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Mari's Chaos Dimension (The Everything Blog)

takoyaki

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じゃあ英語で行こうか?

How was your day today!? Ik you were tired lol~
 

ConfectionerMari

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English is good!

My day was great, I wrote some stuff, slept, did some school work. It was really average, but otherwise I'd say today was amazing!
 

takoyaki

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I wrote some stuff
:bulbaWave:
slept, did some school work. It was really average, but otherwise I'd say today was amazing!
Average days DO have the potential to be absolutely amazing, and I'm glad it was that for you :)


I just wanna say congrats on your coming out dude. I'm glad you're taking steps to figure yourself out!! it's realllllly tough but...I think you'll be happier.

Anyways, what about marine biology interests you!?
 

ConfectionerMari

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Thank you so much tako! (btw, do you prefer tako or lisia more?) I really hope I'll be happier. I already kind of am, knowing that I am not alone in my experience.

what about marine biology interests you!?
Well, if I had to sum it up it would be that, well, marine animals are just really cool! From whales to crustaceans, its so cool to see how diverse the animals are there and how they have adapted over time. And there is so much we don't know about he ocean either!
 

takoyaki

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Thank you so much tako! (btw, do you prefer tako or lisia more?)
Good question! ...do what you want? both are awesome, and since we are good friends I don't mind you using it!!
I really hope I'll be happier. I already kind of am, knowing that I am not alone in my experience.
You're VERY not alone, so...you got this!! You'll do greattttt~
Well, if I had to sum it up it would be that, well, marine animals are just really cool! From whales to crustaceans, its so cool to see how diverse the animals are there and how they have adapted over time. And there is so much we don't know about he ocean either!
Makes sense!! The ocean is deep and scary...but to some that's a cool thing!!

Favorite marine animal fact?
 

Blanc

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hello hello, mom said it’s MY turn to invade a friend’s chaos dimension blog. I love jellyfish!! I think they are so adorable. Do you want to be a marine biologist, Mari?
 

ConfectionerMari

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gasp no more frogs!?

i might change mine soon, maybe????
sadly, the frogs are no more. Morty and ghost types have possessed me currently into making this fast change

Also ooo, I can't wait to see if you do change your layout!
 

Blanc

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Maybe! I'm still looking into careers, I either want to be a translator in japan or a marine biologist in america. It's still hard to choose currently
I know you shouldn’t burn the candle at both ends so to speak, but you could always try marine biology while doing translations remotely and see how you feel! I have a friend who does translations for visual novels and the like and she does it all here in the US, so it’s definitely an option.

AND MORTY LOVE!! A gorgeous layout ♡
 

ConfectionerMari

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I know you shouldn’t burn the candle at both ends so to speak, but you could always try marine biology while doing translations remotely and see how you feel! I have a friend who does translations for visual novels and the like and she does it all here in the US, so it’s definitely an option.
I'll try that out, that seems really interesting!
AND MORTY LOVE!! A gorgeous layout ♡
Thank you! My mind if filled with morty right now and I cannot stop it lmao
 

ConfectionerMari

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a teensy weensy little vent, I don't think I need to tag for it but proceed with caution since it lightly mentions a little bit of my trauma.

So lately I've been really feeling alone. I know that I have friends, but I wouldn't say that I have a mutual best friend. I feel like I'm complaining, but just due to my trauma and lack of social awareness sometimes, it's really hard for me to keep friends both offline and online. I'm worried that I'll lose the friends I've made, or just be alone forever. I don't really know how to open up about these feelings without making people uncomfortable, so I am sorry if I am.

I know I keep on saying this, but how do people make friends? Will I just be alone forever? Am I going to descend into a philosophical mess again?

Sorry again for complaining if I am, I know I probably shouldn't be feeling this way. I do have friends, and my family loves me. So why do I keep on feeling so alone?


Okay vent over, you are all now safe.
 

takoyaki

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a teensy weensy little vent, I don't think I need to tag for it but proceed with caution since it lightly mentions a little bit of my trauma.

So lately I've been really feeling alone. I know that I have friends, but I wouldn't say that I have a mutual best friend. I feel like I'm complaining, but just due to my trauma and lack of social awareness sometimes, it's really hard for me to keep friends both offline and online. I'm worried that I'll lose the friends I've made, or just be alone forever. I don't really know how to open up about these feelings without making people uncomfortable, so I am sorry if I am.
this is a normal fear!! back before i lost contact with mine, i kinda had that fear, and the worst did end up happening. but, thanks to some good stuff happening, we're back together again, and honestly...i guess it all worked out despite the major pain i felt because of that. mari, i won't let you go, dude. like, as long as you wanna be friends, i'll make sure i stay friends with you!!
I know I keep on saying this, but how do people make friends? Will I just be alone forever? Am I going to descend into a philosophical mess again?
I understand this too! The process of making friends with others is very strange, it just kinda tends to happen! You never know when or why it happens, but someday, you will get even more friends! I don't even know how it happens, just in daily interactions and that kinda thing something cool metamorphizes within certain people to form a connection! You're not gonna be alone forever!! You have your friends here, and you're gonna have the best summer ever!!
Sorry again for complaining if I am, I know I probably shouldn't be feeling this way. I do have friends, and my family loves me. So why do I keep on feeling so alone?
Please don't ever think that the way you feel is bad, it's your feelings, even if they are positive or negative. Feeling alone is just maybe something that happens sometimes, and like all things it'll pass. Just try to hang out :)
Okay vent over, you are all now safe.
This reminds me, I was talking about you to my best friend lol!! Just about how you're really nice and stuff~
 

ConfectionerMari

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I will be sad and you cannot stop me.
—————​
Vent spoilered because I don’t want this blog to get too flooded with vents

I keep on running away from things (which is my fault) and then I get upset when people don’t want me back because of my issues with staying. I wish I wasn’t like this, I wish I wasn’t so afraid of getting hurt. I wish I wasn’t so afraid of staying in one place.

I’ve been to a lot of different internet communities, and each and every one I’ve ran away from due to my own stupidity. People don’t want me back which is entirely in their right. I just wish it didn’t hurt so much, I just want to avoid everything.

My family, mainly my brother, keep on pushing for me to leave the internet. I don’t want to leave, I want to stay. A part of me worries though that I’ll just repeat history, I’ll leave and then when I come back people won’t want me.

I just don’t know, I can’t sleep because I’m too busy sitting in an ocean of self pity because I can’t get over myself and do something about it. I’m sorry for venting, I just sound selfish and rude when I read this over.

To shorten it, I have a problem I keep on doing nothing to fix.
 

takoyaki

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if they didn't want you back, that's their loss at any rate.

we still remembered you even though you had to move and stuff!!

...at any rate, being unsure of stuff is a normal feeling. i guarantee you, most people tend to have feelings similar to or exactly like yours!!

you're not your brother. i dunno why he would suggest that to you because, like you said...you wanna stay here, right!?

if it's the only piece of advice or whatever he's saying that you ignore, i hope it's one to leave.

i think that the people who know you and interact with you regularly here can unequivocably tell you that we'd absolutely miss you!

like, not doing so would be so stupid!

talk every day for a long while
stuff happens, you aren't online
they don't want you anymore?

sounds like a bunch of assholes not worthy of your time, or something?? i of course am not you and do not know your experiences, but like, point is...

if you ever did leave i'd miss you. just take life day by day and it'll be OK!

also, you are nowhere NEAR stupid~! you've helped me in some of my darkest and saddest times, and i have you to thank for it!!

so thank you!!
 

Blanc

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Echoing Lisia here, big agree, if they act like that they aren't worth the effort, you have better crowds to hang in than people who are like that, Mari. You deserve much better. If being on the internet helps you there's no point in leaving, right?
 

DawningWinds

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Yeah I agree with others; I think it sounds like you've been in all the wrong places. If people don't want you back because you weren't around for a while, its their problem, not yours. I don't know you super well but you seem pretty awesome and those communities who don't want you around are clearly losing out.
If you don't want to leave you don't need to! There's a lot of stupid on the internet in certain places (and that stupid is most certainly not you), but there are some really great places like here where you'll always be welcome.
 

ConfectionerMari

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I think it sounds like you've been in all the wrong places.
You're completely right to be honest, this has been happening for a while, since I was around 13 I think? I won't go into detail, but I'll just say that loneliness will make you look past red flags a lot of the time.

I'm so glad I found this community, you all are so nice and I feel like I'm able to be authentic here. I want to be here more because you all are that nice. Thank you everyone for the kind words, I'll try my best to continue to recover and try my best not to go back to communities that clearly aren't worthy of me (it feels weird saying "worthy of me" I feel like I sound full of myself saying that lol)
 
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