EVERYONE: Rocket Kitchen Roulette

[columboisreal]

Giovanni kidnaps Wallace, Nessa, Serena, Calem, Looker, Wattson, Volkner, and Sophocles and makes them participants in his roulette-themed cooking show. Tensions are high. Money is on the line. Nobody knows what’s going on.

- First post! Gosh, I hope I do this right, this was just a silly thing, not sure if I'm gonna finish it, but I figured what do I have to lose posting it? I hope you enjoy! I'm not much of a writer, haha...



A round of applause from the studio audience made up entirely of Team Rocket grunts arose as Giovanni came out. Wallace, Nessa, Serena, Calem, Looker, Wattson, Volkner, and Sophocles all looked very confused. How had they gotten there?

“Welcome to the first episode of Rocket Kitchen Roulette!” Giovanni announced. It was at this point that the previously mentioned characters realized that they were on a strange cooking show set, with casino themed elements incorporated, including a large roulette table in the center where Giovanni stood.

“Let me introduce you to our judges. First up, that well-known chef throughout the Kalos region, known for his special flare, Lysandre!”

“Lysandre!” Serena said, “You’re a chef?”

“Baking is my passion,” he said, kinda like a sneech.

“How ya doing, Lysandre?” Giovanni asked in that cheesy way that TV show hosts always talk.

“Oh, fine,” he smiled, and then with a goofy shrug, “I guess you could say world domination takes a little longer than you’d think, amiright?”

“Preaching to the choir!” Giovanni laughed. So did the audience. “Next up, that legendary chef, you know him, you love him, you adore his cookbooks, Arceus!”

“ARCEUS?!?!?!?!?” the gang of characters cried.

“Arceus??? A CHEF???” Wallace was losing his mind.

“THAT’S your biggest concern?” Looker demanded, “You’re looking at the creator of the Pokemon universe!”

“Oh my gosh,” Nessa quivered, thinking that this was just about the weirdest dream she had ever had. No more watching The Nanny before bed, she promised herself.

“Hey there, big guy!” Giovanni laughed, in the least Giovanni way you could imagine. “Give me some! Come on, up top!”

Arceus and Giovanni high fived, which was hilarious to the audience, but those 8 little fools from before had lost their minds.

“So, how’s the wife?” Giovanni asked, causing the 8 fools to lose their minds once more.

“Oh, fine, fine,” Arceus laughed, “She’s watching right now! Hi, honey!”

“Serena,” Calem asked, turning to her and gripping her shoulders for dear life, “what’s going on? What is this?”

“I don’t know,” Serena confessed, “Calem, I’m so scared.”

“This is ruining my perception of reality,” Volkner sighed.

Sophocles looked displeased.

“And our third and final judge,” Giovanni continued, despite everything, “Is everyone’s favorite friend, Frisbee the Furfrou!”

Frisbee the Furfrou barked and wagged his tail. Even the 8 fools cheered for Frisbee the Furfrou.

“And coming up, we’ll introduce our contestants and explain the rules!” Giovanni smiled, “After a word from our sponsors!”

After the cameras went off, Giovanni shifted back to his typical, mean expression and approached the aforementioned 8.

“What is this?” Wallace demanded, “HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND???”

“No,” Giovanni said, calmly, “I have simply kidnapped you to partake in my passion project cooking show. That’s a completely sane thing to do.”

The only person who agreed with this was Calem, but he didn’t say this out loud, for fear of the shame of his peers.

“I hope you can cook,” Giovanni said threateningly, “I don’t want you fools humiliating me in front of my audience.”

“Team Rocket?” Nessa asked, “Aren’t you their boss?”

“Not them!” he groaned, “My global audience! One million TVs are tuned in tonight. Don’t blow this for me.”

“Ok?” was the unanimous reply. Giovanni smirked.

“Good.” Giovanni started to walk away, but Serena stopped him.

“Wait,” she said, “What’s the deal with Arceus being here?”

“He’s my friend,” Giovanni explained, simply. “He helped me out when my car broke down. I made him homemade pasta to repay the favor. Friends ever since. He was my best man at my wedding.”

He walked away as the contestants lost their minds once again. Hopefully, they would regain their senses in time for the contestant introductions.

 

[columboisreal]

And thanks to Torchic for being my "beta reader"!

 

[Welkamo]

I fear what will happen if Arceus does not enjoy a dish Good stuff, Columbo.

 

[columboisreal]

I fear what will happen if Arceus does not enjoy a dish Good stuff, Columbo.

Let's just say, they might get sent home in the most shame they have ever felt... Thanks again for beta reading!

 

[Greninjaman]

I must ask: Why did you pick Arceus as opposed to one of the more food-themed Pokémon (like Alcremie)?

 

[columboisreal]

I must ask: Why did you pick Arceus as opposed to one of the more food-themed Pokémon (like Alcremie)?

Well, Arceus is the most powerful pokemon, so I figured he's probably good at everything, including cooking and fixing cars.

 

[columboisreal]

“Alright, welcome back,” Giovanni said, back to his TV persona, “Now it’s time to explain the rules. In Rocket Kitchen Roulette, our contestants form four teams of two, and they need to work together with their partners in each of the three rounds: entree, dessert, and the tie-breaking championship round!”

People applauded that for some reason.

“But watch out!” Giovanni continued, “Because at the start of each round, each contestant has to roll the roulette wheel to decide their mandatory ingredient and which pokemon will be harassing them throughout the round to add to the challenge!”

The audience was whooping and cheering, but after getting a glimpse of some of the options on the wheel, the contestants were all very afraid.

“The winner gets a prize of 500,000 dollars and 25 random eggs that could potentially have rare pokemon!” Giovanni announced. A disclaimer appeared at the bottom of the screen:

Team Rocket is not responsible for any Rattatas hatched with the promise of a potential rare pokemon.

“Now let’s meet our contestants!” Giovanni declared.




The scene cut to the little talking head bit, with Wallace and Nessa together as the first team speaking.

“Uh, hi,” Nessa said, “We’re um… we’re water type gym leaders? And we want to win so we can leave.”

“Gloriously!” Wallace said, firmly, now deadset on winning. Did he forget before that winning was part of all good competitions? Possibly. Now that he remembered, was he now fully on board with Giovanni’s scheme? Definitely. “We will win, and dazzle you all with our power and pazzazz!”

“Yeah, uh,” Nessa said, “We’ll do that.”




The next introduction was from Serena and Calem. They were looking around with amazement.

“Wow!” Calem fanboyed, “I can’t believe it! I’m on a cooking show! Hi, mom!”

“So this is how they do the little talking head segments,” Serena said, looking at her surroundings with wonder, “Oh my gosh, Calem, this is cool!”
“I know!”

Maybe they had forgotten that winning was even something that they were capable of doing? Did they even remember at this point that they were competing in the competition? They were acting like they were just visiting the set of a cooking show, not participating.




The third duo up was Looker and Wattson. Wattson was acting like a rabid, feral dog in the background, and Looker was interrogating the cameraman.

“What do you know about the motives of this project?” Looker demanded.

“S-sir, I’m just doing my job,” the cameraman stuttered.

“But you must know something!”

The cameraman seemingly put down the camera to continue talking to Looker, so the conversation was cut short.




Finally, Volkner and Sophocles got their time in the spotlight.

“It’s possible that we could win,” Volkner pointed out.

“But not guaranteed,” Sophocles added.

“That’s a good point,” Volkner nodded.

Then they stared at the camera until it turned off.

 

[Welkamo]

I'm here for Wallace and Nessa interaction content of any sort. Let's go.

And poor Calem sweet summer child...

 

[columboisreal]

I'm here for Wallace and Nessa interaction content of any sort. Let's go.

And poor Calem sweet summer child...

Yes, water type gym leader friendship! I knew you would enjoy that seems to be your specialty, at least from what I've observed.
And Calem is a guilty pleasure character of mine. When I tell you I wore out my copy of Y, well, I sure do mean I wore the poor cartridge out... filed it with so many Furfrous I can't even count them. Calem and Serena are favorites of mine

 

[DRX.maliant]

someone get calem and serena masters degrees and jobs in theatre, because that was tier one acting.

 

[columboisreal]

someone get calem and serena masters degrees and jobs in theatre, because that was tier one acting.

haha, thank you! (that's a good thing, right?)

 

[lisianthus]

hello!! SO! That's a bit of a varied cast!! And I guess it was just about the first thing I noticed...? Maybe that's because it was at the very start though, but well,

Thinking about it, I think this is the second Giovanni fic I've seen from you, and the first one was silly as well~ that's neat!! (also in my head Giovanni's TV persona sounds very similar to Caesar Flickerman from the Hunger Games movies lol)

But well, I like the silly style? Dialogue-driven works are what I like to create anyways, so it's nice to see something that's lighthearted and makes use of that as well!

...arceus, as a chef??? made me kind of double take for a moment LOL...

oh my god wait it ended??? I think I need more! I guess like... this seems seriously, really silly in a great way. Like a crackfic I think! Hopefully you'll do more sometime, I wonder who wins???

 

[columboisreal]

hello!! SO! That's a bit of a varied cast!! And I guess it was just about the first thing I noticed...? Maybe that's because it was at the very start though, but well,

Thinking about it, I think this is the second Giovanni fic I've seen from you, and the first one was silly as well~ that's neat!! (also in my head Giovanni's TV persona sounds very similar to Caesar Flickerman from the Hunger Games movies lol)

But well, I like the silly style? Dialogue-driven works are what I like to create anyways, so it's nice to see something that's lighthearted and makes use of that as well!

...arceus, as a chef??? made me kind of double take for a moment LOL...

oh my god wait it ended??? I think I need more! I guess like... this seems seriously, really silly in a great way. Like a crackfic I think! Hopefully you'll do more sometime, I wonder who wins???

Thank you very much! I've been considering continuing this one, maybe I will...