TEEN: Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Guiding Light (Vol. 1)

[Beth Pavell]

Well, I'm going to preface this review with a couple of disclaimers, so to speak. First is that I don't usually read Pokémon Mystery Dungeon fics. I've never played the games and I'm barely familiar with the canon, which I find restricts my ability to make useful comments. The second is that by this point I'm pretty sure you're aware of at least some of the issues I'm going to bring up.

Technical Accuracy/Style
Typos wise, I found these:

But all that he heard was the pounding of water on metal .

wideneding

But other than that there's really not a lot to pick on for pure accuracy. Stylistically you've got a habit of clumping together lines of dialogue with tags in the middle - not inaccurate, by any means, but it does become inelegant after the second line of dialogue is interrupted by a tag and/or some other action.

I'm not sure what kind of tone you're going for. The "Human world" scenes are kind of grubby and realistic, but then the Pokémon scenes become very game-like, almost to the point of juvenile. It did occur to me that this may be entirely deliberate.

Setting
It's not bad, overall. I usually feel that fantasy worlds benefit from being a bit indulgent with the worldbuilding and description. Your mileage may vary on this, but I think it's fairly rare that people complain about fantasy worlds being too vivid. I do feel that this world, being inhabited by an awful lot of pokémon, wouldn't suffer from showing us more of the details of the world.

Story
I'm not sure why you chose to amalgamate two chapters here, because to my eyes it's clearly two chapters. It does go on ... a lot of events are caught up here, so much so that I suspect simply splitting the chapter down scene break lines would solve most of the problem. There's also the issue that you rely heavily on internal monologue. Tessa seems to react with some kind of inner monologue to almost everything that goes on. Much of it could simply be cut, some of the rest told rather than shown in fewer words.

That being said, the chapter up to Tessa's introduction seemed just fine to me from a pacing point of view, which just goes to show that you don't really need all those italicised thoughts to carry the story. Fresh eyes and a strict editor's pen would probably mend that problem, I think.

Characters
We don't need all that stuff from Tessa about being a failure and wondering about all the ways Shane could be crazy, but I have a feeling you know that. Shane's a bit of a tosser - one wonders whether he was a human tosser as well. But then it ought to be said, if you did work out you'd somehow been sucked into a game like Pokémon Mystery Dungeon, it does make sense to be nonchalant about it. There is such a thing as politeness, but in a scenario like that, why wouldn't you assume that nothing bad can really happen to you?

 

[Flaze]

I see what you're getting at, I think. Part of the problem is with the writing style I'm using. Since I don't really stick to a POV, my fear is that showing thoughts would lead to random bits of exposition that bloat the chapter, especially since thoughts are presented a lot like dialogue. As far as feelings, I was told in feedback that I had a tendency to portray feelings like they were stage directions and that I'd be better served having characters show emotion through body language. Hence why the scene (and other quiet scenes) are the way they are. <.<;

I don't think it's hard to write a fic that focuses on many POVs, I've already done one of those before. Granted having too many characters can get cumbersome, but switching between POVs is plausible, it all comes down to how much you focus on each POV. Also there's nothing wrong with relying on body language, in fact I quite like that approach. However, the line between show/don't tell is a bit blurrier than that, I myself only realized a while ago that it's okay to have the narration go into detail about what the characters feel as long as it doesn't drag the story down.

So maybe you can give it a try for your next chapter (or whatever chapter you're writing right now) to let the narration put a bit more emphasis on the character's emotions.

 

[Ambyssin]

Not gonna lie, all things considered with how Shane is, this is the most appropriate response to being told he was summoned by a disembodied voice to the world of Pokémon. +1 likeability point to Shane.

Especially when you're kind of a loser as a human, m i rite?

So, overall, I thought that brief interlude in the E3 cold open was a good one. Dialogue heavy, yes, but that’s sort of the point, isn’t it? And while on the nose, I finally have a firm idea of what Shane is here for, at least in the general sense. There’s still the nebulous question of how he’s supposed to do that… but I suppose I can rely on Shane to figure that out. Oh, wait. I shouldn’t do that. Tessa. Yeah, I’ll rely on Tessa to figure that out.

Good... hold onto those firm thoughts. Let's see what you think of them later on.

I know you mentioned that you were concerned that Shane wouldn’t really show any sort of development, but it seems like, in some way or another, he’s at least showing a little bit of growth, y’know? So that’s good. I’m actually satisfied with the gradual progression. Too bad he’s still an idiot, based on what follows immediately afterward….

That can be chalked up to the idiot, newbie author not really having a good sense of pacing when he started writing this thing. >.<

Chapter 5 was a bit of a nothingburger, unfortunately. Except for the nuggets of development between Shane and Tessa, I didn’t spot anything particularly important except for the beginning and ending scenes. Everything in between was basically another rando mission, accompanied by a joke-rival encounter.

That's correct, it was really just supposed to be more bumps in the road of their relationship. They are not in the slightest bit capable of taking on the main threat at this point.

…I will admit, though, it was quite entertaining anyway.

I'll take it! :V

Roll credits.

*ding*

Wait but how

Telekinesis. He was levitating the pearls.

This is sort of a total potshot, but why do I feel like this whole scene with Solrock and Lunatone is just one big foreshadow? I can't think of any other real reason why this would be included, because it seems so inconsequential compared to all the other randos we've encountered so far.

Well, I was going for very strong sun/moon motifs in the early chapters (there are sun/moon-related stuff everywhere).

And that’s the end of the episode! To be honest, I’m not sure if this one was shorter or what, but I definitely went through it faster than past episodes. But at the same time, it feels like even less happened in the last chapter than before. Another random outlaw mission, Shane learning a bit of lore… I’m glad you mentioned in the notes that things will be “expanding” soon!

You're correct. Not a lot of consequential events happened and there's the possibility I could just drastically alter this stuff in the future. As it stands, I can't really go back and just upend all this early stuff b/c I want to actually finish this story and if you ask anyone on this forum, rewriting early chapters is a good way to kill your writing motivation. The next episode is where the main plot starts to factor into things. Thanks again for reviewing! ^^

But other than that there's really not a lot to pick on for pure accuracy. Stylistically you've got a habit of clumping together lines of dialogue with tags in the middle - not inaccurate, by any means, but it does become inelegant after the second line of dialogue is interrupted by a tag and/or some other action.

Oh, huh, that's usually a once in a blue moon kind of thing... didn't realize there were that many in the opening chapter.

It's not bad, overall. I usually feel that fantasy worlds benefit from being a bit indulgent with the worldbuilding and description. Your mileage may vary on this, but I think it's fairly rare that people complain about fantasy worlds being too vivid. I do feel that this world, being inhabited by an awful lot of pokémon, wouldn't suffer from showing us more of the details of the world.

Yeah, see, when I was starting out there was barely any setting description whatsoever... clearly trying to fix that retroactively hasn't worked out well for me. >.<;

I'm not sure why you chose to amalgamate two chapters here, because to my eyes it's clearly two chapters. It does go on ... a lot of events are caught up here, so much so that I suspect simply splitting the chapter down scene break lines would solve most of the problem.

It originally wasn't this long but attempting to fix problems and apparently creating more in the process swelled the size up. It looks like my next post is just replies to reviews, so I probably can split it into a prologue and a chapter 1. It may look odd to someone who pops into the topic, but if that'll stop all the complaints...

There's also the issue that you rely heavily on internal monologue. Tessa seems to react with some kind of inner monologue to almost everything that goes on. Much of it could simply be cut, some of the rest told rather than shown in fewer words.

*sigh* I'm probably going to have to rewrite this in the future. Like, when the story's done future... because I don't want to derail my progress to try and go back to redo this stuff.

We don't need all that stuff from Tessa about being a failure and wondering about all the ways Shane could be crazy, but I have a feeling you know that.

Okay, that contradicts a previous review where someone said they wanted to see more of Tessa's thoughts in the early chapters because they couldn't get a good read on her.

Shane's a bit of a tosser - one wonders whether he was a human tosser as well. But then it ought to be said, if you did work out you'd somehow been sucked into a game like Pokémon Mystery Dungeon, it does make sense to be nonchalant about it. There is such a thing as politeness, but in a scenario like that, why wouldn't you assume that nothing bad can really happen to you?

That's true, but that politeness assumes the individual in question doesn't have any deficiencies in interpersonal skills or, if they do, there's someone around to tell them to behave themselves. I can't really say much more on that without spoiling. Anyways, thanks for reviewing! ^^

However, the line between show/don't tell is a bit blurrier than that, I myself only realized a while ago that it's okay to have the narration go into detail about what the characters feel as long as it doesn't drag the story down.

So maybe you can give it a try for your next chapter (or whatever chapter you're writing right now) to let the narration put a bit more emphasis on the character's emotions.

Like I said, when I tried doing that, the feedback I got was that it sounded like I was handing out stage directions. I certainly tried with tomorrow's chapter, but it's up to you whether it's good or not. ;~;

 

[Ambyssin]

Content advisory: themes of depression and suicide.

This chapter was originally posted on January 16th, 2018.

XxX

Chapter 31: Turning a Corner​

"Nicky. Dude, what are you doing calling me? You know I start my shift in, like, five minutes."

"Can't you just clock in a bit late, Shane? This is important. I really need to talk to you."

"Sorry, buddy, no can do. Boss has been breathing down my neck all week."

"You're a part time employee, man. What could possibly be so important that you can't take a moment for your best friend?"

"Ugh, fine. Whatever. You wanna talk? Then, go on. If something bad happens to me, it's on your head."

"… you know what? Never mind. Forget it. It's not important."

"No, no. I already said I'd clock in late. Don't be shy. Tell me what's wrong."

"… it's nothing. I'm just… overthinking things again."

"Is this about what happened at school this morning? Dirk got detention, you know. I'll bet his mom will pay to fix up your 3DS. Or get you a new one. I think the SD card's fine, so–"

"That's not what I–"

"Not what, Nicky? You're confusing me, here."

"Forget it. It's fine, Shane. Just go to work."

"You sure?"

"I'm not looking to be a bother."

"Uh, okay then."

"And Shane? Just in case I don't see you this weekend… happy birthday."

"Huh? I thought you said you were coming over!"

"Yeah… something popped up. I'll try to make it. But… no promises. I'm heading to drop your gift off right now, actually."

"Nicky? Dude... you're scaring me."

"Don't worry about it. I'm fine. Take care… Shane."

"Nicky, wait!"

The line went dead.

XxX

~Aeon Observatory~​

"Vulpix? Oy, for crying out loud," Yungoos said, waving a paw in front of Shane's face. He grabbed one of Shane's ears and shouted, "Yo, human!"

With a holler, Shane snapped to attention. He stumbled forward, rubbing the ear that Yungoos had just yelled into. "Ow! What the heck was that for?" he said.

"Youse was spacing out on us," Yungoos scoffed. "Ain't youse finished with… whatever it is youse is doing? It's getting ta be late in da afternoon."

"Right," Shane said. "Lemme go check in on the food." He turned and made for the dining area, shaking his head. Shane knew he couldn't afford to draw comparisons at a time like this. After all, he had an opportunity to do the right thing this time, but that chance would slip away if he lost focus. He paused in front of the dining table and sniffed the air. A fragrant, fruity aroma wafted in from the kitchen. Shane followed it, pausing in the doorway to gawk at the giant cake sitting on a cart. Chocolate frosting lined every square inch of it.

"Wow," Shane said, mouth watering.

"Well, what do you think?" Steenee asked, walking over with a wooden spoon resting on her shoulder. She wiped her chocolate-covered hands on her apron. "Not bad, huh?"

"It's twice as big as you," Shane said. "Are we sure we can get it through the doorway?"

"Absolutely!" Mimikyu said, scuttling over with a tray of Solrock and Lunatone-shaped cookies balanced on his head. Like Steenee's apron, flour and frosting peppered his costume. "Sylveon measured the door just to be safe. She's going to use her ribbons to help the cake stay balanced. Oh… uh… sorry… you must be here because you need something. Forgive my rambling."

"It's okay," Shane said. "I just wanted to check and see how the food was coming along. It's getting pretty late and I'm starting to think Riolu will be here soon."

Sylveon maneuvered a couple of plates onto a different cart. "In that case, would you mind bringing these treats out for me? That way I can tend to the cake."

"Not a problem," Shane said. As he walked over toward the cart, he noticed the giant metal mixing bowl on the table vibrate. It spun around slightly, before falling onto its side. Eevee tumbled out onto the floor, covered in chocolaty batter from head to tail. He looked up at Shane and wagged his tail excitedly.

"You need to plan more parties in the future!" Eevee said. "That way I can go swimming in Mommy's cooking!"

"Eevee, did you seriously jump into that bowl while my back was turned?" Sylveon said, shaking her head. "Great, now we'll need to get you cleaned up."

"Actually, I think it's an improvement," Shane quipped, smirking as he watched Eevee turning to lick batter off his shoulder.

Sylveon lightly rapped the back of Shane's head with a ribbon. "Don't encourage him," she scolded. Shane rolled his eyes and pushed the dining cart out of the kitchen, heading toward the assembly area. His legs ached and the back of his mind begged him to lie down and go to sleep, but Shane willed those thoughts away. He could rest after the party, for better or worse.

Shane arrived in the assembly area. His guild mates gathered several tables together to hold the buffet. They even managed to fit a single, purple and gold tablecloth over everything. Shane's ears twitched at the murmurs of faint conversations taking place behind him.

"Um, can someone help me put this food on the table?" Shane asked. He turned around and found himself looking at the bevy of ribbons and balloons scattered about the room in decoration. He blinked a few times, but soon felt his vision growing fuzzy.

'That's… weird. Why does this feel so familiar?' he thought. He squeezed his eyes shut and opened them back up. However, the room remained blurry. And it grew even blurrier, until his everything went completely white.

XxX​

Shane was moving. He wasn't sure how. He wasn't sure why. But he was walking forward. His field of vision bobbed up and down with each step he took. His gait was much heavier than he had grown used to as a Vulpix, furthering his confusion. Blue walls lay on each side of the hallway he was walking through. Shane passed marble pillars and wondered why he was seeing them when he was supposed to be in the Observatory. The soft carpet under his paws also struck him as out of place. Before Shane could try to begin piecing together what had just happened, someone spoke.

"Remind me why I need to keep my eyes closed again?"

Shane looked to his left, identifying the crescent moon-shaped bat gliding beside him as the source of the unfamiliar voice. He felt his mouth start to move, but the voice that emerged wasn't his.

"I already told you, Lunala. It's a surprise!"

Upon hearing the name, Shane immediately tried to ask a question. He was talking to Solgaleo's partner, after all, and the Pokémon that Tessa's mom was supposedly protecting. He figured if he could get her some answers, that would surely make her feel better. However, his mouth refused to budge. In fact, Shane's body wasn't listening to him at all. He kept walking down the hallway, passing more marble pillars.

The only thought that came to Shane's mind was that he was having a dream vision. He began to panic, wondering if he had passed out before the party could start.

"That's not helping your case here, you know. Your surprises are almost always of the unpleasant variety," Lunala said.

Shane looked ahead, spotting bright colors at the end of the hallway. He stepped into the light, but was unprepared for the sight in front of him: Legendary Pokémon filling up the entire circular room, most positioned around a circular table with a half-orange, half-blue cake.

Shane involuntarily nodded and the assembled chorus of Legends belted out, "Surprise!"

Lunala's eyes shot open and her jaw dropped. "What the–? What are you all doing here?"

"Why, we're here to celebrate, of course!"

"Luh-Lady Ho-Oh? Is that you?" Lunala gasped, bowing her head. "Forgive my rudeness."

A glistening rainbow aura drew Shane's attention. He looked to his right and watched Ho-Oh walk up to him. She smiled at him. "Of course it's me," she said. "And no need to be so stiff, Lunala. Today's the fiftieth anniversary of the day you two were made from the ashes of your predecessors, after all."

"And I thought it would be fun to throw a party," Shane said, though his voice was still much deeper than he was used to. "C'mon, I thought it'd be fun. Look at everyone who came out to celebrate with us."

"Ho-Oh informed me that there would be merrymaking! If I find that I was lied to, I shall smite someone in retribution!" Zekrom shouted, slamming an arm on the table.

Reshiram stepped beside him and flicked the tip of his snout with a talon. "Do us all a favor, Turbine Butt, and give that big mouth of yours a rest, will ya?" she said.

"… hmph. My mouth is not big… it is perfectly proportioned for my well-toned physique," Zekrom said, putting his hands on his hips. "You're just jealous beca– mfgrh!"

Reshiram grabbed Zekrom's muzzle and clamped it shut.

"Get a cave, you two!" a voice heckled from the background. Reshiram's face went bright red.

"So, what do you think?" Shane asked. "Up for a little fun with some friends?"

Lunala chuckled. "Of course I am. Just because I'm dedicated to my job doesn't mean I'm unwilling to cut loose for a few hours. Who do you take me for, Dialga?"

The room burst into laughter at this.

XxX​

Water splashed across Shane's face, forcibly jolting him back to reality. He doubled over in a coughing fit.

"Are you suuuuure you're okay, dahling?" Bruxish asked.

"He's obviously not," Serperior scoffed. "Look at the bags under his eyes. He's sleep deprived. I'll bet he's hallucinating." She rubbed her forehead with her tail tip. "Great. We've spent all day taking orders from this doofus."

"I'm… fine," Shane wheezed, shaking water off his face. "I just… um… zoned out for a second."

"Yeah. A really long second," Yungoos said.

Before Shane could say anything else, Trapinch scrambled down the stairs to the main level. "They're coming! They're coming!" Trapinch hunched over, struggling to catch his breath. "Why did I have to be to the lookout guy again?"

"Cuz youse didn't volunteer to do somet'ing else quick enough," Yungoos said.

"Alright then. I guess that means it's showtime," Shane said, silently wondering if the guild had really done enough or if this plan would fall flat. "Can we cut out the Luminous Orbs for a little while?"

Metagross' eyes flashed blue and he dimmed the orbs scattered around the room. Shane shoved his way past his guild mates, making his way toward the eastern hallway to help Sylveon deal with the cake. The other guild members stood around, waiting in silence.

"Did Vulpix tell anyone what we should to when Riolu shows up?" Togedemaru asked.

"That would be a no," Serperior said. "Guess we should just wait until we see some shadows on the stairs and say surprise."

It took a few more minutes, but they eventually heard footsteps above them. "That's really strange." The group immediately recognized Tessa's voice. "I can't believe no one's around to let us in."

"… maybe… they all went somewhere?" Null said. "In any case… let's head downstairs…"

The guild members heard footsteps that gradually grew louder. "Hey, who killed all the lights?" Tessa asked.

The Luminous Orbs flared to life, followed by everyone shouting, "Surprise!"

A yipping Tessa jumped backward, aura feelers shooting straight up. "What are you all doing?" she asked.

"Happy hatch day, Riolu!" the guild members declared. Several sets of streamers and balloons suddenly fell down from the ceiling, while Tessa looked about in shock.

"Th… this is… a surprise party? But, I didn't tell anyone today was my hatch day," Tessa squeaked. Sure, there were guild members who probably knew, but she told Team Captivate she didn't want them doing anything.

"We know," Growlithe barked. He marched forward with several of his special fireworks sticking out from a harness on his back. "But we were able to find out and thought it would be fun to throw you a party. Check out the cake. It's bigger than me!"

Behind him, Shane, Steenee, and Sylveon, wheeled out a rather large cake. Shane stayed hidden behind the dining cart and, as soon as it came to a stop, bolted for the east hallway before Tessa could see him. Though he wanted to see Tessa's reaction, he also didn't want to risk her seeing him and getting upset.

Tessa looked up at the towering dessert. "Is that–?"

"Molten chocolate cake with a nanab berry glaze in the center. Your favorite," Sylveon said. A ribbon extended forward, holding a slice of cake with a candle sticking out of it. "We all got together and decided that, just because your family's not around, doesn't mean we can't pitch in to help you have a fun hatch day."

"Yeah!" Eevee chirped, still covered in cake batter. "You're such a good friend. Which is why I wanted to help, too." He stepped to the side to show the plate full of Solrock and Lunatone cookies. "I made these with Mimikyu! And I got you a gift, too."

"Go on," Sylveon said. "You ought to make a wish."

Tessa gingerly took the plate from Sylveon's ribbon and stared at the piece of cake. "R-Right… okay… h-here goes nothing." She shut her eyes tight, blew the candle out, and opened them back up. Though she had thought of a wish, she was confident it stood no chance of coming true.

"Great!" Growlithe said. "Now we can get the festivities started!" A round of cheers followed as Sylveon and Braviary went about cutting up the cake. Steenee and Mimikyu made rounds to set out the other dishes that they had prepared. Shane brought the remaining food items from the kitchen, disappearing back into the east hallway each time. Steenee tried to offer him some cake, but he refused. His stomach growled in protest, but Shane ignored it. This was Tessa's moment and he had to do everything to keep it that way, even if that meant not partaking in the festivities.

While everyone ate, they traded talks of recent assignments and took part in a few card and board games that Team Specter had managed to gather. Naturally, since the ghosts had gotten a hold of them, it didn't take very long for some folks to realize that Haunter was attempting to cheat. He tried to play the accusation cool, but Misdreavus quickly ratted him out, prompting him to call everyone a bunch of spoilsports and go sulk inside of a nearby balloon.

Despite all the conversations taking place, each guild member went to great length to keep Tessa included. At first, she dismissed it as them playing along with whoever's idea the party was. But, the more she talked, the more those thoughts went away. Eventually, Tessa found herself laughing along with her fellow apprentices as Growlithe recounted the time he burnt one of Braviary's treasured keepsakes to cinders.

As the games winded down, Tessa rejoined Null. "I… I just can't believe this is all happening," she whispered.

"… see? It's just like… I told you… at the beach. More folks care about you… than you think," Null said.

Tessa looked up at him. "You took me to the beach so this could all get set up, didn't you?"

"… guilty," Null said. "But… it was important. Besides… it worked… didn't it? You seem to be… in better spirits…"

"I… I guess so. This is all just a lot to take in," Tessa said.

"… I think… you deserve it," Null said, nudging her with his mask.. "C'mon… just try to relax… and enjoy yourself…"

"Augh! Haunter, seriously?"

Tessa looked over her shoulder. Shane staggered back from the buffet table, a plate firmly pressed against his face. "Sorry, Vulpix. I guess that cake just slipped through my fingers," Haunter said. "But look on the bright side. You're… much sweeter now! Mwee hee hee hee!"

Hold on. I will procurtain a towel for you, Magearna said, then walked out of the room.

"Huh. Why hasn't Vulpix cleaned himself up from the mission? He looks horrendous," Tessa said.

"I think he mentioned… the shower not working… or something," Null said. "I wouldn't… bring it up with him. You know how he gets… about his fur…"

"Yes. It's one of the few things he does that's actually entertaining," Tessa said, chuckling.

Null sighed. "How about… you open some gifts?" He jerked his head to the side, where Tessa spotted several wrapped objects sitting in a small pile.

"Those are all for me?" she gasped.

"Pretty sure… yeah…"

Tessa got up and made her way toward the presents. Her guild mates noticed this and followed her. A gift unwrapping session followed. Tessa received a few practical items, like a new looplet to replace the one she had gotten when she joined the guild. She also got stereotypical gifts, like a red bow to wear on her head. Then, there were the strange gifts, like the tube of novelty fur dye Serperior gave her. It was promptly tested, when Serperior used a vine to smear the gel across Tessa's tail, turning it a bright, gaudy shade of yellow.

Finally, Sylveon stepped forward, holding a small box. "Here's the last gift," she said, nudging the box toward Tessa. "It's not from me, but apparently someone's got cold feet, so I'm giving it to you in their place."

Tessa took the lid off the box. "It's a locket," she whispered. Tessa reached inside and delicately pulled the jewelry out, clasping the sun-shaped pendant in a paw.

"Go on. Open up the pendant," Sylveon said. Tessa looked at her in confusion. Sylveon nodded.

Tessa slowly opened the trinket, only for her breath to rush out of her. There, looking back at her, was a small, sky-blue gemstone. Her paws trembled. She recognized this! "Dad... he kept a gem just like this in the house," she said. "Where did you get this? How did you do this?"

That is the same gem your father owned. I used my patented Geartronic Gemstone Shrinkifier to resize it, Magearna explained.

"Youse totally just made that up, didn't ya?" Yungoos said.

Of course not. I inventified it ten years ago, Magearna insisted, crossing her arms.

Tessa stared wide-eyed at the open locket. Sylveon frowned. "Do you not like it?"

"What? Nuh-No! Of course I do," Tessa said. "It's… it's beautiful." To think someone had actually gone and worked with Magearna to craft a memento of her dad that she could always carry with her.

Sylveon nodded. "Good to hear. I'm sure the Pokémon that made it for you would be happy to tell you more about it," she said, shooting a look over at Shane. He froze in the midst of loading plates onto one of the dinner carts.

"What are you looking at me for?" Shane said. "Talk to Null. He was beside himself with worry over the idea you wouldn't like it. He did choose it for you."

Tessa looked at Null. His helmet hid his widening eyes. "You made this?" she said.

"Yeah," Shane said. "He wanted to get you the perfect gift to cap off this party. It was his idea, after all."

The side conversations taking place abruptly stopped and all eyes fell on Shane. A few guild members turned and exchanged surprised whispers with one another. Shane resumed pushing the dinner cart toward the east hallway, but Steenee snatched it away from him and pointed toward his teammate. Shane hung his head and trudged back across the room. Null briefly looked at Shane before Tessa walked up to him.

"I… I don't know what to say," Tessa whispered. "This is really kind of you. Did you plan all of this out while I was sleeping?"

"Yup. He barged right into morning assembly and told us that we should all come together to throw you a surprise party," Shane explained. "It's all thanks to him."

Tessa smiled at Null. "You didn't need to go to all this trouble just for me."

"But you had a good time, right?" Shane asked.

"Absolutely," Tessa said.

"And are you feeling better than you did this morning?" Shane said. Tessa vigorously nodded. "That's… that's good to hear." He stepped back, relief flooding through him. "Well, uh, I'm sure you want to get back to the festivities. So, uh, I'm just going to go outside… get a little fresh air. Don't mind me." Shane turned and made his way toward the stairs. The sounds of laughter gradually faded as he reached the Observatory's entrance. Shane walked outside, craning his neck up to look at the star-filled, twilight sky.

His idea had worked. The guild lifted Tessa's spirits and he was able to keep his involvement in the idea hidden from Tessa. 'Nicky... this is what I should have done for you,' Shane thought, tilting his head down and taking in a shuddering breath. Like at Tessa's house in the morning, a newspaper page flashed through his mind.

Westhill High School teen dies in apparent suicide.

'I turned Nicky away when he needed my help the most,' Shane thought, eyes watering. 'And I almost made an even worse mistake with Tessa.' He thanked the stars that the guild was able to pull Tessa back from the brink. The article was replaced with a mental image of Tessa smiling at Null. 'Seeing her happy like that... I think it's the best thing to happen since I got here. Probably the only good thing that's happened, too,' Shane figured.

He took another shuddering breath. 'I'm sorry, Nicky. And I'm sorry, Tessa. It's a good thing you're dissolving the team. I don't deserve to have friends.'

Feathers draped across Shane's back and he involuntarily flinched. He looked up and saw Braviary's blurred outline beside him. Shane quickly rubbed a foreleg across his eyes. "I was… I just wanted to get some air. That bog did a number on my sinuses," he said.

Braviary dropped a small metal object at Shane's feet. Shane looked down and saw a silver badge sparkling in the moonlight. He knew it was an apprentice badge. Shane had coveted it since he'd gotten into the guild. Yet, he couldn't even smile at the sight of it.

"Son, I wanted ya to know how proud I am of what you did back there," Braviary said. "That was mighty big of you. So, on behalf of the guild, congrats on reaching apprentice rank."

Shane frowned. "How can you be proud of me? After what happened on our mission, I wouldn't be surprised if no one in the guild wants to speak to me again." He looked away from Braviary. "I'm sure Metagross must've told you what happened."

"I got a terse summary beamed into my noggin," Braviary said, causing Shane to wilt like a flower. "This ain't about that. It's about what you did today. It was generous and selfless. And you didn't even use the opportunity to try and make yerself look good. I admit, I had my doubts about how sincere you were with this gesture. But it looks to me like you did it out of the kindness of yer heart, and not as a means to an end."

"I wouldn't have needed to do this if I hadn't screwed things up so badly to start with," Shane said. "I wanted to make things better for her, so she could happily start over with Null." He remembered Sylveon's instructions to him from earlier and bit his lower lip. "Err, scratch that. We did this together, to help Riolu see that the guild can be a second family for her."

"I'm glad to hear that. I mean... look at yerself, hoss," Braviary said. "Yer positively filthy... and exhausted in ways most of them folks in there couldn't begin to imagine." As if to emphasize this, Shane descended into another coughing fit, spitting up a mouthful of sticky green phlegm. Braviary cringed. "Err, anyway... not once this whole day did I hear you complaining about how you look or how you feel. Considering how you'd been acting before, that's a mighty impressive attitude adjustment."

Shane's ears folded against his face. "I don't need sympathy right now, okay. I'm just spending some time out here… alone. After all, I'm going to need to get used to that from now on. So, I might as well get started."

Braviary withdrew his wing. "Son, I may not have saved the world or nothing, but I do know one thing. You don't gotta be called a hero to do the right thing, but heroes are remembered as the folks that do the right things fer the right reasons. Sure, getting rewards fer completing missions is great. And, yeah, maybe it'd be nice to have stories passed on about yer days in the guild. But that shouldn't be yer motivating factor to go out and help others."

He pointed a wing at his chest. "Nah, that's gotta come from the heart." Shane looked away again, so Braviary stepped into his field of vision. "Listen. Folks like us make our livelihoods helping other Pokémon. And we do it because it makes us feel good to see them happy. Ain't that what yer thinking about Riolu right now?"

Shane nodded.

"Then, sounds to me like yer finally thinking like one of us," Braviary said. "I can't say what things were like fer you back home. But out here, we all face a lot of challenges. Especially with Mystery Dungeons constantly popping up and changing around. That's why we need to work together."

"I understand," Shane whispered. "No more walking around, acting like I own the place. I need to take this stuff seriously. Because bad things happen to good Pokémon when I don't."

Braviary nodded approvingly. "Just keep those thoughts in mind, and you'll do great from here on out. I can feel it in my bones." He looked back toward the Observatory. "So, ready to go back inside yet?"

"Almost. I just need a few more minutes to myself," Shane said.

"Alright, but it's getting late. And we should really try to clean up before heading off to sleep," Braviary said. He walked back into the building, leaving Shane to look out at the stars.

'Do the right things for the right reasons, huh?' Shane thought. By that logic, Shane figured that he shouldn't try to stop the Prism Virus because a voice in his dreams called him a chosen one. Instead, he needed to stop it so that Pokémon can continue living peaceful lives. 'And so that families like Tessa's aren't torn apart.'

There was one problem, though. How was he going to fight the Prism Virus without any partners? The Bewear incident proved he wasn't strong enough to beat an infected Pokémon along, even with all the training in the world. 'So, what do I do now?' he thought, shoulders sagging.

The question continued to linger in Shane's mind as he returned inside and went about helping his fellow guild mates clean up. He was particularly adamant that Tessa and Null not get involved, as he continued sticking to his story that all of this was Null's idea. When Braviary was satisfied with the cleaning job and dismissed him, Shane staggered back to the housing wing.

Each step became slower, making Shane's legs tremble. His eyelids grew heavy and muscles burned, threatening to give out from exhaustion. A thick fog overtook Shane's mind. When he stumbled into his team's bedroom, he tensed up. "Hmm? When… when did I get in here?" he asked, yawning. His gaze fell to his pillow in the middle of the room. Never had a single cushion looked so inviting to him as it did in that very moment. "Maybe Tessa wouldn't mind… if I just slept here one more night," he mumbled, walking toward the pillow.

"… hey."

The soft whisper roused Shane from his half-asleep stupor. He rapidly shook his head, trying to fight back the urge to pass out. Tessa stood in the doorway, her newly-received locket sitting on her neck, over her scarf. "Oh, uh, hi," Shane said. "I was just, y'know, checking to see if I left anything in here. Since, um, I guess I'm supposed to switch rooms with Null or something?" He scratched his head. "What room does that guy even sleep in, anyway?"

Tessa rubbed her shoulder. "I know," she said.

"Huh?"

"I know that this whole thing was your idea," Tessa said. "Null told me the truth."

"Uh, I don't… I have no idea what you're talking about," Shane said, shuffling back. "Must be the berry juice. I told Serperior not to spike it with anything."

"You do realize Null can't eat or drink, right? Now, stop lying," Tessa said. "You made this locket for me, didn't you?"

"Well, honestly, Magearna did the bulk of the work. So, if you want to get technical–"

"Why wouldn't you want to take credit for any of this?" Tessa said. "This… all of this clearly took a lot out of you."

Shane poked the ground with a forepaw. She was right, but any desire for Shane to say that was dampened by what Sylveon had told him. "Because this wasn't about me. This was about you. You said that you're alone... and that nobody cares about you. It's not true. Everyone in the guild… they pitched in to make this happen. Because you are loved," Shane said. "I stayed out of it because I didn't want to ruin everyone's hard work."

"Vulpix," Tessa whispered, clasping her newly-obtained locket.

He hung his head. "If you had known that I was the one overseeing all of this, it might've made you more upset. So, I decided to give the credit to Null. After all, he's your best friend. And if you two want to start a team together, I figured the least I could do is try to start the two of you off on the right foot."

"Vulpix," Tessa said, a bit more forcefully.

He walked toward the door, avoiding Tessa's gaze. "I know this is probably a meaningless gesture, but I want you to know how sorry I am. For everything. From the moment I met you, I've been a real jerk. Because I thought that I somehow knew better than you, an actual Pokémon who's lived here her whole life." Shane's stance slouched. "If I had known the truth, I'd have never pushed you to come here."

"Vulpix, that's enough," Tessa said, putting a paw on his shoulder. Shane jolted stiff in surprise. Had he said something wrong? Was he about to put all his hard work to waste by sticking a paw in his mouth?

"Um... is there a problem?" Shane whispered.

"You can stop talking, Vulpix," Tessa said. "I can see how sorry you are... and I appreciate it. But the truth is that I owe you an apology just as much as you thought you owed me one."

Shane finally turned and looked Tessa in the eyes. She wanted... to apologize? That didn't make any sense!

"But... I attacked you," Shane said, looking down guiltily. "I froze you in a mud puddle and, if that wasn't awful enough, I said your dad didn't love you."

"I know," Tessa said. "But it's not like I was much better. I shoved a teammate dissolution notice into your face after you woke up from a coma. Then, I spent the start of the mission demeaning you until I completely overlooked the fact that Null attacked you."

Shane stiffened. Where was this coming from? Did Braviary pull Tessa aside? Because Shane couldn't imagine Metagross talking with her about this. And he had told Null to cheer Tessa up at the beach, so there was no way he could've brought this up. Unless that was what Tessa had meant when she said Null told her the truth.

"Um... Null said he had talked with you about what happened," Tessa said, poking her index digits together. "I don't exactly know what you said but... well... as bad as I was feeling this morning, I can't even imagine what must've been going through your head in Moonrise Marsh." Her ears and aura feelers drooped. "I'll bet you were terrified. And I... I blamed that attack on you."

So, it was Null, then. Shane's tails curled up. The memories of the attack had lingered in his mind. Heck, he was thinking about them when he was outside. Despite that, he wasn't sure he was really prepared to talk about it.

"Y... yeah," Shane said, tracing a forepaw along the ground. "I... well..."

He couldn't help himself. Tears welled up in his eyes.

"Ri... Riolu... I was so scared," he squeaked, brushing snot against his shoulder. "I'm still scared, though I'm sure the Lunar Wing will help him. I just..." His voice trailed off and he shook his head. "I'd never felt so... so powerless! The reeds dragging me under the swamp... the weight of my fur... struggling just to be able to breathe. I... I..." Shudders racked his body. "When I saw you there... going to him... comforting him... and blaming me, I snapped. I just... I'd never felt so angry before. I wanted to hurt you... I wanted you to know exactly what I felt like. It... it was..."

"Instinct?" Tessa said, lowering her head shamefully.

"Yes," Shane said, ears drooping. "I... freezing you in the mud was so satisfying in the moment and I hate myself for thinking that... but it's true. After that... I don't even know. Seeing you pop up in Mellath Bog stirred those same feelings. I was... I let my hatred just take the wheel and drive things out of control."

Without warning, a teary-eyed Tessa stepped forward and embraced Shane. "I did, too," she whispered, brushing her head against his neck. Shane flinched from the contact, tails shooting upward. "I'm sorry," Tessa squeaked. "After Lycanroc, I wanted nothing to do with you and I took those feelings to the extreme. I was so desperate to get Null to like me that I made a terrible mistake down in Moonrise Marsh. Even if we weren't on good terms... you didn't deserve that. I just... I'm so sorry."

"I guess... we both screwed up big time, huh?" Shane said, lowering his head.

"You know what's really stupid? Null told me... I should try to be a role model for you," Tessa said, laughing bitterly. "If I really wanted to earn his friendship, that's what I should've done. But instead I went and did the exact opposite. And look where it got us." She broke off the embrace and stepped back sighing.

"Yeah," Shane said. Now he was sure all the good vibes from the party had been undone. Yet, a part of him was happy that he was able to get this all off his chest. Tessa even apologized to him, which he wasn't expecting at all.

"Really... I don't think I deserved this big party. Least of all... one spearheaded by you," Tessa said, rubbing her shoulder. "But, well, we can't exactly turn back time and take it all away."

Shane nodded, unsure where Tessa was going with this.

"I guess that just means... that I'm going to have to find a way to make it up to you," Tessa said, extending a paw toward Shane. He looked at Tessa's paw like it was a lethal weapon.

"Wait," Shane said. "But what about the team dissolution?"

"Give me the form and you'll see," Tessa said, flexing her digits. Shane gave her a blank look but ultimately obliged. Tessa grabbed the paper out of his mouth and tore it in half. Then she tore those halves into fourths and the fourths into eights. She continued ripping away until the form was a handful of paper scraps. Then she tossed them behind her nonchalantly.

"I… I don't understand," Shane said. "Are you saying, you want us to stay together? Even after yesterday?"

"Yes," Tessa said. "Assuming, of course, you still want me as your teammate. After all that's happened, I honestly wouldn't blame you if you just asked Metagross to draw up a new form." She fidgeted with her locket. "I really do mean it when I say that the party you threw was amazing. I wish I could put into words what it means to me, but I don't think I can. And I want to find a way to pay you back for it... partner."

Shane blinked in surprise. He was stunned. With the way the conversation was going, he couldn't have predicted such a turnaround. Did he still want Tessa as his teammate, though? After all, it wasn't like they had really had any fun together. Still, maybe this was the opportunity he needed to start off fresh? If he could take Braviary's words to heart, maybe Tessa could be the friend he sorely needed in his life. There was just one small matter he had to clear up.

"Well, I can think of one way you could pay me back." He reached his forepaw up and clasped the tip of Tessa's chin. "Please, promise me you won't ever go to such a dark place again."

Tessa blinked. "What do you mean?"

"Starving yourself," Shane said. "Or doing anything else to hurt yourself, for that matter. Promise me that, whatever happens to us, you won't ever try something like that."

His paw trembled against her chin. "I… well… yeah, okay. I promise," Tessa said.

"Good," Shane said, relieved. He backed away from her, ears folding against his head. "I don't want you to feel miserable anymore. I know you've lost your family, so to speak. I've lost people who are important to me, too. So, yeah, I know what it feels like to think that there's no one you can turn to." Another blush overtook his face. "… but maybe it doesn't have to be that way?"

Tessa nodded in understanding. Shane continued, "I know this will sound crazy, but do you think we could maybe start over? I'm not saying we need to be best friends or anything. But, at the very least, I'd like to leave the past where it is... and be a partner that you can depend on. It might not be perfect." He looked down. "Odds are, I'm going to screw up again, so I'll need you to call me out on it, like what Null did for you. Otherwise, I'll never learn. But... I'm going to try my best to be a better Pokémon."

"And I'm going to try my best to be better, too," Tessa said. She extended a paw toward Shane. "Through darkest night, and brightest day."

"Team Radiance always finds a way," Shane said, bumping her paw with his. "Partners?"

"Partners," she replied. And the two moved forward to embrace once again, only for Shane to hold up a forepaw.

"Wait a second," he said. "Yo, big guy!" He turned toward the doorway. "I know you're out there. Don't just stand there... come in."

Tessa's aura feelers stood up as Null's helmeted head appeared in the doorway. "… I didn't… want to interrupt," he rasped.

"You're part of this team too, right?" Shane said. Null shook his head. "Okay, yeah, I mean your name's not on the contract or anything. But it might as well be. After all, you're a lonely misfit with a spotty past, just like the two of us. The way I see it, you're more than qualified to join the team… officially."

Null blinked. "You… you really mean it?" he croaked. "Even after... what happened?"

"Yeah," Shane said. "I know things between us are... rocky. But I think the only way that'll change is if we work together." He poked the ground with a forepaw. "Besides… it's not a group hug unless everyone participates."

Null's gray eyes widened. "… are you sure… about that?"

"I'd just go along with it. You know how stubborn he can be," Tessa mused.

"Very true, very true," Shane agreed, playing along. "It's a wonder I didn't end up a rock-type when I came here." Tessa fought to hid a giggle. Null plodded into the room and leaned over. This allowed both Tessa and Shane to contact the sides of his helmet as they embraced.

A click sounded.

"Awwwww, isn't that just the cutest, Serpy?"

Shane and Tessa stiffened and backed away from each other. "Milotic! We're having a private moment here," Tessa hissed.

"I know, and it's positively adorable!" Milotic said.

And I got it on camera! Magearna said. This is definitely going in my 'Album O' Splendiferous Guild Moments.'

Shane's face reddened. "Wait, what?"

"Mwee hee hee! Look, little Snowball's blushing," Haunter cackled, appearing out of the wall alongside Drifloon and Misdreavus. They flew out of the room, laughing amongst themselves.

"Seriously, you guys? Way to kill the moment!" Shane said.

"Relax, Vulpix. We're happy for your guys," Milotic said, smiling. "But we'll leave you alone. It's time we got some shut eye anyway." She turned and departed into the hallway, but not before Shane heard her say, "Hey, Magearna, make sure to make me a copy of that photo, okay?"

"Forget it. I'm too tired to stay mad at them. I need sleep… badly," Shane said, yawning.

"You also need, like, four showers," Tessa said.

"Oddly specific number choice, there. But it's on the agenda for tomorrow. I think we could all use a real day off, don't you?" Shane said.

"I think this is the first time we're in agreement on something," Tessa said. "Guess we're getting off to a good start already."

They both approached their cushions and Shane immediately passed out. Tessa looked back toward the doorway, where Null lingered. "You're free to join us, you know."

"… right. Lemme just… go grab my pillow," Null said. He backed into the hallway. When the light struck his mask, Tessa saw something that made her aura feelers stand on end.

'Null's helmet… there's a crack in it!'

XxX

~Great Canyon, Hill of the Ancients~​

A golden fox approached the canyon's summit and fanned out her tails. She could just barely make out a silhouette against the rising sun. "Xatu? It's Ninetales. I got your summons. What did you want to ask me?"

Ninetales paused her ascent, expecting to hear Xatu's voice echo through her mind. But nothing happened. She continued walking up, keeping her gaze fixed ahead of her. "Xatu, can you hear me?" She reached the top of the canyon and approached Xatu's side. She found him staring directly out at the sun.

Sighing, Ninetales gently shoved Xatu.

… hmm? Oh, Ninetales. How nice to see you. What brings you to Great Canyon?

"You summoned me here. Or did you forget again?" Ninetales said.

Did I? Xatu blinked slowly. Oh… yes… I believe this is the time I foresaw you arriving. My apologies. I'm afraid my mind was elsewhere.

"Yes, yes, I've heard it all before," Ninetales said. "Well, I'm here. You said you had something you wanted to ask me? Something that needed me to be here in person?"

… I see. Excuse me… I must recall what it is I summoned you here for, Xatu said. Ninetales rolled her eyes. Ah! Yes… a glimpse into the past has allowed me to remember what I wanted to ask. Tell me, Ninetales, have you been commiserating with the spirits in the Tree of Life as of late?

"Of course I have," Ninetales scoffed. "Don't tell me that's why you wanted me here?"

… I foresaw such an attitude, Xatu said, earning another eye roll. No, what I wanted to know is if any of the spirits have ever mentioned something called the 'Lightless Black.'

"Lightless Black?" Ninetales said. "Can't say I've ever heard of it. What's the significance?"

I am unsure, Xatu said. But, lately, my glimpses into the future have turned up nothing.

Ninetales' eyes widened. "Are your powers fading?"

No. Rather, at a certain point, I simply cannot see anything. There is only darkness, Xatu said. I probed this subject further to try and craft some form of explanation. What I got instead was a premonition. And, frankly, I do not know what to make of it. So, I thought it best to consult you. Would you permit me to share my vision?

"By all means, go ahead," Ninetales said.

Very well, Xatu said. He spread his wings out and his eyes glowed bright blue. Ninetales shut her eyes and soon found a series of words spreading out across her mind's eye.

A faller rises.
And a Lightless Black blots out the sun.
Wings of dawn blanket the horizon,
The Devourer of Light has his fun.
Zero will strike. Gods will fall.
And Mystery Dungeons shall number none.​

Ninetales blinked and staggered backward. "That... well... I'm a bit confused. Frankly, it sounded like a bunch of contradictions. How does something rise up when it falls? And dawn leading to 'devouring of light?' That doesn't make sense. Dawn leads to daytime... and daytime is flooded with light." Her brow furrowed. "Am I to understand that you think something is going to happen to our gods?"

I am sorry. Like you, I am unable to discern meaning from this vision, Xatu said. I apologize for bringing you all the way out here. Would you prefer it if I teleport you back to Mt. Freeze?

She nodded and placed a paw on his wing. The two disappeared in a burst of blue light.

XxX

~Celestial Island~​

Groaning, Necrozma rubbed an arm across his armored eyes. He glided past black cubes floating in limbo until he reached a cloud of black static flickering in and out of existence. A single red eye stared back at him, along with an eye-shaped purple gem sitting in the middle of a Nemes headdress.

"I was in the middle of a nap, Zero," Necrozma grumbled. "What do you want?" The red eye narrowed at him. "Oh... right... sorry about that. Let's try again. What do you want... Mistress?"

"An Ultra Wormohle to Aurora Vale," a garbled, heavily-distorted voice responded. As Zero spoke, the cloud of static pulsated faster.

"Do I look like a ferry service to you?" Necrozma said, third eye flashing. "Each wormhole you make me summon wastes more of my precious light. If you're not going to give me my core back, then you can walk!"

A glimmer of rainbow energy pulsated from Zero's right side. Necrozma floated backward, arms twitching. "Nrgh... fine," he said. "But I want a little something in return!"

"What did you have in mind?" Zero asked.

"Musharna. Give me her Beast Ball," Necrozma said, licking his lips. "I have need of her... abilities."

"Fine," Zero said. Black shadows swirled in front of Zero, producing a black and red ball with a checkerboard pattern running across it. "Now, the Ultra Wormhole, please."

Necrozma opened his wings and pointed his right arm forward. An Ultra Wormhole opened up behind Zero. "Have fun. Oh... and if it's not too much trouble, bring me back a souvenir or two. Like some delicious light! Heeheeheehee!" Necrozma said, levitating the Beast Ball toward him as Zero walked into the Ultra Wormhole. It remained open, despite Zero disappearing.

"Wakey, wakey, Musharna," Necrozma said, opening the ball up. Musharna appeared in a stream of red light. She lay on the ground, wheezing. Necrozma picked her up in his claws. "Oh, come now, you're perfectly fine," Necrozma said. He squeezed Musharna, who shrieked in fright as pink mist funneled out of her blowhole. Necrozma dropped her to the ground, eyes flashing blue. The mist swirled into a spiral.

"Heeheeheehee! Perfect!" Necrozma declared. He clapped his hands together and the mist formed up into a Lucario with a white diamond on her forehead and a fang sticking out of her mouth. "Let's see if I can drive in the wedge that will pry the intrepid heroes apart for good!" Necrozma said.

He pointed to the Ultra Wormhole and the Lucario diligently walked into it.

End of Episode 7

XxX​

If you've made it to this point in the story, I would like to take the opportunity to thank you for the support. I realize the early chapters were... rough. And that the pacing of this story on the whole is very slow. There were definitely mistakes made starting out and I probably should've opted for a much smaller project as my first ever fic, since we've still got a long way to go. With that said, we've reached the point where Team Radiance will finally stop fighting each other and focus on the actual threat to the world. The next episode is going to be big, so I hope you're looking forward to it, because I intend to shake things up even further.

 

[kintsugi]

Can't find the quote, but I just wanted to emphasize -- I'm very excited that you also did a Beach Scene with depressed characters staring at the waves until they got less depressed. Validates my life and writing choices a ton.

"Yeah… something popped up. I'll try to make it. But… no promises. I'm heading to drop your gift off right now, actually."

Oh man. This is going to be That Kind of gut punch.

I'm admittedly spoiled for part of this character arc because I suck, but reading it from this end is pretty gut-wrenching. Props to you for having the gift/closure hints dangling exactly where/when they need to be; this one line told me precisely where this laser-guided gutpunch was going to hit, and it did it very well.

I really like this chapter. Sometime during the Oranguru mission, I wasn't sure how you'd be able to dig yourself out of this hole, and I figured this would be the first PMD fic where the chosen team just splinters off and becomes a dysfunctional wreck. I'm sold on the level of heart-warmth and good vibes that you included here, and I can buy that this was a team that got pushed to the brink of disaster, got its shit together, and logically is going to not be so disastrous in the future. I mean, yes, they've had this conversation three or four times now, but there's a bit more sincerity in the words and I'm hoping it sticks this time? make the poor bbies happy ok

Serperior used a vine to smear the gel across Tessa's tail, turning it a bright, gaudy shade of yellow.

shiny gurl
This is such a strange detail that I can't help but think it'll be pivotal later, but at the same time, it's a cool and fun detail

apparently someone's got cold feet

geddit because he's a vulpix he's cold

Tessa smiled at Null. "You didn't need to go to all this trouble just for me."

"But you had a good time, right?" Shane asked.

PLEASE LET HIM LEARN HIS LESSON
I WILL BE SO SAD IF HE'S FINALLY SAYING THINGS LIKE THIS AND THEN GOES BACK TO BEING A SHITTIER PERSON LATER WITH NO REMORSE

His idea had worked. The guild lifted Tessa's spirits and he was able to keep his involvement in the idea hidden from Tessa. 'Nicky... this is what I should have done for you,' Shane thought, tilting his head down and taking in a shuddering breath. Like at Tessa's house in the morning, a newspaper page flashed through his mind.

oof

As a plot point, this is raw. It's vivid. It says a lot about the typical PMD narrative, specifically how Shane's been seeing it -- some sort of escapist fantasy where you're special and not just that, you're the most Importantest person in the world and everyone gets to care about everything that you do just because you happened to show up. Taken individually this is probably leading to the single best fridge-logic way of explaining how and why certain people keep getting sucked into PMD worlds. I'm probably gonna be devasted when you finally write it out.

Braviary withdrew his wing. "Son, I may not have saved the world or nothing, but I do know one thing. You don't gotta be a hero to do the right thing, but it's the heroes that do the right things fer the right reasons. Sure, getting rewards fer completing missions is great. And, yeah, maybe it'd be nice to have stories passed on about yer days in the guild. But that shouldn't be yer motivating factor to go out and help others."

I feel like Braviary's a bit backwards -- usually doing the right thing is what makes you a hero. You don't gotta be a hero to want to get the recognition of being a hero, but if you save the world for profit or just because, that doesn't undermine that you saved the world.

"This whole year, I've felt so alone. Like Pokémon were only being nice to me because they felt sorry for me... or because they knew my parents. But I was wrong. And I've never been happier to be wrong in my entire life. All of it's thanks to you."

*Null cries in a corner except his helmet blocks the tears*

'Null's helmet… there's a crack in it!'

oh SHIT

A faller rises.
And a Lightless Black blots out the sun.
Wings of dawn blanket the horizon,
The Devourer of Light has his fun.
Zero will strike. Gods will fall.
And Mystery Dungeons shall number none.

on one hand this is a TON of stuff to put in a single update; on the other hand, I'm SO ready



edit: I've been having some mixed thoughts about the suicide arc, so to speak. It's hard to address in a fair manner because 1) it's suicide and there's a lot of messy factors at play and 2) there doesn't really have to be a second reason.

It's hard for me to buy that Shane would go through this and come out to be the person that he is in the first few chapters, I guess. There could probably be a case constructed for how someone could do it, but Shane is pretty much gleefully unaware that actions have consequences and consequences usually end with people hurting. This is a logical response for a lot of people to have, and a lot of people live without making that conclusion, but it's kind of a lesson that having someone close to you die hammers into you pretty fast.

My experience has been that people swing to the opposite extreme. They fucked up this one thing horribly and got burned for it, and now every single skipped meal/offhanded "man life sucks"/tear shed around them becomes a giant red flag. It's suddenly impossible to trust people who say that they're fine because you made an assumption and it cratered your life. It's weird to look at people doing things that used to be casual, like skydiving or motorcycling, because what if they're actually also trying to die on you? Was that gift you just got because they wanted to give you a gift, or because they're wrapping up loose ends?

And maybe that's just one way to experience it, but it's odd to me that Shane can go through that, especially at high school when everything that happens feels like it's The World Ending, and come out of it as a callous asshole who pretty much eggs someone on down the exact same path he claimed he regrets watching Nicky walk. Not sure how much of this is from the tonal shift of trying to take things seriously, but this is a huge character development that I'm not entirely sure if I buy.

It's a weird topic and I'm sorry about that; hope this rambling helps.

 

[Flaze]

Okay, I'll just say that well, aside from what kin pointed out in regards to Nicky's suicide and how it shaped Shane, I don't really have any complains about this chapter. Yeah, I suck as a reviewer but I was honestly really invested in the chapter as a whole, so you'll get to enjoy a review of me fanboying for once.

So on the whole, this chapter puts an end to a lot of ongoing plotlines. Team Radiance's issues, Null trying to find friends, Tessa not wanting to let others in and Shane thinking he's the hero of the world for existing. And well, in general the chapter is full of payoffs but I think the biggest one is probably how you handled the scene with Shane walking out to the terrace. In fact, I ended up having this little song pop into my head and listened to it while reading that scene and the scene where Team Radiance makes up.


View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mLxv4oj4OcY


And that made me cry.

But anyways, it was just really nice to see them get along and to see Shane finally understand what everyone's been trying to tell him, and to have Braviary be the first one to recognize him for it is also pretty fitting considering the two didn't always see eye to eye. I mean, granted, Braviary acts all tough but he had a pretty selfish streak when he was younger from what we've seen.

Anyways, it was all pretty touching, and it's not easy to get a tear out of me, I'm a big sap but it's always hard for me to really get sentimental from reading, so I hav eto give you kudos there. Aside from that, well, I'm really curious to see where Team Radiance will go now since now we can properly focus on the story. Which leads me to this.

A faller rises.
And a Lightless Black blots out the sun.
Wings of dawn blanket the horizon,
The Devourer of Light has his fun.
Zero will strike. Gods will fall.
And Mystery Dungeons shall number none.

Prett cryptic, some are pretty obvious. I'm putting my money on that the faller being mentioned here is either Null or Shane.

Anyways. Bring on the next arc, time to see where all this is gonna go.

 

[namohysip]

Tessa wiped her eyes. "No," she whispered. "I'm on the right track, aren't I?" Her gaze sharpened. "You're worried Null's the human who's supposed to be here. Which would make your arrival an accident, just like I suggested the day we met!"

Heh, I wonder if Shane played postgame for Rescue Team. Then maybe he’d realize that he very well could be Gengar, or even the countless failed humans of Infinity. Not every human became a hero. Maybe he’s finally realizing this?

"I can tell you're going to make a wonderful edition to our Prism Virus family."

This whole exchange felt a bit on-the-nose, didn’t it? The villains randomly spouting some terms for the reader to get familiar with, assuming that it would’ve been meaningless for Tessa since they were going to infect her anyway. Oh well, we’re getting new info!


___


Overall, chapter 7 is finally getting things actually happening, so that’s a good change of pace. Took long enough. And! Shane has more doubts, and he finally has a moment of vulnerability and humility. I still know very little about Null despite the meta knowledge that he’s going to be important later, but that’s for another time, I suppose.


Chapter 8 –

"… I was determined to do things differently. I wanted Pokémon to like me. I thought if I acted cheerful and energetic… I could make friends. But, I totally mucked that up."

Okay. Color me impressed. We’re actually getting some proper depth from Shane! It all adds up pretty well, too, though I will admit, I don’t recall any strong hints about it. Ironically, I feel that we’re more in Tessa’s head than Shane’s, despite this being mostly third-person omni.


Just a random through from the conversation between Tessa and Null, but I’ve been very suspicious of what’s going on with Mags and Null in particular. They’re supposed to be artificial, human-made Pokémon, so there’s got to be something going on with them in particular that I hope gets outlined down the line. It’s too much of a coincidence for it to be anything else.

Very well then. Please stand by while I boot up my exposition mode. Magearna cleared her throat.

I don’t… know what… I expected.


__


All in all, this “exposition dump” chapter was good. I usually don’t mind exposition dumps, though, so maybe I just have a tolerance for it. I will note, however, that I thought it was particularly interesting to mix in Shane’s meta-knowledge with Mags’ in-universe knowledge. I’m not sure how significant that silly exchange about two Ho-Ohs is, but I’ll keep it on the backburner, along with the rumors of other duplicate Embodi—er, Legendaries. Heh. Anyway, let’s get to the last chapter.


Chapter 9

"Yeah, well I hate these dumb Vulpix instincts," Shane growled. He craned his neck upward and shouted, "You couldn't have made me something cool, like a Charmander

Shane knows what’s up. Also, he later says that Riolu are cool, and I’m a little surprised that we didn’t get a little quip of reaction from Tessa for that at all! I mean, it’s her species, after all. I feel like she’d at least have a thought about it.

"Well, well, well. See, Jangmo-o, what did I tell ya? These two are a couple of no-good crooks. Kweh heh heh!"

If these guys don’t wind up being the final battle of this story, I’m going to be highly disappointed.


__


And that’s episode 4! Finally, the plot’s picking up, though so far, all we’re doing is taking on some grunts and getting some plot going with Umbry and Espy. Right now, my most pressing question is what’s gotten into those two in the first place, as Shane pointed out, and more importantly, what’s going on with Tessa’s ma’. But overall, I thought it was interesting to see how it all went down. The most important scene out of all of this, that stand out, is the exposition from Mags, and the beginning and end of Chapter 9. Oh, and basically any time Shane is actually not being an idiot.

 

[Ambyssin]

Can't find the quote, but I just wanted to emphasize -- I'm very excited that you also did a Beach Scene with depressed characters staring at the waves until they got less depressed. Validates my life and writing choices a ton.

Well, I consider it a PMD staple so I had to do it. XP

I'm admittedly spoiled for part of this character arc because I suck, but reading it from this end is pretty gut-wrenching. Props to you for having the gift/closure hints dangling exactly where/when they need to be; this one line told me precisely where this laser-guided gutpunch was going to hit, and it did it very well.

Thanks. I wasn't entirely sure if it was convincing enough pinkclouding on my end. And you can thank Persephone for the suggestion that I put in some other phone conversations between the two (as well as the scattered memories in chapter 29), so that this wasn't completely blindsiding the reader like it did in the old version.

I really like this chapter. Sometime during the Oranguru mission, I wasn't sure how you'd be able to dig yourself out of this hole, and I figured this would be the first PMD fic where the chosen team just splinters off and becomes a dysfunctional wreck. I'm sold on the level of heart-warmth and good vibes that you included here, and I can buy that this was a team that got pushed to the brink of disaster, got its shit together, and logically is going to not be so disastrous in the future. I mean, yes, they've had this conversation three or four times now, but there's a bit more sincerity in the words and I'm hoping it sticks this time? make the poor bbies happy ok

I was actually very worried that I didn't do a believable job with this, so I'm happy to hear it worked out. I figured a shock to the system like the way the Oranguru mission ended was pretty much the only thing that could've kept them together.

This is such a strange detail that I can't help but think it'll be pivotal later, but at the same time, it's a cool and fun detail

It's just a fun little Easter egg. That stuff washes out in the showers.

geddit because he's a vulpix he's cold

*rimshot*

PLEASE LET HIM LEARN HIS LESSON
I WILL BE SO SAD IF HE'S FINALLY SAYING THINGS LIKE THIS AND THEN GOES BACK TO BEING A SHITTIER PERSON LATER WITH NO REMORSE

Your wish is my command!

As a plot point, this is raw. It's vivid. It says a lot about the typical PMD narrative, specifically how Shane's been seeing it -- some sort of escapist fantasy where you're special and not just that, you're the most Importantest person in the world and everyone gets to care about everything that you do just because you happened to show up. Taken individually this is probably leading to the single best fridge-logic way of explaining how and why certain people keep getting sucked into PMD worlds. I'm probably gonna be devasted when you finally write it out.

Well, we'll just have to see exactly how that ends up playing out. The exact circumstances of Shane's arrival are hinted at with the fic's opening but will not be completely spelled out until the endgame, so to speak.

I feel like Braviary's a bit backwards -- usually doing the right thing is what makes you a hero. You don't gotta be a hero to want to get the recognition of being a hero, but if you save the world for profit or just because, that doesn't undermine that you saved the world.

That's fair. I wasn't aiming for some sort of deep philosophical quote or anything. And Braviary's logic has... historically been off the mark.

on one hand this is a TON of stuff to put in a single update; on the other hand, I'm SO ready

I hope it can entertain, then.

It's hard for me to buy that Shane would go through this and come out to be the person that he is in the first few chapters, I guess. There could probably be a case constructed for how someone could do it, but Shane is pretty much gleefully unaware that actions have consequences and consequences usually end with people hurting. This is a logical response for a lot of people to have, and a lot of people live without making that conclusion, but it's kind of a lesson that having someone close to you die hammers into you pretty fast.

So, this is a true-to-life situation that I was relying on. I mentioned it on Discord, but this would definitely be true... if it wasn't for Shane having a marked deficit in interpersonal skills.

My experience has been that people swing to the opposite extreme. They fucked up this one thing horribly and got burned for it, and now every single skipped meal/offhanded "man life sucks"/tear shed around them becomes a giant red flag. It's suddenly impossible to trust people who say that they're fine because you made an assumption and it cratered your life. It's weird to look at people doing things that used to be casual, like skydiving or motorcycling, because what if they're actually also trying to die on you? Was that gift you just got because they wanted to give you a gift, or because they're wrapping up loose ends?

It may have been that I worded it poorly, but the whole idea was that Shane never had any idea Nicky was depressed and didn't connect the dots that he could've helped Nicky until the same situation happened with Tessa and he had the very obvious visual cues to raise the necessary red flags.

And maybe that's just one way to experience it, but it's odd to me that Shane can go through that, especially at high school when everything that happens feels like it's The World Ending, and come out of it as a callous asshole who pretty much eggs someone on down the exact same path he claimed he regrets watching Nicky walk. Not sure how much of this is from the tonal shift of trying to take things seriously, but this is a huge character development that I'm not entirely sure if I buy.

Then I guess it's my job to prove it as the story goes on. Starting with the showing how their friendship might've been all take and no give on Shane's part. Anyway, thanks for reviewing! ^^

So on the whole, this chapter puts an end to a lot of ongoing plotlines. Team Radiance's issues, Null trying to find friends, Tessa not wanting to let others in and Shane thinking he's the hero of the world for existing. And well, in general the chapter is full of payoffs but I think the biggest one is probably how you handled the scene with Shane walking out to the terrace.

This is actually part of the reason why I'm waffling back and forth on whether or not I want to end the topic here and have the next episode start a "volume 2" of sorts. ^^;

In fact, I ended up having this little song pop into my head and listened to it while reading that scene and the scene where Team Radiance makes up.

And it's quite a fitting one! says the guy who really should watch this show... don't get mad at me ;~;

And that made me cry.

Guess I managed to pull of a PMD staple after all. XP

But anyways, it was just really nice to see them get along and to see Shane finally understand what everyone's been trying to tell him, and to have Braviary be the first one to recognize him for it is also pretty fitting considering the two didn't always see eye to eye. I mean, granted, Braviary acts all tough but he had a pretty selfish streak when he was younger from what we've seen.

You're absolutely correct. And I'm glad it felt satisfying to see them finally getting along.

Anyways, it was all pretty touching, and it's not easy to get a tear out of me, I'm a big sap but it's always hard for me to really get sentimental from reading, so I hav eto give you kudos there. Aside from that, well, I'm really curious to see where Team Radiance will go now since now we can properly focus on the story.

Thanks. Hopefully you enjoy the direction things will go. I can say is that the team's still got their fare share of struggles coming, but it won't be from arguing with each other anymore.

Prett cryptic, some are pretty obvious. I'm putting my money on that the faller being mentioned here is either Null or Shane.

Interesting. You're actually the first person to make a guess about the opening line, I believe.

Anyways. Bring on the next arc, time to see where all this is gonna go.

Hopefully it satisfies. Thanks again for reviewing. ^^

Heh, I wonder if Shane played postgame for Rescue Team. Then maybe he’d realize that he very well could be Gengar, or even the countless failed humans of Infinity. Not every human became a hero. Maybe he’s finally realizing this?

'Not every human became a hero," huh. I'd suggest you hold onto that statement for awhile. It might be useful down the road.

This whole exchange felt a bit on-the-nose, didn’t it? The villains randomly spouting some terms for the reader to get familiar with, assuming that it would’ve been meaningless for Tessa since they were going to infect her anyway. Oh well, we’re getting new info!

I like to think of it as an infection primer of sorts. But, yes, this stuff had to get across somehow.

Overall, chapter 7 is finally getting things actually happening, so that’s a good change of pace. Took long enough. And! Shane has more doubts, and he finally has a moment of vulnerability and humility. I still know very little about Null despite the meta knowledge that he’s going to be important later, but that’s for another time, I suppose.

Yes, yes, I know the pacing is lackluster. Mistakes were made, unfortunately. ;~;

Okay. Color me impressed. We’re actually getting some proper depth from Shane! It all adds up pretty well, too, though I will admit, I don’t recall any strong hints about it. Ironically, I feel that we’re more in Tessa’s head than Shane’s, despite this being mostly third-person omni.

Yeah that's... probably an artifact of my struggles at actually writing in this style and my heavy tendency to prefer dialogue over prose. At this rate, I'm probably going to just go to first-person if I ever write another project.

Just a random through from the conversation between Tessa and Null, but I’ve been very suspicious of what’s going on with Mags and Null in particular. They’re supposed to be artificial, human-made Pokémon, so there’s got to be something going on with them in particular that I hope gets outlined down the line. It’s too much of a coincidence for it to be anything else.

There will certainly be answers and, if I do my job right, you're not exactly going to see either of them coming.

I don’t… know what… I expected.

I mean, she is a fairy-type. Making her the most literal exposition fairy you could possibly get! :V

All in all, this “exposition dump” chapter was good. I usually don’t mind exposition dumps, though, so maybe I just have a tolerance for it. I will note, however, that I thought it was particularly interesting to mix in Shane’s meta-knowledge with Mags’ in-universe knowledge.

Thanks. For what it's worth, folks seem to enjoy the bouncing off thing, you mention. There's a chance I may go back and revise the scene so that they're talking while working on a project, but that's on the backburner at the moment.

I’m not sure how significant that silly exchange about two Ho-Ohs is, but I’ll keep it on the backburner, along with the rumors of other duplicate Embodi—er, Legendaries. Heh. Anyway, let’s get to the last chapter.

You're actually the first person to remark about it, if memory serves.

Shane knows what’s up.

The irony is that I wrote that line before discovering how popular the Charmander line is as a choice for PMD fic protagonists... so it now has a new level of meta to it. XP

Also, he later says that Riolu are cool, and I’m a little surprised that we didn’t get a little quip of reaction from Tessa for that at all! I mean, it’s her species, after all. I feel like she’d at least have a thought about it.

That detail might've escaped me. Drat!

If these guys don’t wind up being the final battle of this story, I’m going to be highly disappointed.

Be careful what you wish for...

And that’s episode 4! Finally, the plot’s picking up, though so far, all we’re doing is taking on some grunts and getting some plot going with Umbry and Espy. Right now, my most pressing question is what’s gotten into those two in the first place, as Shane pointed out, and more importantly, what’s going on with Tessa’s ma’. But overall, I thought it was interesting to see how it all went down. The most important scene out of all of this, that stand out, is the exposition from Mags, and the beginning and end of Chapter 9. Oh, and basically any time Shane is actually not being an idiot.

Oof. Well, yes, Shane's dense and that will not stop being a thing due to his... condition. But the Prism Virus stuff will be bubbling up over the next few episodes. If you're itching to catch up, I'd actually suggest skipping the first special episode since only one part of it is important and I'm not very happy with those chapters on the whole. Anyway, thanks for reviewing! ^^

 

[diamondpearl876]

CHAPTER 26

I really like how you've been intertwining details about Null's past in here , and adding on your own interpretation of the species's connection with Ultra Beasts! Null's lashing out really serves both to add tension to Tessa and Shane's fight, and also, Null's dynamic with both Tessa and Shane. Each character is distinct in how they react to situations, as usual. I can honestly see both Shane and Tessa's side on helping null. Yeah, down the line, Null might very well fuck them over physically through lashing out... but also, he truly can't help it, and it's the best connection they have to all the chaos that's going on. Null could be a good ally in terms of providing information about the enemy and for fighting the enemy.

CHAPTER 27

"Blech. Looks like Pacifidlog got visited by a Garbodor horde." His snout wrinkled and he threw up a forepaw.

An unpleasant comparison for Shane, but an amusing one for me.

It's pretty obvious from this chapter that neither Tessa nor Shane had any intention from the start to try to fix their friendship. I'd wondered if the guildmaster's warning about kicking them out of the guild for misbehaving would knock some sense to them, and unsurprisingly, it didn't. I see some comments about Nicky's suicide having little long-term effect on Shane, but really, it's consistent with his character, and the situation with the bog mission shows that. Shane has little to no capacity in him to understand the gravity of situations until it's far, far too long, and sometimes... not even then. Granted, suicide is a far heavier concept than getting kicked out of the guild, but being in the guild is associated with saving the world and being the hero, which I'd put on more equal footing in terms of stakes. The continuity is believable to me, and I'll get more into Nicky specifically later.

CHAPTER 28

This chapter made me wonder for a moment if Tessa's father was actually alive and if that's the secret Braviary's been keeping. The guildmaster's posing as him was a nice touch. Tessa was mad, and she should be mad. She's not had a proper conversation with the guildmaster since, just a brief one, understandably so 'cause so much shit went down for her, but I kinda hope she addresses it again with him sometime in episode 8. It seems she'll be on a path of healing from now on, and I think that could be a good part of it, along with trying to come to terms with seeing Oranguru die. It seemed traumatic for her, after all. Anyway, this is less a complaint and more an interest in the idea and wanting to see more of it in the form of a resolution, haha.

I also found it interesting than Oranguru didn't comment on Shane being human. But it makes sense. He's seen so much in his life, it's probably not surprising, really. And he's understandably preoccupied with the end goal of the mission. It was... certainly a more cruel kind of mission to send kids on just to teach them a lesson. If I were Oranguru, I wouldn't want my dying wish to be used like that, personally, and in the end, it didn't teach them shit like the guildmaster had hoped, haha. I really like the idea, though. I'd just try to fit the traumatic scene of seeing him die in there a tad more, since it's glossed over quickly in favor of everything else.

And... it finally happens. Shane finally goes too far. Of course, I knew it - or somethnig, at least - was coming, but it still felt like a slap in the face even to me. D: Poor Tessa... The impact was nicely done, and the pacing + events leading up to said slap in the face was perfect.

CHAPTER 29

Nice loophole on the acting out, Metagross. But a fair one. I don't think Shane and Tessa would ever drag others into their fight to that level, at least... but I guess you never know with those two, eh? And it's not like they knew Oranguru's goal until the last minute.

Anyway, this chapter struck a chord with me emotionally. You probably didn't expect anyone to be able to relate to this, but yeah, in short, Tessa feeling guilty over her dead's death is very realistic and portrayed extremely well, in my opinion. The guilt over what she could have done, should have done, would have done if she could relive it now... It all feels very real to me. As a related sidenote, I like the riolu-specific detail about her passing out at reading her mom's aura for being so angry - a perfect way to show the gravity of that emotional situation in a way that utilizes their Pokémon abilities. The scene with Tessa trying to hurt herself... also rung pretty true, and was handled appropriately/sensitively, and I appreciate that.

It probably goes without saying I'm livid at Shane for letting things escalate this far, but Tessa played her part too and I get why things all happened the way they did. It was great to finally see Shane get a wake up call and accept he's been a lil Grade-A jerkass. There's definitely traces of selfishness everywhere in his respons rather than sympathy, but that's in line with his character, too, and it's at least a step forward.

tl;dr I loved this chapter. My only complaint is small: that Shane didn't check if there was anything else Tessa could hurt herself with being briefly leaving her alone in the room to talk to Null.

CHAPTER 30

First Team Captivate lectures him and he doesn't listen, but now, Sylveon lectures him and... Shane listens? What is this madness?! I love the character development.

Milotic nodded. "That does sound like him. Want me to Hydro Pump him if he tries a stunt like that?"

"Only if I get to Dragon Pulse him, too," Serperior said with a laugh.

Amusing image. xD I always love when Team Captivate shows up because of stuff like this. make it happen

I also liked the brief recount of Togedemaru explaining why he's giving Shane a chance. I wonder if he'll be a more prominent character in the future since he got some focus? I think it's also interesting that his sympathy comes from a selfish root - namely, that he doesn't want to be responsible for inflicting the same kind of pain on others that he's felt himself.

Also, aight, can I ship Tessa and Null? I can definitely see the chemistry, and I find it amusing some of your other reviewers on FF.net have, too. I like that Null's able to put aside his own pain to help Tessa's. It's an important thing to me that mental pain here is just as valid as physical pain; it's not a contest of who's got it worse or better. Anyway, I love Null's dialogue as he tries to comfort Tessa. Still loving this episode as much as ever.

CHAPTER 31

I was so, so afraid of this party idea of Shane's going wrong because Riolu tried to hide her hatchy day and might not've reacted well,as Team Captivate pointed out. xD It was almost as tense for me as the entire bog mission. And this...was with me being super dense and not realizing the implications of Nicky's phone call until halfway through the chapter, in the middle of an entirely unrelated sentence. It hit like a brick. (This is what happens when I read at 4AM.)

Anyway, I don't believe people change easily. Someone as stubborn, someone as selfish as Shane is... It's believable to me that he'd be more sensitive to others and empathetic and self-conscious about his words/actions after a friend's suicide, but it's believable to me, too, that he wouldn't change permanently. Basically, it's believable to me that he (or anyone) would fall back into old habits when his entire life/world has been turned upside down recently with the whole turned-into-a-Pokémon-and-must-save-the-world thing. Habits = comfort = more confidence in getting through the obstacles in front of you, whether that confidence is justified or not.

There's a lot of other stuff to unpack here indeed. Something tells me Shane witnesses a memory of Solgaleo's wasn't just a side effect from how exhausted he was. If Tessa starts seeing through Lunala's eyes, too, like she got to talk to her mom in dreams, I guess I'll know for sure. ;P And I was thoroughly impressed with how he gave Null all the credit on things after all the effort he went through, and later, how he accepted Null as an official member of the party. Guh. I love this trio. So much. ;_; And I can tell they're gonna need each other with all the impending chaos hinted at and you're damn right I'll be back for episode 8 to see how it goes down.

 

[Ambyssin]

Sorry for the delayed response. Wanted a good time to write this out.

I really like how you've been intertwining details about Null's past in here , and adding on your own interpretation of the species's connection with Ultra Beasts!

Thanks. I actually had a lot more fun with the UB aspect than I was expecting, considering they're all so bizarre that I don't really know how I feel about them as a Pokémon fan. XD

Null's lashing out really serves both to add tension to Tessa and Shane's fight, and also, Null's dynamic with both Tessa and Shane. Each character is distinct in how they react to situations, as usual. I can honestly see both Shane and Tessa's side on helping null. Yeah, down the line, Null might very well fuck them over physically through lashing out... but also, he truly can't help it, and it's the best connection they have to all the chaos that's going on. Null could be a good ally in terms of providing information about the enemy and for fighting the enemy.

And it turned out that he kind of fucked them over the very next chapter after this all came up. Funny how that works. it's almost like i planned it that way or something...

It's pretty obvious from this chapter that neither Tessa nor Shane had any intention from the start to try to fix their friendship. I'd wondered if the guildmaster's warning about kicking them out of the guild for misbehaving would knock some sense to them, and unsurprisingly, it didn't.

You're right on the nose there. "The Great Divide" title wasn't for show.

I see some comments about Nicky's suicide having little long-term effect on Shane, but really, it's consistent with his character, and the situation with the bog mission shows that. Shane has little to no capacity in him to understand the gravity of situations until it's far, far too long, and sometimes... not even then. Granted, suicide is a far heavier concept than getting kicked out of the guild, but being in the guild is associated with saving the world and being the hero, which I'd put on more equal footing in terms of stakes. The continuity is believable to me, and I'll get more into Nicky specifically later.

Well, I'm not surprised that the psych student has a different opinion on all this. My guess is you've probably reasoned out what Shane's condition is at this point, considering his "persistent challenges in social interaction."

This chapter made me wonder for a moment if Tessa's father was actually alive and if that's the secret Braviary's been keeping.

You are not the first to propose this. XD

The guildmaster's posing as him was a nice touch. Tessa was mad, and she should be mad. She's not had a proper conversation with the guildmaster since, just a brief one, understandably so 'cause so much shit went down for her, but I kinda hope she addresses it again with him sometime in episode 8. It seems she'll be on a path of healing from now on, and I think that could be a good part of it, along with trying to come to terms with seeing Oranguru die. It seemed traumatic for her, after all. Anyway, this is less a complaint and more an interest in the idea and wanting to see more of it in the form of a resolution, haha.

The subject of Metagross will get brought up next episode... but you might be surprised at just what ends up happening.

I also found it interesting than Oranguru didn't comment on Shane being human. But it makes sense. He's seen so much in his life, it's probably not surprising, really. And he's understandably preoccupied with the end goal of the mission. It was... certainly a more cruel kind of mission to send kids on just to teach them a lesson. If I were Oranguru, I wouldn't want my dying wish to be used like that, personally, and in the end, it didn't teach them shit like the guildmaster had hoped, haha. I really like the idea, though.

Yeah... this particular chapter got a bit too wordy... perhaps in the far future I could truncate the battle and leave more time for the stuff that followed.

I'd just try to fit the traumatic scene of seeing him die in there a tad more, since it's glossed over quickly in favor of everything else.

Yes, if I cut the battle a bit, I think it would leave me room to do that.

And... it finally happens. Shane finally goes too far. Of course, I knew it - or somethnig, at least - was coming, but it still felt like a slap in the face even to me. D: Poor Tessa... The impact was nicely done, and the pacing + events leading up to said slap in the face was perfect.

Glad to hear it. This was the proverbial gut punch. Or, as Persephone snarkily put it, "The one time Shane actually wins a battle is against his partner and he doesn't even need to use an attack."

Nice loophole on the acting out, Metagross. But a fair one. I don't think Shane and Tessa would ever drag others into their fight to that level, at least... but I guess you never know with those two, eh? And it's not like they knew Oranguru's goal until the last minute.

You're one of the few not to react with a, "Jesus, Metagross, this is pretty fucked up of you." ^^;

Anyway, this chapter struck a chord with me emotionally. You probably didn't expect anyone to be able to relate to this, but yeah, in short, Tessa feeling guilty over her dead's death is very realistic and portrayed extremely well, in my opinion. The guilt over what she could have done, should have done, would have done if she could relive it now... It all feels very real to me.

I wasn't expecting it in the sense that I wasn't entirely sure I was being terribly realistic but if you could relate, then I'd say I did my job right.

As a related sidenote, I like the riolu-specific detail about her passing out at reading her mom's aura for being so angry - a perfect way to show the gravity of that emotional situation in a way that utilizes their Pokémon abilities. The scene with Tessa trying to hurt herself... also rung pretty true, and was handled appropriately/sensitively, and I appreciate that.

I got comments that it was very melodramatic of her but, well, she is the PMD equivalent of a teenager and that was entirely intentional.

It probably goes without saying I'm livid at Shane for letting things escalate this far, but Tessa played her part too and I get why things all happened the way they did. It was great to finally see Shane get a wake up call and accept he's been a lil Grade-A jerkass. There's definitely traces of selfishness everywhere in his respons rather than sympathy, but that's in line with his character, too, and it's at least a step forward.

You're correct there, but this is the official kick in the rear to put Shane on the "right track" toward being a better person. It's not going to be perfect or anything, but he's certainly going to try.

tl;dr I loved this chapter. My only complaint is small: that Shane didn't check if there was anything else Tessa could hurt herself with being briefly leaving her alone in the room to talk to Null.

Good point. Kind of slipped my mind because the room's supposed to be too dark to see much of anything.

First Team Captivate lectures him and he doesn't listen, but now, Sylveon lectures him and... Shane listens? What is this madness?! I love the character development.

And it loves you, too. <3

Amusing image. xD I always love when Team Captivate shows up because of stuff like this. make it happen

Be careful what you wish for, young one.

I also liked the brief recount of Togedemaru explaining why he's giving Shane a chance. I wonder if he'll be a more prominent character in the future since he got some focus? I think it's also interesting that his sympathy comes from a selfish root - namely, that he doesn't want to be responsible for inflicting the same kind of pain on others that he's felt himself.

So, it was really added in to try and lessen the perception that Togedemaru is a complete and total jackass with no redeeming qualities... since that's kind of how she'd come off up to this point.

Also, aight, can I ship Tessa and Null? I can definitely see the chemistry, and I find it amusing some of your other reviewers on FF.net have, too. I like that Null's able to put aside his own pain to help Tessa's. It's an important thing to me that mental pain here is just as valid as physical pain; it's not a contest of who's got it worse or better. Anyway, I love Null's dialogue as he tries to comfort Tessa. Still loving this episode as much as ever.

I just meant for things to be fluffy, but I guess I failed to realize the undertones I had put there. Whoops! XD

I was so, so afraid of this party idea of Shane's going wrong because Riolu tried to hide her hatchy day and might not've reacted well,as Team Captivate pointed out. xD It was almost as tense for me as the entire bog mission.

I'll take it!

And this...was with me being super dense and not realizing the implications of Nicky's phone call until halfway through the chapter, in the middle of an entirely unrelated sentence. It hit like a brick. (This is what happens when I read at 4AM.)

That's okay. I was always unsure if I was showcase pinkclouding correctly through a dialogue-only situation or not. Seems to have worked out all right.

Anyway, I don't believe people change easily. Someone as stubborn, someone as selfish as Shane is... It's believable to me that he'd be more sensitive to others and empathetic and self-conscious about his words/actions after a friend's suicide, but it's believable to me, too, that he wouldn't change permanently. Basically, it's believable to me that he (or anyone) would fall back into old habits when his entire life/world has been turned upside down recently with the whole turned-into-a-Pokémon-and-must-save-the-world thing. Habits = comfort = more confidence in getting through the obstacles in front of you, whether that confidence is justified or not.

That's the idea, in some respects. Shane's thinking is incredibly rigid and characterized by poor interpersonal skills that led him to double down on the things he was most familiar with... especially in comfortable situations.

There's a lot of other stuff to unpack here indeed. Something tells me Shane witnesses a memory of Solgaleo's wasn't just a side effect from how exhausted he was. If Tessa starts seeing through Lunala's eyes, too, like she got to talk to her mom in dreams, I guess I'll know for sure. ;P

This is actually one of the biggest spoilery twists in the entire story... to the extent that not even the folks reading the Serebii version truly understand what's going on here. Hopefully the payoff's worth it.

And I was thoroughly impressed with how he gave Null all the credit on things after all the effort he went through, and later, how he accepted Null as an official member of the party. Guh. I love this trio. So much. ;_; And I can tell they're gonna need each other with all the impending chaos hinted at and you're damn right I'll be back for episode 8 to see how it goes down.

And I hope you find it all enjoyable. Thanks again for reviewing! ^^

With that said, after mulling it over, I've decided that, rather than posting the entire story in this topic... I'm going to end the topic here and start a "Volume 2" for the next batch of chapters. I intend to make an episode summary, so that people won't feel pressured to come back and read this unless they absolutely want to. It seems like you guys prefer things getting broken down into chunks here and this is about the best place I can think of to end off and start a fresh topic. It would also allow potential newcomers to pick up Volume 2 simply by reading the summary... which I think might be better in the long run given the mixed reception of the early chapters. I'll have this topic shifted to the archives in the coming weeks. If you've read up to this point and still want to leave feedback, I'd love to hear what you think.

I'd like to thank all of you for the support thus far and I hope to see you all for Volume 2, starting tomorrow! ^^

 

[namohysip]

Despite your protests, I’m gonna look through the Braviary Special Episode anyway to see if I enjoy it. After all, it will at least provide a LITTLE context, won’t it? ‘Murica.

See, right in the first paragraph I already caught something interesting – it seems like a Litten line was Gallian, maybe? That’s my first guess just based on that quick paragraph. So, not the Absol after all, hm? Though I could be mistaken.

…Upon reading further, it appears that’s not the case, since not only does he not go by that name, but he has a father, which I figure is not the case for most humans-turned-Pokémon. At least, not a Pokémon father.

"Why are you guys treating Riolu so badly?" Torracat demanded.

Oh, lordy, he was still sore about that?

I will admit, Torracat does seem pretty quick to point something out like that, but at the same time, since he’s being introduced in this Special Episode, it’s perfectly reasonable for him to be that sort of bleeding heart, as he had been described as previously. Still, it feels quite obvious where this is going, particularly with the species and the opening scene and all. I’m curious if the way Tessa’s mother will join up with MIB will be what I’m predicting (she abandons her abusive group in the final chapter) or unexpected in some way.

Torracat jogged over. "Yo, Rufflet. How many Reviver Seeds do we still have left?"
"Nine, I reckon," I replied.

#NeverOverprepared

With so many Revivers, I figure they could’ve lost as many heads as they wanted to that Guillotine.

__

One thing that I thought was particularly interesting about these chapters in general was how the narrative voice was literally just how Rufflet talks, heh. I imagine that might annoy some folks, but I personally enjoyed the flavor it gave the episode.


I thought the puzzle scene was a bit clever in chapter 2 of the episode. I don’t think it went on for too long, even if my berry knowledge is lacking, so I sorta just gave little mental nods assuming what they did was correct. Puzzle scenes like these are always odd for me to read about, since they’re so short-term and I can’t imagine the reader trying to figure it out before the characters do.

"Guys… GUYS!" Torracat was jumping up and down excitedly. "I don't believe this. This… this is the Armored Adventurer's personal diary!"

I feel dirty, and I don’t even keep a diary.
__

Well, that was an interesting battle you did. MIB managed to free a twisted soul enraptured by its own materialistic greed and we learn a bit about Ninteales in the process! Or something. At first I thought it was just some sort of one-off whatever backstory, but your flavor text for the boss suggests this might actually be relevant down the line, so that’s cool! Okay. There’s still more to read, so I’ll see what the final chapter (unless that bonus chapter is something else, too) has in store…

He scarfed it down, then turned and fired a massive Hydro Pump at me.

So, this is a bit of a random thought, but it occurred to me that I’m not sure where that Pump is coming from. I’m sure it could be some perhaps some kind of Water Sac or other similar source, but at first I was envisioning little Oran bits mixed in with the water due to, uh, you know. Same hole.

I swear, when this is over I'll slash you up and leave you for dead on the beach, just like I found ya!

…Wait a second…

__

And that’s the end of the special episode! So that answers ONE question, kinda—Gallian was adopted, and Lucario was the one who was human! So I was close on the mark… and I suppose that also explains why Tessa referred to Gallian as Gallian and not Dad. Unless I missed that detail and only realized it now, in which case, whoops, my bad.

Now then! As for the special episode itself? Yeah, sure, it probably could have been condensed to just one chapter, but I thought it was an interesting little jaunt through the past. I know you aren’t too happy with it, perhaps because most of it is irrelevant or could have been explained in some other way, or just faster, but it was still interesting to see a young future-Guildmaster regardless. That in particular was interesting, and I’m also curious about Incineroar’s story, which I imagine will be explored in future chapters one way or the other, seeing as he “perished” somehow. I imagine that, too, is important.

Overall, I'd say this special episode was a little longer than it should have been, but it still introduced some important context that I feel I would have really missed out on if I skipped it outright.

I'm glad I read it.

 

[namohysip]

Finally getting back into this. Time for a review of episode 5.

Chapter 13: Beware the Forest's Mushrooms

Are you real.


As an aside, glad that I finally see Absol Gallian! Kinda. Seems that your Disaster Sense interpretation is to sense any kind of disaster, not just a matter of weather or things of that nature. It’s borderline psychic, just in a vague sense. Like Shulk without actually knowing what’s coming, just that it’d be something bad.

"I need to find out what's responsible for making Pokémon like those Munchlax go berserk."

Wow it has been a while since that happened, in terms of narrative. I think in hindsight I see why it seems a bit excessive to have such a long, multi-part special episode in the middle of the story like that. I wonder if the other special episodes are similar? They’re quite long.


__


Well, we have another interesting boss fight against another Ultra Pokémon, though we still have no real idea what the Prism Virus really is, or anything else related to that sort of thing. Still more mook fights, basically. Was this chapter at all of any context? I have my doubts, but I do at least appreciate it bringing my back up to speed after the three-part Special beforehand.

He just sat on the ground, sweat rolling down his coat.

I still question the authenticity of a furred creature sweating in this way. Imagine the inconvenience! Can they even cool down via evaporation this way? I can imagine for a scaly creature, but fur? I feel like I’m nitpicking at something wholly inconsequential.

'I don't understand,' he thought. 'This wasn't supposed to happen. I'm supposed to win! I'm a human-turned-Pokémon. That supposed to make me strong, right?'

I mean, this isn’t your first failure or anything…

It's just… a hopeless boss fight.

…Actually, this is a valid point, all things considered.

"Oops, sorry big guy. I didn't make you mad, did I?" Serperior giggled. "I'm so naughty, sometimes, I swear."

………..I’ve got my eye on you. I’m getting vibes, and not good ones.

Shane gnashed his teeth together. "Are you sure you're okay? Want me to have Sylveon look you over?" Tessa offered.

This line is a tad confusing. I’d do a paragraph break after the first sentence to separate out Tessa’s line from Shane’s action.

"So, either you can take your angsty edgelord routine and head for the exit or Magnezone can drag you out! Your choice, bub. It's three-on-one here."

Thanks, Shane. As of now, the vibe I’m getting from this guy is basically a 1:1 with Lillie’s brother. Doesn’t help that we have Null around to complete the set.

Track down all the weird-looking Pokémon, figure out what they're planning, and stop them."

Okay but how though? Mmhh, this exchange spells out what’s already known to me, but the main thing here is that it doesn’t really give a hint on direction on where this is supposed to go. Gallian the enemy? I’m not super sure about that. Maybe an anti-hero that is suspected of being the enemy, until I get further information on the matter.

Shane raised an eyebrow. "What, the disaster-bringing stuff? That's just superstition."

"Yeah, but most Pokémon buy into it," Tessa sighed.

Wasn’t there an actual Absol all the way back in Rescue Team that didn’t have that? I guess Horizon is behind the times…

This was the final chapter I had drafted (and posted) that stuck to my original mindset of making the story PG/K10+

Huh, so you decided to change the tone midway, huh? I guess that explains the sudden shift, though I hope it isn’t too jarring. You’re quite a bit far in to do that. Frankly I was enjoying the relatively lighthearted nature, even with the looming darkness going on.


__

Hmm, Nicky from the human world. It’s obviously important if it’s being included. Still, nothing else to go by.

"What the heck's a malasada anyway?"

UNCULTURED SWINE.

"Um... Tessa... that's a stepladder,"

You are not doing this. Oh my god, you’re actually doing this.

"Trace evidence," Shane replied. "A lot of Pokémon have fur, wings, scales, or some sort of slime clinging to them.

Okay, actually, legit question, since when did Shane actually become smart? Was he always like this? This seems weirdly level of him, unless he’s just trying to BS his way into accusing Gallian because of that hunch? Even then, the deductions are weirdly too clever.

"We've collected plenty of stardust, so we can have Magearna make us emeras, right?"

I always thought it was weird that there are emeras outside of Dungeons. I recall in Super they can only exist within the anomalies, but I suppose things are different here. In general, things like that give me pause, when the canon is modified in such a way, but it isn't done as a premise. By now, we're faaaar and away from premise territory, five episodes in, so changes in canon for the convenience of the plot and narrative--which, if I recall, happen down the line as well from your talks on discord--are a bit concerning, especially since Shane has been accurate with his knowledge of the past, down to the odd trivia of dual Ho-Ohs. It's... inconsistent.


__


Lycanroc…? Why does that sound familiar…? Hmm… oh! From the special episode! Though I get the feeling this may not be the very same one. Well, isn’t that curious. That being said, I guess I’ll just have to wait and see in the next episode what that all means.


Overall, I have to say that this special episode only had one truly important thing worth noting – the introduction of Gallian. Everything else was more or less a repeat of what had happened before, just reiterated another way, and that includes the little dream with Solga. Oh, and that brief dream as a human. I guess I’ll see if Episode 6 has anything more substantial to provide, and, as mentioned in that final chapter, if the tone shift isn’t too jarring down the line, either.

 

[namohysip]

Milotic shook her head. "You use Captivate on a guy one time and he won't stop leaving you alone."

Well, that’s worrisome.

"You don't understand! Parasect cut off my pearl," Zoroark blubbered. "The pearl in my mane is a fulcrum to help me channel my illusion-making powers. Without mine, I'm completely useless!

Oh, that’s an interesting interpretation. How about for Zorua, then? I don’t think they have those… hair bead things. Maybe they’re just weaker illusions or something.

Also, regarding their whole thing about showing an illusion, why don't they just poke her? Note that after reading through the whole SE, I see why that wouldn't have worked, but that does seem like something they'd want to try out.

C'mon, Ray-Ray.

Shit, I knew I wasn’t original.

"I'm not talking about mating or conceiving an egg. I'm talking about literally building a Pokémon. Like, out of parts, or something. That way, it could always be controlled by someone else," Zoroark elaborated.

Hahahahahahaha… Oh man. Sorry, it’s nothing. This is great. Good job, Null. I know exactly where this is going, and I know it because I did the same damn thing, at least in essence.

__


By the way, this special episode feels a lot faster for me, as I’m reading it. It’s not because there’s less being written down or anything. I’m just having an easier time reading it, since it kinda feels like important stuff, or at least somewhat important stuff, is taking place here. We’ve got word about the anti-Legendary plot that went on in this version of the setting. Also interesting.

It's most prominent underneath Glyphic Falls.

I mean, anyone who knows anything about Type:Null’s trivia would find this as no surprise.

If I didn't have a Reviver Seed, I might not be here right now. And, well, those things are only so helpful..."

This is a useful line to drop, so good job on that. Reviver Seeds aren’t a self-activating senzu as depicted in the normal game canon here. It was the first thing I thought when she mentioned a Reviver while also being so badly injured, so the timing was spot-on.


Also, regarding "Zoroark" claiming that they need to recover that reference image of the artifact, why doesn’t she just make an illusion of the official record /picture and have someone recreate it from the illusion? Surely she’s been looking at it long enough to cast the illusion, unless there’s something more to it, or something along those lines. I actually wonder if that would actually work, being able to copy-edit just by transformation and disguises alone...

Can't blame a gent for wanting a bit of independence, eh?"

Are you familiar with Addam from Xenoblade 2: Torna - The Golden Country? Because that’s what this guy sounds like in my head right now. English dub.

'Which means it totally does. So, did Zoroark tell this guy about the conspiracy? Or did he find out on his own?' Milotic thought. But she put on a frown in order to maintain her façade. "Aww, you're no fun," she whined.

Something about this line feels weird. I feel like those thoughts are too many to have and still put on a façade at the same time without arousing suspicion, if that makes sense. I think it might make more sense to flip them, such that she whines at first, but then thinks shortly after, rather than the other way around like it is here.

"The winged heart?" Milotic asked, following Marshadow's gaze. "Yeah, it's kind of strange. It's got horns poking out of the top and... is that an eye in the middle? It looks rather ominous. Just what do you suppose was going on down here?"

Hang on a second. Why does this feel familiar? You mentioned this to me a while ago, actually, so let me just… check around if… Wait. Winged heart, eye, horn. That’s… isn’t that… literally the Jamba Heart symbol from…?

"No. We're going to climb them," Milotic declared.

Her teammates eyes widened. "Have you gone completely mental?" Serperior gasped. "There's no way we can manage that. And it's a pretty steep climb. If we fall… it's SPLAT! And that's game over."

Frankly I’d be more concerned about them all exploding under their weight like little wall-mines, but I suppose falling is also a concern. But won’t the wilds just attack? Ooh, tricky, tricky.

__

I’m not really sure what to think about this mook battle, really. It’s certainly exciting, but it draws along for a while for what is basically just a bunch of randos that they have to deal with inside the ruins that they quickly dispatch of before the real challenge—escaping quickly—begins.

Milotic's gaze sharpened. "We're gonna have to blow the roof off this joint. Literally."

Oh, that chapter ends pretty suddenly. Mid-battle, mid-dialogue, and it doesn’t actually quite feel like the chapter ended, either. More like it was just sliced in two. Still, the line itself has a similar effect to the line I just quoted above, which is probably why its effect felt oddly diminished. Kinda like a second blow after the first. I was still more or less adjusting to the shock of them having to climb. And while “let’s blow up the ceiling” is more shocking, “Let’s climb the ores” was already that first shock.

I feel like I’m zeroing in on something really inconsequential, so I’ll just move on, hah! Anyway, I think you did a good job at the short-term uncertainty of Marshadow. He was shady, but at the same time, I wasn’t really certain, at least until he started asking about some sort of bootleg Arceus wheel.

Also, OUCH! It doesn’t seem very painful for them, but I can’t help but wonder how tightly wound you need to be to be tied together like that. Serpents are only so flexible, and they’ve still got spines in there, so if you tie ‘em too tight, you’re basically breaking their lower halves. Too loose, and they can slither forward and untangle naturally that way.

Anyway, time to get to the final chapter of this episode.

The sounds of shattering glass echoed from down below.

Well hey, at least they waited politely for them to be at the very top!


____


Ahh, very clever, using their own attack to slow their descent and simultaneously soften the water that they would ultimately hit. I think I remember seeing Avatar do something similar to this, actually. I had a feeling that’s what they’d do! Okay, enough with this tail-tied business, I wanna see how they can, if at all, find Marshadow after that whole mess.

She's trying to trigger that reckless fighting-type pride."

I’m not sure if this counts as racist or not. Typist? One way or the other, it worked. Leave it to Team Captivate to take advantage of emotional weaknesses.

Actually, I need to speak to Mawile. Is she around?

This exchange gave me like three rounds of emotions. At first, I thought it was reckless of them to hand over the obviously-important artifact over to Zoroark despite it not being a part of the mission. Then, Zoroark starts talking about disguises, and I was pretty sure this guy was a baddie all along. And THEN, it’s Latias… and she actually IS with Mawile and co.?! I guess the Legends want to keep a low profile after all…

__


Okay, this was an interesting special episode. Much more relevant compared to the first one, which was more or less just backstory, but I still really liked it. Marshadow was a bit underwhelming in the final showdown, but I think that was the point, right? They caught him off guard, and once a thief loses their element of surprise, I think they’re pretty underwhelmingly weak. He should’ve run away when he could, but it seems the taunt did its trick.


One thing that does confuse me, though, is that Escape Orb. Was it just chucked randomly? Did I miss something? I doubt Marsh would intentionally blow his cover like that. Did someone else throw it, or some other mysterious assistant? Maybe I missed something…


Anyway, I definitely enjoyed this, but once again after going through a Special Episode, I’m kinda antsy to finally get back into the main story again. Glad that’s happening next.


Also, that bonus episode was adorable, and I’m pretty sure the secret Tessa’s mom is keeping is probably that she used to be human, or something along those lines, and also her involvement with whatever’s going on with Shane’s affiliation with Sol. But that’s for later, as of now it’s just a tease.

 

[namohysip]

Well, after another bit of delay, it’s time to begin with the next episode. Looks like we’re opening with the Virus again.

And then, when Tapu Fini comes crawling out of the woodwork to see what's wrong… bam! The old hag won't know what hit her! Then we can search out the Dawn Hourglass unimpeded. And we'll have one Legendary rubbed off the planet.

I’m starting to notice a trend that these two are about as on-the-nose as you can get for villainous intentions. First their run-in with Tessa, now this? You guys are mighty convenient for the reader! …Okay I’ll stop being snarky now, I’m just glad we’re getting more plot.


The phone exchange with Nicky and Shane, hmm… another one of those random things that is totally not plot relevant at all, nope. Not at all. Either way, it looks like Shane is even thicker in the past than he is now, but that’s to be expected. Guess we’ll see where that translates down the line!

Shane noticed Lycanroc and Mimikyu standing between Metagross and Braviary.

Oh wow, it’s been so long that I legitimately forgot Lycanroc was a thing for all this. Huh. Okay. I’m reminded now.

G'day, mates.

NooooOOOOOOO

"Err, no offense meant dahling, but this isn't exactly a subject you're well-versed in,"

To be fair, she has a point. There are already bits of the canon falling apart, Shane. You fell into a slightly nudged universe than the one you’ve been peering into all this time! …Though he probably hasn’t caught on to that.

Shane staggered to his feet. 'I don't get it. I know I'm right here. Why isn't anyone believing me?'

I’m kind of conflicted about the narrative here. On one hand, Shane has this weird gut feeling of confidence, and a lot of circumstantial evidence points to Lycanroc. It’s a weird spot in between Tessa being irrationally not suspicious of him, and Shane being irrationally paranoid about him. Neither side seemed to really be evened out about it. But I guess I’ll see where this goes for now and how this all ties together shortly.


Onto the next chapter!

Every time it seems like the two of you are making some solid progress as partners, something happens to set you back. And, generally speaking, it's your fault,

Eh, yeah. Pretty much. By the way, since I’m still thinking about some of the commentary you’ve been leaving on my fic, you seem particularly antsy about big players of the cosmos using little guys as pawns and playthings. So just with that sort of meta-knowledge, I’m gonna keep an eye on Sol just in case.

This is all so weird. What happened to my partner being a cheerful, energetic little Pokémon with tons of spunk? Tessa's like the exact opposite of that!'

Sorry, bud. You got the Explorers partner.

"And when you're done checking, go take my place at the sentry station."

Good work, Shane. You have already forgotten about Tessa. I have… zero hope in you.

'Oh god. This is it. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die! What was I thinking? This isn't like the games…'

What, you didn’t get that impression the last time you fought a gimmicky boss like the DeDeThree Parasect?


Anyway, this chapter had some nice progress and Shane being an idiot as usual, so I don’t have a lot of commentary overall beyond that. There are a few cartoonish remarks here and there like “that’s my line” and various things like that, and I like its charm, heh, even if it does break the mood for what I imagine was supposed to be… a somewhat serious encounter? Honestly, I can’t make out Espeon and Umbreon just yet. They’re silly and dastardly, yet are arguably the most threatening thing in the fic so far, and the contrast is strange. They’re powerful and yet grossly incompetent—so far, all of their failures have been the classic Saturday Morning Villain slip-up of their own design causing them to fail. It’s… odd.


Next up, we have chapter 22.

And it's all because of stupid Lycanroc!

But didn’t he just say a little while ago that Lycanroc was right, or something along those lines? Aah, he’s just being quick and hasty with his thinking. He is dying, after all. Frankly I’m surprised at how durable these folks are for what they’re up against. Guess I’m not the only one with anime-levels of injury survival~ That being said, they’re Pokémon. Kinda have to be durable.

She roar furiously and turned her attention on one of the forest's trees.

Minor typo.


___


So, overall, this fight followed by the aftermath was an tense one. The fight itself was, well, a fight, and I suppose the biggest thing we learned from it was that the crystals seem to be a weak point of some kind. The tense exchange afterward was just a lot of arguing, and I don’t really know why, but it definitely seems like one giant conflict ball between Shane and the rest of the guild. Like, he already got the whole “balance of the moon and sun” bit correct, and that was right after they got a call from Lively Town to confirm what he said.


I honestly thought they’d believe Shane a bit more after that, at least in terms of what he’s trying to say, and maybe try to deescalate things with Lycanroc? But none of that really happened. It just kept escalating and they didn’t really think to just sit down and sort things through. I’d’ve expected at least an attempt of that nature from Metagross or folks from Team Captivate. But, well, conflict is conflict. Guess we’ll see where it goes after that.


__


Aw, that bonus was cute. I liked it, and we’re starting to see a bit of contrast between Lunala of the past and the present… though it seems fairly obvious that Lunala is not quite the same one, at least, not in the exact sense. Oh, why am I being coy, it’s Necrozma, but that’s just because of all the spoilers from MMM and all that, and also, well, what happened in Ultra Sun.


Anyway, onto the main chapters again! 23.

"… there were voices. Hundreds of them… yelling at me. 'Follow him!' they screamed."

My mind instantly goes to Guardians and spirits. And considering what meta-knowledge I have of your fic due to interactions elsewhere… interesting, my little Hohenheim…


__


Aaand Lucanroc’s a bad guy… ish. He’s at the very least morally dark gray in the cast of non-cosmic-related villains we’ve been looking with so far, until shown otherwise. I’m a little disappointed that Tessa had to find out in the most cliché way possible—overhearing a conversation—but frankly I’m just glad Shane’s finally getting some recognition, even if it’s a “broken clock right twice a day” moment.

Sneasel found himself sailing through the air, limbs flailing about in all directions.

This is Z-Fling.

Fact: the berries that Team Fang ate had rotted. Fact: they should begin to experience symptoms of food poisoning in thirty seconds.

Beautiful. Also, I’m kinda having a hard time pegging Lycanroc here. So he’s just chaotic-neutral in this case, another random mook of sorts? I feel like at this point these mooks are actually important down the line, just from a narrative sense. Sure, it might be a little contrived, but at the same time, it’s so much screen time at this point! …Unless, of course, these are just recurring rivals. I wish I had a recurring enemy… Such a fun trope.

So? Mom always told me not to judge another Pokémon by its looks…

Okay but to an extent don’t you already do that for Lycanroc? I mean, not judging, mind, but you’re aware of their tendency to hold grudges, and other specific instincts. Bah, I guess that’s more a matter of how those things are implemented. Fantastic racism and all that, and how perhaps sometimes it’s actually correct?


Well, either way, looks like the outlaws got their usual battering. I guess now we’ll just have to see where it goes in the final chapter of this episode. Seems a little odd since it feels like things have resolved themselves, so I’m expecting an epilogue-esque chapter with a tie-in to the next, perhaps.


Chapter 24!


An interesting dream sequence, as usual. I’m still not 100% sure about Prisma just yet, for a number of reasons. First of all, you’ve been incredibly paranoid about cosmic advisors from across the realm of dreams and the like when you’re reading my fic, so I’m starting to wonder if that’s some projection going on. Secondly, her name is literally Prisma. I’m kinda surprised Tessa isn’t putting that together at least as an acknowledgement / “wow that’s a weird coincidence” sort of way. And lastly, well, in the chapter prior, it’s pretty clear she was having a mental breakdown of some kind, one way or the other.

His red eyes flashed and a blue portal opened up in front of him. Necrozma unfurled his wings and flew off into it.

Ah yes, and there we go. Not much for spoiler fanart at this point, since I’m basically caught up as far as that piece is concerned. And indeed, in Lunala is taken control of, then Prisma is definitely either brainwashed, mistaken, or who knows what, based on Tessa’s dreams, unless they’re just tricks of the mind, or Zero. Also, Zero. If my fic is an anime, this is a Kriby game.

Real talk, though, the overarching plot is finally getting interesting and it doesn’t feel like a bunch of episodes, so I’m glad for that. We’ve got a soul eater (interesting interpretation of “light” I suppose) and Zero, whom we know nothing about. I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s literally some weird humanoid thing with an eye for a belly and a sword. I wouldn’t put it past you. But I guess we’ll see when that happens!

 

[namohysip]

After almost a month of delays and me taking forever to read, Episode 7 is finally complete! I found that I'm much better at leaving reviews in the way I usually do on FFN, though I do like taking advantage of the quote functionality for very standout items. And then giving the rest of the snark to you in private as I read. Now then. Onto the actual review, divided by my reading sessions...

Chapter 25

So for some reason, I lost all my saved quotes for the first chapter. That’s okay. It was just a bunch of useless snark to begin with, but I do remember most of what I had to comment on for this chapter. I thought that Shane’s whole deal with talking to Darkrai and Cresselia – i.e. a Pokémon version of the good-bad conscience—was pretty entertaining, though oddly jarring at the same time. It makes me wonder if this has something to do with Shane’s mental issues that you alluded to in prior reviews, but then again, it could also just be because of how out of it he is from the injuries and the bathing.

Bonus chapter

The bonus chapter shortly after was definitely interesting, in that so little of it took place in the Pokémon world! We’ve got confirmation that Prisma was indeed human, but more importantly, it explains why Tessa and Gallian have names as well, unlike pretty much everyone else except Shane. I guess now I’m going to be keeping an eye on what that could mean for others who have names, too—like Sticky, whose species escapes me, if it was ever mentioned…

Chapter 26

The next chapter is even more conflict between Shane and Tessa. Generally, Tessa is in the right, and Shane is just being needlessly combative, and frankly I’m not really sure if that’s a good thing for a narrative where we have to follow the guy around most of the time…. That being said, the most interesting part of the chapter was definitely everything to do with Sticky (who we finally learn is a Poipole!) and the revelations about Null. Very similar to his lore in canon, but obviously still quite different, particularly the voices in his head which I’m still pretty sure are some sort of soul conglomeration.

"Well, yeah, we've seen tons of wild Pokémon," Shane scoffed.


"No, I mean someone a bit stronger."


"This is preposterous. I'm getting the same signal everywhere. There's no way for me to localize this energy pattern with so much interference."


Shane frowned. "That's one strange voice," he said. "But he doesn't sound all that threatening. Let's just move along and ignore whoever he is."

This exchange is weird. It took me about three rereads before I realized line 3 is not Shane nor Tessa, but the voice they’re talking about. A quick narration to indicate this is someone else is definitely needed.

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Chapter 27, 28

The next two chapters—27 and 28—solidified something that I was worried about for a while now: Shane. Is. Unlikable. Hoooooly why, Shane. Some of the lines and actions that he’s dropped here—regardless of how sour his mood is or whatever sort of mental issues he has—is basically on the very horizon of irredeemable if you’re aiming for a protagonist to be likable and a joy to follow. Because between his antagonistic attitude, followed by remarkably hurtful and unwarranted things toward Tessa, you did a good job at depicting him as a total jerk. The problem? These guys are still supposed to be together! Like, from a narrative perspective, they still stay together after this. Somehow.

I noticed in a few of your review responses that the reaction to Shane being an (unintentional) jerk was a positive one. In response, you ramped it up. I think that might have been a mistake, at least in these two chapters in particular, where not only were both Shane and Tessa completely disregarding Megatross’ mission statement, but Shane in particular took things the extra mile with the “your parents never loved you” bit.

Frankly I’m surprised that wasn’t brought up in the scene after, because it cuts to a scene break there. Shane’s character feels like it’s becoming a flanderization of what he started off as. I understand that this perhaps has to do with stress combined with his mental issues, but I’m starting to think this is a stylistic choice that’s going to plague Shane’s character and my enjoyment of reading him for a while.

This paragraph is coming after having read the whole episode, and yes, I still do stand by these scenes as being a big and worrisome symptom of this whole episode having exaggerated emotions. Shane’s comment about her parents did get a lot of callbacks, which I was glad for, but that doesn’t really help how specific it was here. I don’t know. It was a strange combination of convenient, specific, and cruel, and I don’t really know if there’s a way to effectively come back from that in a realistic way. They did in-universe to the point where they could recover… but the timing didn’t work for me. The recovery was contrived.


Sigh. Okay. Rant over. I want to focus on something that I liked about these two chapters, too. (No quotes this time—I read these in the car now that I finished another fic elsewhere, so I can actually get reading done properly for once.) The entire bit with Lurantis was both entertaining (aside from the conflict-during-a-fight stuff that I basically knew to expect) and informative. The one-off corrupted Totem (Oh, right, totems! Was this our first time meeting one?) had nice one-liners, and more importantly, revealed what seemed to be going on with the graying of the Pokémon they fought. Their spirits are going to Mistress Zero, whom we’ve yet to meet, which we’ve also had a name drop by Necrozma. Little tidbits like that were interesting to read.


Also, Null! We’re finally getting some answers from him as his helmet starts to wear away! And Shane! Who I’m pretty sure literally has Sol inside him or something! And, uh, what else… oh right, Null! So, failed experiment, hearing voices, helmet cracking, general mentions of alchemy that I recall you either mentioning to me or otherwise were sprinkled in the previous chapters… yeah. This’ll be something. In general we have plot going on sorta around the main characters that just happen to hear about them from time to time… not much on actively seeking it out. I suppose that falls in line with how the games do it… but I’d definitely prefer if they started actually doing something substantial about now~


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Chapter 29, 30, 31

The last few chapters were exactly as I thought they’d go, down to almost the very last detail. Predictable, yes, but it was also satisfying, so I’m not really going to count this as a fault. While the arc of actually forgiving each other, even partially, felt quite rushed, they touched upon basically all of the points I expected them to touch upon. This is a classic arc of two meant-to-be partners getting into a huge spat, breaking apart, reflecting, and coming back together.


One thing that was a bit interesting to add a twist to it all was the rest of the Guild getting involved. I thought that their reaction to Shane was simultaneously expected and also… exaggerated? I don’t know. This whole episode had a lot of exaggerated emotions—it all stems from my whole ran up there. It seemed weird for everyone to behave just a bit more negatively than I would have expected, all things considered prior to this episode. I’m sure part of that has to do with this being the point in which you decided to take the story’s tone in a different direction, but it’s still jarring. For brief moments I had vibes of the generally cruel aura of most of the characters I see in another fic I read, called Rebirth. Was weird to see that here.


One thing that I want to address is Tessa’s bottom moment. I thought it was handled quite well. We see her reasoning and her past in the middle of an emotional moment, and I don’t have much bad to say about it! You handled it well, except for two small points that I feel could have been done better if—again—it was done in a less exaggerated, and more subtle way. The first one is the biggest. Reaching for the glass. I understand that she’s in a state, and she’s not thinking rationally, but I still found it odd that she’d do that right there, in front of Shane.


I felt like she’d be more likely to be making glances at the glass, and then perhaps Shane would pick up on that, question what she was looking at, catch on, and then shatter the glass, and the conversation from there would proceed as it went, mostly. The subtlety of it all would get the darkness in her heart across really well, without her going what I felt was just slightly out of character, for what we know of her so far. But maybe that’s just my taste, as I generally prefer subtleties when the mood calls for it. And this was a quiet mood.


Second thing was incredibly minor, but it’s here in this quote:

"Please don't leave me," he begged. "We can… help each other… together. Starting with... making sure... you and Vulpix are square." He shuffled backward, his gaze falling toward the ground.

"Okay." Tessa took in a deep breath. "If it's for you… I guess I can try to do that."

I don’t know about you, but I felt like “words to fill the pause” is missing between these two paragraphs. Playing in my head, I felt like there was some kind of pause between Null’s last line and Tessa’s first that didn’t get conveyed here. She agreed too quickly in “word-time.” Perhaps a paragraph briefly describing the waves crashing on the sand, the horizon light settling in, maybe have Tessa take that deep breath first? Something to “pad out” the silence so the reader can feel it… or something. If that was the intent. It seemed stronger in my head that way… but that’s just me. Just a suggestion for quiet moments like these that I’m verrrry fond of.

__________

Anyway, that’s everything! I think I give more in-depth advice when I review like this (and considering how long this has become, that’s probably a good thing overall…) but I do miss the snark. Oh well, I’ve given you some of that in private so it works out. Theories: Pretty sure Nicky is Necrozma because he also died and also has his laugh. Not sure what to think about Prisma yet. There are a ton of pieces out there but for some reason I can’t quite piece them together. It seems to be that Zero may have corrupted her via the darkness in her heart somehow, or she’s already dead and that Lucario apparition at the end there was Necrozma trying to impersonate Prisma, and that’s what those dreams were all about with Tessa.

Be seeing you for episode 8! Though I'm telling you in advance this time that it'll be another while. I've got other fics that I've been assigned to read for some gift exchanges, and I want to tackle those before I feel like I'm neglecting them. Shouldn't be too long, but after that, I'll certainly be returning here. See you then!