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TEEN: Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: The Forgotten Isles (Chapter 50 Posted, Story Concluded)

This chapter was harder to write than some of the others, as I'm not used to writing fight scenes with non-humanoid Pokemon. The battles were shorter than I liked, but they served their purpose.

Chapter 45: Conflicted Ascent

The rain soon turned into snow on Mount Sol as Ekon and Gaiden climbed. The rush of ice and wind pelted their skin, adding a burning feeling on top of their numbed limbs. Not even halfway up the mountain, ice already littered their proposed paths, causing them to turn to a different path numerous times. All the while, the air became gradually sicker.

Ekon grasped the next handhold and cringed, pressing himself tight against the rockface. “Another gale coming up!” Gaiden did the same, ensuring that their bag of supplies and their dormant passenger were secured. Harsh winds beat down, swaying them slightly, but soon receded.

Ekon panted, wiping snow from his brow. “It looks like there’s a stopping point ahead. Let’s hurry there.” He renewed his course, continuing to curse the winds and snow for preventing flight.

After another half-hour of wrestling with the snowstorm, the climbers finally made it to the shelf, flopping onto the snow-covered plateau. Both breathed heavily as the crawled away from the edge and sat near the next cliff.

Gaiden reached into the bag at his side and pulled out two yellow, polka-dotted berries. “Eat this. It’ll keep us warm,” he explained, handing one to Gaiden.

The Noivern took a bite out of it, his face puckering. “Ach…Aspear…why do they have to be so sour!” He ungratefully took another bite. “At least it’ll stop the ice.”

Gaiden took a bite of his own berry, face unchanging. “The Passimian provided us with plenty, so let’s try to eat another as soon as the effects wear off.” He looked off the mountain, at the wormhole that swirled in the sky. “I’m not liking the looks of that vortex. It’s so much larger than the other ones.”

Standing up, Ekon replied, “Exactly why we can’t waste any time. I don’t want to get tangled up with any of those Ultra Beasts before we get up the mountain.

“A bit late for that now, isn’t it?”

A clear tentacled being drifted down, her arms wafting gracefully in the harsh winds. “I cannot let you bring the Cosmog to the peak. We are so close to joining our worlds together.”

Gaiden stood now, holding the bag tight. “That won’t be happening.”

Holding out his wings, Ekon shouted, "We'll beat you down if you get in our way!"

"You will not succeed, or I am not Nihilego!" she exclaimed. A purple blob began to form under her head.

Ekon – despite his freezing limbs – flapped his wings and fought with the wind for control. Gaiden leapt to the left as Nihilego launched her poisonous sphere, the glob melting the ice behind him.

She swerved upward, and he head became encased in a clear, sparkling film. Ekon shrieked, the soundwaves pounding into Nihilego’s body. She wavered slightly, beginning to fall – then swerving sideways and launching straight towards Gaiden.

Her head blew Gaiden into the cliff, shaking the icicles that hung above him. Nihilego wrapped her tentacles around his body, feeding one into the sack.

"Oh no you won't!" Ekon screeched. He opened his mouth and shot a purple-blue pulse of energy at Nihilego. Having no time to unwrap herself, she brought Gaiden to the air with her, the Greninja struggling to release her hold.The Dragon Pulse smashed against the wall, causing the icicles to shake more vigorously.

She continued to dig through the sack, expecting to graze the key to her destruction. Her captive suddenly disappeared in a purple gas, and Nihilego's tentacles grasped at empty air.

She frantically looked around, spotting Gaiden below her, checking inside the bag. Ekon flew straight for Nihilego and exclaimed, "Nice going with the Shadow Sneak!" He stopped flapping and held out his claws, which glowed with an ethereal green light.

Nihilego tilted forward and shook her head, emitting radiating waves of purple energy. They brushed against Ekon's head just as he came in range, causing him to cringe. "Psywave...agh!" he seethed, slashing at the air in front of him. As he dove, an x-shaped burst of light rocketed toward Nihilego.

It pushed her into the side of the cliff, shaking it once more. The icicles came free from the jutting edge, falling in a spiral of ice shards. Three punctured her head -- a sickly purple fluid leaking from them – while the others stabbed her tentacles, keeping her in place.

She gasped, moving her head slightly. “I am not defeated…not yet!”

Ekon lowered himself, clutching his head. “I’d say y’are. You’re a pretty poor excuse of an Ultra Beast to me; hardly a fight really.”

Nihilego began to expand, her head inflating, turning the same purple as the wounds. “Do not underestimate me. I may die, but I die for Ultra Space!” She fell back, continuing to inflate with the same fluid.

Gaiden furrowed his brow, piecing together the Ultra Beast’s strategy. A stream of fluid leaked from her tentacle, then he realized.

“Get in the air!

Ekon grabbed Gaiden’s shoulders and lifted him up just before Nihilego burst, creating an explosion of steaming violet fluid, splattering across the entire plain. It steamed and spat, melting the ice and eating away the rock.

Globs flew onto Gaiden’s legs, and the poison began to steam on his skin. “Get us up, now!” he yelled, clenching his teeth and resisting the urge to wipe the poison away.

They flew up to a small ledge, and Ekon proceeded to dump snow onto Gaiden’s afflicted limbs. The poison seeped into the snow, creating a foul-smelling sludge, containing the acidic properties.

Digging through the sack, Gaiden pulled out a bundle of leaves and unfurled it. Ekon took several Pecha berries from within and squished them over the roll. He then split the makeshift bandages in half, proceeding to wrap them around Gaiden’s legs.

“I don’t think I’ll be able to walk so well with them like that,” Gaiden sighed, bending his knee. He winced as he relaxed.

Ekon looked up, noting the mostly-vertical ascent, with the occasional ledge to rest on. “Doesn’t look like that’ll be an issue. It’ll be icy, but as long as you can keep a grip and rest on your legs, I think we’ll be fine.”

Grunting, Gaiden added, “Still, if we have to fight another one of those Ultra Beasts, we’d be in bad shape.”

Ekon pulled Gaiden close. “We aren’t giving up now. Not after all we’ve been through.”

Gaiden stood up shakily, giving Ekon a sly look. “Whoever said we were?”

~~~~

"How much farther till the next cliff!" Frederick asked, clenching his teeth.

He, Arthus and Cosma climbed along Ekon and Gaiden's same path, mirrored on Mount Lune.

Arthus looked down and exclaimed, "It's just a few more feet!" He shook his head, groaning. "I'll have to get rid of him sooner or later, or else my plans will be ruined." Probing his mind, he smiled. "At least there's no sign of Sion yet." He still felt clear-headed and strong, his stored Life energy like a steady leak from an enormous vat.

Frederick groaned. "I hate cold weather! Why couldn't this be on the beach, down on the warm sand, perfectly obvious to find!"

"Well if you don't like it you can turn around!" Arthus snapped. Frederick gave an irritated look as Arthus cursed himself. "Have to be more careful; can't have the fool discovering that Sion isn't around."

"Oh look, we made it!" Cosma cheered, disappearing over the edge.

Arthus clambered up, then Frederick, the latter panting hard. "Kyogre's rains...they really need to make a ladder up there," he gasped.

The Usurper restrained the urge to make a smart comment as he pulled out the pouch of Aspear berries. He thought better of it as a new plan came into his mind. "I'll stay warm thanks to my life, and Cosma doesn’t need it since she has no organic parts. Frederick will freeze to death before we reach the top if I don't give him these." He made an illusion of himself digging through the bag, while the he went to a corner of the cliff and set the bundle of berries between the crack. He then returned to his previous position, the illusion lifting.

He made an exasperated look and explained, "We must've left our Aspear berries down at the bottom."

Frederick swiped the bag and began to look through it himself. "Oh no, we can't have that; there's no way I'm losin' me fingers and toes to this blasted cliff!" After a moment he threw it down, making an irritated snort "Guess I'll just have to climb a bit faster."

"That won't be necessary."

A paper-thin Ultra Beast flitted just off the cliff, his arms and legs waving around in the wind. "I'll make sure to cut them off for you, to save you time."

Cosma hid behind Arthus, shivering in fear. "You're Kartana, the Blade Ultra Beast!"

Kartana chuckled, zooming over their heads. "I didn't know I was so famous! I've had limited visits to this wonderful world of yours, but of the few I've had..." He scraped his arms together, making sparks. "I've always had my fun."

Frederick gnashed his teeth and laughed. "A tiny guy like you who can cut saplings. I'm so impressed. Look at these bad boys!" He pointed at his jaw, wide open for all to see. "I'd bet a cask o' berry juice I could mince up more Pokemon than you."

"I have no interest in you; I just want to slice up that little Cosmog hiding behind your backs." He swerved around and held his arms straight, diving straight toward Cosma.

Arthus' claws glowed red as he raised them. "I'm not letting this alien steal my show." He countered Kartana's blow, creating more sparks.

Kartana grunted, glaring at his arm. "You made a scuff. You'll pay for that."

"Bring it on, shortstack!" Frederick roared, leaping toward Kartana.

The Ultra Beast swerved to the right, causing Frederick to land in a pile of snow. He zigzagged toward Cosma, the wind whistling past his blades as he straightened his body.

Arthus sent Kartana spinning away, slapping the flat side of the Ultra Beast. Kartana swung back around, spinning rapidly.

Frederick slapped his tail on the ground, creating a wall of water in front of Cosma. Kartana splashed into it, disorienting him and slowing his spin. The water began to slowly freeze, both on the ground and on Kartana’s frame. The weight of the ice brought Kartana to the ground, attempting to ascend helplessly.

Frederick reared back his fist. “Let’s see how tough you are now, ice block!” He threw his fist downward and cracked the ice on Kartana. It splintered and cracked, tears forming on the light metallic body.

He flitted back into the air, shaking off the rest of the ice. “You’ll pay for that mistake!” he shouted, one of his legs nearly coming free of his torso. He darted toward Frederick and veered for his right, nicking the Feraligatr’s side.

Frederick hurriedly covered it over, blood from beneath his claw. He leapt to the side as Kartana made another pass, cursing. “Sneaky blighter, fight like a Pokemon!”

Kartana halted momentarily, studying Frederick with his soulless yellow eye. “But I’m not, am I?” He tilted forward and charged straight toward Frederick,

A burst of crimson light hurtled in front of Frederick, smashing into Kartana. He furled into the ground, his arms and legs scattering into the wind, useless to the grounded Ultra Beast.

Arthus held out his claws, red mist curling from them. “Can’t have you killing him just yet, can we?” Inwardly, he fumed, “If it weren’t for me needing to keep a good impression with Cosma…”

Frederick gaped, never witnessing such a power before. This amazement soon faded as he proceeded to stand on Kartana and roar, “Ha! How’s it feel to be all small and powerless!”

Kartana pushed up helplessly, his strength vanished. “I-I will strike! I have not been defeated!”

Frederick kicked snow on top of him and spat. “Sure ya will. Hey Cosma, have any bandages? I’m leakin’ a bit.” Cosma fluttered down, juttery after the near-death experience of Kartana.

Arthus stepped over toward the Ultra Beast, studying him. “Judging by his slight frame and his predictable tactics, he’s used to working in surprise, using his speed to blindside his enemies before they have a chance to notice. His introduction certainly didn’t help matters.” He gazed at him studiously, and when their eyes joined, Kartana flinched.

“You may have defeated me, but I am not the best!” he choked, finally admitting his fear. “There are others still, and once they come, you will all be—”

“Oh, cry me a river. Yer a pushover. Some mighty Ultra Beast you turned out to be,” Frederick interrupted. As he wrapped a leaf bandage over his chest, he said to Cosma, “Why so scared of the bloke? Sure, he did some nasty stuff, but he’s as fragile as he looks!”

Cosma peered over at the helpless Ultra Beast, attempting to gain lift. “I never really saw Kartana that much. Maybe it was because he was so weak.”

Pounding his chest, Frederick looked back up the cliffs. “Welp, won’t get any farther yammerin’ on. Let’s get goin’!”

“You sure you’ll be alright with that cut? It looked pretty deep.” Cosma asked.

“Nah, it's but a flesh wound. I’ve had worse papercuts on me pinky.”

The two began their ascent again, with Frederick’s right side slightly weaker than the left. Arthus began as well, thinking of how to get rid of the relentless Feraligatr.

~~~~

Ren threw an Aura Sphere at the last Vikavolt, liquid fire writing over its plating. The defeated bug burrowed back into the sand, extinguishing the flames and its life.

The Lucario nodded, the Aura fading from his paws. "Life suddenly got a whole lot easier," he said to himself, looking up at the twin mountains. "Now for the hard part." He leapt toward the left mountain, scrabbling for a foothold, achieving it after sliding slightly.

Fierce gales pressing on him, he forced himself upward. He trekked up the winding trail, thoughts of Sion rushing through his mind.

“I hope I can save you in time.”

~~~~

“Nihilego was little use to us anyways, and Kartana’s abilities can be replaced with mine,” Xurkitree explained passively.

Guzzlord, now standing on the edge of the wormhole, roared furiously. “You sent them to their deaths, you fool! You should be grateful that you’re the one who knows how to activate the Wormholes, or you would be consumed!”

Celesteela hovered above him, her jets sending out dark orange fumes. “I will admit, Nihilego and Kartana’s strength left something to be desired, but they would have been useful in cultivating more Sentia.”

“Enough! What’s done is done,” Pheromosa intervened, lounging on her throne. “I trust that you two won’t fail us like they did. There’s a good reason I kept Nihilego around as my carrier. I expect that Buzzwole will recover sufficiently to allow me to go to the surface safely.”

“Exactly as I expect too,” Xurkitree replied. He gestured with his arm toward the wormhole. “The second checkpoint for those Pokemon will come soon. Guzzlord, you’ll need as much space as possible to ram into the Feraligatr; you’d be better off trying to eat the Cosmog too. As for you Celesteela, try to eliminate that Greninja and Noivern before they reach the cliff. Your flight should make sure of that.”

Guzzlord’s arms wrapped around Celesteela, and at maximum thrust, he began to hover in the air. “I will certainly enjoy my feast. When this is through, I expect plenty of Pokemon to be mine!” Celesteela lowered him down the Wormhole, jetting towards Mount Lune.

Pheromosa gestured towards Buzzwole, shaking her head. “Amazing that it’s taken him this long to recover. What sort of being could possibly have had that much Life?”

Xurkitree wrapped an arm around a crystal, performing more calculations. “Something that we should be concerned about. Tell me, do you remember that shadow that told us about Equivos?”

“About how it was a land of plenty, ripe for conquering? On how we must be careful about eliminating the Cosmogs? Why?”

“That shadow seemed to know what he was talking about. Do you think it may have come from Equivos?”

“Of course it must have? Why the curiosity?”

Xurkitree stood up, jabbing a hand at the Wormhole. “If that being wanted us to open the Wormhole, there has to be some ulterior motive! No Pokemon would want us to come otherwise!” His head flashed purple as he added, “What if that shadow wanted our Sentia? You know that they give us the ability to make the Wormholes. What if he wants that ability for himself?”

Pheromosa’s eyes widened and her posture straightened. “Are you saying we may have a potential rival? How could they have known about the Sentia? They have had no contact whatsoever with them.”

Xurkitree plugged his tail into the ground, deep in thought. “I have no clue. Still, it concerns me.” He shrugged, sitting on the floor. “No matter. We’ll simply eliminate the shadow once we discover it.”

Pheromosa returned to her former lounging position. “What happens if both Celesteela and Guzzlord fail us? They hold nothing compared to us, but if they are defeated…”

Xurkitree made no reply, his head continuing to flash.

“All the better for me.”

----

Note: I am never going to use different text types within a story again. It has a cool effect, but it is a real hassle.
 
Sorry this one took so long to write compared to the last few; it was hard to envision how the fights with the Ultra Beasts would turn out. I'm satisfied with what came out however, so please, enjoy the fourth-to-last chapter of PMDFI!

Chapter 46: Ultra Comeuppance

“Holding up fine?” Ekon yelled through the fierce winds. The vortex overhead swirled faster and larger, driving the gales to greater speeds, continuing to darken the skies. The atmosphere became more putrid, and snow pelted them ever harder.

Gaiden lifted a hand and grabbed another rock. “Fine…just…fine.” He rubbed his legs, the poison festering on his skin.

Ekon checked the sack, seeing Cosmo resting peacefully within. “So close to getting home. So close.” A massive whoosh echoed behind them, causing them to crane their heads.

Barreling toward them was the destroyer of their ship, Celesteela. Her arms parallel to her body, they sent massive flames to propel her through the air, leaving narrow streaks of steam in their wake.

She swung around and became vertical mere feet away from the two, causing them to flinch. She towered over them, her narrow neck just over Gaiden’s height.

“We meet again, explorers. You ended up surviving my carnage after all,” she stated.

Letting go with one arm, Ekon yelled, “You! You’re the one who blew up our ship!”

“Isn’t that obvious? Unfortunately, I can’t leave you to ascend the peak; Ultra Space and Equivos must remain one, or else we’ll never again rise to power.” Celesteela drifted to the right, then lifted her left cannon. “Now stand still,” she said, firing a constant stream of flames.

The explorer’s leapt upward, narrowly avoiding the rapidly approaching flames. Gaiden sharply inhaled, the poison weakening his legs as he landed.

Celesteela swapped arms and blasted once more, drifting to right, razing the cliffside. The two leapt upward again, making it to the cliff face and flopping to the ground.

The Ultra Beast thrusted above them, her flames fading to a low-burning smolder. “Don’t think you can avoid me. I burn all.” She began to fall.

Ekon ran to Gaiden and rapidly flew upwards. He barely went airborne before Celesteela struck the center of the plateau, sending a plume of shattered granite into the air.

He swung Celesteela, the Ultra Beast now holding her cannons outward. “You will die.” Fireballs shot out of her cannons as she slowly rotated, all aimed toward the rapidly dodging Ekon and Gaiden.

The Noivern hid behind the mountain, now protected from Celesteela’s incessant blasts. “We’ve got to stop her before we can get to the peak!”

Gaiden put a hand on Ekon’s shoulder and said, “I have a plan.”

Moments after, Ekon soared out from behind the mountain, struggling to keep control in the high winds. “Come and get me, straw-neck!”

Celesteela flinched, her tiny lips quivering. “You will pay for that insult.” She raised her cannons, rose higher in the air, and began to fire at Ekon.

The Noivern dodged the blasts with difficulty, fighting with the wind to remain airborne. “Come on Gaiden, come on…”

The shiny Greninja poked out from a disguised tunnel, looking up at Celesteela. Conic jets of scorching flame bellowed from her underside. She hovered mere feet above the ground, razing the ice that lay underneath her.

The flexible plates that formed her body rattled in the wind, rustling and beating against each other. “It sounds like she’s made from multiple layers of some strong, paper-like substance,” Gaiden thought. He ran haphazardly, his legs continuing to weaken, and he leapt onto the Ultra Beast, clutching onto a layer of her shell.

She leaned down slightly and scowled. “You fail to amuse me, Pokemon.” She pointed her arms in opposite directions, parallel to each other, and began to spin.

Ekon screeched, firing a Boomburst at the Ultra Beast. It struck the center of her chest, denting the structure. “She must be made out of metal!”

Gaiden struggled to hold on, the centripetal force making him lose his grip. He suddenly had an idea.

He let go of Celesteela, causing him to fly toward the mountainside. In his trajectory, he threw a slew of Water Shurikens at her, impaling the heavy-yet-slight frame. He thudded against the cliff and slid to the ground, unmoving.

Celesteela stopped spinning, studying Gaiden. “Now to burn you and that Cosmog.” She raised her cannons, ignoring the many streams of gas that escaped her body.

Ekon swooped down, opened his mouth wide, and fired a purple-blue beam of light at Celesteela’s body. The Ultra Beast fired a single flame-ball before suddenly erupting into a column of lavender flame, spreading outward in a massive explosion.

The Noivern—after the Celesteela’s fragments settled—landed on the plateau. “Gaiden! Are you alright?” he called. No reply came.

He ran to where he saw Gaiden before, slouched against the side of the mountain. There he saw Gaiden scored with burns and bits of steel, coughing. The bag of supplies was nowhere in sight.

Ekon came to him and wrapped Gaiden’s arm around his shoulder. The Greninja pulled ack, groaning. “No use…it was a direct hit. Something went wrong inside me.” He reached behind him, pulling out an undamaged bag. “Made sure to save this though,” he added, forcing a smile.

Ekon accepted the bag, shaking his head. “We’ll think of something. Wait!” He reached at his neck, his face falling. “Th-The scales! They must’ve gotten lost on our way up!”

Gaiden pulled Ekon closer and exclaimed, “Just go! The Ultra Wormhole is getting larger as we speak. If we don’t get Cosmo to the peak soon, we’ll all be dead no matter what we do.” He coughed, turning away.

Grabbing Gaiden’s hand, Ekon exclaimed, “No way! I hated you before this entire thing began, but I can’t go without you now! We have our teams to get back to! What will I tell yours if you don’t come back?”

Slowly, Gaiden pushed Ekon away. “If it’s for saving the world,” he closed his eyes, “then it doesn’t matter. All my life I felt like I needed to do something truly important, something worthy of a chief. This is that chance.” He made a halting breath. “Go. I’ve done my part. You’ve done all the hard work beating those Ultra Beasts. I know you can make it.” He held his hand up one last time.

“Make sure…that George and Wilson…get to see me…one last time…”

His hand fell, and Gaiden’s eyes closed. Ekon fell to the ground, and mourned for his late comrade.

~~~~

Ice coated Frederick’s fingers as they ascended Mount Lune, the second plateau coming into view. “C-Come on! W-We’re nearly th-th-there!” he stammered, shivering. He pulled himself up the last cliff, hanging a leg lazily over the side. “H-Hopefully I c-c-can make it back d-down,” he stated, pulling his arms together.

Arthus tossed Cosma over the edge and pulled himself up, still full of vitality. “You’re not feeling tired, are you Frederick? The peak is always the hardest part.”

At the mention of the peak, Frederick scrambled to his feet and covered his fingers. “A’ course not! T-This is little m-more than a D-D-Diglett mound!” He shivered, closing his eyes and rubbing his arms. “A-Although it is a m-mite cold. Why’d ya have t-to leave the Aspear berries behind?”

The Zoroark lifted his claws and shook his head. “I’m sorry, really. If you want, you can head down while I bring Cosma the rest of the way up.”

“Bah! No way!” Frederick exclaimed. “I’ll stick close…you’ll see.”

Cosma hovered over and inspected Frederick’s claws. “You’re too cold Frederick. Maybe you should head down.”

He stepped away and said, “I’m tellin’ ya, I’m stayin’ here!”

“More for me to eat then!”

A black creature shot downwards, falling straight for the party. The three spread apart, with Arthus toward the edge, Cosma behind a ledge, and Frederick next to the cliff. Celesteela, high above them, now rocketed toward Mount Sol.

The enormous Ultra Beast towered over them, his mouth large enough consume a boulder. Two black, pincered tongues writhed around him, snapping as they hovered around the Pokemon. Four pairs of eyes stared down at Arthus, the owner making a dark chuckle.

“You may have defeated Kartana with ease, but don’t expect the same from me, Guzzlord. I have consumed infinite materials from Ultra Space, and have defeated countless foes in direct combat! Prepare to die, Pokemon!” One arm swung toward Arthus, while the other wrapped around toward Frederick. Arthus rolled forward, narrowly dodging the attack, while Frederick stiffly sidestepped, the cold affecting his mobility.

Frederick stared down at his shaking limbs, cursing himself. “Why do I have to be like this?”

Guzzlord swung his arms again, punching Frederick into the cliff. “I heard that you were a mighty fighter, yet you begin to prove me wrong!” He wrapped an arm around Frederick’s ankle and dangled him in the air, swinging him into the cliff. Bones cracked and teeth shattered as Guzzlord continued his assault on the Feraligatr.

Arthus fought with the other arm, rolling under it and gouging the thick skin of the Ultra Beast. He studied the giant, thinking to himself, “Where’s the sweet spot for this brute?” His eyes hovered toward Guzzlord’s head, directed toward Frederick as he dealt blow after blow.

The Zoroark watched the aim fly toward once more, but instead of rolling under it, he jumped on top of it, running along the arm toward the side of his maw. He leapt toward the tusk that protruded from the top, climbing up to the top of Guzzlord’s body.

“Is this the best you can do? Please,” Guzzlord bellowed, his eyes glowing purple. He turned sharply, forcing Arthus to lay low. Guzzlord faced the cliff face, beginning to step back.

Frederick achingly breathed, his eyes swollen and purple blotches scattered across his body. He hung by his ankle in the air, the brief respite of Guzzlord’s attack affording no comfort. “Not…fair…” he cringed, grabbing the pincer.

Guzzlord charged forward in a rush of purple gas and rammed into the wall; Arthus narrowly dodged, leaping off of him at the last moment.

The ledge that shielded Cosma fell away, leaving her shivering in the air. She eeped, running away to find another place to hide.

Guzzlord’s arm reached toward her, mere inches behind her. “Can’t forget the reason I came here, can I? You’ll provide plenty to eat, despite your—graah!” His arm halted as he held up the severed stump of his other pincer.

Frederick fell to the ground, spitting out the claw. Wiping his lips, he exclaimed, “You Ultra Beasts taste downright foul!”

Guzzlord punched Frederick with a mighty roar, cracking the rock behind him, leaving the Feraligatr to slump unconscious. “I will save you for later!” He stepped back, seeing Cosma hovering near another gap in the rock.

Remembering Arthus, he turned around and made a wide sweep with his undamaged arm. Arthus leapt over it, running toward the coiled, damaged arm.

“Your tactics won’t succeed twice, Pokemon!” Guzzlord roared. He made a massive leap upwards, then struck the ground with a shuddering jolt.

Arthus tripped, recovering by rolling across the ground. Guzzlord jumped once more, this time with Arthus directly beneath him. The Zoroark disappeared under Guzzlord’s bulk, bits of Mount Lune coming loose in the massive crash.

The Ultra Beast stepped back, seeing no remains. “With him out of the way, the Cosmog is free to take.” He looked up at the ledge Cosma futilely hid behind. “How to get up there, however…” He took several steps back, then ran forward, clutching the cliff with his short, powerful claws. He then reached out with the opposite arm and grabbed a higher point, climbing up slowly.

Cosma hid herself in the alcove, muttering to herself about how she’d come so far, only to get eaten. Each time Guzzlord grabbed a chunk of the mountain, her hiding place shook, acting as knells to her doom.

A gaping blue maw suddenly appeared at the entrance, causing her to scream. Guzzlord made a bellowing laugh, kicking underneath the cave. “I have you now Cosmog, and there’s nothing you can do to stop me!” He inhaled sharply, creating a powerful vacuum within himself. Cosma began to drawn inside the mouth, despite her attempts to flee.

A black shape suddenly appeared on Guzzlord’s back, then sunk his claws into the rubbery skin behind his neck. A dark red glow appeared underneath as Guzzlord screamed, letting go of the mountain. He shriveled into a white ball in a matter of seconds, dropping into the swirling clouds below, while the figure leapt up onto the plateau, landing in the center.

Arthus stood up straight, his claws emitting a curling red steam. He clenched his fist and said, “Sion’s holding up pretty well. Better not get too cocky though; I still have business to take care of.”

Cosma came out from the alcove nearly hyperventilating, slamming into Arthus’ chest. “You saved me from that awful beast! I nearly got eaten! I-I…”

Arthus held her out and said, “It’s alright now. How about we continue?”

“B-But how did you do that? You made him shrink faster than—”

“All through a special power I learned; I’ll tell you about it after we get you to the peak,” Arthus explained. “And after I finish you off myself. Guzzlord provided plenty of Life to use to finish you.”

She drifted to Frederick, who breathed weakly, his purple splotches turning to a sickly shade of green. “What should we do for him? We can’t just leave him here.”

Arthus set his claws on Cosma’s back, shaking his head. “I can leave him some Oran berries for when he wakes up, but other than that, I can’t do much else; he’s too heavy for me to carry.”

Cosma made a crestfallen sniff. “I hope he’ll be awake to see me up there…” With that, the two began to ascend the final third of Mount Lune, leaving Frederick in the limited protection of the plateau.

~~~~

Winds screamed past Ren’s ears as he climbed Mount Lune, the bottom now far below him. The first plateau edged ever closer, the rest ahead inviting to the Lucario.

Upon reaching the edge of the cliff, he reached over the top and pulled himself over, flopping onto his back. “One down,” he panted, “two to go.”

“You’re still alive.”

He spun around, noticing the fading Kartana behind him. He wilted and withered in the winds, bits of him coming off from the exposure. His yellow eye dimmed, the vitality once there gone.

“You weren’t with either team. Little surprise that you’d come,” he choked.

Ren stood over him, glaring at the Ultra Beast. “Good thing that they got rid of you.” He coughed out a worm of dark mist, which snaked back into the air.

Kartana made a cruel chuckle. “Ultra Space and Equivos are becoming one as we speak. You will be too late to help anyone. Especially if that shadow does anything about it.”

“Shadow? What do you mean?” Ren asked.

“I don’t have much time, but I may as well tell you; you’ll die soon enough. That black-furred Pokemon with the blue eyes…he looked like the shadow that came to Ultra Space and told us about Equivos.”

“Then Arthus must’ve come and told you, knowing that you’d invade,” Ren muttered.

“Arthus? A fitting name for that shade,” Kartana replied. He made a wheezing breath as he began to rise into the air once more, his chest turning a foul black. “I’d bid you good luck on making it to him, but I at least want Equivos to fall as part of my revenge.” He made a shuddering sigh and morphed into a cloud of black particles, becoming a stream in the constant winds.

Shaking his head, Ren directed his attention to the mountainside, stretching his arms. “Have to catch up with those guys.” In the corner of his eye, he saw a brown sack, wedged between the cracks.

He went over to it and pulled it out, pulling it apart. “Aspear berries! All the way up here?” he exclaimed. He took one and ate it, the sour warmth spreading over him.

A thought struck him as he tied the long cord around his waist. “They must have left it behind when they started again! I need to hurry!” He ran back to the edge of the plateau, crouching.

He ran toward the face and made a springing leap. He landed partway up the side, and began to climb towards Arthus and the others once more.

~~~~

“Your tactics concern me Xurkitree. Now only three of us are left, and only us two can stop the Cosmogs from reaching the peaks,” Pheromosa stated. She stood at the edge of the wormhole, an arm over one hip, while Buzzwole continued to rest on his throne, the cocoon of mist swirling about him.

Xurkitree waved his arm passively as he studied a crystal. “We both know that you can eliminate those on Mount Sol. They are severely weakened, especially without the Greninja. I expect that that should be no issue?”

“No, but I have the feeling you have not been forthright with your motives.”

Xurkitree whipped around, crushing the crystal in his grip. “This is not the time for that! Those Pokemon are nearly to the peaks!”

Pheromosa crossed her arms, glowering at Xurkitree. “You weren’t planning for this, were you?”

Xurkitree remained still for a moment, then turned back around, studying the Sentia once more. “Given the wind speed and the distance from here to the peak, you should be able to make it to Mount Sol if you dive at a particular angle. I trust that the fall won’t harm you, considering how close we are to the peak.”

Looking down into the vortex, Pheromosa shook her head. “We’ll discuss this later, when the Cosmogs are stopped. I expect that you’ll take care of the one on Mount Lune.” She jumped, feet down, toward Mount Sol.

Xurkitree turned to Buzzwole, who stirred slightly. “I expect that she’ll return, but in the case that she doesn’t…” He held up a hand and let electricity crackle from the prongs.

“I’ll simply eliminate him.”
 
Here for the review game. You’ll get the two single chapter reviews at the end of the post.

For now I want to start with how you can get readers and reviews, since you spent a fair amount of time talking about it in one chapter’s prologue and it seems to be of importance to you.

I’ve been there. I drifted between sites when I was starting out nine years ago (holy crap it’s been nine years) because none quite gave me the attention I wanted. So take this as advice from someone who’s been there and done reasonably well-ish from it. Because this, and the entire review, are going to be very blunt but has all the advice I can give you to improve your craft.

So if you want reviews, let’s talk about the psychology of readers and reviewers. Especially the ones who can give you advice that matters.

You are not the best fan fic writer I’ve ever come across. You are not the best Mystery Dungeon writer I’ve come across. This is not the best Lucario/Zoroark fic I’ve come across. And when you write fan fiction and shove it off into the void in search of reviews, you are competing with those better writers for my time. As someone who used to read a lot of fan fiction, I learned to ignore anything that wasn’t the best early on because there’s better entertainment out there.

Speaking of which I, irl, have a Steam account, a Netflix subscription and a backlog of digital comics from a big sale a while back. I, like most readers, can engage with professionally made stories or video games or even my own daydreams or writings if I want entertained. I only read fan fiction because I like the world and like seeing other people do cool things with it.

…and because my friends bother me. I’ve been around for a while. I review a lot. People like people who like and review their stuff. I talk to some of those people regularly and bug them to read my stuff. They bug me about reading theirs. Sometimes it happens, sometimes it doesn’t. But the only regular reviewers I’ve ever had were fans or friends. Fans come from writing good things that aren’t overshadowed by any other easily available thing. Friends are easier to come by.

So how do you make forum friends? Review and read their things. I generally try to return reviews, even if it isn’t an public rule of mine anymore. I think most other authors do too. And if you’ve read each others’ stories, it’s much easier to strike up conversations with someone. And once you talk regularly they’re more likely to keep up with your story.

Beyond that, being visible in a good way with a fic link and interesting summary in your bio helps. If you’re the reader who posts often about the craft and has good things to say, people will get the impression you’re a good writer. And if they want to sit down and read a story they’ll be more likely to think yours is worth picking up.

People here are interested in Pokemon fan fiction, sure but this isn’t a great site for large numbers of reviews since not that many people read/review prolifically. FF.net is better for lots of reviews. Bulba and Serebii are good from getting reviews from people who have written for a long time and have advice to give that’s worth reading more than the average generic praise/plot question on ff.net (or maybe Ao3 but I’ve never been active there so don’t know).

In short: post about the craft in the written word, review other things in a way that shows you put in effort and make friends.

Again, people have other things they could be doing than reading your fan fiction and usually need a reason to do it. And they know up front that reading a long story is a big time commitment. Compounding that, people only decide to pick up a new story infrequently. Let’s say once a month. So if a story updates weekly, they could see a one to four chapter story and pick it up easily. They won’t be deterred. If you post four times a week or something, you end up with people looking at a 16 chapter story and feeling way to intimidated to really do it.

So here’s an idea to improve your story and get more feedback: Post. Less.

I know. There’s a thing in writing where we tell people you have to get good by writing a lot, and that’s true to an extent, but you have to be able to write a lot and then think about what you did wrong and could do better. That means writing, thinking critically on your own work and giving people a chance to review. More time also means you can fix typos, since those are frequent and often jarring in this story. For instance the emotional impact of the last chapter was really blunted by typos and spelling errors everywhere, taking me out from the narrative at a point in the story when ideally the reader should be pressed against the screen wanting to know what happens.

Posting less gives you time to sit on ideas, think things through and catch errors. It gives readers time to catch up and read so you don’t end up in a situation where new readers who didn’t catch the story in the first month are suddenly facing a twenty-chapter fic and get intimidated away.

And ideally? Get a beta reader. There are a lot of things in here that come off as unnecessary errors or corny dialogue that any other human reading it could flag. Beta readers also generally don’t do stories with posting rates of more than once every two weeks. Some very, very good weekly stories might get one but you aren’t there yet.

How do you get a beta reader? I think serebii had an exchange a while back. But it’s mostly the same way you get a reviewer. Get a fan or a friend, and friends are easier and more likely to give the tough feedback you need to improve a story.

And with all that out of the way, let’s address the actual content of the story itself.

I want to start with the one thing that I touched on a lot in the Dente’s Tale review: dialogue. It’s usually a little better here than it was there, but at times it can be a bit much. For instance, when writing something you’ve heard another fan fic or cartoon character say because it’s the type of thing characters say in a situation, consider if you’ve ever heard anyone use it in real life. Ever. Or if you were in that situation if you’d say it. Because I don’t talk to myself much at all, with the exceptions of when I’m very distracted or aggressively daydreaming or fic planning. And then it’s all whispered nonsense phrases that probably wouldn’t make sense hearing from an outside perspective.

Also think about whether something would be best shown through actions, expressed verbally or simply thought internally. There are a lot of cases in here where a character says something aloud that feels like it would’ve been better expressed through thoughts or implied by actions. A great example is there’s a scene early on where Ekon literally talks about how fast his character development has been (more on that later). That is something that should’ve just been left to the reader to deduce or thought internally, because the narrator can read thoughts and can tell you that stuff. Saying your feelings aloud is fine in intimate conversations, therapy sessions or Greek theater. Otherwise? Better to show things or have them thought aloud rather than verbally told to the audience.

In a nutshell, when writing dialogue think about who is supposed to hear what’s spoken. Is it the character themselves as they wrestle with a thought? Do it internally. Is it another character? Do it aloud. Is the primary purpose of a line of dialogue to convey something to the audience? Don’t include it at all and let the audience figure things out for themselves. Even if there’s a risk of a reader “not getting it,” it’s better than insulting the intelligence of readers who “got it” by stating obvious things.

Final dialogue note: character’s mutter things a lot. Usually internal things or things that people don’t actually mutter in real life. When I say things under my breath it’s because I’m 1) swearing, 2) trying to make a debate point that I don’t dare make aloud for my own pride’s sake, 3) aggressively daydreaming or 4) talking quietly to someone else or in a way that I hope people hear but also don’t think I meant them to hear it.

I don’t internally monologue aloud. I’ve never heard anyone monologue aloud. And, if you haven’t caught my drift yet, good fiction imitates life and not other fiction.

So let’s talk about plot for a sec, because it’s this story’s strongest point imo and I need something positive in here because, believe it or not, I find writing constructive criticism draining.

Things progress in a way that more or less is because of character decisions. There are no pure acts of god (and when there are it’s fine because god is a character), things don’t just happen to the protagonists and they react off of them, and their actions can reveal their character intentionally or not.

It might sound like I’m praising by pointing out what you aren’t doing wrong, but those are all big things that a lot of authors can’t get right. Even some published ones. I also liked the first island’s adventure plot quite a bit. It was a fun romp through the woods and plains that captured your remarkable ability to take a known setting – Alola – and make it work by showing it through a fresh pair of eyes. Honestly I just wish that there were more of that first island.

…which brings me to the big plot problem. It’s not that you did something wrong, but that you so obviously could have done things very right.

One week is very ambitious for a regional journey. Even for the smallest main series region. For comparison, my characters spent over a week in the very first town and another week in the first big city in my last fic. And that’s about middle of the road. Some journey stories (8ES, Unpredictable) only spend a few days in a given location. Some (The Long Walk, Storm Island and its reboot) can spend a long, long amount of narrative and temporal time in the same location. But one week? That is far and away the fastest trek I’ve ever seen even including stories with cars. And it holds the story back from its full potential in two key ways.

1) The adventure stuff and creative use of pokemon was the one time in the story that I really, genuinely put it down for the night and wanted to keep reading. It was where you competed with some of the best fan fic writers out there and, in at least one small way, carved out a space of your own. I wanted to see more of it. See every Alola pokemon in the same fantastic detail with new and exciting plot complications holding the protagonists back on their plot arc.

2) It makes character arcs better and more realistic. I’ll get to that more in the character section later, but at present it seems odd that character’s outlooks on life and each other can meaningfully change in… four days. Four days ago was Sunday. I haven’t done anything of note at all in the last four days beyond reading this, some homework and playing a bunch of Civ. And a doctor’s appointment I guess. Sunday!Me and the me typing this are the same person except for a small wound from tearing a clinical bandage off too quickly and too soon. That is the extent of four days of character development.

Even on the most impactful four day span of my life I think that I was just shook. Things had to change, yes, and I wanted them to. But it would be a lie to say that I had everything figured out or that the change really happened. I’d just stopped lying to myself and accepted that things needed done. The actual journey from those four days lasted months and, arguably, years.

That’s how people change in real life. Slowly and painfully, with lots of stepping back and fear and regret. A four day linear path due to a few epiphanies is good for narrative purposes, but if art is meant to imitate life it’s a big failure on that front.

So having a temporally longer journey would’ve served to make me care more about your character’s struggles, given you more narrative space to establish who they are and let changes happen gradually, inconsistently and organically. In a way where the narrative shows why they changed and when and it’s not just something that happened because an author said so. In the best stories I forget that the author is making everything up as they go and instead come to view the author as the mere transcriber of events that could’ve really happened. In addition to highlighting the strongsuit of the story, of course.


So, uh, setting. I also really liked it. Your Alola was great. Your Equivos was ok, but I get that it really only existed because of the prior story. Seriously, I’d read a story that was just you recording a scientific exploration of Alola. That would be pretty good. The tragedy here is that I can’t emphasize the good and the bad in equal quantities because I don’t have much to say about the good beyond you should keep doing it. So my one nitpick on setting will take more space than my praise.

I think you could benefit by setting the scene more. Rather than say “it’s a jungle,” talk about the smells, if the air is dense and moist enough you can taste it, the sounds, little details; things that stand out. This is the sort of thing that’s particularly good in nature travel fics like yours, especially if you’re dealing with pokemon seeing entirely new terrain to them. Realistically, Sion’s never been in a jungle and if Ren has it’s been a long, long time. This would be entirely new to them and if the story’s from their pov, more or less, you’d expect them to be more fascinated by it.

So… characters. Oh boy.

I want to start by saying that I believe heavily in Vonnegut’s Rule that readers should know everything important as early as possible so that the story’s emotions comes from dramatic irony. Knowing, as a reader, why things are happening and watching characters struggle with them makes you feel for them and be sympathetic. Mysterious characters are ok, and I’d even argue that you don’t need to know a character’s backstory if their words or actions give enough (Hannibal Lecter had zero backstory whatsoever in Silence of the Lambs and is regarded as one of the best cinematic villains ever, same sort of deal with Darth Vader and Han Solo in the original Star Wars film), but there’s only so much value of “ooh, mysterious” before readers get annoyed and don’t care anymore.

Great example comes from Ren. I hate Ren. Still hate Ren. But I actually felt something during his mother’s death scene, even though she’d barely been established as a character. Just because of how much it affected him. But it was still hard because for 40-something chapters he’s been a nightmare to Sion and everyone in-universe hates him. So when I find out “hey guys he’s actually sympathetic,” I don’t care because it’s not enough to overcome the initial bad impression.

By contrast, if that was very early on in the story you could’ve milked more tragedy out of him. Flipped back and forth between a character bullied and ostracized for no reason and another one doomed to be hated because he can’t get over the loss of his mother. Neither’s right and neither’s really wrong. They’re just messed up kids in conflict and you can feel bad for both of them, and really care about his successes.

Because right now? I can’t. He’s a bad person and possibly a bad character because his depiction for 30+ chapters was a one-note role as the bully and narcissist. It even made act one almost unreadable for me because I got tired of Sion being punished for his bully’s problems. Like, you want me to believe those are the same? And that every authority figure goes along with this? Please.

If I’d known that at the time I would’ve honestly understood it more. Actually could’ve been a rather compelling story. But instead Act 1 felt really one-note with nothing in particular happening beyond “here’s a Zorua that’s bullied and a jerk*** Lucario who bullies him. Please care about the Lucario as a character.” Which I really couldn’t do for seven chapters. I initially just stopped reading at chapter seven in my first read through just because I was tired of the bullying dynamic. Then the review game stalled and I powered through to finish it.

The other problem with your delayed revelations is that your characters don’t really change. Sion does, sure, and I’ll get to him in a minute, but even then it’s debatable whether Sion changed or he just got hijacked by not-Sion. Everyone else? Not really. Gaiden was still fundamentally the same character at the end, albeit more attached to Ekon. Just a quiet frog living in his father’s grave. Except now we know more about who he was at the start. That’s a character study, not development. It’s boring.

Same with Ekon. Outside of liking Gaiden more, I wouldn’t say he fundamentally changed as a person. Or Fredrick. Or anyone but maybe Ren. They just like each other more and we know more about why they are the way they are. That’s not change. They aren’t affected by the world and have to reevaluate their core principles and everything they are like characters with a good character arc do.

So back to Ren. Does he genuinely change? Maybe. His problem was hating people. He let go of that, maybe. Or perhaps he just hates Sion less. I can’t say for sure if he’s the same person he was at the start except with regards to Sion, or if he’s really changed. Because the emotional climax of his character arc… occurred in the past. And changing at all required a divine intervention inside of a divine intervention, which is sort of cheating.

Sion, then. Honestly at the start I was worried he was a sort of Sue. That is, he’s a perfect person who everyone should love but doesn’t because of no good reason at all. There are nice people, yeah, but when you delve into their minds I don’t think you’d find them as perfectly kind, studious and patient and still universally loathed. Even if it is an allegory for marginalized people, that honestly still does a disservice by portraying racism as something that only happens to really virtuous people and it’s bad because the victim is sympathetic and not because prejudice is bad.

Also it’s kind of weird/ironic that Ren’s main mantra of “Sion is obviously going to be corrupted by Arthus” is… totally right, lol. I actually like that. Especially that he’d abandoned it just when it happened. Very nice twist.

Anyway. I did like how Sion arguably changed, or at least revealed himself, when prompted by Arthus. He showed himself as someone easily tricked by literally anyone willing to be nice to him and the anger that drove him to “kill” Ren was always there. It just needed prompting and an ideal situation to come out. Even when Arthus is barely a voice in his head he still justifies himself by how it would affect the quest, and not how the act would be wrong. It was subtle but I liked it. Would’ve preferred more hints that he was vicious beneath the surface early on. Would’ve countered my Incorruptible Pure Pureness Too Good For This Sinful Earth impression I had at the start.

Honestly? There’s stuff I’m forgetting here. Has to be. But I’m at 4.4k words so I’ll just leave you with this for now.


Chapter 40

So, Ren’s gone. Even if he’ll be back soon because prophecy said so. Which does undercut the emotions of the moment a bit. It’s why, in general, I think that you could afford to signal where future things are going less clearly. Vague prophecies are one thing but spoiling your own story in a lot of little ways undermines it a bit. Now, there are exceptions. Slaughterhouse-Five and the Book Thief spoil their endings at the start, but in that case it’s largely because the endings are the senseless and tragic firebombing of Dresden (same bombing, different perspective in both books). So after hundreds of pages of getting to identify with our characters, reaching the end of the book and knowing what’s about to happen is a certain degree of horrifying on its own.

Now, positive prophecies? A little less so. Makes the stakes and losses in the midgame lower. So that’s what was going through my head as I read this.

Kommo-o’s death also didn’t really register for me. You’ve been starting to kill off characters lately, but the problem is I didn’t care at all about the dead Incineroar or Decidueye because we’d literally only just met them. In this case we didn’t even meet the character I’m presumably supposed to be moved to care about in death.

Now, you can kill off characters. But for it to work they have to have stakes or at least a way of seriously changing the plot. In this case either of the two starter pokemon could have lived and the story’s trajectory wouldn’t have changed at all. Incineroar was particularly egregious as you did try to give him a character arc… but it felt really tropey and unbelievable because you didn’t do anything original there. It honestly read like an abbreviated summary with a couple key lines of dialogue that wasn’t actually written out into a scene.

Now, Kommo-o’s death and how I would’ve handled it: have Cosma make him a character, or at least establish how really deeply she cares so that we care about the death because a character we’re ostensibly supposed to care about does. At this point Cosma could die and I would actually be happy for it since it would be a really interesting twist, but she’s more sympathetic than the dead lizard anyway.

So you do it a little. We know a few details about him other than “he raised her.” But not much. I couldn’t reconstruct their personality, accomplishments, role, etc. So you could’ve at least had Cosma’s big arc be not only trying to reach him but also outlining scenes from her childhood, descriptions of why she deeply cares for him. And then when he’s dead, there’s payoff. Because you’ve both fleshed out Cosma, established why she cared and make it seem like some person I’ve come to know on some level is gone forever. That’s the real emotional value of literary death and, to a lesser extent, the ending of a good book. Knowing that someone you’ve come to care about is done and over and there’s nothing more to know. It’s not just the fact of someone dying.

Or let’s think about it like this: if someone dies in real life, what would make you care? Thousands of strangers die every hour you expend no thought on. Hearing that someone in the community you have no connection to died isn’t pleasant, but I at least don’t really care. Random celebrities I’d never heard of dying usually gets me. People who made things that matter to you? That sometimes works. People very, very close to the people near me? I at least care for the friend affected. People I knew personally or directly impacted my life? Their deaths mess me up. Aim for that. If the readers generally come to know and care for the characters, deaths and endings and outcomes have meaning. If the reader cares about a character and knows that a death devastates them, readers care for that reason. Random extras? Meh.

Chapter 41

Grammar thing “Worse, he could get rid of him.” Could should be couldn’t.

Ok, Sion didn’t know the cloak thing before? Really? I mean, between the veins and all of it? That shattered my suspension of disbelief since that would’ve been obvious from just reading Sion’s chapters, not just the outside context. I’d thought that what he didn’t have figured out was the intentions of Arthus and not the source of the power. I… I would really consider editing that scene so that Sion at least knows about the cloak.

Got to admit – I’m a huge fan of battle in the center of the mind stuff. So I liked this chapter. If I have a complaint it’s related to my note above, that this is moving really quickly. One week to move through a main game region is already the most brisk pace I’ve ever seen in any journey story ever. Being asleep for two days of it is… ambitious. I really feel like you’re doing a disservice to the region here by not letting the Pokemon travel longer and thus make the character arcs feel natural and show off more of the scenery.

The one other thing that bothered me: Why don’t the Passimian/Oranguru have decent language? All other civilized species do, with the partial exception of the Yungoos. It comes off as really oddly Native American/African coded in the story in a way that was off-putting. I don’t care if their language convention is a little simplistic, but unless it’s established that their primary language is different from everyone else’s it seems odd that one smart tribe of Pokemon can’t make words work.
 
Whoo boy...wasn't expecting this large of a review. Really. I guess I needed it, but I wasn't expecting such a scale. Let me break down my responses...I feel like I should maybe give some reasoning behind my actions.

Posting Frequency:
Yes, I realize that I've been posting a lot. More so than I probably should. But I am on a bit of a time crunch. By next year, I'll be on a hiatus, for a long time. I want to finish the story ideas I have before I end up leaving. Hence my frequent posting. I plan on remedying that by working on my next story throughout the next few months, then posting it all at once, eliminating the frequent posting. Of course, people won't have anything to read until then, but I think I can come up with something.

Dialogue:
My dialogue can be adjusted, and with PMD: Unequivocant (my final story in Equivos), I plan on adjusting some of my methods--one of them being my sentence structure. I've been rushing out my chapters, so that's resulted in some odd-sounding sentences for characters and narration. I'll take the time to read the entire Act of chapters aloud and highlighting problem areas before I move on to the next act. Simple, yes, but something I should have been doing from the start.

Plot:
Thanks for the praise on this, as I wanted to work on the plot of my stories in particular with this attempt. On the timing note, I realize that a week is hardly any time for a story. I plan on resolving that in PMDUE.

Setting:
Actually...
this doesn't take place in Alola. It's a fictional chain of islands that there happen to be four of. I can understand the confusion there. Anyways, I appreciate the praise, and I do realize I need to work on greater detail. Something I plan on resolving in PMDUE.

Characters:
Alright, from the get-go, I know I messed up. I wanted to execute Ren's development differently, but it skewed in the wrong direction, especially with Act 1. And the other characters suffered because I simply had too many, a mistake I keep making in all my stories. To solve this, I'll start by having only three characters be featured, then maybe introduce some more once I've got them settled. Even then, they wouldn't be main characters.

I have a lot I need to work on in my writing, and it's great to hear that I did a few things right, in regards to plot and my Pokemon-of-the-Day shpiel. I thought I had failed in that as well. I want to make PMDUE the greatest I can before I leave, and I plan on having it ready to post by the Summer Awards. Short time, yes, but I don't have much more than that, especially since I most likely won't be around for the next Winter awards. I will fix the problems with dialogue, proofreading, and posting frequency. You have my word.

I'll post Chapter 47 later tonight. It's nearly ready, but I felt I had to respond to this when I saw it. I don't plan on changing my methods too much until I get to work on PMDUE, but I will try to keep a better eye for spelling errors and the like.
 
Alright, here is a penultimate chapter! Oh, one note I'd like to make: when writing the Ultra Beast's dialogue, I purposely made it sound odd and stiff. I wanted to have a different feel for their words in content as well as type, so if there's any complaints about the dialogue involving them, please understand that that is simply their character!

Chapter 47: Guardian Disposal

A desperate claw reached over the final ledge, grasping at the stray rocks and snow that littered the peak. A Noivern pulled himself up and threw a bag ahead of him, ensuring that it would be safe.

He pulled himself up the rest of the way, throwing a fist in the air afterwards. “Finally made it…yes!” he wheezed. The winds had grown too strong for him to fly, and so forced him to climb the entire rest of the way up.

Ekon twisted around and looked at the edge of the peak. A short, glowing pedestal stood there, orange light radiating from the crest emblazoned at the top. An ornate picture of the sun was depicted on the front, pulsing with orange light.

Pulling the bag closer, Ekon took Cosmo out from it. He pulsed orange as well, calling to the pedestal with the ethereal light. Ekon stood up, holding Cosmo close to his chest. “Let’s get this done…for Gaiden, and Equivos.”

“Too late, fool!”

Ekon looked up and received a kick to the face. He flew backwards and skid against the gravel, Cosmo nearly slipping from his grip. He stopped himself and looked up, seeing a pristine, white figure holding her arm to her side.

“I cannot allow you to place the Cosmog on the pedestal. The joining of Ultra Space with Equivos cannot be stopped!” she roared.

Ekon stood up--keeping Cosmo close—then pointed at her. “You’re trying to kill everyone! What else am I supposed to do, stand back and watch?”

She made a sarcastic laugh, gesturing to the sky. “You really think we want death? We want to give everyone on this world the ability to use Sentia crystal, the substance that allows us to travel between dimensions! Some will die, but not after we plant Sentia here. You would be changed, but for the better.”

“So, you’re saying we’d end up as Ultra Beasts, like you,” Ekon growled.

“Why yes. How would that be wrong?” Pheromosa replied. She shook her head, lowering her arm. “But I digress. I will let you live if you give the Cosmog to me, right here, right now. I will also promise that you would be one of the first to be transformed, saving you from what would be a gruesome death.”

Ekon snatched the sack from the ground and stuffed Cosmo inside, then swung it over his shoulder. “Come and get me then!” he roared, raising his fists.

Pheromosa sighed, shaking her head. “Pokemon can be so stubborn.” She shot forward and jumped, her legs pointed forward.

Ekon made a massive leap, jumping over Pheromosa’s attack. The Ultra Beast skidded against the ground and kicked Ekon as he fell, hitting him across his back.

Ekon fell forward, clenching his teeth. Pheromosa reached down for the bag, her fingers hovering over the lip.

The Noivern whipped around and screeched blasting Pheromosa’s face with harsh soundwaves. Temporarily disoriented, Pheromosa began a rapid series of kicks in front of her, hoping to catch Ekon as he got up.

Ekon instead ran toward the pedestal, reaching inside the sack. Pheromosa shook herself free of the confusion and ran toward him, overtaking him in a matter of seconds. She kicked him square in the chest, pushing him back to the ground, away from the pedestal.

Ekon raised his head and fired a Dragon Pulse, the indigo beam blasting into Pheromosa’ chest. She crossed her arms and took the hit, bracing herself against the ground as she did. She took gradual steps forward, bits of her plating breaking off from her in the process.

The Dragon Pulse ended, and Pheromosa pounced upon Ekon, pulling at the bag’s strap. “I will have that Cosmog!” she shrieked, an ethereal vibrato emanating from her mouth. It coursed its way into Ekon’s sensitive ears, sending stabbing jolts of pain through his limbs.

He punched Pheromosa across the side of her head, ending the Bug Buzz and he pulling. The effects lingered within him as he struggled upward, awkwardly stepping toward the pedestal. Pheromosa quickly recovered and began to buzz once more as she pounced on him.

Pheromosa lifted her hand, the sharp points cleaving through the snowflakes that passed. “This is where it ends for you!” She stabbed Ekon in the back, cutting free the sack’s strap and piercing through the bone that protected the Noivern’s vitals.

Amid his scream of pain, he somersaulted forward, sending Pheromosa unsteadily on the edge of the peak. She struggled to gain her balance, her nails steaming with blood.

Ekon reared back and made one final Boomburst, pushing Pheromosa over the edge. She made an ethereal scream as her ebony form crashed against the mountainside and the ground, ending her life.

The Explorer slumped, struggling to breathe. He turned to the pedestal, the light pulsing stronger than before, calling to him.

He pulled Cosmo from the bag, struggling with his weight. He agonizingly took steps toward the pedestal, the Cosmoem in his claws drawing toward the light. Crimson dots trailed behind him, steaming in the mountain air.

He finally stood next to the pedestal, his vision hazy. He lifted Cosmo weakly, shaking in his grip, then set him in the center. He glowed orange, then began to float above the pedestal, light pouring into the blackened sphere at his center.

Ekon fell back, his vision darkening. Visions of his exploration team crossed through his vision, as well as Sion and Cosma. They all waved good-bye to him, seeming to know what fate he was suffering.

Coughing, Ekon said, “I wish…I could come back. But it looks like…I’ll have to…see you again…” He took one last breath.

“At the Tree of Life.”

~~~~

Xurkitree buzzed and fizzed at the edge of the Ultra Wormhole, his head glowing red. “All calculations determine that my chance of survival against the Zoroark is fifteen percent.” His head stopped glowing as he thought of an alternative solution.

“Equivos is a valuable treasure, yes, but I wouldn’t need it for survival. All the others died trying to take the Cosmogs. I would prefer to not suffer their fate.”

“You’re dead wrong.”

Buzzwole tore free of his shadowy cocoon, shoving away the tendrils that healed him. He stomped toward Xurkitree and jabbed a finger at his head. “We vowed to take Equivos for our own, that way we could become a great species again. And now you’re reconsidering that? You’re the one that convinced us to follow what that shadow said!”

Xurkitree stepped back, holding his arms up defensively. “Buzzwole, be reasonable. Even Pheromosa failed against them. We aren’t likely to survive against the Pokemon if we go down.”

“Whoever said there was a ‘we’?” Buzzwole asserted. He reared his arm back and threw a punch toward Xurkitree’s head.

His target ducked and scrambled away, flashing a mixture of purple and grey. “…You’re proving to be troublesome Buzzwole. You can’t kill me, or else the Sentia would go dead. I’m the only one who can control them!”

Buzzwole pounded his fists together and said, “There is no need for the Sentia once Equivos joins with Ultra Space. The only thing we need now is to get rid of any traitors.” His proboscis began to glow green.

Xurkitree crackled with power as he held his arms up. “Very well.” He threw one of his arms forward and whipped Buzzwole’s head, sending his charging Fell Stinger into the wall.

Buzzwole growled and ran forward, one fist extended outward. Xurkitree leapt over him and wrapped his arms around his chest, discharging his stored power. Buzzwole’s insides pulsed with yellow-blue light as he took in the electricity, restraining groans as he did.

He grabbed Xurkitree’s tail painfully, then threw him against Celesteela’s throne. The Ultra Beast burst through it, latching onto the wall behind it.

He put one arm out, a golden-sphere of raw electricity forming between his tail and an arm. Buzzwole flexed his arms--making a red-green aura around him—then leapt upward, rearing back a fist.

Xurkitree fired his Zap Cannon, creating a column of searing light, catching Buzzwole in its path. He flew back into the opposite wall, grunting as the electricity pounded into his exoskeleton.

The fighter chuckled, glaring at Xurkitree. “Providing me with more power isn’t the smartest idea.” He propelled himself off the wall with his fist thrust out, crackling with crimson lightning.

Xurkitree leapt off the wall, causing Buzzwole to instead ingrain himself within. The few crystals that remained shook dangerously, glowing with a disturbing purple hue.

Buzzwole reached out from his newly-made cavern and plucked a crystal from the wall. “When Equivos is gone, we won’t have any need for these!” he exclaimed, chucking it at Xurkitree.

He leapt out of the way, the crystal exploding and creating a sizeable crater. More crystals fell from the ceiling, creating a minefield for Xurkitree to avoid. With his attention diverted, Buzzwole leapt out of the indent and toward the dodging Xurkitree.

He slammed into him, proceeding to punch Xurkitree’s glowing spiked head. The Electric Ultra Beast retaliated by wrapping his arms around Buzzwole legs and pulling him away. He then slammed him into the wall, emitting a narrow shaft of hazy purple light.

The Signal Beam pierced through Buzzwole’s head, distorting his vision and clouding his thoughts. He shakily got back onto his feet, searching for Xurkitree in his confusion.

“Cheat! You never fight like a true warrior!” Buzzwole exclaimed.

Xurkitree latched onto the ceiling, charging another Zap Cannon on his tail. “We both know that the manipulators are the ones who win.”

Buzzwole tilted his head and shot a Fell Stinger, impaling Xurkitree’s chest. It siphoned the life from him as he fell from the ceiling, firing the Zap Cannon at the precious Sentia Crystals.

They exploded in a chain reaction, causing large chunks to fall in and around the Ultra Wormhole. Both Buzzwole and Xurkitree were pelted by the rocks as they sought shelter from the onslaught, their safe haven no longer as such.

One rock pound Buzzwole on the head, suddenly clearing his vision. He searched one more Xurkitree, seeing him begin to flee for the exit.

“You will not flee like before, coward!” Buzzwole roared. He bashed through the falling boulders and grabbed Xurkitree’s tail, swinging his head into the sides of the entrance, bits of crystal cracking from it.

“Idiotic as always I see…” Xurkitree moaned, protecting his head. He briefly glowed orange, sending more volts of electricity down his tail. They coursed up Buzzwole’s arm, paralyzing it temporarily, giving Xurkitree the opportunity to flee.

Buzzwole hurriedly grabbed with his other arm before he could, pulling Xurkitree closer. “No more games, Xurkitree. This is where you die.” Red light poured into his paralyzed arm, healing it as he grabbed Xurkitree’s head. He raised the Ultra Beast high, then slammed him against the ground headfirst, shattering his head into millions of pieces. The vines that lay attached to it fell limp as Xurkitree’s consciousness was extinguished.

The boulders stopped falling soon after, leaving the area around the wormhole free to go through unharmed. Buzzwole left behind Xurkitree’s remains and stared down on Mount Lune. “One Cosmog is where it’s supposed to be. Now there’s no chance to stop that one,” he muttered. He observed the shapes ascending Mount Lune and muttered, “I must wait for the opportune moment to strike, or all will be lost. I am the strongest of all Ultra Beasts, but even I must be careful.”

He turned to his throne, cleared the larger rocks, then sat on it, mulling over what he’d do with the newly-joined Ultra Space.

~~~~

On the second Plateau of Mount Lune, Ren leaps up the final foothold, his breathing faster. “Finally…I can take a break…” he wheezed, leaning against lighter portion of the wall.

“Urk.”

He gasped, removing his paw. The lighter portion turned out to be Frederick, mottled with bruises and dark spots all along his body. He gazed at Ren forlornly, struggling to keep his eyes open as his body stopped shivering.

“Yer…yer, alive…” he stammered.

Ren immediately took the bag of Aspear berries and ripped it open, pressing one of the fruits into Frederick’s mouth. “Yeah, but you won’t be unless you eat!”

Frederick looked down at his jaw, chewing haphazardly. His motion became less rigid as he chewed, and soon his jaw moved fluidly.

He swallowed the Aspear berry, but Ren pressed another into his jaws soon after. He gratefully accepted the other, and the frostbitten portions of his body began to lighten.

“Ye saved me life boy…” Frederick wheezed, accepting the rest of the Aspear berries.

Ren looked up, suddenly anxious to begin climbing again. “How long have you been there? Where’s Cosma and Arth—I mean Sion?” He nearly forgot that Frederick didn’t know about Sion’s change of mind.

Frederick scooped the Oran berries that Arthus had left behind into his claw, then placed them in his jaws, crunching them slowly. “I don’t know. I was knocked out by that Guzzlord freak, after he bludgeoned me half-to-death. I only saw him briefly when he took Cosma up the rest of the way with him.”

Ren studied the cliff face, determining the fastest path up. “You need to get down as fast as you can. You won’t survive much longer up here, if those bruises are anything to judge by.

Frederick growled, squeezing an Aspear berry into his mouth. “I came here to get Cosma up that mountain, and I intend to do it, no matter if I die.” Before Ren could reply, he added, “You seem different. Yer not that cocky brat that tossed a soggy loaf a bread onto my deck. Where’ve you been?”

“Too much to explain right now. Just go down to the bottom. Please,” Ren advised, stooping down and clasping Frederick’s now-empty claws.

The Feraligatr looked at him with an inner flame, which soon dimmed as his arms fell to his sides. “Why’d you bother saving an old coot like me? Why’d you even bother coming all the way up here? Ye never liked any of us, especially Sion.”

Ren held his breath, making a sideways glance. “I’ve…I’ve learned from my mistakes. And I want to make sure that I can help anyone who needs it now. Sion needs me.” After a few moments of silence, Ren leapt up the sides, hastily climbing toward the peak.

Frederick struggled to his feet, chuckling weakly. “Ya know…that sounds exactly like what a Guildmaster would say.”

~~~~

“We finally made it!” Cosma exclaimed, hovering over the final stretch of Mount Lune. The peak looked similar to Mount Sol’s peak, but the pedestal instead had a violet glow surrounding a moon-shaped rune.

Arthus clambered over the peak soon after, a slight smile across his face. “Yes…finally.”

Cosma went to rush toward the pedestal, but was halted by Arthus’ claws. “Before we end this, I though that I should tell you something. Something important.” She turned around, waiting for his statement.

He at first looked peaceful and content, but his features became violent and hateful as he wrapped his claws around Cosma’s spherical frame. They emitted red mist as his mouth contorted into a vicious grin.

“The Sion you know is gone. I am Arthus the Usurper, and you will not be ruining my plans today.” Cosma became encased in a harsh red light, her screams penetrating through the harsh winds and rushing snow. Moments after, a Cosmoem pulsed in Arthus’ claws, glowing with a soft purple light.

Arthus made a low chuckle, then raised Cosma high in the air. “Goodbye, Equivos.” He threw her down the way he came, her light fading as she flew towards the empty sky.

A black paw shot up and caught Cosma, causing Arthus to choke. Ren’s head popped out over the edge, breathing heavily, his breath turning to mist in the crisp air.

Arthus’ eyes narrowed, and his mouth became a slit. “You survived…little brat.”

Ren pushed himself up the peak, shoving Cosma in the bag that had contained the Aspear berries. “I know your plans, Arthus. You’ve been manipulating Sion ever since we got here. You convinced him to try and kill me!”

Arthus’ smile returned as he crossed his arms. “Clever brat. You know, you didn’t use to be so righteous; you didn’t care one bit what happened to Sion. What caused this marvelous change?”

Ren took a deep breath, relaxing his sore limbs. “I had someone you know show me what I’ve done wrong.”

Arthus cackled, holding a hand to his head. “Hahaha! And you changed just like that! What a memorable moment!” He shook his head, the air around him glowing crimson. “As much as I’d love to hear more, I can’t let you shut the Ultra Wormhole. Not that you can do that for much longer.”

The wormhole suddenly crashed, doubling in size, approaching the edge of the peak with its whirling maelstrom. Lightning crashed around it, and the sickening air suddenly turned sourer.

Ren coughed, his eyes widening. “What do you mean?”

Arthus took a casual step forward. “At some point, the wormhole will be so large and so powerful that it can’t be closed, even by Solgaleo and Lunala’s power. It’s been active for several hours now; within a matter of minutes, it will expand again, and this time, there won’t be any going back.” A dark shadow rose behind him a pair of piercing red eyes appearing at the head. “So, I just have to stall you for that long.”

Ren’s shocked expression turned into one of confidence as he strode forward, aura coating his paws. “I won’t be alone.” He took a massive step forward and clapped his paws together. A wave of cyan light overcame the peak as he exclaimed a single word:

“Sion!”
 
Having a crazy amount of inspiration here, so I'll just keep posting these as they come. The sooner this is finished, the sooner I can get to work on what I hope will be my greatest fiction yet!

Chapter 48: Final Frontier

“Aura draws power from the bonds between Pokemon, the bonds between Life. Life is the power within us all, and the few who can use it steal it from others, amplifying their life for their own gain. This doesn’t eliminate the connections that those with Aura have made with them; the Life lives on, and remains connected with the Aura until it dies.”

--Matheus Lucario, 54 AU

~~~~

A name. He recognized that name.

A tendril of white mist snaked out of the ground, between the roots of ravaged trees and yellowed grass. He remembered that voice.

The mist expanded, becoming a long white blob. He remembered who had that voice.

The mist shrank, creating arms and legs. He remembered all that the voice had done to him.

A long mane of mist appeared behind the head. He remembered what had transpired in the Forgotten Isles.

Two gentle, blue eyes opened in the mist. He remembered his name: Sion.

He looked down at his misty body, noticing how the mist became less frothy and more solid. Fingers and toes became more distinct, and his mouth, nose and ears appeared. The mist darkened, turning into a light grey across his frame, a black across his chest, and a red across his claws and mane. The mist finally disappeared, and Sion had returned.

He looked around him, seeing the dark, stormy expanse of his mind. A dim forest of trees muffled the sounds that surrounded him, the sights ahead of him, and the smells around him.

“Enough games! Try to get past me, son of Laryon. You have no other choice,” A clear voice rang out, coming from everywhere at once.

Ren’s muffled voice said, “Sion! I’m sorry for what I did to you!”

Sion felt a pang of guilt. Ren had mistreated him for far too long. How could he forgive him?

Amidst the sounds of crackling energy, Ren exclaimed, “I could never forgive what your dad did to my mom, and I’ve always hurt you because of that!”

A memory came into Sion’s vision, of him holding a Lucario by her throat in a tumultuous cave, the most striking feature being the face of calm of the mother.

“I’ve always thought that attacking you was right, because you were his son. Now I know that that wasn’t right!”

Sion felt a flutter of sympathy for Ren. He never knew that his mother had died because of Sevo.

“That will never make up for what I did to you, I know! But I want you to know that if I had the chance to start over, I would have been friends with you! From when your mom stepped through the gate!”

A smile creeped across Sion’s face. The Ren he knew would never say such things. But this was a new Ren, one that had become reasonable and caring. One that had given up that stubbornness he relied on, one that he wanted to right his wrongs.

“It is thanks to you that I can use my Aura! The friendship I wanted for so long, but couldn’t accept, was with you! It sounds weird, I know, but believe me when I say that you’re the one that I would have evolved for!”

Sion laughed, Ren’s confession almost too much to believe. The memories of the Lucario’s punishment faded away, and hopes for what could happen in the future took their place.

A loud crash echoed, then Ren said, “I’ve always felt that you had Arthus’ power over life, and you can use it now to stop him! We don’t have much time! Use his own power against him!”

A recent memory came into Sion’s mind, of when Arthus had finally taken control of his body: “Thanks to the link between me and that cloak, I could channel Life through it, affecting whoever wore it with my power. The issue was that it had to be someone who shared my bloodline—my ability to control Life. That would end up being key to my plan…It took 300 years, but finally, there is only one left: you.”

None of the others could fight Arthus because their minds were killed by his. But his mind had survived, thanks to Ren, and now he could do something about it.

He remembered his and Victor’s discussion on Arthus and his power over Life, and in one particular paragraph, the key to controlling it became clear:

“Studies made by Laryon Lucario show that there were others before Arthus that could control Life. In ancient texts, they say you must search a location where many have died, then send your own Life force to claim it. Once claimed, the Life becomes one with your own, and by searching your spirit and willing it to act, you can use it exactly like the Aura of the Lucario.”

Sion remembered his inquiry made right after: “Why do I need to know this? I don’t want to use Life. Arthus used it, and look what happened!”

Victor chided him, saying, “Just because it was used for evil purposes doesn’t make it evil. Previous Pokémon with that power took it from gravesites, and used it to protect Pokémon from the wild. Life is a tool, not just a weapon.”

Bum-bump.

Sion whipped around to where the beat came from. It was deeper within the wood, where a blackened mound lay, a slight red mist encroaching it.

He ran to it, ignoring the dismal winds and engulfing gloom all around him. Moments after, the hill turned out to be a monument of obsidian, a massive iron gate blocking the way to a crimson heart. It pulsed as a real heart wood, it’s gem-like surface stretching and pulling to circulate the thousands of lives the building contains.

As he approached it, Sion’s hands glowed with an ethereal red light, growing warmer with each step. He stood in front of the gate, and the life energy inside began to gravitate to his claws, impeded by the iron bars in front of it. The many streams pushed against the gate, but an unseen force blocked their progress.

Sion looked down at his claws, then back at the gate. He hesitantly wrapped one hand around the bars, then another. He felt a tug at his chest, and suddenly, a narrow red stream snaked out, slipping between the bars, joining the other threads.

The gate disintegrated, and a deluge of Life—including his own—pounded Sion’s body. The heart pumped more furiously, and more Life poured into him. Moments later, the deluge halted, and a narrow tether connected him to the building. The gate reassembled itself, and the Life that it housed eagerly flowed into the gemstone heart.

Sion made staggering breaths, holding his hands to his chest. He closed his eyes, and felt the warmth of the Life that now came into him. It surrounded his core, waiting for his order to be made.

He held out his claws, then said one word: “Light.” The sky rumbled as a massive crimson flame erupted in Sion’s hand. He made a slight smile.

“Time to give Arthus a taste of his own medicine.”

~~~~

Arthus stopped, knocking Ren to the ground. Something wasn’t right. Something lingered in the back of his head, like a thorn you couldn’t quite reach. This had never happened before, not in all his time of controlling his descendants.

“Light.”

Arthus cursed, parrying Ren’s Aura-fueled punches. Sion had survived, miraculously. He figured that Ren had something to do with it; that sob story he thought was just a mad-Pokémon's regret turned out to have purpose after all.

“Time to give Arthus some of his own medicine.”

“Curses.”

~~~~

Sion dodged between the dead trees, moving towards the clearing. The roots of the trees began to worm around his feet, their rotting bark breaking the surface, threatening to wrap around his legs.

One tentacle erupted from the ground several feet in front of him, threatening to return him to the sub-consciousness. Sion summoned the fires of Life and threw it forward, incinerating the tentacle. More came in its place and suffered the same fate.

The massive stump came into view, as well as the foggy screen that hung above it. It showed Ren fighting with the viewer, the Life surrounding its claws clashing with the Aura surrounding Ren. The snow whipped around them, reflecting the energies they emitted, and occasionally, Sion caught glimpses of a stone pedestal, radiating violet light.

Sion stepped onto the stump. It quaked agitatedly, then the dark, smooth voice of Arthus roared overhead, “If you think you can make my mind as slow and dull as I made yours, then you’re wrong! It took me years to perfect that technique!”

Sion stabbed his claws into the stump and yelled, “Give me back my body!” The rings pulsed red, and the mindscape suddenly jolted.

~~~~

Arthus gasped, holding his claws to his head. He fought off Ren’s blows, but his limbs became weak, and his mind dulled. Only Sion’s voice rang clear in his mind—and a distinct need to sleep.

He fought the urge, throwing a Life Sphere at Ren. “Now I’m getting attacked on two fronts: in body and in mind,” he thought.

Ren grinned, renewing his vigorous assault with a spinning kick. “Looking a bit tired! Maybe you should take a seat!” The kick tripped Arthus, his dulled senses denying him the chance to dodge it. Ren then leapt on top of him, set a paw to his head, and sent an azure pulse of Aura to his mind.

Arthus’ eyes closed, and the red mist surrounding him faded. He breathed slowly, as if the mighty battle he just competed in had never happened.

Ren nodded, knowing that Sion would be attempting to take back control. He wanted to rest his sore limbs and mind; he hadn’t expected such ferocity from Arthus. But he needed to get Cosma to the pedestal.

He reached his paw into the bag as he ran to the pedestal, averting his gaze. He heard a loud buzzing sound—then a blow to his jaw.

He flew backward, nearly going off the edge. Looking up, he saw a massive red being with a metallic nose and bulging muscles stand in front of the pedestal, flexing.

The creature roared with laughter, jabbing a finger at the Lucario. “A mighty feat eliminating your friend, but it will take more than that to close the wormhole. Your next opponent is me, Buzzwole, and believe me,” He punched his fists together, enveloping himself in a red-green sheen. “I am the strongest of the Ultra Beasts!”

Ren stood up hastily and dashed forward, Aura enveloping him once more. “Bring it on, needle-nose!”

~~~~

Arthus woke up on the stump, looking around him wildly. He noticed Sion, retracting his claws from the center, and scowled.

“So…you’ve come back from the dead,” Arthus seethed.

Sion stood up, calling the Life Fire to his claws. “I was never dead. I only needed something to wake me up again.”

Arthus cackled, raising his claws. “And I see you’ve learned a new trick. Already doing better than Sevo then.” He abruptly stopped, a red mist trailing from his claws. “But unfortunately for you, I want to keep this body for myself.”

Sion ran forward, throwing a Life Sphere at Arthus. “Not gonna happen!”

~~~~

The sky rumbled, the Ultra Wormhole drawing closer to its final growth. Buzzwole deflected Ren’s blows, raising fists in repetition as he stalled for time.

“I don’t need to defeat you Lucario—I just need to let the Wormhole do its work,” he stated.

Ren looked down at Sion, the cloak throbbing red. “Hurry up, Sion. I need you.”

Buzzwole’s proboscis began to glow green, and Ren felt the sudden urge to duck. He did so, and the emerald needle shot into the sky, piercing the darkness.

The Ultra Beast chuckled, rolling his arm. “Don’t want me taking your power, hmm? Shame, it would mean a cleaner end for you.” He punched Ren in the gut, then followed with another to his jaw. The Lucario flew back to Sion, the Zoroark acting as a barrier from the edge of the cliff.

Buzzwole charged another Fell Stinger, standing over his target. “No running away this time, Pokemon. Once you’re dead, the Cosmog will be mine.”

Ren’s arm brushed against Sion’s cloak as Buzzwole reared his head back. He launched the stinger, and Ren pulled the cloak over his chest. The needle stabbed into it, and a high-pitched squeal suddenly reverberated through the air.

Buzzwole gasped. He leaned forward and pounded his fist into the ground as his body began to crack, the red tether from the cloak overcharging his body. He studied it and shouted, “The source of power from before! No!” He couldn’t disconnect the Fell Stinger now—not with all the Life it has bottled behind it.

He struggled to get up, but his legs cracked from the pressure. He lifted his arm to punch Ren once more, but lightning leaked out from it, rendering his strength useless. Life continued to flow into the helpless Ultra Beast as his insides glowed white.

Buzzwole extended his arms and swung his head upward. He made one last defiant scream, and exploded in a burst of white fire.

~~~~

“Is this really the best you can do?” Arthus demanded, grabbing Sion’s arm. He threw him toward the edge of the ring, hoping once more that the young Zoroark would go beyond.

Sion sprung forward--life energy propelling him forward—then slashed ahead of him, catching Arthus in his swing. Black mist crawled out from the point of contact, oozing from the Usurper.

He clutched one claw over it, then retaliated by punching Sion across his face. Sion rolled to the edge, nursing his chin.

Arthus chuckled darkly, slowly stepping toward him. “I have existed for over 300 years; I know everything there is to know about battle. I have become one with Life Energy. What chance does a teenage whelp like you got against me?”

The stump shuddered suddenly, and Arthus paled. His red mist suddenly dissipated, and he collapsed to the floor, wheezing. “What…what is happening! My…my Life!” he whined, grasping at the air in front of him.

Sion shivered, the warmth of Life gone from him. He felt weaker, yes—but strong enough to take back what was his.

He stood up confidently, looking down at the quivering wreck Arthus had become. He picked him up by his mean, and dragged Arthus’ face in front of his. “You are weak because you rely too much on your own strength. Your power, your life…it’s nothing. I have so much more than you in my life than you’ve ever had.” He threw him off the stump, the Usurper making a final desperate scream. He sprawled to the ground, and the root-like tendrils enveloped Arthus, turning him into a foul black mist.

Sion looked down at himself, and began to fade into white mist. His vision blackened, and began to feel.

~~~~

Ren clung to the edge peak with a single paw, with Cosma in the other. The blast had blown him off the edge and incinerated the bag she was contained in. Ren now hung precariously, with no way of getting up.

His paw began to slip, bits and pieces of the rock coming from underneath his grip. He cursed to himself, wishing that there was some way he could survive this, and get Cosma up to the pedestal. He knew that only one was possible.

He looked down at Cosma, then closed his eyes. “Sorry I couldn’t have done better.” He threw her upwards, then lost his grip.

He suddenly banged against the side of the mountain, and felt a pull at his arm. He felt sure it was just a crevice in the side, until he opened his eyes.

Sion grasped Ren’s paw, struggling with his weight. He was burned; the cloak was no longer around his neck.

Between breaths he said, “I can’t hold on for much longer! Get a grip!”

Ren grabbed onto a ledge with his free paw, then pulled the other free. “Get Cosma onto the pedestal! We don’t have much time!”

Sion nodded, disappearing from Ren’s view. He found Cosma teetering on the edge of the cliff, scattered with bits of Buzzwole on the peak.

Boom.

The sky rumbled again, and Cosma began to tip.

Boom!

Sion leapt forward and reached out for Cosma.

Boom!

He narrowly caught her in his claws.

Boom!

He scrambled away from the edge.

BOOM!

He ran toward the pedestal.

BOOM!

BOOM!

He slipped on the snow.

BOOM!

He slid to the pedestal.

BOOM!

He threw Cosma upward, and she swung into the center, pulled by an invisible force. She flashed with bright light, and the sea moaned.

The mist wall began to rise, revealing the distant Equivos. It shrunk, compacting into a tight cylinder. It shot toward the Ultra Wormhole, its diameter expanding for the final time. The wall wrapped across the wormhole and glowed white, restraining the growth of the Wormhole.

After what seemed like an endless fight between the Wall and the Wormhole, the Wormhole began to shrink, the cloud and tendrils retreating into its diminishing domain. The air became clean, the thundering became distant, and the shrieking became silent. The hole disappeared with a silent plea, and the mist wall warped and twisted into a sheet, rocketing upward and expanding past the horizon. The dimensional wall of Equivos had returned.
 
Woohoo, I'm on a roll! The second-to-last chapter is here, and I plan on the final one being here tonight! Stay tuned!

Chapter 49: Triumphant Return

For the first time since the Ultra Beasts invaded the Forgotten Isles, the land, sea and sky, and all its denizens, were at peace. The skies were clear, and the air was sweet. A gentle breeze flowed across the ground. The afternoon sun shone, illuminating Equivos with a brightness never seen for thousands of years.

Ren clambered up to the top, gazing at the beautiful scene that surrounded him. “We did it…we really did it,” he gasped.

Sion picked up a weathered brown cloak, the once-vibrant power within extinguished. “No one will see Arthus again. Good riddance,” he thought, throwing the cloak over his neck. He secured it, and for once, it felt light.

Ren stepped toward Sion sheepishly, averting his gaze. “I, uh…guess you heard me, huh?”

Sion smiled. “I think that Arthus was wrong when he said that you were just a drag.” He cocked his head, then shook it. “No, you were a drag—until now.”

Ren weakly laughed, knowing exactly what he meant. “Yeah…I was a real jerk. I should’ve listened to you all those times, and really should’ve treated you better.”

Sion wrapped an arm around Ren, nodding. “I hated you. I didn’t want to accept it, but I hated you. I hated your popularity, your cockiness, your pranks…everything. What Arthus told me, about wanting to kill you…it was all true. I might’ve acted on my own in a few months if he didn’t come into the picture.” Ren grimaced, thinking that Sion still hadn’t forgiven him.

Sion continued: “But that was the old you. You wouldn’t have said all those things unless you really meant it; you’re too honest for that.”

“Darn right ye are!”

A certain Feraligatr scrambled over the ledge and pounded toward them, enveloping them in a gargantuan hug. “I’m giddy as a Grumpig to see ya gettin’ along with each other!” He loosened his grip and added, “And a’course for getting rid o’ that blasted hole in the sky.” He let go, running over to where Cosma hovered. “How’d this happen?”

Rubbing his compressed chest, Ren replied, “I heard Arthus do that to her. I was hoping to stop him, but there’s nothing we can do for it now.” He furrowed his brow and added, “Why are you up here anyway? I thought I told you to go back down.”

Frederick scratched his chest as he languidly replied, “Well, long story short, I didn’t want to leave withou—wait, Arthus! What’s he got to do with this? He’s stuck in the ole Cocoon thingy!”

Sion and Ren looked at each other, then returned their gaze to Frederick. “We’ll tell you later,” they said.

Cosma suddenly became encased in bright light, causing them to stare at her, astounded. She grew larger, moving off the pedestal and into the open space behind it. Two wings extended from either side, and her head became more distinct at the top.

The light faded, and a beautiful, sparkling Pokemon appeared. She was a blue and purple bat with golden edges to her tail and wings. The light in her chest shone brightly, and her magenta eyes gazed at them with warm benevolence.

“Thank you for saving my beloved islands, Forgotten Explorers. I have now taken my mother’s place as the Moone Pokemon, Lunala. Now I can be one with the night sky, as I have longed to be for all my life,” she stated. She turned to Sion and said, “I sense that the Usurper, Arthus, has gone from your mind. May he rot in his prison until the coming of the end of Equivos.”

Frederick held up a claw and exclaimed, “Hold up! What’s the deal here? A ball o’ fog suddenly sprouts up to be a huge ole bat, then she goes off tellin’ me about Arthus bein’ in Sion? Somebody fill me in here!”

The scraping of steel against stone filled the air coming from Mount Sol. A massive white cat bounded down the mountain, with two shapes laying across its back. It continued past the base of the mountain and continued to climb up Mount Lune, its momentum bringing it up in but a few strides.

The cat landed on the other side of the peak, towering proudly over the smaller Pokemon. “Many thanks for bringing me and my sister to our domains. I have become Solgaleo, bringer of the Sun, thanks to you.” His proud features faltered as he tilted his neck down. “Unfortunately, the two who brought me passed to the Tree of Life.” Gaiden and Ekon’s still forms lay across Solgaleo’s back.

The Forgotten Explorers approached Solgaleo. Frederick sniffed, wiping his eyes. “I guess we’ll have to break the news to their teams…” he said, his voice cracking. He began to cry, kneeling in front Gaiden and Ekon’s bodies.

Lunala hovered around the peak, growing closer to Solgaleo. “Your journey is complete, although not without loss. I and Solgaleo will return you to Lucario Guild, considering the loss of your vessel. It would be an honor.”

Ren grinned, setting a paw on his hip. “You know, you aren’t the little Cosmog that loved to watch the moon all night anymore. You’re different now.”

Lunala nodded. “I have learned many things in my brief time as a Cosmoem. My calling to be one with the moon has changed me greatly.” She gestured with her wing to the distant continents, saying, “We can talk more on our return to Equivos. Are you ready?”

Sion and Ren looked at each other once more, and nodded.

~~~~



Sea spray coated fur and skin as they crossed the ocean, the salty smell sweet in comparison to the air of Ultra Space. Wishiwashi and Bruxish swam happily underneath them, the corrupting influence of the Ultra Beasts gone from their mind.

Solgaleo bounded across the water, a psychic shield allowing him to traverse it like land. Frederick chose to be with him, not just to keep Gaiden and Ekon secure on their journey across the sea, but also to mull over the short time he had with them.

Lunala flew just overhead, with Sion and Ren clutching to her neck. They were both fearful of flying, but trusting the Legend completely, they went along with her plans.

In the wind rushing past them, Sion asked, “What do you think everyone’s been up to while we’ve been gone?”

Ren shrugged, replying, “No idea. It’s probably been business as usual really.”

“Do you think they’ll notice anything different about you?”

He sighed, closing his eyes. “I hope they do.”

~~~~

Harry looked out the window of the Master’s Tower, nodding appreciatively. “Skies are clear and not a whiff of that foul air anywhere. I’d say it’s safe to go around and get our duties done.” He leaned against a cabinet and added, “That little Cosma must’ve made it up the mountain herself, considering what we saw a week ago. To think it’s only been that long.”

Lukas’ head rose from his book, an irritated look spread across his face. “You know as well as I do that Sion and the others helped her to the peak. They didn’t die in that shipwreck.”

Harry groaned, pounding the cabinet. “There’s no way! You heard the Wingull! They said…they said…” he trailed off, his eyes glued to the window once more. He forced his head away from it and stammered, “Um…you might want to see this.” He stepped away as Lukas stomped toward the window, looking at the exact point that Harry did.

Two enormous Pokemon—one a bat and another a lion—stood in the plaza. Pokemon swarmed around them, all standing in awe, all the while welcoming three individuals: a Feraligatr, a Zoroark, and a Lucario.

In a flash, Lukas was out the door.

~~~~

Corinne hugged Sion and cried, bawling out, “I’m so sorry I sent you out with that awful cloak! I should have burned that thing years ago!”

Sion patted her on the back, saying, “It’s alright now mom. Arthus is gone, and it actually helped me out…in a way.” He looked back to Ren, who had all his school friends surrounding him.

Johnson pushed ahead of everyone and exclaimed, “What was it like there? Did your ship crash? Were those Ultra Beasts creepy-looking?”

Ren hastily answered everyone’s questions, while Victor and Molly came to Sion and Corinne.

Corinne stepped back, wiping her tears away, while Victor clapped a paw over Sion’s back. “Good show coming back, Sion! We thought you died with everyone else when the Wingull saw the remains of the ship piled at the shore.

Molly gave Sion a hug herself and added, “How did that happen anyways? I thought Frederick was a master navigator.”

As Sion told the story of the Wishiwashi attack, Frederick stood glumly outside the crowd, looking down on the shapes beneath two white cloths. Wilson Sceptile, George Emboar, Aaron Archeops and Rix Skarmory all bowed their heads over their fallen captains.

“They got along just fine in the end. Loved each other like brothers really. Just wish...” Frederick sighed. “Just wish that they could’ve made it with us.”

Ren was answering the latest of dozens of questions when the crowd suddenly hushed. Lukas Lucario had come out of the Master’s Tower, studying the crowd that surrounded his son.

He stepped off the stairs and toward Ren, the crowd parting as he progressed. Ren assumed a formal posture, restraining the urge to run up to his father.

Lukas gazed at his son, keeping his paws from trembling by grasping his staff. “You’ve returned.” A slight smile appeared. “I always knew you would.”

Ren cleared his throat, then said, “I, uh…learned a few things while I was there. I learned that I was a selfish, annoying Lucario. I never deserved any of the praise that everyone gave me.” None dared to whisper.

“I learned that Sion was never a bad Pokemon that I thought he was. He saved my tail more than I can remember, and without him, I don’t think I’d be here right now.” Lukas’ smile faded.

“After a visit from a certain Pokemon,” Ren stepped closer, so only Lukas could hear. “I know what happened to Mom. I always thought that Sion was bad because of his dad, but your ancestors never make you who you are.” Lukas held back a gasp.

Ren stepped back and bowed. “I’ve made it up to Frederick and Sion as best as I could for what I’ve done. How can I make it up to you?”

Lukas stared down at him then motioned for him to rise. “You can start by taking school seriously. Can you promise me that?” Ren nodded.

Lukas then embraced Ren and whispered, “It’s good to see you’ve changed.” After a moment, he stepped back and held Ren’s paw in the air. “Let’s have a celebration in honor of the Forgotten Explorers, and our future Guildmaster!” The crowd cheered, and for once in twelve years, Sion and Ren felt truly happy.

~~~~

Later that night, after hours of cooking, creating, and planning, the Wenstrel Café became the focal point of a massive feast, with all sorts of delicious confections for all to eat. All the Pokemon of Lucario Guild sat at the tables, listening to Sion and Ren’s tale from the Forgotten Isles. They told everything from Ren’s encounter with the Pikipek, to the dangerous Exeggutor of Lele Island, each correcting each other as they misremembered details.

“So there I was, beating up all of these nasty black Rattata, when Sion swoops in on a vine and splats the huge Raticate with a tree trunk!”

“It didn’t happen like that! I was already on top of the tree trunk, then I started—”

“Come on, they don’t know that! Let’s make it sound cooler than it was!”

They laughed soon after, their friendship growing stronger as the stories continued.

Corinne and Lukas looked on from another table, watching as their sons told the story of the Forgotten Isles. “It’s so nice to see them finally get along,” Corinne mused.

Lukas chuckled slightly, taking off his hat and setting on the table. “About time. I never thought it’d happen.” He turned to Corinne, seeing her shiver slightly.

Lukas looked up, casually removing his cloak. He set it over Corinne’s shoulders, then said, “It is a bit chilly tonight. Wouldn’t want you catching a cold.”

Corinne, caught off-guard, made a knowing smile. She looked down at her Chesto tart, and shoved the plate in front of Lukas. “I’m not feeling all that hungry right now. How about you have it?”

Lukas looked down at the tart, as surprised as Corinne was about his cloak. He smiled himself, then placed the plate between them. “How ‘bout we share it?”

Corinne raised her fork, as did Lukas. They began to share stories of their own, about the happenings in their time at Lucario Guild.

~~~~

Solgaleo had left during the preparations, leaving Lunala to linger at the fringes of Lucario Guild. She hovered outside, looking out at the moon from on top of the Master’s Tower.

“I remember looking out from here when I first came here…what an innocent youth I was,” she sighed.

“Hey Cosma—I mean, Lunala! Don’t you want something to eat?”

She looked down, seeing Sion and Ren walking out of the Wenstrel Café. In Ren’s paws was a small cake, the Bluk berry frosting on top of it in the shape of a crescent moon.

Lunala flew down from the spire, landing just in front of them. She gingerly took the cake, then slipped t into her mouth. She swallowed then said, “Thank you.” She looked back to the sky, frowning. “Solgaleo left to run with the sun, as his duty is wherever it shines. I must fly with the moon, following its path across the world.”

Sion and Ren’s faces drooped. “You mean…we won’t see you again?” Sion asked.

Lunala looked back at them and said, “Every new moon I am free to roam, a freedom that Solgaleo unfortunately does not have. When that time comes, I promise to come to you, and tell you the stories that the moon sees.”

She flapped her wings, rising into the sky. “Farewell, sons of Life and Death. I shall see you again, when the moon is dark!” She flew toward the full moon sparkles trailing behind her with every flap of her wings.

Sion and Ren stood astonished at the sudden departure of their friend. Ren quickly rebounded, wrapping an arm around Sion’s shoulders. “To think that she was just a little puff-ball when she came here, huh?”

Sion glared at him crossly, then relented, laughing. “Right.” He sighed, watching Lunala fade away. “I think I’m done with exploring. The Forgotten Isles were enough for me.”

“You could go into rescue work. I can be part of your team!” Ren replied.

“But what happens once you’re Guildmaster? You’d have to retire form that once you’re done,” Sion argued.

“Then what will you do?”

Sion thought about his favorite things to learn from Master Mienshao, then made up his mind. “I think I’ll go to Alakazam Guild in a few years. I’d love to research the things over on Deitae, and I wouldn’t have to fight any more.”

Ren sighed, scratching the back of his head. “You won’t go as soon as you can, right?”

Sion made it seem like it took thought, but he already knew the answer.

“Of course not.”

~~~~

In the darkness, near the Elusive Woods, Frederick Feraligatr marched along the path. A satchel containing supplies and a large sum of money was at his side, his reward for saving Equivos.

He sighed, looking back at the Founder’s Canyon. Blotches still covered his body, reminders of Mount Lune. “I wish I could stay with ya…” He turned back, continuing his slow march. “But I’m a wild Pokemon at heart. I don’t belong with you folk.”

Days later, he reached Port Hydren, and with his money, purchased a small ship, a cargo full of supplies, and a chest full of paper.

He gazed past the Archipelago of Cretea, wondering what lay beyond the horizon. After a few moments, he pulled up the anchor, readied the sails, and turned the wheel. He drifted out of the harbor, and sailed toward the former boundary of the Mist Wall, to the great unknown.

~~~~

Mewtwo held up a large sack and stared at it coldly. In the icy plains of Harmonia, two Weavile lay dead in the snow.

He looked back at them and sneered. “That’s what you get for stealing from me. It’s thanks to Pokemon like you that I loathe this place.” He disappeared in a flash of light, leaving the Weavile to linger.

He reappeared in his treasure room at the Isle of Regret. The torch was in place, the flame ebbing as time passed, and surrounding it were his remaining few treasures.

Mewtwo opened the sack and replaced his few belongings bringing order to the one thing he cared about. When the sack was empty, he stepped across the rocky exterior of the island, the constant storm overhead bringing a sense of peace to him.

He entered his cave of meditation and cross his legs, bowing his head. “I finally get peace…” He closed his eyes.

“Until Arthus returns.”

~~~~

Matheus signed a stack of papers, adding the arc of Arceus at the end. “It’s finished,” he mused. He held up the bound stack, illuminating the shining letters at the front: ‘The Explorers of the Forgotten Isles’.

Hoopa appeared next to him and exclaimed, “What will you write about next?”

Matheus set the papers down on the table, then looked out the window. “I think I’ll take a break from writing. It’s a fine hobby, but I think I need a change of pace.” He paced down the steps of his little room, with Hoopa trailing him.

“You want to go see what’s out there, don’t you?” Hoopa mused.

Matheus gave him a knowing look, exiting the Tree of Life. “What gave you the idea?” He began to run through the Luminescent Woods, running toward the coastline.

Hoopa followed, occasionally disappearing through his hoops. “You complaining about there being nothing new in Equivos was a bit of a hint.”

Matheus stopped, watching a ship cross by in the distance. “Can you see the name on that ship there?”

Hoopa put a hand over his head and squinted. “It looks like it’s called The Guardian.

“Can you get us on there?”

Hoopa’s eyes widened, then narrowed as he smirked. He threw one ring toward it, then threw one on the sand in front of them. The mist within it disappeared, showing an overhead scene of a Feraligatr lounging on the crow’s nest.

Matheus nodded. “That’s the one.” He jumped through the hoop.

Hoopa chuckled, following Matheus.

This is gonna be good!”
 
And now, ladies and gentleman...the final chapter.

Chapter 50: Years Later…

20 Years AMW (After the Mist Wall)

It was autumn in Lucario Guild, when the wind pulled the leaves away from the Tree of Slumber, when the day had a perpetual orange hue, and when the local Swellow migrated south toward the Archipelago of Cretea. The forest surrounding the Founder’s Canyon radiated with warm colors, gradually fading to a coarse brown as the days passed. The berries, ripe on their bushes, made the air smell fresh and sweet.

A Lucario leaned over a desk within the Master’s Tower. Leaning on the desk was an aged staff. He wore leather clothing, covering his chest, arms and legs, with a broad hat over his head. Around his neck was an intricate pendant, glowing a soft blue, with the gem in its center having a large crack through it.

The Lucario wrote in a book, taking anxious glances out the window occasionally.

A Luxray padded up the stairs, a stack of papers attached to a string in his mouth. He set it on the desk and said, “What’s been bothering you? Everything’s been fine in the Guild today, Guildmaster Auren.”

The Lucario gave him a cold stare and said, “You know I prefer to be called Ren, John.” He sighed, his annoyance fading. “I’m just hoping that Sion will show up tonight.”

The door at the base creaked open, and the pattering of paws and excited voices filled the room. “He’s here, he’s here!” a boyish voice shouted.

“Uncle Sion’s here!” a girlish one added. Two Riolu whizzed past John and pounced on top of Ren.

Wrestling with them to stand up, he exclaimed, “Leon! Lexa! Get off me, please!” he playfully exclaimed, finally holding the wriggling Riolu on his shoulders.

Leon leaned over and said, “Dad, Sion’s here! And he brought Aunt Vaira and Theo too!”

Ren grinned, setting his twin children on the floor. “How about you get your mom then? She’ll want to see them too!”

“We will, Dad!” Lexa exclaimed, running down the stairs with Leon, giggling as they went.

John shook his head and chuckled as Ren picked up his staff. “You and Eliza certainly have your paws full, don’t you?”

Ren nodded, bounding down the stairs. “You’re certainly right about that. You have yours full too, if little Maxie is anything to go by.”

As Ren exited, John called out, “At least there’s only one of him!”

~~~~

Outside, Pokemon went about their daily duties, whether it be gathering berries for the winter, making sandwiches for lunch, or watching little ones for parents. Explorers went to and fro along the paths rushing in and out of the Expedition Hall to complete requests. The older children continued to be educated in the Training Dojo, the wizened Victor Mienshao continuing his duties faithfully.

Ren walked past the Azure Inn, where the two innkeepers, Molly Lopunny and Doug Diggersby, managed the occupants and watched over their daycare charges, including a little Buneary named Wanda. Doug had decided to live the quiet life after he got injured on a rescue mission, and he walked with a limp ever since.

By the open gate, two Lucario, three Zoroarks, two Riolu and a Zorua all waited for their beloved Guildmaster, husband, son, and father.

Upon seeing them, Ren began to run, focused on the Zoroark that stood higher than the rest. He held himself high, full of confidence and zeal. White streaks were scattered in his mane, giving him a sign of age—but his eyes still shown the shine prevalent in all the descendants of Arthus. He wore a white cloak, emblazoned with the arc of Arceus and a green flame in the center. A golden pendant in the shape of a pair of wings hung around his neck, a green gem embedded in the center. Around his waist was a leather belt, filled with various instruments for writing and study, including a notebook, pencil, and magnifying glass.

He waved a hand and exclaimed, “It’s great to see you again, Ren!”

Ren ran up to the Zoroark and gave him a hug, saying, “And it’s great to see you too, Sion!”

The Lucario let go of him, and Sion said, “It’s Guildmaster Sion now. Elric Alakazam passed a month ago, and he selected me to be his successor.”

Lukas Lucario, his fur completely grey, exclaimed, “A great honor, especially from one as wise as him!” He held Corinne’s claw, who was as grey as he was.

She gave him a playful slap on his paw and said, “Oh, stop telling your step-son that! You know he’s prouder than a Ampharos right now!”

Ren knelt in front of the Zorua, who shied behind the mother Zoroark’s leg. “And how are you today, Theo?” The Zorua stepped back, looking up at his father.

Sion gestured for him to come out. “It’s alright Theo. This is your Uncle Ren! He’s a real nice guy.”

The mother held on to Sion’s claws and said, “Oh, you know he’s a little shy around strangers, honey.”

Theo slowly approached Ren, and as he sensed his friendly nature, his tail began to wag.

Sion laughed, holding his wife close. “See Vaira? He just needed a little encouragement!”

Another Lucario drew near stooped, patting her legs. “Come on over to Aunt Liza! That’s it!” Theo yipped and hopped into her arms, nuzzling her with his snout.

She laughed ecstatically, petting his headfur. “Oh, he’s such an adorable little guy!”

Lexa and Leon came up to Sion and asked simultaneously, “Can Theo play with us?”

“Of course, why not?” Sion exclaimed.

Theo hopped down as the Riolu twins cheered excitedly. They began to chase each other around, and this time, none of Lucario Guild gave a sideways glance to the Zorua.

Sion stepped away from the reunion, bringing Ren with him. “Can Ren and I talk alone for a bit? I want to have some time to catch up.”

Corinne pulled Vaira and Liza close and said, “Oh you go on ahead! The girls will be all fine with us!” She shuffled them away as Sion and Ren proceeded to the Master’s Tower.

~~~~

They each pulled up a chair next to the center table. A plate of Cheri Tarts sat on a plate in the middle, and next to it was a pitcher of water.

Ren took at tart and said, “So how’s life been as Guildmaster of Alakazam Guild, or should I say Zoroark Guild?”

Sion poured a glass of water and nodded. “It’s different than I expected. For one, I can’t just be in the ruins whenever I want now. I have to send others to do that for me, since I have to manage everything in the Guild.” He sighed. “It’s nice being in charge of things, but I don’t have as much free time as before.”

“I know what you mean; it’s no picnic being Guildmaster here either. I have so many forms to sign it’s not even funny.”

“At least I still have time to write my book.”

“Oh? What’s it about?”

“It’s called The Legends of Equivos. it’s about the Legends and Myths and the stories that surround them. I’ve had to read thousands of glyphs on their monuments to find them.”

“Sounds pretty hard. I’ve just been busy helping out Liza and the kids in my free time. I go out for the occasional fight with the kids in the Dojo too, just to keep my edge. How’s Vaira been treating you?”

“Trying to get me in social life, per the usual. Faeren keeps wanting me over, but I’m more comfortable in my office.”

“At least you have some time to be by yourself. Pokemon barge in here all the time, asking for my opinion about everything.”

“The only reason I don’t have constant visits is because I keep sending Pokemon out to the research sites. If it weren’t for that, I’d be swamped.”

Sion finished a tart, taking a swig of water afterward. “At least I still have time to be with my family. There aren’t many Zoroarks left in Equivos, and I’m lucky that Vaira found me.”

“I know how you feel. I had to go searching for a while before I found Liza. It’s a good thing we got along, because I dunno how much longer I would’ve searched for.”

They both laughed.

Ren smiled as he leaned closer. “You ready for tonight?”

Sion nodded. “Ready as I’ll ever be.”

~~~~

In the middle of the ocean, two legendary Pokemon pushed a wrapped bundle off the deck of a ship, weighted by an anchor. The bundle dropped into the water, sinking rapidly into the depths.

Hoopa sniffed, wiping his face. “Frederick was a good guy, if a bit wild. We had many great adventures together, and I hope we can see him again in the Tree of Life.”

Matheus nodded, returning to the ship’s wheel. “I’ll remember him always.” He looked toward the setting sun. “I think it’s high time we head back to Equivos. Twenty years is a long time to be gone, and I want to see how Sion and Ren are doing.”

Hoopa untied the ropes holding the sails, still mourning over Frederick. “Yeah. Can we come back here sometime?”

Beneath them was a beautiful crystal reef, shining orange in the low sunlight. Corsola gathered near each other and relished their meals of seaweed and undersea berries, all the while watching Frederick’s body descend.

Matheus jolted as the ship began to move. “We will, Hoopa. We will.”

~~~~

That night, the two Guildmasters sat on the roof, looking up at the moonless sky. A soft breeze blew through, pushing away the few leaves that remained on the Tree of Slumber. All the Pokemon had gone to their beds for the night, save for the two Forgotten Explorers.

“When does she usually come around here?” Sion asked.

“About…now.”

A pinpoint of light appeared in the center of the dark moon. It grew larger and larger, until the shape of Lunala finally appeared.

She flew toward them, halting just in front of their faces. “It is wonderful to see you together again. How are your families?”

Ren grinned and replied, “Doing just fine! Little Theo is getting along just fine with Lexa and Leon, and our wives are having a blast together.”

Sion leaned forward and said, “What story are you going to tell us tonight?”

Lunala’s face suddenly became grim. “I unfortunately have a message to give, from Arceus himself.” Sion and Ren looked at each other, concerned, then looked back to Lunala.

“Years from now, the world will come to be a dark place. The Guilds will fall in a time where Pokemon have dark hearts, with most in the world having no care for their companions. In that time, the Destruction Pokemon, Yveltal, shall fly once more, and use his power to take the Life of all those on Equivos.

“Arthus will be released once Yveltal flies once more. He will try to take the life himself, just as he attempted to do in the time of Laryon Lucario. Arceus warns that we must remain vigilant, for although he can see these events, he cannot determine when they’ll happen.”

The former Explorers remained silent for a moment, then Ren said, “I’ll make sure to fulfill my role as Guildmaster well.”

“So will I. I know Arthus, and he would stop at nothing to manipulate everyone to his will,” Sion added.

Lunala nodded sagely. “That is good to hear.” She smiled, her light-filled core shining even more brightly. “Would you want to hear a story?”

~~~~

Darkness. That’s what I see, I feel, I know. That has been my existence for three-hundred-and-twenty years. And I long to escape.

My descendants proved to a valuable tool in the outside world—until my last one decided to betray me. Now I remain here in this Cocoon, away from my destiny, away from my Life, and away from my revenge.

I hate Equivos for what it is. Pokemon are all selfish and vicious at their core—it’s just that not all of them show it. You may say that there are good Pokemon, but I disagree. Where there’s good, there’s evil, even within individuals.

If only Laryon and Matheus hadn’t intervened! I could have cleansed this world, make it so Pokemon could do only good! But instead they banished me here, to this world within a world, to suffer within my mind.

Those fools may have succeeded this time, but they forget that Yveltal has to awaken some time. The population of Equivos can’t remain good forever. Soon the region will be overtaken with darkness, with the occasional pinpricks of light shining through. I will be ready, for that day.

It will come, I assure you. In my time in this place, I thought of a word to describe it, better than ‘inevitable’, or ‘certain’, or anything else your feeble minds may come up with. No, it is grander, a word that ought to exist, yet doesn’t. A combination of two words you already know and love: ‘equivocate’ and ‘unequivocally’. With and without committal to what you say by using ambiguous language.

There is no hiding what will happen to Equivos; that is certain. There is no hiding what will happen to me; that is also certain. The Guilds will fall, and the Seal will be mine, and I shall create new life. It is all…

Unequivocant.

End of Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: The Forgotten Isles

The End of Equivos shall come in Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Unequivocant, coming December 2nd, 2017.

Thank you to everyone who has followed my story for this long, and encourage you to read the final story within my PMD series. There will be major changes coming to my writing method, hopefully to correct the issues with my character development and dialogue for the future. I will also be posting chapters less often, but in exchange will be doubling their size to 6000 words each. I look forward to reaching out in December!
 
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Posting Frequency:

Yes, I realize that I've been posting a lot. More so than I probably should. But I am on a bit of a time crunch. By next year, I'll be on a hiatus, for a long time. I want to finish the story ideas I have before I end up leaving. Hence my frequent posting. I plan on remedying that by working on my next story throughout the next few months, then posting it all at once, eliminating the frequent posting. Of course, people won't have anything to read until then, but I think I can come up with something.

Ok so I get that published authors usually release an entire story at once. That’s what we’ve come to expect. But let’s say that one reader would want to check out your story once a week. If you post it all at once they’d see fifty chapters to get through, balk, and pick something lighter since they haven’t been hooked in to read it all. Additionally, your story would only be on the front page for like a month. That’s maybe four people who might look into your story and consider reviewing, total. And not all of them will. Your solution to the posting problem is the one thing that would land you even less reviews.

You’ve talked a lot about the hiatus, and honestly I don’t see the point of rushing if you expect it to be less than five years or so. Or why you won’t be able to write anything at all, unless there’s military service involved. I’ve taken a lot of breaks. When I come back I’ve usually had time to cultivate and refine ideas well enough that the story goes much more smoothly. I think you’d be better served spending actual years planning successive drafts and, if possible, talking to someone else about them as well as reading good fan fiction and original fiction to find things to imitate. And then coming back to publish.

Dialogue:

My dialogue can be adjusted, and with PMD: Unequivocant (my final story in Equivos), I plan on adjusting some of my methods--one of them being my sentence structure. I've been rushing out my chapters, so that's resulted in some odd-sounding sentences for characters and narration. I'll take the time to read the entire Act of chapters aloud and highlighting problem areas before I move on to the next act. Simple, yes, but something I should have been doing from the start.

That’s good and will catch grammar. But I think the best way to fix your dialogue problem is reading a lot of good fiction and paying attention to how you and other people speak in real life. If you need to, model each character on the closest real life person you know or can read books, speeches or quotes by. If they would never, ever say something in real life like what you’ve written, ditch it. But seriously, read and think. You can almost certainly do that whatever your hiatus entails and you’d be better off for it.

Setting:

Actually...this doesn't take place in Alola. It's a fictional chain of islands that there happen to be four of. I can understand the confusion there. Anyways, I appreciate the praise, and I do realize I need to work on greater detail. Something I plan on resolving in PMDUE.

…what? Ok, so here’s the oddness of that. You have four islands, one with each Tapu. On one island live the starters and Tapu Koko. On another you have lush forests, plains with Mudsdale (Paniola area) and mostly pokemon native to Akala, most notably Tapu Lele. On your third you have a desert and two mountains like, you know, Ula’Ula. And on the fourth you have a large plateau with Kommo’o… like Poni. If you weren’t trying to convey the impression they were Alola, you really could’ve made the islands way more different than actual Alola.

Characters:

Alright, from the get-go, I know I messed up. I wanted to execute Ren's development differently, but it skewed in the wrong direction, especially with Act 1. And the other characters suffered because I simply had too many, a mistake I keep making in all my stories. To solve this, I'll start by having only three characters be featured, then maybe introduce some more once I've got them settled. Even then, they wouldn't be main characters.

Three is a good dynamic, especially when starting out. There’s a reason that three, five and four are the most popular team numbers in that order. In Iterations I handle it by introducing one major character at a time and giving them at least two chapters before anyone else of note walks in.

The winds had grown too strong for him to fly, and so forced him to climb the entire rest of the way up.

Either “he was forced to climb” or “…to strong for him to fly, forcing him…”

“This is where it ends for you!”

All of Pheromosa’s dialogue except her monologue was hammy enough that it jarred with the apparently serious nature of the scene. I barely even noticed or cared that Ekon died in the midst of it. And talking with people on the forum, this is something that you were warned about when your last climax was reviewed. If you want to make a single change to improve the climax of the story, removing hammy or cartoony dialogue from serious villains would do wonders for the tone.

ending the Bug Buzz and he pulling.

The pulling

One rock pound Buzzwole on the head, suddenly clearing his vision. He searched one more Xurkitree, seeing him begin to flee for the exit.

Pounded. “Once more” or “one more time” this story is in past tense so it should be “saw him beginning to flee”

muttered, “I must wait for the opportune moment to strike, or all will be lost. I am the strongest of all Ultra Beasts, but even I must be careful.”

This has both muttering and dialogue he wouldn’t have said aloud. That paragraph is there for the benefit of the audience who haven’t been able to figure out that Buzzwhole strength (which you’ve showed pretty well). It certainly isn’t an organic thing Buzzwhole would say. To the extent I know the character. The problem with having eight (eight!) villains in a 150k word story is I barely know much about any of them but Arthus. I would have really just reduced the number to Arthus and maybe two plot-relevant Ultra Beasts, and make it clear that they’re all subservient to one. Longer stories can have more, but I would generally hesitate to have more than one major antagonist per 50k words in the story.

Ren leaps up the final foothold,

Leapt

harsh red light, her screams penetrating through the harsh winds

I would remove one of the harshes.

I actually quite liked the twist with Buzzwhole messing up Xurxitree’s plans. It felt like a natural plot progression and makes Buzzwhole’s motivation much clearer. And despite feeling natural I didn’t really see it coming. So props for that.

I am confused how powerful the Ultra Beasts are supposed to be. Most of them have been taken by one of the protagonists one on one (or essentially one on one), but at different points off screen they’ve taken on the Tapus and entire bands of Pseudo-legends and won. It feels like they were set up as a much bigger threat than they’ve really been, in large part because the story’s been hijacked by Arthus.

Chapter 48

But this was a new Ren, one that had become reasonable and caring. One that had given up that stubbornness he relied on, one that he wanted to right his wrongs.

Ok so here’s why I don’t like sudden epiphany development as opposed to gradual development with choices that force the character to reveal who they are at that moment. When you put it like that, I honestly can’t believe that Ren came that far in one conversation, even if gods were involved.

“Time to give Arthus a taste of his own medicine.”

This seems hammy and like something that’s there for the audience and not the characters.

His vision blackened, and began to feel.

“and he began”

He threw Cosma upward, and she swung into the center, pulled by an invisible force. She flashed with bright light, and the sea moaned.

The mist wall began to rise, revealing the distant Equivos. It shrunk, compacting into a tight cylinder. It shot toward the Ultra Wormhole, its diameter expanding for the final time. The wall wrapped across the wormhole and glowed white, restraining the growth of the Wormhole.

After what seemed like an endless fight between the Wall and the Wormhole, the Wormhole began to shrink, the cloud and tendrils retreating into its diminishing domain. The air became clean, the thundering became distant, and the shrieking became silent. The hole disappeared with a silent plea, and the mist wall warped and twisted into a sheet, rocketing upward and expanding past the horizon. The dimensional wall of Equivos had returned.

See, this is pretty great imagery. But it also happens so, so quickly that I was left thinking… and that’s it? Like if you’re going to push things right up against the cosmic point of no return, I’d figure that there would’ve been more difficulty and more description of Lunala and Solgaleo fighting against the wormhole.

Otherwise, I wouldn’t have written in the cosmic deadline and the difficulty of Lunala and Solgaleo to control it if it actually wasn’t going to be difficult. It doesn’t matter much sense that was neither the plot, character nor emotional climax of the story (respectively: the defeat of Buzzwhole, the defeat of Arthus, Sion’s backstory… and yeah, it’s kind of weird that the emotional climax of the story occurred in the past. I’ve done it but that was in a story that existed to mess with timelines.)

Chapter 49:

This chapter was good and I have reasonably few complaints. You took the story down from climax to ending rather quickly, which isn’t a bad thing, just an observation. So few fan fics actually reach their climax it’s hard for me to find things to comment on in the resolution.

If I have anything to comment on it’s that Ren and Sion being friends still feels really, really weird. That’s probably a sign that the change wasn’t organic enough to avoid being jarring. It feels like Ren changed because he had to for the story and not because it made sense given the events of the story.

Chapter 50:

Aunt Vaira.

This is either a reference to my work or the land politics of Papua New Guinea. If it’s the latter, well played. If it’s the former

Not a huge fan of stories that have parts, even just epilogues, that exist solely to set up something else. It takes away from the idea of a story as a self-contained plot, perhaps existing in a series of self-contained plots that, taken together, tell a larger story. Just like life is a bunch of individual stories that kind of coalesce into a plot and character development, but each story is a story in its own right.

I dunno. It annoyed me a little here, to end on the reminder that in spite of everything that happened in this story the world’s going to end anyway and they just kicked the can down the road for a bit. Undermines everything, you know?
 
Posting Frequency:
After thinking about it some more, I'm planning on posting a 6,000 word chapter once every two weeks--the equivalent of two PMDFI Chapters. It'll keep people interested n my writing, and it's still slow enough where people should be able to post their thoughts, right?

Also, about the hiatus...I'll just be open about it. I'll be going on a mission for my church, and I won't be able to contact the online world at all while I'm gone. I'm not even sure how much I'll be able to practice my writing. By the time I get to this again, I may want to work on something else, and I really don't want to leave an idea like PMDUE hanging.

Dialogue:
I'm giving myself a bit of time to relax before getting to work on PMDUE, so I'll be reading and rereading some books. I can read fairly fast, so, hopefully that helps.

Setting:
That's...just a coincidence, really. The islands have a guardian deity, yes, and there also happens to be similarities between the Forgotten Isles and Alola...but they aren't intended to be the same. In the lore I'm planning for Unequivocant, the canon Pokemon world is actually in an alternate dimension. So yes, they aren't Alola.

Characters:
I'm planning on introducing them in chunks, and gradually removing characters along with it. Still, good to hear the support.

Chapter 47:
I understand that I was warned about the cartoony dialogue before. A bad habit, I know. And on the number of villains, that was a mistake right from the start. I wasn't able to accurately portray their strength due to it, so that really could've done better.

Chapter 48:
As with the PMDLU, I made mistakes with my plot, this time with the character development. I made things too sudden, and the relationship I was hoping for ended up getting ruined by haste.

I hoped that the wormhole could've become a stronger plot point, but once I had Arthus in the mix, stirring things behind the scenes...it began to unravel. I definitely don't plan on trying anything like this with Unequivocant, even if it has potential to be interesting.

Chapter 49:
Again, I wish I could've done Ren's conversion better. I waited too long to put his backstory in, and that really killed it.

Chapter 50:
On Vaira: I never thought of that, nor do I get the reference.

On the undermining note, I agree. I've been planning to resolve certain things hinted toward the end of PMDLU, and PMDFI seems like a filler chapter come to think of it. The events are important, yes, but you could easily erase what happened in PMDFI and have what's happening in Unequivocant. Rather disappointing really.


I completely understand all the criticism about this; I'm currently an imperfect writer, and want to get better, particularly in the character development region. Unequivocant will focus more on my main character than the other stories, and with the changes I'm planning for his character over its course, I think it's safe to say the same issues won't be present. Probably.
 
Awards Review!

Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: The Forgotten Isles

Plot:

A plot with a pretty standard adventure them with plot points here and there that a rather reminiscent of the second Pokemon Mystery Dungeon games. There are a few cliche plot elements here and there, the tales hits ‘story beats’ but could probably be a bit more fresh in it's execution. The originality the fic does have is in it’s set-up. It manages to create a fresh setting with some good descriptions which do help bring he world alive.

Setting:
One of the better parts of the fic, it’s clear that you’ve spent many hours working out the world and building it from the ground up. Places such as the Guild and the living area around the characters seems well developed and we get insights into the separate aspects of each. The islands seem inspired by Alola, I would have perhaps like to have seen a few less things borrowed from it, although creating a completely original fictional region is difficult, and borrowing from the games is always tempting. The general description of setting, however, is generally good throughout the fic.

Characterization:
The most noticeable issue with the work is the dialogue. It's unbelievably written, and because of that the colours seem that way too. It’s the sort that might work fine for a Shōnen action show, or a TV show aimed as children but for prose writing? It doesn't work. Prose is an entirely different medium to television, especially if it's aiming at a different demographic and some concepts don’t translate well between the two mediums. The characters tend to voice all of their feelings in a way nobody would do naturally in real life. I’m not sure how much the character’s own depths come through in the fic either, I don’t really get a sense of their hidden feelings or parts of their personality they might be ashamed of, or would rather not show. If the dialogue was more realistic and emotional, then this fic would be noticeably far better.

Character dynamic is presented in a somewhat simplistic way, not so as we are wondering what the real motivations for the characters are, generally those are given to us. The character interactions are what I could consider ‘immature’ and in the work that makes them appear superficial. The villains are hit the hardest by this as their dialogue can be very stereotypical and they don’t really show much of a personality other than ‘evil’.

Writing Style:
It’s competent, but I have a feeling that you don’t fully trust your readers to work the characters emotions out from dialogue and actions alone. Which is fine for children’s literature, but can be seen as a kind of ‘hand holding’ in reading intended for older audiences (think older than 13 or so). The audience should be able to make out if the characters are ‘happy’ and such by what they do, rather than outright state it.

At certain places the splits between characters and locations feels mildly inconsistent and a bit jarring. This happens a lot in the last two chapters in the story, and the conclusion dosen’t really feel ‘whole’ because of it. Even if you won’t do it frequently I suggest at least getting some practice in writing in first person. It’ll help you focus on one induvial for longer, as well as detail some of their induvial thoughts without giving them away to the audience (or you’ll at least be less tempted to).

I also notice a lot of ‘unique’ dialogue tags in places where they would perhaps not be needed. If the characters voices are strong enough, then we should be able to tell who is speaking even if the tags aren’t there. If you do need tags however use ‘said’ if the reader can guess the way the character speaks from context, only when there isn’t enough should we move on to more simplistic ones like ‘yell’ or ‘whisper’. Others can be used for emphasis, but I will still encourage you to use them rarely.

Technical:
You tend to miss the spaces at the end of ellipses when you write them. I’m not sure I noticed too many spelling errors in the text and I certainly didn’t pick up any ‘glaring’ ones.

Overall:
What you’ve got here is a work of juvenile fiction. However, it’s juvenile fiction which believes itself to be young adult fiction or at least for a higher age group than it’s actually written for. The dialogue, the vocabulary and overall plot doesn't trust its readers intelligence or works on the assumption they are probably younger than 13. Despite my lack of positive criticism, I wouldn’t say the fic is bad, it's actually good in a number of places and I can see talent and skill has gone involved with crafting it. However, despite it being decent it is something deeply flawed and because of those flaws is something far weaker than it should be. It’s a work with a great potential missed.
 
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