El Squibbonator
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So this is a fanfic I've actually been working on for some time now, albeit very slowly and intermittently. This story actually came about as a result of me asking myself What if Neon Genesis Evangelion had been made in the world of Pokémon? How would the story be different—and more importantly, what might remain the same? This fanfic was the result. To put it simply, this is a story placing the cast of Neon Genesis Evangelion in the world of Pokémon. I've been working on this story for nearly 5 years, and am currently 10 chapters in (out of a planned 26), so it's not going as quickly as I hoped. Part of that is due to the fact that other writing projects moved in front of it, and I was in college for much of the time. Hopefully, though, I will be able to finish it within the next year or two.
I've already posted it on an Evangelion-related forum, but since it's a Pokémon story as well, I thought I might as well put it here. I should probably note that this story is not intended to be serious, but more of an absurdist parody of both Pokémon and Evangelion. It is not meant to be taken at face value, so don't blame me if you misinterpret what you read. Or do-- after all, they say there's no such thing as bad publicity!
Neon Genesis Evangelemon: You Can (Not) Catch 'em All
Episode 1: Welcome to Pallet Town 3
This is a cautionary story. It tells us the danger that might befall a society that, having built its economy around ten-year-old children capturing powerful magical creatures in tiny plastic balls and forcing them to fight, fails to ignore the most basic warnings from the mythology regarding said creatures.
OR this is the story of one Shinji Ikari, quite possibly the most pathetic being in the universe. With no living mother, only an insufferable douche for a father, and virtually nothing in the way of worldly accomplishments, many wonder why Shinji bothers to continue living life as he does. Their questions will be answered soon enough.
OR this is merely the fantasy of an amateur writer who, despite the misfortune of having been born in the setting of neither of the above anime series, is overwhelmed by a fascination with them and is writing this story to give his interest some semblance of a focus. If this is the case, the guy really needs to get a life. Without further ado, the story proper can now begin.
While a case can be made for many of the different cities and towns in Kanto, from the allegedly haunted graveyards of Lavender Town to the active volcanoes of Cinnabar Island, most of these pale in comparison to the marvel of engineering—and desperation—that is Pallet Town 3. Built to replace the original Pallet Town after it was destroyed by an event known as Second Impact, Pallet Town 3’s designers boasted that nothing short of Arceus itself could destroy their work. They were right.
Pallet Town 3 was located a ways inland from the remains of the original Pallet Town. There had been some controversy about naming it after a town that had so recently been destroyed in Second Impact, but since no one could suggest a color-based name that was not already taken by another city or town in Kanto, the name Pallet Town 3 stuck.
Not that any of this mattered to fourteen-year-old Shinji Ikari. For all he cared, it could have been named Dungheap City, and it wouldn’t have been a better or worse place to live. That was because, whatever the town’s name was, if you were a child in it you were expected to be a great Pokemon trainer. And Shinji was most certainly not one.
Right now, though Shinji was sitting under the canopy of a bus stop, waiting for his father. Unlike himself, Shinji’s father had always been said to be an exceptional trainer, which made him feel even more pathetic than usual. Shinji had not seen his father in years, made him worry bout how he would be received if he were to present himself in his current state. Shinji had quite nearly forgotten about his father, had it not been for a mysterious invitation some days ago telling him to wait to be picked up at this very bus stop. Of course, his father would not be doing this himself—he would be sending one of his employees, a woman named Misato Katsuragi, to do it for him.
Unfortunately for Shinji, there was nobody in sight at the moment except for his Cubone, which was the only Pokemon he never kept in a PokeBall. Shinji had gotten Cubone as a birthday present four years from his mother, shortly before her death. When she died, he had sworn upon his mother’s grave that he would honor her by becoming the greatest Pokemon trainer in the world. Four years later, and he had not progressed far toward that goal. In the four years since he had begun his quest as a Pokemon trainer, he had earned only three gym badges—from the Pewter, Cerulean, and Vermillion gyms—and captured only four other Pokemon. Those other Pokemon were a Pidgeotto he’d caught a few days after he got Cubone, a Raticate that had followed him all the way to Cerulean City, a Spearow he’d since traded for a Furret, and a rather lazy, aloof Sandslash.
As Shinji watched, for a second he thought he could see someone—a girl about his age with short blue hair, pale skin, and strange red eyes—watching him from across the street. But when he blinked to establish what he had actually seen, she vanished, if indeed she was ever there in the first place. In any case, he soon had more important things to think about that possibly--imaginary people.
His first hint that something was amiss came when the ground beneath his feet began to tremble. A flock of Pidgey on the telephone wire took off, a Rattata that had been nibbling on a jelly-filled donut ran for cover, and Shinji, raising himself from his seat, could see what was shaking the ground.
It was a colossal, vaguely humanoid creature, towering above the tallest buildings in Pallet Town 3. The creature was black and white in color, and had disproportionately long arms ending in grappling-hook-like claws. It seemed to have no real face, instead possessing an array of nine eyes on where a face would normally be. From these, it periodically issued blasts of light, vaporizing anything in its path.
“Who’s that Pokemon?” Shinji asked, rather stupidly, before attempting to identify it on his Pokedex. Nothing came up on it but static.
“No information on this Pokemon available.”
Well, this is stupid, thought Shinji. What’s the use of a Pokedex if it doesn’t even tell you anything about a Pokemon the first time you see it?
As the strange Pokemon made its way toward Pallet Town 3, it was greeted by a salvo of gunfire and missiles. The resulting explosion nearly knocked Shinji and Cubone off their bench, but when the smoke cleared it was apparent that no damage whatsoever had been done to the Pokemon. It continued advancing in a straight line, periodically vaporizing whatever was in its bath with Hyper Beams.
Circling around the mysterious Pokemon were a group of Kanto Strategic Self-Defense Force helicopters, which attacked it with their own guns and rockets. This, too, had little effect except to anger the huge Pokemon, and it swatted one of the helicopters out of the air with its arm, sending it careening into the side of a building directly above where Shinji was sitting.
Shinji scrambled for cover as the falling debris came crashing down around him. Grabbing Cubone, he ran out into the street, where he was suddenly blocked by a blue sports car pulling up in front of him.
“What are you doing just sitting there? Get in!” shouted the driver, leaning out the window. The driver was a woman about 30 years old with dark purplish-black hair. She wore a uniform of some kind that Shinji did not recognize, but her nametag identified her—she was Misato Katsuragi.
“Are you here to take me to see my father?” asked Shinji.
“No time for that. Get in!” shouted Misato.
The interior of the car smelled strongly of alcohol, and the seats were peeling. An ornament of a Magikarp hung from the roof above the dashboard, and in the back seat there was a large cooler that gave off a peculiar smell. Climbing into the passenger seat of the car, Shinji asked Misato, “Did my father send you?”
“Sort of. Everything is going to be made clear to you soon. But we’ve got to get out of here.”
“Why?” asked Shinji, although he already knew perfectly well. “And what was that thing?” He gestured up at the gigantic Pokemon, which had now torn the top off a nearby skyscraper and was using it to swat at the circling aircraft.
As Misato shoved her foot down on the gas pedal and the car accelerated away, she sighed and began to explain. “Have you ever heard people talk about Legendary Pokemon?”
“You mean like Mew? And the Legendary Birds?” asked Shinji.
“Yes. This one is called Regigigas. It is said to be the Pokemon that pulled the continents into their modern positions millions of years ago. As for why it would awaken now, I have no idea.”
“Well,” asked Shinji, quite unimpressed with this crash-course lesson in Pokemon mythology, “can you at least tell me where you’re taking me?”
“I will in a little—OH SHIT GET DOWN!” Misato suddenly shouted, slamming on the brakes.
“What?” asked Shinji, who was now extremely confused.
“They’re going to use an N2 mine!”
Before Shinji could ask what an N2 mine was or what one did, the sky turned bright white for a brief instant, followed by a deafening clap. The shockwave from the explosion sent the car and its two occupants tumbling off the road and into a drainage ditch, and when the smoke cleared it was apparent that, although the blast had devastated the already-badly–damaged infrastructure of Pallet Town 3, it had left not a scratch on Regigigas. The huge Pokemon continued inwards toward the center of Pallet Town 3, as if it were looking for something.
Meanwhile, at the KSSDF command center, the failure of the N2 mine was not going over very well. An emergency meeting had been called, the nature of which was being kept secret. The man presiding over the meeting was a severe-looking businesslike individual, with an air of authority about him. His uniform was adorned with countess badges and other decorations, signifying his rank as a general. But he would not be in command here for much longer.
When the KSSDF general turned on the giant screen in the conference hall, the face of another man filled it. This man had dark hair and a beard, wore opaque sunglasses, and sat at a desk with his fingers steepled under his chin. Alongside him sat a brown-furred, vaguely humanoid Pokemon with long whiskers and a metal spoon in each hand—an Alakazam. His name was Gendo Ikari.
“Hello,” he said, tilting his said so that the light in the room reflected brightly off his glasses. “What have you come to tell me?”
“Well,” said the JSSDF general, “Our use of an N2 weapon—the most powerful in our arsenal—against the threat attacking Pallet Town 3 has yielded no result. Any further attempt would simply damage the city further. We have no choice, Dr. Ikari, but to relinquish responsibility for protection of Pallet town 3, and possibly all of Kanto, to you and NERV.”
“Very well,” said Gendo. For a moment, the conference screen lit up, then Gendo vanished, having Teleported away with his Alakazam.
Dazed, Shinji and Misato crawled out of the overturned car. “Do you think we can get it out of here?” asked Shinji. He doubted it; the car was wedged in the drainage ditch next to the road, and he certainly felt like he would not be able to pull it out by himself.
“No,” she answered, “but I think I know someone who can.” With that she pulled a Poke Ball out of one of her pockets and pressed the button on it. The Pokemon that came out was another one Shinji was unfamiliar with. It stood on two legs, had thick, leathery skin, and on its belly it had a pouch. Inside the pouch was a smaller version of itself, which Shinji thought looked oddly like a Cubone. He looked it up on his Pokedex.
“Kangaskahn: the Parent Pokemon,” it said. “It carries its baby in its pouch, and is fiercely protective of it.”
Now knowing what Misato intended for him to do, Shinji reached into his pocket and pulled out one of his own Poke Balls. Not Cubone, of course; Cubone almost never got into a Poke Ball. The Pokemon he called out was his Sandslash. Sandslash, unfortunately, fell asleep as soon as it left its Poke Ball. It lay on its back on the ground, the blade of grass it always kept in its mouth fluttering as it snored. Shinji sighed. Sandslash was always like this.
“Sandslash, return!” he shouted, holding the Poke Ball up again. “He pressed the button, and Sandslash went back inside. Well, I’m out of ideas.” By then, Misato and Kangaskahn were already working on pulling the car free. When it finally rolled out of the ditch, Misato recalled Kangaskahn and invited Shinji back into the now badly dented car.
As they drove, Shinji noticed an unmistakable sight in the distance: a huge metal and glass pyramid towering over the rest of Pallet Town 3. And he and Misato were heading straight for it.
The car ducked into a tunnel, and when Shinji and Cubone adjusted to the dim light beneath the surface he could not believe what he saw. An entire underground city, with skyscrapers reaching downwards and huge lamps on the ceiling in place of the sun, stretched out before him. “Wow!” gasped Shinji, hardly believing his eyes. “Real Geofront!” Truth be told, he had not known what a Geofront was until a few minutes beforehand, and it was not as if he had ever thought there were no real Geofronts.
The car parked in front of a massive concrete bunker which, unlike the skyscrapers of the Geofront, was built from the ground up. Shinji expected this to be the place where he met his father, but when Misato led him inside, they boarded a small hovering train.
When the train came to a stop, Shinji and Misato were greeted by a second woman, who seemed to be slightly older than Misato. She had short blonde hair, wore a lab coat, and was accompanied by a pink cat-like Pokemon. “Espeon, the Sun Pokemon,” Shinji’s Pokedex informed him as he scanned it. “It uses the fine hairs on its body to predict the future and detect air currents.”
“It’s about time you arrived, Misato,” said the new woman “And I see you brought the Third Child?”
“Yep! In the nick of time too—I got him just as Regigigas was attacking inner Pallet Town 3.”
The woman then turned to Shinji and handed him a stack of forms that he assumed he was supposed to fill out. At the top, in large friendly letters, was written, “Hello there! Welcome to the world of NERV! My name is Dr. Ritsuko Akagi, but people just call me a Pokemon Professor.” This was followed by a number of questions, starting with “Now tell me, are you a boy or a girl?” Shinji began to wonder whether Dr. Akagi really needed him to write this down, but he decided he needed to anyway.
Once Shinji had filled out the paperwork, Misato and Dr. Akagi escorted him through another door, this one emblazoned with the NERV logo—the word NERV and half a fig leaf, surrounded by the motto “to protect the world from devastation, to unite all people within our nation.” Shinji was about to ask what this meant, but what he saw on the other side gave him many more important questions.
The entire room, as large as a Pokemon League arena, was taken up by a giant tank of foul-smelling orange liquid. This liquid was supplied by a network of pipes and funnels descending from the ceiling, which pumped the orange fluid into the giant tank.
Inside the tank sat something the likes of which Shinji had never seen before. Attached to the wall of the room by umbilical cables, it resembled nothing so much as a huge metallic robot. Its head was disc-shaped, and on its back was a menacing-looking laser turret. Its eyes glowed bright red, and its entire body was covered in sleek purple armor. Yet despite all the incredible power Shinji was sure it must have possessed, it remained absolutely still in the tank of orange liquid.
Shinji was astounded. He was unable to even ask what the thing in the tank was, while Cubone only managed a meek “. . .Bone? (I’m not sure what that is.)" Luckily, Dr. Akagi answered his question for him.
“This is the artificial Pokemon, Genesect. Unit 01 of the Evangelemon program. Its creation carried out in total secrecy, it is our—humanity’s—last great hope.”
In a control room overlooking the giant tank, Gendo Ikari watched with interest. His assistant, Dr. Fuyutsuki, sat at a desk next to him.
“Well, it seems Misato was telling the truth. Shinji has arrived. Well, I, for one, never doubted it.” said Gendo, steepling his fingers once again.
“Maybe so,” replied Fuyutsuki. “But do think it is really wise—using the boy when he has not yet even proven himself as a Pokemon trainer—in such a precarious job?”
“It . . . it seemed like a good idea at the time” said Gendo.
“Fair enough. And by the way, is there a reason you do that thing with your hands? I’ve always wondered that.”
“What thing with my hands?” replied Gendo, removing his hands frm their steepled position beneath his chin and getting up out of his chair.
He then left the room, and headed down to meet face to face with Shinji.
“It has been a long time since I saw you last,” said Gendo. “Do tell me, what have you accomplished as a trainer in my absence?”
Shinji gulped. “I’ve gotten the first three Kanto badges. And I’ve caught four Pokemon other than Cubone.” He pulled out his other Poke Balls, and let out hi remaining Pokemon for his father to see.
Gendo frowned. “I would have expected more out of you. Four years, and this is all you have to present me? I would figure you would at least be facing the Elite Four by now, and have a full Pokedex.”
“I . . . I’ll catch more! I swear!” stammered Shinji.
“No.” Gendo replied. “You can only have five Pokemon of your own here at a time. Genesect will be your sixth. If, that is, you seem up to the task of being its trainer.” With that, Gendo pulled out a Poke Ball of his own. “Gengar! I need your assistance!”
As the purple, goblin-like Pokemon materialized in front of Gendo, he explained, “If you can defeat me in battle, then you can have Genesect. “
“OK,” said Shinji, “But can I call it ‘Dennis’?”
“No,” replied Gendo. “Now, Gengar—Shadow Ball!”
At that moment, Shinji realized he had not yet picked out a Pokemon to battle with. Let’s see, he thought Nothing’s good against ghost types, but a ghost-type move won’t hurt a Normal-type either. “All right. I choose you—Raticate!”
The rat-like Pokemon dodged Gengar’s incoming Shadow Ball, then reared up onto its hind legs awaiting Shinji’s command. Gengar, meanwhile, floated next to Gendo, likewise waiting for an order.
“Raticate, use Hyper Fang!” Raticate rushed toward Gengar, its sharp teeth glistening as it prepared to attack. “Rati-caaate,” (All right, Mr. Smiley Face, let me show you how it’s done,) it hissed. Gengar, however, didn’t move as Raticate approached it. Instead it faded into thin air, and let Raticate pass directly through itself. The attack had no effect.
“Raticate, return!” said Shinji, recalling it into its Poke Ball. “Go, Cubone!”
Even though it wore its skull mask, Cubone looked somewhat apprehensive about facing Gengar. “Bone?(You. . .you don’t really want me to battle him, do you?)" it whined, staring up at Shinji.
“It’s OK, Cubone,” he said. “Why don’t you start with . . . let’s see . . . Bone Rush?”
“Cu-bone!” (I guess that’ll work) replied Cubone. It raised its bone club over its head, and charged at Gengar. But Gengar was ready. It fired up another Shadow Ball and sent Cubone hurtling backwards across the room, knocking it out instantly.
Gendo recalled Gengar. “Shinji, I expected better from you,” he said sternly. “You do not seem to possess the skills that I expected from someone who has been a Pokemon trainer for four years. I’m afraid I cannot trust you to control Genesect.” He then called to Dr. Akagi, “It looks like we’re going to need Rei after all.”
Dr. Akagi left the room and returned a few minutes later. She was pushing a hospital gurney, and on it lay the very same girl Shinji had seen at the bus stop. Well, if you wanted to be specific, she didn’t look exactly the same—she was heavily bandaged up and had all manner of plastic tubes poking into her mouth. But it was unmistakably the same girl. She had the same blue hair, the same pale skin, and the same red eyes.
“Shinji,” said Gendo, “This is Rei Ayanami. She is the only currently qualified trainer in the Kanto Evangelemon program. I would have hoped for you to become the second, but it seems I will have to settle for her for the time being. Now, go find Misato; she will be waiting to. . .”
Gendo did not get to finish his sentence. The entire room shook as something massive came crashing down on top of the Geofront. Regigigas, thought Shinji. Lights swung in their fixtures, the orange liquid in the tank sloshed in waves, and a heavy steel girder broke loose from the ceiling and plummeted directly toward Shinji. He tried to scramble out of the way, but he was too slow. He closed his eyes and waited for the girder to fall on him. It never did.
When he opened his eyes, Shinji saw what has happened. Genesect—the huge, purple, robotic Pokemon—had broken free of its restraints and used one of its massive claws to swat the falling girder aside. It had saved his life. Shinji stared in awe at the gigantic Pokemon, which looked more mechanical than organic, as it settled back into the tank of orange liquid.
As he did, he noticed that Rei had not been so lucky. Regigigas’s attack had knocked over the gurney she was in, and she now lay sprawled on the floor, her bandages unraveling. Shinji ran over to her. Rei did not seem to be in any pain, or, if she was, she certainly wasn’t showing it. She simply lay on the floor, limp and weak, and certainly not looking in and condition to take Genesect into battle.
Gendo seemingly agreed with this assessment. Whether it was because of Genesect’s unexpected behavior around him or his desire to help Rei, Shinji wasn’t sure, but he could tell from Gendo’s uncharacteristic smile that his normally-miserable life might have taken a turn for the better.
“Shinji,” Gendo said at last, “I must confess I misjudged you. Genesect is yours.”
“So, you still haven’t told me one thing. What exactly do I do with a Genesect?” asked Shinji. “Do I eat it, or sit on it, or what?”
“Do you see that object on the back of Genesect’s head?” asked Gendo. “The one that looks like a cassette deck? That is called an entry plug. You climb inside that, and your mind becomes linked to that of the Pokemon, allowing you to control it.”
“I’m not sure I understand,” said Shinji.
“Shinji, get in the fucking Pokemon,” said Gendo, clearly exasperated.
WHO’S THAT POKEMON?
This Pokemon wears the skull of its deceased mother, and nobody has ever seen its real face.
I've already posted it on an Evangelion-related forum, but since it's a Pokémon story as well, I thought I might as well put it here. I should probably note that this story is not intended to be serious, but more of an absurdist parody of both Pokémon and Evangelion. It is not meant to be taken at face value, so don't blame me if you misinterpret what you read. Or do-- after all, they say there's no such thing as bad publicity!
Neon Genesis Evangelemon: You Can (Not) Catch 'em All
Episode 1: Welcome to Pallet Town 3
This is a cautionary story. It tells us the danger that might befall a society that, having built its economy around ten-year-old children capturing powerful magical creatures in tiny plastic balls and forcing them to fight, fails to ignore the most basic warnings from the mythology regarding said creatures.
OR this is the story of one Shinji Ikari, quite possibly the most pathetic being in the universe. With no living mother, only an insufferable douche for a father, and virtually nothing in the way of worldly accomplishments, many wonder why Shinji bothers to continue living life as he does. Their questions will be answered soon enough.
OR this is merely the fantasy of an amateur writer who, despite the misfortune of having been born in the setting of neither of the above anime series, is overwhelmed by a fascination with them and is writing this story to give his interest some semblance of a focus. If this is the case, the guy really needs to get a life. Without further ado, the story proper can now begin.
While a case can be made for many of the different cities and towns in Kanto, from the allegedly haunted graveyards of Lavender Town to the active volcanoes of Cinnabar Island, most of these pale in comparison to the marvel of engineering—and desperation—that is Pallet Town 3. Built to replace the original Pallet Town after it was destroyed by an event known as Second Impact, Pallet Town 3’s designers boasted that nothing short of Arceus itself could destroy their work. They were right.
Pallet Town 3 was located a ways inland from the remains of the original Pallet Town. There had been some controversy about naming it after a town that had so recently been destroyed in Second Impact, but since no one could suggest a color-based name that was not already taken by another city or town in Kanto, the name Pallet Town 3 stuck.
Not that any of this mattered to fourteen-year-old Shinji Ikari. For all he cared, it could have been named Dungheap City, and it wouldn’t have been a better or worse place to live. That was because, whatever the town’s name was, if you were a child in it you were expected to be a great Pokemon trainer. And Shinji was most certainly not one.
Right now, though Shinji was sitting under the canopy of a bus stop, waiting for his father. Unlike himself, Shinji’s father had always been said to be an exceptional trainer, which made him feel even more pathetic than usual. Shinji had not seen his father in years, made him worry bout how he would be received if he were to present himself in his current state. Shinji had quite nearly forgotten about his father, had it not been for a mysterious invitation some days ago telling him to wait to be picked up at this very bus stop. Of course, his father would not be doing this himself—he would be sending one of his employees, a woman named Misato Katsuragi, to do it for him.
Unfortunately for Shinji, there was nobody in sight at the moment except for his Cubone, which was the only Pokemon he never kept in a PokeBall. Shinji had gotten Cubone as a birthday present four years from his mother, shortly before her death. When she died, he had sworn upon his mother’s grave that he would honor her by becoming the greatest Pokemon trainer in the world. Four years later, and he had not progressed far toward that goal. In the four years since he had begun his quest as a Pokemon trainer, he had earned only three gym badges—from the Pewter, Cerulean, and Vermillion gyms—and captured only four other Pokemon. Those other Pokemon were a Pidgeotto he’d caught a few days after he got Cubone, a Raticate that had followed him all the way to Cerulean City, a Spearow he’d since traded for a Furret, and a rather lazy, aloof Sandslash.
As Shinji watched, for a second he thought he could see someone—a girl about his age with short blue hair, pale skin, and strange red eyes—watching him from across the street. But when he blinked to establish what he had actually seen, she vanished, if indeed she was ever there in the first place. In any case, he soon had more important things to think about that possibly--imaginary people.
His first hint that something was amiss came when the ground beneath his feet began to tremble. A flock of Pidgey on the telephone wire took off, a Rattata that had been nibbling on a jelly-filled donut ran for cover, and Shinji, raising himself from his seat, could see what was shaking the ground.
It was a colossal, vaguely humanoid creature, towering above the tallest buildings in Pallet Town 3. The creature was black and white in color, and had disproportionately long arms ending in grappling-hook-like claws. It seemed to have no real face, instead possessing an array of nine eyes on where a face would normally be. From these, it periodically issued blasts of light, vaporizing anything in its path.
“Who’s that Pokemon?” Shinji asked, rather stupidly, before attempting to identify it on his Pokedex. Nothing came up on it but static.
“No information on this Pokemon available.”
Well, this is stupid, thought Shinji. What’s the use of a Pokedex if it doesn’t even tell you anything about a Pokemon the first time you see it?
As the strange Pokemon made its way toward Pallet Town 3, it was greeted by a salvo of gunfire and missiles. The resulting explosion nearly knocked Shinji and Cubone off their bench, but when the smoke cleared it was apparent that no damage whatsoever had been done to the Pokemon. It continued advancing in a straight line, periodically vaporizing whatever was in its bath with Hyper Beams.
Circling around the mysterious Pokemon were a group of Kanto Strategic Self-Defense Force helicopters, which attacked it with their own guns and rockets. This, too, had little effect except to anger the huge Pokemon, and it swatted one of the helicopters out of the air with its arm, sending it careening into the side of a building directly above where Shinji was sitting.
Shinji scrambled for cover as the falling debris came crashing down around him. Grabbing Cubone, he ran out into the street, where he was suddenly blocked by a blue sports car pulling up in front of him.
“What are you doing just sitting there? Get in!” shouted the driver, leaning out the window. The driver was a woman about 30 years old with dark purplish-black hair. She wore a uniform of some kind that Shinji did not recognize, but her nametag identified her—she was Misato Katsuragi.
“Are you here to take me to see my father?” asked Shinji.
“No time for that. Get in!” shouted Misato.
The interior of the car smelled strongly of alcohol, and the seats were peeling. An ornament of a Magikarp hung from the roof above the dashboard, and in the back seat there was a large cooler that gave off a peculiar smell. Climbing into the passenger seat of the car, Shinji asked Misato, “Did my father send you?”
“Sort of. Everything is going to be made clear to you soon. But we’ve got to get out of here.”
“Why?” asked Shinji, although he already knew perfectly well. “And what was that thing?” He gestured up at the gigantic Pokemon, which had now torn the top off a nearby skyscraper and was using it to swat at the circling aircraft.
As Misato shoved her foot down on the gas pedal and the car accelerated away, she sighed and began to explain. “Have you ever heard people talk about Legendary Pokemon?”
“You mean like Mew? And the Legendary Birds?” asked Shinji.
“Yes. This one is called Regigigas. It is said to be the Pokemon that pulled the continents into their modern positions millions of years ago. As for why it would awaken now, I have no idea.”
“Well,” asked Shinji, quite unimpressed with this crash-course lesson in Pokemon mythology, “can you at least tell me where you’re taking me?”
“I will in a little—OH SHIT GET DOWN!” Misato suddenly shouted, slamming on the brakes.
“What?” asked Shinji, who was now extremely confused.
“They’re going to use an N2 mine!”
Before Shinji could ask what an N2 mine was or what one did, the sky turned bright white for a brief instant, followed by a deafening clap. The shockwave from the explosion sent the car and its two occupants tumbling off the road and into a drainage ditch, and when the smoke cleared it was apparent that, although the blast had devastated the already-badly–damaged infrastructure of Pallet Town 3, it had left not a scratch on Regigigas. The huge Pokemon continued inwards toward the center of Pallet Town 3, as if it were looking for something.
Meanwhile, at the KSSDF command center, the failure of the N2 mine was not going over very well. An emergency meeting had been called, the nature of which was being kept secret. The man presiding over the meeting was a severe-looking businesslike individual, with an air of authority about him. His uniform was adorned with countess badges and other decorations, signifying his rank as a general. But he would not be in command here for much longer.
When the KSSDF general turned on the giant screen in the conference hall, the face of another man filled it. This man had dark hair and a beard, wore opaque sunglasses, and sat at a desk with his fingers steepled under his chin. Alongside him sat a brown-furred, vaguely humanoid Pokemon with long whiskers and a metal spoon in each hand—an Alakazam. His name was Gendo Ikari.
“Hello,” he said, tilting his said so that the light in the room reflected brightly off his glasses. “What have you come to tell me?”
“Well,” said the JSSDF general, “Our use of an N2 weapon—the most powerful in our arsenal—against the threat attacking Pallet Town 3 has yielded no result. Any further attempt would simply damage the city further. We have no choice, Dr. Ikari, but to relinquish responsibility for protection of Pallet town 3, and possibly all of Kanto, to you and NERV.”
“Very well,” said Gendo. For a moment, the conference screen lit up, then Gendo vanished, having Teleported away with his Alakazam.
Dazed, Shinji and Misato crawled out of the overturned car. “Do you think we can get it out of here?” asked Shinji. He doubted it; the car was wedged in the drainage ditch next to the road, and he certainly felt like he would not be able to pull it out by himself.
“No,” she answered, “but I think I know someone who can.” With that she pulled a Poke Ball out of one of her pockets and pressed the button on it. The Pokemon that came out was another one Shinji was unfamiliar with. It stood on two legs, had thick, leathery skin, and on its belly it had a pouch. Inside the pouch was a smaller version of itself, which Shinji thought looked oddly like a Cubone. He looked it up on his Pokedex.
“Kangaskahn: the Parent Pokemon,” it said. “It carries its baby in its pouch, and is fiercely protective of it.”
Now knowing what Misato intended for him to do, Shinji reached into his pocket and pulled out one of his own Poke Balls. Not Cubone, of course; Cubone almost never got into a Poke Ball. The Pokemon he called out was his Sandslash. Sandslash, unfortunately, fell asleep as soon as it left its Poke Ball. It lay on its back on the ground, the blade of grass it always kept in its mouth fluttering as it snored. Shinji sighed. Sandslash was always like this.
“Sandslash, return!” he shouted, holding the Poke Ball up again. “He pressed the button, and Sandslash went back inside. Well, I’m out of ideas.” By then, Misato and Kangaskahn were already working on pulling the car free. When it finally rolled out of the ditch, Misato recalled Kangaskahn and invited Shinji back into the now badly dented car.
As they drove, Shinji noticed an unmistakable sight in the distance: a huge metal and glass pyramid towering over the rest of Pallet Town 3. And he and Misato were heading straight for it.
The car ducked into a tunnel, and when Shinji and Cubone adjusted to the dim light beneath the surface he could not believe what he saw. An entire underground city, with skyscrapers reaching downwards and huge lamps on the ceiling in place of the sun, stretched out before him. “Wow!” gasped Shinji, hardly believing his eyes. “Real Geofront!” Truth be told, he had not known what a Geofront was until a few minutes beforehand, and it was not as if he had ever thought there were no real Geofronts.
The car parked in front of a massive concrete bunker which, unlike the skyscrapers of the Geofront, was built from the ground up. Shinji expected this to be the place where he met his father, but when Misato led him inside, they boarded a small hovering train.
When the train came to a stop, Shinji and Misato were greeted by a second woman, who seemed to be slightly older than Misato. She had short blonde hair, wore a lab coat, and was accompanied by a pink cat-like Pokemon. “Espeon, the Sun Pokemon,” Shinji’s Pokedex informed him as he scanned it. “It uses the fine hairs on its body to predict the future and detect air currents.”
“It’s about time you arrived, Misato,” said the new woman “And I see you brought the Third Child?”
“Yep! In the nick of time too—I got him just as Regigigas was attacking inner Pallet Town 3.”
The woman then turned to Shinji and handed him a stack of forms that he assumed he was supposed to fill out. At the top, in large friendly letters, was written, “Hello there! Welcome to the world of NERV! My name is Dr. Ritsuko Akagi, but people just call me a Pokemon Professor.” This was followed by a number of questions, starting with “Now tell me, are you a boy or a girl?” Shinji began to wonder whether Dr. Akagi really needed him to write this down, but he decided he needed to anyway.
Once Shinji had filled out the paperwork, Misato and Dr. Akagi escorted him through another door, this one emblazoned with the NERV logo—the word NERV and half a fig leaf, surrounded by the motto “to protect the world from devastation, to unite all people within our nation.” Shinji was about to ask what this meant, but what he saw on the other side gave him many more important questions.
The entire room, as large as a Pokemon League arena, was taken up by a giant tank of foul-smelling orange liquid. This liquid was supplied by a network of pipes and funnels descending from the ceiling, which pumped the orange fluid into the giant tank.
Inside the tank sat something the likes of which Shinji had never seen before. Attached to the wall of the room by umbilical cables, it resembled nothing so much as a huge metallic robot. Its head was disc-shaped, and on its back was a menacing-looking laser turret. Its eyes glowed bright red, and its entire body was covered in sleek purple armor. Yet despite all the incredible power Shinji was sure it must have possessed, it remained absolutely still in the tank of orange liquid.
Shinji was astounded. He was unable to even ask what the thing in the tank was, while Cubone only managed a meek “. . .Bone? (I’m not sure what that is.)" Luckily, Dr. Akagi answered his question for him.
“This is the artificial Pokemon, Genesect. Unit 01 of the Evangelemon program. Its creation carried out in total secrecy, it is our—humanity’s—last great hope.”
In a control room overlooking the giant tank, Gendo Ikari watched with interest. His assistant, Dr. Fuyutsuki, sat at a desk next to him.
“Well, it seems Misato was telling the truth. Shinji has arrived. Well, I, for one, never doubted it.” said Gendo, steepling his fingers once again.
“Maybe so,” replied Fuyutsuki. “But do think it is really wise—using the boy when he has not yet even proven himself as a Pokemon trainer—in such a precarious job?”
“It . . . it seemed like a good idea at the time” said Gendo.
“Fair enough. And by the way, is there a reason you do that thing with your hands? I’ve always wondered that.”
“What thing with my hands?” replied Gendo, removing his hands frm their steepled position beneath his chin and getting up out of his chair.
He then left the room, and headed down to meet face to face with Shinji.
“It has been a long time since I saw you last,” said Gendo. “Do tell me, what have you accomplished as a trainer in my absence?”
Shinji gulped. “I’ve gotten the first three Kanto badges. And I’ve caught four Pokemon other than Cubone.” He pulled out his other Poke Balls, and let out hi remaining Pokemon for his father to see.
Gendo frowned. “I would have expected more out of you. Four years, and this is all you have to present me? I would figure you would at least be facing the Elite Four by now, and have a full Pokedex.”
“I . . . I’ll catch more! I swear!” stammered Shinji.
“No.” Gendo replied. “You can only have five Pokemon of your own here at a time. Genesect will be your sixth. If, that is, you seem up to the task of being its trainer.” With that, Gendo pulled out a Poke Ball of his own. “Gengar! I need your assistance!”
As the purple, goblin-like Pokemon materialized in front of Gendo, he explained, “If you can defeat me in battle, then you can have Genesect. “
“OK,” said Shinji, “But can I call it ‘Dennis’?”
“No,” replied Gendo. “Now, Gengar—Shadow Ball!”
At that moment, Shinji realized he had not yet picked out a Pokemon to battle with. Let’s see, he thought Nothing’s good against ghost types, but a ghost-type move won’t hurt a Normal-type either. “All right. I choose you—Raticate!”
The rat-like Pokemon dodged Gengar’s incoming Shadow Ball, then reared up onto its hind legs awaiting Shinji’s command. Gengar, meanwhile, floated next to Gendo, likewise waiting for an order.
“Raticate, use Hyper Fang!” Raticate rushed toward Gengar, its sharp teeth glistening as it prepared to attack. “Rati-caaate,” (All right, Mr. Smiley Face, let me show you how it’s done,) it hissed. Gengar, however, didn’t move as Raticate approached it. Instead it faded into thin air, and let Raticate pass directly through itself. The attack had no effect.
“Raticate, return!” said Shinji, recalling it into its Poke Ball. “Go, Cubone!”
Even though it wore its skull mask, Cubone looked somewhat apprehensive about facing Gengar. “Bone?(You. . .you don’t really want me to battle him, do you?)" it whined, staring up at Shinji.
“It’s OK, Cubone,” he said. “Why don’t you start with . . . let’s see . . . Bone Rush?”
“Cu-bone!” (I guess that’ll work) replied Cubone. It raised its bone club over its head, and charged at Gengar. But Gengar was ready. It fired up another Shadow Ball and sent Cubone hurtling backwards across the room, knocking it out instantly.
Gendo recalled Gengar. “Shinji, I expected better from you,” he said sternly. “You do not seem to possess the skills that I expected from someone who has been a Pokemon trainer for four years. I’m afraid I cannot trust you to control Genesect.” He then called to Dr. Akagi, “It looks like we’re going to need Rei after all.”
Dr. Akagi left the room and returned a few minutes later. She was pushing a hospital gurney, and on it lay the very same girl Shinji had seen at the bus stop. Well, if you wanted to be specific, she didn’t look exactly the same—she was heavily bandaged up and had all manner of plastic tubes poking into her mouth. But it was unmistakably the same girl. She had the same blue hair, the same pale skin, and the same red eyes.
“Shinji,” said Gendo, “This is Rei Ayanami. She is the only currently qualified trainer in the Kanto Evangelemon program. I would have hoped for you to become the second, but it seems I will have to settle for her for the time being. Now, go find Misato; she will be waiting to. . .”
Gendo did not get to finish his sentence. The entire room shook as something massive came crashing down on top of the Geofront. Regigigas, thought Shinji. Lights swung in their fixtures, the orange liquid in the tank sloshed in waves, and a heavy steel girder broke loose from the ceiling and plummeted directly toward Shinji. He tried to scramble out of the way, but he was too slow. He closed his eyes and waited for the girder to fall on him. It never did.
When he opened his eyes, Shinji saw what has happened. Genesect—the huge, purple, robotic Pokemon—had broken free of its restraints and used one of its massive claws to swat the falling girder aside. It had saved his life. Shinji stared in awe at the gigantic Pokemon, which looked more mechanical than organic, as it settled back into the tank of orange liquid.
As he did, he noticed that Rei had not been so lucky. Regigigas’s attack had knocked over the gurney she was in, and she now lay sprawled on the floor, her bandages unraveling. Shinji ran over to her. Rei did not seem to be in any pain, or, if she was, she certainly wasn’t showing it. She simply lay on the floor, limp and weak, and certainly not looking in and condition to take Genesect into battle.
Gendo seemingly agreed with this assessment. Whether it was because of Genesect’s unexpected behavior around him or his desire to help Rei, Shinji wasn’t sure, but he could tell from Gendo’s uncharacteristic smile that his normally-miserable life might have taken a turn for the better.
“Shinji,” Gendo said at last, “I must confess I misjudged you. Genesect is yours.”
“So, you still haven’t told me one thing. What exactly do I do with a Genesect?” asked Shinji. “Do I eat it, or sit on it, or what?”
“Do you see that object on the back of Genesect’s head?” asked Gendo. “The one that looks like a cassette deck? That is called an entry plug. You climb inside that, and your mind becomes linked to that of the Pokemon, allowing you to control it.”
“I’m not sure I understand,” said Shinji.
“Shinji, get in the fucking Pokemon,” said Gendo, clearly exasperated.
WHO’S THAT POKEMON?
This Pokemon wears the skull of its deceased mother, and nobody has ever seen its real face.
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