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Well. A few things off the top of my head. First things first, if you're going to go for a variation of the "taking over the x" plot, then be sure to have the kinks very thoroughly worked out. I'll be honest, I don't really think they're all that convincing in a journey fic - the games get away with it because they're really light on plot anyway and the real meat of the game is in the training. It's much harder to hide the plot holes in prose.
The second issue sort of relates to a pet peeve of mine, so it's more than likely that few, if any, of your readers will feel as I do on this - if the plot is some kind of rebellion/coup, who's there to stop this from happening? Again, it's a big old franchise cliché that the plucky kids solve everything, and though you could name half a hundred reasons why this doesn't make sense, it's fair to say that suspension of disbelief means that it doesn't have to make perfect sense. However, suspension of disbelief goes a lot further if you pay attention to some details. In short - if your plucky protagonists weren't there, who else would oppose the antagonists? The League trainers, the police, the National Guard, the militia?
Creating a reasonably competent "official" opposition to the antagonists might seem like a recipe for a boring story, but I reckon it forces an author to think through the plot better. An evil team is probably going to be a lot more interesting and threatening if it has to figure out how to evade forensics teams picking through their activities - compared to the usual narrative of "Evil team busts in/Evil team battles kids/Evil team busts out". That's not to say that you can't have the kid protagonists at the forefront of the major battles. The way Kim Prescott deals with Team Rocket in Storm Island is a good example of the sort of thing I mean
I've rather gone on longer than I intended, so I'll stop there, but anyway, food for thought
So that being said, the first issue would be this - if your antagonists want to usurp the League, the method they use to do it has to give them what they want more easily than doing it the legal way. In other words, controlling Darkrai either has to be easier than defeating Cynthia through training, or it has to give them some kind of reward they wouldn't get as Champion. That's just a matter of logic - the actions of the antagonists have to make sense to the antagonists, not because you need them to do something evil for the plot.
The second issue sort of relates to a pet peeve of mine, so it's more than likely that few, if any, of your readers will feel as I do on this - if the plot is some kind of rebellion/coup, who's there to stop this from happening? Again, it's a big old franchise cliché that the plucky kids solve everything, and though you could name half a hundred reasons why this doesn't make sense, it's fair to say that suspension of disbelief means that it doesn't have to make perfect sense. However, suspension of disbelief goes a lot further if you pay attention to some details. In short - if your plucky protagonists weren't there, who else would oppose the antagonists? The League trainers, the police, the National Guard, the militia?
Creating a reasonably competent "official" opposition to the antagonists might seem like a recipe for a boring story, but I reckon it forces an author to think through the plot better. An evil team is probably going to be a lot more interesting and threatening if it has to figure out how to evade forensics teams picking through their activities - compared to the usual narrative of "Evil team busts in/Evil team battles kids/Evil team busts out". That's not to say that you can't have the kid protagonists at the forefront of the major battles. The way Kim Prescott deals with Team Rocket in Storm Island is a good example of the sort of thing I mean
I've rather gone on longer than I intended, so I'll stop there, but anyway, food for thought