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COMPLETE: Rival's Story

The acest of trainers
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Another great chapter! I quite love the use of Jynx with a black face. Personally to me, Jynx should have kept her black face, she looks ugl(ier) with a purple face. One bit of advice: you don't seem to use commas very freqeuntly. Just a suggestion to add a few in to longer sentences.
 
Flame's the name.
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Just another great chapter. Enjoying it. MORE!!!!!!!!!!
 
Don't Look Away
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It's against the rules to post a wordless review.
 
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This is the best pokemon fanfic I have ever read! Excellent way of writing it, you stick to the standard game stuff and it is not a slow-moving fanfic (I have read much slower-moving ones and they are annoying). Keep writing! I like the way Blue uses strategy to win battles and the Giovanni part before was really epic.
Also, If Blue didn't get any revives, will he battle Red in the end with and injured team? Or will his team be healed after defeating the elite 4???
 
Back on Track
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I can't believe I missed so much!!! I really REALLY love this story. Excellent work.

Awwww... Blue's strategy with the E4 is so different than the one I use. I mainly use my starter, which is just crazy strong because I'm too lazy to take it out of the top spot, and the regional Legendary that I caught to cream them until both of my leads faint, which is when I sacrifice one of my weaker ones by wasting all of its moves reviving and healing my strong ones. Heh. Poor Starly. (Or Staravia. I can't remember.)

Oh! And congratulations on the awards! You deserved them!:ksmile:
 
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I saw that this got some awards in the Fanfic Awards so i decided to check it out. I got so addicted it took me 1 day to get from 1 to 72. I love your Fanfic so much and I can't wait to read some of your other ones as well. DO THE WORLD A FAVOR AND NEVER STOP WRITING!
 
I'm back
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I saw that this got some awards in the Fanfic Awards so i decided to check it out. I got so addicted it took me 1 day to get from 1 to 72. I love your Fanfic so much and I can't wait to read some of your other ones as well. DO THE WORLD A FAVOR AND NEVER STOP WRITING!
Agreed on the final line
 
Let's get funky!
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Thank you so much for the kind words! These compliments really mean a lot, I can't believe you guys are saying such nice things about my writing!

Well, here is a new chapter and the next one will be up in four days time. The thing is, I have some quite bad news concerning the continued release of Rival's Story in the future...

I'm going away and will have no internet access from the 24th July until the 7th August. Aren't you glad I'm not stopping altogether though =P Normal service will resume from the 7th August.


Chapter 80

Blue’s plan was simple. Most of Lorelei’s Pokémon so far had been dual type Water, he didn’t know what she had left but he was sure he could beat them with this new tactic. Blue had originally chosen Exeggutor because he had thought Lorelei was a Water type specialist but, in retrospect, this turned out to be a big mistake. His choice had been based on Exeggutor’s type advantage but what he had not considered was the fact that Exeggutor was weak against Ice type attacks that most Water type Pokémon possess. Alakazam, on the other hand, possessed the Shock Wave technique and was not weak against any moves that Lorelei’s Pokémon were likely to have. Blue threw Alakazam’s Poké Ball out into the arena with a superior smile on his face. Lorelei looked confused.

“Shock Wave!” ordered Blue casually.

Alakazam held up its right hand and its spoon glowed yellow, sparking with electricity. Lorelei’s face dropped, she knew it was over – she didn’t even give an order. Alakazam shot a bolt of electricity upwards and it curved back down to blast Lapras, knocking it out immediately. Alakazam’s incredibly high special attack meant that there wasn’t a hope in hell of Lapras surviving that hit.

Lorelei paused thoughtfully as she grabbed the next Poké Ball from her belt, threw it down and released a dopey looking pink Pokémon that Blue recognised as a Slowbro.

“Shadow Ball!” commanded Lorelei.

“Shock Wave,” repeated Blue.

Blue maintained his cool exterior, but inside he was worried. If Alakazam fainted as a result of that Shadow Ball, he didn’t stand a chance at beating all four members of the Elite Four. He needn’t have worried though, Alakazam was damaged by the attack, but Slowbro was left face down and unconscious, lying in its own drool. Lorelei looked furious but resigned as she retreated Slowbro to its Poké Ball and sent out her last Pokémon, Cloyster.

Blue smiled and ordered a third Shock Wave. Seconds later, it was all over.

“You’re not going to win!” snapped Lorelei, retreating Cloyster to its Poké Ball, “You don’t have what it takes! There are three more members of the Elite Four, each one ten times as powerful as the one before them – you stand a hope in hell of becoming the Champ!”

Blue just grinned. He was scared, but he was happy to have beaten the first member of the Elite Four. He waited for Lorelei to say something else, but she stood there silently.

“What are you waiting for?” she challenged, “Go ahead to the next room and lose!”

Blue quickly tired of the woman’s bitterness over losing and progressed to the next room without taking another look at her.

The second room was one that Blue recognised, he had never been there before but he had seen lots of photographs of it. It was a cold room with a dead feeling about it, covered in rocks. This was Bruno’s room. The muscular Fighting type specialist sat cross legged at the far side of the room.

“Good to see you, Blue,” greeted Bruno without even looking up.

Bruno had always been a man of few words, it made Blue smile. Bruno had been around a lot when Blue was younger, but after Oak recommended him to become a member of the Elite Four, Blue began to see a lot less of him.

“How have you been, Bruno?” asked Blue.

“Good,” answered Bruno simply, still not looking up, “Now do you want a battle or not?”

Bruno stood up and grabbed a Poké Ball from his belt. He threw it to the floor, revealing a gigantic stone snake that Blue recognised as an Onix. Blue reflected that this was the same species as the first Gym Leader Pokémon he had ever seen and also that Brock and Bruno were actually quite similar when you thought about it.

“Are you related to Brock?” asked Blue.

Bruno frowned.

“Using similar Pokémon to someone and having a similar skin tone does not automatically mean you are related,” stated the Fighting master grumpily.

Blue was about to apologise when Bruno continued speaking.

“I understand,” conceded Bruno, “That the fact that Lance, the leader of the Elite Four and Clair, Gym Leader of Blackthorn City in Johto, use the same Pokémon have a similar skin tone and are related may make the matter confusing, but I can assure that in this case, we are not related.”

Blue, again, started to apologise before being interrupted once again.

“Don’t apologise,” instructed Bruno calmly, “It was an honest mistake. Just call on your first Pokémon, Onix is waiting. Let’s get this battle on the road.”

The obvious Pokémon to use was Gyarados and Blue immediately grabbed the appropriate Poké Ball and prepared to throw it out. He stopped though as he didn’t feel the familiar rush of activity of a Pokémon itching to get out of its Poké Ball and on to the battlefield.

Then he remembered that Gyarados had been knocked out. Without thinking, he had thought he was in a challenge just like a Gym challenge, he’d assumed that his Pokémon would be fully healed going into this battle but this wasn’t a Gym battle. This was something entirely different. This time, when your Pokémon fainted, they stayed fainted until you finished your challenge, whether you finish it with victory or defeat. Blue sighed and grabbed Exeggutor’s Poké Ball, this was going to be his toughest battle yet, but he guessed it would soon be overshadowed by the battles against his grandmother and the leader of the Elite Four, when he’d have even less Pokémon at full health.

The Elite Four was definitely not going to be easy.

Blue's Team: Charizard, Pidgeot, Exeggutor, Alakazam, Gyarados, Rhyhorn
Blue’s Box: Metapod, Beedrill, Meowth, Bellsprout, Grimer, Aerodactyl
Blue's Pokédex: 24 Caught, 91 Seen
Blue’s Badges: 8
 
Man, Myth, Legend
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That was pretty swert. Loved the Bruno/Brock part! I think the next chapter is where Exeggutor will finally prove itself to Blue. Hopefully. (Exeggutor is my favorite of Blue's Pokemon)
 
The acest of trainers
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Brilliant part! Lorelei seems like a bit of a crabby cow :p I like how Special Attack played a good role in this, and how Alakazam won using a TMed move. I can't wait to see what happens next
 
Don't Look Away
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Holy crap, Blue already lost two Pokemon and he still has three more members, the worst part is he lost Charizard and that was his strongest one. Wait didn't Blue buy Revives before challenging the Elite 4.
 
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No he didn't because he didn't buy one thing since he started his journey do he didn't want to start now. It sux that you will be away, I will miss the next chapter when he somehow pwns Bruno. Either way we won't let this get to page 2 again!
 
The #1 Pokemon Guru
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Holy crap, Blue already lost two Pokemon and he still has three more members, the worst part is he lost Charizard and that was his strongest one. Wait didn't Blue buy Revives before challenging the Elite 4.
Agreed. This story is seriously lacking, and I'm not quite sure how or why it has so many fans.

Gastly's Mama, feel free to PM and I can give you some pointers.
 
追放されたバカ
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Agreed. This story is seriously lacking, and I'm not quite sure how or why it has so many fans.
It's because it reminds many fans of the early anime and early game experiences. Nostalgia is a good tool in keeping people interesting, friend. Also, Gastly's Mama can please a crowd by making lengthy, meaningful chapters one on top of another.
 
Don't Look Away
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That's not what I meant I like this story a lot, I was just saying that I can't wait to see how Blue can defeat Bruno after losing his strongest Pokemon in the previous battle.

It's too bad Gastly's Mama has to leave for a week or so.
 
The #1 Pokemon Guru
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That's not what I meant I like this story a lot, I was just saying that I can't wait to see how Blue can defeat Bruno after losing his strongest Pokemon in the previous battle.

It's too bad Gastly's Mama has to leave for a week or so.
Perhaps you could give Gastly's Mama a few pointers, FH. I've seen your writing, and it is AMAZINGLY underrated on this forum. Can't really tell how or why you didn't win any awards.
 
Let's get funky!
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Holy crap, Blue already lost two Pokemon and he still has three more members, the worst part is he lost Charizard and that was his strongest one. Wait didn't Blue buy Revives before challenging the Elite 4.
Charizard isn't knocked out, Blue withdrew him, so he's only lost one Pokemon - Gyarados. And Blue didn't buy any Revives, I was originally gonna make him buy some Revives and Full Restores but I realised it just ended up making the battles a bit cheap.

Agreed. This story is seriously lacking, and I'm not quite sure how or why it has so many fans.

Gastly's Mama, feel free to PM and I can give you some pointers.
Constructive criticism is always welcome. No need to think you're special though, if you have comments, you can post them in the thread like everyone else. If I'm gonna be honest though, you sound like a total dick, you're way too full of yourself. Fair enough if you think my story is bad, that's well within your rights but saying "I'm not quite sure how or why it has so many fans" is just bitchy and pathetic.

And please don't say that I just can't take criticism because if I'd come on here and had a post that said "There are a lot of problems with this story, in all honesty I don't know where to begin, I have some pointers that will probably be of some help but I don't know whether or not you actually want them. Let me know if you'd like my advice and I'll give it to you" would have made my day. People not liking my writing is a lot more helpful than people liking it because it helps me improve. Don't get me wrong, I love people complimenting me but criticism is usually a lot more helpful in terms of improvement.

You kind of remind me of a user called Pokemon Prince. I'm not really sure what happened with him, I think he ended up being banned. He was as big headed and self important as you, claiming that he was the best thing ever and came on insulting 'A Savior's Legacy' (which was the original Power Inside) and saying how he was going to write a fic that was the best thing ever. Please post in this thread all the problems with Rival's Story because, frankly, I hardly believe you've read it.
 
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Agreed. This story is seriously lacking, and I'm not quite sure how or why it has so many fans.

Gastly's Mama, feel free to PM and I can give you some pointers.

Perhaps you could provide some of the things that are lacking instead of just blundering in and writing stuff but saying nothing. :mad:
 
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