• Hey Trainers! Be sure to check out Corsola Beach, our newest section on the forums, in partnership with our friends at Corsola Cove! At the Beach, you can discuss the competitive side of the games, post your favorite Pokemon memes, and connect with other Pokemon creators!
  • Due to the recent changes with Twitter's API, it is no longer possible for Bulbagarden forum users to login via their Twitter account. If you signed up to Bulbagarden via Twitter and do not have another way to login, please contact us here with your Twitter username so that we can get you sorted.

EVERYONE: Stranger in a Strange Land (Summer 2020 Oneshot)

Joined
Sep 17, 2008
Messages
69,135
Reaction score
302
What if you woke up in another world all of a sudden? What if you realized everything you believed in was a lie? What if the friends you've made were all secretly resenting you? Daniel was just a normal fourteen year old trainer trying to do his best in his journey, but a sudden shift lands him in a situation, and environment, unlike anything he'd been raised to believe.

Written for the "right character, wrong genre" oneshot contest. Although I don't know how much I've managed to actually embody that theme.
Technically a PMD fic but it's not necessary to have experience with it, god knows I don't.

Stranger in a strange land

The smell of moss and dirt wafted through his nostrils, kick-starting his mind. An encroaching curtain of trees masked everything but a small pocket of sunlight hitting the center of the clearing.

Lush bushes flanked him from both sides, tapering a row of trees that obscured what was beyond. He caught a peek of the tree he was leaning on as well; it was straight out of a fairy tale in size, with vines scaling up its branches, sprouting leaves from every exposed corner.

Where was he? The last thing he remembered was walking down the road to Milstraton City after obtaining his fourth badge; he’d spent the night strategizing and dreaming of obtaining Skyla’s badge, taking him one step further towards the Vestress Conference.

Then a perverse thought crossed his mind, making him tense up as it slowly itched down his body. Had he been kidnapped? Maybe some creepy trainer in the Pokemon Center drugged him and dragged him to the forest.

His hands fled to his belt immediately, slowly padding it to make out the four round objects clasped to it.

He let out a sigh of relief. At least his pokeballs were still there.

With that fear out of his head, the boy leaned his hand back on the tree and lifted himself up. It was dark, not so dark that he wouldn’t be able to find his way through, but dark enough for him to make out how far he’d have to walk.

The young trainer pulled out his holophone. Immediately he realized that his phone was at half capacity; he could probably make it last a day or two if he didn’t use it too much.

He also didn’t have any signal.

“Didn’t the Road Network cover most of the region?” he muttered. He’d read of areas that went beyond the network’s field of transmission, but there weren’t any around where he’d been.

Determined to find his way out, the boy unclasped one of the pokeballs on his belt and threw it at the floor, ensuing a bright red sphere to burst out from the ball and slowly grow into the shape of his Dewott.

The otter Pokemon looked at him with his usual intense glare, one that said he was ready for anything. It was a little reassuring, but sometimes he thought that he could relax a little.

“Let’s go, Otto.” He turned away from his Dewott, motioning for him to follow.

He shivered as he stepped into the woods, leaving behind the small, glimmering spot of light that guarded him earlier.

Of course, he didn’t have much time to ponder on those questions as the sound of rustling quickly caught Otto’s senses. The dewott went on the prowl, grabbing the shells at his waist to alert his trainer of the unknown danger.

The trainer jumped back but quickly regained his composure and got behind his pokemon, his feet leaning farther from Otto, ready to run if need be.

Otto for his part was focused on tracking down the presence of their would-be attacker; he’d seen an opening but was biding his time to pounce on his opponent.

A crunching sound came from the other side.

“Let’s go!” the boy ordered. They ran through the bushes, following after their mark. It was tough, but they could just barely make out a figure in front of them.

Suddenly they heard a thumping sound and saw the pokemon they were chasing colliding against a tree, finally giving them a good look of what they were after.

He’d only seen it in cards and through a screen but he recognized it. Clear blue fur, long floppy black ears, black almost cloth-like fur on its chests and those small blueish white stubs. But what stood out most of all were those bright red eyes.

It was shorter than media would have him believe but he knew, he knew that what was in front of him was a riolu.

“Change of plans, Otto.” He said towards his Pokemon, who simply eyed him in disbelief. “We gotta catch this one.” His eyes gleamed with excitement.

The riolu slowly stood up. Unlike Otto, its stand was…sloppy, unrefined. Its legs were visibly shaking as if they were about to give out. The boy didn’t pay too much attention to this. It’d probably make it easier to catch anyway.

To their surprise, it let out a surprise shriek, alerting its attackers. They both expected it to attack, but instead it kept mouthing out more of its species unique sounds.

Unlike the Riolu, which seemed to be almost hysterical, Otto remained calm, gripping his shell tightly as he responded in his own language.

“Air Slash,” Daniel ordered, figuring he should take advantage of the riolu being distracted.

The dewott deftly twisted his feet around, swinging his arm and firing a cutting wind current at the smaller pokemon.

Riolu’s legs threatened to give out under it, only for it to snap out of it at the last second and duck under the slashing wind. The tree behind it wasn’t so lucky, as it received the full force of Otto’s attack and was cut cleanly in two.

Otto swooped in right as the top half of the tree slipped down, distracting his opponent. Then, before the riolu could make out what was going on, Otto was in front of it, punching its snout with enough force to send it crashing against the remaining stump.

Not missing a beat, he grabbed riolu’s arm and lifted the smaller pokemon in the air, slamming it against the floor. His opponent let out a choked cough as the shockwave from the crash spread through its body.

Daniel smirked. Wild riolu were practically impossible to find in Unova, and yet they found one barely putting up a fight. “Let’s end this.” He put his hand to his belt and unclasped one of the empty pokeballs. The rush of successfully catching a new Pokemon spread through his body; he had to follow through on this, any self-respecting trainer would.

“Pokeball go!” he yelled out with passion as the ball-shaped container flew towards its target. It hit its mark with a thud, making the pokemon groan as it was overcome with red light and absorbed by the pokeball.

The adrenaline rush of catching a wild riolu quickly set in, almost making him jump in the air with glee. At fourteen, Daniel wasn’t the brightest or more intuitive of trainers when it came to catching.

“I’d like to see Emily catching something like this.” The boy chuckled to himself, something that Otto simply chose to ignore as he went back to bodyguard mode.

Eventually, the excitement of a new catch went down and the realization of his predicament set back in. “Hmmm. I guess we gotta figure out where we are, huh?”

He turned his holophone on again, frowning at seeing a picture of him and his mom hugging in the background. He chose to ignore that and instead fixate on the time; four in the afternoon, only a few more hours before dusk.

Daniel unclasped another pokeball. “How about we take to the skies, Otto?”

***

Daniel, Otto and Daniel’s swellow, Gale, stood on the tallest point of a mountain overlooking what he now realized was an island, a small island at that. The sea breeze blew all around them, carrying that characteristic salty smell that he was used to experiencing on the beaches of Castelia.

From here he could only recognize two things, the dark green and clear brown from the forest and dirt found across the island, and the expansive aqua blues of the sea stretching beyond his field of vision.

He’d sent Gale out to check for land, he didn’t have water types on him so Gale was his best ticket home, but if land was too far out then there was no way she could carry him for long.

His fingers slowly grazed his cheek as he paced around a small clearing in the mountain. There had to be a way out of this island somehow. Otherwise his journey would end here, not as a Champion but as a lost kid in an unknown island.

To add insult to injury, his holophone couldn’t connect to the network, even at such a height. His Map app—lauded as having a pre-rendered view of the whole world—also couldn’t pinpoint their location.

This was more than just some island. It was like he’d left the planet to begin with.

His breathing grew erratic, his pacing more frenetic and aimless and he was now scratching his cheek to the point where he could draw blood if he pressed hard enough.

Otto walked over to the boy and stood right in front of him, getting in the way of his incessant pacing and stopping him in his tracks. It took a second for Daniel to realize what was happening, but upon seeing Otto’s annoyed face he took notice of his behavior and gazed at the floor in an attempt to hide his face from the water type.

“Sorry. I just don’t know what to do, okay? It’s not like I expected for us to be lost here!” he yelled out, that impatience and anxiety resurrecting for a second. Otto wasn’t about to let his trainer sulk once more, arceus knows that wasn’t going to get any of them out of there. Instead he walked to his trainer and forcibly yanked a pokeball from his belt. It was a good thing he’d kept an eye on where Daniel put the riolu they caught.

Daniel discerned Otto’s true intent and smiled when he saw him grab the pokeball. “Ooooh, you’re right, Otto. Maybe Riolu knows how to help us!” Otto nodded to this, even if he felt his trainer should’ve been able to figure it out by himself.

Daniel wasted no time in releasing Riolu from the confines of his capsule. Unfortunately, the little guy wasn’t as excited to see them as they were him. It looked around desperately, as if it was trying to confirm where it was. Turning towards Daniel and Otto, his body tensed up and legs edged away from them, preparing to sprint out if necessary.

“Woah there, little guy.” Daniel held his hands in the air, trying to reassure Riolu that they wouldn’t hurt him, even though his uncertain expression didn’t help matters. “We’re friends now right? We just wanted you to help us.”

Riolu observed him incredulously.

“Ugh, I didn’t think riolus would be this complicated.” Daniel groaned inwardly. He’d heard some pokemon have a hard time listening to or relating to their trainers upon being captured, figures he’d run into one of those when he least needed it.

No, he couldn’t think like that. He was a proper trainer now and proper trainers were able to bond with their pokemon effortlessly, just like the pros. He just had to work harder at it.

“I think we started off on the wrong foot here. Name’s Daniel, nice to meet you… I guess I should name ya?” Daniel scratched the back of his head in thought, even though he didn’t really felt like now was the time to come up with a nickname. “Oh, this is Otto, my trusty partner, and that there is Gale.” He directed his gaze to the dewott and then swellow; both pokemon kept their gazes on their new “teammate”.

Despite their best efforts, riolu’s gaze never wavered, neither did Daniel’s hold on his pokeball. “Listen, since we’re a team now, we were wondering if you could help us out,” Daniel said as he tried his best to keep a cheerful smile. “We don’t know where we are. I don’t suppose you know of a place with more humans where we could ask for help?”

No reply. Either he couldn’t understand him or he was choosing to stay quiet.

Daniel sighed, realizing his new pokemon was unwilling to collaborate. He pulled out his holophone and walked to the edge of the mountain. He was thankful for having a newer model with advanced zoom capabilities; it was all the rage amongst trainers that liked to take panoramic shots.

Thanks to the camera he was able to zoom in and out to different parts of the island to make a detailed estimate of their surroundings. Of course, even zooming didn’t ensure an accurate look at spots that were all the way across, but he was able to detail the areas closest to him.

That’s where he saw it. Nestled amongst the lush trees towards the center of the island he could make out what seemed like houses. They extended across the center, with some peeking through the trees.

Daniel felt hope come back into his heart. If there were other humans that meant there was hope for him finding a way out of the island and getting his journey back on track.

“Awesome, looks like we found a village.”

Daniel’s pokemon reacted to this and both stood from where they’d been sitting, which in turn made riolu jump in alarm. Not wanting him to cause any trouble, Daniel sent him back into his pokeball, though not before it let out a call in protest. “Sorry buddy, I promise I’ll let you out after we find a way out of here.”

***

His world spun uncontrollably, flashes of walls, roof and other pokemon passing through what little he could make out as he spiraled through the air. His hands and legs swung around, trying to grab anything that’d allow him to adjust himself.

Blue fur met concrete, his head bounced off the floor slightly, ringing from both the pain and the recoil.

He panted--trying to recover his bearings-- only for his hands to helplessly pat at the ground, unable to properly process what his brain’s orders.

Finally he regained a sense of where he was. He felt it, that feeling his species felt in the heat of battle. He perceived everything, his master’s position, his classmates standing on the side laughing at another failed attempt at using aura sphere and his own heart beat burning through adrenaline like a hungry munchlax.

“Lumen, can you stand?”

Hiiga, his master, stood on the other side of the arena; a plain white circle drawn with chalk. Even without looking at him Lumen could tell how concerned he was, his voice carried that usual, comforting, tone of care and wisdom.

If only everyone spoke to him like that.

“Yeah, lum-lum. Are you okay?” Rilow, his nosy and bratty classmate of a tyrogue exclaimed mockingly, followed by a hysterical laugh from his two siblings.

“You three, be quiet!”

The three bullies were startled by their master’s order, their faces meeting with his. It was an expression more characteristic of a hariyama, stern and harsh. They grew quiet immediately, though Rilow still gritted his teeth.

Hiiga turned back to the small riolu, who was getting his bearings opposite to him. “Lumen, can you-“

“I can stand, master!” Lumen pleaded; summoning all the strength he could muster to get back on his feet. He turned back to the larger pokemon, put his hands together and inclined his body at a ninety degree angle. “I’m sorry for my show of disrespect,” he said. A combatant wasn’t meant to show their back to an opponent.

Hiiga shook his head. “You still have much to learn Lumen. But you’re getting there.”

He walked over to the riolu, who’d retained his bow in an attempt to hide the tears welling up in his eyes.

Aura sphere was a legendary technique for lucario, it showcased their fighting prowess and spirit; it was tradition to master it and earn the right to evolve. Yet he’d taken a year and still hadn’t come close to harnessing that power.

“I’ll keep working hard, master.”

“It’s okay.” The hariyama put his hand beneath Lumen’s chest before dragging his orange finger upwards, pulling his head back up to face him. “I know you’re working hard. Ideally another lucario would be teaching you this technique.”

Lumen didn’t say anything. He knew what he meant, not just another lucario would be teaching it to him, it was his parents.

But they weren’t there anymore. He was alone.

“Eh, not like he’d be much use anyway.” Rilow chimed in, shrugging and throwing a glance at Lumen. “All he does on his spare time is look for berries like a bug type.”

Hiiga sighed, choosing to ignore his other apprentice’s claims, even if he knew it to be true.

Lumen couldn’t refute his fellow apprentice’s claims either. While he dreamed of one day becoming an amazing explorer like his parents and leaving Kiila Island he was more of a gatherer type, preferring to spend his time looking for treasuer over expanding his fighting prowess.

Unfortunately, that wasn’t enough if you lived on Kiila Island. Relatively small when compared to the other islands in the archipelago, it didn’t even have any Mystery Dungeons. As thus, explorers would have to migrate out, thus being a competent fighter was necessary.

“Aaaanyways. Can we fight now, master?”

“Rilow, wait for your tu-“

“It’s okay,” Lumen said, fists clenching in frustration. He understood his master was just helping him out of pity; it’s what his parents would’ve wanted. “I’ll just go ahead and train on my own for the rest of the day.”

“Lumen.”

“Bye!”

Without waiting for a rebuttal, the riolu turned around and ran out of the dojo, tears overflowing from his eyes just as he’d left his master’s and classmates sight.

He didn’t stop, not as he avoided random pokemon or passed the familiar stores that adorned Central Market. Market was still but a small subsection of the island, but in its enclosed ecosystem it was its heart; even if to Lumen it was anything but a reminder of the place he was stuck in.

Very quickly he made his way through the back of Market, stepping into Roi Forest. Smaller pokemon like him were ill-advised to wander into it without a chaperone. But who would look after a weak, orphaned riolu?

And yet Roi Forest was the only place he could find peace. Sure, he had to be on the lookout for predators that used the forest’s darkness to their advantage, but he was agile enough to run away.

It was a matter of sneaking around once he entered the forest. He could jump onto the branches, but he was aware of ariadoses or spinaraks enfolded in their leaves. Instead he walked from the ground, eyes constantly looking around him in search of berries.

Why did he like to go pick up berries so much? No particularly reason. It was just a distraction, the closest he’d get to looking for adventure without grappling an arbok.

His feeler went up as he moved deeper into the forest. This was normal, he was used to it happening if he sensed a predator; and yet it felt odd. There were two auras. One was strange, but identifiable; at first he thought it might’ve been a riolu like him from the size. No, its aura was more akin to that of a water type.

The other aura was what worried him. It was unknown, its size was somewhat average for most adult pokemon, but its weight and the way it was distributed felt somewhat alien.

Noting this, Lumen leaned down and started crawling through the bushes. He had to get away from them but they’d surely hear him if he ran.

Unfortunately, his knee brushed against a twig while sneaking through a set of bushes, shattering it instantly. The noise was like a drop of water rippling through a pond, lighting up the forest with sound.

He heard an unintelligible sound coming from the unknown presence and immediately sprinted. They followed him, even as he tried to hide through the bushes or trees. He tried to use his feelers as guides but the added stress and fear kept them leveled with his shoulders.

Sweat dripped from his forehead as he, blinded by his anxiety, ran straight into a tree. The impact pushed him back and the sting from the clash spread through his snout. Thankfully he didn’t lose his footing. But he’d lost his lead.

Another unintelligible sound filled his ears and then he saw them.

The pokemon he’d felt was a dewott, unusual considering he’d never seen one in the flesh. He’d heard that they made for powerful warriors and served as soldiers in kingdoms, but never expected to actually see one.

Its partner on the other hand, was one he’d never seen. It stood above both riolu and dewott, not taller than a pokemon like Hiiga but probably taller than Lumen ever hoped to get. It had brown fur coming out of its head with white skin all over its body, drawing attention to its brown eyes.

The rest of his body was…weird. It was covered in layers of fabric, but unlike anything he’d seen before. The fabric encroaching his legs reminded him of scrafty --another pokemon he hadn’t met-- but he was also wearing a red and white puffy piece of fabric over another looser white one.

As if it couldn’t get worse, the strange creature looked at Lumen like he’d found treasure, its eyes peered into his soul, freezing him in place.

He thought of talking to it. But how? He couldn’t understand a word it was saying.

The dewott, surely he could talk to him.

Unfortunately that thought crossed his mind just as dewott took out one of its shells. Lumen stepped back, holding his hands out as the fear kept him from even thinking of running.

“Wait. I didn’t mean to cause you guys any trouble!” he called out, hoping to reach dewott.

“Don’t care. Fight me.” Dewott’s voice was quick, stern, like the pokemon that came from overseas to challenge Master Hiiga.

“But I don’t want to fight you.”

The unknown creature, seeing this exchange, let out another string of gibberish and glanced at the dewott, who simply nodded his head.

“If you’re not going to fight then I’m just going to win. Those are the rules.”

Rules? What rules? What the hell was this pokemon talking about?

The dewott charged him before he could speak, slashing at the air in front of him. Thankfully, he reacted just in time to duck under the slash.

A cutting gust of wind flew over him and slashed the tree clean off. Lumen’s eyes widened. He knew pokemon were capable of such feats, but he never expected to fight against one such pokemon at this stage.

Then, just as he turned back to the dewott, it got in front of him and decked him in his snout with enough force to send his back crashing against the remains of the tree.

The blow wasn’t nearly as strong as Hiiga throwing him to the floor, but the shock from the punch and the situation left him reeling, giving dewott enough time to run to him and yank him by his arm.

Lumen tried to resist, to force the dewott back—to do anything really—but it was for naught. The dewott lifted him from the ground with ease and slammed him back down with all his strength.

His eyes opened wide, air getting knocked out of his lungs, his body pulsed and ached from the blow.

The creature spoke again, except this time he didn’t even care about what it said. All he wanted was for it to end, to get back to the village, he’d even train for aura sphere. He held out his paw toward it, ready to beg for his life.

But just as he stretched it out, his paw met with an unfamiliar red and white round object. It opened up and—before Lumen could process what was happening—all he could see was red.

***

For Lumen it was as if his mind and body were in a state of hibernation. He sensed he was awake—and that he existed—but he couldn’t quite make out thoughts or distill the passage of time.

Then he felt his mind start once more. His body began taking shape in front of him. It was disturbing, as if he hadn’t been there and then suddenly he was and he could feel like every part of his body reconstructed itself back into existence.

He was no longer in the forest. Soft breeze hit his cheek, blowing some of his fur to the side. The rocky terrain felt hoarse beneath his lower paws and it was so uneven that he couldn’t properly hold his footing.

Finally, there was the view. He could see every nook and cranny of the island from there. The forests, the towns; all laid bare in front of his eyes at a height he’d never been in before.

Under normal circumstances he would’ve either been amazed by the sight or horrified by the height, but there was another variable he hadn’t accounted for.

The unknown creature that trapped him gleefully stared at him. It was as if he was staring at a trophy. He then shifted his eyes to the creature’s companions. The dewott stood atop a rock, eyes glaring at him. Then, he saw a swellow perched at the foot of the rock. Unlike dewott, it wasn’t glaring at him, but it didn’t turn its eye away.

Lumen’s legs instinctively moved back, sliding along the rocky surface as an attempt to grab proper foothold and to prepare in case he needed to run.

“Woah there, little guy.” The creature stammered, shocked at Lumen’s reaction. He could understand it.

Earlier he’d only ever heard strings of incomprehensible words, but now he could understand him clear as day.

Had being inside of that orb changed him somewhat?

“We’re friends now right? We just wanted you to help us a bit.”

Friends?

How was he supposed to see them as friends? That dewott was still glaring daggers at him from the rock.

And what was he expecting him to do? Just stand there after he’d suddenly attacked him earlier. Not to mention he was still holding onto that infernal orb.

No, he couldn’t trust them, and he certainly couldn’t help them. Of course he didn’t know if the creature could understand him now, but even if he did there was no way he could fraternize with them.

The creature let out a sigh in frustration and scratched the back of his neck.

The creature continued its approach. At that point Lumen already decided to not reply, but there were things that jumped at him from what the creature said that seemed interesting and confusing.

First was the fact he name-dropped species, so clearly he knew what pokemon were. Were those orbs part of some technique he had that allowed him to capture other pokemon? No, the way he was holding them felt more akin to the tools adventurers used rather than it being a unique object like the ones other pokemon carried.

Then he presented himself and the other pokemon. He called himself Daniel, a strange name if he’d ever heard one but maybe it was common in other parts of the world. The dewott—who was still glaring at him—was called Otto and the swellow was named Gale. Were they kidnapped as well? It seemed so based on him mentioning giving Lumen a name.

The name thing was another factor that scared Lumen. He already had a name, and he liked it. It was given to him by his parents. Just who was this ‘Daniel’ to come and kidnap him, pretend to be friends and then act like he could do what he wanted with him?

Lastly, Daniel asked him where they could possibly find more humans. That was certainly a pokemon species he hadn’t heard of before. Lumen hoped there weren’t more like him.

Eventually Daniel gave up on conversing with him. Instead he turned away and took out another foreign device—Lumen couldn’t really detail what it was from his angle—and then pointed towards the panorama overlooked by the mountains.

A smile flashed across his face a few seconds later.

“Awesome, looks like we found a village.”

Could he have discovered where Market was?

He couldn’t let him get down there. More of those round devices meant he could trap the townsfolk; even Master Hiiga wouldn’t be able to do anything against it. He had to persuade him to leave the town alone.

“Sorry buddy, I promise I’ll let you out after we find a way out of here.”

And just like that, Lumen’s consciousness was filled with nothingness once more, nothing but the sense of dread and uselessness at what would befall of his hometown.

***

To say that Daniel was of two minds about what he saw upon descending from the mountain would be an understatement.

On one hand, he was happy to find a settlement and what he saw heightened that feeling.

The village had multiple hut-like structures of varying shapes and sizes, they were predominantly shaped like pokemon; a cultural tidbit he found amusing. The hut’s material was unknown to him but he figured it had to be clay or something similar.

That wasn’t all. While he couldn’t dub the village “big” he was at least amazed by what was set up. There were clearly stands selling different kinds of produce—berries mostly—including strange artifacts he’d never seen before.

But then he caught sight of something odd. There weren’t any humans there.

As soon as he descended from the village—and while he was descending as well—all he could see were pokemon. The stalls were attended by pokemon. Pokemon were the ones coming in and out of huts; not to mention the fact that they were all clearly cohabiting and communicating with one another.

For a young trainer like Daniel the sight in front his eyes was utterly unthinkable. He’d heard of habitats where pokemon lived peacefully; but a village inhabited entirely by pokemon was different.

Gale and Otto were taken aback by this as well. To them—who’d been raised in a farm and the wild respectively—it was a mystifying experience. They’d been taught to live by the law of the wild, that pokemon had to live, grow and get stronger and if they were to find a trainer they would have to make sure to live up to their true potential. But if pokemon really could achieve such advancements on their own then that put their prior wisdom into question.

Of course, the baffled trio didn’t pass unannounced. The pokemon in the village took notice of a swellow flying down from the mountain. It wasn’t an unusual sight as their island did act as a breakpoint for many migratory flying types, not to mention mail carriers arriving from other parts of the world.

However, once they saw that the swellow was riding with a dewott, and that they were in turn being accompanied by a strange, unknown, creature, they knew something was off.

From the corner of his eye Daniel could see two pokemon approaching. A magmar and machoke. They drew Otto’s attention, but the smaller pokemon seemed less inclined to attack them.

They had to get the first shot.

“Otto. Night Slash!” the young trainer screamed in a panic, teeth gritting in fright.

Otto was taken aback by Daniel’s sudden outburst. Nevertheless, he had to follow his trainer’s orders regardless of the situation. He charged at the duo, shells drawn out as he spun around in the air and hurled a pair of black slashes at the two.

Magmar and machoke wasted no time in retaliating. Ducking under the slashes, machoke ran up to Daniel and Otto, fist drawn back and glowing with orange energy.

Otto was taken aback by the counter attack and took the brunt of the hit straight to his jaw. It wasn’t the strongest punch he’d taken, but it was certainly backed by raw strength. Unfortunately, assessing his opponent’s strength wasn’t enough to keep his body from spinning into the air, leaving his trainer open for an attack.

A chance that the magmar happily took as it fired a jet of flames at Daniel.

Seeing this as her turn to protect the trainer, Gale swept her wings quickly and called forth a gust of wind to try and shield the teenager from magmar’s flames.

“Aaaah!” Daniel yelled out as some of the heat and flames made it past Gale’s gust of wind, singeing away part of his jacket’s left sleeve. Gale pushed her wings harder, challenging the magmar to a contest of endurance, one that she knew she’d eventually lose. “Gale. I’ll help you!” he called out as he pulled out a third pokeball from his belt and threw it up.

From the pokeball came his musharna, Musha. Its pink cloud-like mane waving around in the air as its round form appeared above the enemy pokemon, who were clearly thrown aback by the sudden appearance of a new pokemon.

“Use Psychic while they’re confused,” Daniel commanded. Musha took notice of his desperate and confused tone, just like the feelings clouding his heart. However, she also took notice of the villagers.

Uncertainty, fear, these were all reflected in the pokemons’ hearts.

“Musha. Do something!” Daniel’s impatience grew and with it so did the rage in his heart. That feeling poked at Musha’s core. Of course, her mind stayed on the pokemon in front of her, but she couldn’t go against her trainer’s orders.

Turning to the machoke and magmar, Musha’s body surrounded itself with pink aura, an aura that was reflected on her enemies. Then, with a burst of power, she pushed them back, cancelling out magmar’s attack.

Then-without being prompted to-Musha lifted the machoke up in the air, away from the ground and towards Gale’s aerial ace. The machoke kicked and flailed about in an attempt to find some form of stability, only for its body to be hit with all the force of Gale’s body, enough to send machoke crashing through a lickitung-shaped hut.

Machoke’s accomplice wasn’t any better. Otto surrounded himself in a veil of water and unloaded a flurry of blows on the magmar, sending it back with a blow to the chest before landing a back-kick on its head and knocking it out.

Daniel sighed in relief. The situation was dire, but as long as his pokemon could fight he knew they could get out of it.

The village pokemon didn’t avert their eyes, but no one tried to approach them either; except for one, a hariyama made its way slowly through the crowd, its footsteps resounding on the floor with a thud. Its eyes were fierce and filled with menace.

Daniel couldn’t avoid staring, instinctively gulping at their sheer ferocity and rage. His pokemon sensed this too, standing by to guard him in case the hariyama attacked.

The hariyama spoke, noises that were unintelligent to Daniel, but that somehow carried a sense of authority and confidence.

Otto was the one to reply in his own language. Daniel didn’t know why but it felt like this was the first time he paid attention to the way pokemon talked. He couldn’t understand anything, but when he saw them converse it was as if he was seeing a debate between two warriors.

Then, the hariyama turned to him and spoke once more. Was it going to attack them? Gale and Otto were already growing tired from earlier, but running away could put them at risk of getting flanked. They also wouldn’t have enough time to fly away on Gale.

His heart sped up, sweat ran from his forehead and his feet trembled.

“Otto, use air slash!” he screamed, bringing everyone’s attention back to him and then to the dewott.

Otto stared at hariyama and then at his shell, eyes filled with doubt and confusion. Daniel couldn’t understand why he was hesitating, Otto’d always listen to him in battle and he always fought to the last. “What are you waiting for Otto? Do it!”

Upon receiving no reply from his dewott he instead turned to Gale. “Gale, you use arial ace.”

No reply, she didn’t even look at him.

Why? Why did they have that resigned expression, was there something he wasn’t seeing? Could they be affected by some kind of attack?

Musha. She was a psychic type; she’d be able to fight back against attacks of that kind.

“Musha, I don’t care what you do. Just hit it with psychic or something!” Daniel screamed, pointing straight at the hariyama.

Nothing.

Musha floated there, staring at her comrades and then at her trainer. She understood how Daniel was feeling; he was never perceptive enough towards others, less so pokemon. As such, she’d always use her abilities as a pokemon that could connect with other’s thoughts and feelings in order to put him in the know.

She tried doing that, floating down towards her trainer’s shoulder in an attempt to connect with them like they had so many times before.

He swung his arm back, barely giving her enough time to float away and avoid the impact.

“This isn’t the time for that!”

Musha stared at him; his outgoing and childish expression was now completely overtaken by fear, confusion and uncertainty. His lips quivered, enough to open up and show his gritted teeth.

Daniel was out of options, he’d left his other main pokemon recovering in Driftveil’s center, hoping they’d be able to transfer them back to him in Milstraton. But now his remaining pokemon weren’t listening to him. How could he get out without them? What would his mother think?

How could he prove her wrong?

Then his mind wandered towards that last pokeball clasped to his belt. Riolu wasn’t quite listening to him either, but maybe he’d come through this time. They were a team after all.

Without missing a beat, Daniel’s hand went straight to riolu’s pokeball and threw it into the air.

***

Lumen was awake once more, but this time he was greeted by a completely different sight. Daniel’s lackeys were all standing in front of him, their faces downcast and devoid of their determination.

Most shocking of all though was that master Hiiga was standing behind them, his face suddenly filled with shock and concern.

“So it was you!? You led this monster to our village!?” he heard Rilow yelled out from behind Hiiga, his brothers staring at him with equal disdain.

Lumen’s body tensed up. No, could they really believe he led Daniel there?

“Wait, it’s not what you think.” He said desperately, his eyes falling on his master for the same guidance he’d given him after his parents passed. “I was wandering the forest when he and that dewott ambushed me.”

Otto nodded his head. “That’s true. We found him while making our way through the forest. Riolu are very rare where we come from so Daniel wanted to catch it.”

“I see.” Master Hiiga replied. “I’m sorry you had to go through that, Lumen. It wouldn’t have happened if I’d been more careful towards your feelings.”

“Riolu, I know it’s gonna be tough but try and hit with it…well anything,” Daniel ordered from behind him, though his voice broke away midway through. Lumen stared at the human with crushed hopes. Those shaking legs, that panicked expression, they were the same Lumen gave him in the forest only a few hours ago.

He felt enraged, he was glad that Daniel was able to finally understand what he’d felt like when he and Otto ambushed him, attacked him and took him away without even bothering to talk to him.

And yet, all he could do was look at him with pity, knowing that Daniel was truly alone in this very moment.

“What happened? Why aren’t you guys helping him?” he finally asked, noticing the musharna floating besides them.

“It seems we were mistaken about our whereabouts.” The musharna spoke, her voice soft and serene like the pink clouds floating above her head. “We thought this was a village of humans. Surprisingly, it was a village of pokemon instead.”

“Daniel is a child, not a bad child, but one that has trouble assimilating things that go against what he believes.”

Daniel’s desperate pleas echoed behind them, even louder now as he saw them talking. The boy stepped back, taking out four capsules. “If you guys won’t listen then I’ll just have to return you and run.”

Pink aura surrounded the orbs as soon as he pulled them out, leaving them floating in the air around Musha.

“I’m sorry, Daniel. Please rest now.” Musha’s words spread through the air, blowing into Daniel like a soft wind that gently closed his eyelids. Finally his legs gave out, his fists unclenched and his body was overtaken by a deep slumber.

“We’re sorry about him,” Otto finally spoke. “And again, I’m sorry for what I did to you,” he said towards Lumen, bowing his head respectfully. “I…I thought you were like all the other pokemon I’d met in the wild before.”

“It’s clear that you lot aren’t from around here, and I have a good idea of what’s going on.” Master Hiiga intervened, his hand patting the dewott’s head gently. “Follow us. Give us your story. Then we can help you and your friend return…if you so choose.”

***

“What do you mean quit?” Daniel said disdainfully. He’d rented a room in Driftveil’s pokemon center and was sitting cross legged on the bed. His mom was on the other side of his holophone’s screen; the yellow straps going over her shoulders and her ponytail donned hair told him that she was preparing to cook something.

“I worry, okay?” his mom sighed. “The league’s only three months away and it’s taken you eight just to gather four badges.”

“So?” Daniel asked stubbornly.

“So…there’s kids with eight badges already. I hear Emily’s just about done with hers too.” Her voice trailed off, almost as if she was trying to avoid saying something that would upset him. “I think you should come back.”

His mom’s words hit deep, deeper than she realized. “Daniel?”

He knew that she had a point. Even so, he couldn’t accept it. He’d dreamt of going to the Vertress Conference since he was a kid. Standing in the center of that stadium holding the winner’s trophy was every kid’s dream. He wanted to be that kid.

Unfortunately, things hadn’t gone as he expected. He failed his license exam three times, barely passing this year. Winning badges wasn’t an easy task either. Of course he dedicated time to training his pokemon, but keeping a handle of what they could do and the situations to use specific attacks always eluded him..

Even so, failing here meant going back to school with his head down, not even collecting the minimum of five badges needed to at least try and take the test again next year.

“I’ll get that fifth one, at least so I can retake the test.”

His mother sighed once more and scratched the back of her ear nervously. “Honey, I understand that you want to keep trying. But do you really think it’ll be different next year?”

He took a deep breath, even if his face showed how at odds he was with his mother’s statement. “I’ll call you tomorrow. I have to hit the road early.”

“…okay, dear. Rest well.”

He hung up.

***

His eyes opened suddenly. An unfamiliar, straw roof looked back at him and he felt his heart beating endlessly against his chest. Memories flooded back, how they’d arrive at the town and all of his pokemon refused to obey him, culminating with Musha using hypnosis on him.

He’d had her do it before—usually when it was hard to sleep after a tough loss—but he hadn’t expected her to do it without his approval.

Otto, Gale and Musha walked over to him immediately, with Musha putting her forehead to his in order to gauge his emotional level. Gale and Otto stayed at a relative distance, as if they were there moreso for Musha than for him.

Riolu and the hariyama stood by the entrance. Besides them was an alakazam, its back was slouched, its whiskers were longer and messy than what he’d seen in pictures and he held a wooden staff instead of the characteristic spoons Daniel heard of.

“What’s going on?” Daniel mouthed, eyes still glazed over as he inspected every single one of the pokemon.

“You’ve finally calmed down, young one.”

He was startled by the sudden voice coming from inside his head, causing him to quickly stand up and shake Musha off. It felt as if someone was talking through a microphone in his mind. The alakazam stared at him, holding his staff up to signify it was him talking.

“Do not fret; I am merely using my power to allow you to hear our voices.”

Telepathy. He’d heard that psychic types could learn to use it, but he’d never experienced it himself let alone know what it would take for a pokemon to learn it.

Alakazam’s thought stream continued. “From what I gather, you all come from another world, one where ‘humans’ are the ruling species.”

Daniel’s eyes opened wide in shock as he let the alakazam’s words sink in.

“A different world? That makes no sense,” Daniel muttered to himself.

“It’s true.” A soft, calm voice joined in, with Musha floating in front of Daniel to show him it was hers. “We it was a village full of wild pokemon, but they’re the ones running the village and they don’t seem to have heard of humans at all.”

“A village of pokemon? There’s no way.”

“Nevertheless.” Alakazam interjected. “I can understand why you went on the defensive. As thus, we will help you get back to your world.”

To say all of this was hard for Daniel to process would be an understatement, his legs threatened to give out, still weakened from his slumber as well as the news. And yet, the promise of finding a way home made it easier to swallow.

“I…I still don’t really understand, but if you can help us get home then that’d be great,” Daniel stammered. “Also…I’m sorry, I guess, for earlier; I really thought we were in an island full of wild pokemon.”

Alakazam stayed quiet for a moment upon hearing Daniel’s last sentence. “Yes, as for helping you, there are a couple of quandaries in regards to that.”

“Quandaries?”

Alakazam nodded. “Yes, while there have been cases of beings from another world coming to ours, what we call Vestiges, we don’t know where they come from. Some say it’s all part of the gods’ will, other more…eccentric pokemon talk about rifts in the fabric of space or something like that.”

“However, from what I gather, these foreign beings take on pokemon form. You are the first Vestige that retains their original form, let alone one that comes with servants.”

Alakazam’s explanation felt straight out of a fantasy or sci-fi story. Dimensional rifts? Gods? He was just a trainer traveling around to get eight badges.

But there was one word that jumped at him, one that made him interject.

“I’m sorry. They’re not my servants,” he said, gesturing towards his pokemon. “We’re teammates.”

Daniel’s statement seemed to fall on deaf ears, in fact, the air in the room suddenly got heavier and his pokemon fell completely silent.

Alakazam let out a heavy sigh. “That’s where the second quandary comes from, young one.”

“We’re not going back to your world, Daniel,” Otto said inside Daniel’s head. Daniel’s heart sank when he heard this; suddenly it was as if the room started spinning. His head rang; his legs were barely able to stay firm.

He desperately glanced at each one of the pokemon, hoping that Otto’s worse was just an attempt at a joke; but the laugh didn’t come. Gale didn’t meet his gaze, Musha did but seemed wary.

“No,” Daniel said, a small, hesitant laugh escaping his mouth. “We’re a team you guys, we’re going to reach the league. That’s our dream.”

“No. That’s your dream.” Otto replied, voice dripping with disdain. Memories his parents in the farm telling him that he was destined to be a fighter, to lay his life for his trainer and become stronger. He’d lived by those rules, he believed in them because he thought that was just the way of things.

“What are you saying Otto!?” Daniel screamed, arms lashing out to his sides as his teeth gritted in confused rage. “We’re a team. Are you just going to let them manipulate you!?” as he yelled his hands felt for their pokeballs on his belt, only to realize they weren’t there.

“Your capsules have already been destroyed.” Alakazam shook his head. “We asked them and they agreed to be set free.”

“I like growing stronger.” Otto continued. “But I’m not fighting for myself, I’m doing it for you, a kid that always puts his weight on us and expects us to carry him.”

Those words rang in Daniel’s head, thoughts of his throh and rhyhorn waiting at Driftveil Center coming to his mind. “What happened to Dokosu and Road…I know I messed up, but we won, we persevered and we-“

Otto slammed his foot on the floor, startling Daniel. “We didn’t win anything. You barely managed to get a meaningless trinket while you used my teammates as distractions to weaken an opponent enough, that’s no skill, just a battle of attrition.”

His words hit hard, harder than any he’d heard before. No, he’d heard them before; from gym-leaders, his mother and other trainers he’d met throughout his journey. He’d told himself it was just the way of things, wasn’t that what everyone did?

“I agree with Otto.” Gale responded, her voice distant and stoic. “The rules of the wild always say that getting caught means being bound to a trainer.” She glanced at him, her right eye staring firmly into his. “I was taken away from Hoenn and traded to you like some sort of property. I’d accepted it, but now I realize that ‘the way of things’ was just something you humans created for your convenience.”

“We’ll still help you get back home though,” Musha said softly. “This isn’t your world, and we wouldn’t want you to feel trapped here either.”

Daniel lowered his head as he heard his pokemon’s words. If they truly felt like this, then it meant he’d been lying to himself all his life. He was no up and coming trainer; he had no hope of reaching his dream, less so now.

“We’ll leave you with Musha. I’ve already taught her how to use basic telepathy so she’d be able to talk to you or communicate you with other pokemon if you need to.” Alakazam turned back and started walking towards the entrance, with the others following along. “You’ll be setting out tomorrow towards Rakusho Island, it’s bigger and you might find more clues about Vestiges there.”

***

Daniel stayed inside the hut after that; not even attempting to speak with Musha. He pondered on his pokemon’s words, what he’d believed all his life, even as night fell and the hut was shrouded in complete darkness.

The idea of pokemon battling being abolished bounced around from time to time, nothing ever came out it and he certainly didn’t think about it too much. And yet, his pokemon’s words seemed to support that argument, and if so then what as he supposed to believe?

“What should I do, Musha?” Daniel asked, staring at the purple pokemon floating in the air above him, her pink cloud-like fur still waving in the limited air of the hut as majestically as always.

“I can’t really tell you. For now, I think you should focus on finding a way home.” She floated closer to him. “But know that I don’t blame you. You’re just a boy, too young to truly understand the nature of the world. I know that with a clear head you’ll be able to grow and find your own way.”

Daniel was truly thankful for the darkness that hid the tears welling up in his eyes and his quivering lips. He still didn’t know what to make of his pokemon’s feelings, but if he’d truly hurt them he had to do something to atone for it.

Daniel quickly gathered himself and wiped his tears when he heard someone walk into the hut. At first he’d thought it was one of his pokemon or alakazam. Instead, he was surprised to make out riolu’s form as he walked in.

“Riolu?” Daniel muttered, a knot forming in his stomach as the last words he’d said to riolu flooded back. “What are you doing here?”

“I…I don’t really know to be honest,” Lumen replied, his voice ringing inside Daniel’s head—courtesy of Musha—he was holding his left arm with his right hand, an attempt to calm his nerves.

Lumen was hesitant—this was the guy that trapped him in a ball after all—yet he couldn’t help but feel curious about Daniel. Talking to his pokemon and taking his reactions into account made him realize that he wasn’t an evil being. He was a young member of his species—just like him—trapped in a foreign land where he couldn’t understand anything and didn’t know what was going on.

And now everything he believed in and dreamt of shattered in front of his eyes.

“I’m sorry…for everything I did. I truly didn’t know what was going on,” Daniel said, his voice still broken from almost crying. “If I’d known the circumstances…though in retrospect I guess even if I knew the circumstances it would still be wrong.”

Lumen nodded his head. “I can’t say that I don’t resent you, it was scary but knowing what I know now I also can’t say I don’t understand where you came from.” He walked closer to the fourteen year old, standing just besides Musha. “You and I aren’t so different after all.”

“What do you mean?”

“Let’s just say that staying on the island isn’t what I want either.” Lumen said. “I want to become an explorer. But that’s not so easy here; you’re only allowed to leave if you prove you’re worth it. I haven’t done that yet.”

Daniel wondered why riolu was talking to him so openly like this; he wouldn’t if he were him. Even so, he understood that feeling of vying for a goal that everyone tells you can’t be achieved, as well as the struggle of proving them wrong.

He’d mistreated riolu in the little time they’d been together. Now he could atone for that.

“Well what do they know,” Daniel said dismissively. “You have a dream something worth chasing, why should they decide if you’re apt for it or not?”

Lumen looked up at him, eyes gleaming. “That’s what I say! who cares if I don’t know some technique or skill, I should at least try it right?”

Then it hit him. Riolu wanted to prove that he could fend for himself, just like Daniel did, and now there was a chance for him to achieve that.

“I know.” Daniel put his hands on the floor and pushed himself up, suddenly feeling energy returning to his body. “Why don’t you come with us?”

“Huh?”

“Help me find a way back home!” he exclaimed confidently, leaning down towards the riolu. “Otto and the others can vouch for you. If you can help me then you’ll prove that you’ve got what it takes to be an explorer.”

Lumen’s eyes lit up, the light of possibility and ambition, one he hadn’t felt towards his dream in a long time; since his parents passed away. But then realization dawned on him. “But, elder Zang and Master Hiiga would never allow me to leave; it’s against the island’s rules.”

“Listen.” Daniel interjected. “They might be acting all polite, but I’m sure they want me to leave as much as we both do. If I insist on you being my guide and that I won’t leave otherwise, I’m sure they’ll consider it.”

“You’ll really do that?” Lumen asked hopefully.

“You can count on it, and I’m not anything if not stubborn!”

“That’s true.” Musha added with a sigh. “Lumen, that’s all up to you. We’re not going to force you.”

Lumen pondered on this. It would be a good chance for him to leave the island. After all, neither Daniel nor his pokemon actually knew how to navigate their world.

He thought back to Master Hiiga and his failed aura sphere attempts. He wouldn’t like going over his orders to satisfy a whim. But then he thought about his parents, always telling him to go after his dreams at all cost. He couldn’t ignore those words.

“Yeah, I’ll go with you guys. But no funny business okay?” he glared at Daniel.

“Promise, not like there’s much I could do, I’m just a flesh-bag compared to you guys.” He stared at Lumen for a moment, a smile going through his face as he stretched his hand out. “Guess we’ll be traveling companions, Lumen.”

Lumen returned his smile and shook Daniel’s hand with his paw. “Seems so.”

***

The next day, Daniel gathered all his things and left for the pier along with Otto and Musha. Gale opted for staying behind on the island; Daniel made no comments, even if he felt bad about it.

A lapras yawned besides them, its eyes blinking drowsily as he looked back to Elder Zang and Master Hiiga. “So, we leaving? Rakusho waits for no one.”

“Yes, Wave. Just a moment,” Elder Zang said thoughtfully before glancing at Hiiga. “Are you sure he’s coming?”

“He was certain, even if I did try to dissuade him.” Hiiga replied. It’d been hard to convince Elder Zang the night before, especially with how forward Daniel was. Hiiga himself didn’t know what to make of it.

“He’ll come.” Daniel stated, grabbing onto the straps of his backpack as he looked back at the older pokemon. “I’m sure of it.”

As if on cue, Lumen’s voice came through the center of town. “Wait for me!”

A yellow satchel hung over his side, it was packed, enough to cause him to tilt if he didn’t watch his balance. “Sorry for being late, I couldn’t find this thing,” He said, presenting the satchel.

Hiiga stared at it, eyes glazed as a smile crossed his face. “I haven’t seen that in a while.”

“Would my mom like me to have it, Master?” Lumen asked, his eyes looking up at Hiiga with trepidation.

Hiiga nodded his head, patting Lumen’s head carefully with his hand. “She’d love you to.”

“Be careful out there, Lumen.” Elder Zang advised as Lumen walked by him. “The world is a tough place.”

“I’ll keep that in mind, Elder.” Lumen bowed his head respectfully before walking towards Daniel and the others. They stared at each other, but it was different now, his optimism seemed to make him feel safer.

“Ready to go?” Daniel asked him, motioning for Musha to use her telepathy.

“Yeah, but you better not run away crying if something bad happens,” Lumen said, a slight smirk on his face as he got on top of the lapras.

“I won’t.” Daniel muttered, at first as a reply to Lumen, but also a statement for himself. He didn’t know what would lie ahead for them, nor if he’ll be able to find a way home, but vowed to learn and grow from his companions through it all.
 
Last edited:
LONG TIME NO SEE, TREASURE HUNTER. Since Reggie and his friends died of anime something or whatever (plz bring em back), I guess this is the first thing from you in a while. So it shall be so, and it's been ages so let's get to it.

- First thing I notice: noncapitalized Pokemon names. Blargh. Don't think you did that before.
- But Skyla is badge six. Isn't this dude getting ahead of himself? Or is he just thinking of Skyla? Wouldn't be the first fic of yours, heh.
- The anime conference though, eew.
- Otto? How very Russian, comrade.
- The most typical furry Pokemon ever.
- THIS IS ITS STAND!!
- I thought Riolu could be found without incident early on in B2W2?
- So what sort of way would be an intuitive and bright way to go about catching a Pokemon or celebrating a capture?
- Riolu is super rare in Unova allegedly, yet this guy has a Swellow which isn't even in the UDex
- It's implied he has water types, yet, why's he not carrying them if so? Why's he running around with only four? Besides, he does! Dewott!
- but as lost kid <- I know you were trimming words, but this is too much. :p
- Flashes of roof?
- Interesting way to make a happiness evolution evolve, by making it a move evolution.
- You'd think given the dangers of the Mystery Dungeons and what some do, not having any would be a good thing.
- I take it this Riolu hasn't seen anything like a Hitmonchan before?
- How does it know about all these Pokemon it hasn't met, anyway? Though that said, funny. Not enough PMD stuff tackles actual humans getting involved, and them getting confused over one is a best case scenario for exploring that.
- Interpretation of being in a Poke Ball, nice.
- Is an interesting take on how trainers catch certain Pokemon because they like them too, and what the Pokemon itself might think.
- Heh. Well. I always did wonder how Pokemon can understand their trainers like nothing, and the implication the Poke Ball did something to make it happen is as good a reason as any.
- Were they kidnapped by as well? <- Missing word
- Interesting getting the thought of trainers into wild Pokemon's minds.
- less incline <- Typo
- singeing <- Again
- Realistic that PMD Pokes would not hesitate to attack a human or something they never seen
- What was with the Pokemon being portrayed as having to obey no matter what earlier on, then hey actively refusing to do so now?
- Ohh, that's why he only had four on him at the time. Also, good showing a trainer with more than a party of six,
- Although, there are four balls. He was implied to have four on him, why does he only have three? Was the fourth an empty he just had on his belt for whatever reason?
- This scene is a bit strange. Like something awakened in all the other Pokemon, and somehow, the Riolu is the most reasonable one of the team willing to help Daniel. The freshly caught, scared Riolul.
- Well, it's not like you have only one year to get it all done and then the badges expire. There's been things like this shown in the past. But, maybe it is. And a twist, Daniel isn't a very good trainer. Rare to see that.
- But man, don't get minimum five and you're dead forever? What the hell kind of system is this?
- We it was a village <- Typo
- Shoutouts to actual Mystery Dungeon transforming plot nonsense.
- WOW. These Pokemon are the biggest Judas assholes I've ever seen! And he has three of them who betray him! No wonder he did so badly. Or maybe they were just brainwashed badly. I'm leaning both.
- his troh <- Unless Troh is a new Pokemon, that's a typo.
- Even Musha who seemed the most understanding and reasonable is betraying him. Fucked up, man.
- But, hey. Heading somewhere nice, from this conversation with Lumen.
- That’s what I say! who cares <- Caps error
- Come with us? But there's really just the one.
- Bowed to learn? Another typo.

And it just ends there. Wordcounts, I know, but there's no real conclusion to the fic. It feels really incomplete because of that.

This one was a very strange one, that's for sure. It almost felt like something entirely different from the theme, the Pokemon finding their right genre and Daniel's the wrong character. He's a flawed one who his Pokemon seem to have no issues with, until they suddenly do and start fucking hating humans and the human system and casually kick him to the curb. It's hard to feel for the Pokemon here or take their side. Betrayal like this makes them come across as the heavily flawed ones, if not outright villains.

Daniel is supposedly a trainer who doesn't "get it", but, that comes across as more informed than anything. He has a strategy of sorts, but it's wrong somehow because it isn't actual strategy? He flips the hell out and orders attacks, but he's a scared and confused kid. Of course he'd want to defend himself. They understand that, and yet his Pokemon still abandon him. Like, is there supposed to be a moral here? Is there a lesson he has to learn? Evidently, but it's going to be too late. A bunch of his Pokemon are just gone because they're jerks, and with implications he's never ever going to be able to be a trainer and go on a journey ever again, even if he improves as a person. It's really messed up. That is if he ever gets back. Wordcounts happened and all, but the future isn't looking too bright for the guy no matter which way you slice it. Who even brought him here and why?

I liked the dynamic that developed between Daniel and the Riolu, but it was undercut by what happened with the other Pokemon. Like, wow. I still can't get over that one. I get kicking him down and picking him back up, but that's just way too much. He didn't sound bad or abusive, just naive and simple-minded. And the Pokemon he's spent so much time with want nothing to do with him at the first opportunity to get out. All three of them! Even Mushi, the really nice one. And, what about his other Pokemon when he gets back? Do they all feel the same? Maybe the right character was Daniel after all, and he was being thrown into the wrong genre of a messed up world like this? Or the Pokemon were in the wrong genre back home? I dunno.

I do like the concept of humans in the Pokemon Mystery Dungeon world, that said. It's rarely explored, instead focusing on the transformative (and dare I say, furry wish) side of things. While it was going on, the fic did do a good job of looking at that from both ends of the spectrum. How the humans might see it, and how the Pokemon might see it. This includes the Pokemon of the trainer. One wanting to stay would be interesting, but all three came across as excessive. And like I said, it felt like they were brainwashed, some primal instinct awakened in all of them, or they're all secretly jerks..

(If it's not clear, yeah. Sore/sticking point about this)

You mentioned this story was at one point 13000 words. While you trimmed it down into something cohesive, I really feel it could've used the extra 3000 or so. I imagine those parts did some stuff to explain and flesh out some of this. Maybe, it even felt like it could've been the start of something much more. Alas, such is the fate of many one-shots. Definitely would be interested in seeing those down the line if you kept that extra expanded version about.
 
Well, first of all, thanks for the review man, it means a lot. Second, while I don't want to make any excuses since I actually think it shouldn't have taken me so many words to accomplish what I was going for...yeah I did have to cut a lot of stuff out, some were minor things but others were sentences, paragraphs or scenes that maybe gave more detail but could technically be trimmed down. That's without mentioning all the things I didn't add from my original idea, but I'll get on that later.

I thought Riolu could be found without incident early on in B2W2?

Yeah but that's on the other side of Unova, and it's still a 5% catch rate, it's basically rare for someone raised in Castelia.

Riolu is super rare in Unova allegedly, yet this guy has a Swellow which isn't even in the UDex

Here's where I start with justifications >.< yes, there was originally a line specifying that Gale was actually traded to Daniel from someone in Hoenn, I removed it, but now I added it again along with fixes to the typos you mentioned.

It's implied he has water types, yet, why's he not carrying them if so? Why's he running around with only four? Besides, he does! Dewott!

This was another thing I cut out, mainly because I kind of thought it'd be easy to understand that while Otto is a water type, he's too small and is biologically speaking not to up to task for swimming through long expanses of water with no direction.

Flashes of roof?

I wanted it to seem like he saw the walls and roof pass by really fast because he was rolling around in the air.

singeing <- Again

That actually is a word, I looked it up :p for describing the act of burning away at something

Come with us? But there's really just the one.

I mean Otto and Musha are going to help him find a way back as well, so they're still there.

And it just ends there. Wordcounts, I know, but there's no real conclusion to the fic. It feels really incomplete because of that.

Like I said, I can't really justify it. Whether it'd be me writing more than I should or just having too many ideas in my head, I did plan too much. In my original plan for example Daniel's team was going to fight against Hiiga, the hariyama, and only after he defeated them was he going to talk them down from fighting, this would've in turn made their turn seem less sudden since at that point they would've literally been taken down.

At the same time, I do apologize if I wasn't able to convey their feelings properly in what I wrote. Maybe you're right and their shift is sudden but what I was going for is that they're not so much angry at Daniel but what he represents, and now that they realize that there's a world where they can be who they want to be they kind of...don't wanna go back to one where they're trapped in balls listening to a sub-par trainer's orders. But maybe you're right and I should try to expand on that or tone down the shift.

As for the conclusion. In my very very early concept for the oneshot the whole third act was actually them going down a mystery dungeon that supposedly housed a gate to Daniel world, Lumen was going to go with them too and that's where they'd all kind of have this big moment. I ended up cutting it out for time and because I thought leaving things open-ended meant I could go back to this and explore their adventure in a proper story where I can have more time, which would also give me more time to build up on what's here.

Nevertheless, all of your pointers are valid and I will keep them into consideration for further edits of this story.
 
hey, here for oneshot judging. better late than never :')
---

I think the concept here is really clever, and I like the application of theme--the protagonist of a mainseries pokemon game is truly the right character to get plopped into PMD. Just rip that whole bandaid off, haha. Inherently I think the two universes have to have a wildly different interpretation of pokemon sapience in order for their setupts to be logical/ethical, so putting them into a room together was really great here.

And I think the ending here is probably the most optimistic one we could get from "trainer who treats pokemon like garbage has to realize they aren't garbage". It certainly feels earned, which surprised me the first time simply because I thought Daniel was a little shit and I didn't expect much from him on the improvement front.

Pacing-wise, this felt a bit muddled. I'm not sure if we needed the entire intro sequence to be told from both Lumen and Daniel's POV, and I don't think we needed Daniel's backstory as an explicit flashback--both of these probably could've gotten integrated into exposition. The Daniel intro sequence already well-establishes that he's a bit of self-focused and lays his idea of pokemon training out; I'm not sure what the Lumen retelling adds (beyond establishing that pokemon have their own cities in this world) that doesn't get touched on in later bits. Likewise, the Daniel flashback helps make him a bit more sympathetic and we get to see why training is so important to him (and also that compared to other trainers he's also bad performance-wise), but I think this could've been worked in earlier.

The second tripping point for me was the POV-hopping. For the most part we have close-third on a different characters, but sometimes you'll hop to another perspective in the middle of a scene. I didn't really find this a good use of omniscient third--usually the information conveyed is very close, intimate/internal thoughts for a character. Some examples below:
Otto wasn’t about to let his trainer sulk once more, arceus knows that wasn’t going to get any of them out of there. Instead he walked to his trainer and forcibly yanked a pokeball from his belt. It was a good thing he’d kept an eye on where Daniel put the riolu they caught.
Overall section is in Daniel's POV. First sentence--full Otto. Second sentence--omniscient. Third sentence--omniscient, but an omniscient narrator who is passing judgment ("it was a good thing") on the situation at hand.
Otto nodded to this, even if he felt his trainer should’ve been able to figure it out by himself.
This was another Otto bit in Daniel's POV. For me these stand out especially because Daniel's POV is full of him assuming things about his pokemon already (like Daniel thinking that Otto's intense glare means he's ready for anything), so it's especially weird to have these ones seeded in there that are definitively from Otto's POV.
That feeling poked at Musha’s core. Of course, her mind stayed on the pokemon in front of her, but she couldn’t go against her trainer’s orders.
Likewise, this one opens up more questions than answers. Why can't she go against her trainer's orders? The narration is already breaking into third omni to tell us this, but this alone doesn't really answer my questions here.
“No. That’s your dream.” Otto replied, voice dripping with disdain. Memories his parents in the farm telling him that he was destined to be a fighter, to lay his life for his trainer and become stronger. He’d lived by those rules, he believed in them because he thought that was just the way of things.
And I think these last two sort of circle around the main weakness of head-hopping: we don't really get enough time to develop a specific character enough for their thoughts to feel impactful. In these Musha/Otto bits, it's sort of a told-not-shown thing--there's only enough time to tell us why they feel that way, but we don't really get to engage with it meaningfully.

Compare to the scenes in Daniel's POV, where we get a lot of time to go through how he's not a good trainer, how he comes to the conclusion that he's not a good trainer, and how he intends to change. These bits feel more natural because we have more time to flesh out things and see them through; we get to see Daniel view his pokemon as tools, use them violently to settle peaceful situations, and ultimately realize that they're capable/deserving of not doing that. The payoff feels a lot more earned for Daniel's character arc as a result, because we get to see the steps that take him there.

Conversely, the pokemon's behavior switches, especially Otto's, feel very forced, simply because we don't get to spend much time in their heads as they're coming to this conclusion. There's some really good ideas running under the hood here, but because they're locked behind other character's POV, we don't really get to see those thought processes in action--would've really liked to get into Otto/Musha/Gale's head for the village scene where all three of them change their minds, for example.

“The rules of the wild always say that getting caught means being bound to a trainer.” She glanced at him, her right eye staring firmly into his. “I was taken away from Hoenn and traded to you like some sort of property. I’d accepted it, but now I realize that ‘the way of things’ was just something you humans created for your convenience.”


“I’m sorry. They’re not my servants,” he said, gesturing towards his pokemon. “We’re teammates.”

Daniel’s statement seemed to fall on deaf ears, in fact, the air in the room suddenly got heavier and his pokemon fell completely silent.

Alakazam let out a heavy sigh. “That’s where the second quandary comes from, young one.”
They’d been taught to live by the law of the wild, that pokemon had to live, grow and get stronger and if they were to find a trainer they would have to make sure to live up to their true potential. But if pokemon really could achieve such advancements on their own then that put their prior wisdom into question.
but I mean hey these lines were straight fire and I'm always here for fic that sideyes or just blatantly asks these questions, eyyyy

Determined to find his way out, the boy unclasped one of the pokeballs on his belt and threw it at the floor, ensuing a bright red sphere to burst out from the ball and slowly grow into the shape of his Dewott.
This sentence is a bit whack--the word "ensuing" is the main thing ("causing" might work better), but the shift in perspective is also a bit tricky for me to parse.
I took a peek at Pen's review of this and I think she did a pretty thorough job of line edits for you already--this is one that stylistically could use a beta. Happy to do it if you want, but I think you'd mentioned wanting to rewrite this? Either way, let me know and I'll be happy to do a more sentence-level thing, but for now I mostly focused on big picture.

The otter Pokemon looked at him with his usual intense glare, one that said he was ready for anything. It was a little reassuring, but sometimes he thought that he could relax a little.
I know I had a big spiel about POV's higher up, but I really liked the first one in Daniel's POV. You do a good job of setting up a lot here with respect to what he's assuming of his pokemon.

("he thought that he could relax a little"--tricky to keep track of who's who here)

The boy chuckled to himself, something that Otto simply chose to ignore as he went back to bodyguard mode.
This as well! It's kind of chilling to see the pokemon played out like in the games, where they sort of just derp along while the trainer does all kinds of wild stuff. The disconnect between them is made really clear in these opening bits with Daniel.


Had being inside of that orb changed him somewhat?

“We’re friends now right? We just wanted you to help us a bit.”
ah oof that last line

I thought this was an interesting flavor of worldbuilding--the pokeballs make pokemon understand human? That makes the ethics of capture even more nightmarish tbh, since there's no way for pokemon to understand what they're getting into (unless a trainer's pokemon explains it to them) until it's too late.

No, the way he was holding them felt more akin to the tools adventurers used rather than it being a unique object like the ones other pokemon carried.
The delineation isn't quite clear to me. For example, Alakazam, who is in this fic, holds a spoon like a weapon/tool.

Gale and Otto were taken aback by this as well. To them—who’d been raised in a farm and the wild respectively—
I think this is flipped. Otto was raised on a farm and Gale was raised in the wild, right?

They had to get the first shot.
I wanted a bit more of a look into his panic here.

Otto was the one to reply in his own language. Daniel didn’t know why but it felt like this was the first time he paid attention to the way pokemon talked. He couldn’t understand anything, but when he saw them converse it was as if he was seeing a debate between two warriors.
I'm surprised that Otto can speak their language actually! Since they're on different worlds and all, haha.

I also wanted a bit more into what Daniel sees here--what changes with Otto that makes Daniel realize it here?

“Otto, use air slash!” he screamed, bringing everyone’s attention back to him and then to the dewott.
Ooof. I like how everything gets set up to a peaceful resolution and that simply does not compute with Daniel here.

“We’re sorry about him,” Otto finally spoke. “And again, I’m sorry for what I did to you,” he said towards Lumen, bowing his head respectfully. “I…I thought you were like all the other pokemon I’d met in the wild before.”
I'm not sure what the implication is here--that all wild pokemon will attack unprompted? Or that they expect to be fought by trainers and are prepared to fight back?

Telepathy. He’d heard that psychic types could learn to use it, but he’d never experienced it himself let alone know what it would take for a pokemon to learn it.
This opens up a lot of interesting worldbuilding points--I could see how just Daniel could be aware that pokemon are capable of complex thought but not be troubled by treating them like tools, but it's a little strange that an entire institution could be founded if explicit telepathy existed and could prove that pokemon aren't just incapable? But I mean, haha, sad EoE sounds; I really can't call you out on this line of thinking.
 
Last edited:
Please note: The thread is from 3 years ago.
Please take the age of this thread into consideration in writing your reply. Depending on what exactly you wanted to say, you may want to consider if it would be better to post a new thread instead.
Back
Top Bottom