POKEMON: The Power Inside (Chapter 20 - Route One Rumble!)

[Flaze]

Re: POKEMON: The Power Inside (Chapter 18 - Sacred Fire)

Don't forget he has a Pikachu with him, mascot power helps him too.

 

[Derier44]

Re: POKEMON: The Power Inside (Chapter 18 - Sacred Fire)

I can imagine Ho-oh being the poster pokemon for Skittles after the Team Rocket bosses reaction.

Anyways, another great chapter, I'm also glad to see that the whole cast is going on an adveture for once. I can't wait to read the next chapter which I bet will just as better!

 

[Zekurom]

Re: POKEMON: The Power Inside (Chapter 18 - Sacred Fire)

In the interest of the fanfic awards, I'm going around and rating all the nominated fics on their respective categories and how I think they fit.

Any category that I don't believe I can rate accurately, I will not vote for.

(Just a little disclaimer - I haven't read the entire story. I'm just sampling a few chapters, so the ratings might be a little off.)

Characterization: 16/20

Because this is a future fic, it is important that any characters you have stay in character. You've done a good job of this, making Ash more mature but still keeping the same whimsical personality. Same goes for Misty, Dawn, and the rest of the humans. They're also balanced pretty well.

And all the conflict between them. That's also a plus.

Plot: 13/20

Yeah, the plot didn't suit me very well because it's centered around a MacGuffin and a League battle involving Ash, as well as Team Rocket taking over the world and something about "the four Guardians", which is a plot that's geared toward another type of story altogether. Although, I have a feeling that there's much more to it than what I see on the outside.

Connectivity with the past: 14/20

Being a Future Fic, it must obviously deviate from some event in the past - this one being one of Ash's generic league battles. The choice of a thing to derive the story from was a bit... mediocre, in my opinion. But the connection itself was done appreciably well.

Grammar, style, and flow: 9/10

Surprisingly, I caught a few spelling and grammar errors here and there, although most of it was clean and ran through my brain quite well. Your description is impeccable, but it can't really account for the plot itself.

Overall rating: 76/100

The plot rating kinda dragged it down, unfortunately. But overall, it was still quite good.

 

[Blondie]

Re: POKEMON: The Power Inside (Chapter 18 - Sacred Fire)

I think the plot deserves a higher rating. It doesn't revolve around the pokemon battling at all. That's just sort of the setting for the first part of the story. it's clear through all the hints throughout that the plot is much much bigger than that. The magic coin, the TR world domination bit, the four guardians, the three orbs and sai, the more intimate harem with dawn and misty, I mean...it has a lot without being too cluttered.

But oh well. I enjoy reading this as I'm sure a lot of people do judging by the number of views. That's all that matters.

 

[Zekurom]

Re: POKEMON: The Power Inside (Chapter 18 - Sacred Fire)

The magic coin, the TR world domination bit, the four guardians, the three orbs and sai, the more intimate harem with dawn and misty, I mean...it has a lot without being too cluttered.

Ah, there's a point. I'm not too sure about the whole harem thing. And the TR world domination, etc. are all things covered by the original plot, in some form or another. I guess it just doesn't feel like the author's really giving us a new premise.

The story telling is excellent, no doubt about that.

For that matter, 13/20 is already above average.

 

[Fire Dragon]

Re: POKEMON: The Power Inside (Chapter 18 - Sacred Fire)

We need moar sex!!!!

Jk (sort of) but when is the next chapter going to debut???

 

[Legacy]

Re: POKEMON: The Power Inside (Chapter 18 - Sacred Fire)

We need moar sex!!!!

Jk (sort of) but when is the next chapter going to debut???

lol. perhaps, I can write more sex into the upcoming chapters just for you FireDragon. Hey thanks to those of you who have read my story... Chapter 19 should be up soon!

 

[Zurr]

Re: POKEMON: The Power Inside (Chapter 18 - Sacred Fire)

Hmmmm... I find this turning out to be dangerously close to the Ori, what with Lexi being the only one fitting the bill with the whole 'Leah' thing. Unless you decide to un-gay Tra... Whoops! Said too much!

Really though, I want to see if have more of a twist here than the Ori. But Power still rocks!

 

[Agent_Kir]

Re: POKEMON: The Power Inside (Chapter 18 - Sacred Fire)

The last chapter is interesting, Legacy! (I just like imagining a marching Team Rocket army)... But I'm curious about one thing. Why are you making Tracey evil? (Aren't you?) He certainly doesn't seem like Rocket agent in the anime.

By the way, may I ask you when will we see Jessie and James again?

 

[Lugion]

Re: POKEMON: The Power Inside (Chapter 18 - Sacred Fire)

Okay, because of this chapter, I like Ho-Oh a little bit more than I used to.

Great chapter, Legacy.

Also, I noticed you used "Jimmy Gold" at one point. Shouldn't that be "Ethan Hart"?

 

[Legacy]

Re: POKEMON: The Power Inside (Chapter 18 - Sacred Fire)

Okay, because of this chapter, I like Ho-Oh a little bit more than I used to.

Great chapter, Legacy.

Also, I noticed you used "Jimmy Gold" at one point. Shouldn't that be "Ethan Hart"?

Doh! Thanks for catching that, Lugion. I'll change that... as you guys cans see, I do use a lot of the ASL's text in this version and I need to be better at catching the changes.

For those who have read ASL, yes, there will be a lot of similar things, but I assure you the story is different. Plus we are nearing the point where ASL stopped, so pretty soon, it will be ALL NEW.

 

[Agent_Kir]

Re: POKEMON: The Power Inside (Chapter 18 - Sacred Fire)

Also, I noticed you used "Jimmy Gold" at one point. Shouldn't that be "Ethan Hart"?

It's James Ethan Goldheart! :-D

 

[Lugion]

Re: POKEMON: The Power Inside (Chapter 18 - Sacred Fire)

Doh! Thanks for catching that, Lugion. I'll change that... as you guys cans see, I do use a lot of the ASL's text in this version and I need to be better at catching the changes.

You're welcome. There's also a "Glacia", but I'm not sure if you meant to change that or not.

 

[Fire Dragon]

Re: POKEMON: The Power Inside (Chapter 18 - Sacred Fire)

Legacy can u PM me when you get a chance?

 

[Ultra Pidgeot]

Re: POKEMON: The Power Inside (Chapter 18 - Sacred Fire)

"And instantly after they heard the voice, the pokémon discharged yet another Whirlwind, and the four divers were blasted off (again) towards the surface."

Hahaha nice one. I'm lovin' it. Keep up the excellent work.

 

[Fire Dragon]

Re: POKEMON: The Power Inside (Chapter 18 - Sacred Fire)

"And instantly after they heard the voice, the pokémon discharged yet another Whirlwind, and the four divers were blasted off (again) towards the surface."

Hahaha nice one. I'm lovin' it. Keep up the excellent work.

Lawl! I didn't catch that the first time. That's good stuff!

 

[Blondie]

Re: POKEMON: The Power Inside (Chapter 18 - Sacred Fire)

So when is the next chapter going to be up? I don't mean to rush, but I'm pumped to see what goes on with the gang going off on their long awaited journey. I love the nostalgia of all of them going out together once again.

 

[NeoMiniTails]

Re: POKEMON: The Power Inside (Chapter 18 - Sacred Fire)

So I just finished with chapter One! A very awesomely written chapter.

Your villian, I'm assuming that's who he is, is truly menacing, very fearsome. ^\^. I like that. His coldness and mercilessness is beautifully written and caused true fear to be made real.

My problem with this chapter though is the over-exuberant description in the beginning about the rain and the forest... While I could see why you did it, I believe it couldve been much more effectively written. Actually, if you wouldve used personification to describe the forest and the rain before going into the scientist scene, it wouldve been much more effective.

To describe the rain like a person and the darkness in that way, it would actually prepare your audience for the dramatic scene coming forth.

I'll read more of the story later.

- Neo

PS: Could you read my story "Our Destinies Intertwined."

 

[NeoMiniTails]

Re: POKEMON: The Power Inside (Chapter 18 - Sacred Fire)

Wow, I just finished the fifth chapter! Amazing, just amazing, I must say. It's just so beautifully awe-inspiring.

Your characterizations are excellent even at worse... Hehe. I love how you don't have excuses to make characters go out of character as many authors tend to do. Actually, just recently, I was reading one of the first stories I've read on bmgf and there was so much ooc going on that it slightly drove me a bit crazy.

I told the author about it and rather than take the constructive criticism, they just rejected it by saying they wanted to be "original." •_•. O_O =_=

Anyhow, I'm gonna go back to reading the serial story.

 

[Legacy]

Re: POKEMON: The Power Inside (Chapter 18 - Sacred Fire)

Thank you for the kind words, NeoMiniTails. I wholeheartedly agree with your point about my prologue. It is waaaay too cumbersome with the unnecessary description. I have yet to go back and trim some of the fat, but perhaps when I complete the story I will.

I just finished reading your prologue, and I must say that I am honored that someone of your skill level has such nice things to say about my story. You are obviously a very talented writer and so your opinions weigh heavily in my mind, as do everyone else's in this great forum.

Again, thanks to everyone for reading and to those of you who were kind enough to vote for my fic in the WW Quarterly Awards.