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Random Messages 16: This Thread Is A Cursed Mall Area with Tables

What is your favorite curse?

  • Total voters
    41
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I'm the supreme leader of chaos and food.

Tell someone your favorite food today, because life is a gift. But scream it at them in korean with a terrifying expression on your face because life is scary and chaotic. This has been Life Tips with Munchlax.


cake
 
enters the elevator to find a version of Doorman Cilantro wearing a disgustingly Slurpuff-inspired outfit as opposed to the Sableye one I gave him long before in a past RM

“Good Slurpuff, sirpuff. Are you having a good Slurpuff?” he greets me

Uhhh...sure...puff. vomits in my mouth a little Take me to the Chaos...Slurpuff, please. vomits in my mouth even more

“Slurpuffly!” he selects the Chaos Portal floor using the elevator’s scroll bar feature and hits the button to take us there
 
Oh shit...

cowers back in the elevator, quickly shutting the door to block out the Slurpuff cotton candy machine and the annoying singing Slurpuff dolls also populating that room

WHERE IS THE PORTAL?!? I need to travel back to my dimension, STAT!!

“Holy fuck, slow the Slurpuff down, Slurpuff!” the tainted version of my trusted doorman responds to me. “I can’t understand a Slurpuff you’re saying. You speaking some other Slurpuff or something?”

sighs Guess I’ll just leave the tower... there’s nothing for me to do in here.
 
dramatic music flourish occurs, and a deep voice starts to narrate

“In a world...”

dramatic music flourish

“Where Slurpuff have taken over...”

dramatic music flourish

“Taken over the streets... The government... The very lexicon...”

dramatic music flourish

“And the minds of all his loved ones...”

dramatic music starts playing as a constant in the background

“One man has to beat the odds and return home, armed with nothing but a femur.”

various clips play of me wielding the femur bone like a staff and bashing hordes of Slurpuff on their heads

“On his quest to find love and purpose, he finds himself dropped into a world with no place for him, facing the very thing he hates the most. Stripped of everything he thought he knew, as well as all the flesh on one of his arms...”

cut to a scene of me trodding across a dessert, using the bone as a walking stick

“...he journeys...”

cut to a scene of me staring up at an ominous, giant Slurpuff silhouette

“...in search of any shred of familiarity...

in search of...”

cut to a scene of me meditating next to an elderly Asian man in a robe doing the same

“...HOPE.”

music ends

“Slurpocalypse. This fall in Random Messages near you.”
 
Reader mode

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