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Some Kinda Brain Dump

Felly

running on a loop
Joined
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Hello!

Lately, I've been struggling a lot with remaining committed to projects I set out to do on my own, most especially writing projects. At first, I thought it was because I was burnt out from school and then having a lot going on in my life post-graduation. Now that I'm almost two years post-graduation, I'm still strugglin' with stuff, so I'm more reluctant to believe it's just burn out from school. I've tried to keep a few blogs since graduation, but all of them have ended up flopping because I've lost interest in them within a couple months of starting. After talking with a friend on Discord recently, I decided to start this blog to have a place to dump ideas, write about things that aren't worthy of a whole entire thread but I still want to write about, and just see where things go. I decided after graduation that writing wasn't what I wanted to do for the rest of my life as a career; I think I burnt out on that in college and realized that it was not for me. I still like writing though, and I would love to be able to keep my own blog (bonus points if I can make money off of it!) in a professional manner, not just something on a forum like this. Basically, I think I realized that freelancing was the way to go for me. In the past, the blogs I've started were on WordPress and there was the pressure of keeping up with a schedule I set myself, and I'd feel bad because I'd lose interest and they'd die out. Here, if I write about a topic and I burn out on it, the guilt isn't there as much because there's not as much pressure.

Can't promise how much I'll keep up with this, but I'll probably make posts every once in a while as I've got things on my mind. No specific topic I'll write about here, though if there's anything anyone wants to see, I'm willing to write about it. If nothing else, it'll be a place where I dump ideas and share thoughts on stuff, and who knows, maybe I'll find something worth writing about long term and turn it into a real blog because that'll be fun.

EDIT: This'll be separate from any LPs I do, like the HeartGold playthrough I finished recently; I'll keep those in their own threads, just for the sake of organization.
 
Apparently just over 24 hours from me starting this thread and the wheels already turning.

Been bouncing around the idea of a gaming themed blog in my head since gaming is such a large part of my life and has been for as long as I can remember. I could do reviews, share my thoughts on news for upcoming games I'm interested in, LPs, tips and tricks, maybe walkthroughs (but probably not too much of those since sites like GameFAQs exist). The main issue with it though is that I feel like it's too broad of a niche. I could narrow it down to just reviews, but a lot of them would be for older games that in some cases have been out for years since I haven't gotten too many brand new games lately (probably my newest one will be Animal Crossing: New Horizons if I get my Switch in time). Sharing my thoughts on news for upcoming games I'm interested in fits in with the theme pretty well, but I feel like that would just be good filler pieces for weeks where I don't have much other content to write about. LPs would probably be better for YouTube, and I'm not terribly good at making videos yet. Tips and tricks and walkthroughs would also probably be filler content.

Overall, in theory, it sounds like a good idea, but in actual execution, I'm not terribly sure how well it'd work out. I don't think it'd be something I'd burn out on since gaming is such a big part of my life, but I think the biggest concern is trying to cover too broad of a topic and people not being able to remain engaged with it because it'd be covering too much. But I dunno, maybe I could pull it off. A quick Google search with the search term "gaming blogs by females" doesn't show too many blogs by females; the first four results look like actual blogs and everything else looks like articles on other sites relating to female gaming as a whole, but admittedly, I didn't do too much digging on this. That might help me fit into the niche a little better, but I'm also wondering if not having more current content (especially right off the bat) will hinder things.
 
I've been watching Castle lately, and it's such an interesting show!! But it's also been making me want to get into more investigative/detective stuff. I did a little research today, and becoming a full on detective would actually require me to go back to school to get a degree in criminal justice on top of being a police officer for a few years, which isn't quite financially feasible (mainly because going back to school would cost more money than I actually have). I'm also just not quite sure if I'd want to go back to school to ultimately get another degree I may or may not actually use. I've always been interested in this kinda thing though, but being interested in something and liking it enough to turn it into a career are two different things. Apparently I could become a private investigator, which would be a lot more financially feasible since I wouldn't have to go back to school for it, but I'm not quite sure how I'd get off the ground; I'd have to do some more research to see if it's really worth it in the first place.

Been thinking about how I could spin it into writing though. I could certainly write crime/detective stories, which would be fun, and maybe turn it into an actual book that I could maybe get published. Of course, that's an ambitious goal, but it wouldn't be a bad idea. A podcast wouldn't be a terrible idea either, but I feel like with that, I'd want to have interview subjects, and I may not always have that, if at all.

I'm sure it's something I could twist into something, and like gaming, it's always been something I've been interested in, so I can't see myself getting too bored with it. Perhaps it may not be a bad idea to combine a few topics I'm highly interested in. Instead of focusing on one thing, like just gaming or just investigative/detective stuff, focus on like gaming and investigative/detective stuff, or whatever other combination of topics I decide upon. Not too many things because I wouldn't want it to be overwhelming, but a nice combination of topics that would mesh well together.
 
I read a Castle fanfic the other night when I was staying up far too late when I had to work the next day, and I think I realized the type of character I like to write about.

I seem to really enjoy writing about characters that are emotionally damaged. It seems to let me really get in depth with them and get into their heads, and it lets me be able to watch them grow throughout their lives and experiences. That's not to say I can't write about other character types, but I think that one seems to come very easily to me; I don't seem to struggle with that kind of character like I do other kinds of characters.

Reading the fanfic made me want to write one of my own, but the one I read the other night took place after events that happened in season 5. I'm only 6 episodes into season 1, so I feel like I haven't seen enough to write a solid fanfic about these characters just yet. Maybe later on down the road, when I'm further into the series, but at least the wheels are already turning.

At the very least, it did give me ideas for the Harry Potter fanfic I've been wanting to write for years. I think it gave me an idea of where I should start the story, which is something I've been struggling with for a while. Not sure if I'll start writing it any time soon, especially with my history of starting stories and then dropping them, or even just projects in general, but maybe soon. At the very least, I have a starting point, and that's better than nothing at all.
 
The more of Castle that I watch (and I'm already halfway through season 2 since I started binge watching it!), the more the idea of a crime themed blog strikes my fancy. I still like the idea of a multi-topic blog, but I think there's a lot of ideas going along with it that it may become overwhelming. I think the big thing would be narrowing it down to a few topics, maybe a max of 5 (probably less though) and going from there to figure the rest out.

Some of the topics I have in mind are:
• Crime/Investigation
• Gaming
• Animals
• Writing/Books
• Photography
• Cooking

I may drop animals as a whole just because I feel like there's a lot out there, and I'm not sure if I'd feel comfortable writing about that topic long term. The rest of the topics I feel comfortable with writing about long term. I think it's just a matter of "is it gonna be too much" to do all of those topics. The crime/investigation, gaming, writing/books, and cooking would probably be the bulk of the writing, and the photography would be more like a portfolio with maybe some actual text posts sprinkled in. I'm concerned about the cooking part too because it may just be photos of food, which would just get lumped into photography; I don't feel I'm a good enough cook to really develop my own recipes, and I follow a lot of stuff online. I could promote other cooking blogs, but that would be about it for that.

Of all the topics, I feel like the gaming would be the one I'd probably keep up with long term, and the rest of the topics would just be sprinkles here and there to keep me from burning out for whatever reason. But even then, I wonder if it'd be too much for readers. Long term, I'd like to be able to try and monetize the blog; I read this article before I started this post, and it doesn't seem too difficult. I feel like the biggest hurdle right now is finding something I can commit long term to. A monetized blog wouldn't be my only source of income (lord knows I couldn't sit at home all day 7 days a week writing blog posts, I'd go crazy), but I still want to give it a try regardless. There's other hurdles as well, but those bridges can be crossed later, once I've found something to write about and get enough content up to make it worthwhile for readers and get enough of a following to keep people coming and all. I feel like there's also the legality of things, especially when it comes to the crime/investigation, gaming, and writing/books aspects; again, that's probably a hurdle I'll cross later as well.

In the meantime, I think I'll keep bouncing the idea around in my head. I think I should probably see if I actually maintain the urge to write first. I have a lot of ideas for Castle fanfics just from watching a season and a half, but I'm waiting until I finish all of the episodes from all 8 seasons before I start writing anything; it's also been sparking the urge to write my Harry Potter fanfic too. I feel like if I can maintain the urge to write long enough to finish all of the fanfic ideas I have rolling around in my head right now, maybe I'll cross the hurdle of blogging. I guess it may not hurt to increase my social media following though; if I do decide to go the blogging route, social media is a great way to get the word out about posts and such, and having the early following may help speed things up a little bit.

There's so many factors to consider, and I haven't even started any planning for anything, haha. I'm just trying to plow through the projects I've already started before embarking on new ones. Trying not to overwhelm myself here, haha.
 
I posted the first story I've written in a few months yesterday here on the forums and on FF.net, and the reception I got was honestly surprising. The story, The Life I Saved, is a Castle fanfic taking place during a couple episodes of season 2 in which the NYPD works with the FBI to solve a homicide.

The response I got to it on FF.net when posting was surprising. I'm also on the r/fanfiction Discord, so I'm able to drop links to the fanfics I post on FF.net there for greater advertisement. In just 24 hours, I've already gotten 524 views and 3 people favorited the story. And I got 8 reviews, all of which were positive! The kicker that was they were all also welcoming! It just made my heart happy to see that my first story in a while got such a positive response and I was welcomed with open arms into the community. It was nothing compared to another author on the site that also does Castle fanfic, whose stories I greatly enjoy, but I was satisfied with how it came out and even more satisfied with the reception I've received so far. It's inspired me to write more and push out another story sooner, rather than later.

None of the reviews are particularly helpful in terms of actually improving. They're all mainly welcoming me to the community and praising me for the story and wanting more work, but that's FF.net reviews for ya. I know I won't get anything terribly deep from there, but just getting positive reviews is good enough for me. I was admittedly a little nervous about posting; I know in the past, I've shared stories for other fandoms and got less than positive reviews, which has been disappointing (and admittedly, a little discouraging, though I wasn't in a good place mentally at the time).

I guess I'm just happy to see some positivity considering I think I've been being all flip floppy mentally with myself lately and struggling to enjoy things. I've been finding something to throw myself into, and something will happen that'll just turn me off. Castle is the first thing in a while that I've thrown myself into and not been discouraged by any of it. It's nice to finally have that again, to finally be writing and enjoying it again. I just hope it all lasts.
 
I know I've been talking a lot about Castle lately and how it's inspired me to do more writing (and a tad bit more art, but mostly writing) lately. It's just been so long since I've felt genuinely inspired to write anything or been genuinely inspired by anything. But the show's done so much more than made me want to write more; it's made me see a lot of myself in one of the main characters. Gonna be talking a bit about death and loss here in this post, so if that's a trigger for you, I'd advise you to skip this post.

While I was in school, I felt the burn out from writing; I was losing my drive, and I felt it, most especially in my last semester. For two years, I'd worked up to a section editor position for a section I'd been writing for since day one. I was primarily writing about technology and gaming related topics, which was fine with me; it was a topic I was interested in, more so for the gaming than the technology side of things, though that was also fascinating to me. Towards the end of the first semester of my last year, I learned that my dad had cancer; there was hope at first, but it progressed so quickly and he passed a week before I started my last semester at school. I've admitted to my mom (and others) that if I was at any other point in my education, I probably would've put my education on hold, but it was my last semester and I had to finish because I know it's what he would've wanted, and I'd dedicated myself to this education that I deserved to finish.

A lot happened after my graduation, but long story short, in the last two years since my dad passed, I've had to do a lot of growing up. It was inevitable, of course, I was going to have to eventually, but I don't think I was quite ready for it. I think it all hit me hard and affected my relationships a lot since then. I would take things too personally, even if it was something as little as a friend not wanting to play a game with me. A lot was thrown at me at once, and I, admittedly, handled it poorly, very poorly. I think I've learned a lot since then and realized all this, and I'm trying to better myself as a person and not take things as personally as I have been.

But to wrap this back around to Castle and how I see myself in one of the main characters, the character I see myself the most in is Kate Beckett, one of the homicide detectives for the NYPD in the show. She's strong and fierce and loyal, among other things, but she's also got walls up and she's such an emotional character that really knows how to hide her emotions well. I see so much of myself in her because yeah, I see the positives, but I also see the negatives. I realized that I too have walls up and that it's a struggle for me to let people in sometimes. I realized, that like Beckett, I too hide my emotions to protect myself, only to realize too late that I'm hurting others in the process. I realize that sometimes, I throw myself into my work and my own personal projects that I forget to have a little fun too. I realized a long time ago that I was sacrificing stuff for other relationships that probably wasn't worth it in the long run. I just see so much of myself in Beckett, and I think that's what's drawn me to the show so much. I think the show has shown me that yeah, it's okay to be this damaged person, and there's nothing wrong with it; I think I always knew it, but I think I just needed my eyes opened.

I think it's all given me a little bit of hope that yeah, things aren't always going to be perfect, but I can make them perfect enough for me. To quote the show, "even on the worst days, there's a possibility for joy," said by Beckett herself. Sometimes, you just have to find the joy in every day. I'm going to continue working on myself, of course, but I think this show has made me realize that I need to surround myself with others who care about me and want me around for me, not just for something I can do for them or give to them. And one day, I'll find my person who brings the walls I've put up to protect myself down, even if it takes me a little longer than I'd actually hope. For now, I'm going to find things that spark joy in my life and follow them through, and if that spark fades, then it fades and maybe it's no longer meant to be.

On an unrelated note, I was in the car driving to work today, and I was jamming out to one of my playlists and heard a song that gave me a story idea for a Castle fanfic. I didn't get the name of the song because I was driving, and I didn't want to look at my phone while I was actively driving, but I got home and looked through to see what song it was. I ended up stumbling upon another song in the process, so now I've got two different songs for two different ideas. I've got both open in tabs on Chrome now, but I'll just link 'em here just in case I lose 'em. I'm already between two stories right now for Castle, so it'll probably be a while before I actually get to them, but at least the idea's stuck in my head and I don't see it going anywhere anytime soon.



 
Hey yooo, it's been a hot minute since I last posted in this, but I've been so busy working and writing and livin' the dream that I just kinda haven't had a need for it??

But now lately I've been bouncing around ideas for stories in my head, and I figure writing it out will help give me some sort of direction.

One I've had in mind for years now is an AU Harry Potter fanfic. For the most part, it follows the story, but I'm changing some things up with the timeline and how things happen. I think now I pretty much have in mind how I want to play it out, it's just a matter of sitting down and writing it all out, but I'm not feeling hella inspired to write it right now. I could sit down and write out the key points of the story and a summary and get everything down on paper for when I'm ready to start writing, but in terms of actually writing the story, I just don't feel I'd commit to it right now because my mind is wanting to write other stories right now. It's certainly one I want to write, but I think it's gonna be on the back burner for now. I can't see myself writing two at once and not getting overwhelmed by it.

The other story I'm thinking of writing is yet another Castle fanfic. I've finished all 8 seasons, and while I'm low key disappointed with how it ended, it hasn't stopped me from feeling inspired to write more. I'm thinking of doing a post-season 8 finale, but without the epilogue that they threw together for the ending. My issue is I'm having trouble thinking of a case for the team to solve. I want to write something that weaves in the case into their lives, kinda like how the show does, but I'm just not sure what. I've been bouncing around the idea of something art related, but so far, all I've got in mind is art theft, which doesn't sound terribly exciting in my head. There's still all of the work of putting the pieces together to give them something to work towards when it comes to solving the case, but I think that'll be easier once I have the actual case in mind. I've been considering looking at real world events and creating something similar to that, but I've been envisioning this as a two parter in my head, so I've been thinking of saving that for the second part. I'm debating just writing that second part first and maybe abandoning the first part and just making it a single story, but I'm not a hundred percent sure yet.

I think I'm gonna keep bouncing things around in my head and see where things take me once I finish the other stories I'm working on. I don't want to overwhelm myself by trying to take on too much at once, but I don't want to leave these ideas by the wayside either. Sooner or later, I'll come up with something I'm satisfied with, and it'll be great.
 
Naming is hard.

Naming characters is hard. Trying to find the right name for them that suits their personality and also gives it meaning is a struggle. Thankfully, there's Google and lots of sites with baby name meanings on them that have been a great source for me over the years. The struggle from there is just picking the one I like the most, but at least that's a much easier struggle to deal with than naming stories or chapters.

I've decided what I want my next chapter story to be. It's going to be another Castle fanfic, this one being AU with an alternate ending to the final episode of season 6 and letting the events of season 7 and 8 play out differently. I have the beginning envisioned in my mind, and I know where I want to end it, so I just have to flesh out the middle bits to get to that point; I'm not quite ready to do all of that yet though, since I'm going to work on another series of Castle one shots before I dive into this one. And while I've decided on the direction of this next chapter story, I don't have a title for it yet. I've got a few ideas bouncing around in my mind, but I haven't committed to any of them yet, which is why I haven't started any planning for the story itself.

The Ideas
• The Chase (Not terribly fitting because of where the story's starting, but it might work as a chapter title.)
• The Dance (Also not terribly fitting because of where the story's starting. Maybe a chapter title though?)
• Fidelis Ad Mortem (Latin for "faithful unto death." It fits because of the story starting with the wedding of two of the main characters, and they'll be sticking together through thick and thin, but it's also one of the 8th season episode titles, so I'm a little hesitant to use it.)

Fidelis Ad Mortem is probably the closest I have to a solid idea right now, but like I said, I'm hesitant to use it because it's also one of the 8th season episode titles. I think I want to find something similar to it, that represents the faithfulness of the characters to their relationship, but isn't cliche either. "Until Death Does Us Part" and similar wedding related cliches have crossed my mind, but they seem too cliched, and I want to avoid those if at all possible. I'm not above using them, but I think I want something more unique than that. I like my story titles to have meaning, but also represent the story as a whole. In this case, I want it to have something that represents the faithfulness of the characters to their relationship and each other through the trials and tribulations life (and their latest case) throws at them.

I'm going to keep bouncing around ideas in my mind while I work on other stories and projects through the coming weeks, and hopefully, by the time I'm ready to sit down and start planning this story, I'll have a title in mind, or at least I'll be able to reach a point where I can come up with something unique that encompasses everything I'm looking for in a story title.
 
An idea popped into my mind recently about starting a blog to write a crime story. Basically just a little thing to do on the side and dive into the world of "professional" writing, so to speak. I don't have an idea for the story just yet because it's an idea I'm still kinda bouncing around in my head, and I've still got my heart set on writing quite a few stories of fanfiction.

It popped into my mind because I've been thinking about trying to profit from my writing. Freelance writing has been something I've been wanting to do for a while now, since I realized that a career in journalism isn't really for me, but I could always get behind the idea of freelancing. I just need somewhere to start. I actually found some sites a while back and just went through them last night; this one was the only one that really stuck out to me as worth looking into.

The bigger issue is creating original content for all of this. I've always struggled with creating original story ideas. I've always felt like I've been better with fanfiction. Don't get me wrong, I love fanfiction; it's a place where I can explore worlds others have created that I've fallen in love with and work with what the writers of those stories have given me, and it lets me have the opportunity to improve my own writing in the process. But with original stories, it's a whole different world. It's up to me to create the world, the characters, the plot, the story, everything. Some of that is eliminated with fanfiction. It's just a struggle, and whatever I create, I want it to be good.

I realize I may not be as great as JK Rowling or other great writers, but I also don't want my work to be boring, to be something I'm not passionate about. I don't want to start something and lose interest in it halfway through. I want it to be something I'm going to commit to and see all the way through, and I think that's the biggest struggle of all, at least for me.
 
Please note: The thread is from 4 years ago.
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