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This one shot was originally envisioned as a crack fic but I think between conception and writing it lost some of its crackiness. Anyway, this is just a little thing, so give it a read and tell me what you think!
Red Returns
Many people said she was just in denial but Scarlet Cornell did not doubt for one moment of his thirty year absence that her son, Red, was alive. Other people attributed her faith to women’s intuition or to the strong bond between mother and child but the truth was that over the last thirty years Red had not washed once and every day Scarlet woke up to the scent of his incredible body odour being brought in her bedroom window by the morning breeze. One day, however, when Scarlet leant towards the window which usually brought the repugnant wind into her bedroom, the smell was gone. Scarlet at first panicked, thinking that this must mean her son had died but then she heard the knock at the door. She ran downstairs with excitement, not daring to even hope that her son could be at the door.
“I’m home,” smiled a bearded, bulky and forty year old version of her ten year old son.
Scarlet couldn’t believe that this huge man was her son but she was just so happy to have him back. After a few seconds of embrace, Scarlet was in the living room with Red, fussing over him and making sure he was happy. Many people had seen Red arriving back into Pallet Town, word had spread quickly of the legend’s return and within twenty minutes, most of Pallet Town was in the living room with Red and his mother. The whole town would have easily fit in when Red left, but in the mean time the population of the town had doubled to a whopping sixteen people!
“So!” shouted one of the many people who Red had absolutely no recollection or recognition of, “What were you doing in Mt. Silver for so long?”
“Training,” stated Red in a gruff voice.
There was an awkward silence for a few moments as people expected a little more from Red.
“Why did you come back?” asked the same person.
Red frowned. His Pokémon didn’t ask so many questions.
“Because I’m the best,” answered Red simply, “No one could ever beat me in a Pokémon battle now.”
There was a buzz of awkward murmuring around the room. Red was confused, he didn’t understand what the problem with his answer was.
“Where’s Blue?” asked Red between mouthfuls of the delicious meal his mother had prepared.
“He’s in Viridian City on business!” answered Scarlet quickly, “I’ll give him a call and tell him to come and visit!”
Scarlet quickly excused herself from the living room to go and get the phone. Red couldn’t help but think his mother looked embarrassed but he wasn’t sure why.
“You guys wanna see my Pokémon?” asked Red casually.
The reception to this comment was a lot more to Red’s liking as it seemed to be mostly positive. Red got his six Poké Balls from his belt and walked out of the front door.
“Where are you going?” shouted someone from the room.
“Well they’re not going to fit in here,” growled Red impatiently, “These bad boys are warriors.”
Once again there was a buzz of awkward murmuring and once again Red ignored it. Red walked outside and everyone inside the house followed him, including his mother who announced that Blue was on his way. Red sent his Pokémon out one by one.
First – a Pokémon that resembled a Lapras but with two razor sharp horns on its forehead as well as what appeared to be a Steel shell adorned with spikes.
“Lapron!” shouted Red proudly, “Dual type Water and Steel – it could kill another Pokémon with a single slash of its deadly horns!”
Red ignored the poor reception that Lapron got and was glad that he was saving the best for last.
Second – a Pokémon that resembled a Snorlax but covered in armour that seemed to be made out of Rock and had cannons for hands.
“Hypolax!” announced Red, even more proudly, “Dual type Rock and Normal! He can fire rocks and other ammunition from the cannons on his arms at speeds of up to 100 miles per hour! Responsible for the deaths of literally thousands of Zubat and Golbat in Mt. Silver!”
Red was also disappointed with the reaction to Hypolax. Had he been gone for so long that people were expecting more than this? He felt quite hurt, but he pushed on.
Third – a Pokémon that looked like a Blastoise but with huge, deadly jaws that grew far out of its mouth. It had an exoskeleton that grew all of the way around its shell and a large skull with horns on the top of its head.
“Blaskull!” declared Red, confident that this Pokémon was going to impress them, “Its exoskeleton is harder than diamonds – nothing can penetrate it! It’s virtually impervious to any kind of damage whatsoever!”
The crowd murmured quietly, they didn’t seem totally unimpressed by this one. Red smiled, he was glad things were getting better.
Fourth – a Pokémon that looked like a Venusaur but with hundreds of thorny vines stretching out from every part of its body. The vines were so thick and strong that its feet were not touching the floor as the vines were supporting it.
“Vinesaur!” cried Red, “So agile that it can snap your neck before you even have time to blink!”
The awkwardness returned. The crowd weren’t happy about something – that was for sure.
Fifth – a Pokémon that somewhat resembled a Charizard but with what appeared to be a metal body, complete with visor.
“Charizoid!” yelled Red, “He can increase his target’s body heat to 1000 degrees Celsius in less than a second! This one’s a real killer!”
Once again, the crowd murmured awkwardly. Red had no idea what they found so unappealing about his show of his Pokémon but it upset him greatly – he had put a huge amount of effort into becoming the best trainer in the world and he had been expecting people to be impressed. It didn’t matter though, he had saved the best for last, this one was sure to impress him.
Red grabbed the final Poké Ball from his belt and summoned a small, yellow rodent Pokémon from the Ball. It appeared to be an ordinary Pikachu.
“Now I know what you’re thinking,” said Red, “It just looks like a regular, piece of crap Pikachu but this is actually the most powerful Pokémon on my team – allow me to demonstrate.”
Red looked from left to right for a few seconds, he appeared to be quite frustrated, desperately looking for something.
“The one time I need one...” muttered Red to himself.
While Red continued to mutter to himself and search the short grass in Pallet Town for something, Blue had filtered in near the back of the ground and had his arm around Scarlet, as if trying to reassure her of something. He looked shockingly like he did ten years ago, unlike Red. Blue had managed to maintain an athletic build over the years and, as such, his body shape was fairly similar to the last time Red had seen it, except more muscular. His face now had a shadow of stubble across it and his skin was markedly rougher and, needless to say, he was a fair bit taller, but other than that, Blue had not changed much over the last thirty years. Red did not notice this, he was far too preoccupied with the task at hand, suddenly he exclaimed with joy.
“Aha!” shouted the large man, fixating his stare at something nearby a building, “Wrong place wrong time!”
There was another buzz of awkward murmuring in the crowd and Blue held his arm extra tight around Scarlet. Everyone craned their necks to try and see what Red had managed to find and the tone changed from awkwardness to fear once they realised what it was – a wild Rattata.
“Pikachu!” yelled Red excitedly, completely oblivious to the crowd, “Do it!”
Pikachu did nothing. The crowd watched it expectantly, after one second, which felt like one hour, a few members of the crowd stopped holding their breath, certain that Pikachu had managed to get the message that its trainer had not. They realised they were wrong as they were showered in the blood and guts of the unfortunate Rattata, which had been obliterated by an attack from Pikachu which was so fast that the Rattata was actually still thinking for a whole second after its brain was in a thousand pieces. The crowd, now covered in bloody bits of a former Rattata, stood completely still, stunned to the point of silence. Red hesitated, he had expected a much better reaction than that.
“You guys didn’t like that?” asked Red in confusion, “What more could you want?”
“Red,” spoke up Blue with a concerned look on his face, “We need to talk.”
Red nodded and followed Blue around the corner of one of the buildings.
“A lot has changed in the last thirty years, Red,” explained Blue, “I thought you were dead. We all did. Scarlet... I mean, your mother was the only one who didn’t think that! We all said she was in denial...”
“So,” replied Red slowly, “What’s changed?”
Blue hesitated for a moment.
“We don’t battle Pokémon anymore,” answered Blue, “It’s considered cruel.”
Red was stunned.
“Cruel?!” he exclaimed, “But... but... that’s what they’re for!”
Blue’s eyes widened in shock.
“You can’t say things like that!” snapped Blue, “Silph finally managed to invent a device that allows humans to directly converse with Pokémon and we got their opinions on Pokémon battles... Let’s just say they weren’t too thrilled about it.”
Red was silent, he didn’t know what to say to this.
“But you’re a Gym Leader,” stated Red, “What do you do now?”
Once again, Blue’s eyes widened in shock.
“Shhh!” hissed Blue, “That was a long time ago! I was a kid then! I’d prefer it if that brief chapter of my life were forgotten! Anyway, now if you want to be a Pokémon specialist, you have to either be something to do with contests or a researcher.”
“Ah!” exclaimed Red happily, “How is Professor Oak? Any new breakthroughs?”
Blue looked down at his feet.
“My grandfather died twenty two years ago, Red,” informed Blue sombrely, “He doesn’t run the lab anymore.”
“Oh, sorry,” answered Red, “I suppose you run the lab now then?”
Blue became suddenly angry at this comment.
“You think being a Professor is inherited?” challenged Blue, “Don’t be so stupid! I hate it when people assume that because my grandfather was a Professor that I will be! No, Professor Ramanathan is in charge of the Pallet Town Lab now. I run the Viridian City Contest Hall.”
Red nervously looked around, eager for a way to change the subject. He didn’t want to get started on what he thought of contests, so just looked Blue up and down until he noticed something – a wedding ring.
“You’re married, Blue?” asked Red with a smile, he was sure that this comment could only invoke a positive reaction, “Who’s the lucky girl?”
Blue suddenly became sheepish.
“Um,” stammered Blue, “Before I tell you, I just want you to know how it started. She was all alone in that big house all the time because the guy that used to look after her just upped and left without a word. Now, I’d known her for a long time and she’d always been good to me so I used to stop round and make sure she was alright. I’d stay over just to make sure she felt safe too. It wasn’t a sexual thing, I used to sleep downstairs on the couch. It wasn’t for a few months that we first kissed and, well, one thing led to another, we stayed together against all the odds and now we’re married. We don’t have any kids though.”
Red was totally silent, a horrifying thought was starting to creep up on him. It couldn’t be...
“It’s Scarlet, Red,” informed Blue, “I’m married to your mother.”
No way. Red clutched his stomach in pain. How could it be that Blue, his hated rival and bane of his existence before he went to train in Mt. Silver, was now his stepfather?
“Red, man,” asked Blue, “You alright?”
Red didn’t answer. This really did top every other ‘yo mama’ joke that Blue had directed towards him over the years – Blue was now literally fucking his mother. Red assured Blue that he was alright and returned back inside his house. Red sat down on the settee and tried to make sense of what he had learnt today.
Professor Oak was dead and now someone who Red had never met was the most important figure in Pallet Town, his rival was married to his mother and, probably the most heartbreaking of all, the thing that Red had spent the last thirty years doing, instead of getting married and having children or having any human company whatsoever for that matter, was now considered wrong. Although returning to Pallet Town and showing off his incredibly powerful Pokémon had been the thing he had managed to keep himself going with over the last thirty years, he was now starting to wish he had never left.
Red realised that he was out of place where he was, he was no longer a part of this society, he existed only as a relic of a time gone by, he should be in a museum really. Red picked himself up, opened his front door and, then, Red returned to Mt. Silver.
Red Returns
Many people said she was just in denial but Scarlet Cornell did not doubt for one moment of his thirty year absence that her son, Red, was alive. Other people attributed her faith to women’s intuition or to the strong bond between mother and child but the truth was that over the last thirty years Red had not washed once and every day Scarlet woke up to the scent of his incredible body odour being brought in her bedroom window by the morning breeze. One day, however, when Scarlet leant towards the window which usually brought the repugnant wind into her bedroom, the smell was gone. Scarlet at first panicked, thinking that this must mean her son had died but then she heard the knock at the door. She ran downstairs with excitement, not daring to even hope that her son could be at the door.
“I’m home,” smiled a bearded, bulky and forty year old version of her ten year old son.
Scarlet couldn’t believe that this huge man was her son but she was just so happy to have him back. After a few seconds of embrace, Scarlet was in the living room with Red, fussing over him and making sure he was happy. Many people had seen Red arriving back into Pallet Town, word had spread quickly of the legend’s return and within twenty minutes, most of Pallet Town was in the living room with Red and his mother. The whole town would have easily fit in when Red left, but in the mean time the population of the town had doubled to a whopping sixteen people!
“So!” shouted one of the many people who Red had absolutely no recollection or recognition of, “What were you doing in Mt. Silver for so long?”
“Training,” stated Red in a gruff voice.
There was an awkward silence for a few moments as people expected a little more from Red.
“Why did you come back?” asked the same person.
Red frowned. His Pokémon didn’t ask so many questions.
“Because I’m the best,” answered Red simply, “No one could ever beat me in a Pokémon battle now.”
There was a buzz of awkward murmuring around the room. Red was confused, he didn’t understand what the problem with his answer was.
“Where’s Blue?” asked Red between mouthfuls of the delicious meal his mother had prepared.
“He’s in Viridian City on business!” answered Scarlet quickly, “I’ll give him a call and tell him to come and visit!”
Scarlet quickly excused herself from the living room to go and get the phone. Red couldn’t help but think his mother looked embarrassed but he wasn’t sure why.
“You guys wanna see my Pokémon?” asked Red casually.
The reception to this comment was a lot more to Red’s liking as it seemed to be mostly positive. Red got his six Poké Balls from his belt and walked out of the front door.
“Where are you going?” shouted someone from the room.
“Well they’re not going to fit in here,” growled Red impatiently, “These bad boys are warriors.”
Once again there was a buzz of awkward murmuring and once again Red ignored it. Red walked outside and everyone inside the house followed him, including his mother who announced that Blue was on his way. Red sent his Pokémon out one by one.
First – a Pokémon that resembled a Lapras but with two razor sharp horns on its forehead as well as what appeared to be a Steel shell adorned with spikes.
“Lapron!” shouted Red proudly, “Dual type Water and Steel – it could kill another Pokémon with a single slash of its deadly horns!”
Red ignored the poor reception that Lapron got and was glad that he was saving the best for last.
Second – a Pokémon that resembled a Snorlax but covered in armour that seemed to be made out of Rock and had cannons for hands.
“Hypolax!” announced Red, even more proudly, “Dual type Rock and Normal! He can fire rocks and other ammunition from the cannons on his arms at speeds of up to 100 miles per hour! Responsible for the deaths of literally thousands of Zubat and Golbat in Mt. Silver!”
Red was also disappointed with the reaction to Hypolax. Had he been gone for so long that people were expecting more than this? He felt quite hurt, but he pushed on.
Third – a Pokémon that looked like a Blastoise but with huge, deadly jaws that grew far out of its mouth. It had an exoskeleton that grew all of the way around its shell and a large skull with horns on the top of its head.
“Blaskull!” declared Red, confident that this Pokémon was going to impress them, “Its exoskeleton is harder than diamonds – nothing can penetrate it! It’s virtually impervious to any kind of damage whatsoever!”
The crowd murmured quietly, they didn’t seem totally unimpressed by this one. Red smiled, he was glad things were getting better.
Fourth – a Pokémon that looked like a Venusaur but with hundreds of thorny vines stretching out from every part of its body. The vines were so thick and strong that its feet were not touching the floor as the vines were supporting it.
“Vinesaur!” cried Red, “So agile that it can snap your neck before you even have time to blink!”
The awkwardness returned. The crowd weren’t happy about something – that was for sure.
Fifth – a Pokémon that somewhat resembled a Charizard but with what appeared to be a metal body, complete with visor.
“Charizoid!” yelled Red, “He can increase his target’s body heat to 1000 degrees Celsius in less than a second! This one’s a real killer!”
Once again, the crowd murmured awkwardly. Red had no idea what they found so unappealing about his show of his Pokémon but it upset him greatly – he had put a huge amount of effort into becoming the best trainer in the world and he had been expecting people to be impressed. It didn’t matter though, he had saved the best for last, this one was sure to impress him.
Red grabbed the final Poké Ball from his belt and summoned a small, yellow rodent Pokémon from the Ball. It appeared to be an ordinary Pikachu.
“Now I know what you’re thinking,” said Red, “It just looks like a regular, piece of crap Pikachu but this is actually the most powerful Pokémon on my team – allow me to demonstrate.”
Red looked from left to right for a few seconds, he appeared to be quite frustrated, desperately looking for something.
“The one time I need one...” muttered Red to himself.
While Red continued to mutter to himself and search the short grass in Pallet Town for something, Blue had filtered in near the back of the ground and had his arm around Scarlet, as if trying to reassure her of something. He looked shockingly like he did ten years ago, unlike Red. Blue had managed to maintain an athletic build over the years and, as such, his body shape was fairly similar to the last time Red had seen it, except more muscular. His face now had a shadow of stubble across it and his skin was markedly rougher and, needless to say, he was a fair bit taller, but other than that, Blue had not changed much over the last thirty years. Red did not notice this, he was far too preoccupied with the task at hand, suddenly he exclaimed with joy.
“Aha!” shouted the large man, fixating his stare at something nearby a building, “Wrong place wrong time!”
There was another buzz of awkward murmuring in the crowd and Blue held his arm extra tight around Scarlet. Everyone craned their necks to try and see what Red had managed to find and the tone changed from awkwardness to fear once they realised what it was – a wild Rattata.
“Pikachu!” yelled Red excitedly, completely oblivious to the crowd, “Do it!”
Pikachu did nothing. The crowd watched it expectantly, after one second, which felt like one hour, a few members of the crowd stopped holding their breath, certain that Pikachu had managed to get the message that its trainer had not. They realised they were wrong as they were showered in the blood and guts of the unfortunate Rattata, which had been obliterated by an attack from Pikachu which was so fast that the Rattata was actually still thinking for a whole second after its brain was in a thousand pieces. The crowd, now covered in bloody bits of a former Rattata, stood completely still, stunned to the point of silence. Red hesitated, he had expected a much better reaction than that.
“You guys didn’t like that?” asked Red in confusion, “What more could you want?”
“Red,” spoke up Blue with a concerned look on his face, “We need to talk.”
Red nodded and followed Blue around the corner of one of the buildings.
“A lot has changed in the last thirty years, Red,” explained Blue, “I thought you were dead. We all did. Scarlet... I mean, your mother was the only one who didn’t think that! We all said she was in denial...”
“So,” replied Red slowly, “What’s changed?”
Blue hesitated for a moment.
“We don’t battle Pokémon anymore,” answered Blue, “It’s considered cruel.”
Red was stunned.
“Cruel?!” he exclaimed, “But... but... that’s what they’re for!”
Blue’s eyes widened in shock.
“You can’t say things like that!” snapped Blue, “Silph finally managed to invent a device that allows humans to directly converse with Pokémon and we got their opinions on Pokémon battles... Let’s just say they weren’t too thrilled about it.”
Red was silent, he didn’t know what to say to this.
“But you’re a Gym Leader,” stated Red, “What do you do now?”
Once again, Blue’s eyes widened in shock.
“Shhh!” hissed Blue, “That was a long time ago! I was a kid then! I’d prefer it if that brief chapter of my life were forgotten! Anyway, now if you want to be a Pokémon specialist, you have to either be something to do with contests or a researcher.”
“Ah!” exclaimed Red happily, “How is Professor Oak? Any new breakthroughs?”
Blue looked down at his feet.
“My grandfather died twenty two years ago, Red,” informed Blue sombrely, “He doesn’t run the lab anymore.”
“Oh, sorry,” answered Red, “I suppose you run the lab now then?”
Blue became suddenly angry at this comment.
“You think being a Professor is inherited?” challenged Blue, “Don’t be so stupid! I hate it when people assume that because my grandfather was a Professor that I will be! No, Professor Ramanathan is in charge of the Pallet Town Lab now. I run the Viridian City Contest Hall.”
Red nervously looked around, eager for a way to change the subject. He didn’t want to get started on what he thought of contests, so just looked Blue up and down until he noticed something – a wedding ring.
“You’re married, Blue?” asked Red with a smile, he was sure that this comment could only invoke a positive reaction, “Who’s the lucky girl?”
Blue suddenly became sheepish.
“Um,” stammered Blue, “Before I tell you, I just want you to know how it started. She was all alone in that big house all the time because the guy that used to look after her just upped and left without a word. Now, I’d known her for a long time and she’d always been good to me so I used to stop round and make sure she was alright. I’d stay over just to make sure she felt safe too. It wasn’t a sexual thing, I used to sleep downstairs on the couch. It wasn’t for a few months that we first kissed and, well, one thing led to another, we stayed together against all the odds and now we’re married. We don’t have any kids though.”
Red was totally silent, a horrifying thought was starting to creep up on him. It couldn’t be...
“It’s Scarlet, Red,” informed Blue, “I’m married to your mother.”
No way. Red clutched his stomach in pain. How could it be that Blue, his hated rival and bane of his existence before he went to train in Mt. Silver, was now his stepfather?
“Red, man,” asked Blue, “You alright?”
Red didn’t answer. This really did top every other ‘yo mama’ joke that Blue had directed towards him over the years – Blue was now literally fucking his mother. Red assured Blue that he was alright and returned back inside his house. Red sat down on the settee and tried to make sense of what he had learnt today.
Professor Oak was dead and now someone who Red had never met was the most important figure in Pallet Town, his rival was married to his mother and, probably the most heartbreaking of all, the thing that Red had spent the last thirty years doing, instead of getting married and having children or having any human company whatsoever for that matter, was now considered wrong. Although returning to Pallet Town and showing off his incredibly powerful Pokémon had been the thing he had managed to keep himself going with over the last thirty years, he was now starting to wish he had never left.
Red realised that he was out of place where he was, he was no longer a part of this society, he existed only as a relic of a time gone by, he should be in a museum really. Red picked himself up, opened his front door and, then, Red returned to Mt. Silver.
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Though I think I would have enjoyed the slightest bit more elaboration near the end, I really do like the way it ended.
