Rob Anybody
I need beer money dammit!
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- Mar 22, 2010
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Re: POKEMON: The Power Inside (Chapter 17)
including the Team Rocket Trio...Gold!
including the Team Rocket Trio...Gold!
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For reasons unknown to me, Legacy asked me to review his fic but since I haven’t commented on it before, I’ll just review all the chapters up until now at once so sorry if this is too lengthy but…
Let’s dive right in and start with the positive. This fanfiction has a good balance between description, dialogue and action so it’s very fluid. The language is impeccable and that’s always a plus. This fanfiction also has some elements that would usually turn me off, namely guns and made-up pokemon, but here they’re pulled off well enough to not hinder my appreciation of the story.
I also really liked the very detailed battles. They’re very easy to picture them and the way they’re writing them is filled with tension and keeps the reader on edge. I also like how much Ash is involved in the battle. Status moves, abilities, environment, strategy are usually what separates the great battles from the good ones. Those elements are already present but could play an even bigger part.
The Rocket plot is also very solid. I loved it when Jessie, James and Meowth made their appearance, but the bulk of the Rocket plot was already well anchored in the story. I only wish we could see more anime canon Rocket members like Domino, Butch, Cassidy and Namba.
I like the overall darker edgier tone of the story, but I don’t feel that tone is reflected in the main cast. While they are true to their anime counterpart for the most part, some feel very one-dimensional namely May, Max and Brock. Part of the reason why they feel this way is that there’s no surprise with those three characters. May’s a coordinator dating Drew, Max went to get the Ralts and he’s a trainer and Brock’s a breeder, so far nothing unexpected, nothing to spark interest. I want to see more of them, be more surprised by them.
Ash is interesting in this story but somehow I’d like to see more out of his interactions with both his pokemon and his friends. I was pleasantly surprised by Dawn’s portrayal as I felt she was compelling, touching, occasionally bitchy (but that’s a good thing) but above all else she’s believable. Though for all the praise I’m giving to the portrayal of the character, I wonder how much of it was intentional since throughout the story, I felt like Dawn was almost solely there to make Misty look good. A good example would be the scene where both discuss how they feel about Ash’s Feraligatr. Dawn felt very out of character in that scene since she never displayed any disdain for any pokemon’s appearance even going as far as befriending a Grimer with self-confidence issues. I don’t know what’s in store for Dawn. I’m afraid she’ll just be the girl who’s there to make Misty look good, but then make a heel face turn at the last minute and support Ash and Misty’s relationship because she wants her beloved to be happy and she couldn’t stand in the way of their predestined love. That would be cliché. I hope there’s more to her character’s development than that.
This brings us to Misty. I knew from the start that this was a fanfic in which Misty and Pokéshipping played a big part and so I when I read it, I tried to put any preconceived ideas and opinions I had about the character and the pairing aside. I have to say I quite liked the fact that the character was taken in a totally different direction. It was unpredictable and while I like the idea, the execution left me a bit cold for two reasons. First, I felt the story was trying too much to make me feel sorry for the character which ultimately failed since she doesn’t really do anything but whine about her situation instead of actively trying to improve it and also because of her actual relationship with Ash. I mean Misty whines a lot about how difficult it would be for her and Ash to reconnect, so far so good, but then she gets a vision from legendary pokemon basically telling her she and Ash are meant to be together which spurs her into action, not a doubt in her mind (let’s remember she’s supposedly depressed) and take out her powerhouse pokemon to save Ash. Misty just wedges herself back in the group, no questions asked, no recriminations, no nothing (except from Dawn but nobody cares). Also Ash totally ditches Dawn, the girl who’s been there for years, for Misty, the girl he barely knows anymore. I was actually feeling sorry for Dawn here, rooting for her more than Ash and Misty. Why? It’s because she’s the one who doesn’t have it easy. She’s the one who has to face hurdles, obstacles, uneasiness, etc. so she’s the one that then becomes compelling. Had it been the opposite, Misty would have been compelling and the uneasiness and awkwardness between her and Ash, slowly learning to work together and get to know each other would be more interesting.
Overall, this story has a good solid plot, intriguing, darker, edgier but it gets in the way of the relationships between the characters which are a bit lacking. Though it is clearly one of the better fics I’ve read in a while and I’ll definitely continue reading it.
Sorry for the lenght and sorry if I sound mean, I actually like the fic.
Saw this in the nominations and thought I peek in to see what it was about. One of the best fics I have ever read, and I hhave read a lot of fics. One main thing with your writing is that you have a great way of describing things. It definwtly gets me into the story and when the plot comes around with the characters and the already known backstory, its like watching a new season on TV (rated PG-13). I cannot wait for the next chapter and I do deeply thank you for rewriting this!
Great chapter!
I'm still neutral on Dawn's potrayal. While the reasons for acting the way she is are somewhat justified, she's still coming off as a bitch.
Now, we see in the nest chapter what crucial events have been changed and what have not. Looking forward to it.
I'm still neutral on Dawn's potrayal. While the reasons for acting the way she is are somewhat justified, she's still coming off as a bitch.
Actually, you've done a great job with Dawn's character. Just maybe tone her down a bit so that the readers done end up hating her.
I loved how Ho-Oh protected everyone in Goldenrod, I actually thought he'll destroy M3, well not really. Also, I agree as well on you toning Dawn down a little, I mean I can understand why she's mad about Lexie and Misty but whoever Ash likes is up to him and she has to stop acting like he's her property or something, once a childhood friend always a childhood friend I guess.
Also, I think you're describing Lexie's features a little too much, we get it, she's hot, no need to overdo it....though I don't mind really feel free to do it as much as you like XD I think you're one of a few writers who can actually give fan service in a story.