MATURE: Poison Touch v2.0

oh my
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Author's Note:
So here I am again, posting yet another fan-fiction in the Fairground. Hopefully it doesn't quickly plummet like the last two, so fingers crossed. I don't know if any of you remember, but my last story I posted only had two chapters. It was called Poison Touch, and I had barely put any thought into it. I honestly went in without planning anything, so by the time I got to chapter three any and all ideas I had were a clichéd mess.

It has taken me a long time to write chapter one, mainly because of my major procrastination issues towards writing. When I first thought-up the story, I intended it to be very casual and light-hearted, but it has gone in the exact opposite direction. I'm labeling it teen because it's how I see the first chapter fit, but I'll most likely have to change it to mature next chapter. Reason? Getting down to it, there's going to be violence quite often in this story. Whether it's pokémon vs. people, people vs. people, or pokémon vs. pokemon things will get a bit messy. Not in battles though. I can assure you that normal league battles will be clean.

Although that leads me to another point. The story takes place in a canon region, but one not as common as the other six. The one I'm talking about is Orre. I wanted a setting that I could basically create from scratch, yet had a good support for it already. I'm also a huge fan of the Colosseum/XD games, so the region was quite familiar to me. While writing the various locations, I found it helpful to create horribly-drawn maps on paint to help me visualize the different areas. I'll post all the needed maps in a spoiler after this.

Having the story take place in Orre also means that there's no existing league, so I can also create it to my will and have a lot of fun with it. I don't want to give to much away about it, because I'll have a chapter about it soon, but I will say only 5 badges are needed to qualify. Not to qualify for a conference though. I have something better planned, if only I'll ever get to it.

That being said, I don't know how often I'll update this. It certainly won't be as often as I will my poetry, but hopefully I can do something monthly. With summer vacation around the bend, I'll have lots of time to write, and my boredom will hopefully lead me back here where I can focus and hone my sʞillz. I am working on some other short stories at the same time (albeit not that often) so every chance I get will not be focused on this project.

Other thing I should mention is that it's- prepare to laugh- not a typical journey story. While the protagonist does challenge gym leaders and collect badges, it is more of a side-plot to the much bigger plot going on. Or, I at least hope it will be portrayed like that. I don't wanna make any promises that I may not keep.

I'm not a huge fan of prologs, but I did write a poem that pretty much outlines the whole story. So as I go back and check chapter one once more you have that to look forward to. Chapter uno is kind of short, but for a first chapter it has everything I wanted.

I'd love to hear anything thing you guys have to say about the story, as long as it won't make me want to rip this into shreds. I'm not the best reviewer, but if you leave me one I'll do my best to give you one back.

Well, that pretty much wraps things up. If you managed to read this incredibly long authors note than kudos to you.

Maps:
Rough map of Oran's Forest:
Rough map of Toka Town:
Rough map of Gateon Port:
Extremely rough map of the Orre Region *places may change

index

prologue | alexandria

arc | I | run

chapter | I | names
chapter | II | leave
interlude | I | no
chapter | III | wrong
chapter | IV | answers

arc | II | t.b.a.

chapter | I | t.b.a.




prologue | alexandria

This place is dark, oh so cold.
This place is stark, oh so bold.

This place, it smells like that I have been.
A place so fierce, my bravest kin.

Run for now, do not speak.
Do not look back, you will make me meek.

Run away, my bravest kin.
To that place my heart has been.

I know you are new, I know I am old.
Please, just try to stay bold.

Time is short, it is coming fast.
Run, just like the first to last.

That place is there, I know it is.
Do not stop until you know it is his.

Run through the night, my cunning kin.
Go to that place he denounces his.

I know he is there, I know he will wait.
For that day, my precious eighth.

Alexandria, a name so fine
Now go, before you are out of time
 
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oh my
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chapter | I | names​

Oran’s Forest; a pokémon reserve, situated between Gateon Port and Agate Village. A place where creatures can eat berries and relax under the tall, thick oak trees, free of trainers and especially poachers. Pokémon roam the land day and night, searching for food they can call their own.

Humble nests of noctowl and unfezant sit aloft in the trees, while the darkness of caves contain packs of ursaring and colonies of zubat. Schools of basculin and luvdisc swim through the streams, occasionally jumping out to catch a glimpse of land-life. Oaks and maples as high as the eye could see coated the land, providing a blanket of shade to all creatures. Ponds and brooks created a metropolis of nests for fish, as well as the everyday watering hole. No matter the time and weather, the isolation of the forest made it peaceful. Peace came especially easy to one person: Anthony Hiltch.

The groundskeeper of Oran’s Forest, and the only human on site. A drop-out from pokémon medical school, he lives a quiet life in the forest. Or at least, it was, until…


“Square, I’m runnin’ out to the shop; we need more herbs. If something happens, just come running.” Square was an ursaring, befitting of the name due to its unique chest pattern: a tan square. He nodded, and proceeded to lie down by the fireplace.

Anthony’s cabin was small, yet well suited for someone in his condition. It was home to a small, single-fit bed, a wooden rocking chair, and a small area set aside for hygiene uses. Cabinets lined the walls, mostly stocked with books and baubles. The remaining space was used for daily utilities.

Electricity was not a luxury out in the forest. Everything was powered by the water wheel right outside the cabin, which was situated on a small stream. The fire is given birth to every day, in which Anthony rubs tinder and leaves until they spark a flame. Compared to the more technology-integrated lives of the people in Gateon Port, life in the woods was hell.

Yet Anthony enjoyed it. Day after day of quietness, spending hours reading, sleeping, and taking care of pokémon in need of medical assistance. He would make treks through the trees every couple of hours, looking for injured creatures, or just to play with the newly-hatched critters.

Some days, like today, he would walk to towns and shops to buy medicine, or just to get away from the forest.

* * * * * * * * * * *​

Outside of Oran’s Forest was even more trees, more rivers, and more caves. In essence, it was the same. But Anthony could always tell he was leaving the reserve when the trees’ shadows cleared-up. The climate got warmer, and various pokémon species could be seen. The twigs and leaves kept their incessant crrch noise playing until Anthony left the sea of green. He spotted a main road, and started walking towards the south.

After about forty-five minutes of walking, he spotted the small, run-down shack off to the right. It was quite dreary and old looking, but its medical supplies were treasures to the average trainer, and always had something good in stock.

As he walked in, Anthony read the sign on the door, declaring in bold, black letters: “Herb Shoppe”. The store was dimly lit and had few consumers inside, most of whom were just traveling trainers. Though it was to be expected of a shop in the middle of towns. Shelves were lined with potions and remedies, but most of everything paled in comparison to what grew in Oran’s Forest. The wooden floors creaked with every step, and the wall’s screams for a new coat of paint could be heard a mile away.

“Evenin’ mam. ‘M looking for some revival herbs; happen to have any?” Anthony questioned the woman working behind the counter, operating the checkouts. She wore a casual blue red shirt with blue slacks, and stood at about four feet. She couldn't have been younger than fifty.

“Sure thing, honey! How many are you looking for? Ten? Twenty?” The mam responded.

“No no,” he chuckled, “Four will be plenty.”

The woman went in the back to retrieve the newly delivered goods, only to come back with a frown upon her face. “I’m terribly sorry, mister, but I can’t find them. I could have sworn we just got a darn shipment of them too,” she mumbled to herself.

“Well, no worries. I can always come back some other time. Thanks for ya time.” Anthony waved and walked out of the shop, only to see a tired ursaring standing in front of the door, panting.

“Well shit, Square. What’s wrong?”

“Graburr haaaa ruuuuuaaa-,” Square tried to talk, but could obviously only get out a grumble.

“Yeah okay, I get it. Let’s just get back there before anything else happens.” Anthony rode on Square’s shoulders, something he found great fun in. Square could run at forty miles per hour, and the distance between the forest and store was barely five. It was a short ride, but Anthony loved it; the cool air in his face, and the view of a rhyperior.

* * * * * * * * * *​

He jumped off Square’s shoulders and rushed into the cabin. “Looks like we got ourselves an inju-,” Anthony stopped. He walked further into the room, and saw a red and green pile of mush slumped over on the coffee table.

“Holy mother’a fuck. What the hell is this thing? Square, fetch me a bucket of water and a towel.” His tone was harsh, as to be expected of a doctor when around a severely injured patient.

“Where’s all this blood coming from? I can’t even tell what I’m looking at here.” Anthony took the towel from Square, and dampened it in the water. He carefully rubbed the blood off of the creature, until he could make out more of its body.

“Square, get out a needle and some silk. I’m gunna have to give this thing stiches.” The pokémon wasn’t moving, and made no sound. Blood oozed out of the gaps, mostly coming from the abdomen. Three, five, no. At least eight wounds covered the creature, which all seemed to be larger than its head.

“What the hell caused all these damn cuts? Ya think a bird tried to eat it?”

Square just shrugged.

Most of its body was covered in red, but patches of green could be made out. It stretched no greater than a foot, and must have weighed only a few pounds. Anthony grabbed the same towel that he used to wipe the blood off the creature, and proceeded to dry the sweat of his face. Not surprised, Square delivered his palm to his forehead, and continued watching Anthony.

He held the needle with such finesse as he threaded the material through each gap in the body. As each cut was fully stitched, he moved onto the next, managing to wipe away the blood while making sure he was quick so that no more would leak.

“Eh, Square?” Anthony asked with a curious tone.

“Harr?”

“Remind me if I’m mistaken, but spinarak don’t live in this forest, do they?”

Square shook his head.

“Than what’s one doin’ here?”

Square raised his hands up in the air and sighed

“Then where the hell did it come from? It couldn’t a just fell off the back of a wagon.”

“Haabra grua!” Square chimed in.

Anthony continued examining the creature, making sure no injuries were left untouched. “Well shoot. Square, fetch me some blankets. It’s not goin’ anywhere, so we might as well make it cozy.” While the ursaring followed orders, Anthony mopped-up the rest of the blood. Fortunately, the floors were wood and wouldn’t stain. He laid the blankets on top of the table, placing each one over another, letting the spinarak rest on top of them. “Looks like you’re going to spend the night here, little fellah.” The creature looked broken, both mentally and physically. Its eyes kept moving, its body shaking. Numerous bruises ate at its skin.

“Habrauh gr?”

“Good question.” Anthony picked up the spinarak, and looked under its light green abdomen. “It’s a female alright.”

“Harrr…” He moaned.

“You’ll get over it.”

“Raa?”

“Well what do you think we should cal-,” Anthony paused. “Why does it even need a name?”

In the best English he could manage, Square tried to give a list of names. “Jaahra”

Anthony stared at Square with an unimpressed gaze. “You think I understand that?”

“Haaabr!”

“I just go off of hunches. I have no idea what you’re saying at times like this.”

“Aba-,” he began to protest until he realized it was futile.

“Let’s just call it Spinarak for now. We can come up with a better name in the morning.”

Square sighed, but listened to Anthony’s orders and went to sleep.
 
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I remember the first Poison Touch - I can say that this is a great improvement!

Technical Accuracy/Style
Generally very good. I would advise against using complex words when simple ones would do - customers rather than consumers for a small store for example, but that's just me. The narration flows very well and there's some good description in there - a nice balance between moving the chapter on and building up a vivid world

Story
First of all, I like that we're not in Kanto for once! It's an unusual location and quite well thought-out. The naturalist in me approves of your choice of trees ;) A simple start, certainly, but personally I think you're better off for it, compared to what you tried to do in Poison Touch v1

Characters
I can't quite believe that you got away with the accent, but there we are. What's there is done well, and consistently

Final Thoughts
It is indeed different, and not at all onerous to read. If I have one big problem, it's that the font is a little too small for my liking. I either have to lean in or zoom in to read it
 
It's been a while
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I really liked this. The descriptions were very detailed, but not unnecessarily so. You usually see writers try to put in as many details as they can, but you were brief, while still being informative. What I liked most about this, I think, was the dialogue. It was very well done, it was as if I could see/hear the characters come to life. I especially liked what you did with Ursaring's lines. Even though he didn't say anything intelligible I could still understand him. It was funny how Anthony reacted to his speech, talking to him like he was no different from a human, albeit unable to speak. Overall, I loved the first chapter and I look forward to reading more of this. I hope you don't drop it like you did with v1, apparently it was a flop, but this one looks promising. I've read lots of really good stories that ended up being dropped, and it really makes me feel sad seeing so much potential go to waste. So good luck, but most importantly have fun in the process.
 
powered by the sun ☀️
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I liked the poem in the prologue. You also have good detail. Describing the surroundings is such a difficult thing for me to do...but you've done it nicely.
I think you have a good narrating voice, and my favorite parts of the story are the parts being narrated.

I think you could write a fantastic story with just narration :) Not for this one; I meant a new story, and maybe it could be a short story, or a one-shot, whichever.
 
oh my
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@Beth Pavell; I'm glad you could see improvements!! Means that the hiatus as worth it, I suppose. :p And I actually have to thank you for the bit on the trees. Originally, it was just "trees". It wasn't until I saw a post by you that had had given advice regarding that subject.

@Safe-T; Thanks a bunch! I'm really glad you thought the description was done well, because that was something I was panicking about, to be honest. Hopefully I will be able to keep this series going, though I don't want to make any promises.

@farewell, friend; I'm also very glad you enjoyed it! I have actually thought about what you said regarding the narration, and if I ever get it to, I plan on writing a one-shot set in this universe that is solely narration.

Thanks so much for replying, guys! Really makes me happy. :)
It seems I'm ten days late, though that's honestly a lot better than what I thought it was going to be. I'm not too sure how I feel about this chapter, though I am proud that it's more than 2,000 words. Hopefully the length of the chapters will grow throughout the story.

Please let me know what you think, and don't be shy to point out any errors. Oh, and one quick thing: I'm not sure if this is suited for teen or mature, so I'm going to set it as mature. If anyone can give me a definite answer that'd be great. (I originally thought it was going to be mature, though it seems it came out as teen. Ah well.)

chapter | II | leave


Knock knock knock

“Oh you’ve gotta be fucking with me.”

Knock knock kn-

“I’m comin’!” Anthony dragged himself off the floor and managed to open the door.

“Good morning, si-,” the voice was cut off.

“No.”

“Excuse me?”

“It is most fucking certainly not a ‘good morning’. Do you people even know what time it is? It’s ten o’ fucking clock in the fuckin’ morning. Who the hell is up at this hour?”

“Um… pretty much everyone, sir. Look, we don’t care about your morning issues, we just have a few questions for you.”

“No, no, no,” Anthony wagged his finger, his eyes drooping, “I’ve got some questions for you: A, why the fuck are you on my property? B, who the fuck are you? C, do you have any coffee?”

“Sir, you mustn’t play games with us.”

Chh-chh

“That doesn’t sound like coffee…” Anthony managed to gather enough energy to move his arms and went to wipe his eyes. The fuzzy image of a man turned to two men, and the black banana the first man was holding turned to a small, pistol-like gun. His eyes widened, “Oh… Um… Evenin’, officers, what seems to be the problem?” he smiled.

The two men were identical as could be. Each wore a black suit accompanied by a white tie, black loafers and black sunglasses. They both had shaved heads and wore black top hats to cover them. The only difference was that the first man had brown hair and the second one black.

“Look, sir,” the second man replied, “All we need is an answer.”

“Okay, all I need is a question.”

The gun moved up to Anthony’s forehead.

The men looked at each other. “Don’t get sassy with us,” the first man hissed, “Just tell us where the spinarak are and we’ll be on our way.”

Are? That’s plural. So there’s more?
“Why?”

“We’re the one asking the questions here!” the first man shouted.

“They’re in my cabin, but unless you tell me why I ain’t movin’, ya bastards.”

“You must still be waking up, sir. Do you not see what I’m holding? It’s a gun. Unless you want me to shoot you, you’ll hand over the eight spinarak.”

“W-H-Y?”

Crrrck

Anthony flew back into the cabin. Now fully awake, he stumbled around on the floor of the cabin, trying to regroup himself.

“Sir, we aren’t ones to take lightly. That was just a warning shot. We aren’t playing a game of cops-and-robbers here. Either give us all the spinarak, or die. It’s really quite simple.”

“Look buddy, there are two things I don’t like. One of them is people telling me what to do, and the other thing I don’t like is chow time.”

Those two words were all he needed to hear. Square leapt off the floor and jumped over Anthony’s back, falling on the man holding the gun. He stood on his arms and legs, hindering the man from doing anything. The second man pulled out his gun and fired a round at Square.

It was useless, though. Square’s protect could block anything. Electricity, flames, water. Bullets were a joke.

Laughing like a maniac, Anthony, now standing up, stood in the doorway watching the action. “Might as well use crunch, Square. We’re runnin’ low on food as is. No sense in wasting a free meal.”

“Get this bear off of me! Do something, Jet!” the man pleaded.

“What does it look like I’m doing, Jack?!”

Alas, it was too late. Square’s jaw had turned Jack’s face into nothing more than a blob. His face, well, he didn’t have one anymore. Muscle and skin wavered around his head while blood poured out onto the grass. Square continued to nibble on various parts of flesh until satisfied with his untimely breakfast.

“Hey, you fucking bear! Get away from him!”

“This would have been different if you had brought coffee,” Anthony chimed, continuing his laughter.

“You know what, bastard? I’ve had enough of you people,” the man turned, now facing Anthony, and aimed his gun at his face.

“Oh, um, no need spill more blood,” Anthony stopped laughing.

“Like I give a shit about that! You think you can ju-“

Jet’s body fell to the ground. His head and shoulders were completely gone; obliterated by the beam of light. Nothing was left, not even ashes. Some smoke, however, did circulate around where his head was. Blood started to pour out of Jet like fireworks exploding on the Fourth of July.

Anthony clapped, “Bravo on that hyper beam."

"Braha."

"Well this certainly put a damper on the mornin’.” Anthony walked towards the first man and examined his body. “Um… I’m not really sure what to do with these two… You?” he looked at Square.

Square just shrugged, “Ra bhraa?”

“I don’t like it when people tell me what to do.”

Square looked at Anthony, unamused.

“Oh, and they wanted to take that spinarak for whatever reason. They didn’t seem like very nice people, so I couldn’t a' trust them to take care of her."

Square just took a deep breath and started walking towards the cabin.

“At least you got to eat breakfast! My appetite’s ruined now.” Anyways, what do we got here? Anthony grabbed a sheet of paper out of the first man’s suit pocket. He unfolded it and examined the note.

to do
1) Take Ariados and eggs to base
2) Stop for lunch
3) Meet Emily at library
4) Get information on Poison Touch
5) Go to Ginger Lake and get Magikarp


Ariados? Emily? Lunch? Poison Touch? Magikarp? The fuck?
Anthony thought to himself as he followed Square back into the cabin.

He walked over to Spinarak, who was lying down on the blankets from the night before. At this point she was up, undoubtingly from all the noise. “You doin’ alright? Sorry if Square woke you, he can be quite rude,” he smiled.

Square looked at the spider and waved his hands frantically.

Anthony laughed and turned back towards the spinarak, “How much longer are you going to stay frozen, lil’ fellah? I promise, I won’t let anyone take you away. You’re safe with me. Maybe not with Square, but you can trust me, he held his hand out to the creature, trying to get it to climb on.

She remained motionless, still staring at him.

“Promise I won’t bite.” Instead of stretching his arm any further, he extended his index finger.

In return, she moved her front left leg. She shuffled on top of the blankets, moving slowly.

Upon Anthony’s finger now laid the yellow and blue leg of the spinarak, who was looking straight into his eyes. “Atta girl,” he smiled. “Sqaure, I’m headin’ out. Keep an eye on things and make sure this gal don’t go nowhere. Got it?” he turned towards him.

Square nodded back, “Raha.”

“See ya in a couple a’ hours.”

* * * * * * * * * *​

An hour’s worth of walking led to Toka Town, an industrialized city filled with out-of-the-box thinkers and the newest gizmos and gadgets. By far the most advanced place in all of Orre, it was home to all types of buildings of knowledge.

Many things always piqued Anthony’s interest in this city: the offices and labs that towered over one’s head, the picturesque buildings and the odd, yet elegant shapes they formed.

The cacophony of cars, clatter, and talk did not even take away from it all. Though loud and brash, they were the cream to one’s morning coffee. Never could a day be started without the reminder of where one was.

As Anthony walked, he read the fliers along the windows and casually took a glance inside the numerous facilities. Most of everything talked about science competitions and the latest advances in engineering, though there was one thing that caught his eye.

FEELING OPRESSED? FEELING CHEATED? FEELING ANGRY?
The President of Orre needs to step down! Rally with us! Stand together and fight for justice! We will not take this tyranny anymore! Join us – Rebel’s Rank – and help Orre get to a better state!


Anthony just sighed, and walked on.

Unfortunately, these type of things were not uncommon nowadays. There would be protests, sometimes monthly, that got out of hand. The group of people opposed to the government’s rule was growing, now outside of their control.

With a little less oomph in his step, Anthony continued navigating through the town. Left, right, right, left, and another right led straight towards his destination, the library.

It was a glorious, two-story building filled with knowledge-bound papers and books. Beautifully built with some metallic material and glass, readers were able to see out to the streets while enjoying their book. Shelves held numerous books and encyclopedias, while the second story was had nearly four dozen computers, all loaded with the best operating system and utilities. The architects did not waste a dime.

“Welcome,” a voice blurted, “If you’re having any problems or need help finding something, please don’t be afraid to ask!” The perky voice came from a young madam working behind the checkout counter. She had on a white vest and khakis, and looked like someone had just taken her out of the box. Her light brown hair reached right down to where her nametag was; on her shirt, a few inches below the neck.

“Actually,” he walked over to her, “Do you happen to know if a woman named Emily is here? I was told to come meet her.”

“I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t keep track of our guests. If she’s here, or ever was here, I don’t know. Terribly sorry,” she frowned.

“No worries,” he sighed, and walked upstairs. Grabbing a seat at a computer in the corner, he went online. “Now, let’s see what I can find out about this Poison Touch thingy,” he mumbled to himself. Right as he clicked enter on the search bar, he felt a tap on his right shoulder, and turned around.

“Excuse me, mister, but I couldn’t help but hear you’re looking to find information on something called Poison Touch?” A woman was behind him, clearly the owner of the finger and voice. She wore a black dress, purple stockings, and black boots. Everything was only made darker by her light blonde hair and beautiful facial features.

“Tryin' to, at least. This damn thing ain’t giving me nothin’,” he groaned.

“Well that’s because you’re looking in the wrong section,” she smirked.

“It’s the damn internet… It's got all the sections.”

She laughed, “Only if said section is known about. What you’re looking for isn’t really common. Go look for a book called Myths and Dreams under the fantasy section. Page thirty-two should have what you’re looking for.”

“Oh… Uh, thank ya, miss.”

“Certainly,” she smiled back.

Anthony walked down the glass steps to the first floor and found the fantasy section. He searched the aisle until he came across the book and opened it to page thirty-two, as instructed.

Poison Touch

Poison Touch is a mythical land that is supposedly home to various pokémon. As the name implies, it is specifically home to only poison-type pokémon. It is said that all poison-type pokémon are linked to this place, and will go there when they are about to die so they may be reborn into their next life. Coincidentally, it is also said that it is where they are born. Some pokémon even live there, guarding the grounds.

As the name also implies, this area is extremely toxic and hazardous. Even a mile away its stench can be smelled, which leaves deadly effects on whoever smelled it. If the person is lucky enough to make it all the way there, it is said that upon the first step into the lands the person’s body will become so intoxicated that within moments they’ll perish. For this reason, no soul has every tried to find it.

Though many people have doubted its existence, there has been one person to have speculated and examined it over many years. Don Black, a researcher and scientist, explored the possibility of Poison Touch being a reality throughout his lifetime. Though his status is not currently known, it is said that his son M​

The rest of the page was ripped off.

And the day keeps getting more mysterious, Anthony sighed. He put the book back on the shelf and started to walk away, until a familiar woman impeded him.

“Find what you needed?” It was the woman who directed Anthony to the book.

“Not exactly, but it’ll do. Why?”

“Can’t a woman wonder how her help turned out?” she chuckled.

He chuckled back, “I guess you’re right. Oh, I’m sorry, but I never got your name.” What a joke, Anthony thought to himself, Even if she is Emily it ain’t like she’s just gonna come right out with it.

“My name?” she replied, “It’s Emily. What might yours be?”

Well fuck… There goes reason and logic. Might as well tell her the truth. “Antonio’s the name.” Close enough.

“Well, Antonio, it was nice meeting you. If you ever need more help, please, don’t hesitate to call. I’ll be off now.” She handed Anthony a white rectangular business card and went on her way.

Great, Anthony continued to walk up and down the aisles, pretending to look at books as he thought, So now I have a spinarak from God knows where, top hat goons who are after this thing coming to attack me, and no answers to anything. Not to mention where this Emily person, Magikarp and Don Black fit into all of this. This Black person seems like he can be of help, though. Might as well ask around. After all, it is a library. There’s bound to be someone knowledgeable.

Anthony walked over to the café tucked into the lower corner of the restaurant to begin his search, and more importantly, his snack.

“What can I get you, honey?” the barista behind the counter questioned.

“Large black coffee and plain bagel, please.”

“Toasted?”

“Nah thanks, un-toasted is good.” I suppose I wouldn’t hurt to ask her. “’Cuse me, miss, but you wouldn’t happen to know a Don Black, would you?”

Her courteous smile turned to a frown, “Most people know him around these parts. He used to come here every day and sit at that table.” She pointed to a small table-for-two by the window.

“Used to?”

“Let me think… It must have been three years ago when he stopped coming. Said something about taking a trip to Funnel Creek and never came back.”

“Didn’t someone try an' find him?”

“Sure, we all did. For a while. People lost hope after a couple of months.”

“Seems a bit harsh.”

“Sure you wouldn’t do the same? Everyone has lives to attend too, and let’s be honest, people just don’t care after a while.”

“Doesn’t he have a family, though? I was just reading in a book that he has a son.”

“His son died two years ago, right as people stopped searching.”

“Ma’pologies, miss. I didn’t mean to get into such a depressing conversation.”

“Don’t worry, it happens. Here’s your order. Have a nice day.” The woman handed him a pale white cup in a brown sleeve along with a tan bagel.

“Thanks, have a nice day yourself,” he stopped, in search of a name tag, “…Emily.” Seems to go right along with everything else today. Headed for the doors, he walked outside and started his trek home, casually sipping and munching his coffee and bagel accordingly.

* * * * * * * * * *​

“I’m home,” Anthony claimed as he opened the doors.

“Rahbraa,” Square chimed back.

“Where’s the little one?”

“Harh.” Square pointed over to the couch, where the spinarak sat.

“Hey, Spinarak,” Anthony paused and shook his head, “No no no, that doesn’t work. Square, we need a name for this gal. I ain’t callin’ her some generic-ass scientific-whatchamacallit name. Any suggestions?”

Does that fool even remember what happened the last time we tried this? Square thought to himself, I suppose Circle would be a fitting name.

“Don’t you dare say Circle.”

“Habahar.”

Translation: “I’d like to see you come up with something better, asshole.”

“What about Silk? Since she’s a spider and all-that. Sounds pretty graceful too, huh?”

“Brahaa.”

Translation: “What kind of abomination of a name is that?”

“Glad we could agree on something,” Anthony smiled. “Now, I want you to pack your things. We’re leaving this place for a while.”

“Raah?”

“We’re off to see the wizard.”

Already annoyed by the name situation, Square took his anger out on Anthony’s face, in the form of a slap.

Anthony looked back at Square, not focused on what just happened, “We’re going on a quest.”

And yet another slap was delivered across Anthony’s tan face, shaking his skin as his head flung right.

“Okay, fine. We’re going to go find a man who can hopefully tell us where Silk came from.”

Square had had it, and so did Anthony’s face. Yet the third slap was given anyway.

“I was being serious that time!”

“Ha…. Braha.”

“We’re leaving in the morning. Make sure you’re up by 1 P.M.”
 
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It's been a while
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This was really fun and funny to read. The dialogue is really well written, and I really like Anthony, he's a lot of fun, as is Square. I actually didn't foresee such a progression with the story, but it's very much welcome. I love how Anthony reacts to all the new things that just came about after he decided to save the spinarak. I can't wait to see what happens next. A little thing, I felt like the font was a little too big, it's no biggie, just a note.
 
East Unova Resident
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Just jumped into Chapter 1.

Yeah Orre! The use of a region that's not as thoroughly developed as other canon regions gives you a lot of room for creativity while not explicitly contradiction that's seen in the games, and you take good advantage of it here with the introduction of the forest where Anthony lives.

Also, since Orre has no "native" Pokémon (though I suppose it could be said to be primarily Hoenn Pokémon in the games, even if it theoretically would geographically be closer to Unova) you have pretty free license to put whatever Pokémon you want there, and you leverage this well just in terms of the wild Pokémon that are mentioned in the first chapter.

I really enjoy seeing characters living in situations other than that of a traditional traveling Trainer, so even if collecting gym badges becomes a "side thing" as the plot develops, it was really enjoyable seeing Anthony and Square's little world here as things get kickstarted.

Also, bonus points for maps. Even though most stories won't need readers to know such specifics, it reflects a level of care and detail I personally really appreciate. Plus it shows you're having fun with this.
 
Go Niners!
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Very well written, Life! Description is rich and the narration flows smoothly. It's a pleasure to read. Can't really comment on the plot yet, but I'm excited to see how this plays out.
 
Thesaurus rex
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I've been meaning to read this, but I didn't want to read and review while tired.

Technical Accuracy/Style
Still generally very good indeed - I could point out two or three nitpicky things but it's nothing to get worried about. I'm digging the simple style - there's a lot of good description in there without a lot of words, so kudos. And I'm quite flattered that you used one of my tips!

Story
Hm. Not bad, but maybe a bit muddled stylistically. The tone is quite light overall but it veers very sharply dark what with Square eating people, and then goes back light again. Maybe that was the point, but it stuck out for me. I liked the town sequence though, you laid down some plot points very neatly.

Characters
Not a lot more to say here - That accent is still working, well done - but I am liking the dynamic between Square and Anthony. The translation lines were maybe a little clumsy but you didn't overdo it

Final Thoughts
You should really be pleased with what you've done. The writing here is a hell of a lot more elegant and sophisticated across the board compared to Poison Touch version 1
 
oh my
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Figured I should get comments done now since the next chapter won't be posted for a while, unfortunately. Thankfully though, I have taken time today to sort out my plot and tighten things up a bit. That aside, I'm more than pleased to see my story has (what seems to be) a growing fan-base, and lots of positive feedback. A big thanks goes out to all of you who are reading this!

This was really fun and funny to read. The dialogue is really well written, and I really like Anthony, he's a lot of fun, as is Square. I actually didn't foresee such a progression with the story, but it's very much welcome. I love how Anthony reacts to all the new things that just came about after he decided to save the spinarak. I can't wait to see what happens next. A little thing, I felt like the font was a little too big, it's no biggie, just a note.
I'm glad you like it. Though I had re-written things a lot, it certainly was fun for me to write! About the font... Well, I had taken Pavell's tip here increasing the font size, because going back I also felt it was too small. I'll try again next chapter to find a better medium!

Just jumped into Chapter 1.

Yeah Orre! The use of a region that's not as thoroughly developed as other canon regions gives you a lot of room for creativity while not explicitly contradiction that's seen in the games, and you take good advantage of it here with the introduction of the forest where Anthony lives.

Also, since Orre has no "native" Pokémon (though I suppose it could be said to be primarily Hoenn Pokémon in the games, even if it theoretically would geographically be closer to Unova) you have pretty free license to put whatever Pokémon you want there, and you leverage this well just in terms of the wild Pokémon that are mentioned in the first chapter.
I'm happy to hear that you are liking what I've done to the setting, as that was pretty much the exact reason I went with Orre. Something I would like to say about the native Pokémon is that they're split, so to speak. The western half of Orre is quite gassy and lush while the eastern is more dessert-y, so except to see a shift in Pokémon as Anthony heads towards there!

I really enjoy seeing characters living in situations other than that of a traditional traveling Trainer, so even if collecting gym badges becomes a "side thing" as the plot develops, it was really enjoyable seeing Anthony and Square's little world here as things get kickstarted.

Also, bonus points for maps. Even though most stories won't need readers to know such specifics, it reflects a level of care and detail I personally really appreciate. Plus it shows you're having fun with this.
Aha, thanks! I have been lacking a bit on making them, though I hope to have another one or two up soon!

Very well written, Life! Description is rich and the narration flows smoothly. It's a pleasure to read. Can't really comment on the plot yet, but I'm excited to see how this plays out.
Nice to know you're excited to read more - That's exactly what I want to hear! :p Hopefully I won't let you down!

I've been meaning to read this, but I didn't want to read and review while tired.
Don't worry - I get lazy tired when I'm reading/reviewing more than I would like to admit.

Technical Accuracy/Style
Still generally very good indeed - I could point out two or three nitpicky things but it's nothing to get worried about. I'm digging the simple style - there's a lot of good description in there without a lot of words, so kudos. And I'm quite flattered that you used one of my tips!
Glad to hear that the errors aren't as big as they were in v1! I figured I let some things slide - that's the last time I post anything at night. Anyways, I'm really, really, happy to see all of you saying good things about the description, as I can't shake the feeling that I'm overdoing it.

Story
Hm. Not bad, but maybe a bit muddled stylistically. The tone is quite light overall but it veers very sharply dark what with Square eating people, and then goes back light again. Maybe that was the point, but it stuck out for me. I liked the town sequence though, you laid down some plot points very neatly.
I'm glad you pointed that out. Something I want to try to portray is how Anthony and Square are, for the most part, light, yet get tossed into a dark situation and how they deal with it all. And in Square's defense, this is one of the only meals he's gotten all week!

Characters
Not a lot more to say here - That accent is still working, well done - but I am liking the dynamic between Square and Anthony. The translation lines were maybe a little clumsy but you didn't overdo it
I was pursuing whether or not to take out those lines, though I left them in as I thought they would supply a bit of a comedic effect. The reason I like giving Square so much dialogue is because it lets the readers interpret what he's saying, but like I said, I made an exception here.

Final Thoughts
You should really be pleased with what you've done. The writing here is a hell of a lot more elegant and sophisticated across the board compared to Poison Touch version 1
It's funny... As the author of Poison Touch I'm saddened to hear that my story wasn't good, yet as the author of Poison Touch v2.0 I'm oh so pleased to receive such criticism, and completely realize the faults in the first version. I'm happy that you've been able to give me reviews both on that story and on this one.
 
oh my
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This is either going to be a hit or miss, but I spent a couple of days thinking about it and just decided to roll with it. Chapter three won't be out for at least two more weeks, and at the latest, and month or so. In the meantime, please enjoy this interlude.

interlude | I | no

No, no, no!

The air cracked as they were chased.

No, no, no! I thought I lost them? No, I know I lost them.

It was a battle of colors as birds of red, yellow, and blue made their way through the sky, though they were not the only ones. Carelessly pushing the clouds aside, Yellow and Blue made haste to try and catch up to Red and its passenger. Their battle cries could be heard thousands of feet away as they together gave birth to a horrendous cry, "Kwaoo!"

Flying atop the red bird, the girl thought to herself, How can they be getting closer? How did they even know I left? No, it doesn’t matter. I just have to stop them. “Hestia, do something!”

“Trraaa!” The creature answered its owner's plead. It turned around in less than a second and gave off a brilliant flame of orange and red, hitting the first pursuer directly in its pale blue face.

Stunned that was hit, Blue became paralyzed. It fell in silence, not able to make a recovery move. Oppositely, its yellow partner gave out another agonizing cry, declaring it was about to get serious.

“Great, Hestia. Once more!” the girl patted her pokémon.

But instead of Red making the move, its pursuer attacked. It let out a– literally, lightning quick bolt of electricity, burning the edge of Hestia’s wing. “Kwaaa,” it continued to chant.

“Hestia, hang on, please! Just do something! Use an attack! Anything, just c’mon!” The girl gave it a nudge

“Raaa!” It turned around again, this time with anger in its face. It opened its beak and gave off a cry of protection, showing its spirit. With what little energy the bird had left, it used it to swing its flaming wings, giving off a hurricane-size wind.

“Kwwwaaaa!” Yellow let out a shout to inform that it was still conscious.

No effect, the girl winced, biting her lower lip. “Just once more, Hestia! I know you have it in you!”

It summoned all of its energy to give off the best attack it could. Turning around for what would be its final time, it gave birth to a circle of flames one could only describe as magnificent.

It hit the other bird right in the chest. Instead of crying, it delivered a sound that the girl assume to be a congratulations.

“Thanks, Hestia. Just a little longer ‘till you can land. We need to put as much distance between us and them as we can.”

“Tra.” This time, the bird could reply with confidence.


* * * * * * * * * *

“Fool! How could they let her get away! It’s only one girl – just one fucking girl! Those damn good-for-nothings, why did I even buy them?! They’ve been more trouble than help! What a waste!”

Above the man stood two large television screens, each of them turned on, yet only showing black.

“Not to mention the cost of those cameras! High definition isn’t cheap, you know!” the man paced around the room, hands in his pockets.

“Sir, if I may remind yo-“

“Shut up, James! For once in my life, leave me be!”

“I’m sorry, sir, but you know I can’t. Orders from the wife.” The other man stood near the doorway, watching the first man throw is tantrum. Dressed in a black and white suit, he appeared to be what most would call a butler.

“Fine, if you’re not going to leave you can make yourself useful. Get me the phone, there’s someone I need to call.”

“And if I may ask, who might that be, sir?”

“Dr. Black.”

* * * * * * * * * *​

“Alright, Hestia, you can land down there,” the girl pointed a tiny, rocky patch down below. Located on a small island, rocks jagged upwards, providing a cozy deathbed to any free-fallers. But if that wasn't enough, the pool of sizzling lava would also do the trick.

Trusting its owner, the bird changed its aim for the ground. Its fiery wings crackled as it flew, turning the already hot air hotter. Exhausted and tired were written on the bird's face, but it kept moving. If not for the bond between the girl and pokémon, the bird probably would have dumped her back in the ocean.

“Great job, Hestia. You did more than I should have asked." the girl thanked her pokémon. She jumped off the bird's back and proceeded to get its pokéball from her bag. The girl continued to smile, even after the beam of light appeared, returning the Moltres to its home away from home.
 
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Thesaurus rex
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Good old Interludes. Nothing like an Interlude to give you an excuse to write something completely different. As it stands, I usually champion understated prose but I think you could afford to turn the epic dial up a couple of notches on this one. Not that the prose is bad, I just felt that it was a bit too understated given the pokémon involved. Couple of points - you spelled Hestia with two 'a's several times. As a nit-pick, I would say "hurricane-strength" rather than "hurricane-sized"
 
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Well, it took me four months, but I finally got around to reading Chapter 2!

Things sure escalated quickly! Its interesting to see an interpretation of the Pokémon World where firearms exist and are a threat (the Pokémon TV show obviously has distanced itself from this notion), and as you demonstrated, it'll give your protag and his Pokémon threats to fend off other than the usual attacks from other Pokémon controlled by antagonists.

I like the mythology of Poison Touch and the way this has become a mystery, and I'm finding it hard not to suspect that Rebel's Rank has interest in such a place, if not multiple parties or individuals.

Hopefully it wont take me another full four months to get to the next chapter, but I am enjoying the story so far!
 
oh my
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Well, it took me four months, but I finally got around to reading Chapter 2!

Things sure escalated quickly! Its interesting to see an interpretation of the Pokémon World where firearms exist and are a threat (the Pokémon TV show obviously has distanced itself from this notion), and as you demonstrated, it'll give your protag and his Pokémon threats to fend off other than the usual attacks from other Pokémon controlled by antagonists.

I like the mythology of Poison Touch and the way this has become a mystery, and I'm finding it hard not to suspect that Rebel's Rank has interest in such a place, if not multiple parties or individuals.

Hopefully it wont take me another full four months to get to the next chapter, but I am enjoying the story so far!
When I saw this thread on the first page I was taken back since I wasn't expecting anyone to post here, so this is a nice treat. :p

Yeah, guns are pretty much the main source of human power. I don't want Anthony to just be sitting back commanding his Pokemon while the fights go on, so he'll be receiving a special power-up in the near future. I also plan to continue with the mythology surrounding Orre, as creating myths is something I enjoy.

I'm very thankful that you left a review and nice comments! Though I have been slacking, I hope I can get the next chapter up for you to enjoy soon! :~)
 
Don't Look Away
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All right. Much like Pavell said I can see tha tyou've really changed the story from what the original Poison Touch was like in this installment xD and by that I mean that you've done a complete retouch, though not a bad one.

Plot: You know, I liked that in two chapters you have already given us at least a basic idea to what the plot will have. I mean it's nice to see a story that is able to develop its plot pretty effortlessly without having to go for a long time (yes I'm guilty of doing this myself) plus I have to agree that your prose is, while simple, matching, it just fits the story and makes it easier to swallow. I do have to agree that the sudden shift from lighthearted to dark was kind of strange in chapter two. Actually no, rather I'd say that it's weird that such a gruesome scene was treated as a joke though it still work.

I like th efact that you're not only going with Orre but that you're also expanding it more than what we know, though Oran Forest is actually from PMD (I checked : P ) but it's still a nice touch and a more unique take on the region, or at least that's what I have to say considering this is like the second fic I read that takes place in it.

I am interested to see what will happen with Poison Touch and exactly where all of this will take, but you'v egot me interested.

Characters: Anthony is an ass xD that's all I have to say. I mean the guy is really funny and down to earth but I also liked the fact that he decided to take the initiative and try and find out why he got attacked by the suits in the first place. In general he is really interesting, being a drop out that lives in the forest on his own and all, it really makes me want to learn more about his past and wha tled him to that specific point. That and I love his interactions with Square, they're really funny and the two make a really great duo.

Style; Like I mentioned in plot I really like the way you wrote this, it's easy to swallow and process without getting too wordy, I also like the amount of description you give, I feel like it's pretty balanced and gives just enough room for imagination. I didn't notice any grammatical mistakes either so kudos to you for that.
 
make plove not warble
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Sorry I've taken so long to review this. I had some connection issues and lost my last draft.

Plot-wise, I'm interested to see where this is going. You've done a good job of setting up a mystery, and a bit of a premise with Poison Touch, but I'm still waiting to see it established where exactly the story is going. In the author's note you made this sound like it was a fic about a journey without actually being a journey fic, so I'm excited to see that take off. Establishing that kind of premise and direction is very important in maintaining interest.

It's nice to see a fic set in Orre. I never played XD or Colosseum, but I've always liked the idea of the region. Will this story some how fit into the games' canon? Or are you just borrowing parts of the setting? Either way, it's cool.

As for characters, the only ones developed enough to comment on are Anthony and Square. Others have mentioned the supposed tone-shift from light to dark and back again and you countered that it's simply the way those characters act. I'm totally down with that, but now you're in a situation where you have to make sure that stays consistent. Anthony is completely unfazed by horrible acts of violence (even if the victims deserve it) and it takes a special kind of person to have that reaction. Sadism is as sadism does, if you will. I'm curious to discover what in Anthony's past made him that way, and how that kind of personality effects his relationship with others. In general Anthony's background seems like it could be interesting and is something I think should be explored or at least mentioned in the next few chapters if possible.

Square's great. Having a Pokemon that can sort of talk to its trainer is a major boon and one you take full advantage of. I don't know if this will be commonplace for all the Pokemon in this fic or if Square's special, but I like it either way.

Besides them, we've got a clearly evil guy (only villains begin sentences with "Fool!") and mistress of Moltres so that's cool. Looking forward to seeing them developed.

As for your writing/style, you've got some great dialogue. No real complaints there. Your description is enough to set the scene but not overwhelming, which is great. I would like to mention, however, that your descriptions seem to be a tad excessively wordy. Like I said, you're not necessarily over-describing, but you could be a bit more succinct. Example:

Turning around for what would be its final time, it gave birth to a circle of flames one could only describe as magnificent.

I would just say "it gave birth to a magnificent circle of flames." Magnificent is a great adjective, but adding the rest of that sentence comes across as a little over the top. Good description is subtle. It sets the scene without the reader even realizing it. What you don't want to do is make your reader think "I'm reading description." Throwing in a simple adjective here and there is a great way to get around this, unless if you overuse colors...

The woman handed him a pale white cup in a brown sleeve along with a tan bagel.
Like that. Think about Pavell's academy lesson on description (if you haven't read it, do it now). His advice doesn't just apply to trees and geological formations. Specificity in your description can go a long way. It's not a pale white cup, it's a styrofoam cup. It's not a tan bagel, it's a fresh poppy seed bagel. You could get away with saying "brown sleeve" without it sounding as awkward if you didn't use the other colors. Overuse of colors is another thing that makes me think "I'm reading description," so try to stick to other adjectives when possible. Word choice!

And yet another slap was delivered across Anthony’s tan face, shaking his skin as his head flung right.
If your use of the word "tan" was to describe the literal color of Anthony's face, see above. If it was a clever use of description to tell us that Anthony is tan because he spends a lot of time outside, I would use the word "tanned" instead. It means the same thing and just flows better in my opinion. Again: word choice!

Anthony walked over to the café tucked into the lower corner of the restaurant to begin his search, and more importantly, his snack.
And I'm assuming you meant library, since there would be little use in tucking a cafe into a restaurant.

Overall I like where this is going. It's unique and pretty well written. Keep it up!

Review Extravaganza 32/50
 
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oh my
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Finally got to responding! Since I don't know how much longer it will be until I get my chapter out, I figured I would just post my response now.

All right. Much like Pavell said I can see tha tyou've really changed the story from what the original Poison Touch was like in this installment xD and by that I mean that you've done a complete retouch, though not a bad one.

Plot: You know, I liked that in two chapters you have already given us at least a basic idea to what the plot will have. I mean it's nice to see a story that is able to develop its plot pretty effortlessly without having to go for a long time (yes I'm guilty of doing this myself) plus I have to agree that your prose is, while simple, matching, it just fits the story and makes it easier to swallow. I do have to agree that the sudden shift from lighthearted to dark was kind of strange in chapter two. Actually no, rather I'd say that it's weird that such a gruesome scene was treated as a joke though it still work.

I like th efact that you're not only going with Orre but that you're also expanding it more than what we know, though Oran Forest is actually from PMD (I checked : P ) but it's still a nice touch and a more unique take on the region, or at least that's what I have to say considering this is like the second fic I read that takes place in it.
My forest is Oran's. :c

But seriously, I'm glad the plot is moving okay. I'm worried that it's moving to fast, but that may just be because of the length of the chapters.

I am interested to see what will happen with Poison Touch and exactly where all of this will take, but you'v egot me interested.

Characters: Anthony is an ass xD that's all I have to say. I mean the guy is really funny and down to earth but I also liked the fact that he decided to take the initiative and try and find out why he got attacked by the suits in the first place. In general he is really interesting, being a drop out that lives in the forest on his own and all, it really makes me want to learn more about his past and wha tled him to that specific point. That and I love his interactions with Square, they're really funny and the two make a really great duo.

Style; Like I mentioned in plot I really like the way you wrote this, it's easy to swallow and process without getting too wordy, I also like the amount of description you give, I feel like it's pretty balanced and gives just enough room for imagination. I didn't notice any grammatical mistakes either so kudos to you for that.
That's what I was going for, so I'm glad to know his character is in the right place! His past will be revealed in a few chapters, so hopefully I won't have to make you wait too long.

I know I already thanked you in Skype, but another thank you never hurts. :p

Sorry I've taken so long to review this. I had some connection issues and lost my last draft.
No need for sorrys. I'm always ecstatic to receive a review. :~)

Plot-wise, I'm interested to see where this is going. You've done a good job of setting up a mystery, and a bit of a premise with Poison Touch, but I'm still waiting to see it established where exactly the story is going. In the author's note you made this sound like it was a fic about a journey without actually being a journey fic, so I'm excited to see that take off. Establishing that kind of premise and direction is very important in maintaining interest.
I'm glad to hear that the mystery aspect is coming along nicely; that is one of my many worries. I think I'll be able to keep your expectations, as the typical journey route is not followed here.

It's nice to see a fic set in Orre. I never played XD or Colosseum, but I've always liked the idea of the region. Will this story some how fit into the games' canon? Or are you just borrowing parts of the setting? Either way, it's cool.
Nope!!!!! I refuse to touch the shadow Pokemon plot. Even though I love it, there's no place for it in here. I will have some references, but nothing to affect the plot. I'm mainly using the region for setting purposes, though some things from the games will be borrowed, like the characters. Actually, I have big plans for the major characters, but their pasts and personalities are quite different. I'm really only keep the names and designs.

That said, I encourage you to play the games whenever you are able to. d:

As for characters, the only ones developed enough to comment on are Anthony and Square. Others have mentioned the supposed tone-shift from light to dark and back again and you countered that it's simply the way those characters act. I'm totally down with that, but now you're in a situation where you have to make sure that stays consistent. Anthony is completely unfazed by horrible acts of violence (even if the victims deserve it) and it takes a special kind of person to have that reaction. Sadism is as sadism does, if you will. I'm curious to discover what in Anthony's past made him that way, and how that kind of personality effects his relationship with others. In general Anthony's background seems like it could be interesting and is something I think should be explored or at least mentioned in the next few chapters if possible.

Square's great. Having a Pokemon that can sort of talk to its trainer is a major boon and one you take full advantage of. I don't know if this will be commonplace for all the Pokemon in this fic or if Square's special, but I like it either way.

Besides them, we've got a clearly evil guy (only villains begin sentences with "Fool!") and mistress of Moltres so that's cool. Looking forward to seeing them developed.
Yeah... For some reason when I wrote that scene, I was thinking that most protagonists don't react to blood. I suppose I watch too much anime, huh? But anyways, as I mentioned to Flaze, his past will be revealed in the next arc, so that should give some answers as to why Anthony is the way he is.

Glad you like Square! I really wanted to give Anthony a sidekick for the first chapter, but I didn't want it to be a human and I wanted to find a humanoid Pokemon that would fit well. Seeing as how Ursaring live in forests, I thought Square was a good choice. Plus, it's the first catch-able Pokemon in XD.

As for your writing/style, you've got some great dialogue. No real complaints there. Your description is enough to set the scene but not overwhelming, which is great. I would like to mention, however, that your descriptions seem to be a tad excessively wordy. Like I said, you're not necessarily over-describing, but you could be a bit more succinct. Example:

Turning around for what would be its final time, it gave birth to a circle of flames one could only describe as magnificent.
I would just say "it gave birth to a magnificent circle of flames." Magnificent is a great adjective, but adding the rest of that sentence comes across as a little over the top. Good description is subtle. It sets the scene without the reader even realizing it. What you don't want to do is make your reader think "I'm reading description." Throwing in a simple adjective here and there is a great way to get around this, unless if you overuse colors...

The woman handed him a pale white cup in a brown sleeve along with a tan bagel.
Like that. Think about Pavell's academy lesson on description (if you haven't read it, do it now). His advice doesn't just apply to trees and geological formations. Specificity in your description can go a long way. It's not a pale white cup, it's a styrofoam cup. It's not a tan bagel, it's a fresh poppy seed bagel. You could get away with saying "brown sleeve" without it sounding as awkward if you didn't use the other colors. Overuse of colors is another thing that makes me think "I'm reading description," so try to stick to other adjectives when possible. Word choice!

And yet another slap was delivered across Anthony’s tan face, shaking his skin as his head flung right.
If your use of the word "tan" was to describe the literal color of Anthony's face, see above. If it was a clever use of description to tell us that Anthony is tan because he spends a lot of time outside, I would use the word "tanned" instead. It means the same thing and just flows better in my opinion. Again: word choice!
Anthony walked over to the café tucked into the lower corner of the restaurant to begin his search, and more importantly, his snack.
And I'm assuming you meant library, since there would be little use in tucking a cafe into a restaurant.
Well I must say, I am greatly pleased to hear that my dialogue is good. I have a horrible fear that I don't keep it consistent and I often portray my characters incorrectly, so thank you for that compliment.

Ahh, yes. My intention with the interlude was to be very wordy, but thinking about it now I'm not sure if it was the right decision. :p It was definitely something that I wanted to experiment with, so I do think I came out of it with a small lesson.

Thank you for the advice!! I definitely tend to overuse colors, so I'll have to start watching out for that. And I have read Pavell's lesson, though I suppose I haven't been applying it. ^^ I'll have to start doing so!

Overall I like where this is going. It's unique and pretty well written. Keep it up!
I'm glad you enjoy the story! Hopefully I can get the next chapter up soon. :)

Well, I've just read up to the interlude, and I must say you have hooked me.
Mission accomplished. ;P

Just one thing thus far:
The changes of the font size is a little odd, though I suppose it actually added to the "personality" of the chapters.

Otherwise, I really enjoy Anthony and Square's interactions. It adds a very light and "airy" feeling to what is proving to be a dark fic.

I look forward to seeing what else you have in store for us.
Yeah, sorry about that. I haven't gone back to edit any of the previous chapters. so the text sizes are inconsistent. The size will be the same from now on. :)

Love to hear that you like the characters. I hope I won't disappoint!
 
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Well, I've just read up to the interlude, and I must say you have hooked me.

Just one thing thus far:
The changes of the font size is a little odd, though I suppose it actually added to the "personality" of the chapters.

Otherwise, I really enjoy Anthony and Square's interactions. It adds a very light and "airy" feeling to what is proving to be a dark fic.

I look forward to seeing what else you have in store for us.
 
oh my
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chapter | III | wrong

“Haa raba?”

“Silk gets to sit on my head because she’s small and cute. You get to walk because you’re big and grizzly. Deal with it.”

Square sighed.

“How ya doin’ up there?” Anthony asked his new companion.

“Spii! Spina spii!” Silk chimed.

Wearing a navy-blue flannel and tan slacks, Anthony walked along the road, carrying a small bag slung across his shoulders. Black and dusty, the bag was quite large. For now, it only held some berries and cheap medical supplies that Anthony used for first-aid.

Square walked on Anthony’s left, strutting his only suit, that being brown fur with a patch of cream, detailing his trademark square. Since he washed himself in a lake before leaving, his coat was particularly shiny today.

Silk sat aloft Anthony’s head, resting. Her wounds were still healing, though Anthony had taken her bandages off before they started walking. He was determined to find where she had come from, though why he wanted to do so was a mystery to even him.

The trio walked at a slow pace, enjoying the weather. The sea breeze could be felt from miles away on a day like this, but for them, the breeze was much stronger and refreshing. Water vapor and the smell of salt danced in the air, enjoying the weather like many others. A palette of blue dusted the sky, and the sun’s heat rained downed, but not harsh. It was times like this when Anthony felt most at peace.

“Hey Square?”

“Raa?”

“What’s that thing runnin’ towards us?”

“Bahra.”

In the distance, a small human-like figure ran in the direction of the group. As it got closer, Anthony could make out the features of a young boy, looking to be about ten years old.

Once the boy caught up to Anthony, he stopped. He stood about two feet lower than Anthony and had short, messy black hair. Fat from his youth lingered on his face, making him look much younger than he was. Though, his graphic blue t-shirt and bright red shorts didn’t help either.

“Hey mister, are those your pokémon?” The boy directed his question towards Anthony.

“Uh, well, I mean, not rea-“

“Then you must be a trainer! Come on, let’s battle! I just caught this awesome new pokémon that I want to use!”

“Aren’t you a little too young to be a trainer?” Anthony asked with caution.

“Aren’t you a little too old?” The child retorted.

“Pfft! The rudeness! Old people have long white beards and smell all stiff and moldy. My beard is short and I smell like tree sap! Learn the difference, chubby!” Anthony yelled, “Children these days… Square, ya up for the challenge?”

Square shrugged, giving his trainer an ‘I couldn’t care less’ face.

“Then I guess we accept your challenge.”

“Don’t cry when you lose!” The boy smiled, “Makuhita, show me what you got!”

“Uh… Alright then. Square, why don’t ya show me what ya got too?”

“Arha.”

About fifteen feet long, their battlefield was plain dirt, with a few patches of grass. Anthony and Silk stood at the southern end while the boy stood at the northern. The child’s makuhita and Square stood in the middle of the field, prepared for battle.

“Alright! Makuhita, use your Arm Thrust attack!” The boy cheered in his loud, high-pitched voice.

Since when did trainers get this dramatic about battling? Anthony thought to himself. “Square, Protect.”

Using its short, stubby arms, Makuhita tried to push Square back with its palms. But as expected, nothing happened; the guts pokémon’s palms were stopped by the barrier.

“No fair!” The boy was quick to blurt out, “I hate people like you who use Protect! It makes the battle so much harder for me!” With his arms crossed, the boy looked like he was about to throw a serious tantrum.

“Then would ya like to forfeit?” Anthony tried not to smile, but his smug expression was evident to even the blind.

“No! You just can’t use that move anymore. It’s not fun when my attacks don’t hit!” A high-pitched squeal come out of the boy’s mouth.

“That ain’t how battles work, kiddo. You either battle with everything ya got, or ya don’t battle at all.”

“Fine. Then I’m just going to sit here until you stop using that move!” The boy sat down, crisscross-applesauce and put a frown on his face.

“Okay, no problem. I’ll be going now. It was nice not battling with ya.” Square returned to Anthony’s side, and the trio continued walking towards the town.


* * * * * * * * * *​

After a day and a half of walking, Anthony, Square, and Silk entered the ocean-side city of Gateon Port. A famous town that thrived off of fishing and fine dining, the city was a famous tourist spot for those visiting the region. However, Anthony was not here to eat mouthwatering slowpoke tail or steamed cloyster, he was here to gather supplies for his journey, and most importantly, to buy a ferry ticket.

As anyone would expect during the summer, the city was filled with tourists and other pedestrians moving in and out of shops, restaurants, museums, and other historical buildings. Gateon, being as old as it was, had a considerable amount of history to it. All the buildings on Main Street were tall, brick-laid structures that looked like they were ready to fall at any moment. It was both the fear of being crushed to death by bricks and the beauty of history that made Gateon Port what it was.

As Anthony walked down Fourth Street - the street adjacent to Main Street - he looked in the windows of the shops he passed. Clothes, food, souvenirs, trainer supplies, more food; it was all very nice.

On Main Street, there was a long line of markets placed in the middle of the road that had a complex aroma of freshly baked breads, the sea, and sweat. Truly, this was a smell only found in a port.

After a couple sharp lefts and rights around the shoppers, Anthony had managed to make his way to the harbor.


* * * * * * * * * *​

“What’ya mean with this ‘the ferry doesn’t leave for three more hours’ bull? I gotta get outta this damn city as fast as possible!” Anthony shouted to the lady working behind the ticket counter.

“Sir, I’m sorry, but I don’t control the tides nor the boats. If you want a ticket to Manoath Village, you’ll have to take the ferry that leaves at seven PM. That’s the best I can do for you.”

“What the hell am I supposed to do for three hours? Drink tea?”

“Do you want the ticket or not, sir? You’re holding up the line.”

Anthony looked behind him, finding the woman’s words to be true. About five or six people stood there with angry, unamused faces. Some of them were even tapping their feet, waiting for Anthony to stop his charade.

“Fine then! Just gimme a ticket to Manoath and I’ll leave y’all alone.”

“One ticket to Manoath Village,” The woman mumbled, clicking some buttons on her computer. “That’ll be fifty dollars.”

Anthony handed the woman the money, took his ticket, and left the boat house. “Hmph. Ya'd think some people would have patience.”

Square sighed as a disgraced frown came upon his face.


* * * * * * * * * *​

The trio got back on to Main Street and started moping around. Anthony was out of enthusiasm, Square was out of patience, and Silk was out of energy. Even among everything that happened today, she had still been sleeping on Anthony’s head ever since they entered the city.

“So,” Anthony started, looking at Square, “What do ya wanna do?”

“Rrr…” Square struck a thinking pose, “Abha rha ba?”

“Yeah, I have no idea what ‘ab ar ab’ is. I should really teach you some more Enlgish. Well, whatever. Wanna get somethin’ to eat?”

Square nodded.

“Lucky for youse, I know the perfect place.”


* * * * * * * * * *​

After some more walking, the gang arrived to the pride and glory of Gateon Port, the Lighthouse Tower. More commonly called the Lightninghouse Tower, trainers everywhere came here to eat the best seafood one could find. However, there was just one condition: trainers must fight their way to the top in order to receive a meal. The only other way to the top was to pay a fee of five thousand dollars, which no normal trainer could afford.

“Me and my college chumps cleared this once back in the day; really brings back memories. But none of that crap, eh? All we have to do is beat some trainers, jump over electrical wires, avoid getting electrocuted, and we get the best meal possible for free. It’s easy.”

“Arra!” Square roared, showing his confidence.

Now awake, Silk also showed her confidence with as loud of a noise that an injured arachnid could make, “Spiiina!”

“I expect nothing less from my companions,” Anthony chuckled, “Then let’s head in!”

Inside of the Lighthouse Tower was an attendant from the restaurant and some other trainers most likely trying to get a free meal. The first floor was quite large, having its very own battle field and seating area on both sides. At the end of the room was a tall, steel elevator that looked like it had seen better days.

The attendant walked over to Anthony and welcomed him. “Oho! I presume you are here for the chance to win a free meal from the prestigious Krabby Club?”

Anthony replied, “Ya bet. W-“

“Aha! Of course! Why else would you be here? My name is Donald, and I’ll be your host for this battling experience. Now, the rules! The Lighthouse Tower consists of five floors, including the rooftop restaurant. However, floors two through four are currently being renovated, so it brings me great sadness to tell you that you’ll only have one challenge. Today, the only obstacle you must overcome to eat free is a battle against our esteemed employee. However, there is a small wait, so I ask that you please be patient while the battles commence. Any questions?”

“Uh…” Anthony seemed a bit baffled by Donald’s explanation. The tower had changed a lot since he was last here, and Anthony didn’t like it. “Yes. Yup, I got it. Just gotta win and get to the top,” He nodded, trying to assure that he really did get it.

“Marvelous! Then please sign your name and the pokémon you’ll be using today,” Donald handed Anthony a clipboard with a sign-up sheet attached to it.

“Square, you’re fine with battlin’, right? You didn’t really battle before, so I suppose this can make up for it. Though even if ya did, it’s not like Silk here can battle with her bruises and all.”

“Aba,” Square motioned, “Rhah braa ab.”

“I’ll take that as a yes,” Anthony replied while scribbling his name and Square’s on the paper. “Here ya go,” Anthony handed it back to Donald.

“Splendid! Then you’re free to go take a seat and watch the current battle. I’ll announce your name when ready.”

The group moved over to the right side of the room and sat down at a table for four. The table was made out of wood, and on it sat complementary snacks. “Ooh, peanuts!” Anthony exclaimed, not really paying attention to what he should have been. The battle had just ended, and a new trainer had now moved to the field.

The trainer was a tall male, looking to be sixteen or so. He stood around Anthony’s height and was wearing a sleeveless black shirt and flower-pattern shorts. The tan-lines on his body suggested that he was a surfer, which was quite a common activity in Gateon Port.

His opponent was a girl looking to be the same age as him. She had on an oversized yellow hoodie and a pair of jeans. Due to her dark skin, her hoodie seemed even more vibrant. Her black hair was tied up in a ponytail, and on her face she wore simple glasses.

“Square, I want you to watch that girl’s pokémon. Figure out the way she battles and bam! We got the match.”

“Ra!”

“Silk, I want you to sit here and look cute. Can ya do that?”

“Spii!” The little spider smiled at its caretaker.

The referee for the battle walked to the center of the field, raised his hands, and shouted, “On the south side, we have our challenger, Nicolas! On the north side, we have our very own Sherry! This battle will be a one on one battle with league regulations applied. The loser of the match will be decided by whoever’s pokémon is out first. Questions?”

Each side stayed silent, only focusing their attention on each other.

The referee walked outside of the field and announced, “Now then, let the battle for a free dining experience begin!”

“Electrode, come on out!” Sherry shouted. Sparks flew as a large, white and red sphere appeared on the field. Its metallic body radiated an electrical pulse, and on its face it showed a slightly maniacal smile.

“Tro! Elec. Trode!” The ball pokémon buzzed.

Nicolas reached for a ball on his belt. It had multiple shades of blue with a patch of white at the top - a dive ball. He threw it up in to the air and out came his pokémon. It was a purple and orange creature, with the traits of an amphibian.

“Shtomp! Mar marsh!” The marshtomp croaked.

After seeing what she was up against, Sherry gave herself the honor of talking first, “Oye, just because you have a type advantage doesn’t mean your victory’s assured, lad. Do you know why this place is called the Lightninghouse Tower?”

“Sounds like I’m going to find out,” Nicolas smirked, “But if you insist on talking, you’re just going to miss out on the action. Marshtomp, use your Mud Bomb attack!”

The pokémon pounced in to battle position, needing to ready itself from its lackadaisical footing. From its mouth, it launched a barrage of mud blobs at Electrode.

“Tell me about that,” Nicolas joked.

“No rush now, Electrode. Do your usual thing and counter, darling.”

“Trooo!” Sherry’s electrode sparked. Staying still, it shrouded itself in a sparkling silver veil and took the marshtomp’s attack head-on.

“Mirror Coat? Hmph. Let’s just see if your little ‘darling’ can survive my marshtomp’s attack.”

“That's no problem for a pokémon of mine,” Sherry just smiled back.

A cloud of smoke and dust was created once the mud hit Electrode, but it was soon gone as a beam of condensed energy was shot back towards Marshtomp.

“No way…” Nicolas stood still, awed that the electrode still lived.

Too surprised to issue a command, Nicolas’ pokémon remained still. As the smoke cleared, everyone shifted their attention towards Electrode. A large grin that was reminiscent of its trainer’s was on the pokémon’s face. There were only a few scratches that could be seen, and the pokémon appeared to have been unaffected against the attack.

On the other side of the field, things were different. Marshtomp flopped on to the dirt making a loud ‘thud’ noise with its face. Its eyes turned lifeless, and its body motionless.

“Nicolas’ Marshtomp is unable to battle! Therefore, the winner of the match and the battle is Sherry and Electrode!” The referee shouted over the screaming spectators.

“A good battle indeed! Sorry that you won’t be receiving that free meal, but here,” Sherry reached in to the pocket of her hoodie and grabbed an item before tossing it to Nicolas. It was a plump, blue berry with a small green spot at the top. “It’s an oran berry. Though I hope even a trainer like you knows that much,” Sherry smirked.

“Th-Thanks…” Nicolas stuttered and recalled his marshtomp. He slumped off of the field and went out the main doors of the tower.

“And let’s not forget you, Electrode! Here, have a sitrus berry. Ain’t no time to be taking a break when we have battles to be doing!”

“Trooode!”

Donald walked on to the field and looked down at his clipboard. “Next up, we have Anthony and Square! Are Anthony and Square ready for their battle?”

“Yush ware!” Anthony exclaimed with his mouth full of peanuts. He finished chewing and swallowed before talking again. “C’mon ya big lug. No need to be worried!”

“Ahra.” Square walked to the middle of the field.

After Anthony got situated on his side, and Silk repositioned herself on his head, the trio prepared their minds for battle.

The referee walked back on to field and started going over his usual spiel. “On the south side, we have our challenger, Anthony! On the north side, we have our very own Sherry! This battle will be a one on one battle with league regulations applied. The loser of the match will be decided by whoever's pokémon is out first. Questions?”

Like before, no hands were raised.

After walking off the field, he continued, “Now then, let the battle for a free dining experience begin!”

Immediately, Anthony reacted, “Slash it, Square!” Square started running towards Sherry’s pokémon, winding its left arm in preparation for its attack.

“Straightforward, aren’t you? Rise high and dodge fast, Electrode!”

“Eele!” Electrode levitated itself seven feet in to the air and flew over Square’s head, as if it was the normal thing to do.

“Since when did these things fly? They’re supposed to roll around, ain’t they?!”

“It’s called Magnet Rise, lad, and it’s completely legal,” Sherry said with a smile, “I don’t play the same game twice. It’s best you learn that now.”

“So that’s how it’s gonna be, eh? Square, use Metal Claw on it.” A dense, silver light start radiating from Square’s claws as he turned around and aimed for the electrode.

“I’m afraid that won’t work either, lad. My darling’s speed is a lot higher than your ursaring’s, and with it in the air, you won’t even be able to hit it.” Sherry’s words were true, as could be seen when her electrode floated out of Square’s reach again. “Now, Electrode, use Thunderbolt!”

A tad annoyed, Anthony talked in a sarcastic tone, “I’m afraid it’s you who will be losing, ‘darlang’. Here’s one out of the books. Square, absorb the electricity with a Thunder Punch!”

As the bolt of thunder came soaring through the field, Square punched his right arm in the air as bright yellow sparks started to form. Once the two moves made contact, Square’s own electricity gained more power, to the point where a large sphere of yellow was identifiable.

“You know what to do, Square.” After regaining his composure, Anthony was back in the battle, and Square was ready for his counterattack.

Seeming like he was going insane, Square took his right fist and punched himself in the gut, making a loud sizzling sound as the electricity dispersed through his body.

A large gasp could be heard from the spectators watching, and even Sherry looked a bit awed. “Can’t say I’ve seen that one before,” she smiled.

It better a’ worked. Not like we’re going to get the chance again. Anthony thought to himself.

On cue, Square’s body started to glow yellow, and the crowd’s gasps grew louder at what Anthony had just commanded his pokémon to do.

“Kick ass, Square! Now, use your Slash again,” Anthony shouted with joy.

“Spiii!” Silk shared her enthusiasm with Anthony.

A large smile was on also on Square’s face, as he sprinted across the field towards Electrode. Ignoring the quality of the field, Square kicked up patches of dirt as he ran.

“Well played, Anthony,” Sherry smiled, now realizing what Anthony had done. “Electrode, the tables have turned. Use Gyro Ball!”

“Eletroo!” Electrode cried.

But Square was already there before Electrode had the chance to start its attack. His claw thwacked the top of the pokémon hard as it went crashing in to the ground, making a small dent in the dirt.

“And I believe that’s one free meal won,” Anthony laughed.

“Not if it’s a tie it ain’t. Electrode, Selfdestruct!”

Fuck. “Square, use Protect!”

Square did as ordered, and created a spherical barrier between him and the electrode. The ground shook and peanuts flew everywhere as Electrode used the remainder of its energy for its final attack.

Shit, it’s gonna break. “Square, get away from that over-sized pokéball!”

Anthony’s suspicions were right, as Square’s protection fell, letting in a small burst of energy. Dust and dirt clouded the entire room, only setting down after the electrode fainted.

“And that was only at ten percent,” Sherry laughed, proud of the battle her pokémon had just been through. “It’s a good thing we didn’t use Explosion, I might add.”

“The fuck was that ‘bout! This ain’t some large ass meadow, I’m standin’ twenty feet away!”

“Sorry for that, lad, but the owners insist I go all out.”

“Whatever, I get my free food now, right?”

“Yeeesh! In a hurry, are we? You might want to at least reward your friend for that battle it just went though.”

“Ain’t that what the meal’s for?”

Sherry sighed, “Well, I can’t argue that. But I must say, that was some luck you have. To think your ursaring would really get paralyzed… Nice use of Quick Feet!”

“Why thank ya. And I must say myself… I’m starvin’! Can we go eat yet?” Anthony replied in a serious tone.

“…Fine. Take the elevator in the back; it will lead you straight to the Krabby Club.”

“C’mon Square! Dinner’s on you tonight!”

“Baa ra.” Square was still brushing the debris off himself as he moved towards the elevator, only to find a peanut shell lodged in his ear.


* * * * * * * * * *​

“Damn, that was some good crab! How’d you enjoy the meal, Silk?”

“Ara spii!” She exclaimed.

“No idea what that means, but I assume by all the food ya ate that ya did. And you, Square?”

Before giving his answer, Square let out a large burp. “Raaa!”

“Terrific,” Anthony smiled. “We got about an hour left before we gotta be back at the harbor, so I say we do a little shoppin' before then. The ticket cost us fifty dollars, so we only have thirty left. Let’s see what we can find!”

After ten minutes of walking, the group arrived to a PokéMart. A bell chimed as they entered the door, and a warm-faced clerk greeted them with a “Hello, welcome! If you need anything, please don’t be afraid to ask!”

Immediately, Anthony headed back towards the isle filled with plants and other herbal items. Revival herbs… Where are you? Anthony thought to himself. He was in search of these for a long time now, but every time he looked for them at stores they were always out of stock.

Guess the pattern continues. Anthony sighed, “Well, there’s nothing I need here. After I go to the hardware store we can wait by the dock.”


* * * * * * * * * *​

“Arha ba?” Square asked.

“What? Who knows what’s gonna happen? I bought the jumper cables just in case we have some electrical issues, that’s all. The lighter should be obvious, and the rope as well. Next to that, we only have some simple berries and my medical supplies. There's only eight dollars left, and I’m saving it for emergencies. No more shopping sprees like today, got it?”

“Ra.”

“Spina!”

After a few more minutes, a man came down from the ferry and stood at the front of the entry ramp. He cupped his hands around his mouth and announced, “Now boarding for the ferry ride to-“

The man was cut off by the ferry’s horn, but continued talking.

“Okay, you two ready to board? We probably won’t get to Manoath Village ‘till eight PM, so let’s all take a nice long nap!”

The group boarded and walked to the back of the boat where they grabbed their seats. For the most part, the ferry was empty. The only other person who Anthony saw board was a woman looking to be the same age as him. She sat down across from Square, who she greeted with a friendly smile.

Eventually, the ferry parted from the docks and set its course towards Anthony’s destination. Silk crawled off of Anthony’s head and sat on the edge of the boat, mesmerized by Gateon Port’s skyline as they rode off on to the night ocean.

Trying to break the silence, the woman started an idle conversation with Anthony. “Your spinarak has an eye for good views, I see,” she smiled.

“Well, she ain’t really mine. But yeah, I suppose you’re right,” Anthony smiled back.

“If you don’t mind me asking, why are you going to Citadark Isle, especially at this hour?”

“Excuse me?” Anthony’s eyes grew twice their normal size in response to the woman.

“How come you’re going to Citadark Isle so late at night?”

“You're tellin' me that this boat ain't goin’ to Manoath Village?!”

“No, its course is set for Citadark. I own the ferry company, so I should know.”

Fuck.


[hr][/hr]

"Wow, I heard him talk about it for the past five months but I never thought he would actually finish it!"

YES THAT'S RIGHT I ACTUALLY FINISHED THIS CHAPTER AND I'M SO PROUD BECAUSE EVEN IF IT SUCKS IT'S THE FURTHEST I'VE EVER GOTTEN IN A STORY AND IT'S 4,000+ WORDS AND OMG PLEASE JUST ENJOY OR HATE IT IDRC BECAUSE AFTER 5 LONG AND FRUSTRATING MONTHS IT'S DONE.

*ahem*

Sorry it took me so long to get this chapter out, but I think this is my best so far. Whether it be kind or harsh, please let me know what you think! Also, I've added a map of Gateon Port to the OP, so you can check that out if you wish.

and yes the awards were also a great motivator

And for the sake of you readers outside the US, I have made conversions for the the customary units I've used in this chapter.

2 feet = 0.6096 meters
15 feet = 4.572 meters
5 feet = 1.524 meters
 
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