TEEN: Love and Other Nightmares

[diamondpearl876]

Back in late 2015, I promised I would attempt to rewrite this story. I've spent plenty of time re-reading old reviews, re-reading the original chapters, and re-planning certain aspects of the story. A lot is going to be changed... but a lot is going to remain the same. A lot of new things will be added, too. I admit I initially went into this story having no idea what I would do with it. I didn't even know if this was a story I wanted to write for the longest time, but now I know that this is definitely something I want to see through to the end. I can't say I have this story pinned down from beginning to end—because what fun is it if there's no surprises along the way—but I hope what I have to offer now is much more pleasing and fulfilling to read. Any and all comments are appreciated. Further edits will be based off of readers' comments.

Limited time, limited abilities. The legendary Kyurem says she can be cured in exchange for saving those who need saving.

Rating: TEEN for frequent profanity, references to self-harm, references to parental abuse (neglect and emotional abuse in particular).

Nominations
Kephi for best non-human supporting character (serebii)
Best journey fic x2 (bulbagarden)
Virokoe for best pokémon character (bulbagarden)
Annie for best protagonist (bulbagarden)
Best pokémon chaptered fic (serebii)
Annie for best human main character (serebii)

Awards
Best new pokémon-chaptered fic (serebii)
Best trainer fic (serebii)
Annie for best human main character (serebii)
Kephi for best non-human main character (serebii)

Index

prologue – the reawakening

part one | sinnoh

chapter 1 - like real people do
chapter 2 - spare the guilt
chapter 3 - playing nice
chapter 4 - at first sight
chapter 5 - one foot in front of the other
chapter 6 - now's your time

* Wonderful artwork courtesy of Cresselia92

LOVE AND OTHER NIGHTMARES

prologue
the reawakening

*
​

Humans are illogical, my friend. They ask us gods to provide more guidance than what Arceus has already offered Himself. Arceus wants humans to trust each other and work to create for themselves the answers they seek. Instead, humans hold on to their own personal truth, all the while imagining an ideal life that, in reality, isn't so far out of reach.

I'm sorry to say that it's been like this since the very beginning, my friend. And I can't think of a plausible explanation for how an entire group of living creatures could bring about so much suffering for themselves without it simply being in their nature.

I should take caution in what I say, I know. Arceus is the Supreme God, and I am merely a shard of ice. It stands to reason that His priorities lie elsewhere, and it’s undeniable, the proof I possess to support this claim of mine.

My friend, listen to me. The proof sits before your very eyes. Somehow, I still exist. I am still here. Too much time has passed for any human to have lived in the presence of my original form, but you may recall it. Alas, the holes in my own memory are part of what hinders me, and so, I have come to you for assistance.

I need you because I seek change, my friend—not only for me, but also for the world as a whole. And you, more so than the other gods, are aware of how change can bring about peace. How change can make you feel complete when you finally possess what you've spent your whole life looking for.

I understand your ability to travel to the past when your presence is needed... You depend on others as much as I do, do you not? Without Dialga, time would not exist as a definable concept. Without Arceus, there would be no living creatures to utilize the flow of time.

Similarly, without my original form splitting into three beings, the world's history would have taken an entirely different path.

The search for Reshiram’s truth and Zekrom’s ideals should be unnecessary. Strictly speaking, it still is unnecessary, and restoring my original form is impossible. Why bother, then? Why am I asking you to do what I want you to?

I feel compelled to at least try. I was born in the midst of chaos. My punishment is that I cannot become complete. I did not ask for chaos... nor did I contribute to its creation... but still I cannot become complete like Arceus’s absolute truth promises. I am simply leftovers. Leftovers from the original form. I look the part. I've heard the researchers whisper about how my features are asymmetrical, the ice hardened on my body is cracked, and how they thought I'd be larger, more intimidating in size.

If humans can capture and banish me, they can save me, too. And if they can save a god, they can save themselves.

Despite my constant raving about Arceus, however, His gift of ice grounds me to the present moment, so much so that sometimes I can't help but marvel at the Hardship I was trusted with.

So I’m torn, my friend. Is there something I'm not seeing? Is there something you're just... not telling me? As it stands, I would gift Him with sadness in return. The sadness of knowing that I lay alone, within the Giant Chasm, for ages. The sadness of knowing that I was put there unwillingly and then He did nothing about it. The sadness of knowing that His sadness could have been prevented.

My patience is wearing thin, my friend. You know that I have given humans a chance. I've found humans that have the potential to be heroes just as Reshiram and Zekrom have had, humans which made me feel confident that I can leave the confines of the Giant Chasm someday.

These potential heroes, they looked so broken when I first met them. Their faces sullen and bodies sluggish, I could tell they needed something—anything—to mend their wounds. I made promises to them. I would provide for them whatever they wished if it meant they’d work to prove or disprove Arceus’s absolute truth.

You look at me strangely for that, my friend. I am a god, but I do not work with miracles. I hope you understand. I am going to need your help for my next potential hero, after all.

...I suppose that does suggest that all the others in the past have failed. This is true. Humans as a whole still wish me gone. I, too, have learned to want to disappear... To die would mean to disappear... But since I cannot die, I’ve created my own natural disaster: a temperature of absolute zero, which I can sustain as long as I wish and lock myself away indefinitely if I so choose. I have not found the courage to do such a thing permanently yet, but I am satisfied for the time being, knowing the option is there.

I cannot give up hope now, especially since I have only barely begun to expand my search outside of Unova.

I have found a girl in the Sinnoh region. It seemed to be the next best place to go to, for my home of Unova has failed me time and time again. The girl currently lives near Sandgem Town's oceans. She lies not on the beach, enjoying her youth as she should, but instead in a hospital bed, comatose and on the brink of death. From what I hear, the doctors know no symptoms, no outward signs that foreshadowed the stroke which she may or may not recover from.

Well, I can ensure a safe and speedy recovery. The divine energy of ice, however illogical it might sound to you, is sufficient enough for that. In dealing with the underlying problem, however, I am severely limited. Arceus will have to cure that ailment, should she prove herself worthy. She may fail, but she will try. ...How do I know that, you ask? She won't refuse, my friend. She won't because she can't. She is guaranteed a short life otherwise.

So she will journey across Sinnoh. She is twenty-two years of age, and has no pokémon of her own. Her parents, when speaking with the doctors, revealed she has never shown interest in the creatures before, nor the idea of traveling. She was studying to become a therapist in college. Her goal, then, will be to create a team of pokémon that are damaged and in dire need of her services. There are plenty of those to be found, believe me. She will become overwhelmed if she realizes that fact, and so, I will encourage her to seek only foreign pokémon—which are difficult to come by in any region. I am sure they exist. I do not care who they are, or what burdens they bear. I only care about the outcome of that journey, whatever it may be.

You ask again, my friend, what I am asking you to do. The answer is simple. The underlying cause for this girl's stroke is not only physical, but also mental in nature. There are memories that she has repressed, memories that led to her developing the condition that is currently threatening her life. I myself do not know what these memories are, nor do I have the power to see them.

You, my friend, have that power. I am asking you to show me these memories. Help me understand these memories. And, most importantly, I need you to help the girl herself remember. ...A complete life will be impossible without her remembering. Arceus will play a major part in the cure by Himself, but He cannot change the past. He trusted you with that Hardship long ago.

If this all fails...

You bring that up again? I cannot stand thinking of it. I suppose I should put to use my control of an absolute zero temperature, in that case. I cannot die, but I do not need to exist. I bear the Hardship of incompleteness. The world is not complete if I am not here. Such a shame it would be if I disappeared.

My friend, I'm sorry that I've dwelt on this time and time again. I'm frustrated, though. Arceus is the Supreme God. I... am Kyurem. A mere shard of ice. Still I wish humans would quit taking my life from me. I wish I didn't still sympathize with them as well as I do. I wish I could be something other than a god, something that cannot hear prayers or confessions about regret.

...You say you'll help, my friend? How good to hear. This girl will wake from her coma soon, knowing full well what needs to be done. Absolute zero versus the absolute truth... Which will save me? That answer, it's all I want to know, my friend. And it's all I live for.

 

[LightningTopaz]

Wow...The prologue is a bit long, but I can almost hear Kyurem speaking to us, the audience. (I imagine her with the voice of Esmeraude from Magic Knight Rayearth) The way you've planned this is almost like a creation myth, which it is somewhat.

I also like your take on the "Legendaries as gods" trope--they may be gods, but they too are fallible--they make mistakes, and they deal with stress and emotions just like their creation.

I'm curious to know who the girl Kyurem mentions at the end is--is she the heroine of this tale? Or another important character?

 

[diamondpearl876]

Wow...The prologue is a bit long, but I can almost hear Kyurem speaking to us, the audience. (I imagine her with the voice of Esmeraude from Magic Knight Rayearth) The way you've planned this is almost like a creation myth, which it is somewhat.

It is, somewhat. And glad to hear Kyurem's voice came through strong in this.

I also like your take on the "Legendaries as gods" trope--they may be gods, but they too are fallible--they make mistakes, and they deal with stress and emotions just like their creation.

I never thought I'd see the day where I'd use legendaries as an actual character in my fanfics, but... I'm excited for what I have planned for this.

I'm curious to know who the girl Kyurem mentions at the end is--is she the heroine of this tale? Or another important character?

Yes, it's the main character/heroine/whatnot. This is a rewrite, so I guess it's hard to tell if you haven't read the original.

Thanks for reading/commenting!

 

[LightningTopaz]

You're welcome--I'm excited to know where this goes (although I'll admit I never read the original).

 

[Flaze]

I'm going to be honest. I don't want to be mean, I really don't, but I kind of feel like the prologue was a little too long and it kind of went around things multiple times. I mean like how you explain when Arceus created the world then explain how Kyurem met the twins and what it all meant while also explaining Kyurem's own thoughts and motivations. I liked this in the sense that it allowed us to get at the core of his character and realize that he isn't just some legendary that'll be overseeing Annie's journey but that he's complex in his own right and knows the kind of thing he's leading her into but has come to terms with it.

Unfortunately I feel like a lot of parts of the prologue could've been taken out and it still would've given out the same message in regards to Kyurem, because his motivations, his feelings, his ideals, the way he differes from Arceus and the other legendaries, the way he feels about humans and being separated from Zekrom and Reshiram, are all made clear in multiple instances during the prologue and other events can be inferred from that.

Now, I don't want the review to just be summarized into "this was too long" I did like how you went in to explore Kyurem's thoughts, I've always liked your style of exploring a character's feelings and motivations in a very pensive manner, and it at least makes it clear that this version will have differences compared to the previous one since we get a bit more of an idea of what Annie will be thrown into.

I don't think the story will be bad and I am looking forward to what comes next, just that sometimes less can be more. Again, it's not a bad thing and if you feel like this was the best way to get the idea across then it's okay, just that the effect it has on people might vary.

 

[diamondpearl876]

I'm going to be honest. I don't want to be mean, I really don't, but I kind of feel like the prologue was a little too long and it kind of went around things multiple times. I mean like how you explain when Arceus created the world then explain how Kyurem met the twins and what it all meant while also explaining Kyurem's own thoughts and motivations. I liked this in the sense that it allowed us to get at the core of his character and realize that he isn't just some legendary that'll be overseeing Annie's journey but that he's complex in his own right and knows the kind of thing he's leading her into but has come to terms with it.

I suppose that's what I get for having a rough time writing for so long, then churning 20 pages out in a short time span and releasing them quickly because I had been promising said 20 pages since last year. Probably when chapters 1-2 are written I'll go back to this and trim it down, since by then it all won't be so familiar to me and I'll be in the "this really sucks, let's edit" mindset.

I don't think the story will be bad and I am looking forward to what comes next, just that sometimes less can be more. Again, it's not a bad thing and if you feel like this was the best way to get the idea across then it's okay, just that the effect it has on people might vary.

I don't know what it is about this story that gives me so much trouble - okay, maybe I do, but no one wants to hear that story - but I'm determined to try to make it work.

Thanks for reading and commenting, as always. We already talked about this, but in the future I wouldn't start off being so dauntingly negative. Though I'll make an effort to make it so there's less to criticize in this version, of course. ;P

 

[diamondpearl876]

I trimmed down the prologue by about 1500 words, mostly focusing on Kyurem's monologue so that it doesn't feel repetitive/confusing and all those other lame things. Chapter 1 is coming along pretty well, expect it relatively soon!

 

[diamondpearl876]

LOVE AND OTHER NIGHTMARES
// PART ONE. SINNOH \\

Find what you love and let it kill you. — Charles Bukowski

chapter 1
like real people do

*​

I've never really felt this kind of cold before.

This coldness... isn't normal. It's piercing and exhausting and terrible, but I’m not shivering. I'm not rubbing my hands together or running to get warm like I should be. I'm not sure what I'm doing at all, because I can't even see my body in front of me and the darkness is suffocating. Warmth, then, becomes an afterthought.

Maybe this is a dream. Maybe I'll wake up and I'll never feel this kind of cold again.

I should wake up, if I can. Again and again, I try to cry out or scream, but it's useless. What I hear instead sounds inhuman. The cold settles on my skin, creating a stinging sensation in my hands as if I've just crushed a throat or smashed some glass. I think my heart should be beating faster than it is, and in fact I don't feel a heartbeat at all. Maybe there’s a hollow spot in my chest where one might fit perfectly, if only...

There’s a voice. There’s a voice, just one, cutting in and out like radio static. It’s hard to focus as the voice speaks vehemently about a past that would be best left to the imagination. I hear bits and pieces about my own life, my hometown and my studies. Part of me wonders if I’ve met whoever’s talking, once upon a time. The other part of me doesn’t care.

My body betrays itself constantly like this. Things it should feel and remember, it doesn’t. Everything always turns out to be piercing and exhausting and terrible.

I struggle to breathe because I don’t want to listen to the voice anymore. Can anyone see me? Is anyone else listening? I don't know. I just want to breathe. The cold, coming from all directions, the darkness and the gasping...

The voice grows louder, more bitter and sad. A foreign-sounding name is mentioned. Kee-yur-emm. Kyurem? Unova’s god of ice? I guess somebody’s watching after all. The cold makes sense now, but the thought fails to comfort me.

There's a light. I can see the cold in the light, moving like smoke. It's cold and then it's actually warm. I want to keep warm but the cold comes back with a large, hazy face staring straight at me in the distance. The face reminds me of a kid I knew once. Some night two years ago, maybe five or ten, a lot of things went wrong on Sandgem Town's deserted beach. I stood with the kid afterward, both of us shaken up and confused. We watched the black, quiet surf carry the sand, white as sugar, as it washed over our feet and rooted us in place. After that night, I wondered if the light in that kid’s eyes would stay gone forever.

It’s strange that I want nothing more right now than to thank the kid and see how they’re doing. I think I get it now, though. The cold’s meant to drive away the numbness I'm accustomed to. If I wake up, will the numbness disappear forever?

Kyurem… Kyurem wants me to wake up. He wants me to see reality for what it truly is for some reason. That’s what he says, and what a god wants, he gets. But for a god, his logic is haphazard and hard to understand. It doesn't matter either way. I don't trust gods. I don't trust anything.

The light shines even brighter, telling me that living isn’t a choice.

Simultaneously, breathing feels more natural, and the view becomes clearer. The kid’s gone, and two people looking down on me now are more like a watercolor painting than anything. My parents? No, not likely. I'd hear them speak a prayer to Arceus at a time like this, and the only word I understand of what’s being said now is blood. The voice doesn’t belong to Kyurem, and whether Kyurem’s done with me for now or for good, I don’t know.

I used to make jokes about Arceus and all his holy lackeys up there, before... this. I used to be more carefree. This will be the last joke: I think He's been forgetting about me since the day I was born.

New voices, obviously a doctor’s and a nurse’s this time. I don't want to hear what they have to say, but it’s time to stop fighting and just wake up.

I flex my fingers, twisting the cool, smooth sheets below me. I reach out and my hand falls on my stomach, which is probably overrun with all kinds of medicine I don't know about if I’m in a hospital. I reach out again, keeping my hand suspended. I find nothing. What am I even looking for?

A hand, and a voice. Another voice, my sister's. Her tone, sudden and frantic, becomes louder. Louder. If only I could make out the actual words. I can see her pale skin, her wavy blonde hair, so she's close. She's here for me, here to save me from the cold and the doctors. She's here to take me home, but a moment later she's pushed away. She cries and leaves the room and it hits me that whatever's happening, it's real.

I have to go with her. I have to test my senses, figure out how to make them all cooperate at once, and present myself like a normal, healthy person. But the more I explore what my body can and can’t do, the less confident I feel. Everything feels wrong and numb. Leftovers from Kyurem's cold, or something like that.

My sister's back. She's back! She's wearing a gown now, and I can understand what she's saying. She's repeating my name... over and over, between sobs.

Annie!

I trust she'll help me get out of here soon enough. I trust her not because I want to... but because I have to. Living isn’t a choice, but maybe I'll be surprised by what it brings me.

Annie...!

I'm in a hospital and there's a ton of machines and wires. All of them with a different purpose, all of them working together toward the same goal. Wouldn’t it be something if Kyurem’s working toward the same goal as me? Wouldn’t it be something… if neither of us had to feel that kind of cold ever again?

Annie...

*

In my less disoriented state, I feel even colder and the light makes it harder to keep my eyes open. Flashes of color dance around the hospital room while my eyes continue to adjust. Again I hear my sister’s voice, and the colors scatter when I turn my head toward her. She’s fixing the sleeve of her gown with one hand because it’s a bit too long for her arm, and she pushes away a table tray with several plates of untouched food on top it so she can get closer to me. Her hand trembling, she reaches out to me just like I reached for her.

I say her name. Renee… And I want to ask her why she didn’t take the food sitting there, but I already know she was too worried to eat and anyway, my voice sounds awfully raspy. So I just hold her hand and we sit there listening to the rhythmic beeping of the machines monitoring my vitals through the wires. I can’t help but notice that her grip feels weak, like she has no energy left to spare. Her expression is emotionless, her eyes exhausted.

For a moment I wish she were still screaming at the doctors, scrambling to my bedside as if nothing else mattered. It's wrong and I know it. I open my mouth to apologize, but my voice rebels against me once more. That’s fine with me. I don’t even know what I want to say exactly, or I do know, but no doubt my voice would run out of strength before I got to the point.

“Where am I?” I manage, eventually.

Renee’s gaze shifts back and forth with a pained look on her face. Well, it’s not like I’ve traveled far from Sandgem in years, so where else would I be? I shouldn’t let her answer needlessly because of how tired she is.

“Sandgem Medical Center,” Renee tells me anyway.

“Oh,” I say stupidly, adding this conversation to the list of things I feel guilty for. “Right… Makes sense.”

“Come on, Annie. You don't have to talk right now...” Renee trails off to allow a broad-shouldered doctor with a drooping mustache to step forward and introduce himself. I forget his name immediately in favor of the glass of water he puts into my hand, trying not to dwell on how his fingers overlap mine as I gulp it down. At least this way, I’m able to savor the taste and not embarrass myself by spilling everywhere like a kid.

“You had a stroke, Miss Willems,” he says to me. His tone is as unreadable as his face, what with the surgical mask covering his mouth. “Your blood couldn't get to where it was supposed to go because your blood vessels were blocked. You fell into a coma and when you were safe and stable, we administered a treatment known as therapeutic hypothermia to prevent the stroke from damaging your brain any further.”

My jaw tightens, and I grit my teeth. Hypothermia? Does that mean my subconscious had the god of ice pop up in my dreams randomly? I’d suspected that originally, but Kyurem’s story contained too many specific, historical details that I can’t recall having ever learned. Not to mention he’d gone on a tangent about some plans he had for me in exchange for a cure, which… would be foolish of me to ignore.

But... the cold prevented further damage to my brain? What's that supposed to mean?

The doctor goes on and says, “Your body's temperature is back to normal now, and has been for a couple days. We won't know how successful the treatment was, or what effects the stroke will have on you in the future, until we have you assessed by our specialists.”

I'm almost too afraid to ask more about what’s going to happen. I’ve spent the last several years looking for answers to questions about how bizarre and out of place I feel by just… existing. Kyurem’s promise of a cure doesn’t provide me with any concrete answers, no, but at least the offer suggests that there’s hope.

“So...” I start, “we'll see what I can do. And what I can't do. Then we'll figure out how to adjust things accordingly.”

“Yes. The rehabilitation process, your discharge date, and anything else you might require will be determined afterward.”

I glance at Renee, curious to see her reaction to all this. She nods to me and smiles softly. The realist in her appreciates the doctor’s honesty, whereas his rehearsed speech has me skeptical about how good he really is at his job.

His mere presence is rather discouraging, really, especially since his lack of interest in explaining anything further is obvious. He stares at me expectantly, probably waiting for a barrage of questions. If I want to hear more information, which I don’t, I guess I’ll have to ask. Luckily, the doctor’s patience wears thin quick, and he allows me time alone with my sister after another robotic speech about how to call the nurses if I need them for any reason.

Now, if I could just find a reasonable way to request that Renee leave the room, too, without sounding heartless—or worse, ungrateful—then I could attempt to process everything going on. There’s a sinking feeling in my stomach, because having a discussion with my innocent, wide-eyed sister about communicating with a higher power wouldn’t end well. I’d been persistent about rejecting my religious upbringing, after all. So I have no doubt that she’d focus on that, when for me, it’s irrelevant.

I simply ask her where our parents are.

Renee takes a step back and peers out the window with a frown, which says it all. “They’ve been here to visit,” she claims. “They just... Well, it's been hard on them, Annie.”

“I'm sure. Oh, well,” I say, like it’s not actually a big deal. “Waiting by your daughter’s bedside every waking moment for a miracle to happen is a nice idea, but not a realistic one.”

“Yeah…” Renee says reluctantly. “I came right after school let out, and it just happened to be the perfect timing!” She smiles, but it fades quickly as she adds, “I’ll stay with you until Mom and Dad show up, okay?”

The stroke spared my ability to speak but I don’t reply. I’m afraid I might blurt out Kyurem’s name just to get it off my chest. Why hasn’t she noticed that I’m hiding something?

I lay there with my sister holding my hand again, stroking it lightly and saying she’s glad I’m back. She promises it’ll all be over soon. I just have to listen to what the doctors want me to do so I can go home, but first, I want to lay here and be good-for-nothing a little while longer. So that's exactly what I do.

*

Two hours later and my parents haven’t shown up yet. The sun could shrink below the horizon anytime now, and the afternoon shift’s working on passing the torch to a new set of doctors and nurses who possess enough energy to lecture me.

“Strokes aren't common in people your age, Miss Willems.”

This particular doctor calls himself an occupational therapist. I must’ve appeared unimpressed, because after introducing himself, he became determined to put on a show to prove to me that his title is no joke. To not overwork my muscles but to help rebuild their strength, he encouraged me to switch positions in bed every so often. He instructed me to stay relaxed lest my muscles tense up and make moving feel even more uncomfortable.

Once practical stuff was out of the way, he began his lecture, his real reason for visiting.

“I know. Sucks, but what can I do?” I say, shrugging and refusing to look him in the eye. “I'm twenty and my biggest problem should be about whether I'll sleep through my alarm for class tomorrow.”

“Was that your biggest problem before?” he asks. He smiles genuinely, sadly, pulling over a cushioned chair from nearby. He places it the wrong way, his elbows resting on the backrest. “We found out about your smoking habit through blood tests, saliva tests...”

He stops. I tell him I don’t deny it—arguing would be useless—but I certainly don’t bother hiding the bitterness in my voice.

“Miss Willems, the last thing I want to do is add to your stress. However, I do wish for you to know that quitting is highly advised. My job is to incorporate healthier, more fulfilling ways to spend your time.”

His tone resembles that of a therapist’s, compassionate with a subtle undertone of pity. With his lopsided smile, I get the impression that he knows more than he lets on. I swallow and clear my throat. This guy’s wrong about whatever he thinks he knows. Probably. I suppose my files might contain information I haven’t been told about the stroke yet...

The better question is, why am I allowing this man to make me so nervous? On a crowded street nothing about him would stand out. Plain black suit, white undershirt that’s perfectly cuffed at the sleeves, straight blue tie. Neat goatee, wire-rimmed glasses, the works. Nothing out of place, nothing intimidating or cunning. I want to tell him he’d fit in better at an office job, where he could be boring in all the right ways.

Still. I run my tongue along the insides of my cheeks, my mouth too dry to speak fluently like a normal person.

The occupational therapist sighs. “I trained the ice-type that administered the therapeutic hypothermia,” he goes on. “She’s been on my team for years, and recently became certified by the league here in Sinnoh to work in the medical setting with me. Her part in all this is finished. I need your cooperation for the next step, Miss Willems.”

“But I don’t know you.”

The words come out before I can reason with myself to keep quiet. Instead of declaring how offensive my remark was, he recites his name: Gregory Holster.

“Again, I don’t want to stress you out more,” he assures me. “We’ll get started with assessments first thing tomorrow. Rest well, all right?”

He turns to disappear into the busy hallway. Something about him strikes me as odd, but dwelling on it implies that I care. I can’t deny that it’d be nice if I thought someone cared, but I’ve learned from past mistakes. Being the one who cares first puts you at a huge disadvantage.

“Uh, Dr. Holster?”

“Yes?” he says, turning back toward me.

“What kind of pokémon is she? I mean, I know you said she’s an ice-type, but…”

Gregory laughs heartily. “Froslass,” he answers. “I went to find her the moment I found out you’d woken up, and she wishes you a speedy recovery.”

Froslass… The species is native to Sinnoh, but I haven’t the slightest clue what they look like. As an ice-type, though, she definitely has to know about Kyurem. And as a pokémon, she could describe what Kyurem meant about the journey he wants me to undertake. The idea of it makes me shudder.

“Where is she now?”

“Resting… as you should be.”

“Oh,” I say, wincing. “Is she, uh, okay?”

Gregory hesitates before answering. “Yes. The therapy… The therapy just requires over twenty-four straight hours of her tuning in to and controlling her ice-type abilities. It’s draining, but not in a damaging way.”

“No one took over for her after a while?”

“Couldn’t chance it,” he says, shaking his head. “Every second matters in a procedure like that.”

Well. I can understand that. I nod my head and let him leave this time.

*

Tomorrow rolls around before I know it, and as Gregory promised, the onslaught of assessments begins. I have to give the doctors credit, really, for ensuring that I understand the instructions rather than just watching me fail spectacularly. Each one varies in terms of complexity and how much time they take, and I’m far too busy fretting about the possible results and my parents’ still being MIA to properly pay attention.

The imaging tests force me to stay focused, though, because otherwise they’ll have to be redone. A pounding headache creeps in while the machines snap their x-ray pictures, but at least no one rushes to me saying there’s leftover internal bleeding or lesions in my brain post-stroke.

Next, I try my best with the language and motor movement tests despite my tiredness lest it’s declared that I need treatment when I don’t. I’m relieved when the speech therapist ends the assessment early after I make up a wild but coherent story based on a simple, colorless photograph she shows me.

As for the physical therapist and psychologist… Well, their expressions never falter, which screams bad news to me. I leave with a sore body and a craving for sleep.

Positive thinking usually winds up being a waste of time for me, but I try to imagine that the assessments gauge just how well Kyurem followed through with his promise to heal me. The assessments also gauge for me whether or not Kyurem even exists. He needs someone functional to journey through Sinnoh, after all, not someone limited, and rehabilitation would be a huge setback.

Positive thinking doesn’t cross my mind as an option anymore once a nurse comes to let me know I have visitors: my oh so loving, faithful parents.

My mother stands at the receptionist desk, holding a pen in one shaking hand and holding her wrist with the other. She signs her name, takes a step back and breathes deeply, already on the verge of a breakdown. My father, unlike her, moves gracefully and with purpose. Anyone just meeting him could easily mistake him for a doctor, not a visitor, if he weren’t wearing casual clothes.

I dawdle from the hallway to my assigned room and plop down on the edge of the bed. Massaging my arms and legs fails to relax me as I wait. Looking up, I notice myself in the tall mirror hanging from the bathroom door. A smudge blocks the spot in the mirror where I should see my face, and for a moment I feel more ghost than human. I doubt I’d have any chance to pass for normal if the psychologist assessed me now.

The first thing I want to tell them is how kind it is for them to drop by and say hello to their daughter a full twenty-four hours after she woke from a coma. The words stick in my throat and I smile at them instead, and silently, I yell at myself for hiding for my disappointment in them.

My father, stoic as he is, smiles back. He rubs the back of his neck and has to fix his tie when his hand accidentally brushes it out of place. His vulnerability surprises me, but I can’t let my guard down. I’ve kept a mask on for a very long time and I’d like to keep it that way, although my mother’s sobs radiating throughout the room and out into the hall, attracting the odd stare from passers-by, obligates me to console her somehow.

I look in her general direction and say, “Arceus was wonderful to me, wasn’t He?” And then smiling for them becomes no trouble at all. Having your child admit they’re no longer skeptical of Arceus’s divinity is what all religious parents with agnostic children pray for.

My mother pulls herself together enough so that she can talk. “Yes, He has. I spoke with the pokémon that did the ice therapy. With her species being part ghost-type, who knows how long Arceus will want her on the earth, accomplishing great things like she did with you…”

“Wait, froslass are really part ghost-types?” My jaw tightens to keep myself from blurting out anything else I might regret. Honestly, though, who thought it was okay to let ghost-types roam hospitals, where death is too commonplace as it is?

I mention some offhand comment about how Arceus must have plans for me, too, and I guess my mother takes that as permission to drop the froslass subject. “Of course He does,” she says. “Naturally, you’re a bit behind with classes, but with His help, you’ll be out of here soon. You’ll catch up and be another step closer to graduation.”

…Right. It’s just about springtime, and classes will end for the year in early May. I have to approach this delicately and act like the goofy, levelheaded, determined daughter my parents think they know, which is the front I put up the most. To lie well, you just have to lie often, and then the guilt becomes nonexistent.

“You know, I’ve thought about it real hard,” I say, twirling my hair with my index finger. “I’m going to withdraw from this semester’s classes.”

My father crosses his arms and stands next to my mother, their shoulders barely touching. “Why is that?” he asks sternly.

“It’s as good a time as any, isn’t it? I’m behind, like Mom said, and I’ll have a valid explanation if I’m ever asked about the withdrawal grade.”

“Your mother also said you could catch up, and she’s not wrong.”

“Well, yeah, but I don’t want to stress myself out more than I have to,” I say. I’ll have to thank Gregory for that excuse later. “I have to get better, and I’ll go back when I don’t have to worry about my health as much. I mean, the stroke… could happen again. I want to make sure it doesn’t.”

Wrong thing to bring up, I know. My mother’s face scrunches and Dad removes his glasses. He can’t see me without them. At least I didn’t admit that I didn’t think this through at all, and that my goal is to actually find out if Kyurem’s plans for me are real are not.

“Hey, now. I’m making sure it doesn’t happen again,” I say, struggling to keep my voice even.

“Renee says you’ll quit smoking, though?” my dad asks, still awkwardly adjusting his glasses.

“Yeah, I’ll work on it,” I say. I probably won’t, to be frank, but being honest like real people do would only upset them more. “You guys can keep an eye on me anyway. I assume I’ll be stuck in the house for a while.”

“Honey, maybe… Wouldn’t staying here benefit you more?” my mother says, stuttering between words. “The doctors here would be able to measure your progress better than us, and can stop any problems from getting worse.”

My mother fails at being subtle. What I really hear is that my mother is tired of my unpredictable behavior at home. She would never tell me that outright, but once, I overheard her discussing it with my dad in the middle of the night. If I fall apart mentally in the hospital, then she can count on the doctors to deal with it.

Neither the house nor the hospital sound appealing in the long-term, let alone the short-term. I’ll have to choose one or the other regardless, because I saw it in the mirror and I can feel it now. In the mirror hanging on the bathroom door, I’ve watched myself move my arms or legs while talking to my parents. And every time I’ve moved, a strange dull sensation ran through my body. Sometimes it felt like a burn. Sometimes it felt like bugs were crawling on my skin, or it was a simple ache, like a pulled muscle.

Whatever’s going on, I can’t let it get worse. Worst case scenario, I have another stroke and die earlier than expected. Best case? I… don’t know.

Intrusive, illogical thoughts invade my head again. My memory and my attention span and my morals have all been thrown out the window, more so than before the stroke. I can’t let these problems get worse, either. I don’t blame my mother for not wanting to deal with that. It hurts regardless. Is that why they waited to visit me?

I tell my parents I need more time to think now that we’ve talked. They understand, or seem to. Mostly they seem relieved to have an excuse to go, ‘cause they’re out the door in under a minute. I don’t know what’s going through their heads. I know nothing, and I feel like I’m nothing. Maybe I am nothing. I just want to know what’s happening, and what’s going to happen from here on out. I want to be… anything.

Anything at all.

 

[System Error]

All right, my first "Pearl-chan" fic! I've always been a bit tenacious about jumping into one of these, but the time to do so is the present, and the present is now! Is this fic love, or is this it a nightmare? Since I'm a monster and was doing way too much for the awards, and actually ended up formally judging this, it's time to find out!!

As-is the norm for myself (when doing it like this, anyway), I'll be posting chapter-by-chapter commentary, followed by a proper review at the end.

Spoiler: Prologue

- It seems kind of weird to call Unova "recently discovered", even given its context, how it actually is in the fic itself, and is more or less literally a sort of PokeAmerica.
- And here I thought fire was one of man's first discoveries and greatest gifts, but I guess not in this world!
- The monologue is a bit confusing in the second part, and feels almost like an actual conversation in one or two places when it's not supposed to be.
- They were called "pokemon" from the get go? Well, RIP Pocket Monsters, or any sense in where the term even came from...
- "Earth", when you're referring to the planet, is always capitalized. When it's not, it refers to the ground or sometimes any planet - but you're using it as a proper noun in at least a few places there.
- Ideals seems to be taking second fiddle to Truth in this, where it's just a subset of truth. Truth is mentioned all the time, but Ideals is not.
- But this time, the refused. <- Typo.
- Odd, but interesting definition of a journey.
- And I'm guessing we, the readers, aka "[Kyurem's] friend" are Celebi. Interesting, placing the readers in a role like this.

Well, this one went on for a long time, and it's a bit startling to know it went on for even longer before you edited it! It is good, and I appreciate the unique POV. The worldbuilding is nice, and yet it still feels just a bit expy. I'm also a bit confused as to where this is in the timeline. From how no one has been able to unleash Reshiram or Zekrom, it sounds like it takes place before BW1, and yet Kyurem saying its power was abused in the past makes it seem like it takes place after BW2.

Spoiler: C1

- The intro to this chapter kind of bugs me, although I can't place my finger on why exactly that is.
- I do like how we have a self-confessed unreliable narrator on our hands, here.
- Stream of consciousness POV, huh? Cool.
- I really don't have much to comment on this chapter as a whole...I'll get to that in a bit, but the name scene was one that did stand out.
- It doesn't really seem in the narration as though 24 hours have passed since she awoke from her coma. In fact, it goes wake up, talk with her sister, wait, talk with Gregory, do more tests that take at most an hour, then it's noon - and a specific timeframe of her having woken from it this morning, then they show up, 24 hours later.
- This girl is agnostic when gods are actually talking to her? This is either a mistake, or she's, like she admits, very illogical (e.g. the character herself made the mistake). Agnosticism is doubt that gods exist. What she is seems to be closer to apatheism or even more accurately misotheism given her stated distrust for them.
- Like clockwork, my mother quiets down <- Kind of an odd descriptor, considering this term is usually used for things done reflexively or mechanically.
- She says that she forgets what the Pokemon that does the ice therapy is called exactly...but then goes on to say what it is, exactly.

Don't really have much to say on this. It's the formal introduction chapter. I'm hoping the protagonist becomes a bit more likable/interesting. Had to drop at least one fic in the past because of such a thing - although that said, that only applies when a character is actively frustrating/annoying to read about (regardless of how strong a character they may be) - at least when they're not supposed to be. There's signs that this might end up the case, but it's not decisive right now.

-----

So an overall review of what little you have in this rewrite, and only focusing on it due to total unfamiliarity with the original...being honest, I'm very mixed on this one. The worldbuilding is storng, it's generally fine technically aside from quirkchoice, and it does present an interesting reason to go on a journey...if it weren't completely ridiculous. Let's just look at it in its base form: "go on a journey or you die. also help pokemon, but only foreign pokemon." Seriously, what? That is just insanity and possibly melodrama in their purest forms.

Although this may be in-part attributable to the main character and POV, the visual description can be a bit meh. Furthermore, I'd actually call this kind of boring so far. It may be partially attributable to the general longwindedness. Just something to keep in mind.

My personal thoughts? Very close to my critical thoughts, plus all the positive stuff I've stated/liked so far. But leaning and focusing somewhat more on the positive side of the coin. In both cases, there's really not much else to go on, since the fic is so young. But from these two long bits, I'm not really sold on it. Still, it's too early to decisively judge...even though I and someone else did judge it. But other than that technicality, I guess we'll see where things go. Give it a grace period and such. I like several things about this fic, and regardless of the premise's debatable craziness, it'll be interesting to see how it develops.

 

[diamondpearl876]

I've always been a bit tenacious about jumping into one of these, but the time to do so is the present, and the present is now!

Seems you've not heard the best things about my writing if that's the case, nooo. At any rate, thanks for taking on the fic and letting me know your thoughts!

- It seems kind of weird to call Unova "recently discovered", even given its context, how it actually is in the fic itself, and is more or less literally a sort of PokeAmerica.

The italicized monologue and the third person omniscient text is supposed to jump back and forth from the past and the present. The story doesn't actually take place in a "recently discovered" Unova. Is there any way I could make that clearer, do you think?

- The monologue is a bit confusing in the second part, and feels almost like an actual conversation in one or two places when it's not supposed to be.

Didn't really feel confident about that part myself, so glad to get some kind of feedback on it.

- They were called "pokemon" from the get go? Well, RIP Pocket Monsters, or any sense in where the term even came from...

Can't say that was quite my first priority when writing this.

- "Earth", when you're referring to the planet, is always capitalized. When it's not, it refers to the ground or sometimes any planet - but you're using it as a proper noun in at least a few places there.
- Ideals seems to be taking second fiddle to Truth in this, where it's just a subset of truth. Truth is mentioned all the time, but Ideals is not.

Both points duly noted, particularly the latter. That wasn't intentional by any means, lol.

- But this time, the refused. <- Typo.

awkwarddd

- And I'm guessing we, the readers, aka "[Kyurem's] friend" are Celebi. Interesting, placing the readers in a role like this.

Your guess would be correct. XD

Well, this one went on for a long time, and it's a bit startling to know it went on for even longer before you edited it! It is good, and I appreciate the unique POV. The worldbuilding is nice, and yet it still feels just a bit expy. I'm also a bit confused as to where this is in the timeline. From how no one has been able to unleash Reshiram or Zekrom, it sounds like it takes place before BW1, and yet Kyurem saying its power was abused in the past makes it seem like it takes place after BW2.

Yeah, cutting down was a way to see if I could make it seem less "expy" but maybe I'll have to go back and move some more stuff around. It's been a while since I posted it, anyway, so re-reading it after so long might give me a new perspective. As for the latter concern, the story takes place after BW2. I'll have to mess with the sentence where it says no one's been able to unleash them, because the "though many have tried" should imply otherwise. What happened as a result of people "trying" simply failed to recreate the dragon that Zekrom/Reshiram separated from.

- The intro to this chapter kind of bugs me, although I can't place my finger on why exactly that is.

Maybe the writing style... It's a bit different than the rest of the chapter, I think.

- It doesn't really seem in the narration as though 24 hours have passed since she awoke from her coma. In fact, it goes wake up, talk with her sister, wait, talk with Gregory, do more tests that take at most an hour, then it's noon - and a specific timeframe of her having woken from it this morning, then they show up, 24 hours later.

also awkwardddd, especially so since my beta missed it

- This girl is agnostic when gods are actually talking to her? This is either a mistake, or she's, like she admits, very illogical (e.g. the character herself made the mistake). Agnosticism is doubt that gods exist. What she is seems to be closer to apatheism or even more accurately misotheism given her stated distrust for them.

Might have to just remove a label altogether in the story, because her view from before the coma and the view from after the coma are going to be constantly compared, which can get confusing if I stick to just calling her agonistic or something else.

- Like clockwork, my mother quiets down <- Kind of an odd descriptor, considering this term is usually used for things done reflexively or mechanically.

I meant to imply that Annie knew what she said would calm her mother down. Oops.

- She says that she forgets what the Pokemon that does the ice therapy is called exactly...but then goes on to say what it is, exactly.

Okay, I'm actually laughing at myself over this one. I'm a dunce sometimes.

So an overall review of what little you have in this rewrite, and only focusing on it due to total unfamiliarity with the original...being honest, I'm very mixed on this one. The worldbuilding is storng, it's generally fine technically aside from quirkchoice, and it does present an interesting reason to go on a journey...if it weren't completely ridiculous. Let's just look at it in its base form: "go on a journey or you die. also help pokemon, but only foreign pokemon." Seriously, what? That is just insanity and possibly melodrama in their purest forms.

Heh, well, it does sound crazy when you put it like that. Though Kyurem specifically stated at the end of the prologue that the "help pokemon, but only foreign pokemon" was something he just told Annie to do because he wanted her to have a goal related to her personal interests, which would increase her motivation to actually go on the journey, thus increasing the chances of Kyurem himself getting what he wants.

Although this may be in-part attributable to the main character and POV, the visual description can be a bit meh. Furthermore, I'd actually call this kind of boring so far. It may be partially attributable to the general longwindedness. Just something to keep in mind.

That's fair. Visual description's always been my weak point, though I am glad you like the worldbuilding, because that's something I've been trying to improve as well. Anddd the main character was criticized a lot in the original as well, though for very different reasons... Gonna have to find a middle ground somewhere, I guess. I'm still trying to get in her head a bit myself.

Again, thanks for commenting! It seems like you'll stick around a bit longer (and longer than just a bit if I can manage to keep you interested), so I'll look forward to hearing more from you.

 

[Flaze]

Welp, talka bout an immersive chapter. I did see it coming that chapter 1 was going to be inside of Annie's head as she recovered since the prologue focused solely on Kyurem's story. Chapter 1 of the first fic I remember correctly was also mostly about Annie waking up but I think it covered more ground. That ebing said, I can see that you're sacrificing pacing for character study so...it's a give and take.

In that regards the chapter works really well with its focus being on Annie and her trying to recover, as well as her coming to terms with what happened and what she wants to do (or thinks she has to do) now, I always found Annie as a curious character because there's something about her that's very real but also grim at the same time, especially considering how much it clashes with the way Ezrem and Rennio regard her in Survival Project, but her saying that it's just a front makes me wonder i fthe Annie those two pokemon talk about was also just hiding her real feelings (which she admittedly was) or if she had at least finally managed to become like that just a little bit. It's a really interesting thing.

Aside from that I also liked the way you did that casual world building during the chapter, and the biggest thing that I liked is probably the fact that unlike the last LaON story this one has a better flow, it just feels a lot more immersive and easy to follow even if the chapters are longer and cover less ground, it kind of feels as if you're really writing this story in the best way possible way you could or want to write it in.

 

[AetherX]

Awards review time!

It’s worth mentioning that I never read this story during its original run, so I’m coming in completely fresh. It’s always hard to gauge the plot quality this early on in a story. For the word count that has gone into the prologue and first chapter, however, I can’t help but feel that the story could have been moved forward a little bit farther. I’m still not entirely clear on the premise of the story. It’s most of the way there, but not quite. That said, it’s hard to ignore the mythology established in the prologue. That much is quite well done, and I’m interested to see how it plays into the story. My one worry is that it won’t besides being a background/motivation for Kyurem. If that’s all it is, then it’s good but it’s also a lot longer than it probably needs to be.

So far in the story, it’s hard to establish a good setting. I think the prologue goes a long way towards attempting to do this, but since it mainly concerns Unova, I have a hard time seeing it play into the setting of Sinnoh. For what it’s worth, the first chapter feels like something that could take place in real life. The way the world is delivered is smooth for the time we’ve been in it. That said, it's nothing stellar.

It’s impossible to talk on character development for obvious reasons, and honestly only two characters of any note have actually appeared. The first is Kyurem. For this, I have to give a decent amount of credit. Characterizing a god can be tricky, but Kyurem is done quite well in this. Although, given the length of the prologue, he’d better be. Annie, on the other hand, is a curious character. Your sort of detached style of writing helps establish Annie as a character with some issues. Unfortunately, that’s about all I see so far. She seems to be kind of single minded so far, which is okay I suppose given that she’s had a single chapter, but I can’t bring myself to give more credit than is deserved thus far.

I’ve made some comments related to the style already. Simply due to the nature of what’s happened so far, it’s hard to really judge how the style works with the story as a whole. It’s very readable and enjoyable. The first-person POV is well done. Didn't catch any technical mistakes.

Looking forward to more!

 

[diamondpearl876]

Welp, talka bout an immersive chapter. I did see it coming that chapter 1 was going to be inside of Annie's head as she recovered since the prologue focused solely on Kyurem's story. Chapter 1 of the first fic I remember correctly was also mostly about Annie waking up but I think it covered more ground. That ebing said, I can see that you're sacrificing pacing for character study so...it's a give and take.

It did cover more ground. Like I said on Skype, though, I didn't spend much time with the original first chapter despite how long it was. Pacing is usually hit or miss for me, it seems. Let's hope I can keep it up.

In that regards the chapter works really well with its focus being on Annie and her trying to recover, as well as her coming to terms with what happened and what she wants to do (or thinks she has to do) now, I always found Annie as a curious character because there's something about her that's very real but also grim at the same time, especially considering how much it clashes with the way Ezrem and Rennio regard her in Survival Project, but her saying that it's just a front makes me wonder i fthe Annie those two pokemon talk about was also just hiding her real feelings (which she admittedly was) or if she had at least finally managed to become like that just a little bit. It's a really interesting thing.

I never did like how I wrote Annie in the original... There was something missing from her character. She was too carefree/reckless. I don't quite like her in this version yet, either, though I'm writing her more as I originally intended her to be. Just something else to work on, tsk tsk...

Aside from that I also liked the way you did that casual world building during the chapter, and the biggest thing that I liked is probably the fact that unlike the last LaON story this one has a better flow, it just feels a lot more immersive and easy to follow even if the chapters are longer and cover less ground, it kind of feels as if you're really writing this story in the best way possible way you could or want to write it in.

Better than the infodump in the prologue, eh? Thanks for reviewing, as always!

Awards review time!

It’s worth mentioning that I never read this story during its original run, so I’m coming in completely fresh. It’s always hard to gauge the plot quality this early on in a story. For the word count that has gone into the prologue and first chapter, however, I can’t help but feel that the story could have been moved forward a little bit farther. I’m still not entirely clear on the premise of the story. It’s most of the way there, but not quite. That said, it’s hard to ignore the mythology established in the prologue. That much is quite well done, and I’m interested to see how it plays into the story. My one worry is that it won’t besides being a background/motivation for Kyurem. If that’s all it is, then it’s good but it’s also a lot longer than it probably needs to be.

Heh, and this was even after I cut down a lot. But yeah, I may go back to the prologue again sometime in the future. Kyurem will play a role, so there's that - everything in the prologue was important in some form or another, though I could have been a lot less wordy.

So far in the story, it’s hard to establish a good setting. I think the prologue goes a long way towards attempting to do this, but since it mainly concerns Unova, I have a hard time seeing it play into the setting of Sinnoh. For what it’s worth, the first chapter feels like something that could take place in real life. The way the world is delivered is smooth for the time we’ve been in it. That said, it's nothing stellar.

Working both Sinnoh and Unova into the story as a setting definitely has a purpose, though I can see how that'd be hard to tell this early on. I'm not quite sure who nominated/voted for this story given how short the revision is so far, but... lol. I was expecting comments like this, BUT it also helps to know what's working so far and what's not, so thank you!

It’s impossible to talk on character development for obvious reasons, and honestly only two characters of any note have actually appeared. The first is Kyurem. For this, I have to give a decent amount of credit. Characterizing a god can be tricky, but Kyurem is done quite well in this. Although, given the length of the prologue, he’d better be. Annie, on the other hand, is a curious character. Your sort of detached style of writing helps establish Annie as a character with some issues. Unfortunately, that’s about all I see so far. She seems to be kind of single minded so far, which is okay I suppose given that she’s had a single chapter, but I can’t bring myself to give more credit than is deserved thus far.

I’ve made some comments related to the style already. Simply due to the nature of what’s happened so far, it’s hard to really judge how the style works with the story as a whole. It’s very readable and enjoyable. The first-person POV is well done. Didn't catch any technical mistakes.

I spent so long on that damn prologue that I'm quite pleased to hear this said about it. And Annie... her narration style is a lot different from the original, so I think I'm struggling with her voice a bit still. But I'm glad the writing style in general is well, since I vaguely remember that you weren't a fan of SP's. Thanks for reading/judging/reviewing/everything!

 

[diamondpearl876]

LOVE AND OTHER NIGHTMARES
chapter 2
spare the guilt

*​

The doctor brave enough to explain the assessment results to me says the weird sensations in my arms and legs are a result of something called left-sided hemiparesis. He pauses afterward to monitor my initial reaction before getting into all the nitty-gritty details. The only thing that occurs to me is that the diagnosis makes for a pretty good tongue twister, and I’d rather not have us stare at each other awkwardly, so I make a half-hearted attempt to say it quickly a couple times in a row. The doctor raises his eyebrow when I mess up, unamused.

“Do you feel any numbness right now?” he asks, voice low and firm. His eyes fall to the clipboard at his side.

I shake my head. Flipping through my patient forms, he mumbles something about how my speech and language assessments had turned up normal. He hurriedly scribbles down a note when he finds the page he’s looking for.

“Seriously, it’s fine!” I say. He stops writing and stands there eerily still. “It’s just—not as tough a name as some other problems, so I wanted to see if I could say it. Silly, I know, but… Well, I’m rambling. Sorry.”

The doctor waves away my apology. “I just want to make sure that the information written down is correct,” he says, tapping the clipboard with his shiny pen. “Differentiating signs of an oncoming stroke and post-stroke symptoms is essential.”

“Makes sense,” I mumble.

“No need to worry, Miss Willems. You’re in a safe place.” He waves at me again, this time with the clipboard itself. “Now, to discuss the matter further. Stop me if you have any questions, okay?”

“Yeah, sure.”

“The areas in the right hemisphere of your brain that control motor movement were damaged. What you’re experiencing as a result are random, transient bouts of weakness on the left side of your body.”

The doctor stops himself, lets the facts sink in. I bite my lip as I remember a neurology class I had to take for my psychology major last year. The subject was complicated and confused me more often than not, but the basics stuck with me.

“So you’re saying I’m going to feel bad once in a while, but I’m not a cripple. I’ll just lie down in the middle of the road and take a nap if my legs give out, I guess.” I ignore the serious look that forms on his face. “And I’m not even left-handed.”

He sighs deeply. I wonder how many difficult patients he dealt with before me. “Tasks like carrying a heavy object with both hands may be a struggle. Through rehabilitation, we want you to ensure that you won’t have to think twice about doing normal, everyday activities,” he says.

“It’d be nice not to put everything on hold when my body acts up, yeah.” And by that, I mean it’d be nice not to have to postpone my search for Kyurem any longer than necessary. “All right. Um, anything else I should know?”

“Left-sided hemiparesis can cause visual spatial impairments, but the tests we ran indicate this isn’t a concern for you. Do let us know if that changes,” he says. “You might also experience symptoms that are more mental in nature, such as lack of insight, impulsivity and poor concentration. These symptoms are difficult to accurately assess in a short period of time. We’ll discuss some self-care techniques you can use if needed, and we’ll inform your parents if they should watch for anything in particular once you’re discharged, since these kinds of symptoms can also be difficult to identify on your own.”

“My parents?" The concrete mention of involving them alarms me, but surely the doctor already has it written down somewhere in my files. I heard it myself, my parents warning the nurses outside my room before they left—albeit reluctantly—about my past history of unexplainable outbursts. They can't handle the stroke on top of that.

“Our records show that you still live with them, correct?”

I nod dumbly, hoping that that changes soon. A little rehab couldn’t hurt, I’ll give the doctor that much. But prolonging the healing process seems risky when I take Kyurem into account. How can I just continue on with my life when there’s even a small possibility that he exists and will help me? I don’t trust gods, but Kyurem hardly considers himself a god. That has to count for something, right? Maybe I could learn to trust him.

“They’re around you the most." That’s how the doctor justifies my parents being the center of my support system? His eyes brighten now that the hard part of the conversation is over. “And with a mild case like yours, you could easily perform the rehab from the comfort of your home."

My hands clench and the room suddenly feels too small. I guess I can add the doctor to the long, long list of people willfully blind to my parents’ indifference toward me. In my twenty years of living, they haven't cared to help me find out why I’ve basically lost my mind a handful of times. They've assumed it’s a simple matter of not having found the right kind of doctor or medication. Other answers are too hard to consider and accept as truth.

Why does Kyurem care if my parents don't? Doesn't it make sense to drop out of school and find Kyurem, in that case? It's not like studying psychology has enlightened me as to what could possibly be wrong with me.

I pay no mind as the doctor continues his long-winded speech. His mouth moves while my ears refuse to listen. Literally everything else in the hospital appeals to me, the quietness and the organization. I’m not used to either.

I think I’ll be okay. I have to be okay. I haven’t heard from anyone else but Kyurem that they really care and they want me happy, want me alive. But I can help myself as usual, I guess, if he turns out to be a fraud.

My parents, Renee, the doctors—they don’t have to burden themselves with helping me. It’s fine. I’ll help myself. If I fail, no one but me will be to blame. How convenient for everyone else. And how thoughtful of me to spare them all the guilt.

*

Of course, rehabilitation here at the hospital costs more money than my parents are willing to spare. So I acquiesce and sign the papers for Gregory to conduct the sessions at home. Mom says that Gregory's going to visit the house and make some changes before I’m discharged. Then, when I’m finally home, the house will already be Annie-proof. I can barely contain my excitement.

In the meantime, I practice my daily exercises to hopefully lessen the amount of work my muscles will need down the road. The nurses acknowledge my efforts and grant me some of my independence back. They still scrutinize me as they make their rounds and I stroll through the halls alone for the first time, in case they need to rescue me from another unforeseen disaster. I like to imagine I’m not actually here as a patient. In my mind I’m a robber, here to sift through all the stations and storage rooms for a list of cures that haven’t been released to the public—you know, because they’re reserved for people who matter.

When the nurses forget to close a few doors leading into other patients room, I take to overhearing conversations between family members. One patient consoles her fiancé with stifled sobs while the brother of another patient relates a story about a friend who had a nasty case of diabetes, too.

To add to my robber fantasy, I picture the police handcuffing me and ruining my plans to find the list of secret cures.

Kyurem himself is a secret cure, elusive as any other. One thing I want and could find, however, is a cigarette. Not a single visitor on the floor excuses themselves for a smoke specifically, but most take a quick trip down to the hospital’s cafeteria, where the food is mediocre at best. If I hurry, I can catch up and note which visitors light one up afterward to refill their mouths with the unsavory but comforting taste of smoke.

The main floor button in the elevator behaves only half the time, so I opt for the stairs. Each step is painful, reminding me of my sudden lack of dexterity. My craving builds and builds. Fifteen minutes later, I’m outside and I force my mind to clear. Stealing a cigarette would get me booted from the hospital and stuck with my parents sooner, right? I have no choice but to settle for patrolling the smoking only sidewalk and breathing in the pungent smell wafting by.

After a full week of exercising, waiting, thinking too much, and experimenting with secondhand smoke, I run into my mother on the elevator. I had just finished my walk down the sidewalk, too, dwelling again on Kyurem’s definition of “journey” along the way. Handling pokémon isn’t my forte, that’s for sure, though I won’t deny that the creatures can be useful to have around.

For example, if I owned a chimchar, it could act as a makeshift cigarette lighter. And if I owned the bigger, evolved form of chimchar, whatever its name is, I could use its size as an excuse to not ride the elevator with my mother because there wouldn’t be room for all of us to stand together.

In reality, I don’t have a socially acceptable reason to push her away. I curse the main floor button for not breaking as usual and my hemiparesis for stealing the option of using the stairs. I join her, saying nothing. Her mouth agape, she somehow seems surprised to see me here.

“Uh, hello?” I say to her, drawing out the words. “Were you looking for me?”

She regains her composure and wrinkles her nose. “Annie, you weren’t smoking out there, right?” she asks.

I shake my head, secretly proud of myself for not having to lie. “The hospital needs to move the smoking area a little further away from the entrance,” I say, shrugging.

“Or the nurses shouldn’t let patients off their respective units without supervision.”

“Patients—that’s the key word there. We’re not prisoners, Mom.” I press the second floor button, eager to find out whether she’ll leave as planned or follow me. Unfortunately, she chooses to do the latter.

“They should at least have a log for you to sign in and out. Would’ve saved me all that time.”

“Oh, so you were looking for me,” I say, more as a statement than a question.

The elevator doors open. My mom trails behind me until we reach my room. Like an overprotective parent, she watches as I walk in, maybe waiting to see if I pull a pack of cigarettes out of my gown.

Making her way over to the magazine rack right inside the door, she fumbles through a dog-eared magazine featuring an Alolan rockruff on the cover as she says, “Well, I wanted to talk to the doctors. I couldn’t find you on the way out, and I’m supposed to meet your dad for dinner soon, so…”

Conversations like these tend to run in circles, so I don’t bother to continue it. “Did you talk to them about, uh, anything interesting?”

“Your discharge date,” she says, fixing the creases in the rockruff magazine before sticking it back on the rack.

“Oh.” Silence. “And they said…?” I add, gesturing for her to get to the point already.

“No concrete date yet.”

Her nonchalance tempts me to make a quip about how, naturally, I’m entitled to know the discharge date before her when the they decide on one.

“Well, Mom—“

“I plan to push the issue,” she adds. Her words blend together with how fast she interrupts me. “I have an appointment with Rowan next Thursday, and I want you to come with me.”

The image of Professor Rowan, an old, busy family friend we rarely see these days, trying to tame a thrashing chimchar pops into my head. If I become a trainer, he could gift me one for real.

But I know my mother has something different in mind. She met Sinnoh’s famous professor long before even my dad. He introduced her to a shelter in Twinleaf that cares for abandoned pokémon, and once she learned what happened to pokémon that no one wanted to adopt, her bizarre obsession with adopting them all herself began.

“Renee and Dad will be there, too. I caught Rowan up to speed on your situation, and he said a couple pokémon on the list might be helpful to have around the house.”

I have no hope about this visit being more about me, less about her. “Oh, okay,” I say, because anything else I’d say could cause a scene. I mean, Professor Rowan does great work and all, but I’ve never held a one-on-one conversation with him myself. So why does he get to know about my near death experience? Not to mention my interest in pokémon waned years ago. Did my mother would let herself forget what happened with the very first pokémon she adopted?

“Great,” my mother says. She breathes a sigh of relief, like she expected me to throw a fit. “Dr. Holster’s froslass performed a miracle. I just thought… Well, there’s bound to be other pokémon out there that could do the same.”

“That makes sense, I guess, but—“

“And we could save pokémon from certain death in the process."

Now it’s my turn to sigh. “That sounds nice. Really. Gregory’s froslass was specifically trained to do what she did, though.”

“Gregory?”

“Sorry, I meant Dr. Holster.”

“Trained pokémon reside at the shelter, too, and Rowan will have one of those dex devices with him. It’s always got all kinds of information, so we should be able to determine right then and there who to bring home."

My mother tends to take in the pokémon left behind by trainers, because the domesticated pets are usually adopted in no time flat. I think I understand her reasoning, but the pokémon never warm up to her or feel compelled to stay. And we don't need more emotional tension in the house. Why does she have to be so stubborn?

“I’ll call you when I know the date for sure," I say, scowling without revealing the reason why. "I just can’t guarantee it’ll be by next week."

My mother nods. She checks her watch, taps it with her finger and checks it again. “I’ve gotta head over to the Bluefell Promenade now before I’m late. Dad will be happy to hear that you’re doing well.”

I wave goodbye to her, wasting strength in my good arm to do so. The door creaks shut behind her. A few minutes pass and it’s safe to say she’s really gone. I flop down on my hospital bed carelessly, reveling in the fact that my body doesn’t protest. The sluggishness from all the drugs pumped into my blood lately seems to be gone, too. I have energy again, and with that energy, I’m just craving a cigarette. Especially after seeing my mother.

Well, that’s not exactly right. I don’t crave the cigarettes themselves, per se, just the idea of using them. Because they can hurt me. That’s me blatantly asking to be hurt, at least. My hurt then becomes something I can control. And control is something I desperately crave right now.

*

A stupid, illogical part of me almost wishes that the stroke had affected the other side of my brain. I’d be incapable of talking to people and maybe understanding them, too, but I can’t see the downside to that. Really, I’d have the perfect excuse to act standoffish in front of others.

Of course, even with the tools available to me, I’ve never been comfortable with even the most basic forms of socializing. So when Gregory visits me again and announces that he has a better idea of how to work with me now that the assessments are done, I instinctively put up my guard.

He promises to keep me updated on the rehabilitation programs he’s outlining. Oh, and he says he hopes I’m ready to do whatever it takes to get my life back on track. I laugh at the irony.

“What’s so funny?” he asks, half-smiling. I’m gonna ditch my hometown in pursuit of a legendary pokémon on the off chance it exists and will reward me for the journey by making all my problems disappear, that’s what’s funny. He pities me, which only adds to the joke.

“Nothing,” I lie. “You seem nice, don’t get me wrong, okay? And the food tastes kind of good here, surprisingly, but skipping rehab or speeding through it sounds a whole lot more appealing than working my butt off until I’m given special permission to live my life again.”

Gregory steps farther into my room, thinks twice and turns to close the door before he makes himself comfortable in a chair by the window. “We can’t force you to do anything, Miss Willems,” he says. “We advise rehab because it’s needed. But if you decide it’s not for you, we’d hand you a list of resources to utilize in case you ever changed your mind.”

I avoid making eye contact. The smell of sweat mixed with ammonia distracts me. “Yeah, just so I don’t sue you guys for negligence or abandonment. Or whatever the term is,” I say.

I expect him to lecture me next, but I don’t care. I don’t like how he’s here. He could’ve simply made his announcement and moved on to another patient, but he had to be persistent about pretending to care instead.

“That’s true,” is all he says. “There’s a lot of flexibility with occupational therapists, though.”

“What, like, you can hold my hand all day, every day? Work my shifts with me, go to school with me and—”

I stop when Gregory laughs. Goddamn him, that wasn’t funny, was it? I guess he has to steel himself from the inevitable doom and gloom of his job somehow.

“Not quite.” He stifles another laugh. How nice of him to grace me with such an eloquent reply. “This means you had a job before…?”

I pause, unable to register his question for a moment. Isn't that information in my files? “Yeah, at Esker’s Bar,” I say, “but I’m sure I'm removed from the payroll by now.”

“And why do you think that?”

Looking at him, I hate how his face hardens into a frown. He honestly wants to hear my answer. “I’m the… or I was the… You know what, that's not what's important. A bartending job requires me to hold glass and steadily pour strong drinks to people who could get violent on me in return if I’m not careful.”

“So you have to use your hands a lot.”

“And carry a weapon. Knowing me, I’d end up hurting myself in a fight with one somehow, even without the hemiparesis interfering.”

Gregory rubs his hands through his greying hair, contemplating his response before saying, “A bar's not the most ideal place for trial and error, frankly.”

That’s an understatement if I ever heard one. “I mean, how often would you really be around?” I ask him, tired of dancing around the point. Surely he doesn't fathom how I find the cobwebs growing on the ceiling where the walls meet and the dead flies littered on the windowsill more inviting than my own home.

“Three times a week, minimum, to assure the fullest recovery possible.”

Now it’s Kyurem’s word versus Gregory’s, apparently. They both aim to heal me. All I can think of is how there must be a catch to this phenomenon.

“I’ll give it a shot,” I say, sternly as I can. “I don’t like it, but I will.”

“That’s all I could ask of you right now, Miss Willems.”

This man is relentless. I want to cry. He must have this conversation with patients pretty often.

I nod and try to derail the conversation. I ask him what occupational therapy entails, and he just says he has to know a lot about everything. He’s not an expert on most things, he admits, but that doesn’t hinder him. He swears I have nothing to worry about, he’s helped so many people in so many different settings, but that’s how you learn to lie well—the more you know, the easier it is to do, and then you just lie a lot and about everything, to the point where you don’t even realize you’re doing it anymore.

In the end, I ask him, too, not to call my parent’s house my home. It feels like exactly the opposite.

“Fair enough,” Gregory whispers, like he already knew. “Miss Willems, do you mind if I call you Annie?”

“What? Oh, yeah, I don’t care.” I guess my name means something prophetic about gods and how graceful they can be. I need that reminder now. “And, uh, I can call you Gregory?”

It hits me, then, that I’d been referring to the OT by his first name this entire time, anyway. Thinking of him as just another doctor hasn't sit well with me for some reason.

Well, now I've made an agreement with this man who should be my doctor when instead my subconscious has been trying to make me consider him as a friend. Arceus help us both.

 

[Flaze]

So...we're still at the hospital huh? Well that's complicated.

So first the good. Again, I have to reiterate that you're doing a lot better of a job with this version of LaON, the chapters flow a lot better and it's easier to keep track of everything going on, plus it allows us to get more of a feeling for the characters, or in this case, Annie. It's easier to get a handle on how she ticks and why she thinks and acts the way she does, she's a very flawed character indeed and while I did refer to her as an asshole to you before, again, she justified in being so with everything going on.

In particular I like the weird combination of someone that wants to reason things but still believes in the mythical and that there's a higher force out there, it's a lot more real than most people would assume.

Unfortunately Annie is where this story currently begins and ends. I get that you want to give us a good hang of Annie before you have her set out, but it's starting to drag. I would've thought that by the end of chapter two Annie would've already set off or prepared to set off or at least left the hospital. Now, I get that chapter 3 will probably have her leave or already be at home at the start of it, but it still worries me in regards to the pacing tha the story will have going forward.

 

[diamondpearl876]

So...we're still at the hospital huh? Well that's complicated.

So first the good. Again, I have to reiterate that you're doing a lot better of a job with this version of LaON, the chapters flow a lot better and it's easier to keep track of everything going on, plus it allows us to get more of a feeling for the characters, or in this case, Annie. It's easier to get a handle on how she ticks and why she thinks and acts the way she does, she's a very flawed character indeed and while I did refer to her as an asshole to you before, again, she justified in being so with everything going on.

Annie not being fleshed out enough in the original was an issue, so I'm glad to see that's not so much an issue here. She's definitely the focus right now, though Gregory's meant to be pretty important right off the bat, too.

Unfortunately Annie is where this story currently begins and ends. I get that you want to give us a good hang of Annie before you have her set out, but it's starting to drag. I would've thought that by the end of chapter two Annie would've already set off or prepared to set off or at least left the hospital. Now, I get that chapter 3 will probably have her leave or already be at home at the start of it, but it still worries me in regards to the pacing tha the story will have going forward.

That's fair. I mentioned this on Skype already, but the scenes I put in chapter 2 + preparation scenes would've amounted to a very, very long chapter that would do better just being split off into two chapters. At any rate, I'll keep it in mind when I'm writing the next chapter, since I can't afford to drag it out longer than one more chapter, I know. xD

 

[AceTrainer14]

Awards review:

There is a lot to love about this story. The prologue, while really difficult to read when your under the pump, was something else entirely, and was fairly intense and moving and fascinating to read. You have some beautiful and intense descriptions of the Giant Chasm that is the perfect accompaniment to Kyurem’s feelings, while the hospital setting is a nice manifestation of how Annie is feeling and a perfect counter to that.

Kyurem really is one of the most original legendary characters I have read for a while, and his emotion and pain alone made this story worthwhile.

However, I can't say I am a fan of the story at the moment. Compared to the original iterations, this was much more of a slog to read, and getting through Annie's chapters felt like a chore.

And it really comes down to her. Annie is definitely a well thought out character: she is layered, has issues and difficulties and secrets - but her list of worries and issues seem endless, and given it is all in there in two chapters without feeling overwhelming, the author deserves props for that. However, a lot of these are at the surface level at the moment, and I cannot say how everything will fit together or play out when there are only two chapters. Though AKyurem and her religious issues seem kind of second fiddle to everything else, which feels a bit odd given the prominence of that has increased since the previous iterations.

I can forgive a lack of development, but that isn't helped by how she isn't terribly original at the moment. The prominence of her agnosticism and her stroke are about the only really original things - Moody female protagonists conflicted about their tasks are a dime a dozen around here though, especially ones with a higher calling.

Annie has the potential to be a great, interesting, complicated lead character, but based solely on these two chapters, it is way too early to tell how things will play out. I think she needs to start making some decisions, move settings and do something other than think about her past in order to grow and, you know, be interesting to read, because at the moment she is a bit too nihilistic and dull to be really interesting. The fact she seems quite blasé about the whole Kyurem thing as well doesn’t help my feelings towards her – it seems to be second fiddle to everything else, which could be understandable given her predicament, but also come on, a legendary spoke to you: when you spend your entire time internalising girl, maybe focus on that a bit more?

The story could be hugely helped by there being more of a plot. I remember the original versions got things moving quite quickly, while this is quite the opposite. There are hints of where the story will go, with Annie’s planned journey and her recovery, but the story has only just scratched the surface of these things. The detailed backstory does give us a lot of plot, but it’s also not wholly relevant to things as of yet, and it’s placing as a prologue sets certain expectations that aren’t met in the first chapters.

Something positive could help as well. The rant-like nature of Annie’s chapters gets a bit tedious at times, as it is a lot of the same general words/descriptions getting repeated again and again, and the flatly negative tone doesn’t help that. The several paragraphs spent in the dream like state where a bit confusing, but not in a good way.
S
There are beautiful and intense descriptions of the Giant Chasm that is the perfect accompaniment to Kyurem’s feelings, while the hospital setting is a nice manifestation of how Annie is feeling. I think setting more of the hospital would have helped though. There are other nice hints at things such as Froslass working at the hospital which gives a snapshot at the broader country.

This was a tricky story to judge. It is one of those stories that I can appreciate for being wonderfully written, with passion in every paragraph and the clear sense that the author has planned this out and knows where it’s going. However, that does not mean I enjoyed it. It was more an interesting read than a fun one – at times, getting through just the intro was a difficult if ultimately rewarding, with a lot of text and ideas being thrown at you right away. Annie is also a difficult lead to feel much for as she is so lost herself, which makes two chapters of very little progress more chore than fun.

Yet, my lack of enjoyment is not enough to discount the quality of the writing. It is enough to make me mark it down, coupled with the fact the original versions of this story I feel dealt with things in a smoother way that allowed the story to get going, whereas this still feels very prequel-y. It is still a wonderful piece of writing, one that I think could be a very serious contender for Best Story once there is an actual story here – but so far, it is just some mythology and the very early stages of a character story. It mostly just needs to get going and focus less on how awful hospitals and being sick is and more on this big interesting godly challenge set up in the prologue. I want to like this story because of Kyurem, but right now it just has me wishing for the original version to be back.

 

[Flaze]

Bla bla bla, award judging, bla bla bla, I'll try to catch up with the one chapter I haven't read.

Love and Other Nightmares

Plot 4/10: It’s a serious take on a journey fic that places more focus on the character’s psychology and trauma. The plot is pretty much laid bare in the first chapter and really, there’s not much of a plot and that’s the point. It’s just about Annie going around and meeting new Pokemon who all have as many issues as she does. The story could turn out differently from its predecessor but I honestly don’t think it really has to.

Setting 5/10: There’s not really much of a focus on the setting and so far we’ve only been seeing a hospital, which is as basic as you can get really. But the description are good enough to give us an image of everything going on, even when the focus is mostly on what the characters go through than the world they live in.

Characterization 8/10: This is where the story shines the most, even in its early stages the way it handles Annie is pretty nuanced and interesting, showing the different sides of her character and what she goes through. The only problem is that we’ve been too into Annie’s head which does cause us to see other characters as, at most, two dimensional characters who get in Annie’s way.

Style 8/10: Much better than the previous LaON, which honestly was hard to follow at times, this story on the other hand has more purpose. It has a clear focus and a flow that’s easier to follow and appreciate, the descriptions also don’t feel as tiring and are made pretty interesting with the type of prose that’s used.

Technicalities 10/10: Yeah, don’t really have much to say in this field.

Overall 64/100: It’s off to a strong start in the character front, but while we know what’s coming, the plot is pretty simple and it also moves really slow, I’m sure things will get more interesting once Annie sets off on her journey though.

Annie

Depth 8/10: In only two chapters we’ve managed to get a good luck at everything that makes Annie tick, from her qualities to her insecurities we’ve been able to get a good look of just who she is, or rather was. She’s got an interesting way of looking at the world, from someone who’s had to grow dealing with parents who wanted to pick her future for her and were also really religious.

The fallout from her heart attack and what results from that also affects her a lot and gives her a desire to want to be more, even if that more requires her to have to commit to a goal set by a legendary Dragon she didn’t know.

Development 3/10: It’s only been two chapters so any development is really minimal, the only real development she’s had is coming to accept the goal she was given by Kyurem and the fact that sometimes she has to trust others, even if she’s not sure on whether they’ll actually return that trust. Still, based on everything we’ve been shown from Annie I’m sure that her development will be something to see.

Originality 7/10: Annie’s character type isn’t necessarily original, she comes up a lot in stories like these, even down to her specific reactions. However, they’re characters that are interesting to develop because they come packed with a lot of baggage that becomes relatable to everyone, plus they’re easy to make stories out of, especially stories that really explore and challenge their psyche.

Entertainment Value 7/10: Annie’s entertaining to read about and her reactions to everyone around her are varied and nuanced, sometimes it can be a little hard to stay interested once she gets too into her own head, since we end up hearing more about the same insecurities we’ve already had cleared. That’s not bad of course, but it can take away from it when you hear it so many times.

Contribution to the Story 8/10: Really the story is revolving around Annie and her having to set off on her quest, at the end of the day anything that happens is of Annie’s choice and that influences the story, just her choosing to do this is already enough for her to drive the plot.

Overall 65/100: Annie’s an interesting character with a lot of things to be explored, both if we base ourselves on what we’ve seen of her and what we know from Survival Project, diamond’s other fic. She’s still getting her ground though since the story is just starting.

 

[diamondpearl876]

Awards review:

There is a lot to love about this story. The prologue, while really difficult to read when your under the pump, was something else entirely, and was fairly intense and moving and fascinating to read. You have some beautiful and intense descriptions of the Giant Chasm that is the perfect accompaniment to Kyurem’s feelings, while the hospital setting is a nice manifestation of how Annie is feeling and a perfect counter to that.

Kyurem really is one of the most original legendary characters I have read for a while, and his emotion and pain alone made this story worthwhile

Glad to hear you were a fan of the prologue. I'd done a lot of edits to it before you judged it for these awards, and it looks like those edits paid off, since you didn't have any complaints about it.

However, I can't say I am a fan of the story at the moment. Compared to the original iterations, this was much more of a slog to read, and getting through Annie's chapters felt like a chore.

And it really comes down to her. Annie is definitely a well thought out character: she is layered, has issues and difficulties and secrets - but her list of worries and issues seem endless, and given it is all in there in two chapters without feeling overwhelming, the author deserves props for that. However, a lot of these are at the surface level at the moment, and I cannot say how everything will fit together or play out when there are only two chapters. Though AKyurem and her religious issues seem kind of second fiddle to everything else, which feels a bit odd given the prominence of that has increased since the previous iterations.

I can forgive a lack of development, but that isn't helped by how she isn't terribly original at the moment. The prominence of her agnosticism and her stroke are about the only really original things - Moody female protagonists conflicted about their tasks are a dime a dozen around here though, especially ones with a higher calling.

Annie does indeed have her fair share of issues, and I wanted to establish her character fairly early on, especially since there are a ton of factors playing into how she reacts to Kyurem's presence. So I'm glad to hear it wasn't overwhelming learning about her all in one go, and it's fair to say they're all surface level at the moment. I feel like if I had gone deeper, I would've gone into overwhelming territory. There'll be plenty of time to flesh her out later.

As for her lack of focus on the Kyurem and the religious issues... you're right in that she's not thinking too hard about it. Annie is a kind of character that has a hard time facing and understanding reality. Her being agnostic is part of that, and Kyurem's presence is something she's not sure whether to accept or not. Her goal is going to be figuring out whether what she heard/saw was real or not. You did mention that her acceptance of Kyurem was a bit far-fetched, and I've gone through the first chapter to edit out her acceptance and have her be skeptical at best. I'm working on chapter 2 still.

Annie has the potential to be a great, interesting, complicated lead character, but based solely on these two chapters, it is way too early to tell how things will play out. I think she needs to start making some decisions, move settings and do something other than think about her past in order to grow and, you know, be interesting to read, because at the moment she is a bit too nihilistic and dull to be really interesting. The fact she seems quite blasé about the whole Kyurem thing as well doesn’t help my feelings towards her – it seems to be second fiddle to everything else, which could be understandable given her predicament, but also come on, a legendary spoke to you: when you spend your entire time internalising girl, maybe focus on that a bit more?

The story could be hugely helped by there being more of a plot. I remember the original versions got things moving quite quickly, while this is quite the opposite. There are hints of where the story will go, with Annie’s planned journey and her recovery, but the story has only just scratched the surface of these things. The detailed backstory does give us a lot of plot, but it’s also not wholly relevant to things as of yet, and it’s placing as a prologue sets certain expectations that aren’t met in the first chapters.

Her being accepting of Kyurem but not exactly doing anything about it was a bit conflicting, so again, I went back to make it seem like she was more skeptical than anything. Her being blase about Kyurem, to me, fits her character because she's afraid of what she'll find out by pursuing him, not to mention she has a history of being impulsive and getting in trouble for it. So hopefully obliterating the contradiction helps in that regard, but she won't be making any concrete decisions until chapter 3 still. And, as in the original, those decisions will get her in trouble.

Something positive could help as well. The rant-like nature of Annie’s chapters gets a bit tedious at times, as it is a lot of the same general words/descriptions getting repeated again and again, and the flatly negative tone doesn’t help that. The several paragraphs spent in the dream like state where a bit confusing, but not in a good way.

Duly noted. She was more sarcastic in the original, but sarcastic female leads seem to be a dime a dozen around here as well, so I tried to tone it down a bit. I tried to find a better balance with the edits in chapter 1 and will try to do so in chapter 2. I also cut down the waking up scene considerably. To clarify, it wasn't exactly a dream, but Annie will be trying to decipher whether or not it was.

This was a tricky story to judge. It is one of those stories that I can appreciate for being wonderfully written, with passion in every paragraph and the clear sense that the author has planned this out and knows where it’s going. However, that does not mean I enjoyed it. It was more an interesting read than a fun one – at times, getting through just the intro was a difficult if ultimately rewarding, with a lot of text and ideas being thrown at you right away. Annie is also a difficult lead to feel much for as she is so lost herself, which makes two chapters of very little progress more chore than fun.

Yet, my lack of enjoyment is not enough to discount the quality of the writing. It is enough to make me mark it down, coupled with the fact the original versions of this story I feel dealt with things in a smoother way that allowed the story to get going, whereas this still feels very prequel-y. It is still a wonderful piece of writing, one that I think could be a very serious contender for Best Story once there is an actual story here – but so far, it is just some mythology and the very early stages of a character story. It mostly just needs to get going and focus less on how awful hospitals and being sick is and more on this big interesting godly challenge set up in the prologue. I want to like this story because of Kyurem, but right now it just has me wishing for the original version to be back.

Thanks for the awards feedback! Here's to hoping I'll actually get to the action by the next awards season, and hopefully, having some actual plot and some edits done will help what's already here feel like less of a chore. I do appreciate the comments about the writing itself, though, as I felt the original wasn't particularly well written (hence the rewrite). So my plan will be to make everything else get up to par.

Bla bla bla, award judging, bla bla bla, I'll try to catch up with the one chapter I haven't read.

Love and Other Nightmares

Plot 4/10: It’s a serious take on a journey fic that places more focus on the character’s psychology and trauma. The plot is pretty much laid bare in the first chapter and really, there’s not much of a plot and that’s the point. It’s just about Annie going around and meeting new Pokemon who all have as many issues as she does. The story could turn out differently from its predecessor but I honestly don’t think it really has to.

At first I thought the "lack of a plot" was a criticism, but it seems like it's not. The characters will definitely be the focus, as per usual in my writing, but I'm hoping to incorporate some more worldbuilding and some more subplots to flesh out the fic as a whole.

Setting 5/10

: There’s not really much of a focus on the setting and so far we’ve only been seeing a hospital, which is as basic as you can get really. But the description are good enough to give us an image of everything going on, even when the focus is mostly on what the characters go through than the world they live in.

Fair enough. Give me a couple chapters and I'll have some more to offer in this department.

Characterization 8/10:

This is where the story shines the most, even in its early stages the way it handles Annie is pretty nuanced and interesting, showing the different sides of her character and what she goes through. The only problem is that we’ve been too into Annie’s head which does cause us to see other characters as, at most, two dimensional characters who get in Annie’s way.

I went back and tried to cut down on some of the more repetitive parts of Annie's thoughts in chapter 1. Still working on chapter 2.

Style 8/10:

Much better than the previous LaON, which honestly was hard to follow at times, this story on the other hand has more purpose. It has a clear focus and a flow that’s easier to follow and appreciate, the descriptions also don’t feel as tiring and are made pretty interesting with the type of prose that’s used.

Technicalities 10/10: Yeah, don’t really have much to say in this field.

Good to hear on both accounts!

Overall 65/100

: Annie’s an interesting character with a lot of things to be explored, both if we base ourselves on what we’ve seen of her and what we know from Survival Project, diamond’s other fic. She’s still getting her ground though since the story is just starting.

It seems your views on Annie are a bit different than Ace's. XD I'm glad to hear you enjoy her more here than in the original. Thanks for the awards feedback. It's always good to hear from someone who's also read the original. 8)

 

[diamondpearl876]

Went back and cut down a ton of words, mostly repetitive stuff that bogged down the pacing. Anddd now, a real update!

LOVE AND OTHER NIGHTMARES
chapter 3
playing nice

*​

Before the stroke, I marched to classes through the snow, holding my jacket over my face to block the terrible breeze always blowing in from the beach south of Sandgem. A warm front slowly took over while I was a patient and spent time outside, snooping around the smoking area. Now, the local jumpluff are drifting along the wind currents, clumps of their spores floating to the ground. Once spring officially rolls around and the vegetation starts to grow back, everyone in Sandgem will hoard a bunch of the spores and use them to cultivate their own fern plants.

Stepping through the revolving doors of the hospital’s entrance for the final time immediately revives some of the motivation I’d lost. I could be one of those people who carries wicker baskets full of gardening tools and competes over the best crops of the year. Not that I want to, but at least the option exists.

At home, the tension between me and my parents looms stronger than ever. Renee encourages me to get out of the house as often as I can. That was my goal from the start, except Renee goes overboard by offering to skip school and join me.

“Whatever you want to do, we'll do it, okay?" she says, her face etched with worry. I manage to convince her that I’ll be fine as long as I stay where people can see me, in case my hemiparesis acts up. It just wouldn’t do me any good to have her literally looking over my shoulder while I plan my trip away from Sandgem.

Renee isn’t my biggest problem, though. I have no specific destination in mind, which makes my journey super difficult to map out. Scrutinizing every little thing Kyurem told me doesn’t help, either. Besides, I know how memories tend to fill in empty gaps with false information to make everything fit like a puzzle.

Every morning, I retreat to the library and stay huddled there throughout the afternoon. I study less about the traveling aspect of my upcoming quest and more on the differences between Sinnoh and Unova due to Kyurem’s… history with the region. Kyurem mentioned foreign pokémon teaming up with me, and if possible, I want to narrow down the number of species I could run into.

For a few weeks, I sift through a massive book from the nonfiction shelf full of pokédex entries, both old and new ones compiled by professors, gym leaders, scientists, and other famous trainers. Unova’s section spoils my mood with all the primordial, mythological entries that have no practical facts to go along with them. Even the more useful entries assume that pokémon of the same species have no individuality, like trainers could handle them all the same way.

I can’t complain about the lore when I finally come across Kyurem’s entry. I knew very little about the ice behemoth until my stroke, but everything recorded under his basic information mimics what he told me in my comatose state. My subconscious didn’t learn about Kyurem and pass the information on to me in my sleep. So that means this isn’t just all in my head, right?

I can’t help but want to search for a connection between Kyurem and Sinnoh, because really, why would a Unovan god look here for refuge instead of another region like Kanto or Alola? But I fail to find any clues in Sinnoh’s pokédex or in a bunch of other books. At this rate, I’ll have to meet another trainer chosen by Kyurem on the road to get any concrete proof that he exists, or meet the ice god face-to-face.

Yeah, as if.

My parents ask me to come home and join them for dinner every night by six o’clock, which has been the strictly enforced time ever since I was a little girl. I’d like to think that there are more important things in life to be conscientious about, so I take the long way home.

Ambling through the streets of Sandgem, it’s hard to ignore all my surroundings when I might not see my hometown again for a while, if ever. Not for the first time, I question if my decision will be worth it in the end. Really, the easiest thing to do would be to make the best of the time I have left to live in Sandgem.

Each night, the same family of five hangs around the edge of the beach with their pet staravia to fly kites. Our local ice cream stand set up on the sand usually sticks around until way past sunset to make a few extra bucks from the passers-by now that it’s warm again. A few blocks down from the beach is Vernon Avenue, the busiest street in Sandgem. I watch as people run their last errands of the day and scramble home to whoever’s waiting for them. The smaller retail stores lock their doors, and groups of teenagers wander about aimlessly or meet up at the ice skating rink, which doubles as an arcade.

I don’t strike up conversation with anyone unless I bump shoulders and mumble a half-hearted apology for not paying attention. When the street gives way to a long and narrow gravel path, I’ve reached the end of Vernon Avenue and home is just around the corner. My pace slows and I struggle to find an excuse to turn back, but there’s nothing—no school, no friends, no money to waste.

Some nights, I turn around anyway and trudge on with my head hung low and no destination in mind. The asphalt below my feet is full of mediocre chalk drawings obviously made by some kids, and the lights from the 24-hour drugstores spilling out onto the street taunt me.

Some nights, I find myself in the drugstore and buy a couple essentials for my journey. I still haven’t done any research on traveling. I don’t know what the seasoned trainers recommend for rookies, and I don’t know how I’ll earn money to use on the road. But I can’t go wrong with the basics—toiletries, a map of Sinnoh, sunscreen, bug repellant, shoes especially made for hiking, a cooler with wheels to store food longer than normal, and a large, durable backpack that I can reasonably carry on my shoulders.

Of course, I can’t go wrong with things I know I should buy based off of past experience, either—a paring knife to cut food, a box of matches, eye drops, pain relievers, and other first-aid stuff you forget about until you need them.

I hide everything I buy in a tall patch of grass on the side of our house at first. Once everyone’s gone to sleep, I stash it all under my bed. Then, using the information I managed to pry from store workers willing to spare a second, I update my list of berries and foods that won’t spoil too quickly so I remember to pick them up on the way out of Sandgem, or in the next town if I can manage it.

I instinctively check multiple times a night that no one’s messed with my stuff, because I can’t afford to have Renee or my parents get suspicious. The three of them would do everything in their power to stop me and avoid even more of our neighbor's shaming side glances. Plus, my plan isn't the most logical one. Never mind the whole Kyurem fiasco. Anyone can reasonably point out how my past attempts at becoming a trainer ended up in failure, and on the first route to boot.

Kyurem really couldn’t have picked a worse person to send out into the world, but I have to try. I can't forgive myself if I let the chance to be healed slip away.

*

I had expected Gregory to transform my parent’s house into something like an indoor gym with rehabilitation equipment. Thankfully, he didn’t set up that much. He positioned each piece of equipment in low-key, out of the way places, and nothing’s too big or too heavy for me to move even when the hemiparesis strikes.

If I want to, I can scrape by, room to room, without bumping into a reminder of how weak my body is. I trick my mind into wondering whether my recovery’s progressing faster than expected or if I’ve been turning a blind eye to my health on purpose. I want to ask Gregory at the start of one of our sessions so he’ll force me to take my life seriously, but I chicken out and make a joke about pokémon journeys, of all things.

“I feel pretty all right, you know?” I say, standing in front of a full body mirror, eyes closed. “I feel as strong as a… as a dragonite. Yeah, I could totally fly around the world as a dragonite right now, maybe even beat the current record.”

I can’t see the OT, but I imagine he's rubbing his goatee, contemplating what he thinks is a witty answer while I'm picturing myself spinning my arms in circles over and over. Apparently, I can trick my brain, too, into sending signals to both sides of my body by make believing my movements before I actually do them.

Gregory, naïve or maybe just stupid, instigates an actual conversation. “The world record now is, what, sixteen hours? That’d be tough,” he says. Suddenly a beeping noise starts up. He places his hands firmly on my shoulders after he resets his timer. “Here, let’s switch again.”

I open my eyes and he redirects me so that all I can see in the mirror is my right hand, which I have to keep stretched out in front of me for the next several minutes. The goal here is to pretend that the hand in the mirror is actually my left hand, and as I move, my brain once again thinks both sides of my body are in sync.

“Okay, but sixteen hours is nothing compared to how long trainers roam around a single region collecting badges,” I say to him, trying not to focus on how ridiculous this exercise would look to anyone passing by. The mirror’s propped up in a corner of the upstairs hallway, where no one goes unless they’re headed to the attic, but still. Gregory must have sensed how worried I was when I agreed to work with him. My hand twitches at the thought, violently, like it's a horror movie prop. Tapping his wristwatch, he prompts me to continue until the timer pings again.

“Remember,” he says, “you’re going to get tired quickly during these exercises for a while, and that’s fine.”

“Maybe I’m not ready to tackle that world record yet after all,” I mumble, not bothering to point out that he misunderstood his observation.

“You’re certainly not exerting as much energy as a dragonite circling the globe. However, you trigger the same parts of your brain whether you’re performing an action or simply visualizing an action," he reminds me.

If I’d made it through college, I might have learned about this motor imagery therapy in a neurology class and then forgotten the details after the exam like a typical student. Instead I'm learning the hard way, the hands on way, obligated to repeat the workout three times a week with Gregory.

When the timer finally goes off, Gregory nods to me. I know the drill. He knows I know the drill, and most importantly, he knows I’m more functional than not. Dare I trust his judgment further? Unlike Kyurem, he's here, guaranteed as real... but all the more prone to hurt others for it.

I stick with my line of questioning after all and ask, “Do people like me get to, you know, actually travel?”

There's a pause. Though he doesn't prompt me to, I close my eyes. I hear his clock pause right before he says, “I don’t see why not."

That simple answer is all I need.

One thing Gregory hasn't realized yet is how easily influenced I am. I should be doing these exercises outside of our sessions, in different spots in the house or anywhere I can find a mirror, so that the therapy method eventually becomes second nature. But without him around to monitor my progress, I’m afraid I’ll mess up and trick my brain the wrong way, worse than it already is after years of neglect.

I close my eyes and imagine myself trekking through a new city, where the residents don't mind cigarette stands and the sidewalks are free of debris dropped by tourists. “Well, you did say your job’s flexible. What if I was traveling, like, as a trainer?”

Again he says those powerful words: “I don’t see why not.”

“And is that allowed for me?” I ask with held breath.

Gregory nods.

“Seriously? No, no more questions. This is great. Perfect. Let’s do it.”

For once no one is trying to convince me that I'm crazy. And for the moment I have the freedom and permission necessary to do what I need to do for myself. I'm not sure which is better.

*

Somehow, the paradox in all this doesn’t hit me straightaway. I haven’t invented an excuse to tell my family why I'm leaving yet, or that I'm leaving at all, and Gregory’s liable to announce my plans to them before I’m ready for them to know. When he shows up for our next session, I sprint to meet him at the front door and swear him to secrecy.

“I don’t know if mandatory reporters are required to tell parents about this kind of thing, but…” I trail off, trying to catch my breath so I stop stuttering between words. I feel winded and shaky, like I just finished running a marathon.

Gregory reaches out his arms to help me stay upright before answering, “How old are you again?”

“Twenty?”

“That was a rhetorical question,” he says, chuckling. “You’re old enough to make your own decisions.”

And with that, the focus of my rehabilitation shifts more toward coping with the hemiparesis as a vagabond. He starts small, with the equipment I’m already familiar with. He gives me a sturdy compact mirror to practice the motor imagery exercises anywhere I go, and he sits with me at a couple restaurants and even at the beach on Vernon, to confirm I’m not too self-conscious to do them in public.

“People will stare,” he tells me. “But any downtime you get, you should work on keeping your muscles active to help stave off the numbness.”

Gregory so kindly demonstrates other, less embarrassing exercises to do, like writing left-handed, ways to stretch my legs when I sit, and how to properly use stress balls and dumbbells for arm and wrist strength. Each session he brings with him a new handful of aids specifically designed for stroke victims. I expect the aids to be complicated and fancy, but instead they’re simple, and the concept behind some of them baffles me. Who knew the world needed specialized cheese graters and shoelaces?

My homework, as Gregory calls it, involves deciding which aids I might want to take with me on my journey. All the normal, everyday activities people can accomplish on their own—showering, dressing, walking, cooking—don’t feel so normal with the aids, even before the numbness sets in. More than once I find myself tripping over the shower chair in the bathroom, or cheating when no one’s around to see because I just don’t have the patience to put my sneakers on with a shoehorn.

When Gregory asks how the experiments went before introducing me to the next batch of aids, I bluff my way through the conversation, only accepting the smallest, least invasive aids to add to my never ending pile of traveling supplies. He also points out once that I’ve tolerated the rehabilitation process a lot better than he assumed I would, and I admit to him that it’s hard not to be a little optimistic. A significant amount of people cared enough to spend their time and effort eliminating all the obstacles they could think of for people like me, after all.

“And there’s still people who care, Annie,” Gregory replies. His pace slows as we make our way down the cobbled streets of Vernon, which are long overdue for new stones. He glances at a crowd gathering outside a perfume shop to get free samples from the owner’s aromatisse, his lips pursed slightly. “By the way, your mom wants me to tag along with you guys to Rowan’s lab, to get my opinion on which pokémon he should give you. Do you mind?”

“Not really. I mean, you've been helpful so far."

“The likelihood of finding a pokémon qualified there for rehabilitation services, plus travel, is almost nonexistent. But we won’t know until we have a look around, I guess.”

We pass by a bench area where a few people are ignoring each other, sifting through the daily newspaper. An older, frail looking woman steals glances this way and that, probably waiting to meet someone. I wait until they’re out of earshot to talk again.

“So, uh,” I say, “would I be able to travel if I needed more extreme rehab?”

The OT shrugs. “You’d set a date to leave, and I’d make it work,” he says.

"In that case, I’ll sign the papers in my name, and, just for you, I’ll write with my left hand. How ‘bout that?" I say. "Anyway, my parents aren’t gonna be too happy about all this, so we should make sure to choose a pokémon who's a good fit, who can't be denied as my official starter. After Rowan gives me his cliché training spiel, I want to leave as soon as possible.”

I watch Gregory for a reaction. Part of me anticipates a lecture that’ll talk me out of traveling after me, and part of me wants to hide in embarrassment for rambling on like an idiot. This journey isn’t going to be some fun, soul-searching game like it is for most trainers.

But Gregory is as poker-faced as ever. “You got it,” he says.

*

There’s some perks to knowing the famous Professor Rowan personally. For example, he purposely invited us over at a time when he’d be focusing on the pokémon up for adoption instead of his designated starters. That means his lab is free from ten-year-old kids squealing and scrambling over each other to grab the first pokéball in sight, a problem which tends to degenerate into a horror story involving fistfights and police officers way too often.

It’s surprisingly quiet in his lab, except for the occasional clacking of computer keys and the whir of a fan hanging overhead. When we walk in, my mom and Gregory and me in a single file line, Rowan’s pinning a newspaper clipping on a cork board behind his desk. Mom greets him on our behalf, and he wordlessly opens a set of shutters to reveal an assortment of pokémon roaming in the courtyard. Beyond that I can see the shelter he had built back when I was a toddler just learning to walk.

Gregory walks over to shake the professor’s hand and says, "Thanks for helping out Annie."

"Likewise," Rowan says, his eyebrows crinkling perhaps at the informal mention of my name.

"Mind if we head outside and have a look around?" Gregory asks. He gestures toward all the creatures that look like mere dots to me from where I stand.

"No, of course not. Go right ahead."

Rowan opens the backdoor and steps aside. For whatever reason, my mother leaves the two of us alone. She simultaneously waives the right to fawn over her favorites and overshadow my opinions.

Outside, I rub my left arm awkwardly as Gregory does that thing where he looks lost in thought, stroking his goatee like he’s an actor in a cheesy drama movie. I scan the fields to see if any pokémon here are foreign. All the information I absorbed in preparing for dealing with pokémon flees from my memory. The best I can discern is that the grass dons too many hues of green, with some tufts overcome by seeped poison and others overly damp from water-types who don't know their own strength.

Gregory interrupts his strange habit to point at a luxio finishing its afternoon snack at the feeding station. It sprints away, nearly toppling the stainless steel basin onto an unsuspecting bonsly. Leftover bits of a raw blissey egg drip from the luxio's mouth. It stalls near a group of fire-types practicing their ember attacks with one of the lab assistants, who shouts something about how the electric-types will get their turn before shooing the luxio away with the flick of his wrist.

“Okay?” I say, drawing out the word to emphasize just how unimpressed I am.

Gregory understands the hint. “Electrical stimulation can send signals to your brain and force your weakened muscles to move. It’s a relatively common method these days,” he says. “Your mom didn’t mention my recommendations, I take it.”

It’s not even a question, the way he says it. I nod.

“I planned on explaining them to you here, anyway,” he says. And it might just be my imagination, but I notice a twinge of pity in his voice. His tone changes and his expression turns thoughtful again as he says, “Actually, water- and fire-types aren’t good for therapy, per se, but for a new trainer…”

“Yeah, fresh water and easy made fires sound, uh, nice.”

“No worries either way. I’ll guide you through whatever’s needed before you go off on your own.”

“Gee, thanks. What about ice-types? You know, like your froslass.”

“They’re best suited for experienced trainers,” Gregory says. He motions to nowhere in particular. “Besides, there’s none available right now, and the climates they're suited to battling and traveling in are limited."

“Oh,” I say. I hate when he uses logic against me like that. “Well, water pokémon can learn ice moves, too. In case hypothermia needs to save my life again or something.”

At this, Gregory’s blinks, dumbfounded. “You were at least told about the pokédex, right?”

“Very briefly, sure.”

Frustrated, the OT lets out a deep, slow exhale. “That’s…” he starts, but thinks better of it. “Even before you let me in on the trainer idea, I’d discussed with your mother about you owning a pokédex. With it, you’ll be able to call me or any one of my pokémon in an emergency. All of my outpatient clients get one until services aren’t needed anymore.”

It occurs to me, then, that I never did thank the froslass for helping me out. I mean, she was just doing her job and all, but she did more for me than my parents. And it just would've been the polite thing to do, especially if I might end up needing her again in the future.

I mimic Gregory’s exasperated exhale. “Okay, good to know. Can we move on now? No more surprises, please.”

“Actually, there’s one more surprise, but a good one. Promise.”

"Better be," I say, because my patience for playing nice is already wearing thin, and I don’t want to blow the opportunity to get my starter and be forced to skip town alone.

“So, if you don’t have any requirements for your starter in mind…” Gregory trails off, scanning the courtyard again. Shielding his eyes from the sun with his hand, his gaze stops at a lone bug napping in the grass. “I wasn’t sure if Rowan still had the little guy, but there he is. Come with me, Annie.”

Up close, I can see why Gregory had trouble spotting the bug-type. With the hump on its back, it has the appearance of a discolored boulder, but it's acutally a venipede. A foreign pokémon, as luck would have it. Even better, he's native to Unova, where Kyurem is, too.

Now that I'm interested, now that I'm looking, I spot some Unovan species and even a couple from Hoenn that are hiding on the other side of the courtyard: a ferrothorn swinging from tree to tree, a fraxure sharpening its tusks on a pile of river rocks, a lotad floating lazily in a fountain... I can’t even imagine the amount of research and money Rowan puts into taking care of such a diverse group of pokémon. For the venipede alone, Gregory informs that there’s one, maybe two… no, three important things to know about being its trainer, should I actually adopt it as my starter.

One, venipede are half poison-type. Gregory discloses this first, because poison is nothing to mess with and a poison sting gone awry can lead to another hospital stay. Gregory swears he’ll understand if I look elsewhere just for that. I can’t tell him, of course, that if Kyurem’s really on my side, he isn’t going to let me die to poison.

Two, the venipede’s previous trainer apparently turned him into a monster, sort of. Most trainers want a cuddly, friendly pokémon that’ll obey all their commands without question, and the venipede isn't likely to fit the bill. That just sounds like we’re two peas in a pod, a perfect fit.

Three, the venipede suffered an incident that weakened part of his body, much like me. Gregory reveals this to be the main reason he wants me to consider the venipede. I wouldn’t be alone in traveling or my rehabilitation. Is this what Kyurem had in mind, too, when he wanted me to help foreign pokémon?

“So he’s not getting any help with Rowan?” I ask, trying to stifle the adrenaline creeping up on me.

“Not yet. He’s only been here a short time. If he joins your team, I’ll provide services to both of you. Your family’s insurance would cover that.”

My mother’s crazy obsession with adopting doesn’t sound expensive now. “Does my mom know? You said you wouldn’t tell,” I ask suddenly, feeling rather childish for whining.

“And I didn’t. That’s for you to do when you want. Right now, Rowan’s giving your mom the details about how to file the pokédex with your insurance. He’ll give her details about the venipede, too, if you take him.”

I look away, opting to stare at the venipede instead. Its—or his, I guess—antennae twitch as Gregory keeps talking and I wonder if he’s been listening, pretending to sleep. The venipede’s body rises and falls calmly with every breath, so maybe not. His thorax, magenta in color, and the green and black bands covering his abdomen are well groomed. He doesn’t have the appearance of someone who needs rehabilitation. But I know better than anyone how dangerous assumptions like that can hurt.

I know for sure that Mom would disapprove of the venipede. Let a poison-type in the house when it doesn’t do much for my rehabilitation besides provide emotional support? Yeah, right. The venipede has battle experience and my mom prefers them trained. That could be my argument.

In general, I don’t like to argue with her. About anything. I usually let her have her way, but there’s something to be said about Gregory noticing and going out of his way to make sure I keep my mental health intact. I don’t want to shut him down, or Kyurem, for my mother’s sake.

Here’s my chance to do something good for myself. Here’s a foreign pokémon that needs help.

I can’t bring myself to say no, so I don’t.