COMPLETE: Scissorhands (EVERYONE)

[LizzaRade]

Notes: oneshot originally uploaded in fanfiction under the same nick. My english is not very nice so any advice is welcome.

FF.net
Spanish ver.

Scissorhands
​

You came to the cave; you were just outside the city. You entered. Nobody invited you, not even gave importance to other Pokémon. You wanted and you needed to be alone, not only for your safety, you were also protecting your loved ones; protecting them from you, Scissors Hands, that bring misfortune to those around you.

You don't remember, but the girl who once told you who are you were died after communicating with you, was accompanied by three other Pokémon, clones of the three starters, they also died. You wanted revenge for what a human did, and a boy almost paid for the consequences of your act of rebellion. The same man who used and humiliated you hurt the clones that were once your family; and that disinterested boy had to save you.

Can you do something without depending on that boy?

The day you wanted to live wild, your thefts were a shame, they discovered you and humans in their ignorance threw the first thing they had at hand. Rocks. Rocks was the main thing. Some wounded you, but the physical wounds were not like psychological pain.

"Abomination."
"Phenomenon."
"Laboratory Pokémon."​

You wanted to deny yourself that reality, but your past actions gave you away; you were a phenomenon, a human creation, unique in your kind. The other legendary ones have you in their sights, they know what you are, and they will destroy you when you least expect it; the Pokémon see you with indifference. You tried to hunt, but you did not want to feel the weight of death, no more.

You see your hands, those sharp blades that threaten to cut, anyone who touches them, was going to feel the bad fortune, the misfortune of being your friend.

You no longer have anyone, you can perfectly die and the world will remain the same.

"You do not know who you are."
"Why are you there?"
"You do not have a destiny."
​

You are only a hermit, someone who decided to close, save everything for himself and seek a nonexistent destiny.

Until she appeared…

At first, the shock of finding someone like you was great. After all, you were convinced that you were the only one of your kind, what a mistake. You were worried about the ease with which humans could clone and believe in gods, and the simple fact of knowing that someone could make your mistake made you desperate. You kept it under surveillance for a while, seeing how other Pokémon treated it, you felt some envy. Only remembered how lonely you were, and you did not like that.

You distrusted her, you did not want her to accompany you, but that Mewtwo was stubborn; in case both had an immense stubbornness. You did not want to know anything about her, they argued often or you did not listen to her advice; something that ended up serving a lot, even if you did not admit it. You were worried when she said that her creators were still looking for it, she had not eliminated them like you did that time. So you had no choice but to let me accompany you, at least until those humans lost their trail.

And that was not going to happen unless both left the region. You took her to Kanto. A region completely unknown to her that meant having to spend more time traveling together.

Time passed, and you got used to her presence, you stopped treating her in an unsociable way and you learned to trust her; you listened to what he was saying, and that's where interesting conversations came from. They even trained together on some occasions, teaching him some skills. You knew her better, and without wanting to, you were getting attached to that female.

The scissors hands left the edge; you began to feel the heat, the warmth of the company. Maybe you did not get along with the natives, but she was a clone, like them and like you; and once you swore to protect them. Maybe, just in need of company, be with someone who understands you.

That affection turned into friendship…

She… when she felt more comfortable, she showed you her other form, she called it Mega-Evolution, and instead of astonishing you gave a stupid comment about her size; you made her angry a bit, however, when she inflated her cheeks you could not take her seriously. And it was the first time in a long time since you last giggled.

And you shook your head as if you were bothering a little girl.

To spend three months, and by hazards of fate you became ill; you remember how she did everything possible to cure your illness. Yveltal could charge your soul, however, the Mewtwo made your condition better. In a few days you were like new, tried to take your hand, but you walked away remembering the edge that seemed to be invisible to his eyes. And you did not talk to her for a few hours.

You needed to thank her in some way, after all, you were not so badly grateful, so, with some shyness, you asked her if they could take a moment on the beach; and they went to the only place where there would not be so much human being for being private property, and because the bathroom was prohibited.

They walked, but none dared to say anything. It was strange for you, since in those months you could talk perfectly with her without problems, why right there was it hard for you to talk? And it became embarrassing to think of her, your ears gained color and your chest accelerated…

When friendship became love…

It was … a feeling that you could not understand, something that only associated with something human, a meaningless concept that served to justify their miserable existence; one can never assure something without having lived it, and now you could understand the humans who experienced it, and that terrified you, and you did everything possible to prevent that feeling from growing. But the heart had already made its decision.

This terrified you too much, and you definitely stopped talking to him. In moments, she was looking for you, but you rejected her with that distrustful attitude of before. You did not like doing that, it was a very drastic setback in your relationship, but you had no other options. And your hands cut again. You did the worst of the pain: Rejection. What you did was not right, it went against what you yourself had established about protecting other clones, but at that time you did not think about it clearly.

When she lost patience and confronted you, you did nothing but run, you did not care about the address and you did not notice if she followed you or not. Possibly she did not, you were not someone worthwhile and you show her hiding in a cave.

Now you were in the entrance, you were so absorbed in your self-absorption that you did not notice the beginning of the rain. As if the climate showed the emotions that you cannot show, you did not like to look weak. In the midst of all the lugubrious atmosphere, you emitted a small laugh, your clones were right, you were very proud; that cost you a good friendship, although you knew that female was something more for you. Just thinking about her made you erase that smile, her memory was still there, in that sector that you are touching with your hand.

"They call it a heart", you thought, fixing your eyes on your hands … on those hands with edges, those things that only you could see. That was your punishment for being born the way you were born, even if you did not have the guilt that humans thought they were gods. Those beings who always show arrogance and believe they are above all.

The rain in a matter of seconds worsened, causing in seconds the water to enter the place, just where you were sitting. You cursed in a low voice, rising with a little pain in your back from the awkward position. You turned your gaze to see the outside; surely she was around, getting wet while looking for you, even if you want to believe otherwise. Your mind stirred, ordering you to enter and go deeper to take refuge, you sighed before obeying.

When you started walking, turning your back to the outside, you did not notice that someone was coming…

…And took your hand with force, you could already feel the heat of your hand transmitting to yours. They were drenched, yes, although that did not prevent them from feeling every second more.

Every second…

 

[Flaze]

All right, so I'm gonna be tackling this because I'm also from a spanish-speaking country and I had a pretty hard time getting things across when it came down to writing in english a long time ago. What I will say is that your writing is actually pretty good, I took a look at the spanish version and I think you're able to convey Mewtwo's character and the things he's been through, as well as what his experienced with the other Mewtwo, pretty well.

Where your writing falls short here isn't your skill, it's the way it was translated into english, you have a lot of grammar mistakes characteristic to someone that doesn't fully understand the language (though you still have a good enough hang of it that it's possible to see what you're trying to get across), which can show itself in places wehre you're using a word that doesn't mean the same thing in english than it does in spanish (or it does but because english has really weird rules in regards to context of the words, it's not the right word for the situation).

So I'll be highlighting some of your mistakes here just to kind of give you an explanation, though I apologize if it isn't perfect since it's a bit hard for me to properly explain the nitty gritty on how english itself works.

You came to the cave; you were just outside the city. You entered. Nobody invited you, not even gave importance to other Pokémon. You wanted and you needed to be alone, not only for your safety, you were also protecting your loved ones; protecting them from you, Scissors Hands, that bring misfortune to those around you.

First thing is that you kind of overuse ; a lot, it's usually used in sentences where either a comma or a period fit so most people tend to go for one of the two. I myself am trying to understand when to use it or when to use one of the other two, but in a lot of instances in your oneshot I think you could've replaced them with either of them. For example "you were also protecting your loved ones; protecting them from you" could've had a , separating both parts of the sentences instead of a ;

Also the Scissors Hands should probably be Scissorhands since that's how you referred to it at the very start of the story (and it's the title). At the same time I think you rely a lot on very short sentences in these part. This works in spanish to really drive home the emotion of the words but in english it's a bit more delicate and it can cause things to feel like they have too much pause between them.

also the you can remove the second 'you' in "You wanted and you needed to be alone" if only cause it's not necessary. Again, I can see why you'd do it like that since in spanish that'd translate to "Querias y necesitabas" and since english doesn't have second and third person specific verbs it can be hard to know what to use. Just remember, if you're referring to a person then you don't gotta state the person pronoun every time so "You wanted and you needed" becomes "You wanted and needed".

You don't remember, but the girl who once told you who are you were died after communicating with you

remove the "are" so it's just "the girl who once told you who you were" this actually isn't a translation error but just a grammar one.

You don't remember, but the girl who once told you who are you were died after communicating with you, was accompanied by three other Pokémon, clones of the three starters, they also died. You wanted revenge for what a human did, and a boy almost paid for the consequences of your act of rebellion. The same man who used and humiliated you hurt the clones that were once your family; and that disinterested boy had to save you.

Disinterested isn't...quite the right word here. In spanish you use "desinteresado" which as we know can also mean someone who does things for others and not himself. The english word you're looking for here is "selfless".

Only remembered how lonely you were, and you did not like that.

"It only reminded you of how lonely you were" would sound better. Yeah english it's werid, the whole "using nouns" thing doesn't apply when you're listing verbs (among other things I can't remember right now).

So you had no choice but to let me accompany you, at least until those humans lost their trail.

It's a little confusing who you're talking about here. Before the "you" was used to refer to the reader as Mewtwo, but here you're treating the reader as if they were the other Mewtow and are using first person. I didn't check this particular part in the spanish version but remember to be careful with the tenses.

And that was not going to happen unless both left the region

"unless you both left the region"

you listened to what he was saying, and that's where interesting conversations came from. They even trained together on some occasions, teaching him some skills. You knew her better, and without wanting to, you were getting attached to that female.

Here things get a bit weird. You were using she to refer to the other Mewtow but in this paragraph you started chaning her gender around and started using he from time to time. Also you used "They even trained together" when it should be "You even trained together" since second person doesn't have a plural term in and of itself.

The scissors hands left the edge

Left means to leave but not in the same way that "dejaron su filo" does in spanish. What you want here is "lost their edge" since left is used when someone leaves a location.

and instead of astonishing you gave a stupid comment about her size;

"instead of being astonished" or "instead of being shocked" would work. Also "you made a stupid" comment about her side also sounds better.

To spend three months, and by hazards of fate you became ill

"Three months passed" should be at the start and while hazard works fine here, I think that "a twist of fate" works better which in spanish would also work well as "un giro del destino".

In a few days you were like new, tried to take your hand

"In a few days you were good as new" and the second part should be "she tried to take your hand" by just leaving "tried to take your hand" it's unclear who you're referring to since you hadn't mentioned anyone else in the sentence.

you were not so badly grateful

"You weren't ungrateful".

with some shyness,

Just "with shyness" works fine here.

They walked, but none dared to say anything

Again, when referring to the plural of "you" just stick to "you" since it doesn't have one. So that would be "You walked, but neither of you dared to say anything".

When friendship became love…

"That's when friendship became love".

It was … a feeling that you could not understand, something that only associated with something human

"Something that you only associated with humans". Again, remember that, while not always, you should still refer to who you're talking about if you haven't mentioned them in a new sentence, whether that'd be the narrator or another character. Also "something human" is fine but just saying humans gets your point across well enough.

Grammar talk aside I think this worked well as a short look at Mewtwo, both Mewtwo. I liked how you got around the fact that there are two Mewtwo in the anime-verse by having them meet and come to understand one another, especially since a bit part of both of their characters is that they don't have anyone else like them around. It works as a "fairy-tale" type of story though it could use some more description in places. Also like I said, the spanish version is pretty solidly written so as a writer you're good, you just gotta get a better hang of the language. But don't worry, you also have a good enoug hang of english so with some practice and work you'll improve in no time.