, little guy? How Lurid sound?"

"Meeee-ee!" the Sentret chirped.

"I have no idea if that means yes or no, but I guess we're going to see if that name works."

Kimberly scooted closer and offered her hand out again. "He's looking a little rugged... Have you taken him to a PokéCenter yet?"

"I haven't."

"I might suggest doing so soon, friend. One key lesson that every new trainer learns is that a capture from the wild usually needs some level of medical attention. I would take him to a Pokécenter before you rely on him to protect you, just in case there's something that might be holding him back."

"Sounds like good advice."

"So... would you like to do anything else while we have the evening? I'd like to be in bed by 10 PM tonight, so that leaves me a few hours. Perhaps a movie?"

"Dinner and a movie... What, are we dating now?" she joked. "Sure, sounds fun."

- - - - -​

Wondering what the hell these menu options are that the girls picked out at The Lair? Let's have a look:

Spider Venom is almost your typical blackberry soda; carbonated and full of sugar. However, it's got one extra ingredient added to it: cloves. This is designed to give it an extra kick and invoke the feeling that you've just taken a gulp of something that you probably shouldn't have. How's it taste? I don't know, but I've been wanting to experiment to see just how bad (or surprisingly good!) it is.

Sacrificial Offering is nothing special, just a simple dry red wine. In fitting with the theme of The Lair, its name implies that it is blood to be used as a sacrificial offering for some sort of dark ritual.

Spawn of Hellfire, Andrea's choice, is popcorn shrimp in unimaginably spicy hot sauce. The idea is that the shrimp are underworld creatures that are more delicious than anything on earth, but that comes at a price: the safety of your taste buds. But it doesn't matter to Andrea, the spice never bothered her anyway.

Fruit of the Forbidden Garden, Kimberly's choice of meal, is based on the idea of the forbidden fruit in the book of Genesis. It is a fruit salad that mixes apples, grapes, raisins, blueberries, dried banana slices and walnuts, all topped off with grated carrots. Apples are commonly considered to be the forbidden fruit that got Adam and Eve kicked out of the Garden of Eden, while other scholars suggest that grapes could also be considered the forbidden fruit.

Kimberly mentioned Demonic Ribs, Shadowgrass and Nightmare Stew while looking over the menu. I don't really have much of an idea for the latter two, but I imagine Demonic Ribs is similar to the hot sauce covered popcorn shrimp.
 
Right, my dear Angel, it's review time.

A good friend is like a good book -- they're rare and precious, a prize beyond measure. And trust me: don't ask for a summary, you'll miss the best parts

That is the dorkiest little comment I've seen years. I don't know whether to hug you or throw something at you.

Technical Accuracy/Style
As usual, these are all about style rather than the technical accuracy. A few beta'ry nitpicks first of all. I'd delete this:

lightly tinting the area with a soft lavender light as the sun bounced off of them.

clause. It pushes the piece into an unlikely visual, the kind A-1 pictures might get away with in a high-school melodrama. The rest of the description is absolutely fine.

gaunt-appearing upper chest.

I'd use 'gaunt decolletage' myself. I at least reckon 'decolletage' is less of a mouthful. So to speak.

the freely provided water.

I wouldn't bother mentioning it's free, it's the sort of detail most people would expect anyway.

Story/Characters
I just want to start off with this:

The waitress addressed Andrea first with a courteous bow. "Greetings, sister of the night!" She turned to Kimberly next. "And her lovely mortal companion. Welcome to The Lair! My name is Mandy, and I'll be your humble servant today. May we start this feast of feasts with some drinks?"

You were having fun with this chapter, weren't you.

It's a bit of a long one, but as a summary it does the job fine. You may find that this chapter is somewhat polarising. I think it's to be expected in slice-of-life, where character interactions (Andrea and Kimberly back together, cue the squees) are a big part of the appeal. I think some readers might consider it overlong and full of plot-irrelevant information. Could you streamline it ... probably, but I think you'd lose the natural flow of the conversation you have going there, which would be a shame.
 
That is the dorkiest little comment I've seen years. I don't know whether to hug you or throw something at you.
I will accept thrown forms of affection.

I'd use 'gaunt decolletage' myself. I at least reckon 'decolletage' is less of a mouthful. So to speak.
Less of a mouthful, but much more obscure. I'll pen it into the edit, though. Same with the comment about the freely provided water.

It pushes the piece into an unlikely visual, the kind A-1 pictures might get away with in a high-school melodrama. The rest of the description is absolutely fine.
Definitely wouldn't be because I just got through watching one of their shows, nope nope I'm of a mind to keep this, despite it being a little too hammy and unlikely. I do this based on what I've seen in one of my favorite local parks/gardens, where the sun hits the leaves of the trees just right on a summer day to cast green shadows on the forest floor. It's dumb sounding I bet, but I was very captivated by it because I'd never seen something like it before, and I wanted to try to replicate that image here. There probably wouldn't be enough petals in the air to really make the area shine, but... eh.

You were having fun with this chapter, weren't you.
Absolutely :D I've been kinda miserable lately and taking the opportunity to smoosh by two favorite characters back together has certainly helped alleviate some of that, especially throwing them into this environment.

I think some readers might consider it overlong and full of plot-irrelevant information.
Which is something I hope they would have learned to be able to deal with by now, 40 chapters in :p

Perhaps this is a discussion best saved for another place, but it does bug me sometimes that readers expect an amateur writer's story (especially one focused on character interaction and worldbuilding) to be 100% efficient and to the point. I probably could have reached the conclusion of the story by now if I focused entirely on the backburner plot up front, but I wouldn't have fun writing it that way. And that's the important thing, I'm enjoying the process of writing it.

That said, I think the important thing to note here is that while not everything was relevant to the plot strings being tugged here, they were still relevant to character development at least. The discussion about the totally-not-goth-hooters-girls, her experiences at that past job and being okay with them, etc. offers a glimpse into Andrea's mindset. The same goes for Kimberly's willingness to let Andrea swear in front of her now, even if it makes her uncomfortable. They're little things that people might miss if they disregard some of these conversations as useless fluff. Which is to say: If a writer is writing something, give them the benefit of the doubt and absorb the detail.
 
Please note: The thread is from 5 years ago.
Please take the age of this thread into consideration in writing your reply. Depending on what exactly you wanted to say, you may want to consider if it would be better to post a new thread instead.
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