*Name Pending*

[Jaccer]

Prologue​

I'm walking down a dark hallway with a light at the end. That's the only way out of here. I walk, and the light gets closer, and closer. Finally, I reached the end. It's a huge opening to outside. A doorway, and I step through it. At first the light is blinding, but my eyes slowly adjust. All I can hear is thousands of people cheering, After a few seconds I can see again. I'm in a huge stadium with a huge crowd surrounding the whole place. The crowds are on concrete stands, and I'm standing on sand. I'm amazed at what's happening, and I have no idea what's going on.
I look at my clothes, and I'm in a Pokemon trainer outfit with 2 pokeballs on my belt. All the shouting is confusing me, and making me unable to figure out what's going on.

I take a few steps forward and the cheering gets louder. It's as if they've never seen anything interesting, ever. As I walk closer to the center I see a battle layout. Then suddenly a shadowy figure comes from a tunnel at the other end of the stadium. Even when he's in direct sun-light he's still black as night, just a silhouette.

"Are you ready," The Shadow says, but pauses for a few moments "Champion." I wasn't sure if he was talking to me, or not. I've never even owned a Pokemon in my whole life. All I could do was nod because I couldn't get the words out of my mouth.

"Good, let's begin." He replied back. He started to walk towards the battle layout, so I did the same. I don't know why, but I did the same. Was it instinct, or fear?

As we both reached the layout, he grabbed one of the Pokemon on his belt. He threw it towards the ground in front of him, and a giant steel snake came out. I randomly grabbed one of the Pokemon on my belt and threw it. I couldn't do it as well as the silhouette did, but it managed to stay inside the layout. As the pokeball hit the ground a muscular Pokemon came out. The Steelix roared trying to intimidate the Machamp, but it didn't even flinch, but the crowd just continued cheering.

"Use Low Kick." I managed to say. The Machamp rushed forward getting ready to attack, but before he reached the Snake it burrowed through the ground. The Machamp looked around trying to find where it'll come up.

"Be careful." I stated, but suddenly the Steelix came up from under the Machamp, and graded it with it's steel tail.

'Bind' I thought to myself. Luckily only the bottom half of the Machamp was being squeezed, and Machamp was still able to attack. "Karate Chop!" I yelled, and the crowed loved my enthusiasm. The Machamp rose his hand, and brought it down like a guillotine on the steelix. The attack almost broke the Steelix in half. The attacked worked well as the Steelix cried in pain, and fell unconscious.

"So that's why you're the champ. Sheer luck." The Silhouette said while returning his Pokemon. He grabbed his other Pokeball, and threw it with the same skill as before. As it hit the ground a Pidgeot rose, and stretched it's wings with grace. It was an amazing sight. It looked straight at the Machamp with a serious look.

"Aerial Ace." The Shadow man said. The Pidgeot rushed through the air at blinding speeds. I didn't have time to react. It was all a blur, and after it was over my Machamp was on the ground unconscious. I returned my Pokemon. 'What's going on?' I thought. I reached for my other Pokemon. I threw it in the center of the arena with much better accuracy than the last time. Out of the Pokeball came a Pelipper.

"Pel" the Pelipper said as loud as it could to show off to the crowd. Every move we make they go wilder, I've almost gotten used to them.

"GO!" Me, and the Shadow said simultaneously as the bird Pokemon rushed towards each other. As they got closer everything started to get white, and slower. The closer they got, the whiter everything got. When they collided every thing was blank. The crowd's cheering slowly died out. Soon everything was silent. After a few seconds a loud noise suddenly beeped.

I leaped up, and and rubbed my eyes. I was in my bed in my room. The buzzing noise was my alarm clock next to me. "Damn, alarm clock." I said as I turned it off, and laid back down.

"Wait, Was day is it? I asked myself. I looked over at the calender, and saw the current date circled in a red marker. I jumped out of my bed, and nearly tripped.

"Today is the day Birch is gonna give me a Pokemon!" I said excitedly as I was rushing to get dressed.
________________________________________________________________

I'll actually be going for a little more comedic story, but this one turned out a little serious. Also just so you know, this is my first story.

 

[SSJ3_Raditz]

Simple, really simple.

Not that that's bad. Let me guess, this is a journey fic in Hoenn starring Brendan.

There were several grammatical errors, like:

"Are you ready," The Shadow says, but pauses for a few moments "Champion?" I wasn't sure if he was talking to me, or not.

One, the first phrase should end in ?, shadow shoudn't be capitalized, and "Champion?" looks like it came out of nowhere.

He threw it towards the ground in front of him, and giant steel snake came out.

It should be "and a giant steel snake came out.". Notice the a.

a Muscular Pokemon came out.

You don't need to capitalize muscular. You also do this a bit often in other sentences, capitalizing words that don't need them.

crowed
Ariel Ace

Only typos I found, and boy they're hilarious.

That's pretty much what I can find. Good work.

 

[Jaccer]

Simple, really simple.

Not that that's bad. Let me guess, this is a journey fic in Hoenn starring Brendan.

There were several grammatical errors, like:



One, the first phrase should end in ?, shadow shoudn't be capitalized, and "Champion?" looks like it came out of nowhere.



It should be "and a giant steel snake came out.". Notice the a.



You don't need to capitalize muscular. You also do this a bit often in other sentences, capitalizing words that don't need them.



Only typos I found, and boy they're hilarious.

That's pretty much what I can find. Good work.

Yeah, I'll work on those.

Actually no, it's not about Brendan, or May.

 

[Zekurom]

You're switching tenses a lot, too. Are you sure you don't just want to use the past tense?

 

[Flame_]

As Zekurom said, the tenses chane. Most everyone here writes in past tense (Except me!!) but do whatever seems natural to you.

 

[Jaccer]

At first I tried to do it in present, but I guess I unknowingly switched out of habit.

Don't worry about anything that has to do with the Prologue. It was more like a test chapter to see how many mistakes I'd made, and it really doesn't have anything to do with the story.

 

[Jaccer]

Part 1: The quick journey to Littleroot
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James was able to get dressed without falling, and breaking his neck.

His outfit was a normal white t-shirt, and cargo shorts for the heat. His hair is a dark shade of brown,and had a tan skin. He wore sneakers for long travels that are sure to come soon. He went down stair to leave as soon as possible to Professor Birch's lab to get his first Pokémon. He hopped down the stairs from his room to the living room. The wooden stairs let out a sound with each step. In the living room there's a table with four chairs, and a bowl of fruit in the middle. His mother heard him coming when she was in the kitchen, and greeted him.
"Hey James," She said with a happy smile. "You're up earlier than usual."
"Birch is giving me, and Sarah our first Pokémon. I'm trying to get there as early as possible." James explained to his mother while heading for the front door.
His mother in the kitchen tells James "Well, you don't have to be there for the next thirty minutes. Have some breakfast."
James shortly sighs. "Fine I'll eat. I'm a little hungry anyways. I'll just have an apple though." He says as he heads to the kitchen table. He reaches out and grabs an apple. He takes a bite out of it, and says to his mother "Bye."
"Wait," She begins to get James attention. "Did you remember everything?"
"Yeah." He says while going back to the wooden door.
His mother sighs deeply. "You forgot your bag, and your bag has your Pokénav." She says like it's obvious.
James' face gets slightly red in embarrassment. He walks over to the kitchen to get his bag. It's a black bag with a single strap that goes over his chest.
"Can I finally leave?" James says sarcastically.
"Just go." His mother tells him.

Walking outside there's a slight breeze. The sun is shining, and no clouds in Petalburg's sky's. Walking down the street eating his apple, he passes his best friend Sarah coming out of her house.

"Oh, Sarah. How are you doing?" He says to his child friend.
Sarah is average height for a thirteen year old girl. She is slim, tan, and has long black hair that reaches her back, and covers her left eye. Her outfit is made up of black jeans, with a Grey undershirt with a pink curve on her stomach. Her over-shirt is a small black buttoned vest. She has a blue purse with white stripes, and a belt.
Sarah is checking her bag looking for something. "I can't seem to find my trainer card to show to Birch."
"Did you leave it in the house?" James asks trying to be helpful.
"Yeah, but" She tops talking after she grabs a make-up case, and opens it. "There it is!" She says in excitement.
"Alright, now that we got that settled, let's go." James tells her.
"Sure thing, lead the way." Sarah tells James.

During their walk they pass many things, they see the Petalburg Pokécenter, the Pokémart, and even the Petalburg gym leader, Norman.

"Hey, kids. You guys are up early." Norman greets the two.
"Yeah, we're heading to Littleroot to choose our starters." Sarah explains.
"Great, well I'll see you two later." Norman says as he heads towards the gym.

After about twenty minutes of walking the two teens finally reach Littleroot town.

"Well, we're here." Sarah says. "Now, I wonder which is the Lab."
"It's probably the building that's two sizes bigger than a normal house." James said sarcastically.
"Ha. Ha. Ha." Sarah laughed fakely. "Stop being a smart-ass, and let's go. It's not my fault I've never been here before."

So the two went to the professor's lab. Passing three houses, and many trees. The two entered the lab at the same time, Birch, a few lab assistants, and a girl are already here.

The girl is very tan, and has red hair she keeps a red scrunchy to hold her hair back. She wears a small black tank-top that exposes her belly. Her shorts are loose, and black with a belt worn on them.
"Welcome!" Birch yelled as the two teens entered. "Finally, as you three can see, I have three pokéballs on this table."
"Have you ever seen the girl before?" Sarah whisperer to James.
"No, never in my life. I've only been here a few times before." James whispered back.
"I have one for each of you. Now, if you'd please show me your trainer cards." Birch told the three future trainers.
They all reached into their bags,and pulled out a card. This card had all their information on it.
"Fantastic." Birch told them. "Now, pick your Pokémon." He reached for the three balls on the table, and released the Pokémon inside to inspect. "Since Rochelle was here first, she gets first pick."
The three Pokémon was a Treecko, Torchic, and a Mudkip. The normal Hoenn starters.
"I guess her name is Rochelle." James whispered to Sarah.
"You know," The girl started. "I'm getting really tired of you two talking about me." She said fiercely.
Sarah let out a small "Eep."
"I'm just kidding." Rochelle said smiling.

As Rochell looked over the Pokémon each was doing something different.
The Torchic was looking at Rochelle bravely, ready to fight.
Treecko was cautiously looking around for danger.
The Mudkip was just being happy.

"I'll take the bird one." Rochelle decided.
"Excellent choice." Birch said. "Now, you two. You both came in together, so choose who you want." He said as he returned Torchic, and handed Rochelle the Pokéball
"Go ahead, and pick first." Sarah said. "I don't mind."
"Um, thanks." James responded. He looked over the two remaining Pokémon. 'From what I know, Treecko is faster, but Mudkip evolves into a duel typed.' James thought to himself. "Alright, I came to a conclusion. I want Treecko."
"Yay! Mudkip!" Sarah said when James chose his Pokémon.
"Alright, here you guys go." Birch said as he handed the two from Petalburg their chosen Pokémon.

"Wait!" Screamed a boy standing at the entrance. He was panting as if he was running for his life. "Don't" He stopped to catch his breath, "Don't start without me."