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Pokeshipping- Rage of the Elements

Should I make the prequals?


  • Total voters
    22
I like these a lot. You capture the essence of the characters quite well. It feels a lot like the original episodes (like seasons 1 and 2) with some more mature themes added. A little more emotional description would be nice, but that's really just nitpicking. Overall you've done a very good job and your improvement over the course of writing these is evident. I hope you continue them, because I'm looking forward to the next one!
 
Re: Pokeshipping: Rage of the Elements

Okay, because this chapter is turning out kinda long and I really want to get it up, I'm going to break it up a little. Please comment and such.


AVARAGE (part A)​



“So what did you want to talk about, Dawn?” Asked Brock, who was leaning against the wall outside the group’s room at the pokemon center.
“Shhhh!” The bluenette frowned. “Don’t let them hear you!”
“Ash and Misty?” He shifted where his weight fell.
“Yeah. I’m curious.” Dawn paused and did one final look to make sure nobody was listening. “What’s their story?” She said, figuring that elaboration would be necessary.
“Well, it’s complicated. Ash is… Ash.” The gym leader sighed and the girl crossed her arms.
“It shouldn’t be.” Her volume increased slightly, listening carefully for Piplup, who was making sure that the other trainers were still fast asleep.
“They’re so clearly crazy about each other! And I swear, it’s driving me mad watching it! It’s like one of those romantic comedy manga!” Dawn ended her rant with a huff.
“Welcome to my world.” Brock spoke in monotone.
“This is unacceptable.” She slammed her foot down just enough to make a point, but not enough to wake anyone up.
“Dawn,” He put her hand on her shoulder as if he were her older brother or something. “I’ve been trying to get them together for… ever since I’ve known them.” The young man laughed softly, recalling years of failed attempts.
“Hmmm…. I think I got an idea.” Dawn said after a long pause.
*~*~*~

“Hey….” Ash mumbled in his sleep, as morning began to approach. Pikachu was trying to wake his beloved trainer up by nuzzling his neck and chin; the pokemon was thirsty. However, instead of ending his slumber, Ash’s cheeks were turning red. Unfortunately for the yellow pokemon, the worst was yet to come. The teen rolled over in his sleep and went right off the bed, nearly crushing Pikachu.
“Ow! Huh? Oh, it’s just you, Pikachu.” Ash muttered, a hint of disappointment in his tone.
“Ash?! What the hell are you doing?” An angry girl half sat up and peeked her head and shoulders over the edge of her bunk and looked down. He was sprawled out, all twisted up in his blankets… and blushing.
“Sorry!” The trainer squeaked, knowing that Misty could be quite dangerous when she was short on sleep.
“Hmph.” She glared at him for a moment, then quickly laid back down and acted as if nothing had happened. Meanwhile, Ash was still in a slight daze from the dream he was having as he lazily heeded his pokemon’s request and then crawled back into bed.

Time passed relentlessly to the point where the first traces of sunlight were creeping through the blinds, but the teenager found himself unable to fall back asleep. The last image he saw before waking up was haunting him. Careful not to disturb Pikachu, Ash swung his legs out of bed and ducked beneath the mattress and frame above him. He stood up and faced the standard pokemon center bunk bed. Standing on his toes, the boy gazed at the sleeping figure.
“She’s lovely when she’s sound asleep.” Ash thought in admiration. Her chest rose up and down like waves tossing about in the evening. The view of them was perfect since her blanket was residing at her subtle hips. She had, as of when she last visited (a few-month period when he traveled solely with Max), taken to often wearing a loose tank top as she slept. It was pastel blue and had straps only a quarter-inch thick; making it clear that she wasn’t wearing a bra. Ash turned red and flicked himself, slightly ashamed at himself for thinking such a thing. Gravity caused them to spread out, causing the valley between them to widen.
Ash took one last look, and clambered back into bed for another hour or so of rest. A picture of Misty’s slightly open lips as she slept lingered in his mind as he drifted off.
*~*~*~

As they often did, while the girls were off in the bathroom fixing their hair and stuff, the guys quickly changed and then went to go find breakfast or something while they waited for the girls to change. Misty generally took only a tiny bit longer than they did to change, but May and Dawn were, and are, somewhat of a nightmare. This morning however, would be an anomaly. Other than the fact that Dawn had sent Piplup to go with Ash and Brock.

The younger teenage girl removed her pink track-suit jammies and began to put on a white button up shirt.
“Misty?” Dawn asked her friend while she did up the buttons.
“What?” She responded while pulling on some jeans.
“How do you feel about Ash?” The teen asked, feigning innocence.
“He’s my friend.” The red head spat out nervously.
“Really. Are you sure?” Dawn teased.
“WHAT?!?! No! Of Course Not! How could I ever like that idiot!” Misty looked ready to tear Dawn apart.
“That’s good. Because there’s this girl in Sinnoh with a major crush on him, and-” A dark shadow began to emanate from the older teen. Her head was twitching slightly. “All according to plan…”

“Theoretically, do you know…” Misty spoke softly. “what to do… if there’s this guy you really like, but he doesn’t even…”
“Notice you?” Dawn finished her friend’s sentence for her. “My older cousin has a checklist for just this sort of thing.” The longer haired girl suddenly rammed her face into Misty’s chest. She only stayed there for a split second, and then retreated.
“Eh. Eh.” The gym leader seemed to be, for lack of a better word, broken.
“Those certainly aren’t the problem.” Dawn folded her arms in thought. “They’re not small. But they aren’t all that big either.”


After going through a series of other investigations, some of which made Misty uncomfortable, Dawn settled on a verdict.
“Your clothes. They simply aren’t the kind of clothes that will get a guy’s attention. Especially with Ash. You need to be direct with him.”
“It’s not Ash.” The older of the girls said slowly through gritted teeth.
“Then what’s his name?” Dawn said a tad haughtily.
“Uh. A-A-A-llen. His name is Allen and he has shiny blonde hair and um, gray eyes. He, erm, lives back in Cerulean.” She hastily lied.
“Hm. How do you know him?” The bluenette simply pretended that she believed her.
“Well, Allen works part time at the gym… and we’ve spent lots of time together, and I clearly mean a lot to him. But. I want him to like me as more than a friend.” Misty looked as if she was going to cry.
“I already wanted to, but now it’s an emergency. We’re going to the mall!”
~*~*~*~*

Ash was stuffing his face full of waffles without a care in the world when the girls finally showed themselves.
“hoowai’dow taeh shnow lagh?” The messy haired boy asked.
“Sorry. Won’t happen again.” Misty apologized plainly.
“You actually understood that?!?” She near shouted as her Piplup welcomed her.
“We’re ahead of schedule, so what do you guys want to do today? It’s a fairly big city, which means there’s a lot of options.” Brock told the group, waiting for Dawn to make her ‘suggestion’.
“Let’s go to the mall!” Right on cue, she even added a grin.
“Perfect. Any objections?” The rock type leader ate his last bite of breakfast after speaking.
“Phhhm whiah meh.” At this, Misty glared at him for continuing to talk with his mouth full of food.
“Let’s go now then!” Dawn clasped her hands together giddily.
“But you and I haven’t eaten yet.” The older female half glared-half pouted at the younger one.
“We can eat at the mall.”
“…”
“Pleeeeaaaaase?” The bluenette looked at the red-head with sparkly eyes.
“Fine.” She grudgingly stood back up and crossed her arms.
“Okay. I’m done.” Ash announced after downing a glass of miltank milk.
“Piiika.” He agreed.
~*~*~*~

After a quick stop at the food court, Dawn took it upon herself to lead the way. Apparently, the coordinator had a sixth sense for locating the clothing stores. They passed by a Design a Ditto Studio, a Ceffairys, and a Machoke’s Sporting Goods. The biggest challenge they faced as they maneuvered the hoards of shoppers, was to pull Brock off every pretty girl they saw. Finally, after much difficulty, they arrived at just the right store.

“Perfect!” The girl grinned as she stood in front of the store, hands on her hips as a symbol of her triumph. Misty however, looked at it in fear. Never before had she stepped inside such a store. It was massive, which made it all the more terrifying.
“Eternal Toge-kisses.” Ash read aloud, then directing his attention to the displays in the window. There were lace stockings, “Those look sorta itchy.”, short skirts with zippers all the way down the front, “What’s the point of that?”, and guarders, “Huh?” mixed in with the requisite skinny jeans and t-shirts. He glanced over at Misty, who’s jeans and t-shirt were far looser than the ones in the store. Subconsciously, the trainer wanted to see her in some of those clothes.

“Goodbye, Brock.” Dawn said with her teeth gritted as the breeder made a futile effort to enter the store.

The girls walked into the store, one excited about the girl-time they were going to spend together, the other less than sure about the situation.
*~*~*~


“Brock, where are we headed?” The boy asked as he rubbed the head of the pokemon on his shoulder.
“Somewhere amazing.” He responded with hearts in his eyes, and map in hand.
“From the look on your face, I’m going to assume that it isn’t anywhere involving pokemon.” Ash sighed.
“Actually, that’s not true.” The rock-type gym leader looked rather pleased with himself as they came upon their destination. In big, eloquent letters, it said ‘CosPoke Café’. Leading the teen inside, Brock went and sat down at a table in a zombie-like state. After only a moment of waiting, a pretty girl in a frilly blue and white maid-ish dress came up to them. On her head were Marill ears, a tail sticking out from beneath her dress, and at her feet; a Marill in an orange bow-tie.
“May I take your order?” She said with a smile on her face.
“Um, uh.” The blushing trainer tried to speak. Pikachu took a more proactive approach and pointed at an item on the menu.
“Pika?”
“A lemon meringue pie decorated like a pikachu’s face.”
“Chu.”
“One Pika-Pie coming up.” The waitress leaned in and gave the yellow mouse a kiss on the forehead. She then turned to Brock. “May I take your order?”
Brock however, was on his knees in bishonen mode.
“You may as well, for you have already taken hold of my heart! I would like the Lovely Luvdisc Disks please, to share with you, my lovely true love.”
“Do you want syrup with those pancakes?” The Marill girl giggled.
“Yes please.” Brock said with his sparkly background. Ash found himself thinking about Misty, and how adorable she’d look in that outfit. Somehow, his thoughts drifted to her chest.
“They sure are a lot larger than when we first met. Though I’ve seen bigger.” He mused, recalling a handful of DDs, and a couple even larger and off the charts. “I could never tell Brock this, but ones like those kinda scare me. It’s almost like they’re sentient beings themselves, just waiting to attack!”
~*~*~*~


“I. I’m not so sure about this.” Misty stuttered as soon as the boys were out of sight.
“Lup. Pip, pipluplup.” The small water type hopped off of his trainer’s head to encourage the other one.
“Yeah…” She looked down at her baggy jeans and tennis shoes, unsure of what to do. She felt her hand being grabbed, and soon found herself walking inside the clothing store.
“Now, your usual clothes look pretty darn good on you, but it looks like we’re going to have to make you super extra sexy in order to get Allen’s attention.
“Huh-” It took the older teen a moment to recall who Allen was.
“We’ll try several different looks for you. I’m thinking maybe we should start with sortof a punk look. Then maybe we should try…” As Dawn rambled on in her own little world, Misty found herself unable to pay attention to the sparkly eyed female. She walked over to the racks of skirts and began to browse, not seeing anything that particularly caught her interest.
“Okay. Go put this on.” The bluenette dumped some assortment of things into her hands and began pushing her towards the changing room. As uncomfortable as the situation was for the older teen, two words would get her through it. “For Ash.”

A few minutes later, Misty opened the door and revealed the outfit that her friend had selected for her. As instructed by Dawn, she had two ponytails instead of the usual one. The top was a somehow cute, but tough navy-colored pleather jacket with large silver buckles. Dawn had come in and buttoned it in a way that showed a lot of cleavage. Misty kinda liked the teal plaid skirt; it went halfway down her thighs. Although she found the lacey underskirt itchy. To complete the look, she wore knee-high combat boots, and a black choker with a cat collar on her neck. (anyone wanna draw that?)

Part A End
 
Cute. I liked the ending where Misty is trying a new look to impress Ash. I also like her (admittedly pathetic) substitute name for Ash, Allen.
 
So many breast mentionings in one sitting XD Anyway, I found it really sweet that Misty wanted to change herself just for Ash. I also find it a bit creepy that Dawn put her face in Misty's chest.
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Wow, anime/manga girls are weird XD I guess Dawn is no exception :p
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Wow, anime/manga girls are weird XD I guess Dawn is no exception :p
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You're just realizing this now? haha

Anywho I guess if you're still going with the element theme average means normal type which I gotta say I wasn't expecting but I thoroughly enjoyed it. I will say some of Ash's early inner monologue descriptions of Misty seemed a bit to poetic for him but if they were just descriptions and not his then they were great. I wouldn't have minded a little tease of what he had been dreaming about haha.

Oh and not sure if the punk look fits her so I hope that's not what she goes with haha (although I agree I would love to see this drawn!)

Anyways I loved it and can't wait for the next part!
 
I'd say this calls for a montage of different looks with each followed by dawn shaking her head disapprovingly until the right look came up at which point she'd nod her head and give a big excited thumbs up while cheesy 80s music played!...... but I guess that'd be kinda impossible to do in a written story...

I can't really think of anything right now, I'll get back to ya, but I will say that I'm sure whatever the final look is it will be great but the hair has to be down. I feel this is a must.
 
Awesome! Cant wait till the next one. I think you did a great job. The "normal" type is a good break from so many near death situations being locked up in closets. Not that I didnt love those :)

No particular requests for anything to happen. Just keep going however you feel is right ^^
 
I agree with Kayumi. I've liked everything so far, so I doubt you'll dissappoint us :p
 
I can't believe I totally forgot to comment on this part!!

Anyway, overall, it was as great as ever! I really like the ending with Misty trying on a new set of clothing just for Ash/Allen. I don't have any ideas yet for other styles, but I'll drop you a line when I do.

Keep on updating!
 
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