TEEN: Lone Star Shine Down

[Dorothy]

Lone Star Shine Down
A Coming-of-Age Story and Pokemon Journey Fanfic
By Dorothy

Welcome to the Estrejas region! Once a grand frontier, lawless and free, the famed wild west of the Pokemon World has now been, for the most part, tamed, bent to the will of humans. With new technology and the advancement of civilization, the residents of Estrejas have created the conditions for a grand economic boom, and people from across the world have flocked to the region to settle and enjoy the bounty of this once-wild land. Young Nicolasa Huerta dreams of a great adventure beyond her small, sleepy home of Crossroads Town, but when she finally steps out into the world, she finds that it is even bigger, more unpredictable, and more dangerous than she could have ever dreamed. Thrust into the center of major events in the Estrejas region, Nico must find her place in the world, and find ideals worth fighting for.

This is a journey fic set in the original region of Estrejas, based on the American state of Texas as well as parts of New Mexico, Oklahoma, and the Mexican state of Chihuahua. Both old and new Pokemon make their home in Estrejas, and it is my hope that you will join Nico on her journey and come to love the new Pokemon of the Estrejas region as much as the classics.

Lone Star Shine Down is rated T for strong language and strong descriptions of violence.

Until posted, all chapter titles are tentative.

Table of Contents

Part I: Excavation Badge
1. The World Opens Up
2. Ghost Town Blues
3. First Flight
4. Girls Just Want to Have Fun
5. Pecking Order
6. Welcome to Causeway City
7. Into the Unknown
8. The First Gym
9. First Steps to the Summit

Part II: Web Badge
10. Rookie
11. Fire in the Sky
12 Desiderio's Song
13. Team Outlaw
14. Reunion
15. Jocelyn Goldspur, Pokémon Trainer
16. The Gateway Opens
17. The Second Gym
18. Teatime

Part III: Maelstrom Badge
19. Along the River
20. On the Road Again
21. Blackout
22. The Horse by the Water
23. Along the Seawall
24. The Ballad of Demetrio Huerta
25. The Three Amigos
26. The Third Gym
27. Naval Supremacy

Part IV: Derrick Badge
28. Beside the Salty Water
29. Basim's Ambition
30. In Days of Old
31. The Pokémon Professor
32. Walking in The Rain
33. Adventure in the City by the Sea
34. Gym Leader Silas
35. The Fourth Gym
36. Groundbreaking
37. The Judas Ram
38. To Those Who Remain

Part V: Battle Badge
Part VI: Amp Badge
Part VII: Folklore Badge
Part VIII: Cotton Badge
Part IX: ???
Part X: Mount Illustrous​

 

[Dorothy]

Chapter 1: The World Opens Up


Welcome to the Estrejas region!

Once the last frontier, the beautiful Estrejas region has quickly opened up to development and urbanization in recent years, and the recent economic boom is only the start of what the region has to offer new residents. From natural resources to agriculture to magnificent untamed wilderness, Estrejas is opening up to the world, and the world is finally opening up to Estrejas! And of course, no region would be complete without a comprehensive Pokémon League! The Estrejas League is rapidly gaining renown around the world, and its Trainers are gaining a well-earned reputation for skill and tenacity. Start your Estrejas adventure today! Talk to your travel agent for-

Nicolasa Huerta tossed the well-worn travel brochure over her shoulder, blowing her raven hair out of her eyes as she leaned forward and drummed her fingers on her desk, staring desperately at the digital clock which sat, askew, on the desktop. Slowly, agonizingly slowly, the seconds and minutes ticked away until the moment she would turn 16. The moment she would be able to set out into the Estrejas region and have her own adventure with Pokémon. There was no legal reason she couldn’t have set out on her own before now, of course - like most regions, Estrejas permitted participation in its Pokémon League from as young an age as 10 - but Nico’s mother had forbidden it until she turned 16 years. Most likely that was as long as Nico’s mother felt she could keep Nico home until the eager, adventurous young girl finally chafed under the pressure. Ever since Nico’s father had disappeared that rainy night so many years ago, Nico’s mother had grown ever more protective and sheltering, an attitude which meshed poorly with Nico’s own desire to finally get out and see the world.

It didn’t help matters that Nico and her mother were situated in Crossroads Town. A small, sleepy hamlet on the far western edge of the Estrejas region, Crossroads Town represented the edge of civilization, the outer limits of human settlement for miles in any direction. The streets, such as they were, were dusty and unpaved, and there was not so much as a Pokémon Center to service its - primarily elderly retiree - residents. The only bastion of advanced technology and civilization in all of Crossroads Town was the research outpost utilized by Professor Florinda Mesquite. It was a nice, quiet place to raise up a child, and Nico supposed that was why her parents had moved there, but to her it was maddeningly backwater and backwards. She glanced up at the poster map of the Estrejas region which hung over her bed, gazing with longing at the cities which dotted the landscape - Steelport, Corona, Sprawlopolis. Massive hubs of technology, progress, development. In her mind, they were so big that they seemed to go on forever, but in all the pictures she had seen they had looked even bigger than that. She burned to go out and see it all. But until she turned 16, she was forbidden, and so Nico sat, and so Nico watched the clock.

Finally, the most miraculous sound graced Nico’s ears: the high-pitched buzzing of the clock, signaling the time - 11:23 AM. 16 years ago at precisely this moment, Nicolasa Huerta had been born. At long last, her restrictions were lifted. She was free.

A grin broke out across Nico’s face as she clumsily jumped out of her chair, knocking it over in the process. She made no effort to pick it up as she grabbed her bag, already fully-packed, and slung it over her shoulder, sprinting towards the door, towards freedom, towards-

Towards her mother.

Nico skittered to a halt, waving her arms in front of her to keep herself from falling face-first into her mother, who stood in the doorway, arms crossed, a frown on her face.

Nico’s mother was a woman in the middle of her life. Her face, the same copper tone as Nico, showed signs of aging, and her hair - pulled back as tight as she could get it - had a hint of grey to it. She dressed plainly, with a blue shirt under white overalls, cuffed up around thick leathery boots.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Nico’s mother asked scoldingly, raising an eyebrow as her eyes darted over to the fallen chair and unmade bed.

“To… get my Pokémon?” Nico tried with an innocent smile. It was worth a shot.

Her mother, however, was unamused. “Not without cleaning up after yourself you aren’t,” she chided, pointing to the mess in Nico’s room. “If you must go out on your own, you’re can’t just expect me to clean up after you while you’re gone. I didn’t raise you to be that entitled, Nicolasa.”

“Alright, Irene,” Nico sighed as she turned around. Her mother’s frown grew at Nico’s use of her first name - a habit of Nico’s of which her mother had never approved and often complained, which only strengthened Nico’s desire to carry on with doing it. Nico picked up her chair and quickly made her bed. It was a rather sloppy job, made sloppier by Nico’s rush to get it done and over with, but it was just competent enough that her mother had no real objection to it as Nico returned to the doorway, ready to get a move on.

Nico’s mother sighed and motioned her daughter to follow her. “I spoke with Professor Mesquite,” she said. “She seems very… eager to give you a Pokémon. She said she had three picked out for you to choose from.”

“Awesome!” Nico grinned, ignoring the apprehension in her mother’s voice. Irene Huerta did not approve of her daughter setting out and risking herself on an adventure in the Estrejas region, but Nico was too starry-eyed to care. The image of her father, stepping out into that rainy night, never to return, did little to temper her fire for adventure.

“Mm,” was all Irene said in reply, her tone terse and her lips pursed. Her hands were wringing stressfully as she led her daughter out the front door of their small mobile home. The streets of Crossroads Town were, as always, covered in dust and dirt, which picked up and swirled around Nico in the light midday wind. A single tumbleweed drifted along the road, bouncing in the wind.

Mother and daughter made their way to Professor Mesquite’s research outpost, a small prefabricated building on the outskirts of town, its front door facing away from Route 1 and the open, dusty Estrejan wilds. The Professor herself stood outside of the building with a quirky smile on her face: a tall, lanky woman, with tan skin and auburn hair wrapped and twisted up into a messy beehive. Triangular glasses sat loosely on her pointed nose, and her overall fashion could best be described as “disheveled librarian,” with a white lab coat thrown haphazardly over a red cardigan and black pencil skirt.

“Nico!” Professor Mesquite said, clapping her hands cheerfully. “You’re finally here! I’m so excited! I’ve been waiting for this day a long time, and I know you have as well!”

“You’re da-” Nico was interrupted by a pointed glare from her mother. “-aaarn right I am, Professor! I finally get to have my own Pokémon and set out to see the Estrejas region! I finally get to get out of this town!”

“And you get to help me with my research!” the Professor reminded her. “As a scholar of Pokémon distribution, I need all the help I can get cataloging all the Pokémon that live in Estrejas. You’ve been a big help the last few years documenting the Pokémon native to the area, and now you get to do much the same, on a much larger scale!”

“And you’re certain this is all safe, Florinda?” Nico’s mother asked, crossing her arms and clutching her chin in concern. The Professor looked at the woman sympathetically, nodding reassuringly.

“Irene, I promise you have nothing to worry about,” Mesquite said, glancing away and twisting a lock of hair anxiously around her finger. “Nico will be completely safe. What happened to… what happened before won’t happen again. Nico will have Pokémon to protect her.”

“I’ll take your word for it,” Irene frowned. “Are the Pokémon you have for her really strong enough for the job?”

Professor Mesquite’s demeanor immediately lightened, and the cheerful, enthusiastic researcher was back. “Of course!” she said, proudly placing her hands on her hips. “I hand-picked the starter Pokémon Nico has to choose from! They’re rare and strong, and easy enough to take care of. Any one of them would make a fantastic first partner for an up-and-coming Trainer.”

“Sounds great!” Nico grinned. “So, uh… can I get my Pokémon now?”

Irene glared at Nico to chide her for her impatience, but Professor Mesquite simply chuckled. “Of course,” she said. “Just step right inside, and we’ll-”

The Professor was interrupted suddenly by the sound of breaking glass, which rang out from inside the outpost.

“What was that?!” Irene exclaimed in alarm. Professor Mesquite whirled around, her lab coat slipping off one shoulder in her haste to get the door of the outpost open, furiously jabbing the button which controlled the door.

The door slid open to reveal the interior of Professor Mesquite’s research outpost. It was a small facility, with a laboratory filled with Pokémon books, computers, and machinery, with attached living quarters jutting off to the side. In the center of the lab was a table, two Poké Balls resting atop it with space for a third.

That third Poké Ball was clutched in the hand of a young man around Nico’s age, dressed in black pants and a fringed black suede shirt, all of which served to accentuate his jet-black hair and the dark circles which ringed under his tired, wild eyes. The boy was halfway out the shattered window with Poké Ball in hand when he noticed that he had been caught in his theft. With a scowl, he completed his exit with a roll out of the window, and proceeded to sprint away, making a break for Route 1.

Irene, realizing what her daughter would do in response, shot a glance at Nico. “Nicolasa, don’t you dare-”

It was for naught. Barely thinking, merely acting on instinct, Nico rushed forward, snatching up one of the Poké Balls from the table as she hurtled through the open hole in the window - lightly cutting her hand on the broken glass, but Nico couldn’t stop to care. She gave chase to the thief, kicking up a cloud of dust behind her as her feet pounded on the unpaved streets of Crossroads Town.

Nico’s hair whipped behind her, and she spat out a strand that got in her mouth as her chase brought her beyond the city limits of Crossroads Town and into the open wilderness of Route 1. Her quarry was ahead of her, periodically glancing behind him and muttering curses under his breath that she was still on his tail.

Finally, realizing his pursuer would not give up anytime soon, the boy stopped and spun on his heel, confronting Nico directly.

“Alright, fine!” the boy shouted in a rough, hoarse voice. “You wanna go so bad, let’s go! Send out your Pokémon, and we’ll-”

Nico had other plans in mind. She surged forward, tackling the boy to the ground and knocking the wind out of them both. The dust kicked up and swirled around them as the two teenagers brawled, Nico swinging her fist at his gut while trying to snatch the Poké Ball out of his hand, while the boy kicked at his assailant and attempted to wriggle free of her grasp. Nico’s fingers wrapped around the top of the Poké Ball, she nearly had it -

And then the boy finally freed himself, rolling backward onto his feet and tossing the Poké Ball, releasing the Pokémon contained within.

It was a scrappy-looking fish of a Pokémon, covered in shimmering blue scales and adorned with light red fins at the tip of its tail, on its head, back, and on either side of its chest. It sat upright on its tail, its pectoral fins balled into fists and a fierce expression on its face. This was a Pokémon eager to fight.

“A Lightta, huh?” the boy said, brushing the dust off of its shirt. “I didn’t have time to be picky, but this will serve my needs just fine. Now, unless you want to get beat down by a fish - and believe me, these things are all too happy to get a chance to fight - I’d suggest you back off, girl. Be thankful I’m giving you the chance to walk away at all.”

Nico coughed out some dust before gritting her teeth and lifting herself back onto her feet. “Not a chance!” she declared. “That Pokémon is going right back to Professor Mesquite where it belongs!” She hurled her own Poké Ball, which burst open in a flash of light. From the ball emerged a small, red, rabbit-like Pokémon with long ears and curious eyes. Its neck was ringed with a grey tuft of fur, with fur of the same color forming a flame-like pattern on its underbelly.

“Go, uh…” Nico’s voice faltered, realizing she didn’t actually know what Pokémon this was. The boy rolled his eyes and groaned.

“What kind of ametuer hour bull is this?” he complained. “You don’t even know what a Sparkit is? You really wanna do this, girl?”

“My name is Nico!” Nico said, balling her fists. “And yes, I wanna do this! I’m not letting you get away with stealing from the Professor!”

“You have no idea what’s going on here,” the boy said with a grimace, crossing his arms across his chest. “Trust me, you want me to take this Pokémon. There’s things coming that you can’t even imagine, and I’m the only one who can-”

“Enough talking!” Nico said, dragging one foot behind the other in a battle stance. “Uh… Sparkit! Go! Use… um… Tackle!”

Sparkit complied, the little rabbit using its strong back legs to spring forward, sprinting towards its foe and flinging itself headfirst towards Lightta’s chest.

“Oh for- Lightta, use Counter!” the black-haired boy commanded. As Sparkit slammed against the fish Pokémon, it braced itself to mitigate the impact and then seized Sparkit with its fins, spinning around twice before, in one solid motion, lifting Nico’s Pokémon over its shoulder and slamming it down against the ground. Sparkit cried out in pain, and Nico couldn’t stop herself from covering her mouth with her hand in horror.

“Sparkit! Are you okay?” Nico asked in alarm. Her Pokémon struggled to regain its footing, standing shakily and panting, clearly hurt. Sparkit was hanging on by a thread, and Nico wasn’t sure it could take another hit like that.

“We can still do this!” Nico called out. Sparkit glanced back at her and nodded. There was something in her Pokémon’s eye - some spark or flash of something Nico couldn’t describe, but as her eyes locked with her Pokémon, Nico felt something stir inside her. All of a sudden, the confusion and uncertainty she had felt at the beginning of the battle was gone, replaced with a clarity of mind and purpose she’d never felt before. The rest of the world seemed to fade away, and in her mind’s eye there was just her, her Pokémon, and her opponent. She knew what Sparkit could do; she knew what she should do. Her shoulders grew more firm, her stance more confident. The boy raised an eyebrow at her sudden change in attitude.

“Sparkit, use Mud-Slap!” Nico ordered. “Get mud in its eyes! It can’t hit what it can’t see!”

Before the boy or Lightta could react, Sparkit was already carrying out its Trainer’s orders, digging a foot deep into the ground. Without warning, the rabbit swiped its paw upwards, flinging a clod of mud at its foe. The mud hit Lightta square in the eyes, and the fish squealed and clawed at its eyes, blinded by the clumps of earth blocking its eyesight.

“Pound, Lightta!” the boy commanded, alarmed at Nico’s sudden surge of competence. Lightta attempted to comply, swinging its fists desperately at empty air, too blind to find its target, much less make contact. The boy gritted his teeth, infuriated by the reversal of his fortunes.

“Finish it, Sparkit!” Nico said. “Take it out with a Tackle!”

Sparkit rushed forth, its ears level with its head as it charged towards Lightta, ready to finish its foe off. It collided with Lightta, victory within its grasp. A cloud of dust rose up as the Pokémon made contact.

When the cloud settled, Nico’s expression faded from victorious to horrified in an instant. Once more, Sparkit was clutched, struggling, in the veiny fins of its opponent. Lightta had managed to hold on with the very last of its strength, and grabbed Sparkit as its Tackle connected. The sense of calm and clear-headedness vanished from Nico’s mind as quickly as it had come, and she began to panic as she realized what was coming.

“No!” she shouted, but there was nothing she could do. She watched in anguish and defeat, dropping to her knees as, with a smirk on his face, the boy gave Lightta the order.

“Counter.”

Nico closed her eyes, unable to bring herself to watch as Lightta slammed her Pokémon into the ground with a sickening thud. She saw only blackness as she listened to the boy recall Lightta and say something about staying out of his way, before hearing the sound of footsteps slowly fading into the distance. When she finally found the courage to open one of her eyes, the boy was gone, and no one else was around besides her and her Pokémon, lying unconscious in the dirt road of Route 1.

She had lost. She had failed. The wilds of Route 1 stretched out around her, more open space than she had ever known. The world had finally opened up to Nicolasa Huerta, and yet she felt smaller than she ever had before.

To be continued.

***​

Estrejan Pokédex, Update #1

#001. Pecernal - Grass - The Nut Pokémon.

Ability: Overgrow

Appearance: Pecernal is a small Pokémon resembling a pecan nut. It has large eyes, and some of the grooves of the nut form the shape of a large nose. Two large leaves adorn its sides, in place of hands.

Data: They spread their leaves to absorb sunlight. At night, they get together in groups to dance and sing.

Evolves at level 17.

#002. Sproot - Grass - The Sapling Pokémon.

Ability: Overgrow

Appearance: Sproot's body is a sprouting pecan nut, with a long neck resembling a sapling leading to a head topped with a mess of hair-like leaves. it has a cheerful expression and large nose, four legs which resemble roots, and a leaf for a tail.

Data: Sproot travel in groups. They use their mouths to clean each others' leaves of parasites, which is how they feed.

Evolves at level 36.

#003. Brackory - Grass/Rock - The Tall Trunk Pokémon.

Ability: Overgrow

Appearance: Brackory is a large brachiosaurus made of wood. Tufts of leaves line its back and tail, and it has long "hair" made of leaves on its head.

Data: Brackory roam the plains in packs, absorbing sunlight through their leaves for energy. They leave behind huge footprints, which fill with rain to become watering holes.

#004. Sparkit - Fire - The Bunny Pokémon.

Ability: Blaze

Appearance: A small red-furred bunny. Its neck is ringed with a tuft of grey fur, and similarly-colored fur forms a fire-like pattern on its underbelly.

Data: Sparkit are timid, but in groups they are braver and can fight off any intruder. They cook their own carrots with the fire they produce.

Evolves at level 16.

#005. Jumflame - Fire - The Igneous Pokémon.

Ability: Blaze

Appearance: Similar to Sparkit, but larger and with more rounded ears, as well as smaller eyes. Its body is also longer and more rounded. It has a "cottontail" which is really a tuft of flame.

Data: Jumflame live on the slopes of volcanoes. Their favorite food is charred tree bark.

Evolves at level 37.

#006. Volhare - Fire/Ground - The Pyroclastic Pokémon.

Ability: Blaze

Appearance: A lithe rabbit with long ears and small eyes. It has a long tail of fire.

Data: They burrow deep within the earth's crust. In their warrens, they can thump their feet hard enough to cause earthquakes.

#007. Lightta - Water - The Lightweight Pokémon.

Ability: Torrent

Appearance: A small, scrappy fish sitting up on its tail. It has reddish fins and is eager for a fight.

Data: They love to fight, but they're lightweight, so they often bite off more than they can chew. They dream of the big leagues.

Evolves at level 18.

#008. Weltus - Water/Fighting - The Welterweight Pokémon

Ability: Torrent

Appearance: A larger fish, with a more pronounced head fin, which is now standing upright on its tail. The markings on its stomach resemble a belt.

Data: Fighting is an obsession for them, and they fight constantly for territory, for mates, and simply because they can. They tend to punch above their weight.

Evolves at level 35.

#009. Heavace - Water/Fighting - The Heavyweight Pokémon.

Ability: Torrent

Appearance: A large, upright fish that stands on two “legs” which are really two thick tails. Its dorsal fin is long and ornate in the style of a champion’s cape, and its head fin wraps around its head like a hoodie.

Data: The undisputed fighting champion of the rivers. They take all comers, and their constant victories make them arrogant.

***​

Estrejas Region Behind-the-Scenes #1

Crossroads Town: Crossroads Town is based on Las Cruces, New Mexico, which is located on the edge of the Chihuahuan Desert. The area is dry and dusty. While Las Cruces is not a tiny town, it is still a very small city, and has a population of less than 100,000.

 

[Snuggle Tier List]

Not gonna lie: I decided to read this partly because your username is Jabberwocky. I'm.a pretty big fan of Lewis Carroll's screw-the-rules, almost punk-ish way with words:

"('That's exactly the method,' the Bellman bold
In a hasty parenthesis cried,
'That's exactly the way I have always been told
That the capture of Snarks should be tried!')"

Yes, I have that quote prepped at all times, ready for launch. I actually have a laundry list of quotes, but we should probably talk about your story.

Some other good signs that led me here:

• Texas! If Pokemon: Colosseum taught me anything, it's that the American Southwest makes a great backdrop for new regions. And you're promising a region inspired by the most iconic Wild West state of them all. And you actually live in Texas! You know things! You write what you know! Gold star.
• Really good summary. Like, really good. I already mentioned how the setting was a major draw, and you spent the first half detailing your region. You even start with "Welcome to the Estrejas region!", which to me was a wonderfully blunt statement on what's really on show here (the Estrejas region, in case there was any doubt). And this:

With new technology and the advancement of civilization, the residents of Estrejas have created the conditions for a grand economic boom, and people from across the world have flocked to the region to settle and enjoy the bounty of this once-wild land.

Is just a perfect sweep of all the necessary info. We got potential character motivations:

...and people from across the world have flocked to the region to settle and enjoy the bounty of this once-wild land.

A possible clash of cultures:

With new technology and the advancement of civilization...

The phrase "once-wild land" which hits another of my personal favorite tropes, because I'm sick and tired of end-of-civilization cozy apocalypse stories, and I wanna read about the world becoming a better place. And once you've detailed your setting, you draw from it to explain your protagonist's motivations:

Young Nicolasa Huerta dreams of a great adventure beyond her small, sleepy home of Crossroads Town...

And possible path of character development:

...but when she finally steps out into the world, she finds that it is even bigger, more unpredictable, and more dangerous than she could have ever dreamed.

If I had to criticize something, it'd be that the last sentence is a little redundant, as it retreads information that's already been implied. But that's absolute nitpicking, pay it no heed.

• Once I was done with the summary, I did a very quick skim and spotted a bestiary for unique Pokemon. I'm the kind of guy who likes new ideas in general, and even if it turns out your region's Pokemon are all dumb, I appreciate the ambition. Even if your designs turn up sucking, I have the sort of mind that goes "okay, why isn't this working?" And training my critical eye ironically makes even bad Pokemon designs exciting, so long as they are new. Though, you know, I'd prefer new designs that are also good, because, you know, then they'd be good. Good is good. I like good.
• Your fic is brand-spanking new. Yeah, dumb reason to get hyped, but I've found it's always easier jumping on when there's only one chapter. Not sure if this is useful criticism, but I'd figure I'd lay everything on the table. Just in case.
• I have the flu and I need something immersive, because I'd rather think about your punchy summary's worldbuilding than my constant cough. Which is something that other people probably won't share, but hey. I got needs, you filled them.

I'm spending a lot of time on my first impressions because they really, really, really matter. Reading any fic is a significant time investment, and I'm a skeptical critic that values my time. So just reaching the point where I want to read your fic is an accomplishment in and of itself. And, in case it isn't obvious; your fic don't matter if no one reads it. Well, unless you right for yourself, which is actually a very healthy way to write non-profit fan works, but I really need to get to your story already.

To be honest, I haven't actually read your story yet. I'm an overanalyzer like that. So let's do a rolling review! I'll go through the first chapter, write down thoughts as I read, and we'll see what happens. Quick, to the stop-overthinking-mobile!

NA-NA-NA-NA-NA!

First couple paragraphs leave me feeling pretty good. Again, your first paragraph drew from your strong setting, and then you used that as a stepping stone for characterizing Nico, i.e.:

There was no legal reason she couldn’t have set out on her own before now, of course - like most regions, Estrejas permitted participation in its Pokémon League from as young an age as 10 - but Nico’s mother had forbidden it until she turned 16 years.

Plus, I'm already getting characterization on potential side characters (Rico's mother and father), which is good. I see some potential missteps - violations of Show, Don't Tell:

Ever since Nico’s father had disappeared that rainy night so many years ago, Nico’s mother had grown ever more protective and sheltering, an attitude which meshed poorly with Nico’s own desire to finally get out and see the world.

And maybe a little too much attention to main character's appearance:

...blowing her raven hair out of her eyes...

I'm of the opinion that describing physical appearance is a waste of words unless it itself implies personality. Nico's hair doesn't strike me as wild enough to warrant mention. But regardless, all in all, I'm seeing a strong foundation.

My god, I've only gotten through two paragraphs. I need to speed this up.

NA-NA-NA-NA-NA!

She made no effort to pick it up as she grabbed her bag, already fully-packed, and slung it over her shoulder, sprinting towards the door, towards freedom, towards-

Towards her mother.

Heh, heh, heh. Rejected. I laughed. Nice one.

NA-NA-NA-NA-NA!

Nico’s mother was a woman in the middle of her life. Her face, the same copper tone as Nico, showed signs of aging, and her hair - pulled back as tight as she could get it - had a hint of grey to it. She dressed plainly, with a blue shirt under white overalls, cuffed up around thick leathery boots.

I already mentioned my thoughts on describing character appearance. Here's another example. Some parts, like age, are probably important. Other part, like the color of her shirt, are not. But I don't want to beat a dead horse, you've already heard this, moving on.

NA-NA-NA-NA-NA!

...I didn’t raise you to be that entitled, Nicolasa."

Wwwwooaah! Throwing around "entitled", Mrs. Huerta? That's a choice of words, there. Which is good, because it gives Nico's mother some personality. And since she's Nico's, you know, mother, that also gives Nico some personality. I can't tell yet if Mrs. Huerta is actually anti-entitlement or just found a buzzword, but I'll give her the benefit of the doubt. Making the kid clean the room helps her case. And more importantly, I like Nico's reaction of not starting an argument and just cleaning her room. Probably faster for Nico anyways, which tempers Nico's rebel personality with a bit of reason. I'm starting to like Nico.

NA-NA-NA-NA-NA!

...of their small mobile home.

Okay, I take the entitlement speech back. There's actual humble origins here. Which is good; humility's a sympathetic character trait.

NA-NA-NA-NA-NA!

...A single tumbleweed drifted along the road, bouncing in the wind.

Mother and daughter made their way to Professor Mesquite’s research outpost, a small prefabricated building on the outskirts of town, its front door facing away from Route 1 and the open, dusty Estrejan wilds.

Nice wild west atmosphere. However, grammah-related nitpick: the transition between these paragraphs seems a little harsh. You changed scenes from Nico's House to Professor Mesauite's lab, so use a line break:

————

The line break signals time passing or perspective changing, like a cut in a movie. Adding a line break lets you imply traveling to Professor Medauite's lab wasn't instantaneous. Plus, if you ever find yourself in a boring travel scene in the future, the line break can let you skip to the good part. It's a really, really good tool, and I cannot imagine writing journey fic without it. Use it and abuse it.

NA-NA-NA-NA-NA!

Quick quip that I'm really liking the overall back-and-forth between characters. Everyone's got a distinct, likable personality, This quote in particular:

"Irene, I promise you have nothing to worry about,” Mesquite said, glancing away and twisting a lock of hair anxiously around her finger. “Nico will be completely safe. What happened to… what happened before won’t happen again. Nico will have Pokémon to protect her.”

Shows how considerate Professor Mesquite is to both Rico's and Irene's interests. I'm starting to just wanna read instead of analyze everything. Which is not common for me, well done.

NA-NA-NA-NA-NA!

That third Poké Ball was clutched in the hand of a young man around Nico’s age, dressed in black pants and a fringed black suede shirt, all of which served to accentuate his jet-black hair and the dark circles which ringed under his tired, wild eyes.

Oh my god, this is amazing. I'll admit, I'm laughing at how over-the-top stupid this dude's outfit is, but I'm enjoying it. Not taking him seriously, though.

NA-NA-NA-NA-NA!

“Alright, fine!” the boy shouted in a rough, hoarse voice. “You wanna go so bad, let’s go! Send out your Pokémon, and we’ll-”

Nico had other plans in mind.

Ha! Oh, I love this kid's incompetence. This is hilarious; I love it.

NA-NA-NA-NA-NA!

"What kind of ametuer hour bull is this?" he complained. "You don’t even know what a Sparkit is? You really wanna do this, girl?"

Well, screw you, kid! Get 'em, Nico!

Oh, and, uh, it's spelled "amateur". I correct your grammah because it gives my life purpose. Not that I'm compensating for anything, of course.

NA-NA-NA-NA-NA!

As Sparkit slammed against the fish Pokémon, it braced itself to mitigate the impact and then seized Sparkit with its fins, spinning around twice before, in one solid motion, lifting Nico’s Pokémon over its shoulder and slamming it down against the ground. Sparkit cried out in pain, and Nico couldn’t stop herself from covering her mouth with her hand in horror.

Ouch. Like, ow. That's just vicious description there. Like, I think I need to call PETA. Oomph. Just, wow. You went there. I, uh, guess that's good? I mean, I'm hoping not all battles are this brutal. This is just cruel.

NA-NA-NA-NA-NA!

There was something in her Pokémon’s eye - some spark or flash of something Nico couldn’t describe, but as her eyes locked with her Pokémon, Nico felt something stir inside her. All of a sudden, the confusion and uncertainty she had felt at the beginning of the battle was gone, replaced with a clarity of mind and purpose she’d never felt before. The rest of the world seemed to fade away, and in her mind’s eye there was just her, her Pokémon, and her opponent. She knew what Sparkit could do; she knew what she should do. Her shoulders grew more firm, her stance more confident. The boy raised an eyebrow at her sudden change in attitude.

The Indescribable Something™. At risk of sounding sarcastic, an author's job description is literally "describe things". So anything indescribable is an instant no-no...

...or, since I haven't finished reading, maybe there's more going on. Just how exactly does Nico know what to do? I don't see any rational explanation for Nico knowing the moves of these Pokemon that she demonstrably did not know a minute ago.

...are you implying Nico has superpowers?

NA-NA-NA-NA-NA!

She had lost. She had failed. The wilds of Route 1 stretched out around her, more open space than she had ever known. The world had finally opened up to Nicolasa Huerta, and yet she felt smaller than she ever had before.

To be continued.

Oh, I want that big-ego punk punished sooooo bad.

So, uh, I guess I gotta read the next part then. I think you have me hooked. So...yeah. Nice work. Real nice, no joke. Quality never dipped below average and frequently rose above and beyond. Keep it up, please!

Now if you need me, I have cold medicine to take.

NA-NA-NA-NA-NA!

(Apologizes for any formatting oddities, first post. Also, first post! Hello, world! Please don't kill me; I have a family)

 

[Beth Pavell]

Huh, well, it's been a while. Your last story here was The Scales of Astraea, as I recall - some elements recycled here I think, the name Nicolasa Huerta, Sparklit.

There's really nothing to say regarding your technical accuracy; it's as strong as ever. As an overview this is a chapter immediately familiar to anyone who's played a main series Pokémon game, insofar as it hits most of the usual narrative notes, and has that wide-eyed, super enthusiastic sheen of the anime. I can't straight up complain about it as a bad thing, because as journeyfics go, there's enough detail to the world, and attention to detail to the narrative, that it doesn't feel like a bland retread.

But I'm still in two minds about Chapter 1, because not a lot happens that's unexpected here. It's competently written, it takes itself seriously as a story ... I just feel it could stand to be a bit more adventurous.

 

[Dorothy]

Huh, well, it's been a while. Your last story here was The Scales of Astraea, as I recall - some elements recycled here I think, the name Nicolasa Huerta, Sparklit.

Yes, this is something of a soft reboot of that story. I was always unhappy with the setting and a lot of the Pokemon I created for that story, and with the benefit of time and basing the setting on something I know intimately, that being my own home state of Texas as well as its immediate surroundings, I feel like I have a much stronger story with more thematic coherency.

I should say that Sparkit and its evolutions are in some sense recycled as I also had a volcano rabbit Pokemon in the previous story, Sparkit itself is original. I think you're thinking of Sparkipillar, a Fire caterpillar which served as the Fire starter in the previous story.

 

[Dorothy]

Chapter 2: Ghost Town Blues


Nico trudged back into Crossroads Town, her head tilted downward and her feet dragging against the dusty road. Sparkit, still unconscious, had been returned to its Poké Ball, now clutched tightly in Nico’s trembling fist. Her mind was a morass of confusion, shame, and defeat. The young woman who less than an hour ago had strained at the leash to venture out into the Estrejas region had been replaced by an unsure, unsteady, frightened child.

The journey from the entrance to Crossroads Town to Professor Mesquite’s outpost was not a long one. Her mother and the Professor were still standing outside the outpost, but were additionally joined by a tall man who felt vaguely familiar to Nico. He was an older man, with an aged body but strong figure. Balding, he only had a ring of white hair around the edge of his scalp, and his muscles strained against the red-and-white western shirt he wore. He turned his head to glance at Nico as she approached, fixing her with a strong, intimidating stare which made her feel very small.

Nico pursed her lips as she joined the adults. Her mother’s expression turned to one of concern when she saw the look on Nico’s face, and Professor Mesquite bit her lip in concern. “Are you alright, Nicolasa?” asked Irene, tilting her daughter’s chin up slightly to look at her.

Nico winced slightly and moved her head out of her mother’s grasp, looking away sadly. “I lost,” she said, her voice breaking as she spoke. “I… I couldn’t beat him. He got away.”

“And?”

Nico looked up. The voice was unfamiliar, but somehow she still knew exactly who produced it: the tall, old man whose arms were now crossed over his chest as he fixed Nico with a severe gaze.

“You lost,” the man said. “So what? Is that supposed to make me feel sorry for you? You really going to lose all hope after one loss?”

“Johnson, please,” Irene frowned. “She’s hurt, she’s a child-”

“Her father’s child, I was led to believe,” Johnson, as the man was apparently called, snapped back. “Even back when we were kids traveling through Kanto, your husband would never have let himself fall to pieces like this after losing a battle. I came here when Florinda contacted me to see if she lived up to his example.”

“My husband was overconfident and reckless,” Irene replied, holding Nico close to her and gently stroking Nico’s hair to comfort her. “We both know how that turned out.”

Johnson did not reply, his eyes darting downward and his lips pressing together. Finally, Professor Mesquite broke the awkward silence, shuffling over towards Nico.

“Um… here, Nico, let me take that for a moment,” the Professor said, reaching her hand out to take Nico’s Poké Ball. Nico was momentarily frightened that the Professor meant to take her Pokémon away for good, and it must have shown on her face because Professor Mesquite gave her a reassuring smile before clarifying herself.

“Don’t worry, I’m going to give it back,” she promised. “I’m just going to take your Pokémon into the lab for a second to make sure it’s healed up after that battle.”

Nico nodded and handed over the Poké Ball. The Professor gave her another smile before retreating into the outpost and sliding the door shut behind her. The wind blew gently as Nico was left with just her mother and Johnson for company.

“Was that your first Pokémon battle, kid?” Johnson asked, breaking the silence.

Nico nodded weakly, avoiding the man’s glowering stare.

“What was it like?” Johnson followed up. “Describe your experience.”

“Johnson, please,” Irene protested, her tone growing annoyed.

“Let the girl speak, Irene!” Johnson barked, causing Nico’s mother to flinch. “Now speak, Nico.”

Nico hesitated, desperately trying to corral her thoughts and memories before speaking. “At first, I… I didn’t know what I was doing at all. Then… something happened. It was like my mind cleared… and I knew instinctively what moves to use, what strategy to pursue… it was like me and my Pokémon were acting as one. And then I made a bad call, and it was like I was right back where I started again. Just confused and unsure what to do.”

Johnson’s eyes narrowed as he pondered what Nico said. Irene tilted her head curiously. “Is something wrong, Johnson?” she asked. She still clutched Nico to her, but her daughter was slowly inching away from her grasp.

Johnson was silent a moment, before shaking his head. “No, nothing,” he answered. “Just… thinking about something.”

The man straightened his back and fixed Nico with a severe gaze. “Now listen here, kid,” he said. “You’re not much to look at right now, but I think you’ve got the spark of something special in you. Don’t let this loss end your ambitions before they’ve begun to manifest. You have a long road ahead of you, and you’ve got to walk it by yourself. Grow strong together with your Pokémon. You have the potential to forge your own destiny, your own legacy. Embrace that potential.”

Nico said nothing, looking down and considering Johnson’s words.

“In the journey you have ahead of you,” Johnson continued, “you will encounter Gyms spread across the Estrejas region. Each is led by a Gym Leader, who holds a Gym Badge to be conferred upon successful challengers. Collect eight of these Badges, and you will earn the right to venture down Victory Road and challenge the Pokémon League. Four elite trainers await at the summit of Mount Illustrous, and after them, the Champion - me."

Nico’s eyes widened, and she realized why Johnson had seemed familiar to her. She looked up to see Champion Johnson continuing to glower over her.

“Earn eight Gym Badges,” Johnson commanded her. “Brave Victory Road, vanquish the Elite Four… and then face me, Nicolasa Huerta. I will be waiting for you on Mount Illustrous.”

Before Nico could respond, Johnson opened a Poké Ball in a flash of light, revealing a large orange dragon with a burning tail. Johnson straddled the back of the Charizard, which flapped its wings and kicked up a cloud of dust as it took to the sky, flying Johnson away southward.

Nico finally freed herself from her mother’s clutches, and stared into the sky, watching the Champion of Estrejas grow smaller and smaller into the distance, before disappearing completely.

“Nicolasa…” Irene said, her tone anxious, “you can stay here. It’s safe. You don’t have to-”

“I’ve spent my whole life waiting to get out there,” Nico said, cutting her mother off. “Dreaming of seeing everything Estrejas has to offer. And now the Champion’s given me a personal challenge.” She looked at her mother with fierce eyes. “I can’t back out now. Not when I’ve barely started.”

Irene sighed, resigning herself to acceptance of her daughter’s departure. “Alright,” she said. “You really are your father’s daughter.” Suddenly, Irene perked back up, apparently having remembered something. “Hang on one second,” she said, sprinting back over towards the mobile home. A few minutes later, she returned, holding an old, worn-looking tan cowboy hat with a large brim. After a moment of hesitation, she held out the hat for her daughter to take.

“This was your father’s,” she said. “He wore it when he was about your age, traveling through Kanto. After we moved to Estrejas he put it away, and told me he wanted you to have it when you were ready to venture out on your own.”

Nico gingerly took the hat from her mother’s hands, examining its greying felt and the enamel Poké Ball symbol affixed to the band. She looked up at Irene and smiled in gratitude before placing it upon her head.

“Thank you,” she said, and then, quite unexpectedly to both Nico and Irene, moved forward to embrace her mother, hugging the woman tightly. “I promise I’ll make you proud, mama.”

Irene paused for a moment, caught off-guard by Nico’s sudden display of affection. Within moments, however, she was smiling and trying to hold back tears as she returned her daughter’s embrace. “You already make me proud, mi ciela,” she said, speaking softly into Nico’s ear. “Just come back safely to me when you’re done.”

The moment was ended as quickly as it begun, as Professor Mesquite reemerged from the outpost. In one hand, the Professor held six Poké Balls, miniaturized for portability, and in the other she held a small red device which resembled a phone. She gave one of her signature crooked grins as she held out both hands to Nico.

“Sparkit is all healed up,” Professor Mesquite said in a chipper tone, “and I’ll also give you a few extra Poké Balls so you can get started catching Pokémon.”

“Thanks,” Nico said, taking the Poké Balls and finding a space for them in her bag. “And that other thing you have… is that…”

“The Pokédex!” Professor Mesquite squealed. “The original model was created by my old teacher Samuel Oak in the Kanto region, but I’ve made my own improvements. This version includes a map of the Estrejas region and allows you to catalog which Pokémon are native to each area of the region. It also has communication features so that you can contact me or anyone else you need to! It’s really the whole package! I hope you’ll do your part to help me create a complete index of the Pokémon native to Estrejas and their native ecosystems.”

“Of course,” Nico said as she took the Pokédex from Professor Mesquite. “If I’m going to take on the Pokémon League, I’ll need to catch plenty of strong Pokémon.”

“The Pokémon League, huh?” the Professor chuckled. “You really are your father’s daughter. He was a strong and well-known Pokémon trainer in his day as well.”

“People keep telling me that,” Nico said, placing the Pokédex into her pocket. It annoyed her when people compared her to her father. She had never known the man. What she did, she did for herself, for her own reasons, not out of any desire to live up to whatever legacy her father left behind.

Nico squeezed the strap of her pack. “Well,” she said, “I guess I’m off. I have a region to see, an adventure to have, and a Pokémon League to challenge.”

Professor Mesquite nodded. “The closest Pokémon Gym is in Causeway City, a few towns south of here,” she said. “The Gym Leader there is an old colleague of mine. She’s a strong Trainer, so don’t underestimate her.”

Nico nodded. “Got it,” she replied. She glanced between the Professor and her mother, the women who had, each in their own way, raised her. She felt there wasn’t any proper way to say goodbye. And so she said nothing, nodding once more with a smile before walking away from the outpost, through the entrance to Crossroads Town, and back out onto Route 1.

Nico passed through Route 1 rather quickly, short and small as it was. She walked by the spot of her defeat, holding her head high and trying to avoid looking at the indentation in the ground where the Pokémon thief’s Lightta had knocked her Sparkit out. On both sides of the dirt road upon which she walked, dusty flatlands spread out in either direction, peppered with the occasional rock or pale yellow bush of scrub until, in the far distance, the land jutted suddenly upwards into the tall, regal mountain range which scarred western Estrejas.

The sun beat down heavily upon Nico, bathing her in the afternoon heat and making her sweat. She was fanning herself and flapping the front of her shirt as she stepped into what the map on her Pokédex identified as Piamorose Town. To Nico’s eyes, however, it didn’t seem like much of a town at all.

There were no roads, only the faint impressions of where people had once trod indented in the ground. No people could be seen walking in or out of any of the black, rotting wooden buildings strewn around the area. Even the Pokémon Center, its red roof barely identifiable, sat empty and abandoned, its windows long since smashed in and its technologies stripped.

No one had lived here for a very long time.

As Nico’s eyes scanned the landscape for any sign of life, she was startled when she spotted quite the opposite. A small black Pokémon hovered in the air, its hood-like body ornamented with bone-like patterns and an off-white skull-shaped mask, through which a single, glowing pink eye could be seen. Nico didn’t need to check the Pokédex to identity it as a Duskull. Growing excited, Nico fished through her pack to find one of the Poké Balls Professor Mesquite had given her, hoping to make her first capture.

As Nico approached, the Duskull spotted her and began floating away at a surprisingly fast pace. Nico gave chase, weaving around buildings as she pursued the Pokémon. The Duskull had no such problem: if a building was in the way of its path, the Ghost Pokémon simply passed straight through it as if it was not there at all.

Nico’s pursuit came to a halt when, rounding the corner of another building, she watched as the Duskull floated over to a tall man standing in front of a rusty chain-link fence, coming to rest upon the man’s shoulder.

The man was at least seven feet by Nico’s estimation, and long grey hair flowed down to his waist. His visage was dour, a frowning mouth framed by a scraggly and unkempt beard. His wardrobe accentuated his melancholy disposition: a long black coat whose tail brushed against the ground, and a black hat with an impossibly wide brim.

The man glanced over as Duskull came to rest on his shoulder, and then turned his head to see Nico standing a few feet away. Silently, he tilted his head, motioning for Nico to join him and see what he was looking at.

With some trepidation, Nico stepped forward, looking through the links of the fence to see the collapsed remains of what had once been a mining pit. Shards of debris and metal scattered around the pit yard, with the remains of a cage rusting against a rotted-out managerial office.

“Tragic, isn’t it?”

The man’s voice was smooth and rich, and when he spoke it startled Nico. Somehow, it felt like this man shouldn’t be able to talk, and certainly not with such a voice. He gazed at her, and Nico realized he wanted a response.

“I… I guess?” she said. “I guess I don’t really know what happened.”

“Hmm,” the man said, looking away from Nico back through the fence. She couldn’t tell whether he approved or disapproved of her answer. “Tell me, child, what do you think of technology?”

“Technology?” Nico repeated, confused by the question. “Uh… well, I mean there’s a guy back home who’s always talking about how great technology is… so…”

“Well, I didn’t ask what he thinks,” the man said with the faintest hint of a chuckle. “I asked what you think. It’s a more important question than you realize. If we don’t stop and think about the kinds of technology we embrace, bad things can happen.”

“What do you mean?” Nico asked, now even more confused as to what the man was getting at.

The man gestured towards the abandoned pit yard. “You wouldn’t know to look at it,” he said, “but Piamorose Town was once a thriving community. Prosperous. Full of promise. And it was all thanks to the rich ore that was pulled out of these mines. The mineral wealth of Piamorose was unmatched in this part of Estrejas. It seemed like the town’s fortunes could only grow.”

“What happened?” Nico asked, joining the man in gazing out at the yard.

“A few years ago, a certain man created an invention,” the man continued, his voice growing dark. “It was a machine, one that was supposed to allow for more efficient mining. Quicker extraction of resources, and therefore even greater prosperity. The people embraced the invention, not thinking too much of it. It seemed like it could only improve people’s lives. Only it went wrong. The company didn’t need as many laborers anymore, so lots of folks ended up losing their jobs. That was the start of it. One rainy day, an accident occurred with the machine, and several miners became trapped in a mine shaft which was quickly filling up with water. Several people lost their lives in the attempt to save them, including four of the miners. The machine was undamaged, though, and soon the mine was back open, with even fewer laborers. They put more and more machines in, extracting more and more resources, and within a few years the land was stripped dry. No more wealth to be had. The company picked up and moved on, and the people left behind were made destitute. Most ended up moving to Crossroads Town or Freelands Town, but either way, they all left in the end. Piamorose Town, once so full of promise, was left abandoned and empty.”

The man bowed and shook his head before continuing. “Folks don’t want to hear it. They don’t want to think about the technology they let in their lives. They chain themselves to it, grow addicted to the short-term gratification it gives them, and ignore how it’s slowly taking over their lives, robbing them of their freedom.”

The man gazed at Nico, then suddenly chuckled and produced a Poké Ball. Pressing the button in the center of the ball, the man called Duskull inside in a flash of red light. “Sorry to bother you,” the man said, tipping his hat at Nico. “It’s just something I think about. Something I figure a youngster like you oughta consider. What’s your name, partner?”

“Uh… Nico,” the girl replied, put off by the man’s sudden change in demeanor.

“I’m Desiderio,” the man said. “I reckon we might run into each other again, Nico, out on the lonesome road. Till then, I must bid you adios.”

With that, the man turned and departed northwards, leaving Nico alone and confused in the abandoned town of Piamorose. She took one last look at the pit yard, trying to imagine what it must have been like, so long ago.

Then, she too turned and set out on her way, leaving Piamorose behind and moving southwards into the plains of Route 2.

To be continued.

***
​

Estrejan Pokédex, Update #2

#10. Piginea - Normal - The Cavy Pokemon.

Ability: Run Away

Description: A small, light yellow rodent with light blue accents, including a pair of blue "wings" on its sides.

Data: Piginea make their homes in tunnels they dig in the surface of the ground and then partially fill with water. They are always fluffy from drying out after getting wet.

Evolves at level 23.

#11. Subara - Normal/Water - The Submarine Pokemon.

Ability: Propeller Tail/Sap Sipper

Description: A stocky blue rodent with submarine-like features, including "wings" on the sides of its body and a propeller-shaped tail, as well as a flattened snout.

Data: They are as at home in the water as they are at land. They look after groups of Piginea, stomping intruders with their solid feet.

#12. Birby - Flying - The Baby Bird Pokemon.

Ability: Scrappy/Big Pecks

Description: A small, light grey baby bird with a tuft of black, hair-like feathering on its head.

Data: They are adventurous and leave the nest at a young age. They have a good nature, but are often led astray and run errands for bullying Pokemon, which often leads to them becoming delinquents themselves.

Evolves at level 17.

#13. Buzzawk - Flying/Dark - The Scavenger Pokemon.

Ability: Scrappy/Big Pecks

Description: A larger bird with a thicker body and darker feathers, and a tuft of black feathering resembling a small pompadour.

Data: They are often thugs in the service of Carador. They search around for weaker Pokemon to bully.

Evolves at level 35.

#14. Carador - Flying/Dark - The Hunter Pokemon.

Ability: Scrappy/Big Pecks

Description: A large raptor with dark feathers and black plumage on its head in the shape of an enormous pompadour.

Data: They establish territories for themselves and bully weaker Pokemon into giving them Berries. They use Birby and Buzzawk as underlings in their gangs.

***​

Estrejas Region Behind -the-Scenes #2

Johnson is an amalgamation of several famous Texans. He is named for and partially based on Lyndon Johnson, the first President to hail from Texas, and is also based on Sam Houston and John Nance Garner.

Piamorose Town is based on Organ, New Mexico. Set at the foothills of the Organ Mountains, Organ was once a prosperous mining town, but is now mostly abandoned and considered a ghost town.

 

[Snuggle Tier List]

This is a veeeeery late reply, but I wanted to address this:

There's really nothing to say regarding your technical accuracy; it's as strong as ever. As an overview this is a chapter immediately familiar to anyone who's played a main series Pokémon game, insofar as it hits most of the usual narrative notes, and has that wide-eyed, super enthusiastic sheen of the anime. I can't straight up complain about it as a bad thing, because as journeyfics go, there's enough detail to the world, and attention to detail to the narrative, that it doesn't feel like a bland retread.

But I'm still in two minds about Chapter 1, because not a lot happens that's unexpected here. It's competently written, it takes itself seriously as a story ... I just feel it could stand to be a bit more adventurous.

All this may be true, but as someone who's just diving into Pokémon fan fiction, I'm not too concerned with clichés or ambition. This is the most compelling journey fic I've found so far, and there's been a good effort promoting and getting this under my eyeballs. Thus, I'm very much enjoying it.

Long story short, if Lone Stsr Shine Down went away, I'm not sure where I would turn. I'm just too new, I'm not aware of Pokémon fan fiction history. There might be better out there, but I don't got time for a search. Lone Star Shine Down survived my Chapter 1 analysis, so I don't see myself leaving anytime. Someone's gotta write for the new generation, you know?

What I'm try to say is, I appreciate what you're doing here, @Jabberwocky. Please, keep it up.

 

[Beth Pavell]

Bit of a confession time here - I read Chapter 2 a fair few days ago, but schedule slippage being what it is, I haven't been able to get to an actual review yet.

And it's perhaps a tricky one to assess. The thing is, this is not bad. It's competently written in any aspect I can think of. And yet, it's not really grabbed me. True, the story is very much in the vein of the games, in terms of the tone and the key events playing out here. If this were a real region, then the story would so far be a decent prose adaptation of it. So, yes, Estrejas has so far thrown up few surprises. I'm wondering what this'll look like when you get a chance to go to town on the worldbuilding.

I think what's bugging me is Nicolasa. Journeyfics tend to rely on the strength of their protagonists as characters, and that's what's lacking here. Nicolasa is a classic protagonist - something like a puppy in her emotions, thoroughly enthused about being a trainer, brimming with determination to see justice done. It's a bundle of traits you see a lot in Pokémon generally. And so there's not a lot here that makes Nicolasa any different to many other trainers (Fanfic and canonical).

That being said, I also think the best stories allow their characters space to breathe. I don't agree with the school of thought which insists you smack the readers between the eyes with why the character is 'interesting' (Interesting in this context usually seems to mean some sort of melodrama)

 

[Dorothy]

Chapter 3: First Flight

Jocelyn Goldspur gazed out the window, looking past her faint reflection at the people coming and going, the bustle of the streets of Freelands Town. From her fifth-floor window of her fifth-floor bedroom of her five-floor family manor, the people walking by seemed small and insignificant, and certainly her family thought them so, but right now Jocelyn would have given anything to join them.

She pursed her lips, a blush crossing her freckled face as she recalled the blowup she’d had with her father - what was it, almost a week now? It still hurt like it had happened yesterday.

She hadn’t anticipated the blowup which had ensued after her grandfather had gifted her a Pokémon - a Pecernal - for her sixteenth birthday. She remembered how excited she’d been - finally, her very own Pokémon! Her parents had always resisted letting her have one, but now it was here, and so lost had she been in the excitement and bliss that she blurted out the words she had learned to keep close to her chest: that she would finally be able to leave town and travel the Estrejas region, with her Pokémon by her side.

Immediately, it had been as if the air was let out of the room. She saw her father’s face tense up and her grandfather smile awkwardly, and she knew she had said something she shouldn’t have.

Quickly, she had tried to pass it off as a joke, but she had nobody fooled. Her father said nothing, but his upset was palpable. She’d managed to avoid him for a few days - not a massive challenge, given the sheer breadth of the mansion - but eventually, they had run into one another, and that’s when the shouting had begun. It was beyond the pale, her father had declared, to suggest that a Goldspur would debase herself by venturing out into the dirt and muck to mingle amongst the common rabble - imagine, he’d said, how it would affect his reputation, the reputation of their family, for his only daughter to be spotted by the press frolicking about in - God forbid - blue jeans.

Seized with manic, reckless abandon, Jocelyn had thrown back that she didn’t care about the family’s reputation, that she felt trapped in the grounds of the manor, and that she was leaving whether he liked it or not.

This proved to be a mistake, as her incensed father rounded on her and scoffed. She felt trapped? He declared that he would teach her how good she really had it, and with that she had been confined to her room, let out only to eat, bathe, and use the restroom. Her father told her that she would be let out when this madness which had seized her dissipated, and she spoke no more of leaving home.

Jocelyn’s face tightened into a pout. As if she’d wait that long, though. One thing she had in her confinement was time, and she had used that time to come up with a plan - and tonight, she would carry out that plan.
/

On Route 2, the dusty desert foothills Nico had been used to all her life gave way to scraggly, scrubby grasslands and rolling hills of brown vegetation. The heat was still oppressive, and the soil resisting to yield, but unlike back home, here, life was putting up a real fight to cling on.

Nico wiped the sweat from her brow and sat down under the shade of a grey-barked tree, sighing with effort as her back slid down the trunk and she found her respite from the heat. She pulled out her canteen and sucked out a few precious drops of water. She was starting to run low.

Running out of food and water was one of the dangers of traveling alone across the Estrejas region, one of those unglamorous details the brochures tended to leave out. There had never been a recorded fatality of thirst or starvation among the many Trainers who had ventured out on their journeys - but there were plenty of people with a vested interest in keeping such statistics off the books.

Nico rummaged through her bag and pulled out a bag of snack mix. Her stomach rumbled in approval as she tore the bag open and reached in to take out a handful. She was about to pour the food into her mouth when she heard a chirp.

Nico glanced down to see a small, grey, birdlike Pokémon gazing up at her. The Pokémon greatly resembled a baby bird, with small fluffy tufts of feathers adorning its wings and chest, as well as a small crest jutting off of the top of its head. The Pokémon tilted its head in curiosity. Nico smiled, charmed by the Pokémon’s overwhelming cuteness.

“Hey, little guy,” Nico grinned, reaching out with the faintest hesitation. To her delight, the little bird offered no protest as she gave it a slight scratch underneath its beak, chirping with approval. She lifted her Pokédex and scanned the creature, registering it as a Birby.

“You’re pretty small, partner,” Nico said. “You just leave the nest?”

Another chirp. Nico wasn’t sure what that one meant.

Birby’s eyes wandered and came to rest on the bag Nico held, the bag which held her precious snack mix. It let out another chirp as it inched cautiously towards Nico.

Nico smiled and chuckled. “You hungry, little fella?” The Birby looked up at her and chirped. It gazed at her longingly with its round, deep eyes.

Feeling charitable, Nico reached into the bag and pulled out a handful of bits - some nuts, some pretzels, a piece of candy. Gently, she reached out to the Birby with her palm open to offer her gift.

Birby leaned forward…

And darted around Nico’s outstretched hand to snatch the bag of snack mix before bolting in the opposite direction.

For a split second, Nico was too shocked to react, and then her jaw dropped while her eyes narrowed in a red fury.

“HEY!” Nico shouted, roaring to her feet and sprinting after the thief. The Birby was surprisingly fast, keeping just out of reach as it hopped and flapped its small wings, trying desperately to get aloft. Nico swiped at the tiny Pokémon’s head, only for it to duck and then unexpectedly changed direction, leaping between Nico’s legs as the irate girl scrambled to reverse course as well. Her foot caught on a rock, and Nico fell face-first into the dirt. Growling as she picked herself from the ground, Nico could barely see anything besides a blinding crimson.

Birby glazed back at Nico, bag of snacks clutched tightly in its beak, and its eyes grew wide as saucers to see her charging like a Bulros straight for it, teeth gritted and fists balled.

“GIVE MY SNACKS BACK RIGHT NOW!” Nico bellowed in a guttural voice that didn’t seem human.

Panicked, the Birby flapped its tiny wings. With a start, it lifted up off the ground - fell back down - lifted up - and now it was rising, rising…

“Oh no you don’t!” Nico shouted. Groping around her belt, she seized a Poké Ball and flung it, not bothering to check whether the ball she grabbed was the one housing her Sparkit.

The Poké Ball hit the Birby square in the back of the head. The small bird squawked and dropped the bag from its mouth as it was enveloped in a flash of red light, before swiftly being absorbed by the Poké Ball. The ball snapped shut on its hinges and fell to the ground with a plop.

Nico panted as she watched the ball shake furiously, bouncing violently on the ground as the Birby fought against its confinement. The yawning death of the afternoon was approaching as the sun creeped lower in the sky, but the desert heat was still there, and sweat slithered down Nico’s skin like a serpent.

Finally, the ball stopped shaking, and Nico heard it click shut. She blinked as it dawned on her what had just happened.

“I just…” she breathed, before grinning, taking a deep breath, and, as she raised her eyes to the heavens…

“I JUST CAUGHT MY FIRST POKÉMON!”

She rushed over and picked up the Poké Ball, cradling it in her hand as she collected her bag of snacks. The thrill of her first catch was exhilarating, but it was tinged with annoyance by the circumstances under which it had occurred - with such an underhanded and ill-behaved Pokémon as Birby. The thought of training such a creature and trying to get it to follow directions was not a prospect she anticipated fondly.

Nico looked around. The daylight was continuing to retreat. It had been the longest birthday of her life for certain, and she had another few hours to go before she reached Freelands Town. It would probably be best to set up camp for the night and proceed on in the morning.

She reattached Birby’s Poké Ball to her belt, slid her tent bag from her backpack, and started to pitch.

/

Jocelyn Goldspur paced around in her room, wringing her hands. She’d packed and unpacked and repacked her suitcase and bags at least a half-dozen times by now, but she was still worried that she was forgetting something. As far as she knew, she would never see this house again, so she had to be absolutely certain she had stowed away everything she wished to keep.

She bit her lip and sat down at her vanity to brush her fiery hair for the tenth time. It was the easiest way Jocelyn knew to calm herself down - the sensation of the brush gliding through her locks made her feel at peace.

A knock at the door made Jocelyn jump, but as it swung open gently she saw that it was only Randa, her maid and only friend - the only person Jocelyn had entrusted with the details of her scheme.

Randa bore a serving tray, upon which rested Jocelyn’s evening meal. This was the last meal Jocelyn would eat in this house. The feeling was bittersweet.

Without a word, Randa placed the tray in front of Jocelyn, bowed, and left the room. Jocelyn thought to ask Randa to eat with her, like when they were children, but the maid was gone before she could.

As Jocelyn picked at her dinner, memories danced in her mind of her life growing up in Goldspur Manor. As a child, the house had seemed so vast and unknowable, but as she grew older, the house seemed to grow smaller, until at last the walls pressed around her, and she found herself being stifled and choked.

Any doubts vanished as she considered the feeling with a shudder. She had to leave. There was no way around it.

Her father and the others would be asleep in a few hours. She didn’t have long to wait.

She pierced her steak with her fork.

She ate.

/

Nico unfurled her sleeping bag, threw her hat in the corner of the tent, and switched on her lantern. She cracked her back and peeled her dirty, sticky, sweaty clothes off before changing into some nice, clean, comfortable pajamas. Her stomach complained, and she popped some jerky into her mouth. That would have to suffice for her dinner. She’d grab more food in Freelands Town.

She picked up her belt, and examined the Poké Balls adorning it. Already, two of the spheres contained Pokémon that belonged to her. Four more, and she’d have a full team.

There were people out there who focused their efforts on capturing as many Pokémon as they could so that they would have a counter to any situation in any battle, but Nico knew that wasn’t her. She’d cultivate her team, curating it with strong, reliable Pokémon. Pokémon she could trust when the chips were down - none of which, ironically, applied to her very first capture.

Nico sighed and plucked Birby’s Poké Ball from the belt. “What am I gonna do with you, little fella?” she asked out loud. “You’ve got a serious attitude problem. If you’re gonna be on my team, we’re gonna have to learn to get along.”

Her hand curled tight around the Poké Ball.

“Maybe it won’t be so bad,” she said. “It’ll be a challenge. We’ll go through tough times and trials, bond, and in the end will be best friends. You’ll see.”

The Poké Ball offered no response.

Nico smiled. “Well,” she said, “no time like the present to start bonding.”

She pressed the button in the center of the Poké Ball, and in a flash of light Birby appeared, perched atop Nico’s head.

“Hey, little guy,” Nico laughed. “You look pretty cute up there.”

Birby chirped.

“You know,” Nico said, “you’re not so bad once you-”

Without warning, Birby pulled back its head and pecked Nico dead center in her forehead.

“Ow!” Nico protested. “Hey, knock it-”

Another peck, and then another, all in rapid succession. Finally, Nico could take no more, and pressed the button on the Poké Ball again, recalling Birby in another flash of light.

Nico sat there in the faint light of her lantern, fuming. Her forehead was red and slightly swollen.

“Bonding can wait until morning,” she declared.

/

Jocelyn Goldspur crept silently through the halls of her family’s mansion. It was the witching hour, and her family and all of their servants had gone to bed for the night. It was the best shot she had of getting out.

Cradling her suitcase underneath her arm, Jocelyn approached the front door of the mansion. One final hurdle on her flight to freedom. She set down her suitcase, careful not to make any noise, and reached out carefully to grasp the old lock between her thumb and forefinger. Sweat beaded on her brow as she tried to turn it as slowly and quietly as she could, fearful of the groans and noises the ancient house could make when fiddled with at the wrong time.

KLAK

The sound of the lock clicking seemed to echo throughout the mansion, and Jocelyn’s heart raced as she slowly turned the door handle. It was agony to move this slow where she could be caught by anybody who happened to stroll through the foyer, but she knew she couldn’t move any faster, or the whole mansion could groan and wake everyone up.

She’d definitely be caught if that happened.

Finally, the door started to give, sliding slowly open and exposing Jocelyn to the chilly night air. As hot as it could get in the desert, Jocelyn noted with a shiver, the cold always won in the end.

She picked up her suitcase and stepped outside, closing the door behind her. She took a deep breath in and breathed back out. She smiled. A walkway of cobblestone stretched out in front of her, and at the end of it the huge, balck iron gate that barred the common rabble from approaching the great seat of the mighty Goldspur family.

With her head held high, and with confidence in her step, Jocelyn Goldspur strode forward, walking to freedom.

The walk was easy. Comfortable, even.

After all, she was wearing blue jeans.

 

[Greninjaman]

Interesting premise, I must say. A Badge Quest in a wild west setting. It's something unique, at least to me. Must have been hard to come up with the new Pokemon, right? I can imagine.

Edit: One thing I forgot to say is this: It is a good idea to provide a list of Nicolasa's Pokemon at the end of each chapter. This way, the readers can more easily watch as the team grows and evolves.

 

[Daren]

Here's a review for the three chapters currently available:
Firstly the prose reads very easily ,

One thing that stands out is that the tone of the story feels very fitting for the franchise. The heavy use of new Pokémon instead of classics is a standout in that regard.

So far the main plot is fairly standard but a few things do distinguish it from the game storylines: firstly the fact that although Nico's father was apparently respected as a powerful trainer it seems the same character that let him become one led to an early death, putting a dark note on Nico following his path.
Secondly is that the thief seemingly believes they have some sort of disaster to avert and aren't just a Silver-esque troublemaker.

There's also Desidario. He might be a Gym leader or rival but I suspect he'll be connected to an evil/antagonist team.

Reading about the real world inspirations behind the locations is interesting, and including the Pokédex is very helpful for tracking the new Pokémon.

 

[Welkamo]

Seems you did fire rabbit starters before it was cool lol

Hello there! I've been meaning to get around to your stuff because you seem like a cool person. Haven't been to Texas/New Mexico/Mexico much, but I'm still very intrigued. I got around to reading the first chapter last night, but I didn't have the time to write anything out until now.

I was going to go more into detail on prose and stuff, but overall, I found it good. Nico and her mom's strained relationship is really interesting to read. Nico seems like a very rebellious character, and I wonder if that will play in more with themes of the economic and social development of the Estrejas region. A lot of this fic and the story beats play out like something in the Adventures manga, and I mean that as a good thing. It's like a novelization of an existing game.

 

[Dorothy]

Seems you did fire rabbit starters before it was cool lol

You have no idea how furious I was when Scorbunny was revealed like a month after I started this story. I should have gone with an ox!

 

[Dorothy]

As a note, the Pokedex update for chapter 3 will be added in time. Unfortunately, my notebooks are still in Texas at the moment, so I'm unable to reference them.

 

[Dorothy]

Chapter 4: Girls Just Want to Have Fun

Nico yawned as she strolled past the pleasant green sign which welcomed her to Freelands Town. The sun was low in the sky, having just barely emerged from its hiding place in the east. After a restless night trying to acclimate to sleeping in a tent, Nico had decided to break camp and make for town in the early hours of the morning, while a chilly darkness still prevailed.

Freelands Town was old. Not so old as Crossroads Town, but old enough. There were families here who had lived in the town for generation upon generation, since the town’s founding following a war over a century prior. That’s what Nico’s map told her, anyway. The place seemed pretty quiet and sleepy to her, but maybe that was just because of how early it was. Regardless, there were few tall buildings and fewer major businesses here. Freelands Town may have been bigger than Nico’s hometown, but it was all relative. As far as someone from Tarmine or Sprawlopolis would have been concerned, Nico was still in the sticks.

Nico’s mom had only packed her enough food to last until she reached Freelands Town, so she knew she’d have to stock up before leaving town. The question was if any place was open this early - or late, depending on your perspective.

The sound of music pierced the air, and Nico glanced around to find its source.

The architecture of most of the buildings in this part of town were plain and unpretentious - simple pueblos that looked like they had been shaped directly from the ground. Off in the distance, in the wealthier parts of Freelands Town, Nico could see ornate mansions peeking from behind the tops of the pueblos. Here, though, people kept things basic, and a faint musty odor permeated the air.

Finally, Nico’s eyes arrived at the origin of the music she was hearing. Sitting on the lip of a dusty, empty fountain, weathered old banjo on his knee, was the man in black Nico had met in Piamorose Town. Desiderio, that had been his name. Desiderio’s right hand was a claw, plucking and brushing the strings of the banjo and making it ring.

As he finished his tune, Desiderio looked up and smiled at Nico. Hopping to his feet, he slung the banjo over his shoulder and approached her. “Well, howdy there, Nico,” he said, in his voice an unmistakable twang. “Didn’t expect to run into you again so soon. I was just restin’ up my feet ‘fore I head out on the road again. Awful early for a girl your age to be up, ain’t it?”

“Couldn’t sleep,” Nico admitted. “Hey, do you know anywhere around here that’s open where I could get some food?”

“Sure enough,” Desiderio said with a nod. He jerked his head to the right. “There’s a cantina down that way open all hours. Fella tending the bar has a policy’a restockin’ young Pokémon Trainers at no charge.”

“Perfect!” Nico said happily. “I’m not gonna turn down free stuff.”

“Just a suggestion,” Desiderio said, starting to walk past Nico, “but while you’re there, why not ask the fella how he came to be in this little town? You might find th’ story interestin’.”

“Uh, sure,” said a slightly baffled Nico. “Where are you off to?”

“I got business out around Talltree Forest,” Desiderio called back over his shoulder as he continued to walk away.

“What sort of business?” Nico asked. The scraggly, wild-eyed old man didn’t seem like one for business.

Desiderio laughed. “If you’re meant to know,” he said, “you’ll find out.”

He glanced back at her with a grin. “Stay safe out there, Nico. I reckon we’ll meet again.”

With that he was gone, vanished with the morning breeze.

Nico made her way to the cantina Desiderio had pointed out to her and pushed through the batwing doors. The place was musky and sticky, with suspicious stains covering every inch of table and floor. A burly middle-aged man idly polished a glass behind the bar, vaguely glancing toward Nico as she entered. Another man lay passed out in a booth. From an aged, warbling jukebox blared a song about a man who killed for jealousy, fled, and returned to die for love.

Feeling some trepidation, Nico walked to the bar and cleared her throat. “Uh, hi,” she said to the bartender with an awkward smile. “A fella in a black trench coat said this was a place Trainers could go to get some food?”

To her surprise, the bartender gave her a friendly smile and put down his glass. He was a man of about 50, Nico reckoned, dressed in a fringed moccasin vest, sleeves removed to display his pronounced muscles.

“Ah, you a friend of Desi?” the bartender asked. “Well, say no more. I’ll get you some grub for the road, little lady.”

“Thanks,” Nico said as the bartender knelt down to grab some food from a cabinet. “Oh, he also said I should ask you about how you came to live here in Freelands Town.”

“Not much of a story, in my view,” the bartender replied. “I’d just got out of my service in the army - ah, I should tell you about my old LT, he could be a real shocker - but anyway, I heard there was opportunity out this way, so I settled in Piamorose Town up Route 2 and started working in the mines. Good work, honest work. Married, started a family. Everything was good. Then they brought those stupid machines in.”

The man started reaching up to place MREs, snacks, bags of instant noodles, all manner of sundry on the bar for Nico to collect. “I said from the beginning those things were a mistake. They were a hazard waiting to happen. It was only a matter of time until that collapse happened.

“I think Desider- uh, Desi told me about that,” Nico said. “It happened during a rainstorm, right?”

“Yeah,” the bartender said. “Almost twenty years ago now by my reckoning, or at least fifteen. I managed to get out, but a bunch of the boys were trapped in a flooding mine. Some hotshot Trainer came to help rescue people, but he and a few other folks still ended up losing their lives before all was said and done.”

Nico shuddered. It suddenly felt very cold. “That’s awful,” she said softly.

“Company didn’t care,” the bartender said bitterly. “They were insured. Paid funeral costs, got the mine up and running again, and stripped everything that was left within a few years. Then they abandoned the town, leaving everyone living there high and dry.”

“Including you?” Nico asked.

“Nah,” the bartender replied, shaking his head as he stood back up and placed a few more items in front of Nico. “After the flood, and the way the company reacted, I could see the way things were headed. The company didn’t care about us. They’d use us up, replace us, and spit us out without so much as a pension. I split town before the end, came here and started working. Other folks weren’t so lucky.”

He gestured to the food he had provided.

“Anyway, here’s the stuff,” he said. “Take it, compliments of Desi and me. Should last you to Causeway City.”

“Thanks,” Nico said, packing the food away in her bag. “Take care.”

“Likewise, partner!” the bartender said, cheerfully waving her goodbye. “If you run into Desi again, give him my regards!”

“I’ll do that,” Nico nodded as she exited the cantina. The town was more alive by this time, after a fashion. Vagrants and early birds milled about in the street. At the fountain where Desiderio had been earlier, a cyclist did stretches next to his parked bicycle.

One young woman in the street caught Nico’s attention, less for her appearance than for her disposition. A slender, brown-skinned girl of around Nico’s age, she was glancing around nervously and holding herself closely as she pulled a fancy-looking suitcase behind her. The girl looked spooked, and Nico hardly had time to question why before a shiny black car, barrelling down the street at speeds which could not possibly have been legal, shrieked to a halt behind the girl and two burly men in suits burst forth from it.

“No!” the girl shouted as she saw the men advancing on her. She tried to run. “No, I won’t go back! You can’t make me!”

The men were too fast for her. They caught up to the girl in a flash and seized her, pulling her back kicking and screaming towards the car. Finally, they pulled her in and tossed her suitcase in after her, and then slammed the door behind her - a door, Nico noticed, that was adorned with an ornate golden “G.”

The car screeched out a uturn before speeding away. Nico was still slightly stunned by what had just happened, but she knew one thing for sure - that girl was in trouble, and no one else around was doing anything to help her. They seemed to be turning a blind eye, as a matter of fact.

Barely thinking, Nico grabbed the bike, ignoring the cyclist’s protestations, and booked it after the car, barely able to keep it in sight as it rushed down the empty, dusty streets of Freelands Town.The wind whipped at her face, threatening to tear her father’s hat from her head. She held the hat down onto her, cycling one-handed until she saw the car pull into a garage beneath one of the mansions in the wealthy part of town. She sped up, trying to pass through the entryway before the door closed, but was forced to swerve to a halt as the garage gate slammed shut.

Discarding the bike, Nico glanced around. The fence surrounding the mansion was tall and black, intentionally crafted to deter anyone who might seek to climb it. But beside the fence, an old tree had grown tall and wide, one of its thick branches hung out over the fence - perfect for someone to drop in from above.

Nico grinned. And to think her mother had always chastised her for climbing trees as a child.

/

Jocelyn’s father towered over her, glowering down at her and making her feel very small. She had been hauled before him in the study, forced to sit and wait as her father worked past a blinding, overwhelming rage and simmered down enough to form words. His face was redder than she’d ever seen before.

Her mother was conspicuously absent. She always found a way of avoiding her father’s blow-ups. Not absent, however, was her father - Jocelyn’s grandfather, the man who had given her Pecernel in the first place. He was a leathery black man with grey hair and pronounced jowls, and he sat some way away from Jocelyn’s father, leaning forward on his cane. Next to him stood his own Pokémon, a Larvitar, with its compound eyes and strange mandibles that clicked loudly in the silence.

At last, Jocelyn’s father spoke.

“To say I’m angry would be an understatement,” her father said.

“James-” her grandfather started, but her father turned on his heel and pointed angrily at him.

“Don’t you start, Mordechai!” her father growled. “You started this whole mess by giving my daughter a Pokémon against my wishes. You put these ludicrous thoughts into her head!”

“I did no such thing,” her grandfather said, his voice steady. “She’s a teenager, James. Of course she wants to explore and see the world. I did it. Your father did it. It’s in her blood.”

Jocelyn’s father puffed out his chest and scowled, his pale red mustache curling against his upper lip. “Things were different back in the day,” he insisted. “Pokémon battling was a gentleman’s pastime. Now… the world is too dangerous for a young girl out on her own. And besides that, she’s a Goldspur. The common filth hate us.”

“And why would that be, I wonder?” Jocelyn’s grandfather said wryly. “Surely not the disaster in one of your mines that killed thirty people, for which you fought liability in court.”

“We paid the funeral costs!” Jocelyn’s father protested. “What more do they want? Anyway, what’s done is done, and it means there’s no way my child would be safe outside of this home, with our guards.”

“Please, father!” Jocelyn begged, speaking up for the first time. “There’s a whole world out there that I’m dying to see! I have Pokémon now, I promise I’ll be safe, you don’t have to worry about me!”

“I have already made my position clear,” her father responded coldly. “It is too dangerous for you to be on your own, and if any of my colleagues caught wind that my daughter was out traipsing in the mud and sand, it would tarnish our family’s reputation. You are staying put. That is final, Jocelyn.”

Jocelyn’s cheeks flushed and her hands curled around her knees as the unfairness of it all welled up within her like tears in her eyes. Then, seized with a manic desperation, she spoke.

“Then I’ll run away again!” she declared. “If you won’t let me go, then I’ll just go! Again and again, over and over, no matter how many times it takes! I will travel the Estrejas region with my Pokémon, and I will see everything the world has to offer! You can catch me and bring me back as many times as you want, you can post as many guards outside my door as you want, but I will get out and eventually I will stay out!”

Her father looked stunned at Jocelyn’s outburst. She had never raised her voice to him like that, not for that long. She felt a little tingly. She glanced over at her grandfather, and she could have sworn she saw a glint of pride in his eyes.

Her father’s face hardened. “Very well,” he said, ice in his voice. “I see. Yes, the solution is very clear to me now. Hand over the Poké Ball, Jocelyn. I’m going to smash it.”

“Father!” Jocelyn cried, her eyes widening.

“You can’t be serious, James!” her grandfather said, standing up in protest as Larvitar buzzed angrily to support him.

“The Pokémon started this,” Jocelyn’s father said, beginning to advance on her, “and the Pokémon will end it. You should never have given it to her, Mordechai.”

He lifted his hand, reaching for the Poké Ball clipped to Jocelyn’s belt…

And at that moment, one of her father’s guards burst in. He was large and square, like all the rest, and he was shoving a young, raven-haired lady of around Jocelyn’s age, dressed in a black-and-red western shirt and a tan cowboy hat.

“Caught an intruder coming over the fence through the trees, sir,” the guard said. “She tried to bite me.”

“Awful young for a corporate spy,” Jocelyn’s father said with a raised eyebrow. “What are you, girl? A vagrant? A panhandler? You’re certainly dirty enough.”

“My name is Nicolasa,” the girl spat. “And I’m here because your goons grabbed and kidnapped a girl in broad daylight. What, you thought no one would do anything about that?”

“I would expect the common rabble to stay out of Goldspur affairs, yes,” Jocelyn’s father said haughtily. “I’m hardly capable of ‘kidnapping’ my own daughter.”

“Hold on,” Jocelyn’s grandfather said, stepping father. “What did you say your name was again?”

“Nicolasa,” the girl repeated.

“And your last name?”

“Huerta,” Nicolasa answered, eyeing Jocelyn’s grandfather warily.

The old man smiled and nodded. “I thought as much. You have his eyes, child.”

He turned to Jocelyn’s father. “I believe we have a solution for our… ‘problem,’ James,” he said. “This girl is Demetrio McNeal’s daughter.”

“How do you know my dad?” Nicolasa demanded, her eyes narrowing.

“From another life,” came the reply. “Round 30 years ago now I was a hotshot Trainer in the Unova region. I battled your father in a tournament in Castelia City - and lost. Afterwards, I was at a party with him, where he met his future wife, Irene Huerta. Your mother, child.”

“How does any of this help us resolve the issue?” Jocelyn’s father asked testily. “The girl’s father was some big-shot Pokémon Trainer. What of it?”

“Her father was one of the best Trainers of his generation,” her grandfather explained, “and I can tell this girl takes after him. She already stuck her neck out for Jocelyn once, I don’t doubt she’d do it again. Here is what I propose: we retain Ms. Huerta as Jocelyn’s escort and bodyguard in her travels through Estrejas. She’ll be kept safe, and it’ll be more palatable to your colleagues to have the daughter of a man who was nearly Champion accompanying her.”

Jocelyn’s heart soared, and she clasped her hands and whispered a silent expression of gratitude to her grandfather.

Her father crossed his arms and scowled. “I don’t like it,” he grumbled, “but I can see the advantages.”

“The Goldspurs have long been patrons of the Pokémon League,” Jocelyn’s grandfather pointed out. “Sponsoring the Gym Challenge bid of such a prestigious legacy would be some good publicity - and for this family, that’s hard to come by.”

James Goldspur sighed. “Fine,” he said. “I concede the point. Nicolasa Huerta, here are my terms: take my daughter with you on your journey and protect her, and in exchange I shall grant you patronage and sponsorship in the Gym Challenge. Goldspur International will provide you with the supplies and resources you need. Are these terms acceptable?”

“I’m still not sure what exactly is going on here,” Nicolasa said, finally wrenching free of the guard’s grasp, “but if it means she gets to walk free-” she pointed at Jocelyn - “then fine, she can come with me. I’m not gonna slow down my pace for her, though. Champion Johnson gave me a personal challenge, and I’m not stopping for anything. She’d better be able to keep up.

“I am,” Jocelyn agreed, rapidly nodding her head. “I promise, you won’t have to worry about me, Ms. Huerta!”

“Call me Nico,” Nicolasa said with a roll of her eyes.

“Whatever you say, Ms. Nico!”

“It’s just… never mind.”

“It’s decided, then,” Jocelyn’s grandfather said with a smile. “Jocelyn, dear, go repack. I don’t think you’ll need to take the whole suitcase this time.”

Jocelyn squealed and bounded out of the study, running to her room and making a mental packing list as she did.

Oh, her grandfather was the best! And she was going to have a friend! A real, actual friend!

This was going to be so much fun!

/

Ferdi stirred from his slumber. He’d gotten to his safehouse in Causeway City just after midnight, and it barely felt like he’d rested at all.The black bags under his eyes were still thick and heavy.

He sat on the edge of the cot and sighed. It was luck alone that had carried him all the way to Causeway City, even with the interruption of that foolish girl who’d tried to battle him. He glanced over at the Poké Ball on the table. He wondered what had happened to his old Pokémon, those he’d had to leave behind.

By now, the team had probably sent out scouts to search for him. He had to lay low for a few days. The safehouse in Causeway City was the only place he knew of where he could do that. The rest of the team didn’t know about it.

It was a run-down little shack in the poor part of town, and smelled as bad as it looked, but for now, it was home.

Not bothering to throw on a shirt, Ferdi walked over to the Poké Ball and glided his finger over the top. “Lightta,” he murmured. His partner. He hoped he’d grabbed the right one.

The shack had no windows, but Ferdi looked at the wall as if one was there. He thought about the team, and the plans the Boss had made. How long did he have to stop them? Weeks? Days? The waiting was torture, but it had to be done. Everything had to go right. It was up to him.

It was up to him to save the world.

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

Next Time: Nico and Jocelyn begin their journey!


Estrejas Region Behind-the-Scenes #3:

Freelands Town is based on an amalgamation of freedmen's towns, including Blackdom and Vado in New Mexico. These communities were founded by formerly enslaved Black people during and after the American Civil War.

 

[Dorothy]

There's also Desidario. He might be a Gym leader or rival but I suspect he'll be connected to an evil/antagonist team.

Desiderio? Why, he's just a traveler... isn't he?

 

[Dorothy]

For anyone interested, I have now made a playlist inspired by the story! Feel free to listen along as you read.

 

[Welkamo]

Marty Robbins!!!!

 

[Dorothy]

Marty Robbins!!!!

No Texas playlist is complete without "El Paso," which I gave a shoutout in chapter 4. More musical references will follow in this story - points if you can identify the song Desiderio is playing!

 

[System Error]

ALLLLLLLLlllllll mah exes live in texas (actually one doesn't and I never found out where the other lives, just wanted to make that reference since I don't see it on the playlist, also lol king of the hill theme). But I was going to review this for the event, especially after you a nothing review game, but I burned myself out on other stuff. But I'm here now, one less chapter than I wanted, but I decided screw it, let's not keep you waiting!!

C1
- I like the explanation for her starting late even though default age of 10 when journeying is in
- Disappeared parent. The Pokemon protagonist classic
- It sounds like PokeTexas wants everyone to know their League is bigger hence the ads
- Man that mother must be crazy strict to leave it down to the exact minute
- Oh no her mom wears combat boots
- Hm, curious. A professor eager to give away Pokemon? Could mean all manner of things
- Daaaaaaarn tootin. And yeah, figured the professor was also waiting for the restrictions to lift
- "Hey ten year olds do it all the time in the Japanese regions it is perfectly safe"
- The glass breaking in Texas? STONE COLD! STONE COLD!
- Well already we have a Silver wannabe. I'd laugh if he grabbed what he didn't want
- Wait how did this dude avoid getting cut up
- Thieves don't get luxuries
- The head on this guy
- tfw scorbunny happened, but yours' final evo will hopefully be less furry
- You know I am with edgelord here. Nico had six years to learn this stuff and she doesn't even know her region's starters
- Wow already knowing counter, op pls nerf
- Suddenly she unlocks special instinct powers, in chapter 1 no less
- And the powerup was useless
- Why did no one go after them? That battle took a bit to play out, you'd think authorities would be quicker to respond

C2
- What is a western shirt anyway
- Wow dicks abound in this fic
- Hm, I wonder if her dad poofed or
- Suddenly a rousing speech
- Wait the champ is here and all he does about the theft is shrug? He's a Texan!!
- I see Leon also maybe hijacked you if this guy has a Zard
- Of course you can't go out without a hat when you're a Poke Protag. At least it makes sense to cover her head from the sun
- Suddenly espanol
- Man imagine if she wanted the Grass type instead
- Dexphone? Least it's better than a Rotom phone
- I hope she brought sunscreen
- Ahhhh ghost towns
- Random tall dudes talking about collapsed mines
- Oh no it's technology is great guy. Oh. Or rather he exists but this ain't it
- Well we already have our Team guy here. Odd choice. Only ever seen this done in Fantasy Maiden Wars before
- Alas, new advancements make jobs obsolete. Also why we don't see a lot of things getting cured.
- It's not Texas until someone calls someone else partner
- I guess these pigs don't fly

C3
- Suddenly a potential traveling companion in a house that was built upsidedown. A five-floor room?
- His upset was palpable? Typo.
- Shoutouts to capital G God
- Typical absurdly rich parents trope.
- Plan like batman
- Random backlash wandering about
- Dark side of the Pokemon League
- Oops, accidentally capturing something. I can dig it
- And she pops off like she won a gold medal
- Oh backslash is scene dividers. There's still inconsistency in spacing them, tho
- Man even her servant is her only friend. The stereotype is strong in this one
- I bet these rich folk are steak elitists too
- Man how does she plan to wash her clothes i wonder
- Typical trainer demanding full obedience
- Well maybe this one does need some breaking in
- It is a bit repetitive to open all these scenes with her full name
- Witching hour, there's a fancy term
- Some plan. Sneak out when everyone is asleep, hope this old deathtrap of a house doesn't scream
- Balck iron gate?!! Typo or a new metal?
- That feel when she's a typical jean loving teenager

Have to say, I am a little shrug on this so far. The worldbuilding is all right, even if it's cribbed directly from the games in places. It's not necessarily a bad thing, it makes it feel a little authentic. Plus you picked an interesting place to base the region off. The characters are a mixed bag, that said. Edgyguy is just a different Silver, I wouldn't be as harsh on Nico as Pavell - her loss showed some character, and Jocelyn Goldspur is just every rich child who wants out of their bubble trope ever. The seeming champion is a little unique at least, and I am interested in seeing what seeming evil team leader goes. That said, I'll certainly read on anyway despite the slow start. Especially since journeyfics, the good ones anyway, do take a while to get cooking. I'll get to chapter 4 and maybe chapter 5 next time. What, the fifth isn't out yet, you say? Well, get to it already!!