MetalMetroid997
Member
- Joined
- Apr 29, 2010
- Messages
- 41
- Reaction score
- 5
What do you call two men clinging to the wall over the window?
Kurt and Rod.
What happens to a frog's illegally parked car?
It gets toad.
Why did the melons have to get married in church?
Because they were cantaloupes.
What do you call a gorilla who hasn't had a shower for a month?
King Pong.
A woman walks into her bank with a £50 note in each ear. A staff member notices and contacts the manager.
"Sir, I think you need to have a word with her," the staff member says. "She has £100 in arrears."
What's the difference between a lawyer and a haddock?
One's cold and slimy, the other's a fish.
What's the difference between a lawyer and a mosquito?
A mosquito only sucks blood if it's female.
What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?
A leech lets go if its victim dies.
A petty criminal died and was sent to Hell for his sins. As he was being shown around, he noticed a woman sitting on a bench with a lawyer.
"Why do I have to suffer for eternity while that lawyer gets a beautiful woman?" he asks.
And the Devil replies, "Who are you to question the woman's punishment?"
Some terrorists hijacked a plane full of lawyers and called ground control. They said that until their demands were met, they'd release a lawyer every hour.
Why do mice need oiling?
Because they squeak.
What do you get when you cross an elephant with a kangaroo?
Craters all over Australia.
What do you get when you cross an elephant with a fish?
Swimming trunks.
Why can't two elephants go in the pool at the same time?
They only have one pair of trunks between them.
A policeman driving on the road notices a woman knitting at the wheel.
"Pull over!" he calls.
The woman winds down her window and replies, "Actually, Officer, it's a scarf."
A policeman has pulled a man over and is checking his driving license.
"It says here you're supposed to be wearing glasses," the policeman says.
"I have contacts," the man explains.
"I don't care who you know," the policeman replies. "You're not supposed to drive without glasses."
Kurt and Rod.
What happens to a frog's illegally parked car?
It gets toad.
Why did the melons have to get married in church?
Because they were cantaloupes.
What do you call a gorilla who hasn't had a shower for a month?
King Pong.
A woman walks into her bank with a £50 note in each ear. A staff member notices and contacts the manager.
"Sir, I think you need to have a word with her," the staff member says. "She has £100 in arrears."
What's the difference between a lawyer and a haddock?
One's cold and slimy, the other's a fish.
What's the difference between a lawyer and a mosquito?
A mosquito only sucks blood if it's female.
What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?
A leech lets go if its victim dies.
A petty criminal died and was sent to Hell for his sins. As he was being shown around, he noticed a woman sitting on a bench with a lawyer.
"Why do I have to suffer for eternity while that lawyer gets a beautiful woman?" he asks.
And the Devil replies, "Who are you to question the woman's punishment?"
Some terrorists hijacked a plane full of lawyers and called ground control. They said that until their demands were met, they'd release a lawyer every hour.
Why do mice need oiling?
Because they squeak.
What do you get when you cross an elephant with a kangaroo?
Craters all over Australia.
What do you get when you cross an elephant with a fish?
Swimming trunks.
Why can't two elephants go in the pool at the same time?
They only have one pair of trunks between them.
A policeman driving on the road notices a woman knitting at the wheel.
"Pull over!" he calls.
The woman winds down her window and replies, "Actually, Officer, it's a scarf."
A policeman has pulled a man over and is checking his driving license.
"It says here you're supposed to be wearing glasses," the policeman says.
"I have contacts," the man explains.
"I don't care who you know," the policeman replies. "You're not supposed to drive without glasses."
