Sister Showdown: Agatha and Bertha meet AGAIN!

[KarlG]

CHAPTER ONE: VS DRIFBLIM


The crowd was overwhelming: two thousand people squeezed into Hearthome Stadium on a Friday night. Everywhere Flint turned, it was either an elderly person with an aged Delcatty looking for something exciting in their life, or hardened trainers - you could see it in their eyes - looking to watch a good battle to be inspired.

"Volkner should be here," Flint mused to himself.

Flint wasn't looking forward to this battle. For one, it would mean that he would have a two hour journey back to the Sunyshore City, where he lived with his boyfriend Volkner. For another, it would mean that if either of these women won, he would hear no end about it from Bertha.

Flint and Bertha were extremely close, of course: both were currently still serving on the Sinnoh Pokemon League. Bertha was one of Sinnoh's strongest trainers, respected by anyone who called himself a serious trainer, Flint included. And why not? She was classy, wrapped in her signature brown shawl, with grey curls and a kind demeanor. She was willing to help anyone who asked her for help. Her personality was radiant, warm, and she also knew how to use Ground Pokemon extremely well.

On the other hand, Agatha was one of the coldest people he had come across. The exact opposite of Bertha, Agatha from Johto-Kanto's Elite Four had never met a person she liked. Flint, to her, was tolerable, and only because she found his Drifblim cute when they had met for a cross-regional League conference. As a Ghost master, Agatha suffered no fools, and it came across in the way she treated people: direct and harsh. She was now retired from the Elite Four, and no one knew what she did anymore, but no one really cared.

And now... This battle.

Flint had no idea why it was happening. Bertha had informed him about it three weeks ago, when she started seriously training again, but she gave no explanation how it came up. From what he knew, the sisters hadn't spoken to each other in fifteen years, and during the last cross-regional Pokemon League conference, Bertha had called in sick. Flint was puzzled. First of all, how had they even contacted each other? And why now, why after fifteen whole years?

"Hi... Hi, there," a timid voice snapped Flint out of his thoughts. "Are you Flint, from the Elite Four?"

Flint looked down to see a young girl holding out a photograph of the Sinnoh Elite Four: Aaron, Flint, Bertha and Lucian.

"Can... I get your signature?" She asked.

"Oh! Oh, sure," Flint said, his smile creeping back to him. "No problem, kiddo! Always remember, battle hard, stay strong! Keep those fires burning!"

Flint scrawled off his signature and returned the photo back to her, who backed away slowly from Flint as though he had a disease. Then, when she was a safe distance away, she turned and bolted off.

"Ahhhh, Fleent, you 'ave scared off another 'ittle girl," A female voice, thick with accent, rang behind him. "Why must you always scare girls?"

Flint turned to see the Gym Leader of Hearthome City, Fantina, holding two paper plates of nachos. Behind her, two Drifblim were each holding an ice cream, licking away happily.

Flint's Drifblim snuggled up close to Flint, and he smiled. Fantina knew how to make his Pokemon happy. She was a wonderful woman, who came from France, a faraway land where Pokemon were scarce and trainers were few. Dedicated to battling, Fantina started training in the type that was prevalent in her country: Ghost. She was also an accomplished Pokemon coordinator.

"As I was saying, ah... Yes. 'Ow is Volkneyrrh?" Fantina asked. "He good?"

"Yes," Flint replied, as they started walking into the stadium. "He's a bit sulky again, because he beat the last challenger in ten minutes. So now he's... I don't know, doing some artwork for the lighthouse or something."

"You must cheer 'im up," Fantina said. "That is your job."

"I give up cheering him up," Flint said. "Besides, he's more handsome when he's sulky."

"I cannot wait for zis battle!" Fantina squealed, rather randomly. "Ghost Pokemon are so fascinating, and to see them being used by an Elite Four of ze Ghost specialty, ah that is exciting!"

"Pokemon in Pokeballs, please," the stadium ushers reminded as people handed out their tickets. "Pokemon in Pokeballs, please."

"'Ello, VIP seating," Fantina drawled.

"OH! Fantina!" One usher rushed over. "And Flint! Here, this way. Pokemon on laps in VIP seating."

Fantina and Flint followed the usher into the stadium and up the stairs. The doors opened into Hearthome Stadium - which had been completely transformed for the exhibition battle.

The entire stadium was cloaked in purple-black lighting and design. The usually large and clear windows had all been covered by opaque purple curtains, and strange black voodoo candles hung ominously from the ceiling. If not for the candles, the stadium would have been pitch black.

The battleground however, was a different story - it was a rocky landscape. Small rocky hills dotted the battleground, and there was a sand pit in the middle, where the Pokeball marking should have been.

"What is going on?" Flint mused out loud as they took their seats. "This is a really strange battle."

"Bertha did not tell you?" Fantina asked.

"No, about what?"

"The purpose of zis battle. I thought she would have."

"No, she didn't," Flint replied. He was shocked. "How would you know?"

"Ah. Agatha told Morty, you know, from Johto, who told me!"

"About what?" Flint demanded. "Fantina, do you know why they're battling now?"

"Yes!" Fantina declared breezily. "Agatha and Bertha are fighting over the will to their parents' fortune!"

[TO BE CONTINUED]



LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK!

 

[AiedailEclipsed]

Well, that was interesting to say the least. I think that as far as plot and characters, you've selected an unusual cast and path. I was actually just thinking the other day about a possible relation between Agatha and Bertha. Anyway. While reading through your story, there were no mechanical errors (punctuation, spelling, etc.) that leaped out at me, so good! While not exactly a complaint, I think that you could do with possibly writing a bit more than this per chapter. It will be interesting to see where you take this beyond the outcome of the battle, as well. I wish you luck, and urge you to continue writing.

EDIT: Actually, there was something I noticed. While this is hardly a requirement, I think it does give a fic a certain level of... professionalism (not sure if that's the word I'm going for, but hey, we'll use it) if you use the e acute (é) when appropriate. You can Google how to do so, or simply copy/paste it in.

 

[NoirGrimoir]

I am loving this! Agatha and Bertha are really interesting and unusual to pick as main characters, being elderly women, but the backstory we've already heard about them is intriguing! Frankly, I've always loved stories with older protagonists, so I'm really happy, seeing this! As a BL fan, the fact that you put Volkner and Flint together is something I highly approve of (I usually ship Volkner/Jasmine, but I'm totally down for Flint/Volkner any day!) After you write this, I hope you'll do something with Volkner/Flint as the main couple, please? There isn't nearly enough BL on this forum! Having Flint as the perspective character works here and I think it was a good call, to keep things a little mysterious when introducing the plot, though I hope in later chapters we get to see things from the sisters' perspectives, and flashbacks to the past are also something I would love to see.

I haven't seen to much of the characters yet but what I have seen is well enough, it seems like the characters, though it's a bit too early to form an opinion. Flint is maybe a little more sarcastic and Fantina a little more sassy than I imagined myself, but not so much that they seem out of character. Besides there's room for interpretation in every fic and artistic license and all that as well. Making Agatha and Bertha sisters is something that never occurred to me but once I saw the title of your story it just clicked and I thought, "Huh, yeah, them being sisters just seems so obvious, now that I think about it." So great idea there!

I have to say, this is a very unusual place to start, but it's also a very exciting place to start, so I think you can make it work out really well, if you work the pacing properly. I'm not really sure if you plan to have the battle and then have more of a plot afterword, or (and this seems more interesting to me, so if you haven't completely decided, I would say please consider the idea) as the battle is going on, you periodically jump back into the past, during the main highlights that brought the sisters to their relationship today. That's something that is seen sometimes in movies but isn't common in books or fan fiction but I think could really work here and make for a great story. As I mentioned, the pacing might be difficult, though. And it really depends on what you are trying to do here, something I really want to see, but I as yet don't have very many guesses about.

Your actual writing I find to be very good, nothing bad to comment on. I like that it's spare in it's description (I always think description of the scenery gets in the way, more than anything else. i mean, people know what a kitchen looks like, you don't need to describe one unless there is something unusual about it, for instance.) I also like how you slip in witty little bits like the part about the old ladies with aging Delcatty's. It's stuff like that that hooks me right away and tells me I know I'm going to like a writer's style, and they'll always keep things interesting, though that is a personal preference more than anything else.

All in all, great first chapter and I really look forward to more!