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TEEN: System Error

Felly

running on a loop
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Sep 9, 2008
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Author's Note: Not used to the rating system here, so went with Teen to be on the safe side. Gonna need to do some light reading into that sometime. This was originally meant to be a lot longer, but honestly, I've been feeling so demotivated when it comes to writing that I figured this would suffice for the time being. Would love some comments on improving and making it better!! (Or just praise. Really, I'll take all comments. xD) Content warning for some mild violence and a lil bit of profanity.

Two burly gentlemen took down a large “now hiring” sign outside of Kanto’s Silph Company Headquarters. A younger, lanky gentleman wove between them to enter the building. A black messenger bag slung over his shoulder weighed him down a bit.

“Good morning,” he said to the receptionist at the counter. “I’m new here, and I’m looking for the place where system administrators go. My name’s Martin Underwood.”

“Good morning, Mr. Underwood, and welcome to the Silph Company,” the receptionist replied. She paused for a moment to type on her computer. “Your office is on the top floor, second door on the right when you come out of the elevator.”

Martin nodded and made his way to join the crowd by the elevator. It took a couple trips before Martin was finally able to board the elevator and make his way up to the twelfth and final floor of the Silph Company Headquarters. He was the first on the elevator of his group and the last to get off.

Ding.

The doors slid open and Martin stepped out into a dimly lit corridor. He walked down it a bit, stopping at the second door on the right and pushing it open gently. It opened with ease, as it was left open by his supervisor, who left a note on the computer. He flipped the light switch as he closed the door behind him, and he closed his eyes as he closed the door. Turning on bright lights never went well for someone who had just come out of a dark corridor.

“The keys to your office are on your desk. My office is at the end of the hall if you have any questions. Good luck,” the note read. It was signed by his supervisor.

Martin pulled the note off of his computer, balled it up, and tossed it into his trash can. It bounced off the rim and rolled on the floor before coming to a stop near his bag, but he ignored it. A balled up sticky note was the last of his concerns for the moment. He made a mental note to pick it up later and toss it into the trash before he left for the day.

He sat down at his desk and turned the computer on. It took a little while before it finally turned on. Updates had to finish, and the computer, and the room as a whole, looked like they hadn’t seen any use in years. Dust had collected on many of the surfaces, and Martin knew he’d have to do a lot more cleaning up other than just picking up the balled up sticky note that was on the floor. Once it was up and running though, it ran smooth.

Everything ran smooth and all was well.

A few weeks into his new position, he turned his computer on, and it flashed “ERROR” several times in large, red font. Martin frowned, but he was able to get his computer on and running on the second attempt of turning it on.

But each and every day beyond that first day when he turned his computer on, the error message kept popping up. Every day, it would come on with his second attempt of turning it on instead of the first. Every day, he would try to troubleshoot the problem when he had some free time.

Until one day, it didn’t turn on at all. Not on the first attempt and not on the second attempt. He tried a third time, and it didn’t turn on then either. The third time was not the charm today.

Martin groaned as he got up and made the short walk to the end of his hall. A note on the door read “Out of the office for the week. Sorry for any inconvenience.”

He groaned again and went back to his office, plopping down in his chair. No computer meant he could do no work, and if he could do no work, then he would likely have no job by the time his boss came back. Martin needed this job. There were bills to pay and food to buy, not just for himself, but for his Pokemon as well.

He reached into his bag for a single Poke Ball. “Porygon, I’m going to need your help.”

A red and blue Pokemon hovered in front of Martin. Its body was made of several shapes, and there was a faint buzzing sound coming from the Porygon that hovered before him.

“My computer’s not working at all, and I’m not quite sure what the problem is. You think you can go in and figure it out?”

“Porygon!” it replied. In a flash, the Porygon disappeared and Martin’s computer screen lit up. All he got was a white screen, but it was better than the blank screen he had moments before.

There was a loud buzzing sound followed by a flash of light, and then Martin was knocked back to the door of his office by his Porygon crashing into him.

Martin groaned as his Porygon wearily made its way to the ground. The reds and blues that made up Porygon’s coloring were a little faded now after its brief adventure into Martin’s computer.

“You okay, Porygon?” Martin asked. There was a quiet hum from the Pokemon. Martin nodded, and he locked the door to his office as the frustrated screams and shouts from throughout the hall picked up. Whatever happened was now affecting the whole building.

It was only a matter of time before his boss got word of what was happening in the Silph Co. His boss was out for the week, but with an emergency like this, it was possible he would return sooner. As far as Martin was concerned, he only had hours to resolve this issue, depending on where his boss had gone for the week. Longer would be better, but he wasn’t going to count on it.

He picked up his Porygon as he moved closer to his computer. He reached into his bag and pulled out a purple spray bottle, which he used on his Pokemon. The Potion’s effects started to kick in immediately as Porygon was able to hover in the space between Martin and his computer. The now empty bottle was tossed into the trash.

“You think you can go back in, Porygon?” Martin asked. “I’m gonna need you to so we can figure out what’s happened here, and you’re the only one that I know can help me out since it’s sounding like everyone else out there is in an uproar over this.”

Porygon nodded and turned to face the computer.

“Brace yourself. We don’t know what’s going on in there,” Martin said. Though he was nervous, he kept his composure. Getting into a panic like everyone else around him wouldn’t help the situation. He had to stay calm and collected, not just for himself, but for his Porygon too. “All I need you to do to start off is get me access to my computer. Once I can get into mine, we’ll go from there, but let’s take this one step at a time.”

Porygon nodded again, and in the next moment, it was gone. Martin’s computer screen was white again, and all he could do was wait. His hands were at his keyboard ready to go as soon as his Pokemon got him into his computer.

As time went on, the screen started to turn blue. It was a slow change, but once it started, with each passing minute, the screen got more and more blue. A smile formed on Martin’s lips. This was a good sign. A blue screen was progress. This was what they needed.

Click.

The computer screen flashed, and then Martin’s desktop background, featuring a series of green numbers and letters flowing down the background and a middle aged man wearing sunglasses in the foreground, appeared. One by one, the icons made their way onto his desktop. None covered up the man whose image appeared on the desktop, but the icons did appear on either side of him.

“Good work, Porygon,” Martin said as the last icon appeared on his desktop. He pressed a series of keys on his keyboard to get a black box to appear on his screen. It didn’t take up the whole screen; his desktop was still visible in the background. “Stay in there though, I’m gonna need you to keep me running for as long as you can. If you find any clues as to what caused this, pull them up onto my screen.”

There was a blue blinking light in the corner of his screen for a moment that disappeared as quickly as it came, but Martin paid no attention to it. It was only Porygon signaling that it had heard its trainers message.

The pair worked well together. As Martin typed furiously into his black box, occasionally pausing to scribble down some notes on scratch paper that was on his desk, Porygon kept opening windows for Martin to look at later.

The loud buzzing returned. Porygon flew out of the computer again, and Martin slammed into his office door. The buzzing stopped by the time the duo recovered from this round of figuring out the issue, and when Martin looked at his computer screen again, a large red R was displayed on a black screen.

Team Rocket.

Martin groaned. Of course they would be responsible for this. Why wouldn’t they be? They were the largest crime syndicate in the Kanto region. Their rumored headquarters wasn’t even too far away from where the Silph Co. was, for rumor had it Team Rocket made their base in Celadon City, and Saffron City, where the Silph Co. headquarters was located, wasn’t too far away.

Why they decided to strike Silph Co. was beyond Martin. Why they decided to strike Silph Co. now while Martin’s boss was out of the office for the week was also beyond him.

The reasons why didn’t really matter too much now though. What mattered now was getting Team Rocket out of their system. Now that he knew who was responsible for the problem, Martin had the hope that it would be easier for him to get to the root of the problem and solve it.

As the days went by though, the problem was becoming increasingly more frustrating to solve. Dark circles started to form under Martin’s eyes, and his skin was becoming paler. Empty snack packages littered the windowless office; some barely made it into his trash can, which was starting to overflow, and others were just tossed around without even an attempt of making it anywhere near the trash can.

Perhaps it was becoming more difficult to solve because Martin hadn’t left his office other than to use the bathroom (and even then, unless he had to do number two, he wasn’t really leaving then either) since the problem actually became a problem. Perhaps it was becoming more difficult to solve because Martin wasn’t sleeping until his body passed out from exhaustion, and as soon as he started to wake, even if it was just to use the bathroom, he would be right back on his computer trying to solve the problem. Even the reds and blues on Porygon’s body were starting to fade from all of the work it was doing in helping Martin solve the problem facing him.

It took time, but Martin and his Porygon managed to find the source of the problem: a malicious file that once it got downloaded by an unsuspecting employee onto one computer, it was easily able to spread throughout the network onto every other computer in the network. It didn’t take long for it to happen. The file was downloaded by a Carrie Smith at eleven in the morning a couple days ago, and over the course of an hour, it spread to other computers on the floor she worked on. From there, it spread to the floors above and below Carrie’s, and soon enough, all of the computers in the Silph Co. building were infected.

Martin shut down the network for all but himself. One by one, starting with Carrie’s computer, he wiped the file from her computer and started a virus scan, just to be sure there were no lingering files from Team Rocket on her computer. He did this with each and every computer in the network, finishing with his.

But then everything faded to black, and when he woke up, he was in a bright room that took a few moments for his eyes to adjust to. An IV was inserted into his right arm, and wires were attached to his left. His body was sore. His bag and Poke Ball were resting on a couch near his bed. As he sat up, the beeping from the monitor became more prevalent.

A man in a white coat stepped in just as Martin managed to get his body into a sitting position. “Good to see you awake, Mr. Underwood. How are you feeling?”

“Tired. Sore,” he replied, his voice hoarse from not using it for days.

“Do you know what day it is?” the doctor asked. Martin shrugged. The doctor spoke again, “Do you know where you are?”

“A hospital,” Martin replied.

“Okay,” the doctor replied. “I’m Dr. Haven, by the way. You were brought here because you were found in your office at the Silph Co. passed out from exhaustion, and your body was in desperate need of nutrients. It’s now Tuesday, you’ve been here since Thursday.”

Martin nodded slowly. He figured that was the reason why he was here, but it was nice to have it confirmed by the doctor. His boss or someone else probably broke into his office, saw him on the floor, and brought him here. That or his Porygon managed to get out and alert someone to what happened, and then he was brought here. Either way, he was here now and finally awake, so that was nice.

“When can I leave?” he asked.

“If all goes well, tomorrow or the next day,” the doctor replied. “If you’ll excuse me, I have other patients to check on, but a nurse will be by shortly to check and see if you need anything.”

It was two days from when Martin woke up before he was released from the hospital. When he returned to work later that day, the systems appeared to be up and running and everything was back to normal. When he arrived at his office, there was a note on his door.

“Thank you for all of your help, Martin. We’ve learned that Team Rocket was responsible for the systems crashing here last week, and we’re very grateful that you were able to get them up and running. The only computer left that still has the virus is yours, but I’ve been told it’s been removed from the network so it won’t affect any of the other computers here. You can add it back to the network once you’ve removed the virus. Starting next week, you can have a week off from work to get some rest and relish in the hard work you’ve done here at the Silph Co. Thanks again, Martin.”

The note was signed by Elliott Gresham, his boss. Martin pulled the note from his office door and crumbled it up. When he went inside, it looked just as he remembered leaving it: trash all over the floor and just an overall mess, as if a hurricane had gone through his office. He was still exhausted from his work over the past week and his hospital stay, so today, he would remove the virus from his computer and run a virus scan. Before he left, he’d be able to put his computer back on the network and his office would be clean.

And so he set to work. It didn’t take long for the virus to be removed, and the virus scan ran while he picked up all of the trash from his floor and stuffed it into his trash can. He had to take two full bags out to the dumpster throughout the day, and the third bag was half full by the time he was finished cleaning everything up. His mini fridge was empty, and he made a mental note to get snacks to restock it for when he came back. Ants were swarming in his room, and he also made a mental note to get something that would attract them and ultimately kill them.

Turning his office into the equivalent of a pig sty was probably a mistake, but he didn’t really have much choice in the matter. It was either finish the job or let Team Rocket win with their silly virus. Martin liked the idea of finishing the job more than letting Team Rocket win.

By the end of the day, when he left the Silph Co. headquarters to return to his apartment for the first time in a week (which was probably a dusty mess in and of itself since no one had been there in a week), he let out a sigh of relief. All was well, and he would be able to enjoy his week off with the peace of mind that the Team Rocket goons responsible for the hacking were locked up in jail thanks to his hard work.
 
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Rock on Martin, you're an inspiration for all IT out there.

Well, I gotta say that for a short one-shot it was pretty interesting, you don't see a lot of stories that focus on Porygon, much less ones that actively treat getting rid of a computer virus and cleaning out systems like the kind of exhausting and stressful experience that it is. It definitely reminded me of some situations I've had at my workplace, though I haven't gone as far as staying days in my office to the point where I have to get an IV put on me.

That being said, while the one-shot worked for me, mainly on account of it be relatable to me. I'm not sure if it'll work for anyone, it's short, which is good, but that also means that everything happens pretty quickly. We don't really get to have a look into Martin's personality outside of his necessity for a job, his camaraderie with Porygon and the fact that he's determined. They're nice traits, but they're pretty basic all things considered and we don't really get to see him fleshed out. To add to that, most of the story is relayed to us with not much description in regards to Matin's thoughts, feelings or his surroundings. It would've been good to explain what the office looked like after he'd spent days there or give us more info on what was going through Martin's mind. In general I think expanding the story more would've helped it.

The doors slid open and Martin stepped out into a dimly lit corridor. He walked down it a bit, stopping at the second door on the right and pushing it open gently. It opened with ease, as it was left open by his supervisor, who left a note on the computer. He flipped the light switch as he closed the door behind him, and he closed his eyes as he closed the door. Turning on bright lights never went well for someone who had just come out of a dark corridor.

Now grammatically speaking this paragraph is a little odd to me. For one you ended up using "as he clsoed the door" twice in the same sentence. It would've probably worked equally well if you'd said "He flipped the light switch and closed his eyes as he closed the door" or "He flipped the light switch as he closed the door, closing his eyes along the way". I wouldn't say they're perfect but they sound a bit better.

Until one day, it didn’t turn on at all. Not on the first attempt and not on the second attempt. He tried a third time, and it didn’t turn on then either. The third time was not the charm today.

You...normally can assume it won't turn on if it doesn't at the second time xD

Anyways, that's my take on the oneshot, it's interesting and it takes a different look at a field that Pokemon fics tend to ignore, but next time try too add some more depth and description to the story, really get into your character's head to kind of milk the severity of the situation and make us care for them. I mean, a computer virus is a big deal and based on what happens in the one shot I think with a littl emore polish it could've been a tale of a man trying to protect his job and showing us the why.

Either way, good work and keep it up.
 
Short and sweet! As someone also in IT (though on the software dev side) I thought this was really relateable in terms of problems cropping up and being on your own to fix it, though in my workplace you can usually go out and ask other folks in the department for help. Using Porygon in his true, digital form was a creative take on being able to patch up computer viruses.

I think one thing that could benefit this would be adding some sort of transition or dialogue from when things faded to black for Martin. That real fatigue and fade, you know?

Anyway, aside from that, here are a few things I noticed while reading:

He sat down at his desk and turned the computer on. It took a little while before it finally turned on.

He flipped the light switch as he closed the door behind him, and he closed his eyes as he closed the door.

Martin groaned as he got up and made the short walk to the end of his hall. A note on the door read “Out of the office for the week. Sorry for any inconvenience.”

He groaned again and went back to his office, plopping down in his chair.

In all these quotes, I'm noticing a lot of word repetition. Groaned, turned on, closed the door, and I feel like while speaking in terms of narrative, it can work for some things, maybe not here. Especially when the sentences are right next to each other.

I thought that the fic overall was a nice oneshot on the life of IT in the Pokemon world! Though it certainly could have done with a bit more dialogue, either mentally or with some other character. I feel like the entire oneshot was almost like exposition or a premise, since it was heavy on narration and quick to skip to a different time.

Still, I like the premise, and it's nice that it's not just a trainer going on an adventure. People have normal jobs, too! I wouldn't mind seeing more that follow the tech-side of Pokemon life, if only for the premise and change of pace to trainer battles and so on.
 
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Thank you both for your comments! They're much appreciated! Gonna comment on a few things below that y'all have mentioned.

That being said, while the one-shot worked for me, mainly on account of it be relatable to me. I'm not sure if it'll work for anyone, it's short, which is good, but that also means that everything happens pretty quickly. We don't really get to have a look into Martin's personality outside of his necessity for a job, his camaraderie with Porygon and the fact that he's determined. They're nice traits, but they're pretty basic all things considered and we don't really get to see him fleshed out. To add to that, most of the story is relayed to us with not much description in regards to Matin's thoughts, feelings or his surroundings. It would've been good to explain what the office looked like after he'd spent days there or give us more info on what was going through Martin's mind. In general I think expanding the story more would've helped it.

I think the length is in part to me not really wanting to write it too much. I'd lost drive for it, but I have all these stories in my notebook that I want to write (all of which except one are one-shots) that I also want to get written and not completely abandon, y'know? This was a story that I just wanted to get done because I was so sick of looking at it unfinished. Also been stuck in a writer's block, so I figured if I forced myself to write something, it'd help. It did a little bit and I'm itching to get started on another one shot, hopefully today. Noted on getting into character's thoughts though; I think that's one thing that I want to work on, especially with third person stories, since I feel like I struggle with that a bit. Hopefully with my next story, we'll see some improvement in that.

Now grammatically speaking this paragraph is a little odd to me. For one you ended up using "as he clsoed the door" twice in the same sentence. It would've probably worked equally well if you'd said "He flipped the light switch and closed his eyes as he closed the door" or "He flipped the light switch as he closed the door, closing his eyes along the way". I wouldn't say they're perfect but they sound a bit better.

I'm glad you caught that because I didn't. xD Guess this is a lesson to really do better in proofreading, but hey, second sets of eyes always help.

I think one thing that could benefit this would be adding some sort of transition or dialogue from when things faded to black for Martin. That real fatigue and fade, you know?

I thought about that a bit, but I think I was just so tired of writing this story and also being so happy to be writing again that I just didn't do it. But I agree with this!!

In all these quotes, I'm noticing a lot of word repetition. Groaned, turned on, closed the door, and I feel like while speaking in terms of narrative, it can work for some things, maybe not here. Especially when the sentences are right next to each other.

I think word repetition is just something I struggle with in general. I'll have to keep an eye out for that in the future.

I thought that the fic overall was a nice oneshot on the life of IT in the Pokemon world! Though it certainly could have done with a bit more dialogue, either mentally or with some other character. I feel like the entire oneshot was almost like exposition or a premise, since it was heavy on narration and quick to skip to a different time.

Still, I like the premise, and it's nice that it's not just a trainer going on an adventure. People have normal jobs, too! I wouldn't mind seeing more that follow the tech-side of Pokemon life, if only for the premise and change of pace to trainer battles and so on.

I feel like dialogue is something else I struggle with, and in the future, I think that's something I'll have to work on too. The goal here is to grow as a writer though, so hopefully I can do that one step at a time.

I'm glad people like that it's different! That's generally my goal with stories! Trainers going on adventures is cool and all, but the Pokemon world is so vast and so expansive that just about anything is possible; I want to be able to explore that through the Pokemon stories I write. (Eventually I'm going to write some stuff that isn't Pokemon, but that's gonna be a bit, I think). I can't say I'll be writing more tech related stories in the Pokemon world any time soon, I don't think I have anything in my notebook that is tech related, at least nothing that I can think of off the top of my head, but maybe in the future, I'll do something more tech related again!
 
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