National Security Levels Rising

[Every Breaking Wave]

Not a mod topic per say, but I got this in an email and couldn't resist sharing it here since it's kinda Soap Box-related but not really acceptable for the actual forum. I should note: it is not politically correct in the least, but it gave me a chuckle or two:

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666.

The Scots raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the "Bastards". They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the frontline in the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

It's not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose".

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Americans meanwhile are carrying out pre-emptive strikes on their treasury, playing double down on the 00 roulette wheel at Vegas.

New Zealand has also raised its security levels - from "baaa" to "BAAAA!". Due to continuing defense cutbacks (the air force being a squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper airplanes and the navy some toy boats in the Prime Minister's bath), New Zealand only has one more level of escalation, which is "F***, I hope Australia will come and rescue us".

Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, mate". Three more escalation levels remain, "Crikey!," "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend," and "The barbie is cancelled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.

Hope you enjoyed that as much as I did!

 

[Fig]

XD.

I would add:

"Editor's Note: Canada did not raise its alert level, but demanded to be included in the article anyway."

 

[$aturn¥oshi]

That made me chuckle.

XD.

Lacking in Canadian content, though.

Canada = NewFrance...

 

[Every Breaking Wave]

XD.

Lacking in Canadian content, though.

Aye, but I think it was done by somebody in Britain. They probably couldn't come up with a good Canadian stereotype. I could try and come up with one though... how about "Canada has raised their security level from "Eh?" to "Save us Quebec!" Only one level, "Unleash the beavers!" is higher."

 

[Fig]

You do realize about 75% of Canadians are Anglos, right?

Look at my edit above, Matkin. I think it covers Canada well enough: Jumping up and down shouting "I'm an important country that matter too!" while the rest of the world just generally forget about us

 

[Satoshi-chan]

The other 25% are moose, right?

 

[Fig]

Hell no. If we counted the meese the percentage of Anglos would be 0.075%!

 

[Satoshi-chan]

It's like sheep in New Zealand, right? Way too many... way way too many.

...the majestic moose... I need to watch Monty Python and the Search for the Holy Grain again sometime... talking about the moose reminds me of those wonderful subtitles.

 

[$aturn¥oshi]

Or is it too many...?

 

[Every Breaking Wave]

Look at my edit above, Matkin. I think it covers Canada well enough: Jumping up and down shouting "I'm an important country that matter too!" while the rest of the world just generally forget about us

Yep, that's way better than mine!

 

[AiedailEclipsed]

What about the ever-rising bunny population Right now they are at an all-time high in LA.

 

[RexRacer]

This is a good article, I laughed.

 

[Netto Azure]

Adding the Hetalia element to this makes it OVER 9000! XDDDDDDD

 

[Satoshi-chan]

What about the ever-rising bunny population Right now they are at an all-time high in LA.

I hear that bunnies like to fuck like rabbits! *runs*