The Adventure of Adventureness

[Missingno. Master]

Please enjoy my fanfic.

Chapter 1: The beginning

Once there was a boy named Jack. He was walking down the road when he saw a shiny Rayquaza! He threw a Master Ball at it and caught it, and went on. The end.






















"Woah, woah, woah. Wait one fricking minute!" Jack yelled. "What the hell was THAT?! Hey, you! The narrator! Get over here!"

The narrator, a handsomely dressed man in a tuxedo, who resembled the stereotypical butler, approached Jack. "What seems to be the problem, sir?" he asked in a british accent.

"The problem is, first off, that ridiculous accent," said Jack. "Second off, your narration is a bit self-complementary, and third, oh, I dunno, maybe.... THIS WHOLE STORY?!"

"What's wrong with the story?" the incredibly handsome narrator asked incredulously.

"There you go again! Will you PLEASE stop praising yourself in your own narration?!" yelled Jack, clearly at his wit's end. "And what's wrong with the story?! Did you not see that story?! It STUNK, that's what's wrong with it! Two lines! Two lines of text! I go down the road, I catch a shiny Rayquaza with a Master Ball that seems to appear out of nowhere?! Where's the plot?! Where's the depth?! The description! For all the readers know, I could be a two-headed cheeseburger with a hundred and seven tentacles!"

"Now calm down, young sir-" began the narrator, before Jack cut him off.

"NO, I will NOT calm down! In fact, I am going to find the idiot what that wrote that piece of garbage that is trying to be passed off as a story and give him a piece of my mind! A very violent piece of my mind, preferably!"

At this point, the narrator was very much aware that Jack, despite being a ten-year-old boy, was rather muscular. Not exactly world-class bodybuilder material, but clearly stronger and beefier than anyone else his age. Aside from his strength, Jack was very much your average ten-year old. He had nondescript brown hair that he kept cut short. He wore a pair of faded blue jeans, a pair of white sneakers, and a red t-shirt. He also had an extremely short temper. The devilishly handsome narrator- "HEY!" screamed Jack. "WHAT DID I JUST FREAKING TELL YOU?!" "Sorry, sir," apologized the narrator.

"Now then," said the narrator, "Be reasonable. You don't even know how to get to the place of residence of the author!" At this, Jack smiled.

"Oh, yes I do. Once we leave the internet and get into the real world, it'll be a cinch! You see, as computer data, we naturally have homing instincts that will lead us to the computer from which we originated. If my guess is correct, the idiot who wrote this piece of garbage should live there, or at least come there frequently."

"How do you know all this?" asked the astonished narrator.

Jack shrugged. "I might be a muscular guy with a short fuse, but I'm also very, very smart. Is that a PROBLEM???"

"Not at all, sir," replied the narrator, rather nervous. Then he remembered something. "Eh, sir, did you say 'we'?"

"You don't honestly think I'm gonna go out and beat up this.... Missingno. Master all by myself, do you?"

"I had rather hoped, actually."

"Well quit your hoping and come with me. You got a name?"

"Yes," said the narrator. "It's the narrator".

Jack stared. "What kind of a name is that?!" The narrator shrugged.

Jack shook his head. "I swear, this is getting wierder and wierder. Let's get going."

The narrator stopped him. "Uh, sir, pardon my impertinence, but how exactly are we to leave the internet?"

"I'm not sure myself. Hence, we're going to Cyber Town. We're bound to get some answers there, those guys know everything about the internet."

"And Cyber Town is where, exactly?" inquired the sexy narrator.

Jack slapped the narrator's face. "That's for inserting your little braggy adjectives into your narration again. And Cyber Town is supposed to be down this road. Let's go."

With that, Jack and the narrator began the journey towards Cyber Town.

Meanwhile, Missingno. Master, mysteriously cloaked in shadows, sat at his computer, watching the events unfold.

"So, these guys think they can escape the internet and beat me to a pulp, do they? Well, we'll see who's beating whom when I'm through with them! Ahahahahahaha!" He continued to laugh in his evil way, while beginning to type up chapter 2.

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That's it for chapter 1. Please rate. Comment. Say stuff.

 

[Der_Neuevenmenschen]

Pretty funny crackfic. I loved the narrator actually getting sucked in the story.

 

[Kantomasta]

at first i was like WTF another newbie.l then i saw the rest and its good.

 

[Zekurom]

Hold up. I remember this from FanFiction.net or some other site. Maybe it was PokeCommunity. Or something.

Nope, it was Serebii. My apologies.

Just to spoil it for you guys, here is the thread on Serebii where the next few chapters are: http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?t=410132

It's hilarious either way.

 

[Integration]

at first i was like WTF another newbie.l then i saw the rest and its good.

Haha, that's what I thought at first too. XD This is pretty neat.

 

[Ranger Jack Walker]

Its quite funny. Like others I too thought this was just another one line fic that some do. But it turned out to be quite enjoyable.

 

[Missingno. Master]

Glad to see you all like it! And now, without further ado, chapter 2!

Chapter 2: Toxicroak Troubles

"Um, excuse me, sir..."

"WHAT???"

"You-you did say that Cyber Town is just down this road, and-"

"I KNOW WHAT I FRICKIN' SAID!"

"Then why aren't we there ye-"

"SHUT UP!"

Jack and the narrator were traveling down the road to Cyber Town. Obviously, tensions were running high, as evidenced by Jack's speech being entirely in capital letters. Only the heroic and handsome-

"I swear, if the next word that comes out of your mouth is 'narrator', I will throw you in a tank with a school of starving Carvahna!" snarled Jack.

Only the heroic and hansome storyteller managed to keep his cool. The road down which they traveled was in itself rather nondescript. A plain dirt road. A plain light blue sky above them. Plain green grass on either side of them. And to their left, a blue creature, humanesque in shape, but with a black band around each arm, a design around the midsection that gave the illusion of being bound in bandages, and black, three-fingered hands, the middle fingers being orange. To top it all off, it's indescribably odd yellow eyes, oddly shaped smile, and orange cheek pouches all gave off an air of weirdness. The smartly dressed narrator pulled out a pack of small rectangles of cardboard from one of his pockets, and began shuffling through them when Jack smacked him in the face.

"THAT was for doing that whole self-complimentary thing again," said Jack. "And what in the name of random stuff are you doing?"

"I always carry with me cards depicting numerous Pokémon," came the reply. "It helps me to know what I talk about when I narrate Pokémon stories. Ah, here we are." For he had drawn a card with a picture that looked exactly like the strange creature before him and began to read from it. "Croagunk, the Toxic Mouth Pokémon. Croagunk makes an eerie blubbering noise as it inflates its poison sacs on either side of its face. It does so to intimidate its opponents."

"HAH!" exclaimed Jack. "That thing making a blubbering noise wouldn't scare me. Might make me want to hurl, but it wouldn't scare me." Then he noticed that the narrator was taking from his pocket a small sphere, the size of a ping-pong ball, half red, half white. The two halves were separated from each other by a black line and a small white button in the middle. He pressed this button, and with a whirring noise, the Poké Ball grew to the size of a baseball.

"You're going to battle it?" asked Jack.

"Why, certainly," replied the buff narrator, earning another slap from Jack.

"STOP DOING THAT!" screamed Jack. In response, the Croagunk made a sound that could only be described as an eerie blubbering noise. As promised, Jack turned right around, and accompanying it with various hideous noises, barfed all over the otherwise nondescript dirt road. Meanwhile, the narrator threw the Poké Ball. A second later, it split open on the black line, and a flash of white energy emerged from it, forming it into a birdlike shape. The glow it emitted died down, enabling Jack to see that the Pokémon that the narrator had sent out was indeed birdlike, with a black head, which had a strange protrusion sticking up out of the back, which gave the head the appearance of a music. It also sported a white ruff of feathers around its neck, blue wings, and a yellow and green chest. It was flapping its wings to stay airborne, during which yellow feathers could be seen on the undersides of its wings. It opened its dark pink beak to say something, but whatever it was was drowned out by Jack's loud cry of "HA!" Both Pokémon and trainer looked around at Jack. "Who could've predicted this?" asked Jack in a tone dripping with sarcasm. "Who could've EVER predicted this? This narrator, Sir-Talks-Too-Much, owns a Chatot! HAH!" In response, the Chatot flapped its way up to Jack's face. "Yeah, what do you want, birdbrain?" asked Jack, still amused by the situation.

"Squawk! Shut up before I break your face," cawed the Chatot, before turning around to face the Croagunk, who amazingly had continued to stand there the whole time. Jack turned to the narrator.

"Did that Chatot just-"

"Why, yes he did. You see, Chatot are usually capable of merely mimicing human speech. However, mine is particularly intelligent, allowing it to actually converse with humans, and even translate what other Pokémon say."

Jack was impressed, but he tried not to show it. Meanwhile, the narrator began the battle. "Chatot, use your Peck!"

"Awwk! Aye aye!" screeched Chatot as he dove down towards Croagunk, beakfirst. Croagunk just stood there for a moment. Then, quicker than anyone could've anticipated, Croagunk's right hand began to glow a light purple; simulataneously, Croagunk lunged at Chatot, glowing hand first. They collided in midair, with Croagunk proving the stronger. Chatot was knocked back; what was more, its head had a strange purplish tinge to it now.

"Be careful, Chatot, I do believe that was a Poison Jab attack," warned the narrator.

"Awwk. No kidding," grumbled Chatot, as he flapped his way back towards Croagunk, albeit rather warily.

"Chatot, now, Aerial Ace!"

Chatot responded by flying upward, then doing an impressive loop in midair. Wings outstretched, it streaked towards Croagunk, screeching menacingly, no more than an inch from the ground. Jack missed what happened next, for he needed to blink. However, after he blinked, he saw Croagunk go flying, with Chatot standing on the ground, watching smugly. Croagunk hit the dirt road with a loud thudding sound. It moved no more. The narrator drew yet another Poké Ball from his pocket and enlarged it to full size. He then heaved it at Croagunk, shouting "Poké Ball, go!" The ball smacked into Croagunk, and split open just as Chatot's had. However, Croagunk simultaneously turned into pure red light, lost its shape, and then entered the Poké Ball, accompanied by a whirring sound, different to the one that occurred when either Poké Ball was enlarged. The ball then snapped shut once all the red light had entered. At that point it fell to the ground and began to wiggle back and forth. All the while, a red light was blinking on and off on the button. After several tense moments, made somewhat less tense by Chatot breaking wind, the ball stopped wiggling, and the light ceased to blink. The narrator had caught a Croagunk. Triumphantly, he held out Chatot's Poké Ball, which emitted a red beam of light, which, when hitting Chatot, turned him into red light and sucked him back into the ball, and then walked forward to pick up his new capture. Meanwhile, for the past minute, it had gotten considerably darker. Jack was the only one who seemed curious about this. Finally, he turned around. And then he considered barfing again. For behind Jack stood five creatures, all of them resembling Croagunk, yet with differences. For one thing, each of them had a relatively small horn protruding from their foreheads. For another thing, their middle fingers were now in the form of sinisterly shaped claws. For another thing, instead of two small orange pouches on their cheeks, each one sported a large red sac on their neck. For another thing, they all had small red moustaches. However, none of these details were what disturbed Jack the most. The fact that each of them was the size of a skyscraper, however, disturbed him greatly. Beside him, Jack head the sound of shuffling, and then the handsome narrator's voice.

"Toxicroak, the Toxic Mouth Pokémon, and the evolved form of Croagunk. Toxicroak churn the poison in their sacs by croaking, which makes the already powerful venom even more potent. It secretes this toxic venom through its knuckle claws." After he recited this, Jack slapped him again.

"Seriously, the whole you-complimenting-yourself deal is getting real old, real fast," said Jack. "Besides, now that we've established that they are skyscraper-size Toxicroak, what do you propose we do about it?"

"I say we run like hell," answered the narrator.

"For once, I'm with you," replied Jack. With that, the two of them turned around and ran like hell. The earth-shaking sound of footsteps behind them told them that the Toxicroak were following. Not only that, Jack turned his head to learn, much to his horror, that the Toxicroak were gaining on him.

"Jack!" gasped the narrator as they ran.

"What?"

"Use Rayquaza!"

"Huh?!"

"The shiny Rayquaza you captured in that piece of garbage Missingno. Master dares to call a story!"

Jack stared as he ran. Of course! He reached into his pocket and pulled out a sphere identical to a Poké Ball, except the top half of this was purple, with two pink circles on either side of a white "M". He turned around and tossed the Master Ball into the air, yelling "Rayquaza! GO!" In a brilliant flash of white light, and accompanied by a flurry of stars, a black, serpentine dragon flew into the air, shrieking. The narrator pulled out his cards, shuffled through them, and pulled one out. It featured a picture of a Rayquaza, albeit a green one.

"Rayquaza, the Sky High Pokémon. Rayquaza lives high in the ozone layer of the Earth's atmosphere. It is said to have never landed, not even once." Without even waiting for orders, the off-color Rayquaza formed a bluish orb in its toothy, gaping mouth, and shot the Dragon Pulse straight towards one of the Toxicroak. It fell as soon as the attack hit it, but then something strange happened. The Toxicroak seemed to become pixellated. Then, with an electronic beep, it vanished completely! Jack cautiously edged forward, and touched the foot of the nearest Toxicroak. It also pixellated and vanished! Taken aback, Jack yelled "Go, Rayquaza, Hyper Beam attack!"

Rayquaza formed another orb in its mouth, this one bright yellow. It shot a carefully aimed beam which struck one Toxicroak straight in the sac, aand caused it to fall back, hitting the other two before it vanished. The remaining Toxicroak then pixellated and vanished in turn. Stunned, the narrator asked Jack, "How did you know that this Rayquaza knew Hyper Beam?"

Jack looked at the narrator as if he were stupid. "It's a shiny Rayquaza captured in a Master Ball in a badly written fanfic. I would've been surprised if it didn't know Hyper Beam." With that, Jack called "OK, Rayquaza, we're going to ride you to Cyber Town." Rayquaza, however, began to roar. It shot another Hyper Beam at the ground before Jack, sending him and the narrator flying. When Jack picked himself up, Rayquaza was already flying away at top speed. Jack held out the Master Ball, yelling "Rayquaza, return!" However, Rayquaza nimbly dodged the red beam, several times. Within seconds, it was out of sight.

"Oh, do cheer up, sir," said the gorgeous, and as a hint for the ladies, single narrator. Jack turned around and punched the narrator in the stomach.

"One, my shiny Rayquaza is gone. Two, you're actually trying to pick up women through your narration?! That's about as desparate as it gets!"

The narrator staggered to his feet, and a minute later, responded: "Well, if you don't like it, why don't you try narrating the next chapter?!"

"All right, I will!" declared Jack. "And it'll be easy!"

Meanwhile, Missingno. Master, still shrouded in shadow, sat at his computer, screaming a string of swearwords that a pirate crew would be proud of. Jack and the narrator weren't detered by his skyscraper-sized Toxicroak. Not only that, but they even were able to destroy them, easily! He decided he needed better obstacles. He paused for a moment, then began to chuckle evilly as he began writing chapter three.

"Woah, woah, woah, wait a minute!" exclaimed Jack. He turned to the narrator, from whom he heard everything. "Missingno. Master is out to get us?!"

"Why yes he is," responded the narrator.

"Well, make him stop!"

"I can't. I'm just the narrator. I don't make the story, I just tell it."

"So you mean none of that self praise was your fault?"

"No, that was all me."

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End of chapter two. Tell me what you think!

 

[Zekurom]

I just read all seven chapters. Some pretty funny stuff you've got here.

If you want the 10-scale ratings, just ask.

(And I guess you can bend the three-hour guideline if you already have people reading it...)

 

[SSJ3_Raditz]

Funniest fic I have ever read.

 

[Missingno. Master]

Well, it looks like you guys are liking it so far.

Having said that, here's chapter 3!

Chapter 3: Attack of the Generic Giant Fighting Robot

...

...

...

"...Jack?"

"What? What do you want?"

"You said you'd narrate this chapter."

".....I knew that," said Jack, who was twice as handsome as the narrator. The narrator buried his ugly face in his hand in disgust.

"I don't know how I let you talk me into this," mumbled the sloppy narrator.

"What do you mean, let me talk you into this?" demanded Jack. "This was your idea!"

The narrator remained silent, as he should.

Not long afterward, Jack and that other guy came across a tin can sitting on the dirt road. "Heh," chuckled Jack. I bet I can kick that thi-

"Uh, excuse me," interrupted the rude narrator.

"WHAT???" roared Jack.

"You, uh, neglected to wrap that other sentence of yours in quotation marks," answered the narrator meekly.

"..... I knew that," said Jack. "I was testing you. And you passed. Very good. Anyway, I bet I can kick that thing a hundred feet down this road." As if to prove his obviously right point, the handsome and athletic Jack took a running start, and kicked the can hard. However, it paused in midair, and began to grow. Once it was the size of a gas tank, it sprouted arms, legs, and a head.

"Oh, poopy," squeaked Jack.

"If I may," ventured the narrator, "you could've been a tad more descriptive of the can's transformation. For example, you could have described the final size of the can better as, say, roughly double the size of a barrel. A gas tank is very ambiguous, and can mean a large canister in which gas is transported, but can also mean the gas tank inside a car, which is really rather small. And-"

"SHUT UP!" roared Jack. 'I don't need you going all nitpicky on me, OK? We have bigger problems here, in case you haven't noticed!'

"Probably not the best time to note that your last sentence was wrapped in apostrophes rather than quotati-" The narrator was interrupted by Jack slapping his face.

"Quiet, fool. How are we gonna get past this thing?"

"Now, now, for all we know, it might be friendly," remarked the stupid narrator.

"DESTROY JACK AND THE NARRATOR!" bellowed the robot.

Jack looked at the narrator. "Does that sound friendly to you?" he asked. The narrator shook his head. "I didn't think so," said Jack.

The robot raised its right hand, which it clenched into a fist. Jack got ready to run, expecting it to punch them. However, a hole opened up in one of its knuckles, and a pair of Poké Balls fell out. As they hit the ground, they burst open, revealing two Pokémon, a Steelix and a Metagross. Both of them were large, particularly the Steelix, who was almost as big as the narrator's mother.

"HEY!" screamed the narrator. "That was uncalled for!" Ignoring him completely, Jack pulled from his pocket a Great Ball, when he heard that all-too-familier and very annoying sound of the narrator shuffling through his Pokémon cards. He pulled out two and began to read.

"Steelix, the Iron Snake Pokémon, and the evolved form of Onix. Steelix's body is extremely hard, as a result of it having been underground for hundreds of years. Metagross, the Iron Leg Pokémon, and the evolved form of Metang. Metagross possesses four brains, which makes its intelligence rival that of a supercomputer."

Jack looked at him as if he was stupid, which he was. "You need to find yourself a girl, mate," he remarked.

"Oh, do shut up. What have you got there?"

"A Pokémon that's gonna save our asses!" With that, Jack threw the ball, revealing a Primeape.

"I should have known," groaned the narrator. "Mr. Short Fuse over here owns a Pokémon version of himself. Oh, well. Croagunk, go!" The narrator tossed the Poké Ball containing his new Croagunk, and then, as if instinctively, pulled out his cards again. Jack groaned loud and long as the narrator began reading. "Primeape, the Pig Monkey Pokémon, and the evolved form of Mankey. Primeape is known for its short temper and extreme mood swings. Extreme caution is advised when training."

Jack then said "Yeah, that's great and all, but look!"

The narrator looked up to see that while he and Jack were yapping away, both Croagunk and Primeape had been KOed.

"HAW, HAW," guffawed the robot. "YOU WASTE YOUR TIME BLABBERING, SO MY STEELIX IS CRUSH YOU POKEMON!"

Wordlessly, Jack and the narrator recalled their badly hurt Pokémon. Jack turned to the narrator and said, "OK, I give. I can't narrate to save my life. You take over!"

The devilishly handsome narrator smiled and said "Very well, sir. And I hope you learned a lesson from all thi-YEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOW!"

For at that moment, upon the words "devilishly handsome narrator", the narrator's Croagunk saw fit to exit its Poké Ball in a flash of light, and stick its purple glowing fingers into the narrator's stomach.

"Oh, no...." groaned the narrator, as he held out aforementioned Poké Ball, returning Croagunk to it in a beam of red energy.

"Yeah, yeah, you can go on about your Brock-esque Croagunk later," snapped Jack. "What do we do about the robot?!" At this, the narrator grinned slyly.

"I have an idea," he said. "It has a great chance of succeeding, and should it succeed, our robot problems will be over."

"I'm liking this so far," said Jack. "Go on."

In response, the narrator dug deep into his left front pants pocket, and extracted a small metal cube, roughly the size of half a brick. It had a large red button built into one side.

"What is it?" asked Jack, somewhat dubious of the item's usefulness.

"It's a plot device," explained the narrator. "When I press the red button, a usually unusual and otherwise inexplicable event will occur, allowing us to overcome whatever difficulty we face. Unfortunately, I only have the one, but I see no alternative for our current situation. You'll understand that we'll stand little chance against Missingno. Master should we first be crushed by a giant fighting robot and its massive Pokémon."

"Enough chatter, hit the damn button!" Jack practically screeched. The narrator jabbed his right thumb into the center of the red button. Almost immediately, the plot device began to glow. Suddenly, Jack felt the back of his pants begin to rise. "What the-?!" Jack exclaimed in horror.

"Jack, it's the Master Ball!" exclaimed the narrator.

"IT'S GIVING ME A WEDGIE!" screamed Jack in an unnaturally high voice. Quite suddenly, the Master Ball detached from his belt, allowing Jack to return to the ground in an abrupt and uncomfortable manner. A red beam of light blasted forth from the ball's button, stretching over the horizon for a second before retracting. The ball then fell, straight into Jack's hand. At that point, the plot device vanished in a puff of black smoke. Almost at once, Jack realized what had happened. He threw the Master Ball, practically giddy.

In a flash of light, and a flurry of stars, Jack's shiny Rayquaza materialized before them. It saw the giant fighting robot, plus Steelix and Metagross, and sprang into action. It shot a stream of flames at Metagross. Metagross, however, began to hover, and then spin, zooming towards Rayquaza. However, Metagross's Gyro Ball was no match for Rayquaza's Flamethrower. Next thing Jack knew, the Iron Leg Pokémon was burned to a crisp. Seeing this, Steelix sprang forward and shot a beam of yellow energy from its mouth. Not even awaiting orders, Rayquaza responded with its own Hyper Beam. The result was a collision of attacks, a massive explosion, and an unconscious Steelix. Next, the giant fighting robot took an earth-shaking step towards Rayquaza. In response, Rayquaza briefly emitted a glow, and then seemed to multiply.

"That's Rayquaza's Double Team," murmured the sexy narrator.

As Croagunk emerged from its ball to assault its trainer, the Rayquaza clones, plus the original, wrapped their tails around the robot, and flew off into space with it. As soon as they left, Jack's Master Ball also vanished. Seeing this, Jack glared angrily at the narrator, who had returned Croagunk to its Poké Ball, and was still reeling from his second Poison Jab of the day.

"Did-did I mention that the plot device usually has a negative side effect on whatever it effected?"

Jack shook his head, still glaring.

"I didn't think so. No hard feelings on that count, then?"

Jack continued to shake his head.

"I didn't think so. You're not going to forgive me, are you?"

Jack shook his head even more.

"I didn't think so."

At that instant, Jack began chasing the narrator down the dirt road, screaming various obscenities and threatening to hire him as Primeape's personal punching bag. This went on for quite a while, until the narrator skidded to a halt. Jack, having not expected this, smashed into him, knocking him down.

"What's the big idea, just stopping like tha-wha???"

For the reason the narrator had stopped was because just before them lay a field of skyscrapers, one in particular dwarfing all the others, being thousands, if not millions, of stories high, and so wide that it seemed more like a wall than a building. The archway before them read "Welcome to Cyber Town, your gateway to the internet". On the left side of the arch, someone had scrawled in red marker, "Internet Explorer sux!"

They had arrived.



"Damn, damn, damn!" grunted Missingno. Master. "They even got past my giant fighting robot?! Stupid friggin' plot device." With that, Missingno. Master began typing. "I'll show them. If I have anything to say about this, those two will never leave the internet alive! GAHAHAHAHAHA!"

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End of chapter three. Please rate.

 

[SSJ3_Raditz]

Win.

That is all.

 

[Missingno. Master]

Chapter 4: The Fourth Chapter

Cyber Town, despite the name, more resembled a city, what with its numerous skyscrapers. Jack and the narrator traveled down one of the town's sidewalks, bickering as usual.

"I say we head towards that massive building!"

"And I say we start stopping people and ask them to help!"

"Sir, how do you know that these people will be any help?"

"The same way you know that building's gonna be any help!"

"Speaking of that massive building, it's right this way."

The narrator was quite right. Several blocks before them lay the large, wall-like building that had been so clearly visible when they first arrived in town. Suddenly, a balding man in a cheap suit appeared right before their eyes.

"Well, howdy, folks, and how'd you like to purchase new athlete's foot anti fungal cream? Made by the good folks at Totally Useless Productes incorpora-" The annoyance's blabbering was cut short by Jack picking up the man and tossing him into a nearby trash can.

"What in the name of some guy I've never met was THAT?!" demanded Jack.

"A pop-up, young sir," replied the dashing narrator. At that moment, a flash of light came from one of the narrator's pockets. "Oh, here we go," groaned the narrator as his Croagunk proceeded to stick his side with a Poison Jab. Grunting, the narrator picked himself up, and took Croagunk's Poké Ball out of his pocket. "Croagunk, return," he groaned, holding the ball towards aforementioned Toxic Mouth Pokémon. Croagunk was retrieved into the ball, when a young boy, about Jack's age, approached the narrator.

"Pardon me, sir, but that Croagunk of yours seems strong. How about a battle?"

"Oh, no problem," said the narrator. "Jack, would you mind being the referee?"

Jack shrugged wordlessly. The young boy and the narrator stood a good ten feet away. The narrator threw Croagunk's Poké Ball, calling "Croagunk, let's do this!" Croagunk reappeared in a flash of light. The young boy pulled his own Poké Ball out of his pocket and threw it.

"Porygon, go!"

In a flash of light, a strange Pokémon appeared. It vaguely resembled an animal of some sort, but it had no round parts. It floated in midair, its blue and white body parts shifting position slightly. "Porygon," it droned in a digital voice. As it spoke, a flurry of stars flew up around it. Jack groaned loudly as the narrator pulled out his cards and shuffled through them, finally selecting one. However, the Porygon picture on this was blue where this Porygon was white, and pink where it was blue. The narrator began to read.

"Porygon, the Virtual Pokémon. Porygon is capable of traveling through cyberspace. Because it does not need to breathe, people are eager to test its capabilities in any environment."

The narrator then looked up. "Shiny Porygon or not," he said, "You're going down! Croagunk! Cross Chop!"

Croagunk croaked menacingly, as it leapt towards Porygon, arms raised in an "X" position, hands glowing white.

"Dodge it and use Psybeam!" called the opponent. Porygon floated upwards through means unknown, allowing Croagunk to sail neatly beneath it and hit the sidewalk. Porygon then turned around and shot from its beak a bolt of multicolored light. The narrator knew that if the Psybeam hit Croagunk, it was all over. However, without even waiting for orders, Croagunk formed a black-purple orb in its mouth, and shot a blast from it. The Dark Pulse completely destroyed the Psybeam, and continued straight for Porygon.

"Use Conversion2!"

Porygon took on a brief glow, which then faded. The Dark Pulse then hit it, but didn't seem to do much. The young boy smiled. "Porygon's now of a type that resists Dark moves," he explained. The narrator thought about this. He reasoned that the types that resist Dark moves, other than Fighting, were weak to fighting. With that in mind, he called out.

"Croagunk, Focus Blast!"

Croagunk formed a blue orb between its hands, which then flew off towards Porygon. The attack hit its mark, causing an explosion. Porygon fell towards the sidewalk, and struggled to get up. However, at that point, Porygon began to glow! The young boy, the narrator, and Jack stared at it in delight, horror, and indifference, respectively, as Porygon began to change shape slightly. When the glow subsided, Porygon was gone, only for there to be a smaller, sleeker version of itself in its place. Unlike Porygon, this Pokémon had no angles. It was all rounded.

"Porygon2, the Virtual Pokémon, and the evolved form of Porygon. Although this upgraded version of Porygon was designed for usage in outer space, it cannot fly," the narrator read off another card. "However, this makes no sense. Porygon must be traded whilst holding an Up-Grade to evolve!"

"Usually," replied the opponent, "but here in Cyber Town, Porygon and Porygon2 can evolve randomly. It's all the internet and technology in the air, I think. I even saw a guy's Porygon evolve straight to Porygon-Z, completely skipping the Porygon2 stage! It-"

"Porygon2 is unable to battle," interrupted Jack. For indeed, even after evolving, Porygon2 was unable to pick its tired self up off the ground, and it fell into unconsciousness. Its distraught trainer returned it to its Poké Ball, and made to run away. However, the narrator stopped him.

"My good lad, can you by any chance point us to someone who can help us? We wish to leave the internet, you see." The boy blinked in surprise.

"Well, I wouldn't know, but you could visit the Dot Com Building. Those guys there know everything about the internet, someone there must know about leaving it."

"And where is the Dot Com Building?"

The boy pointed right at the tremendous building a few blocks down. "It's huge, you can't possibly miss it," he said. With that, he walked away.

The narrator returned Croagunk to its ball, turned to Jack with a smug grin on his face and opened his mouth. However, Jack beat him; "If you so much as THINK the words 'I told you so', I'll use you as target practice when I'm teaching my Primeape Close Combat!"

So in silence, the two of them set off for the Dot Com Building.


"Well?" demanded Missingno. Master. "What news?"

"Everything going according to plan, sir," answered the young boy who had battled the narrator previously, through the computer screen. "They're headed for the Dot Com Building, and my sources tell me that the traps are set."

"Good, good," chuckled Missingno. Master. "That's very good."

The two of them then began laughing maniacally, plotting their evil plot.
----------------------
End of Chapter 4. Please rate.

 

[Missingno. Master]

Chapter 5: The Chapter You've Been Waiting Almost A Year For

The wall-esque Dot Com Building loomed before Jack and the narrator. They stood before the building, not yet going in. Although, this was not so much out of nervousness as it was due to the fact that the two of them were dead tired.

"Finally, w-we made it," panted Jack. "Damn building seemed so close when we started. I swear, it must have taken us ten months to reach this thing!"

"I'll agree with you there," gasped the narrator, who was still amazingly studly in spite of all the sweat. As Croagunk emerged from its Poké Ball to assault its trainer, Jack looked up at the building. It looked even larger up close, which Jack hadn't thought possible.

"How the freakin' hell are we supposed to find what we're looking for in this insane building?! It's huge! It'll take us another ten months just to explore the place!"

"Well," grunted the narrator, still reeling from his Croagunk's Poison Jab, "There's one way to find out." With that, the narrator walked through the automatic doors. Jack, rolling his eyes for no particular reason, followed.

The Dot Com Building's lobby was large and fancy. In his mind, Jack compared it to a real fancy hotel's lobby. Up ahead, there stood a highly polished wooden desk, with a cute woman behind it. The desk was empty, save for a wooden carving of a Vibrava. Jack looked at the narrator, who was straightening his bow tie. He then turned to Jack and handed him a Poké Ball.

"Jack, would you please ensure that Croagunk doesn't interrupt?" asked the narrator. Jack nodded and took Croagunk's Poké Ball. The narrator then arrived at the desk and proceeded to flirt with the receptionist. As if on cue, Croagunk emerged from its Poké Ball, and gave Jack a look. Jack nodded, grinning evilly. Croagunk returned the grin, bounded over to the narrator with surprising speed, and Poison Jabbed him. Croagunk then dragged its trainer away. The receptionist looked on, slightly amused. Jack then approached the desk.

"Sorry about that," said Jack. "Anyway, could you possibly help us? We're looking for a way out of the internet."

"Why, certainly, young man," answered the receptionist. "I- did you say you're looking for a way out of the internet?"

"...Yes, I did," answered Jack. The receptionist seemed to be acting rather odd all of a sudden.

"...So, you must be Jack, and that flirt machine over there must be the narrator."

"...Yes, we are."

"Ah, OK," answered the receptionist. Then, as casually as possible, she reached for the wooden Vibrava carving, turned it upside down, and pressed a large red button on it. The effect was immediate. Red lights flashed on and off all over the lobby. A siren blared loud and long.

"Not good," muttered the gorgeous narrator to Jack. As Croagunk proceeded to attack the narrator, Jack looked up in alarm, having heard a sinister whirring noise. The noise was caused by numerous ceiling tiles sliding open. Jack braced himself, knowing something was going to fall through. Sure enough, through each tile fell a spherical purple Pokémon, each of them emitting yellow gas. Beneath each Pokémon's face, their bodies bore a skull and crossbones symbol. Instead of hitting the ground, the Pokémon all stopped in midair and hovered in place. Next to Jack, the narrator struggled to his feet while shuffling through his Pokémon cards. He then pulled out one bearing a picture of their assailants. The narrator read from the card.

"Koffing, the Poison Gas Pokémon. Koffing feeds on rotten kitchen garbage. It stores various toxic gases in its body, and may-" However, the narrator was interrupted at that point, for a Koffing immediately to his left exploded without warning, knocking Jack and the narrator to the floor.

"...explode.... without.... warning..." the narrator gasped, reading the last three words on the card. The duo managed to climb back on their feet. Jack pulled out Primeape's Great Ball, as the narrator readied two Poké Balls. The two faced each other, nodded, and threw all three balls simultaneously. "GO!" they yelled together. In flashes of light, Primeape, Chatot, and Croagunk materialized, and looked around at their opponents. Almost immediately, all the Koffing started spewing streams of rancid, black gunk at the new arrivals. Jack reacted immediately.

"Primeape, Fury Swipes!" he ordered. Immediately, Primeape began clawing at the air so fast that its hands became blurs. The three or four Sludge attacks could not get past Primeape's rapidly moving hands. The narrator's Pokémon weren't so lucky. Chatot was already knocked out. Croagunk, on the other hand, actually seemed to enjoy being splattered with Sludge. Jack then gasped. "LOOK!" he shouted. The narrator turned to face the direction Jack was pointing, and saw that the receptionist had fled, undoubtedly aware of Koffing's explosive nature. "Look on the floor, dummy," snarled Jack. The narrator looked down and saw a metallic cube with a large red button on one side; the receptionist undoubtedly must have dropped it in her haste to escape. "A plot device!" gasped the narrator. Without thinking, the narrator dove under a Koffing, grabbed the little cube, and jammed his thumb on the button.

BOOOM!

Almost immediately, all the Koffing exploded.

As the narrator got back up, he saw that Jack had returned Primeape to its Poké Ball. Croagunk was a little stunned, but otherwise seemed okay. Jack, however, was glaring at the narrator.

"You IDIOT! You incompetent, self-glorifying imbecile!" roared Jack.

"Oh, do calm down," snapped the narrator. "If you'll care to notice, all the Koffing are unconscious, and thus no longer a threat." Jack grunted in response, then pulled out a Poké Ball.

"What are you doing?" asked the handsome narrator. As Croagunk lunged towards its trainer, glowing hand first, Jack replied,

"I did always want one of these, so why not? Poké Ball, go!" Jack lobbed the ball at one of the Koffing. On contact, the ball split open and converted the Koffing into red energy, which was then sucked into the ball. The ball hit the floor and began wobbling. Several seconds later, it became still, indicating that the capture was successful. Jack picked up his Poké Ball as the narrator picked up himself.

"So what do we do now?" asked Jack.

"Well, this may be of some help to us," replied the narrator, pointing at a sign hanging near a hallway entrance.

"www.google.com- search engine," Jack read aloud. "Well, a search engine may help us find a way out of the internet. Lead the way, then."

The narrator started down the hallway, and Jack followed. Snickering to himself, Jack decided against telling the narrator that the explosion had singed off the seat of his pants, revealing his yellow and pink striped boxer shorts for all the world to see.

--------------------------

End chapter 5

 

[Flaze]

This fic is awesomely funny. I like the fact you actually made the narrator one of the main characters and you made yourself the antagonist. Anyways, I like all the four wall breaking and I'll be reading.

 

[Missingno. Master]

Glad you like it!

Chapter 6: The Chapter With A Really, Really Long, Rambling, And Nonsensical Title, Intended To Kill Time And Generally Act As A Fail Attempt At Humor.

.....

.....

.....

"...Hey."

.....

"HEY!"

"What? What is it?"

"The chapter's started. Start narrating already!"

"What? It has? You mean that we've reached the end of that dreadfully long chapter title?"

"Yeah. SO WHY AREN'T YOU NARRATING?!"

"Hey, this walking can wear a narrator out. Do me a favor, why don't you narrate for a while?"

'Oh, fine, you wuss,' snapped the intellectually superior Jack. The dumb narrator rolled his eyes.

"Sir, if I may-"

"NO, YOU MAY NOT!"

"But that first sentence you narrated, it's wrapped in apostrophes, rather than quotatio-"

"SHUT UP!" roared Jack. The narrator fell silent, as he should.

After not long enough, the underqualified narrator spoke again, against all that is right.

"First off, lay off the insults. Second, don't you find it odd that we have yet to encounter any more traps?"

"Huh," muttered Jack. "For once in your life, you may have something here. We've been walking down this hallway for ages now, and nothing."

"I'm betting they didn't expect us to get past those Koffing, remarked the narrator. "And you forgot that last quotation mark."

Jack was just opening his mouth to respond in all caps, when suddenly, a hole opened up in the ceiling before them. Through the hole fell a Pokémon that could only be described as a large Poké Ball with eyes. Jack groaned as the all-too-stupid narrator pulled out those damned strips of cardboard, shuffled them in his annoying way, and pulled out one bearing a picture of the thing before them.

"Alright, I'll take over the narrating once more," snapped the narrator, "And Voltorb, the Ball Pokémon. Voltorb was first discovered in a Poké Ball factory, and it is rumored that this was more than coincidence. It is prone to exploding suddenly, violently, and without provocation."

"So this thing can explode?" asked Jack, rather nervously.

"That's right," replied the hot narrator.

As Croagunk emerged from its Poké Ball to Poison Jab its trainer, Jack began backing up slowly. The Voltorb before them narrowed its eyes and began to crackle with electricity. As the narrator pulled himself to his feet, he called out, "Croagunk, use Dark Pulse!"

Croagunk croaked loudly, as it formed a dark orb in its mouth, then shot a beam of energy from it. In response, Voltorb began spinning very fast, and it headed towards Croagunk. The Dark Pulse was deflected by the sheer speed of the Gyro Ball attack. The narrator then called for a Cross Chop. As Croagunk's crossed arms made contact with Voltorb, it stopped spinning, and rolled backwards a little bit. All of a sudden, Voltorb began to glow!

"Uh-oh," muttered Jack, "is it about to explode?"

"I don't think so," responded the narrator. "I think it's evolving!"

Sure enough, the glowing sphere could be seen growing larger, until it was roughly the size of an overinflated exercise ball. The glow subsided, revealing what appeared to be a larger, upside-down Voltorb, with smaller eyes, and a huge, almost maniacal grin. Its white teeth showed brilliantly against the red bottom half of its body. Predictably, the narrator shuffled through his Pokémon cards again, and pulled out one with a picture of the Pokémon before them and began to read.

"Electrode, the Ball Pokémon, and the evolved form of Voltorb. Electrode feeds on electricity, and is prone to exploding with even more violence and unpredictability than Voltorb. Trainers are advised to use extreme caution when handling."

"So let me get this straight," said Jack. "This thing is basically a living bomb and the embodiment of instability?"

"Yep."

As if in response, Electrode began sparking with electricity. A thin stream of smoke began to rise from it. Slowly, it began to glow. Jack and the narrator both knew that it was readying a massive Explosion attack.

"I knew we should've used Bing," muttered Jack.

"RUN!" screamed the studly narrator.

The duo turned to run, with Croagunk hot on their heels, attempting to Poison Jab the narrator. Behind them, Electrode exploded.

The blast rocked the entire Dot Com Building, as Jack, the narrator, and Croagunk all ran back into the lobby. Without even slowing down, they dashed down another hallway.

Once they were a good distance down the hallway, they finally stopped.

"I.. I think we're safe now-URK!" gasped the narrator as Croagunk finally attacked. As the narrator returned Croagunk to its Poké Ball, Jack gazed at a nearby door.

"Jack? What are you looking at?" inquired the hot, sexy, studly, and all around gorgeous narrator. Jack did not immediately answer, for at the sound of the narrator's barrage of self-glorification, Croagunk emerged from its Poké Ball once more, both hands glowing purple, and used both hands to Poison Jab the narrator repeatedly. As the narrator struggled to get up, Jack smiled and said,

"This may not be a way out of the internet, but I'm betting we may find out more about this Missingno. Master guy." And he pointed at the plate on the door.

It read, "Bulbapedia".

---------------------

End chapter 6.

 

[Flaze]

Okay this is just a funny fic. You're even introducing actual Internet pages that's cool.

 

[Missingno. Master]

Chapter 7: The Chapter After The Chapter With The Really Long Name That Fails At Humor.

"Oh, thank Arceus the chapter title's not that long this time!"

"Will you shut it? And start narrating!"

"That seems a bit contradictory, sir."

"JUST NARRATE!"

"But I'm tired, sir. In case you've forgotten, we've had to outrun a damn Electrode in the last chapter!"

"Well, I'm not narrating again!"

"Oh, I know! Chatot, go!"

"Squaaak! What do you want?"

"Chatot, would you kindly narrate this chapter for me?"

"Squaaak! Alrighty then," answered the Chatot, who was perfect in every way.

"OK, and we have another problem here," grunted the apelike Jack. "This door to Bulbapedia won't open!" Then he pulled out a miniature prison and enlarged it to full size. "I'm gonna have Koffing break down the doo- did Chatot just say 'miniature prison'?

"Awwk! Indeed I did," answered the always correct Chatot, who was always right, and twice as sexy as his trainer. "Those things are inescapable!"

"If I may interrupt," interrupted the narrator, "first, that usage of 'interrupted' was rather redundant. And second, if they're so inescapable, how is it that Croagunk always manages to escape his when I refer to myself as the sexy stud that I am?"

As if on cue, Croagunk emerged from its spherical prison in a flash of light.

"Oh, come on," groaned the narrator, "I wasn't even narrati-EEEEEEEEEEE!" For the narrator's complaint was drowned out by his own screech of pain, as a bundle of poison-tipped fingers stuck themselves into the narrator's side.

"I tire of this," muttered Jack, and he threw the sphere of doom. "Koffing, GO!" From its prison came Koffing, who hovered in the air, now conscious, but still rather battered from its recent explosion.

"...Hang on a second!" grunted the narrator, as he picked himself up and reimprisoned Croagunk. "Koffing was part of a trap set by Missingno. Master, right?"

"Yeah..."

"So let's use Koffing to find out more about Missingno. Master!"

"How do you think we can- OH!" exclaimed Jack. "OH! That's right! Chatot can translate for us!" Chatot nodded proudly. Without further ado, Jack began talking to Koffing.

"Alright, Koffing, tell us what you know about Missingno. Master Including his weaknesses and how we can get to him."

"Koffing, Koff Koff Koffing. Koffing Koffing Koff. Koffing!"

"Awwk!" squawked Chatot. "Koffing says that Missingno. Master has no weaknesses that he knows of, and that he is outside the internet. To get to him, we must exit the internet."

Jack rolled his eyes. "Koffing, that's what we already know so far. Anything ELSE?!"

"Koffing Koffing, Koffing Koff Koffing."

"Awwk! Koffing says that you're extremely pushy, and that the word 'please' wouldn't kill you."

"RRRRRGH!" Jack was now looking furious. The narrator would not have been surprised to see smoke pouring from his ears. And then, teeth gritted, as if it was an impossible effort, Jack grunted the word "Please.". And then he collapsed and moved no more.

"K-k-k-koffing Koff...." muttered Koffing.

"Awwk! Koffing says, 'Well, I could've been wrong...'."

"It's alright," said the narrator. "Jack's fine, he's just passed out. But I think that in the future, we should definitely refrain from forcing him into politeness. From the looks of things, it really could kill him." Koffing then turned to Chatot and began talking. Chatot translated:

"Awwk! Koffing says that he doesn't know about exiting the internet, but he does know how he entered the internet, and that may be a start. On the seventh floor, there's a room marked "Writing room", where everything that gets written into this story comes into existance. Awwk!"

"But I would remember this," protested the narrator. "After all, I was written into the story as well."

"Awwk! Seems it only applies to stuff written into the story after the Dot Com Building was."

At that point, Jack began to stir. He slowly got to his feet and mumbled "Woah.... What happened?"

"You said 'please' and passed out, sir," replied the narrator. "And Chatot, return. I'm feeling better now, I'll take over the narrating." And the studly narrator held out Chatot's Poké Ball to return him. However, at that moment, Croagunk re-exited its own Poké Ball, and did what it does.

"What did I miss?" asked Jack as the narrator struggled to stand up.

"Ugh... We need to go to the seventh floor. Room called the Writing Room. Everything that was written into this story after the Dot Com Building spawned in that room. It may not be an exit, but it's an entrance."

"Eh, so much can go wrong with this," replied Jack, "But it's our only lead. Let's go."

Returning their Pokémon to their Poké Balls, Jack and the narrator began walking down the hallway.

"Jack?"

"Yeah, what?"

"How are we going to get up to the seventh floor?"

Jack stared at the narrator as if he were stupid, which he clearly wasn't, as he was too studly and sexy to be stupid. "Are you kidding me?! Just NOW you think of that?! Croagunk, hold your fire, I got this one covered." For Croagunk had indeed emerged from its Poké Ball, and was already aiming a Poison Jab. At Jack's words, it stopped and looked at him expectantly. Jack made a fist and drew it back.

"Oh, dear," squeaked the narrator.

BAM!

With incredible force, Jack delivered an astonishing uppercut, which actually managed to lift the narrator off the ground. Not only that, it actually propelled him further upwards and through the ceiling!

"Wow," commented Jack. "I couldn't have done that better if there was a plot device involved!"

"Ugh. Yes, yes, that's all fine. But look! I'm on the second floor now!" exclaimed the narrator.

"Ah, I see what your plan is!" exclaimed Jack. All I gotta do is punch you through five more ceilings, and we'll be on the seventh floor!"

Clearly that hadn't been what the narrator was thinking at all. He held out a Poké Ball through the gap, and called "Croagunk, return!" Meanwhile, Jack jumped up, grabbed onto the ceiling, and hoisted himself up onto the second floor. He then made a fist and started towards the narrator.

"Now really, sir," began the narrator, backing up slowly. "Can't we discuss this rationally?"

Jack shook his head.

"I didn't think so."

At that point, the narrator began running down the hallway at full speed, with Jack hot on his heels. Croagunk then burst free of its Poké Ball and joined in the chase. The narrator hadn't complemented himself again; Croagunk only did so for lack of anything better to do.

Down the hallway they ran. In the distance, the narrator saw a dark red speck. He frowned, wondering what it was. About two seconds later, it became apparant that the red speck was in fact a brick wall, and it was blocking the entire hallway. The narrator tried to stop running, but he had already built up too much momentum. The brick wall was now roughly two or three inches away....!

---------------------
And end chapter 7!

 

[Missingno. Master]

Chapter 8: The Chapter After The Chapter After The Chapter With The Really Long-

"OH, CAN IT ALREADY!" roared Jack. "That gag got old in Chapter 7, for crying out loud!

"Jack?"

"WHAT?!"

"Didn't you notice something?" asked the narrator.

"You mean, aside from the fact that Missingno. Master fails at making chapter titles?"

"Yes. We didn't crash into that brick wall we were on a collision course with at the end of the last chapter."

"Huh!" Jack turned around and looked back. There was the brick wall, as solid as ever. Or was it? Jack walked up to it, and tried to touch it. However, his hand went straight through the wall!

"It's a hologram!" exclaimed the narrator. "We must be going the right way, why else would there be a holographic brick wall here?"

At that point, Croagunk came bounding through the hologram, and prepare to Poison Jab the narrator. Then, it froze absurdly in mid-Jab, apparently just realizing that its trainer hadn't complemented himself and that he had joined the chase out of boredom.

Jack looked around the hallway. On this side of the holographic brick wall, there was nothing, except for a door standing at the very end of the hallway. Jack walked towards this door, and made to pull it open.

"What are you doing?!" demanded the narrator. "It could be a trap!"

"Or it could be a flight of stairs," retorted Jack, "Unless you want to go back to my original plan of punching you through the ceiling?"

At this, the narrator dashed over and opened the door himself. Beyond it indeed stood a flight of stairs.

"Piece of cake," grinned Jack, as he led the way up the stairs. However, Jack's grin faded as he saw that the stairs only led to the third floor, and to yet another loooooooooooooooooooooooong hallway. Jack then turned around and glared at the narrator.

"What?!"

"Did you really need to make the word 'long' that, well, long?"

"It emphasizes the point." Jack shook his head and started down the hallway. Not too long after, they saw to their left a door. Upon it was painted a strange symbol. It was a large circle. The right half was red, and the left half was white. Dividing the halves was a zigzag going right down the middle.

"...the hell?" wondered Jack.

"It looks like... a really strange Poké Ball," commented the narrator.

"Or a blind Voltorb on crack," responded Jack.

At that moment, however, the door opened, and a person walked out. And now, to Jack and the narrator, there could be no question as to the reasoning for the door's emblem. For the man who walked through the doorway had a very distinctive feature- an unnaturally large afro, with the same coloration and design of the door's symbol. The man was very tall, moreso than either Jack or the narrator, and was also very skinny. His eyes were obscured by a pair of overly-fancy glasses, and his suit was studded with gold sequins.

"Well, well, well, what have we here?" inquired the man. "The short fuse Jack and the big ego narrator. Oh, how wonderful that the two of you happened to pass by."

Still stunned by the appearance of a man with an afro that had to weigh more than the rest of him, Jack stuttered, "B-b-but, who or what are you?"

"I? I am the fabulous Miror B., former administrator of the criminal syndicate Cipher!"

"You DO realize that Pokémon Colosseum was a fictional game, right?" asked Jack.

"Indeed I do. And once I had found out, I was ever so dejected. But then, Missingno. Master decided to write me into this story. However, this is not by any means the first time I have been written into a work of fiction. Perchance have any of you read "The Retelling of Pokémon Colosseum?"

Jack and the narrator shook their heads simultaneously.

"Well, I was in that masterpiece of comedy gold, but as I was rather integral to the plot of the game in any case, I was bound to be written in. Now, however, I was not necessary at all to this plot, and yet I find myself staring at the two of you."

After a brief silence, Jack started talking. "Well, it was nice meeting you, Afro-Zilla, but we got an author to massacre. It's been wierd!"

However, Miror B. took a couple of large strides past Jack and barred his way. "Oh, no, no, no, you do not!" he declared. "I have been written into this story with specific instructions. I was told to stop the two of you from proceeding, by any means necessary!" And he reached into his afro and pulled out two Poké Balls, one in each hand.

"We shall do battle, right here, right now!" declared Miror B. "The two of you against me. And then, he put both Poké Balls in his left hand, and with his right, pulled a pen out of his afro, and wrote on the wall to his right:

"http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kAHHFc-gIeI&feature=related"

Jack stared at the seemingly nonsensical scribbles. "What the hell?" he asked. Then the words vanished completely. "What the HELL?!" screamed Jack. At that moment, a panel slid open in the wall, revealing a screen. On it, a YouTube video began playing. The video consisted of a picture of a strange Pokémon, which looked to Jack like an extremely strange combination of a pineapple, a duck, and a sombrero.

"WHAT THE HELL?!" demanded Jack.

"Let the music play!" declared Miror B.

As if on cue, the video's music track started. A festive salsa beat resonated throughout the hallway. Miror B. threw both Poké Balls. Out of each ball came a Pokémon identical to the Mexican pineapple duck on the screen. Upon hearing the music, the Pokémon began to dance energetically. The narrator shuffled through his Pokémon cards and pulled out one.

"Ludicolo, the Carefree Pokémon. If it hears festive music, it instantly breaks out into a dance. This dancing seems to improve its battling capabilities."

Ignoring him, Jack threw a Great Ball. Following suit, the narrator tossed a Poké Ball. In flashes of light, Primeape and Chatot appeared, both of them quite confused about the salsa music, the Ludicolo before them, and the unrealistic afro of the Ludicolo trainer.

"Chatot, use your Air Cutter!" called the narrator.

"Awwk! Whatever!" responded Chatot. He then began flapping his wings, sending waves of sharp, cutting air at the Ludicolo. They did not break step, but did wince a bit.

"Ludicolo, do a Rain Dance!"

The Ludicolo changed their dance ever so slightly, causing dark clouds to appear just below the ceiling. Then, quite suddenly, it started to rain.

"Primeape," called Jack, "Use Brick Break!"

"I don't think so," retorted Miror B. "Ludicolo, the one facing Primeape, use ThunderPunch!"

Primeape began dashing towards one of the Ludicolo, ready to deliver a crushing chop. However, the Ludicolo danced closer to Primeape, and deftly delivered an electrified punch before Primeape even had a chance to bring its hand down. This took the wind out of Primeape, and knocked it back.

"Now, the other Ludicolo, assault that Chatot with your Ice Punch!"

"Chatot, fight back with your FeatherDance!"

Sure enough, the other Ludicolo started dancing towards Chatot, ice-encased fist outstretched. Chatot, however, began flapping his wings furiously, creating hundreds of feathers out of nowhere. The stream of feathers circled Ludicolo, disorienting it somewhat.

"Get out of those feathers, Ludicolo! Fury Swipes!" called Miror B., who was also dancing to his own battle music. Obediently, Ludicolo began slashing at the swirling feathers, taking them down instantly.

Jack was immensely frustrated. Neither Ludicolo looked tired in the least. In fact, neither one looked as if they had taken any damage at all!

"Primeape, Fury Swipes!"

"Chatot, Aerial Ace!"

Simultaneously, the two Pokémon started on Ludicolo, Primeape slashing furiously, Chatot zooming at high speed. Miror B. ordered both Ludicolo to dance out of the way. However, they could not do so fast enough, and both attacks connected. The Ludicolo began wincing in pain, but this didn't last long. Within seconds, they were dancing once more, looking perfectly fine.

"Of course!" gasped the narrator.

"What? What is it?" snapped Jack.

"Rain Dish!"

"Excuse me?"

"Rain Dish!" repeated the narrator. "Both of these Ludicolo have Rain Dish as their ability! They regain health in the rain, which is why they can just shrug our attacks off! Chatot! Sunny Day!"

"Awwk! One Sunny Day coming up!" replied Chatot. He opened his beak and fired a white beam of energy into the rain clouds, instantly making them vanish. The Ludicolo were still dancing, but now they looked annoyed. Miror B., however, was smiling.

"Oh, bravo. Very nice indeed. But here's the thing- I knew you would try and interfere with our strategy. I've already planned for this! Solarbeam now!"

Jack and the narrator could only watch in horror as the Ludicolo instantly fired off powerful beams of light from their pineapple...head...things. The attacks hit Chatot and Primeape squarely. Both Pokémon fell to the ground. Miror B. smiled, thinking he had won. Just then, Primeape began giving off a red aura. It got up off the ground, shaking with immeasurable anger. Its eyes were glowing red. Now it was Jack's turn to smile.

"What in the world?" inquired Miror B.

"My Primeape's ability," said Jack, "is Anger Point. That Solarbeam must have scored a critical hit. Now Primeape's Attack stat is off the charts! Primeape, Fury Swipes!

Primeape responded by roaring loudly and leaping towards both Ludicolo. However, instead of scratching them, it started punching, kicking, and headbutting. Jack looked on at the melee in confusion.

"That's not Fury Swipes!"

"No, indeed!" commented the narrator. Meanwhile, Chatot had begun to stir.

"Squaaawk! That's Close Combat!"

At that point, Primeape stopped thrashing the Ludicolo, both of whom were laying on the ground, unconscious, yet somehow still twitching to the beat of the music.

Miror B. returned both Ludicolo to their Poké Balls, and returned them to his afro. Then, he pulled two more Poké Balls out of his afro and threw them.

"Oh, NO!" screamed Jack. For out of these Poké Balls came another duo of Ludicolo. These Ludicolo began dancing festively to the salsa beat.

"Awwk! He had MORE?!" screeched Chatot in disbelief. Only Primeape didn't seem to care, just pleased at having two more targets to destroy. Jack noticed this and smiled.

"Do your stuff, Primeape! Close Combat!"

"Oh, no you don't! Double Fire Punch!"

Both Ludicolo made fists, which then caught fire. In simultaneous motions, they then danced towards Primeape, and punched it hard. Primeape slumped to the ground, unconscious.

"What the HELL?!" demanded Jack.

"Well, first, Close Combat lowers the user's defenses," said the sexy narrator, quickly sidestepping as Croagunk emerged from its ball, lunged at the narrator, missed, and instead Poison Jabbed one of the Ludicolo, who fainted instantly. "Second, Fire Punch is a Fire move, which was boosted by the intense sunlight."

Miror B. looked angry now. "That's three of my Ludicolo down, but I still have this one left. I shall not lose! Razor Leaf now!" Ludicolo began dancing around, shooting razor-sharp leaves towards Chatot and Croagunk. Jack quickly threw a Poké Ball, releasing Koffing into the hallway as Chatot and Croagunk were hit by the Razor Leaf attack.

"Koffing, use Sludge!" called Jack. Koffing spewed a stream of sludge from its mouth. Ludicolo was hit by the attack, and for once stopped dancing as it attempted to move away.

"Now, Chatot, use Sky Attack!"

"Awwk! Thought you'd never ask!" Chatot became enveloped in a harsh, white glow. It then streaked towards the remaining Ludicolo, who was no longer dancing; merely looking at Chatot with a face that clearly said "oh, ****". Before Miror B. could finish ordering Ludicolo to use ThunderPunch, it was already knocked out. Scowling, Miror B. returned this last Ludicolo to its Poké Ball.

"Well, I would just love to dazzle you with the moves of two more Ludicolo..." began Miror B.-

"AWWK! NOOOOO!" screamed Chatot.

"-Except that I only had the four," finished Miror B. "I concede defeat."

"Awwk. Oh."

At this point, the YouTube video stopped. Miror B. tapped an X-shaped button on the screen with his index finger, and the screen vanished. Jack and the narrator returned all their Pokémon to their Poké Balls.

"But I wonder whatever happened to...." muttered Miror B., as he dug around in his afro, pulling out an oversize comb, a stick of butter, an extremely confused Sunkern, an old sneaker, and- a plot device!

"Ah, here we are!" exclaimed Miror B. triumphantly. "When I activate this plot device, I will win after all!" And he made to push the button. SEXY HOT NARRATOR!

In response, Croagunk emerged from its ball and readied a Poison Jab, which the narrator quickly sidestepped. The Poison Jab instead hit Miror B.'s leg, causing him to scream in pain and topple over, and drop the plot device. The narrator made a dive for it, and scooped it up. Miror B. got to his feet, scowling.

"Do you know that there is a massive hole in the butt of your pants? And that your boxers are of the most laughable shades of yellow and pink I have ever laid eyes on?" Startled, the narrator looked behind him, finally finding the huge hole that the explosion in Chapter 5 had made. Laughing to himself, Miror B. walked down the stairs, apparently content with embarrassing the narrator.

"Jack, did you know about this?!"

"Yep. That hole's been there since the end of Chapter 5, you know."

"Eh, whatever. Let's go in Miror B.'s room, I have an idea."

"What?"

"Miror B. may have a direct path to the Writing Room from here!"

"Huh," said Jack. "Never thought of that."

Together, the duo walked through the doorway into Miror B's room.

--------------------
End chapter 8.

For those of you who don't know, The Retelling of Pokémon Colosseum is a rather popular fanfic on Serebii. Hilarious, too.