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Stupid little screenplay I wrote

the future is not written
May 1, 2009
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After being informed by Kayi that I'm not allowed to have fiction on my blog, I'm posting a thread here.

I'm far too lazy to do anything original, so I'm just going to copy-paste my blogs here:

So, at the request of a couple of mods (who, more importantly, also happen to be friends), I decided to post some scenes from plays.

First, the history: I was just chilling in the Conversational Chat Realm Thread, and I decided that the best way to describe what my thoughts were was through a short scene from a play. (See below).

The denizens then immediately loved it, and Mintaka demanded another one upon (an obviously joking) threat of infraction.

Command performance, eh? No problem. That became the second play. (also see below).

So here they are. Any future scenes I write will not form any coherent structure of plot -- it'll be just whatever the hell I feel like writing about.

And without further ado:

Scene 1:

SCENE: The internet
TIME: A few days ago

The two new mods are talking to each other about their new powers.

Mintaka: Man, I really like this ban button. Like, see this asshole here. Poof! Gone.
Hallow: I like the close thread and move thread buttons. Look at this dumbass. Stupid thread, wrong sub-forum to boot! Closed, moved, done!
Awkward pause.
Mintaka: I suppose we probably ought to split up the powers, eh?
Hallow: [Sadly, with a sigh]: Probably.
Mintaka: [Speaking quite rapidly]: Okay, I'll take the War Room and Outside the Box have fun bye.
Mintaka runs off stage.
Hallow: [Silence, then in shock]: ... what?


Scene 2:

A busy city. The sound of cars and the rattling of the light rail train tracks above.

Closer: a dark alley. hurristat, a tall man, of average mass, not well-built but not lanky or fat either, is walking down it.

Mintaka steps out of the shadows holding a small pistol. She cocks it, and holds it up to hurristat.

Mintaka: Make me laugh.
hurristat: [in fear] Uh... uh... to get to the other side?

Mintaka shoots hurristat in the foot

Mintaka: Three points. Not funny enough.
hurristat: [clutching his foot] Knock knock
Mintaka: Who's there?
hurristat: Uh...

Mintaka shoots hurristat in the foot again.

Mintaka: Three more points. Not doing so well buddy.
hurristat: Your mom's so fat that her patronus is a cake.
Mintaka: Insulting, not funny.


Mintaka: Last chance, you're almost banned.
hurristat: I'm not going to bother, because you won't like the joke.

Mintaka bends over laughing, and begins to cry and roll on the ground from laughter. hurristat is looking on bewildered.

Slowly, the lights brighten.

Rayne: CUT, CUT, CUT. This is supposed to be a dark action movie, with a beleaguered, conflicted hero, not some slapstick comedy movie where some innocent bystander gets hurt just for shits and giggles! Get a hold of yourselves, seriously! Okay, let's try this again.

hurristat is seen picking up rubber bullets from the spring-based gun off the floor, and hands them to Mintaka.

The lights dim.

Rayne: And.... action!

Mintaka emerges from the shadows.

Mintaka: [Insane voice] Do you want to know how I got these scars?

Oct 15, 2009
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You posted them here!

I will say it again-These are awesome! :3
the future is not written
May 1, 2009
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In the concrete jungle of Brisbane, Australia, five people with black umbrellas converge on a street corner with a café. The rain is pounding, falling in sheets.

The first face visible is Iteru's. He has short brown hair, light complexion, and piercing green eyes. Wearing a light blue zip-up sweatshirt, he shivers slightly from the cold, wet wind.

Arriving opposite of Iteru is Mintaka. She has long, brown, straight hair that falls softly on her shoulders. In business attire, she waits somewhat impatiently.

Crossing the street to join the other two is Angad. His green spring jacket is characteristic among the black business clothes of the cubicle army.

Following Mintaka is Hallow♥. She is wearing a knee-length floral-patterned dress, and a fuchsia overcoat for warmth. Her cheeks are bright red from the wind.

The fifth black umbrella is revealed to be bluesun. His brown hair falls flat against his head, and the front bangs almost reach his eyebrows. He wears a black hoodie and blue jeans.

The five stand there silent, the rain pounding against their monochromatic umbrellas.

A man walks up, of average height, with brown hair and brown eyes. He gestures to the café.

Archaic: Follow me.

The six of them walk into the café, shaking off their umbrellas in the small overhang before entering the café. Archaic sits down at a booth, and motions to the waiter. The waiter runs off behind the counter, and starts preparing drinks. The five of them file into the booth with Archaic.

Archaic: I've brought you all here for a reason: I need your help.

The five look bewildered at each other
. The waiter arrives, and brings five hot chocolates. Hallow♥ and Iteru grab them heartily and begin to drink them. The other three grab the small tea cups and saucers and begin to drink slowly.

Archaic: I'll explain in a minute. But this is your last chance, after this, you cannot go back. Are you in?

The five nod their heads, tentatively at first, but then confidently.

Archaic: Come with me.

Archaic stands up from the table and walks into the light yellow hallway that contains the bathrooms. The other five follow.

Facing the men's room, he opens the door and ushers the five in. Hallow♥ and Mintaka are cautious, but enter slowly.

Archaic walks to the farthest stall, and motions for the other five to follow.

Archaic: You see, no one ever uses the stalls in the men's room, so we can hide this here.

He grabs the bottom of the toilet, and slowly raises the toilet into the wall, rotating it at the base of the toilet in the back. A portion of the wall rotates back to accommodate the toilet. The floor of the toilet replaces the hole in the wall, and a fairly large hole with a metal chute is where the toilet used to be.

Archaic: This is one of the entries to my world. It's completely safe. Just waaa..... [His voice slowly dies out as he slides down the chute.]

The five look awkwardly at each other

Mintaka: Well I suppose one of us has to go first.

She slides down the chute

Iteru: I'm next.

He jumps in, and disappears from sight.

Angad, bluesun, and Hallow♥ look at each other, shrug their shoulders, and jump down the chute, one after another.

At the bottom of the chute, the five are seen in a giant mound of feathers. Mintaka and Iteru are fighting static electricity to remove the feathers. The other three brush them off. Archaic is standing on the concrete walkway on a side. Behind him are two large mahogany doors, with BMGf inscribed intricately upon them, the letters ascending diagonally from the top left corner to the bottom right.

The five stand behind him. Archaic pushes open the door dramatically. Behind the door is a large room, filled with shiny, high-tech equipment. The five new mods stand in shock, their mouths agape

Archaic: Welcome to Bulbagarden! Let me show you around.

Archaic walks over to the first door

Archaic: This is the Rules & Announcements forum. [He opens the door. Inside, super-moderators stand working slavishly over a piece of paper.] This is where all the smart-asses come to complain when they think they know the rules better than you. Trust me, they don't.

Hallow♥: And if they complain about us?

Archaic: Don't worry, they won't. [He flashes a sly smile.]

He closes the door and walks to the next

Archaic: This is The Garden Grotto, where people come to introduce themselves.

He opens the door, and a bunch of people are standing there silently, just waving to each other.

Archaic: They're... kind of weird, to be honest. But this concerns none of you.

He moves on to the next door

Archaic: This is Pokemon News from Bulbanews.

He opens the door
. the dark lord trombonator is sitting behind a news set, about to start a report.

the dark lord trombonator [loudly]: BREAKING NEWS! DENGEKI DS HAS ANNOUNCED A NEW DS GA... [he becomes drowned out as Archaic shuts the door].

Archaic: They're nice, but, they report too much. I can go get coffee, and it's a front page story.

Moves on to the next door

Archaic: This is the Current Event: Pokemon Black and White forum.

He opens the door. Inside, a large store is revealed, featuring infinite rows of the new pokemon games on the shelf.

Archaic: They bought the games months ago, but they stayed in the store and just sit there and talk about them. Don't quite understand why.

He closes the door and moves onto the next

Archaic: This is the Pokemon World, where the members just walk around and look at things, and then talk about what they looked at and over-analyze it.

He closes the door, and continues onto the next

Archaic: Ah, so bluesun, this is one of your forums.

He opens the door to reveal a bunch of incredibly nerdy children staring at computer screens playing World of Warcraft

bluesun: It looks like you guys have it under control.

Archaic: Yes it does, but just wait until someone uses hax. [Smiles slyly, and closes the door.] But you can stay with us for the moment, because you get two forums.

bluesun smiles happily, and sticks out his tongue to the rest
. Mintaka sticks her tongue out at bluesun in retaliation.

Archaic walks up to the next door, and removes a series of padlocks from off the door. As he opens the door, the hair of all six of them blows back due to all the hot air. Inside, Commander Pigg, Musashi, and Dogasu are chasing various members around with banhammers.

Archaic: This forum is yours Iteru. As you can see, things can get... a little tense in here. [He hands Iteru a large banhammer.] You'll need it.

Iteru: You know, I'm starting to have second thoughts...

Archaic: Too late!

He pushes Iteru in, closes the door quickly, and puts the padlock in place

Archaic: Well, that was a close one!

Walks to the next door

Archaic: If you are easily offended, you may want to avert your eyes.

Mintaka and Hallow♥ turn around

Archaic: This is the shipping forum.

Inside, everyone is kissing something. A pikachu is kissing a ketchup bottle. Ash and Misty are kissing, with Gary kissing ash's head. Angad and bluesun are visibly disturbed.

Archaic: Most of it is harmless, but it can get a little scary at times...

Moves onto the next door

Archaic: Here we go, Angad, here's your forum.

He hands Angad a banhammer. He opens the door. Inside, there are people fighting with swords and shields. Angad's eyes brighten, and he seems excited

Angad: I get to mod the battles? Cool!

Angad runs in and takes THE CHAIR OF POWEEER!

Archaic closes the door and continues on.

Archaic: And here's your last stop, bluesun.

He hands bluesun his banhammer, and opens the door. Inside of this room, a bunch of people are sitting around handing things to each other.

Archaic: This is the Bulbagarden Trade Center. Just ake sure the trades are fair and NO HAX.

The room darkens.

bluesun [somewhat scared]: ….okay.

The room lightens.[/I

Archaic: Have fun!

He closes the door and moves onto the next. He opens the door.

Archaic: This is The Real World. This is where the members go to escape the real world to talk about pokemon, but they talk about the real world instead. I know, it doesn't make much sense.

An arrow flies at them out of nowhere. Archaic quickly closes the door. The arrow thuds into the wooden door.

Archaic: Things can get a little tense in there sometimes. But if you fire carefully, you won't hurt too many people.

Archaic walks up to the final door.

Archaic: This here, is the forum for you two. We were quite short on staff.

[He opens the door. A party within.

Archaic: This is the Outside the Box forum.

He hands Mintaka and Hallow♥ banhammers.

Archaic: Try not to get yourself killed too much.

Mintaka and Hallow♥ look worriedly at each other. Archaic pushes them in and shuts the door.

Archaic: Finally some peace and quiet. My plan is in place. Things are in motion. IT'S TIME FOR ME TO RULE THE WORLD.

Kasumi [from a distance]: KEEP IT DOWN HONEY I'M TRYING TO WORK.



Archaic: OKAY. [A brief pause] They know nothing. MWAHA-HAHA-HA-HAHAHA-HA-HA!!!!!