sonia's slumbering weald

[sleepwick]

i thought itd be fun to make a little blog;; i have a lot to say and i ramble a lot, and im not sure where to put it a lot of the time, because some of it fits the topics of threads and some of it doesn't;; i'm a bit scatterbrained to be honest, and i tend to go off on tangents while talking a lot...so hopefully this thread will be a nice little outlet for me! i have a dreamwidth journal, but it's kinda hard for me to keep active since i don't have many friends who use it T__T so hopefully this will be slightly more engaging for my brain!!

welcome to my slumbering weald! this is how i title most things that are personal to me like my website, discord servers, etc. the slumbering weald is a very important location to me(i mean, its where i first met sordward and shielbert, so how could i NOT be obsessed with this location?). and so alas, we're calling this blog as my very own slumbering weald, and also using the sonia name for myself since it feels more personal that way (not that i mind people calling me wick or marley, but for wick esp when people call me that i tend to associate it more with myself as an artist online than as a person, so people calling me sonia or marley in more casual conversation is very, very cozy.)

i can't rly say any set topics that'll be very prevalent here...probably just my daily life, whatever games im playing, music. i'm really into idol games and gacha games and stuff like that, so i'll probably post about that and my progress in those. expect a lot of talk about seesaw duo and sonia as is standard for me, and just galar in general. i also really, really like k-pop so expect that to be a thing talked about here! im not like...one of those kinds of insane kpop stans, but i do tend to at least care about the members of these groups on some level, but i'm mostly just in it for the music. if you have any recommendations you'd like to give me for groups/songs to listen to i'd be happy to check them out! i kinda like all sorts of music within the genre, but my favourite groups are exo and nct! (which is kinda funny, bc i tend to generally prefer the music of girl groups, but those two groups rly mean a lot to me)

on that note to start off my little blog/journal thing, recently paranoia by heartsteel came out! im not a league of legends fan by any means, and i havent even listened to the full song, but i've heard part of it solely because of the fact baekhyun got to voice one of the characters in it! his voice sounds amazing as usual, and i think he's a perfect fit for the character (ezreal i think? idk im not too familiar with league as i said);; and baekhyun has been a fan of league for a while so its really, REALLY nice to see him involved in a league project. same kinda feeling i got when lay got to make that song in collaboration with pokemon (pokemon party is a seriously underrated song btw, its super fun and lighthearted and just makes me happy to listen to)

a lot of this blog is just gna be like this, me rambling about random stuff, but you're free to join in or start conversations with me in here if you'd like! i love talking to people, but i'm a bit shy about approaching people and talking to them or joining in on conversations;; you're also free to ask me any questions you have here because if you couldn't tell, i really, REALLY love talking about things i like. i also have a HUGE interest in translation/localization differences so if i'm ever talking about that you're free to ask questions as well. i'm kinda on a quest to play through swsh on every language and roughly try to translate the dialogue so i can see differences. so far i've done french+japanese (on top of obviously playing through in english several times)

 

[sleepwick]

a bit of a random rambly one but i think its kinda funny how often i end up changing my opinion on certain ships (going from having a negative opinion of them to a more positive one);; i really am someone who likes everything for the most part when i really think about it, no matter how silly or jokey the ship is i'll probably be able to find something in it that appeals to me and i think that's great. i kinda find it a bit hard to understand the sorta culture around bashing on other peoples ships to raise yours up, and im not going to act like i've never done this myself because i'd be a liar, but i've personally never been one of those people who go out of their way to find other peoples ship posts to drag them down and tell them about how my otp is so much better than theirs.

in general i dunno, there's this weird culture online people have of trying to prove that their favorite characters are so much better than everyone elses and i don't get it. maybe it's because i generally have a history and habit of liking very commonly disliked characters, but i've never once ever felt the need to try to prove my fav characters are better than anyone elses. like yeah, in my brain they're the best, but not everyone is going to share that opinion and i think that's okay. honestly, i don't even care if people dislike them, i'll just scroll away and go on with the rest of my day if i disagree, it only really irks me when people on social media come onto my own posts to tell me about how much they hate the twins (which happens, surprisingly often, and when it doesnt its people giving me backhanded compliments about my art about how i "made them likeable" by giving them different designs in an au or whatever bs)

this was kinda a random ramble but that devolved into something completely different from what it was originally going to be about but shrug. i just wish the internet was a more positive place.

so back on topic, right? this keeps happening to me with shielbert ships specifically and i think that's really funny, bc most of the time i am the only person who has any sort of opinion on any of these ships, so it's not even like i see them around a lot or have a reason to have strong opinions on any of them, but i do. and as a result this keeps happening? i used to not like shielbert x sonia? i like it now. shielbert x melony? still prefer it as a one sided crush on shielbert's end, but i think it'd be cute if they went out to dinner together and shielbert was just flustered the whole time. i've been toying w the idea of drawing that but i'm kinda unsure since it's not rly a ship i've ever drawn, i just like the idea of this usually stuck up guy who i honestly don't imagine would be the type to be super flustered around people he's romantically interested in just getting super embarrassed and blushy around her for no particular reason.

sorry for bouncing around silly ship art ideas here..you'll probably see that happen a lot. i have a lot of stuff in kinda a list of ideas i want to do, so i'll add that to it. i've been toying with the idea of sonia and the twins (or just sordward and sonia) going on a vacation to unova and maybe drawing sonia and sordward in the marine tube but i can't decide if i'd prefer to draw that myself or to commission someone else to draw it;; there's something really special about commissioning others to make art of your ship, even if you're plenty capable of drawing it yourself, but i dunno how to explain it that well.

anyway, thats the end of my random almost 12am ramble! pokemon masters update should be coming over the next few days, but honestly, even if i have 32.6k gems saved up im kinda hoping i'll be able to skip next month and keep saving up, but we'll see. right now unless they add new galar characters all i'm missing is gym uniform gloria, and im not sure if its too early for a rerun yet. i guess we'll see?

 

[Dubious Disc]

失礼しまーす

in general i dunno, there's this weird culture online people have of trying to prove that their favorite characters are so much better than everyone elses and i don't get it. maybe it's because i generally have a history and habit of liking very commonly disliked characters, but i've never once ever felt the need to try to prove my fav characters are better than anyone elses. like yeah, in my brain they're the best, but not everyone is going to share that opinion and i think that's okay. honestly, i don't even care if people dislike them, i'll just scroll away and go on with the rest of my day if i disagree

can I gold star this part specifically? cause honestly it's so true! people really need to understand that just because they like a character, it doesn't mean they're objectively superior to all the others or something (and if someone disagrees, they aren't automatically wrong either). everyone has different opinions, everyone likes different characters and that's cool c:
I'm actually stuck at the opposite end of the problem lol. I dislike several popular fan-favorite characters, and because of how protective people can get about them, I've never felt comfortable expressing what I think about them out of fear that I'll just get assailed like "but they're the best!!! you're completely wrong about this! >:(" as if different opinions aren't allowed to exist
honestly I respect your ability to take it in stride when people dislike your faves, it takes confidence

 

[sleepwick]

everyone has different opinions, everyone likes different characters and that's cool c:
I'm actually stuck at the opposite end of the problem lol. I dislike several popular fan-favorite characters, and because of how protective people can get about them, I've never felt comfortable expressing what I think about them out of fear that I'll just get assailed like "but they're the best!!! you're completely wrong about this! " as if different opinions aren't allowed to exist

yeah, coming from someone who's active on pokemon twitter i understand this exactly. i feel like on pokemon fan twitter a lot of people are very sensitive about people disliking certain pokemon characters, and i get it, i really do, especially considering a lot of the characters in question have been subject to genuinely really weird mischaracterization, but people seriously take it way too far with that kinda thing;

 

[sleepwick]

today was a bit unproductive as in i didn't really draw, but i think it's okay to have some days like that. i got some stuff done in various gacha games today, and i'm almost at the required 36k-ish for scout points in masters, so i'm set for whatever the next month throws at me! ^__^

speaking of gacha games: i picked up this one game again recently because it finally got a europe release, superstar smtown! i used to play the korean version but it was a pain to have to keep switching my app store region everytime it updated, so i just quit at some point, but i'm back to it! and fortunately, since korea+america+europe all share the same server for it, i got to keep my progress on my old account!!

perfect cross of things i like; kpop (although its just one company, which is fine because most of the groups i actively listen to are under this company), rhythm games, gacha game elements. it was kinda weird to come back to, bc i remember when i used to play it gems were REALLY hard to come by unless you were saving up for a really long time, watching ads for free gems at every opportunity you could, logging in everyday, doing the daily missions everyday each week, etc. but i feel like in returning i just got hit with a ton of gems..? though, i guess it balances out though because the exchanges for limited themes and stuff in the ingame store is REALLY expensive in comparison to how many free gems you get T__T such is the nature of these kinda games i suppose. i've managed to get the limited theme for one of my groups almost to all of them having r cards, with only two currently stuck at s, but it's rly just a matter of me upgrading those cards now, which will only take a few days unless i get really unlucky. i've been having a lot of fun with it honestly.

i got skill checked HARD though in returning to this game, because sure, i still play other rhythm games on mobile, and my main one has a similar layout to it for the rhythm game section, but the input feels totally different (though that's just a thing with every rhythm game i think where you most definitely hit that slider but it just does not register), so i find myself struggling to 3 star hard mode maps i used to have no issue with. though, at least i can still 3 star some of them, there have been cases in the past where i went back to a rhythm game i used to play only to totally suck at it bc i hadn't played in so long.

i feel kinda silly for feeling accomplished in mobile games of all things, but it's kinda whatever. i can justify taking a little day off to focus on my games in my brain right now since i already finished the more detailed version of the sketch for this art im working on, so i should be able to finish it tomorrow if all goes well, but we'll see because i'm staying up since there's a good chance pokemon masters will update tonight, and i wanna see the datamine...

 

[sleepwick]

well it happened: pokemon masters datamine! i'm not going to talk much about datamined content here, because to be fair it's mostly the announced content i care about, and that announced content is...

piers alt!!

im not going to lie, i got super excited and went into full cope mode when i saw like "oh god its possible what if we get seesaw twins";;but i can say now we did not but im honestly fine with that. i rly like the postgame and that includes piers so when they posted the app icon a few hours before the update i thought i was gonna faint. as i mentioned before, i'm basically almost to the amount of gems i'd need to guarantee piers even if i have to go to scout points, so im really, REALLY looking forward to his banner's release. unironically i had kinda lost passion for one of my main ships (one which involves piers) and hyping myself up about him getting an alt has kinda motivated me to actually want to draw them again after like a year of just not caring as much about them. i actually already have a wip for a pretty big piece related to them, so hopefully my brain kicks into hyperfixation mode and i can draw that relatively quickly.

i don't have much to say other than this i'm super duper happy abt it!! piers looks super good in his alt. i guess that's some art from me for anyone to look forward to if theyre interested in it. i'm thinking abt designing a bronzong shielbert alt to go along with it since bronzong is vaguely music themed but i dunno exactly what i want to go for yet. part of me did consider maybe something choir based for the dichotomy of drawing them together;; choir kid x punk kid

 

[sleepwick]

aha, this feels kinda out of place for here even if this kinda stuff is allowed here, just bc this blog is kinda a personal blog but i dont rly want to make another one just for this, but im trying to get back into making video essays again!



https://youtu.be/ZaQqAWNY_cg?si=lOV0HVPl79_SKG9w

i wanted to make a video talking about the perception (and imo misconception) that pokespe is dark and edgy in the pokemon fandom, it's a rly short one but hopefully i articulated my thoughts on the matter well.

oop edit to add this heres the thumbnail of the video as well, just a quick sketch for it:

Spoiler

 

[sleepwick]

mmm, the past week or so hasn't been great and yet i feel relatively good today. that's something i want to do more is just...not linger on bad things. it's a lot easier to just look forward and keep pushing on that to keep on wallowing. it's fine to let things make you sad and i think it's fine to linger on that, but on weeks like this when it's just a consistent thing i think it's better for me not to.

i haven't been as actively playing any of my gacha games recently just due to general exhaustion unrelated to it, but i do still have stuff to talk about regarding 'em! one of my oshi's got a new card, and is standard for mirishita card art it's absolutely gorgeous. seriously, i can't even begin to express how much i love the art in this game and how much it's inspired me as a result.

Spoiler: the card in question!

i probably won't pull for it bc while i do love matsuri i should probably keep saving my gems for my top 2 fav miri girls instead...honestly in general it'd do me good to just get back into the swing of actually logging into the game again bc its been a few weeks, and i don't wanna be totally unprepared when one of my ultimate favs does get a new card.

though it's not that big of a deal if i don't get cards for my favs. i think an issue i have with idol games is usually that i struggle to enjoy content around them unless im actively playing the game everyday, but with mirishita i've been relatively happy to consume both when i am and am not actively playing...it's nice really. as much as it's nice to play the game and get cards for my fav girls i don't really think my card collection defines how big a fan i am of any of them really.

moving onto another topic that came to mind talking abt card collections in idol games, irl merch collections:

i've always gotten kinda jealous seeing people who have a lot of merch of their favs, bc i feel like to some extent in a lot of fandom spaces and ESPECIALLY idol spaces and yumejoshi spaces from what ive seen push this idea that more merch = more love for the character, which just isn't true. sure, if you love a character you're probably going to collect a lot of merch of them, but it's never really that simple. being unemployed for as long as i've been i very rarely get to buy merch of my favs, and when i do it feels like a special occasion, and i hate the thought of anyone implying i'm lesser as a fan just because i can't afford to buy merch. i can barely afford to keep up with the english releases of sword and shield pokespe these days, despite how cheap each individual volume is. i hate the idea that merch could ever equal how much someone loves a character, because that's just a bad mindset to have. i wouldn't even disagree that a large collection can indicate how much someone loves a character, but i wouldn't limit collection to referring to merch only. i have a large collection of art i've made of sordward, shielbert + sonia, and from how large that collection is you can tell i really love these characters. i have a decent amount of self-made merch of the twins+sonia as well as stuff related to them that was gifted to me, and i think that says a lot about how much i like them. so i really cannot get behind this idea that if you love a character that much you must have a large collection of official merch, and really i think my collection of mostly self-made stuff and my collection of art i've made over the past couple of years says more about my love for them than any official merch ever would.

 

[sleepwick]

long time no update; i'm just gonna ramble about my life for a bit so here we goooo...this isn't exactly meant to be a vent but i will talk about my mental health but its more of just objective statements rather than me trying to vent if that makes sense... idk if it does but we'll go with it.

so! i've been kinda struggling a lot with insomnia and worsening chronic fatigue recently since i'm not eating as much due to my messy sleep schedule (recently sleeping at around 6-7am and waking up at roughly 4-6pm), it's around 6am as i'm writing this and i haven't slept yet but today i'm going to try again to stay up a bit later to try to reset my schedule so i can start sleeping at a normal-ish time. i think if i weren't so afraid of accidentally waking up my parents by making too much noise when cooking at like 3am i'd probably be fine with my sleep schedule as i am now since i'd be eating properly if i was doing so, but i generally doon't like being downstairs at night because really bad paranoia due to psychosis + combination of those symptoms with my ocd symptoms; i need to do at least something so i can be more productive again.

i've been drawing a lot in voice chats with friends recently and it does wonders for my ability to focus while drawing. i've considered streaming art but i'm hesitant about streaming stuff like working on commissions because multiple of the comms im working on recently that im struggling to focus on are stuff the clients are buying as gifts for other people bc yknow...it is that season; and even if the chances of the person who the gift is for stumbling across my stream is low i don't want to risk it (and in general i kinda worry about streaming while working on commissions unless i get permission from the client)

and now onto the usual thing (gacha game ramblings)

i can skip everything this month in masters and i'm glad! i have 19.5k gems right now so hopefully i'll once more be back up at the required 36k for scout points next time any galar characters get a new unit~! (though, hopefully this time they won't make me go to scout points like piers did) -__- i've been slacking off on doing champion stadium the past few weeks so i'll focus on doing that every week this month. days just kinda go by for me and i find myself getting lost on which day of the week it is so i'm going to keep track of that by assigning days to do certain things. i need to decide on a definite schedule but i think i'll do one main thing each day then multiple other things around it with the extra time i have. monday can be my day for doing stuff in masters since thats when stadium resets, tuesday i focus on writing, friday i'll focus on updating the queue for the pokemon rarepair of the day account on twitter, and then everything inbetween that is mostly for art since it's the closest thing i have to a job for now.

i'm kinda just trying to move forward now, yknow? even if most of what i have going on for now is silly stuff even just organizing that will be helpful in the future when i do have more stuff going on.

things are starting to go well for me i think

 

[sleepwick]

ahh my brain is all over the place T__T im super loopy and tired the past few days because well. on the 14th was prescribed and started taking antidepressants and ohmy god. They were NOT joking when they said they'd make me kinda drowzy and give me headaches and make me a little confused for the first little while of taking them. obviously im too early in to say for sure if i think they're helping or not and its kinda normal sometimes for things to feel like they're getting worse for the first bit or so of taking medication but :') i was kinda surprised of how quickly everything was dealt with?? i got a same day appointment after my mum called them (i cant do phone calls myself they make me anxious) and then was also given my prescription on the same day. i can't complain too much about it being a quick process though.

im still badly behind on art stuff but im hoping i'll be able to catch up with stuff now since lack of motivation and lack of focus as a result was my biggest issue but also w my meds there's a chance they might worsen my concentration so i'm just kinda. waiting to see how it lines up w those before i go back to my doctor.

in other more fun news: i'm getting my hair dyed orange in january and my aunt is paying for it as a christmas present for me. because i like having orange hair but i dont have the money to spend to get it professionally done and honestly bleaching my hair myself kinda scares me. im fine w dying it myself but bleaching specifically im like. nah i'll go to a professional for that. LOL i dont have much to say this time i just feel bad bc i havent been active much recently due to mostly stuff relating to all of this

 

[Blanc]

Pokes my head up, hi sonia!! I've been lurking this blog of yours for a bit so I hope it's okay I post here!

I just felt compelled to chat with you because I think we’re similar on a lot of fronts, and tbh I just wanted an excuse to chat with you because I think you’re pretty cool. :)

I feel you sooo hard on insomnia issues. I have chronic insomnia due to some past mistakes/lifestyle choices, and I can understand how painful it is mentally... I'm proud of you for seeking help and getting meds that may alleviate the issue! I won't intrude and ask what medication, but the side effects you're experiencing sound very similar to the ones I had when I first started taking mine, and so it should hopefully wear off the more you take it-- but those first weeks are definitely rough. And like you said, be sure to tell your doctor if it ends up not working out and all that, medication works for me but I know it's not for everyone.

but i generally doon't like being downstairs at night because really bad paranoia due to psychosis + combination of those symptoms with my ocd symptoms; i need to do at least something so i can be more productive again.

I feel you, I hope this isn't an uncomfortable question but do you find your symptoms getting worse the longer you stay up due to insomnia? That's the case for me anyway, I end up going into manic episodes because of my inability to sleep. I wish I had more advice on this front, it's something I struggle with myself.

i've been drawing a lot in voice chats with friends recently and it does wonders for my ability to focus while drawing. i've considered streaming art but i'm hesitant about streaming stuff like working on commissions because multiple of the comms im working on recently that im struggling to focus on are stuff the clients are buying as gifts for other people bc yknow...it is that season; and even if the chances of the person who the gift is for stumbling across my stream is low i don't want to risk it (and in general i kinda worry about streaming while working on commissions unless i get permission from the client)

Completely understandable! I personally art stream to some friend discord servers rather than a public stream usually because I find being observed keeps me focused on my work, so I totally get you on streaming helps your concentration. If that isn't a possibility, you could use the sites Piczel or Picarto, art streaming services that don't nearly make as much traffic as twitch but still draw an audience. You also don't need to worry about art censorship on those either (should that be a concern, of course). You can multistream with someone on Piczel, too! If you're down, I think that'd be fun to do together sometime!

All that said, I hope you enjoy your new hair you're getting! And I hope you're taking it easy for the holidays! I think you should spoil yourself a little once you get all your commissions done!

 

[sleepwick]

I feel you, I hope this isn't an uncomfortable question but do you find your symptoms getting worse the longer you stay up due to insomnia?

hmm it kinda depends? sometimes it can get worse if i've been awake for really long but sometimes it just kinda feels random; i will say though tbf in terms of that it doesnt tend to get to the point of actual visual hallucinations unless im really REALLY tired, so i guess theres that.

you could use the sites Piczel or Picarto, art streaming services that don't nearly make as much traffic as twitch but still draw an audience. You also don't need to worry about art censorship on those either (should that be a concern, of course). You can multistream with someone on Piczel, too! If you're down, I think that'd be fun to do together sometime!

i'd love that!! i have considered piczel since it seems cozy and multistreaming does sound kinda fun! (only issue'd probably be working around timezones)

also hehe it's nice to chat w you so i dont mind you posting here!! i need to get back into chatting around the forums anyway (once again trying to stick to the thing of "ill stay off of social media" for real this time and forums r just generally more comfy than being over on twt and tumblr sometimes) sorry this is kinda short i just woke up. its kinda weird to be waking up at like 7-8am when i'm so used to even when i was sleeping at more reasonable times it still wasn't early enough for me to wake up at these times

 

[sleepwick]

christmas is coming up so i'm really excited because i'll finally have money to commission this one japanese artist i've been saving up to commission...only thing is i'm now torn on what i want to commission them for. i have a few ideas floating around in my brain all of which i do want to commission them for someday, but it's just choosing which one to commission first. obviously all of my ideas are related to the seesaw duo and sonia, as is standard for me. i've been thinking for a while about getting artwork of either all 3 of them or just sordsoni on vacation in unova, visiting the marine tube. dunno why but it's just something that's been in my mind for a bit. but i'm also considering maybe getting some nice winter-y artwork of them sharing a scarf together or something of the sorts, or the three of them having some afternoon tea.

i always feel kinda weird commissioning stuff, because a lot of the time i end up commissioning ideas i wanted to draw myself but wasn't rly confident in my ability to :< but there's something rly special about seeing my niche ships in other peoples styles yknow? despite me drawing a ton of sordsoni and seesawsoni my fav pieces of them usually arent stuff by me but rather gift art, art trades, commissions, really anything i've received from other people. i always get kinda embarrassed sending requests for them though. recently one of my jp pokemon mutuals was doing free reqs on twitter and i sent a request for seesawsoni art and i got kinda embarrassed seeing them tweet on their priv that they easily recognized who sent the req (it was a positive post though, don't worry! reading it honestly made me kinda happy, it's funny that even despite language barriers some people still so heavily associate me with them). dunno if they're going to draw all 3 of them bc i did give them the option of just drawing sonia if it was easier since. i kinda worry the hair is going to be hard to draw for some people, even if i personally think it's really really easy

i'm kinda torn of if i wanna draw christmas art this year or just take it easy, i feel bad bc for basically all holidays this year except for valentines and halloween i just haven't drawn anything(ok, well i DID draw a christmas thing but it was for a different fandom, i just don't really have any ideas for my pokemon christmas art yet), but i think maybe if i skip out on christmas i'll make it my new years resolution to try to make art for every major celebration i can think of next year, starting with new year, then my birthday, then valentines, so on and so forth. though i'm not sure abt the birthday part since my birthday is REALLY close to valentines, it's on february 10th. kinda wild to think that i'm going to be turning 20 next year honestly, my brains still barely comprehended that i'm over 18, and here i am about to no longer even be a teen.

i dunno, i'm worried next year will be hectic because i'm planning to apply to go back to college. last time i was at college i failed bad due to a mixture of mostly mental health struggles, but i think a lot of it was probably undiagnosed ADHD that i need to talk to my doctor about, but i've heard the waiting time for that is kinda hellish. i might be able to discuss with my doctor trying me on some form of medication for it without an official diagnosis, but i dunno if that'd be possible with the current antidepressants i'm taking. i'm due a check-in appointment in a couple of weeks to see how i'm actually doing after being on my meds for a little while so i'll see if i can discuss it then (or more likely i'll ask my mum to bring it up at the appointment since talking to people is still really hard for me)

 

[Blanc]

Sonia!! First of all, I'll be sure to remember your birthday! Second, is it okay if I ask you questions here? I know you ship Sonia (the character) with Shieldbert and Swordward both, but I was curious what the difference in their appeal as ship dynamics are for you! It's fun to hear about what my friends like so feel free to go off!

And yeah, I can barely comprehend being 25 right now... but the 20s arent thay much different from each other.

 

[sleepwick]

i'm a-ok with being asked questions here! esp if its abt seesaw+sonia because i like rambling about them a lot sorry if this is a little all over the place though bc ive only been awake for a little bit


hmm, well i feel like it's important for me to preface with the fact that a big part of it in general was that it kinda mostly started as a selfship thing with me projecting onto sonia, but now especially i just really like their general dynamics with her and the differences i think they'd have.

i played sword so i generally got to see sonia interact onscreen with sordward more (even if that was only an extra one time), and that combined with the fact i was into a different shielbert ship at the time is kind of what initially made me lean more towards sordward/sonia.

a lot of my personal perceived differences for them comes down to seeing their other interactions in the galarian star tournament where shielbert just seems to generally get along with people better whereas almost all of sordward's interactions are him being mean (with the exceptions being allister and when he's on a team with marnie. but interestingly team-wise shielbert's team up interaction with bede is a lot more on the mean side lol). i think this kinda led to me and my friends seeing shielbert/sonia as a more sortof casual fun couple? like i could actually see them potentially hanging out, but with sordward/sonia most of the rambling me and my buddies do about them tends to relate to the actual potential development of their relationship after the postgame. at the end of the day, i feel like their appeal is generally very similar, but this generally just tends to be how i and people i've asked about it perceives it.

 

[sleepwick]

bit of a silly update but i was feeling down last night and i needed a bit of a pick me up so i ended up commissioning more art so now within the next couple of weeks i should be due back both art of my self insert x nessa and shielbert x sonia and i'm super excited!

honestly i want to get more actively into self inserting again, because a lot of people seem to really really like seeing my oc and nessa together and that in turn makes me happy. i don't talk about them much because they're a really personal pairing to me (and because as you can tell i'm really REALLY heavily hyperfixated on other stuff) but when i do it's nice. i made my first self insert art of 2024 the other day and that was a nice feeling because it had been a while since i drew them together.

honestly i kinda wish i had the drive to make oc content more often, but i just kinda find it easier to get attached to pre-existing characters and ships between 2 pre-existing characters than even my own self insert ships, but every so often someone will tell me that they like seeing my art of me and nessa together (or well, my oc and nessa, since even if my oc is a self insert she still does have quite some many differences from me) and it just makes me feel happy. i always feel kinda awkward about my self-insert stuff because i'm a non-sharing yumejoshi, obviously not one that's like toxic or such when i meet other nessa fans, but i just prefer to not interact with other shipping content related to her, even if i do think a lot of it is quite cute. i dunno it's a complicated and kinda specific thing to explain, but i just kinda protect myself from content i don't want to see, yk? i think the internet would benefit a lot if people would just do the same and protect themselves from what they don't want to see instead of being toxic about it, ESPECIALLY in yume/selfshipping spaces.

anyway, here is the art i mentioned above here of me and my beloved rurina-san <3 i don't talk much abt my self insert oc because she's less developed than my other more story based ocs(whereas, this oc was created specifically for nessa), but her name is holly and she's a hairstylist living in hulbury originally from freezington! so i like to call these two either ruriholly, nessolly or frigidsea(shipping) !

Spoiler

 

[sleepwick]

so i recently decided to work on a shiny living dex in sword and shield, so i thought i'd start recording my progress here!

i'm still really early on in it, currently hatching for my third grookey for my rillaboom. the hunt's being ongoing for a few days and it's been over 250 eggs for this one so far, but i can't complain too much considering the other 2 grookey's i both got in under 100 eggs (84 and 92 respectively). it's been a nice thing to do to unwind between working on art, even if i have been slacking off on art a bit while i work on the shiny hunting lol. but i'm hoping to at least have the starter hunts done by next week, but we'll see because i have a hair appointment on saturday.

i've never been a huge shiny hunter because i used to not really have the patience for it, but i thought i might as well because i recently finished my pokedex in sword and shield for the second time, so i have the shiny charm now, and honestly? sword and shield is the only new pokemon game i rly find myself revisiting. don't get me wrong, i love legends arceus and scarlet violet story wise, and i appreciate that they have overworld shinies when swsh didn't, but i just don't do well with navigating those games honestly. i'm getting a bit better at it bc this is the direction the series is going :') i'm glad that scarlet and violet at least had a minimap though because i found myself getting very frustrated when i first played legends arceus because i kept having to open the map.

but honestly, even if it's a lot easier and less time consuming to shiny hunt in those games, for some reason i kinda like shiny hunting in swsh more? even though it takes a little longer due to the lack of overworld shinies i dunno, there's just a certain thrill that comes along with getting into a battle and expecting for it to just be yet another regular one only for it to finally be that shiny you've been searching for the whole time. like there was one time i was playing shield in a voice chat with some friends and i was like "okay we'll shiny hunt then i'll stop playing when i get the shiny" and then right as i said that i accidentalyl ran into a pokemon and it was a shiny. even if it is kinda stressful to think about how many shinies i've probably run past in sword and shield because i didn't know they were shiny honestly i've probably run past just as many shinies in scarlet and violet simply because i didn't see them.

the one thing i can complain about for shiny hunting in sword and shield though is the fact that you can't mass release in sword and shield. i just have to open home everytime to do so and even then home only lets you release 100 at a time before you have to save and reconnect to the game :') releasing multiple pokemon was the best thing they added in legends arceus so i cannot comprehend why they would remove that feature in scarlet and violet. just a baffling choice lol

anyhow, as i finish typing this i'm on my 260th egg for this grookey and i'm just hoping it comes soon so i can move onto the other starter hunts sooner rather than later.

 

[sleepwick]

little sleepy rambly update late at night on a sunday, just because i wanna ramble about various projects i'm working on.

so an update on my shiny living dex, i'm still on that third grookey. i've been kinda losing motivation because i'm at around 800-ish eggs now and it just doesn't seem to want to come to me, but i'm going to try keeping on pushing for it. i haven't worked on it much today because i was working on the rinchan now parody with sonia and the twins, but i'll probably get back to my hunt once i finish typing this all out.

as for more video stuff, i've actually decided what i wanna do with my other youtube channel again, the one where the plan was to make video-essay type stuff. i'm still doing that, but i decided on my oddly specific niche: pokemon shipping! not exclusively romantic shipping lol but i do wanna start working on analysis videos for the relationships between certain characters in pokemon because i think for some of these there's a lot to get into that doesn't really get talked about in detail. and obviously, in me fashion, i've started off with a video about the twins and sonia. i've recorded the audio and just need to edit the actual video, so idk how long that'll take, but i'm hoping i'll manage to push that out by the end of january if all goes well. i'm just kinda not sure how to edit my video essays? either i'm probably just going to rewatch a lot of videos i personally like and see how those are edited, but if i decide i wanna really do my own thing i'll also put a speedpaint in the background related to whatever i'm talking about. i'm still not entirely sure.

honestly i could see myself ending up remaking a lot of the videos i'm making right now in like a years time once i've gotten better at writing the scripts for them and once i've gotten a better mic bc i think those aspects are kinda the weak points for my content, as well as i need to get better at speaking because i'm not the most well articulated. but i like working on new projects out of my comfort zone, it's nice to push myself and to be able to recognize when i need to improve on something

 

[sleepwick]

i'm a little tired again today, so probably a short one. i've really gotta stop writing these either late at night or early in the morning but it is what it is.

i'm still working on that seesaw x sonia analysis video! but i didnt end up starting on the editing process until earlier tonight, so while it was meant to originally be released either tomorrow or saturday, i'm pushing it back to likely sunday or monday, unless i manage to somehow get it all done tomorrow but even then it'll probably take a WHILE to upload because it'll be a big file, considering how it took hours for a not even 2 minute pv to upload just bc of how big the file was after i rendered it from after effects. i guess i could run it through handbrake then upload it but im honestly worried abt that ruining the quality even if i keep the settings for the video quite high when doing so. idk what i'll decide to do though.

another post on rarepair otd started discourse somehow?? another post was being brought up as a result in which the pairing was actually inappropriate and i was unaware due to not knowing much about the earlier arcs of the manga, but honestly, now i've just come to the decision that i'm shutting the account down and deactivating it tomorrow. honestly, i don't think i'm the right person to be running this considering i probably don't have the best knowledge of various games in the series compared to most people due to primarily being focused on only one, and only ever consistently replaying that game. it's probably a choice that's going to make people upset with me but i dunno, i just don't really have the energy for it anymore in general, i find myself dreading having to update the queue now as opposed to the way i felt when i first made the account. i think the entire situation with the nemona x arven post just permanently ruined it for me and it's only started to feel worse and worse as the account has generally gained more traction. sorry, this entire thing has been kinda vent-y but i wanted to get it out somewhere.

honestly, over the past few years i've just generally grown kinda unhappy with social media in general, but i'm not someone who's in a position where they can just stop using social media. i'm still recovering from a really deep over a year long depressive episode that made me stop leaving the house and socializing with people entirely, and i'm still at a stage where i don't really have anything to do other than interact with people on social media. i think i could remedy this by being more active around the forums or anything like that, but i'm not great at joining in on conversations most of the time unless people i'm close with are involved, and even then i tend to be kinda scatterbrained so it can be hard for me to stay on one topic at a time. i'm thinking about maybe joining the discord server because my brain usually isnt too bad with how discord conversations flow, but also i'm really bad with joining servers unless i know there's going to be a lot of people i recognize there, otherwise i struggle to bring myself to join at all. honestly the root of my issues really is just that after i lost my last job and fell into that depressive episode my anxiety got far FAR worse than it ever had been somehow, to the point where it started extending more and more to online interaction, whereas in the past i would've been just fine with stuff like that.

i think even on my meds my inability to detatch myself from social media and the discourse that comes along with it has been the biggest reason im struggling so much with actually recovering

 

[sleepwick]

i've spent the last week and a bit working on a very VERY self indulgent video, and so i thought i'd share it! it isn't out yet, it's set to premiere at 4:30pm gmt (so in around 50 minutes from when i'm writing this), but i wanted to make a video talking about the seesaw twins and their relationship with sonia. it maybe isn't the best written analysis, but it's a video i was really really excited to make, even if i couldn't make it with the best audio quality due to my current equipment (and im not the best at writing analysis' yet, sorry!)