POPULAR: Simple Questions, Simple Answers

[Elric von Bek]

I recently read a fantasy with the French Revolution as the backdrop. The opening chapter went into graphic detail on the madness that seized the country under Robespierre's reign. I have a situation similar to the FR where an old King and Queen are overthrown and a new Queen rises to take the throne. My work is sword and sorcery fantasy; I have the new Queen scheduled to die and enter a plane of the afterlife that I call the Elemental Sea. Within the Elemental Sea, the Queen meets the Spirit Lord that was pulling her strings. Here is where I'm having problems:

I'm not sure if the Queen should die and enter the Elemental Sea, or if she should be subjected to some of the stuff the old nobility experienced during the FR after her (my new Queen's) reign is challenged. If the Queen entered the Elemental Sea, she would by taken by a greater power from beyond this Sea and forged into a weapon for that greater power. The Queen would enter a phantasmal recreation of the revolution that she started (which ultimately gave her the throne). Here she would experience the horrors inflicted in her name, battle against phantasmal versions of her people that were killed or maimed in her revolution, and ulitmately be mutilated and tortured by the grieving phantasms.

I am not putting the Queen through this for the shock value; the Queen will return from the realm beyond the Elemental Sea, and from the Elemental Sea to the Constant Realm (ie the Real World; my fantasy world, that is). Upon returning to the real world, the Queen will carry the scars from her experience and be a warlock. Warlock magic involves using the lymph nodes from victims that died brutal deaths to cast spells based on whatever trace elements (Wind, Fire, Earth, Water) were found within the T cells of the lymph node. Given that T cells are typically proactive in the adaptive immune response, the T cells of the lymph node are those that are most useful to a warlock.

 

[voidcritter]

@Vulcan: A simple "he spent hours running" would suffice, actually. Maybe dress up the sentence a little so that it doesn't sound as prosaic, but otherwise, it's not a very good idea to spend more than one paragraph on something that doesn't affect the plot very much.

@Elric: Perhaps a mix of both? Have her subjected to grisly stuff before she dies.

I have a style question!

I have a character who's deaf, and does a lot of communicating with the other characters through lipreading their speech. The scenes I'm asking about are written from his point of view, and for the most part, when it's his perspective the speech is rendered as it was actually said.

Sometimes, however, he gets something wrong. When it's mistaking one word for another, this is easy, since I just swap the words. However, sometimes there's a word that would probably be completely lost in "translation" (using a Pokemon example, like if you try to lipread 'Cofagrigus' and come from a region that isn't Unova)

I need a technique to denote this that isn't too jarring.

Currently, I'm using ellipses to indicate this, like so:

"I saw a ... today, and it reminded me of you."

 

[AetherX]

Re: Writer's Workshop General Chat Thread

Hey guys, I'm working on the next chapter of my URPG related fic and I'm stuck where I have time jump scenes/holes in the story that I feel could be filled out some but not sure how to approach it.

I'm not looking for someone to do the work for me, but pointers and advice so I can work on improving my writing/story telling abilities.

Sorry if this is the wrong place for these types of questions.

Although Flaze is correct in saying that if the story can go on fine with a skip then there's nothing wrong with having one, I would say that in this particular case something should be added. As for what exactly you should say... you already have the answer!

As I ran, many things ran through my mind, the two biggest ones were if Nidoran was going to be alright, and secondly what if someone from town or worse yet, my parents found the note and were waiting for me in Celedon.

After an action packed scene like the one that clearly happened before this, it's vital to have some reflection (some reflective dialogue internal or otherwise should happen after every scene, but it's doubly important after action ones). Take the line above and elaborate on it. What kind of mistake or accident befell the character to put him in this situation? How does he feel about it? How could he avoid something similar happening in the future? Is he having doubts now about some past decision? A couple paragraphs of introspection can last as long as you want, from mere seconds to a whole week, or in your case, several hours.

Every scene where something happens should be followed by a scene where your character(s) responds mentally and emotionally to whatever happened. These scenes can last anywhere from a sentence or two to a whole chapter, but it's important either way. Once you master that, flow will come naturally.

 

[vulcan539]

hey guys I finnished up Chapter 3 of my fic.
Looking for constructive comments and critisim.

http://bmgf.bulbagarden.net/f227/journey-1000-miles-149671/#post4701239

 

[vulcan539]

I'm completely stuck on writing the next chapter of my fic http://bmgf.bulbagarden.net/f227/journey-1000-miles-149671/
Wile I know I want to finish up in Celedon, but I have no idea how to handle the next part.

Pretty much I'v run out of ideas, atm and I want to get some work done on the next chapter wile I have tomorrow free for the most part.

What I want to do in chapter 4 is finish up in Celedon for this part of the story, and maybe begin the next leg of his journey to Palet down.


Last couple of paragraphs from chapter 3:

Spoiler

“I, ah, ye…NO!” I said, stumbling my words before yelling the last one. I’m pretty sure my face gave away my lie, and the look on the officers was telling me what I already believed.

He placed a hand on my shoulder and lifted a flyer which had a picture of me and the words; Wanted for questioning regarding the resent reports of Pokémon beatings in the Celedon City and Hollygrove area.

Reading this my jaw dropped, I just froze up inside, unable to speak or think, or even stand for that matter, as a moment later my legs gave out and I just fell to my knees, grasping at the flyer in my hands.

I'm tossing over weather to bring his parents into the story now, or in a later chapter.
How to finish up the wanted poster situation for now, and how the pokemon center staff react to this.

 

[AetherX]

It's kind of hard to give suggestions on what an entire chapter should be about. Try just thinking about what needs to happen to get from A to B. Where is your character going next and what is he going to do there? What are his motivations for doing so? How you handle the wanted poster situation sounds like it will have a sizable impact on the story, and I feel like it will affect what the next chapter is going to be about. If you already know what you want to happen sometime in the future, think about the best way to get there from where you are now. How the Pokemon center staff react also seems like it will impact the story some way, and will inevitably depend on what your character does next. Will he deny any wrongdoing? Will he run away? Will he turn himself in? (Hell, did he even do it?) In this case, it's most important to think about exactly what your character would do. If you don't know the answer to that question, or any of the other ones above, then I suggest you go back to the drawing board and work on your plot outline before you worry about writing the next chapter.

Same deal for whether or not to bring his parents in. If they're important and have an impact on the story now, then do it. If they won't matter until later, then wait.

 

[vulcan539]

Prob should be more specific next time.

I'm looking for someone to read over the next chapter or what I'v done so far of it, but not sure if there is a thread or something I can ask in.

 

[LightningTopaz]

What would you think if I brainstormed a fic about a game show of the Pokeworld that was essentially a mixture of GUTS, Wild and Crazy Kids, Legends of the Hidden Temple, and Mario Party?

I would not only show the proceeding of the game--what would be seen on TV--but what happens behind the scenes and in between takes

 

[vulcan539]

I'm guessing it will be a comedy Lighting. but yeah brainstorm away.

 

[vulcan539]

I'm looking for someone to have a read over of the next chapter of my fic and give me some feedback on it.
If anyone is intrested can you reply or pm please.

 

[ShinyFlareon]

So, I'm the battle with Whiney for chapter 11 of my story. This is a pretty big battle that's been built up a decent amount on sheer reputation alone - I mean, it's Whitney and her Miltank in a nuzlocke. But I'm running into some problems.

In game, the battle was very repetitive and not actually all that exciting. Without spoiling too much, my strategy was to get as many boosts as I could and then attack, but she mostly kept using the same moves while I was doing that. The result is a battle that I'm having a lot of difficulty adapting into a major and engaging story event. Does anyone have any advice?

 

[AetherX]

hehe "Whiney"

In all honesty... fudge it. It's fiction. I won't tell anyone.

But seriously, as long as the result's the same who's going to know? I mean, if your cartridge's battery died and it lost the ability to save would you just keep posting the same chapter over and over again? Oh my god, that would be so meta. I get that you want to stick to your gameplay, but why sacrifice the story's integrity?

The only way I can see you getting around it is to somehow make the fact that it was boring contribute to some bigger buildup. I don't know enough about the storyline to help in that vein though.

Just my two cents.

 

[ShinyFlareon]

Well, I was trying to kind of work the strategy of boosting up to maximum stats and then attacking into the character buildup? But the aftermath of the battle is already gonna be pretty intense, so maybe I could try and make that work...thanks

 

[AceTrainer14]

If you need some help, you could have a look at this deviantArt nuzlocke series if you have not seen it already: Nuzlocke White Comic - ONGOING by ky-nim on deviantART. The author/artist recently turned a simple switch out and resulting death into a pretty epic and emotional storyline whilst still respecting how it had happened in game.

 

[LightningTopaz]

I have a bit of a problem on my hands--the play I've chosen for the Fireside gang to do this season is a bit on the long side (two acts with multiple long scenes in each act)--so should I see the play through to the end, alternate stories with play installments, start over with a new play, or leave the play at three parts and keep the tales coming?

 

[reynard]

I need help with an idea

Hello everyone. Since I got back into Pokemon, I had this idea for a story. Knowing me, I don't know if I will actually get to writing it. But right now, I am playing around with the details of the Pokemon world, since I feel world building helps me better understand the story and gives me some definite rules to play with, and maybe help keep my interest in the story, what with my ADHD. Also note that I only know the anime, so that's the one I am working in for this story.

Okay, the story I had in mind involves a clone of Ash that has been alive for several years prior to the present. That of course, leads to the issue of how, when, and why he was cloned. At first I thought that Ash was cloned by Mewtwo's machines in the first movie. Remember how he got pricked by them as he was rescuing Pikachu, and it caused the machine to have a fit?

But then I realized that when I explain the clone to Ash and co, it would involve explaining Mewtwo, and that information just complicates matters, since Mewtwo is supposed to be a secret. But a few days ago, I had this other idea, and I would like to know what you all think of it.

Let's say the clone was created by a scientist working on cloning numerous up and coming trainers. The plan was that those clones would replace the originals, compete in a League competition, and the winners would continue to infiltrate the Pokemon League. The Ash-clone was the first to wake up, and he destroyed all the others clones, and the lab.

Does that sound like a plausible scheme?

Thank you

 

[Boreal]

Re: I need help with an idea

Hello everyone. Since I got back into Pokemon, I had this idea for a story. Knowing me, I don't know if I will actually get to writing it. But right now, I am playing around with the details of the Pokemon world, since I feel world building helps me better understand the story and gives me some definite rules to play with, and maybe help keep my interest in the story, what with my ADHD. Also note that I only know the anime, so that's the one I am working in for this story.

Okay, the story I had in mind involves a clone of Ash that has been alive for several years prior to the present. That of course, leads to the issue of how, when, and why he was cloned. At first I thought that Ash was cloned by Mewtwo's machines in the first movie. Remember how he got pricked by them as he was rescuing Pikachu, and it caused the machine to have a fit?

But then I realized that when I explain the clone to Ash and co, it would involve explaining Mewtwo, and that information just complicates matters, since Mewtwo is supposed to be a secret. But a few days ago, I had this other idea, and I would like to know what you all think of it.

Let's say the clone was created by a scientist working on cloning numerous up and coming trainers. The plan was that those clones would replace the originals, compete in a League competition, and the winners would continue to infiltrate the Pokemon League. The Ash-clone was the first to wake up, and he destroyed all the others clones, and the lab.

Does that sound like a plausible scheme?

Thank you

It sounds plausible if you can work out some of the reasoning behind what's going on, which to me would make or break it. The cloning machines didn't seem to me like they copied personality or thinking patterns, which I think would be what drives these up and coming trainers and brings them victories.

 

[reynard]

Re: I need help with an idea

I see this got moved. Whoever moved it, thank you. I guess this is a better place. I just didn't know where else to put it at the time.

Hello everyone. Since I got back into Pokemon, I had this idea for a story. Knowing me, I don't know if I will actually get to writing it. But right now, I am playing around with the details of the Pokemon world, since I feel world building helps me better understand the story and gives me some definite rules to play with, and maybe help keep my interest in the story, what with my ADHD. Also note that I only know the anime, so that's the one I am working in for this story.

Okay, the story I had in mind involves a clone of Ash that has been alive for several years prior to the present. That of course, leads to the issue of how, when, and why he was cloned. At first I thought that Ash was cloned by Mewtwo's machines in the first movie. Remember how he got pricked by them as he was rescuing Pikachu, and it caused the machine to have a fit?

But then I realized that when I explain the clone to Ash and co, it would involve explaining Mewtwo, and that information just complicates matters, since Mewtwo is supposed to be a secret. But a few days ago, I had this other idea, and I would like to know what you all think of it.

Let's say the clone was created by a scientist working on cloning numerous up and coming trainers. The plan was that those clones would replace the originals, compete in a League competition, and the winners would continue to infiltrate the Pokemon League. The Ash-clone was the first to wake up, and he destroyed all the others clones, and the lab.

Does that sound like a plausible scheme?

Thank you

It sounds plausible if you can work out some of the reasoning behind what's going on, which to me would make or break it. The cloning machines didn't seem to me like they copied personality or thinking patterns, which I think would be what drives these up and coming trainers and brings them victories.

Thank you. The idea I had was that the cloning process would have included the current memories of the originals (up to the point of cloning of course). That doesn't really work with how actual cloning works, but that sort of thing is usually handled with willing suspension. Besides, actual cloning also doesn't automatically create clones that are the same age as the original, or includes a way to accelerate the aging process. Although in an interesting note the limits of real cloning were sort of addressed with Mewtwo's clones in their second appearance since his Nidoqueen gave birth to a Nidoqueen and not a female Nidoran, and I am getting off track aren't I?

When it comes to motivation, I was thinking that the clones would have known that they were puppets created to be inside informants, so they wouldn't have needed much of a reason to compete other than it was their current mission. Of course the Ash clone was the first to wake up and he didn't take well to first believing he was Ash, and then finding out he was simply a puppet, and made sure none of the others ever woke up.

 

[Necrozma]

A gen 6 story idea.

I know, I know, we have yet to find out the actual plot of the X/Y games, but I've already come up with an idea.

The story would take place in a world where legendary Pokémon (well most of them) are considered to be myths and legends and nothing more and it would follow the path of a myth-crazed young man who is intent on traveling the region in search for rare Pokémon as he deals with his obsession. The origin of his obsession is revealed to be a mysterious sighting of a glowing red creature in his childhood (for which he believes is Yveltal) and he struggles through his life claiming he has seen something that clearly does not exist; people think he's pretty much a lunatic. Tracking down Yveltal and revealing his existence to the public seems to be his final goal.

Of course, depending on how the entire DNA storyline (that's been hinted at from the game logos) develops, the possibilities could be endless. Anyway, do you find this to be a good idea?

 

[NoirGrimoir]

They aren't bad ideas, but they are a little redundant, considering Eusine did a similar thing with Suicune in Gold and Silver.