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Pokémon Mystery Dungeon - Journey to the North

GwendaSelvana

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Welcome to the first chapter of "Journey to the North", a mystery dungeon adventure. This story and its characters have been on my mind for years, and I'm excited to finally share it all with you. Hope you enjoy!


Chapter One: The Dragon Voice

I don't know how much time has passed since I had a body. Years? Decades maybe? I've been trapped inside this horrible device, and time is meaningless here. Yet I am probably still alive, not a ghost but without corporeal form. Through the thin shell of the pokéball that caught me, I can feel that my friends are with me. They have always been with me, imprisoned in other balls, right beside mine.They're so close to me, and their presence is comforting. I wish I could reach out to them, but I have no mouth with which to talk. Sometimes the longing is overwhelming. Not just the longing to communicate, but the longing to really live again. To breathe fresh air, to see other colours than endless black, to be warmed by the sun. To fly high into the sky, wind blowing through my feathers. Maybe it all just was a dream. Everything is dull in here, even the pain, so at least I can dream.

"Excuse me?", I hear a faint voice from above and its gleeful tone surprises me, takes me off guard. I had almost forgotten how a cheerful voice sounds. My friends' pokéballs and my own are locked inside a stone chamber, and nobody knows we are trapped here, only a crumbling wall seperating us from the free creatures living their lives in the woods. Most Pokémon don't even dare to go near the unsettling sealed chamber. The forest dwellers are superstitious and fearful.And yet a lone Scyther lives right above my prison. He wasn't always here and I don't know how he really looks like, only how he looks in my imagination. But I can sometimes hear his scythes cutting into his sleeping tree as he climbs it, since he's apparently too old to fly. He also tends to mumble to himself, complaining about anything and everything. He is probably just too grumpy to believe in scary folk tales.

"What is it, snake?", Scyther's all too familiar, rough voice scoffs back at the gleeful stranger.

"I'm a tiny bit lost, Mister Scyther", the other Pokémon replies happily, apparently very unimpressed by the bug's hostility. I notice their draconic voice that sounds just a little like hissing. "Do you know where I can find a place called Pokémon Square?"

"Pokémon Square?", Scyther snorts. "You're more than 'a tiny bit lost', scaly girl. You're in the sinister woods. They're a mystery dungeon, so guess what? I can't give you any directions here."

"Wow, I've never been inside a mystery dungeon before!", the stranger says in awe. "But they're, like, ever-shifting labyrinths that defy the very laws of physics, right?" She chuckles. "Gosh, I have no idea how I even ended up here. That's so exciting!"

"Good for you?", Scyther says hesistantly, so confused about her enthusiasm that he forgets to be angry for a moment. "Well then, go looking for the next stairs, wherever they might be right now... and leave me alone."

"Oh hey, what's that?," the stranger, who probably hasn't been listening, asks.

"You mean that weathered old stone plate? Do I look like I care?"

"I dunno, maybe? I for one definitely care, it looks mysterious!"

The Scyther lets out a very exasperated sigh. "Listen, you stupid little Dratini. It's the entrance to an ancient underground chamber or something, and people say it's haunted. I'm pretty sure you should leave this place."

"One of my best friends is a ghost, I'm not afraid of them", Dratini says nonchalantly. "Plus -", she giggles, "You basically just told me I found a mysterious dungeon inside a mystery dungeon. That's so weird! I have to check it out!"

"Good luck getting past that massive stone door", Scyther hisses spitefully.

"Oh, I don't need luck", Dratini says with all the confidence in the world. There is a shuffling sound and a little clink. "Look, I have a magic key! You know, the shiny ones that can open any door? A travelling Kecleon sold it to me."

A short silence follows, then I hear Scyther climbing down his tree, his scythes hacking angrily into the bark. "I'm staying somewhere else today", he just spits before he walks away with slow, heavy steps.

"Oh yes, it's always good to have some variety in your life", Dratini says approvingly and I can almost hear her nodding. "Goodbye, mister!"

Another short pause. Finally, I hear Dratini's key clinking again, and the stone door of my underground prison creaks open. And for the first time in years, decades or maybe centuries, a ray of sunlight hits my pokéball.
 
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It's story time ~! Here's the second chapter, enjoy!

Chapter Two: The Kecleon Brothers

I can only feel the warmth and pleasant brightness of the sun for a few moments. The Dratini quickly slides down the stairs of the stone chamber and circles around the pokéballs that lie on the cold floor like lifeless pebbles.

"Wow...", she whispers, awestruck. Then, without further ado, she grabs my pokéball with her mouth and stuffs it into something that appears to be an already overfilled backpack. I can sense that she places the two capsules in which my friends are trapped next to mine, before she closes her bag and darkness surrounds us again.

The Dratini leaves the underground chamber and even the ground behind as she slithers into the air without wings. She breaks through the forest canopy and I feel her wave-like movements with which she swims through the sky like a Milotic swims through water. The serpentine dragon hums a light-hearted melody that strangely makes me think I'm free even if I'm still imprisoned.

After a while, she seems to have spotted something underneath, because she descends to the ground. I'm surprised when I can clearly feel her slither up another staircase before we seemingly jump through space itself all of a sudden. I know that unpleasant sensation from teleporting with a psychic-type, but she clearly did not touch another Pokémon. A split second later, we're on the forest ground again, and I can hear a gentle breeze flowing through the leaves. We must be in a different place within the woods. So the strange stairs brought us here? I never heard of anything like that before. I remember Dratini's conversation with Scyther. They called the sinister woods a "mystery dungeon", an "ever-shifting labyrinth" even. Those terms were new to me. Back when the Snow Queen imprisoned me here, it was simply some murky forest. I wonder how much the world has changed while I stayed the same.

It takes eleven more travels through the fabric of space before we leave the woods behind. I can feel the winds changing as we fly over open fields now. At least we weren't ambushed by forest-dwelling Pokémon. I know that they can be fiercely protective of their homeland, but weather dragons are such well-respected creatures that they rarely get attacked when they're just passing through. Once I was treated with even more respect, worshipped by the subjects of the king I served. It's nothing but shameful to think about that, because I did not deserve it in the least. The common Pokémon called me the White Dragon of Truth, the Lightbringer. But in the end I only brought pain and misery to everyone. It may have been good for the world that I was sealed away. There was no reason to imprison my friends though. They were just commoners, a brave and stubborn rescue team. If I won't get freed, I hope at least they will.

The lively chatter of different kinds of Pokémon begins to fill the air: melodic birds, squeaking rodents, hissing reptiles, humming insectoids, growling dogs and many more noisy creatures. I hear doors opening and shutting and the drumming of hooves on hard ground. We must have reached civilization.

"Hi! Are you the famous Kecleon brothers?", Dratini exclaims excitedly while landing amidst all the bustling Pokémon.

"Indeed we are", someone answers. His voice is slightly oily but sounds reptilian nonetheless.

"What can we do for you, young lady?", a second, similar sounding voice asks.

"You can call me Empyrea", the Dratini offers. "Or Empy! Or Rea? Whichever you prefer."

"Very well then, Miss Empyrea", the first merchant brother says politely. "What brings you to our humble shop?"

"Oh, I'm a travelling weather dragon", Empyrea states proudly. "Or rather a junior weather dragon? I mean, I haven't evolved yet, but I still can be quite helpful when I manipulate the weather with my twisters and rain dances, really! And I want to learn more weather-changing moves to help even more Pokémon in need, that's why I'm here", she explains. "I heard you sell many rare technical machines that can teach powerful moves to anyone!" Her anticipation is almost palpable.

"Why, today's your lucky day!", the second Kecleon brother cheers. "We just got our hands on a very good machine. It can teach you how to use Thunder."

"It's an impressive skill", the first brother adds. "When you've mastered Thunder, you can create a thunderstorm all by yourself. Any hungry electric-type who's pining for some electricity will be grateful for your help!"

I can feel Empyrea's snake tail wagging in excitement."I'll buy it!", she decides instantly. "Or can we maybe make a trade? I found some super fancy orbs. They were sealed away deep in the sinister woods!"

There is a moment of silence. Then the first brother hesitantly admits: "Miss Empyrea, that sounds a bit unsettling."

"Oh, they're harmless. Nothing bad happens when I touch them, see?" And with these words, Empyrea pulls a pokéball that contains one of my friends out of her backpack.

This time, the silence is longer. Finally, the second merchant brother breaks it fearfully: "B-but that's a pokéball... I thought they d-didn't exist anymore..."

"There might even be an unfortunate creature trapped inside!", the first brother says in horror.
 
I originally wrote a review for this before the second chapter went up, then I got caught up in schoolwork and returned to this story only to find that my draft had been deleted. At the very least I get to rewrite it in a (hopefully) better format.

Chapter 1
  • Interesting concept so far. I've found that PMD stories tend to blend together so standing out is a good start.
  • The speaker seems surprisingly lucid despite being trapped in a digital prison for who knows how long.
  • right beside mine.They're
    • Forgot a space here.
  • "Trapped in a stone chamber" is rather vague and I'm struggling to see how they got there. I'm under the impression that this is a reference to PMD's locked chambers, however, this wasn't obvious until I later realized this fic is taking a more literal interpretation of dungeons, especially since Sinister Woods doesn't have any Locked Chambers to my knowledge.
  • Also, this might be intentional, but seeing Pokéballs spelt with a lower case p makes it look like typo considering in canon the word is capitalized.
  • The forest dwellers are superstitious and fearful.And
    • Forgot a space.
  • "He wasn't always here and I don't know how he really looks like, only how he looks in my imagination."
    • I think having the speaker describe how they think the Scyther looks would be nice as it would make the following scene easier to visualize in my opinion.
  • " I notice their draconic voice that sounds just a little like hissing."
    • What does a draconic voice sound like? I know this is meant to show that the stranger is a Dragon-type, but I'm struggling to see how a dragon's voice is distinct enough that one could determine someone is a dragon just based on the sound of their voice alone. What if the stranger was actually an Ekans, for example?
  • " 'You're in the sinister woods.' "
    • Since it's a place name, Sinister Woods should be capitalized.
    • Also, how is the Scyther living in this dungeon? I'd imagine it'd be quite difficult to live in such a place.
  • " 'Wow, I've never been inside a mystery dungeon before!', the stranger says in awe. 'But they're, like, ever-shifting labyrinths that defy the very laws of physics, right?' She chuckles. 'Gosh, I have no idea how I even ended up here. That's so exciting!' "
    • She entered a mystery dungeon without even realizing it? I can understand that some people are scatterbrained and prone to being lost, but this is really pushing my suspension of disbelief. As she said herself, dungeons defy the laws of physics--I'd imagine that'd be hard to miss.
  • " ' Well then, go looking for the next stairs' "
    • I see this is a more game-literal interpretation of dungeons.
  • " ' "Oh hey, what's that?," the stranger, who probably hasn't been listening, asks. ' "
    • To me, the way this sentence is currently written is very awkward because the bolded part breaks its flow. I think putting the bolded part at the end would better help with flow.
  • " ' "Plus -', she giggles, 'You basically ' "
    • I think the space between plus and the dash should be removed (plus- ) and the y in you should be lowercase.

Chapter 2
  • " like lifeless pebbles. "
    • This simile is a little redundant considering pebbles are lifeless by nature.
  • "The Dratini leaves the underground chamber and even the ground behind as she slithers into the air without wings. She breaks through the forest canopy and I feel her wave-like movements with which she swims through the sky like a Milotic swims through water."
    • I thought only Dragonair could fly?
    • Also, how does our protagonist know the Dratini broke free from the canopy? She's stuck in her bag.
  • " I remember Dratini's "
    • This occurs multiple times, but I'll note it here. It's confusing to see the dragon referred to as both "the Dratini" and "Dratini" because I can't tell if you're going to have all Pokémon referred by their species name like in the games, or if you're going to give them actual names.
  • " I can feel the winds changing as we fly over open fields now. "
    • From within a Pokéball in a bag?
  • " They were just commoners, a brave and stubborn rescue team."
    • I thought the speaker lived in human times, so seeing them reference a rescue team is interesting.

Okay, so this story has caught my eye. As I said in the very beginning, it definitely stands out from PMD fics (for now at least). Curious to see where this will go.
 
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