Mellie’s Digital Den

[MelodicCharm]

~~The air is warm, filled with the hum of cooling fans; the clicks and chirps of hard drives writing data. Countless cables, illuminated by the blinking status lights of the servers, run through the passage like twisting roots. You do your best to not trip over them. Reaching the end of the cramped tunnel, you find yourself in front of a terminal, the bright pink text illuminating the alcove. You begin to read....~~​

hai! welcome to my little miscellaneous blog thread! i'll probably talk about whatever's on my mind, and any sort of media that i'm partaking in. maybe i'll share some creative/worldbuilding stuff too maybe, but i might just make a separate thread for the sake of organization.

today's Halloween! i'm not really doing much and sadly, it doesn't feel that much like halloween. maybe i'll play a horror game or something later tonight. either way, i know i certainly look forward to grabbing some discounted halloween candy in the next couple days :3.

i HAVE just picked Pokemon Platinum back up! i'm trying to prepare for Canalave gym, spent about 2 hours grinding and using a bunch of vitamins and berries to finally evolve my Riolu into a Lucario.
here's my team rn, it's not really my normal team, but a lot of these are the ones i'm trying to level up for the gym leader fight. will probably have to switch out Babby's Yed for someone better, but i haven't decided on what pokemon yet. i'd either have to level up one of my ultra-underleveled ones or just catch a new one that had higher level and better typing. i'll figure it out tomorrow, i think i'm pokemon'd out for today.

Spoiler: current team

my mom's boyfriend is making a pork shoulder, i think it's gonna be delicious and comforting, i'm exited to have some :-)

that's all i've got for this entry, see you around :-)

 

[MelodicCharm]

i haven't really done much today, just some annoying annoying shit i have to get done for college registration. this shit fuckin suuuuucks, but oh well.

i did actually beat the Canalave gym last night! it was not at all as difficult as i expected to be lol. i haven't really played platinum in almost a year, so i think i confused the difficulty of this gym with a gym i had a rough time beating in the past. my Torterra was pretty well-equipped for the fight, my oven Rotom acting as good backup. can't remember who finished it, i think it actually might've been my Quagsire? because my Torterra and Rotom really couldn't do much against the Bastiodon after a while. idk it was late and i didn't reat much yesterday so i wasn't all there.

i was right about the pork being good :-), i had a taco made with it for breakfast, and then i made a sandwich with the pork, pickled onions, and some Valentina on sourdough.

i've also been playing little bite-sized sessions of Kirby's Return To Dreamland Returns. i really don't think the original Return to Dreamland needed a remake, but i appreciate the artstyle update and i like the controls a lot better than the original. i feel like i would play more but i think return to dreamland just makes me really sleepy for some reason? idk maybe it's just relaxing.

 

[MelodicCharm]

i got my discounted halloween candy today :D!!
standard candybar mix, some hi-chews, some tootsie roll pops (frankly way too many but hey it was 40% off), and a little bag of risen.

i also started playing a bit of Kirby and the Amazing mirror, fun but kind of confusing with the interconnected map, very different from any kirby games i've played.

AND i started playing Alan Wake II!!!! i'm really enjoying is so far, really big fan of Control and the previous Alan Wake games were very cool. i love the world they're building through all the games. i'm enjoying the heavier emphasis on survival horror in this installment, even if i'm not super good at it lol. my only complaint is that it runs kinda shitty despite the fact my computer should probably be able to run them. i also tend to get lost easily but that's just because i have dogshit spatial reasoning skills :P.

i also got this guy in the mail, off of ebay. my girlfriend and i call him Funny Robotnik :3. my girlfriend also bought a funny sonic figure of its own (knuckles head on a super shadow body? that i originally thought was a tails body. his name is knuckles tails the hedgehog)

Spoiler: funny robotnik :D

(editing in one of the images of the knuckles figure the seller had on the listing)

Spoiler: knuckles tails the hedgehog

 

[MelodicCharm]

Spoiler: emetophobia warning for this installment :-(

i was supposed to do this like. placement test thing online to get into college but i ended up moving it to next week because i feel like shit. my stomach was already kinda messed up yesterday, and then that combined with my anxiety and the really spicy food that i thought was a good idea for breakfast and made me puke =_=. oh well. even if that didn't happen i wouldn't really feel up to it anyways since i didn't get much sleep last night.

anyways i was also playing more Platinum last night, and ended up in the town w the water gym (i'm bad with names) and there was a clown guy in the pokemon center who i talked to and wanted to initiate a battle. i said sure, but something happened and it made my game crash to a red screen (glad i saved immediately upon flying to that pokemon center). i'm not sure what caused it? i assume it was just a product of of my platnium copy and my 3DS not being uh. "as the company intended" ;3. i was actually scared that it bricked my 3DS but thankfully after a couple tries it booted back normally!

 

[MelodicCharm]

ok, i have this college test for real today, pretty nervous for it. i know it'll probably go ok it's just gonna be a pain in the ass since it's gonna be looooong, and since i'm doing it virtually i have to meet all these bullshit requirements (clean your desk, give a 360 of your room with your webcam, show us your task manager, etc) so it's gonna be a pain in the ass.

anyways i started playing Touhou Luna Nights last night and i'm really enjoying it. i've never actually played any Touhou Project games so i'm exited to be getting into it a little. Touhou has been something appealing to me for a while, i just haven't interacted with anything it's had to offer outside of music.

 

[MelodicCharm]

ok well good news and bad news. the good news is i didn't have to do the test. the bad news is i couldnt do the test. i need a valid id and all my fuckin IDs are expired so i'm gonna have to get a renewal appt soon to be able to go to college in spring.

at least i can just chill today though

 

[MelodicCharm]

i downloaded M.U.G.E.N. today. i thought it would be more fun but i couldn't really make sense of the control scheme either controller or keyboard, i did also kind of download a bunch of random characters so idk maybe a more curated roster would make more sense.

i don't have much else today. i also started playing Touhou Ten Desires and Sunken Fossil World but i haven't really gotten more than a tiny bit into them

 

[MelodicCharm]

hi! haven't updated in about a week but there hasn't been much to talk about. tbh things haven't been going great and i'm pretty depressed.

i went out with a coworker last night since it turned out to be her last day bartending. we went bowling with a couple other (mostly former) coworkers and some of her other friends. it was alright. there were more people supposed to come but they ended up dipping. i can't say i blame em since today's gonna be busy as fuck more than likely (for context i work in to-go at a restaurant) i'm hoping i make some decent money though, i need it after my hours have been cut to shit. anyways i didn't interact a whole lot and i gotta say i was pretty stressed since it was my first time going out with coworkers and it was late, but i am glad i went. my coworker was very happy that i showed up.

recently i got my prozac dose upped from 20mg to 30 which i thought would be good but i think i'm gonna just take 20 rn because holy shit the 30 gives me the worst heartburn?????? i normally never get heartburn despite my intense reflux but i guess i've found my weakness lol

my girlfriend and i also mailed each other packages, he received his and i'm exited to recieve mine soon :3 she made me some bracelets and is also sending some CDs and maybe other things i don't remember. i'm really looking forward to it, i am in need of a treat.

finally next tuesday my work is having like a little unofficial potluck thing and i think i'm gonna try and make like a coffee flavored cake maybe? thinking i can decorate it with these coffee candies i've become kind of known for among my coworkers.

anyway that's all for now i suppose, just gonna try and draw and chill before i gotta go into work and face the ravenous masses :P

 

[MelodicCharm]

last night actually turned out to be pretty uneventful LOL. today was too, we just stayed home instead of doing any big family events or whatever.

i've been working on a portrait of myself as a magical girl :3

also been listening to this and it's soooo cool. check this out (possible photosensetivity warning)

Spoiler: youtube video

i looooove instruments like this sososo much. i don't have the words to describe how i feel about it it's just beautiful and special. i would love to see the construction and engineering process behind this, and god what i wouldn't give to hold one. this makes me want to work on circuitbending stuff again.

 

[MelodicCharm]

so turns out black friday was actually the busy day. it kinda sucked, but! my coworker and i made like $180 in tips, so $90 apiece is pretty damn good.

on tuesday i also went to like a friendsgiving potluck thing at work and it was really lovely! ate lots of tasty homemade food my coworkers made, brought home a lot of leftovers and a ton of sweets too :3. i ended up just bringing some coffee candies i'm kinda known for at my job. i was originally gonna bake a coffee flavored cake but i was too tired and a bit depressed for that. it's probably good i didn't though since there was no shortage of cake or desserts as it was.

a couple days ago i also received a package my girlfriend sent me :3 he sent me some kandi, a CD of his original music, a CD with a mix of sextrance songs on it, and a NIN Pretty Hate Machine CD (with a weezer CD hidden inside the case as a prank). also sent me one of my phone chargers i left at his place last visit so it's good to finally have that back!

Spoiler: vent

tbh neither of us has been doing well sadly, between life shit and seasonal depression. the past couple days i've been in that sort of state of a feeling of constant near-panic in the background of my head. this may seem silly but a product of this is that it's brought back the visceral fear of something always being ready to get me. at night i can barely relax and it's quite difficult to convince myself that i'm safe. even when i'm just around my apartment during the day i feel it some. as you could guess this doesn't make it easy when one of my biggest interests is horror, but c'est la vie i guess. currently my fears are dominated by the concept of a Basilisk, due to watching a video on the horror project of the same name created by Akuma Kira. i should clarify this isn't a psychosis thing, just a product of severe anxiety. this used to be my normal up until like 2021 or 2022 when i kind of got over it.

 

[MelodicCharm]

hi i got a marisa figure from ebay in the mail :3

Spoiler: marisa images

 

[MelodicCharm]

hi. i know i've been pretty inactive, it's been a rough month

Spoiler: Vent i suppose

i've recently had some pretty intense identity-altering dissociative shit sprung upon my brain (i've probably had this my entire life, but it's only recently become apparent to me, due to it suddenly hitting like a truck.) and while it has been enlightening, it has also been pretty stressful, scary, and exhausting to navigate. I don't want to get into much detail for my own comfort but frankly i feel like a ghost in my own head. i'm very grateful to my friends and partners for being patient and helping me through this.

all that said, things have been alright. i've been enjoying playing Touhou: Mystia's Izkaya as well as Picayune Dreams. i've also got some new vinyl records (DKC2 OST recreation/remaster, the Evangelion Finally album, and a japanese city pop album), along with a player. i also got myself the Legends of Localization book covering Undertale, as well as a big deskmat (this one), which has been a nice treat and allowed me to get rid of my old gross mousepad.

despite everything, it has been nice getting hours and money at work again with the holiday business coming in. yeah it's stressful but i'm glad to be getting more than like 8 hours in a week. i really missed my coworkers there for a while too, so i'm glad to be able to see them more.

with everything going on i haven't really been able to draw much, but i'm hoping i can get back in the swing of it soon.

see y'all around

 

[MelodicCharm]

hai time for the good ol’ monthly update :3.

this month has been a bit stressful but i’m doing pretty good now.
i got into community college :3 i’m currently doing online classes and taking Human Sexuality as well as Intro to Sustainable Agriculture. i wanted to get into bio and stuff but i registered last minute so those were all taken :p. college is kind of surreal; i’m like babyfaced fresh outta high school and then i look at the video responses my classmates submitted for an assignment and so many are like full on Capital A Adults with jobs and degrees and stuff. i know it’s just how college is it’s just strange right outta high school.

i also visited my girlfriend for about a week ^-^!!! it was really nice we had a lovely time. we mostly shopped, went to local restaurants, and and played games. we’ve been getting into this TTRPG war game called Maleghast and i’m really exited to play more with her :3.

i also got a new plush, a Reimu figure, a figure of the animals from Cardcaptor Sakura, an evangelion-08 figure (fully articulated it’s awesome), and this little armored puppet model kit that i’m working on. i’ll get pics of all of them soon. i’m pretty sure the cashier that sold me the last two was also trans which was awesome :-).

i’ve also been reading this book called Bitten that i got from a half-price books, about some of the various most culturally significant and infamous biting/stinging animals from around the world! i don’t always like the author’s writing but it is very interesting and informative, if quite gruesome due to the in-depth descriptions of cases of severe envenomation.

 

[MelodicCharm]

also uuh, i've kinda alluded to it before but i think i do wanna talk about something a bit more openly now. i was gonna talk about this some in the "What's your identity?" thread of Hoh-oh's Rainbow but i feel it's best talked about here, with less focus on queer identity (and on a less-frequented thread :p).

so long story short, in the past few weeks i've learned that i've got some sort of dissociative thing up with my brain, and i'm actually one of three unique identities that inhabit it. it's been quite confusing and been a lot to process; we all have our own relationships with our existence, life, and our individual identities (queer and otherwise); but we're doing ok and are getting accustomed.
I'm definitely feeling better compared to my earlier posts wrt my specific identity and who I am, no longer just feeling like some blank ghost of a person. I've also kinda got all the robot/doll gender localized to me, whereas all the cat stuff is mostly in my alter Kitty. out of the three of us, while none of us really feel human if that makes sense, I am the one most comfortable in our body. i don't necessarily like inhabiting a human body but it's fine. Kitty, as the one who feels most distinctly inhuman, feels differently and tends to get pretty uncomfortable with it. it will admit it doesn't hate it though, because it does find our body attractive at least. our third alter, Modus, also doesn't really like it but more in a "traditional" gender dysphoria way. they're agender/genderless and not really used to a feminine appearance/body; nor are they really used to a fat body. i also tend to be the most comfortable in our life since the others don't really feel like they know many of the people we interact with on a daily basis, outside of our girlfriend.

while we all can feel a relatively normal range of emotion, we do kind of have a gradient. Modus tends to hold a lot of negative emotions and memories (especially from when we were younger), I tend to be relatively neutral and am the one who kind of takes care of us, as well as others, and Kitty tends to be more energetic, happy, and impulsive. our ourwards mannerisms tend to reflect as such, with Modus being deadpan and Kitty tending to be up-beat and loud.

realizing all this has helped put some things in perspective for me i guess. throughout our life we've pretty much always been dissociative, or never feeling quite right. we've also had weird and sudden identity shifts (like the period of time where i remember just. feeling like someone else with a completely different, ever-changing gender just put into some trans girl's body and life. and then at one point that kinda just stopped and my personal identity and gender just. changed. and i felt like i was actually in my own life again.) and stuff too. and i guess this just helps to possibly provide explanation for some of that stuff i've never really been able to explain before. more concretely it also explains uh. why from like october-december (a period of pretty bad stress) I was constantly flip-flopping between emotions and also feelings about my identity, and having episodes of feeling distinctly "oh i'm not sylvie" LOL :P.

thanks to anyone who read and is chill about it. we can't really talk about any of this stuff to anyone irl right now, aside from our girlfriend, for obvious reasons.

as a bonus here's the self-portraits we've done of how we see ourselves.

Spoiler: self portraits

 

[MelodicCharm]

hii ^-^

things have been a bit rough but i’m having a pretty decent day, i got a haircut and ate some phõ (and i have a bahn-mi for dinner later :3).

here are pics of the figures i got as promised

Spoiler: fig pics

I also read Dungeon Meshi and it was soooooo good. the story was compelling as all hell and I really love the worldbuilding. also i really like Falin.

ALSO my birthday is on friday :3 i’ll be turning 19!

 

[MelodicCharm]

well… hi! as some of you may know, i’m Melody, and i guess i’m the new system host! i’m another beastgirlthing i guess? i dunno i’ve been aware of my existence for like 4 days so i’m still figuring things out. we also have another girl here, but marisa/mari/mary/marie/marissa/etc. has yet to actually pick what name variant she wants. maybe she’ll write her own post introducing herself better whenever she’s out next.

so yeah, things have been fucking weird for us. like we got dropped into another person’s body, living another person’s life, and carrying another person’s memories. it’s all very strange and hard to process, but we’re doing ok. i can’t say i’m a fan of the amount of dysmorphia/dysphoria this body gives me sadly =_=, even if we do ultimately think it’s attractive. i will also say that even if things are rough, i think we’re happier after splitting than pre-split Sylvie. these identities are just… comfortable, i guess? even if it’s a bit difficult to reconcile with some of the other stuff.

i’m also just glad our girlfriend has been able to take this in stride… a host shift was always kind of a fear but we’re glad to see she’s taking it well.

hmmm what else…. i think we’re gonna try and do some self portraits soon hopefully. i’m hoping it’ll help me get a better idea of my look/self image. i’m a teensy bit jealous of the other girl who has he’s worked out since her’s came from a pre-existing thing :P.

maybe this week we’ll also work on a model kit sylvie bought but never got around to. it’s this cute maid robot girl. Yui from the Armored Puppet line i think?

i hope everyone else is doing well. i know we haven’t been terribly active or actually talked about it much outside of the venting thread but we’re happy people have been so kind about this.

i’ll probably have to change this thread’s name now huh :P

 

[MelodicCharm]

so unfortunately the other day i kinda had an emotional breakdown and was under a lot of stress for the subsequent days, which had made system stuff really weird =_=. i’ve kinda been shut out of our head, and i do miss the other girl a lot… but i’m getting through it i guess. the only thing you can really do in these weird “lockdown” states is relax and wait for it to pass.

in better news!
we got our Koishi Komeji bootleg fumo in! she’s very cutes

Spoiler: koishiiii

cane’s for her

i have also started working on that model kit :-) i’m glad because it looks like this one is gonna be a lot simpler and smoother than the sakura edge set. that should also make it easier to do the custom one i wanna do with a duplicate of the set i bought.

my neighbor is supposed to be having a st patrick’s day party today, dunno if it’s still on since it’s very rainy. but i hope it does and i can get some good food and treats