- Joined
- Aug 10, 2015
- Messages
- 3,769
- Reaction score
- 2,598
And with this, your story has finally ended! Love that Nori finally got to call her out on being a crummy teacher. Not surprised she still thinks Nori is a troublemaker. But hey, Nori got to become a rehabilitator and went back to Veilstone. Glad to see you have new stories planned! Can't wait to read them! Now, I think it's time I go into some in-depth thoughts about the fic itself. Writing wise, your prose and overall narrative structure have really gotten better over the time I've gotten to read your stuff. Not that they were bad in any way, but it's been really nice to see your writing grow and become more polished as you've gone along. You use showing over telling when needed, but not too much, and there's enough description to make the world you created feel alive.
That being said, I'm a bit more mixed on the characters and their progression. I mean, I like Nori and the friendships he made with Lux, Yuki, Betsy-Ann, and Arumi, and seeing how he overcame all of his issues to get where he is in the end. But having to deal with the once apathetic Volkner and the gym trainers bullying Nori constantly without punishment until a certain point did start to feel draining after a while. When it came to this, the fic almost bordered on being really mean-spirited at times. But I knew you had plans for the story and weren't simply writing it that way for the sake of it, so I stuck with it, and I'm glad I did, as things did eventually turn around for Nori. But man, having to put up with Kallisto once he became an antagonist...he practically bordered on Gary Stu territory, what with all that he was somehow able to get away with, with and without Volkner at the very least calling him on it. I mean, I know a lot of this was intentional, as there are cases in real life where celebrities have their skeletons in the closet exposed but their fans don't always want to believe that their idol can do bad things, even with hard evidence proving such. But the fact that people were willing to not only handwave Kallisto nearly murdering Nori and covering it up, even if it was accidental, but openly degrading him in front of a huge crowd of people, really broke my suspension of disbelief. I'm glad you did have him answer for his actions after that, but having to deal with him getting away with that stuff was a slog, I can't lie.
Of course, I still liked the fic for what it is, and I'm hoping things can look up for Nori from here on out. So with that, I bid this story farewell, and I hope you have a good day!
That being said, I'm a bit more mixed on the characters and their progression. I mean, I like Nori and the friendships he made with Lux, Yuki, Betsy-Ann, and Arumi, and seeing how he overcame all of his issues to get where he is in the end. But having to deal with the once apathetic Volkner and the gym trainers bullying Nori constantly without punishment until a certain point did start to feel draining after a while. When it came to this, the fic almost bordered on being really mean-spirited at times. But I knew you had plans for the story and weren't simply writing it that way for the sake of it, so I stuck with it, and I'm glad I did, as things did eventually turn around for Nori. But man, having to put up with Kallisto once he became an antagonist...he practically bordered on Gary Stu territory, what with all that he was somehow able to get away with, with and without Volkner at the very least calling him on it. I mean, I know a lot of this was intentional, as there are cases in real life where celebrities have their skeletons in the closet exposed but their fans don't always want to believe that their idol can do bad things, even with hard evidence proving such. But the fact that people were willing to not only handwave Kallisto nearly murdering Nori and covering it up, even if it was accidental, but openly degrading him in front of a huge crowd of people, really broke my suspension of disbelief. I'm glad you did have him answer for his actions after that, but having to deal with him getting away with that stuff was a slog, I can't lie.
Of course, I still liked the fic for what it is, and I'm hoping things can look up for Nori from here on out. So with that, I bid this story farewell, and I hope you have a good day!