chaos_Leader
Member
- Joined
- Mar 13, 2014
- Messages
- 319
- Reaction score
- 49
As of this review, I am completely caught up to the most recent climax chapter. Woohoo!
Can I just say, I knew it! I knew there was an ulterior motive to the enforcers and their "unprofessional shenanigans" and dammit I was right! Ha! My authorial instincts haven't failed me yet!
Goodness, what else should I say...
I'll reiterate what I said earlier about "large unwieldy ensemble cast". To that I'll add however, while it started off kind of confusing and getting me lost, over time (in the later arcs especially), each of the characters became more distinct and clear in my head. Like, in my first couple reviews, I could barely tell Fin from Jack from Kevin from other Kevin. Seriously, two major Kevin characters in one story? So good on you for that.
So there's an Eevee in Reggie's repertoire now? I suppose the implications of what that means for him will become apparent in the next entry in the series, since there wasn't much plot impact here. Still, it was cute for there to be a bit of a side episode for the Eevee.
Noah and his little band of misfits seem like a fun way to wreak havoc. Interesting way to make the "zombie infection" thing work in a Pokemon-style plot. I'm surprised no one tried something like Heal Pulse or other "targeted recovery" techniques on the infected. Maybe they did and just weren't featured. Also of interest were the gun-armed grunts, and how the Pokemon setting would react. The Tyranitar getting in the way and simply stopping bullets is one thing. I always figured in a "serious warfare scenario" conventional firearms in the Pokemon setting would be rendered, at best, inconvenient (obsolete at worst) by the myriad of protective/countermeasure techniques the mons can know; as simple as Protect or iron defense, or as advanced as say, catching the bullets with psychic powers Matrix-Neo style (and maybe even sending them back).
It seems the "Kevin" characters in your story have a coincidental predisposition to betraying the villainous force for the protagonists. Actor Kevin seems to undergo a very weird kind of progression: starting off shaky-but-likable, then descending a kind of lopsided downward spiral before bouncing off of "full asshole" to a final position where his motivations remain ambiguous. Did he seek out the villains out of vengeance and regret the decision, or did he seek them out with the intention of betraying them from the beginning? (you don't have to answer, I'm pretty sure a question like that is supposed to be open and unanswered)
Small observations: I noticed the inclusion of Gen-VI references in the later parts of the story, after the games were released: things like Kalos, and even Gen VI mons like Delphox and Mega Evolution. I don't know if you're going to think about a total retcon to include them proper, but that's your choice.
Quibbles: I think there are a number of places where I'm guessing your Beta Reader/Editor highlighted errors with red font-coloring that show up in later chapters. Similarly there's still a fair number of the "weird typos" I mentioned earlier, where a word is replaced with a homonym or similar-looking word. It's minor, but the times that they appear are really jarring.
Overall, pretty good stuff!
I gotta collapse and pass out for several hours now. Hope to hear back soon!
Can I just say, I knew it! I knew there was an ulterior motive to the enforcers and their "unprofessional shenanigans" and dammit I was right! Ha! My authorial instincts haven't failed me yet!
Goodness, what else should I say...
I'll reiterate what I said earlier about "large unwieldy ensemble cast". To that I'll add however, while it started off kind of confusing and getting me lost, over time (in the later arcs especially), each of the characters became more distinct and clear in my head. Like, in my first couple reviews, I could barely tell Fin from Jack from Kevin from other Kevin. Seriously, two major Kevin characters in one story? So good on you for that.
So there's an Eevee in Reggie's repertoire now? I suppose the implications of what that means for him will become apparent in the next entry in the series, since there wasn't much plot impact here. Still, it was cute for there to be a bit of a side episode for the Eevee.
Noah and his little band of misfits seem like a fun way to wreak havoc. Interesting way to make the "zombie infection" thing work in a Pokemon-style plot. I'm surprised no one tried something like Heal Pulse or other "targeted recovery" techniques on the infected. Maybe they did and just weren't featured. Also of interest were the gun-armed grunts, and how the Pokemon setting would react. The Tyranitar getting in the way and simply stopping bullets is one thing. I always figured in a "serious warfare scenario" conventional firearms in the Pokemon setting would be rendered, at best, inconvenient (obsolete at worst) by the myriad of protective/countermeasure techniques the mons can know; as simple as Protect or iron defense, or as advanced as say, catching the bullets with psychic powers Matrix-Neo style (and maybe even sending them back).
It seems the "Kevin" characters in your story have a coincidental predisposition to betraying the villainous force for the protagonists. Actor Kevin seems to undergo a very weird kind of progression: starting off shaky-but-likable, then descending a kind of lopsided downward spiral before bouncing off of "full asshole" to a final position where his motivations remain ambiguous. Did he seek out the villains out of vengeance and regret the decision, or did he seek them out with the intention of betraying them from the beginning? (you don't have to answer, I'm pretty sure a question like that is supposed to be open and unanswered)
Small observations: I noticed the inclusion of Gen-VI references in the later parts of the story, after the games were released: things like Kalos, and even Gen VI mons like Delphox and Mega Evolution. I don't know if you're going to think about a total retcon to include them proper, but that's your choice.
Quibbles: I think there are a number of places where I'm guessing your Beta Reader/Editor highlighted errors with red font-coloring that show up in later chapters. Similarly there's still a fair number of the "weird typos" I mentioned earlier, where a word is replaced with a homonym or similar-looking word. It's minor, but the times that they appear are really jarring.
Overall, pretty good stuff!
I gotta collapse and pass out for several hours now. Hope to hear back soon!