TEEN: POKEMON: The Scales of Astrea (3/7/16: CHAPTER FOUR)

[Dorothy]

Pokemon: The Scales of Astrea

by Jabberwocky

Prologue​

“Some say that humans are things of darkness. Others say humans are born of light. I will admit, of course, that there is ample evidence for both of these assertions being true. But at the same time, the existence of that parallel evidence leads credence to my own view: that humanity is defined not by darkness or light in entirety, but by both simultaneously. Within all of us there exists a balance between the two.

“This is true of all things. In society, in nature, in everything beyond. The world hinges on balance between opposing forces. Disruption of that balance either way always comes with disastrous results. In ancient times, our ancestors worshipped the goddess Astrea, who personified balance and justice with her celestial scales. When the Dragon of nature, Pinettle, and the Dragon of progress, Dragiron, began to war, it was Astrea who brought their conflict to an end and struck a balance between them. To maintain this balance, she looked to all the living creatures of the world, both Pokemon and human. Progress was not to overtake nature, and neither too was nature to be protected at the expense of progress.

“Humanity’s role - our role - then, is to do our part to maintain that balance. To maintain the balance within ourselves. And yet, to look around you it would seem that we are failing in this task. Progress and technological development are continuing at an unprecedented rate, while nature is being ravaged and destroyed to make room. To rectify this without disrupting the balance in the other direction is a daunting task indeed, but it is one we must undertake before it is too late and the scales of Astrea spill over into oblivion.

“For this reason, we observe Green Day each year not to place the environment on a pedestal, but to remove industrialization and reckless technological growth from the pedestal on which we have placed it. Its relevance is therefore inarguable, and to reject it is to become an accomplice to the problem.

“I hope you will join me in celebrating the world in which we live and working to restore the balance - to equalize the weights on the scales of Astrea. Thank you.”

Atalanta Villaverde concluded her speech. Her mouth felt dry, and the silence she received from her classmates made her stomach knot nervously. She’d worn a suit and wrangled her golden hair into a neat bun for this presentation, hoping to look professional. Now, though, she just felt absurd.

The growing urge she felt to bolt out of the classroom was cut short by an explosion of applause. Atalanta could only stand in stunned silence as several of her classmates rose for a standing ovation.

“Very well done, Ms. Villaverde,” her teacher said with a warm smile. “I knew I could depend on you to take this assignment seriously.”

Atalanta’s eyes welled up with tears. She’d done well? They’d liked it? She could hardly believe it. Everyone in class seemed to be thundering applause - everyone, that is, except for a lanky tan-skinned boy in the front row, who had his head rested on his hand, staring off into the void with a vacant expression.

“Mr. Huerta!” the teacher barked. The boy blinked and glanced around. “Huh? What?” he stammered.

The teacher rubbed his temples and sighed in frustration. “Bartholomew Huerta. Bart. what am I going to do with you? You’re never paying attention, even when your classmates are presenting the material they’ve worked so hard on. Your grades are consistently passable at best, and you seem content merely to drift through life without working at anything. Have you no aspirations?”

Bart crossed his arms angrily. “Hey, it’s not like that!” he argued. “I do so have aspirations, they just don't involve boring philosophy and all that school stuff!”

“Enlighten us, Mr. Huerte,” the teacher said with a roll of his eyes. “What, exactly, are these ‘aspirations’ you’re so ‘passionate’ about?”

Bart flashed a toothy, cocky grin. “I’m good at battling Pokemon,” he declared confidently. “I’m gonna go all around the Alta region and become the Champion! You ask me, that’s what’s really important in life, going on adventures with Pokemon and being the best you can be!”

He was being so flippant it made Atalanta’s blood boil. She glared and was about to rebuke Bart when the classroom burst into laughter. Bart looked around in confusion. “What’s so funny?” he asked.

“Champion!” one of the students hollered. “You? Yeah, right! A slacker like you is never gonna make anything of himself, let alone Champion!”

Bart looked hurt. “B-but I’m good at battling!” he protested. “I can do it if I try!”

More laughter. Even the teacher was laughing now. Atalanta’s anger towards Bart turned to anger towards everyone else.

“Th-that’s enough!” she suddenly cried. The laughter died immediately, replaced by shameful silence.

“How dare you?” Atalanta said furiously, striding over to Bart’s desk. “What gives you the right to ridicule his dream when you just finished applauding mine? I won’t stand for it! Is wanting adventure and a journey with Pokemon something to laugh at? No! It’s something to be celebrated, just as much as my goals!”

She looked down at Bart, who stared back up with wide eyes. “When you go on your adventure,” she declared, “I’m coming with you. We’ll work toward our goals together, and we won’t let anyone laugh at us ever again. Does that sound good to you?”

Bart nodded dumbly.

Atalanta glowered at the others. “Let’s see you laugh at that.”

No one spoke up.

Six years later​

To Marcus Allen, the smell of newsprint was nothing short of heavenly. He had been reading the newspaper since he was first able to read, and he had long ago learned about how very sublime the crisp sound of the first turn of the page was.

Marcus sat down in his comfiest chair and raised his coffee - black and bitter, just the way he liked it - to his lips as he prepared for his morning ritual.

thhrwk

Music to Marcus' ears.

"Let's see what's going on today," he chirped. Sports first, like always. Lead story today: a newcomer sweeping the competition at the Pokemon League and claiming the title of Champion. Some nobody from Venture City named Bart. Barely 20 years old.

Marcus harrumphed. "Kids," he lamented. "Trainers are getting younger all the time. What is this world coming to?"

A footnote to the article mentioned something about the new Champion getting engaged to someone or other after the match - but that sort of celebrity gossip was about as much Marcus' metier as a bowl of turnips.

Thusly, he ignored it.

24 years later​

Nicolasa Huerta’s eyes fluttered open.

She yawned and stretched as she slowly awoke. Her mind booted up with a mental shudder.

Her wiry black hair was a mess. Again. She really needed to stop showering right before going to bed. On the dark skin of her hand was a patch of green - she’d forgotten to take out her gum before sleeping. Again. At least it hadn’t gotten in her hair this time. Last time she’d had to shave her head, and her locks were only just returning to an acceptable length.

Her eyes wandered to the calendar on the wall. This month the image was a Litleo playing in a field of flowers. She found today’s date, the fifteenth of the month.

The fifteenth.

The

Fif

Teenth

The thought clicked in her mind, and her eyes shot all the way open as she jolted completely awake.

“Today’s the day!” she shouted excitedly. “Today’s the day!”

She sprung out of bed and rummaged through her drawers for the perfect outfit - black jeans and a green T-shirt, just like her dad had worn when he started out on his journey, and just like her mom had worn to watch the battle that had made her dad Champion. It was a lucky outfit, obviously, and as she put it on she could feel that luck coursing through her.

Today was the day Nicolasa got her first Pokemon and began her journey. Today was the day the rest of her life began.

“Nico?” her mother called from downstairs. “Are you ready for the day?”

“Yep yep yep!” Nico shouted back eagerly. “Be down in just a second!” She grabbed a hairbrush off of her dresser and hurriedly scraped it across her hair as she bolted out of her room and down the stairs.

Nico couldn’t stop grinning.

Today was the day. And her life would never be the same.


………………………………………..


Welcome to the Alta Region! A new land of adventure, excitement, and fun! On your adventure here you will meet new Pokemon, new friends, and new enemies! We hope you’ll stick around for further installments of “The Scales of Astrea,” and continue to follow the journey of Nicolasa Huerta, as well as her friend Darwin Tapia, not to mention a host of others we’ve yet to meet!

“The Scales of Astrea” is a journey fic, and I intend to write it as if it were a novelization of a main series Pokemon game merged with elements of other Pokemon media, such as the anime and manga! I hope you will enjoy it, and I look forward to seeing what you all think!

 

[Phoenixon]

Re: POKEMON: The Scales of Astrea (4/24/14: PROLOGUE)

I also had an idea of a fanfic with the element of darkness vs. light and nature vs. technology. Although I'm not sure yet just how much of your story will focus on those ideas...
Anyway, I feel too lazy to give a review, but I think you made a mistake here. The bold is what I think you meant...

Bart crossed his arms angrily. “Hey, it’s not like that!” he argued. “I do so have aspirations, they just don't involve boring philosophy and all that school stuff!”

Anyway, the story seems awesome. So I guess that's it....

Also, how many chapters do you think this will be in total?

 

[Beth Pavell]

Re: POKEMON: The Scales of Astrea (4/24/14: PROLOGUE)

A wild Reviewer appears! Or something

Technical Accuracy/Style
No surprises here, nothing to complain about even if I was going to nit-pick. I like how you avoid unnecessary verbosity (irony) in your prose - it's to the point and nevertheless quite vivid.

Story
A cliché doubly subverted - you're playing with the genre here. Actually, the first thing I have to say is "Hurrah, it's not Kanto!". It seems about two thirds of the stories I read these days are set in Kanto so reading in a whole new region is a good start in my book. It's a strange path to take, setting up Atalanta as the protagonist only for it to be apparently flavour text to Nicolasa. But y'know, even if nothing else comes of it, it's quite to the point anyway so I can't really treat it as a problem.

Characters
Hard to make much of a sensible comment here - nothing to crow about, nothing to complain about. I mean, in a sense that' a good thing because I'm not thinking about the characters as I read, I just believe them

Final Thoughts
Go on, wow me with the Alta region. I dare you

 

[Dorothy]

Re: POKEMON: The Scales of Astrea (4/24/14: PROLOGUE)

I also had an idea of a fanfic with the element of darkness vs. light and nature vs. technology. Although I'm not sure yet just how much of your story will focus on those ideas...

It will definitely be a major theme of the story.

Anyway, I feel too lazy to give a review, but I think you made a mistake here. The bold is what I think you meant...

Bart crossed his arms angrily. “Hey, it’s not like that!” he argued. “I do so have aspirations, they just don't involve boring philosophy and all that school stuff!”

Thanks for catching that, I'll fix it ASAP.

Also, how many chapters do you think this will be in total?

Dunno how many chapters exactly, but I do know basically what the plot is going to be.

A wild Reviewer appears! Or something

*readies Ultra Ball*

Technical Accuracy/Style
No surprises here, nothing to complain about even if I was going to nit-pick. I like how you avoid unnecessary verbosity (irony) in your prose - it's to the point and nevertheless quite vivid.

I'd actually say one of my weaknesses is finding a balance (see what I did there) between verbosity and brevity, so this is good to hear.

Story
A cliché doubly subverted - you're playing with the genre here. Actually, the first thing I have to say is "Hurrah, it's not Kanto!". It seems about two thirds of the stories I read these days are set in Kanto so reading in a whole new region is a good start in my book.

Well, I said to myself, "Jabber, if you're really gonna do a journey fic again, you need to do something new with the genre. It ain't 2009 anymore, and you can do better than Pokemon GK." I already had a bunch of notes lying around from a Fakemon project I did a few years back, so with some revisions, I had my basic setting already.

It's a strange path to take, setting up Atalanta as the protagonist only for it to be apparently flavour text to Nicolasa. But y'know, even if nothing else comes of it, it's quite to the point anyway so I can't really treat it as a problem.

Nicolasa is the story's protagonist, but I definitely wanted to set Atalanta and Bart up since their roles in the story are rather important ones (no spoilers, don't worry ).

I decided this would be best done in a flashback since it also gave me a chance to establish some of the story's themes (plus, hey, spinoff hook).

Characters
Hard to make much of a sensible comment here - nothing to crow about, nothing to complain about. I mean, in a sense that' a good thing because I'm not thinking about the characters as I read, I just believe them

Characterization is another area where I definitely need some work, so your comments are about what I expected. I hope to get better, for sure, so that you or any other reader can really connect with my characters!

Final Thoughts
Go on, wow me with the Alta region. I dare you

I'll certainly try!


Also, here's a crappy map of Alta, heavily revised and not very legible. I'll have to redraw it later.



(no points for guessing what it's based on, hahaha)

I'll probably include some Pokedex entries at the end of each chapter, complete with my terrible sketches If I'm gonna introduce new Pokemon, may as well go all the way!




EDIT: Working on Chapter One :-D I'm on a roll lately!

 

[Dorothy]

Re: POKEMON: The Scales of Astrea (4/24/14: PROLOGUE)

Chapter One: The Adventure Begins!​

Nico bounded down the stairs, her freshly-brushed hair bouncing and regressing further into messiness with every step. Nico didn’t care much about how her hair looked at the best of times, and on a day like this her concern for appearances was effectively zero.

She rounded the banister and leapt into the kitchen, where a pair of breakfast tacos already awaited her. Her mother, Atalanta, stood proudly before her creations, hands on hips and a smile that reached from ear to ear.

“Potato, eggs, bacon, and sriracha, just like you like it!” Atalanta declared. “I used the extra-spicy kind - nothing like a good splash of hot sauce to get you fired up, am I right?”

“You can say that again!” Nico grinned before wolfing the tacos down as fast as she could. Her tongue burned from the sriracha, but Nico paid it no heed. She had no time to waste, after all.

“‘R yu gna cm wth m’ t’ th’ lb?” she attempted to say with her mouth full of food. Eggs spilled out of her mouth as a casualty.

Atalanta cocked her head bemusedly. “Try saying that after swallowing, hm?”

Nico gulped hard, forcing the rest of the taco down her throat. “I said, are you gonna come with me to the lab?” she asked.

Her mother laughed. “I’m afraid not,” she apologized. “I have a meeting with the Prime Minister in just an hour. We have an environmental policy to discuss, you know. The job of the Secretary for the Environment and Rural Development isn’t to see her daughter off on adventures, as much as I’d like it to be.”

Nico sighed. “I know. I just wish someone could be there.”

Atalanta smiled warmly. “You won’t have to worry about that, my dear,” she said. “Your father will be waiting at Professor Sequoia’s lab for you.”

Nico’s eyes widened and her jaw dropped. “D-dad?!” she stammered. “Dad’s gonna be there?!”

“That’s right,” Atalanta nodded. “He’s taken the time from his busy schedule to be there for you when you start your journey! He’s been as excited for this day as you have.”

“I doubt that,” Nico retorted before finishing off her second taco. “I’ve been waiting for today my whole life!”

Atalanta sighed wistfully. “It seems like only yesterday I brought you into this world. Now you’re moving on up and out into it.” She grabbed Nico’s shoulder and pulled her daughter into a deep hug. “I’m gonna miss you!” she wailed. “Be sure to write every day, OK? I’ll check!”

“Ack!” grunted Nico. “Heyheyheyheyhey, mom, get off of me! It’s gonna be alright!” She pried her mother off of her and patted her on the back. “Don’t worry, I promise to write every week,” she assured Atalanta. “I’ll miss you, too, mom, but I gotta get out of here someday, right?”

Atalanta nodded and wiped the tears from her eyes. “Yes, that’s right,” she agreed. “Alright, your hat and your bag are in the front room. Hurry up and grab them before I get emotional again, OK?”

Nico hugged her mother one more brief time before she hurried from the kitchen and into the living room. Her messenger bag and gatsby cap rested on a black leather armchair, already prepared for the journey before them. She slung the bag over her shoulder, slapped the hat on her head, and bolted out the door.

***​

Darwin Tapia stepped off the boat. Before him stretched the rolling plains of Route 21. The sun shone brightly and tweeting bird Pokemon wheeled in the sky, joyously proclaiming the coming of spring. He breathed in deep the floral aroma and breathed out his worries.

As he took in the sights, it finally dawned on him that he was free at last. Free from his parents, free from his uncle, free from the company. Free to go and do what he wanted. Free to take to the road with nothing but the clothes on his back and the Pokemon on his belt.

The wind rustled his auburn hair.

He felt liberated.

He circled a finger on the top of the Poke Ball that hung from his belt. “We’re free, Wacks,” he whispered to the Pokemon within. Wacks would have cheered, Darwin knew, if he were outside the ball. For now, though, the little fungus was to stay put, at least until Darwin could make it to Goldpan.

The boy took in Route 21 in all its glory for a final time, then turned about and began to walk.

***​

Nico barrelled through a newstand in her hasty charge through Venture City. She called back an abbreviated apology before continuing on her way.

Venture was a large city which dominated northern Alta. Its downtown was a nightmare at rush hour, but overall it was a nice place to live. The summers were not too hot, the winters were not too cold, and in the spring the cherry blossoms bloomed vividly. Nicolasa was proud to call it home.

She had only a short run from her suburban home to the laboratory of Professor Sequoia, situated on the scenic waterfront of Lake Gipper. The glistening, crystal-blue waters loomed as she bounded over a hill. She could see the lab, with its huge water wheel spinning and churning the lake. She would be there in no time.

Professor Sequoia was a solid, well-built man in his mid-forties with thick eyebrows and an incredibly ugly goatee. The Professor had been a family acquaintance even before Nico had been born, and she had known the man all her life. It did not faze him, then, when Nico burst through the lab doors, tripped, and fell into a forward roll before recovering and hopping back upright with her fists on her hips. He did not even look up from his test tubes.

“Good morning, Nicolasa,” he said wryly. He set down his vials carefully, and turned to face his visitor. “You’re here for your Pokemon, then?”

Nico nodded energetically. “I sure am, Professor! I’ve never been so pumped up in my life!”

Sequoia smirked. “Well, I’m afraid I have some bad news,” he informed Nico sadly. “You’ve overslept. Wacks, Sparkipillar, Tadson… all the Pokemon I normally give away are all gone. They’ve been claimed by other Trainers.”

Nico’s heart sank. “What?” she said numbly. “A-are you serious? There’s none left?!”

Sequoia laughed. “I’m sorry,” he chuckled. “I suppose that was a bad joke. Don’t worry, Nico, there’s plenty of Pokemon available. I’d have to be pretty foolish to only have one of each available!”

Nico glared at the grinning scientist. “You nearly gave me a heart attack!” she chided.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Sequoia apologized, holding up his hands. “Come on, follow me upstairs. I’ve got your three choices laid out on a table up there. Your father is waiting with them.”

Sequoia led Nico up the creaky wood steps. “Here we are,” he said when they reached the top. “Now, Nico, what Pokemon will you-”

Sequoia cut himself off with a gasp.

Bart, Nico’s father, was indeed upstairs, but he was slouched against the wall rubbing his head and grimacing, as if he were recovering from a blow to the head. Two Poke Balls had been knocked off the mahogany table, with the third nowhere to be found. The room was filled with a draft - the window had been broken open from the outside, and glass covered the floor around it.

“Bart!” Sequoia shouted in alarm, running to his friend and helping him up. “What happened here?”

“Are you alright, dad?” asked Nico.

“I’m fine,” Bart groaned. “Just got a bit of a knock in the head, to keep me from interfering. Some punk busted in, grabbed one of the Pokemon, and bailed out through the window. Happened just as Nico was coming in, and when the wheel was at its loudest, so you wouldn’t have heard the glass break. Can’t help but think this was planned.”

“Well, that doesn’t matter right now,” Sequoia assured him. “I’ll contact the police. We’ll leave it to them to handle this.”

Impulsively, rashly, Nico made a decision.

Quick as a flash, she scooped a Poke Ball up from the floor, turned about, and bolted back down the stairs.

“Nico!” Bart yelled. “Where are you going?!”

“Don’t worry, dad!” Nico called back as she hurtled toward the door. “I’ll stop the thief and get the Pokemon back!”

“What?! Nico, no! It’s too-”

But it was too late. Nico bust through the door and hit the ground running, racing back toward Venture City. It would be easy for a thief to disappear into such a dense city, unless Nico could catch them first.

She gritted her teeth and ran faster. She couldn’t let this one get away!

She didn’t notice the young woman, doubled over and panting in exhaustion, until Nico collided with her. Nico stumbled back to her feet to see the woman scowling at her.

She was taller than Nico, but looked to be around the same age. She had pale skin and long black hair arranged in a flowing ponytail, and her figure was thick and toned. She wore buff khaki pants and a jacket, both of which were covered in pockets, like some kind of field reporter. A Poke Ball was clenched in her left hand, which squeezed the ball as hard as possible in anger.

“Watch where you’re going!” the woman snapped.

“S-sorry,” Nico said apologetically. “I’m just in a hurry, see? I’m looking for someone who’s just stolen a Pokemon… from.. Pro...fessor…”

Her words petered off as she noticed something unusual about the top of the Poke Ball the woman held. Etched into the dome were a pair of distinctive words, which were used to mark the origin of specimen Pokemon, in case of theft. The words read Sequoia Labs.

Nico gasped.

“You!” she exclaimed, pointing at the woman accusingly. “You’re the thief! You’re the one who stole the Pokemon from Professor Sequoia!”

The woman huffed and crossed her arms. “Tch. So what if I am? I needed it, and I was in too much of a hurry to ask nicely. I’d advise you to turn right back around and quit meddling in affairs that don’t concern you, and about which you know nothing. Got that, chump?” She wrinkled her nose derisively at the last word.

“No way!” Nico growled, squeezing her own Poke Ball angrily. “I can’t just let you get away with this! I’m challenging you, right here, right now, to a Pokemon battle! When I win, you have to give back the Pokemon you stole!”

“You’re getting ahead of yourself, scrub,” the woman sneered. “I can assure you that you will not be able to beat me in a battle. You’ll only embarrass yourself.” She sighed. “But fine. It seems you need an wake-up call. An education to dissipate that headstrong naivitie you seem to ooze from every pore.”

She tossed her Poke Ball. “Battle start!” she cried.

Nico followed suit with her own Poke Ball. “Let’s do this!”

Nico’s ball burst open, and her Pokemon appeared in a flash of light. It was a red, wormlike Pokemon with a segmented body and large, round, black eyes. Flames flickered between its body segments, and its mandibles clicked together noisily. “Sprrrk, sprrrrrrrk!” it gurgled.

“Sparkipillar!” Nico said in surprise. She hadn’t realized before now that she hadn’t actually checked what Pokemon were in each Ball. “I chose the same Pokemon that my dad did?”

“Pay attention!” the woman barked. “In a real battle there’s no room for distraction!”

Nico turned her eyes to the woman’s Pokemon. It was a round, navy blue sphere with arms, legs, and a face which was grimacing aggressively. A long tail stuck out of its back, which was bordered by a thin, clear length of skin. “Tad!” it croaked. “Tad!”

“Tadson,” Nico identified. “Why Tadson?” she asked the woman.

“That’s no business of yours!” the woman replied. “This isn’t question time, it’s battling time, so let’s get down to it! I’m going to make this as quick and painless for you as I can. Tadson, use Tail Whip! Lower the insect’s defenses!”

Tadson rolled forward before Nico could react. The woman’s Pokemon left the roll into a spin upwards, slapping its tail across Sparkipillar’s face with a wet smack. The worm shuddered in discomfort from the attack, and Tadson rolled back to its Trainer to prepare its next move.

Nico clenched her fist. “Cheap shot!” she said. “Alright, Sparkipillar, you.. uh… do… an attack?”

Sparkipillar looked back at Nico incredulously. Nico gulped. “Uh… oh, what attacks do you have?”

The woman shook her head disgustedly. “You’ve challenged me to a battle without any knowledge of what your Pokemon’s moves are?” she asked. “From the sounds of things, you did it without even knowing what Pokemon you had. Just how foolhardy are you, anyway?”

Nico was sweating nervously. “I-I’m no fool!” she stammered. “Uh… Sparkipillar! Use… Tackle?”

Tackle, it seemed, was indeed within Sparkipillar’s repertoire. It curled into a ball and rolled itself towards Tadson at ramming speed.

“Dodge the attack, Tadson!” ordered the woman. “And use Tail Whip once more!”

Tadson braced itself, and leapt out of the way just before Sparkipillar could connect with its target. Tadson landed behind Nico’s Pokemon, and whirled around to strike the worm with its tail once again.

“Tackle, Sparkipillar!” Nico shouted desperately.

“Dodge!” the woman countered.

Once again, Sparkipillar rolled itself up and wheeled toward Tadson with intent to strike, and once again Tadson dodged the attack just in time. Why couldn’t Nico’s Pokemon land a hit? It felt like she and Sparkipillar were out of sync somehow. The frustration was enough to make her want to tear her hair out.

“This has gone on for long enough,” the woman declared. “Tadson, finish things with Pound.”

“Now who’s getting ahead of herself?” Nico retorted. “Sparkipillar, use Tackle!”

For a third time, Nico’s Pokemon curled itself and spun towards its foe. Also for a third time, Tadson leapt into the air and dodged the attack. This time, however, Tadson fell straight down, slamming tail-first into Sparkipillar. The worm’s eyes bugged out and it wheezed painfully before collapsing into unconsciousness.

“No!” Nico cried, and she rushed to her Pokemon, picking it up gingerly and cradling it in her arms. Sparkapillar twitched weakly, unable to do more.

There was a flash of red light as the woman recalled her Pokemon. The woman glowered down at Nico for a moment before turning to leave. She clipped her Poke Ball to her belt and rustled around in one of her pockets before producing a grappling gun.

“You’re weak,” the woman said sharply. “You’re weak and inexperienced, and you were a fool to challenge me. I hope that our paths never cross again, but if they do, I would advise you to stay out of my way. Have I made my point yet?”

Nico looked down at her struggling bug. “Who… w-who are you?” she asked faintly, in a cracking voice.

The woman looked back at Nico with a piercing stare, and took aim with her grapple. “Who I am is none of your business,” she said grimly. “However… you may call me Schwarz.”

With that, she fired her grapple with a click-whoosh, and within minutes she had disappeared among the rooftops.

Nico gave no reaction. She simply stared down at her Pokemon, awash with confusion and shame.



///////////////////////////////////////////

Well, that's chapter one! Let me know what y'all think! Our first Pokedex update will be coming soon.

 

[Legacy]

Re: POKEMON: The Scales of Astrea (4/29/14: CHAPTER ONE)

Found the thief! Great chapter, amazing prose as usual. I agree and like how you achieve great description without getting overly wordy, which is something I struggle with a lot. Tadson and Nico form a great team even this early and despite the loss, and I love your description of the battle.

Not it really a whole lot else to say this early, but this is very well done!

 

[Flaze]

Re: POKEMON: The Scales of Astrea (4/29/14: CHAPTER ONE)

I think the prologue was a very interesting start, I too was surprised by the sudden shift in tone and characters since I thought Atlanta and Bart were going to be the main characters. The twist was pretty interesting and I don't doubt that they will at least be important in the story regardless of that. I was somewhat interesting by the Marcus guy that appeared in the middle of the prologue and what role he'll play here, the same goes for Darwin.

Oh and another thing, I really like the fact that you're going with an original region, it seems pretty interesting thus far and I like the sort of hispanic influences you've taken in regards with some of the characters names, it's pretty satisfying for me.

The story itself is interesting, I haven't seen a proper journey fic that takes place in its own region for a while now. However, there's not much else to go from there, it seems pretty basic so far though I know it'll get more complex as we go out (probably) similarly Nico is a pretty fun character but I do expect for her personality to be fleshed out more since she's basically a female version of the usual journey protagonist. An interesting twist, but something I'll like to see fleshed out either way.

I don't think I need to point out how perfect your grammar and prose is so I'll skip on that and just tell you that I'll keep on reading this and that I am intrigued.

 

[Beth Pavell]

Re: POKEMON: The Scales of Astrea (4/29/14: CHAPTER ONE)

Me again!

Technical Accuracy/Style
Nothing to complain about again - you've still got that tightly edited prose going on. Perhaps in the future - when there's not a battle going on - we could do with a little more description of the new species you've invented.

Story
A lot more conventional in this chapter. What you've done, you've done well, don't get me wrong, but no surprises here either. Your setting is good though, perhaps Venture City is a bit sketchy but then there's action to be moved on ... it's up to you but I think there was room for more description of the city there. The pokémon are rather good. If I may offer a suggestion, since you're dealing with new species it wouldn't hurt to remind us of their appearance every now and again.

Characters
Again, rather conventional. The little Tapia vignette is rather promising. In general, consistent but not thrilling

Final Thoughts
I think in some ways you've raised the bar for yourself. A lot of what's where would stand head and shoulders above anything similar on, say, Fanfiction.net. So I'm left without any errors or mistakes to critique per se, and not a lot to race about either. Regardless, I'm still going to keep reading. It's not set in Kantoooo!

 

[Dorothy]

Re: POKEMON: The Scales of Astrea (4/29/14: CHAPTER ONE)

First, let's start with the reviews!

Spoiler

Found the thief! Great chapter, amazing prose as usual. I agree and like how you achieve great description without getting overly wordy, which is something I struggle with a lot. Tadson and Nico form a great team even this early and despite the loss, and I love your description of the battle.

Not it really a whole lot else to say this early, but this is very well done!

Thanks, Legs! It's good to hear that you enjoyed the battle. Those tend to be a bit difficult for me to write, and I was worried that I wouldn't do well, so this is reassuring.

I think the prologue was a very interesting start, I too was surprised by the sudden shift in tone and characters since I thought Atlanta and Bart were going to be the main characters. The twist was pretty interesting and I don't doubt that they will at least be important in the story regardless of that. I was somewhat interesting by the Marcus guy that appeared in the middle of the prologue and what role he'll play here, the same goes for Darwin.

Marcus will definitely be showing up again. He was originally meant to be a one-off, but I liked him enough to expand his role beyond that.

Oh and another thing, I really like the fact that you're going with an original region, it seems pretty interesting thus far and I like the sort of hispanic influences you've taken in regards with some of the characters names, it's pretty satisfying for me.

The Hispanic influences are definitely intentional, since Alta is based on California. It was satisfying for me to do research into my home state for this story!

The story itself is interesting, I haven't seen a proper journey fic that takes place in its own region for a while now. However, there's not much else to go from there, it seems pretty basic so far though I know it'll get more complex as we go out (probably) similarly Nico is a pretty fun character but I do expect for her personality to be fleshed out more since she's basically a female version of the usual journey protagonist. An interesting twist, but something I'll like to see fleshed out either way.

Thanks for the feedback I'm definitely hoping to round out everyone's personalities, so I'm glad you've decided to stick around!

Me again!

Technical Accuracy/Style
Nothing to complain about again - you've still got that tightly edited prose going on. Perhaps in the future - when there's not a battle going on - we could do with a little more description of the new species you've invented.

That's definitely something I need to be mindful of. Hopefully my sketches will help with that, but of course I'll need to have more description in the story itself.

Story
A lot more conventional in this chapter. What you've done, you've done well, don't get me wrong, but no surprises here either. Your setting is good though, perhaps Venture City is a bit sketchy but then there's action to be moved on ... it's up to you but I think there was room for more description of the city there. The pokémon are rather good. If I may offer a suggestion, since you're dealing with new species it wouldn't hurt to remind us of their appearance every now and again.

I'm hoping to fit a bit more description of Venture City in Chapter 2 before we head out, and I'm doing research into a certain city to be able to better describe our next destination.

Characters
Again, rather conventional. The little Tapia vignette is rather promising. In general, consistent but not thrilling

Noted. I've obviously got room to grow, and consistency is my priority atm as I settle into these characters, but once I become more comfortable I'll be experimenting more.

Final Thoughts
I think in some ways you've raised the bar for yourself. A lot of what's where would stand head and shoulders above anything similar on, say, Fanfiction.net. So I'm left without any errors or mistakes to critique per se, and not a lot to race about either. Regardless, I'm still going to keep reading. It's not set in Kantoooo!

Glad you've decided to stick around. As I said, I'm hoping to get more interesting and high-quality as I continue on. My goal is to write a story that lots of people will love!

Next, some setting notes:

Spoiler

The Alta region is based upon the State of California, where I was born, with elements of the Channel and Balboa Islands. Venture City is based on Redding, California, with Lake Gipper based on Shasta Lake near Redding. The "Gipper" name is derived from a nickname of Ronald Reagan, former U.S. President and Governor of California.

And now... starter notes! Please forgive my terrible art skills, this was the best I could do ^^;

Alta Pokedex notes #1-9

Spoiler

#001 - Wacks. Mushroom Pokemon. Grass/Poison. 1'04".

Wacks are cheerful and energetic creatures, but are also filled with poisonous spores for defense against predators. Wacks' poison is potent enough to down a Rhyhorn!

#002 - Wayn. Mushroom Pokemon. Grass/Poison. 2'05".

Wayn are just as poisonous as their unevolved form, but not nearly as friendly. Aggressive and temperamental, Wayn will frequently muscle their way into Wacks colonies and strongarm the Wacks into submission.

#003 - Mushelium. Mushroom Pokemon. Grass/Poison. 4'07".

Mushelium's toxins are twice as caustic as Wayn's, and it is covered in a film of nauseous slime. Mushelium slides across the forest floor, subduing its prey with special spores which carry a variety of effects.

#004 - Sparkipillar. Flame Worm Pokemon. Fire/Bug. 1'01".

Sparkipillar loves the taste of burnt leaves. It will find a leaf pile and roll around until the leaves have been thoroughly blackened, then dig in! Its fondness for burnt plants makes it a pest to farmers.

#005 - Chrysflagar. Chrysalis Pokemon. Fire/Bug. 1'09".

When Sparkipillar reaches maturity, it becomes Chrysflagar. Chrysflagar incubates itself within its protective shell. It is not immobile, however: it can manipulate the scarlet silk sticking out of its bottom for movement.

#006 - Axylignis. Flame Pokemon. Fire/Bug. 3'07".

In summer, swarms of Axylignis blanket the sky as they migrate from Alta to other, cooler regions to resort. Farmers have learned to shoo them away lest their crops be devoured in the Axylignis' wake.

#007 - Tadson. Rookie Pokemon. Water. 1'08".

Tadson are scrappy Pokemon, and are always looking for a fight. Tadson will frequently challenge one another to brawls in order to increase their strength and evolve quicker.

#008 - Amphibout. Novice Pokemon. Water/Fighting. 3'06".

Like Tadson, Amphibout love to fight. Now that they are larger, they will eagerly challenge anything that moves to a battle. However, they can frequently become overconfident and bite off more than they can chew.

#009 - Buffo. Champion Pokemon. Water/Fighting. 5'05".

Buffo also loves to fight, but it is far more picky in those it challenges. A prideful fighter, Buffo will only challenge opponents whom it deems worthy.

 

[Flaze]

Re: POKEMON: The Scales of Astrea (4/29/14: CHAPTER ONE)

The tadson line kind of creeps me out honestly xD

 

[Lugion]

Re: POKEMON: The Scales of Astrea (4/29/14: CHAPTER ONE)

Okay, so I'm trying to simmer down and focus on reading the first chapter, but I haven't just yet, so I'll go ahead and post my thoughts on the prologue.

It's a neat setup, but it doesn't work particularly well on its own. It feels like it could be information relayed bit by bit through the main story itself.

BUT I like the way you set up the themes a bit. Darkness vs. Light sounds a little bit Star Wars, and Nature vs. Technology sounds a little bit like Black and White (as well as some of my personal favorite Kaiju movies), and those are all things I like. I'll definitely be keeping up.

 

[Legacy]

Re: POKEMON: The Scales of Astrea (4/29/14: CHAPTER ONE)

I like the addition of art of the new Pokemon as supplements. Very nice! Better than I could ever hope to draw.

 

[Lugion]

Re: POKEMON: The Scales of Astrea (4/29/14: CHAPTER ONE)

Interesting first chapter. There are some definite shades of Gold and Silver here, but the addition of a third trainer spices things up a bit.

Anyway, I really liked how Nico was utterly trashed. Makes total sense with her lack of experience, which is something I try to show in my own work. I do think that perhaps the new Pokémon could use a bit more vivid descriptions, but describing new Pokémon is hard, for sure. Funnily enough, I've had a similar idea, writing a fanfic based on an original region with original Pokémon. Nice to see someone actually going forward with it. It's a whole new world to explore, and I can't wait to see what you do with it.

And another thing, I really like how you added in the drawings as extras. Definitely makes it easier to imagine the Pokémon.

 

[Dorothy]

Re: POKEMON: The Scales of Astrea (4/29/14: CHAPTER ONE)

Lllllllooooong chapter this time. Nearly 5000 words! That's longer than everything we've seen so far combined! Sorry it took so long, but hey, now you know why!

Anyway, let's get to it, shall we?

Chapter Two: Small Steps​

Nico stumbled into the lab. Her legs were weak, and her expression was one of dull shock. Her Pokemon was still cradled protectively in her arms. It gave a faint groan of pain as Nico stepped over the threshold into Sequoia Labs.

Her father and Professor Sequoia were waiting for her near the lab’s entrance; her father was drumming his fingers worriedly against the arm of the chair in which he sat. He and Sequoia rushed to Nico as she entered, looks of grave concern on their faces.

“Are you alright?” her father asked. “What happened?”

It took Nico a few seconds to respond. “I… I caught up with the thief,” she finally replied. “It was a girl. She called herself Schwarz. I… tried to get the Pokemon back. Challenged her to a battle. I… I lost. I lost badly. She got away. I’m sorry.”

Sensing his daughter’s distress, Bart pulled Nico in for a comforting embrace. “It’s alright,” he assured her. “You’ve done nothing wrong. Nothing at all. You’ve done more than most people would have.”

“It wasn’t enough,” Nico muttered.

“It was more than enough,” Sequoia countered. “You needn’t be harsh on yourself, Nicolasa. I’ve contacted the authorities, and provided the security footage from the time of the robbery to be used in their search for the thief. There’s nothing more for you to do, alright?”

Nico nodded apathetically, and sighed. “I suppose,” she said. In her head, though, she added if I had beaten Schwarz when I had the chance, that wouldn’t be necessary. She gave no outward indication of her thoughts.

Sequoia smiled. “That’s good to hear. Let me see your Pokemon. I’ll get it all patched up.”

After a second of hesitation, Nico handed the Sparkipillar over. Sequoia carried the worm to the lab’s makeshift Pokemon Center, a small room bathed in cyan light, and laid it out on a sterile metal stable before mixing up a restorative compound of Sitrus berries and elixir. The compound was a sickly green fluid with the approximate consistency of honey. It smelled nauseous. Sequoia poured the fluid gently down Sparkipillar’s gullet, and held its mouth shut to make it swallow. A few seconds later, Sparkipillar blinked rapidly before curling and stretching itself to warm up, apparently restored to full health.

“Good as new,” the Professor said cheerfully, calling Sparkipillar into a new Poke Ball, one which did not have the markings of his laboratory. He tossed the ball to Nico as he returned to the front room. Nico nearly fumbled the ball, but managed to hold onto it.

“Sparkipillar are a fine choice for a beginning Trainer,” Sequoia told her. “Just ask your father. His first Pokemon was a Sparkipillar as well.”

“That it was,” Bart confirmed, grinning proudly. “The first of my bug buds. Still use the big guy today.”

“Indeed. Sparkipillar are quick to learn and grow. They’re a good match for a rookie like yourself. Have you considered giving your new Pokemon a name? Some Trainers like to name their Pokemon as a way to set them apart and to form a closer bond with them.”

Nico hadn’t considered this. She gazed at the Poke Ball in her hand, thinking hard about what she could name her new companion.

“If it helps,” Sequoia added, “the Sparkipillar you have is a male.”

“I… I see,” said Nico. She thought some more. Suddenly, it came to her - the perfect name. She cleared her throat and declared:

“Burnard. I’ll name him Burnard.”

“Good name,” Sequoia smiled. He knelt down in front of Nico, leveling his eyes with the Poke Ball in her hands. He reached forward and pressed the ball’s button in and held it until a soft beep was heard.

“Burnard,” the Professor said. “OT: Nicolasa Huerta. Trainer ID 42347. Register.” He then released the button. “I’ve programmed the appropriate data into the Poke Ball,” he explained. “The next time your Pokemon is released, he will answer to Burnard. You’ll need to do what I’ve done here for any Pokemon you wish to name. Understood?”

Nico nodded. “Understood.”

Sequoia flashed another of his million-dollar smiles. “Great!” he exclaimed. “Now, there’s just a few things left to take care of before we can set you off on your journey. Excuse me for a moment.” The Professor dashed away, racing to the stairs, and then up them, as fast as his scrub-clad legs could carry him.

Bart stroked Nico’s hair gently. It was something he had done for her for as long as she could remember. No matter how scared or stressed she became, the feeling of her father petting her hair could always calm her down.

“Are you sure you’re alright, Nico?” her father asked. “You seemed distraught when you came in.”

“I’m fine,” Nico said, although in truth this was not entirely accurate. “I… I was just shocked that I lost is all. And embarrassed to have let the thief get away.”

Bart hugged his daughter protectively. “You have nothing to be embarrassed about, Nico,” he insisted. “It’s as the Professor and I have said. You did more than most people in your situation would have. Be proud of that, not ashamed to have lost.”

“My dad’s the Champion,” Nico said forlornly. “Of all people, the Champion’s daughter should be able to win a Pokemon battle.”

“Nicolasa, listen to me,” her father said in a more commanding tone than Nico was used to. “Your journey is just beginning. There will be battles - especially now, when you’re taking your first steps into the world of battling - that you will lose. Sometimes those losses will be complete and devastating. It doesn’t matter whose daughter you are. Every Trainer experiences this. Even I did. If you allow your fear of losing to overwhelm you, you will doom yourself to failure. In battle, your goal should be to forge closer bonds with your Pokemon, and act with them as a team, not doing whatever you can to avoid losing. The most important trait of a successful Trainer is synchronicity with his or her Pokemon. If you come out of a battle feeling closer to your Pokemon, that battle has been a success, regardless of who technically won. Learn from your failures, Nicolasa. Use them to grow. You will find that there is a balance between success and failure. Either one can contribute to the other. To maintain that balance - that is a true accomplishment.

“I hope I’m making sense, Nico. I simply don’t want you to think that this first loss is catastrophic. Consider what I’ve told you. Try to make some use of it. Alright?”

Slowly, Nico gave a nod. “Alright,” she said.

Bart stroked her hair once more. “Good,” he said gently.

Sequoia returned from upstairs holding an object in each hand. In his right hand was some sort of red electronic device around the size of a small tablet. In his left was something that looked like a green credit card. Nico’s face was displayed on the card’s upper left corner.

“Some gifts for the new Trainer,” the Professor said with a flourish. “Open palms, please.” Nico complied, extending open hands toward the Professor.

“First, your official Trainer Card ID.” He handed Nico the green card. “This has your name, birthdate, hometown, and Trainer ID displayed,” Sequoia explained. “You’ll need to use this card as identification if you want to participate in Pokemon League events.” He indicated a row of blank spaces at the bottom of the card. “When you visit your first Pokemon Gym, you will receive a Badge case, and each time you defeat a Gym Leader you will be rewarded a physical Gym Badge. Those are just for display, however. Badges can be forged or stolen, so they aren’t really a reliable indicator of accomplishment when it comes down to the bureaucratic nitty-gritty. That’s why, whenever you beat a Gym Leader, they’ll place a seal on one of these blanks. The seal has special properties that allow your card to be scanned by League officials and confirm your Badges as legitimate. Make sense?”

“I guess,” Nico shrugged. “Seems kind of like excessive security if you ask me.”

“I don’t disagree,” Sequoia admitted, “but as Bart can attest, the League did have some trouble with forged and stolen Badges before this system was put into place.”

“The suits wanted even tighter measures to be put in place,” Bart noted. “I fought that, though. Didn’t want security to go overboard.”

“Ah, perhaps this is a subject for another time,” the Professor suggested. “I’m sure Nicolasa is eager to get on the road, hm?”

Nico gave the most enthusiastic smile she could manage - which wasn’t very enthusiastic at all.

“Second is this,” Sequoia continued, indicating the tablet. “This is the latest model of the Pokedex, a brilliant device for recording and storing data on whatever Pokemon you encounter on your journey. With this Pokedex you will be able to analyze the statistics of Pokemon you own or encounter, including what moves they possess and their approximate level of strength. Take your Sparkipillar - Burnard - for example. Burnard currently knows the moves Tackle and Defense Curl, and his level of strength is approximately five.

“The Pokedex’ primary purpose, however, is to store information acquired from observing Pokemon in the field. There is already a good deal of data to be found in the Pokedex, but it is my hope that you will fill in new data of your own and do your part to further our understanding of these marvelous creatures.”

The Professor stood tall and proud. “I am considered one of the world’s foremost authorities on Pokemon,” he boasted. “I specialize in the ways in which Pokemon interact with their environment, and my work spans over two decades. However, many mysteries still surround Pokemon. It is our job to unravel these mysteries, and that is what I charge you to do today!” He thrust the Pokedex into Nico’s hand. “Take this Pokedex, Nicolasa! Use it well in the neverending quest to understand our Pokemon brethren! I salute to your duty!” And, indeed, he saluted.

Despite herself, Nico couldn’t help but grin. The Professor always became impassioned and theatrical once he’d gotten worked up over something, and this was no exception. Sequoia soon realized this himself, and cleared his throat in embarrassment before stepping away from Nico and Bart and crossing his arms reservedly behind his back. “N-now, then,” he said. “I believe that takes care of business here. All that’s left for me to do is wish you good luck on your journey. May it be long and prosperous, and above all filled with fine adventures with Pokemon!”

Bart grasped Nico’s shoulder firmly but warmly. “That goes double for me, kiddo,” he said cheerfully. “I look forward to watching your progress, both as your father and as the League’s Champion. I know you’re gonna make me proud.

“But, hey, we’ve kept you long enough. The nearest Gym is led by a man named Barnaby, in Goldpan City. Quickest way there is through Route 21 just south of the city. You’ll probably have to set up camp at some point, but it shouldn’t take you more than a day total to get to Goldpan.”

Bart gave his daughter one final hug. “Good luck, Nicolasa,” he whispered. “You are going to do great things, I know it. I love you.”

“I love you too,” Nico said, returning the embrace. After a brief time which felt eternal, she and her father separated. Nico put her Trainer Card and Pokedex in her pocket and, grasping the strap of her bag tightly, took her leave of the lab. She could feel the eyes of Sequoia and her father boring into her head from behind. It made her uneasy, and she hastened her exit.

Nico stepped outside and breathed deeply. Earlier in the day she had been full of confidence and self-assured eagerness about her journey. Now that confidence had faded, and the steps she took away from the lab were ones taken tentatively.

***​

Night was falling. Darwin poked at the fire he’d made, then let himself recline into a laying position, staring up at the stars. The flames crackled and snapped, and the air was alive with the sounds of nocturnal Pokemon making their rounds. Darwin was in awe. He’d never before experienced nature from such a glorious perspective. He would have left home long ago if he had known that this was what awaited him.

Darwin reached for his backpack, and pulled out a pack of snack bars. Peanut butter and chocolate chips - a match made in heaven. He unwrapped a bar and was about to take the first bite when the grass next to his bedroll rustled loudly.

Darwin lowered the bar and looked behind him. The grass rustled again, before the small, inquisitive head of a Pokemon poked through.

The Pokemon was covered in scarlet fur, and its ears were long and tapering, rising a good distance above its head. It stared at Darwin with shiny black eyes as its button nose twitched, sniffing the air around it. Darwin recognized the Pokemon - it was called Volhare, and this one was apparently smelling around for something.

Volhare’s eyes finally locked onto the bar Darwin held, and chirped a few times. It was more than a bit interested in Darwin’s food.

Darwin smiled and held the bar out to Volhare. “Hey, little guy, you want some of this?” he said. “You can have a bit, sure. Sharing is caring.”

Cautiously, Volhare stepped out of the brush. Its body was fluffy and round, with strong hind legs and nimble forelimbs. The Pokemon’s neck was concealed by a furry collar of maroon, while the rest of its hair was as red as the head.

“Aren’t you a handsome thing?” Darwin said cheerfully. “C’mon, it’s alright, I’m not gonna hurt you. You can have a bit of the bar, OK? Just come and get it, buddy.”

Volhare came closer. Soon the Pokemon was inches from the bar. It looked from the bar to Darwin, and from Darwin to the pack of bars Darwin still held. Its nose twitched.

Volhare leapt.

The Pokemon snatched the package from Darwin’s grasp before he could react, and began to bound away.

“H-hey!” Darwin yelped. He sprung to his feet and gave chase.

“Little bastard,” he said through gritted teeth. “Those bars cost me ten bucks! I am not letting some rodent have them!”

Darwin had to give Volhare credit for one thing: the little bugger was damned fast. Darwin could barely keep up, and was already starting to fall behind. He had only one option left.

Darwin tore the Poke Ball holding Wacks off of his belt and took aim - not the easiest task when running at a full sprint. “Only got one shot at this,” he muttered. “Go, Wacks! Sleep Powder!” He hurled the ball as hard as he could. The Poke Ball flew straight and true, and hit Volhare in the back of the head. The impact briefly stunned the Pokemon as the ball burst open in an explosion of red light and Wacks emerged.

The green Mushroom Pokemon glanced at Volhare, who was struggling to recover from the Poke Ball’s blow. Its eyes darted to Darwin, who gave a nod, and Wacks began to shake itself furiously, casting a cloud of dust-like spores onto its foe.

Volhare’s eyes fluttered, trying to stay awake, but it could not fight the drowsiness the spores brought, and finally its eyes snapped shut and its head slumped to the ground. It was fast asleep.

Darwin saw an opportunity. The Pokemon was weakened and asleep; any Trainer would recognize this as an ideal time to attempt a capture. Should he try it? It wouldn’t hurt, he supposed. He would have to start building a team soon anyway.

Volhare began to stir, the effects of the Sleep Powder beginning to wear off. It was now or never, Darwin realized. If he didn’t go for it now, he might not get another chance.

Darwin unclasped a Poke Ball from his belt and threw it at the Volhare. “Here goes nothing!” he cried.

The ball struck Volhare and opened up, pulling the Pokemon in with a flash of light. The ball slammed shut and began to twitch violently, its center button rapidly flashing red and beeping shrilly. This Volhare did not want to be captured at all, that much was clear.

Darwin’s heart pounded; his knees were weak and his palms were sweaty. Even Wacks, normally carefree and jovial, was staring intensely at the quivering ball.

Then… the ball stopped shaking. With a click, and one final beep, the capture was sealed. Darwin grinned widely. He bent over and picked up both the ball and his bars, and glanced at Wacks with a bright smile. “We did it, pal!” he declared. “We’ve caught ourselves a Volhare!”

***​

Night had fallen. Nico was curled up in a sleeping bag, safe inside her tent. She had let Burnard out of his Poke Ball for the night, and he was presently wrapped around himself, deep in sleep.

Nico stared at her Sparkipillar, and remembered what her father had told her, about synchronicity and bonding with her Pokemon. In her battle with Schwarz, it had felt as though she and Burnard had been somehow out of sync. Why, she wondered? What did she lack? Why wasn’t she able to sync with her Pokemon?

Why hadn’t she been able to win?

Nico pressed her eyes shut. She shouldn’t be thinking these things. All they did was reinforce those negative feelings. They weren’t helping her. Her father had been trying to reassure her, not make her feel worse.

Still…

She opened her eyes again and sighed. She couldn’t help but wonder. Was she capable of being in sync with her Pokemon? And even if she was… how would she be able to tell?

Her thoughts clouded her mind as she drifted off to sleep.

I’m the Champion’s daughter…

Doesn’t matter whose daughter you are…

Synchronicity…

Nico’s mind dissolved into a fog, but even in her dreams, the questions continued their haunting. She would wake in the morning feeling not much better rested than when she went to bed.

***​

Marcus Allen paced back.

Marcus Allen paced forth.

His assistant tracked his movement uncomfortably with her eyes. She had been standing in Mr. Allen’s office for around fifteen minutes now, and he had yet to notice her. She did nothing to get his attention, though. Mr. Allen was notorious for his temper when his thoughts were interrupted.

“Rotten brat,” Allen grumbled stormily. “Give him all he could ever want, and does he appreciate it? Oh, of course not! Complain, complain, complain, that’s all he ever did! Rejected everything, the gall of it! The family name, the family business, his very destiny! I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, today’s youth don’t know a damn thing what’s good for them! What is the world coming to, I ask, what the damnation is it coming to?!”

His attention finally fell on his assistant. “You!” he bellowed. “Why didn’t you say anything? What do you want?”

The assistant smiled diplomatically. “Just some last-minute stories the reporters have cooked up for the morning edition,” she said. “They’ll need your approval, of course. One’s on a break-in at the Sequoia Labs. Another is on another sighting of members of the group allegedly known as Team Ba-”

“Bah!” Allen interrupted. “Celebrity gossip and hearsay! That sort of claptrap has no place in this paper! No sir!”

“Sir…” his assistant said nervously, “these are both fairly major stories. I’m not sure your journalists would appreciate-”

Allen harrumphed. “Fine!” he said curtly. “Let them have their silly little stories. But make sure they understand that I own this paper. It doesn’t revolve around what they’d ‘appreciate.’ Got it?”

“Yes, sir,” the assistant said, bowing respectfully.

“Now get out of here!” Allen barked. “And get Jardinero. Tell him I need pictures, dammit! Pictures of Gligar-Man!”

“Yes, sir,” the assistant sighed.

***​

Nico yawned loudly and rubbed her eyes. She’d slept for hours, but she still felt exhausted. Burnard was back in his ball, clasped to her belt. Her hair was a mess, but she was too tired to care. She just wanted to get to Goldpan City already. She would probably arrive within a few more hours, barring any more distractions.

She passed a tan-skinned young man in red shorts and a baseball cap, who was taking the same road as she. Her eyes met his, and it was like time stopped. The boy flashed a cocky grin, and his hand shot down to a Poke Ball that hung from his waist.

“Hey,” the boy said, “you’re a Pokemon Trainer, aren’t you? Why don’t we see whose Pokemon is stronger? Let’s battle!”

Nico grimaced. After the events of the previous day, battling was not the first thing on her mind, even with a youngster like this kid.

Nico was about to refuse when she realized that perhaps a battle was, in fact, just what she needed. Perhaps it could help her to understand being in sync with her Pokemon. She took a deep breath. “Alright,” she replied. “I’ll battle you. Show me what you’ve got!”

“Right on!” the boy grinned. “The name’s Jaime! What’s yours?”

Nico readied Burnard’s Poke Ball. “My name is Nico!” she declared.

“OK, Nico!” Jaime said. “Get ready!” He threw his Poke Ball. “Come on out, Piginea!”

In a flash of red light, Jaime’s Pokemon appeared. It was a small, plump, rodentlike Pokemon with silky brown fur and a pronounced back end. It blinked its wide, innocent eyes as it chutted noisily. Its feet ended in long, sharp claws.

Before releasing her own Poke Ball, Nico took out her Pokedex for analysis.

“Piginea,” the Pokedex said in a robotic monotone, “the Cavy Pokemon. Piginea will frequently gather in large groups to engage in social grooming and to find mates.”

“Whoa, is that a Pokedex?!” exclaimed Jaime in awe. “That’s so cool! Do you know Professor Sequoia?!”

“Uh… yeah,” Nico answered. “He’s, uh, he’s a friend of my family.”

“AWESOME!” Jaime hollered. “Oh, man, you gotta introduce me sometime! I’ve got so much to ask him, and tell him, and learn from him, and-”

“Um,” interrupted Nico, “aren’t we… supposed to be having a battle right now?”

“Oh, oh, right!” Jaime laughed. “Sorry about that. I’m just… y’know, I’m a huge fan of the Professor’s. Sorry for fanboying there. Uh, anyway, go ahead, let’s see what you’ve got in that ball!”

“You asked for it! I choose you, Burnard!”

Nico’s Pokemon burst from its ball and reared up ferociously, clattering its mandibles furiously. Burnard was ready for battle.

Nico took more deep breaths to focus. “Alright, burnard,” she whispered to herself. “We can do this. Synchronicity.”

“Let’s get this party started!” Jaime yelled. “Bust out a Dig attack, Piginea!”

Piginea clawed at the ground, casting a rain of earth behind itself as it tunnelled underground.

“Running away, huh?” Nico said. “Not if I can help it! Burnard, follow it down the hole and show it what that Tackle of yours can do!”

Burnard glanced back skeptically at Nico, as if trying to determine if she was being serious.

“Go on!” she urged the worm. Burnard responded with what could only be described as a chattering sigh, and crawled into the Piginea’s hole.

Seconds later, both Burnard and Piginea flew out of the hole. Piginea grasped Burnard in its claws, and slammed the worm into the ground viciously. Burnard groaned in pain.

“Burnard!” Nico exclaimed. “Are you ok?”

Burnard returned to his feet, though not without some difficulty. His fires burned far more dimly than they had mere minutes before. The attack had taken quite a bit out of him, and Nico wasn’t sure if Burnard would be able to take another hit.

“Come on, Piginea!” ordered Jaime. “Use Dig, again!”

Once again, Piginea burrowed itself underground. Nico’s mind raced. Obviously, repeating the tactic she’d used before was doomed to fail. But if she couldn’t find a way to counter the Dig, Burnard would be finished, and she would lose. Again.

What could she do?

What could she do?

What could-

A bulge began to form in the ground in front of Burnard. Soon, Nico realized, Piginea would burst from the ground to attack, and Burnard would not be able to withstand it. It was do or die time. The question still spun in her head: what could she do? What could she-

Her eyes locked onto Burnard’s, and Nicolasa felt a kind of spark course through her body. It was as if she had found a fresh focus and clarity. Almost by instinct, she knew immediately what needed to be done.

Synchronicity.

“Burnard, use Defense Curl!” Nico ordered.

Burnard complied, rolling himself up tightly into a defensive ball, just in time for Piginea to explode from its hole. The rodent flung itself at Burnard with all its might, but it found itself repulsed by the worm’s Defense Curl.

“Break through that defense, Piginea!” Jaime yelled. “Use Fury Swipes!”

“Keep holding, Burnard! Wait for an opening!”

Piginea lunged at its foe, slashing its claws at Burnard over and over again with the utmost ferocity. The onslaught seemed unending and brutal, and it pained Nico just to watch it. She knew, though, that she couldn’t act rashly. She and Burnard would need to find just the right moment to strike.

Burnard clacked his mandibles together in pain and annoyance, and the fires which burned between his body segments slowly regained their intensity, until that intensity was exceeded, and the flames shot forth, scorching Piginea’s front feet. The Cavy Pokemon fell back emitting something in between a squeal and a shriek. Its paws were blackened.

“Whoa!” a startled Nico exclaimed. “What was that?!” She accessed the Pokedex once more. A new move had been added to Burnard’s repertoire, known as Singe. Curious, Nico tapped the word, entering the move’s entry.

“Singe is a Fire-type move classified as physical in nature,” the Pokedex explained. “The user covers itself in a cloak of fire to singe the opponent upon contact. The move may cause a burn.”

“Piginea!” Jaime called out. His face was marked by concern. “You alright, bud?”

Piginea squeaked a weak affirmative, but it was clear that Burnard’s fire had struck a critical blow. Nico had her opening.

“Finish it, Burnard!” she shouted to her Pokemon. “Get close with Tackle and end this battle with another Singe attack!”

Burnard chittered courageously and loosened his curl to allow himself to barrel toward Piginea, his fires blazing brightly. All the while, the little bug let out as much of a war cry as his mouthparts would allow.

“D-dodge it, Piginea!” Jaime yelled desperately, but it was too late. The Pokemon collided with intense force, and Piginea was slammed five feet backwards, hitting the ground with a thud. Jaime’s Pokemon wheeted faintly and tried to get back on its feet, but it was plain to see that it was simply not in any condition to battle any longer.

“It’s alright, pal,” Jaime reassured Piginea as he unclasped the Cavy’s Poke Ball from his belt. “You did good. Get some rest, OK?” Then, with the requisite burst of light, Piginea vanished into the ball.

Nico knelt down before her Pokemon and stroked his head. “Great work out there, Burnard,” she smiled. “We’re finally starting to get in sync, aren’t we?”

Burnard did the best he could to affect a reciprocal smile, which presented difficulty given his facial structure. Even so, Nico could see his intent, and it made her own smile all the wider. “I think maybe this adventure could go alright after all, now that you and I are starting to make a good team. Now c’mon, you’ve earned some rest. I’ll let you out again tonight.” With that, she returned Burnard to his ball.

When she rose, Jaime stood before her, arm outstretched and mouth stretched out into a grin. “Great battle!” he enthused. “You and that bug of yours make a great team, y’know. You guys really got me fired up!”

Nico’s smile morphed into a grin of her own. “Likewise,” she replied, shaking the hand of her opponent. “I really learned a lot from that battle. You and Piginea aren’t bad partners yourself! Not too cut up about losing, then?”

“You kidding? Who cares if I lost!” Jaime shook his head. “Winning or losing, those are secondary to me, y’know. What matters is teaming with my Pokemon and having fun! Nothing wrong with losing.”

Nico considered this. “I suppose that’s a rather mature attitude,” she admitted. “I- a lot of people could stand to learn from it.”

“You flatter me,” Jaime chuckled. “I’d better be on my way now. Hope we meet again sometime, Nico! I won’t lose next time!”

“Wanna bet?” laughed Nico. “But I agree. Let’s meet again sometime! I’m looking forward to it!”

They said their goodbyes, and went off on their respective paths. The battle had rejuvenated Nico, reawakened something inside of her. Her steps were no longer taken tentatively. Now she walked confidently, with long strides and steady shoulders.

She had taken her first small steps into her adventure. Now it was time for her steps to get bigger.

---

Next Time: Darwin and Nico continue on the road to Goldpan City! Darwin gets to know his impish new friend! Schwarz resurfaces! And a mysterious new force emerges! All this and more in Chapter Three: “Team Meeting!” Be there!

Until Next Time, See Ya!

 

[Beth Pavell]

Re: POKEMON: The Scales of Astrea (5/20/14: CHAPTER TWO)

It's going to be a recurring theme, I think, that on the whole I won't have a lot to complain about.

Technical Accuracy/Style
Still avoiding verbosity, I see. You could still stand to be a little more detailed on those pokémon descriptions, though only a little. The odd reference to Sparkipillar's biology worked well.

Story
Proceeding in the better sort of way for a journeyfic, in my opinion - taking your time about it. The chapter didn't feel as long as it's word count thanks to the short scene changes to break up the nuts and bolts of Nico leaving the lab. You're obviously starting to lay the groundwork for the later plot, though I'm wondering how quickly Team X will turn up. I admit, I do have trouble suspending disbelief sometimes when it comes to the evil teams, though that is arguably a problem with franchise rather than fanfic

Characters
I believe them, in short. It's a smart choice to have your main characters very much normal - I don't mean uninteresting by that, rather that Nico and her dad don't have much in the way of quirky quirks. It's much easier to be entertained by the caricature that is Marcus Allen as a resut

Final Thoughts
This works well. May all authors entering the Journey category in the Summer Awards tremble if you decide to throw Scales into the ring

 

[Dorothy]

Re: POKEMON: The Scales of Astrea (5/20/14: CHAPTER TWO)

It's going to be a recurring theme, I think, that on the whole I won't have a lot to complain about.

Technical Accuracy/Style
Still avoiding verbosity, I see. You could still stand to be a little more detailed on those pokémon descriptions, though only a little. The odd reference to Sparkipillar's biology worked well.

I tend to avoid verbosity in general, except in my fantasy work where I afford myself the luxury of making my prose a bit more dense. I prefer to the err on the side of efficiency and not on the side of "potentially purple prose."

Story
Proceeding in the better sort of way for a journeyfic, in my opinion - taking your time about it.

While Pokemon GK had its good aspects, one way in which it lacked was in the pacing department. I'm definitely working on avoiding that problem here. I previously avoided showing too much traveling because I thought it'd be uninteresting, but really the trick is to make it interesting. Hopping from battle to battle without a break is just as bad as endless travelogues, so I'm trying to strike a balance (seriously, pun not intended ) between the two.

The chapter didn't feel as long as it's word count thanks to the short scene changes to break up the nuts and bolts of Nico leaving the lab.

Glad to hear it. My big fear once I realized that it was gonna be so long was that it would lose its "interesting-ness," so I added a bit more variety in to spice things up. The scene with Marcus was supposed to happen in a later chapter, for instance, but I moved it here to break things up a bit.

You're obviously starting to lay the groundwork for the later plot, though I'm wondering how quickly Team X will turn up. I admit, I do have trouble suspending disbelief sometimes when it comes to the evil teams, though that is arguably a problem with franchise rather than fanfic

The Team is definitely something I'm taking care with, both in their actions and their motivations. When they do show up, they won't be like Team Rocket or Team Flare, just popping in to do some evil, and then popping out. I'm doing my best to actually make them engaging.

Characters
I believe them, in short. It's a smart choice to have your main characters very much normal - I don't mean uninteresting by that, rather that Nico and her dad don't have much in the way of quirky quirks. It's much easier to be entertained by the caricature that is Marcus Allen as a resut

Nico and Bart in particular both have turned out to be more subdued than I expected them to be, but I think that's kind of a good thing. In this sort of story, it's better for the protagonist to be more grounded, I suppose, or else it can start to get grating, and provides a better contrast to zanier characters. I think Jaime is actually more representative of the typical "hot-blooded shonen" journey fic protagonist

Final Thoughts
This works well. May all authors entering the Journey category in the Summer Awards tremble if you decide to throw Scales into the ring

Haha, I don't know about that, I have a lot of great competition. We'll see, though

 

[Legacy]

Re: POKEMON: The Scales of Astrea (5/20/14: CHAPTER TWO)

Another great chapter. The battle was wonderful as usual, and the description was again concise and interesting. One suggestion I might offer would be to concentrate on the dialog a bit in terms of using it to help give depth to the characters, especially Nico. I know their dialog is meant to sound somewhat formal, but sometimes the dialog in this chapter was more info-dumpy than realistic for a young girl.

Jaime, for example, her dialog is very unique and I can almost tell it's her before I read "Jaime said" and actually find out that it is her. This is great. With Nico, her dialog is a bit bland and there were times I couldn't really differentiate her speech with her father's.

By no means is this a huge deal, but at this point with you, criticisms are sort of nit picky because of the quality of your work.

 

[Dorothy]

Re: POKEMON: The Scales of Astrea (5/20/14: CHAPTER TWO)

Another great chapter. The battle was wonderful as usual, and the description was again concise and interesting. One suggestion I might offer would be to concentrate on the dialog a bit in terms of using it to help give depth to the characters, especially Nico. I know their dialog is meant to sound somewhat formal, but sometimes the dialog in this chapter was more info-dumpy than realistic for a young girl.

Jaime, for example, her dialog is very unique and I can almost tell it's her before I read "Jaime said" and actually find out that it is her. This is great. With Nico, her dialog is a bit bland and there were times I couldn't really differentiate her speech with her father's.

By no means is this a huge deal, but at this point with you, criticisms are sort of need picky because of the quality of your work.

Certainly a fair criticism. I'll definitely be working more on developing Nico's character, as that's still a bit shaky to me. She's actually developed a good deal since I started writing, so her characterization is currently pretty hard for me to get a handle on. It's something to work on, though!

Glad you liked the battle, especially since that's generally an area of weakness for me. It's reassuring to know people are digging them this time round

 

[Apawn:p]

Re: POKEMON: The Scales of Astrea (5/20/14: CHAPTER TWO)

I could, if you want, draw some more professional art for your pokemon.

 

[Dorothy]

Re: POKEMON: The Scales of Astrea (5/20/14: CHAPTER TWO)

I could, if you want, draw some more professional art for your pokemon.

Hey, if you want to, go right on ahead! I'd be flattered to get fanart of any kind

Next Pokedex update will come once I can get a reliable camera (I think my phone is toast, I'm afraid). Till then, I leave y'all with some character models of some characters (which have been posted elsewhere, but not yet here). More models will come as we progress.

Spoiler

Nicolasa




Darwin




Schwarz




Atalanta




Bart