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COMPLETE: Somnolence {Ironshipping One-shot; PG}

Yoshi-san

All of the bara
Joined
Feb 28, 2008
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A Birthday gift fic for Luna Hivern, mod of the shipping forum of BMGf!

It's my first time writing for this ship so I hope I did it justice!


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Byron walks into his house in Canalave City in the evening after a long training session on Iron Island and a longer ride on the ferry back. His body is sore after grueling hours of training and he is looking forward to a shower and some sleep. He reaches for the light switch until he hears some light snoring coming from the den.

"Hello?" Byron calls out, but he doesn't get a response. He walks into the den to see who or what is causing the sound. There he sees Riley, sleeping peacefully on the couch, with the TV remote in his hand. Byron chuckles a bit at the ironic scene Riley was causing. Usually Byron's the one knocked out on the couch looking like a slob.

Byron and Riley have been in a romantic relationship for over a month, and it was an interesting month for him. For as long as Byron knew Riley, he never thought that Riley would have any romantic feelings for an old man like him. He surprised himself for not even minding, liking the idea of being in a relationship with the dapper gentleman.

Byron notices a cool breeze pass by him and sees that the window was open. He glances at the sleeping Aura Guardian in training, shivering in his slumber, obviously cold from the chill. Byron quietly walks to the window to close it, only to remember that that particular window makes a loud squeaking sound when closed, and Riley tends to be cranky when interrupted from his sleep.

"Byron..." a sleeping Riley murmurs. Byron instantly looks at Riley, in fear he woke him up. He sighs in relief when he sees that he's still sleeping.

"Seems like he's having a good dream," Byron growls to himself with a blush. He is secretly glad that no one is around to see him red in the face. He still has trouble expressing his feelings for Riley in public, which Riley greatly dislikes. Riley often brings up that Byron loves to bellow out his love for his Pokemon/Fossils/Defense/Hole/etc. and not show any subtle love for Riley outside their home. Byron argues that he's just shy about love and all that, though Riley doesn't buy it.

Byron hears Riley shiver again, breaking him from his thoughts. Deciding against closing the noisy window, he goes up to Riley while removing his beloved cloak from his massive shoulders and covers his sleeping friend with it.

-------------------

"Now that should do it," Byron says cheerfully. "It's not much, but I don't want you to be cranky and spazz out on me..."

Byron chuckles silently and walks out the den, towards the bathroom to take his shower.

After an half hour of showering, Byron enters his room with his night clothes on ready for bed. He turns on the light and finds Riley sitting on his bed, with Byron's cloak wrapped around him.

"Evening, Byron," Riley greets.

"Riley?" Byron says, surprised. He sits down next to Riley and asks, "When did you wake up?"

"Twenty minutes ago," Riley answers.

"Did I wake you?"

"Not exactly...well, yeah, maybe."

"Ugh...I was hoping to not interrupt your sleep," Byron growls. "You looked beat."

"Well, Tag Battling in the Battle Tower in the Battle Frontier is no easy feat, Byron," Riley says with a yawn. "I'm still a bit fatigued by it. Lucas is so much work to keep up with lately..."

"Well, sorry for waking you up, Riley," Byron apologizes. "Seems like you was having a good dream."

Riley promptly blushes at the comment and replies, "D-don't worry about it Byron! Actually this cloak kinda...enhanced my dream...because it has your scent."

Now it's Byron's turn to blush, and he promptly turns his back to hide it.

"Byron, you should learn to be less bashful," Riley says, reaching for Byron's shoulder. "There's nothing to be shy about."

In response, Byron just gives a nervous chuckle and then a yawn. "I should be getting to bed."

"Fair enough," Riley replies. "Can I join?"

"Yeah, yeah." Byron moves over so Riley can have some room to sleep too. After Riley gets on his side, he turns to face Byron.

"Goodnight, Byron."

Byron pauses for a minute, still blushing from earlier, and decides to rise up. He promptly grabs a part of his cloak, pulls it over him, wraps his arm around Riley and gives him a kiss on the lips. Riley makes a surprised squeak in response, wraps his arm around Byron and returns the kiss.

"Night, Riley."

FIN

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Feedback is greatly appreciated!
 
This fic got nominated for the awards, so here I am with pen and paper (well, more like keyboard and screen) ready, to review it.

Characterization: 4/20

Well, not to be offensive, but... this shipping scene felt like it could have applied to anybody. Only the names and some of the defining characteristics (which only appeared in writing, not the feeling of the story) gave some hint that they were... well, Byron and Riley.

It feels like I could have exchanged this with, say, Lucas (Diamond) and Barry (Pearl) and still have it make sense (changing around all the Battle Frontier stuff, of course).

It's important in shipping stories to have some parts of their actual personality bleed out.

Grammar, style, and flow: 5/10

It felt like you were inserting random bits of description into the one-shot, instead of really letting the description blend into the story.

Overall rating: 29/100

Gah! What have I done?
 
Please note: The thread is from 13 years ago.
Please take the age of this thread into consideration in writing your reply. Depending on what exactly you wanted to say, you may want to consider if it would be better to post a new thread instead.
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