\(T)/ (‘~’) (o_o)

[Neyo]

Let's attach every character in Where the Water Tastes Like Wine to their respective song, since the wiki for the game absolutely sucks. Let's get to it! I'll also be explaining why, as well as occasionally offering my opinions on the music itself if I think it's particularly noteworthy. Spoiler free, too.

Althea: Soulsucker Blues (and it's accompanying piano version, which are both bangers, by the way). She quite literally sings this to describe her life. Best song in the game, and that is in no small part because the singer is amazing. Another possibility is Tear it Down, because she also sings it, but it seems a bit too...unrelated. Besides, Soulsucker Blues fits her better.

Quinn: Howl. They have dogs. There really isn't a better way to explain it.

Little Ben: Breathe the Black. He was a coal miner turned union organizer. The song is amazing guitar work.

Fidelina: Curandera, because she is one. A curandera is essentially a healer using folk remedies. The specific connotations of a curandera are more present in traditional or older communities, where they often have spiritual/religious connections. I pretty much only know this because of Rudolfo Anaya's novel Bless Me, Ultima. And I pretty much only remember that book because it had weirdly horny children in it.

Mason: This Trench Was Dug For Me. There are two soldiers in this game, Mason and August. August is a sailor, so I doubt he would be in trenches.

August: Shining Isles of Ivory. Honestly, this is one of the weirder pieces of music in the soundtrack, and I don't actually remember hearing it during my playthrough. I just picked it because it was kind of like a pirate song.

Dupree: Read 'Em and Weep. Easy. She's a gambler, and a fast talker. I would actually like to note how good this song is. It's tied for my 2nd favorite song in the game, next to Noodle It Out. I'm actually listening to it right now as I type this.

Franklin: Miles of Smiles. Kind of just the title that gives me this. Franklin is a passenger car worker, all smiles on his face, but in misery over the ingrained racism that put him in this situation. This song is pretty good, but not quite as much as the two above.

Ray: White Rider. He's the only character with a horse, and can be found in the Southwestern portion of the U.S. It's actually not that bad of a song. The singer and tone remind me of Johnny Cash, bless his soul.

Jimmy: Dust to Dust. He's a pastor traveling, giving eulogies and sermons. Dust to dust is a line in traditional Christian eulogies. Another alternative is Tear it Down, but feels too...angry.

Dehaaya: The Road Remembers. You can definitely tell it's her song just by listening to it. Which makes me sad. Ryan Ike (the composer) was definitely trying to make a "Native American" song, but it just feels generically non-European (or generically non-Eastern American). I feel like if this was a traditional Native American song, then it could easily be one of the best in the soundtrack, but...it's frustrating. The song itself, without any context if fine, I guess.

Rocio: Root and Rise. The chord progression sounds like generic Mexican guitar music. It's good, but the character's story is far better than the music.

Bertha: From This Field I Wish To Rise, I guess? I'm scarping the bottom of the barrel here. Bertha just might not get a song. She's really generic anyways.

Shaw: Tear It Down. This is sung by Althea, but both Shaw and Althea were written by the same person (Gita Jackson), so maybe there's a connection here? I don't really have any convincing connection there other than that. These three of Bertha, Shaw, and Cassady are all really difficult to determine.

Cassady: He's the easiest of the hard ones, as I call the trio. Probably Rail Hoppin' and/or From This Field I Wish To Rise. Rail Hoppin' because of his history travelling across the country, but also This Field I Wish To Rise, because of its reflective properties? Both of these songs are really good, by the way.

Rose: At both last and least, we have Rainbow on Wheels. A terrible song for a terrible character. It's an electric guitar in the 1930s-40s. What the heck, Ryan.

 

[Neyo]

Why I Dislike Improv Jazz (or any forms of musical improv):

Improv jazz is the antithesis of order, which I like in music. I like being able to have an understanding of what I am witnessing. However, the spontaneity of the subgenre does not promote this order. It's the same principle with video games, movies, books, et cetera. When you read a mystery, you aren't expecting it to turn into a fantasy novel midway through. However, the core element of improv is that it is transformative. I just don't really like it.

However, that spontaneous randomness is very difficult to properly achieve. No person is free from biases. Thus, it is impossible for improv jazz to be completely free of those biases, too. Thus, the ideal of improv jazz is virtually unachievable.

Yes, I am that annoying elitist. And my issues are mostly theoretical or in principle. So I think I'm a Twitter user now.

 

[Neyo]

The Crane Wives are a four person indie band with some fun music. Their overall genre is probably closest to folk. The two primary singers, Emilee Petersmark and Kate Pillsbury, are very good. There's also a male singer named Dan Rickabus. He exists. And a male bassist, Ben Zito, is here.

Anyways, this isn't analysis. This is just me gushing over a band I like. Their music is very...peppy. For the most part, it's fast-paced and fun. Amazingly good vocal performances. Give it a try. The topic material is a little heavy, but it's good.

This is not an advertisement, I'm not being paid by anybody. But I'm open to being paid by people! Starting price...15,000 shmekels

 

[Neyo]

You wake up in a swamp. You don't know where this swamp is, nor who you are, why you're here, or any sort of memories. Save one. A wolf-no, fox, holding a deck of cards. It has a necklace of pearls around its throat. A small cigar sits in its mouth. All normal enough. But the eyes-a human's. One shockingly bright blue, the other deep brown, almost black. It smiles and laughs.

You get up, look around. Deathly silence. You wade deeper into the water, and feel blades of grass prick your feet. Looking under the water, you see a freshly mowed lawn at your feet. When you look above the water, you see endless suburban housing, not a drop of water in sight. Wandering into a house, you find that it is completely empty. When you see a dead rat curled up in a corner, you're filled with a terrible sense of dread. You collapse on the floor.

Awakening to the sound of a choir chanting, you find yourself in a church pew. The choir is dressed completely in black, faces covered, hands clapping in unison as the chant. Turning around, you see a figure dressed in furs with a gun enter the church. No, those furs are writhing. As it walks through, it is visible that this is not human. It has a changing face, clothes (or skin?), height. A wolf, a mink, a deer...ever changing. The figure raises the gun to the choir. Every clap, gunshot sounds in unison, and a member of the choir collapses, until none are left. The figure caws, as a crow would. They leave, flames arising from their steps as they walk away. Flames the color of blood. As the church is consumed in flames with you inside, you hear the choir still singing. Blistering, burning, blazing, you scream, tearing at your skin.

You find yourself in the swamp again, blessedly cool. Still deathly silent. You see the fox, a blur of red, dart amongst the trees, and in a desperate frenzy, you give chase. The water resists your efforts, and you look down and see a brilliant, dizzying array of colors swirling at your feet. The water surge upwards. You are enveloped in the blinding, radiant, murderous colors, too many to think or see.

In a field, you arise. Born anew. Blue skies. White clouds. The world is glorious. Angelic. Magnificent. Impossible.

A wave of heat hits your back. When you blink, you are in a desert, burning sun above, indiscriminate in its hate. Looking around, you see an old woman cradling a body. Walking towards her, the body she is cradling is not human, but a fox. Blue eye agape, its bloodied mouth twisted in a smile, it is the same fox as before. Dead, like a rock. The old woman looks up. She smiles, and the smile seems to get wider and wider over time, until her skin is rotted away, just bones are left. And you sink into the sand once more.

 

[Neyo]

Now You See It... is a 2005 movie about a jerk and a weirdo. It isn't very good, and I'm going to talk about why my family and I enjoyed it so much.

Synopsis:
A show about magicians needs, well, magicians. When found, these magicians go to a mansion and compete to be the best magician. One of them is Danny, who is being escorted and taught by Allison. They are both allegedly teens, but actually look like they're in their mid-20s. It's weird. In any case, there are a lot of weird deus ex machina moments, logical fallacies, and some strangely good stop-motion.

Stuff I liked:
The fact that the camera is a canonical thing, and that the cameraman frequently states his mind on the events is funny. The film at one point plays up the fact that bad CGI doves exist (it's a weird movie). The "real" magic in the movie is either stop motion or could be done with only some well placed and used fishing line suspended from the ceiling. A jumpscare happens totally out of pace with the rest of the movie. The parents of Danny are weirdly chill with how the events of the climax go (Danny straight up nearly dies, and then murder someone, in full view of the audience. A "National Board of Skeptics" has a self-proclaimed psychic as a leading member. The actors seem to take this very seriously. Really fun, if YOU aren't taking it seriously. Just don't be afraid to laugh at it.

...I don't know where to go from here.

3/10 shmekels. Go watch it.

 

[Neyo]

Spider-Man 3
I know this is a memed-on movie, but it is legit really funny to watch ironically. The acting, lines, and plot are just so campy and goofy. It's a delight to watch.

Synopsis:
Peter Parker is Spider Man. His relationship with M.J. is going well...until it isn't. James Franco is a villain...until he isn't...until he is...until he isn't. Then Emo Peter happens.

Stuff I liked:
Emo Peter and the infamous "music" scene. It's so funny and unexpected. The dialogue is terrible ("You want forgiveness? Get religion."). James Franco is so cheesy, it's wonderful. Venom's CGI is actually pretty good. A police officer tries to stop Sandman with a shovel. Honestly, so much of the movie is amazing.

Stuff I didn't:
The pacing was not that good, and the climax of the film is meh. It's serviceable. Other than that, no notes.

5/10 shmekels. I would recommend it over Now You See It... but NOT over the next movie, Pixel Perfect.

 

[Neyo]

Pixel Perfect:
This is undoubtedly the worst movie I have ever seen. There's one good actor in a cast of about fifteen. The dub for the music is really bad. The plot is incoherent. It influenced Ralph Breaks The Internet. Let that sentence sink in.

Plot:
A boy creates a hologram. The hologram becomes the lead singer in his friend's band, leading to rising tensions. But the hologram is sentient, leading to it desiring freedom.

Stuff I liked:
The really, really heavy-handed symbolism that is not subtle at all. The actor for Daryl Fibbs is good. The acting for the hologram character (whose name is Loretta Modern, by the way) is really, really bad. The movie has like, two songs that it will repeat 3 times or so each. The pacing is actually really good, for no reason at all. Everything is quite brisk, and you never feel like you're putting too much time into something stupid (it's only 90 minutes long). The dub for the songs is not good at all. All of the budget for CGI is spent in two scenes. The way the Internet is visualized is remarkably similar to Ralph Breaks The Internet, which scares me. It actually has the biggest, most impressive plot twist I've ever seen, and the hologram becomes a [SPOILERS REDACTED].

1/10 shmekels. Watch this movie before all else.

 

[Neyo]

Porco Rosso is an animated film made by Studio Ghibli, one of the most well renowned animation studios in the world. It's about a WWI Italian flight ace, who is also a pig. It's pretty good

Plot:
The titular character, Porco, is a bounty hunter on the run from the Italian Air Force. When his plane is damaged, he needs repairs, and in order to pay the debts from the reapirs, he needs to gt into a dogfight and win. I've left out quite a few details, simply for being concise, and for spoilers' sake. The plot's a bit more complex than I let on.

Animation:
I quite like the soft, round animation style of earlier Ghibli movies. It makes the overall tone feel more wholesome, and the slapstick is a lot better for it. The character designs are all really good. Some sequences and environments are really, really pretty. I also like the complete visual overload of the gambling crowd near the end.

Voice Acting:
It's fine.

Music:
A bit like a simplified precursor to The Wind Rises's musical motifs. I quite like it.

Themes:
Freedom is a big, well-developed one in the movie, through the narrative and literal vehicle of the airplane.
(Also, side note: I once saw someone describe Miyzaki films as being full of "airplane fetishism", which is true, but I think it benefits the films, for the most part.)

7.5/10 shmekels. Good.

 

[Neyo]

Quacks of Quedlinburg is a really good 2-5 player board game, one of my personal favorites. It allows for a wide variety of viable strategies, and has a ton of variety between individual games. Also, it's like gambling, but for low-stakes cowards!

Story:
A bunch of wizards and witches are competing to make the best potions in the annual festival in the town of Quedlinburg! It's cute and simple.
(I kind of want to dissect the story/lore of the game for no particular reason, likely far more than the designers ever intended. It kind of just follows my nature of being what I would call a "high-effort shitposter", which is rather apparent when looking through this blog and online presence in general.)

Gameplay:
Essentially, the endgoal is that you want to get the most points possible. You do this by going farther and farther on your personal cauldron, making more and more potent elixirs. You advance farther on the cauldron by drawing little tokens from a personal bag. Each player draws from their own bag at once and at their own speed, allowing them to contemplate what to do in their own time, and allows one to be immersed in your own personal bubble of stress of deciding when to tap out or not.
Each token has a unique effect and interactions (that can be altered from game to game as players wish). The random token element also makes things much more stressful, since that's also how you get out: when you reach a number totaling greater than 6 of white tokens, your cauldron explodes. When your pot explodes, you can only gain more total points or buy a new type of token to use in your next rounds, both of which you can do if your pot doesn't explode. This cycle repeats several times before the game ends. It is a very, very fun (and tense) gameplay loop, and is what makes Quacks of Quedlinburg one of my favorites.
Table talk is allowed, so you can just call out any other players for being shy with drawing tokens, which is fun.

Artstyle:
A very cute, old-fashioned, overly detailed style. It reminds me of some sort of book I'd find in a thrift store or a grandma's house. It looks quite good, and every piece of the game is done justice with it.

I don't really have a shmekel-based score for this game, because it exists kind of in it's own bubble, where there's such variety that you can't really give it a score. It is amazing, though. If you have a hundred dollars to pool with some friends/family to play a game together, I recommend this a lot.

 

[Neyo]

If all of the materials of the Earth (Discounting the oceans and atmosphere) turned to lead, how heavy would it be?
According to this here Wikipedia article, the earth is "composed mostly of iron (32.1%), oxygen (30.1%), silicon (15.1%), magnesium (13.9%), sulfur (2.9%), nickel (1.8%), calcium (1.5%), and aluminium (1.4%); with the remaining 1.2% consisting of trace amounts of other elements." And since the Earth is about 5.97 x 10^24 kilograms, we'll probably be increasing it.
So now we calculate the mass of each individual element in their makeup of the Earth's mass. This gives us:

Element	Percent (%)	Mass (kg) [Multiply Earth's mass by percent of earth element takes up]
Iron	32.1	1.92 x 10^24
Oxygen	30.1	1.80 x 10^24
Silicon	15.1	9.01 x 10^23
Magnesium	13.9	8.30 x 10^23
Sulfur	2.9	1.73 x 10^23
Nickel	1.8	1.07 x 10^23
Calcium	1.5	8.96 x 10^22
Aluminium	1.4	8.36 x 10^22
Other	1.2	7.16 x 10^22

Now, let's use some stoichiometry (converting mass between elements to determine their conversion to lead.
Equation of stoichiometry:
([{Grams A / molar mass A} x ratio*] x molar mass B) = Grams B
*Ratio changes equation to equation. With this particular one, we are using a 1:1 ratio.
Molar mass B = 207.2
A few steps, but achievable. With this, we get:

Element being converted to lead	Resulting Mass (x 10^24 kg)
Iron (1.92)	7.12
Oxygen (1.80)	23.3
Silicon (9.01)	6.64
Magnesium (8.30)	7.03
Sulfur (1.73)	1.12
Nickel (1.07)	0.38
Calcium (8.96)	.463
Aluminium (8.36)	.644
Other (7.16)**	.148

**For convenience's sake, I'm giving the "Other" area a molar mass of 100, about the average molar mass of the naturally occurring elements on the periodic table.

Now we add all this together, which is 7.12 + 23.3 + 6.64 + 7.03 + 1.12 + .038 + .463 + .644 + .148 = F
F = 46.503
And that gives us a final mass of 4.6503 x 10^25 kg, or 4,650,300,000,000,000,000,000,000 kilograms. You can see why scientific notation is used.
By the way, you would just die if this happened, since gravity would increase incredibly, and the core of the earth would collapse under this pressure.

 

[Neyo]

A Guide To The Shmekel:
The shmekel is a currency. By no means is this a normal type of currency. A solid aluminium-silver mix, an inch in diameter, and having existed as far back as standard currency make it both an oddity and rarity. While most currencies change in value with time, a shmekel will change in value with location in space. This value cannot be changed, and will only shift between areas a shmekel is located in. For example, a shmekel within Canadian borders (and a corner of Maine) will be equal to 5.15 Canadian dollars, whereas the same shmekel in the United States will be equivalent to 65.739 dollars US. Here is the full table of areas and prices below:

Area	Value (converted to USD for ease and laziness)
Canada, corner of Maine, most of Greenland, and Alaska.	3.96
U.S., Gulf of Mexico, northern half of Caribbean	65.739
Entirety of Central America, Mexico, southern half of Caribbean, northwest corner of South America (Venezuela, Ecuador, Colombia)	73.196
Rest of South America (and associated nearby islands)	1.50
Sub-Saharan Africa and Madagascar	0.98
Northern half of Africa bottom half of Spain/Portugal.	420.68
Middle East (Stretching from Yemen to Turkey), extending to Iran	129.12
Southeast Asia (from Nepal to Vietnam and Cambodia)	23.28
Japan, Pacific Ocean, Indonesian archipelago, NZ, Australia, Tasmania	16.89
UK, Isle of Man, Iceland, eastern portion of Greenland.	0.0005
Russia, Mongolia, China, Kazakhstan, India, all countries between Kazakhstan and India	2.00
All of Europe (excluding UK and Russia), northwest corner of Turkey, Ireland, Norway, Sweden, Finland.	92.20
Antarctica (and associated nearby islands)	425.728

Due to the volatile prices and nature of the shmekel, it is recommended to bring multiple shmekels when travelling internationally.
Pro tip: don't search up "shmekel". It leads to a Urban Dictionary page you don't want to be on. However, due to the vulgar nature of the word, I intend to steal it, remove that vulgar nature, and make it my own.

 

[Neyo]

In Defense of Bipedal/Humanoid Starters:

Now, bipedal starters are one of the most disliked tropes within the Pokémon fan community. And it's easy to see why. When you take into account the nostalgia people have for their first Pokémon game or show, it's usually sometime between Gens 3 and 5 for most people within the hardcore Pokémon fandom. And these 3 Generations don't really have any unnaturally bipedal starters (discounting Blaziken). And so, for the most recent 3 Generations, we have gotten a nearly complete lineup of bipedal starters, which have gotten lot of backlash (Inteleon, Incineroar, and Delphox in particular).

And now here's the part where I defend them. lol.

Wider range of motion (and expressiveness):
With the earlier designs present in Gens 1-2, a lot of the designs for the starters feel...very restricted. Not in terms of creativity (that's a whole other can of worms), but movement itself. For example, look at Charizard, a fan favorite. The arms and legs are too stubby to realistically do much useful. The wings are tiny in proportion to its body. The way the face is shaped, it's inherently harder to interpret the expression on its face. It's cutely chubby. There isn't really anything inherently wrong with this design, but since that range of movement is a lot shorter, you can't be as expressive in movement or emotion. And these same design flaws are also present in a lot of other earlier starters, like Typhlosion, Venusaur, Meganium, Blastoise, and many others.
Now let's compare this to another very popular fire starter (both meanings work here), Cinderace. It has a very visible face, with a somewhat human expression, so it's easier to see and interpret the emotion on its face. The long legs and (admittedly kind of short) arms allow it to have very articulated and complex movements, as one can see in the Pokémon camp and in batles. These two primary characteristics alter the way the player interprets this character, to the benefit of the design as a whole. Similar designs to this can also be seen in more recent Generations as well. Think of Incineroar, Chestnaught, even as far back as Infernape (this style of design is strangely prevalent in Fire types).

Marketability:
At the end of the day, Pokémon is more or less an advertisement to buy merch. (I'm wearing a delightful t-shirt with a bunch of desert-based Pokémon on it right now [not actually officially licensed]). And it is easier to sell something with a lot of personality than not. The "animal" designs of earlier Generations are better at selling the idea that these are Pocket Monsters, but the bipedal designs of recent ones are better at selling the product to a new audience unfamiliar with Pokémon.

I just think it's funny that people get so angry thinking that furries work as Gamefreak's character designers.

 

[Neyo]

Steven And Hooty's Bizarre Adventure, Chapter 2

Steven and Hooty had been talking for a while, learning who they were and why they were in an old, dusty town like this (Hooty had grown up here, Steven moved here for the mining management position). Steven discovered that Hooty, despite appearances, was not a Pokémon, but indeed something else entirely, and appeared to be just accepted by the locals as normal. And Hooty discovered that Steven had several degrees in political science, each more useless than the last.
Suddenly, a man burst into the bar, his eyes desperately searching for someone. When his gaze landed on Steven, he ran over, nearly tripping over himself in urgency.
"Mr. Stone, sir! Important emergency!", the man, who Steven recognized as the new intern, barely out of college.
"What is it?" Steven said, furrowing his eyebrows. A cave in? Damage to the equipment? Accident with Diglett interaction?
"Don Hewings...he's...he's been...killed."
Steven gasped. "What? How?"
"He was discovered dead in his office with a stab through the heart."
"Hmm. Let's go. The constable has been alerted?"
"Yes, sir."
"LET'S GO TOGETHER!" Hooty, filled with enthusiasm, shouted.
"Err, sir?" the intern glanced at Steven.
Steven shrugged. He didn't mind, and Hooty might be useful to the investigation.
"YES!" Hooty retracted into the corner, then started dragging with his body what looked like a mixture between a backpack and birdhouse towards the two. It appeared to be a shell of some kind, which he protruded from. Steven, somewhat reluctantly, put it on. It was heavy, but he'd carried heavier burdens before.
"Well, let's go."

---

As they were travelling to the mine on the outskirts of town, Steven recounted to Hooty who Don Hewings was. He was a bookkeeper for the mining company's branch in the town, and a very unpopular one. He had developed a menagerie of rivalries with a variety of other members of the mine (partially because he insisted on handing every employee their paycheck personally, partially because he had no qualms to not paying debts, and partially because he was a very unpleasant person), but was excellent at his job and knew several higher-ups, so he managed to keep working at the mine.
So it was a very easy way to pin down the variety of subjects, but less so to determine who was guilty. Little did Steven and Hooty know how many twists this story would take.

 

[Neyo]

A Nihilistic Analysis of How James and the Giant Peach (1996 movie) Uses Symbolism to Portray the American Dream and Class Conflict

The 1996 movie James and the Giant Peach, based upon the Roald Dahl children's novel of the same name, is very good and charming (8/10 shmekels). However, I'm going to ruin it with overanalysis, and no one here can stop me (except maybe a mod). Firstly, however, let's establish some things.

Each major element within the film (sorry, I do not have access to the book, I'm assuming that they're closely similar) stands in for a different segment of American society. And I took some creative liberties for entertainment, so keep that in mind.

James: Middle class of America, yearning for more than this dreary existence.
Gasshopper and Ladybug: Upper-Middle, have much more access to wealth.
Earthworm: Entrepreneurs, those around him being threatened by capitalism.
Centipede and Spider: Lower class, less financial security.
Rhino/Storm/Robotic Shark (It's a weird movie): Death/large-scale capitalism
The Old Man: Welfare programs and land grants established by the government.
The Aunts: The upper class, access to extreme amounts of wealth.
The Peach: The vast American continent, housing all save the wealthy.
New York: The American Dream

Now, for the analysis:
During the hell that James and the other insects experience under the rule of the Aunts (though for Grasshopper and Ladybug, it is much less so, as they have access to greater wealth than the others), the government sets up a welfare program that allows James and the other insects to escape the direct influence of the Aunts, through the Giant Peach. This peach is very valuable, and allows all to live a peaceful life of plenty. However, the Storm, the Shark, and the Rhino all threaten the peace and stability of the Peach in order to spread their hands and gain more wealth, thereby trampling over James and his friends.
When James confronts the Rhino directly, as the insects flee, he barely survives, and the Peach is caught in the crossfire, resulting in irreversible damage. When the insects and James arrive in New York, they are met with their dreams and hopes. The Aunts are presumably locked away (or hung) and each insect gets to live out their dreams in a purely equal society, it seems. A communist paradise. Or so it seems. We see that James is now being cared by Spider and Centipede, cushioning him from difficulty. Remember that Spider and Centipede are seen as lower class, and thus it can be assumed that this supposedly equal ideal society is not, in fact, equal (and thus not ideal).

Final thoughts:
Jimmy B. Christmas, this is so stupid. But thanks for reading.

 

[Neyo]

Akira review (movie):
Overview: A post-nuclear war Tokyo is experiencing social upheaval and instability, decay of law and order, a new religious movement, and a military coup at the same time. During all of this, several psychic experiments go awry, resulting in exposure to a standard bike gang member. The plot advances and gets increasingly insane from that point.

Plot: Probably the weakest part of this film is the plot. It's really hard to follow if you don't have any context. This is partially because the manga that the film is based on was not completed by the time of the film's release. It is understandable, but without context, one's enjoyment of the film is significantly reduced. However, the character writing and plot (with context) are really interesting.

Animation: IT'S SO SMOOTH. The animation is really good. The detailing is incredible. SO MANY FRAMES.

Voice acting: English dub is fine. Tetsuo's voice actor is very good. I can't account for the Japanese one, or any other languages.

Music: Really cool. I don't really have the knowledge or a strong memory of it, but from what I do remember, it was very...tonal? Eh, take my account with a grain of salt.

Editing: The way scenes shape up and the way the "camera" moves is really interesting and gives an amazing sense of scale.

9/10 shmekels, held back a bit by the voice acting. Otherwise amazing. Go watch it.
(Side note: apparently the Akira manga is really really good and has a ton of depth. I really need to read it. You probably should too.)

 

[Neyo]

Overview of Elden Ring:
One of the best games released in the past few years, if not ever, Elden Ring is a masterclass in storytelling, level design, character design, hiring George R. R. Martin, and excellent gameplay formulae. Every choice you make feels meaningful, no matter if it is what weapon to use, what bosses to fight, or which characters to aid. With a huge variety of weapons, no two playthroughs are the same, and with the addition of a more streamlined online experience as well as the new Spirit Summoning mechanic, beginners to the genre have a much easier time with regards to the skill floor. Furthermore, the huge open world filled with meaningful upgrades, secrets, and characters allows one to just say “F*** it” and run around with no clear goal in mind. It’s like Breath of the Wild, but for adults, and much more difficult.

10/10 shmekels. I can very easily see this winning game of the year, and this is probably THE game to play if you want to try out the Soulsborne genre.

Note: I really wanted to write a much lengthier review, but it felt disingenuous to do that, since I can’t really do it justice no matter how long the review is. The only place the game really fails is in the music, which is fairly lackluster. However, pretty much everything else makes up for that.

See ya!
-Neyo

 

[Neyo]

So the drawing bug hit me, as it does every once in a while, and I drew some video game characters that I really like. I drew some better than others, like I don’t think Kommo-o looks great, but I like what I did with Shabriri.
Anyways, this features characters from:
Pokémon
Where the Water Tastes Like Wine
Elden Ring
Hollow Knight
And the two characters I main in Smash Ultimate.

Spoiler: I am a gamer, unfortunately

 

[Neyo]

Happy 4th of July, America’s birthday.

Honestly, I ordinarily am somewhere between slightly positive and lukewarm on national holidays such as this. I do understand that terrible atrocities have taken place on American soil, and that the politics of the country in terms of division and extremism are really bad currently (not to mention the Roe overturning) and that is why a not-insignificant portion of the country has a very negative perception of patriotism as well as America in general.

However, I do think there is merit in appreciating what an impressive accomplishment that the existence of the United States is. A ridiculous fight against a superpower, several years of extreme instability, a civil war, incredible social upheaval in the past two centuries, two world wars and massive depressions in the economy, a huge pandemic, and now political division, and still she stands, despite being worn and torn.

America is by no means perfect. It is messed up, unfair, and chaotic. But, it has one massive strength that causes it to endure: an ability to reform.

So don’t give up all hope for the future. The storm may be fierce, but, there’s a gleam of sunlight on the horizon. And if the country as a whole is determined to get to that sunlight, it is achievable.

 

[Neyo]

I’m back!
Team Sonic Racing: A Flawed Masterpiece of Kart Racing Games

When this game was made available on PS+, I though very little of it. But, as with many Sonic games, I thought, it would be funny if I tried this game, even if I don’t end up liking it.

Little did I know this silly little SEGA IP deal would become one of my favorite games.

Modes: This game has 3 major modes, Adventure, Grand Prix, and Exhibition match. They’re all pretty much what you’d expect from a Kart racing game. A story, set tracks of four, and a free play.
However, the story mode also goes on pretty long, has a bunch of challenges within each level, and a couple side modes in each chapter. Also, the story itself is really weird. It seems like everyone’s just standing in a room, talking, and coming and going as they please. It’s like Waiting for Godot, but with Sonic characters.
Anyways, there’s two modes within Grand Prixs and Exhibition matches: singles and teams. Singles is fun, but you can kind of tell that the game isn’t really balanced around it. Now, teams, though is another beast. It is the main focus of the game, and there are a few different mechanics that change the way the game is played: exclusive items for different character types, item transferring, Slingshots and Skimboosts, and Team Ultimates. These all give each person on the team a different role to play, and all revolve around a sense of cooperation. I won’t explain it all here, but basically, you want to transfer items to and Slingshot/Skimboost your teammates to build up a meter that gives you a massive boost and can change the outcome of a match easily. Very fun to both work with people (preferably IRL in local coop) and go crazy fast.

Characters: I really like the character selection in this game. Not necessarily the characters chosen for the game (though I do like some of the choices they made), but rather, the type selections and character deviance.
There are 3 types of characters in this game: Speed, Technique, and Heavy.
Speed types rock in Singles, and also do well in Teams. The signature ability this group gets is that they get a benefit for going fast and boosting a lot.
Technique types maintain top speed on any surface, and automatically magnet coins, a thing that boosts you a little during races. They’re very good in Teams, since they usually assist teammates well, and a little bit better in Singles.
Heavy types are absolutely terrible compared to the others, but if they could stand alone, they’d be fine. Their ability is that they can crash through certain on stage obstacles that can fairly easily be avoided. They do better in Teams because their weaknesses aren’t as apparent there, but in Singles they just get left behind if the stage is bad for them. But they do get the best items, so I guess that makes up for it?
Speed Types: Sonic, Amy, Blaze, Shadow, Metal Sonic.
Technique types: Tails, Chao(s), Silver, Rouge, Eggman.
Heavy types: Knuckles, Big, Vector, Omega, Zavoc.

Stages: Honestly, the stages available to play are good. They’re well designed, and often have a bit of branching within the paths, a little bit like good Sonic levels. There are certain stages that benefit certain types better, which I think is so cool, because that makes counter depending on the stage chosen. The visual design is neat, and most of the levels are bright and sunny. The only problem I have with this stage list is that there isn’t a Green Hill Zone level.

Customization:
This game has something somewhat akin to Rocket League-level visual customization, with Mario Kart gameplay/stat customization. Both are really good, and I like both, since they offer a lot of flexibility.

Items: The items in this game are pretty good. Nothing crazy, but they’re good fun.

Visual design/UI: Nothing egregious, nothing crazy good. Perfectly acceptable. The game does a very good job at selling the idea that you’re going really fast, and I’m impressed with that.

Soundtrack: Very good. Full of fun songs, though it is a little difficult to hear some of them over the SFX and voice acting.

Voice Lines: While the voice acting and dialogue in the Story mode is not good, during the races, it’s pretty fun. A lot of characters have unique interactions and voice lines depending on what happened to them and who caused it. It feels like each race, a new interaction occurs, which is really exciting and interesting.

Overall, great game. It does nearly everything perfectly well, and it’s fun to play either alone or with other people. The only thing I have a problem with is that sometimes the customization doesn’t feel that impactful, and that drags it down quite a bit, but other than that, great game.
8.5/10 shmekels.

Bonus part: small life updates.
I bought a puzzle that will be awful to try to complete. It’s based on the American Gothic painting (once you see it, you’ll recognize it), and since it’s both a 1,000 piece and the painting uses a lot of flat, uninterrupted colors, it will take a while.

Spoiler: Small table, big puzzle

Also, here’s a picture of my Smash Mains. I just want to see the world burn.

Spoiler: (Doctor Mario not included)

-Neyo

 

[Neyo]

Let's put the Abzú Diver in Smash, because why not? It might be fun, but likely nobody cares, since nobody played Abzú. lol

The overall concept here is that the Diver would be focused on defense until their meter fills all the way up. Let's call this the "Gatorade" meter. You build up the meter by doing damage until the meter fills up completely. When Gatorade is active (a 20 second boost), the frame data, damage output, and mobility of Diver becomes increased, while the hitstun recieved, damage input, and knockback output of Diver decreases*. Furthermore, several moves also change. Think of Shulk's Monado Arts and Cloud's Limit for a clearer picture. Basically, they play like a bait-and-punish character until Gatorade activates, resulting in a rushdown combo playstyle shift. Gatorade is designed so that you usually get it at the end of every stock.

Stats:
Jump height: About equal to Corrin, pretty good, nothing crazy.
Weight: Lightweight, about Joker-level weight
Air acceleration: Medium
Gravity: Low
Run speed: Below average
Initial dash speed: slightly above average.
Very low crouch, but no crawl.
Quite tall.

Stats (Gatorade):
Jump height: same
Weight: same
Air acceleration: Very fast
Gravity: Slightly increased
Run speed: Above average
Initial Dash speed: same

Attacks:

• Jab 1, 2, 3: Quick, short punch followed up by a stomp and then a small blast of water that sends directly upwards. Medium knockback for a jab like this.
• Dash attack: A dolphinlike leap forwards, similar to Simon's down tilt. Very unsafe on shield, but good damage and knockback. Possesses good kill power past 150% on middleweights, and sends at a diagonal angle upwards.
• Forward tilt: Scuba diving flipper extends from foot as kick comes out. The range is very good good for a forward tilt (imagine ZSS's but longer), but the flipper has minimal knockback and damage (kind of like the first hit of a jab attack, with the sweetspot on the foot dealing the most knockback and damage. Sends directly forward. Can be angled
• Down tilt: Geyser of water sends directly upward, with no kill power at all. Designed to be a combo starter. Slightly longer range than most down tilts.
• Up tilt: Diver looks upward as a burst of water surrounds her head and shoulders like a halo. Sends at an 80 degree angle, should hit after landing a down tilt. Also designed to be followed up with after hitting with it.

Attacks (Gatorade):

• Jab 3 launches farther.
• Dash attack kills at 125%, larger hitbox with water swirling around her.
• Forward tilt gains increased knockback, and the entire flipper is coated in water, giving it additional power and making the entire foot a sweetspot.
• Up tilt has a larger hitbox, with less knockback.

Aerials:

• Neutral Air: Water burst, similar to Greninja's neutral air. Combo tool.
• Forward Air: Water blast from the palm. about the same range as Wolf forward air. Combo finisher.
• Back Air: Electricity burst from the back. Very good kill power, but mediocre startup. Mediocre range.
• Up Air: Diver pulls her entire body upwards, and a blast of water erupts from her chest. Excellent juggling tool. Large amount of endlag.
• Down Air: Diver extends fins from feet, and does a double kick. The fins have neither good hitstun or knockback, but the feet have sweetspots that send forwards. Below average startup and endlag.

Aerials (Gatorade):

• Forward air gets more range.
• Up air gains more range.
• Down air changes similarly to forward tilt, making the entire extension a sweetspot.

Smash Attacks:

• Forward Smash: A punch with minimal range. A lot of endlag if it whiffs. If it lands, a burst of electricity stuns the opponent, then a burst of water explodes from the fist.
• Up Smash: A swirling vortex of water surround the Diver as she meditates midair. A school of fish swims within the vortex. The way this works is that the water sucks in the opponent and functions as a windbox, while the fish are the actual hitboxes and deal damage. When the move ends, the vortex explodes, launching opponents with good power. Charging extends duration. The height of the move is a little less than half of Palutena's up smash, and a little taller than it is wide. Large amount of startup and endlag.
• Down Smash: Two small waves of water flow at the Diver's feet. Functions a "get off me" and roll read tool, but very little else. Minimal kill power, since its focus is to make distance. Lots of startup lag.

Smash Attacks (Gatorade):

• Forward smash gains more power
• Up smash gets a larger vertical windbox (waterbox?), more kill power, and more fish.
• Down smash gets nothing.

Special Attacks:

• Neutral Special: Chargeable projectile that cannot be held/stored by Diver (similar to Sephiroth neutral special). The drone can't be reflected, but can be pocketed or destroyed by other players. The Diver holds one of the drones you can find throughout Abzú, and charges it up. It has three stages, each doing more power and gaining more range. Speed stays the same throughout. The third stage stuns opponents, similar to Corrin's projectile. When reflected, the drone is destroyed, but does no damage to the reflector. Can be cancelled.
• Side Special: The Diver emits a sonar pulse from her head, turning opponents around and neutralizing projectiles by basically deleting them. Very quick, similar to Mario's Cape, and has longer range.
• Down Special: A quick meditative state is activated, applying a buff. This buff makes it so that the Diver's next attack that lands does more damage, knockback, and fills up the Gatorade meter a large amount, but if she's hit, the buff disappears, the damage received is increased, knockback received is increased, and she loses some of the meter. This can be done twice a stock.
• Up Special: The diver balls up, then swims quickly in one direction, chooseable by the player. The uncharged version does very little knockback or damage, but is quick. In the charged version, Diver rides a shark for the same distance, resulting in a very powerful up special.

Special Attacks (Gatorade):

• All stages of neutral special stun the opponent
• Side special is replaced entirely by the Diver rushing forwards with a wave of water in front. This wave reflets projectiles. Quick startup, can be charged, and quite a bit of endlag.
• Down special is also replaced, by a two use move. This move shares the same pool with the buff special so you can only use them a total of two times. This new move is similar to up smash, but has more utility as a combo tool. Essentially, a vortex of water surrounds the Diver, sucking in nearby opponents. When this lands, the opponent is stunned for a good period of time, allowing for a follow up with a combo or a punish with a smash attack. A bit of endlag, so you can't just spam this.
• Up special gains super armor during charge up.

Grab:

• Grab is a short range grasp with Diver's hand.
• Up throw is a geyser of water that throws the opponent directly up for juggling.
• Forward throw is a wave that sends directly forward.
• Back throw is a kill throw past 135%. Otherwise, pretty much only useful for getting the opponent offstage. Casual throw backwards, then the drone rams into them for a second hit. Like Falco back throw.
• Down throw: School of fish fly into the opponent, then the opponent goes diagonally upward.

Final Smash: Then Were Created the Gods in the Midst of Heaven
Huge water pulse in front of Diver. The opponent is thrown into the giant machine present in the finale of Abzú, and then Diver pulses and releases a huge wave of energy encompassing the entire machine, destroying it. Instantly KOs any opponents above 100%.

Notes/Aesthetic features:

• When Gatorade is active, Diver glows, similarly to the finale of Abzú.
• When doing any attacks where the water comes from Diver, the water looks like the Primordial Essence from Abzú.
• I didn't particularly want to balance this character well, since it's more fun and this is more concept than anything concrete. Also, I spent way too much time on this.