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MATURE: Nori Carino: Official In-Training [COMPLETE!!]

And with this, your story has finally ended! Love that Nori finally got to call her out on being a crummy teacher. Not surprised she still thinks Nori is a troublemaker. But hey, Nori got to become a rehabilitator and went back to Veilstone. Glad to see you have new stories planned! Can't wait to read them! Now, I think it's time I go into some in-depth thoughts about the fic itself. Writing wise, your prose and overall narrative structure have really gotten better over the time I've gotten to read your stuff. Not that they were bad in any way, but it's been really nice to see your writing grow and become more polished as you've gone along. You use showing over telling when needed, but not too much, and there's enough description to make the world you created feel alive.

That being said, I'm a bit more mixed on the characters and their progression. I mean, I like Nori and the friendships he made with Lux, Yuki, Betsy-Ann, and Arumi, and seeing how he overcame all of his issues to get where he is in the end. But having to deal with the once apathetic Volkner and the gym trainers bullying Nori constantly without punishment until a certain point did start to feel draining after a while. When it came to this, the fic almost bordered on being really mean-spirited at times. But I knew you had plans for the story and weren't simply writing it that way for the sake of it, so I stuck with it, and I'm glad I did, as things did eventually turn around for Nori. But man, having to put up with Kallisto once he became an antagonist...he practically bordered on Gary Stu territory, what with all that he was somehow able to get away with, with and without Volkner at the very least calling him on it. I mean, I know a lot of this was intentional, as there are cases in real life where celebrities have their skeletons in the closet exposed but their fans don't always want to believe that their idol can do bad things, even with hard evidence proving such. But the fact that people were willing to not only handwave Kallisto nearly murdering Nori and covering it up, even if it was accidental, but openly degrading him in front of a huge crowd of people, really broke my suspension of disbelief. I'm glad you did have him answer for his actions after that, but having to deal with him getting away with that stuff was a slog, I can't lie.

Of course, I still liked the fic for what it is, and I'm hoping things can look up for Nori from here on out. So with that, I bid this story farewell, and I hope you have a good day!
 
Love that Nori finally got to call her out on being a crummy teacher. Not surprised she still thinks Nori is a troublemaker.
That said, she was calling him it in a sort of joking way, although Nori absolutely was speaking his mind and yelling at her because he took it serious.

Writing wise, your prose and overall narrative structure have really gotten better over the time I've gotten to read your stuff. Not that they were bad in any way, but it's been really nice to see your writing grow and become more polished as you've gone along. You use showing over telling when needed, but not too much, and there's enough description to make the world you created feel alive.
Thanks. I can definitely notice the difference myself, particularly when editing Month 1. That was another reason for some of the tweaks to it and expanding it to four, to improve a few of the more rushy scenes. Means my other works are going to be much better too.

That being said, I'm a bit more mixed on the characters and their progression. I mean, I like Nori and the friendships he made with Lux, Yuki, Betsy-Ann, and Arumi, and seeing how he overcame all of his issues to get where he is in the end.
All the friend characters were fun to write. Including Kallisto when he was one, and Eddie when he became as much as one as could be allowed. Volkner in particular deserves special mention. He never changed in the earliest drafts, or barely. But he grows and learns to accept Nori, becoming his strongest ally and even friend. He also becomes Nori's mentor in more ways than just Pokemon, but also learns a lot from Nori as well.

But having to deal with the once apathetic Volkner and the gym trainers bullying Nori constantly without punishment until a certain point did start to feel draining after a while.
Sadly, it's more common in the real world for people to get away with these things than they are to get punished for it. Good doesn't always triumph over evil, justice isn't always served, and people in power can get away with some pretty horrific things with nobody able (or willing) to do anything about it.

As mentioned below, all of them (except Kallisto) do change for the better, though! Like not just for Nori either, you have the sequence where Tono apologizes to Ollie for treating him poorly in the past. Then you have Spike, who often does get his or gets defeated, so it's not like everyone gets away with everything.

When it came to this, the fic almost bordered on being really mean-spirited at times. But I knew you had plans for the story and weren't simply writing it that way for the sake of it, so I stuck with it, and I'm glad I did, as things did eventually turn around for Nori.
That's fair. The fic pretty much is a darkfic without any of the death and blood and edgy content. Except it has a very optimistic ending. The general vibe I was going for was to make the fic bleak, yet optimistic. Sort of a "things will work out!" sort of thing.

But man, having to put up with Kallisto once he became an antagonist...he practically bordered on Gary Stu territory, what with all that he was somehow able to get away with, with and without Volkner at the very least calling him on it.
As mentioned, this is in-part a deconstruction and analysis of the archetype and showing what's it like when a Sue character is against you.

I go in with the idea that antagonists are characters too. That said, Kallisto is practically the deuteragonist of the fic, as the plot is as much about Nori's overcoming the challenges before him as it is about Kallisto's fall from grace. A big part of the fic's themes are self-improvement and being yourself. This doesn't just apply to Nori, but many of the secondary characters including most of the antagonists. It's especially notable with Volkner, Eddie, Tono, and Ollie who all become better people. The only ones who don't improve are Spike, Radovan, Hikari Blomgren (all three are static), and Kallisto (regresses).

And it's a gradual thing, too. The attack in March was an honest mistake in the heat of the moment. Leaving Nori to die was a horrible thing, but Kallisto was worried about self-preservation (image being another theme as discussed in the fic). He was trying to reach out and make amends, even as he was "protecting" Nori from a supposed ephebophile and gained a bizarre messiah-complex (spurred on by the award ceremony) thinking he'd be helping Nori by hurting him in late May. Part of the reason Tono's a viewpoint character in June? It's to obfuscate just how screwy and erratic his thought process is at that point. Finally, he gives in to genuine hatred and ultimately makes a costly mistake. And looping back around - not even being a Gary Stu can save you from everything.

It was kind of a gambit, actually. The sequence and injury was similar with the Spike character in place of Kallisto. I was building it up so that when Kallisto finally does fall - literally and metaphorically - it's great and cathartic.

Of course, I still liked the fic for what it is, and I'm hoping things can look up for Nori from here on out. So with that, I bid this story farewell, and I hope you have a good day!
Thanks for sticking with it despite your doubts, and wow didn't know you had them. o,o Nori attracts adversity so it's definitely not going to be sunshine and roses the rest of the way. I can say one thing: a future longfic had similar adversity to this and is being changed/toned down because of similarities with how this turned out similar and wanting to stay away from a parade of bleak.
 
Thanks for sticking with it despite your doubts, and wow didn't know you had them. o,o Nori attracts adversity so it's definitely not going to be sunshine and roses the rest of the way. I can say one thing: a future longfic had similar adversity to this and is being changed/toned down because of similarities with how this turned out similar and wanting to stay away from a parade of bleak.

Yeah, I did have doubts, but I knew you had something planned for your fic, so I didn't want to seem negative. I mean, I definitely liked your fic and totally understand why you went in the directions you did. These are just my honest thoughts, and they're more a me thing than anything.
 
Just mentioning the table of contents is gone from the first chapter.

So here's some more thorough thoughts on the story as a whole.
So first things first, I quite enjoyed this story despite; the character work was excellent and none of the twists felt completely out of the blue (Kallisto's assault was possibly the most shocking but even that made perfect sense in retrospect when you looked at who his friends were).

You've mentioned this as "dark fic" once or twice, though I admit I didn't feel that way myself, possibly because my experience with darkfic was from the old days where that often meant really dark; in what I'd consider a darkfic I'd expect Pachi to be killed off partway through in a cruel and arbitrary way.

One thing I appreciate is this story managed to subvert common Poké fic tropes without feeling like it's just doing the opposite of everyone else in that common internet way. For instance how the Demon is superbly powerful but Nori himself was for much of the story a worse trainer than the Gym crew and got by with his Nidorina's raw strength rather than being an underdog tactician. Plus Nori didn't turn out to be a prodigy trainer; that was Kallisto, who Nori never defeated in battle.
Another good example is that Nori complains a bit about it being a cliche if he had an eletric rodent but he ends up bonding with Pachi and just goes along with it after a while.

Also good is the recurring element that Kallisto and some others do give Nori a lot of good advice he tends to ignore or fail to work with because of their bad relations, a very common mistake in real life.

Next I wanted to write a bit about Volkner and Flint. Flint didn't actually show up much, but we saw enough of him to see the contrast between the two. I believe it was mentioned before that Nori and Sofie were intentionally sent to the Gym Leader that they were a worse match for to really test the Elite Four candidates, but I actually find myself wondering if Flint would have been a better match for Kallisto. I guess we'll never know, which leads to my next point...
Honestly, I found Kallisto the most interesting character (even though Pachi is the best character) because despite his obvious flaws (that got worse over time) I think it's clear he has a lot of good qualities--he helped out Tono when they were bullied, tried to help Nori before the incident, and even after that tried to intervene for him a few times, like with the rigged match against Eddie. I'm sure the award he received was for things he really did, even if it was covering up unsavoury parts of his character (if he was completely terrible I don't imagine he'd be friends with Steven). He's a more unique deconstruction of a marty stu than a more standard over the top parody or "secretly 100% evil".
Part of me suspects the pressure of having to be perfect was too much and is at least partly what led to his inability to deal with people beating him. Considering all he could have been I think his downfall is a tragedy.

Anyways, looking forward to the follow up fics, and one day seeing Nori's meeting with Cynthia.
 
Just mentioning the table of contents is gone from the first chapter.
Removed it on purpose because I have threadmarks

So first things first, I quite enjoyed this story despite; the character work was excellent and none of the twists felt completely out of the blue (Kallisto's assault was possibly the most shocking but even that made perfect sense in retrospect when you looked at who his friends were).
Thank you for the kind words. Kallisto's assault was supposed to be something out of nowhere, although it is in fact out-of-character for him which he comes to quickly acknowledge. Those moments do happen in real life. The hints at the issues though, as mentioned, were subtly hinted at. I think I mentioned but it's part of the reason why when I changed Lux's character to be a male, he still had to have feminine looks, to make that initial confusion work.

You've mentioned this as "dark fic" once or twice, though I admit I didn't feel that way myself, possibly because my experience with darkfic was from the old days where that often meant really dark; in what I'd consider a darkfic I'd expect Pachi to be killed off partway through in a cruel and arbitrary way.
It's not a classical darkfic, of course. It's dark, but it's more grounded and doesn't involve death and despair as much.

One thing I appreciate is this story managed to subvert common Poké fic tropes without feeling like it's just doing the opposite of everyone else in that common internet way. For instance how the Demon is superbly powerful but Nori himself was for much of the story a worse trainer than the Gym crew and got by with his Nidorina's raw strength rather than being an underdog tactician. Plus Nori didn't turn out to be a prodigy trainer; that was Kallisto, who Nori never defeated in battle.
Nori in particular, I wanted to do something different with as a trainer. He learns strategy over the course of the fic. Even at the end however, he hasn't become like your average fic trainer. He's better about using his Pokemon's strengths in proper ways rather than just throwing out power, he can use strategy but he doesn't depend upon it to overcome odds. Something that you may have noticed that didn't really get a chance to develop: Nori adapting up a flashy yet powerful style.

Another good example is that Nori complains a bit about it being a cliche if he had an eletric rodent but he ends up bonding with Pachi and just goes along with it after a while.
That was more of a joke, which was also used to point out how everything else in the Sinnoh dex is more cliche in fanfiction than Pachirisu. I think I did have plans for him to get mocked for it, but one was just the guys pointing out something of a contradiction in his way of thinking which they drop, and the other is Spike being Spike, which Nori doesn't take serious.

Also good is the recurring element that Kallisto and some others do give Nori a lot of good advice he tends to ignore or fail to work with because of their bad relations, a very common mistake in real life.
It is very much a character flaw of his.

Next I wanted to write a bit about Volkner and Flint. Flint didn't actually show up much, but we saw enough of him to see the contrast between the two. I believe it was mentioned before that Nori and Sofie were intentionally sent to the Gym Leader that they were a worse match for to really test the Elite Four candidates, but I actually find myself wondering if Flint would have been a better match for Kallisto. I guess we'll never know, which leads to my next point...
It's an interesting thought! Of course, Kallisto was sent to Volkner way before the fic began. Maybe things would've turned out better for him in another environment? Actually as an aside in the original draft, "Spike" and the others were implied to be how they were because of Volkner's demands to be perfect. You can still see shades of that in the actual product: namely, some of the pressure Kallisto faces.

Honestly, I found Kallisto the most interesting character (even though Pachi is the best character) because despite his obvious flaws (that got worse over time) I think it's clear he has a lot of good qualities--he helped out Tono when they were bullied, tried to help Nori before the incident, and even after that tried to intervene for him a few times, like with the rigged match against Eddie. I'm sure the award he received was for things he really did, even if it was covering up unsavoury parts of his character (if he was completely terrible I don't imagine he'd be friends with Steven). He's a more unique deconstruction of a marty stu than a more standard over the top parody or "secretly 100% evil".
Part of me suspects the pressure of having to be perfect was too much and is at least partly what led to his inability to deal with people beating him. Considering all he could have been I think his downfall is a tragedy.
Yeah. There's some big contrasts going on between Kallisto and the other characters. He's practically the opposite of Nori, which to the things you mentioned, is especially apparent in how the two handle failure. Nori is more used to handling it. The other big one is Arumi: they're both from famous families, both worry about living up to expectations, both pursue their goals with fervor, and both can be a bit amoral. But Arumi is more free-spirited and open, whereas Kallisto is orderly and can close himself off. Plus, Arumi can admit when she's wrong.

Anyways, looking forward to the follow up fics, and one day seeing Nori's meeting with Cynthia.
Hopefully I can get them out in a month or two!
 
I am once again asking for Nori to get good things for once in his life. Also, this chapter makes me imagine an AU where Nori trained under Fantina and did C o n t e s t s.
in-part attributing it to younger Pokemon.
Damn youngins

Ollie and Tono had a two-on-two match against a couple.
A couple you say?

Nori himself had two challenges,
"Challenges" feels a bit weird to me compared to "challengers", but that could just be me.

Everyone loves him, everyone who counts or isn't bad.
This sentence words confusingly, especially since it's in present tense.

He had a Pokemon that was still in-training
One could even say... Nori Carino: Official In-Training.

The only question is, how bad would this be?
I think "was" would work better than "is" but also I must resists the urge to link that Lorax song.

He wished most of all he could be with Lux, or if not back home.
SAME

A brutal attack like that can cut through any foe's defenses, no matter the power difference.
"Can" should be "could"

They're often quick as a bolt of lightning, but some - such as Ampharos and Luxray - are known for being slow.
Another instance of present tense

The squirrel reared back to bite...but, no.
There are a few instances of this, but there should be a space after the ellipsis.


And powered up, even it should feel this.
"Should" would probably be better as "would".

This was dumb and ridiculous.
Me everyday

But he wanted to at least use the move Kallisto had gave his Pokemon against him, out of spite.
"Gave" should be "given".

The boy closed his eyes. The point of this...the point of trying to win would be to shut this jackass up. To make him see he's not someone you can talk down to. To show him just what he thinks of all these lectures and his unwanted pity. To teach him a lesson. To show him the power of Nori Carino and his Demon.
Yes yes YES

"Eyes open. Circle left."
Square dancing AU Nori when

"Mm, Discharge!" His order came out impulsively. It was the first time he'd seen the head Gym Trainer panic. And he made him do it. He made Kallisto panic. Whatever happened from here, Nori was satisfied.
YESSSSSSSSSSS

"Too slow." Nori punched the air with a sneer. "Cut."
Reminds me of how I put Cut on my favorite Umbreon. It's a sentimental move :enzap:

The Cut had opened up a huge gash on its belly. Dark-red blood was oozing from the wound. The crowd including the Gym Trainers were mostly stunned, if not horrified. Volkner arched an eyebrow, looking over at Kallisto. The head Gym Trainer was wincing, conflicted. Nori was all smiles.
:oops:

Injuries sometimes happen. That was actually a genuine accident, or at least something his Pokemon did of her own volition. According to what he'd been reading on trainer law so far, it's a trainer's responsibility to look after their Pokemon in battles. Of course Kallisto wouldn't be the type to not do that. That was just wishful thinking.
The use of present tense here feels a bit odd

"So! Xurkitree, the stage is yours!"
:oops::oops::oops:

Nori thought they were loud before, but they somehow got louder at this. He just shook his head at this ridiculous display of showmanship.
Gosh, imagine me being as a trainer. I couldn't handle the overstimulation.

It had a long tail with three prongs, and six fingers on each brown hand.
Comma splice.

"Had to keep it under wraps for a while," Kallisto apologized. "I've been training it in absolute secrecy in my spare time."

"Ridiculous!" the other Gym Trainer shouted. "Why reveal a surprise like this in a throwaway battle? Nori Carino is too stupid to be thrown off by unknowns!"

"Hey! Screw you, nerd!"
Is Kallisto saying the last line?

It sounded exactly like the kind of Pokemon he'd be taking care of as a Pokemon Rehabilitator.
Oh yeah when's Nori's group therapy scene for troubled Pokémon

Was Kallisto just showing off? If it was a tree, Poison should be effective.
"Let's see how you like being Cut." Hitting it didn't work, but chopping it should.
"Should" should be "would".

The two Pokemon swing at each other, the two attacks clashing off.
"Swing" should be "swung".


Only amateurs rely on brute force, just using moves without thinking about how to use them.
Thinking about that one point that's essentially "fuck status moves, only attacking".

When you run into someone stronger, or someone who uses actual strategy, well." He paused and turned to Nori. "You just saw what happens."
dashes would work here for the actions interrupting dialogue

Okay, first. Kallisto actually watched that? That mildly surprised the boy. But second, pride? He had a Ceutholic neighbor once who said that was a deadly sin. He didn't care for their or anyone else's teachings, but he could see how pride could make someone grow a big fat ego.
Ceutholic? Like Catholic?


Yeah I'm back to reading. Let's go. This should have gone at the beginning, but oh well.
 
I am once again asking for Nori to get good things for once in his life. Also, this chapter makes me imagine an AU where Nori trained under Fantina and did C o n t e s t s.
I mean if he'd trained in his hometown with Gasha Qian, he'd still be doing C o n t e s t s. And to spoil a little, he eventually does them.

A couple you say?
Young Couple whatshisface and whatsherface would like to battle!

"Challenges" feels a bit weird to me compared to "challengers", but that could just be me.
He had challenges issued to him. Could reword to something like "people who wanted to challenge him"

Another instance of present tense
I'm always a bit uncertain when it comes to these things, as sometimes the implications of past tense mean that it isn't like that anymore or changed.

"Should" would probably be better as "would".
Nope, same with the later instance. This is a subtle way of showing Nori's uncertainty. Would would be more of a definite. Contrast to another battle, where he mentions an opponent WOULD feel an attack if it landed, caps as such.

Reminds me of how I put Cut on my favorite Umbreon. It's a sentimental move :enzap:
The pain of HMs and realizing you done goofed with them later.

And the big twist. As if a beta and a shiny weren't enough.

Gosh, imagine me being as a trainer. I couldn't handle the overstimulation.
This does in fact come up a few times, that some people aren't able to do well in front of crowds. Not with Nori, since he doesn't mind.

Is Kallisto saying the last line?
Thought it was obvious enough it was Nori. Not every line has to have a speaker attached, or even a bit saying they said or whatever.

"Should" should be "would".
Although in the first case here, might be better for Nori to muse unless there's something else.

Ceutholic? Like Catholic?
Yup. In my ficverse, it's an analogue to notable monotheistic religions. It's part of a wider range of "Iseuan" faiths.

Yeah I'm back to reading. Let's go. This should have gone at the beginning, but oh well.
Let's freaking go!! I'll get to edits in the next few days though.
 
And to spoil a little, he eventually does them.
Thank goodness will be get to see Wallace's sailor student
I'm always a bit uncertain when it comes to these things, as sometimes the implications of past tense mean that it isn't like that anymore or changed.
Same, tbh. It's like when Wookipedia describes what color is but in the past tense.
 
Another chapter read! Got some interesting worldbuilding of Water type moves and Rain Dance. Love to see.

The next few days were surprisingly uneventful, so much that Nori was concerned about it.
Nori has accepted that he lives in a fanfiction society

Left with nothing else, Nori's thoughts occasionally wandered towards Lux. He still thought about his friend. Where did he move to? Was he doing okay? Did Lux still think about him sometimes? He was a real friend, someone truly worth caring about.
Give Lux good things one day I beg of you

"The Kannagi Shrine, yes."
new character?!?!?!

Tono by comparison, was not at all enthused in the slightest. Even Nori had given it a polite nod of acknowledgment. "It was obvious to anyone with a brain," the glasses-wearing teenager remarked. "Why else would an owner of a Magneton wish to travel to where there is a magnetic field? Yet I must ask, why go through the trouble of travel when you could have simply purchased a Thunder Stone to evolve it instead?"
Dumb question, but was the Thunder Stone thing a Sinnoh remake development or sooner

Nori stood up, as Eddie pointed at Ollie?
I like how you didn’t use an ellipsis here. Makes the “what?!?!:lapras:” much more abrupt.

In an instant, Ollie ripped a Poke Ball from his belt. "Fine, bitch!" he shouted. "You're going down like a bitch, bitch!" He threw it, and out came his Lanturn with an energetic flop.
These kids really need to work on their insults.

He was showing a complete lack of respect for everyone around him, no matter what they do.
I thiiiiiiink the “do” should be “did”? Because of the “was” it sounds a bit off.
 
Another chapter read! Got some interesting worldbuilding of Water type moves and Rain Dance. Love to see.
I sometimes like to add just a dash of scientific flavor to my worldbuilding. Not too much though, as some stuff is just nonsensical no matter what way you slice it.

Give Lux good things one day I beg of you
I can promise you that he and Nori will meet again some day, and they may or may not kiss for real and maybe go further than that. But if that does happen it will be a ways down the line. And either way I am a fan of good endings!

new character?!?!?!
Technically an old one. Prema Kannagi is a character in the first fic as well as her own first fic, Haruto being her father. It's confirmed that Prema is in fact the heir to the Kannagi Shrine, although Nori doesn't know that.

Dumb question, but was the Thunder Stone thing a Sinnoh remake development or sooner
Gen 8. Either method works in the Sinnoh remakes, that said.

I like how you didn’t use an ellipsis here. Makes the “what?!?!:lapras:” much more abrupt.
Big fan of doing this when appropriate.

These kids really need to work on their insults.
It's mostly Ollie who sucks at them - his favorite word is in fact bitch, to no one's surprise. Tono's very good with his snark, Eddie can get creative and at the very least never looks like a fool, and Kallisto isn't really one to sling them in the first place.
 
I promised I would come back, and I'm back.

The squirrel unsteadily managed to his feet.
"Managed to get", maybe?

Again, Pachirisu avoided the rolling ball, this time with some Agility. "Spring up and intercept!" Ollie suddenly commanded. As if it were a basketball, the Pokemon did a tiny bounce, and then a large one. Pachirisu tried to keep going, yet the Electrode launched forward in midair. He was crushed beneath the round Pokemon, and it just kept going! "Now Rollout!"

It just wouldn't sit still! They had to do something. The squirrel unsteadily managed to his feet. The only thing to do was brute force through this!
I like the use of of exclamation points here. Don't know if I've said this before, but it adds a lot of personality and character to the prose, which is especially important to third person limited.

Flustered, he kept speaking. "Bleh, I forget his name. Jim something? But he did say I was the only one willing to deal with the Demon. So I guess that counts as something only I can do."
Prequel tease, eh?

"What do you wish you'd known on your first day that you know now?" Again eying the paper.

Nori blinked. "I haven't started my first day yet? Since I'm still in-training?"

"What would be your advice to anyone looking to get into your line of work?" She kept not looking at him.
It's me it's me fr I have to rely on scripts too

"Hey, I need that!" Arumi whined, switching off the recorder and vainly reaching over to retrieve the sheet. "This is the official Schrader Family list of generic questions to ask a professional!"
IT'S ME IT'S ME FOR REAL

She does this all the time?!
"Does" should be "did"

"I know that!" he snapped. "Had to turn down some myself." He couldn't say if Arumi was one or not, but there was this girl at the trailer park who was like sixteen and kept inviting him over when her parents were out. One day he accepted, and when he went inside she took off her shirt and tried to kiss him. He thankfully managed to squeeze out of her grip and get away.
CALL THE POLICE

More seriously, I have been noticing a trend of older girls/women being... predatory to Nori (it was a bit of a surprise, because the CWs don't really warn for it? I guess it could fall under abuse, but going in my brain thought it was referring to physical/verbal Pokémon abuse), and the narrative brushing it off. Granted, this could be a case of Nori not registering that what happened/happens is... not okay, which is very common in victims of sexual harassment/abuse/etc., especially at a young age, and I think in that regard it's a pretty realistic portrayal. Though my hope is that there is some sort of payoff/retribution further down the line. (From what I've gathered, the icky squicky vibes are intentional, so I'm hopeful that there will be some sort of something.) I also think that maaaaybe a clarification in the OP would be helpful.

It's good to get of a breather where Nori gets to win. Even the small victories build up a sense that things aren't too hopeless for our hero.
 
Okay finally getting around to this

I like the use of of exclamation points here. Don't know if I've said this before, but it adds a lot of personality and character to the prose, which is especially important to third person limited.
Nori is usually pretty calm in battles, but sometimes he can get fired up like that. He can often be out of battles, after all.

Prequel tease, eh?
Nah, an outright reference to Training a Demon. Jimmy Mackenburg was the guy who gave Nori his position.

It's me it's me fr I have to rely on scripts too

IT'S ME IT'S ME FOR REAL
Actually it's the last trainers of fanfiction. I'm not even kidding, it's the same list of questions. Gone wrong, but still.

CALL THE POLICE

(Spoiler stuff)
I mostly gave a generic warning, but not too much trouble/breaking from my style to add that clarification in. Any retribution for this particular incident happened off-screen; this seems like half-joke half-worldbuilding, but without spoiling too much it's actually a setup for something later. Not sure where you're noticing this trend, though. As far as this fic is concerned (in what you've read), there's just this which is off-hand, Jamie who is his age and didn't do anything too forceful, and if you want to stretch it - Arumi's excited thankful hug here. Which is purely for humor and establishing her character, but (actual minor spoiler) it's also a setup: it gets inverted later when he hugs her under similar circumstances.

It's good to get of a breather where Nori gets to win. Even the small victories build up a sense that things aren't too hopeless for our hero.
Well I can't kick him all the time. Sometimes he needs to get up before getting kicked back down

That said I am a little disappointed you had little to say on Arumi. For now, at least.
 
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I'm alive. Here's two chapters reviewed.

Hot take: there is no car more pretentious than a convertible. Idk, there’s something about a car that can switch between an open and closed state that makes me think “this person wants to flex”.

God, I’m frustrated for Nori. It’s clear that Volkner either doesn’t want to do anything about Kallisto and the other boys or can’t because of Kallisto’s influence. I really hope that Nori is able to get back at Kallisto in some way (that sounds really harsh lol. I mean in a Pokémon battle or a promotion or something.)

screaming LUX


“raggedy little shit” has such energy. I don’t know what kind of energy, but it has a lot of whatever it is. And Spike deserves it.

“We at Sunyshore Gym stick together.” BULLSHIT, EDDIE. I almost screamed out loud.

I’m guessing Nori doesn’t have a syllabus or anything that needs to get signed by a parent or guardian. The worst part of back to school.

Her lavender-colored hair was poofy, for lack of a better term, - “for lack of a better term” feels a bit weird here? Like it either gives a negative connotation or “out there” connotation, idk.

The thing I’ve come to understand about body language is that it’s less about “everyone follows the same pattern” and more “people have their own patterns, so if they go off that pattern, it means something might be up”. Like I’m sorry Kakoku, but maybe I lean back because I trust the person I’m talking to and can let my barriers down. (Prediction that maybe this sort of line of thinking comes up.)

The scene with the Gym Trainers was a bit confusing. I feel like it would be more clear if names were dropped, especially because everyone in the scene uses he/him.


Don't have many "in summary" thoughts. Mostly "I'm glad Nori found friends n the journalism club even if they are a bit eccentric" and "waiting for karma".
 
I'm alive. Here's two chapters reviewed.
HE LIVES

Hot take: there is no car more pretentious than a convertible. Idk, there’s something about a car that can switch between an open and closed state that makes me think “this person wants to flex”.
Fair take. There's actually a small line from Kallisto in a later chapter remarking on why he has one. Keep in mind though it was off-hand, Volkner has one too.

God, I’m frustrated for Nori. It’s clear that Volkner either doesn’t want to do anything about Kallisto and the other boys or can’t because of Kallisto’s influence. I really hope that Nori is able to get back at Kallisto in some way (that sounds really harsh lol. I mean in a Pokémon battle or a promotion or something.)
Then I did a good job of writing. Building up that frustration until the big moments of catharsis is sort of my intent. Of course, will he or will he not, and what forms will it take?

screaming LUX
As I said! Nori hasn't forgotten about Lux! Although he's kind of in a bad state and thinking silly things, which of course, are unknowingly actually not all that silly and exactly right.

“raggedy little shit” has such energy. I don’t know what kind of energy, but it has a lot of whatever it is. And Spike deserves it.
“We at Sunyshore Gym stick together.” BULLSHIT, EDDIE. I almost screamed out loud.
It's telling that Spike is so obnoxious that even Eddie hates him from the get-go. Also, Eddie was supposed to be genuine there. Sure, he definitely did something horrible to Nori, so it's sort of in a "no one but us" sort of way. But still. Know that he actually meant it in his own weird way.

Her lavender-colored hair was poofy, for lack of a better term, - “for lack of a better term” feels a bit weird here? Like it either gives a negative connotation or “out there” connotation, idk.
Noted.

The thing I’ve come to understand about body language is that it’s less about “everyone follows the same pattern” and more “people have their own patterns, so if they go off that pattern, it means something might be up”. Like I’m sorry Kakoku, but maybe I lean back because I trust the person I’m talking to and can let my barriers down. (Prediction that maybe this sort of line of thinking comes up.)
Yeah, that's also true. She was probably reading a lot more than that though which is why she reacted and assumed like she did.

The scene with the Gym Trainers was a bit confusing. I feel like it would be more clear if names were dropped, especially because everyone in the scene uses he/him.
Some of it is supposed to be gotten through context. Or yeah, that it's back and forth. Sometimes in professional writing, you'll see things like that too, bits of back and forth dialogue without 'x said' and 'y said'. Though, yeah, sometimes I admit, can get confusio.

Don't have many "in summary" thoughts. Mostly "I'm glad Nori found friends n the journalism club even if they are a bit eccentric" and "waiting for karma".
Heh, describes them well. Mostly Arumi. Looking forward to your continued reading!
 
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