Son of Earth- A Rival's Tale (OMA Chapter 16 up!)

[Jabberjaw]

Re: Son of Earth- A Rival's Tale (CH. 15 IS UP)

Now, for those of you who do want Dante's character to be more sympathetic and don't mind a minor spoiler, keep reading.

Morty will have a strong effect on Dante's personality. So very soon we're going to be really working on his character development.

The thing people need to realize is that you aren't exactly that far into the story yet. You're still now revealing new things about the way his character truly is through his actons. You've just gotten to the town with the SECOND gym. He has to be a big douchebag at first so when the minor changes begin to occur the reader will understand how meaningful it really is.

And about the spoiler, meeting Morty, I really like the direction I think you are gonna go with that.

 

[Marik]

Re: Son of Earth- A Rival's Tale (CH. 15 IS UP)

I like the root for a douchebag. I'm weird like that. XD So anyway, I liked the fight between Tony and Croconaw. Very sad yet so good. Here's my idea for Ethan's eventual team:
-Typhlosion
-Togetic (Togekiss?)
-Shuckle
-Red Gyarados
-Dragonite
-An eeveelution

All the event Pokemon in the game. Right there.

 

[Falconwing]

Re: Son of Earth- A Rival's Tale (CH. 15 IS UP)

I'm debating shuckle/Sudowoodo.

 

[Yumega]

Re: Son of Earth- A Rival's Tale (CH. 15 IS UP)

I'm debating shuckle/Sudowoodo.

Both are well known Johto Rock types and event like Pokemon..
You cant go through the game without meeting sudowoodo though, and Dante has past experiances with him too!

 

[Roulette]

Re: Son of Earth- A Rival's Tale (CH. 15 IS UP)

Yeah I have to say Sudowoodo, since Shuckle doesn't fit with Dante's personality that well with me. Dante is a strong, angry-ish guy, and shuckle is a goofy rock bug. Sudowoodo is a pretty strong pokemon, that could prove to be an asset to Dante's team.
Hmm that makes me wonder, have we ever seen a mean/evil Sudo? I can imagine a normal one, but with angry eyebrows..lol

Anyway, great story so far. It's similar to Rival's Story, but not so similar that it feels like a clone. It's also in my favorite region, so that's a plus. Keep up the good work!

you should read my fan fic sometime too

 

[Kick]

Re: Son of Earth- A Rival's Tale (CH. 15 IS UP)

Good chapter. I look forward to seeing how Dante's character development progresses.

 

[Falconwing]

Re: Son of Earth- A Rival's Tale (CH. 15 IS UP)

Yeah I have to say Sudowoodo, since Shuckle doesn't fit with Dante's personality that well with me. Dante is a strong, angry-ish guy, and shuckle is a goofy rock bug. Sudowoodo is a pretty strong pokemon, that could prove to be an asset to Dante's team.
Hmm that makes me wonder, have we ever seen a mean/evil Sudo? I can imagine a normal one, but with angry eyebrows..lol

Anyway, great story so far. It's similar to Rival's Story, but not so similar that it feels like a clone. It's also in my favorite region, so that's a plus. Keep up the good work!

you should read my fan fic sometime too

except this pokemon would go to Ethan.

 

[Roulette]

Re: Son of Earth- A Rival's Tale (CH. 15 IS UP)

^totally misread, facepalm.

 

[Jabberjaw]

Re: Son of Earth- A Rival's Tale (CH. 15 IS UP)

Either one would make since to me. I imagine Crocanaw chewing on Shuckles impervious shell but to no avail, and I see Dante staring blankely at Sudowoodo, like "what the...".

Ethan could also catch a Scyther or Pinsir in the bug catching contest. Pineco and Heracross have a real Johto feel about them. Maybe he needs a bird, Skarmory would fit that role extremly well. And Hitmontop is a favorite of mine. This just a list of my favorites that I use during gameplay. Everybody is different however.

While I'm here, I wanted to comment on how Ethan nicknamed his pokemon "Tony" and Dante doesn't even know Croconaw's name, I don't think. That was clever, tells you alot about their characters.

 

[Gama]

Re: Son of Earth- A Rival's Tale (CH. 15 IS UP)

He does have to get the badges eventually. However, Falkner and Jasmine will be the only Gym Leaders he actually fights. I don't feel bad spoiling that because there is no way I can work around that one, since Dante clearly intends to challenge Jasmine.

Now, for those of you who do want Dante's character to be more sympathetic and don't mind a minor spoiler, keep reading.

Morty will have a strong effect on Dante's personality. So very soon we're going to be really working on his character development.

Oh, I don't mind him getting Badges because now I think about it he was clearly intending to battle Jasmine and he does turn up at the Pokemon League and in GSC (even though you're going by HGSS storyline) I'm sure he appears behind the restricted access area.

I just liked that Badges weren't his main goal - it makes him feel a lot more realistic imo. Also, I think Ethan should get Shuckle, it'll be much more entertaining. So far you seem to have portrayed Ethan as a hypercompetent battler and I'd like to see the way he uses a Shuckle more than I'd like to see the way he uses a Sudowoodo =D

 

[Thundagere]

Re: Son of Earth- A Rival's Tale (CH. 15 IS UP)

I kind of support the badges idea, as long as it's not like a Red thing where the ONLY goal is badges. In that, I agree with Gastly's Mama.
On a separate note, I think it'd be cool if Dante got Shuckle because after seeing Kirk again, he might take Shuckle in revenge for losing Sneasel.

 

[Gama]

Re: Son of Earth- A Rival's Tale (CH. 15 IS UP)

On a separate note, I think it'd be cool if Dante got Shuckle because after seeing Kirk again, he might take Shuckle in revenge for losing Sneasel.

He's talking about for Ethan though.

 

[Thundagere]

Re: Son of Earth- A Rival's Tale (CH. 15 IS UP)

He's talking about for Ethan though.

I know, I'm just thinking. Couldn't happen cause I think it's the set game characters, but nonetheless....

 

[Falconwing]

Re: Son of Earth- A Rival's Tale (CH. 15 IS UP)

Put this is my blog, but I wanted to post here as well.

Wrote some more of the next chapter (it's a long one) and will have it up by this weekend.

Here's the deal. This MAY be the last chapter for a while, what with BW coming out soon. I'm not ditching on the series by a longshot, but I want to be able to be there for all the Black and White goodness, plus school starts soon.

So maybe this chapter, maybe one more. But soon we'll reach the end of season 1 of Son of Earth.

 

[Thundagere]

Re: Son of Earth- A Rival's Tale (MAJOR NOTICE!)

Aw, man! Still, at least after all the hue and cry about BW dies down we can read the whole story. Can't wait till the next chapter!

 

[Rob Anybody]

Re: Son of Earth- A Rival's Tale (MAJOR NOTICE!)

Oh god I love this fic! I can't wait to see how Dante deals with his father and mother. You've got a fan in me!

 

[HoboQueen]

Re: Son of Earth- A Rival's Tale (CH. 2 UP)

LOL. I wanted to use real names, save Red and Blue (which apparently are real names). Anyone catch Lyra's last name?

lol lyra's last name happens to be my last name...o and my first name too. was really shocked when i found it. I don't happen to know you do i?

 

[Zekurom]

Re: Son of Earth- A Rival's Tale (MAJOR NOTICE!)

Okay, so, out of obligation for the awards, I will be looking at this fic, and giving it a rating.

But before I begin, I have a few general comments as well:

League rules stated that homes are open to any and all trainers on their journeys and the inhabitants of these homes were to welcome them in with open arms.

I found this a little dubious. It's law that trainers are allowed into other people's houses? How deeply is this League stuff embedded into Japanese culture in your story, anyway? (Yeah, I basically consider those four regions to constitute Japan.)

Plot: 11/20

The plot seems to take a back seat to Dante's characterization in this story. It's too much like the original story of the Gold and Silver games.

You do manage to put your own twists in it, though, which is alright. It's better than Rival's Story in this regard, at any rate.

Characterization: 18/20

Yep, Dante is the Silver we all know and love. He thinks only strong "pokemon" are worthy, etc. The story is quite effective in showing that.

I must say, you actually do a better job of this than Gastly's Mama.

Grammar, style, and flow: 6/10

There was a weakness. Although you characterize Dante properly, the way in which you express that characterization was a little flat and (to borrow a TVTropes term) Anvilicious in some parts. It did get a little better as time went on, though.

Also, some of the terminology you use is a little too specific, like "Johto Ace Trainer". I'm sure that's not a real designation in that world... and your use of memes in such a serious tone! I can't believe somebody would do this:

Ethan shrugged, “I like shorts. They’re comfy and easy to wear.”

: in a non-satirical manner! I mean, it was funny, but... it kinda stuck out like a compound fracture in somebody's shin.

The flow of the story didn't have any real problems that weren't caused by that, though.

(Seems like you like your Common Noun method, though. Even if it's inconsistent.)

Overall rating: 74/100

Well, I'd be hard pressed to rate this as a journey fic when it concentrates mostly on revealing Dante's character along his journey, just like Gastly's Mama did with Rival's Story.

You know, one of these days I'm going to be giving something like 2+3i out of 100. There are some fics that are just too out of their league to rate.

 

[jcogginsa]

Re: Son of Earth- A Rival's Tale (CH. 15 IS UP)

Read this in 2 days, really glad i did. excellent work

I like the root for a douchebag. I'm weird like that. XD So anyway, I liked the fight between Tony and Croconaw. Very sad yet so good. Here's my idea for Ethan's eventual team:
-Typhlosion
-Togetic (Togekiss?)
-Shuckle
-Red Gyarados
-Dragonite
-An eeveelution

All the event Pokemon in the game. Right there.

good suggestions IMO. but if it were me i'd swap out dragonite with sudowoodo, and specify the Eeveelution as umbreon

 

[Falconwing]

Re: Son of Earth- A Rival's Tale (MAJOR NOTICE!)

Glad to know there is still interest. I'm working on the next chapter right now. Should be fun.