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TEEN: Orre: The Desert.

A Wolf.
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Orre: The Desert.
Welcome to Orre: The Desert. As you can see this story takes place in the desert region of Orre, the setting of Pokemon Colosseum and XD: Gale of Darkness. The story follows a young woman named Cecilia Matthews, seven years after Gale of Darkness as she travels across Orre as a part-time delivery girl for Orre's package delivery company and the encounters she experiences along the way. Come see how Orre has change or what as remain the same in this barren desert, and what befouls Cecilia in her new life.

This story was born as a ten minute free-write in my Creative Writing class. After writing two more ten-minute free-writes, I took my Writing Journal and took to the internet and type up the story into a Word Document and voila this story was born. I'm taking all my lessons I've learned from my English classes, from your guy's stories here on forums, and other things I've heard in the Writing Channel on the Bulbagarden Discord. Will I succeed? Probably not.

Though I must point out; this story will focus more on the human characters more than Pokemon, as this is a Pokemon fic they will take a role in the story, just more of a backseat but you will see them frequently.


As per rules of the Writer Workshops handbook; I've decided to make this story TEEN due to Orre being a more darker place in the world of Pokemon.
Expect to see at some point;[Strong
Language] [Abuse] [Violence] [Crimes; Small & Major]
Rating may be change if need be when we get to darker chapters.

Table of Contents:

Volume 1:

 
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A Wolf.
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First of all, I must give a big thanks to our resident bird fanatic and fellow Orre fan @diamondpearl876 for looking over the first version of this chapter. I cannot express enough thanks for looking over it.

Orre: The Desert
Chapter 1: Sands and Wind.

The motor of the hoverbike ran loudly over the empty desert. The only living things present are myself and what few creatures that roam the massive sandy terrain.

This has become my life, since leaving that place, a world I have no desire of going back to.

The beast inside my hoverbike dies down as I put the bike to a stop, raising my goggles up, now only the quiet sounds of the Orre desert remain after it kills the sound from my bike.

“This looks like a good place as any to sketch for a bit,” I spoke to the scenery.

The desert’s beating sky rains upon me as I take out what I treasure the most, my prized sketchbook and begun to have the scenery of the desert plastered onto the paper with my pencil.

The Orre desert’s wind kicks the sand all around, barely hitting my eyes. Each strike of the pencil being the only sound heard besides the beating sun and the gust of wind.

Most of this area is just a lot of rock formations, but I always find a new one every time I come out here.

This rock formation is in the shape of a giant hand, much like the infamous Orre Colosseum.

My usual drawing coming here is to draw the new formation I’ve found, and then whatever’s behind it. The only downside is that I have a lot of similar looking drawings.

I forget exactly when I got into doing art like this, but I always find it so relaxing just to draw out scenery, only listening to nature and the sound of my pencil.

This has always been one of my favorite spots to draw. I always come to this spot when I need to clear my thoughts, even when I don’t want to sketch.

I’ve been unable to come here as of late, today was my first time in awhile, a celebration of finally finding a job.

Though I wasn’t expecting life to turn out like this, life always makes crazy twists and turns like it always does. Riding across Orre, place to place trying to find work, only getting the fewest of moments to sketch like this.

Hopefully, since I got the job I can come out here more often, now everything can be less crazy.

The last touch upon my sketch is finalized has I feel a rumble coming out of my pocket.

I pull my M*DA out of my pocket and look upon its screen to a message from my roommate; ‘Hey Cecilia, did that job interview go ok? You’ve been out for a while now, hope you get back soon.’

I checked my watch laying under my palm out of habit; “Six P.M already? I’ve been out this long?”

I sent her a message back; ‘I GOT THE JOB!! I got so happy I went back to my usual spot to sketch in celebration. I’m coming back now.’

I put my M*DA back in my pocket and pack away my sketchbook into my bag; “Guess I’ll have to deal with the color later,” I lamented.

I sat down properly onto my hoverbike, kicking on the motor of the bike, the sound of the engine engulfing the empty desert once more, lowering my goggles over my eyes, I began to ride off.
 
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The #1 Deerling Fan!
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I admit, I haven't played the Pokemon XD games so I don't know much about them. But I must say, this was very nice! Your descriptions are concise and fluid, and Cecilia seems like a nice, interesting character so far! I like to draw just like she does, so having something in common is a plus! You've got a good setup here, and I can't wait to read more!
 
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Read the updated version! I like the details you put in about the sketch and the narrator. You get a good sense of how she's left behind a past she doesn't really wanna revisit - and though we don't know why, that's perfectly fine for a first chapter. The focus is more on what the narrator is doing now, and it seems things are going well. Still, you balance a tone of melancholy in there well, I think. And there's a good balance of introspection with physical surroundings. I agree with Juliko the concise descriptions work very well.
 
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Orre: The Desert
Chapter 2: Hideaway.

The motor of my bike ran rampant as sand blew across into my goggles as I drove across the dusty dunes.

The long black hair that is my own, flew behind me. I should really invest into a new helmet after my last one broke, but the feeling of my hair going through the wind just feels so satisfying for some reason.

A bump strikes under my bike as I pass one city of civilization and drive further northeast into the mountainous area.

I pull up to a building located in between two mountains. The base of Team Snagem this building once was, now since all of the Team Snagem members have been arrested or disappear off the face of the planet; the building has been transformed into an apartment complex.

Not many tenants live here due to its little known status, so rent is a bit lower than the usual places go for. I don’t know why the new owner made the building an apartment complex, here of all places no less. I think he wanted to make it a new town of sorts? I never met the guy so I never could ask him in the first place.

I jokingly call this place the Hideaway, since it’s so obscure from the other places here in Orre. Most of the people who live here just come to hide from their past lives, or really have nowhere else to go; the name somehow fits.

I park my bike near the entrance at the small parking space in front of the building. I shutdown my bike at my usual spot.

The setting sun makes up the background behind me as I walk into the building’s main lobby.

I passed the complexes receptionist as I wave and say; “Good evening Mr.Longfellow.”

The receptionist gives me a wave and a smile; “Hello Cecilia, you seem happy. Job hunting went well?

I give him back, a big goofy smile; “Yep, I finally found one that accepted me. I’m starting tomorrow too.”

“Congrats, and good luck on your first day tomorrow,” Mr.Longfellow replied.

I wave Mr.Longfellow goodbye with the thank you gesture, as I move up the stairs to the higher floors until I reach the third floor where the apartment that my roommate and I share is present.

I turn the handle present on the door and open it into the dark apart-wait a minute! Why are the lights off? I thought she was home?

“Tomoko?” I ask the darkness as I search for the light switch. “Are you home?”

I find the light switch and turn it on, emitting light throughout our apartment living room.

“Surprise!”

My roommate, Tomoko popped out from god knows where and scared the living crap out of me. I almost jumped right to the ceiling, I hate being surprised like that. Something that Tomoko should know by now!!

“You should see the look on your face!” Tomoko went off laughing.

I catch my breath after being jumpscared, while Tomoko is still laughing.

“Tomoko!!” I yelled. “How many times do I have to tell I hate being surprised like that!?”

I promptly bonked her on the head after that. She deserved it.

“Hey!” Tomoko complained. “What was that for!?”

“I keep telling you I hate you doing that! Why did you surprise me this time?”

“Oh, I got so caught up laughing I almost forgot,” Tomoko walked over to me and gave me a great big hug to my confusion. “Congratulations on finally finding a job Cecilia, after so much trial and error, you deserve it.”

I finally reciprocated the hug that Tomoko is giving me. “I think I owe it to you, without you I wouldn’t be able to dedicate most of my time searching for one.”

“Better be glad I moved here when I did,” Tomoko responded with a little pride.

Tomoko moved here from Johto several months ago to study the Orre region with the Pokemon HQ Lab stationed here. About five months ago when I was apartment hunting, I came upon her roommate ad online. When I met Tomoko, she was very kind and understanding, almost motherly in a way. When I told her the reason why I was apartment hunting, she was willing to make me her roommate immediately. Heck she was the one who bought my M*DA, or Mini Digital Assistant since she’s such a gearhead after she saw my old hunk of junk of a P*DA. I do really owe a lot to Tomoko, I’m glad I met her.

“Okay, can we quit hugging now?” I asked awkwardly.

“Oh, yeah sure,” she finally let go of her hold on me. “I need to check up on dinner anyways.”

I start pulling off my coat; “what are you making?” I ask in the middle of it.

“Johtonese Curry, one of your favorites.”

I fell in love with Johtonese Curry when Tomoko first made it, I can’t help but make the same goofy smile I made earlier.

“Sweet!” I exclaimed. “I’m going to change real quick first.”

I walked over to my room around the back of the apartment. According to Tomoko, this apartment used to be the Snagem Head’s room. What was his name? Gonzales? Gonzo? Wait, Gonzap was his name. When this place got converted from Team Snagem’s old base, this room ended up being the largest out of the apartments.

I opened my bedroom door and threw my bag and jacket over my small coat rack, and began pulling out my dresser drawers. Some of the furniture here was leftover from the Snagem grunts, but the majority of it was gotten from thrift shops or those repurpose stores so Tomoko and I can save some money. If I remember correctly, the bed frame and desk were the only thing that remained from Snagem.

I pulled out a new shirt and a pair of pajama bottoms from the dresser, I am planning to go straight to bed after Tomoko and I finish dinner. It’s been a long day for me, that interview terrified me and I was expecting failure at the start. I wasn’t expecting them to hire me right away though.

As soon as I closed my dresser I heard a knock against my window, I turned to see a bird Pokemon waiting there. I walk over and proceed to open the window, flying in is a Honchkrow landing gently onto my desk.

“Schwartz!!” I exclaimed at the surprise. “Bringing in a message from Mom?”

This Honchkrow is a Pokemon that belongs to my mother. She never really enjoyed Emailing through technology so she sends Schwartz a few times a month to bring me letters.

Schwartz swings it side aside to show the letter tube from my mother, I promptly take it off and reveal the letter.

‘Hiya Cecilia, hope you are doing well. I know I haven’t written in awhile, but I assure you I am perfectly fine. I hope job hunting is going well, I know a lot of places here in Orre aren’t offering nowadays, but knowing your dedication I expect you to come out with one soon. I still wish the entire world could see your art someday, I hope you haven’t given up your passion since leaving home; the real world can be a demeaning place where it can diminish your passions once you see what’s it like. I just want to remind you that I’ll always support you no matter which way you go. Please come visit me and your stepdad in Gateon soon, we’re always happy to see you my little lumiere. With love, your mother Amelia.’

I read the letter one more time. Mom always had these supporting words that touched my heart greatly. I prepared my reply, just stating what has happened recently and where I am working now. I place the letter in the tube, and put it back on Schwartz’s back when I hear a knock at the door.

“Hey Cecilia,” Tomoko says as she walks in. “Dinner is all set.”

“Okay,” I say. “Just got a surprise letter from my mother, I’ll be there in a sec.”

I raise the window a bit higher so the Honchkrow can get through, which he promptly goes through immediately as I move out of the way.

I pop my head through the window and wave off to him; “Safe travels Schwartz!! Hope to see you soon!”

I popped my head back in and closed the window. It’s always nice to see him, even if he is dead quiet as he usually is. Well time to go before Tomoko eats all the curry.
 
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Well, I’m not gonna be one to turn down an Orre fic! Let’s take a look at what these little morsels of chapters are like.

The only living thing present are myself and what few creatures that roam the massive sandy terrain.
This is a bit awkwardly phrased to me, particularly the last part. “The only living things present are myself and the few creatures that roam . . .” or something. At the very least, I think “thing” should be plural here.

the only sound heard besides the beating sun
Does light have a sound?


I feel like shortly after this quote, you use the word “formation” kinda often, when maybe you should use either a shorter word, or no word at all, to describe the rocks in that same way too often.

Though I wasn’t expecting life to turn out like this, but life always make crazy twist and turns like this.
Perhaps remove one of the “this”es here, and in this paragraph in general.

I sent her a message back; ‘I GOT THE JOB!! I got so happy I went back to my usual spot to sketch in celebration. I’m coming back now.’
Huh, this is interesting. The tone here suggests that she’s really excited and ecstatic in some way, but the tone prior made things feel a lot more subdued. I’m not sure if that was the intention, but I feel like the subdued nature contrasted oddly with the actual message given here. Not really dialogue, but effectively so.


__


Overall, I’d say this first chapter did well to set the scene and establish a few defining traits about the desert, the location, and perhaps a tiny bit about the character. But beyond that, I still don’t have a big idea on what the actual story is going to be about. Given how short it is, I imagine that’s partly why.


Okay, onto the second chapter.


The motor of my bike ran rampant as sand blew across into my goggles as I drove across the dusty dunes.
So, here’s something about sentences like these that I think can help with chopping up some things. This isn’t a hard-and-fast rule, but I noticed it was really prominent in this sentence in particular—when you use ‘as’ to connect two things in a sentence, the effect tends to be the weakening of both parts. In this case, you have two “as” connectors, further weakening the three segments of the sentence. “The motor of my bike ran rampant,” “sand blew across into my goggles,” and “I drove across the sandy dunes.”

They all got slightly weaker when the “as” clause was used to connect them all into one sentence to process at the same time, making them all equally important, but to be honest? I feel like the most important clause was the middle one, since I feel like what you’d notice the most while riding would be that sand. Especially for an opening sentence, I’d take that part out and move it to the next sentence, or even the first sentence! Something like… “The motor of my bike ran rampant as I drove across the dusty dunes. Sand blew into my goggles from the unrelenting desert winds.” I made up that last part, but something to describe what it is that’s causing the sand to behave in that way.


__


I like the touch going on about showing the run-down Snagem base, basically illustrating the fact that time has passed, old organizations have dissolved, and so on and so forth. Still, I feel that by doing this, you’ve introduced a bit of a vacuum on what that actually means the story is going to be about, like I mentioned before. There’s very little to go by in terms of the “big story,” so to speak.


__


Yes, so it seems that the chapter has ended with a bit of simple slice-of-life work, but so far, there isn’t a whole lot going on. Hopefully by the next chapter, I’ll at least have an idea on where this story is going! I’m curious to see what sorts of things are going on in Orre now that the Shadow crisis is (presumably) over, or at least dormant.
 
A Wolf.
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Well, I’m not gonna be one to turn down an Orre fic! Let’s take a look at what these little morsels of chapters are like.
Always good to see another Orre fan in the mix, and don't worry, I'll be trying to slowly increase each chapter's word count as much as I can.

This is a bit awkwardly phrased to me, particularly the last part. “The only living things present are myself and the few creatures that roam . . .” or something. At the very least, I think “thing” should be plural here.

I feel like shortly after this quote, you use the word “formation” kinda often, when maybe you should use either a shorter word, or no word at all, to describe the rocks in that same way too often.

Perhaps remove one of the “this”es here, and in this paragraph in general.
----
Changes made to the happy accidents mistakes you noticed.



Overall, I’d say this first chapter did well to set the scene and establish a few defining traits about the desert, the location, and perhaps a tiny bit about the character. But beyond that, I still don’t have a big idea on what the actual story is going to be about. Given how short it is, I imagine that’s partly why.
My big idea when this fic came to me was basically someone traveling around a desert. So describing Orre as it is now is as big as the characters themselves to me.

I like the touch going on about showing the run-down Snagem base, basically illustrating the fact that time has passed, old organizations have dissolved, and so on and so forth.
The Snagem base being Cecilia's new home was one of the first things I thought about. Since I would imagine that building would be completely destroyed by now if it wasn't remodeled since it was in as bad shape still by Gale of Darkness. First I thought about her owning the building, which wouldn't make sense in context of where she is now. After drafting a few ideas in my head I came upon this one, and I'm going to have a little fun with this building's residents and backstory.

Still, I feel that by doing this, you’ve introduced a bit of a vacuum on what that actually means the story is going to be about, like I mentioned before. There’s very little to go by in terms of the “big story,” so to speak.
I honestly feel this is going to be the hardest part for me, since there really isn't going to be some grandiose plot that makes Cecilia the new hero of Orre. It is about her new life after escaping her old one and trying to adapt to it.

Yes, so it seems that the chapter has ended with a bit of simple slice-of-life work, but so far, there isn’t a whole lot going on. Hopefully by the next chapter, I’ll at least have an idea on where this story is going! I’m curious to see what sorts of things are going on in Orre now that the Shadow crisis is (presumably) over, or at least dormant.
I have no plans to bring Shadow Pokemon into the mix of story since it is a Slice of Life, but there will be a lot of callbacks to it cause of both incidents is what cause Orre to clean up its act by now and what has change because of it.

But I do love to see the support for this fic, cause honestly, I thought I wasn't going to get any(I often look at the negative side of things, sorry!). Thanks for all the support.
 
ready as i'll ever be
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Orre and slice of life is never really something I've seen before, but count me in! Also, Violet Evergarden.

Quick grammar thing -- you swap between present and past tense a few times throughout your paragraphs, and I don't think it's intentional. The other technical thing that I found kind of tricky to digest in your writing was how you formatted your paragraphs -- they're mostly split up by individual sentences, but you could probably fit more than one sentence in each paragraph. There's no hard and fast rule for when/where paragraph breaks are necessary, but typically you'll only need to do it when you're switching subjects (or, in dialogue, speakers). So, for instance, the group of sentences/paragraphs that you have describing Cecilia drawing in chapter one could be grouped into one paragraph. This gives readers a sense of structure/progression, rather than the disjoints you create by having a lot of individual paragraphs.

There are also a few places where the phrasing feels weird, like:
The long black hair that is my own, flew behind me
This could probably be re-said as "my long black hair flew behind me"

As far as actual story content goes, I like this a lot! You set a very somber tone in these two chapters, but it's still very comprehensive and detailed. It's and enjoyable read, and it's really cool getting to see all of the details in Orre that you're starting to flesh out.

One thing that you might want to consider -- slice of life doesn't need to have a plot, per se, but it kind of needs to have a driving thread. There's hints of a story structure being told here with Cecilia, and her drawing, and the backstory of Orre looming in the distance, but we only really get snippets. The rest of the story relies on your attention to detail and ability to worldbuild (which so far is really strong in these chapters!), but I am curious to see what kind of overarching narrative you're going to tell in these parts. Looking forward to seeing more!
 
A Wolf.
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Well late response part being busy and part being incredibly lazy.

Orre and slice of life is never really something I've seen before, but count me in! Also, Violet Evergarden.
Always gotta do something different. Also, not anymore. Ranger Slayer for the win!!

Quick grammar thing -- you swap between present and past tense a few times throughout your paragraphs, and I don't think it's intentional. The other technical thing that I found kind of tricky to digest in your writing was how you formatted your paragraphs -- they're mostly split up by individual sentences, but you could probably fit more than one sentence in each paragraph. There's no hard and fast rule for when/where paragraph breaks are necessary, but typically you'll only need to do it when you're switching subjects (or, in dialogue, speakers). So, for instance, the group of sentences/paragraphs that you have describing Cecilia drawing in chapter one could be grouped into one paragraph. This gives readers a sense of structure/progression, rather than the disjoints you create by having a lot of individual paragraphs.
Yeah, grammar has never been my strong suit despite English being my first language. So expect grammar to be bad and some silly mistakes I wouldn't notice.

As far as actual story content goes, I like this a lot! You set a very somber tone in these two chapters, but it's still very comprehensive and detailed. It's and enjoyable read, and it's really cool getting to see all of the details in Orre that you're starting to flesh out.
I'll be honest here like I've said before, I have a very negative mindset most of the time. So I was really wasn't expecting to see so much positive feedback in this story, since I still see myself as a sorta novice writer despite being at this for while and is easily prone to mistake. But I really do enjoy the support Orre: The Desert is getting, thanks to you guys who have review and the people who've read but haven't comment.

One thing that you might want to consider -- slice of life doesn't need to have a plot, per se, but it kind of needs to have a driving thread. There's hints of a story structure being told here with Cecilia, and her drawing, and the backstory of Orre looming in the distance, but we only really get snippets.
I'm slowly trying to implement a story, whenever I finish Chapter 3 you'll see some plot threads start and I've vaguely mentioned somethings about Cecilia's past life with her "not wanting to return" and her mother's letter mentioning a stepdad but no mention of her birth father, as well as Tomoko's occupation will be explore later on. All I hope is that I can kind of execute this properly.

The rest of the story relies on your attention to detail and ability to worldbuild (which so far is really strong in these chapters!), but I am curious to see what kind of overarching narrative you're going to tell in these parts. Looking forward to seeing more!
I'm honestly surprise I can worldbuild this well. Though maybe constantly creating characters and pre-planning stuff entirely in your head can be a major factor for this skill.

Once again thanks for the feedback. Now let's hope I can get Chapter 3 out before the end of month.
 
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Hi there! I'm here as part of the gift review exchange. I've got comments on both your chapters for you. My review style is, uh, kind of nonsensical rambling, so if you have questions, feel free to ask. ^^

Chapter 1
This part of the review was unfortunately lost to a power surge, so I'm going to try and hit all the main points I had originally written...

As far as content, I think this short opening chapter is good for the kind of fic you're presenting us with. The summary made me think it's a slice-of-life piece, as opposed to some sort of grand adventure with an overarching plot. So, the quiet, contemplative feel with the stream-of-consciousness narration is good for introducing Cecilia and getting a bit into her head space. I can't quite peg her age, but based on your summary and her text message I'm guessing late teens or early 20s. I was intrigued by the fact that her resoponse to a job offer isn't anything we typically think of as celebratory... but instead to go off and draw. That, coupled with her mentions of escaping from somewhere, give enough of a tease to pique my interest.

That said, I do have to echo things kintsugi brought up: the tense changes and awkward phrasing do, in my opinion, detract from my overall enjoyment of the chapter. First-person, present-tense POV, to me, is a very hard narration style to go for because your POV character can't really stop to take time to reflect on anything since they're telling the audience the events as they're happening. While I do think you're successful with that in this chapter, the constant tense changes made me stumble. Your opening sentence uses past tense ("ran loudly" instead of "runs loudly"), only for the next sentence to use the present tense. Typically my brain just auto-corrects spelling/grammar stuff and it doesn't bother me unless it's egregious but tense-swapping is one of those things that always sucks me out of the fic.

What compounds it is that Cecilia's voice as the narrator is a bit... stiff and clunky, in my opinion. It might just be a personal taste thing, but I tend to prefer first-person stories, especially present-tense ones, to use a more conversational tone and have the prose sound more like dialogue. Because the idea is we're in Cecilia's headspace and I imagine she, like most humans, doesn't think in purple prose. So, lines like "Each strike of the pencil being the only sound heard..." are going to feel very off to me. Does that make sense? Maybe not, but I threw it out anyway.

Chapter 2
Hrrrrm. Okay, so, the chapter's content is decent once again. But this time I'm going to have to cover it later and start with the mechanistic. Reason being that both the tense changes and stiff, awkward phrasing from the first chapter is here, only the issues seem to have been magnified. I'm going to be honest, it was actually a struggle for me to read this, because I kept stopping myself to make sure I had read some of these sentences correctly. I fully admit that's a 'me issue.' Sometimes I get so bogged down in the mechanics of a fic's prose, I can't help it. But I have to bring it up again because I do think this is all working to the fic's detriment. Take this sentence, for example:
The base of Team Snagem this building once was, now since all of the Team Snagem members have been arrested or disappear off the face of the planet; the building has been transformed into a apartment complex.
The overall phrasing reads like a very clunky way of explaining Cecilia's apartment building is the former Snagem base. And it has a comma splice and an unnecessary semicolon, to boot. I can't imagine a human stopping and thinking about a building this way, even for the sake of a story. As an example of what it might look like if done a bit more succintly and conversational (including the first sentence in the paragraph):
I pull up to a building in between two mountains. It's my apartment, built up from the old Team Snagem base.
So, my big suggestion for you, if you want to keep using present-tense, would be to try and find someone who can beta read for mechanics and grammar because that's your Achilles heal at the moment. Alternatively, I'd strongly recommend you transition the fic to first-person, past-tense narration style. The reason being that, with this chapter, Cecilia takes several moments to stop and drop bits of exposition— about the old Snagem base, her roommate, her mom's honchkrow, etc. But as I mentioned earlier, first-person present is not a narration-style well suited to throwing in expository chunks like those. It's mean to portray events as they're happening, so the POV character can't afford to stop and explain things like this, even in a slice-of-life story. Something's still presumably happening around Cecilia, after all.

Which brings me to the actual content. First off, I'm happy to see Cecilia's got a supportive mother. Maybe it's because I've been reading too many forum-based pokémon fics, but I've gotten really tired of abusive, dysfunctional families. Also, I think it's interesting that the Snagem HQ is now an apartment building and I'm wondering how you'll show that beyond explaining that Gonzap's room is now Cecilia's apartment. I do think the exposition about Tomoko and the honchkrow were examples of telling, not showing. In the future, I think it'd be stronger if you found ways to incorporate the information into the events of the chapter, instead of stopping to explain things. For example, Cecilia could've asked Tomoko about her job at the Pokémon HQ Lab. This way, the audience doesn't have to have the narrator tell them that Tomoko's a researcher, they learn it from the conversation.

Oof. I hope this wasn't too negative. I don't usually like critical reviews and prefer to just give reactionary comments and snarky one-liners. I do think the slice-of-life elements are working so far and this is shaping up to be a very unique fic. If you focus more on your mechanics and phrasing, then I think the story will be even stronger. Take care and season's greetings!
 
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Orre: The Desert
Chapter 3: Fresh Start

I woke up to the sound of my alarm going off around six am, nearly falling back to sleep after turning it off. I wish I could fall back to sleep, but alas I have a job and I don’t want to get fired on the first day. My body reluctantly gets out of bed, as I make way out of room and to the bathroom to shower.

About several minutes later I’m out squeaky clean, wearing a simple white t-shirt covered by my favorite worn-out blue jacket and some simple khaki pants. I grab my messenger bag, M*DA, my single Pokéball, and one of my sketchbooks in case I get a break to sketch.

I double check my desk to see if I forgot anything, just in case like the forgetful person I am half the time. Finishing up in my bedroom, I scurry along to the kitchen when I notice Tomoko there, cooking, wide awake.

“Tomoko? You’re already up?”

“Oh!” She exclaims. “Morning Cecilia. I made you toast and tea, it’s on the table.”

I sat down at the table completely confused. I thought her day didn’t start for another hour? She would stay in bed if she was up. Instead, she’s here dressed in a nice attire; a white leather jacket over her red button up shirt, black skirt and stockings, all covered up by a blue apron. Even her glasses help enhance this image of her cooking for some reason.

“So, why are you up early?” I ask her as I reach for the cup of tea. “You usually don’t have to be at the HQ Lab until 9 or 10.”

“I woke up when you did and couldn’t fall back asleep,” she responded. “I wanted to get there early today anyways, we are scouting a possible new PokéSpot today; we’ve heard rumors of Vullaby and Mandibuzz migrating from Unova and taking root here.”

I raise the cup of tea and take a sip of it; “Migrating to Orre? That’s surprising.”

To explain; Orre has a sorta ‘wild Pokémon drought’ if you want to call it that. For some unknown reason, Orre is very inhabitable to wild Pokémon. So most the Pokemon here were brought from regions like Johto or Hoenn. But several years ago, Pyrite Town Mayor Duking had found habitable areas for Pokemon and began campaigning to help spread these so called PokéSpots. Ever since the second Shadow Incident ended, the HQ Lab Tomoko works at is currently helping Duking make Orre more habitable and try to find why Orre like this in the first place.

“I know, kinda rare,” Tomoko replied. “The lab has only recorded about 12 or so species that have migrated or appeared in Orre since the PokéSpot project began at the lab, and that’s including Mayor Duking’s findings.”

Tomoko boxed something at the counter and took off her apron, then proceeded to join me at the table for breakfast. Giving me a smile as she sits down, she puts her hands together like she’s clapping and mutters something in Johtonese. I swear she has some radiant glow when she does things like this.

“But enough about me. Excited about your first day?”

“Nervous wreck more like it,” I replied back. “I mean I’m glad they hired me, but I hope I live up to their expectations and don’t fire me.”

Tomoko sighed; “Where are you working again Cecilia?”

I blinked in confusion, I told her like three times last night at dinner; “Phenac Delivery Service Company, I’m working as a delivery woman.”

“Listen, sure it matters that you live up to someone’s expectations but remember as long as you do your job you’ll do fine,” she said. “Since you’re working as a delivery woman, many people will have different expectations of how you work. Your employers and your customers will all expect different things from you. You left your past life because of having to live up to horrible and strict expectations. Don’t go live your life thinking living upto expectations will help you down the line, it won’t. I know from experience myself.”

I have to admit, she is right. I told myself a million times that my past life wouldn’t keep its hold on me. Yet here I am contradicting myself.

“Oh, look at the time!” Tomoko exclaimed all of sudden. “It’s almost seven, we better get going.”

Crap, she’s right. I don’t want to be late on my first day of my new job or keep Tomoko here from hers. I rose from my seat and went to put my dishes in the sink, and then prepare to get going.

“Wait Cecilia!” Tomoko yelled. “I made you lunch for today.”

Huh lunch; wait shit, lunch! How did I forget about lunch? I must have gotten so nervous and distracted by Tomoko I forgot to make it for later today. I guess Tomoko thought this would happen

“Here,” she simply says as she gives me a box covered with a red cloth. A Johtonese bento I believe.

“Thank you,” I say as I take the box. “Seriously what did I do to deserve you Tomoko?”

“You took life into your own hands,” she says as she pulls me into a hug. “Good luck on your first day.”

I reciprocated the hug; “You’re acting like a mother sending her child to their first day of school.”

“Well, maybe I am a mother and you’re my daughter.”

I chuckled; “Yeah, no. You are twenty-three and I’m nineteen going on twenty, this doesn’t work in any way possible. But you are like a sister to me you know.”

She let me go and pushed me to the door; “Okay I get it, now get out of here before you make me cry and before you become late.”

“I’ll see you later,” I grabbed the door knob and run out while waving to Tomoko.

I rushed down to the building’s first floor, nearly falling down off of the stairs. I shouldn’t really be in such a rush, but I really do not want to be late on the first day.

Quickly gathering myself and walking again into the main lobby of the building. Passing by the building’s receptionist Mr.Longfellow with a wave, I exited the building into the bright morning light of Orre. I raise my arm in front of my face to cover it from the rising sun.

“Swear it gets brighter and brighter everyday,” a mumble comes from my mouth.

I walked over to my hoverbike, a custom MAR-229 Garchomp. A remodeled silver sports bike to include a sidecar. I never get why bikes have these really weird names like this one or have to be named after certain Pokémon. I understand they’re for production most likely, but they seem so weird and out of place.

I placed my goggles over my eyes, grasp my hands onto the bike handles, and pulled myself over onto the bike. Kicking the engine on, the bike began hovering off the ground. I backed the bike up out of the lot and began moving towards the direction of Phenac.

The total drive to Phenac from here is about twenty to thirty minutes. Thirty would usually be the most it would take, I mean there really is no such thing as traffic here in Orre so traveling between cities is never a problem. The less hover cars and bikes make these drives so nice and relaxing, enough to calm yourself down when you are nervous.

About ten or so minutes into the drive, I passed by a construction lot, or what’s left of a construction lot to be more specific.

“Guess they finally finished that airport, strange didn’t see that yesterday,” I echoed my thoughts aloud, albeit drowning a bit in the sounds my bike are making.

The only possible way to get into Orre from other regions for the longest time was by boats in Gateon Port. Tomoko came in through the boat when she first arrived so I’ve heard from her. That airport was billed for about five or so years ago, and it seems great to see it finally being finished. Maybe the other regions can finally stop being asses and help us Orre folk more easily than just imports through boats.

I pulled into and parked at the Phenac West Gate, the closest to the company’s building. I power off my bike and rested my goggles on my neck. Jumping off I went through the gate into the city of Phenac.

Phenac has expanded over the past seven years. The city is way larger than it was during the second Shadow Incident, almost triple its original size. If I remember correctly, the city originally expanded in order to compensate for its stadium, its major tourist attraction, shutting down due to the popularity of Realgam Tower. The west gate side of became a bigger commercial district, while the East side’s residential district also expanded greatly. The stadium in question was converted into a Community Center due to the ever growing city, and many new businesses came into the city. The center and what the citizens call the Pre-Gym became the city’s center.

“Let see,” I mumbled aloud trying to remember the way. “Take a right from the west gate, and then take another right past the electronics store.”

It’s still early in the morning so I imagine most stores haven’t opened yet. While walking by the electronics, one of the TV’s in the store’s window started up. I assume the owner just turned it on, a bit early to do so in my opinion but I don’t own the place. The feed of the TV came up and the sounds began to echo out. Out of curiosity or out of complete nervousness for my first day on the job, I stopped.

“Welcome back to a ONBS News Update; I’m your host as always Nelly Ancha. For our starting story, we have gotten word of the arrest of former Cipher Admin Dakim after his escape from prison. Dakim was a Cipher Admin during the first Shadow Incident twelve years ago, and was charged with multiple accounts of assault, kidnapping, lethal use of Shadow Pokémon and terrorism and was given a fifty-year sentence with no chance of parole. He was found trying to stowaway on a cargo ship leaving Orre for Kanto but was found and recaptured by Orre police. We asked Orre National Police Commissioner and a hero of Orre himself, Wes Thompson for his feedback.”

A feed of a man in a dark blue suit appeared on screen in an office. I took notice of the red like sleeve on a hanger of sorts behind him as the Commissioner began speaking.

“Dakim’s escape was highly unusual and we are still trying to figure out how he escaped,” Wes said. “We have theorised that he may have had outside help.”

“Do you believe it may have been former Cipher Admin Ardos? The reporter questioned. “Who is still at large, seven years after the second Shadow Incident.”

“We do believe the possibility but the chances are very slim. We have increased police presence all across the region and shipping networks over the course of these past several years; the chances of him coming back into Orre unnoticed is very difficult.”

“Despite the increased police force, there are still many criminals here in Orre,” the reporter explained. “What are the police’s plans for dealing with this? Especially since Dakim’s escape may have inspired these lowfolk.”

The commissioner turned his head before replying; “We have many ongoing investigations going on I cannot comment on related to this topic. I am sorry, we here are all trying our best and all we ask is that you the people of Orre have faith in us.”

“That is all our questions Commissioner, thank you for your time and congratulations on you and your wife’s second child.”

The camera was oddly closer to Commissioner Thompson, he gave a smile and said; “Thank you kindly.”

“After the break; we discuss the current disappearances of multiple people across Orre and the possible resurgence of the Under.”

I began to walk when the show started fading to black. Wes Thompson; the first hero of Orre during the Shadow Incidents and the youngest commissioner in Orre at the age of thirty-two! He's always been one of my heroes and role models.

“Alright, time to get on the high horse!” I said as I threw a fist into my other palm. “No more diddle-daddling!!”

Taking the right finally past the electronics store, then a left. Revealing the sign in front of a moderately sized building saying ‘Phenac Delivery Service Company.’ For a small company it seems so large. I took a few deep breaths and started walking in.

“Hello!” A receptionist said as soon as I walked in. “Are you here to send something?”

I jumped, not expecting someone to be up front at the desk already. It must have turned eight A.M. when I was watching the news at the electronics store causing the place to open.

“Uh, no,” my reply came out awkwardly. “I am the new employee Mr.Dodds hired yesterday, he asked me to come in early today for training.”

“Ah yes, you must be Cecilia Matthews? Correct?”

My reply was only me nodding my head.

“Alright then, he should be in his office right now, I hope. Do you remember where it was from your interview?”

“Enter into the sorting room and take a left, right?” I said as I pointed to the doors behind the desk.

“Yep, you got it.”

“Thank you Missss….”

“Arial, Arial Dodds. You can call me Ari,” she said. “And yes, I’m related to the person who runs this place, he is my father after all.”

I paused. I didn’t expect that to be honest, though I know it’s common to have family work in the same place. Especially if they own the place.

“Come on get going,” Arial then said. “My dad won’t rough you up I swear, and I’m looking forward to working with you.”

My feet start moving in the direction of the doors behind the desk Ari is sitting behind and raise my arm to push one of them open. The opening door reveals the surprisingly large package sorting room. With multiple conveyor belts albeit stopped at the minute, boxes nearly everywhere, and crates with packages marked with what city or town the package it is supposed to go to.

I shifted myself left to another door, my new boss’s office. Subconsciously, my right leg started shaking up and down out of nervousness, a bad habit of mine that I think I will probably never get out of.

“You were fine yesterday Cecilia,” I mumbled to myself and grab my jacket tightly in order to calm down. “You are fine, everything is fine, everything is fine.”

I took a deep breath after what I called my “calming mantra.” Something I made up in order to keep calm if I ever get really nervous. It may succeed sometimes but it’s the only thing I have thought of that works most of the time.

I raised my arm and finally knocked at the door a couple of times, after enough how many delays I gave myself.

“Come on in!”

I nervously grabbed the handle and pushed the door open into Mr.Dodds’ office. It was a simple office to be frank. Just a desk with a computer and other stuff like photos on it with him sitting behind, two chairs in front of the desk, and two bookshelves. I would expect more in an office like this, like you would see on the TV or movies, but this isn’t TV or movies sadly. That would make things so much easier actually now that I think about it.

“Ah Cecilia!” The man rose from his chair and began speaking. “Welcome back, it’s good to see you again.”

Mr.Dodds walked over to me and raised his hand for a handshake. I complied with returning his handshake.

“Thank you for giving me this chance to work here sir.”

“Oh please, don’t call me sir,” Mr.Dodds. “You may just continue calling me Mr.Dodds, or by my first name Adam if you prefer. Here we treat everyone like family.”

“Alright them,” was all I said.

“Now please, take a seat.”

Mr.Dodds went back behind his desk and sat at his desk. I followed suit and sat in one of the two chairs with my leg following suit as well starting to pance up and down again. I quickly put my hand down on it and pushed it onto the floor.

“Now starting off, you may not like this but I look into your background,” Mr.Dodds said to my shock. “I must apologize as well, it is a standard procedure for workplaces like this, though I’m not a fan of doing this. I would rather see a possible employee is like myself than have records tell me something that might not even be true.”

“I understand. It’s….just...I just don’t like revisiting my past.”

“Well, there’s luckily there’s nothing of note that seems off putting,” the employer went on. “No misdemeanors through school, no criminal record, and a solid work experience. However, I’m curious about one thing….”

I froze in place. I knew what he was going to ask.

“You work as a mechanic for a long time at an auto shop called ‘Gideon’s Scrap Mechanics.’ I’m what you call an ‘acquaintance’ with the owner, Gideon Matthews,” Mr.Dodds explained. “Are you his daughter?”

“Yes,” I dryly say.

“Makes sense if you worked there for a long time. If I may ask, why did you leave? I understand wanting to leave the house but you could have a lucrative life with a mechanic’s need here in Orre.”

I looked away. It’s something I never really like to talk about.

“I understand if you don’t want to talk about it, your father was a bit-what was the term my wife used- a bit different than the norm.”

“We had a falling out, a downward spiral since my mother divorced him,” I gave a somewhat vague answer. “I don’t want to mention anymore.”

Mr.Dodds got up from his chair and walked around it towards me. Placing a warm, comfortable hand on my shoulder.

“It’s fine, when you’re ready me and my family will be ready to hear you out,’ Mr.Dodds kindly said, so soothingly. “You’re one of our workers, you are family now.”

“Thank you Mr.Dodds.”

“Now that’s done with clearing up some things, let’s see what you can do out on the field,” Mr.Dodds said as he walked to the doors. “Come on.”

I snapped back to reality. ‘Out on the field?’ Don’t I have to do training in order to start sending work out? I’m so confused.

I follow Mr.Dodds back out into the sorting room where he leads me over to the Phenac City container, and picks up one of the packages.

“Here, hold this for me,” my boss says as he hands me the package and begins walking again.

I looked down at the package while I followed Mr.Dodds into another room. The first thing I looked at was the address out of curiosity.

Eugene Stacy:

73 Parker Lane

Phenac City, Orre Region.

Looking up, Mr.Dodds and I landed in a staff room of some kind. The room is large, like the size of a large one room studio apartment. With a kitchen area and a small living room like area. There are about twenty half-height lockers across the wall on the opposite side of the room which Mr.Dodds leads me over to.

“The last one on the top right will be your locker while you work here,” he says as he points to the locker marked Number D10. “And you’ll be needing this.”

He hands me a large bulky remote like device with a screen on top and a type of pen in a clip on its side.

“This is a Mobile Delivery Device, or a MDD for short,” he explained. “This is what you will use to have packages signed or scanned. This was implemented to make it easier on us since we are expecting to have way more packages coming up when the airport finally opens to the public and we won’t have to waste paper on people’s signatures. This also makes this easier on the authorities since they can tell which is a proper package or not, or track stolen packages.”

“Okay then,” I simply say. “So my training is to bring this package to this Eugene Stacy and have him sign it?”

“Yep, just go to this address, have him sign it with the MDD and your training is complete.”

“But what if he isn’t there?”

“We would usually leave a note on his door, but don’t worry he’ll be there.”

I turned my head in confusion and asked; “Does he work with the company?”

“You’ll see.”

I don’t know why Mr.Dodds is being so mysterious about this. I put the MDD in my messenger bag as I prepare to begin leaving.

“Anything else I need to know Mr.Dodds?”

“Nope, your training begins now Cecilia.”
 
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Thesaurus rex
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Guess what? I'm your Secret Santa. I'd intended to get this out before today, but one thing led to another. I'm going to start with the smaller points of technical accuracy and the like before moving on to the meat of the review.

as I passed one city of civilization
Orre is very inhospitable to wild Pokémon
The few hover cars and bikes
Errant apostrophe there.

as I wave and say; “Good evening Mr.Longfellow.”
That semi-colon ought to be either a full stop or a comma. You seem to like your semi-colons - and indeed, though the vast majority of them are technically used correctly, there are a lot of instances where I think they could just as easily be replaced with a comma, or split into two discrete sentences.

living upto expectations
Missing space.

Style
I get the impression, certainly in the first couple of chapters, that the narrative really needs a second draft. I think perhaps you're trying to be too clever, and finding your sentences becoming muddled as a result. I'm going to pick a couple of examples to illustrate this point:

The desert’s beating sky rains upon me as I take out what I treasure the most, my prized sketchbook and begun to have the scenery of the desert plastered onto the paper with my pencil.
There's a weird mixed metaphor going on here. 'Beating' and 'rains' together doesn't leave much of an evocative image in the end. You're also missing quite what's beating/raining down. Presumably it's the heat, but it would be better to find a way to say as much. This passive voice for sketching is ... weird. I don't quite know what it achieves, which would be the main argument for reversing that. 'Plastered', again and odd verb for sketching.

My usual drawing coming here is to draw the new formation I’ve found, and then whatever’s behind it.
This one could do with a thorough rewrite. At the least the 'drawing' clause needs to be replaced with something clearer, in the vein of 'My usual reason to come here'.

The long black hair that is my own, flew behind me.
Strange syntax there.

I took notice of the red like sleeve on a hanger of sorts behind him
I'm afraid I have no idea what this means.

Setting
I'm unfamiliar with the Orre region, so I'm having to make guesses about what's canon and what isn't. There seems to be a disconnect in the style and depth of description between chapters one and two, and chapter three. With a bit of tidying up (As outlined above) one and two would be fine, I think. In chapter three there's a lot of mundane description that doesn't do a lot to aid worldbuilding.

If I remember correctly, the city originally expanded in order to compensate for its stadium, its major tourist attraction, shutting down due to the popularity of Realgam Tower.
I'm not quite sure what you're aiming at here. Is this supposed to imply that the popularity of Realgam Tower is behind the city's expansion? Or that the city pushed commercial growth after tourism dropped off? The latter wouldn't make much sense, since, well, the sentence as written shows that the Tower usurped the stadium. Something else briefly to mention before I forget.

into the mountainous area.
This type of construction seems to appear a lot in fanfiction. I'm not sure why - perhaps it comes from RPGs or something. In any case, you can just say 'into the mountains'. It means the same thing, just more elegantly, and sounds less like you're GMing and more like an author.

Plot
Not an awful lot to say at this juncture. It's quite a lengthy introduction into the story. I wonder whether it could be streamlined somewhat, particularly in getting to the point faster with the new job. I usually say I don't mind stories being given a little space to breathe, and I stand by that, but certainly by this point you'd be well-advised to get to the point in the next chapter.

The over-friendly boss trope is a bit of a pet peeve of mine, but it's not the worst thing in the world. What bugs me more is that he apparently did the relevant background and referencing after giving her the job, as opposed to between the interview and the offer. You might justifiably say it's not much of a plot hole, but it's equally easily fixed. Generally I'd say don't stretch disbelief if you don't have to.

Final Thoughts
I think this is really a case of another draft and some stern editing bringing it up to scratch. I don't think there's really anything wrong with the bones here, certainly nothing that demands going back to the drawing board
 
Given power
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C1
- A beating sky of a desert raining down. Uh, sure.
- I can tell right away this person sure likes two things: sketching and line breaks
- and pack away my sketchbook <- Present tense all of a sudden?

Not exactly a grabby opening, but it's a short one that's a prologue in all but name. It's a bit annoyingly vague and expositionary at the same time but hey.

C2
- The long black hair that is my own, flew behind me. <- Awkward phrasing here. Well I suppose she's an artist, not a wordsmith.
- The base of Team Snagem this building once was <-
- or disappear off the face <- Typo, disappeared
- Huh, you'd think a major organization going down and their hideout being converted would get it a lot of attention. I mean it makes sense that it's cheap for being so far out of the way, but the given reason is that it's not known.
- Still, it's a solid setup as a location.
- What is the thank you gesture anyway?
- There's a sudden shift from present to past tense and back in here.
- Well she is among the first I've seen that used jumpscared as a verb.
- Johtonese? That...is a surprisingly amusing descriptor that rolls off the tongue well.
- Messenger birds! Now we're old-skool.

C3
- around six am <- Earlier you used "P.M", so going "am" here is inconsistent.
- A decent exposition to Orre's lack of wild Pokemon and setting up some plot beats at the same time.
- I swear she has some radiant glow when she does things like this. <- yuri'lly making it kind of obvious :p
- living upto <- Compound word where it shouldn't be
- I'd make a Futurama joke at the delivery woman thing but it's been way too long since I've seen it so I don't know any relevant ones
- She even makes her bento, jeez. Placing my bet on now that something develops!
- Cecilia sure repeats not wanting to be late on the first day a lot. Kind of borders on the point that it's excessively driving the point home rather than making it seems like it's something she is obsessed with.
- Poking fun at the fact that a lot of things in the Pokemon world are just named after Pokemon?
- The less hover cars and bikes make these drives so nice and relaxing <- Uh, what? This sentence confuses me.
- Why would Realgam if it's all in one place run at least this one out of business when it's clear that going out of your way is a thing? I presume Realgam is just that popular?
- “Let see,” <-Pretty sure this is a typo and not her speech pattern.
- Okay, thirteen years later! Framing!
- Wes as a cop though? I find that one hard to see, given his history. Although, an excuse to ship with Rui I guess, and that's okay.
- Heh, was even going to call it a calming mantra before seeing the paragraph with it in it.
- Gideon? My first thought was the one crazy scientist guy from Team Rocket.
- Hm, a mysterious first package indeed. And it's being framed as training. I expect him to be a pest as a test!

Okay stuff so far. Technical stuff could use some work, but that sort of stuff doesn't detract enough for me. I'll keep reading, since it's solid enough with promise so far! Uh, if you keep writing, given that this last updated over a year ago, but hey!
 
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Okay, I better get to doing these replies before it's 20XX.

@Beth Pavell I am so so so sorry, for taking so long to reply your review. Everytime I just look at the review you left and I literally could of think of nothing to say in response and while I still can't think of much to say for it, I will be taking a majority of your advice you gave for the the story and I can't thank you enough.

And now for I think I can say.
I get the impression, certainly in the first couple of chapters, that the narrative really needs a second draft. I think perhaps you're trying to be too clever, and finding your sentences becoming muddled as a result.
Yeah, I think I'll need to go back at some point give some more editing to those first two chapters. While I'm happy the way they came out, they probably need more meat on those bones.

I took notice of the red like sleeve on a hanger of sorts behind him
I'm afraid I have no idea what this means.
That supposed to be Wes's Snag Machine. As you're unfamiliar with the Orre region, Wes was the protagonist of Pokémon Colosseum, so he used that Snag Machine stolen from his former Team Snagem as to reclaim Shadow Pokémon from Team Cipher. While his Snag Machine could also catch regular Pokémon already owned by regular Trainers this function was barred in game obviously. The next Snag Machine in XD: Gale of Darkness explicit had this ability removed and only had the ability to catch Shadow Pokémon.

I'm not quite sure what you're aiming at here. Is this supposed to imply that the popularity of Realgam Tower is behind the city's expansion? Or that the city pushed commercial growth after tourism dropped off? The latter wouldn't make much sense, since, well, the sentence as written shows that the Tower usurped the stadium. Something else briefly to mention before I forget.
That'll probably will be fix when I get to rewriting parts of these chapters. But to explain some things, in Gale of Darkness, Phenac Stadium shut down due to how popular Realgam Tower, since it's very close by and has it own stadium. So, after some tinkering in my brain, I decided to expand the city as their way of compensating for the loss of their main attraction.

The over-friendly boss trope is a bit of a pet peeve of mine, but it's not the worst thing in the world. What bugs me more is that he apparently did the relevant background and referencing after giving her the job, as opposed to between the interview and the offer. You might justifiably say it's not much of a plot hole, but it's equally easily fixed. Generally I'd say don't stretch disbelief if you don't have to.
That will be fixed when I get chance, I didn't realised it could be taken that way. I meant it to be taken as a confirmation of her parentage and something I'm adding into a future chapter.

Well, that's all I can really say. I am once again really sorry for taking so long to reply to this review despite saying so little. But like I said before, I will be taking most of your advice and implementing it into the chapter rewrites and the future chapters.

Now for the next review, which I didn't expect to get at all.
- Huh, you'd think a major organization going down and their hideout being converted would get it a lot of attention. I mean it makes sense that it's cheap for being so far out of the way, but the given reason is that it's not known.
- Still, it's a solid setup as a location.
Well, I decided since in XD: Gale of Darkness, Snagem pretty much is dissolved except for a few members, and by now seven years later I imagine they would most likely be forgotten by now. So this area falling under the radar wouldn't surprise me.

- What is the thank you gesture anyway?
You know when driving you kinda do a motion with your hands to say thank you to someone for letting you pass or when you motion after a driver stops at a crosswalk, that's what I was trying to refer to.

- Johtonese? That...is a surprisingly amusing descriptor that rolls off the tongue well.
Yeah, if I remember correctly Johto doesn't have a term to call their Pokémon and people by (Kantonian, Unovan, Kalosian, Alolan, and Galarian I don't know if there are any others) and I think Johtonian sounds weird off of the tongue, so I since I always believe Johto is the more Japanese inspired region compared to Kanto and the other regions that share the same island so I thought it would fit. It's also why Tomoko has a Japanese name instead of a English name.

- Messenger birds! Now we're old-skool.
Old-school!! There's another reason in-universe for this that I can't wait to reveal at some point.

- A decent exposition to Orre's lack of wild Pokemon and setting up some plot beats at the same time.
I'm surprise you find it well, I was unsure since I often feel I make Cecilia's thoughts too long or made it more tell instead of show. Maybe I should stop being negative at myself.

- I swear she has some radiant glow when she does things like this. <- yuri'lly making it kind of obvious :p

- She even makes her bento, jeez. Placing my bet on now that something develops!
I appreciate the pun. But if I remember correctly I didn't even think of it being taken like that when writing the chapter, though I did expect shipping between the two at some point.

- Cecilia sure repeats not wanting to be late on the first day a lot. Kind of borders on the point that it's excessively driving the point home rather than making it seems like it's something she is obsessed with.
Once again, there's a point for this but spoilers. But I think I probably should tone it down a bit when I go back and edit.

- Poking fun at the fact that a lot of things in the Pokemon world are just named after Pokemon?
Yes, and my own confusion at it. It is name after Garchomp since it is a land shark, and I imagine people using them to go around a desert.

- Why would Realgam if it's all in one place run at least this one out of business when it's clear that going out of your way is a thing? I presume Realgam is just that popular?
As I said earlier replying to Beth, Realgam is in canon the reason Phenac Stadium shut down between Colosseum and Gale of Darkness. As for the other stadiums, I have no clue yet.

- Okay, thirteen years later! Framing!
Oh, wait that's a typo. That should be twelve not thirteen. I'll fix that immediately.

- Wes as a cop though? I find that one hard to see, given his history. Although, an excuse to ship with Rui I guess, and that's okay.
Once again, spoilers, but is it really that hard to see? I mean, people probably been cops with some criminal history. Also I didn't say his wife was Rui.....but I also say it wasn....Yeah, it's her. No point hiding it.

- Heh, was even going to call it a calming mantra before seeing the paragraph with it in it.
Fun fact: I share the exact same one in real life, I just add "Pyrrha is fine" in mine as a joke reference to RWBY Chibi.

Okay stuff so far. Technical stuff could use some work, but that sort of stuff doesn't detract enough for me. I'll keep reading, since it's solid enough with promise so far! Uh, if you keep writing, given that this last updated over a year ago, but hey!
Yay more readers!! Reads the rest; Oh yeah.

Chapter 4 is about half to close to being done, just some parts have been aching at me and I've been constantly changing them for the past year. But with the new opportunity write due to the chaos going on right now, I might get more done.....Or not.
 
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Orre: The Desert
Chapter 4: Lay of the Land.


I started leaving through the door whilst I came to deliver my first package. The lobby of the center is still empty except for Ari who I pass by, but don’t acknowledge due to being engrossed in thought.

“Let’s see,” mumbling aloud. “Have I been down Parker Lane before? It can’t be too hard to find, can it?”

“Cecilia?”

“Parker Lane was by the community center right?”

“Cecilia?”

I stopped a few feet before the door, still wondering where Parker Lane was. I’ve only been to Phenac a few times before today and don’t have a lay of the city like I should’ve.

“Cecilia!” A voice which I had been ignoring had emerged in front of me in the form of Ari.

My obvious reaction was a jump followed by an; “Gah!”

“Sorry!” Ari exclaimed immediately. “I didn’t mean to scare you! I called out to you but you were so lost in thought I couldn’t reach you.”

“No, no. It’s fine, I get scared easily,” I hastily explained. “Just trying to figure how to get to this location for a delivery.”

I handed Ari the package her father gave me for the test delivery and pointed at the address given.

“Dad is already sending you on deliveries?” Ari mumbled as she grabbed the package to look more easily at the address. “Oh, this address is about ten minutes away.”

“Really?”

“Yep,” she replied. “By any chance did my father give you a MDD?”

“Yeah, what about it has to do with this?” I asked back.

“Take it out, I’ll show you something you can do with it.”

I do as Ari asked, and grab the Mobile Delivery Device out of my messenger bag and pass it along to her. She subsequently grabbed it and rotated her hand to show the bulky device’s screen.

“Since there is a scanner in here that we use to scan packages and track them, we can use it the other way to act as a GPS,” she presses a button that leads into a menu and scrolls down to a bar aptly named GPS. “Just scanned the barcode and boom you have a GPS to help you towards your location.”

Like Ari explained, she pointed to the top of the MDD at the package’s barcode and clicked the button in the middle that said scan. A red light flashed the barcode and voila, the address popped up with directions when Ari passed it back to me.

“Thank you,” I simply said. “I didn’t know mailing companies had stuff like this.”

“It’s part of the new regulations enforced by Police Commissioner Wes Thompson,” she explained. “Most of the stuff in our MDDs are unique to Orre, since we are a criminal hivemind according to him; this is so we can prevent theft and make sure our packages get to the correct recipients.”

“How much stuff is in here?” I asked. “There’s a scanner, GPS for directions and tracking, as well as a touch screen for signatures.”

“That’s usually the basic stuff most of those have,” Ari said as she crossed her arms. “Like I said there are more unique things but I’ll explain that later. Don’t you have a package to deliver Cecilia?”

“Shit,” I slipped out. “Thanks for the advice about the MDD.”

I quickly ran past Ari, out the door and back into the streets of Phenac. I raised up the MDD to my face to look at the GPS.

“Okey dokey, according to this thing take a left from here down Petalite Street.”

I do as the GPS says and begin to take a left from the delivery company. The bright side of this ten minute walk to the package’s recipient place is I guess I can see more of Phenac City. I’ve always enjoyed the sandy color that the Phenac buildings always gave off the few times I’ve been here, reminds me of a city of sand that has come to life. If I wasn’t doing a delivery I would try and draw the city.

I arrived at the end of Petalite Street to a small three-way intersection, and stared down at the GPS again. It says to keep moving forward where I am and then take a left into Parker lane. Ari wasn’t kidding about it being so close to the company building. It does make me wonder if the guy works for the company or is a family member of Ari and Mr. Dodds, they were so ambiguous about this guy, but well I’ll probably figure it out soon enough when I get there.

I took the left and looked up looking for a street sign that says Parker Lane. I know I have the GPS on the MDD with me now, but I wanted to make absolutely sure. I find the sign for Parker Lane and start going down that path of the street.

I turn my head and start looking down at the houses that Parker Lane displays in rows looking for 73 Parker Lane as I walk by.

“55, 56, 60, 63,” I say out loud to myself as I walk by each house and read their numbers. “65, 68, 70, 72, there! This should be 73 Parker Lane...I hope.”

I walk on into the presume yard of the Stacys. My steps echoing on the stone platings as I walked towards the amber color door. I look at the mailbox, to see a mark on it with a 73 and the name “Stacy.”

I pressed the doorbell, with its chime echoing through my ears.

“Coming!” I heard a voice muffled through the door. “Just give me a sec!”

I waited for a couple seconds, and I heard some type of sound inside, can’t tell what it was. I heard the doorknob click and slowly open up. Revealing a man in a wheelchair.

“Um,” I awkwardly say. “Eugene Stacy, I presume?”

“Yep, that’s me!” The man said. “You must be Ms. Matthews, then, Adam said you were coming.”

“Said I was coming?” I paraphrased. “Are you part of the company?”

“No,” Mr. Stacy bluntly said. “But Adam is my brother-in-law.”

So, he was family. It still begs the question why Mr.Dodds had to be so ambiguous about the thing.

“Please come on in,” Mr.Stacy suddenly said. “It's a tad chilly than it usually is today and I don’t want to be bringing a draft in.”

I listened to what Mr.Stacy said and walked in while closing the door behind me as I entered. I hear Mr. Stacy’s wheelchair roll away from the door, as I turn and follow it to a table not that far away.

Mr. Stacy rolled in an opening into the table as I stopped myself near its side. I took out the MDD and scanned the package, putting the device in signature mode, then promptly handed him the device to sign. Mr. Stacy almost on instinct after grabbing it signed it at record speed and swapped it with the package with me in only several seconds.

“Thank you,” I simply said.

“Would you be a dear and hand me the pocket knife on the counter over there,” Mr.Stacy said as he pointed to the counter in question. “I would like to check to make sure the contents arrive safely, if not Adam is getting an earful.”

“Actually,” I replied as I started digging into my bag. “I have one myself if you would like to use it.”

I revealed the pocket knife from the bag, and propped it into my hand in front of Mr. Stacy.

“Oh, why thank you,” the man said as he took it from my hand and began using it to cut open the package. “What is a young lady like you doing with something like this?”

“What? Is it that strange for a girl to have a pocket knife?”

“Touché, I did not think before I spoke.”

Mr. Stacy laughed from our shared statements, I admit I gave a small albeit slightly awkward laugh myself.

“It was a gift from my father, more useful than I thought it would be,” I explained. “One of the only few good things I picked up from him.”

“I heard about your father from Adam,” Mr. Stacy said. “Just out of curiosity, are those rumors from the business community true about him? I’ve heard some very peculiar things about him and how he runs his shop. I'm honestly surprised he can keep it afloat with those rumors around.”

“Which ones are you referring to? I asked. “There were so many that I stopped bothering reading about them once I moved out.”

“How he runs his business specifically, I’ve heard he drives people to perfection when doing work on vehicles or his strictness regarding how it should be done his way.”

I shuddered so quickly at the words, just remembering how my father wanted me to fix something that came into the shop and the constant yelling at me if I didn’t do the way he taught me how to do it. There’s a lot of bad memories there that I would wish to forget.

“Yes, they are correct,” I said while rubbing my arm. “I don’t know how bad he is now since I’ve left.”

“Have you heard some of the rumors regarding yourself?”

“There’s rumors about me?”

“Not many fortunately, but they only started to show up after you left it seems.”

“So they’re likely about why I left?”

“Correct,” Mr. Stacy replied. “There’s also some wondering why you didn’t leave sooner.”

“Yeah, I’ll give the gossipers that one. I gave my father way too many chances.”

“You seem like such a nice girl, it’s sad that you have a father like him.”

Mr. Stacy finished slicing down the center of the package opening it. He promptly handed me back my pocket knife and opened up the package to reveal its contents.

“Ah yes, it is about time this shows up,” Mr. Stacy said, changing the subject.

I peeked over a bit to view what the contents were, but then immediately backed up. I shook my head to myself, I shouldn't look at the content of people’s packages. I should probably get going.

“I ought to be getting back to the company building now that I’m thinking about it,” I bring up as I back up towards the door.

“Ah yes of course,” Mr. Stacy replied. “I’ll contact Adam on your way back and tell him that the package was received successfully.”

“Thank you and have a nice day Mr. Stacy.”

I walk out and close the door behind me. My first package delivery completed, now back to the company building.

“Wait…..” I said aloud. “What kind of test was that!?”

~

The walk back to the delivery center was easy since I already knew the way thanks to the first trip earlier. When I walked inside it was still primarily empty since it was still early in the day and the places were just opening up.

I walked over and pushed through the employees only door and into the -shit, what would this thing be called? Production room? Preparation room? Wait!- sorting room. The room was more active than it was when I was here earlier, where there were now more workers working the conveyor belts and sorting packages. I wonder when I’m not delivering packages, will I be doing stuff like this?

“Ah Cecilia, welcome back,” I heard someone near.

I turn and see Mr. Dodds walking towards me. I place my hand on my chest and breathe deeply in and out.

“Ah hello Mr. Dodds,” I say when he walks up.

“I got a call from Eugene and I heard the package delivery went nicely,” he said. “Well done, he also said you were very polite with your approach.”

“Oh,” I simply said. “Tell him I said thank you for the kind words next time you talk to him.”

“No problem I will extend that for you,” he replies. “I feel like you're set for deliveries, however….”

Dang it, however being said in that tone never means something good. I know from experience this is going to be something bad.

“We sent our regular guys with most of the deliveries for today already, so we don’t have any non-test deliveries for you today, but you can help around the sorting room for today.”

That's not as bad as I think it would be. Well, guess I am doing those things I would think of sooner than I thought. To be honest, I’m more used to worse things coming out of the word however at the end of sentences like that. The word however is often a double edged sword, it can be positive but also can be negative or both at the same time; I was often at the negative side, sadly.

“Alright I understand, si….” I stopped myself in between saying sir. “Any specific area I will be working in?”

“You see the packages on the conveyor belts entering the crates?” He said as he pointed over to the crates.

I nod in response.

“When they are done and landed in the crates, just take the crate and put them in the crate for the corresponding town or city.”

“Understood,” I responded.

“One just finished up, so start on that,” Mr. Dodds said. “If you have any questions ask for a worker named Joseph.”


I started sorting the packages as Mr. Dodds told me to do so. Putting the packages in their correct bin. A lot of packages are meant for here in Phenac City or Pyrite Town. The rest of the towns have about a third of the packages that Phenac or Pyrite get. I’m even surprised my apartment building has its own crate (despite how small it is) since we don’t really connect to any certain town, you’d think it would be connected to Phenac since it’s the closest city or town to the building. Seriously, who turned that old Snagem base into an apartment complex of all things?

Before I knew it, two hours had passed me just sorting the packages. Might have been since I stacked them in there instead of tossing them in like most people would do most of the time. Despite how boring this seems, it was kind of relaxing and I tuned out of it just doing it. I only snapped out of it when one of the workers came to give me new crates to work with after I finished and filled the ones I had. I check the time placed on my watch, only about eleven, seems it’s been longer. I work for another hour, tuning out yet once again only being taken out of it again by one of the workers.

“You’ve been sorting packages for three and a half hours straight, take your lunch break and I’ll have someone take your place.”

I looked at the time and it is nearly twelve-thirty, it doesn’t even feel like it’s been that long to be honest.

“Oh, alright then,” I simply say to the worker. “Thank you very much.”

I leave the sorting room and walk into the employee area, taking a seat at the empty table present in the room. I placed my bag on the floor and opened it to grab my lunch out.

“Thank you Tomoko,” I whispered to myself. “What would I do without you?”

I placed the box with my lunch on the table and opened it to reveal the Johtonese style bento style lunch prepared for me with some of the leftovers from last night. Seriously Tomoko is too kind for this world, she did not really need to stuff like this. I need to repay her big time someday.

I also decided to take out my sketchbook, figure pass the time while having lunch. Better than eating my lunch alone in silence.

I took a bite of my lunch as I pondered what to draw. I’m kinda tired of just doing drawings of a certain object and their surroundings like I do at my usual drawing spot. I decided to do a drawing of a human; it’s been awhile since I drew a human or any living being for that matter so I think. I can’t become better at drawing if I’m just drawing rocks all the time, and I'm really tired of drawing rocks.

Sketching humans is usually tricky for me since how different people can be and it’s always taken multiple sketches for me to accomplish one. I decided to use Ari as a base, though how decent her drawing will come out since her appearance is not ingrained in my mind since I did just meet her this morning is up to fate.

I started with the basic face shapes, drawing a simple cross sign in order to get the shapes and positions right.

“Was her face more rounded or sharp?” I pondered aloud when sketching out the head, scratching my own with my pencil.

About several minutes into drawing, I felt a tap on my shoulder and immediately jumped in my seat. I really need to work on this.

“Jeepers, you weren’t lying when you said you scare easily,” I heard a familiar voice say behind me.

I turned my head around to see Ari walking by me and taking the seat adjacent to me at the table I was sitting at.

“Mind if I join you?” Ari asked.

“Can’t stop you now, you’ve already sat down,” I replied. “But joking aside, that’s fine.”

Ari began having her lunch while I started to draw once more, now with her here I can use her as a model for the drawing.

“You draw Cecilia?” I heard her asked.

“Yeah, a hobby of mine since I was about eight years old,” I explained. “Helps me get my mind off of things.”

“What are you drawing right now?”

I slide over my sketchbook sheepishly over to her to show her while silently looking away from her.

“Why are you turning away like you're embarrassed for some reason? Is it ba…” She stopped mid-sentence when she looked at the drawing. “Is this supposed to be me?”

All I can mutter out is a speaky voice-cracked; “Yes.”

“This is…”

Yeah, I know it’s bad, just come out and say it already. It’s not like I’ve already dealt with negative criticism my whole life. Just say it Ari.

“This is amazing Cecilia!!”

“Huh?” Was all that popped out of mouth.

“You’re an amazing artist, you nearly got my face down perfectly for a rough sketch but, just, wow.”

“Thank you,” is all that I can muster with a slight blush.

Ari handed me back my sketchbook which I immediately put back into my bag. I don’t think I can draw again for today after what just happened.

“So that aside, how was the test delivery earlier?” Ari asked.

“Oh,” I said, snapping back to reality. “Well your uncle is a very nice man, but it wasn’t really the test I was expecting.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I was expecting him to be rude and snarky, like those stereotypical assholes you see on TV,” I explained. “But instead he was very nice and he asked me questions about the rumors regarding my father’s mechanic shop.”

“Now I get it,” I heard her mumble.

“What?”

“Oh, my uncle is a psychologist, so my dad probably sent you to see him to see how you react to things related to your father and make an evaluation of your feelings on him,” Ari explained.

“Does your dad not trust what I say? If he didn’t, I wouldn’t think he would hire me right away.”

I mean, I am hiding some things regarding what happened between my father and I, but he said he understood that I wasn’t exactly ready to talk about it. I really don’t understand people sometimes.

“No, he does,” she replied. “When he was going over your background and he noticed the connection, he checked every source possible to make sure you were not someone with the same name. And then, when my dad made sure of your identity, he knew to give you the job since it seemed that you were down on your luck.”

“He didn’t even wait until the interview to decide?”

“Well, he did really decide then. He probably said to you that he likes to judge people himself not based on their credentials or their name and that’s what became the deciding factor. He also didn’t ask about your relationship with your father until after he did your interview because of it. Though he does want an increased workforce for when the airport opens up and we will probably have an increase of packages from outside the region, so that may have a factor into it, abelit slightly.”

“Your dad is an enigma in the workplace world especially in Orre of all places,” was all that I said.

“Yeah, he’s pretty weird,” Ari agreed.

We both laughed at our shared statements regarding her father, I pray that he’s not behind us or anything. There’s this nice joyful feeling growing within me now, I’ve never felt this way while working before. I’ve always felt some more somber feeling while I was working back at the mechanic’s shop. The feeling now, it’s so different from before.

“Hey,” Ari said after we calmed down from laughing. “How bout you join me in checking in on the collection boxes around the city? I can show more of what to do with the MDD like I promised and we can play a question game to get to know each other.”

“You do the collection runs?” I questioned. “And will your father be okay with me doing that?”

“Only the Phenac City ones, there’s usually not many, and Dad will probably be okay with it. Consider it a continuation of your training.”

“Oh, that makes a lot of sense actually,” I said. “Sure, I’ll take you up on your offer.”

“Sweet,” Ari said as she began to rise from her chair and did a quick stretch. “I just need to tell my Dad and grab the collection cart, then we will be on our way.”
 
Given power
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C4 time!

- The lobby of the center is still empty <- Present tense here where there shouldn't be? There's a few more instances of this, it alternates a lot throughout the fic.
- an; “Gah!” <- Semicolon shouldn't be there, also an gah???
- Hm, she's alternating between dad and father?
- Just scanned the barcode <- typo?
- Kek, that's quite the low opinion of Orre for a police commissioner, what he's been through or not.
- Well Cecilia is amused easily if she's making comments about sand coming to life just from the coloration of something.
- into the presume yard <- Typo.
- There's a few instances where there's no space between Mr. and the last name.
- Hoo boy, asking the delivery girl to come in? I don't think this is proper proceedure.
- Like the nuance that Orre is so rough that girls being armed with knives isn't so unusual.
- I suppose the contents of those rumors will remain a mystery for a while yet...
- And yeah I was about to ask, that went very smoothly. Barely a test.
- How do you get production from sorting anyway? Preparation I can get, though.
- You'd think they would keep a few just in case a test is needed, but nooooo. Presumably there's others, but they sent other guys on the ones that could be tests for Cecilia despite there evidently being other deliveries. What kind of minor mismanagement is that?
- just take the crate and put them in the crate <- Some serious crateception going on here.
- How's it take significantly longer to put the crates in the crates carefully rather than just throwing them in?
- Hm, have to wonder if Cecilia has a strong memory, if she can recall the facial features of someone she only briefly met and didn't have any particular attachment to and translate that into drawing so easily.
- Oh so the test now comes into perspective. That's a bit...interesting, if rude!!
- Being an enigma would certainly explain the test delivery thing.

Trudging along here after forever. Get introduced to a new character who seems she'll be of quite big importance. Have to wonder how this collection box trip is going to go, though. I expect at least a small adventure! At most everything hitting the fan. Hoping to find out the answer to that soon™!
 
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My usual drawing coming here is to draw the new formation I’ve found, and then whatever’s behind it.
Beginning wording is weird. I get what it's trying to convey, but I think it can be better worded.
The base of Team Snagem this building once was, now since all of the Team Snagem members have been arrested or disappeared off the face of the planet; the building has been transformed into an apartment complex.
disappeared to keep the same tense as arrested.
To explain; Orre has a sorta ‘wild Pokémon drought’ if you want to call it that.
Perhaps you meant a colon instead of the semicolon?
Ever since the second Shadow Incident ended, the HQ Lab Tomoko works at is currently helping Duking make Orre more habitable and try to find why Orre is like this in the first place.
is is missing after the second Orre.
“Alright them,” was all I said.
them seems like a typo for then.
“Now starting off, you may not like this but I looked into your background,
looked instead of look.
“You worked as a mechanic for a long time at an auto shop called ‘Gideon’s Scrap Mechanics.
worked instead of work.
I heard the doorknob click and slowly open up. Revealing a man in a wheelchair.
I feel like these two sentences would be better as one, but I need to pick at this with the other part... Also, I think the door is missing before slowly open up.
I listened to what Mr.Stacy said and walked in while closing the door behind me as I entered.
as I entered is redundant and unnecessary, but i'm also picking this apart shortly...
I heard the doorknob click and slowly open up. Revealing a man in a wheelchair.
I listened to what Mr.Stacy said and walked in while closing the door behind me as I entered. I hear Mr. Stacy’s wheelchair roll away from the door, as I turn and follow it to a table not that far away.
Since I work with wheelchairs irl (and have some experience using them), my brain really needed to pick these bits apart. I'll start with what I first noticed: I hear Mr. Stacy’s wheelchair roll away from the door. While nothing ever says if he's in a manual wheelchair or a powered wheelchair, hearing a wheelchair roll away doesn't make sense to me, even if others read past it without a thought. Manual wheelchairs (propelled by the patient or a caretaker) don't really make any sounds besides the tyre squeaking from being the pivot point of a turn, or the brushing of the handrim through the grip of a hand while coming to a stop or slowing down. Power wheelchairs (propelled by electric motors) give a sort of whirring noise when the chair is moving, and also makes a light clunk sound when the motor removes slack in the gear connected to the motor's shaft (which is either from the motor spinning the opposite direction from before or from the wheelchair's inertia after the motor stops turning).

The next thing to bother me was that I couldn't discern what kind of wheelchair it was (manual or powered), along with what the entryway looked like. Rereading a table not that far away. later on (not that far away didn't register with me until after rereading a few times) gave me the impression that the entryway is more of a room than a hallway. Reading Revealing a man in a wheelchair. gave me the impression that Eugene was squarely facing Cecilia when the door is fully open, which contradicts (in my mind) the impression of the entryway being more of a room. The problem here is that Eugene would be off to the side a bit to open the door (and while it's opening) before wheeling over a bit to face Cecilia squarely. At least that's how I would approach opening the door in that situation. Though, if you were meaning for a hallway to be on the other side of the door, then Eugene would be wheeling backwards with one hand (holding the doorknob with the other) to open the door; doing so would reveal part of the wheelchair before Eugene is revealed. There's also the possibility of quickly pulling the door to let the door's momentum do the work while he quickly wheels backwards out of its way. Either way, he'd be at least three feet away from the door when the door's fully open (or opened enough, whatever), and depending on his personality, he either talks from there, or moves closer to the doorway to do so.

I highly suggest being more definitive of what Cecilia hears the wheelchair doing, at the very least, but I think a bit more details with the two lines would be even better. Turning I heard the doorknob click and slowly open up. Revealing a man in a wheelchair. into something like I heard the doorknob click and the door open up, which revealed a man in a wheelchair off to the side. He pushed his wheelchair to face me on the other side of the doorway. would show a bit more of what's there and what's going on. I listened to what Mr.Stacy said and walked in while closing the door behind me as I entered. might turn into something like I listened to what Mr. Stacy said while he wheeled backwards and I closed the door behind me as I entered. to follow suit and allow Cecilia space to step inside. I hear Mr. Stacy’s wheelchair roll away from the door, as I turn and follow it to a table not that far away. would become something like I hear a short squeak from Mr. Stacy's wheelchair as I turn to follow him to a table not that far away. to keep the sound. I'm assuming he's in a manual wheelchair, so these suggestions are of him in a manual wheelchair. If you were meaning the entryway to be more of a hallway, then he'd almost pivot around one tyre to bring it perpendicular with the hallway, then pivot around the other tyre to face down the hallway with his back to the door. I'd have to explain power wheelchairs a bit more before I can give movement examples, but I'll only do that if it's needed.
 
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